Cliche 27 3
Rock Bottom
by Arcturus
URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asa/arcturus/cliche03.php
Summary: Sam's world continues to fall apart
Sam spent the following day pretending to be working. But she was distracted often by her thoughts of Janet and their relationship. So there was someone else in the doctor's life now, did that mean Sam should just forget everything they had together? It didn't matter that her logical calculating mind told her yes. Her emotional heart – a little used part of her until recently – told her no, refused to let go of the completeness she felt when she was in Janet's arms.
But Sam had no clue how to go about winning Janet back. Her experience in relationships rated zero on any scale and she knew that the things that Janet craved, she could not give her.
She had almost resolved to talk to Daniel about it when the object of her desire clipped into the lab. Sam sat in frozen shock as Janet slid the door closed and pulled up the stool next to her own. Startled out of her stupor by a warm hand on her arm, Sam looked up into familiar brown eyes. She found it hard to read the expression on Janet's face, so she sat and waited.
Janet moved her hand away and looked down into her lap. A shaky breath escaped her before she could get her words out. She had talked to Cassie after Sam had left the previous evening and had spent the rest of the night coming to terms with the enormity of what the major had done.
And yet again she had questioned herself about ending their relationship. Her rational side told her quite clearly that Sam Carter was no good for her, and brought up many incidents of broken promises, let downs and frustrations. But still...
"I just wanted to say thank you for what you did last night. I'm sorry I was so angry, it's just I want... I want..." she stumbled to a halt, unsure of how to express her confused feelings.
She lifted her head to be greeted by expectant, beseeching blue eyes. And there was her rational side again. No, those eyes led only to heartache and tension. Think of grey and stability and security...
"We're having a barbeque Saturday; Cassie wanted to know if you would come." Janet managed evenly. She watched as the hope faded from Sam's face, quickly replaced by neutral impassiveness. The silence stretched and Janet could almost hear the war in Sam's head. Maybe she was being cruel asking, but Cass needed Sam to still be in her life and she, Janet, still wanted... NO! she would not let he mind wander there.
Sam had no idea what to say. She was angry with Janet for playing on her emotions regarding Cassie. But a small, ever hopeful part of her wondered if this could be the opening she needed to get their relationship going again. If she said yes, at least there was a chance. No, and Jo would push her further into the wilderness; something Sam did not think she could bear. Besides, hadn't Janet just thanked her for being mature and responsible? Maybe she wasn't as clueless as she thought. "Okay, that would be great. What time?"
***
The barbeque had started well; by the time Sam arrived the coals were hot and the preparation complete. They sat arrayed round the yard in various positions, Jo taking charge of the cooking. For about forty minutes they ate and drank and talked pleasantly. Cassie was happier than Sam had seen her for a while, so when the teen started to recount some of Sam's less than successful cooking escapades, the blonde did not see the danger in it.
"Then there was the time she managed to burn the pan whilst boiling an egg!" Cassie giggled.
"Yes well, I was distracted by the laptop... the program I was running suddenly came up with some fascinating results and I lost track of the time. Besides, I never did quite know how long to cook an egg if I wanted it soft."
"Wow; everybody knows that don't they?" Jo quipped. "I don't think I could ever be that distracted by work. Do you always take stuff home with you?"
Sam felt herself redden at the remark. "A lot of the time yes, I can't always get enough quiet at the base to think properly."
"Is deep space telemetry that busy? I would have thought it was quiet enough, all that gazing into space."
Sam shifted in her chair, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. "Well it is a working Air Force base, there's lots of other stuff going on."
"I'm sure, although I can't imagine what keeps Jan there; it's hardly the cutting edge of medical science. I'm trying to persuade her to give up the military life."
Sam looked over at Janet, but the doctor wouldn't meet her gaze. Was it true then? The blonde felt her heart skip violently. If Janet left the base... More harshly than she intended, Sam responded, "Well maybe there's more keeping her there than you know."
Jo was not deterred by the outburst. "Maybe, but I could get her a job that meant regular hours, better pay and more time to spend with family."
And there it was laid out for Sam in all its ugly glory, everything that Janet wanted, and she couldn't give it to her. "I have to go." she said, pushing up quickly from her chair, trying to reign in her out of control emotions. Without looking at the others she moved into the house, pulled her jacket from the back of the couch and strode to the front door. She had yanked it open before Janet stopped her. "Sam? Are you okay? What's wrong?"
The blonde rested her head against the door, trying to muster some calm. "I can't do this Janet. I know I can't cook, I work too long hours, I have no social skills, I can't meet your expectations. I know all these things and I'm sorry that I am not what you want. But I won't sit there and have my shortcomings pointed out to me like I was twelve. I'm glad you have found someone to make you happy, I'm just not up to being part of it."
She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, willing herself not to cry, "Just because we are no longer in a relationship doesn't mean I've stopped loving you."
The silence was punctuated by the hall clock keeping time, the buzz of a lawnmower, the faint lilt of voices. "Tell Cass I'm sorry. "
And with that, Sam left the space, Janet unable to do anything but stare at the emptiness and try to comprehend the words.
***
Sam hadn't meant for this to happen. Well, that wasn't entirely true, she had meant to get drunk, but she had never invited the bloke who was currently sprawled unconscious on the ground into her space.
She had chosen Dave's bar, a fairly familiar SGC haunt, knowing it was safe. Sam had sat at the bar alone, contemplating how much Jack Daniels she would have to drink to render herself pain free. She was on her 4th when the jerk had sidled up to her and started making inappropriate advances. Sam was polite enough to start with but as he steadily ignored her, her anger rose. In the end she had told him to fuck off and moved to a booth.
Just before 2am, Dave had finally kicked everyone out. The pain still burned through Sam and the rest of the bottle had done nothing to dim it. She knew she couldn't ride, so had called a cab and moved to the parking lot to wait.
He had jumped her then, and even in her inebriated state, he had been no match for the major. The cops though had cruised into the lot at the exact moment Sam had cracked his nose with her fist. They had watched him buckle and her knee slam into his chest. They were not witness to him pouncing on her from behind, bear hugging her to the ground, kicking her stomach or smashing his knuckles into her jaw.
So Sam sat now on the low wall, hands secured behind her with a cable tie, watching cop number one rifle through her wallet. She was in deep shit.
***
"Hammond." he growled. It was 0221. The general had rolled over on the small cot to lift the receiver; he was still on base as SG-9 were overdue by 11 hours and Jack had already gone home.
"General, I have Colorado Police on the line. They said it was urgent."
"Put them through." he mustered, suddenly much more alert. "This is General Hammond, who am I speaking to?"
"Sergeant Will Peters sir, Sorry to disturb you so late but I have a member of your command in my custody at present. There has been some violence and I need someone to come and escort them from here."
Hammond's anger shot from naught to raging in less than a second. He had had enough of pulling marines from drunken brawls. "I'll get his commanding officer down there right away; what's the airman's name Sergeant?"
"Um, it's a she sir, Major Samantha Carter."
***
"O'Neill." He managed, prizing open an eye to stare at the digital readout. 0229. Crap.
"Colonel, you need to get down to Dave's bar and relieve the Colorado Police of your second. She is drunk and has been involved in some fighting. Bring her to the base and put her in the brig. "
The line was dead before he could manage a 'yes sir'.
By the time Jack pulled into the parking lot his wrath had risen to just below simmering. Carter was going to pay for this big time. He slammed the door closed and moved towards the patrol car. After verifying his identity with the sergeant, they fell into conversation. Several minutes passed before the colonel nodded his thanks and strode to the figure still sat on the wall. He grasped Carter's arm firmly and pulled her to her feet. Sam had the sense to keep her eyes to the floor, feeling the anger radiating from her CO.
Jack propelled her to his truck, opened the passenger door and steadied her as she climbed in. Sam did not protest the discomfort with her hands still bound behind her. After taking his seat, Jack reached across her to fasten the seat belt.
As they pulled out of the lot, Sam risked a sideways glance at Jack. His jaw was set hard and his eyes were dark. She opened her mouth to apologize, but he cut her off, "I don't wanna hear it Carter. Don't speak unless you going to puke and then give me plenty of warning."
Sam looked down at her lap, setting her teeth to prevent the tears she could feel in her throat. She tried to figure rationally how she had got into this mess and more importantly how she was going to get out of it.
At the first checkpoint O'Neill ordered the guard to get a security detail to meet him at the entrance. He drove his truck as close as he could to the door, jumped out and jerked open the passenger side with ill concealed anger. The leader of the detail snapped to attention. "Place the major in isolation." he growled, handing his captive over with little care. He didn't wait for them to respond before he was back in his truck.
***
Sam curled onto the bed, facing the wall, finally giving in to her tears. Her jaw throbbed and her head felt thick from the alcohol, but her mind was working overtime on the consequences of the days actions. All of them.
She probably wouldn't get to see Cassie again. The colonel was going to kick her off the team. Any last vestiges of any kind of relationship with Janet were over. She would probably be done for assault, might even do some time.
Sam pulled herself smaller, curling around her misery, knowing she had to get a grip on herself before the morning. Carter's don't cry. Carter's don't screw up. Carter's keep their emotions locked away...
***
Jack had decided to stay on base now his night had been disturbed. As he was walking to the surface entrance, an airman from the checkpoint sprinted to him, snapping to attention as he came to a halt.
"Sir, this was just delivered from the Colorado Police. They said you might be interested in its contents."
He handed Jack an envelope containing a video cassette and Sergeant Peters' details. Jack took them without comment, dismissing the sentry and making his way inside.
***
Carter was sat on the bunk when Jack jerked open the door at 0630. She shot to attention as he stepped into the room, her blue eyes raising to meet his. He appraised her carefully; the bruise on her chin was purple and livid, creeping up her cheek and down her neck. Her jeans were torn in several places and there was dried blood on her white shirt. The major's eyes betrayed her worry, but Jack was unable, or unwilling to put her at ease. "Get cleaned up. Report to Hammond at 0730."
Sam held the gaze of her CO and was somewhat relieved to see the raw anger of earlier had dissipated. She wondered if she noted concern, but was not brave enough to pursue that thought. She managed a solid "Yes sir," at his barked order, picked up her jacket and left.
The shower was as hot as she could take. She drank a pint of water and took two painkillers. Her knuckles bled sporadically and a gash on her left knee reopened as she laced her boots.
At 0728 Sam knocked on the General's door, her stomach and mind both churning messes. Hammond sat in his chair, O'Neill stood to one side. Sam shut the door and stood to attention, eyes pinned to the wall to the left of her commander's shoulder.
"Major Carter." Hammond began
"Sir, I would like to..."
"I do not want apologies or excuses Major." he snapped, his face reddening dangerously. "You are a senior officer on the flagship team and here I am having to bail you out of a bar room brawl. Your behavior is unacceptable."
"Yes sir." she agreed evenly.
"I'm disappointed in you Major."
Sam's throat constricted violently. She fought the urge to look down, her nails digging in to the flesh of her palms. "Yes sir." A bare whisper.
"I will not tolerate people in my command that cannot control themselves, Major. Just because you are the foremost expert on the stargate doesn't mean you are above regulations."
"No sir."
"You are off the mission rota and confined to base for two weeks. You have that time to prove to me that my trust in you has not been misplaced."
"Yes sir."
"Dismissed."
Sam moved deliberately slowly so it didn't appear as if she was bolting. She exited the room and felt the heat begin to leave her cheeks.
Her lab was blissfully quiet and she eagerly began to busy herself in work; anything to take her mind from the shame and humiliation she felt.
***
It appeared though that the SGC grapevine was working well. Not thirty minutes after escaping her ordeal with Hammond there was a knock on her door frame and the familiar click of heels on the concrete. "Sam?"
"Janet." She sighed, not ready to have this or any conversation with the doctor.
"I hear you got into a fight last night."
"Good news sure travels fast round here." Sam muttered under her breath; then screwing up her courage she looked up and asked, "Come to gloat?" Try as she might, she could not keep the bitterness from her tone.
"No," Janet replied evenly, "I need to check you over."
"I'm fine." Sam gritted.
"I can make it an order."
Sam did nothing to hide the animosity she felt as she scrutinized the doctor. She closed her eyes and took a calming breath, willing herself under control. Stepping away from the bench, she brushed passed Janet and into the corridor cursing, "Fine, whatever, waste of time if you ask me..."
They were both silent in the elevator and on the trek to the infirmary. Once through the doors, Janet indicated a bed, pulled the privacy curtain round it and threw a gown onto the sheet. "Get changed please, I'll be with you in five minutes."
Sam stood rooted to the spot for long moments, fury and hurt raging through her. Pushing down on her emotions, she bent to unlace her boots, vainly trying not to let Janet get her so agitated.
By the time the doctor returned, Sam was sat patiently on the gurney, bare legs dangling over the side, hands gripped firmly to the edge. Janet moved into the major's personal space to begin her exam and Sam was assaulted by an array of familiar smells that sent her heart reeling. She closed her eyes, trying to lessen the sensations with only limited success. Janet's hands roving over her body sent unsolicited tingles of electricity through her and she found herself having to focus hard on breathing in and out as if it were a complicated mathematical equation.
Realizing the hands had stopped their exploration, Sam opened her eyes. Janet's appraising gaze greeted her, the doctor's right hand poised above the livid bruise on her chin. "Is this my fault?" she whispered.
Sam swallowed the tears she felt, some of the previous anger returning to her gut. "No," she snorted, "It's mine."
And suddenly before her brain could dissuade her, words were tumbling from her mouth. "It's my fault for ever believing that I could love someone properly and be loved in return. It's my fault for letting my barriers down, for allowing you to slip into places that could hurt me. It's my fault for thinking I deserved some happiness in my life..."
The tirade ended abruptly when Janet spun on her heel and exited at a run. Sam hadn't meant to do it, to make it sound so accusing, but her emotions were so disarrayed she hadn't been able to prevent it. And now? Well now she regretted ever opening her mouth.
Sam was unsure how much time had lapsed when the curtain swished open again and a nurse stepped into the space. "I'm to stitch your knee and dress your knuckles ma'am." she stated.
Sam nodded her assent; hardly felt the sharp sting of the anesthetic, barely noticed the tug of stitches and had to be prompted to move her hand so it could be bandaged.
"We're finished here now Major Carter. You're free to go. Dr. Fraiser asked that you report back tomorrow for a check up."
"Hhmm?" Sam asked distractedly. "Oh yes, right, ah... thanks. Um, tomorrow." She nodded her understanding, reaching for her clothes as the nurse left her alone.
***
Sam had been back in her lab barely an hour when she was disturbed by Daniel. "Hey Sam, you okay?" he asked brightly.
"Hey Daniel." She managed back, barely lifting her head from her work to acknowledge him. Sam hoped he would read the signs that she wanted to be alone; but of course, she was wrong.
"What happened to your hand?" he persisted. Sam sighed; abandoning her generator results for a moment and looked up at him properly. She could tell he was concerned and she kicked herself for being so irritable. She knew Daniel was trying to help and it was not his fault that she was in a foul mood.
The archeologist caught her chin in his fingers, tilting her head to the light. "Wow Sam, that's some bruise."
"I got into a fight last night." She managed, looking away, ashamed at how it made her feel. "I was drunk and some guy jumped me in the parking lot. The cops called General Hammond."
She saw Daniel wince as he calculated the consequences of her words. He dropped his hand to her shoulder, running it lightly down her arm and gently caressing his fingers over her damaged knuckles. "Does this have to do with Janet?" he asked.
Sam pulled away sharply, spinning up from the stool and stepping back into the darker space, facing away from him, crossing her arms tightly across her body. "Please Daniel, don't," she whispered, the sting of tears once again threatening her composure. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Sam, Janet loves you."
"No, she has someone else now. I just have to get over it, pull myself together. Hammond's confined me to the base for two weeks, I just need to keep my head down and stay out of her way. Now, if you don't mind..."
Sam composed herself and stepped back to the computer, glaring at Daniel.
But he wasn't done; he moved to the door and then stopped, turning back to look at her, a challenge in his voice, "So that's it? You're just going to give up?"
He was gone before she could form a response.
TBC
