Cliche 27 7

Starting Over

by Arcturus

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asa/arcturus/cliche07.php
Summary: The aftermath of the mission leaves Sam and Janet with consequences to face...
Info: A big thank you to all my readers and reviewers. You guys rock!

Janet and Cassie were sat in the doctor's office, trying to distract themselves from the lack of activity. They had discussed what Cassie would do when Janet was needed elsewhere, the doctor satisfied her daughter would be safe.

After the trauma of earlier, Janet had made the phone call to Jo. It had been difficult in some ways, but in the end, she knew she couldn't string the surgeon along after she realized that her heart was not truly in it. And if Sam didn't make it? Janet couldn't quite bring herself to think along those lines. But however this went down, she knew she had made the right decision.

***

Jack ran back to the cargo bay as Teal'c steadied the ship just above the ground. It took them long seconds to work out the best way to move her without causing any further distress. The convulsions continued and Jack was alarmed to see frothing blood on Sam's lips, probably from a bitten tongue. They carried her in a reclined position, one on either side, supporting under her knees and around her back at shoulder height. It was awkward, but it meant they protected her head and arm as much as they could.

Teal'c ringed them to the planet and they trotted the few yards to the DHD. Although the seizures were frightening, Jack rationalized that at least it meant Sam was still alive. He took her full weight as Daniel dialed and sent an emergency code with his IDC.

***

"Unscheduled off world activation! Unscheduled off world activation." The klaxon blared and the base leapt to life. Hammond was to Walter's shoulder in less than a heartbeat, the strain of the last few hours showing on his face. The wormhole exploded into life and settled into its calm shimmer. "Receiving IDC... It's SG-1 sir, code blue."

The general was to the microphone in a moment, understanding that every second was vital. "Medical team to the gate room; code blue!" He straightened and waited for the event horizon to be disturbed by his returning team, steeling himself to stay out of the gate room to allow the medics to do their job unhindered. He watched the CMO and her team arrive just as three people emerged at the top of the ramp.

Janet waited for Jack and Daniel to descend to the gate room floor with their teammate. Already her eyes were assessing Sam for damage. She quickly sent one of the team to make a call to the Academy hospital for an orthopedic surgeon and to prep the OR, whilst the rest of them took control of the still convulsing major. Priority was to stop the seizures, continued like this, Sam was in danger of having a stroke.

They hooked her up quickly to a battery of machines which began to beep and flash alarmingly. There was blood everywhere and it was difficult to get her positioned safely without doing further damage. "Did they give her any drugs?" she demanded of the two men standing helplessly by.

Daniel shrugged his shoulders in bewilderment, how should he know?

"Probably a stimulant," Jack answered, "first time we saw her she was sparko, five minutes later it looked like she could run a marathon."

Janet nodded her understanding as she deftly took a vial of blood and barked orders for some complicated sounding drug. Another nurse scurried from the room with the liquid to get it analyzed. They had already fitted a cannula to Sam's left hand and Janet quickly squeezed the medication into her veins. Two of her heftiest male nurses were holding the major down as best they could, trying vainly to grip body parts that were not injured.

Janet counted slowly to ten, unmoving from her position at Sam's side. The major's body went limp and for several seconds there was a sudden silence. And then the heart machine screamed that there was no pulse.

Janet closed her eyes briefly, she had known the risk. "She's in defib! 5cc's of adrenaline and charge the paddles!"

Rising onto her tip toes Janet thumped Sam's chest sharply with her fist. No response. One of the male nurses stepped up to the other side and began chest compressions. The paddles were handed to Janet and someone else's hands slapped protective pads onto Sam's torso. The defibrillator whined as it powered up. "Clear!"

Everyone stepped back and Janet released the charge, the major's body arcing off the gurney. Another silence; and then the nerve calming sound of steady bleeping. It seemed that the gate room let out a collective breath it had been holding.

It had taken twenty minutes to stabilize her enough to move to the infirmary. Now they had finished the prep for surgery and were waiting for the x-rays to be scrutinized by Mr. Fellows the orthopedic surgeon. He looked grim. Janet understood why; the major's right arm was a mess and would need extensive pinning to patch it up. And then there were her other concerns; the full thickness burns on Sam's thigh, the shrapnel imbedded in her calf, the lacerations over her stomach. Not allowing herself an inch of emotion, Janet ran through what needed to happen in the OR. It was going to be a long stretch.

***

Seven and a half hours. Twice they had nearly lost her when her blood pressure plummeted unexpectedly. Twice they had managed to bring her back.

Janet flopped into her office chair after seeing Sam safely to recovery and the surgeon off the base. Her hands trembled with fatigue as she flicked on her computer to write the report.

But she had held on tightly to her emotions for too long and she was suddenly assaulted by wave after wave of images and feelings; the sight of Sam helpless and bleeding in the arms of her team, the rush of the flat line, how she had pushed her impatience to get to the OR to the back of her mind whilst they stabilized the major in the gate room, the dizziness of having to restart Sam's heart twice more, the sheer mass of injuries, the number of screws, rods and plates Fellows had used, the smell of burned flesh, the vicious slashes over the perfect abdomen...

Janet couldn't contain a sob as she bolted from the infirmary to the bathroom, collapsing shakily to her knees to deposit the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She continued to dry heave long after her gut was empty, trying vainly to calm her breathing. Slumping miserably against the side of the stall she succumbed to her tears.

Janet knew that this sort of thing shouldn't affect her, her professionalism had never let it in the past; but God, she had come so close to losing Sam, not just physically, that for once her emotions couldn't be contained. And she still only had one chaste kiss to go on. Had Sam said those words in the heat of the moment? Had she thought there was no risk because she didn't expect to be back? How was Janet ever going to make this right? Too many unanswerables for her to fathom.

For several minutes she sobbed uncontrollably, feeling the tension drain from her body, embracing the calm that gradually crept upon her. Slowly she rose and stepped out to the wash basins, splashing cold water on her heated face, relishing its freshness.

Forty five minutes later Janet was back in her office. She had taken a long hot shower and found a large chunk of chocolate cake and fresh coffee. Now to write the report.

***

Pain had brought her to consciousness. It had taken her several minutes to gather her fragmented thoughts together before she could open her eyes. The infirmary was in chaos, every bed full, people sat on the floor and medical staff moving around frantically; but relief flooded through her at the familiar sights she saw. They had made it home; how, she was not quite sure.

Janet was directing operations in all directions whilst taking charge of the most critical. She bent over Lieutenant Huffman, listening for his vitals. She had to stoop close to his chest to cut off the pandemonium around her. As she scrutinized his breathing her eyes lifted to the occupied bed in the corner. She was startled to see blue eyes watching her. A smile passed her lips and without breaking her ministrations she raised her left hand, indicating to Sam to give her five minutes. Janet was rewarded by a small smile and the nod of a blonde head.

It was actually forty minutes later that Janet made it to Sam's bedside. She expected the major to have succumbed to sleep, so was surprised to see blue eyes open when she gently brushed blonde locks out of Sam's face.

"Hey, what are you doing awake?" she asked gently.

"Hurts." Sam managed.

"Oh honey, why didn't you call for someone?"

"Busy."

Janet shook her head in frustration, moving to check on Sam's status. As she wrote on the chart she asked, "So tell me where you have pain."

Sam quelled the desire to say everywhere. Whilst waiting for the doctor, Sam had taken stock of her body. Her right arm had been plastered almost to her shoulder, and rested comfortably on a solid pillow as she lay on her side. She had felt a support at her back that was obviously designed to keep her in that position. The pull of stitches reminded her of the abuse she had taken there. Both legs also appeared to be strapped up and she couldn't ignore the dressing that covered her left wrist. The uncomfortable tug of a catheter told her she had been out of it for a while.

Now as she began to order her thoughts Sam also registered pain in her abdomen and right shoulder. But rather than answer the doctor's question, she asked, "Where are the boys?"

Whenever one of them was injured, the others took it in turns to keep a vigil, so no one ever woke up alone. "I had to ask them to leave, they were taking up space we didn't have. They'll be back later."

"What happened?" Sam asked, nodding her head in the general direction of the infirmary.

"Evacuation of a planet with seismic activity, four SG teams and a whole lot of residents got caught in a massive tremor. 12 dead already and I don't know about some of the worst hit..."

Janet stopped as Sam pulled in a sharp breath, raising an enquiring eyebrow and berating herself for having been distracted from her initial question.

"My thigh." She managed as another wave of pain washed over her. The doctor moved to administer some medication but a strangled grunt from Sam stopped her. "Tell me how bad it is." She demanded.

Janet understood that whatever state she was in, Sam would want to know the extent of her injuries. Sighing heavily, she caressed Sam's cheek, "You're alive, that's all that matters."

She knew the major wouldn't buy it and she watched in dismay as Sam tried to hide the frustration from her face with little success. "Please Janet, I need to know."

Resignedly the doctor began, "You've been in a medical coma for two days; I brought you from it this morning. We restarted your heart three times. We stitched several of the deeper lacerations on your back and dressed three pain stick burns. Hopefully scarring should be minimal. Both your wrists took some abuse but they should heal with no problem. You took a glancing blow from a staff weapon, but damage was fairly superficial. I removed a three inch long piece of metal from your calf. It hadn't hit anything vital, but there was some infection. That will scar. As will the slashes on you abdomen."

Janet looked away at that point, gathering her emotions once more under control. "You have two full thickness burns on your thigh that will need plastic surgery and we had to rebuild your arm. It's currently held together with three plates, four rods and thirty two screws."

The silence drew out between them as Janet continued to battle with keeping her feelings contained and Sam dealt with the information she had been given. When the blonde shut her eyes, Janet knew it was time to administer the pain relief. She watched a single tear track down Sam's face as she released the dose into the major's IV line.

***

The next time Sam woke it was much quieter, the lights were dimmed, indicating that it was later than 2200. Whether it was still the same day she had no clue. She felt sick. Groping with her left hand she depressed the call button and shut her eyes against the waves of nausea.

Lieutenant Davies, the night nurse, registered the call for help and used the phone to page her boss. Less than thirty seconds later the answering ring came back. She lifted the receiver, "Dr Fraiser? Major Carter is awake. I'm just going down to see her now."

"I'll be there in five." Janet responded. Davies acknowledged the answer and moved off to attend the patient.

Three and a half minutes later Janet entered the infirmary. As she approached the end of the ward she could hear retching and the curtain round Sam's bed was closed. She stepped into the small space. Davies had done an admirable job of maneuvering Sam so she was sat upright, heaving nothing from her guts into the bowl held under her chin. The major was pale, sweaty and shaking. Janet moved to the opposite side of the bed from the nurse, reached for the bowl and looked to Davies. "Draw me up 5ccs of prochlorperazine. And bring me some warm water and a wash cloth."

"Yes ma'am." The nurse retreated.

Sam registered cool fingers on her neck and looked up. Familiar brown eyes were appraising her, causing the faintest of smiles to rise to her lips. "Sorry." She whispered.

Janet shook her head, "You have nothing to apologize for. This is just your body's reaction to everything we've put in it. But I'm going to give you something to stop the nausea, it'll do you no good to be exerting yourself so."

Davies appeared then with a syringe drawn up. "I'll just get the water now ma'am." And she was gone again.

Gauging that the worst of the spasms were over, Janet placed the bowl on Sam's lap and injected the fluid into her IV. "You should feel better pretty quickly. Can you lie back a bit?"

Davies had raised the head of the bed already and Janet gently guided Sam so she was reclined. The doctor saw the grimace that passed the major's face as she put pressure on her back, but Sam made no complaint, leaning back and closing her eyes.

The curtain parted once again and the nurse set a bowl of water and a cloth on the table. Janet dismissed her. Dampening the cloth she brushed it gently over Sam's face, eliciting a whimper of gratitude from the major. The next pass was over her left arm, one of the only parts of Sam's body where skin was exposed. And then around the back of her neck. As the minutes ticked on, Janet watched some of the color return to the blonde's face and felt her relax more into her new reclining position. She turned back from rewetting the cloth to meet blue eyes regarding her. For a long stretch they did nothing but look at each other. Then Sam dropped her head and whispered. "Will you hold me?"

A thousand sensations rushed through Janet at the words. The vulnerability of Sam's plea rocking her hard, but the swelling of hope and gladness almost making her giddy. Janet weighed up the consequences if they were caught for perhaps a second. She stepped closer to the bed and kicked off her sneakers. "Lean forward."

Sam complied and with a little bit of shuffling, Janet soon had her smaller frame tucked behind the major. Wrapping one arm round her waist, the other over her shoulder so Sam's head rested on her chest, Janet pulled her close. In the stillness that followed a calm settled on the pair and Janet allowed the feeling of completeness to engulf her.

"When I thought I was going to die, my one regret was never being able to do this again." Sam murmured.

Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was that she couldn't look at Janet directly or maybe it was the fact that she had finally realized what was important; but suddenly Sam had no qualms about saying how she felt. It was liberating.

"And now I can't quite believe it's real. I'm sorry for giving up on us so easily, I just wanted to see you happy."

She paused gathering her courage, "I know I can't give you all that you want, but please tell me we have enough left to try again."

Janet felt warm tears on her cheeks. How could Sam forgive her so easily after how she had behaved? When she had made that phone call to Jo, her one wish was that she and Sam could at least try to build their friendship again. This? This was beyond anything she had imagined. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she leaned her head down to Sam's ear, "I can't think of anything I want more."

***

Another three days in the infirmary and Janet suggested Sam could be released. For several hours the major had contemplated returning to her bleak quarters, but at 1600 Janet had appeared with clothes and a broad grin. "I'm taking you home." She stated firmly, "Now shuffle to the edge of the bed and we'll get you dressed."

The subsequent activity had left Sam exhausted. She had had to succumb to a wheelchair to get her to the surface, which she hated, but all that was forgotten once they were in the car, as the wind in her hair and the evening sun on her face lifted her spirits.

Janet had already prepared the spare room for Sam and the major tried her hardest to be grateful; it was just the last memories of being in there were not pleasant. They discussed the reasons; single bed, easy bathroom access, no assumptions or awkward situations. They agreed it was for the best. Three nights of nightmare disturbed sleep had ended when Janet suggested Sam move back to the master bedroom. Amazingly, with the petite doctor curled beside her, the blonde had slept soundly.

Sam's recovery progressed well, Janet pleased to see her taking care of herself, not pushing too hard. They had fallen into a routine after Janet returned from work each day; they would snuggle together on the couch, relishing each other's company, familiarizing themselves once again with being part of each other's lives.

***

Sam had spent the afternoon working on dinner. She had let nothing distract her and had started extra early to account for her one handedness. Following Janet's recipe, the lasagna now sat cooking in the oven; Cassie had done the honors before heading out to basketball practice. Sam had figured she could turn the heat off ten minutes before the end of the cooking time and leave the dish in the oven for Janet to retrieve later.

So now she sat on the couch waiting for the doctor. That morning Daniel had taken her to the Academy hospital for a consultation with Mr. Fellows. For the first time she had seen the extent of the damage to her arm. She had been glad of Daniel's presence, his solidity helping her deal with the reality. The surgeon had given the limb a good workout, taken extensive x-rays and then upsettingly for Sam, had re-cast it. Logically she understood that two weeks of healing was a very short time for such an injury, but still it was frustrating.

Ten minutes later and the object of her desire appeared. Janet kicked off her shoes, loosened her top button and discarded her crossover tie. She sat down next to Sam and leaned over for a languid kiss. Immediately Sam felt the tension in Janet's body. Sitting back slightly she asked the question with her eyes, guessing correctly what was coming. The doctor sighed heavily. "We need to talk about the progress of your arm."

"Medical discharge?" Sam asked tentatively.

"It's still too soon to say but you have to think of it as a possibility."

"I have."

Janet raised a surprised eyebrow.

"The last two months have taught me some things." Sam began; her confidence for expressing herself not having diminished since her discharge from the infirmary.

"The first thing is that you, Janet Fraiser, are the most important person in my life and I need to learn to respect and treat you properly. I found out the hard way that I can't live happily without you in my life."

Janet had snagged Sam's hand and was rubbing her thumb encouragingly over her knuckles. Sam felt a shiver of warmth run down her at the contact. She continued, "I also learned that I could be gainfully employed in the labs at the SGC for the next ten years and still not scratch the surface of all the technology. If I recover enough to return to active duty I probably will; but if I don't then I don't."

The thing with protracted recovery was the time it left for thought. And Sam had made a conscious effort not to push uncomfortable topics away as she usually did, but to really be honest with herself and try to work everything through. It hadn't been easy to break her old habits, but seeing Janet everyday had kept her resolve firm.

The possible ending of her career had been the hardest thing to face. But she had found support from Daniel and more surprisingly the Colonel. However, she was still quite shocked that she was sitting here discussing it so calmly. "And either way, there will be no more all nighters, no more weekend working, no more coffee fuelled twenty-four hour stints." She paused and then grinned. "Except in times of galactic emergencies."

Janet raised Sam's hand to her mouth and kissed it gently, trying to prevent the tears she felt from falling. She still couldn't believe that this wonderful, amazing woman who she had so carelessly discarded wanted them to have a life together. That Sam could forgive her totally for what had gone before.

"I want our family to work Janet." The blonde continued, "I have never felt so complete as I do when I'm with you. But you know, I also learned you have to work at those things too. Only taken me thirty years to figure it out; so much for genius."

Janet appeared to have stopped listening and when Sam looked at her, she had a puzzled expression on her face. Squeezing Sam's hand gently, Janet rose from the couch and moved to look in the kitchen. It was spotless. "Have you been cooking?" she asked.

"Yep." Sam smirked.

"What?"

"Lasagna."

"Where is it?"

"In the oven."

"Doesn't smell burnt."

"Nope."

As Janet stepped back, Sam snagged her hand and pulled the doctor forcefully towards her. Janet straddled Sam's good leg, causing her skirt to ride up her thighs, exposing the tops of her stockings. Sam swallowed audibly as she felt the brunette's heat through her pants. With her good hand she drew Janet's head down for a kiss, heated and passionate. Pulling apart, they stared at each other, desire unrestrained. Sam dropped her left arm to Janet's thigh and slowly teased the skirt higher, so when she looked down she could see panties. Her breath hitched and she smirked as her fingers danced up the doctor's leg. Leaning close to her lover's ear she whispered, "You know I'm ambidextrous don't you?"

Janet could do nothing more than moan her appreciation.

End