Area 52: No Consequences

If you knew in advance that everything is always going to go back to the way it was, you could do anything, for as long as you want, without having to worry about consequences.

Way to go, Danny. You had to go and put that thought into my head, didn't you? I was willing to sit here day after day like a good colonel and learn Latin and have the Ancients' language crammed into my brain again, but you had to bring up the idea of 'no consequences.' Could do whatever I want. For as long as I want. No consequences.

Okay, so I did the obvious stuff. Kissed Carter. In front of Hammond yet. What C.O. wouldn't want to do that to a 2IC as gorgeous as Carter? Hit a golf ball through the Stargate; hey, I hit that ball clear out of the *galaxy*. Rode a bicycle through the hallways. But that was easy stuff, kids stuff. The kind of stuff that really doesn't matter and doesn't have any consequences because I was just fooling around and it didn't mean anything.

But now I've screwed my courage up to do something that *isn't* small stuff. This is Big Stuff with capital letters. This could have consequences all the way to my heart.

His arms full of 400 pages of alien text, Daniel is heading out of his office when I step inside and catch him by the shoulders. "You'll be better off in here," I tell him and gently push him back inside.

"I know." He's got the light of passion in his eyes, only it's passion for knowledge, for an answer, *the* answer. He doesn't quite believe this time loop thing, but Teal'c and I have told them enough for him to realize there's something going on, and he's sure the answer is probably somewhere in those 400 pages. By now I know this conversation by heart, and this is not how I want it to go this time.

No consequences. I take a deep breath and shut the door behind me, then step up to him. He's pointing to his computer screen.

Not giving myself a moment to reconsider, I frame his face with my hands and lean in, pressing my lips to his. He stiffens and makes a little sound of surprise, but he doesn't struggle.

I feel like the biggest coward in the world. The only reason I've got guts enough to do this is because I know he won't remember it, won't hate me later, won't be disgusted every time he sees me, won't go to Hammond and ask for a transfer to another team because his trusted best friend and C.O. just put the moves on him. But this may be the only chance I get... to taste, to touch, to have. I've wanted this for so long, wanted *him* for so long, but I knew it was impossible, for all of those reasons and more.

Oh God, the taste of him. Soft lips, sweet mouth, his smell all around me. My hand slips around the back of his head, my fingers sliding into his thick, silky hair as I pull him even deeper into the kiss. I drink in everything, every sensation of touch, his lips against mine, his breath on my skin, every sound, every smell, and lock it away inside me because I know this is all I'm ever going to have. Because when the time loop starts again, this won't even have happened as far as Daniel's concerned. But it's all too real to me.

Only a desperate need for air forces me away from him. I pull back slowly, moving my hands to rest lightly on his shoulders and reluctantly meeting his gaze. His blue eyes are huge behind his glasses...and a little dazed. He stares at me for what seems like an eternity, then he suddenly draws a breath as if just remembering to breathe. I remove my hands from his shoulders and take a step back, out of his personal space.

He blinks once, twice, then raises a hand - an unsteady hand - and fumbles with his glasses for a moment. "What --" He stops and clears his throat. "What was that?"

That was a kiss, Danny. That was me showing you how much I love you and taking the chance I could never take in 'real life'. That was me making probably the biggest mistake of my life because now I don't know if I can walk away and forget about it...and I know you will.

Expressions chase themselves across his face as he stares at me: confusion, surprise, wariness, something else I can't quite identify. I have to get out of here. It was a mistake to come here like this - no consequences my ass. But as I look at his face, those sweet lips swollen with my kiss, I can't stop the hand that reaches out and cups the side of his face. He's got that deer-in-the-headlights look, eyes wide and unblinking, mouth slightly open. Totally, completely edible. If I don't get out of here now I'm going to kiss him again

"That was 'I love you', Daniel," I tell him quietly, then do a quick about-face and leave his office, shutting the door firmly behind me. I don't hesitate once I'm in the hallway, I keep moving, stride long and purposeful, face determinedly blank. Two more hours until the loop hits again, until we're in the commissary, me eating my fruit loops, Daniel asking for my opinion on something I can't even remember him telling me about. Two hours. I can hide for two hours, and then this will never have happened. At least for Daniel.

I can't believe I'm here again. I can't believe I've got him in my arms again, my lips pressed to his, my hand cupping the back of his head. I shouldn't be doing this. Just once, I'd promised myself. Just the once to get it out of my system. But that's the problem; it didn't get it out of my system. If anything that first taste just increased my need for more. Just one more time. Just one more memory to tuck away inside me that I can take out on cold, lonely nights.

As long as we're stuck in this time loop, why not? I mean, Daniel won't remember it, so it's not like I'm hurting him, right? I'd never hurt him. Never.

I know the warmth of his lips now, the muffled sound of surprise he makes when I press against him, the feel of his hair as I crunch it gently between my fingers, the way his body fits against mine. It's so familiar now, like coming home. It feels right; just like we're supposed to be here like this. But, of course, we're not.

This isn't really happening, at least, not to Daniel. But it's happening to me, and has happened every ten hours since... how long has it been? I've lost count of the loops. Lost count of the number of times I've come here to his office and have taken him in my arms and...lost myself. He has never struggled, never protested, never tried to push me away. But he always looks startled and surprised afterwards, always stares at me with those huge, dazed eyes, and that's the only thing that reminds me that while this has become a familiar and cherished experience for me, for Daniel it's always an inexplicable surprise. It's that look on his face that always drops my heart straight to my boots, that reminds me this isn't real for him, that it isn't really happening.

**Let me ask you something. In all the times that you were looping, were you ever tempted to do something crazy? I mean, you could do anything without worrying about consequences.**

I keep seeing Daniel's face across from me in the commissary when he asked that question. He had that openly curious look he wears so often, silently asking permission to share the joke if there was one. Oh yeah, there's a joke all right, Danny, and it's on me.

What I did to Carter - one kiss which meant nothing - was a prank, nothing more. A juvenile prank at that. But what I did to Daniel...going back day after day after day and taking advantage of the fact that he wouldn't remember, using that to protect myself and have a taste of what I so desperately wished I had...that was no prank. I didn't hurt him, and knowing that is the only way I can live with myself now. No, the one who had had his heart ripped out and tap-danced on is yours truly.

I can almost forgive myself for that first time. It took me long enough to put a name to what I feel for Daniel. It wasn't until Kira showed up on the scene that it finally hit me why I felt a jealous rage sweep through me every time they looked at each other. I could and did deal with love without hope. But then I got careless and let myself forget there was no hope. Now how am I supposed to deal with that?

I pull another beer out of the refrigerator and go back to my living room. Maybe if I drink enough of these tonight I'll be able to show up at the SGC after our two days of stand-down and be able to face Daniel again. I give a vicious twist to remove the beer cap and toss it onto the coffee table. Fuck! How in the hell am I supposed to look at him and work with him and smell him and sleep beside him off-world and forget I love him? O'Neill, you have fucked yourself but good this time, and you have nobody to blame but yourself. And I'll tell you this, you can't change how you treat Daniel because of this. You know damn well he'll notice something's wrong and he'll think *he* did something. So you just suck it up and pretend like you never held him in your arms and you never kissed him and you never fantasized about how it would be to bury yourself in him and --

The sudden sound of the doorbell ringing yanks me back to reality with the effectiveness of a cold shower. For a moment I consider not answering; the last thing I want right now is company. But I pull myself to my feet with a sinking heart and cross the room to the door. The lights are on for all to see, and besides, I don't exactly get a lot of drop-in company. There is really only one person who feels free to come by at any and all hours, and he's not going to go away just because I don't answer the door.

Taking a deep breath to steel myself, I change the expression on my face to one of casual surprise and open the door. And there he is. His face is in the shadows, but he's got his arms wrapped around his chest in what I've come to recognize as his 'self-defense' mode. Not a casual visit then. He's got something on his mind. I close my eyes briefly. I should've just turned the lights off and spent the night in the dark.

*Yeahsureyoubet'cha. Daniel, why do you think I spent an hour dodging you before I managed to get the hell off the base? Can't you take a hint?* No, of course not. As long as I've known Daniel, have I ever known him to take a hint? With a stifled sigh, I stand aside and wave him inside, reminding myself I have no one else to blame for how I'm feeling right now, and I have no right to take that out on Daniel. As far as he's concerned, those kisses - those almost *three months* of kisses and holding him in my arms and declarations of love - never happened.

I close the door on the cold air as he walks past me into the living room. But instead of taking his usual seat on the sofa, he turns to face me, arms still folded across his chest. Now that I can see his expression in the light it's a little disconcerting to realize I can't read his mood at all. "Get you a beer?"

He shakes his head. "No, thanks. I want to ask you something." Without waiting for me to say yea or nay, he dives in. "When I asked you if you'd done anything...crazy while you were looping without having to worry about consequences, you told us about the golf in the gate room and riding a bicycle in the hallways and that kind of...stuff." He pauses gives me a disconcertingly direct look. "Was that it, Jack? Was that all you did, knowing there wouldn't be any...fallout?"

I feel something constrict in my chest. My heart, no doubt, squeezing itself dry. My first panicked thought is: what gave me away? But then I remember Carter sitting there at the breakfast table, and that little look I couldn't help giving her, and I let out a sigh of relief. That was it. Daniel caught that. Well, I can 'fess up to that. I make a face, realizing how juvenile it's going to sound, but admit, "Yeah, well, I couldn't exactly say this in front of Carter, but I kissed her."

That sort of *explodes* out of Daniel, and I blink at him. His mouth is set in a tight line and his blue eyes are sparking, and I wonder what the hell his problem is. "It was just a kiss," I say defensively. "It's not like it meant anything. I kissed her in front of Hammond, for cryin' out loud!" Somehow my voice had gotten louder and I take a breath. "And only once," I add in a mumble.

He's giving me a damned suspicious look, but finally he nods as if satisfied. "I see. And you've always wanted to...do that, I suppose."

He screws his face up, but quickly looks down and gives a little shrug. "Maybe." Then he looks at me from over his glasses. "But just once."

I don't know whether he means he only thought about it once or is asking me if I really only did it once, but I nod.

"And that's it? All those opportunities - three months worth of loops - and that's all you did?"

"Well, I spent a lot of that time learning Latin and the Ancients' language," I point out with asperity. "It didn't leave me a whole lot of time for anything else." *Let it go, Daniel, just let it go, please. I hate lying to you, but I can't tell you the truth.*

He stares at me a moment longer, that same odd expression on his face, then gives a tight, little smile. "I guess I thought you had more imagination than that, Jack."

*You have no idea, Danny. Now, please leave.* I shrug and say lightly, "Sorry to disappoint."

His mouth tightens a fraction and I find myself staring at his lips, remembering how they felt pressed against mine, remembering those sweet kisses I stole, remembering the smell of him, the texture of his hair between my fingers, his hard, warm body in my arms... *Jesus! Stop it, O'Neill! That wasn't real.*

I blink hard, bringing him into focus, and damn near swallow my tongue. When the hell did he get so close? He's standing right in front of me, so close I can smell the familiar scent of him, can look right into those blue eyes that, for some reason, are filled with confusion and...hurt. Ohmygod. What did I say? What did I do? I didn't say anything and I didn't do anything, I tell myself firmly. I was just standing here. Spacing out a bit, fantasizing a bit, but I didn't do or say anything. He doesn't know. But why is he looking at me like that? Like I've just hurt him so badly...

I start to reach out to catch his arm, to pull him back, to bring him back to me, in my arms, but stop myself just in time. It wasn't real.

He's only two steps away when he suddenly stops and turns back, fierce determination on his face. Taking the two steps back, he stops right in front of me, frames my face with his hands, then leans in and presses his lips to mine. I feel the electric shock of his contact race through me as my body reacts to the wonderful familiarity of it. My arms go around him, bringing him closer, my hand cupping the back of his head, relishing the feel of that soft hair sliding between my fingers. Only this kiss is different from all the others I stole from him in his office because this time he's kissing back with everything he's got. And he's apparently got quite a lot.

When we finally break apart we're both gasping for breath, but it's only then my brain kicks into gear and I stare at him in horror. He knows. My God, he...

The hurt is still in his eyes and his voice is a little rough as he says, "We broke the loop when we went back to the planet and stopped the machine. So I remember." He looks away, blinking rapidly. "But no consequences, right?"

This time when he turns away I do grab his arm and quickly pull him around. There's so much hurt in his eyes I feel like the biggest bastard on the planet. No consequences? Oh Christ, what have I done?

I take a moment to try to gather my scattered thoughts. *You lied to me.* He's hurt. He's as hurt as I've ever seen him. Why? Because he knows I walked into his office and kissed him and then wouldn't admit it? *Think*, O'Neill. Don't blow this. You know this guy better than you know anyone in the galaxy. Would he look this...devastated because of that? No. Daniel might be embarrassed and irritated, and make me pay for the next six months in ways that involve more than daily cups of Starbucks coffee, but he wouldn't look like this. Then the answer comes to me in a flash.

My hand is actually trembling as I reach out and carefully cup the side of his face. I feel him flinch a little, but he stands his ground. "I didn't tell you the truth about what I did," I admit, "but that was only because I didn't think you'd want to know, and I never thought you'd remember it. I know that doesn't make it right, but I didn't think it would hurt anyone." I rub my thumb gently along his cheek. "I was wrong," I tell him softly. "It killed me to walk away from you every single time knowing you'd never remember it, that it hadn't even happened as far as you were concerned."

"Every time?" A number of expressions chase themselves over Daniel's mobile face before he clears his throat. "How many...?"

"Well, not exactly three months because it was a while before I started... you know." I falter a bit at the end because he's watching me with that wide-eyed, unblinking stare of his.

It's part statement, part question, part accusation, and I roll my eyes. "Because that didn't mean anything."

"And all those times you came into my office *did*?" He doesn't give me a chance to answer. "Was it the same every time?" he demands, looking away. "You walked in and kissed me? And I just stood there?"

I grin a little at his description. "Pretty much." I tilt my head, and wait until he looks back before reminding him gently, "But you forgot one part." He looks down quickly, hiding his eyes with those long lashes, but I see his cheeks darken and take the opportunity to stroke one of those blushing cheeks with my thumb. "The part where I told you I love you."

I hold his head gently between my two hands and force him to look at me. "Jesus, Daniel, why do you think? I was scared shitless!"

There's definitely something going on in that beautiful head of his; I can almost hear his brain going into overdrive as he tries to make sense of this. "So, you came into my office and kissed me and...told me, you know, and then left, and you did this...what? A dozen times? Two dozen?"

He stares at me for a moment. "And you remember all those times, and I don't." I'm not sure what his point is, but at least he isn't looking so damned hurt anymore, so I relax a little. Suddenly he gives me a look from under his lashes. "Well, that sounds a little one-sided." He juts his chin out challengingly. "Care to try that when you know I'm going to remember it?"

There's a certain amount of exasperation in Daniel's tone as he retorts, "I wouldn't still be standing here if I didn't want you to, Jack."

Well, that's a point. This time when I lean in, he meets me halfway. And this time there's nothing one-sided about it. My arms are around him, his are around me. My hand cups the back of his head and I feel his pressing on mine to bring me closer. We're wrapped around each other, *devouring* each other. I tease his lips with my tongue, and he opens immediately, inviting me in. At first I explore him tentatively, but his little moans of appreciation and approval spur me on and I give him the kind of examination ol' Doc Fraiser would be proud of.

When we finally part, both gasping, he rests his forehead against mine and sighs happily. "Now, that's 'I love you'."

I grip his head between my hands and pull him back so I can look him directly in the eyes. That heartbreaking look of hurt and confusion is gone. It's all happiness now and the kind of peace I last saw when I left him on Abydos after that first mission. Oh boy. I did that. Me. Jack O'Neill. I put that there. But that doesn't excuse... "Danny, I'm sorry for the way I...you know."

He looks down, but not before I see the grin he's trying to bite back. When he looks back up, he's all wide-eyed innocence. "Um hmmm." He absorbs himself in playing with my hair and I can see the delight in his eyes as he tests the texture with his fingers. I shift a little; whether he knows it or not, the feel of his fingers gently massaging my scalp is incredibly arousing. The look he shoots me from under his lashes tells me he knows exactly what he's doing to me. "Well, the way I look at it, Jack, you've got all these memories I don't have. So I think it's only fair if we start making some memories I do remember."

I nuzzle the side of his mouth, breathing in the scent of him. "Oh, I like the sound of that. Sounds...long-term."

I feel him stiffen in my arms as he realizes what he said. When he shoots me an anxious little glance, I spend several delightful moments reassuring him. Permanent? Oh you, bet'cha, Danny. "Nice to know we agree on that," I murmur when I finally release him to breathe.

No Consequences

by Brenda