Acting Kinda Weird

by Berty

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asb/berty/actingki.php
Summary: Daniel pays the price of Jack's warped sense of humour. An off-world, jammy fic. For Fic Challenge on Pepesplace and Nicci's unusual manip.

Extract From the Mission Debriefing PPL 979

Hammond Colonel, would you care to explain why I have had to put six SF's on report, relieve four medical staff and almost lock down the base - all because of Dr. Jackson's nightwear?

O'Neill: Well, General...

Jackson: If I may, General...

O'Neill: Daniel, I've got it.

Jackson: But I really think...

O'Neill: Daniel! You see, Sir, it was like this. We were doing the mission mineral survey, we were on day two and ...well...it was dull, General. I had just finished my watch - I had first watch that night - and I returned to the tent to get some sleep. But when I got there...

_________

"Daniel, what are you wearing?"

"Umph."

"Daniel, wake up! What are you wearing?"

Jack gazed over the prostrate form of his archaeologist/linguist/lover, a puzzled frown battling for supremacy over the enormous grin that he wore. When no answer was forthcoming, Jack crawled up to lay on his sleeping bag and dug a practiced finger into the ribs of his silent SO.

"Whaaaaaa...?" Daniel sat up rapidly, blinking myopically into the gloomy tent interior.

"Shhhhh! What the hell have you got on?"

"Jack, fuck off and die! I was sleeping - you know how much more I like sleeping than talking to you!" he hissed, flopping back onto his bed.

"Jammies, Daniel? On a mission? Since when?"

"Ask me when I like you again," Daniel whispered and rolled onto his side.

_________

O'Neill: He didn't wish to discuss his strange behaviour, General, in fact he became quite abusive about it.

Hammond: And what did you do?

O'Neill: Well, Sir, I attempted to ascertain the extent of his uncharacteristic behaviour.

_________

"They're kind of...sexy," Jack whispered after five minutes silent thought.

"Don't even think about it," growled Daniel quietly.

"Well, I always like blue on you..."

"No."

"Maybe, just this once, we could..."

"No."

"I'll be quiet."

"NO!" Daniel hissed. "Fuck off and go to sleep, I have the next watch and I need to get some rest."

"Well you're no fun," Jack murmured petulantly. " I can't believe you'd rather sleep than get jiggy with me."

"Ha."

"The Daniel I fell for wouldn't have said no. In fact..."

"Jack..."

"...maybe that's what this is about."

"Jaaack..."

"Jammies, no interest in sex...you've been taken over by an alien haven't you?"

"Jaaaaaa...what?"

"Who are you, and what have you done with Daniel?"

"Oh, fuck!" Daniel moaned, pulling his pillow over his head to block out the insane mutterings of the love of his life.

_________

Hammond: And his behaviour seemed extreme enough to you to be indicative of alien possession?

O'Neill: General, I just didn't want to risk it.

Hammond: And did either of you consider Dr. Jackson's behaviour in any way compromised?

Teal'c: Danieljackson did seem most perturbed by O'Neill's requests to accompany him.

_________

"I think we better let the Doc take a look at you to be sure, Daniel," Jack muttered, prying up a corner of his beloved's pillow.

"Oh, you wouldn't dare!" hissed Daniel, shocked enough to come out from beneath his refuge and sit up, his eyes glittering dangerously.

Jack's grin became positively evil in the muted light from the campfire. " Oh, but I would."

"Jack, enough is enough - it's just a pair of pyjamas. I wanted something loose to wear..."

"Teal'c?" Jack called.

"You bastard, don't you fucking dare!"

"O'Neill," Teal'c's voice came from very close by.

"We need to get Daniel back to the SGC."

"For what reason?" Teal'c asked.

"I want him checked out, he's acting uncharacteristically, I'm thinking he might have been affected by something."

There was the unmistakable sound of a staff weapon being primed. And Daniel's pissy face was replaced by his incredulous guppy face. Jack just smiled and indicated that Daniel should precede him from the tent.

"Jack...Teal'c this is ridiculous, I'm perfectly fine," Daniel spluttered. "Jack, tell him."

"Danieljackson, please be so good as to accompany me to the stargate."

Daniel cast a look of utter loathing at Jack's waving form as he crawled from the tent.

"Teal'c, honestly, this is Jack's idea of a joke. I'm not going to the gate and I don't need to be checked."

"Indeed. Please proceed to the stargate," Teal'c intoned, surreptitiously tipping his staff in Daniel's direction.

Jack emerged from the tent and strolled over to the DHD and began dialling the Earth sequence. Daniel marched over to him, the effect only slightly marred by his bare feet and nightwear and grabbed Jack's hand.

Daniel yelped in surprise as he found himself yanked back and restrained with wrist ties by his massive teammate.

"Danieljackson, please do not impede your relocation to the SGC again. I would be most displeased should I have to injure you in any way."

_________

Hammond: So he was actively resisting your efforts to get him back here to be checked out?"

Carter: Yes, General. By the time we had radioed ahead for medics and security, he was quite frantic. He kept shouting that this was all about pyjamas and calling the Colonel some rather...interesting names."

Hammond: Airman Fletcher, is there a problem?

Fletcher No, General. Sorry, Sir.

Hammond: Try and pull yourself together. Did he at any time attempt to hurt any of you?

Jackson: Oh, please! General, I was...

Teal'c: He did in fact make several efforts to kick O'Neill.

Carter: While screaming obscenities.

Hammond: Then what happened?

_________

Jack's boots hit the ramp and as he descended, he turned to watch the spectacle of a semi-naked Daniel being escorted through the event-horizon by a wary Carter and Teal'c. The medical staff hovered by the doors as the SF's took up position on the ramp, allowing the rest of SG-1 to take their places by Jack.

In the tense silence that followed, Daniel glared at his team then allowed his evil eye to encompass the security detail that trained their weapons on him, daring them to find this in any way amusing.

The first titter of laughter was quickly squashed and never admitted to, but like wildfire it spread from guard to guard, the titters becoming sniggers which became guffaws and ended up as howls of uncontrollable mirth. Daniel watched in aloof disgust as the SF's with tears of laughter rolling down their rugged, square-jawed faces doubled up and sank to the ramp, their hoots of mirth echoing off the stark concrete walls.

As Janet manouvered her tiny stilettos through the sea of panting, giggling Airmen to check him over, Daniel turned his eyes back to Jack.

"You will pay for this," he mouthed clearly at his smiling lover.

"It was worth it," Jack mouthed back and stood aside to allow Janet to lead Daniel from the gateroom, leaving the other medics to help the stricken SF's.

_________

Hammond: I see. And Dr. Fraiser has been unable to find any trace of alien influence in your behaviour, Dr. Jackson?

Jackson: No, General.

Hammond: Well, SG-5 has been assigned to complete your mission and retrieve your equipment, so SG-1 are on stand-down for seventy-two hours. Dr. Jackson, you will have to remain on base for observation. I'll expect your mission reports at your earliest convenience. Fletcher, do you need medical assistance?

Fletcher: No, General.

Hammond: Well for God's sake, stop typing and get a glass of water at least.

Fletcher: Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.

End of Report