John's Journal 1

Baggage

by Cynical_Coat

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asc/ccoat/jjournal01.php
Summary: John write's in his journal as any wounded romantic does, without reserve

I always pick the ones with the baggage.

It's like I have some kind of sixth sense for it.

Him, molested by his step-father.

That guy, can't get it up unless he's in pain, can't come unless he bleeds.

Those two? Together for years and they still have to screw their eyes shut and pretend they're fucking some really hairy woman not to kill themselves with guilt.

The military does that to you.

It does it by imposing stupid rules and stupider punishments.

It makes you think that what you are is wrong.

Bullshit.

I always pick the ones with the baggage.

It's like a little alarm goes off in my head as soon as I see them.

Oh, it says, there's one.

And there goes gods-gift-to-the-closeted-military-man...

John Sheppard, Saint Fucks-a-lot...

They always insist that I'm wrong at the beginning, but that never lasts long.

It never lasts long.

Guess I'm the love-em-and-leave-em type, when you get right down to it.

Which is why a part of me dies everytime I find myself alone, searching for another soul to save.

I always pick the ones with the baggage.

But Rodney McKay is different.

Sure, he's just as screwed up as the rest of them, driven back just as far into that custom built closet of pain.

But... he's my friend.

It took me too long to realize he needed saving, and now it's too late.

Because I don't have sex with my friends.

I've loved every man I've ever been with.

But I haven't known them at all.

So... I watch him suffering, watch him not even know that he *is* suffering.

The ones who need to be saved the most never do.

I always pick the ones with the baggage.

Basically I'm a shit-magnet.

Everything goes wrong.

Murphy's fucking Law of fucking over John.

I always pick the ones with the baggage.

Basically I'm a shit-magnet.

And...

Everything is going right.

Except for me falling for my snarky, over-confident, self-conscious, and ultimately uninterested team-mate...

I always pick the ones with the baggage...

Because opposite don't always attract.

Sometimes it's nice to have something in common.

~fin~

Next: Holster