A Study In Immobility

by aces

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asa/aces/immobility.php
Summary: 'Can, uh, can a de-ascended person develop claustrophobia inside his own body?'

They'd been captured. Again.

Jack was almost Zen in his resignation concerning this fact. At least Sam and Teal'c had gotten away, to stage a rescue or bring back reinforcements, whichever seemed the better option this time. Which left him, alone, with Daniel.

A rather restless Daniel.

"Daniel?" Jack asked in an elaborately casual and polite tone. "What're you doing?"

"What?" Daniel glanced up, frowning, eyes lost behind glasses. Jack preferred his eyes lost behind glasses. They were too startling a blue otherwise. (Jack was himself mildly surprised at the irrelevance of that thought.) "Oh. I'm...pacing?"

"I noticed," Jack replied in what passed for "gently" with him.

"Um," replied Daniel, giving Jack a puzzled, bemused look, "is it bothering you?"

"Just a tad."

"Oh." A pause, and then Daniel found himself a bench to sit on. There were certainly plenty to choose from. "Sorry."

"Yeah."

The silence stretched between them, and Jack sat back against the heavily-decorated wall of the Goa'uld palace, attempting to place his head and neck in a way so that he wouldn't be jabbed by the wall decorations-almost a lost cause. He closed his eyes. He had a headache.

He heard a hollow metallic tapping and, without opening his eyes, commanded, "Daniel."

"What? Oh. Sorry."

Again, silence.

He heard the whisper of a tiny breeze as Daniel rose from his perch and walked to the far side of the cell, the doorway with the force shield. "Aren't you the list bit itchy?" Daniel asked in studied mild curiosity.

"I'm itchy all over," Jack said. "That might have something to do with the native fleas we ran into outside before the pretty Jaffa caught us."

He opened his eyes at last and watched Daniel ever so delicately reach a finger out toward the force shield. He drew it back at the very last second, and then almost immediately his finger headed toward the invisible energy barrier again, as if drawn by it.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with energy shields?" Jack asked, clamping down all of his muscles before he could leap across the cell to pull Daniel back. Daniel was a big boy now. Daniel could take care of himself. Daniel wasn't necessarily the Daniel he remembered. Daniel needed more...space.

"I don't think she did," Daniel replied honestly. "Though I could still be forgetting some things."

Jack's silence was eloquent.

"Joke," Daniel said, and sighed, and finally turned away from the barrier. Jack didn't slump or sigh in relief. Daniel started pacing. Now Jack sighed.

"Itchy," he said, watching his fellow captive.

Daniel nodded jerkily, watching his feet or the floor in front of them as he moved back and forth with rapid steadiness. "Don't you find it a little too...confining?"

Jack shrugged, flopping back again and wincing when he forgot about the decorations. "Yeah, of course," he replied, "but I've had a lot of practice. So have you."

Daniel nodded, and shrugged, and kept pacing. Jack watched him from his uncomfortable bench and shifted his leg when his knee twinged. After about two minutes, Jack snapped out irritably, "Daniel!"

Daniel stopped moving. He turned to face Jack unwillingly, but his eyes refused to meet Jack's, darting about the cell.

"What?" Jack was crabby. Jack knew it. Jack didn't give a damn, under the circumstances.

"I think...I'm still not used to it," Daniel said, voice thoughtful. He sat down directly across from Jack, head lowered.

"Not used to it?" Jack was suspicious. "Used to being...de-ascended, you mean?"

"What other unusual event has occurred in my life that would require some getting used to?" Jack could hear the raised eyebrows and wry half-smile without having to look at his friend's face, and this was one of Daniel's more Daniel moments.

Jack shrugged one shoulder. "What takes getting used to?"

"This-confinement," Daniel jumped up again, and Jack rolled his eyes and muttered "Fer crying out loud..." under his breath. The archaeologist strode up to the energy barrier again and stood directly in front of it, as if he expected it to open on command. He stared at it-not through it, but at it, as if he could see each and every particle streaming through it. Jack shifted uncomfortably.

"You're stuck," Daniel told the barrier.

"What're you talking about?" Jack asked irritably and wished for some kind of saw with which he could hack at ugly and pretentious Goa'uld wall decorations.

"You've just got this one body, and it doesn't do anything, and it never seems to quite move right," Daniel kept talking to the force shield. "It only works certain ways, under certain conditions, and it needs all sorts of rest and care, and it's not like you can change bodies at will. You're stuck with what you've got." He turned back to Jack. "And to top it all, here we are stuck in this tiny little cell, a tiny little place within a tiny little place, with no hope of getting out."

"Hey," Jack protested, "don't you trust Sam and Teal'c anymore?"

"Of course," Daniel said, staring, and he almost sat down again, but then he veered at the last moment and paced. He was moving even faster this time, making circuits of the actually-fairly-spacious-for-a-cell-for-two space in no time at all. His fists were clenched at his sides, and his eyes were lost behind his glasses. "Of course I do. But don't you think they're taking an awfully long time?"

Jack stared. "We just got here," he replied.

"Well, yes, I suppose we did, but-"

"Daniel." Jack's tone this time was almost gentle. "Sit down."

"I can't." Daniel's voice was very small. But he did at least stop moving.

"Why not?"

Daniel spread his hands slowly, carefully, stretching each finger out as far and long as it could. His arms hung down at his sides, loosely. He was still looking at the floor, not at his friend. "Daniel," said Jack.

Daniel kept clenching and then spreading his fingers. He was breathing evenly and deeply. "Daniel," said Jack.

"I could have been that energy barrier once," Daniel said softly. "Right? I came to you and Teal'c and Abydos and looked like myself, but it was energy that dispersed and changed form and shape and meaning when I wasn't around you, any of you. I think...I think I remember space. A lot of it. I think I remember stretching molecules out from one end of a galaxy to the other, from the beginning point of time to the very end. I think...I think..." He drew a ragged breath, and clenched his fists back in tightly. "Can, uh, can a de-ascended person develop claustrophobia inside his own body?" He gave a gasping little not-laugh.

Jack stood up slowly and approached with care, staying back an arm's length. "You're okay, Daniel," he said quietly but with all the conviction he could muster. "It's just been a while since you've been held prisoner. Just stay calm, okay? You can do this for me, Daniel. I know you can." You're still you, Jack thought at him, even if you're not.

Daniel gave a tiny little shake of his head, and his hands released from their fists. He held a hand out in front of him and looked down at it, stretching the fingers as far as they could go. His eyes were lost behind his glasses. Jack watched him carefully, and thought that for not being Daniel, he sure as hell looked and acted just like Daniel, and maybe after all he was still Daniel. Everyone seemed to think he was. Stranger things had happened to them all, right? And it wasn't like Daniel'd never come back from the dead before. He hadn't even been dead this time. Just on a different plane of existence.

Jack should never have expected that coming down from that high would have been easy.

Jack took Daniel's hand, spreading his own against it, stretching his fingers to meet the tips of Daniel's. Daniel glanced up at him, frowning.

"I thought you said you didn't remember being ascended," Jack said.

"I don't," Daniel admitted. "Not consciously. But sometimes, subconsciously, I-I...glimpses." His eyes slid over Jack's shoulder, behind him. "And I swear I can feel that energy barrier even over here." He didn't remove his hand from Jack's. His voice was shaky.

Jack slowly slid his fingers down between Daniel's, closing his hand around Daniel's. The archaeologist frowned at him again, but Jack didn't look up to meet his look, carefully keeping his gaze on Daniel's hand instead. He could feel Daniel shivering, an almost subatomic shiver that he wouldn't have noticed at all if he wasn't holding Daniel's hand. A shiver from suppressed energy that wanted to bounce out of his body, ricochet against the stupid wall decorations, connect with the force shield, escape his body, this cell, this planet, and zing madly off into the universe.

Had he been containing this ever since he'd come back to them?

"Jack?" Daniel's tone was thoroughly confused. "Not that this isn't absolutely fascinating, but I really do have to ask: what the hell are you doing?"

"Proving to you that bodies don't do nothing," Jack told him. His thumb began rubbing back and forth across Daniel's rough skin, slowly, rhythmically.

He could hear Daniel's breathing getting shallower, possibly even panicky. He kept rubbing, soothingly, deliberately. "Jack," Daniel sounded strangled, "Jack, I need-I need to move. I need-I need to get out of here. Jack-"

"Daniel," Jack cut him off quietly. "We're not going anywhere for a while. Until Carter and Teal'c and possibly the cavalry show up, I'm not sure I want to go anywhere, thank you very much. I don't think they'll have anything pleasant in mind for us. I need you to stay calm. You know you've been in worse situations than this."

"I know," Daniel said tightly and tugged slightly at Jack's grip. It didn't give. "I remember."

"Oh good," Jack said, "so glad to hear it."

Daniel paused, and when Jack glanced up at his friend's face, the archaeologist was staring down at their entwined hands. "They don't feel like my memories sometimes," he said very, very softly.

"They're not really, are they?" Daniel glared at him swiftly. "Okay, they are...but they're not. Not really. You're not really Daniel; you're...Daniel 2.0 or whatever that computer speak is."

Daniel blinked at him steadily, eloquently. Jack rolled his eyes and his thumb stopped rubbing. "Yeah, yeah," he said. "I'm a fricking techno-peasant. So sue me."

He was staring at Jack. "Don't stop. It helps."

Jack paused, and nodded, and his thumb started moving again. "You're the new and improved Daniel Jackson," Jack told their hands. "But, you know they always screw up the next model even after the improvements. So this is just...kinks that need to get worked out. With time."

"I'm an improvement?" Daniel asked lightly.

"Don't push it," Jack growled softly. "I can always request Jonas be reinstated as a member of SG-1."

"Not when he's doing good works on Kelowna you can't," Daniel pointed out, and he almost sounded smug.

"You've always been a basket case," Jack told him, and his thumb was rubbing more quickly, and his fingers clung when Daniel tried to pull away again, more insistently this time. "You know that, Daniel. You've knocked over more coffee cups into laptops than Carter's blown up planets."

"Sam hasn't blown up any planets-well, of her own volition anyway."

"Yeah, and?" Jack said but didn't wait for an answer. "You've always been-uncontained. Itchy." He looked up to meet his friend's gaze directly, steadily. "This is nothing new. It's not."

Daniel looked over Jack's shoulder again, irresistibly drawn to that tantalizing energy. "You sure about that?" he asked honestly, eyes flickering back to Jack's face.

Jack let go of Daniel's hand and put both his own hands on Daniel's forearms. He squeezed a little. "This is what you've got," he said. "You said it yourself, Daniel. This is what you've got to work with now." He shook Daniel a little. "Remember this?"

"Yes, I do," Daniel sounded a little snappish. "Thank you, Jack, I do remember. I told you I do."

"You also told me that sometimes they don't feel like your memories."

An uncomfortable pause, and Jack wouldn't let Daniel's eyes slide over his shoulder. The colonel could still feel that shiver, remote and constant, and he didn't wonder that Daniel was going a bit frantic. Daniel's face crumpled into an almost-petulant frown. "They don't," he said. "Somebody else's memories, inserted into my head. But then when I go hunting for my 'true' memories, I don't find anything. Except for vague ideas about flinging myself from one end of time and space to the other..." He looked desperate. "Jack, Jack, please. Let me go."

"Sorry," said Jack. "Can't do that."

"Jack," it was almost a growl, and he tried to pull free from his friend. Jack held on easily. Daniel stilled and glared at him warningly.

Jack stepped forward carefully and wrapped his arms around Daniel's upper body, holding him tightly. Daniel resisted, Daniel shuddered with too-long-contained energy and frustration and confusion and loss, energy that wanted to explode out of his skin.

"Let go, Jack."

"Not this time."

"Please, Jack."

"This is your body." Jack's voice was tight in Daniel's ear. "All we have are our bodies, Daniel. We are made up of bodies. Get used to it."

"But bodies-"

Jack squeezed. Daniel gasped silently; Jack only felt the compressed breath drawn in against his body. "This is all you have," Jack's tone was almost vicious. "This is it, Daniel. You kept that energy contained for the first thirty-five years of your life. You can do it again."

"But I don't want to-"

"You have to." It was a command, an order, would brook no argument. "Maybe you didn't want this life again. Maybe you didn't want this body again. Maybe you didn't want to be confined again. But you are, and you're here, and you're stuck with yourself. And with me. And with Carter. And with Teal'c. And General Hammond. And Doctor Fraiser. And-"

Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack and squeezed. "Okay," he whispered in Jack's ear, and Jack shivered. "I get your point."

They were silent for a while. Jack thought he felt the shiver slow down its tempo, just a little. "You can do this," he whispered, and it might have been more to that shiver than to Daniel himself. "You can be Daniel again. You don't have to fake it."

"I'm trying not to," Daniel replied, just as quietly. "But sometimes I'll be in the middle of writing a report, or getting another cup of coffee, and I get lost halfway through and have to dig around his memories to remember-"

"Give it time," Jack said, "give yourself time."

"There is no time. There was-then-" and Jack knew he meant when he was ascended, "but if nothing else has, it's come back to me how very short these lives are."

"Time," Jack said. He kissed the side of Daniel's neck. "Start remembering now."

"Jack-"

"This is your body. This is what you've got, Daniel." He nuzzled, lips, tongue, moving delicately. He felt more than heard the soft moan in the back of Daniel's throat. "Didn't your mother ever tell you to make the most of it?"

"Is this an appropriate time to bring my mother into the conversation?"

"Is there ever an appropriate time to bring one's mother into the conversation?" Jack would have asked this grandly, but he started biting at Daniel's earlobe and got distracted along the way.

Daniel sighed silently, a breath of air against the side of Jack's face, and at last he relaxed into Jack's grasp. "Still Daniel," Jack heard him mutter to himself. "Just with improvements." His voice went softer. "I remember this too."

"Good," was all Jack had to say about that. He'd gone back to Daniel's neck as the only other accessible part of his body right now. "Keep it up."

"And I think...I think I remember that I couldn't really do this ascended."

"Kinda hard to kiss energy," Jack agreed nonchalantly, letting his lips drift across Daniel's chin, Daniel's lips ever so delicately. "Did Oma ever try?"

"I don't remember," Daniel said primly and hesitantly kissed Jack back. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Jack kissed him one last time before releasing him, stepping away carefully and sitting down again. "You're welcome," he said, his turn to look at the floor.

Daniel sat down as well. He did not fidget. He did not get up to pace. He did not commune with the energy barrier. He was utterly calm when Carter and Teal'c showed up a couple hours later and they ran for their lives to the Stargate.

But Jack was shivering, ever so slightly.