Cliche 27 1

Letting Go

by Arcturus

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asa/arcturus/cliche01.php
Summary: Cliche 27: you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

Sam slipped in the back door, noting all the lights were out. She caught sight of a note on the kitchen table and pulled the fridge door open to read it.

Sam glanced at her watched and winced; 2249. She felt the spread of apprehension through her stomach. Janet never asked her to sleep elsewhere, even when she was on early.

Sam opened the microwave and grimaced at the congealed mess that was once her dinner. She scraped it into the bin, put he plate on the side and headed for the stairs.

The spare room afforded sheets and her pajamas, piled on the unmade bed. Pushing down the rising fear, Sam stepped back onto the landing and then the few short paces to the master bedroom. Carefully she opened the door and moved inside.

Janet was curled small, her back to the door, arms tucked close to her chest. Sam crept closer to gain a better view of her lover, wanting to reach out and stroke her hair or cheek just once. She stilled her breath when she realized the doctor was crying. "Janet?"

No response. "Janet hon, what's the matter?"

"Where have you been?"

"At work – why?"

"Intergalatic emergency? Life or death scenarios at the SGC?"

"No, just got caught up in a really interesting artifact SG9 brought back from PX..."

Sam was stunned to silence by Janet rolling over and glaring at her, her eyes dark with anger. "Oh, of course, I forgot; in the world of Sam Carter work is all that is important. Family doesn't get a look in." she snapped.

"Cassie got into trouble at school today. I really needed your support. But where were you? Tinkering with some 'doohickey'. I swear you only come home for food and sex."

Sam shrunk back at the harshness in her lover's voice, "Janet, you know that's not true." she whispered, vainly trying to keep her voice steady.

"Do I? I'm not so sure about that any more Sam."

"Please Janet, don't say that. It won't happen again, I promise."

Sam knelt on the floor and raised her hand to brush Janet's cheek. The doctor caught her fingers round Sam's wrist, arresting the motion. "How many times have we had this conversation Sam? Every time you say you're gonna change. Every time you let me down. Cass and I, we need stability in our lives. You? You need adrenaline rushes and saving the universe moments."

There was a long pause, the silence thick. "I want you to move out Sam."

The blonde was immobile for maybe half a minute. Then she rose from her knees, gently squeezing Janet's hand before moving away. She stopped at the door and whispered, "I'm sorry. I'll pack my things tomorrow. I'll be out of your way when you come home. I love you Janet. Always."

And with that, she was gone from the space.

Janet stared into the empty room, barely breathing, feeling the hole in her soul spread. What had she done?

Sam strode to the spare room, kicked off her shoes and slumped on the bed, pulling a pillow to her chest. She closed her eyes and sobbed.

***

Sam was awake when Janet left for work and when Cassie went to school, but it wasn't until the house was empty that she ventured from her room. A couple of hours later and her meager possessions were stowed in the car – a suitcase of clothes and two boxes of trinkets and stuff. She left a note for Janet on the side regarding her bike and headed to the base.

Once safely ensconced in her quarters, Sam had time to think. She had been so stupid. What was she playing at opening herself up like that, allowing herself to feel? She knew it would only end in pain. She deserved no better. This only confirmed what she knew in her heart – she was impossible to love, could only let others down.

She took some paper from the desk draw, sat down and began to write.

She sealed the letter, putting it to one side to deliver later. Now she had to get herself together. She unpacked her paltry possessions, being a military brat had its advantages; travel light, make anywhere home. She had been living on base before she moved in with Janet, she was sure it would be easy to do again.

And now she could focus on her fitness, her research, her bike. Because she needed something to keep her mind from dark eyes, smooth skin, rounded hips...

Next: From Bad To Worse