Sparring

by AbylityMaren

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asa/amaren/sparring.php
Summary: Rodney and Carson have to take phys. ed

The newly named Training Room was filled with awkward bodies and flailing limbs. A certain level of physical fitness had been required to join the team that went to the Pegasus galaxy. That level of fitness was more concerned with things like weight and chronic health conditions than agility, flexibility, or coordination. Bodies that spent more time behind a desk or lab counter struggled to process simple throws and blocks. The sounds of grunts, heavy breathing, and the soft cursing of several nations echoed across the high ceiling.

Rodney stood alone in a corner mentally cataloguing the new expletives for future use.

"Dr. McKay?" Teyla pulled her attention from a pair of sweaty microbiologists she was trying to teach blocks to, "You are ten minutes late."

"Sorry. Got wrapped up in something in the lab."

The frown that stamped itself onto her face was ample proof that she knew how hard Rodney had been trying to squirm out of the training. "You will have to wait on Dr. Becket for a partner. It would appear that he is late as well."

"You don't say?" Rodney frowned.

"You should appreciate better than anyone else here the importance of being able to defend yourself."

"Agreed." Rodney looked down his nose at the assembled group of straining scientists, "However, I'd prefer not to contemplate my physical attributes in a public forum."

Teyla sniffed, "There is no reason for modesty. Everyone is equal here."

"Really," he rolled on his heels, "Whose idea was it to pair up Cavanaugh and Weir?"

"What!" Teyla began scanning the rather large room.

"Over there." Rodney said as he gestured to the far side of the space.

"Where?"

"Follow the choking noises Cavanaugh`s making."

"Dr. McKay," she turned to shake a finger at him as she rushed to separate the pair in question, "do not think to leave."

The doors to Rodney's left slid open to reveal a rather contrite looking Dr. Beckett. He skirted around the edge of the space until he came up beside Rodney. The two stood for a moment pulling at their sweats and shifting in their sneakers.

"Looks like it's the two of us. Everyone else is paired off." Rodney said from the corner of his mouth.

"Well, then," Carson smacked his palms together, "that'll be fine I suppose. Let's get on with it shall we?"

They began crossing the distance to an empty space near the center of the room.

Rodney snorted and his voice returned to its normal tones, "Somehow I didn't think you'd be so eager to do this?"

Carson peaked at Rodney from the corner of his eye, "What exactly are you suggesting Rodney?"

"I'm not suggesting anything."

"I'll have you know as a lad I was on the wrestling team. As a matter of fact, I was rated a freestyle wrestling champion."

"Yeah?" They walked in silence for a moment, "What weight class?"

"It was..." Beckett stopped and crossed his arms, "Would you care to rephrase that question?"

Rodney put on his best 'innocent' face, "What?"

"You're callin' me fat, ya tumshie heid!"

"I'd never call you fat." He began to move away from Carson, "Pudgy, maybe."

"Pudgy!!" Beckett's hands moved to his hips,

"And if you're going to insult me, please do it in English." Rodney stopped several feet from Carson, "Tumshie heid? What the hell does that mean??"

"It means turnip head."

"Turnip head?"

"Yes."

"Turnip head?"

"Yes, man! Tur-Nip-Head!" Carson threw his hands in the air and began to stomp past Rodney, "Now move your girlish figure over there so we can get to it!"

"You're a respected scientist and the best you can do is schoolyard name calling?"

"Look, Rodney, I know you're not happy to be here. But I see no reason why you should be taking it out on me. So if we could just." Carson waved his arm to the empty area.

Rodney didn't move. He rolled on his heels and took in a big breath readying himself for a world class rant.

Carson held up a hand to stop him, "It's a Scottish insult."

"Well, it's.lame."

"Rodney." There was a warning tone to Carson's voice.

"It's bad enough you tend to use words like `wee'."

"You leave my `wee' outta this."

"Oh, I am all over your `wee'!"

A snicker could be heard from a pair of geologists to the right of Rodney. A blush made its way up his neck, "I mean.I just meant. your `wee'. " Ducking his now flaming red face, Rodney reached out and grabbed Carson's arm, pulling him into the vacant area.

Carson chuckled, "Not such a sleekit wee basturt now are ya?"

Rodney's hands flew into the air, "English man. English!"

Carson let out a disgusted noise as Teyla came up behind him. "Gentleman. Are we ready to begin?"

"Just a tick, Teyla." Carson took a step towards Rodney, "I'll speak anyway I want to."

"Teyla," Rodney pointed at Carson, "would you please tell the man to watch his language so that we can all play along?"

"Dr. McKay, I will not tell others how to speak."

"Oh well, I guess I shouldn't have expected much help from someone who wouldn't know a contraction if it rushed up and licked your."

"Rodney!" Carson's hands balled into fists, "Yer bum's oot a windae!"

"Cut it out!"

"I'll not!"

Teyla's hand came up between them, "Doctors, if we could just."

"All right, you R rolling bastard. It's go time!"

"Cum'n'huv'a'go'if'ye'hink'ur'hard'nuff!"

Rodney's hands waved above his head as his voice rose to be heard above the crowd in the room, "Would someone PLEASE tell me what the hell this short, dumpy, skirt wearing, quack just said?!"

"Oh you just had to go for the skirt comment?"

Rodney stepped in, nose to nose, with Carson, "Well, if the hemline fits."

"I've got one for you. What does a Scott wear under his kilt?"

"What?"

"Lipstick."

Confusion smacked Rodney in the face, "What?"

"Would you like to see?" Carson purred, "I'm sure you'll recognize the shade, seeing as its your mum's."

"Congratulations Beckett!" Rodney turned to make sure he had his audience's attention, "You win points for taking a nation's shame and putting a positive spin on it."

"To hell with you! If you`re thinking you`re gonna stand here and tell me how I should talk. "

"I've had enough of you! Stick to a language that I can understand without referencing a dictionary!"

Beckett`s voice dropped to a growl, "Ats naw wit yur maw said last night."

"Whatever you just said," he reached out with one hand and gave Carson a push, "shut up!"

Carson reached out with both hands and pushed back, "Go soak your head!"

Shove, "You first!"

Shove.

It was then that Teyla tried to step between the two red faced men. She chose her moment just slightly too late. The three of them tumbled to the ground in a tangle of limbs and grunted curse words. The sloppy battle was hampered by Teyla's attempts to stop the arm- flailing combatants and remove herself from the fray. Several of the spectators rushed in to separate the bodies.

Panting, but unharmed, the two stood glaring at each other.

Teyla tried to catch her breath and smooth the hair from her face, "If the two of you are finished."

"You hit like a girl." Rodney growled.

"Ooh! That tears it!." And Carson moved to grab at Rodney again.

"Oh no!" Teyla reached out and with one swift movement grabbed them both by their ears. As they complained and pleaded she unceremoniously dragged them to the exit, "Until the two of you can focus and remain civil do not return here!" With that she threw the two men out into the corridor.

The doors hissed shut behind them.

"Well. that's it then, is it?"

Rodney said nothing. He simply turned to Carson and allowed the slow smile to make its way across his face. In a flash it was matched by Carson`s.

The two men attempted a high five in the quiet hall.

Carson cleared his throat in embarrassment, "You know, we should really work on that."

Rodney rubbed at the growing red mark on his head, "It does kind of spoil the whole `cool guy' effect when you smack me in the forehead."

" `Twas a wee miscalculation."

"Uh huh."

Carson decided to change the subject for safety's sake, "Since we're well outta that, I could do with a bite. You?"

"Always."

And with that they made their way to the mess hall.