April's Follies

by Belladonna

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asb/belladonna/aprilsfo.php
Summary: John and Rodney face an accusation of Conduct Unbecoming. Is it April yet?

John was working in his office, plowing through paperwork. Not willingly, but Elizabeth had threatened to confiscate all of the new movies if she didn't get his reports. And since he wasn't in the mood to get lynched by everyone in Atlantis...

"Hey, I'm hungry," Rodney said as he poked his head in.

"I've got to get these done," John said morosely. "Elizabeth threatened me with lynching."

"What?" Rodney gasped.

"Not ~lynching~, lynching," John amended. "She said if I don't hand in my reports then she would confiscate all of the new movies."

"Wow," Rodney said, impressed despite himself. "That's positively Machiavellian. I didn't know she had it in her."

John grunted, then brightened. "Can you bring me something?"

"Consider it done," Rodney said grandly and disappeared.

~~

Elizabeth saw Rodney as he passed by with an overloaded tray. "Dr. McKay, can I see you for a moment?"

Rodney stopped, sighed and turned around. "What is it, Elizabeth? Our lunches are getting cold."

"I wanted to give you a heads up," Elizabeth said quickly before she lost his attention. "Colonel Sheppard is going to be brought up on charges unbecoming."

"Is it April already?" Rodney asked with a frown.

"What?" Elizabeth replied, confused.

"Whatever," Rodney shook his head. "I've got to get this to the Major. I'll see you later," he said and took off.

~~

John looked up with a smile as Rodney came into the office. "Thankgod, I thought my stomach was trying to eat my backbone," he said dramatically, reaching for one of the not-beef sandwiches, which were pretty good.

"You're welcome," Rodney said sarcastically, then took a huge bite of his own sandwich and said, "Elizabeth said something about you being charged for something?"

"Is it April already?" John asked as he finished chewing and took another bite.

Rodney waved a hand. "~That's~ what I said!"

John shrugged and continued to eat. He was almost finished with his reports and was looking to an afternoon of harassing Rodney and watching the movies he'd liberated.

The door to his office opened and Caldwell stood there, radiating displeasure. "I've been looking for you everywhere, Sheppard!"

John blinked. "I've been right here."

Caldwell sighed. Of course. Sheppard was ~never~ in his office, but the first time he went to look for him then that's where he would be. Murphy's Law at it's best. "There's been a formal complaint registered to bring you up on charges for conduct unbecoming."

John twisted in his seat to glare at Rodney. "You said it wasn't April!"

"I didn't think it was!" Rodney pointed out sharply. He looked at Caldwell. "Ha Ha, Happy April Fool's. Tell Elizabeth that it was a good try."

Caldwell blinked, then sighed. "Oh for...I'm not kidding and it's not April yet. Don't you ever look at the calendar?"

"Why? The seasons don't match Earth's so we kinda use the Athosian calendar," John said philosophically.

"It's the month of the huge ugly bugs that land on everything," Rodney said.

"Marcada," John corrected.

"That's what I said!" Rodney griped.

"Gentlemen," Caldwell interrupted with what he considered vast patience for the Mutt and Jeff show. "I'm not joking."

"Conduct unbecoming," Rodney asked after he took a large gulp of coffee. "For what in particular?"

"Colonel, I think we should discuss this alone," Caldwell said after an uncomfortable pause.

Serious now, John shook his head. "I have no secrets from Rodney. You may as well spill it, sir."

"You're in an inappropriate sexual relationship with Dr. McKay," Caldwell blurted out impatiently.

Both John and Rodney looked blankly at Caldwell, then collapsed into wild laughter.

Bewildered, Caldwell watched as the two men laughed like hyenas. "What is so funny?" he demanded after their third or fourth explosion of laughter.

"It was Kavanaugh, wasn't it?" Rodney asked while wiping tears of laughter off of his face. "He's always been after Sheppard's ass."

"Ew," John said with a face. "Give me nightmares, why don't ya?"

"Sorry," Rodney chuckled.

"For the love of..." Caldwell sighed impatiently. "Then you deny the charges?"

"Deny, laugh in the face of, smirk at the backside of," Rodney said and laughed again. "The Colonel and I have never been in a sexual relationship. He's Kirk, remember? And I'm still carrying hope that Colonel Carter will realize what a gem I am and sweep me off of my very brilliant feet."

"Ohgod!" John rolled his eyes. "Please. Talk about dreaming. It's never gonna happen Rodney."

"It so will too!" Rodney challenged. "At least she's human and not a wanna-be glow–in-the-dark squid person!"

"Leave Chaya out of this!" John snapped.

"We're talking about hopeless romance, remember?" Rodney sniped.

~~

Caldwell was on his way back to Earth, the complaint in his hands as he remembered that argument that he'd left in the middle of. They bickered just like a married couple, and if they weren't doing it now, he gave it no time at all before they looked at each other and realized their feelings.

He shook his head and chuckled as he wrote his comments that the complaint was petty bullshit of an unhappy scientist and nothing inappropriate was going on.

~~

They were back through the gate, John was bleeding on the floor and Rodney was screaming for Carson, when the men's eyes met and it clicked. And they knew. John smiled, hazel eyes filled with love and barely concealed pain and Rodney put his forehead to the wounded man's.

"Don't you dare die on me, you sonofabitch!" he ground out. "Now that we've finally figured it out I want the sex that's been denied me!"

And John laughed, even as Carson knelt beside them and started clucking as he checked John's wounds. "Don't worry, Rodney. I don't leave unfinished business," he said, and promptly passed out.

"Carson?" Rodney whispered desperately.

Carson patted Rodney on the shoulder. "He'll be up and torturing ye, lad, in no time."

"Thankgod," Rodney said and stood, his hand clutching John's tightly as they rolled the unconscious man to the infirmary, leaving Ronon and Teyla to explain to Elizabeth how everything went to hell in a hand-basket.

~~

And when Caldwell came back with the Daedulus, he didn't even blink when he heard the rumor that Sheppard and McKay were sharing quarters.