Heartbreak Hotel
by Berty
URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asb/berty/heartbre.php
Summary: Daniel's feeling happy and chatty. Jack's feeling surprised. No one cares how the llama feels.
Info: For the December 2008 Elvis Challenge on Pepesplace.
Of course it would be Daniel, Jack thinks sourly as he jogs down deeply carpeted corridors to the room he and his wayward archaeologist were assigned. It couldn't have been Teal'c (Junior would have sorted it out) or Carter (who does nothing that isn't by the book without a sizeable kick in the ass). And after the whole marriage cake situation, Jack has learned his lesson and never accepts tasty goodies from strange aliens.
So. Daniel.
Daniel is an anthropologist first and foremost, and when someone had to drink from the ceremonial cup to seal their treaty with the Darsey, Daniel had already chugged half the mug down before Jack had time to ask if they had any decaf.
Jack made his excuses right after he saw Daniel weaving his way through the party, heading for the door with a huge smile on his face, the governor's hat on his head, singing to himself.
"Daniel?" Jack opens their door quietly, hoping that he made it back safely and hasn't wandered off looking for snacks or something. It looks like a set from an Arabian Nights porn flick in their room - all jewel coloured silks and gilded lanterns setting soft light and subtle shadows.
"Jack!" is the only warning he gets before he is plastered from head to foot with happy, demonstrative, half-dressed Jackson. Jack manages to kick the door shut and struggle them both over to one of the opulently appointed beds. He bounces them down as carefully as he can.
"It's so great that you came," Daniel says delightedly, burrowing his cold nose into Jack's neck and hugging him tightly.
"Well, where else would I be?" Jack says lightly, subtly trying to create some distance between them with his hands, and when that doesn't work, with his elbows and knees.
But Daniel is having none of it. He laughs like a loon and holds on tighter. Daniel tripping on alien hooch is unbelievably cute, but Jack wishes he'd let go, so he could check Daniel was just high and not showing any other symptoms. The governor guy Jack had cornered at the party was quick to assure him that the juice had no long lasting effects, and was simply something to make the drinker "joyous" but Jack would like to be sure of that.
"Whatcha been doin', Daniel?" Jack asks, trying to distract Daniel from the koala-like hold he has on him.
"I've been thinking," Daniel says, suddenly serious. "And it's just not working out between us. I think we should break up."
Jack stops struggling. He just sighs, stares at the ceiling and lets Daniel, well, snuggle is the only word that really does it justice. Why does this shit always happen to HIS team? "O...kay. How come?"
"Well, d'uh!" Daniel crows. "It's an unhealthy relationship."
"And the fact that we don't actually HAVE a relationship?" It's a small point, and Daniel's obviously got it all worked out, but Jack feels he really ought to mention it in the interests of accuracy.
"Is erroneous. And beside the point. We DO have a relationship, only most of it is in my head," Daniel tells him earnestly, taps his forehead, and then smiles. He slips his arms around Jack's waist again and twines their legs together.
Jack can't stop the grin that sneaks across his face that's one part amusement, one part surprise and eight parts triumph.
"Jack?" Daniel's voice is muffled due to the whole bodily contact thing, but Jack can hear a plaintive note in it. "Could you just have a look under the bed and see if the llama is still there?"
"Llama?"
"Yeah. Big one. Messy hair. Bad attitude."
"There's no llama, Daniel. Trust me on this."
"Okay. Jack?"
"Yes, Daniel?"
"I think I might be slightly toasted."
"Yeah, buddy. I think so," Jack says gently, stroking Daniel's back, hoping it will soothe him into falling asleep. Jack wants to get to the hung-over, sheepish part of this conversation that will happen in the morning. He has all kinds of questions for a sober, embarrassed, apologetic Daniel.
"But I still think we should break up."
Shrugging mentally, Jack guesses he may as well play along. He really wants to hear why Daniel's dumping him. "Why?"
"Well, you know. The whole unrequited thing. It's so passˇ. And pathetic. Even the llama thinks so, although he's pretty opinionated to tell you the truth. Thinks he's SO smart."
"So what if we UN-unrequite it?" Jack asks slowly, feeling like a bit of a heel, but it's kind of hard to ignore that one of the hottest men at the SGC has been having a huge gay love affair with him without Jack even realising. Or benefiting. Jack thinks that's spectacularly unfair, particularly as he's been harbouring some pretty similar ideas himself.
"S'not a word. Un-unrequite. You can't say that." Daniel abruptly sits up and kind of weaves around. His hair is sticking up and his eyes are slightly unfocussed. God knows where his glasses have ended up. "Whoa!" he murmurs weakly. "Spinning."
Jack reaches up and pulls Daniel to lay down flat on his back. "Better?"
"Nope. Ugh, God!" Daniel's hands are clutching on to the silky covers and his eyes are tight shut. He starts to make piteous moaning sounds. "Oh, I hate this bit."
"Are you gonna hurl, Daniel? Because we're broken up, and therefore I'm SO not cleaning you up if you do."
Daniel just whimpers. "Whole damn place is moving. Are you sure about the llama? I can definitely smell llama," he mutters between whines.
Jack rolls his eyes and unlaces his boots. When he's comfortable, in BDUs and t-shirt, he lies down beside Daniel, carefully rolls him on to his side, then wraps his arms around Daniel's chest. "Better now?" he asks the back of Daniel's head.
"Huh," Daniel says, sounding surprised. "Actually..."
Jack gives Daniel a minute, waiting for him to find the right words, but nothing is forthcoming.
"Daniel? Daniel?" His answer is a definite snore. Jack shakes him a little. "Daniel? Your buddy the llama wants to know what you want for breakfast."
"Don't be ridiculous," Daniel slurs, and then snores again.
"Daniel?"
"Shhhh! Sleeping now."
Jack resists the urge to smack Daniel on the back of the head. Just. He rolls him onto his back and quickly checks him over like he was taught to in his Alien Intoxication 101 class and concludes that Daniel is wasted, but nothing worse.
He briefly considers going back to his own bed, but rejects this idea for several important reasons: one - he has to monitor Daniel's vitals through the night just to be certain that he's okay, two - he needs to be here in case Daniel wakes and has a llama related freak-out and tries to take off, and three - his bed is all the way on the other side of the room and it's kind of warm and comfortable tucked up here with Daniel.
Jack lays back and tries out Daniel's snuggling thing. He finds it's pretty good, so he closes his eyes and starts thinking of reasons why he and Daniel should definitely get back together in the morning.
He only gets as far as make-up sex before he falls asleep.
Fin
