A Dream Can Come True 28

The Moments Between

by Celievamp

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asc/celievamp1/adream28.php
Summary: If your love were taken from me…

She's grieving for her father and she doesn't know why and that frustrates her. He's not dead, no longer even dying, his lymphoma cured and he's in better shape than he's probably been for a decade or more but he's still lost to her. She has to share him now not just with another family but with an entirely different race of people. They have always been worlds apart in their attitudes, now they are worlds apart in reality. It's been over a week since he left through the Stargate with Martouf and we have had no word.

"Don't call us, we'll call you."

"Like I said, this thing's going to go on for months, so you don't have to check up on me tomorrow."

Either way Sam's still in a kind of limbo, so many issues yet to be resolved. But at least he is still alive. If she had had to watch him die... bad as she feels right now, that would have been so much worse.

***

She's worried about me.

I wish I could tell her how I feel but the truth is I don't know. Carter's have never been much good at expressing their feelings. And I am not the exception to the rule.

I should be over the moon that dad's okay. I know. And I am. But I have no idea when I'll see him again. What I've been able to piece together from Jolinar's residual memories does not reassure me that his life as a Tok'ra will be long, happy and safe. The Goa'uld hate the Tok'ra even more than they hate us Tau'ri.

But I will get over it. I have to. It'll take time. I remember how it felt when Mom died, when I thought that everything that made this world beautiful had been torn from me. I know I would have been a very different person, led a very different life if she had lived. I most probably would not have gone into the military but probably into pure science – research or academia. The alternate self that Daniel met – Dr Carter. I wonder if she lost her mother as I did. But still she ended up at the Stargate Project though with the Colonel rather than Janet. He didn't see Janet at that version of the SGC.

I can't imagine being with anyone else. Anywhere else. If something were to happen to Janet... I don't know what I would do. All that was good in the world, all the colour, the light would leave. I would go on, I suppose. I would still have a job to do. My wonderful career. But that would be Captain Carter. It wouldn't be me.

Enough. I have to get past this for both our sakes. I have to see the good in this, focus on that. Janet is alive and well and here with me. My father is alive. He has a second chance. He has the opportunity to do wonderful things, to continue to serve not only his country but his entire planet. The future... will have to look after itself.

Next: Cowboys And Indians