The Letter 3

I'd Give Up Forever To Touch You

by Celievamp

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asc/celievamp/letter03.php
Summary: Not supplied

Sam had volunteered to work over Christmas and the New Year. It had taken some persuading but Hammond had finally agreed. At least if she was on the base someone could keep an eye on her, make sure that she ate, slept, that kind of thing.

Sam just wanted to work, not to forget, just not to remember. She had to get used to being on her own again. It wasn't like she would ever find anyone else. No one was that lucky twice.

Daniel had stopped by a little while ago to try to persuade her to come back to his place for a while. "I can square it with the General, Sam. You need to relax for a while. You haven't stopped since." There was no way he could finish that sentence.

"I'm fine, Danny. Really. You know me. I just need to get it out of my system in my own way. Tomorrow. I'll stop by tomorrow, okay."

"You'd better, Sam Carter, or I'll come looking." The kiss on the cheek surprised her, scared her. How long had it been since anyone had touched her? How long since she had really talked to anyone. the guys, Cassie.

Cassie. They had spoken briefly on Christmas Day. Sam had told her that she had put down to work over the Christmas period so there was really no need for her to make the flight back to Colorado, she shouldn't feel obliged to spend time with Sam if she had better things to do. Cassie had gone to New York with friends instead. Though she seemed happy, it was as if some kind of barrier had gone up between them. They had forgotten how to talk to one another.

New Years Eve. Her computer was busy number crunching power equations for one experiment; she had two more on the go on the long table at one end of her lab and was just starting on a fourth - disassembling the latest 'doohickey' that SG7 had brought back from one of their recent missions.

So far she had no idea what it was. The earth technology it most resembled was a compact hairdryer but she was fairly certain that it wasn't one. Fairly certain. Whatever it was it still had a residual power signature. It was and was not Goa'uld in origin. Certainly Goa'uld influenced but.

Sam sighed. What the hell did it matter - what did any of it matter? Yet again all the 'stuff' they had at their disposal and they hadn't been able to do anything. Anything that really mattered. They had not been able to save her.

Janet was dead.

What did any of it matter?

She realised that she had zoned out for a while there. But her hands had kept working. The doohickey was all disassembled. And at its heart something glowed. It was a soft lavender colour which meant it wasn't naquada based. Probably. Naquada powered artefacts tended to give off a greeny yellow light.

Sam picked up an insulated probe and pulled her notepad and pen closer, preparing to make a closer examination of the power source.

On the wall the intercom coughed. It hadn't worked properly for a couple of weeks now, since a naquada energy pulse had been slightly stronger than she had anticipated. A voice warbled. She thought it was Siler. If it was important someone would phone her. Or send an SF to dig her out. She turned back to the power source and paused. It sounded like a countdown. It couldn't be, could it? Surely it wasn't that late.

She glanced at her watch. It was. The last seconds of the old year counting down and out.

The sob seemed to come from her boots. All the sorrow and fear she had kept bottled up inside her all the months since Janet died suddenly found voice.

Siler had piped through the notes of midnight striking somewhere. Her intercom seemed to reverberate the notes through the room, drawing them out.

Sam dropped the probe, wrapping her arms around herself, hugging herself as tight as she could. She closed her eyes hearing again her voice shouting "Medic! I need a medic now! Colonel O'Neill is down!" The feel of his blood under her fingers, hot yet cooling so fast.

Janet was with another patient and Daniel, telling Daniel something, shaking her head in answer to his question. She looked up at her shout, her dark eyes wide. She did not hesitate, picking up her supplies, moving towards them, staying low on the open ground but not low enough.

Sam shuddered: she always saw this in slow motion. The bright golden flare of the staff blast hitting Janet low in the back sending her spilling, tumbling. She heard a scream. She could never figure out whether she had screamed or it was Janet's dying cry that she heard. She could not move, she had to stay with O'Neill or he would probably die as well.

Her tears splashed onto the table, onto the power source. It sizzled and a mist started to rise from it. Locked in her misery Sam did not notice.

The noise stopped. A small hand rested lightly on her shoulder. "Sam?"

It could not be. Ghosts visited at Christmas, not at the turning of the year. She blinked, saw dark hair, pale skin, eyes that she could fall into forever. Seated, she was pretty much on a level with her much shorter lover. "Janet?"

"What are you doing here this late? When did you last eat?" Janet asked, stroking back a lock of hair from her face. "It's not like Edora, you know. You can't bring me back. There are some laws that can't be broken."

"I miss you so much!" Sam choked.

"I know, baby, I know." Janet's arms were around her now. Sam did not question how, why, all her mind was capable of was dazed acceptance. She let her lover's touch, her smell comfort her. "But you promised me that you would live, remember. You have so much to live for, so much still to accomplish."

"But without you."

"Without me. Yes." Liquid brown eyes smiled softly, small delicate yet strong fingers soothed across her skin. "This world needs people like you, Sam. You are stronger than you know. One day, we will be together again, but not for a long time. But I will be waiting for you. And then nothing can part us." Soft lips kissed away her tears. "Don't shut yourself away, love. You're not the only one that is hurting you know."

"I meant to phone Cassie, I really did," Sam said. "But I didn't know what to say. And the guys. they mean well, but they don't know."

"I think that you'll find that they do. they've all lost loved ones. And Cassie. All Cassie needs is to hear you say that you love her and that you miss her. You could say it to me. Say it to her."

"I love you. I miss you."

Janet smiled. "That's my girl." She sighed. "I have to go, Sam. Promise me you'll take care of yourself."

"I promise," Sam choked back her tears, coughing. "I promise."

"Major Carter!"

Someone was holding her, carrying her into the corridor. An alarm was going off. Sam struggled to open her eyes. "Teal'c?" she croaked. The urge to cough was very strong. It hurt to breathe.

"Daniel Jackson asked me to check on you if I had not seen you before midnight, to wish you a Happy New Year and to persuade you to take some rest. I found you collapsed - one of the artefacts you were studying was emitting a gas."

The lavender glowy thing. It was getting easier to breathe.

"Thank you," she said, meaning it. Had it been a dream, an hallucination? Whatever, she had a promise to keep. "I'm okay, really."

"You should go to the Infirmary, get checked out."

"I will, but I have a call I need to make first. I forgot earlier."

Teal'c would not leave her side. He waited with her whilst she got an outside line, waited for the connection to be made.

"Cassie? It's Sam. I called to wish you a happy new year and to let you know how much I love you, how much I miss you."

He watched some animation return to his friend's face as she chattered with the young woman who was like a daughter to her, pleased that the travails of the year had not broken the bond between them. He remembered the difficulties with his own son when his wife had died. He was pleased that Major Carter and Cassie were resolving their differences without taking up arms against each other. His thoughts came back to the present as Major Carter put the phone down.

"You are feeling better?" he asked.

"I am Teal'c, thank you, but I'd better go to the Infirmary. Janet would want me to."

"Dr Fraiser would indeed have been most insistent that you get checked out," Teal'c completed the sentence for her. For the first time he felt comfortable talking about her with Samantha Carter. "She was a most remarkable woman."

"She was, Teal'c she was." Sam smiled, let him pull her to her feet. "Did I ever tell you."

END