Calm

by Cynical_Coat

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asc/ccoat/calm.php
Summary: John tries to stay focused in the failing light after the storm

Elizabeth is gone. Rodney's a wreck. Atlantis has a massive hole in it where my favorite hiding spot used to be. A nice little niche off one of the balconies... has a great view, great breeze-- At least it used to.

All in all, it's been a pretty shitty day.

But I can't dwell on that.

I have to focus on flying the 'jumper... and that really speaks to how shaken up I am.

It takes focus.

I have to find Beckett and the others.

But mostly Beckett.

Because Rodney needs more than my limited triage skills. He's still losing too much blood... that bastard mangled his arm and no hasty tourniquet is going to fix it.

We need Beckett.

And that means getting to the mainland.

Through the storm.

It's smooth sailing right now.

As long as we're in the eye. But as soon as we pass out of it, it'll be like flying though hell.

But I can't dwell on that right now, even though I can see the wall looming on the horizon.

Shit, it is the horizon...

I find myself wishing that I'd never woken up this morning. I'm sure if Rodney was conscious, he'd agree...

How did we come to this?

>From Tava beans to exile and murder?

>From fighting a war against the Wraith, only to be undone by our own kind... by people we once tried to befriend.

How did we rise so far, only to plummet, as this 'jumper threatens to even now?

We don't even have Atlantis...

No Stargate...

No supplies...

No leader, unless you count me...

And right now, I wouldn't count me.

But I can't dwell on that now.

Can't dwell on any of it.

Not the rising wind.

Not the failing light that has little to do with the storm.

Not even the fact that I can't hear Rodney breathing any more.

Definately can't dwell on that...

Nope, just like I can't dwell on the pain in my side, or the spreading dampness under my arm...

Kolya managed to get off a single shot, just before the blast took half his men into the sea, and I managed to haul Rodney through the ensuing chaos.

Just my luck that that's when my luck ran out.

I have to find Beckett.

For Rodney...

By the time we reach the mainland, it'll be to late for me.

Not like we could go back, anyway... He knows we got away, and he'll be waiting.

But I can't dwell on that, because the ocean's too close for comfort, and my mind is going grey...

In the howl of the wind I can almost hear him slip away.

But I can't dwell on that.

Because saving Rodney is the only thing holding me together.

I know I'm dead, but as long as there's a chance for him, I'll keep going...

Because he needs to make it...

He's their only chance of getting the city back... and that chance is more than worth dying for.

It's worth living for...

-end