Hazard Identification

by Annie

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asa/annie/hazid.php
Summary: SG-1 has to deal with some bureaucratic red tape

General Vidrine picked up the folder and began to read Major Healey's interview of SG-1 regarding their 'Hazard Identification Manual'.

Date: 12/15/03
Location: SGC, Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado Springs

Present from SG-1:
Colonel Jack O'Neill (CJoN)
Major Samantha Carter (MSC)
Dr Daniel Jackson (DDJ)
Teal'c

Interviewer:
Major David Healey (MDH)

MDH: So.

CJoN: What?

MDH: I'm here for an explanation, Sir.

CJoN: We know that, Major Healey.

MDH: So...

CJoN: So what do you want explained?

MDH: I've been asked to clarify some points from your report.

CJoN: Where would you like to start?

MDH: 'Hours of Work'. You've ticked 'Yes' in each box.

DDJ: The problem with that being?

MDH: You've ticked that you work daytime hours, evenings, weekends, public holidays and that you work in a team and alone. You can't tick you work all of them.

DDJ: Why not? SG-1 works a shift pattern that covers the whole week.

MDH: 'Do your work activities affect any of the following persons?' You've again ticked 'Yes' in each box.

MSC: If we failed in some of our missions, the whole world would be affected when the Goa'uld mother ship appears in the sky.

MDH: So how do you explain that you work in catering establishments?

CJoN: We work in the canteen sometimes.

MDH: Catering staff work in the canteen, Sir, not field teams.

CJoN: You obviously didn't read about the time we had to cart around Urgo. We spent a lot of time in the canteen on that mission.

MDH: Construction sites?

CJoN: When we liberated the Jaffa being held on Erebus.

MDH: Educational establishments?

MSC: Air Force Academy.

MDH: Working in confined spaces?

DDJ: Sarcophagus.

MDH: Working at height, you've ticked 'Other'.

CJoN: Death gliders. Xs 301 through 3. Surely approximately three quarters of a billion miles will do you?

DDJ: Hataks.

CJoN: Gesundheit.

MDH: Using portable electrical equipment?

CJoN: Zats.

MDH: Radioactive isotopes?

DDJ: Favourite of the Tok'ra when working undercover on the Hataks.

CJoN: Carter and Daniel account for the rest of the ticks in that one.

MDH: Paints sprayers, display screen equipment, industrial cleaners, personal computers, extension leads, word processors and welding equipment.

MSC: I think that about covers it for that section, yes.

MDH: Food handling?

CJoN: We did debate that one but finally came to the conclusion that we had to accept that MREs are considered as food. Oh, and question 6. Talk to Carter about that one.

MSC: So I use a lot of hand tools.

MDH: You use your own personal tools too, Major?

MSC: If the Air Force won't pay my credit card balance then the least they can do is class the gate Orlin built as my property.

MDH: So am I safe to assume that the question regarding hand held power tools apply to you as well, Major Carter?

MSC: Teal'c has been using them as well. He's been putting up a lot of shelves in his quarters recently.

MDH: Moving onto 'Materials, Chemicals and Substances'. You've ticked 'Yes' to insecticide?

CJoN: Dargol.

MDH: Pardon?

DDJ: Dargol was an insecticide. We had to handle it to find the cure for the vorlix.

MDH: Asbestos?

MSC: Always good to have shielding when flying into a sun's corona sphere.

MDH: Lubricants?

CJoN: Can never be too careful when sliding into tight spaces.

MDH: Excuse me?

CJoN: Daniel sometimes likes to slide into a tight space.

MDH: Oh. Okay. Human remains?

DDJ: I am an archaeologist. Comes with the territory.

MDH: Drugs?

DDJ: Sarcophagus.

MSC: First aid kits.

CJoN: Glowing light show at the snake pleasure palace.

MDH: Onto 'Contact with the Public'.

CJoN: It doesn't limit it to the public of just this world and you've missed out a question.

MDH: Personal Protective Equipment is standard issue, Sir.

CJoN: Just checking.

MDH: 'Working with Live Animals'?

DDJ: Goa'ulds.

MSC: They're snakes.

CJoN: Which covers the dead animals as well seeing as the only good snake is a dead one.

MSC: Unless they're the Tok'ra then they're good.

CJoN: That's debatable, Carter. Is the name Anise ringing any bells with you?

DDJ: Selmac's not that bad.

MSC: Thanks, Daniel.

CJoN: He's right. Selmac's the best of a baddish bunch.

MDH: Re-opening of graves?

DDJ: I thought I'd covered that in saying I'm an archaeologist?

MDH: Thank you for your time SG-1.

CJoN: Is that it? I'm sure there were more questions than that in the manual.

MDH: I think we've more than covered everything, Colonel O'Neill.

CJoN: Sweet. Hey, Daniel. Are you up for pizza and beer tonight?

DDJ: Sure, I'll bring the DVDs.

MSC: You still up for the jello wrestling, Teal'c?

Teal'c: Indeed. Dr Fraiser said she is looking forward to the event.

Recommendations

They're INSANE! They're nuts. Wacko. They should be in a mental home. A white room is too dangerous for those loony...........

General Vidrine closed the report before he finished reading the recommendations and handed it to an airman. Due to Major Healey's unfortunate incident involving a water cooler and his subsequent psychiatric review, his current assignment at the SGC was being shelved for the foreseeable future. Which was just as well seeing the Major was probably right in his assessment of SG-1.