What Is Beyond The Tears

by Belladonna

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asb/belladonna/tears.php
Summary: It's September 11th, 2001 and the day holds a revelation for two men

Daniel smiled at Jack. "Thanks."

Jack shrugged as he checked Daniel's straps. "Sure. No biggie."

Sam snorted. "And you didn't need to go to that budget meeting anyway," she teased.

Jack grinned at her. "Well, there is that. I'd rather see Dannyboy here expound on the Goa'uld flavor of the moment than watch a bunch of clueless desk jockeys tell me why I can't have better weapons for my troops."

"So I'm the lesser of two evils?" Daniel pouted at Jack.

Teal'c inclined his head. "Indeed."

The whole team burst into laughter.

They were waiting patiently near the gate ramp when they heard a slight commotion up in the control room.

Sergeant Davis announced over the PA, "Colonel O'Neill, the mission has been scrubbed. You've been called upstairs. There's been an emergency, sir."

Jack immediately handed off his weapon to the SF by his side, then shrugged off his pack and handed that off, too. "Come on kids, it's almost 0800. What can possibly be happening already on such a pretty September day?"

++++

Four flights above SGC's space in Cheyenne Mountain, inside NORAD's control room, total chaos reigned as SG-1and General Hammond walked in. The general in command looked up, his face lighting up with relief. "Colonel O'Neill, General Hammond, thank God you're here. There's been a reported hijacking."

A lieutenant piped up, "Several hijackings, sir."

Jack's eyes met Hammond's, then looked over at the commander of NORAD. "Um, have you called the FBI? We don't usually handle hijackings."

"The FAA doesn't know what to do, and we haven't received any orders. I assume that the FAA called the FBI," the general said.

It had taken the SGC team a little over 5 minutes to get through the security checkpoint and into the NORAD control center. So when the general said, 'I assume the FAA called the FBI,' there was a long pause, then gasps of horror as they all watched one of the TVs that were kept on for news coverage.

"Sir, it's too late," Carter murmured.

Jack glanced at his watch. It was 0747. Along with the others, he moved close to the TV and watched the horror unfold as the smoke billowed from the north tower of the World Trade Center.

"It's just a horrible tragedy," said one of the news anchors.

"Sir, the FAA confirms that the aircraft that hit the World Trade Center was one of the hijacked planes, and that there are at least three more!"

Jack spun around. "Scramble fighters and shoot them down! This is a terrorist attack!"

The general paled. "The only available fighters we have ready on the east coast are armed with bombs. The rest are participating in an exercise with the Canadians. Besides, we need Presidential authority, and we haven't heard anything!"

Jack and General Hammond exchanged a quick glance, then Hammond headed to an office to make calls. Jack quickly moved to the console with the lieutenant. "Notify the bases to get missiles set up and ready for their F-15 and 16's immediately! We need to get them back in the air ASAP"

"Yes, sir," he said.

Hammond shook his head as he pulled Jack aside. "We need permission to shoot down civilian aircraft, Jack!"

"We can't shoot down ~anything~ without missiles, Chet!" Jack told the NORAD commander sharply, "They'll at least be prepared!"

It took a few minutes before they got the news that Otis AFB had scrambled two F-15's. "Send them supersonic. Get the FAA to give them the co-ordinates to the closest hijacked aircraft," Jack ordered calmly.

"Yes, sir," The lieutenant said, speaking into his headset.

There were several minutes of tense quiet. The rest of SG-1 and various other personnel were watching the TV when there was another groan and more sounds of horror.

"Jack, the second tower was just hit," Daniel said.

Jack made a face. "Tell the fighters to ask the FAA for more contacts." He heaved a sigh and then glanced over at Hammond as he walked back in. "The President is at a public event. They'll get the message to him as soon as possible," Hammond said quietly.

"Well, this is bad." Jack said, spinning around to the lieutenant. "Get all aircraft into the skies anyway"

"Yes, sir! Sir, we're receiving flak from some of the bases. They said we don't have the authority to send their aircraft out."

"Ohfercryinoutloud," Jack said. He looked over at Hammond. "Maybe you can goose them, sir?"

"I'll try, Jack," the general said and put on a set of headphones.

At 0837 there was a crawler across the bottom of the TV screen. One of the airmen announced, "Sir, the Pentagon was just hit!"

"Jesus," Jack said. "Maybe they'll get off their asses and send those planes up now?"

Jack looked around for Daniel. He knew that Daniel and Davis were together, and this would shake Daniel up. "Danny? You okay?"

Daniel looked around at him. "Just keep doing what you can, Jack," he ordered quietly. His blue eyes were dark with sorrow and all that Jack could do was nod and put his attention back on the fighters.

General Hammond, who had been vociferously arguing, was now speaking quietly. "Yes, the Pentagon was hit. General, you need to get your planes in the air now. Thank you." He pulled the headphones off wearily. "They're putting them into the air. Anything from the President?"

"No, sir, they can't get us through yet."

At 0859 one of the sergeants announced, "Sir, we have Colonel Marc Fellows, who says he's on a hijacked aircraft!"

Jack looked up. "I know him. We flew together in Iraq."

"Put it on speaker, son," Hammond ordered. The lieutenant nodded, and they could hear the panicked breathing and muffled noises from a phone. It had gone silent in the control center.

"Marc, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill."

"Jack, thank God. Listen, I'm on United Flight 93 out of Newark to San Fran." His breathing was the quick sound of an adrenaline rush. "They've already killed one person."

"Ok, give me your status," Jack ordered.

"There at least three of them, and the cockpit is already compromised. " There was a muffled voice, then the colonel came back on, "Some of guys are going to head up and stop them, Jack."

"Marc, there were several hijackings today. They're trying to kill the maximum amount of people."

"God, so it's true. Tell Katie and my kids that I love them. Just a minute." There was more muffled sounds, then he came back on. "Tell Katie and the kids that I did this for my country. Jack?"

"Yeah, Marc."

"Get the bastards."

"We will."

"Okay, here we go. We're headed up to the front. God bless."

"You too, Marc," Jack said back.

The sounds of people yelling could be heard, since the cellphone had obviously been left on. They heard more shouting, then cries of panic, then a loud noise, and then nothing.

"Lieutenant?" Jack asked quietly, looking over at the pale kid at the console.

"I'm sorry, sir. I think they're gone."

"May God have mercy on their souls," Jack said softly.

"O'Neill, are we at war?" Teal'c asked.

Jack looked over and noticed that just about everyone was watching him. He was Colonel Jack O'Neill, a renowned commander, a combat vet and POW of the Gulf War, and he just didn't have the answers they thought he did. "If we're not, we will be soon," he replied grimly.

++++

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. After the second tower was hit, the President finally gave permission for military action at 1056, but by the time NORAD and the various military commanders got the orders, it was already too late. The four planes that had been hijacked had already crashed, the World Trade Centers were on the verge of collapse, and America's innocence was lost forever.

The mountain was in lockdown. After the series of fuckups that had shown America that they could be hit, and hit hard, security for every US base all over the world was now heavily augmented, and there were no aircraft in the skies over the United States except military jets from every base. Nothing like shutting the barn door after the horse had already bolted.

It was late when Daniel realized that he hadn't seen Jack in a while. He checked the cafeteria, the infirmary, his quarters, then had an idea for one more place to try.

Jack sat in the control room all alone, staring at the powered down gate. The hijackings, the flight number of a certain aircraft burned into his brain, the loss of an old friend, the towers coming down, the Pentagon, all of it made him wonder if the Nox were right. The Tau'ri were way too young. Was it worth it? The fighting off world when the enemies on world were just as dangerous. "It is worth it?" he asked out loud.

"Yes," came Daniel's voice from behind him.

"Hey, Danny." Jack felt his friend walk over and sit beside him, shoving him gently with his shoulder.

"It's worth it, Jack." Daniel paused as he looked at the gate. "It's all worth it. We have the soldiers to fight the war here. But we're the soldiers that have to fight offworld, because if we don't, then our world doesn't have a future to learn in."

"You lived in Egypt," Jack said. "I was in the Gulf War. All we do is try to help them, yet they stay pissed at us. Sure, we like the oil that we get from them, but jeez, what else can we do? If we let stuff happen, then the international community crucifies us for not doing anything." Jack's voice trailed off as he soaked up Daniel's calming presence.

"Hey, you heard from Davis yet?"

Daniel sighed, "Yeah, he's okay. Wasn't there when it happened."

"Good."

They sat in companionable silence, both watching the powered down gate.

"Life is so uncertain," Jack began.

"I know," Daniel said somberly, but his lips twitched.

Jack shoved the archeologist with his own shoulder. "For most people, you little shit."

Daniel chuckled. "Sorry."

"Sure you are." Jack smiled but didn't look at Daniel. He couldn't, not with his heart pounding so hard. He took a deep breath, "I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe stuff like today makes people realize that they shouldn't take the ones that they love for granted."

Daniel nodded wisely. "A lot of families will be happy to see their loved ones tonight."

Jack gave an exasperated sigh. "Well, yeah, but that's not what I meant."

Puzzled, Daniel turned to face Jack. "Okay, what ~do~ you mean?"

'Take a deep breath O'Neill,' Jack said to himself. He looked at his best friend. "I love you, Daniel Jackson."

Daniel's eyes went a little wide. "Um, I love you too, Jack. You, and Sam and Teal'c are my family."

This made Jack chuckle. "Oy." He stood abruptly, then urged Daniel to his feet. Jack then pulled him to his chest, wrapping his arms around Daniel. "I love ~you~." And he pressed a warm kiss to the astonished man's lips.

Daniel stood stunned as Jack pulled away, his smile wry.

"I'm gonna head to bed," Jack said softly. "You should, too." He caressed Daniel's cheek, then turned and left the control room.

Daniel watched Jack walk away in shock. Jack loved him? He sank back down. His legs just wouldn't hold him. He'd never thought, never dreamed that Jack cared for him in that way. As far as he'd known, Jack was straight.

"Oh damn it, Jack," Daniel sighed. He'd been with Paul Davis for a year, putting his dream of ever having Jack in his life behind him. Now what was he supposed to do?

++++

Sitting on his bunk in his lock down quarters, Jack studied his shaking hands for a moment, then sighed and put them on his lap. He'd eaten his heart out over Daniel and Davis, had seen Daniel's concern when the plane had slammed into the Pentagon. Well, now he'd thrown his hat into the ring, and he'd see where it took him.

++++

Late the next day, Daniel sat in his quarters, his mind studying the puzzle of Jack, over and over. He knew that Jack knew about Paul and him. And if you'd asked Daniel on September 10th, he'd have said that Jack was straight as a ruler. Now this. Daniel's dream dangled in front of him, but was the price worth it?

Paul Davis lay on his bed, his phone in hand as he listened to it ring. He was sad and weary from working all day at the Pentagon, helping retrieve the bodies of friends. He heard the phone pick up.

Daniel said, "Hello?"

"Daniel, it's me."

"Paul, how are you?" The concern in Daniel's voice revived him, and he smiled wryly. "Crappy. I just want to be able to get the bastards who did this."

"Jack says it's Osama Bin Laden."

Paul grunted. "The colonel is probably right. God knows he's right about everything else."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Daniel asked in surprise.

Now Paul suppressed a sigh. He'd forgotten how loyal Daniel was. "I wasn't being critical. Only that if the top brass had listened to him and had the planes shot down, then we'd not be in this much of a mess. Even with the shit here, it's all over about what happened at NORAD yesterday."

Daniel shook his head. "You Air Force guys gossip worse than a bunch of fucking women."

Paul laughed. "You know it."

They both chuckled a little, then Daniel let out a deep sigh. "Paul, when you get a chance to come out here, we need to talk. About Jack."

The tone that Daniel used rang alarm bells in Paul, "Why?"

"Jack came to me," Daniel said obliquely, knowing that Paul would understand.

"No, Daniel." Paul shook his head, panic in his heart. He'd known that Daniel loved Colonel O'Neill, had known when he'd made his play for the archeologist. Daniel had been scrupulously honest when they'd first gotten together, telling him, "Paul, I'm not going to be able to give you 100%. I love Jack, and he has my heart." Paul had ridiculously thought that it would be enough.

"Paul." This was said so quietly that the pain in his throat made him swallow hard.

"There won't be any flights for awhile," Paul said.

"I know. I promised I would never lie to you, Paul."

"I know," Paul whispered. He had to hang up, to pick his heart off of the floor without letting Daniel hear. "I'll call you when I can," he said and hung up carefully. He stared at the ceiling for a long while.

++++

The rest of the week went by, and Jack treated Daniel as he always had, with gruff affection and the usual teasing. It confused Daniel. His eyes would search out Jack's, but Jack would only smile, then start talking to Teal'c or whoever else was around.

Jack was walking down the passageway on the Monday after flights were allowed again, turning a corner to the corridor where his office was, when he came face to face with Major Davis.

"Colonel," Davis said in a clipped voice, gray green eyes burning in the handsome face.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Major Davis. I didn't know you were here at the mountain."

Paul ruthlessly pushed down the urge to punch the colonel. "We need to talk."

'Ah, Daniel spoke with him already,' Jack thought to himself. He nodded. "Okay, but not here. Barring alien incursion, meet me at O'Malley's." He looked at his watch. "At 2000."

"Yes, sir." Paul spun on his heel and walked off.

Jack suspected he was walking towards Daniel's office, but for once Jack was wrong. Daniel didn't know that Paul was there. Usually Paul stayed with Daniel when he came to Colorado Springs, but this time he was in a hotel.

At 1945 Jack walked into the restaurant and got them a private table, ordering a beer for himself as he waited. At 5 'til Paul came in and was directed to his table. He watched the younger man settle himself down across from him. With a sigh, Jack asked him, "Do you want a beer?"

"No, sir," Paul said stiffly.

"Christ, Davis, with what we're about to talk about, ya think we could lose the 'sir'?"

The waitress came and took Paul's order for an ice tea, returning almost immediately with it. She asked if they wanted any dinner, but they both shook their head's 'no'.

"You want me to call you Jack?"

"Yeah, call me Jack, and I'll call you Davis."

"My name is Paul."

Jack's eyes narrowed. "Okay. Paul."

"So, Jack. Why now?" Paul asked.

Jack took a swallow of his beer. "Why let Daniel know how I feel about him?"

Paul nodded. "He was sure, hell, ~I~ was sure that you were straight."

"Um, no. Bi, usually, though celibate seems to cover it now." Jack turned the glass around in his hands. "You usually do the travel plans for the SGC, right?" His eyes met Paul's.

"Yeah. Why?" Paul asked, wondering at the abrupt change of topic.

"Do you remember scheduling me for that meeting on the 11th? I was supposed to go to that budget meeting, then catch a flight from Dulles to LA to speak with Senator whatshisface in California?" Jack asked quietly, watching as Paul remembered that day.

"Yeah, you didn't come out. I was pissed because I'd gotten the e-mail from General Hammond saying you weren't going to be able to make either meeting due to a mission conflict." He looked at Jack suspiciously. "I thought you were just trying to get out of having to come to Washington."

Jack looked into his glass for a long moment. "Well, I was." He threw a brief smile at Paul in apology. "Anyway, the plane you scheduled me on was flight 77, the one that crashed into the Pentagon."

"Ohmigod," Paul whispered.

"Yeah. So, that was the catalyst. It's enough that we face death every time we go on a mission, but on September 11th I could have died, just doing the normal part of our job, and it made me realize that I need him. Have needed him for a long time."

Paul was quiet for a few moments. Then he asked, "Does he know?"

"About 9/11? In a word, no. You working at the Pentagon when it hit, well, I just didn't want him to freak out any more than he already had."

Jack stood up. "I'm gonna get another beer, you want one?"

"No, thanks," Paul said absently. He watched Jack head to the bar and realized that there was nothing either of them could do. It was all up to Daniel, and Paul knew that he'd already lost.

Jack sat down and looked at the dejected man, "Don't give up yet. Daniel hasn't told me anything, one way or another."

"But we both know he'll pick you."

"No, we don't. Listen, Paul, I'm really sorry. I didn't do this to hurt you or Daniel." He stood again and threw some money onto the table. "I'm headed home. Do you need a ride?"

"No, I have a rental." Paul began to stand, but Jack waved him back down. "I've got the bill. See you around, major." And he strode out.

Paul sighed and stood, throwing some money on top of Jack's before leaving as well.

++++

Daniel was on his porch when the green rental car pulled into his driveway. He was surprised when Paul stepped out. "Hi." He got to his feet. "I wasn't expecting you, are you hungry?"

Paul shook his head, "No." He stood staring at Daniel.

"Paul?"

"Oh, sorry. Just trying to imprint you in my memory."

Daniel sighed. "Come inside, Paul, we need to talk."

++++

Jack was sitting up on his roof, admiring the full moon, when he heard a car pull up, and then the door shut quietly. He heard the rattle of keys and smiled. It had to be Daniel. A soft "Jack?" echoed inside, then he heard footsteps. After a minute he heard Daniel climb up the stairs and walk up beside him to lean on the railing. Jack offered his beer, and Daniel accepted it, taking a long swallow before handing it back.

"So, you saw Davis?" Jack asked as he leaned back in his chair to look at the sky again.

Daniel turned his head to study Jack's moonlit profile, "You knew he was here?"

"Yeah. Ran into him at work. Um, we went out for drinks."

Taken slightly aback, Daniel said, "You went out for drinks?"

"Yep. He wanted to talk."

"Oh."

Jack snorted, turning his head to look up at Daniel. "What, nothing to say?"

Daniel shook his head, "No. Yes. Um, no. No," he ended decisively. Jack's laughter made him swat the man. "Quit it."

"Can't." Jack chuckled softly, amused at Daniel's irritation.

"Well, try!"

Obligingly, Jack swallowed his laughter, took a sip of his beer then turned in his chair so that he could see Daniel's face. "Why are you here, Daniel?" If Daniel picked Davis, then he'd just have to cope.

"You're my best friend, Jack."

Jack sighed. So it was over, even before it could begin. "You're my best friend too, Danny. Always will be."

Daniel saw the defeat in Jack's eyes and rolled his own. He took Jack's beer and sat it down on the rail before reaching for Jack's hand and pulling him up. He put his arms around Jack and looked him squarely in the eye. "Jack, I love you. You're everything to me. Best friend, boss, and hopefully, now, lover as well."

He felt Jack's hand shaking as it moved up to cup his neck. "Are you sure, Danny?"

Daniel nodded. "100%. My heart is yours."

Jack pulled Daniel's head forward and kissed him. Daniel's mouth opened, and he took what Jack offered greedily. This was their first passionate kiss, and he wanted to remember everything about it. The feel of Jack's tongue tangling with his, the taste of Jacks' mouth along with the beer he'd been drinking, the feel of Jack's muscles under his restless hands, the sounds of his moans, Daniel wanted it all.

Feeling Daniel's hands on his ass made Jack groan. He pulled back to see Daniel looking at him, his eyes darkened with passion. "God, Daniel, what you do to me."

"Take me to your room and make love to me, Jack. Show me what I do to you," Daniel whispered.

Jack's breath hitched at the feeling of Daniel pressing his cock against him. "What, you don't wanna do it on the roof?" he asked huskily.

"Well, we could, but I wasn't ready to be picking splinters out of my ass," Daniel replied with a soft laugh. He marveled at how easy it was, how right it was to be with Jack.

Jack took the younger man's hand. "Then let's go, and I'll treat your ass in the fashion that it deserves to be treated." He leered at Daniel.

Choking back a laugh, Daniel said, "Oh, I hope so." He smiled.

In Jack's bedroom they quickly stripped each other, lips and teeth and tongues exploring. Daniel arched his back as Jack laved his nipples. "Oh, Jack," he moaned again as Jack moved lower and his mouth encircled his cock, laving, teeth grazing the head.

"I want.." Daniel sighed as Jack deep throated his cock.

Jack's head came back up after a few licks and smiled. "You want what, Dr. Jackson?"

"I want you inside me," he replied simply.

This made Jack shudder. "Oh, God, are you sure?"

"One hundred percent, Jack." Daniel's blue eyes glowed with love, and lust.

Jack held tight rein on his control as he prepared Daniel for their first time. Daniel's cries as he stroked inside with his fingers made Jack wild, but he took his time, wanting to be careful and make it memorable for Daniel. He wanted Daniel to remember ~him~ during this act of love, and him only.

Daniel restlessly moved his head back and forth, his need and desire for Jack making him cry out, bucking and arching into Jack's touch. He'd never felt this way, the emotional tie to the act of making love like he did with Jack, and he felt a brief flare of guilt for Paul.

Suddenly he felt Jack's cock at his entrance, and then Jack pushed and the world fell silent and still as Jack's brown eyes held his own. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt. It just felt right. He took Jack's hand in his and twined their fingers, then relaxed and watched Jack's eyes as he was welcomed deep into his body.

Jack took a bracing breath and pulled back out until only the head of his cock was inside, the sensations blowing both men's minds. Then he thrust, deliberately aiming for the prostate, and Daniel screamed. Each thrust was met with a wild cry, and Jack lifted Daniel's legs until he could press down and kiss the man, swallowing his keening cries as he was thoroughly loved.

Daniel suddenly tilted his head back and moaned low and long as his cock jerked and quivered, spilling it's load of semen between them. His muscles clenched like a smooth fist along Jack's cock, bringing him to a hot rush of liquid. Daniel cried out again at the sensation, then grayed out for a few moments.

Breathing heavily, Jack was barely coherent, pressing kisses to Daniel's face and murmuring all sorts of things, but the most readily understandable was, "I love you, love you, love you." He lifted his head when Daniel's eyes fluttered open. "Hey, you okay?"

The joy on Daniel's face was his answer. "If you promise to love me forever."

Jack's eyes sheened with tears, and he ducked his head to hide them.

Daniel's fingers on his chin raised it back up. "Don't ever hide what you're feeling from me. Promise me forever, Jack."

Jack nodded. "Forever and beyond, Danny. I promise."

~finis~