Connection

by boilerbmw

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asb/boilerbmw/connection.php
Summary: Not supplied

Self-analysis was not Rodney McKays strong suit. Give him any kind of scientific problem and he would devote himself to working on it, analyzing it and examining every detail down to the most elemental components. It made him a brilliant scientist and an amazing researcher. However lovers of both sexes had told him this combination made him, in polite terms, a "self-absorbed, distant SOB". In a rare display of insight Rodney had to admit it was basically true. He didn't mean to ignore or belittle or whatever the hell else the complaints had been. He just had a hard time reading other people.

Peter had been Rodneys attempt to forgo the relationship bullshit women always seemed to want.

"I mean really, how am I supposed to keep up with birthdays and anniversaries and God forbid, notice a damn haircut." He had figured that Peter, another man for Gods sake, would prove once and for all that it wasn't just him. After only a few months he'd been told in great detail that indeed it was pretty much just him. He'd rolled his eyes when Peter started the familiar refrain but he still remembered Peter's final words.

"You just don't get it Rodney. Everyone wants to feel important, loved, special. People will search for that special connection all of their lives. Someday you'll actually take off your 'it's all about McKay' blinders and fall in love and you'll want to give rather than take."

And then Peter was gone. At the time Rodney had been irritated that he hadn't gotten laid first. Later he decided that he truly didn't understand people and that he would stick with his all-important work (his work and his right hand) for the foreseeable future. He wasn't bitter or lonely or sad, at least not often and it was the logical thing to do. Dr. Rodney McKay was nothing if not logical. People were just not as interesting as his work.

Which led to the reason he was currently pacing obsessively a floor above Major John Sheppards quarters. John Sheppard was interesting..very interesting. He was brilliant but tried to downplay it. He appeared outgoing yet spent most of his downtime alone.

"And damn, the man is hot," admitted Rodney. "But he doesn't seem to spend time alone with anyone." But lately John had been seeking someone out. One Rodney McKay! For the last few weeks John had actually volunteered to spend his days off touching all sorts of gadgets and gizmos for Rodney..without an order to do so. They argued, snarked, and bickered constantly. Rodney couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun with another person. He was pretty sure the Major was enjoying himself, too.

"This is a mistake," he thought as he finally headed down. " Big, big mistake..huge really." But something about John drew Rodney. He felt something between them, something that couldn't be examined by a microscope or researched in a reference book. Something he was amazed to realize that he wanted..really really wanted. Maybe even needed. Just as importantly, he thought that it might be something that John needed too, and for once that actually mattered.

Not allowing anymore second guessing, he strode up to his teammates door and raised his hand. The door opened and Aiden Ford stepped out, laughing through the noise spilling from the room. " Hey, Dr. McKay are you here for the party?"

Taken aback, Rodney noticed that the room was filled with people, noise and music. " Ah no. I uh just had a question for Jo ..ah Major Sheppard. I'll talk to him tomorrow." With that sputtered answer Rodney hurried away without even hearing Fords response.

"Work work and work..that's what I excel in! How many times does it have to be hammered into my head..I don't do 'the people thing' well. My intuition sucks!! Poor lonely John, oh wait the lonely guy is having a party. One, I may add that I wasn't wanted for." Rodney refused to name the feelings that were running through him. He was not disappointed or hurt. Really- the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach was hunger, nothing else.

He reached the hallway to his own room and stopped in surprise. There, sitting propped against the wall by his door, was Major John Sheppard.

"Hey, Rodney, there you are; I've been looking for you." said John, looking up with a smile.

"Yes, well, here I am. At my own room- how amazing. You do realize that you're having a party, right?" responded Rodney

"Yeah, I guess. Actually Ford wanted to teach Teyla poker. I went to look for you and when I passed back by there were all sorts of experts 'helping'. I decided to bail..nobody will notice. Mind if I hang with you?" John asked the last with his customary grin. But Rodney was in full observation mode and the hopeful, slightly nervous look in Johns eye was all he needed. The hollow pit in his stomach was now filed with excitement.

It was Rodneys turn to smile and he reached down to help John stand. Really who could blame him if his hand lingered a bit longer than necessary? " Hah, do I know people or what!" he thought to himself smugly.

The next hour was spent discussing books and movies and small talk in general. The talk finally turned to the future and the wistful look in Johns eyes did not go unnoticed. "What do you hope for John? I mean personally not just keeping us all safe," asked Rodney softly.

"Oh, the same as everyone I guess," murmured John, looking away. " To find that special connection with someone..to love and be loved.." He trailed off as he looked up and saw Rodney face.

"Holy shit, Peter was right!!" exclaimed Rodney. He realized this, not because John wanted those things but because Rodney wanted so desperately to give them all to John. His blinders off, Rodney McKay was finally able to figure out how all the pieces of his heart fit together and realized that they all belonged to John Sheppard. He leaned forward slightly. "And if you find love, John? If you find someone that loves you and wants to be loved in return? Then what?"

Johns face flushed and his breathing hitched slightly as Rodney drew near. "Simple Rodney. Then that's everything.. just everything." Their first kiss started almost chastely but by the time it ended both men were gasping for air.

"I love you John," stated Rodney firmly. "I can't promise that I won't be a self absorbed workaholic bastard and I pretty much can promise that I'll piss you off as often as ever. But I will be your bastard and I'll work like hell not to screw this up."

"Amazingly enough that reassures me," grinned John. " I've been told that I pretty much suck at this kind of thing but I love you Rodney and I'll work like hell not to screw it up."

Rodney and John spent the rest of the night exploring their new connection, repeatedly and enthusiastically. The morning found them sticky and sweaty and happier than they'd ever been. Rodney told John to be thankful that his intuition and 'people sense' were so good. John rolled his eyes and assured Rodney that he was properly amazed. The sarcasm led to an argument, which of course led to more 'connecting'. The pattern of their new life together was set, happily ever after in true McKay/Sheppard fashion!!

The End