A Very Feisty Xmas

by Annie

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asa/annie/feistyxmas.php
Summary: SG1 are on their last mission before starting their Christmas holidays
Info: This is my response to the challenge Dangermouse set for the members of the Feisty Daniel Appreciation Society group. It must contain the following.
1) One of the team having a total hissy fit - does NOT have to be Daniel. Bonus points for Teal'c having one.
2) One of the team wearing something *totally* out of character. This could be Jack in a dress, Teal'c in a lumberjack outfit, Daniel in a Dalek... whatever.
3) A quote from Wizard of Oz.
4) The word 'discombobulated'.

Daniel glared at Jack as he continued to beat a rhythm on the table, something that had been happening for the previous half an hour.

"Ow! You got my finger!"

"Well, why don't you get your finger out of the way!"

Jack started tapping again instead of saying anything. They were sitting in the warm sun waiting for the others to join them; Sam had been taken away to wash up after falling into a mud pool and Teal'c had been dragged away by some of the local children to see the local version of a theatre.

"Maybe I could go check on Teal'c," Jack suggested.

"Maybe you should just wait for him to return and," Daniel slapped his hand over Jack's to stop the tapping, "finish your drink."

"Yeah, what is this? It's good stuff."

"I think it's eggnog," Daniel answered, "and luckily for us it's the non-alcoholic version. At least Sam should be back soon so we can get back to the ruins."

"So you can get back to panting all over your lumps of rock you mean."

"Artefacts Jack. Rocks are what we dug in your back yard after you'd decided to install a sunken hot tub. Lots and lots of rocks"

"I didn't hear you complaining when you got to go in it. In fact I distinctly remember you refusing to leave it."

"Be that as it may, you have rocks and I have artefacts. And just to clarify a point, I don't pant over artefacts."

"Yes you do. Siler is trying to figure out a way to harness the energy your panting produces and save on the cost of the gate."

Changing the subject Daniel asked, "So, where are you taking me for Christmas?"

"Not telling."

"Aww come on Jack, just a little hint."

"No. All you need to know is that you and I are going be incommunicado over the whole holiday period and George isn't expecting either of us back until January 5th."

The banter continued for several minutes, Jack refusing to give even the smallest of hints, before the two men heard something that stopped them in their tracks.

"Colonel!"

In the seven years they had been on the same team Jack had never once heard Sam roar, especially in the same manner his drill sergeant had back at the Academy. Turning to look at her he said, "Dare I even ask what happened?"

"That...shampoo...they gave me did this!"

"I can... I can see," Jack managed to say. He and Daniel were lucky that Sam was so incensed over her hair that she didn't notice them trying not to laugh.

"How am I going to explain this when we get home?"

"It's not that noticeable," Jack said trying to calm her down.

"Not that noticeable? Noticeable!" Sam almost screeched as she picked up one of the drinks. "My hair is PINK! Barbie dressed in a pink costume sitting in her bright pink convertible that's parked outside her neon pink garage that is located next to her fluorescent pink house is less pink than my hair. I'm meant to be going to Mark's for the holidays. How am I going to explain to my niece and nephew why aunty Sam has pink hair let alone go to the fancy dress party like this?"

"You could always go as a punk and maybe no-one will notice?" Daniel suggested.

Sam sent him a look that would have left him shivering in the heat of Netu and growled, "It's a medieval costume party Daniel. You know that, you helped me pick my costume!"

Finishing her drink, Sam slammed the empty glass onto the table.

"That could have landed right on my finger!" Jack exclaimed, the glass mere hair breath away from his hand.

"It's a lucky thing it wasn't your head."

Jack watched as his 2IC left to find one of the natives who had donated the shampoo.

"Don't you think we should stop her before something happens?"

"Probably. I'm just glad not to be the one she's gunning for," Jack said before his attention was caught by Daniel's jaw dropping and turned to see Teal'c walk towards them.

"I feel discombobulated."

"What?" Jack managed to ask, pulling himself together at the vision in front of him.

"Uh, he feels thrown into a state of confusion Jack."

"He's not the only one. So why not just say you're confused T?"

"I feel... I feel very..."

"Dissybobbylatted."

"Released. O'Neill."

"Okay, how much of the local hooch have you had to drink and what does feeling released have to do with feeling..."

"Discombobulated," Daniel said.

"I drank one glass," he answered before starting to dance.

"Why is Teal'c dancing? More importantly, why is he dancing like John Travolta? Although I suppose it does explain the suit hasn't anyone told him disco went out of fashion two decades ago? And one glass did this to him?"

"So it would seem. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact he doesn't have junior anymore?"

"I used to think you were a cheap date. My 2IC has pink hair and now Teal'c turns into a disco-dancing throwback to the seventies. That's it, get your stuff together as we're going home."

"We can't just leave Jack. What about the celebration tonight?"

"We can and we are Daniel. Teal'c is drunk and wearing a white flared suit even I had more sense to wear the first time round and Carter is getting ready to throw more than a just a hissy fit because she has pink hair. I don't want to find out what could happen to us so we're going."

Daniel considered what Jack was saying and saw the reason behind the decision even if he didn't totally agree with it. Giving a small smile, he started to get his things together but before he could finish the village Shaman walked up to Jack and pulling out some crystals told the Colonel to sit down.

"I don't think this would be a...""Sit," the old man ordered again.

Reluctantly sitting down Jack watched as the Shaman placed the crystals on the table. Picking up the largest, the Shaman waved it in front of Jack's face and started to chant.

"That's right. Here, sit right down here," Daniel muttered under his breath as the crystal waving continued, "That's it. Ha ha! This, this is the same genuine, magic, authentic crystal used by the Priests of Isis and Osiris in the days of the Pharaohs of Egypt in which Cleopatra first saw the approach of Julius Caesar and Marc Anthony, and...and so on and so on. Now you, you'd better close your eyes, my child, for a moment in order to be better in tune with the infinite. We, we can't do these things without..."

"...reaching out into the infinite. Yes," Sam finished as she came to a stop next to where Daniel was standing.

"Are you okay?"

"Sure Daniel, why wouldn't I be?"

"I was just wondering if you've calmed down yet."

Sam shook her head and said, "You know the Colonel's right when he says there are times when it's best not to say anything Daniel."

"Well he also said he wanted to leave before anything else happens to us."

"So why is he sitting playing with the crystals? And what do you mean, before anything else happens?"

"Have you seen Teal'c recently?

"Not since I went to wash my hair. Why?"

"It seems he's lost a couple of inhibitions and when he was last seen was disco dancing."

"Teal'c!" Sam snorted. "You are kidding. Right?"

"Nope. He went that way if you want to have a look," Daniel said, pointing in the direction of a large building.

"It might be wise to get him if the Colonel is wanting to leave. We'll be right back, don't go anywhere."

Half an hour later and the team were ready to leave. Sam had managed to collect Teal'c and his uniform, the children insistent he kept wearing the suit. The villagers had been fine when Jack said they needed to leave promising another team would return in the future.

"SG11 can come here next time, they're always complaining they don't get enough fun," Jack told Daniel as they walked side by side towards the gate.

"So what was the deal with the crystals then?"

"Nothing, I think he just wanted the chance to wave them in someone's face," Jack replied.

Ahead Sam was trying to keep Teal'c from pulling her into a dance.

"How's Carter doing?"

"Still pissed off but not as vocal about it now. She's decided the whole thing is a good excuse to have an afternoon at a saloon pampering herself and Cassie before going to Marks."

"Well once he comes down from whatever high he's on Teal'c can go see Bra'tac and Ry'ac which will leave you and I to go to a place where there's only us."

"Please tell me we're not going to your cabin."

"We'll have plenty to eat and drink and there will be more than enough lube to mean we won't have to leave the bed for almost two weeks if we don't want."

"Do you suppose there is such a place?"

"We're going there right after we get back to Earth. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to stand in our way. No Asgard popping by for help, no glowy beings dropping by to ascend one of my team and definitely no Tok'ra."

Daniel laughed and started to dial home. It was going to be a good Christmas, no matter what the universe threw at them. As long as Jack didn't take him to the cabin, that is.