The Secret Birthday Wish List Of Daniel Jackson Aged 42 And Three Quarters

by Berty

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asb/berty/secbday.php
Summary: Silliness. In bullet point format

1. Ascension-proof underwear. Yes, Jack thinks it's funny, but seriously? Higher plane of existence or not, Oma's a pervert.

2. A cool baseball cap like the one Jack used to wear on missions. And Daniel doesn't think it's professional for the quartermaster to tell him no because he looks cute in a boonie.

3. A day without a single one of Jack's Simpsons impressions.

4. A P-90. Because even peaceful explorers need backup, and Sam, Cam and Jack look much cooler than him with a rifle slung around their necks. Although, admittedly, that might not be totally to do with the firearms.

5. A coffee mug that held enough coffee.

6. A "get out of death free" card. Because it's becoming ridiculous.

7. A transcript of Jack's eulogy from the first... no, wait... the second time he died. No one seems to remember what he said, although Daniel has suspicions that Jack's been there first and threatened anyone who heard it.

8. McKay to stop calling what Daniel does a "soft science", particularly with that knowing glint in his eye.

9. Not to have to ever break in another pair of boots. This is his ninth pair through no fault of his own, and it's hell every time.

10. A movie night where Teal'c doesn't insist on Star Wars.

11. To get rid of the thing on his forehead that reads, "Please pick me" whenever the bad guys are looking for someone to torture/ribbon/zat/kill.

12. A consultancy job on 'Wormhole X-treme'. Some of the scientific dating stuff they spout is a load of crap. You can't carbon date ceramic. Morons!

13. For someone... anyone... to do something about General Landry's eyebrows. It doesn't matter how dire the circumstances or how desperate their plight, in briefings, all Daniel can do is stare at the scary hairy jobs.

14. A trip to Atlantis. Despite the Wraith, the Genii, the nanites, the retroviruses, and the enegy-sucking cloud beings. And Rodney McKay, although that's close to being a deal-breaker.

15. A first edition copy of Budge. Then he could rip it out a page at a time and throw it at the idiot newbie linguists.

16. A Hawks hockey jersey. Or a Penguins jersey. Or an Oilers jersey. Or...well any team but the Avalanche. Just to piss Jack off.

17. Pens. He never has enough. And the first thing that Jack always offered less technologically advanced societies as a gesture of goodwill were biros. Daniel's biros.

18. A dollar for every time Vala has made a joke about how much he looks like Mitchell.

19. A dollar for every time Vala has made a pass at him.

20. A dollar for every time Vala has been rebuffed and then gone on to question his sexual orientation.

21. One of those cord things that you attach to your glasses and hang around your neck so you don't lose them. He'd mentioned it once to Jack, who'd laughed so hard he'd damn near had a stroke.

22. His favourite trowel back. He'd lost it on P3X-888 when Chaka had dragged him off to dinner, sorry, to BE dinner. Of course it had been old and worn down to almost nothing, but Daniel had loved that trowel.

23. A sign. A big one. He would stick it up on the door of his office and it would read "Before you come in and ask me about dinosaur bones, please go and look up the definition of archaeologist."

24. One of those Asgard beam things with a dedicated service from his office to Jack's apartment. Because five hours on a 'plane is damned uncomfortable when you're feeling horny, and phone sex with the most sarcastic man on Earth is a torment of unimaginable proportions.

Fin