The Act

by Cynical_Coat

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asc/ccoat/act.php
Summary: Keeping up the act, in three acts

Act One: Caught in the Act

It was late. It was late, late...

After the late, late show late... if there had been such a thing on Atlantis...

It was after late night cable porn late...

And that was late indeed.

Rodney glanced at his watch, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his other hand, and then looked back at the work he still had to do. He had reports to write, reports to revise, reports to review. That was on top of the research he'd been putting off in favor of missions, and the ever present demands of power regulation. Most of which wasn't his direct responsibility, but he had a hard time trusting other people to handle it all correctly.

And thus, here he was, way past late...

-define late...- He thought bitterly. -This is closer to early, now...-

It was a bad sign when he started snarking himself.

At least he wasn't doing it out loud... not that there was anyone around to hear it. No one to care if he finally tipped over the deep end, crossing that ever present line between genius and insanity that everyone loved to joke about. No one to care about anything he did.

And that was part of the problem, wasn't it? If he had someone to confide in, he'd be less stressed... wasn't that how the tired old rhetoric read these days? If he had a friend to tell him it'd all be okay, it'd all be okay? If he only had someone to pat him on the back and say 'good work', he'd have succeeded?

-What I really need is to get laid...-

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to ignore the twinge and ache that began at that thought... a lot lower than the equally familiar pressure building behind his eyes. He wished it was that easy. That he could hop a cab to the nearest bar or brothel and be done with it. That he could find someone as desperate and indiscriminate as he was, fuck, and be gone.

But no, it couldn't be simple. Because he was in Atlantis, a galaxy away from one night stands and casual liasions... a galaxy away from the only kind of stress relief he had ever put any store in. You could exalt yoga and meditation all you wanted, but a good shag and a hot shower were a lot quicker and a lot cheaper. Failing that...

He sighed again and pushed his chair back from his desk, giving the room a cursory glance though he knew it had long since emptied of all those sane and sated souls, with their good friends and their fuck-buddies...

-this is all I have- He thought, slowly unfastening his pants and fumbling one handed for the tube of lotion that he kept for this express purpose (or, as his colleagues believed, because he suffered from chronically dry hands...) and squeezed out a generous blob.

-This is all I have... and it's just fine.- He lied to himself. - It's so much easier to deal with my own hand... it doesn't demand my attention, doesn't want to cuddle, or talk about it's *feelings*... it doesn't have an ulterior motive, doesn't care what I look like, or how much I work, or how much I bitch, or how much I eat...- He continued to lie internally as he slowly massaged the lotion onto his cock, gasping slightly at the sudden sensation of cold on his heated skin, his pulse beginning to race as he grew stiff, his mantra of self-loathing hitching and failing as he lapsed into his favorite fantasy, falling into thoughts he wouldn't allow himself until he was lost in his own touch.

-John...- His mind moaned, and despite the emptiness of the lab, he fought to keep that one name from his lips. He'd say any name before that one... Calvin, Elizabeth, Aiden... even that Czech whose name he couldn't even *remember*, before he would admit to wanting John Sheppard more than--- More than he wanted to find a workable ZPM and save them all from the Wraith. Except that might actually draw John's attention to him...

-Jo~hn....!- His mind insisted as his hand upped the tempo, sliding up and down his miserably hard cock, and he stopped thinking coherently... this was supposed to be enjoyable, after all. Why think and foul it up like everything else? He let his eyes slip closed and pretended it was Sheppard's hand drawing those groans from deep within his chest, pretended it was Sheppard's thumb skimming over the head of his cock, mixing his precome with the lotion and continuing on to fondle his balls... only, fantasy Sheppard didn't stop there. Oh no, he couldn't stop there... As fantasy Sheppard fell to his knees, Rodney kicked his foot involuntarily and spun himself half-way around in the chair, moaning and slitting his eyes open.

John was standing by his open door. There was a split second of shock, followed by an equally brief moment of indecision, before he closed his eyes the rest of the way, certain that John didn't know that *he* knew that John was there from the other man's lack of reaction, and just continued stroking himself, moaning a little deeper, a little louder than usual. This was better than any fantasy, and he wasn't about to ruin the potential replay value of this moment by giving John any indication that his position had been made.

-Oh, there's pun for thought...- A distant, ever snarky corner of his mind snorted. Needless to say, he took no heed as he arched his back into his own fist, again pretending it was John's, mixing fantasy and this new twisted reality together, meshing them, entwining them, fucking them into each other even as he fucked himself on his palm. Just knowing John was there pushed him to the brink, and that steady friction pulled him right over the edge. As always, his mind shut down, and in that moment a shuddering moan escaped his lips.

"John..."

His eyes snapped open, ready for the inevitable anger and disgust, the humiliation... but he was alone.

He sighed, relieved and vaguely dissappointed.

Act Two: Keeping up the Act

Rodney woke refreshed for the first time in months.

That was his first clue that it hadn't been a dream.

His second came at breakfast.

He spotted John as soon as he entered the comissary. He hurried toward the Major even though the other man looked to be doing his best to sink into the ground. Hell, *because* he was. No one got to the great John Sheppard. He was the true 'Captain Untouchable', and the whole base knew it.

Rodney took quite a bit of pride in having cracked his veneer. It only irked him that he couldn't really let it show. His agile mind quickly concocted an excuse for his unusually chipper mood.

"Major, glad I found you... I made a breakthrough in my lab last night." He gave himself a mental high-five at the nearly imperceptible wince that that ellicited. "I'm going to need you to come down to my lab with me and touch some of the pieces I've been working with the last couple nights so I can see if I can isolate exactly how you-- you know, turn them on." If he hadn't known better, Rodney would have said John was blushing.

"I don't know, McKay... I-- ah... I-- well, I..." It was obvious that he had nothing to do, no ready alibi for once.

"Good, I was hoping you'd say something like that. If this theory pan's out, it might be a way for people without the gene to manipulate the Ancient Technology without having you or me come activate it first." He put a little much emphasis on 'come', but John didn't seem to notice. The theory wasn't even really a lie... they'd thought of it weeks ago, but had discarded it long before it was tabled. "That'd give you time to devote to... other things."

Yup... Sheppard was definately blushing. Rodney couldn't help but give another little dig.

"You feeling alright, Major? You look a little flushed."

"I'm-- I'm fine, McKay." Which was the only answer he could give without landing himself in the infirmary.

"Huh... You know what you need?" Rodney pretended great interest in his food as he went on. "You need to relax... I've got just the thing--"

"If you'll excuse me..." John mumbled and practically leapt from his chair, not quite running for the door.

"I'll see you at the lab!" Rodney called after him. "Don't forget!"

If it is humanly possible to eat smuggly, that is just what Rodney did.

Act Three: Acting Out

To be honest, Rodney was surprised when John actually showed.

-it's for 'the good of Atlantis'... of course he showed-

Sheppard didn't say a word, just dropped into a chair next to him and pretended not to be thinking what his eyes said he was thinking.

-last night, I sat in this chair while he watched me jerk off...- Rodney gloated in the safety of his own head. It never crossed his mind that maybe that was *why* John was there.

The lab seemed suddenly too quiet, forcing Rodney to glance around. It was empty. A quick look at his watch answered that. Past dinner. Past quitting time, too. Again.

"Took your time."

"I didn't stay." John blurted.

"What?" Rodney snapped, keeping it short and annoyed, as always.

"I didn't watch you-- I didn't watch you come." John finished in a rush.

"Oh. That." Rodney kept his eyes fixed on the computer screen, though for once he couldn't even see the data. "Why not?"

He could feel Sheppard's shock without seeing it on his face.

"Why not?" He sounded dazed. "Leave it to Rodney McKay to be dissappointed that someone didn't watch him fucking--" Rodney saw him shake his head out of the corner of his eye and finally turned to him, meeting his gaze.

"Not 'someone'." He gritted through clenched teeth. "You."

John stared at him for a moment in silence before saying,

"Oh."

"Oh?" He repeated, nonplussed by the assessment of his mini confession. "Oh...?"

"Good, Rodney... You can still hear." John said pseudo-snidely, but even he seemed to realize how lame he sounded.

"Yes." Rodney said simply. "Can you?"

"Obviously." John took a deep breath. "I didn't watch... but I heard."

"You heard?"

"I heard."

It was Rodney's turn to pause.

"Oh."

"Oh?" John repeated with a grin that Rodney didn't feel inclined to return.

"You knew?"

"I know."

"You know?..." He took his own deep breath, suddenly feeling dizzy. "You know."

"I *know*..." John leaned in close, his breath as hot and moist as Rodney dreamed about. "Who you think of when you come."

Rodney groaned, feeling his cock swell just at the realization that John had heard him, that John knew, and that John was still here in spite of it.

"Not just when..." He whispered, delighting in that widening of the eyes, that darkening of irises, his own gaze falling to John's groin, finding that he wasn't the only one sporting an erection. He didn't notice that he was closing the remaining distance. "The whole time leading up to it..."

"The whole time?"

"Oh yeah..."

"Me too..." John spoke directly into his mouth before moving just that little bit closer. Rodney moaned against his lips before he pulled back. "Always you..."

"Always?"

"Always."

Fin