Eros 2

Dubitatio (Part 2/2)

by Eideann

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ase/eideann/eros022.php
Summary: This is an exploration of possible causes of the events leading up to, at the time of and beyond SG-1's enslavement by the government of P3R-118
Info: Plenty of Daniel-whumpage. Issues include what became of the workers after they were rescued by SG-1, reasons for Kegan's extraordinary overprotectiveness of Daniel, and a Sam-friendly explanation for the apparent romantic relationship that existed between her and Jack on 118. This story is both an AU and a tag/missing scene for Beneath the Surface, but it could have happened in canon.

Chapter Twenty

Carlin mulled the problem over in his head for a day or two before finally approaching Kegan again. He'd stopped being constantly under her tutelage, though she still kept an eye out for him. It was an even shower night, so he found her at one of the water taps, cooling her neck with a wet cloth.

"Kegan, I need to ask you something." She looked up at him but didn't say anything. He took a deep breath and said, "How did I get here?"

"What do you mean, how did you get here?" she asked. "You were transferred from the mines."

He looked away uncomfortably. "No, before that."

"Before?" she asked, starting at him.

"Yeah."

"You don't remember?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I keep thinking about it, and all I come up with is a handful of memories."

Eyes full of worry and maybe some alarm, she walked over to him. "What is this about, anyway?" she asked.

Carlin knew she wasn't going to like what he had to say. "I'm just wondering if Jonah and Thera were ever my friends."

Kegan let out an irritated sigh, looking away. Not meeting his eyes, she said, "Friends?"

Carlin shrugged. "Maybe I don't recognize them because it was years ago ..."

Kegan interrupted him. "Listen to me, they are just trying to get close to Brenna so they can get special treatment. Especially Thera."

Carlin pursed his lips uncomfortably. He didn't see that in Jonah and Thera. He didn't know why Kegan was so convinced of it, but he couldn't seen any signs of that kind of behavior. "Look, all I'm saying is --"

Cutting across his words, Kegan spoke angrily. "And all I'm saying is that if you're friends with those two ..." She paused, looking up at him with a mixture of confusion and anger. "... you're not mine." Looking hurt and angry, she stared at him for a moment, then turned and walked away. Carlin gazed after her, feeling bereft. She was his only friend here thus far, and he didn't want to alienate her, but there was something else going on. Something big that worried at him constantly.

Maybe he was night sick, but he didn't think so. It was after dinner, but before lights out, so he took advantage of the opportunity. He wandered from group to group, talking and listening, trying to get a feel for what other people knew about their histories. He discovered two things. Very few people wanted to talk about the past, and those who did seemed to remember very little. It was food for thought, and he contemplated it as he lay down for the night.

He was working on a generator in Area 9 when he heard the alarm horn blow. He took off towards the number two boiler at a dead run. When he got there a couple of guys were dragging an unconscious Tor away, and Thera was looking frantic but controlled.

"What's happening?" he asked urgently, stopping right in front of her.

"If that boiler blows, it'll take this whole section with it," she said, and he looked up at the massive thing. Jonah ran up just then, gazing at Thera for instructions. "Now, I can shut off the main boiler from here, but somebody's going to have to get back there and open the primary release valve!" She raised her voice on the last three words, because Jonah had taken off at 'go back there.'

Thera started towards the boiler controls and Carlin started to run after Jonah, figuring he might need some help. Kegan ran up to him. "Carlin!" she cried frantically.

"Get these people out of here!" he yelled, gesturing at all the people who were still working as if nothing was wrong.

As he ran off, he heard her shouting behind him. "Get out of here! Clear this section!"

The narrow area behind the boiler was incredibly hot and the sound of the pressure warning whistle was piercing. An ominous creaking came from the behemoth boiler next to him. Sweat was pouring off him in rivers when he saw Jonah struggling with the lever of the release valve. It was clearly too hot to get a grip on, not to mention that the rapidly increasing pressure had to be making it nearly impossible to turn.

There had to be another way, he thought. His gaze fell on a store of tools in a niche back here, and he grabbed up a pair of mallets. If they couldn't turn the valve, maybe they could smash it off. Half the workers in the plant would die if that thing exploded.

"Here!" he yelled loudly, holding out one of the mallets. Jonah turned, seeming surprised to see him. He immediately saw what Carlin had in mind, though, and took one of the mallets. Taking turns, they brought the mallets down hard on the valve control at its weakest point until it finally broke off, allowing the steam to burst free. Carlin went down to his knees, covering his face with his arm when it blew. It was so hot and so close.

Jonah yelled, "Hey!" Carlin looked up and, much to his surprise, Jonah put his hand out to help him up. Carlin wasn't sure how to take it ... for a moment he stared at him, uneasiness roiling in his gut, but then he grabbed the hand and Jonah pulled him to his feet with unexpected strength. They made their way out from behind the boiler.

Thera let out an obvious sigh of relief when they emerged and she dashed over. "You two okay?" she asked.

Jonah grinned. "Thanks to the kid, here. I'd still be holding onto that damned lever if he hadn't come along."

Brenna came running up and Thera gabbled out an explanation that meant almost nothing to Carlin. He glanced at Jonah who looked as perplexed as he felt. Brenna seemed to understand it, though and said, "I want all three of you go straight to the sick room and let Dolmen look you over." Nodding, they headed in that direction, and behind them Carlin could hear Brenna directing some of the others in recovery operations.

Dolmen pronounced them all healthy, but as they started to leave, Brenna came in. "Please wait," she said. Walking over to Tor, she looked up at Dolmen who shook his head. Carlin wondered what was wrong with the big man. Brenna made him lie down and ordered him to stay where he was until he was well enough to work. Then she turned to the rest of them.

"As for you three, we all owe you a debt of gratitude," she said sincerely. "You risked your lives to save the plant."

"It is my honor to serve," Carlin said, and he heard Thera say it with him. Jonah muttered, "Right," after the other two had spoken. Carlin was uneasy, and he sensed that the others were, too. It ... he didn't know ... the three of them had come together so quickly and seamlessly to deal with the problem, yet Carlin didn't know the other two. Or did he? His clear memories could be counted on the fingers of one hand, and he wouldn't need the thumb. Tor ... or Teal'c ... had said they were friends, that they were part of something. Part of what?

"If it hadn't been for your quick action, many lives might have been lost," Brenna added. Carlin thought he should feel good about that, proud, but there was a sick feeling in his gut like there was something badly wrong here, only he didn't know what it was.

"Next time will be different," Thera said soberly.

Brenna smiled. "Hopefully there won't be a next time," she said.

"Well, if you had listened to me in the first place --" Thera said resentfully, and Carlin turned to her, surprised by her vehemence.

Brenna cut her off, her voice gone hard. "Thera!" The other woman broke off, looking frustrated. Brenna's voice and expression softened. "You're dismissed," she said firmly and Carlin was eager to go. This all felt too wrong. He was ready to explode with the wrongness of it.

He walked out of the sick room with the others, Thera in front of him, Jonah behind. Jonah passed him up and said, "Hey, next time don't hold back ... just, you know, speak your mind."

Thera turned slightly. "She knows I'm right," she said, sounding angry.

Carlin spoke up. "There's something else going on," he said. They stopped and looked at him, and then they all looked around to see if anyone had noticed Carlin's unfortunately loud statement. No one was looking at them, and Carlin sighed with relief. The other two looked at him, waiting. "The big night sick guy with the ... uh ..." He pointed at his forehead. He wasn't going to call it a birthmark.

"Tor?" Thera suggested.

Carlin looked around again nervously. "He said we were part of something called SG-1."

Jonah nodded, eyes widening with the memory. "Yeah, what is that?" he asked.

"A team?" Thera said hesitantly.

Jonah looked incredulous. "What kind of a name is that for a team?"

"I don't know," Carlin said, not sure how to get across what he was feeling to them. "Look, I just think I'm supposed to be doing something ... more important ..." He trailed off. This wasn't coming out right.

"We're helping our people survive an ice age," Thera protested.

"Yeah," Jonah exclaimed. "What's more important than that?"

"I don't know," Carlin said helplessly. He sounded like an idiot. Great. "Look, I just have this feeling that all of us are part of some bigger ... grander thing."

Carlin glanced at both of them, trying to gauge their reactions. Thera raised her eyebrows and looked at Jonah.

"Well, I certainly understand what you're talking about," Jonah said, an odd tone his voice.

"You do?" Carlin asked, startled, because he wasn't altogether sure he knew what he was talking about.

"No," Jonah said flatly, and Carlin grimaced.

He looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to their little gathering. No one seemed to be, so he took a deep breath and went on. "Look, I don't know how to explain this, but I had this dream." He looked at Jonah. "You were in it."

"Me?" Jonah asked incuriously.

Carlin nodded. Hesitantly, because he knew how crazy the dream sounded, he said, "There was this big glowing puddle."

"Okay, stop talking right now!" Jonah said, sounding almost angry.

"Wait a second, Jonah," Thera said, and Carlin looked at her hopefully. "I had the same dream," she added.

Carlin stared at her. So he wasn't crazy, there was something. There was no way the two of them could have the same dream if there wasn't something.

Jonah's eyes widened and glared at both of them. "Would you two stop talking like that, for crying out loud!" he said in a low urgent voice. Carlin raised an eyebrow at that last phrase, and he could tell that Thera was caught by it, too. Did she feel the same half-familiarity of it? Jonah noticed how they were looking at him and said, "It's an expression, right?"

Carlin looked around. This was too dangerous. "Look, we can't talk right now," he said. "Let's meet after lights out." Glancing around again, he walked between them and back to his generator.

***

Jonah watched Carlin and Thera make their separate ways back to their normal tasks, then he headed back to his own. Carlin was having dreams in which Jonah was a featured player, but they also involved big glowing puddles. And Thera was having the same dream, though come to think of it, she hadn't specified his presence in her dream, just the glowing puddle.

Jonah really didn't know what to make of all this. On one level, what Carlin had said resonated powerfully with him, but on another he thought it was cracked. Bigger, grander thing ... delusions of grandeur, more than likely. He blinked thoughtfully and turned to the man next to him. "Do you know what 'delusions of grandeur' are?" he asked.

The man shook his head and turned back to his work without speaking. Jonah pursed his lips thoughtfully as he bent to tune up this little engine that ran one of the coolant lines. Weren't 'expressions' things everyone said a lot? That's why they were called 'expressions.' If that was the case, then why did he know so many that nobody else knew?

Bah! He was letting Carlin's words get to him. He'd come from the mines, where they evidently talked differently. And two people having dreams about big glowing puddles didn't make for the three of them, plus Tor, being part of some 'bigger, grander thing.'

On the other hand, he'd dreamed about Carlin before he saw him here. Tor had linked the four of them in a group, and he hadn't believed he knew Tor either. Thera was very important to him, but ...

He wasn't going to analyze this. He would be seeing Carlin and Thera later, and they could talk then. Maybe it would make sense, more likely it wouldn't.

After his post-meal walk, he settled down outside the dormitory and waited for the others. Thera came up followed closely by Carlin and they both sat down, Thera beside him and Carlin facing him.

"So?" Carlin asked, looking at him.

"So?" Thera was also looking expectantly at him, and he didn't have any idea what they expected.

"Do you have the same dream?" Carlin asked.

"About you?" Jonah replied sarcastically, not wanting either of them to get anywhere near the truth about his dreams.

"No!" Thera exclaimed. "About the shimmering circle of water."

"No," Jonah replied. "My dreams are about ..." He glanced at each of them and took a deep breath. "... other things."

Carlin leaned in closer. "Tor said we had to escape. He also said we had to remember. Remember what?"

"Well, I remember that when I was foreman, anyone caught doing what we're doing now had their rations cut in half for a month," Jonah said sourly.

"We'll have to risk it," Thera said, and Jonah knew he was caught. Carlin was looking like he thought Jonah was full of crap and Thera was enthusiastically bent on breaking the rules. He didn't think he could say no to either of them.

"What if our memories have been somehow altered?" Carlin asked.

"Well, if that's true," Thera said worriedly, "then we can't be sure of anything."

"My memories fine!" Jonah protested.

Carlin gave him a sarcastic look. "Really?"

"Yeah!" Jonah said.

"What did you do in the mines?" Carlin asked.

Jonah didn't have an immediate answer, so he faked it the best he could. "I mined."

"No," Carlin said in exasperation. "What did you do?"

Jonah thought hard. "I remember shoveling ore into a cart."

"And?" Carlin prompted.

Jonah stared at the other man wordlessly. He didn't have an answer. "I did that a lot." Carlin's face didn't change, but Jonah could tell he was satisfied that the answer proved his own point. Jonah wanted to growl. The fact was, though, that he didn't have a lot of memories, and the answer that the ore messed with memory didn't hold water the way it should.

"I remember a feeling of cold and darkness," Thera said.

"And that's where the two of you met?" Carlin asked pressingly.

"Yeah," Jonah replied, and Thera looked at him in surprise.

"Really?"

"Sure," Jonah said, but he could tell that Thera was as unconvinced by this as he was. His first memory of Thera was of knowing he had to find her when he woke up. In fact, that was his first clear memory. This was getting alarming. He turned to Carlin. "So, what's this important thing we're supposed to be doing?"

"I told you, I don't know," Carlin said. "I keep trying to remember, but all I ... I come up with are images of this place."

Thera blinked, looking worried. "But if you're right, then everything we remember about this place is a lie."

"It's like a facade," Carlin said. "It only works if we don't dig too deep beneath the surface, if we don't question it." That not questioning it thing was sounding kind of good to Jonah, but his gut told him it was wrong. "So that's what we have to do," Carlin continued. "We have to question every assumption, everything."

"We have to keep this to ourselves," Thera said earnestly. "If the others heard us talking this way, they'd think we were night sick."

Carlin nodded, but Jonah thought that raised an interesting point. "What if we are night sick?"

Thera shook her head. "I don't think so, sir," she said firmly, and Jonah stared at her in surprise.

"What?" Carlin asked, echoing Jonah's thought.

"What?" Thera asked, looking at them like she didn't understand what they were so surprised about.

"You just called Jonah 'sir,'" Carlin said.

Thera glanced at Jonah and licked her lips, looking as baffled as Jonah felt. He raised an eyebrow. She'd said it. Surely she knew why. "Well, it's an expression, isn't it?" she said.

Carlin's eyes widened, and Jonah felt a pit of cold start in his gut. It was getting a little too spooky for him. "I'm going to bed," he announced. "You two had better, too. We're not going to be let off work tomorrow."

"Right," Carlin said. "See what you dream about tonight, okay? Try to remember."

"Oh, I remember my dreams well enough," Jonah said. "They just don't involve glowing puddles." He nodded to Thera who started off ahead of him. He followed her, not looking back to see if Carlin followed.

Lying in his bed, he tried hard to remember the mines, but all he got was the memory of shoveling ore into a cart. No sleeping, no eating, no other tasks. When he pushed to remember more, all he got were images of this place, like Carlin had said. It didn't add up. Much as he didn't want to think it was true, because the implications were vast and disturbing, he was beginning to feel he had to accept it.

When he awoke, he remembered his dreams, all right. There were no glowing puddles, but he'd had one hell of a series of sexual adventures. And there had been mining as well, clothing optional. Watching Carlin swinging a hammer without his clothing on was ...

He got up and headed to the necessary.

Chapter Twenty-One

Hammond hung up the phone with more force than was strictly necessary. They'd sent Kovacek's team through earlier in the day, but he didn't have permission to order Kovacek to use any kind of pressure tactics to get Administrator Calder to admit what had really happened. He walked out into the briefing room and looked down on the technicians who were checking the gate and its attendant equipment for any kind of flaw or malfunction. This entire situation was insanely unacceptable.

Someone came into the room behind him and he turned to see Dr. Fraiser coming in.

"Sir, I have those medical reports that you were waiting for," she said. "Major Griff did suffer some minor frostbite, but the rest of his team is fine."

Hammond nodded as she put the reports on the table, then he turned back to the window and looked out again. "Thank you, doctor." They were all fit and ready, as soon as there was a viable plan he could send Griff through with his team to retrieve their lost lambs.

Fraiser walked closer and her voice was rich with concern and sympathy when she spoke. "Any word from the planet?"

"I spoke to Administrator Calder about an hour ago. He 'regretfully' informed me that the search of the city turned up nothing."

"So that's it?" she asked incredulously.

"Short of going to war, all we can really do is break off diplomatic relations," Hammond said. His lips tightened. "I'm not authorized to do that just yet."

"I take it they have something we want," Fraiser said.

Hammond sighed. "They're quite advanced in metallurgical and chemical technologies." He didn't think that mattered nearly as much as the Pentagon seemed to, but he wasn't in charge.

"Well, we must have something they want, or they wouldn't have proposed trade," Fraiser said reasonably.

Though phrased as a statement, it was clearly a question. "Stargate technology," he said, "gate addresses ..."

"Well, I can understand that," she said. "They're surrounded by ice."

"As far as I'm concerned, they need us a hell of a lot more than we need them. Apparently Administrator Calder doesn't seem to think so." He pursed his lips angrily. "Frankly, I think he likes things just the way they are."

"That doesn't leave you with many options, does it, sir?" Fraiser asked sympathetically.

Hammond turned away from the gate and met her eyes. "No, it doesn't, which is why I've ordered Major Griff to draw up a covert search and rescue plan."

Fraiser blinked at him, seeming a little surprised. "Well, if you're looking for volunteers, sir ..." she offered after a moment.

He smiled. "Thank you, doctor. I'll keep that in mind." She nodded and left him alone again. Hammond looked back down at the gate. It might not be a bad idea to send her. He had no idea what kinds of medical problems his people might be suffering from right now. He only wished he could go with the team to find them.

***

Breakfast tasted as bland and mealy as ever, Jonah thought, taking another bite. Thera hadn't gotten any bread again, but nobody had made any kind of fuss this time. It seemed unwise to draw attention to themselves.

Carlin came over from the food line and sat down with them, handing Thera his bread. Jonah was a little surprised, but he didn't say anything about it. Carlin dug into his food with zeal.

"Any more dreams?" Jonah asked.

Carlin looked up from his bowl and nodded. "I saw the pool of light again, except this time we were all there, including Tor."

There was a pause that seemed to call for a response, so Jonah shrugged. "I dreamed about mining." Carlin raised his eyebrow and Jonah added, "Naked." It was less than the whole truth, but more than he'd wanted to say. Thera looked up at him in surprise.

"Thera?" Carlin prompted.

She bit her lips. "Um ..." Then she leaned in closer. "A lot of numbers and letters keep popping into my mind. S, G, 1. D, H, D. G, D, O."

"It sounds like gibberish to me," Carlin said, and Jonah had to agree. The bowl another worker was holding caught Jonah's attention, and he stared at it.

"Well, it must mean something," Thera said defensively.

Jonah leaned across between them and tapped Arven on the shoulder. "Excuse me?" he said, offering his partially full bowl in exchange for the man's empty one. Arven made the trade and Jonah stared at the bowl.

Thera stared at him. "Jonah?" she said worriedly.

Carefully, not sure why he was doing it, he put it down next to him upside down so that it looked like a dome. "That means something," he said.

"What is it?" Thera asked.

"I don't know yet," Jonah replied, continuing to gaze at the upside-down bowl. Abruptly he wasn't in the plant. He was in a large room, looking out an immense window over a beautiful vista. Jonah was puzzled by the anger and contempt that filled his mind as he looked out. He turned toward the room and said, "Very impressive." Just as abruptly, he was back in the plant, sitting with Thera and Carlin, and his mind was whirling. He didn't say anything. The others didn't seem to have noticed his abstraction, so he guessed it must not have lasted long.

While everyone else was finishing up their meal, Jonah took the bowl over to his cot and tucked it under the pillow.

***

Brenna walked into the sick room. Dolmen had called her down to see Tor, who did not appear to be recovering from his unknown ailment. He was fevered, weak and didn't want to eat. Brenna touched his forehead and found it very hot to the touch.

Dolmen shook his head. "I don't understand, his condition's getting worse." He bent and reached out for the bandages around Tor's middle. "Here, let me check his wound."

Brenna caught his arm. "Under no circumstances are you to remove those bandages," she ordered sharply, and Dolmen looked at her in astonishment. "Just make sure he continues to eat and drink."

Turning, she left. She had to report this, and she dreaded what Administrator Calder would say.

Within the hour, she was summoned to his office. "I don't understand this report," he said, walking across to stand at the window, his back to her. "What exactly is happening?"

"For some reason Tor seems to be having an adverse reaction to the memory stamp," Brenna said. "I think he may be dying."

"Workers die," the administrator said with chilling indifference. "What about his friends?"

Brenna spoke hesitantly, aware that he had other sources of information about what went on down below. "I've received a report. They've been gathering together in secret. Administrator, I think they're starting to remember." Maybe if he thought the stamp wouldn't work on any of them, he'd come to his senses and send them home. "Their brain chemistry is different than ours, that might be the reason," she said. It didn't seem to be having quite the right impact on him. "But we can restamp them, she added hastily.

"No," he said, turning. "No, I think it's time they found out what it is like outside."

Brenna stared at him as he returned to his desk, utterly shocked. They didn't kill people, ever, except by accident. "All they really did was disapprove of our treatment of the workers," she said hesitantly.

"No no," he said. "No, they did much more than disapprove. They passed judgment on us, Brenna." She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I'm simply doing the same."

"Yes sir," she said numbly.

"Brenna, if for some reason you can't comply with my orders ..."

She shook her head. "It's an honor to serve, Administrator," she said.

He gave her a malevolent smile. "Yes, it is." Clear in his tone was the implication that he might deem others unworthy of that honor.

Brenna went out. He wanted her to send them outside, including Tor who was still ill. She couldn't do that. She wouldn't do that. It was insane. Administrator Calder had lost his mind, but he was still the administrator.

What was she going to do?

***

Thera had joined him on his walk, and Jonah thought he knew why. This whole situation was difficult, and being alone with it was hard. Carlin clearly didn't believe that Kegan was part of their group, so he'd really been alone from the start. Thera had always had him.

"Let's sit down for a little while," Thera said. "Have you thought of anything else?" she asked.

He wasn't ready to talk about his vision thing yet, so he sat down, contemplating what he had thought of. "I remember something," he said. "There was a man. He's bald and wears a short sleeve shirt, and somehow he's very important to me." Thera nodded and narrowed her eyes like she was trying to remember too. "I think his name is Homer." He was shocked to discover that he really believed in all this. He really believed that they were trapped down here by some power beyond their control, and that they had to take action to get away. That there was somewhere to get away to.

She shook her head. "It doesn't ring a bell."

"Damn," he said. "You?"

"Just a lot of vague images." She suddenly leaned against him, putting her head on his shoulder. It felt good. "You know, there are things about this place that I like," she said.

"Really?" he said incredulously. She gave him a look, and he realized that she meant she liked the closeness, and he wondered if she remembered something that suggested they weren't so close wherever they belonged. "Would it mean anything if I told you I remember something else?" he asked.

"What?" she asked.

"Feelings," he said, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"Feelings?" she asked.

"I remember feeling feelings."

"For me?" Thera asked, sounding startled.

"No, for Tor," he said sarcastically and she giggled. "I don't remember much, but I do remember that."

"So ..." she started, then let the word trail off.

"So ... I'm just saying."

"Well, then I feel better," she said, and he relaxed into the closeness. They didn't say anything else, and after awhile, he realized that they'd better get to bed or people would wonder what they were up to. He got her to her feet and they went to their bunks.

He was in that big room again, with the yellow pillar and the enormous windows. "Very impressive," he said. He turned around and saw a weaselly looking man looking at him complacently while eating fruit. "Too bad it's a lie." It was one of those dreams where he had no control over his actions, and no idea why he was doing what he was doing until he'd done it. The conversation continued along its predestined paths, and Jonah began to understand many things that had puzzled them all.

They were from elsewhere, all four of them, and he'd pissed off the weasel guy, so they'd wound up here. That much he knew, but he didn't know anything else, and he wasn't sure how much he'd remember when he --

The horn went off and Jonah sat up. He saw the upside down bowl where he'd placed it the night before, and hastily tucked it out of sight. Then he got up and went over to where Thera was opening her eyes and stretching. "Thera! I think I know what's going on," he said.

Leryn walked up and said, "Jonah, Thera, report to Brenna's quarters."

They exchanged a worried look and went upstairs where they found Carlin waiting. Jonah felt his heart descend to his shoes. They were going to get disciplined, probably forbidden from talking to each other. He couldn't obey an order like that, and the consequences of disobedience could be dire.

Brenna didn't say anything, she seemed to be waiting for something. A moment later, two guys came in carrying a stretcher with Tor on it.

"Put him down over there," Brenna said, pointing at her own bed. The guys picked him up and dumped him on the bed. "You're dismissed," she said to the two, and, taking the stretcher, they left, shutting the door behind them. Jonah looked over at Brenna wondering what the hell was going on. She wasn't likely to discipline a sick man, was she?

"What's the matter with him?" Thera asked.

"He's dying," Brenna said, sounding worried and unhappy.

Carlin, beside Jonah, spoke up suddenly. "Kel no reem," he said, sounding as if he wasn't altogether sure why he was saying it.

The others looked at him in confusion, and Jonah said, "What?"

"I'm not sure what it means," Carlin said. "But I think ..."

The information dropped into place in Jonah's mind. "It's a kind of meditation. He has to do it every day or he gets sick, right?"

Carlin nodded, and Thera said, "So why doesn't he do it?"

"Because he can't remember."

Brenna stepped forward. "Colonel O'Neill is correct," she said, and Jonah looked at her in astonishment. O'Neill. Colonel O'Neill. Jonathon O'Neill. Jack. "As you have begun to suspect, all of you have had your memories altered." Turning to Thera, Brenna said, "You are Major Samantha Carter." Sam. Carter. Jack's mind was full of disconnected information. Daniel. Daniel! He looked to his left just as Brenna said, "Dr. Daniel Jackson, and your friend here is named Teal'c."

Jack blinked. "Where does Homer fit in?" he asked, trying to fit the jumbled pieces together.

"You are all they sent down," Brenna said apologetically. "At first I thought it was necessary to protect the city, but now things have gone too far. You don't belong here." Jack listened with all his might. The answers, finally. "You need to return to your own world. Your memories will come back more quickly once you get home."

"Home?" Jack said. He felt utterly stunned, and he could tell that the other felt the same way.

"Yes," she said. Gesturing toward the solid wall behind her, she said, "Through there." Stepping to her desk, she pressed a button.

The wall slid open, revealing a doorway, but before Jack could even register that much, the weasel man walked in with two armed guards flanking him. He, too, had a weapon. This wasn't looking good.

"Administrator Calder!" Brenna said, clearly alarmed.

"Brenna, I must say I'm disappointed, but not surprised." Calder. Thoughts started percolating through Jack's mind, and emotions directed at that man. Anger, hatred, utter complete contempt. "You see," Calder continued, "I've been watching you growing weaker for some time now."

"I've been coming to my senses," Brenna said, her voice strong with the same contempt that Jack felt.

Calder shrugged. "Either way you're no longer of any use to me." He aimed his weapon at her and shot. Brenna cried out and fell backwards clutching at her right arm. Jack turned his attention back to Calder. He wasn't much of a shot, clearly, but there was no telling how good a shot the other two men might be. Calder motioned them to take custody of the three of them. "As for the rest of you, it's time you found out what the surface of the planet is really like."

As one of the guards drew even with the bed, Teal'c erupted suddenly, attacking and disarming the guard in one seamless move. Taking advantage of the surprise, Jack lunged forward and disarmed the second guard. Daniel attacked Calder ferociously and took his gun, pointing it at him. Carter rushed across to Brenna's side to check her out.

"Teal'c, you all right?" Jack asked. Things were falling into place, but his memory was still spotty.

"I am," Teal'c replied.

"What happened?" Daniel asked.

"When I removed my bandages and realized I was unlike the rest of you, I began to remember. I placed myself in a deep state of kelnoreem for the night. My symbiote restored me to health."

"Brenna should be all right if we can get her to the ..." Carter seemed to be searching for the right word.

"Infirmary," Jack filled in for her.

"Right," Carter said.

"You'll never make it back to the stargate!" Calder blustered.

Jack had his gun trained on Calder. "You know something, we've got you as a hostage," he said, and the word hostage called something up in his mind, some further reason he had for disliking Calder, but he couldn't put his finger on it. "I don't see a problem."

"Jonah!" Daniel said suddenly.

"Jack," he corrected.

"Right," Daniel said. "We can't. We have to tell these people what's happening here."

Jack pursed his lips, considering this. He nodded. "Yup, you're right." Gesturing Calder forward, he took him out onto the platform, the others following. Jack raised his voice and called out to the people who were still sitting, eating breakfast. "Everybody! Can I have your attention please?"

They all looked up, eyes wide. No one but Brenna was permitted to do this.

"I'd like to introduce you to someone!" he yelled. "This man has been keeping you locked up down here while he and his friends live it up on the surface."

Kegan, the silly bitch, stood up and glared at him. "What are you talking about?" she demanded.

Calder began to panic. "Don't listen to them!" he exclaimed. "They shot Brenna!" Murmurs from below seemed to worry him. "It's true!" he cried.

"Listen to me!" Jack yelled. "There's a big domed city up there full of people you serve! They've been hiding it from you your entire lives."

Kegan shook her head, stepping further towards the stairs. "It's a lie!" she yelled back.

"He's telling you the truth, Kegan," Daniel called, and this seemed to give Kegan pause. Daniel and his effect on people. An uneasy flutter of memory disturbed him, but he pushed it away to deal with later.

"You can't let them get away!" Calder yelled, his panic more evident.

"Who are you?" Kegan demanded of Calder.

"That's a good question," Jack said.

"My name is Calder!" The man's eyes were wide with fear. "I was a supervisor in the mines before I was transferred," he said jerkily.

"Yeah, whatever!" Jack growled. He couldn't tell if any of the workers below were buying Calder's nonsense, but he was getting tired of the farce. "You want proof?" he asked the workers below. He looked up at the skylights and raised the gun towards it.

"No!" screamed Kegan. Other workers began to cry out in alarm.

Jack ignored them and fired. The skylight shattered, glass falling in shards and dust, glittering in the sunlight that streamed in. Beyond, the buildings of the city were visible. Everyone below fell silent. Jack looked down at the people who were clustering in the sunlight. "No ice, no snow!" he called down.

"You've accomplished nothing!" Calder snarled. "These people will never be accepted in the city."

"I think you're right about that," Jack said, and Calder nodded, apparently thinking that meant Jack agreed with him completely.

Daniel got one of his satisfied looks and said, "That's why we're going to offer them a better place." Calder's eyes widened, and Jack couldn't help twisting the knife a little.

"There's this nice little tropical planet out there where the beaches go on forever!" He grinned at Calder's appalled expression. "This I remember clearly. You and your people can do your own shoveling for awhile."

Calder shook his head, looking truly furious. "You're destroying a way of life!" he shouted.

"That's a shame," Jack said insincerely. "Teal'c, you wanna show these people how to get out of here?" he said.

Teal'c went down the stairs and the rest of them retreated into the office, leaving Calder on the landing. Carter walked over to Brenna who was grimacing while cradling her injured arm.

"It hurts!" Brenna said.

"I know, try not to move it. We're going to take you home with us."

"Thank you," Brenna said with a grateful smile, and Carter got her to her feet. Daniel took over from there, helping her out of the office. Jack wasn't sure he wanted them going ahead alone, but he was caught staring at Carter. What had happened to him? He didn't fully understand the emotions that were cascading through him, because they didn't all match up quite right. "So, colonel," Carter said uncomfortably.

"Major," Jack said very properly.

"That bald man you were trying to remember ..."

"General Hammond," he said, and she nodded.

"Right," she said with a smile.

"He's from Texas, you know," he added. "It's all coming back."

"Yes sir," she said.

Jack looked down. The closeness had been nice, even if the emotions were confused. "Sir ..." he said thoughtfully. He looked up to find her looking at him. Her expression was sad, but he didn't know why, what was making her sad. "Let's go home," he said.

"Yes sir," Carter said. She went through the doorway, and he followed her.

Chapter Twenty-Two

The next area was a hallway that led to a door. Daniel didn't think he'd ever seen it before, though that could be false. The door didn't open as Daniel and Brenna approached, and Brenna paused, looking confused. "It's supposed to open," she said.

Daniel nodded. "I'm sure he had it reprogrammed so that it wouldn't," he said. "In case you bolted or something."

"How are we going to get through?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure Calder can get through, and we probably need him anyway. How many soldiers are there?"

"I don't know," Brenna replied. "I've never seen more than two or three at once."

Daniel blinked. His mind was full of memories that were jockeying for attention and space. One of them popped to the forefront. He remembered being slammed down to a set of steps by a group of those soldiers. "I've seen more, maybe twenty," he said. "But I don't think they're all that well trained."

Jack and Sam came up behind them. "What's up?" Jack asked. "Why aren't we going through?"

"The door won't open for me anymore," Brenna said, sounding pathetic and lost.

"Right," Jack said. "Well, we probably need a better plan than just walking out into the open. For all we know, there are a hundred men waiting on the other side of this door."

"Then maybe we'd better go back and make sure nobody has any radios," Daniel suggested, and Jack's eyes widened. He hastened back through the door and Daniel took Brenna back as well, sitting her down on her bed. "Sam, find something we can use as a bandage." She nodded and started going through Brenna's desk. Jack was rifling through the guards' clothing, looking for anything that resembled a radio or technology of any sort. "Should I get her jacket off, or should we wait?"

"Wait," Jack said as he searched. "She could go into shock, and she'll need anything warm she can get if that happens."

"O'Neill, what are we going to do?" Teal'c asked suddenly from the doorway. "I have the workers gathered at the foot of the stairs, but I do not believe they will all fit in here."

Jack looked up. "Right. Keep them downstairs for the moment, and I'll come out in a few minutes to tell them what we're going to do."

"Very well." He handed Jack a couple of items. "I confiscated these from Administrator Calder."

"You will all pay for this!" Calder growled, coming back into the room. Daniel felt himself shrinking back, and he wondered why. Violent antipathy and fear surged through him as he looked into the man's angry face.

Brenna noticed. "It's all right, Dr. Jackson."

"No, I don't think it is," he said, staring at Calder. Brenna's gaze followed his and her eyes widened.

"Take these gentlemen downstairs and tie them to something, would you Teal'c?" Jack said suddenly, and Daniel was vaguely aware of the guards being removed from the room. In the jostling, Calder got shoved towards him, and he noticed Daniel's reaction.

A slow malevolent smile crossed Calder's face and Daniel had sudden flashes of memory that paralyzed him. Nothing he could grab onto, nothing that stayed for more than a moment, but enough to make him unable to think or move. Calder reached towards him and Daniel shrank back farther. Sam was coming up with a bandage and she saw Daniel's position.

"Daniel, are you okay?" she asked.

This drew Jack's attention, and after one look at the situation, he grabbed Calder by the arm, spinning him around. "You stay away from Daniel!" he snarled, his voice a promise of violence. "You hear me?"

Daniel could see the fear on Calder's face, and knew that Jack wouldn't let the bastard get close to him again. Slowly, he relaxed. Sam started bandaging Brenna's arm, looking at him anxiously.

"He'll be all right," Brenna said softly. "He's just having some unpleasant memories come back."

He stood up abruptly and walked over to the door. "Jack, I'm going to go have a talk with the people downstairs. Someone needs to tell them something."

Jack looked at him, then walked over. "Daniel, you okay?"

Daniel swallowed. His memories were fragmentary, but what little he had was causing him to feel very distressed. He needed to do something. "I don't know. I think I can hold myself together." He glanced over at Calder and felt nausea sweep through his stomach. "Find out when he's expected back, you think?"

Jack nodded. "Okay, Daniel."

He started towards the door, but then another memory hit him. He turned and glared at Calder, pushing the nausea aside for the moment. "Is anyone from Earth here now?" he demanded.

Calder straightened his shoulders. "I don't know what you mean," he said unctuously, and Daniel wanted to punch him.

Jack walked across and took Calder by the collar, shaking him. "Answer the question!" he ordered.

Calder shrank back a bit, but he didn't answer. Jack let go, shoving him back against the wall behind him, then turned to the desk. Sorting a radio out of the jumble of confiscated items, he tossed it to Sam. "Can you program this to call on our frequencies?" he asked.

Sam caught it and looked. "Give me a couple minutes, sir, and no problem."

Jack grimaced. "Not sure how much time we have," he said. "I'm thinking I may have tipped our hand when I shot out the skylight."

"You had to do it," Daniel said. "You could have argued with them for hours and they might still not have accepted it."

Jack nodded. "It still leaves us in a potentially compromised position."

"Wouldn't they have come in by now?" Daniel asked. "We can't open the door, that doesn't mean they can't."

"No ..." Sam looked up. "I've been trying to remember from our tour of the city just where those skylights have to be, and I think they're pretty far out of the way. I really think it's possible that no one's noticed yet."

"Unless there's an alarm," Jack said.

"Right, sir." She bit her lip and bent to the radio again.

"Daniel, I want you to go down there and talk to those people. Tell them who we are and that we plan to take them to a better place. Also tell them that getting to the better place may entail some danger. You know the drill."

Daniel nodded, thankful that he had something to do, and that it was something that took him out of Calder's immediate vicinity. He went out onto the landing, and saw that Teal'c wasn't kidding. Every last soul in the plant was gathered by the foot of the stairs.

He walked down the stairs till he was only about a head and a half above everyone else and called out, "Can everyone hear me?"

"Arven's still with Tor, tying up those two men," called a voice from the back.

"Well, we're not sure how much time we're going to have," Daniel said, "so someone will have to fill Arven in when he gets back."

There were murmurs and nods, then Kegan pushed her way to the front. "What's going on, Carlin?" she asked softly.

He reached out and squeezed her shoulder, then looked over the group. "First of all, Thera, Jonah, Tor and I are friends. We came here, to the city, from a distant place to try and arrange a trade between the people here and our own people."

"You traveled over the ice?" asked someone.

"There is no ice!" yelled another.

Daniel raised a hand and they fell silent. "There is ice," he said. "This planet is going through an ice age, but a solution to the problem of survival was found long ago. It just requires a lot of power, and the people in the city found it easier to keep you folks down here producing it than to work out another source."

Kegan looked up at the spires that were visible through the skylight. "So they lied to us?"

"Yes, they lied. They've been lying for a long time. We found out about you and Jack ... Jonah ... told Calder, the guy you saw earlier, that we wouldn't trade with a nation that treated its own people the way they were treating you."

"Is that why the four of you wound up down here?" Mevor called. Daniel nodded. "Is Thera some kind of engineer?"

"Sort of," Daniel said. "She's a ..." He shrugged, not sure how much 'theoretical astrophysicist' would mean to them. "She's a scientist, and her real name is Samantha Carter."

"What's your name?" someone else asked. Daniel couldn't get a line of sight on him.

"My name is Daniel Jackson. But more importantly, we plan to take you home with us. That's going to take something of an effort, and it could be dangerous."

There was a lot of murmuring at that, then one voice rose above the rest. "Why dangerous?"

"Because the people of the city aren't going to want to let their captive work force go." Daniel saw a few faces harden at the word 'captive' and he was glad he'd chosen it. "See, they've got ways of making you forget things. The memory problems you all have aren't a result of the ore or anything else, but are actually because of something they do to you, called a 'stamp.' That's what they did to us, made us forget who and what we were." He had everyone's attention now. He knew that there wasn't a person in the group who hadn't had some amount of memory stolen from them. "It makes you complacent, content to accept that this is all there is."

"So what are we going to do?"

Teal'c and Arven were approaching, and the Jaffa greeted Daniel with one of his nods. "We will take you to DanielJackson's homeworld, where we will find you a suitable place to live and work in peace."

"And your world," said Aron loudly, "it's not covered in ice?"

"No," Daniel said. "And there are other worlds, many other worlds, most of which are not in the middle of an ice age. We will find you a place to go that will suit you." They were all looking at each other in alarm. "I know it sounds kind of scary."

"How do we know you won't just turn around and make us work for you?" Arven demanded.

"All I can say is that we won't. We don't make slaves of people. In my land, people work, but they get paid for what they do, and they can live where they want. It's --"

"Daniel!" Jack called from the landing. "Wrap it up down there! I got through to Kovacek. Hammond's sending through two teams to hold the gate and make a path to us, and he knows we're going to have company for dinner!"

Daniel nodded and turned back to the crowd. "Okay, we're going to be leaving soon. The people who look like those guys back there are not friendlies. Guys in black with big black weapons are our people. I'll point one out to you when we see one. Everyone keep together as much as you can. Jack -- Jonah, Thera, Teal'c and I will stay with you. We're heading for a means to get back to my world, but I'd better warn you, it's going to seem strange. It will be a big circle of stone and there will be ..." He stopped. "Just follow where we lead. I promise, we won't take you someplace bad."

"Okay!" Jack called. "Send them up in groups of ten or so, the first group should include someone who can help Brenna walk. I'm going ahead with Calder. Daniel, you and Teal'c bring up the rear. Carter will keep people moving up here."

They followed Jack's instructions, but it took forever. There were about three hundred people down here, and moving that many people in groups of ten ... after awhile, Daniel sent Teal'c up to let them know when Sam was ready for the next group.

When they were down the last fifteen or so, Daniel decided they should all go up together. He gestured all of them to go up ahead of him and fell in behind, surprised to find that Kegan was right in front of him. She'd been at the front of the group when the exodus started, how had she wound up being last?

Teal'c and Daniel played shepherd, keeping people together, rounding up strays. Kegan kept close to him the whole way, and Daniel smiled at her sympathetically. This had to be pretty scary. At one point, Teal'c moved further up the column of refugees to see what was delaying things.

Evidently, Jack had elected to take the stairs, which suited Daniel. When he finally reached the doorway, he saw that the closing mechanism had been jammed so that they couldn't shut the stairwell down and block them in. There were surprisingly few guards, which made Daniel nervous. Where were they, and what were they waiting for?

Things seemed to be moving incredibly slowly and unbelievably quickly at the same time. Daniel reached the landing on the fourteenth floor and gazed briefly at the stairs where he had been stopped on his escape attempt. From there, he went into the museum. The rooms here were larger than the halls down below had been, so they were able to group up tighter, and Daniel finally saw one of his own people. "Griff!" he called with relief.

"Dr. Jackson! Good to see you."

The workers were looking at the items in the museum, staring at the relics in fascination. "Everyone stay together!" Daniel called. "We don't have time to look around!" There were far too many doors in here for Daniel's comfort.

Jack's voice crackled out of Griff's radio. "We're almost there, people. Keep moving."

Daniel took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Home. Soon. Ahead of him somewhere, he heard the sound of someone pressing the buttons on a DHD. At that moment, all hell broke loose. Red-clad guards came pouring into the room from all the doors, and the workers started pushing forward. Daniel, Griff and a lieutenant whose name Daniel couldn't remember kept them moving swiftly but not panicking. The guards were aiming at them, but no one was shooting.

A voice spoke over a PA system Daniel hadn't even known about. "Stop them! They're escaping through the circle!"

"Everyone stop and stay where you are!" one of the guards yelled.

Some of the workers hesitated, but Daniel shouted, "Keep moving!"

The guard repeated the order a couple of times, and then they started shooting, not at people, but over their heads. People started screaming and trying to run, and Griff grabbed his radio. "Pick up the pace, O'Neill! We've got hostiles here!"

Daniel shot one of the guards and then turned to aim at another. Eight workers boiled out of the line and swarmed another. They took him down, but two of them were wounded in the process. Things got crazy after that, and Daniel just kept trying to keep people moving towards the door.

They entered the next room and found more dead guards and a few dead workers. There was a man Daniel knew on the ground, Sgt. Grimes off SG-2. His head was in pieces. "Keep going," Daniel said. "Keep moving."

It was clear that the guards had not been given orders to fire actually at the workers unless they were directly attacked, but by now enough of the guards were dead that several workers had weapons that they were firing without much effect other than adding to the noise and confusion.

A couple of the guards seemed to have gotten a different idea of how to stop the mass exodus, albeit on a small scale. Griff was further forward, keeping the group moving without crushing each other when Daniel saw a pair of guards holding several of the workers, maybe fifteen or twenty pinned down in a corner behind a display. Kegan grabbed for one of the guards, struggling with him, but she was considerably weaker than he was. He shoved her away, knocking her into a wall. Daniel shot him, but then the gun he was carrying ran out of bullets, so he launched himself at the other man, clubbing him with the butt of the pistol. "Run, everyone! Go!" he shouted.

He heard pounding feet going past, but his attention was focused on the struggle. The guard tried to bring his weapon around to Daniel, but Daniel smashed his arm against the display, causing him to drop it. The struggle continued until Kegan rose up behind the guard and brought a bar of metal down on his head. The guard went down like a log and Daniel grabbed Kegan and turned to run. It was slow going. Kegan was having some trouble keeping her feet, but Daniel couldn't pick her up. He didn't have the time to stop, and he was afraid he'd drop her with the way his arms and legs felt. One of his knees was threatening to collapse under him.

When they reached the gate room, Daniel saw Jack, slung over Arven's shoulder, going through the gate, an alarming amount of blood on his back. The sight struck him to the heart, but he didn't have time to think about it. The room was rapidly filling with local guards and emptying of workers and SGC personnel. There was a regular firefight going on at the gate. Major Griff, Harmon from SG-9 and two workers whose names Daniel suddenly couldn't recall were firing into the crowd of soldiers. Tofan and Leryn came up beside him and Kegan. Leryn took Kegan and threw her over his shoulder in something like a fireman's carry, and Tofan grabbed Daniel around the waist and helped him move forward at a faster pace.

Harmon saw them and let out a call that made Griff look up. They focused their fire in Daniel's direction, clearing a path. As they reached the gate, Harmon took a blow to the upper left of his chest. Daniel shook Tofan off and said, "Get him through." He grabbed Tofan's weapon and turned to start firing himself, scanning the room to see if anyone else was left behind. He didn't see anyone, either worker or SGC. "Sam?" he asked Griff. "Teal'c?"

"They're both on the other side," Griff said. "You're the last."

Daniel was dimly aware of Leryn taking Kegan through the gate. He and Griff started to back through, but Daniel heard a grunt from Griff, and the minute they were on the other side of the gate, the major dropped his weapon and grabbed for his left hip, collapsing. Daniel caught him and lowered him gently. "Close the gate!" he yelled. "We're the last!"

The gate winked out of existence, and Daniel looked up to see organized chaos in the gateroom. Jack was nowhere to be seen, and he didn't see Janet among the medical personnel that were triaging the new arrivals. He hoped desperately that Jack was okay, but then the gate started to spin, and the first chevron locked.

"Leryn!" Daniel called, and the worker turned from his stunned survey of the room he was in. Kegan was already at the foot of the ramp, being looked at by a medic, but Leryn was about three feet closer. "Help me get him away from the gate," Daniel said. "If it opens, the ... it's dangerous to be too close when it opens."

Leryn came up and they carried Griff down to the base of the ramp. The iris closed behind them and the medic who had been looking at Kegan turned to Griff. Rapidly, he got Griff onto a stretcher and moved towards the infirmary. Kegan turned to stare at Daniel. "Are you all right, Carlin?" she asked, reaching for his face. Her hand came away bloody, and Daniel realized that there was a gash in his forehead that stung painfully.

"I'll live," he said. The gate came fully on, and there was a loud thump that made Daniel turn and stare. Someone had come through. A moment later, the gate went dead again, and he realized that they must have sent someone through to call when he got to the other side. He remembered Sam telling one of the dinner gatherings that radio waves passed both ways through the wormhole, and Jack telling them about the iris. They'd sacrificed someone to test the situation. It left Daniel feeling kind of stunned and horrified, but he didn't have much emotional energy left.

The seriously injured had largely been removed, and now the SFs were organizing the remaining workers into groups based on their injury levels. He shook his head when one of them came up to him. "I'm fine," he said. "I can get to the infirmary on my own. See to them."

The guard turned to Kegan and helped her over to a group of ambulatory injured. Leryn had already been taken to a group of those who were largely untouched by the battle. Daniel was sagging, feeling very much undone by the events of the last three hours or so. Memories were still coming in flashes, horrible and mundane, disturbing and just weird.

He started to move forward, towards the exit when he felt a strong and angry grip seize him by the neck. Surprise froze him briefly, then he felt a cylinder pressed to his skin just under his jawbone. People were staring, alarmed, and the SFs Daniel could see raised their weapons in his direction. "Drop them!" ordered a voice that made Daniel's insides curdle, and he suddenly realized why the guards back on 118 had been so willing to sacrifice themselves. "Drop them or I will kill him!" Calder snapped when the SFs made no move to obey his first command.

Daniel watched them lower their guns, and he wondered if he dared try to fight Calder for control of his weapon. The man was not a soldier, but that might just make him more dangerous, and the weapon was firmly placed. Daniel really didn't want him to fire.

Silence fell in the room, and Hammond entered from the doorway to Daniel's right. "What do you want?" he asked Calder, who started backwards up the gate ramp, dragging Daniel with him.

"Open that thing," Calder ordered. "I'm going back home."

"You're not going anywhere, Administrator Calder," Hammond said. "Let Dr. Jackson go and --"

"No!" Calder shouted. "Don't come any closer!" Hammond stopped, his eyes on Calder's face. "I am going home, and Daniel is coming with me." Daniel closed his eyes, horror surging through him at that thought. The man's touch was enough to make him want to have a hysterical fit of screaming, but he didn't do or say anything, fearful that it would alarm Calder. "Open the gate."

"We're not sending you home," Hammond said seriously. "And we are certainly not letting you take Dr. Jackson with you."

"I will kill him," Calder said, and he pressed the weapon more firmly into Daniel's throat. "He is mine, and I will do with him as I please."

Daniel's eyes snapped open in time to see Hammond's eyes widen. "If you kill him, you lose your bargaining chip, and we will kill you."

"But this man is of value to you," Calder said. "You will not risk it. You let him come through the gate with me, and he will survive. If you do not, I will --"

"DanielJackson!" Teal'c shouted from the left doorway, and Daniel knew what he was about to do. He went completely limp, startling Calder into dropping him. The zat fired, and Daniel got just a peripheral blast. Calder took the whole thing and fell like a stone. SFs hustled up and dragged him away, Hammond ordering them to take him to a cell.

A spasm wrenched Daniel's stomach. He rolled over and started vomiting on the floor. The very thought that Calder might have gotten away with him was enough to make him physically ill. Teal'c waited until he was done, then helped him to his feet.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Teal'c helped DanielJackson out of the gateroom, feeling very much as if he had committed a terrible error. How Administrator Calder had gotten through the gate without anyone being the wiser was beyond him, but that he had been permitted to take control of DanielJackson was unforgivable. Teal'c had clearly let his guard down in an unacceptable manner.

However, DanielJackson had never reacted to a zatnicatel with physical nausea before, and that worried Teal'c. He thought there must be something wrong inside DanielJackson, some internal injury that had led to this violent nausea. Leaving General Hammond to deal with the workers from 118, he took DanielJackson hastily to the infirmary where he found that there were no staff members to treat him.

"Stay here, DanielJackson," he said, helping the young man to a seat. "I will find someone to help you."

DanielJackson caught his arm. "No, Teal'c, they all need help more than I do," he said weakly. "Please, just get me something to wash my mouth out into, and something to drink?"

"You are seriously unwell," Teal'c said firmly. "You vomited. A zatnicatel should not cause that reaction. There must be --"

"That has nothing to do with my physical health," DanielJackson said. "Teal'c, trust me, if I had an internal injury, I would say something, but I don't. I just ..." His face clouded up. "My memories are coming back and they're not particularly pleasant." Teal'c gazed at him worriedly, but he seemed perfectly serious. "Please, something to drink and a basin to wash my mouth out into?"

Against his better judgment, Teal'c did as he was asked, and DanielJackson did seem less unwell than he would have expected if he'd suffered some serious internal injury. Teal'c dumped the basin out once DanielJackson had finished with it, and put it in the washable biohazards bin. Then he went and found some medical supplies. He strapped an icepack around DanielJackson's knee, and tended the cut in his forehead.

When he was done, DanielJackson smiled up at him. "Can you find out how Jack is for me?" he asked, and Teal'c grimaced.

"He was seriously wounded during the fighting," he said, uncertain how much DanielJackson knew.

The other man nodded. "I know. I saw him go through the gate, but ... he's not dead, right?" The earnest worry and near-desperation in DanielJackson's face made Teal'c feel the need for haste in finding out the answer to his question.

"He was not dead when he came through the gate," Teal'c said. "I will find out how he is and return in a moment."

DanielJackson relaxed against the back of his chair and Teal'c walked to the nurse who was coordinating the care for this influx of severely wounded aliens and SGC personnel. "Teal'c," she said with a worried smile. "Are you injured?"

He shook his head. "I am not. However, I wish to know how O'Neill is. DanielJackson is worried."

Her eyes went to where the young archeologist sat, and she nodded. "He would be." She looked down at the charts in front of her and found the right one. "Colonel O'Neill is out of danger. The wound was relatively superficial, and he's in post-op right now. Still unconscious, or I'd send you two to him." She glanced through her charts, and looked at DanielJackson again. "Has Dr. Jackson been triaged?"

"I do not believe so," Teal'c said, looking over at his charge. There was no triage tag on his garments. No doubt he had been more concerned for their guests than for himself when he had first arrived, and then Administrator Calder had attacked him.

"Let me get that dealt with, then," she said. "Lt. Roman, go get a look at Dr. Jackson." She nodded in the right direction, and Teal'c saw a young intern head towards DanielJackson. "How about you, Teal'c, has anyone actually looked at you?"

"I have taken no injury that my symbiote cannot handle in a matter of hours," Teal'c said.

"It's nice to have one of you guys who does the healing himself," she replied with an amused grin, and he nodded, moving off to rejoin DanielJackson.

Predictably, his teammate was objecting to Lt. Roman's attempts to see to his health. "There are people who need you a lot more urgently than I do," he was saying as Teal'c approached.

"Then allow him to complete his task and he can get back to them sooner, DanielJackson," Teal'c said with an internal smile. DanielJackson complied with an irritated look.

Within moments, the intern was done with his work, and he said, "See, that wasn't so bad, Dr. Jackson. You'll be fine."

"I told you that," DanielJackson said sourly, but Lt. Roman did not take any offense. The people here knew DanielJackson's temperament only too well. "So, how's Jack?"

"His wound was superficial. He is currently unconscious in post-op, but he will recover."

DanielJackson let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God. And Sam?"

"She is unhurt," Teal'c said. "As am I."

"Good." The young man took a deep breath. "Where is Sam?"

"She is helping with the workers, getting the uninjured ones settled, and --"

"What is that?" exclaimed a woman from across the room. "Please, I have done nothing wrong --"

DanielJackson was on his feet and moving swiftly to her side before Teal'c could react. "Relana," he said, as he reached the woman's side and gently disentangled her grip from the arm of the nurse who was trying to place an IV needle into her arm. "It's all right."

"Carlin?" Relana said confusedly. "I do not understand. What is it she is trying to do to me?"

Teal'c watched as DanielJackson helped the nurse explain the need for the IV, watched Relana relax and come to some level of calm over the situation. DanielJackson had a truly amazing effect on people. He helped several of the other workers understand what the medical staff were doing until an orderly came and told them that O'Neill was asking for DanielJackson.

The archeologist looked around and made certain that no one else appeared to need immediate assistance, then hurried to O'Neill's side. Teal'c followed at a discreet distance, not wishing to intrude on the reunion, but also not wishing to leave.

O'Neill was sitting up slightly in bed. He leaned forward at DanielJackson's approach. "Daniel, you okay?" he asked.

"I'm good," came the reply, and Teal'c saw that he wasn't going to tell O'Neill about the attack. "I was a little worried about you. Pretty much hated seeing you go through the gate over someone else's shoulder with a heavily bleeding wound. Don't do it again."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Teal'c heard a worker's voice raised in protest behind them, and DanielJackson started to turn. "I will see to it, DanielJackson. Stay with O'Neill."

He left them alone together. Perhaps this fear for O'Neill would give DanielJackson the knowledge he required to understand how much he and O'Neill needed one another.

***

"So, Daniel," Jack said, looking up at his friend. "Are you really okay, or are you just saying that?"

Daniel plucked at the triage tag on his jacket. "Green, see, I'm fine."

Jack gave Daniel a weary grin. So, he was going to go all close-mouthed. What a shocker. "Have they examined you yet?"

"Just enough to know that there's nothing life-threatening," Daniel said. Jack gazed at him worriedly. Had he remembered anything yet? The way he'd pulled away from Calder back in Brenna's room could have been less memory and more gut feeling. Jack's reaction had been mostly gut feeling, but the memory of seeing Daniel tortured on a TV screen had come back and left him filled with an anger that burned away the fog of the drugs. And Daniel still had no way of knowing that Jack had seen what had happened, so even if he remembered, he might not say anything.

"Calder came through the gate, did you know that?" Daniel said, and Jack's eyes went straight to Daniel's.

"What?"

"He came through the gate. I guess whoever you set to watching him pulled him through, or he went through on his own, I don't know, but he's here."

"Does Hammond have him under lock and key?" Jack demanded. Daniel nodded. "So ... do you ..."

"Do I what?" Daniel asked, and Jack's courage deserted him. Later would be soon enough.

"Nothing. How's Carter?"

They talked for awhile before a nurse came and took Daniel away to be checked over. A few minutes after he left, Fraiser came in and picked up Jack's chart.

"Why aren't you with Daniel?" he asked.

"Daniel has a graze on his forehead and a wrenched knee," she said with a serious look. "You have a through and through bullet wound. I'm a little more worried about --"

"You shouldn't be," Jack said. "Daniel has more severe injuries than that, they're just older. You need to be with him, because I'm afraid he won't talk about them to anyone else."

"What are you talking about?" Fraiser asked.

"Of course, that assumes he's remembered them at this point," Jack said. "This sucks!"

"Colonel, you need to tell me what you're on about."

Jack bit his lips and took a deep breath, controlling his own reactions. "Daniel has been raped, at least twice, probably a lot more often than that."

Fraiser's eyes widened. "When?"

"I'm not really clear on how much time has passed since the first time," Jack said. "But it was clear when he arrived down below that Calder hadn't let up on him any. He was covered in bite marks and bruises. That was about two weeks ago, maybe three. There aren't any clear time markers down there."

"And he might not remember?" she asked.

Jack grimaced. "The stamp ..." he said urgently. "They do something that affects memory. I don't remember everything that happened, but I do remember Calder raping Daniel, okay?"

"Okay. I'll go see to him."

"Fraiser," Jack called as she started to leave. She turned and looked at him. "He doesn't know I know," he said. "I ... Calder ... I saw, but Daniel doesn't know I saw."

Fraiser nodded, eyes wide, and hurried out of the room. A few minutes later Warner came in and took up where Fraiser had left off with him. Jack struggled to keep his emotions in check as the memory of watching helplessly while Calder attacked Daniel played over and over again in his mind.

***

Janet walked up as Dr. Warner finished wrapping Daniel's knee. "Daniel," she said a smile. "I need you to come with me. Dr. Warner, would you go check on Colonel O'Neill?"

Warner stood up looking puzzled and did as she asked, and Janet took Daniel into one of the private exam rooms. "What's up, Janet?" Daniel asked. He turned in alarm. "Nothing's wrong with Jack or the others is there?"

She shook her head. "No, Daniel, but ..." She grimaced. "Sit down, please," she said, and he sat on one of the chairs. She sat on the rolling stool. "I just spoke with Colonel O'Neill, and he explained some about the stamp and memory problems," she said. Daniel nodded, still mystified. "Do you remember everything that happened to you?"

Daniel shook his head. "No, not everything, though there's a lot that's ..." He closed his eyes. He had to tell her. He'd been trying to work himself up to saying something to Warner, but he'd half hoped that the fading bruises on his body would make the man ask a question that would make it easier for Daniel to bring the subject up, but he'd asked nothing.

"What, Daniel?" Janet said, drawing closer and putting her hand on his arm.

He looked into her eyes, full of warm, rich sympathy. "You know," he said. "How do you know? Did Calder, has he been ..." Daniel wrapped his arms around his chest, struggling to control tears that wanted to burst forth.

"No," Janet said. "Or not as far as I know. Daniel, Colonel O'Neill told me he that he was forced to witness some of what happened to you, and he was concerned that you wouldn't remember."

Daniel stared at her. "Jack ... Jack saw ..." His gut twisted, and he lurched to the sink in the room and vomited again. Janet ran him a glass of water and let him wash his mouth out, then helped him sit back down. Daniel's mind was reeling. How had Jack seen it? Where had he been? Calder ... he'd known how Jack felt. He must have done it on purpose. All those remarks he'd made about Jack, those questions, the threats, how much did Jack know?

"Yes," Fraiser said gently. "And I don't know what he saw or exactly what happened, so you need to tell me and I need to examine you."

Daniel took a deep breath. "He was ... very careful," he said. "He wanted me to ... to last."

Janet's eyes widened. "I will still need to examine you, Daniel," she said softly. "I'm sorry." Daniel nodded. "Please tell me what happened."

Daniel bit his lip and looked at the ceiling. Then he said, "Calder raped me. Penile penetration, on several occasions. He also loaned me to one of his friends who also raped me, and engaged in oral sex." One of his hands, quite independent of his will, made a vague gesture in the direction of his own penis, and Janet's face creased with sympathy. "Once he used ..." Daniel flushed. "He used an appliance, something that was designed to increase the pain ... it was ... knobs or something on the outside. I never saw it, just felt it."

"I see," she said, making notes, and Daniel felt his gorge rising again at the thought that she was writing it down.

He swallowed convulsively. "He also hit me several times, in the face, and used a collar on my throat that ..." He found that he still had limited control over his hands as one of them rose to his neck. "It choked me. I was ..." He reached blindly towards the box of tissue on the counter as his tears overflowed. Janet handed them to him. "I was tied down to a bed and the collar held my neck so that I had to remain flat. It was pretty ... pretty awful." He paused, taking a deep breath. Janet didn't say anything, but he heard the scratch of her pen on the paper. "He bit me, breaking the skin, and he gave me a lot of hickeys. And he drugged me, but only once, until he'd made it clear that if I didn't cooperate at least minimally, he'd do to Jack what he was doing to me."

"Oh, Daniel," Janet said, and she enveloped him in a tight hug. He cried on her shoulder for a few moments, then she drew back and looked him in the eye. "Was there anything else?"

He shook his head. "No, that about sums it up."

"I'm going to have to ask you to get undressed," she said, and Daniel nodded. He endured the exam and then went towards the room where Jack had been. Halfway there he stopped. What was he going to say to Jack? How could he face him? After a moment, he forced his feet to start moving again and walked in.

Jack looked up. There was another bed in this room, but there was no one in it. "Daniel?" he said. "You okay?"

Daniel shook his head. "You saw?" he asked. Jack's face went white, and he nodded. "How much?"

"The first two times," Jack said. "After that he sent me down into the plant."

"And you forgot," Daniel said numbly.

"I tried not to," Jack protested, leaning forward despite the pain Daniel could see it caused him.

Daniel pushed him back, shaking his head. "That's not what I meant, Jack," he said. "I'm not angry or upset. It was just a statement of fact."

"Well, I'm angry," Jack said. "I didn't remember anything until you got so alarmed by Calder in Brenna's room."

Daniel snorted. "Don't sweat it, then. You beat me. I didn't remember anything for real till we were back here."

"God, Daniel, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. He wouldn't have --"

"None of it was your fault," Daniel said, trying to stem the tide. If Jack wasn't careful he'd say something that could get him kicked out. "Calder saw what he wanted to see."

"You said he's here," Jack said suddenly. "Did he touch you? Did he --" Jack broke off, and Daniel wondered what his face looked like because Jack was staring at him. "What happened?"

"Nothing much," Daniel said. "He just grabbed me and tried to use me as a hostage to get Hammond to open the gate. Teal'c zatted him and all is well."

"I'll kill him," Jack said.

"He's locked up, Jack. He can't do anything." Daniel sat down and propped his leg up on a chair, resting his arm on the bed next to Jack. "And I, for one, would rather not think about him any more right now. I'm going to have to talk about him all too much later."

"Right," Jack said, reaching out and resting his hand on Daniel's. He looked up at the wall opposite his bed. "One thing, though," he said, and Daniel sighed.

"Yes, Jack?"

"Don't you dare, ever again, offer yourself in our place like you did." Daniel's eyes widened. "Never."

"Jack, I am not going to let anything happen to you or the others if it's in my power to stop it." He glared at his friend. "Never."

Jack's hand closed around his. "It's not worth it, Daniel. I couldn't live with myself if --"

"Knock it off, Jack," Daniel said. "Do you think I could live with myself if my inaction caused something to happen to you or Sam or Teal'c?"

"Yes, damn it!" Jack growled. "You're the civilian. It's not your job to --"

"We're a team, Jack," Daniel shot back, pulling his hand out of Jack's grip.

"For crying out loud, Daniel, yes, we're a team." Jack glared at him. "And in a team each member's duties are defined clearly. Carter, Teal'c and I protect you, and you get home safely. That's how it works."

"I never agreed to those rules," Daniel said stubbornly.

"You joined the team, you accepted those rules," Jack snapped.

"I define my membership in our team in my own way."

"Damn it, Daniel, the order of priority in terms of who gets saved first are you, Carter, Teal'c and then me. That's the way it is."

"I don't see it that way," Daniel retorted. "And I won't. I'm no more or less expendable than you are."

"Daniel!"

"Gentlemen?" Daniel looked up to see a very puzzled and vaguely alarmed General Hammond in the doorway.

"General," he said, flushing.

"Sir," Jack said.

"Can I mediate this dispute?" the general asked, going around the bed and sitting in another chair.

"Sir, would you please tell Daniel why his life is more important than mine?" Jack said.

"Jack!" Daniel exclaimed. "It wasn't my life that was on the line."

Jack made a few noises that were both angry and incoherent, and General Hammond looked alarmed. "Would you please explain what you're talking about?"

"Daniel, that was your life," Jack said, getting his words back.

"He wasn't going to kill me, Jack," Daniel replied. "You know that."

"No, he was going to keep you," Jack snarled. "That's your life. Your whole life."

Daniel flinched back from the idea of spending his whole life in Calder's control. "I knew you would come for me," he said.

***

Jack stared at the utter conviction in Daniel's eyes and wanted to scream, wanted to get up and shake him, but he knew it wouldn't help. "Your confidence is touching," he said instead. "But damn it, Daniel, why can't I make you understand --"

"Because I refuse to buy into this notion of one life being more valuable than other lives. I am not more important, more ..." He paused seeming to be searching for words.

"No one said that one life is more valuable than other lives," General Hammond said.

"Jack just --"

"Dr. Jackson, he said your life is more important than his, with that I have to agree." Daniel started to shake his head, but Jack reached out and grabbed his hand again, silencing him. He wanted Daniel to hear what the general had to say as much as Daniel didn't want to hear it. "It's not that your life is more valuable. Human life isn't measurable in that sense. However, if you were to weigh all the lives on earth against Colonel O'Neill's life, which would you say was more worthy of being saved?"

"That isn't a fair question," Daniel said.

"No, it's not, but we don't live in a fair world," Hammond replied. "How many linguists do we have who can do what you do? Both reading and speaking Goa'uld, as well as learning other languages with the speed and accuracy you do?"

"That's not the point," Daniel said but Hammond shook his head.

"It is the point," Hammond said.

"Yeah, Daniel," Jack said, squeezing his friend's hand. Daniel's eyes met his in a moment of heart-searing intensity. "Realistically, you have a better chance of being able to make a difference in the survival of earth and all its people than I do." Daniel opened his mouth, but Jack overrode him. "Your skill base is more irreplaceable than mine. So is Carter's for that matter, but we have at least half a dozen astrophysicists who could be brought up to her level. There isn't another linguist on earth who can do what you do." Daniel stared at him, looking stricken. "Frankly, I'm not sure there's another linguist anywhere who can do what you do."

Daniel shook his head. "That's not fair," he said again, his voice weak.

"No, it's not," Jack replied. "But it's true."

There was a silence, and Daniel didn't take his hand away this time, for which Jack was grateful. In fact, he seemed to hold on tighter. Jack really hoped he was offering some comfort.

When Hammond spoke again, they both looked up. "I'm sorry to ... I have to ask you both what happened. Dr. Jackson, do you feel up to having a debriefing?"

Daniel's hand tightened further on Jack's, but he nodded. "Do we need to go somewhere else?" he asked.

"I'm afraid so. With Administrator Calder here, this has become a criminal investigation, so we need to follow all the correct procedures, one of which is interviewing witnesses separately."

Daniel nodded and stood up. Jack squeezed his hand once more before he left, and Daniel gave him a weak smile. Hammond, looking unhappy and uncomfortable, followed him out of the room.

Jack wished he had Calder in front of him right now. The prick wouldn't face any kind of an investigation then. He'd just face his judge, jury and executioner, all wrapped up into one man.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Daniel followed the general into the briefing room and sat down. There was a video camera in the room with Sgt. Kramer behind it, and he sat down without looking at either the camera or the operator. General Hammond sat down in his usual place. "I'm sorry, Dr. Jackson."

"It's fine," Daniel said, looking down at his hands.

"Please describe to me what took place on P3R-118 in your own words."

Daniel began with the mission, describing their tours and the growing uncertainty that both he and Teal'c had felt regarding their hosts. Then he told the general about his and Jack's discovery of the underground plant.

"All right, Dr. Jackson, what happened then?"

Daniel grimaced. "Jack told Sam and Teal'c to continue their tour and we headed back to the administration building to confront Calder." He swallowed. "Calder blew us off. He didn't seem to think that they were doing anything wrong. Jack called him on it, and he placed us under arrest." Daniel was finding this part of the story more difficult to tell, not surprisingly, but it was coming back to him without trouble. His memory was beginning to feel almost whole again. "They subdued us and took us to separate cells, and that was the last time I saw Jack until I was sent down to work in the plant. I ..." He gulped. "I didn't see any of them again until then."

"I see. Go on."

"I stayed in the cell for about twelve hours by my watch, then they pulled me out for some kind of medical exam. I tried to talk to the doctor, to get through to her, maybe get her to realize that something was wrong, but she sedated me." He glanced up at the camera and away again. His gut was roiling, but staying under control. "I woke up in a small bedroom in Calder's apartments. I didn't know that then, but that's where I was, and I was ... I was naked." He stopped for a moment, unable to find the words to go on.

"Then what happened?"

Daniel looked up at the corner of the room and tried to pretend he was talking about someone else. "There was nothing in the room that I could use to cover up. It was clearly intended as a cell." Daniel closed his eyes. "I was there for a few minutes, and then guards came and took me to a room that was kind of like a study. They made me kneel down beside a chair and after a short time Calder came in."

"Were you still naked?" Hammond asked.

Daniel nodded. "They don't seem to have the same nudity taboos there," he said. "I was taken past a girl, a servant, who wasn't more than twelve, and no one batted an eye." Hammond nodded, and gestured for him to continue. Daniel moistened his lips. "He explained the situation. We had been tried and judged as troublemakers, and been bound to serve. That's what they do to criminals there. They become workers." Daniel shuddered. "He said that Jack and the others had been sent below, to serve the city with their memories altered so that they wouldn't mind or even realize that there was anything wrong. I was to serve him." Daniel reached up and rubbed his stinging eyes. It was a truly humiliating memory, and worse was coming.

"Do you need a break?" Hammond asked, and Daniel shook his head.

"No, I'll ... if I take a break every time something bothers me, this will take a week," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "He told me what he was planning to tell you, that we'd gone out onto the ice and were lost, and then he had me taken to his bedroom and tied down to his bed, spread-eagled, with a collar around my neck." His fists were clenched as he recalled the memory. "It was attached to the mattress," he added. "Calder came in and started ... he started playing with me, talking to me, telling me ..." He shook his head. "He somehow got the idea that Jack ... that Jack and I are more than friends. I'm not sure where that came from, but ..." He took a deep breath. "He asked me what Jack calls me when we're alone together. I told him that we don't have the kind of relationship he seemed to think we do, and he struck me across the face. Figuring that it was better not to try and reason with an idiot, I just told him what Jack calls me anyway, which is Daniel."

"I see," Hammond said, and he seemed to be believing Daniel. He certainly hoped so, because the last thing he wanted was for this to end up with Jack out of the program. "Go on."

"So, he started to ... he kept touching me, and I managed to actually pull free of the ropes that were tying me to the bed. I twisted and knocked him off ..." He flushed. "I ... he'd climbed up to straddle me at that point."

"Was he clothed?" Hammond asked.

Daniel closed his eyes and nodded. "He was wearing pants, but nothing else, and he was ... excited."

"Go on."

Daniel nodded again. "I knocked him off, and my right hand came free and I punched him. I don't know if he was dazed or unconscious, but he was down for awhile. I kept working on getting loose. My left hand was still tied and I still had the collar on, and my ankles were tied. I got them loose before Calder came to himself again, but I wasn't able to get both my feet free before he called for the guards. I fought, but there were three of them, and I ..." He looked down at the table. "They dragged me back to that cell-like room again. Some time passed and the guards came back with another man who had a syringe. They held me down and drugged me, then took me back to Calder's room. During the time I was gone, I guess he had the ropes replaced with chains, because they chained me to the bed and left me there. It was ... twenty minutes or thereabouts before Calder came in and ... and started up again. I couldn't get loose. I couldn't stop him. He wanted me to admit that he was my owner, and he ... I wouldn't, so he hit me. How much ... what ... how much do you want to know?"

"Please give us all the details, Dr. Jackson," Hammond said gently, and Daniel felt tears come to his eyes again.

"Right," he said. "Okay." He took a deep breath, and then another, trying to keep from crying. "I was still affected by the drug somewhat when he came in, but he was pretty clear that the drug was more to keep the guards from having to hurt me than to keep me from hurting him. He said he didn't want me damaged before he got started." Hammond nodded, and Daniel could see the sick dismay beneath the calm surface Hammond was projecting. Seeing that made Daniel feel a little less like he was a good soldier reporting in, and more like a man talking to a caring friend. "I told him he was disgusting, and he asked me why I had a problem with it because it was just a part of their culture. He told me I would acclimate, and I told him he was wrong. Then he ..." Daniel felt his heart start to beat hard in his chest, and his stomach was a mass of acid by now. "He said that he had the power of life and death over Jack and the others. I ... I told him I would stay if he'd let them go."

"You what?" Hammond exclaimed, eyes widening.

"I couldn't ... I knew that if Jack, Sam and Teal'c were here that none of you would stop trying to get me back, but if you believed that story about us going out on the ice, you might never know what happened to us. I thought if they could go back, it would make rescue more likely, and at least they'd be safe. He told me that men Jack's age didn't last long in the plant because the work was too much for them."

"Is that why Colonel O'Neill was yelling at you?" Hammond asked incredulously.

Daniel nodded. "I guess ... I didn't know this until just a little while ago, but apparently Jack saw all of this first ... he said he saw the first two times." Daniel swallowed. "I don't know how, but he ... Calder was a Grade A prick."

"I'll have to go along with you on that one," Hammond said, and Daniel noticed Sgt. Kramer nodding behind the camera.

"So, he laughed at me, more or less, and told me that he knew what I was thinking, and that he wasn't a fool. Then he asked me who owned me. I said I did. He hit me, and asked again. I told him that he already had a piece of paper that told him who owned me, so why was he asking." Daniel grimaced at the expression on Hammond's face. "I'm not very good at ... that kind of thing just sets my back up and makes me more stubborn. He told me I couldn't have clothes until I acknowledged his ownership."

"Did you?"

Daniel shook his head. "No. He ... then he asked me ... he asked if ..." This was being harder than anything else to say, and Daniel wanted to throw something. "He asked me if Jack takes me from in front or from behind. I told him again that we don't have that kind of relationship, but that just pissed him off. He hit me again and told me that he was going to ..." Daniel felt his throat constrict, "... take me in as many ways as possible." He paused. "Are you sure you want the details?" he asked.

"Please, Dr. Jackson," Hammond said. He looked up and gestured to Kramer to stop the camera, then he got up and sat in the chair next to Daniel's. "The more we can nail on the bastard, the less our government is going to be able to ignore it and try to push the deal through anyway," he murmured softly. "I'm sorry to do this to you, but you're the only one who can do this."

Daniel grasped that instantly and, much as he hated it, resolved to follow through. "Can I please have a box of tissue and a glass of water?"

"Of course, son," Hammond said, gesturing to Kramer to take care of it. "And may I say that I am very proud of you?"

"I thought you were unhappy with me for trying to sacrifice myself for the others."

"It wasn't the wisest choice, but it isn't exactly a cause for shame," Hammond said. "I'm proud of the way you're holding up under this. It can't be easy."

Daniel shrugged, but he was pleased by the accolade. Kramer came with the tissue and a pitcher of water. He poured Daniel a glass, and Daniel drank. He pulled out a couple of sheets of tissue and started wadding them in his hand. Hammond nodded to Kramer, who started the camera up again. Daniel closed his eyes and looked down. "He started touching me, then he straddled me." Daniel lifted his eyes to the to the camera. He could do this. He wasn't going to let this be ignored.

***

Jack lay back in his bed, trying to pretend to himself that his shoulder didn't hurt. He didn't want any more damned pain meds. He disliked what they did to his brain. Struggling against the pain also didn't leave room for much other thought, which was a mercy at the moment. He still didn't have a roommate, which was also a mercy. He couldn't have coped with someone else in the room, though he desperately wanted Daniel to come back. He couldn't bear the thought that Daniel was going through that debriefing without him.

The door opened and Carter came in. She shut it behind her and walked over to the end of the bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Okay," he said. "Worried about Daniel."

Carter nodded and pursed her lips. "I was looking for him, and Dr. Warner said Janet had examined him, so I went and asked her, and she said he was debriefing with the general."

"He is," Jack said, suddenly realizing that neither Carter nor Teal'c had any idea about what Calder had done to Daniel. There hadn't been any opportunity to tell them.

"So I asked her why," Carter said. "It seemed a little weird. Usually he debriefs us all together, usually there's a little more time involved, I don't know. It just seemed odd." Jack nodded, wondering exactly where she was going with this. "So I asked her what was up, and she said it was confidential, but that you might be able to tell me."

Jack opened his mouth, and then closed it again. "It's kind of complicated."

Carter raised her eyebrows. "Do I need to get Teal'c in here for this?" she asked. "When things regarding Daniel get complicated, it's usually easier to just tell them once."

Jack nodded. "It would probably be better. I doubt Daniel wants to talk about this himself."

Carter's eyes widened. "What is it? Is he leaving? What --"

"No," Jack said. "Not so far as I know, at any rate." He felt a tendril of alarm thread through his gut. "Go get Teal'c."

"Sure." She looked at him uneasily, then left. Jack pushed himself further up the bed and contemplated the very real possibility that Daniel might decide to leave the program. Something like this could do that to him. Jack couldn't let that happen. It was his fault that that Calder had fixated on Daniel. Jack had pissed the bastard off by confronting him, and he'd put them all in a vulnerable position by not reporting in first. Then, to get back at Jack, Calder had chosen Daniel because he'd recognized Jack's feelings for him. Jack ... Jack had acted irresponsibly. There was a reason for not letting people who had feelings for one another work together in these kinds of situations.

Carter and Teal'c arrived, and Jack wrenched his mind back to the present. Carter shut the door again and she sat down. Teal'c stood stolidly at the foot of the bed. "What is the situation, O'Neill?" he asked solemnly.

Jack stared at the two of them. This wasn't going to be easy. "You know Calder didn't send Daniel down to the plant right away," he said. Sam nodded, and Teal'c's brows drew together. "And Carter, you saw him when he got down there. The way he was --"

Sam's eyes widened. "The bruises," she said. Rage distorted her features. "The bite marks?" Jack nodded.

"Bruises?" Teal'c repeated. "Bite marks?"

"Calder kept him as a toy," Jack said. "A sex toy."

Teal'c let out a growl. "Do you mean to say he sexually assaulted DanielJackson?"

"I mean to say," Jack said, nodding.

"Where is he?" Carter demanded, her voice harsh.

"With the general," Jack said. "You already knew that."

"Not Daniel, that bastard Calder!" she replied. "I'll kill him."

"Carter --"

"Where is he?"

"Locked up somewhere," Jack said. "I don't know."

"I'll find him," Carter said. She turned and stalked out of the room.

"Carter, wait!" Jack looked at Teal'c. "Go after her. Stop her!"

Teal'c nodded and hurried out. Jack clenched his fists. Great, he'd obviously handled that well.

***

The door to the briefing room swung open suddenly and Daniel turned to find Sam swooping down on him. "Daniel!" she exclaimed, and pulled him into a close hug. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't think. I --"

"Sam," Daniel said. "It's ... it's okay. Don't ... are you crying?"

"Major Carter ..." Hammond started, but she didn't even seem to notice him.

"Daniel, I didn't ... are you okay?" She didn't give him a chance to answer, just kept babbling apologies. Behind her, Teal'c came into the room. He looked pretty grim.

"Do I take it Jack told you?" he asked when Sam paused for breath.

Daniel got Sam to sit down in the chair next to him, holding his hand. She was weeping, her nose red and swollen. "I should have realized, I should have seen it when you came down to the plant. I mean, I did, I saw it, but I didn't ... I should have put the pieces together ... and I was unkind to you. I didn't know. I didn't --"

"Hold up, Sam," Daniel said. "You were never unkind. Not once."

"I wasn't kind. I let Jonah knock you down. I didn't try to stop him."

"Sam, it's okay," Daniel said. He looked up at Teal'c, but from the set expression his face, Daniel could tell that he was wrapped up in his own reactions.

"I'll kill him," Sam said. "If you want me to. Do you want me to? I can kill him."

Daniel shook his head. "Sam, we're on video tape here," he said gesturing at Kramer. Sam didn't notice, but Kramer shrugged.

"I turned it off a couple of minutes ago," he said, glancing at Hammond, who nodded. "Frankly, I'm with her. You want him, dead, I'll take care of it."

"Sergeant!" Hammond growled. "Did you say something?"

Kramer colored. "No sir. Nothing. I never say anything. I'll just sit here not saying anything." The silence dragged for a second or two, then Kramer said, "Sir."

Sam didn't seem to have noticed the interplay. Daniel kept trying to comfort her, but it was getting him nowhere.

***

Hammond watched in dismay as Major Carter babbled out her guilt and distress over what had happened to Dr. Jackson on Dr. Jackson's shoulder. The archeologist was bearing up well under the stress of his experiences, but Hammond didn't feel that he needed Major Carter's reaction to it dumped on him as well, though to be truthful, he seemed to be taking it in stride. Truthfully, all that probably meant was that he'd repressed his own reactions in order to take care of his teammate, and that wasn't healthy.

Teal'c had come in with her, and Hammond turned the Jaffa. Perhaps Teal'c could be persuaded to take Major Carter somewhere else to vent her emotions where they wouldn't be forced on the man who least needed to hear them. The words died on his lips, however, when he saw the mood Teal'c was in. Hammond stared at the Jaffa. He hadn't seen Teal'c in this murderous a rage since Cronos had come for the summit with the Asgard.

He stood up. "Teal'c?" he said. The Jaffa turned to look at him. "Could you please help Dr. Jackson get Major Carter to a more comfortable and more private space?"

"Indeed, General Hammond." Dr. Jackson gave him a grateful smile as they got themselves to their feet. When Teal'c helped her up, Major Carter seemed to realize where she was and pulled herself together. She didn't look at Hammond as she went out with her teammates, her arm around Daniel's waist, his arm around hers. "Kramer, wrap things up here for the moment," he said once the three were gone. "And don't talk about anything you saw here, neither Dr. Jackson's testimony, nor Major Carter's ... outbursts."

"Of course not, general," Kramer said, and Hammond knew he could count on the man's silence, if for no other reason than that he was the only other witness.

Leaving Kramer to deal with his job, Hammond headed back to the infirmary, to Colonel O'Neill's room.

O'Neill was sitting up in bed looking irritable and worried at once. Hammond walked over and sat down. "How are you feeling, colonel?"

"How's Daniel?" O'Neill asked instantly. "Where's Daniel?"

"He's with Major Carter, comforting her."

O'Neill stared at him for a moment. "Comforting her? Then she ... she didn't pay a visit to Calder in his cell?"

"Did she ..." Hammond shook his head. "I don't know." He stood up again. "I'll be back in a minute." He went to the nearest phone and made a quick call to check on their unwilling guest. When he was reassured that Calder was still healthy and alone in his cell, he returned to O'Neill. "Calder has had no visitors," he said. "I had to leave off in the middle of Dr. Jackson's debriefing because Major Carter came in, so I thought I'd come see how you were coping."

O'Neill looked at him for several seconds, then looked away. "I'm fine."

"You are?"

"I am," O'Neill said. "I may have to resign my commission, but I feel fine."

"What?" Hammond exclaimed before he managed to force a lid on his reaction. "Colonel, I do not need this from you right now. Dr. Jackson truly doesn't need it."

"You don't understand, sir, it's my fault," O'Neill said earnestly. "This --"

"Unless you raped Dr. Jackson yourself, I'm not interested." O'Neill flinched back at both his words and his tone. "We can discuss how this situation is your fault later, after things have stabilized a bit, and you've been home for a time. At the moment, you're on medical leave, so questions of your fitness for your position can safely be left for another time, and they will be. Do you understand me?"

O'Neill sat a little straighter. "Yes sir."

"For the moment, Dr. Jackson seems to be holding up remarkably well, but I don't know how long that will last. He will need you not to be falling apart if and when he does. Do you need outside help to make that possible?"

"Sir ..." O'Neill trailed off as Hammond raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to take my testimony?"

"I want you to tell me what happened in a general sense, and then I may ask you to speak to a therapist."

"I am not talking about this with McKenzie," O'Neill said.

Hammond rolled his eyes and shook his head. All four of the members of SG-1 had had serious problems dealing with Dr. McKenzie since the good doctor had mistakenly diagnosed Dr. Jackson with schizophrenia. "No, colonel, I am not so foolish as to expect you to see Dr. McKenzie. I have someone else in mind, someone with considerably more therapeutic experience than he has. McKenzie does more in the way of research than direct therapy."

O'Neill started fiddling with the covers on his bed. He looked exceptionally uneasy. "That could be okay," he said, twisting the white sheet in his hands. "But ... it's ... there are things I can't talk about with a military shrink."

"She's not a military shrink," Hammond said with a smile. "Her name is Dr. Lisle and anything you speak with her about will be off the official military record."

"I'd be ..." O'Neill shook his head. "Okay, I wouldn't be happy to, but I would be willing to." He grimaced. "For Daniel's sake."

"Good," Hammond said. "Also for Daniel's sake, I want you to tell me, at least in general, what you saw." It was such a simple request, yet clearly so wrenching, he could see it in O'Neill's eyes. As the colonel remained silent for several seconds, Hammond cleared his throat. "I will need a more complete account, on tape, later, but right now I want just a general description."

O'Neill nodded. "Okay, I think I can do that." He took a deep breath. "I ... after he held me incommunicado for most of a day, he had me brought into some kind of interview room where he told me what our punishments were going to be, only he didn't just tell me." O'Neill paused, clearly struggling to maintain control over his emotions. "He had some kind of video machine. I saw Carter waking up after her stamp, completely confused, totally vulnerable to whatever conditioning they chose to give her." Hammond intensely disliked the image of any of his people in that condition, and he knew now that all four of SG-1 had been. "It's a good thing that Brenna is basically a decent person, because she could have done anything to any of the people they put in her control."

"I see," Hammond said. He'd wondered about that woman. Both Carter and Teal'c had told him that she'd helped them to escape, but he'd still wondered. "That's good to know. Please, go on."

"So, I saw that, and then he ... he switched channels I guess is what you'd say, and I saw men dragging a drugged Daniel into a bedroom and chaining him to a bed." O'Neill's voice broke, and he stopped for several seconds. Hammond had already listened to Daniel's description of this event, but it was made new again, watching O'Neill remember it. "He told me that we, Carter, Teal'c and I were the property of the city, but that Daniel was to be his personal servant. Mind you, at this point I was tied down or Calder's head would have been splattered against a wall."

"I'll bet," Hammond said.

"So, he left me alone with the video feed on and went and ... and he raped Daniel. Twice. In between times, he left him alone, tied to the bed, hand and foot, his neck strapped down and his body ... in an extremely uncomfortable position." O'Neill shuddered. "After he turned off the feed, I don't know what happened to Daniel. I ... I broke the chair I was in and got as free as I could, which means my hands were tied in front of me instead of behind."

Hammond knew what physical efforts that had likely taken. "How badly did you hurt yourself?"

"Not too badly," O'Neill said. "My left shoulder may dislocate more easily now, but I don't think it will be a big problem."

"Good."

"I tried to kill Calder when he came back in, but I missed. I think I killed a guard, though."

"And then what happened?"

"And then they took me and made me forget everything." O'Neill thumped his head back against the wall. "I tried, sir. I tried hard to remember Daniel, but they took everything."

"There was nothing you could have done," Hammond said, and then he saw the tears that were trickling down O'Neill's face.

"I should have been able to remember him. I should have recognized him when he came down to the plant. I ..." O'Neill shook his head. "I don't know what was wrong with me."

"O'Neill, none of you remembered each other," Hammond said firmly. "That's --"

"Not true. I remembered Carter." Hammond stared at him. "I remembered her the minute I woke up. It makes no sense." He rubbed his eyes and glared at his feet. "I should have remembered Daniel. I should at least have known he was missing, but ..."

"O'Neill, you were manipulated by alien technology," Hammond said when it became clear that O'Neill wasn't going to say anything else.

"General, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Fraiser said, walking in. "My patient needs his rest."

He turned to her and pursed his lips, then nodded. "Jack," he said, turning back to his second in command. "We'll talk more tomorrow, but please, don't beat yourself up about it so much." He left knowing that O'Neill was unlikely to be unable to follow that advice. "It's not your fault."

O'Neill gave him a sketchy salute and Hammond returned it. SG-1 was going to be a long time in recovering from this mission, he could see that.

There was a little man in a little room in the brig who had caused all their grief and insecurity, and George Hammond intended to do his best to see that he paid for it.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Daniel watched as Sam finally fell asleep on Teal'c's bed. There weren't a whole lot of places to stay on base tonight, not with two hundred or so workers inundating them. Teal'c sat across the room, radiating anger.

Daniel got up and limped over to where Teal'c was sitting on the floor and slid down the wall to sit next to him. "So, what did Jack tell you, exactly?"

"That Administrator Calder used you as a toy."

Daniel felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach. Hard. Twice. He breathed for a couple of moments, trying to absorb the notion that Jack had actually said that. Out loud. Eyes wide, he blinked at the wall across the room from where he was sitting. "He said that, did he?"

"He did," Teal'c said.

"Did he say anything else?"

"He did not," Teal'c said.

Daniel didn't know what to make of it. He knew Jack wouldn't have said a thing like that lightly, but why had he used that term? Was he trying to get the facts across concisely? It was certainly concise. Clear even. Appallingly apt. Daniel could feel his hands shaking slightly, and his gut began to twist unhappily.

"He was most disgusted," Teal'c said.

Daniel closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. "I'm sure he was," he said dispiritedly.

Teal'c was silent for a moment. Then he abruptly shifted, putting his hands on either side of Daniel's face. Daniel's eyes flipped open. "Not with you," Teal'c said firmly, gazing into Daniel's eyes.

"I ... I ..." Daniel looked down, and Teal'c released his grip. "He saw it, Teal'c. Calder forced him to watch the first ... he saw ..."

"He was most angry," Teal'c replied. "As anyone would be were they forced to watch a friend being tortured."

"Teal'c, I ..." Tears started to flow down Daniel's cheeks.

"He cares for you, DanielJackson. This has not changed that." Daniel nodded mutely and Teal'c sighed. "It is time for you to get some rest, DanielJackson. It has been a very long day."

"It has, but I can't sleep up there," he said, as Teal'c pulled him to his feet towards the bed. "Sam's there."

"There is nothing amiss, DanielJackson, I will be present. No one will cast aspersions on either of you."

Daniel gave up fighting it and collapsed onto the bed next to Sam. He felt Teal'c covering him up and then he fell asleep.

When Daniel woke, Sam was sitting in a chair next to the bed, her back to him, working on something. Teal'c was nowhere to be seen. Daniel sat up. "What's up?" he asked.

Sam turned, eyes bright with forced cheer. "We didn't want you to wake up alone, so I stayed with you. Teal'c's giving testimony."

"Right," Daniel said. "So, what are you working on?"

"Actually, do you remember that experiment I set in motion right before we left?"

Daniel blinked. "Something about magnets and some kind of field generator?" he asked hesitantly.

Sam rolled her eyes. "Something like that," she said. "Well, Siler kept it going for me. I'm going over the results."

"That's great," Daniel said. "I'm ... I'm going to get dressed and go see how Jack is."

"I've seen him this morning. He was fine."

"Good." Daniel got up and went into Teal'c's private bathroom to get cleaned up. It was great to be home. It was great to have a shower when he felt like it, not wait until his section's day and then crowd into lukewarm water with four other sections and scrub quickly so no one saw his bruises.

He pulled on fresh fatigues when he got out of the shower and walked out into Teal'c's room. "Sam, are you okay?" he asked.

She looked up from her work. "Sure," she lied. "I'm great."

"Nothing that happened was your fault, Sam," he said. "And you weren't unkind to me. You were great."

Her face creased unhappily. "It's so weird, thinking back on it. I didn't know you. I didn't even wonder if I knew you. It wasn't until you two started fighting and Teal'c started shouting that I had any notion that anything was wrong."

"I wasn't much better off than you," Daniel said. "I knew something bad had happened to me, but Brenna had me convinced." He swallowed. "I think ... I'm afraid I wanted to forget."

"What are you talking about, Daniel?" she asked. "You're the one that convinced the colonel and me that there was something wrong. Without you and Teal'c, Thera and Jonah would still be there, fixing boilers and pump engines."

"That's different," Daniel said. "That was after ..." He rubbed his face, trying to forestall the tears that were looming. "I didn't want to remember anything initially, while those marks were still all over me."

Sam stood up and gave him a hug. "We're safe now, and that's the most important thing, right? We're all safe."

Daniel nodded and squeezed her tightly. After a couple of minutes, he drew back and looked down at her with a smile. "And now I need to go find Jack."

"I know he'll be glad to see you," she said.

Daniel went out into the halls, just glad to be back on base. He nodded to his colleagues and friends, and headed down to the infirmary. Jack was still in the same room, and he looked extremely irritable. "Good morning," Daniel said.

Jack turned to him and a smile lit his face briefly, followed by a worried frown. "Hey Daniel, you okay?"

"I'll live," Daniel said lightly. "How's the shoulder?"

"It hurts. Less since Napoleon forced the morphine on me, but it's still there."

"She's good that way, our little Napoleon," Daniel said.

"I don't want morphine, Daniel."

"Yes, Jack, but you need morphine." Daniel sat down. "Morphine good."

"Did you sleep all right?" Jack asked. "I half-expected you to doss in here."

"I slept okay," Daniel said. "I stayed in Teal'c's room with Sam and Teal'c." He looked down at the bedspread and then up at Jack's face. "So, if you try to blame yourself for any of what happened, Jack, I will be quite annoyed with you."

"Daniel, I made a neophyte's mistake," Jack said. "I should have contacted Hammond before confronting Calder."

Daniel shrugged. "Probably," he said, and Jack slumped. "But mistakes happen. We go on. It's not a crime."

Jack shook his head. "You got ... what happened to you happened because of my mistake, Daniel. I can't forget that, and consequences matter when a man evaluates his mistakes."

"Jack!" Daniel growled. "Almost the entire team that went on the first mission to Abydos died because of me, because I didn't know the symbol that I'd said I did." Jack's jaw dropped. "And that wasn't a mistake, that was a lie." Jack started to speak but Daniel overrode him. "If you want to compete for who's got the most guilt, I'm going to win."

"Daniel, that's not --"

"Because I dug up the Abydos stargate, Sha're is dead and Skaara spent two and a half years with Klorel inside him."

"But if you hadn't, Earth would be the largest Goa'uld colony, or it might well be a wasteland with its people either dead or carried off as slaves."

"Jack, you and the general, and any number of other people, highly overrate my talents," Daniel said. "Regardless, we're home, we got the workers from the plant out, Calder is locked up, and all is right with the world for the moment. Can we leave it at that for now?"

Jack reached out and caught Daniel's hand. "Sure, Dannyboy, if that's what you want."

Daniel glared at him. "Don't humor me," he said. "And could you have found a different way of telling Sam and Teal'c what happened to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Toy?" Daniel said, and Jack flushed.

"I didn't mean ... I wouldn't ... it's not what ..." Jack looked so devastated that Daniel took pity on his obvious distress.

He squeezed Jack's hand. "I'm not angry or upset, just a little wigged. I think it's the accuracy of the term that's got me on edge. I mean, he ..." Daniel looked down at the hand he held. "He showed me off and loaned me out. I felt like a videotape."

"What do you mean?" Jack asked, and Daniel could see that he wanted to swallow the words as soon as they were said. "I mean, I know what you ... but I ..."

"Jack, don't," Daniel said, trying to keep him from the anxious babbling he was starting again. It was so unlike Jack. "I know what you're asking." He shrugged. "Calder was proud of his acquisition, so he had a little party. I'd like to call all those people back together and take an uzi to them, but we can't have everything we want in life, now can we?"

"An uzi?" Jack said, sounding startled.

Daniel took a deep breath and crossed his arms. "If you think my choice of weapon is somehow lacking, I'm open to constructive criticism." He shuddered. "I just really don't like Calder's friends."

"I can see that," Jack said. His hand, bereft of Daniel's, began to pluck at the sheet. "If ... how many of them ..."

Daniel's stomach turned over. "Just one," he said shortly.

"I feel sick being relieved by that," Jack said.

"I know what you mean," Daniel replied, "but it is better than more." He grimaced. "And more were definitely interested," he added, remembering all the hands that had touched him, both with and without Calder's permission, and the eyes that had devoured him from every side. His skin crawled with vivid memory. It had given Calder immense pleasure to be so envied. As annoyed as he'd been by some of his guests taking unlicensed liberties, the bastard had also been pleased to know that he had what others wanted.

"God, Daniel, I'm sorry."

Daniel shrugged again. "I frankly don't see the attraction, but --"

"You don't see the attraction?" Jack said incredulously, and Daniel stopped talking to stare at him. "Daniel, modesty is all well and good, but ..." He shook his head. "You carry it too far sometimes. We overrate your abilities and you don't see the attraction."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "No, Jack, I frankly don't see why that many people would want to have sex with me."

"I don't get why that many people would want to rape you," Jack said a little too bluntly. "Anyone could see why people want to have sex with you. Daniel, you're gorgeous."

Daniel abruptly felt like all the air had left the room. "Jack, let's not go there," he said weakly.

"Daniel!" Jack said, sounding exasperated, but he clearly wasn't getting the level of panic Daniel was feeling. "You --"

"Jack!" He shot the word out like a bullet and Jack sat up straight. "I can't ... I know you ... it's not that I ... I just can't. Okay?" Jack nodded, eyes wide with consternation, and Daniel took several deep breaths. When he felt like he could really breathe again, he got up. "How about I get a chessboard? We can play a game or two before the general needs me to come back."

"Sure, Daniel," Jack said, and his eyes held an apology that Daniel acknowledged silently. He left hastily and found a chessboard. The errand gave him time to get his emotions under control, and evidently it had the same effect for Jack, because he seemed his usual jolly self when Daniel got back. They settled down to play and talked about anything but the mission to P3R-118 until Hammond came and took Daniel away to finish his debriefing.

It was a lengthy, emotionally draining process that left Daniel shaken and nauseated. Even describing the days of unending work in the plant hadn't distanced him enough to calm him, because the telling was so short. Work, sleep, plan, escape. Not much to it. He went back to find Jack sleeping and hadn't the heart to wake him, and he wasn't ready to sleep himself.

A burning desire awakened in him to go home. It was only about five in the afternoon, he could come back in plenty of time to spend some of the evening with Jack, and he could stop by Jack's place and fetch him some pajamas, and maybe some DVDs they could watch on a laptop.

He headed up to the surface and found his car. The drive home was liberating. He rolled the windows down and let the wind blow through the car. It felt wonderful. He passed a Barnes and Noble and got a sudden idea. He made a quick u-turn and picked a few things up. Then he stopped by Jack's place and grabbed a selection of movies. Dumping the stuff in to his trunk, he moved on quickly. He knew Jack would worry if he woke up before Daniel got back.

He pulled into his parking spot at his building with a sense of relief and homecoming. He got out and climbed the stairs up to his door. He unlocked the door and walked inside. Inside his own walls at last, or at least walls that he rented.

He fed the fish, and gathered some clothes and books together. He anticipated that Janet wasn't going to release Jack anytime soon, and when she did, Jack was going to need help at home. The lack of a working arm might make things a bit difficult for him. He cleared out the fridge, but as he was pulling the trash bag out of the can he heard the door open. An idiotic panic suffused him, and he froze, dropping the bag. Footsteps came through the front hall and into the kitchen.

"Daniel! You're back!" Daniel stared in astonishment as Jim launched himself at him. The bear hug took him completely by surprise, and did nothing for his freezing panic. "That General Hammond said you were missing." Jim took Daniel by the shoulders and drew back to look at him carefully. "You look awful."

Daniel couldn't speak for several seconds, then he managed to take a step back, disengaging. "I feel pretty awful," he said, taking a deep breath.

Jim's eyebrows drew together with concern. "Daniel, are you okay?" he asked.

"I think we established that I'm not," Daniel said, and Jim stared at him, looking confused. He shook his head and took another deep breath. "I didn't ... I had kind of a bad time, Jim. I can't tell you much, but I'm not dealing too well with any kind of sudden grabbing and holding."

Jim's eyes widened. "God, Daniel, I'm sorry. I was just so glad to see you."

"I know," Daniel said, nodding earnestly. "It's nothing you could have predicted. I'm just ... edgy, I guess."

"I take it you weren't just lost, then," Jim asked. "Someone kidnapped you?"

Daniel nodded. "Yeah," he said.

"Did anyone get hurt?" Jim nodded at the bandage on Daniel's forehead. "Did you get hurt?"

"Let's not talk about it," Daniel said, crossing his arms and trying not to remember how he'd been hurt.

"I'm sorry," Jim said. He took a step towards Daniel, reaching towards his shoulder, as if to put an arm around him and guide him to a seat. Daniel, without consideration or even thought, took a step back from him and Jim's face fell.

Daniel blinked. He shook his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean ..." He looked down. "I was ... someone attacked me, and I'm feeling very ... sensitive about my space."

Jim dropped his hand to his side and smiled tentatively. "I didn't mean to ..." He put his hands behind his back. "How about you hug me? Then you can let go."

Jim's gentle consideration brought Daniel's emotions very near the surface. Tears filled his eyes, and he walked over and gave Jim a tight hug that lasted several minutes. After a little while, Jim gingerly put his own arms around Daniel, rubbing his back but not really holding, per se. The tears began to pour forth beyond Daniel's control.

He drew back, keeping his head down. "Thanks, Jim. That was ... that was ..."

"You're crying," Jim said unnecessarily.

"I ..." Daniel turned around and walked into the living room where he sat down on the sofa and tried to control his emotions.

Jim came in and sat down tentatively beside him. "You want to talk about it?"

"I've spent hours talking about it, debriefing ... it hasn't really helped."

"That's not talking about it, Daniel," Jim said, and Daniel looked at him incredulously. "I mean, it is talking about it, but it's not the kind of talking I'm ... um ... talking about."

"You sound like Jack," Daniel said.

"Jack? That friend of yours, the military guy?" Daniel nodded. "Isn't he kind of a hard ass?"

"Sometimes, but ..." Daniel shook his head. "He ... he was with me ... he's a good guy."

"So, did he get hurt?" Jim asked.

"He was shot," Daniel said. When Jim's eyes widened with alarm Daniel hastened to add, "Not too seriously, though it was terrifying at the time. All that blood, and I couldn't tell where it hit, just that it was the upper torso."

"I can imagine," Jim said. "But he'll recover?"

Daniel nodded. "And neither of our other colleagues got seriously hurt. Jack's was the worst injury." There was a silence between them for a moment. Tears continued to run silently down Daniel's cheeks, and he thought he might have a better chance of controlling himself if he got a moment alone. "So, can I get you anything to drink?" he asked.

Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. "I think you need to talk, Daniel, and I'm betting you don't have a lot of people at work you can talk to."

Daniel sniffed and shook his head. "Ordinarily I'd talk to Jack, but --" His words broke off in a sob at the thought of how Jack would react to Daniel's being frank about his feelings right now. It would kill him.

"Is he not understanding?" Jim asked, clearly ready to be angry on Daniel's behalf.

Daniel shook his head. "No ... it's not that," he choked out, but he wasn't able to get out any more words as his shoulders shook, his emotions strangling him. Jim pulled him close, very gently, and Daniel let himself sob on his shoulder.

As the tears ebbed, Jim squeezed him carefully, comfortingly. "When you say attacked, what do you mean?"

"I mean sexually," Daniel said, and Jim cursed. "And it wasn't an 'impersonal, anyone would do' thing." A shudder coursed through him, and Jim released the embrace so Daniel could pull away.

"And your friends, were they assaulted, too?" Jim asked.

Daniel shook his head. "No, it was ... personal." A sudden realization hit him, leaving him breathless. Calder had been angry at Jack, but his interest, physically and emotionally, had been in Daniel. That was evident from a number of factors, not least of which was that he continued assaulting Daniel even after Jack was unable to be hurt by it. He hadn't lost the slightest bit of pleasure in tormenting Daniel once Jack had been sent below. He'd been furious about having to give Daniel up when his council had demanded it. More shudders ran through Daniel's body as he remembered that ferocious last kiss Calder had forced on him, the intensity of Calder's voice when he swore he'd get Daniel back. What if ... the idea was almost too terrible to contemplate ...

"Daniel, what is it?" Jim asked, sounding very alarmed. "Daniel?"

Daniel couldn't respond, though. He couldn't spare any thought from the horrifying realization that was sweeping through him. Calder's reaction had been overblown. Daniel had thought so at the time. He had no doubt that Calder had been deeply offended by Jack's gall in judging them; however, Daniel might have expected him to either rudely eject them or send them all down to the plant.

Had he seized them all because he'd wanted Daniel? It wouldn't be the first time someone had enslaved his teammates to control him, and come to think of it, Shyla had wanted him sexually, too. He heard Jim's voice, but he didn't seem to be talking to Daniel.

He drew his knees up to his chest, holding them close. Jack certainly seemed to think he was the hottest thing since sliced bread, and Jim had the hots for him. Hathor hadn't been shy about how much she wanted him, and there had been a few other incidents as well. Daniel had never taken a survey, but he was beginning to wonder if he was the only one fortune had so favored. He didn't recall other teams having quite so many sexual adventures, certainly not so many negative ones.

Okay, other members of the team had had unfortunate sexual encounters. Kynthia for Jack, those Mongols had kidnapped Sam ... Teal'c seemed to have escaped unscathed. Still, Kynthia had been sweet, and only acted within her culture, and Sam had dealt with the Mongols pretty effectively. None of them had nearly had a sexual relationship with the destroyer of worlds, either. Daniel thumped his head down on his knees.

And none of his reaction was made any easier by the fact that he knew Calder was on this planet, back at the base. Most of the time, any attackers, any scary people, were left behind, light years away, or they were dead. Either way, they weren't worrisome.

"Daniel?" Jim said, putting his hand on the center of Daniel's back.

Daniel jerked away and stared up at him. "Why do people want me, Jim? What is it about me that makes people ..." He shuddered violently. "I don't understand." Tears began to fall again. "I don't understand." Jim sat down beside him and held him close, rocking him while he wept.

***

General Hammond walked into Major Carter's lab and cleared his throat. She looked up and her eyes widened. "General?"

"I've received a call ..." He pursed his lips, and she knit her brows in puzzlement. "It was from a friend of Dr. Jackson's."

"Daniel's?" Carter asked, putting down the equipment she was working with. "Is something wrong, sir?"

"Apparently Dr. Jackson is having something of a breakdown." He grimaced worriedly. "I think we should probably bring him back here."

She stood up and turned off her machines. "Let's go."

Within minutes they were on the road to Dr. Jackson's apartment. Hammond was worried. The young man had seemed calm and collected when he'd left the debriefing, or he'd never have allowed him to leave the base. What had happened while he was out to cause him to fall apart?

Hammond had met this Jim Oberon once before, when he stopped by to check on Dr. Jackson's apartment while the team was still missing. He'd checked on all their homes as he always did when people went missing. Mr. Oberon had been feeding Dr. Jackson's fish and wondering when his friend was coming home since the few days he'd been asked to do that task for had turned into two weeks. Hammond had told him that Dr. Jackson was missing, and that it would be good if he'd continue looking after the fish.

They parked next to Jackson's car and went upstairs. Carter knocked and the door was answered by a very sober Jim Oberon. "He's in here," he said, leading the way to the living room where Dr. Jackson sat hunched in the corner of the sofa, his knees pulled tightly up to his chest, hugging them.

He looked up, eyes wide and vulnerable. "General, hi. Sorry."

Carter rushed past and put her arms around him. "Daniel, don't be sorry. It's okay."

Hammond turned to Oberon. "What happened?"

"I asked him if he needed to talk, and we ... we were talking, he was ..." Oberon grimaced. "He was crying, and then he just ... froze up."

"Did you say something that caused it?"

Far from being offended by the suggestion, Oberon drew his brows together, eyes distant for a moment, then shook his head. "No, I honestly don't think so. I ... he told me ..." Oberon pulled Hammond further away from where Carter was trying to comfort Dr. Jackson. "He told me he'd been raped, and that it was not a random act." Oberon blinked thoughtfully. "The last thing he said before he froze was that it was personal. I'd asked if his colleagues had also been assaulted, and he said no, that it was personal. Then he went silent for a really long time, and when he spoke again, it was to ask why people wanted him." Oberon bit his lip, then took a deep breath. "Has this happened to him before?"

"It's really not my place to say --"

"I'm his friend," Oberon said. "I want to help him."

Hammond pursed his lips and chose his words carefully. "He has had ... unpleasant experiences in the past." That was as far as he felt able to commit himself.

"I see." Oberon looked frustrated and worried. "How is his friend Jack? He seems very worried about him."

"Colonel O'Neill is in good shape physically, but he's suffering in his own way from the events of the past month. They all are." Oberon nodded his thanks for the information, and Hammond drifted closer to Dr. Jackson.

Under Major Carter's urging, his posture had opened up some. "So, did you have things you wanted to bring back to the base with you?"

Dr. Jackson nodded and stood up, heading into the bedroom. Carter was following him until Oberon said. "Isn't he due a few days off after something like this?"

Carter turned back, looking surprised. She would have spoken, but Hammond gestured for her to follow Jackson. "What is your concern?" he asked Oberon.

"I don't know, exactly," Oberon said uneasily. "Is he going to some kind of medical facility?"

"Not precisely," Hammond said. "But --"

"Well, he as good as said that he had no one to really talk to there," Oberon said, interrupting him. "And I'd like to be there for him, but I got the impression that the base is a heavily restricted facility."

"It is," Hammond replied, looking curiously at Mr. Oberon. "Do I take it you're seeking visiting privileges?"

Oberon nodded. "Yes sir."

"And you think you can provide him with support that he can't get from my people?"

Oberon colored slightly at the hint of condescension Hammond had allowed to creep into his voice. "I do," he said. "Daniel needs someone to talk to."

"Are you two really that close?" Hammond asked. "I only ask because Dr. Jackson has never mentioned you."

"Why would he have to?" Oberon demanded angrily. "What are you, his father?"

Hammond controlled his irritation. "I'm not that fortunate."

"He's a very private man," Oberon said, recovering his civility.

"So he is," Hammond replied. "But it's not as if he's being held incommunicado, and he has --" The phone rang suddenly but before Hammond could do more than take a step toward it, it stopped, and they could both hear Daniel's voice from the bedroom as he answered.

"Work is not the place to recover from trauma," Oberon said.

"He was only here to pick some things up," Hammond replied. "His closest friend has yet to be released from the infirmary. If I know Dr. Jackson --"

"How well can you possibly know him?" Oberon asked. "You never even use his first name!"

"Mr. Oberon!" Hammond snapped. "That is enough. Daniel Jackson is --"

Dr. Jackson walked into the living room abruptly, and they both fell silent. He seemed astonishingly calm. "No, really," he said, and then paused while whoever was on the other end spoke. "I'm fine, Jack. Don't overreact!" Carter emerged from the bedroom looking alarmed. "Jack, I grabbed your PJs, a couple of DVDs, and I bought some stuff for Kegan and the others. Okay? I also wanted a couple of books, and I figured I was going to be going to your house after Napoleon releases you."

Carter walked over to Hammond and said, "I'm really not sure this is healthy, sir." Hammond raised his eyebrows. "The colonel called, and suddenly Daniel was okay. He's not usually like this. Usually, the colonel is the only one who can get him to open up." She glanced aside at Oberon suspiciously.

"What?" Oberon said. "I'm not the villain here."

"I never said you were," Carter replied. "Who are you, anyway?"

"I'm a friend of Daniel's."

"Yeah, I got that part, but why are you here? What happened?"

"Major," Hammond said reprovingly, and she lowered her level of antagonism measurably.

"I really don't think he needs to be heading back to work under these circumstances."

"He's not going to work," Hammond said. "He's just going to the base."

"No, Jack, I don't think it was precipitous," Dr. Jackson said, walking past with the phone and fitting a couple of books into a bag. "I didn't know you knew that word. Four syllables. Most impressive." He chuckled. "Ooooh, I'm the jerk. Right. Look, I'll be back soon. Don't worry. I'm fine, and I'll be there soon with a couple of violent movies." He nodded, then rolled his eyes. "Hammond is here, and Sam. And Jim." That last was added almost as an afterthought, with the slightest tightening of his lips. "Yes, Jim is here ... He was looking after the fish ... Jack, don't be an ass."

Apparently Dr. Jackson had mentioned Oberon to one of them at least, Hammond thought, glancing at the man in question. Carter was looking somewhat irritated again.

"This really is not healthy," Oberon said softly. "He was practically catatonic not more than an hour ago, and now he sounds normal."

"I have to agree with you," Carter said. She pursed her lips unhappily, watching her friend and teammate.

"Good bye, Jack. I'm hanging up now," Jackson said. He pulled the phone away from his ear, pressed the button and let out a sigh. Hammond watched in horrified shock as the calm, pleasant expression slid off his face leaving nothing much behind. His face just went blank. 'Flat affect' was the term psychologists used. It was very alarming. After a moment, he took a deep breath, and some life came back into his face, but seeing the effort it took to put it there made Hammond's gut ache for him. He looked down at the bag he'd been packing. "So, I think that's everything." He looked up vaguely. "Oh, but I didn't ... I need to take the trash out and ..." He looked down at the phone in his hand as if he wasn't quite sure why it was there.

Hammond walked across to him and took the phone, passing it to whichever one of them took it, Oberon or Carter, he didn't look. "We'll see that the trash is taken care of, son," he said, putting his hand on the boy's back. "Don't worry about it."

"I think that ... I think that's it then," Jackson said. He closed his eyes for a moment, and Hammond grew worried.

"Son, are you --"

Jackson's eyes opened and he took a deep breath. "I'm fine," he said, making the effort again to seem lifelike. "Sorry, I guess maybe I'm just tired."

"You're not tired, Daniel," Carter said. "You're more than a little freaked, and that's to be expected under the circumstances."

Jackson shook his head. "No, Sam, I'm good. I just had a bad moment, it passed, and that's that." He looked up at her with a small, disarming grin. "Don't worry about me, Sam. You know how I am. I'm fine."

"I know how you are, Daniel," Carter said, and her tone gave it a different meaning. "You're not fine, but you'll keep saying you're fine till you convince someone."

Jackson's face twitched, and a tear ran down his cheek. "Sam, please, I have to go see Jack, and I can't be like this with him. After what he's been through, I need to be there for him."

"After what he's been through?" Oberon asked disbelievingly. "Daniel!"

"I can't put this off on him," Jackson said, and more tears were running down his face. "He ... he already blames himself, and it's not his fault. You don't know --"

"All right, now is not the time to talk about this," Hammond said. "We need to get you back to the base or Jack will try to come after you." He put a hand on Jackson's shoulder. "We wouldn't want him ripping any stitches." He turned to Carter. "Please help Dr. Jackson get his things to the car."

"My car," Jackson said. "I've got stuff for Jack in there." He and Carter picked up the stuff he'd put together and as they left, Hammond turned to Oberon.

"I understand your concerns, and I share them," he said. "I will contact you tomorrow and we can discuss the situation further."

"Daniel can't disregard his own --"

Hammond nodded. "I am aware of that, and I have no intention of allowing him to do so, nor does anyone on his team or on our medical staff." He took a deep breath, aware that his own anger was getting a little out of control. "I'm sorry if I've been rude, but we're all a little on edge. They only returned yesterday, and I've had to take his report on what was done to him."

Oberon nodded. "I've been a little ... unpleasant myself. Look, I just want to help."

"I'll call you tomorrow."

***

Jack hung up his phone and looked at the instrument in silent frustration. He didn't buy the cheer Daniel was projecting, but he didn't know for certain what to do about it. The circumstances were too complicated. If only ... Daniel probably wasn't and wouldn't be comfortable with him because of the declaration he'd made in the spring.

For so many years he had helped Daniel to cope with the traumas that had come his way, and Daniel had helped him. Now ... now he feared that Daniel wouldn't be able to come to him with this because he would fear the intimacy with a man who had expressed unwanted interest. Now in particular. Rape had to be making him even more uneasy about people who were interested in him sexually. Jim's presence had to be making him deeply unhappy.

Jack leaned back against the raised head of the bed and sighed. How was he going to help Daniel if Daniel was alarmed by him?

The phone at the bedside rang and he fumbled it to his ear. "Hello?" he said, hoping he was talking to Daniel.

"Colonel, this is General Hammond."

"Sir?" Jack's mouth went dry. Had something happened to Daniel? What was wrong?

"Dr. Jackson is returning to the base in his own car with Major Carter," the general said. "I thought I'd better call you and tell you some of what happened here this evening."

"Is Daniel all right?"

"No," Hammond said, "I would say he is most definitely not all right, but he's holding himself together." Jack felt his heart contract. This was his fault. He was both the direct and the indirect cause of what Calder did to Daniel. Hammond spoke again, redirecting his attention. "And that's my concern. He's worried that you won't be able to handle his distress because of your own trauma, and frankly, I'm not altogether sure he's wrong."

"He said that?" Jack asked, appalled by the notion.

"Just about that clearly," Hammond replied. "He had a breakdown here, in his apartment. Very fortunately for us, his friend Jim was here and called me."

"Jim? Are you sure he didn't cause the breakdown?"

"Not altogether certain, but if he did, I doubt it was intentional. He seems to care a great deal for Dr. Jackson."

"Yes, I know," Jack said sourly.

"Have you met him?" Hammond asked.

"No, but Daniel has talked about him to me."

"And you don't like what you've heard?" Hammond sounded genuinely concerned, and Jack realized that he sounded hostile.

He grit his teeth. "It's not that," he said. "I'm just on edge."

He could almost see Hammond nodding. "I can understand that," he said sympathetically. "In any case, for this evening I think it might be better if you go along with Dr. Jackson's pretense of normalcy until we have an opportunity to consult Dr. Lisle."

"Sir, maybe you should know ... Jim ... Daniel told me that he was interested in a relationship."

"Dr. Jackson is interested in a relationship?" Hammond asked, sounding startled.

"No." Jack grimaced. "No, Jim wants a relationship with Daniel, and Daniel doesn't."

"But they're still friends?"

"Yes."

Hammond was silent for a moment. "That's important information to know. Thank you, colonel. We'll be back at the base in an hour. If you're having any difficulties, please call someone to come sit with you. All right?"

"Sir, I'm fine."

"I don't want to hear that," Hammond said testily. Jack bit his lip. "I've heard it enough from Dr. Jackson. I know you're not fine, and there's no shame in not being fine."

Jack took a deep breath. "Of course. You're right. I'm not fine. But I don't need someone to sit with me."

Hammond didn't respond for a moment, then he said, "I'll be there in an hour. I'll see you then."

"Yes sir."

Jack hung up the phone and looked across the room at the television, which he hadn't turned on. Teal'c was off teaching hand to hand, which was good for his aggression levels. Fraiser had two dozen patients who still didn't fully understand the way they practiced medicine on earth. He didn't feel like trying to disturb either of them, and the only person he wanted to see was Daniel, who was on his way back.

His mind returned to its persistent worrying over how stupid he'd been not to contact Hammond ahead of confronting Calder, how foolish he had been to disregard the idea that people who didn't know them might not perceive his feelings towards Daniel. Here, among friends who would never expect such a development, the signs were lost or misapprehended. A total stranger, already seeing Daniel as a potential target for amorous advances, would have an advantage unmatched by those familiar with them and their friendship.

His gut twisted, roiling with acid. What had happened to Daniel was undeniably his fault. He had caused it, by confronting Calder and pissing him off, and by showing his love too obviously. Maybe he should just leave. Resign his commission and go somewhere else, away from where he could distress Daniel by his presence.

"Hey, Jack!" Jack looked up and found Lou Feretti looming over him. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got shot," Jack said, glaring. "What are you doing here?"

"Can't a man visit his friends in the infirmary without his motives being question?" Lou asked, and Jack looked at him under lowered brows. "So, fine, Hammond called and told me you were probably stewing yourself to death in here, and I agreed we couldn't have that. So here I am, and you can't get rid of me." Lou sat down. "Besides, I would have come by anyway. I always do."

"You have work to do," Jack growled.

"Yup, right here, keeping you company."

"How do you figure?"

"Hammond called and told me to, and that constitutes an order. I.e., this is my job right now." Lou grinned. "So, basically, I'm getting paid to sit around and shoot the shit."

"I'm not in the mood," Jack said irritably.

"Oh." Lou nodded understandingly. "So, you don't really want to hear about Siler's new girlfriend?"

Jack blinked. "Siler's got a girlfriend?"

Lou raised an eyebrow. "He does. Officer Meyers."

"Officer?"

"She's a policeman." His eyes went confused. "Policewoman ... police person." He shook his head. "Anyway, she's a cop."

"And she wants Siler?" Jack asked. "Have you met her? Does she have a first name?"

"I thought you didn't want --"

"Cut it out," Jack said. "Just tell me."

Lou passed on the gossip from the base, all the stuff he'd missed over the weeks they'd been missing. Jack listened and knew that this was better than sitting alone and mulling over his faults. Still, the back of his mind never stopped turning over how much he was to blame for all that had happened.

Chapter Twenty-Six

When Tony Sciaparelli arrived at Cheyenne Mountain, he found that he was totally unexpected. This was somewhat surprising, because he'd received his orders nearly four weeks previously, and his arrival had only been delayed on the grounds that his leg wasn't healing as well as his doctor had hoped it would.

"I'm supposed to report to Colonel O'Neill," Tony said. "He's expecting me."

The sergeant on the guard post blinked and said, "Just one moment, sir." He stepped inside and made a phone call. There was some speaking, then some nodding, then he hung up. "Go right in sir. Park in Lot A and go in the door labeled B1. The sergeant at the desk there will tell you where you need to go."

"Thank you." Tony followed his instructions, and when he arrived at the desk, he handed his ID over to the sergeant, who looked up with a sober expression. "Lt. Sciaparelli, it's a pleasure to meet you. Msgt. Harriman will be along momentarily to take you down to the SGC."

"Thanks," Tony said. He stepped away from the desk and looked around a little nervously. This was the top secret command. Or at least this was the entrance to the top secret command. It looked pretty normal. A nondescript hallway with the standard issue uncomfortable chairs, an elevator with a number stenciled on it, a metal desk ...

The elevator opened and a short, balding man came out. "Lt. Sciaparelli?" he said. Tony nodded and walked over to him and shook his hand. "I'm Sgt. Harriman. Please, come with me." They stepped into the elevator and Harriman slid a card through a reader before pushing the button for the level. "I don't know how much you know about our organization --"

"Almost nothing," Tony said.

Harriman smiled. "Well, I'm not authorized to tell you any details, so don't bother asking." Tony raised his eyebrows. He thought the sergeant's brusqueness was meant humorously, but he didn't know the man well enough to be sure. "I'm taking you to see General Hammond," Harriman said.

"But I thought I was supposed to report to Colonel O'Neill," Tony said.

"Colonel O'Neill is recovering in the infirmary."

"Recovering?" Tony repeated. Harriman nodded. "From what?"

"A gunshot wound," Harriman said.

"Really?" Tony said, eyes wide. "How did he come by that?"

"It's a long story and part of what I'm not authorized to tell you."

"Right." Tony pursed his lips. "How's Dr. Jackson?"

"He's not recovering from a gunshot wound," Harriman replied.

Tony stared at the sergeant for a moment. The sergeant gazed back calmly, and he clearly wasn't making a joke. "That's informative," Tony said. The sergeant shrugged, but not in a way that suggested he didn't care. It seemed more as if he was saying that it was the best he could do. As if recovering from a gunshot wound would be better than whatever condition Dr. Jackson was actually in.

He turned back to face forward feeling more than a little uneasy. The man who'd recruited him and his new boss were both in less than stellar condition from the sound of things. What had happened? Uncle Solly had said this was a dangerous command. The elevator came to a stop.

"This is Level 27," Harriman said. "The general's office is here. He'll explain things to you." Tony stepped out of the elevator and followed the sergeant through the halls. It was odd, being inside a converted missile silo. People in fatigues went past him, looking curiously at him in his undress blues. Harriman wore the blues, though, so it couldn't be too odd. Probably just new guy syndrome. And the cane. A man his age seldom walked with a cane that looked like it had been purchased rather than issued by a doctor. He could kill Mike sometimes.

They went through a door into an office where an older man sat behind a desk. When they entered, the man stood up. "General Hammond," Harriman said, "this is Lt. Tony Sciaparelli."

Hammond held out his hand. "Lieutenant, I've heard a great deal about you, and I'm pleased to finally meet you."

"Thank you, sir," Tony said. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Thank you, sergeant," Hammond said and Harriman left, shutting the door behind him. Tony looked around. One wall of the office was taken up by a window onto a large conference room, and there was some very fine wood furniture, but apart from that it was a concrete box. "Please, sit down. I've got a few things to tell you that may be a little startling."

Tony sat down in one of the chairs in front of the desk, and the general, to his surprise, took the other one. "Is Colonel O'Neill going to be all right, sir?" he asked.

"He will," the general said. "His injury is fairly minor, as gunshot wounds go. I take it Harriman explained why the colonel didn't greet you."

"Just that he was in the infirmary and why." Tony grimaced. "I don't know anything about the mission here, just that Uncle Solly would be here in a minute if he were twenty years younger and that my mother will kill him if she ever finds out he okayed my posting here."

"Your Uncle Solly?" Hammond repeated, tilting his head curiously.

"Sorry, sir, I don't like to ..." Tony flushed uncomfortably. He generally tried to avoid mentioning his uncle too much, so he didn't look like he was name dropping or seeking unequal treatment. The confusion up on the surface and the discovery that his boss and his boss's boss were both in less than good health had thrown him off his game, apparently. "Brigadier General Saul Fierros is my mother's brother, sir. Apparently, General Piedmont consulted him before authorizing my transfer to this post."

Hammond's eyebrows raised. "I take it you don't want your uncle's identity generally known," he asked.

Tony shook his head. "No sir. I don't want to be treated any differently, and that happens when people know about Uncle Solly."

"I have heard of another uncle of yours," Hammond said with a small smile. "Dr. Matthew Perkins?"

Tony nodded. "He's married to my father's youngest sister," he said.

"Quite the family you've got there," the general said.

"Yes sir," Tony replied, not sure what else to say. "It's big." Hammond's smile broadened. "Can you tell me more about my assignment here?"

"Of course, son, I'm sorry." Hammond was silent for a moment. "Our cover story is that we do research on deep space radar telemetry, but our mission is a great deal more active than that." Tony nodded. He'd guessed that much, given the evidence he already had. "Seventy years ago, an artifact was discovered in Egypt, buried intentionally by the ancient Egyptians, and sealed with a coverstone. The US government investigated it off and on until the mid 1990s when a breakthrough came. Dr. Catherine Langford, who was in charge of the project, hired one Dr. Daniel Jackson to attempt to translate the texts on the coverstone." Tony felt his own eyebrows climb. "Dr. Jackson was successful and discovered the use of the artifact, which the text called a Stargate."

"A stargate?" Tony repeated. "What exactly does that mean, sir?"

"If you want a detailed explanation of the physics involved, I can arrange it, but the long and the short of it is that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of these stargates on planets throughout the galaxy, and when given the proper coordinates, one gate can open a stable wormhole to another, permitting one-way travel."

Tony was silent for several minutes, absorbing this statement and its implications. "Are you saying, sir, that a person can travel to other planets using this device?"

"I am, lieutenant. In the space of a few seconds."

Tony looked down at his leg. "And I'm here to be support staff," he said.

Hammond nodded sympathetically, as if he could see into Tony's mind and recognized the longing there. What an opportunity that would be! To go to other planets and come back again without the passage of years ...

"The position Colonel O'Neill has in mind is administrative head of a new clerical staff for the archeology department, and assistant to the head of that department, Dr. Jackson. It will be a demanding and challenging job, I warn you. I understand you've worked with combined commands before, civilians and military staff."

"I have, sir."

"But were they all scientists?"

"Most of them. The security staff were not, but there wasn't much interaction, not on a professional level."

Hammond nodded. "Well, in this command, many of the civilian scientists work closely with their military colleagues. The premier team, SG-1, is made up of Colonel O'Neill, Dr. Jackson, Major Samantha Carter, who is also a doctor in astrophysics and engineering, and another man who you'll hear more about later."

"I see."

"This does lead to friction. It also has a tendency to annoy some of the support staff who would rather be doing field work. Dr. Jackson, for example, goes on field missions while they must remain on base and file."

"I see what you mean," Tony said.

"We planned to have things a little better prepared for you when you arrived. A selection of candidates for your staff, a fully developed job description, an office, memos sent to the rest of the facility explaining who you were and what you were going to be doing." Hammond paused and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Dr. Jackson was going to be informed of your selection as his assistant and warned of your arrival." Tony blinked. "At this point, he doesn't even know about the restructuring of his department to include a clerical staff."

"Are you saying he doesn't even know my post is being created, much less that I'm to be taking it up soon?"

"No, he doesn't," Hammond said. "A meeting was scheduled for three weeks ago yesterday, for Colonel O'Neill, myself and Dr. Jackson to discuss the situation, but on SG-1's mission four weeks ago, the natives of P3R118 arrested and imprisoned them. We only retrieved them the day before yesterday, and none of them is in top shape. With Colonel O'Neill in the infirmary and Dr. Jackson --" Hammond compressed his lips. "I simply don't feel now is the time to bring it up." Tony nodded, wondering what on earth was wrong with Dr. Jackson. No one seemed to want to talk about it, whatever it was. "So, with the understanding that your post will eventually be administrative head of the archeology department, I'm going to assign you to another task for the time being, one quite urgently needed as it happens."

"Of course, sir," Tony said, and waited respectfully for the general to elaborate.

"When SG-1 returned, they brought with them two hundred and seven refugees from the planet they had been held prisoner on. We need to process them all, find out their names, ages, and so forth, reassure them that they will be safe and well taken care of, and begin to schedule their departure, based on health and other concerns, for the refugee camp we're negotiating to set up on another planet."

"And you want me to help?" Tony asked, eyes wide.

"Actually, I want you to take charge of the effort," Hammond said. "The man who's coordinating it now has other duties that I need him to get back to. It's not a usual situation for us, the sudden influx of refugees, so we don't have an officer who handles it."

"Um ... are these human refugees, sir?" Tony asked. "I mean, other planets, I ..."

Hammond nodded. "For the moment, all you need to know is that these are humans who have been enslaved by their own culture and had their memories meddled with. We don't know a lot about them individually, but we do have one of the leaders of their planet under arrest for crimes against our team, and anything these refugees can add to his docket will be gratefully received."

Tony considered this and nodded. "Of course, sir. Whatever you want me to do."

"Thank you, lieutenant. Report to Lt. Sanchez in Room 51D and he will explain our procedures to you and introduce you to our refugees. In the meantime, if you have any questions, please feel free to come to me."

"You sir?" Tony asked.

"Yes, me, son," the general replied gently. "I would rather you got your information from me or from Colonel O'Neill, however, since the colonel is out of the picture, it will have to be me."

"Who do I report to on this refugee matter?"

"Me," the general said. "And when you are in position as Dr. Jackson's assistant, you will have a very short chain of command. The archeology department is autonomous within the base hierarchy. It almost has to be, given that most of its staff are civilians. Dr. Jackson will be your boss, but your military superior will be Colonel O'Neill, who is second in command of the base."

"I see," Tony said, feeling a little stunned.

"And as Dr. Jackson's assistant, you will be privy to more classified information than most of the officers on the base, one of the reasons we had to check you out so thoroughly before offering you this position."

Tony gulped. "I see, sir."

"Buck up, son," Hammond said. "You'll settle in fine."

"Thank you, sir."

"Dismissed."

Tony got up and so did the general. "Um ... sir?" Hammond turned back towards him. "May I pay a visit to Colonel O'Neill, or is he in isolation?"

Hammond's eyes widened. No, he's not in isolation. Of course you can visit him, son." He pursed his lips. "Maybe you'd better sit down again for a moment." Tony did, somewhat nervously. "Forgive me, I had not anticipated that request. I should have, I suppose, but ..." He pursed his lips. "I had better tell you ... if you intend to spend any time with Colonel O'Neill, you will undoubtedly meet Dr. Jackson. They are very close."

There was a pause, and after a moment, Tony gathered his courage. "And?"

Hammond grimaced. "And on their last mission, there was some torture involved," he said.

Tony's eyes widened. "So, is Dr. Jackson in the infirmary, too?"

Hammond shook his head. "No, he's not. It's ... it's somewhat complicated." He sighed. "Well, we're going to give you free access to SG-1's mission reports, so you will find out eventually."

"Sir, you're alarming me."

Hammond took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. It's difficult to talk about. Dr. Jackson was sexually assaulted by the leader of the planet, and Colonel O'Neill was forced to watch."

Tony's jaw dropped and he stopped breathing for a moment. "Good God!" he exclaimed.

"As I'm sure you can imagine, I'd rather you didn't bring it up. We're not sure how exactly to handle the situation, but we're working on it. In the meantime, it's something to be aware of if you see either of them."

"Right," Tony said. "But ... are they going to be okay?"

"Yes, they'll be fine," Hammond said, and it was clear that the general had a very good game face, because he sounded completely convincing. He stood up and pressed a button on his desk. "Msgt. Harriman will show you to the infirmary."

Harriman gave him a brief tour of the base as they passed through the halls. When they reached the infirmary, he took him first into the main room where he introduced him a petite woman with a blazing personality. "Dr. Fraiser, this is Lt. Sciaparelli." She was wearing blues with major's clusters.

"Yes, General Hammond told me he'd be coming. Thank you sergeant." Harriman nodded and left, and Fraiser smiled at Tony. "It's a pleasure to meet you. The colonel is over here, in a separate room."

"Thank you, ma'am." She led him out into the hall and down to another room.

"Colonel, I --"

"Lt. Sciaparelli!" came an exclamation from the bed, and Tony saw Colonel O'Neill sitting up in bed. "Hi, you're here. Finally. How's the leg?"

"Good enough," Tony said, walking across to a chair and sitting down. He propped his cane up against the wall by the bed.

"Hey, let me see that," O'Neill said. Tony handed him the cane, not sure what to expect.

"I'll leave you two alone, then," Fraiser said with a grin and left.

"This is pretty fancy," O'Neill said, looking at the carved mahogany with its brass tip and knobby L handle. "Last time I saw you it was just standard issue silver with a rubber tip. Nice change."

Tony rolled his eyes. "My brother Mike said I needed 'bling,' whatever that is, so he got me this. It's nice, but a little ... I don't know ..."

"It is nice," Jack said. "And if you ever don't need it, you can put it away for your old age."

"That's the trouble, sir," Tony said. "I'll always need it. The doctors have done everything they can. My condition is permanent." He took the cane back from O'Neill. "This just sort of confirms that fact in an undeniable way." He leaned it against the wall.

"I can understand what you mean," O'Neill said.

"How are you feeling?" Tony asked after a silence.

"Like someone shot a bullet through my shoulder."

"Wow," Tony said. "How often does that happen to you?"

"Oftener than I'd like. I told you this was no sinecure."

"Jack, are you feeling well?" asked a voice from the door. O'Neill looked up suspiciously. "That's another four syllable word in two days. We are going to have to play Scrabble soon." Tony turned and saw a dark-haired man in the doorway wearing green fatigues and a black t-shirt. He was grinning, but it seemed kind of forced to Tony.

"It's one thing to know the words, Daniel, quite another to know how to spell them."

The other man rolled his eyes and walked around to a chair on the other side of the bed. "Right, Jack." He smiled at Tony. "So, you going to introduce me to your friend?"

Colonel O'Neill shot a panicked look at him. "This is Tony, Daniel. Tony, this is Daniel Jackson."

"Hello, Dr. Jackson," Tony said, startled by O'Neill's sudden use of his first name.

"Call me Daniel."

"So, what brings you to Cheyenne Mountain?" Dr. Jackson asked.

Before Tony could do more than open his mouth to respond, O'Neill grew even more panicked and started babbling. "Oh ... um ... that's actually a funny story, Daniel. I met Tony on a plane while you were on 888."

"Sir?" Tony said, wondering what was wrong with the colonel.

O'Neill waved him silent and kept talking. "We got to talking ... he's got an uncle, a historian, knows all there is to know about icons."

"Incans," Tony said. "Sir --"

"Whatever," O'Neill said. "And he's got an interest in history and archeology himself, not that he's an expert or anything, only speaks a couple of languages ... Italian, I think ..."

"Chinese, sir," Tony said. "And Latin. But I can swear in Italian."

"Jack, what are you telling me all this?"

"Well, see, Daniel, I thought he'd make a swell addition to ... to ... well --"

"Sir," Tony said, "I think --"

"So he's joining the SGC," Dr. Jackson said with a confused smile. "Makes sense. What team?" He looked brightly at Tony.

"No team, actually, Daniel," O'Neill said. "He's ... he was about an inch from a medical discharge. He's a hero, you see. He saved a whole bunch of guys off a wrecked plane."

Tony flushed at the abrupt change of topic. "I'm not a hero," he said, but the words were lost on both men.

"That's very impressive," Dr. Jackson said. "Again, Jack, I don't really understand why you're telling me this stuff."

"Well, the crash gave him a permanent limp, that's why he was going to get a medical, but he didn't want it, already refused one once, and I thought ... well, his last posting was at a facility that combined civilians and soldiers, and he worked really well there. Stellar performance reviews from both military and civilian supervisors."

"Jack ..." Dr. Jackson threw Tony a sympathetic look. "Come on, you're embarrassing him."

"He's perfect for the post I have him in mind for. We already know he works well with civilians, and he's even interested in archeology and language."

"Jack, you're babbling."

"Sir, I --"

"I am not babbling. He's a great guy, and you need an assistant!" O'Neill was glaring at Dr. Jackson as if daring him to dispute the statement.

A tense silence fell over the room and Tony could see why Hammond hadn't wanted to bring this up just yet. Maybe he should have contacted Colonel O'Neill about that.

"An assistant?" Dr. Jackson said with a hint of buried anger in his tone.

"It's not a dirty word, Daniel. An assistant. You need one, we all know that. You'd know that if you'd stop trying to carry the world on your shoulders." He grimaced. "Admittedly, you're doing a great job of it, but that doesn't mean you couldn't use some help."

"Jack, I --"

"It's not like admitting that you need a little help from time to time would somehow diminish you, Daniel."

"If I did, I would," Dr. Jackson said. "So, you finally decided your military buddies were right, that I can't really hack it in a --"

"Don't even go there, Daniel," O'Neill replied sharply. You know damned well I don't think that way. I just know that your time and your abilities are valuable, and that you need some help so you can maximize your time."

"So I'm inefficient?"

"Daniel, don't be an idiot!" Jackson started to speak but O'Neill raised a hand, looking tired. "Daniel, please, not now." The archeologist subsided, looking unhappy. "You know I don't think that," O'Neill said firmly, and Jackson bit his lip. "You know I have the highest respect for both you and your abilities. I just think you deserve a little extra help, Daniel."

Dr. Jackson took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Of course, Jack. I know you only want to help." Colonel O'Neill's face grew long and unhappy, and Tony really wondered why he had to be here for this. "Jack?" Dr. Jackson said, sounding worried.

"Yeah Daniel?" O'Neill said glumly.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, the way you say that, it's like what you say to someone who's annoying you, but who you know means well. I don't mean well, Daniel."

"I'm going to choose to take that how you meant it," Dr. Jackson said with a dry, unwilling grin.

"Sirs," Tony said abruptly, and they both turned to him as if they'd forgotten he was there. "I just came by to see you, colonel."

"Oh," O'Neill said. "Um ... thank you."

"And General Hammond actually assigned me, temporarily, to work with the refugees."

Dr. Jackson's eye widened. "Oh, of course."

"Thanks for coming by," O'Neill said.

As Tony rose to go, Dr. Jackson spoke again. "I'll see you later. I've got some things I wanted to give ... I can help you work with them. I mean, they trust me. I was ... I was there."

Tony smiled and nodded. "I'll see you then, and I'm sure I'll appreciate your help." He opened the door. "Maybe I'll bring you some flowers later," he added with a grin.

"Daffodils," O'Neill said abruptly. "I like daffodils."

Tony nodded again. "Okay. I'll bring daffodils." He shrugged and left, not sure what else to say. He felt very much as if he'd gotten stuck in the middle of a very private conversation. He escaped with relief and got directions to where he needed to be.

***

There was silence for a moment after Lt. Sciaparelli left, and Daniel waited to see what Jack would say. He couldn't believe that Jack had gone behind his back and found him an assistant. A nice guy, a perfect guy, a guy Daniel couldn't begin to object to.

"Daniel, are you actually mad?" Jack asked finally. Daniel didn't speak. He didn't know what to say. The answer was too complicated for a simple affirmation or denial. "For crying out loud, Daniel," Jack exclaimed, and now he sounded a little desperate. "You know what I think of you."

"I do, but ..." Dr. Jackson shook his head. "I know how you mean it, and I'm sorry I got angry at you, but I also know how other people are going to take it."

"What do you mean?"

"Tolliver, for example, is going to decide that it proves that I'm a useless moron."

"And who cares what Tolliver thinks of you?" O'Neill demanded. "And he's not going to think anything of the kind once Tony starts. That's his job, to whip guys like Tolliver into shape for you."

"Last I checked, Tolliver was a major and Tony is a lowly lieutenant. How does that work?"

"It's the mystery of the military mindset," Jack replied with a grin. "And something to do with hierarchies and chains of command."

"Fine, what's Tony's hierarchy?" Daniel asked.

"Well, you'll be his boss, but I'll be his military superior. On the other hand, Tolliver answers to Colonel Henessey, who answers me."

"Sounds pretty similar to me," Daniel said.

Jack shook his head. "In departmental matters, Daniel, you don't answer to me. You answer directly to the general. In this case, Tony sort of has two chains of command. You, then the general, and me, then the general. Either way, he's got a shorter command structure than Tolliver. Besides, Major Tolliver is head of a purely administrative department, and Tony is head of an administrative staff in a larger department. Because archeology is a more active part of the command, Tony's position has a different kind of prestige, which will also give Tony an edge."

Daniel sighed. "Someday I'm going to have to write a book about the culture of the military as seen by a civilian consultant."

Jack blinked at him, then tilted his head. "Sounds like it could be either fascinating or infuriating."

"Which is why, if I ever write it, I'll leave it to be published ten years after my death."

"Why ten years?" Jack asked.

"Because I don't want to come back after it's been read," Daniel said, shrugging, and Jack's eyes widened. "I figure ten years is ... well ... thoroughly dead."

Jack shuddered. "I don't even want to think about that." His eyes met Daniel's. "Honestly, Daniel, I don't mean any insult or anything negative. I really think that you deserve an assistant to help you with the mundane tasks and free up your time a little for the important stuff you do."

"What mundane tasks?"

"How about sorting out the files that were misdirected to you and getting them where they're supposed to be?" Jack said, raising an eyebrow. "I seem to recall we had this conversation and you said I couldn't address it directly because I'd 'burnt my bridges' as you put it so succinctly."

"Right," Daniel said, wondering where Jack was going.

"And I told you I had no intention of doing anything."

"Yes, Jack, I remember." Daniel also remembered the vague sense of disappointment he'd felt when Jack had said that. He'd somewhat hoped Jack would find a way to do something about it, but ... . It didn't matter.

"Well, that's because I had already done something. I found Tony while you were on P3X-888, but he wasn't available until now because of medical complications." Daniel blinked. "So I knew I had him coming, and I figured I would just see to it that he would deal with the problem. Thus, I am not doing anything that might look like acting out of guilt rather than genuine conviction, I'm not going to Hammond and having him solve the problem, and, best yet, the problem will be dealt with by someone completely new to the SGC, so there's no personal agenda involved."

"So why did you want to know when it started?" Daniel asked, thinking back on that conversation.

"I wanted to find out if it was a result of my behavior or if it was simply Tolliver being a twit."

There was silence between them for a moment as Daniel digested this. He met Jack's eyes and saw a desperate plea for understanding. He grimaced. "So, Tony's going to be my military liaison?"

Jack's eyes widened again. "No, nothing like that." He shook his head adamantly. "Daniel, listen to me. Tony is in no way in charge of you. You're in charge of him."

"Right. Military guy in my department, and he's not in charge."

"Just the clerical staff, but even so, you're in charge of him. You are autonomous, just as before, you just have someone who will facilitate the mundane details of your job and free you to do important things."

Daniel nodded slowly. "I guess that makes sense. I would like to have been consulted, though."

"It was truly a spur of the moment thing," Jack said. "I met Tony on the plane to Baltimore and got to know him. He talked about his uncle --"

"The one who knows all about Incans?"

"Yeah. I don't remember his name. It's not Italian." Jack paused for a moment. "Uncle Matt, that's what he called him."

Daniel thought for a moment. "Uncle Matt? There's Matthew Boskin, but he's awfully old to be Tony's uncle. I think he's in his eighties."

"No, I get the feeling he's more my age," Jack said.

Daniel raised his eyebrows. "Is this guy an archeologist or --"

"No, a historian, and a professor somewhere back east, I think. Boston."

"Matthew Perkins?" Daniel said.

"That's him. Dr. Matthew Perkins. Tony was talking about how his uncle had fostered his interest in archeology --"

"He really does have an interest in archeology?"

"A hobby," Jack replied. "He knew who you were, said his uncle told him that your research was excellent, but that even good research can lead to erroneous conclusions." Daniel raised his eyebrows, and Jack hurried on, as if afraid of what he'd say. "So then he told a funny story about how his grandmother had needed to go up and drag his Uncle Matt down to dinner by the ear because he just forgets to eat, and I --"

"And you decided to tell some funny stories about your friend, the absent-minded scholar."

"I leave plates at your elbow, Daniel," Jack said, giving him a glare. "You don't notice me coming in, you don't notice me leaving, but you do eat the food. Apparently, that's exactly what Tony's Aunt Gina does, so I guess it's a standard way to handle absent-minded academicians."

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Great, so is he also my babysitter?"

"What if he is? You need one sometimes, and that's not an insult." Daniel glared, but Jack wasn't backing off. "It's not. You get focused, and sometimes that's really important."

"And sometimes it's a source of humor."

"Yeah, okay, sometimes it is, but so what? I'm the butt of more jokes around here than you are."

"Are not!"

"Am so!"

"Are not!"

"Come on, Daniel. Apart from a few jokes about eggheads aimed at Carter, and the rare moment when someone dares to make fun of Teal'c, most of the humor has been at my expense."

"Jack, don't even go there. It's not true, and you know it."

"It is.

"It's not.

"Is so."

"Is not!"

"Is --"

Someone cleared his throat at the door and both Daniel and Jack turned in surprise. General Hammond was smiling at them. "At the risk of interrupting this extremely stimulating conversation, I'm afraid I have to speak to Colonel O'Neill."

"Oh, of course," Daniel said, getting up. He gave in to a sudden mischievous impulse. "And thank you, general, for informing me about my new assistant."

Hammond's jaw dropped and his eyes darted towards Jack. "I ... uh ... but I ..."

"I do like being kept in the loop about these things," Daniel added.

"I didn't -- I thought --"

"But I'd better get out of your way." He left the room as the camera operator entered with his equipment. He fled to the safety of his office and sat down, staring at the huge pile of files. Questions still filled his mind. So far he'd avoided thinking about the previous evening's epiphany, first being as normal as possible with Jack, watching violent movies, then drinking a couple of shots of brandy to make him sleep easier.

Now he couldn't avoid it any longer. Would Calder have grabbed them all the way he had if he hadn't wanted Daniel? Would any of it have happened? He stared down at his desk, wondering if he'd ever find out.

Abruptly he stood up and started walking. Fortunately, the elevator was opening when he reached it, or he might have lost his courage, but he strode right in as Sgt. Saunders left it, barely nodding at her. He pressed the button for the level he wanted and tried not to think too hard about what he was doing.

The guards at the door to the detention area barely even questioned him. He just let them think he was there on business and walked in, leaving them outside. He didn't want to go inside the damned cell, he just had a couple of questions to ask.

He walked up to the door of Calder's cell and opened the little window. Calder was sitting on one of the lower bunks, leaning against the wall and staring at the opening in the door. Staring at Daniel, eyes widening appreciatively. Daniel's heart leapt into his throat and his mouth went dry.

"Daniel!" Calder said, his voice smooth as silk. "I wondered how long you could stay away. Have you missed me?"

Daniel swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. "Not hardly," he said, and his voice stayed level despite his internal tremors. "I just have two questions and then I intend to get as far away from you as possible."

Calder swung his feet down and walked slowly towards the door. As he got closer, Daniel's stomach seized up and he backed away involuntarily. He stopped when his back hit the wall and Calder's lips twitched with amusement. "You have questions, Daniel?" he asked.

"I do," Daniel said. He took a deep breath. "Did you just take advantage of an opportunity, or were you ... did you ... would you have taken steps ... anyway?"

Calder smiled, and his eyes ran up and down Daniel's body. "From the moment I first saw you, I wanted to taste your skin."

Daniel tried and failed to control a shudder. "That doesn't answer my question," he said, his tone gone flat from the effort it took to remaining calm.

"No, but you're blushing, and you're frightened, and I quite enjoy that."

"Are you going to answer my question?" Daniel asked, keeping his voice steady by force of will.

"I would have done whatever it took to keep you, my Daniel. I had planned to ask for you as our ambassador, and if your people had refused me, I suspect the gate would have mysteriously stopped working, at least temporarily." Calder's smile broadened. "With you on my side of it, of course."

"So Jack's confrontation just gave you an excuse."

Calder shrugged. "A happy coincidence. I had just begun contemplating a way to secure you by framing your people for some crime, then your Colonel O'Neill happens to commit one." Daniel nodded, then turned and started walking away. "Oh Daniel!" Calder called. "Do come back for another chat sometime." Before Daniel got to the end of the hall, the door opened, and General Hammond strode in. "You could come in. I would adore touching that gorgeous skin of yours again." Daniel flinched and hurried through the open door.

Hammond followed him out. "What the devil were you thinking, Dr. Jackson?" he demanded.

The guards shut the door behind them, mercifully cutting off Calder's voice. Daniel kept going. He hadn't been lying when he said he wanted to get as far as possible away from Calder. He had to stop when he reached the elevators, though, and Hammond caught up with him.

"Dr. Jackson, I --" Hammond broke off when he saw Daniel's face. "My office. Now." The general steered Daniel into the elevator, pressed the button for Level 27, and then guided him into his office, closing the door firmly and giving orders that he was not to be disturbed. He pushed Daniel into one of the chairs that sat in front of his desk and handed him a box of tissues. It was only then that Daniel realized he was crying. "That was very foolish, son," Hammond said, sitting down in the other chair and reaching out to pat Daniel's hand.

"It was my fault," Daniel said. "I ... I should resign."

"What?" Hammond exclaimed. "Not you too!"

"Too?" Daniel repeated, momentarily jarred out of his misery. "What do you mean 'too'?"

"Never mind. You can't resign, Dr. Jackson."

"I can, and I should. I endanger the team."

"Dr. Jackson --"

"You don't understand!" Daniel said sharply, and Hammond broke off. "He would have done it anyway. Jack confronting him was only an excuse. He would have done something else."

"I don't understand why that means you should resign," Hammond said softly.

"Because it's my fault. He would have done it just to get hold of me."

"I don't see how that makes it your fault."

Daniel shook his head. He clutched the tissue box without pulling any out. "People keep coming after me, doing things to the others to get hold of me. I can't keep endangering them!"

"Dr. Jackson --"

"Hathor, Shyla, Calder, there are more, I just can't think of them right now. I attract wackos, and I don't know why!"

Hammond squeezed his hand. "Sha're wasn't a wacko," he said gently.

Tears started to pour down Daniel's face in earnest. "I miss her so much," he said, his voice distorted by emotion. "And he said it would be a 'waste of resources' for me to remain attached to my dead wife. He said that he'd have sympathy for me, but ..." Daniel shook his head. "What do people like that see in me?" He looked blindly at the general. "I mean people like Jim and Jack and Sha're, I can understand them, but Calder said he wanted ... he wanted me from the moment he saw me. Why?"

"I can't pretend to understand a mind like Calder's, Daniel," Hammond said. "But I can tell you that he isn't someone to listen to. God only knows if he was telling the truth just now, and what difference does it make if he was? You aren't defined by his opinion of you, nor by his desire for you."

"But it's not just him," Daniel said. "So many others ..."

Hammond stood up and squatted beside him. "Listen to me, Daniel." He reached up and turned Daniel's face so that they were looking eye to eye. "You are not to blame for people like Calder, or Hathor, or any of them. You are a good man, and we need you to get our job done. You are an invaluable part of this organization."

"I just don't understand why!" Daniel said. "Is there something I could do that would make me less ... less ..."

"Daniel, you shouldn't change yourself because some bastard hurt you," Hammond said earnestly. "Don't let him win."

Daniel was shaking. He couldn't move away from Hammond, but he wanted desperately to have some space. He pulled away as much as he could, and the general seemed to get the message. He drew a little further back, at any rate, giving Daniel more room to breathe. Daniel pulled his knees up and hugged his legs. "I want to be alone."

"Will you stay here?" Hammond asked. Daniel nodded. "I'll make sure no one bothers you, but you need to stay here."

"I won't go back to see Calder again," Daniel said. "I shouldn't have gone in the first place."

"I can agree with that," Hammond said, standing up. "Why did you go, anyway? Did you honestly believe that he'd tell you the truth?"

Daniel snorted and shrugged, trying to control his continued trembling. "I don't think there was much in the way of rational thought involved. That ... that sudden realization that he'd wanted me more than he'd wanted revenge against Jack was what got me last night."

"Whether that's true or not, Daniel, it doesn't change who you are in any way." Daniel nodded, but Hammond must not have thought he looked very convinced. "I truly believe that. You're very important, not just to the mission here, but to me personally. Don't let bastards like Calder win."

Daniel freed a hand and squeezed Hammond's hand. "Thank you, sir." Hammond smiled and squeezed back, then he left. Daniel realized that he had to have been called away from Jack's report, which meant that Jack knew something was up. Daniel could only hope he didn't know what.

***

Jack sat with Sgt. Kramer, trying to watch an episode of The Simpsons and failing to concentrate. He wanted to know what that call had been about. Hammond had picked up the phone, listened for a moment, then his eyes had flashed to Jack's face for a second. Then he'd concocted some lame excuse that Jack couldn't even remember now and left hastily.

Kramer burst out laughing, and Jack jumped in surprise. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly as the sergeant turned to look at him. "Do you need something, sir? Should I get Doc Fraiser?"

"No, I'm fine, I was just thinking about something else and you startled me."

"Oh." Kramer was still looking at him worriedly. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm good, but could you get me something to drink? Juice or something on the approved list. Somehow I don't think doc would go for a beer."

"I doubt it." Kramer got up. "I'll be back in a few."

Jack stared unseeing at the screen. He suddenly didn't like being alone. Thoughts started swirling in his head, images, sounds ... slurping, grunts of pleasure, Daniel's protests, Daniel's desperate plea for Calder to let the rest of them go. Calder's questions, Calder's insinuations, Calder's overwhelming enjoyment of his rape of the best and truest man Jack had ever known. And it was all Jack's fault.

"Stop it." Jack turned to see Hammond staring down at him. The general backed out of the room and said, "Sergeant, give that to me and take a break. Doctor, I'm going to close the door."

"What sir?" Jack asked, grateful for the interruption of his thoughts. "Stop what?"

Hammond shut the door securely and walked over to sit down beside the bed. "Whatever self-flagellation you're engaging in."

"General --"

"I just left Daniel Jackson in my office, engaging in his own form of self-flagellation."

Jack looked up, startled. "What? Why would he --"

"Apparently, it's his fault that Calder took you all because he wanted Daniel. Your confrontation merely gave him a convenient excuse."

"That's crazy, sir," Jack said.

"I know, though he at least has some form of confirmation of his theory."

"How so?"

"He went to see Calder and asked him."

"What!?" Jack started upright, but Hammond jumped up and pressed him back. "But he -- if he -- did that bastard touch him?"

"No, Daniel kept away from the bars." Hammond moistened his lips. "Jack, you are not to blame for this, and neither is Daniel Jackson. You know damned well who's to blame, and it isn't you, it isn't Major Carter, it isn't Teal'c, and it certainly isn't Daniel Jackson."

"Calder did it, but I gave him the opening," Jack said.

Hammond gazed steadily at him. "You screwed up," he said bluntly, and Jack nodded, glad to have that settled. "But that doesn't make what happened to Dr. Jackson your fault. You are responsible for your error and any foreseeable consequences of your error, but quite frankly, there is no way you could have foreseen this particular consequence. There was no indication of this sort of behavior in their society, and even Dr. Jackson, our cultural expert, hadn't picked up on their continued use of slavery until the moment the two of you found that underground plant. There was no hint in any of your reports that there were signs of sexual servitude. Tell me, did you conceal anything?"

"No, of course not!" Jack said.

"Then there was nothing foreseeable about what happened. Therefore, you are not responsible for those consequences."

"Sir -- I --" Jack shook his head. "Every time I spend a minute alone, I see it ... I hear it ... I feel so incredibly guilty."

"And that's natural, but please don't try to translate it into a reason to resign as all of you have tried to do. Dr. Lisle will be here tomorrow, and I hope devoutly that she will be able to help you."

"I can't stand it," Jack said, and he rubbed his eyes, which were burning with unshed tears. "I failed him. I couldn't stop the bastard. I tried, but even then all I did was kill the wrong guy."

"Colonel --"

"Look, maybe we should get back to work. Then you can find someone to stay with me and keep my mind off stuff."

Hammond gazed at him for a moment, then nodded. "I think that's a plan," he said, and went to call Kramer back in. Jack took a deep breath. Maybe if he could finish talking about the events, the memories would leave him alone.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Daniel took the black queen with a bishop and set the piece down in the box. Jack knit his brows and gazed at the few black pieces that remained on the board. "You know, Daniel, you're really sucking at this today," he said.

"I am?" Daniel asked disbelievingly. "I think I'm doing fine." Jack blinked at him a few times, then moved his rook to take Daniel's king. Daniel stared in dismay. The bishop he'd moved had stood between the black rook and the white king until Daniel had gotten the bright idea to take the black queen. "Okay, maybe not."

"Well, when you put your own king in checkmate, it's usually not a good sign," Jack observed with a grin, then he shrugged ruefully. "We're both off today."

Daniel sagged back in his chair. "Yeah." Jack started putting the pieces away, and Daniel shook his head. Sitting forward again, he said, "Let me do that. You're ... your ..."

"I'm perfectly capable of handling a few chess pieces, Daniel," Jack said. "Truly."

Daniel nodded and leaned back again, feeling awkward and tense. The previous evening they'd had TV to watch, stupid dialogue to talk about. This morning was dragging, and neither of them seemed to have much to say. Daniel was finding it difficult to keep up a steady stream of chatter, and Jack kept going silent as well. It was making for a stressful time.

The door opened as Jack closed the game box and they both looked up hopefully. It was General Hammond, and the thought of what the general knew about him, about what had happened to him, made Daniel turn away instantly.

"Good morning, how are the two of you?" Hammond asked.

"Great," Jack said, and Daniel nodded.

"Well, at the risk of making you both more uneasy, I've come to tell you both that Dr. Lisle is here. She's been settling into her new office, and she's got some time available this morning. Dr. Jackson?"

Daniel's eyes widened, and he looked down to find his hands twisting together in his lap. The general had mentioned Dr. Lisle in vague way during his testimony, but Daniel had been able to tell, even though the general hadn't said so, that he wanted Daniel to see her. Now she was here, and the general was here saying it was time. Daniel's stomach clenched. He'd successfully avoided thinking about this upcoming appointment at all over the last few days, so now all the feelings of stress and dismay washed over him at once.

The general touched his shoulder lightly and spoke very gently. "Dr. Jackson?"

When Daniel looked up, he saw that both Jack and General Hammond were looking worriedly at him, and he bit his lip. He opened his mouth, but could find no voice to say the words that tumbled through his mind, so he closed it again helplessly.

Jack cleared his throat. "Sir, do you mind if I talk to Daniel alone for a minute?" he said as the silence dragged on.

"Yes, of course," Hammond said. He squeezed Daniel's shoulder and stepped outside, shutting the door behind him.

Daniel looked at Jack, whose eyes were warm with concern and love. Daniel wanted to reach out and take his hand, for comfort, but he couldn't. It wasn't fair. Not with the way Jack felt about him. He turned away uneasily. "Daniel?" Jack said, and he turned back t meet Jack's eyes again. "You need to talk to this woman."

Daniel took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm really not sure I can," he said in a shaky voice. "I ... McKenzie isn't the first shrink who's decided I'm a basket case, just the first one who ever managed to put me away." Jack flinched, and Daniel felt a stab of guilt. "It's not your fault," he hastened to say. "I didn't mean --"

Jack shook his head. "Don't, Daniel, it's fine," he said. "I have it on good authority that this woman is different from McKenzie. Quite possibly she's different from anyone you've ever dealt with before. Hammond thinks the world of her, and he's not easy to impress." Daniel nodded. "I also think you should tell her everything." Daniel's eyes widened at the slight emphasis Jack placed on the last word. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Jack leaned forward and took his hand, squeezing it firmly and giving him an intent look that told Daniel that he was completely serious. Then he leaned back in the bed and smiled. "I certainly intend to," he added in a deliberately casual voice.

"You do?" Daniel asked after a moment.

"Oh yeah," Jack said. "I don't know how she could possibly help if she didn't know it all."

Daniel nodded. "Okay." He shivered. "I just ..."

"It will be okay, Daniel," Jack said. "I promise, you'll be okay again."

Daniel stood up and, after a moment's silent contemplation, he gave in to a devilish whim and tousled Jack's hair for him. "I'll see you later."

"Teal'c should be here any time now," Jack said, straightening his hair with a sour look at Daniel. "Go, it'll be fine."

Daniel gave Jack a sickly smile, then walked out to where the general was waiting. "I'm ready, I guess," he said.

"Good." Hammond led him towards the elevator, and when they were underway he gave Daniel a reassuring smile. "She won't bite, son," he said.

Daniel tried to match the general's smile with one of his own, but failed dismally. He looked back down at his feet. "I don't like shrinks, sir," he said.

"I know, son." Hammond put his arm around Daniel's shoulder. "But I think you'll like this one. She's a unique individual."

"We're all unique individuals, sir," Daniel said.

Hammond took in a deep breath and sighed. "I'm not explaining myself well, I see."

"I'm sorry," Daniel said, instantly contrite. "I just ... never mind."

"Don't worry, Dr. Jackson," Hammond said, giving him a squeeze, then letting go as the elevator doors opened. "I'm not explaining myself well. I think you'll understand when you meet her."

Daniel grimaced. "I know. I'm sure . . I ... I just ..." He shrugged. "I'll try."

"That's all anyone can ask," the general said. "Here we are." It was an office with a standard door. Hammond knocked and a voice called for them to come in. Hammond opened the door and Daniel followed him in. She was nowhere in sight, but Daniel could hear her moving around. As Hammond moved to the side, Daniel saw that there were a few framed pictures on a console behind the desk. A middle-aged man standing next to a gigantic blue truck wearing a ball cap and a heavy jacket, a couple of school pictures of teenagers grinning widely.

Daniel turned to see her, expecting someone who could be the wife of the man, mother of the children, and found himself face to face with a silver-gilt grandma in comfortable jeans and a green turtleneck.

"Dr. Lisle," Hammond said. "This is Dr. Jackson."

The grandma smiled and there were dimples. Daniel held out his hand. "Hi," he said.

She took his hand in a firm grip. "Hello."

"Well, I'll leave you two alone," Hammond said. He gave Daniel another reassuring smile and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Daniel dropped his hand to his side and swallowed uncomfortably. "So, what now?" he said, and his voice wobbled a bit.

She blinked. "I roast you and feed you to my grandchildren," she said with utmost sincerity.

Daniel stared at her for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. "Did I look that terrified?"

"Hansel and Gretel terrified," she replied with a smile. "Please, sit down. I promise, I don't bite unless asked, and I don't have any intention of being ogre-like." Daniel took a deep breath and selected one of the overstuffed chairs. She settled in the other one. "I gather you've had some less than positive experiences with therapy in the past?"

"You could say that," Daniel replied. He took a deep breath. Jack told him to tell her everything, and though Daniel knew what he'd been referring to specifically, he also knew that there were other things she should know. "I assume you'll want some background on me?" She nodded pensively and reached over to the desk for a tablet. He looked down at his hands. "Do you know anything at all about me, prior to my work here?"

She shrugged. "Not really. What I know about archeology, I've learned from television for the most part. I took an anthropology class twenty-five years ago in college, but that's been awhile."

He nodded and swallowed. "Well, my parents were both archeologists, and by the time I was aware of much, I only had one living relative, my grandfather Nick Ballard."

"I see."

"My parents traveled a lot, so I spent much of my childhood on digs in Egypt, learning English, Arabic and ancient Egyptian at roughly the same time and rate. When I was eight, they took an opportunity to organize an exhibit of their finds at the Metropolitan Museum in New York." He paused for several seconds and she waited patiently. "Of course, I went with them, and ... and they were both killed in an accident. A lintel stone fell on them ... and crushed them." He tried to push the remembered image from his mind.

"And you were there?" she asked.

"I was there," he said, nodding. "I saw it, and I saw all the efforts to save them, and knew it wasn't going to work. My dad's head was ..." He grimaced. "Anyway, Nick was out of the country at the time, and it took awhile for the authorities to track him down."

"Nick?"

"My grandfather," Daniel said. "He always told me to call him Nick. So, when they finally did, he came to New York and refused custody of me. Said he wasn't a fit guardian for a young boy." Her eyes widened, and he shrugged. "Given that he was committed to a mental hospital two years later, there may have been some justification for it. Regardless, I wound up in foster care, and social services took a look at my history and decided I needed lots and lots of therapy."

"I can see why," she said.

He realized that his fists were clenched and opened them again. "Yeah, I guess," he said. "The trouble was, the first two therapists they tried were looking to bring me 'back' to a normalcy that I'd never experienced. I wasn't a normal American kid. I'd spent very little time with children, most of the children I had spent time with were Egyptian. They wanted me to turn into whatever they thought a normal boy was like, and I wasn't going there."

"I've run into the type," Dr. Lisle said. "They're not so much looking to find out what the problems are and solve them as to fit the person into a pre-formed mold."

"Patient," Daniel said. "I don't think either of them saw me as a person, Dr. Lisle."

Her eyes widened again. "I can see what you mean," she said. "Oh, and call me Harry. I may be old, but I don't have to feel it."

"Harry?" he repeated, feeling a little startled at the deviation. "Sure. Call me Daniel."

She smiled. "Good. Now, go on. That's the first two?"

"The third was ... well, she had some very strong theories of her own about people, and she had no desire to stay in the social sector. I think she wanted to be a university professor, but she needed certain credentials to get there." A reluctant smile twitched his lips. "She decided I was an ideal subject for a paper, I guess. I was tired of therapists who weren't interested in me as a person, and I was an arrogant little ... boy ..." He shrugged. "I was going to her for probably about sixteen months when I found the manuscript of her paper in her desk when she was out of the office. I took it home with me and read it."

"Oh lord!" she said. "That's not ... that can't have been good."

He shook his head. "No, it wasn't. I was about twelve and taking psychology in high school, doing a lot of outside reading."

"You were in high school at twelve?"

"I graduated at fifteen," Daniel said, shrugging. "Anyway, I read it and returned it at my next appointment, only I made a few editorial notes." Dr. Lisle's hand crept up to cover her mouth and she stared at him in wide-eyed astonishment. "I'd been reading Freud and Jung, some others, I don't even remember who, and I ... it was an enlightening experience, discovering exactly what she really thought of me."

"Enlightening?" Harry asked, sounding as if she thought the word was ill-chosen.

"Okay, humiliating is a better word," Daniel admitted. He found that his fists were clenched again. "I was more than a little angry, so I made some factual corrections where she'd fudged the truth to make me fit her analysis better, added a few details about the fallacies in her evaluation criteria, then appended a very Freudian analysis of her based on our meetings and her interpretations of my emotional state."

"Good lord! Freudian?"

"The reading I had done suggested to me that to really piss a woman off, use Freud." He snorted. "Needless to say, I never saw her again."

"You never saw her again?" Harry repeated.

"That day she said something about trust being important between a therapist and a patient and that my theft of her thesis had destroyed the trust between us. I said something rude and pissy about how any trust between us had been in her imagination. That pretty much ended that."

"I see. She sounds like a twit and a crappy therapist."

"Yeah," Daniel said. He looked down at his hands. "So, the next one was a guy, and he thought I needed a strong father figure. Took me out to play baseball, told me I needed to spend more time with kids my own age. He moved on after a couple of months."

"Did you like him?"

Daniel shook his head . "No, he talked to me like I was twelve, and even though I was, I didn't feel it. I didn't have anyone for awhile after that. I don't know if they decided I didn't need anyone or if they just couldn't find anyone or what. I didn't ask, in case they'd just forgotten and asking would remind them."

"I can understand that."

"Then I graduated from high school and got into the University of Chicago Egyptology program. The State of New York wasn't comfortable with me leaving the state at sixteen. There was a lot of red tape, and I wound up getting myself emancipated. The woman who interviewed me at that point was the sanest of the lot of them, but even though she said I was ready to be on my own, she also said she thought I needed long term therapy."

"Do you think she might have been right?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Daniel said. "I don't ..." He sighed. "I'm not crazy."

"Crazy people aren't the only ones who need therapy."

"I know that," Daniel said. "I just ... none of the shrinks I've ever dealt with understood me. They all thought they did, but they didn't. They talked to me about how I should feel, what my reactions ought to be, but they didn't really address what they were."

"I want you to promise me something," Harry said abruptly, and Daniel raised his eyebrows uncertainly. "If you feel that I'm not addressing things correctly, I want you to tell me, and we'll work together to find a way to do that."

Daniel looked up into her eyes and saw her sincerity. It was more than he could handle at the moment. "Okay, so ..." He cleared his throat. "So we're supposed to be talking about what happened on ... on ... P3R-118." He blinked. "Do you know about that?"

"I have read the transcript of your testimony," she said, and Daniel stiffened. He hated the thought of some stranger reading that. Knowing all of that. He gulped, and she reached out to touch his hand sympathetically. "The general thought it would be best that I had some information going in. I've also read some of your mission files."

"I see," Daniel said. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and as he did, he remembered something else.

"So, I --"

"There's something I have to tell you before we ... before we start talking about that," he said with some urgency. She raised her eyebrows. "The general said this is confidential, but ... is this room --"

"It's completely confidential. The military won't have access to my files, and all I'm required to report is whether my patients are fit for duty."

"Yes, but ... is the room bugged?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"It's been checked," she replied, "by someone named Siler."

"Oh," Daniel said, feeling immeasurably relieved. "That's ... that's good."

"I take it you trust this Siler?"

"With my life," Daniel said. "He's a good guy."

"I'm glad to hear it." She paused for a moment, seeming to be waiting for something and Daniel discovered there was a lump in his throat that made it difficult to talk. "You had something you wanted to tell me?"

"I do," he said. "This ... it's awkward." She nodded, waiting. "See, there's someone, a close friend, a very close friend, who recently declared ... well, this friend is in love with me, and only told me a couple of months ago."

"I see." She leaned back in her chair, listening.

"And see, this is a problem," Daniel said, "because this friend is in the military, and that means that ... it really could cause serious difficulties, and I don't want there to be difficulties, even if I don't reciprocate the feeling, it's ..." He blinked at her puzzled look, realizing that he'd left a key detail out. "See, he's a man, and I'm a man, and that's a --" He broke off abruptly. "Oh God, I'm babbling."

"It's all right," she said encouragingly. "Go on."

He bit his lip and tried to bring his thoughts to a semblance of order. "Okay. So, he's a man, which means the military can't ever find out, and it ..." He grimaced. "It makes everything so damned complicated."

"Do you feel comfortable telling me who?" she asked tentatively.

"I ..." Daniel gulped. "He pretty much told me I could ... I mean, that I should." He moistened his lips and said, "It's Jack. I mean Colonel O'Neill."

She paused for a moment, as if to digest the information. "I see. Did you know before this that he was gay?"

Daniel shook his head. "He's not gay!" he protested, and Harry's eyes widened. "He's not. I know how that sounds, but he's not, really. He ... you should see the number of alien women who've thrown themselves at him."

"That women want him is not an indicator of his preferences."

"It wasn't all one-sided," Daniel said. "And I've met his wife, I've seen them together. I think they'd still be together if it ..." He faltered. ""If it hadn't been for the tragedy." He looked at her. "Do you know --"

"If you mean his son, I do know." He nodded. "You know, it's possible to have all those things, and still be gay."

"I don't think he's gay. Even he says he's not gay." Daniel shook his head. "He said he'd never wanted a man before, still didn't want any other men. I really ... I don't believe he's gay in the strictest sense." He shook his head again. "He's not."

"He's just in love with you?" she asked.

Daniel nodded, and some of his control collapsed. "And I don't understand why!" he burst out, his voice full of desperate confusion. "I don't get it!"

"What don't you get?"

"Why would he fall in love with me? It makes no sense!"

"Because he's not gay?"

"That, and ... I'm not that spectacular. I mean, I'm just a guy. Why all the interest?" He started enumerating on his fingers. "Jack says he loves me, Jim says he loves me, Calder said he wanted me from the moment he saw me." He grimaced. "Hathor at least made sense, with the Egyptology and the code of life thing. I was a convenient male body, and even then, why pick me? Because I was the weakest person present? I mean, that's got to be why the guy in Hadante wanted me."

"Things are rarely that simple, Daniel," Harry said.

"I just don't understand what else it could be," Daniel replied. "No one was ever interested in me until I came back from Abydos. The others, or Jack and Sam at least, have had strange sexual adventures, but not as often and never as negatively as me."

"So are you saying that you believe Calder was simply part of a larger trend?" she asked.

"No!" Daniel said. "He's ... it's not ..." He got up and walked across the room and stared at the concrete wall. "I think he did what he did because he wanted me. The general says that even if that's true, it doesn't make it my fault, but ... I seem to be a magnet for wackos."

"So Colonel O'Neill is a wacko?"

"No, I --" Daniel shook his head. "No, Jack's not a wacko, and neither is Jim, but ..."

"So, you attract people other than wackos?" she said pressingly.

"Yes, but ..." He shook his head. "I don't get it."

"Who is Jim?" she asked.

"A man I met, he's attracted to me." He turned around. "Why would anyone be attracted to me? I'm ordinary to look at and academicians aren't exactly what most people pant for."

Her brows lowered and she tilted her head. "Why would anyone be attracted to you?" she asked. "Is that what you just said?"

Hearing the words repeated back to him made Daniel realize how incredibly idiotic he sounded. He cleared his throat and crossed his arms. "I mean why would anyone like Calder be attracted," he said. "He told me he wanted to taste my skin from the moment he saw me."

"That sounds like a purely physical attraction," she commented.

"But there was more ..." Daniel shifted uncomfortably. "He made it very personal."

"Of course he made it personal," she said, and Daniel stared at her in surprise. "He's clearly a sadist. He would have made it personal for anyone he grabbed." Daniel gulped and his arms closed more tightly around his chest. "Come back and sit down, Daniel."

He didn't want to move. He was trembling. "I'm fine," he said, and his voice shook a little. "I just ... I didn't think about it that way."

"He's sick," she said. "He uses power and domination over an unwilling partner to gain pleasure for himself, and the little game he played with you and your friend is particularly unpleasant."

"But ... there must be something in me that calls to that kind of sick pervert," Daniel said. "Or why would he have come after me instead of Jack?" Daniel flushed. "Not that I'd want him to go after Jack. I mean, that's not what I ... I didn't mean ..."

Harry held up a hand. "I understand what you meant," she said reassuringly. "And I have to say, I don't know the answer to that question. It may be something as simple as the fact that you're ten years younger than Colonel O'Neill is, or perhaps he thought he could hurt O'Neill more by attacking you than by attacking him directly."

Daniel shivered. "I wish it hadn't happened."

"Of course you do," she said matter-of-factly. "Now come back and sit down. I need to get some more specific information about what you're going through right now."

Daniel did as she asked and they went through a series of questions about how he was sleeping, what kinds of dreams he was having, how he was eating, the whole gamut of questions that psychologists ask new patients. She took careful notes and finally said, "I think that just about wraps it up for today."

"Right," Daniel said. The question and answer session had given him time to calm down. He bit his lip. "So, when do we do this again?"

"That depends," she replied and he raised his eyebrows. "Do you think you can work with me?"

"So far so good," he said. "It will take time to be sure."

"Yes, it will," she said with a smile. "I think I'd like to see you again on Thursday, the day after tomorrow."

"Sure," Daniel said. "Um ... if that's all, then ..."

"Yes, you may make your escape," she said, her smile broadening. "Call me if you need to talk."

Daniel nodded vaguely and left, going straight to his office to sit down at his desk. He wasn't ready to be around people again. He needed to think.

Maybe Calder hadn't hurt Daniel because of who Daniel was, maybe he'd just hurt him because he liked hurting people. Daniel was a victim selected at random, for some unknown reason, and it had nothing to do with Daniel as a person.

He shook his head. It didn't ring true. Yes, Calder was a sadist. Yes, he'd undoubtedly had other victims. Daniel wasn't the first. But there was something ... he'd latched on to that imagined relationship between Jack and Daniel like a pitbull, pushing to get Daniel to reveal details about it. What if it was that? What if it was the closeness between Jack and Daniel that he'd seen and wanted to ... tarnish ... destroy ... control ... something.

Daniel put his head down on his arms. He might not be in love with Jack, but there was no doubting that he loved him. One of the reasons Jack's behavior towards Daniel after his return from Edora had drawn so much attention was that the friendship between the two of them was so well known. Calder had seen security images of Daniel snuggled up against Jack and that combined with the closeness he and Jack shared had been enough to make him jump to the conclusion that they were lovers.

It still felt incomplete. Maybe Daniel was being to self-centered about this, but it really felt as if Calder had wanted something from him, specifically. That he'd seen something in Daniel that he wanted to own. But what? What did he want?

***

Hammond was in the middle of supply requisitions when there was a knock at his door. He looked up to see Dr. Lisle in the doorway. "Come in, doctor," he said. "Please, have a seat."

She shut the door, then walked across the room. "Call me Harry," she said with a smile as she settled down in a chair. "I'm not one for formality."

He allowed himself a small smile. "I've lived with formality so long that it's like a comfortable shoe," he said. "Call me George." She nodded. "How can I help you, Harry?"

"I need to read the mission files, and I need to do it now," she replied firmly, and Hammond nodded. "And I have a few questions that are pushing the envelope of doctor/patient confidentiality, so you'll need to be very discreet."

"Of course," he said. "And you have free access to the mission logs. I told you."

"Yes, but I will need something of a guide," she replied. "I only want to see missions in which they encountered people, for example. Ore samples and radiation readings don't interest me."

"Right," he said. "I'll send a message to Tolliver. He'll sort out the files you need."

"Good." She leaned forward slightly. "Now for the questions. Who is Hathor?"

The name felt like a blow between the eyes. "Hathor? She's ..." He paused. He had explained some of what they did here, and some details about the Goa'uld to her already, but apart from Ra, he hadn't gotten too specific with names and personalities. "What do you know about Egyptian mythology?"

"I've been doing some reading ..." Her eyes widened. "Not the Hathor? The cow goddess, drunkenness, fertility, all that?"

Hammond snorted sourly. "Or as Colonel O'Neill put it on one memorable occasion, sex, drugs and rock and roll."

"So, she was Hathor, or she imitated Hathor, or what?"

"Sort of both, really," Hammond said, trying to figure out how to explain it clearly. He rarely had to. That's what Dr. Jackson was for. "The Goa'uld adopted the mythology of the native peoples of this planet and adapted it to their own ends. She was Hathor, but she was not the origin of Hathor, if that makes any sense."

"It does," she said. "So, how is she relevant to Daniel?"

Hammond grimaced. This was not one of his favorite memories. "She came here about three years ago ... she'd been entombed in South America, but archeologists digging there set her free by accident. She said she could sense the gate's presence and it drew her here." He took a deep breath. "I think perhaps you should read the reports on that incident."

"I will, but could you give me a little something to go on? He mentioned her, and if he calls me this evening to talk, I'd like to have some background."

He nodded, comprehending her need. "Dr. Jackson was particularly singled out by her, as was Colonel O'Neill." He pursed his lips. "She ... used Dr. Jackson sexually, but she had this pheromone that enabled her to control all the men on the base except Teal'c. He couldn't have stopped her. I ... none of us could. Major Carter and Dr. Fraiser are the only reason she didn't succeed in any of her plans."

"I see," Lisle said, and he could see that she'd picked up on the significance of his slip of the tongue. "So that's Hathor. What about --"

"Not quite," Hammond said. "She captured them again eight months ago, Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson. She didn't have them for long, but five minutes would be enough to reawaken a trauma like that."

"I can see that. Anything else about her?" she asked. He shook his head. "All right, then what is Hadante?"

Hammond tilted his head in surprise. "Hadante? Why ... I suppose Linea could come up ..."

"I don't know who Linea is," Harry said.

"Oh." He shook his head. "Hadante is a prison planet that they were sent to by some very narrow minded planetary officials who dumped all their criminals on a one way trip through the stargate."

"A prison planet," she repeated incredulously. Taking a deep breath, she shrugged. "This is a very weird situation. So, regardless, are you aware of Dr. Jackson having been sexually assaulted on this prison planet?"

Hammond shook his head. "No, nothing like that. I don't recall anything of that nature in any of their reports. He was nearly killed by one of the prisoners, but the attack wasn't sexual in nature."

She sat back thoughtfully. "No, the way he mentioned it there was clearly a sexual component to whatever he was talking about. Maybe he didn't tell anyone."

"I doubt that," Hammond said, though privately he wondered. Would the boy have kept something like that to himself if he could?

"Perhaps you could ask one of the others if anything odd happened there, if he was out of sight for any time, that kind of thing."

"Of course." Not Jack, he thought. Major Carter or Teal'c, though, they were upset but less totally undone by this whole affair. "Anything else?"

Harry sighed. Scowling thoughtfully, she said, "Does he really not know ... I mean ... well, my daughter would say he's 'yummy with a spoon.' Is he truly unaware of this fact?"

Hammond blinked. "That's a unique expression. Um ... yes, he's completely unaware. I know that people have tried to explain it to him, but he's got some personal blind spots and that's one of them."

"And his blinding charisma?" she asked.

He nodded. "That's another one. A big one. He asked me yesterday what people like Calder see in him. I don't know how or even whether to tell him that he practically glows with innocent enthusiasm. There are always people who see that as a ... as something to be crushed."

"Or possessed," Harry said. She stood up. "I don't think I want to see Colonel O'Neill until I've got some more background. If you could write a note or something to your records staff so I can grab a few files ... I'll stay on base tonight if you'd rather I didn't take them home."

"That might be better," Hammond agreed. He jotted a quick note to the records staff asking them to give Dr. Lisle the files she wanted, and directing them to provide her immediately with all files concerning the encounters with Hathor and Linea, together with anything in reference to Hadante that might not be included. "There," he said, handing it to her. "If you have any troubles at all with them, I want you to inform me immediately. They have been known to be less than helpful with civilians."

She took the note and gazed at him silently for a moment. "This bias against civilians, would it happen to include Dr. Jackson?"

Hammond's lips tightened and he nodded. "We are in the process of sorting that out. An assistant is being assigned to help facilitate record transfers."

"I see." She sighed and looked down at the note in her hands. "Thank you, general. I can see I've got my work cut out for me." She left pensively and Hammond sat silently for several moments after she left.

He stood up and walked out of the office. He'd better let Colonel O'Neill know that Dr. Lisle wasn't going to see him today. When he reached the colonel's room in the infirmary, he found both Major Carter and Teal'c with him.. Their conversation, predictably enough, concerned what each of them should have done differently.

He walked in and they all fell silent. "Would it help if I forbade you all to talk about this for a week?" he asked. Major Carter flushed, Colonel O'Neill pursed his lips irritably, but Teal'c just looked mildly perplexed. "I have a question I need to ask," he said, shutting the door behind him. "And I don't want you to discuss this question or your answers with Dr. Jackson." This brought them all to worried attention.

Major Carter leaned forward. "What is it, sir?"

"You all recall the time you spent on Hadante," he said, and though it hadn't really been a question, he got nods from all of them. "Does any of you have reason to believe that Dr. Jackson suffered any kind of sexual assault there?"

Carter and O'Neill both shook their heads, but Teal'c said, "Indeed, he did, General Hammond."

Colonel O'Neill's jaw dropped and he turned to glare at Teal'c. "He what?"

Major Carter blinked. "But ... Teal'c ..." She shook her head, looking hurt and betrayed.

"One of the inmates made a vigorous sexual advance upon DanielJackson against his will," Teal'c said.

"That's not in your report, is it?" Hammond asked, holding up a hand to forestall O'Neill's angry questions.

"I do not believe I specified that it was sexual, but I did mention the incident." He looked around, seeming to be taken aback by Carter's shock and O'Neill's fuming rage. "I do not ... it did not seem that DanielJackson wished it to be known, and as I stopped it before anything of a serious nature occurred --"

"Define 'anything of a serious nature,'" Colonel O'Neill ordered, his voice hard.

"There was no --"

"I don't want to know what didn't happen, I want to know what did happen," O'Neill growled.

Teal'c took a deep breath. "I was about ten feet off, asking someone about sources of power, and DanielJackson was doing the same when the man he was speaking to shoved him into an alcove in the wall and attempted to force sexual intercourse."

"I warned him," Jack said, sounding incredibly frustrated. "I told him it wasn't safe -- you knew it wasn't safe -- how far did it go?"

"Nothing further than bruising contact, O'Neill," Teal'c said. "There was no 'exchange of fluids,' as Dr. Fraiser would describe it. His clothing was not removed or even very disarranged. I dealt with the offender and we returned to you."

Hammond grimaced. "Is that all?"

"Isn't it enough?" O'Neill demanded. He turned to Teal'c. "Never ever keep something like that from me. If any of you is attacked in any way, I want to know the details, damn it! You understand me?"

"I do," Teal'c said, very subdued.

"Was there anything else you failed to mention about that mission, or any other?"

"No," Teal'c said. "There was not."

"Good."

Hammond cleared his throat. "Colonel, I also wanted to let you know that Dr. Lisle wishes to read more of the mission reports and get a better feel for the background before she sees you."

"So no appointment for me today?" O'Neill asked.

"No."

"When does Daniel finish his appointment?"

Hammond blinked. "He's been done for some time," he said. "Hasn't he been down here?"

"No sir," Carter said.

"Then where did he go?" Hammond asked.

"I'll bet I know," Carter said with a grimace. "I'll go find him."

Hammond watched her go and then turned to Teal'c. "Did you see everything that happened between Dr. Jackson and this man who assaulted him? You said they were in an alcove."

"Not everything, but DanielJackson told me what happened, and I do not believe he concealed anything from me."

"Right, because Daniel never lies to make people feel better," O'Neill said sarcastically.

"I do not believe he deceived me in this," Teal'c reiterated. "He told me that the man touched him in his groin area and on his buttocks, and that he nuzzled his neck. I saw the bruises later, when we bathed."

O'Neill seemed to swell. "If you ever pull something like this again, Teal'c, I will kill you!" he snarled. "He was groped, with bruises, and you never said anything?!"

"I'll leave you to it, then," Hammond said, and Teal'c shot him a betrayed look. Hammond left and made his way to Dr. Lisle's office. The door was slightly open and she was at her desk, reading a file. He tapped on the door and she looked up.

"Hathor was a bitch," she said, and Hammond blinked.

"Yes, that's true," he replied. "I thought you might want the answer to your question."

"About Hadante?" she asked. He nodded. "Come in and shut the door."

After doing that, he sat down in one of her comfortable chairs. "According to Teal'c, Dr. Jackson was sexually assaulted in a minor way. There was groping and some violence, but it was stopped well before it could go any further." She nodded slowly and took some notes. "Oh, and the only one who was aware of it was Teal'c, who told no one because he didn't think Dr. Jackson wanted anyone to know."

She sighed and looked down at her report. "His report on Hathor is heartbreakingly concise and spare, but gives very little insight into his reactions. Fortunately, I'm getting a bit more detail out of Captain Carter's."

"Right." He stood up. "Thank you for coming," he said. "This won't be the easiest of jobs, but we really need someone like you."

"I'll do my best," she replied. Hammond left with the feeling that his people were in capable hands.

***

Daniel finally put thoughts of Calder firmly out of his mind. The stack of files on his desk helped. The sheer size of the stack was daunting and made him suspect that Cameron had been offworld frequently while Daniel was gone, that Robert was still not feeling up to snuff, and that Nyan had not yet overcome his diffidence sufficiently to take initiative.

He stood up and began to sort them into piles, reflecting that it was a good thing that Jack couldn't see it or he'd have an apoplexy. While he worked, he turned on his computer to see what e-mails he might have gotten while he was gone and now that he was back. He continued sorting as the computer got itself connected to the network. He shook his head in frustration. The stack of 'God only knew who needed it' was growing higher and higher.

The computer chimed to let him know he had mail, and he walked over to assess the damage. The pattern was much what he'd expected. A heavy concentration of e-mails toward the beginning of his absence petered out as the days and weeks passed, then a sudden inflow in the last couple of days since their return. He scanned the subject lines and amid the variations on 'welcome home' and 'hope you're doing okay' there was one that read simply, 'Missing Files' from Major Tolliver. Daniel opened it and read through it quickly, sinking down into his chair as he did.

After a terse and unconvincing statement about being glad that Daniel was back and unhurt, Tolliver launched into a tirade regarding five files that had gone missing during Daniel's absence. Somehow, despite the fact that Daniel was off being held prisoner on an alien planet during the operative time period, phrases like 'poorly trained staff' and 'improper procedures' contrived to make it his fault. Tolliver's grievance seemed to be that Daniel's staff had taken files from the records room without logging them out, and he managed to infer from those five files a massive problem that was going to have to be dealt with.

Daniel shook his head wearily. One of the files on the list was sitting on his desk now, on the 'who needs it' pile, directed to linguistics, and the transfer sheet was written by Tolliver's chief assistant. He contemplated the screen without pleasure or any jot of motivation. Theoretically, problems like this would stop once Tony started. Rousing himself from his lethargy, Daniel printed the e-mail and clipped it to the file to show Tony what he was up against. Hopefully the young man had whatever it took to get Tolliver to behave himself. Right now, though, it wasn't worth it for Daniel to make a fuss. Not to Daniel at any rate. Jack would probably be foaming at the mouth.

He started sorting again, and in the process found two of the remaining four files from Tolliver's list, and one of the forms was signed by Tolliver himself. Admittedly, it was dated three weeks ago, but it proved that the problem wasn't at this end, or at least not solely at this end. He put those three files in a pile all to themselves to show Tony later, when he started. He was just labeling the piles preparatory to calling his colleagues to come fetch them when he heard a familiar clearing of the throat behind him.

Generally that sound was made to alert him to the fact that he was saying the wrong thing to Jack, or to catch his attention when Jack had spoken and Daniel had been too wrapped up in something to hear. He turned around to find Sam in the doorway to his office, looking in shock at the piles and piles of files.

"What is all this?" she asked.

Daniel shrugged. "Worse than usual," he said, "but no real surprise."

"Daniel!" she said. "You're kidding. It's like this every time?"

"No, it's usually less," Daniel replied, leaning back against his desk and changing the subject firmly. "How are you? I haven't seen you since you helped retrieve me during my breakdown." He said it lightly, but he was all too aware of what such a breakdown could look like to the military.

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm more worried about you. Why'd you come up here after your appointment was over instead of joining us in the colonel's room?"

Daniel turned away as thoughts of Calder rushed back into his mind. "I just needed to be alone," he said, writing Nyan's name on a sheet of paper and dropping it onto the pile that was for him.

"We're your friends, Daniel," she said softly, coming up and putting a hand on his shoulder. "We're here to help."

"I know that," Daniel said. He sighed and turned to meet her worried eyes. "The trouble is that all three of you radiate guilt every time you see me, and it really doesn't help."

"Oh." Sam seemed to have no further response, she just got that distant look that told him she was processing hard.

He shrugged again. "I understand Jack's guilt, but I don't really understand yours or Teal'c's. Neither of you was ever in a position to stop what happened to me."

She sighed and shrugged unhappily, her hand dropping to her side. "I guess it's not really about what we could have done to stop it," she said slowly. "It's about us getting off so much lighter than you did."

"Lighter?" Daniel exclaimed. "You were slaves, working in a dismal pit, eating vitamin fortified gruel." He snorted without humor. "And not getting any bread in your case. How is that lighter?"

She stared at him. "Daniel, you ... sometimes you astonish me." He turned away, but she grabbed his arm. "Daniel, what happened to you was deliberately, maliciously done. I was given random memories and a job, and as Thera I didn't know there was anything different. What he did to you ... telling you about us and what was happening to us, hurting you on purpose, it's a lot different."

Daniel moved away, sitting down at his desk. "Harry says he's a sadist," he said.

Sam blinked at him, pulling up another chair. "Duh," she said.

Daniel gave her a rueful grin and shrugged. "I wonder if he would have made it all the way up to serial killer, though I suppose in that society it's a little different. He probably could have killed me and no one would have batted an eye."

"Daniel ..." Sam said uneasily, but he was caught by the train of thought.

"Does it count if you kill personal property?" he asked. "Are you still a serial killer if you kill your own slaves?"

"Yeah!" Sam said firmly. "In my opinion." She shook her head. "Daniel, you shouldn't be thinking like this."

"It beats trying to figure out what part of my personality calls to the serial killer in people," he blurted, then bit his lip, wishing he hadn't said that.

"The same part that calls to the goodness and courage in decent people," Sam exclaimed instantly, looking appalled. Daniel blinked at her. "God, Daniel, you haven't been thinking there's something wrong with you, have you?" His silence told her the answer to her question and she stood up and pulled him to his feet. He let her, and when they were both standing she wrapped her arms around him in a sisterly hug. "Daniel, you are the best, the bravest, the kindest man I know." He returned the embrace, resting his forehead on the top of her head. She pulled away after a moment and looked earnestly into his eyes. "And you're the only man I know who combines all those qualities in equal measure."

"Sam, you don't have to --"

She grabbed his shoulders and glared at him. "You're right, I don't have to. But it's the truth, the honest-to-God truth, Daniel. Look into my eyes and see that."

He did, and tears sprang to his eyes as he read the sincerity there. He pulled her into a tight hug and strove to control his tears.

"Let it go, Daniel," she said in his ear. "Don't hold back."

Her insistence broke through his control and he began to weep.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Tony walked into the records room to find that a sweet grandmotherly lady had beaten him to the counter. He stood back to wait, his requisition form in his hand. The clerk delivered her a pile of files and as she began to go through them, the clerk beckoned Tony forward. He handed over his requisition form and the files he was returning and the clerk disappeared. Major Tolliver was sitting at his desk doing some kind of computer work.

After several moments, the lady next to Tony cleared her throat. "Major Tolliver, I'd like ask you a question," she said, her voice extremely polite. Tony'd heard that tone of voice before, from his grandmother and all of his aunts, and it boded ill for whomever it was directed towards.

"Of course, ma'am," the major said, standing up and walking over to the counter with an insincere smile that said more clearly than his bored voice that he thought she was wasting his time.

"Did I fail make it clear that I only want files that pertain to Dr. Jackson's encounters with people?" the lady asked.

"No, Dr. Lisle, you made that perfectly clear, but you've got to understand that this is a busy department, and we don't have time to --"

"To correctly fill the requisitions you receive? To properly catalog and index your files? What is it you don't have time for?"

"Ma'am, our files are indexed and cataloged," Tolliver said with a very slight edge to his voice. Tony shrank backwards a bit to get out of the line of fire.

"Then it should be no trouble to get me the files I have requested," she replied primly.

"You haven't requested specific files, ma'am, this is a very general request."

She looked down at her requisition form and turned it back so that it was right side up to her. "And yet you have failed to fill this 'general' request for missions during which intelligent peoples were contacted," she said, pushing the pile of files back across the counter to him. "I am no stranger to records rooms, young man, and have dealt successfully with the keepers of considerably larger collections than this one in the past, at universities and teaching hospitals. I fail to understand what the trouble is in filling my perfectly reasonable request." Tolliver seemed not to know what to say. Dr. Lisle flipped her form around again and pushed it towards him. "Please do so now."

Left without any grounds for further objection, Major Tolliver picked up the stack of files and the requisition form and went into the stacks. Dr. Lisle looked at her watch and sighed. Tony cleared his throat and gave her a shy smile when she turned. "May I introduce myself?" he asked.

"Certainly, lieutenant," she said crisply, but her eyes were provisionally friendly.

"I'm Tony Sciaparelli. When things settle down from the current excitement, I'll be Dr. Jackson's assistant."

Her eyebrows raised, and her eyes grew a deal warmer. "I'm Dr. Harriet Lisle, but everyone calls me Harry. I've just joined the medical staff. My specialty is psychiatry."

"I see," Tony said, and he did. He suspected that Dr. Jackson badly needed someone to talk to just now, someone who didn't wear epaulettes on her shoulders. "I'm reading through some of Dr. Jackson's missions, but I'll stick to ones where there are just plants and animals if that makes it easier for you."

"I'm not sure we should risk confusing them further," Dr. Lisle said with a dry look towards the stacks. "I'll let you know if you have anything I need."

"Okay," he said. The sergeant came out with the file Tony had requested and Tony signed for it. The sergeant kept throwing worried glances at Dr. Lisle, like he was afraid she'd eat him. Tony nodded to the both of them and left, returning to his task of helping the refugees sort themselves out

He walked into the large room the refugees were using as a central meeting space. He put his files down on his desk and contemplated the people gathered there. They all seemed very restless, and from the interviews he'd taken he knew why. Not one of them had ever had this much down time in their entire lives. All they knew was work, and they didn't know how to handle not working. The government had provided puzzles and games, but it had been a bit of a struggle teaching them what to do with them.

He picked up his clipboard and reviewed today's interview schedule, but before he could do more than glance at it, a young woman walked up. "Excuse me," she said, and he turned to her with a smile. She looked up at him with thinly veiled hostility. "I have a question."

"I'll try to answer it if I can," Tony said carefully.

"You'd better be able to answer it," she said harshly. "I know other people are getting worried about this, too, and things are so strange here that it's freaking them out." He glanced around and saw that quite a few people were watching them anxiously.

"I will try, I promise. What's your name?"

"Kegan," she said. "And you are?"

"Tony," he replied. He'd learned that a single name worked better with these people than trying to use his rank.

Kegan accepted his name with a nod. "We want to know what happened to Carlin and the others," she said. "I know that's not his name, but I'm not absolutely sure what his real name is."

Tony blinked. "Um ... Carlin ... that would be Daniel Jackson. He's here on base, and he's fine," he said. "I saw him the day before yesterday."

This calm answer seemed to nonplus her, but she didn't give up. "Why haven't we seen them? Why haven't we seen the sun? He said that there wasn't an ice age here, but we're still underground."

Tony took a deep breath. "The people on this planet don't know about the stargate," he said. "They don't know that people live on other planets, so it's not possible for us to let you up on the surface. We are going to find you a planet to live on as soon as possible, but we want to be sure you'll be safe and supported there."

She grimaced and looked dissatisfied. "I want to see Carlin. Daniel."

"I'll see what I can do," Tony said.

"What about Jonah?" A large man had drifted close and he spoke up suddenly. "Did he live? He lost a lot of blood, but they seemed to think he'd be okay."

"Jonah is Colonel Jack O'Neill. He's fine, recovering. I guess the bullet didn't hit anything major."

"Please," Kegan said. "See if Daniel will come."

"I will. Now if you could just go back to what you were doing."

"I was doing nothing!" Kegan said. "There's nothing to do." She wandered off, though, and so did the man. Tony walked over to his desk and sat down. After a moment's thought, he called the general. It seemed like a question only he could answer. Should Dr. Jackson come here or not?

"Lt. Sciaparelli, how is it going with the refugees?"

"Complicated, sir," Tony said. "They're used to being very active, so the lack of tasks is grating on them."

"I know, and I wish there was something I could do."

"I've had a specific request, though, sir, and I wasn't sure what to do about it."

"Yes?"

"They haven't seen SG-1 since they got here, and I think they're all a little worried that something's wrong, that they're hurt or that things aren't what they were supposed to be. A woman called Kegan wants to see Dr. Jackson."

"Oh, I see." Hammond was silent a moment. "I can see where they might think that. I'll give Dr. Jackson a call and see if he's ready for that."

Tony hung up and called for his first interview of the afternoon. He was in the middle of his list of questions when Dr. Jackson walked in followed by a blond woman.

Everyone in the room was immediately standing and moving towards them, but Kegan got to Dr. Jackson first, and the archeologist greeted her with a hug. After that there was a lot of talking from everyone, and a lot of babbling. Finally, Dr. Jackson raised a hand and they all quieted down. "Okay, you've all got questions, and trying to answer you all individually isn't working because everyone's talking at once. Let's try this one at a time, because a lot of you probably have the same questions."

Between them, the woman, who Tony guessed must be Major Carter, and Dr. Jackson got the group settled down and they started answering questions. Tony watched with fascination.

"Where is Tor?" asked someone.

"He's with Jack, that's Jonah, who is still stuck in bed and getting rather grumpy about it." Several people laughed at that frank statement and the uneasiness started to abate as questions were asked and answered. Dr. Jackson was good with people, that was evident, and they trusted him and Major Carter.

Once the serious questions were out of the way, a woman named Mevor leaned toward Dr. Jackson and said, "It's clear that Thera -- I mean, Sam -- is some kind of an engineer, but what do you do?"

"It can't be anything to do with machines," Kegan said, and Dr. Jackson laughed.

"I'm a scholar," Dr. Jackson said. "I study how people interact and how language works."

"That's a job?"

"A very necessary one," Major Carter said. "He's a linguist, a historian, an anthropologist, an archeologist --"

"Sam, they don't know what you're talking about," Dr. Jackson said. "I study language, I study culture. My job here, when we visit new planets, is to figure out how to interact with the local population." He shrugged. "It's a living."

"What are we going to do?" asked a man whose name Tony hadn't caught yet. "I mean, once you folks have found us someplace to live."

"That depends on where we find you a place to live," Dr. Jackson said. "I'm not in the loop on that, but I'll see what I can find out."

"What happened to that man, the one who shot Brenna?" asked a young woman named Reva.

Dr. Jackson blanched and Major Carter shot a worried glance at him as she answered the question. "He's being held in a cell on base pending a decision about what's to be done with him."

"Find a deep dark place where he can work the rest of his life away," Kegan said bitterly, and there were shouts of agreement.

Dr. Jackson got to his feet. "I'm ... I've got work I have to do," he said. "I'm sorry. Sam, stay and talk, okay?"

"Sure Daniel," Carter said, and Dr. Jackson left.

Mevor cleared her throat and everyone looked at her. "That Calder ... he's the one who hurt him before he came down below, isn't he?"

Tony wasn't sure what to expect, but Major Carter nodded. "Yeah, it was him."

"I'm sorry," Reva said, looking stricken. "I didn't mean to upset him."

"Yeah, well, you did," Kegan said bitterly.

Major Carter intervened before anyone else could. "She couldn't have known, Kegan," she said. "How are you all holding up? This must be very stressful."

"It is," Mevor said quickly, and Tony watched Kegan. Her lips tightened and she dropped to the back of the group.

After a moment of watching, Tony stood up and walked over to her. "Kegan?" he said hesitantly. She turned to him, eyes dark with unhappy confusion. "Why don't you come over here and answer my questions. I don't think Thomen's coming back for awhile, and I can see you're not enjoying this."

Wordlessly, she nodded and followed him to his desk, which was a ways away from the gathering. Major Carter noticed, but she didn't draw attention to them, and since his desk was at the back of the group, few of her compatriots were aware of her defection.

"She thinks she's so good," Kegan said, glaring at Major Carter. "So smart and better than the rest of us."

"I've never met her," Tony said truthfully. "But I'm sure she's really nice once you get to know her."

"Why do you think so?" Kegan asked, turning her glare on him.

"Well, for one thing, Daniel likes her," he said, and Kegan's brows drew together. "And even if I haven't met her, I've read a lot about her."

"I wish Reva hadn't said that stupid thing," Kegan said. "I wanted to see him, not her."

"Did you get to know him well when he was down in the plant?" Tony asked.

She nodded. "I trained him. We were friends until his memories started coming back. Then he ... I guess I ..." She shrugged. "Things changed."

"That happens sometimes," Tony said. "But I'm certain he still cares about you." She looked up at him curiously. "He hugged you, for one thing. I didn't see him hug anyone else." She nodded thoughtfully. "And he's that type. He cares about people, and once he's started, he doesn't stop."

"He's known her longer," Kegan said, looking back over at Major Carter.

"True," Tony said. "But that doesn't mean anything. It's not like he has to choose, right?" Her eyes widened and he realized that he'd unknowingly hit a nerve. "Anyway, I've got to ask you a bunch of questions about your life. Let me know if it gets too personal."

She nodded and they started to work.

***

Jack was going nuts. Carter left with the clear indication that she was going to check on Daniel. Then he didn't hear anything for hours. He didn't have any way to go looking since, even though Fraiser was now letting him up, she wasn't letting him wander yet. "Teal'c, go find him," Jack said when calls to both their labs proved fruitless.

"I do not wish to leave you alone, O'Neill."

"I know you don't, but I need to know where Daniel is and how he is. I can't believe Carter didn't call us."

"O'Neill, DanielJackson must be fine or she would have called us," Teal'c said, but Jack wasn't satisfied. He started pacing. "O'Neill, you must sit down. Dr. Fraiser said you could get up, but she specified light activity, especially this first day."

"I'll sit down if and when you go find Daniel."

"Then sit down," said a familiar voice from the hallway. Daniel appeared in the doorway looking mordant and tired. "What are you all agitated for?"

"I didn't know where you were," Jack said, and it suddenly sounded pretty lame. Daniel smiled, though, and even if it was a sad smile, full of pain, it was still a smile.

"Did Major Carter find you?" Teal'c asked.

"She did," Daniel said. "And she helped me some. I think. Maybe." He sighed. "Not sure whether her remedy was a cure or a Band-Aid, and only time will tell for sure, unfortunately."

His eyes were just slightly red, and Jack could tell he'd been crying within the recent past. He wanted to take Daniel in his arms, he wanted to kiss him and tell him the pain would go away. He wanted to hold him and cuddle him close in ways that were not acceptable on base, and that he probably wouldn't want anyway. Daniel's eyes met his and his feelings must have been displayed nakedly on his face, because Daniel's expression warmed briefly.

"You said you would sit down if we found DanielJackson, O'Neill," Teal'c said abruptly. "He is found, yet you are not sitting."

Jack let them hustle him into a seat and get him things to drink. He was feeling more than a little off balance, and he wanted to go home. He looked up at Daniel. "I want to go home," he said.

"I know, me too," Daniel said. "Maybe tomorrow, but I'm still going to have to come in."

"Why?"

"Work," Daniel said. "And there are the workers, Kegan and the rest?"

"How are they?" Jack asked. "Have you seen anyone?"

"Just now," Daniel replied, then he flushed, looking uncomfortable. "I ... I left Sam with them. " He grimaced. "One of them ... I mean ... they all know ... what happened ..." Jack nodded his complete understanding and Daniel stopped fumbling for words. With a shrug, he said, "How could they not?"

Jack sympathized. When he'd arrived down in the plant, he'd been covered with bites neck to toes, and he'd had lots of very suggestive bruises, so no one could possibly have missed the substance of what had been done to him. "Did someone say something?" he asked.

Daniel took a deep breath and let it out, calming himself. "Reva asked where Calder was, and I freaked a little." He shrugged uneasily. "I left."

"Did you do anything embarrassing?" Jack asked, a little worried on his friend's behalf.

"No, I just left. But Kegan's probably upset now, and she's ..."

"She's none too stable," Jack observed.

"That's not fair," Daniel protested.

"It is, however, true, DanielJackson," Teal'c said.

"She's not unstable," Daniel said. "I don't know --" He shook his head. "She's just unhappy, and she doesn't know how to handle that. Their lives down there don't allow them to handle things. Problems arise, and there's a stamp. They don't learn to adjust their thinking, it's adjusted for them."

"That's true," Jack said. "I hadn't considered it that way."

"You didn't spend time going from group to group, trying to figure out if anyone else had more memories than we did," Daniel said. "I did. That's part of what led me to the conclusion that our heads had been messed with." He shook his head. "Kegan actually told me a story about a guy who went night sick and tried to break the skylight. Why do you suppose he did a thing like that?"

Jack blinked. "I wonder," he said sarcastically.

"It was most disturbing," Teal'c said thoughtfully, and Jack turned to him. "I slowly began to realize that something was wrong. It got worse after DanielJackson came down. When I saw you attack him, I knew that it was wrong. It could not happen."

"And I thought you were wacked," Jack said frankly. "I really believed it all." Even the stuff about being hot for Carter, which he was still finding disturbing because it hadn't entirely gone away.

"I did too, at first," Daniel said. "But you know me. Question everything, and if you think you might have missed something, it never hurts to question it twice."

"True enough," Jack said with a grin. "I'm just glad we had the two of you there. Carter and I might never have worked it out on our own."

"Whatever happened to Brenna, I wonder? She wasn't with the others."

"They tried to put her with the others," Teal'c said. "But I do not believe ... I believe it went badly."

"Why?" Daniel asked.

"Daniel," Jack said, and when the archeologist turned to him, it was clear that he really didn't have any idea. "She was in charge. They probably think she was in on it, and ... go figure ... she was."

Daniel leaned forward earnestly. "She was a victim, too, though," he said. "And she tried to help us." Daniel turned to Teal'c. "Where is she?"

"I do not know for certain," Teal'c said. "Perhaps I can find out."

***

Brenna stared at the food on her plate. It was ironic. Now, when she finally had as much of the good food she'd always wanted as she could eat, she'd lost her appetite. She pushed the plate away and sighed. Her people were right. She was no better than a collaborator. She'd helped to keep them in slavery rather than trying to help them. She was as bad as Administrator Calder.

Remembering the way Daniel Jackson's body had looked when he'd come down to her, she shuddered. Maybe not as bad, but bad enough. She thumped her forehead down onto one hand. It felt strange not to be able to use both. The medicine that Dr. Fraiser gave her dealt with the pain, but she wasn't supposed to use her arm or her hand. She wasn't used to dealing with injuries, which only made her feel worse. She was the one who remained whole and healthy while others did the dangerous work that got them hurt and killed.

Why had it had taken her so long to truly see that the strangers needed her help? Especially once Dr. Jackson had arrived. With mute evidence before her that the people above were cruel and not worthy of the service the workers were providing, she had simply put Dr. Jackson in with the others, perhaps not without a second thought, but without really considering what it meant. Of course, at that time she hadn't believed it was Administrator Calder who had hurt him, but nevertheless, it should have been an alert to her that things weren't as they should be.

This room was larger than her apartment in the plant had been, and she had it to herself. The colors were vibrant and beautiful. She'd never seen anything quite like it. Even the rooms she'd seen above had not been this colorful. The reds and blues of the bedspread were so rich, the bed was so soft, she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of it.

There was a knock at the door. She got to her feet and went over to open it. Major Carter stood outside holding a brightly colored box. "Hi, how're you feeling?" she said.

Brenna stepped backwards to let her in. "I ... fine, I guess. I wasn't expecting you."

"I just thought I'd come by." She walked over to the table and put the box down. It was only about an inch thick. Major Carter looked down at the plate. "If you don't like tuna stroganoff, all you have to do is tell the people who bring your food that you want something else."

"It's not ..." Brenna shook her head. "The food's fine. I'm just not very hungry."

Major Carter gazed at her for a moment, then came over to her side. Putting an arm around Brenna's shoulders, the earth woman guided her to the long padded seat she called a couch. "What's up?" she asked, sitting down.

"I don't understand the question," Brenna said, sinking down uneasily.

Major Carter smiled. "Sorry. I meant 'what's wrong?' You seem depressed."

Brenna shook her head. "I am happy to be away from the plant," she said, trying to make it sound convincing. "And this is a beautiful place. I am happy."

There was a pause, and then major Carter said, "Then why don't I believe you?"

"I don't know," Brenna said. She stood up and walked over to the table. "You brought something. What is this?" The box was long, narrow, and not very thick. Major Carter came to join her as she opened it. There was a flat brown object that seemed to fill the top of the box. Brenna pulled it out. It appeared to be some kind of solid substance, folded over in half so that it would fit in the narrow box. She put it out flat on the table and looked at it. Strange symbols marked its surface, square boxes leading in a curlicue path around the edge. Underneath this in the box were small pieces of thick paper bound with some sort of elastic substance, and a small clear bag full of little tokens, six bright colors all the same shape, and one that was a white cube with black spots on the sides.

"It's a game," Major Carter said. "It's called Candyland, and it's designed for preschoolers." Brenna raised her eyebrows. "Children who aren't old enough to read. I figured it would be easier to play than something that had a lot of writing, like Monopoly."

"A game," Brenna said. "I have not played a game since I was very young."

"I didn't think you had," Major Carter said with a smile. "I thought it might be fun."

Brenna shook her head and walked away from the table. "I don't think so. I don't even know why you're here."

"Because I thought you needed company," Major Carter said.

Taking a deep breath, Brenna turned around and lifted her chin. "I'm not worth your time, Major Carter," she said. "I helped to imprison your people, I worked to enslave my own. I don't deserve your concern."

"That's not true," Major Carter said, walking across and holding her arms out as if to put her hands on Brenna's shoulders. Brenna took a step back, and Major Carter stopped, dropping her arms. "Brenna, you tried to help us. You risked yourself to help us escape."

"Too little, too late," Brenna said. "I knew all along what the world above was like, and I did nothing." Her eyes began to sting and she controlled herself with an act of will. "No, not nothing. I did everything Administrator Calder told me to do."

"You had no choice," Major Carter said, her eyes wide and worried. "You couldn't have done anything else without winding up just like the others. They would have stamped you and put you to work fixing pumps or cleaning out traps, or whatever." She took another few steps toward Brenna and did grab her by the shoulders. "You couldn't have stopped them," she said firmly.

"I didn't try," Brenna said, and her voice gave evidence of her failing control over her emotions. "I knew what had been done to Dr. Jackson, and I said nothing. I asked nothing. I just stamped him and told him to forget it."

"And if you had said something to Calder, what would he have done?"

"I don't know. I didn't try." Brenna's tears burst forth, but when Major Carter tried to pull her close, she jerked away. "I don't deserve to be comforted," she said. "I'm what they said I am. I'm a collaborator. I made the system work by making sure no one knew what was really going on."

"Were you ever stamped?"

The question was snapped at her so fast that Brenna answered automatically, without stopping to think. "Of course."

"How often?" Major Carter asked immediately.

"I have no idea. They wouldn't have told me."

"You wouldn't just know?"

"The stamp ensures that you don't," Brenna replied. "Why are you asking?"

"Because that's your answer. You were brainwashed to go along with it. You were stamped with the imprint of someone who would keep the system moving." Brenna stared at her, jaw dropping. "You were just as much of a victim as the others, Brenna. The only difference is that they made you an accomplice in your own enslavement."

"But that's -- I don't --" Brenna shook her head, the tears coming hotter now, and sobs in her chest choking her words. "It's not -- it is my fault! It's all my fault!"

"It's not," Major Carter said, firmly putting her arms around her and pulling her into a tight embrace. "You were used, and when things went too far, you broke free. You are a good person, Brenna, you are."

Brenna shook her head, but Major Carter wouldn't let up. She just kept saying that, and things like it, till Brenna calmed down. Eventually they were sitting side by side on the couch. "Major Carter, do you really believe what you said?"

The other woman took Brenna's hand. "I do, and call me Sam. It's what my friends call me."

"Are we friends?" Brenna asked.

"Yes, I think we are." Sam smiled. "I think this moment calls for hot chocolate, and I happen to know a way to get some." She reached over and picked up the communication device. Brenna couldn't remember what they called it. After a few seconds, she spoke to someone. Brenna didn't listen. She just leaned her head against the back of the couch.

When Sam was done, Brenna said, "So you don't mind that I refused your ideas to improve the plant?"

"Wasn't that Calder?" Sam asked. Brenna nodded. "You thought they were good ideas, didn't you?"

"I thought they were a chance for us to finally ... I don't know, change things."

"I wish he'd seen them that way too," Sam said. She paused, blinking. "Wait, no I don't. I wish he was dead, and being eaten by maggots."

Brenna liked the idea of Administrator Calder being dead, but ... "What are maggots?"

Sam lifted her hand and held her fingers about a thumb's breadth apart. "Little wormy things about this big." Her eyes narrowed pensively. "Actually, I wish the maggots were eating him before he was dead."

Brenna felt her eyes widen. "You're vicious."

Sam nodded once, sharply. "He hurt Daniel," she said, as if that explained everything, and Brenna had gathered, from things she'd heard, that it did for a lot of people who lived here.

"He seems like a nice man," she ventured, and Sam turned to look at her as if shocked. "Daniel, I mean," she added, and Sam relaxed, her expression softening. "I haven't seen him much, but in the plant he seemed to get on well with everyone."

"Except the colonel and me," Sam said. She seemed distressed by this fact.

"There were reasons for that," Brenna replied. "And they weren't his fault or yours."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, tilting her head curiously. There was a knock at the door, and Sam got up to get it. She brought in a tray with two steaming mugs on it, full of some brown liquid that smelled heavenly. "Hot chocolate," she said in a voice that spoke volumes of pleasure.

Brenna took hers and sipped it carefully. It was quite hot, but it tasted as good as it smelled. She savored it for a moment, then took another sip.

"So, what are the reasons?" Sam asked.

"Administrator Calder ordered me to vary Colonel O'Neill's stamp slightly," Brenna said, growing slightly uncomfortable as she realized that she had told no one this. "You should know, because some effects of the stamp could linger. He ... according to Administrator Calder, Colonel O'Neill had a strong attachment that might endanger his stamp. When that happens, we often provide a substitute attachment. When left to my own reasoning, I generally make it something that's out of the person's reach. A dead lover, something of that nature."

"And on this occasion?" Sam asked, but Brenna could tell that she had suspicions.

"Administrator Calder ordered me to place an attachment to you in his stamp," Brenna said, and watched the other woman's face change, first shock, then understanding, then an odd sort of sadness. Neither of them spoke for a time.

"Why would he do something like that?" Sam asked after a thoughtful silence.

"Emotional attachments can be extremely strong, and if they overcome the stamp, it can cause serious problems for an entire workforce," Brenna said. "And it was clear that Colonel O'Neill's feelings were very strong indeed. Do you remember how you felt when you came out of the stamp?"

Sam's eyes went distant, then she said, "Was that when you told me I'd gotten sick on the journey from the mines?"

Brenna nodded. "Do you remember how you felt?"

She looked distinctly uneasy, remembering. "It was weird, as if I had nothing, no connection to anything." She shivered. "I didn't like it."

"That's part of the effects of a deep stamp. It strips away your identity and makes you need one so badly that you'll latch onto anything that's offered."

Sam stared at her, clearly deeply disturbed. "I remember."

"Colonel O'Neill sat up instantly on awakening and demanded to see Thera."

"Really?" Sam asked. "But ... is that unusual?"

"In all my years working there, I've never seen that before." Brenna shook her head. "Administrator Calder was very strange. He called me to his office and asked me to take special care with the four of you, and he actually came to see Colonel O'Neill just before we stamped him. He seemed quite frightened of him, actually, despite the fact that he was unconscious." She shrugged. "He's also never given me specific orders about what to put in someone's stamp before. I didn't understand until I saw your Colonel O'Neill with Dr. Jackson, as themselves I mean, not as Carlin and Jonah."

"I don't understand," Sam said, and Brenna was perplexed.

"Well, once I saw the attachment between Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson, it was obvious." She looked down at her hands. "I believe that's what caused the conflict. Colonel O'Neill had to have been torn up inside, stamped to love you, but loving Dr. Jackson on a much deeper level." She looked up to find Major Carter staring at her with wide eyes. "It makes it all much clearer," Brenna said uncertainly, not sure what was disturbing her ... her friend.

"Love?" Sam said, blinking very fast. "No, not ... love is ... it's not ..." She shook her head. "I mean, yes, they love each other. They're good friends, but they don't love each other."

"I don't understand," Brenna said, utterly confused. "They love each other, but they don't love each other."

"No." Sam shook her head. "I mean, they don't love each other in a romantic ... a sexual sense. They're friends."

Brenna knit her eyebrows. "They don't?" she asked, and Sam's eyes widened again. "Your pardon, have I said something wrong?"

"No," Sam said instantly. "Or I mean yes, sort of, but no, not ... you really think they're in love?" She seemed oddly distressed by this notion.

Brenna chose her words carefully. "I am certain that Colonel O'Neill is in love with Dr. Jackson," she said. "Or why would Administrator Calder insist on that stamp, and make it sexual in nature?" Sam listened, but she still looked very unhappy. "And further, the strength of the attachment can be gauged very simply."

"How?"

"I transferred his focus from Dr. Jackson to you."

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Sam's jaw dropped and she looked completely stunned. "I see," she said weakly.

"What is the trouble? I had assumed that this was widely known here."

"Oh no!" Sam said, and she leaned forward urgently. "Whether it's true or not, it can't be known. No one can know. Not even that you suspect it's true."

"Why not?"

"Relationships of that nature between two men are extremely taboo here," Sam said, and Brenna stared at her.

"Why?"

Sam looked utterly flabbergasted. "I don't know," she said. "They just are. If you want an explanation of the cultural reasons, ask Daniel. I just know that our society isn't perfect either, and anything like that would get the colonel kicked out of the military and Daniel beaten to a pulp by a bunch of jerks who would assume it was his fault."

"But ... why would they assume it was Dr. Jackson's fault?"

"Because they wouldn't want to think that a macho military guy like the colonel could turn gay without someone tricking them into it."

"And that someone would be Dr. Jackson?"

"I didn't say it made sense," Sam said, sounding quite irritated. Brenna bit her lip and drew back. "No, I'm sorry," Sam said. "I didn't mean ... I'm not mad at you. It's a stupid system, but one we're stuck with until things change, and they are changing, gradually."

"I see," Brenna said. "You are telling me that I should tell no one of this."

"Definitely not," Sam said. "In fact, I need to go have a chat with Siler as soon as possible," she added, looking up at the ceiling. "Brenna, thank you for the information, and I don't mean to rush off, but ..." She gave Brenna a tight hug. "I will be back tomorrow, I promise, okay?"

"What about your game?" Brenna said as she started to leave.

"We'll play tomorrow," Sam replied and shut the door behind her. Brenna sat down, mulling over what she'd learned.

She had a friend, and no culture was perfect. And maybe she wasn't as bad as she'd thought she was.

***

"Jim Oberon speaking."

Hammond hadn't expected him to answer this early in the morning. "Good morning, Mr. Oberon," he said. "This is General Hammond."

"General," Oberon said, sounding startled. He went on, his tone growing sardonic. "Is the investigation complete? My mother said that the young men who visited her were very well mannered."

"It is," Hammond said. "I have your clearance in front of me." Oberon made an impatient sound. "You were right," Hammond said mildly. Your work with the Justice Department did speed things up some, but the levels are simply not comparable."

"I see," Oberon said. "All right, do I qualify?"

Hammond regarded the report in front of him. "Actually you do, and that puts you in an interesting position. I'd like to set up an appointment to speak with you."

"All right, when?"

"Tomorrow evening, between six and eight, at the Air Force Academy."

"Very well, which building?"

"They'll let you know at the gate," Hammond said.

"Fine. I'll be there at seven."

"Good, then I'll see you tomorrow. Now, I'm sure we both have work to do."

"Yes indeed." There was a click on the line and Hammond hung up. That promised to be an interesting meeting.

"Sir?"

Hammond looked up to see Colonel O'Neill in the doorway. He had a sling supporting his arm and with the way he looked, Hammond was surprised that Dr. Fraiser had let him out of the infirmary. "Good morning, colonel. How are you feeling?"

"Like I could use a chair." Hammond nodded towards the seat in front of his desk and O'Neill took it gratefully. "Other than that, I'm great. I have, in fact, been released to go home, so long as I come back for my doctor and shrink appointments."

"Congratulations. Do you have an appointment for today?"

"Later on, after Daniel's. When we're done, he's going to drive me back to my place and stay with me to help out."

"Good," the general said with a smile. "I don't think he needs to be alone just yet."

O'Neill shook his head. "Neither of us does, truthfully." He fell silent for a moment, and Hammond began to wonder what had brought him. If it was another attempt to resign, he was prepared to read him the riot act. Finally, O'Neill cleared his throat. "I was wondering, sir, if you'd like to come to dinner tonight."

"Tonight?" Hammond repeated. "I ... I don't --"

"I know it's short notice, and I can't promise the food will be anything special, but I've got some ..." He paused, seeming irresolute. "I'd just like you to come over."

Hammond nodded slowly. There was a look in O'Neill's eyes that told him that there was more to this dinner invitation than simple friendship. O'Neill had something he wanted to discuss, and he didn't feel comfortable talking about it on base. "Thank you, colonel. I'd be happy to."

"Thank you, sir," O'Neill said. "Come by around six. Now I'm going to go check my desk and see if there's anything on it that I have to do myself before I foist the rest of it off on Feretti."

"Good. You do that."

O'Neill pried himself out of the chair and left. Hammond watched him go, wondering briefly what this private matter was. Then he returned to his work, hoping it was nothing too serious.

***

Jack puttered around the kitchen, getting everything ready for dinner. He'd ordered the best Chinese take-out in town, and Daniel had just left to pick it up. Hammond should be arriving any minute. Jack had timed things very carefully. Daniel should return with dinner at around seven, so that would give Jack a good hour to talk to Hammond alone.

There was a knock at the door and Jack went to answer it. After the greetings, Jack led the general to the living room and offered him a beer, which the general accepted. As he returned with two bottles, Hammond said, "So, where's Dr. Jackson?"

"Daniel is getting dinner," Jack said. "But what I need to talk to you about should be done before he gets back." He handed Hammond his beer. "At least I hope so," he added as he sat down.

"What is it, colonel?"

"For this conversation, I think we had better be Jack and George, if it's all the same to you?" Jack said. He raised his eyebrows hopefully, and his superior officer gazed at him solemnly for a few seconds.

"Jack and George, huh?"

"If it's not possible, then I understand, and we can put the news on and wait for the food."

Hammond shook his head. "No, I think we can be Jack and George, if it's important."

"It is," Jack said. He grimaced, looking down at his hands, then he put his beer, untasted, on the table. "See, I ..." He took a deep breath. "Remember how I told you that Calder had gotten the impression that Daniel and I had a relationship?"

"Yes," Hammond said, and his tone was almost painfully neutral.

"Well, there's a reason he got that impression." He looked up, and the extraordinary blank look in Hammond's eyes made his mouth dry up. "Not that we're having a relationship, we're not. I mean ... Daniel isn't ..." He swallowed.

"Calm down, son," Hammond said, and Jack could finally read his expression. He looked worried but not condemning, which was a good sign. "Just tell me."

"I ... I'm in love with Daniel," Jack said, and watched Hammond's eyes widen. "Daniel doesn't feel the same way, and I would never have told him but --"

Hammond was nodding, so Jack broke off. The general cleared his throat. "But you acted like a prize jerk until he told you he wanted a transfer, am I right?" Jack nodded weakly. "And that's when you told him the truth?"

"I did. And I ... I didn't want to tell you because I knew it would place you in an untenable position, but after this last mission, when it's abundantly clear that my feelings placed the team in jeopardy, I didn't feel I could keep it from you any longer."

"I can understand that," Hammond said slowly. He shook his head. "Somehow, this wasn't what I was expecting you to tell me this evening."

"What were you expecting?" Jack asked.

"I didn't know for certain, but this wouldn't have made the list. How does Daniel feel about this?"

"He was extremely freaked at first, but he seems to have calmed down about it. I ..." Jack shrugged. "Frankly, I expected him not to want me anywhere near him right after this whole Calder incident, but that doesn't seem to be the case."

"So, have you always been gay?" Hammond asked.

Jack shook his head. "I'm not. I mean, I haven't ..." He grimaced. "I don't know how to explain it, sir --"

"George," Hammond corrected.

"George," Jack said. "Right. I don't know how to explain it. I've never wanted another man before, I still don't find any other men attractive. It's just Daniel."

"With his blinding charisma," Hammond said, half to himself.

"Exactly," Jack said. "But ... it's more than that. Charisma can only get you so far. There has to be something underneath it, and in Daniel's case ..." He bit his lip. "I'm certain you don't want me to rhapsodize at you about how perfect Daniel is, though."

"Not particularly," Hammond said, sounding slightly appalled, but he was smiling. "So you think this makes what happened to the four of you your fault?" he asked after a moment.

"Well, some of it. The rest of it's my fault because I didn't report in before confronting Calder with our information."

Hammond took a long swig of his beer. "I don't think so," he said after swallowing.

"What?" Jack asked.

"I don't think so," Hammond repeated. "I think that you used poor judgment in not reporting in, but apart from that, I don't think anything else is your fault."

"How so?" he demanded. "Haven't you been paying attention?"

"I have," Hammond said. "Maybe more than you have." Jack opened his mouth, but Hammond held up a hand and he bit his tongue. "I've also had Administrator Calder examined by Dr. McKenzie and questioned by Major McFarland." Jack blinked. A shrink and a policeman. "And in reviewing their findings, and other evidence, I've come to the conclusion that the administrator would have found some way of taking advantage of the situation."

"That's not the point, George," Jack said. "The point is that I gave him the wedge he needed to hurt Daniel so badly."

"Your feelings and the relationship he assumed from the closeness between the two of you certainly gave him a tool," Hammond said. "But he might have done exactly the same if he'd understood that you are simply very close friends. The point is, when teams are on other planets, they are incredibly vulnerable. All an alien power has to do to hold onto you is block the stargate, and you have no way to return. Administrator Calder had in his possession something he wanted badly, Daniel Jackson, and he used the tools at hand to obtain his desire."

"If he wanted Daniel so badly, then why did he send him down to the plant?"

"McFarland asked that very question," Hammond said. "And the answer is simple. He wasn't all powerful. Apparently there is some kind of Council of Justice that demanded that Dr. Jackson be sent down to the plant because his crime was against the planet as a whole and not against the administrator personally. I gather from things he said that he was working on a way to get Dr. Jackson returned to him, by what means I don't know." Jack shuddered at that thought. If Daniel had been taken away from the plant ... what would Jack have done? Hammond cleared his throat and Jack looked at him. "Regardless, you're taking too much on yourself in this situation."

"Fine," Jack said even though he didn't entirely accept the general's assessment. "I still thought you should know the truth because it has a bearing on the events of this mission."

"I'm glad you told me," Hammond said. "Now, how long have you known?"

Jack blinked. "Since Edora."

"Apart from the period during which you were extremely unpleasant, has the change in your feelings affected the way you handle the team in any way? Be honest."

Jack took a deep breath and shook his head. "I've thought about it and thought about it. Daniel is still the civilian. Protecting him is my job. He's number one on the 'must get back' list. I don't give his opinions either more or less weight because of how I feel, and I try hard not to hinder his ability to get his job done because I'm being overly paranoid. Teal'c knows the truth, and he's given me the occasional nudge when I was heading in that direction." He sighed. "Besides, I was always insanely protective of Daniel, all the way back to that first mission to Abydos." He snorted. "So, no, overall, it hasn't changed things."

Hammond took another long swallow, then he said, "How long ago did these feelings start?"

Jack shook his head. "I haven't the foggiest clue," he replied. "I never even thought about it till Edora." He shrugged. "He was married and deeply in love, and she was missing in the worst possible way."

"But if you had to guess?" Hammond asked, gently pushing for an answer.

"If I had to guess, I'd say ..." He shook his head. "Maybe all the way back to the beginning, though I'd never have recognized it then ... I've been wondering ..."

"What?" Hammond prompted.

"When Sara left, I ..." He sighed. "I loved her, and I didn't want her to go, but it was also an immense relief."

"Do you think that might have had something to do with Daniel Jackson?" Hammond asked.

Jack considered the question. It was what he'd been wondering, but after a few moments he shook his head. "No, I don't actually. I think ... I've always blamed myself for Charlie's death. It was my gun, he'd wanted me to spend more time with him and I didn't, there are a lot of reasons. So Sara's pain, her heartache, it was all my fault. When she was gone, I didn't ..." He shrugged. "The guilt wasn't always there in front of me."

"That makes sense," Hammond said. "So, what about Dr. Jackson?"

"I don't know how I felt about Daniel at that point, though he was on my mind a fair amount. I'd look up into the stars, trying to guess where Abydos was, and think about that kind, gentle man who had given me my life back at the cost of his own, the man who had given up fast food and dentists to be with the woman he loved." Jack shrugged again. "I thought he was pretty incredible, but I don't think I was in love with him yet. Besides, I also thought a lot about Skaara and Sha're, and Kasuf." He gave Hammond a self-conscious grin. "That whole trip changed my life, there's no denying it."

"And Daniel Jackson was a big part of that."

"He was," Jack said. He took a long drink of beer, remembering. "I was so ready to kill myself and all those people, and Daniel knew it. He was there, he saw the bomb, knew what I was going to do, was appalled and angry, and even then, he threw himself between me and a Jaffa with a staff weapon."

"I can see where that would have a strong impact," Hammond observed. "My first impression of him was not so favorable, I must confess," he added.

"Oh, that wasn't my first impression," Jack said. "My first impression was that he was a pain in the butt scientist with long hair and no social skills." Hammond chuckled. "But I was very protective of him, nonetheless. I was ready to go ballistic when I found out Kowalski and Feretti had been hazing him."

"Neither of them said anything about him to me," Hammond said. "When I was questioning all of you about what happened on Abydos. They both kept quiet."

"That was as much for the kids' sake as for Daniel's," Jack said. "But by then they'd come to appreciate him. He helped plan the rebellion, his words were what inspired Sha're to get the youngsters fighting back when we all got caught."

"Yes, I recall reading about that." Hammond pursed his lips. "In many ways that's almost the worst thing about those two being taken by the Goa'uld. Sha're and Skaara were so instrumental in removing the Goa'uld threat to their own world, that for them to be taken was somehow much worse."

The door opened and Jack glanced at the clock. Daniel had made better time than he'd expected. Footsteps went into the kitchen and Jack heard him put the bags down on the counter. "Food's here," Jack announced, standing up.

"So I gathered," Hammond said dryly.

Daniel appeared in the doorway looking slightly manic. "Do I scream gay?" he demanded, sounding irate. "Does something in my manner tell the world that I'm gay and available?"

Jack was about to say something reassuring, but Hammond stepped forward before he could do more than open his mouth. "Do you want to know the simple answer, Daniel?" he asked. "I know it's been bugging you, and since I'm George tonight, I can be straightforward."

Jack wasn't sure what he thought of this, but Daniel tilted his head, some of the freakedness going out of his body language. "You're George tonight?" he asked and Hammond nodded. "Why?"

"Because we're having a quiet evening at home," Hammond said. "Do you want to know?"

Daniel walked down the steps into the living room. "Yeah, I do."

"It's because you're so open and warm towards everyone you meet," Hammond said. "The average heterosexual male has that level of empathy pretty well beaten out of him by the time he's six. Gay men see it and think 'he's one of us.'" Jack listened to Hammond's summation with keen interest, startled by how well it seemed to fit. "And the only way to find out for sure is to give it a try."

Daniel blinked. "Um ... uh ... really?" he said after a moment.

"It's also one of the reasons why women find you attractive. Observant heterosexual males see it and wonder."

"But ... people like Calder ... they ..."

Hammond's expression grew sympathetic. "It calls to them, too. They see it as something to be beaten down." Daniel shook his head, looking lost and pathetic. "It's nothing you're doing wrong, son," Hammond said, putting a hand on Daniel's shoulder.

"That's what Sam said," Daniel said after a moment. "That the same thing in me that calls to people like Calder is what calls to the good people we meet who like me."

Hammond nodded. "It's true. And you can't change it without becoming someone other than who you are."

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"Let's get dinner on the table," Daniel said, and he abruptly turned back towards the kitchen. Jack and Hammond followed him and remained silent about his question until they were settled at the table with full plates and white boxes of food scattered around them.

Once they'd started eating, it was Hammond who broached the subject again. "Did something happen tonight to make you ask that question again?" he asked.

Daniel shrugged. "There was a guy at the takeout place who ... who hit on me."

"He what?" Jack exclaimed, but Hammond kicked him under the table and he subsided. Daniel was looking at him with more than a little alarm, and he regretted his outburst.

"So, what happened?" Hammond asked more gently.

"He put the moves on me, I freaked out, and he got all sympathetic and worried. I guess he recognized the signs or something, asked me if someone had hurt me." Daniel's lips twitched in an attempt at a smile. "He wanted to know if I'd seen a doctor, been tested, and alerted the authorities. I told him the guy was already under arrest and it seemed to reassure him some."

"He didn't get pushy?" Jack asked worriedly.

Daniel shook his head. "No, he was very apologetic, actually. I guess he had a good friend who --" Daniel broke off, looking uneasy. "Who got raped," he said after a moment. "And he wanted to make sure I got the right kind of treatment. The ... the weird thing is he figured out I wasn't gay pretty quickly after we got past the initial stuff and it seemed to worry him more." He snorted. "He gave me his number, in case I wanted to talk about stuff."

"Talk about stuff?" Jack asked. "Why would you talk to a total stranger about it?"

"Because he thought I might want to ask questions about normal relationships between men," Daniel said. "Since what happened to me was not normal. He emphasized that. Besides, sometimes it's easier to talk about stuff like that to people you don't know well. Anyway, I don't know that I'll ever talk to him about it, but he wanted me to know he was around."

"That's good," Hammond said, and Jack stared at him like he'd lost his mind. The general kicked him again under the table.

"I think I may introduce him to Jim."

"Great idea!" Jack said with a shade too much enthusiasm. Daniel gave him a vague glare.

"Speaking of Jim, I'll be seeing him tomorrow night," Hammond said. Both Jack and Daniel looked at him in surprise. "I've gotten his security clearance, so I'm meeting with him."

"Security clearance?" Daniel asked, and Jack stared at the general in astonishment.

"Yes, he wanted to be able to help you, and to visit you on base, so I set the wheels in motion to grant him some level of clearance. This way you have someone outside of the SGC that you can talk to about whatever you feel you need to talk about."

"So you're meeting with him?" Daniel asked.

"To tell him the basics and give him the forms he needs to sign," Hammond said, and Jack felt as if the world was spinning the wrong way. The military was making it possible for Daniel to talk freely to a man who wanted to have a relationship with him? It seemed beyond strange.

"I wouldn't have dreamed that was possible," Daniel said. "Thank you, sir." Jack placed an iron control on his emotions, because he knew his dismay at Daniel's wanting to have contact with Jim wasn't rational.

"George," Hammond said with a smile. "I'm not the general this evening."

"Okay, thank you, George," Daniel said. He sighed. "So, what's going to be done about Calder?" he asked after several minutes of silent eating.

"For the moment, nothing," Hammond replied. "Eventually we're going to have to hold some kind of hearing, but that won't be until the general staff has an idea of just what they really want to do with him."

Daniel's brows knit. "Doesn't that seem kind of backwards?" he asked. "Don't you hold a hearing to figure that kind of thing out?"

"Sometimes," Hammond said. "Still, they're going to want to take some time to come up with a couple of different solutions to the problem of having the leader of an extraplanetary government in custody for crimes against our own people." Jack snorted dryly. He knew what he thought should be done with Calder, but he had a feeling the US government wouldn't agree. Hammond gave him a dubious look before going on. "It's not a legal situation that's ever been explored before. They have to find some legal minds who have the clearance necessary to consider the facts of the case."

Despite the fact that he'd brought it up, Daniel looked uneasy to be talking about this subject, so Jack cleared his throat and shifted the conversation to a discussion of just what Tony's responsibilities would be. That carried them through dinner, and Daniel seemed to be considerably happier about the whole situation. Jack found himself wondering what had changed. He tried to tell himself that he was being too paranoid, but he wasn't finding himself very convincing.

***

Daniel watched Hammond drive away and then shut the front door. He turned around to find Jack putting the cardboard containers away in the fridge. "So, you told him?" he asked

Jack dropped a box of broccoli beef and it splatted all over the floor. He looked up with wide eyes. "What?" he asked.

Daniel shook his head and grabbed a wet cloth and the box. He started shoving the food back into the box and cleaning up the sauce. Without looking up from the task, he said, "You told the general about ... about the way you feel, didn't you?"

Jack was silent for a moment. "I had to, Daniel," he said. "After this last mission, I had to tell him. It's not something that I can --"

Daniel stood up and met Jack's eyes. "I don't need an explanation of why you needed to tell him. I get that." Jack's eyes were confused, and Daniel sighed. Turning away, he tossed the box of food in the trash as he walked over to the sink to rinse the cloth. "What I don't get is why you didn't tell me you were going to tell him."

"I didn't have the guts," Jack said behind Daniel. "I ... I wasn't sure you'd even realize that I had, that I'd have to. I thought maybe I could get out of telling you altogether."

Anger surged in Daniel's gut, and he threw the cloth down in the sink causing an enormous splash. Turning around, he glared at Jack. "Don't be an ass!" he snarled. "In a situation like this one, the only way to go is honesty. You can't go telling someone else about this and not tell me." Jack's worried dismay made some of Daniel's anger convert to guilt, but he clung firmly to the rest, not willing to let this go. "Not warning me is even worse. I mean, what if I'd gotten upset about it? What if I hadn't understood the reasons the minute I realized it had happened? What are you trying to do to me?"

"I didn't --" Jack shook his head. "I wasn't -- I don't --"

Daniel shook his head and turned back to the sink. "I'll clean up, Jack. Why don't you go in the living room and watch TV or something?"

After a moment, he heard Jack leaving the room, and he finished the clean up with his gut twisting with anger and guilt. He knew damned well that Jack wasn't trying to ambush him, but that didn't help a whole lot. He still felt ambushed.

Hammond had to know. There was no doubting that. Particularly not when Jack seemed to think it was the reason everything had happened. He just wished Jack had trusted him enough to tell him what he was up to. This whole mess was a history of Jack not trusting him enough to tell him things. He walked out into the living room and found Jack staring at a blank television screen.

"Jack, what are you doing?" he asked, a little exasperated.

"Watching the television," Jack replied. Daniel wrinkled his brow, shaking his head. Jack looked up and saw the expression. "You didn't say it had to be on," the colonel said, deadpan.

Daniel blinked at him. It was a joke, clearly, but just as clearly, Jack was not on his game. As he looked up at Daniel, the deadpan look fell away, leaving a worried and profoundly unhappy man behind. Daniel walked over and sat down on the sofa beside him. "Jack, I'm not that angry. I just ... there are certain courtesies I expect, and being told what's going on is one of them."

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I didn't ..." Jack looked down at his hands. "This whole damned situation has got me thrown. I ..." He took a deep breath and sighed. "I love you, and on this mission, it gave Calder a more powerful tool to use against you. He might have ... maybe ... have focused on you anyway, but his accurate perceptions made things that much worse."

Daniel shook his head. "It didn't make it as much worse as you think it did, at least not on my end," he said. Jack raised his head and looked at him, seeming a little taken aback. "Do you honestly think that I would have been any less freaked out about what that bastard was doing to me if I hadn't known how you felt? Remember, so far as I knew, you had no idea what was happening. He told me, not once, but many times, that you were out of reach with no memories of me. He told me that before the first time he tried to r ..." Daniel found the word hard to say suddenly and cleared his throat. "Rape me," he said with careful precision. "And unless you've read the transcripts of my testimony ..." He paused, waiting, and Jack shook his head. "Then you don't know what the two key things he mentioned to me as his 'evidence' for our relationship were."

Jack pulled his chin back slightly, tilting his head. "No, I guess I don't at that."

"He had security cameras in our rooms," Daniel said, and Jack's back straightened, ire flashing in his eyes. "He didn't have us watched all night, but he saw images of us sleeping in bed together. You didn't curl up to me, I curled up to you, so that's not your fault."

"I could have set you to sleep with Carter or Teal'c," Jack said.

"So he would have thought I was lovers with one of them?" Daniel asked. "Yes, I can see how that would have helped." Jack scowled at him, but didn't protest further. "He was, I think, determined to believe that everyone in the universe would think of me sexually." He grimaced briefly. "Certainly everyone he introduced me to did."

"So, what this other reason you seem to think exonerates me from blame?" Jack asked.

"He noticed that you weren't letting me out of your sight, but that's been going on since day one, so that's hardly related to your feelings." Jack looked like he wanted to say something, but he wasn't sure what. Daniel sighed. "Jack, stop torturing yourself about this. These kinds of things have happened before on missions, never so ... never with so much ..." Daniel stopped trying to find the caveat he was looking for. "They will probably happen again. According to several people I've spoken to, my just being me makes bastards like Calder interested, but according to those same people, whatever traits cause that also inspire people like Nem not to kill me, or people like that guy on P3X-1279 not to kill Teal'c despite his past actions. I'm afraid I don't see the connection, but ... if it's true that I can't have the good without the bad ..." He shrugged, feeling a little lost. "What can I do?"

***

Jack couldn't look at Daniel's dismay without wanting to comfort him. "If I put my arms around you, will it freak you out?"

Daniel turned to him, eyes unreadable. "If you do that, won't it make things hard for you? I mean with how you feel?"

"Not in the slightest," Jack lied. "You're my friend. I just don't want to ... I don't know ... give you flashbacks or something."

Daniel's eyes brightened and he flashed Jack one of those rare, sweet smiles. "If there's one thing I know, Jack, it's that you'd never knowingly hurt me. All the time I was with Calder, I was imagining what you'd do to him if you could." He shrugged, looking away. "Men aren't supposed to admit to things like this, but ... you make me feel safe."

Jack put his arms around Daniel and gently pulled him close. "Thank you," he said in a voice that was unsteady with emotion. "That ... I can't ..."

"I know," Daniel said, relaxing against Jack's shoulder. "Our culture really sucks in some areas, doesn't it?"

"It sure does," Jack replied. They were silent for several moments, then Jack cleared his throat. "Daniel, you keep on being you. I mean ..." He shrugged. "You inspire me to be a better man. You always have. I think that's part of what made me fall in love with you."

"I don't know what to say to that," Daniel said after a moment.

"You don't have to say anything," Jack replied. "I don't expect anything."

"I wish I had more than friendship to give you," Daniel said.

Jack squeezed him tightly. "Daniel, your friendship is more important to me than just about anything else in the world. Don't ever ..." He paused and pulled away to look deep into Daniel's fathomless blue eyes. "Don't ever feel like it's second best."

Daniel buried his face on Jack's chest, and after a few seconds, Jack realized that he was crying. He didn't know what had caused it, and he didn't know what to do about it, so he just held his friend and tried to give him what comfort he could.

They had a long road ahead of them, much to recover from, and not all of it stemmed from this latest assault. With care and honesty from his friends, Daniel would get through it. He would be whole and himself again. And just maybe, Jack would be, too.

Chapter Thirty

"I am perfectly capable of doing the dishes, Daniel," Jack growled. Daniel grinned as he cleaned up the mess from lunch. Jack had to be feeling better. That cranky tone hadn't emerged since their return, not directed at Daniel, anyway. "I am not an invalid."

"I know, Jack," Daniel said, not pausing.

Jack was standing behind him, and Daniel could almost feel him glaring. "Then why don't you let me get on with it?" he demanded acidly.

"Because Janet would --" He heard the abrupt intake of breath that betokened another diatribe on the subject of the SGC's CMO. Fortunately, a knock at the door interrupted him. Daniel glanced over his shoulder. "Why don't you get the door?" he suggested mildly. "If you were an invalid, you know, I wouldn't let you get it."

"Thank you, Daniel," Jack said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He went to the door and Daniel found himself half hoping that it would be some hapless salesperson, whether of products or ideals, that Jack could vent his spleen on. It might be a good sign that Jack was back to venting on Daniel, but that didn't make him eager to experience it any more than was strictly necessary.

Daniel listened to the sounds from the front hall and was surprised to hear Sam's voice. He finished up hastily and grabbed some beers. Jack took her into the living room, and as Daniel approached the doorway, he heard her say, "Isn't Daniel here?"

"Present and accounted for," Daniel said, heading down the steps. "Beer, anyone?" he asked.

Sam nodded, but she had the funniest look on her face when she took one. Daniel handed one off to Jack and opened one for himself, then sank onto the sofa next to Sam. She launched into a random babbling of science geek gossip, but she seemed oddly ill at ease. Daniel glanced over at Jack, who was watching her with raised eyebrows.

When she wound lamely down, Jack leaned forward. "That's fascinating, Carter," he said. "Really, it is, but why did you really come out here at two o'clock on a Saturday when you'd normally be in a lab making things glow or blow up or something?"

Sam flushed and her expression turned unaccountably guilty. "Sir, I ..." She blinked. "This is awkward, and I couldn't approach you about it on base. I've already had to fudge a surveillance record on this, so more would be bad."

"Fudged a ..." Jack sounded stunned, and Daniel had to agree. Sam just wasn't the type without real cause.

He stared at her blankly. "What's up, Sam?"

She flushed again. "Let's have it clear at the outset that I am asking nothing." Daniel felt his back stiffen. She couldn't mean ... no. "I am just telling you ... letting you know about a conversation I had that might ... that could be ..."

"Carter, what are you on about?" Jack demanded, but Daniel -- and probably Sam -- could tell that he had a fair idea. Daniel bit his lip. What had happened?

Sam just stared at them, apparently unable to get anything out. Daniel, sensing Jack's rising impatience, took pity on her. "What conversation?" he asked. "With who?"

"With Brenna," she said, and Daniel blinked perplexedly at her. "See, I've been trying to get her past blaming herself for everything, so I've been visiting, and she told me some interesting things that I ... that I thought you should know."

Daniel nodded uneasily and glanced over at Jack. The colonel was frozen in place, so tense that the veins in his neck stuck out. Daniel cleared his throat. "Sam, just tell us."

Sam took a deep breath. "Brenna and I were talking about what we felt guilty for, and she told me that ..." She glanced worriedly over at Daniel. "That Calder got unusually involved in setting things up for us. That he made a special request for the colonel's stamp." Jack and Daniel both remained silent, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "He told her that the colonel --"

"I think it had better be Jack for this conversation," Jack said abruptly.

Sam's eyes widened. "You mean it's true?" she exclaimed, looking startled.

Jack shrugged with elaborate and spurious calm. "That rather depends on what you're going to say, Samantha, " he drawled. "But all in all, I think that Jack would be safer for this conversation." She nodded wordlessly. "For one thing, Jack's less cranky."

"Not true," Daniel protested.

"Daniel!"

"See?" Daniel said with a malicious grin, trying to add a little humor to the tense situation.

"Look, this is really serious!" Sam said, and Daniel sank back. "Calder told her that Jack had a strong attachment that would interfere with his stamp, and he instructed her to substitute me as the focus of his attachment."

Daniel suddenly understood why she was so hesitant to talk about it. Jack looked like a statue. "Go on," Daniel said when she paused.

"He hadn't told her who the attachment was to, but she said that when she saw you two together, it was clear it was the two of you." Jack was still ominously silent, and Sam looked over at Daniel. "Is it true?"

"Not exactly," Daniel said, giving Jack an uneasy look.

"Really?" Sam said, and she looked both surprised and curious.

"You said you weren't asking, Samantha," Jack groused. "This sounds an awful lot like asking."

Sam grimaced. "I guess it is," she replied, but then she leaned forward. "But that was before we shifted from colonel and major to Jack and Samantha ... and call me Sam, would you, by the way?"

"Fine, Sam," Jack said, sounding extremely irritable.

Jack's mood seemed to be calling forth an equally snappish one in Sam. "And it seems to me, under the circumstances, I might have some justification for asking a few questions. I'm now involved, sort of. I fudged records!"

"No one asked you to!"

"Fine, then," Sam growled, "I didn't think I had to wait for someone to ask me to protect the team." She gave him a distinctly unfriendly smile. "Did you want me to put it back?"

Daniel could see that a war of pissy moods was about to erupt and decided that he really didn't want to play. "Okay," he said, cutting both of them off. "As I see it, you guys have two options. You can both get a handle on yourselves and we can all discuss this like civil human beings, or you two can snap and snarl at each other as much as you want, but without me." They stared at him in astonishment. He shrugged. "After all, I've got plenty of work to do at the mountain."

"Daniel, don't get all ..." Jack trailed off, waving his hand in a vague gesture.

"All what, Jack?" Daniel asked sweetly. "Reasonable? Practical?"

Sam took a deep breath and visibly took control of herself. "Okay, I think we're letting Calder's games with our emotions wreak havoc on this conversation." She sighed and gave Daniel a sheepish grin. "Daniel's right."

Jack glanced over at Daniel, who thought he was prepared for any reaction. Dismissal, irritation, snarky put downs, but he didn't expect the warmth in Jack's eyes. "He usually is, isn't he?" Jack said fatuously. Daniel flushed and turned away.

Sam glanced back and forth between them. "All right, what is going on here?"

Daniel didn't quite know what to say, but Jack cleared his throat. "What Daniel was kind enough not to say a minute ago is that I'm wacko for him, but he's not interested."

Sam stared, blinking. "You're wacko for Daniel," she repeated, as if looking for clarification. Jack nodded. She turned to Daniel. "And you're not interested?" Daniel shook his head. "Why not?" she asked.

"He's not my type," Daniel said. "I prefer people with boobs. And bigger hips."

"Boobs?" Sam repeated, and Daniel caught Jack grinning.

"Yeah, Carter, boobs. You've heard of them, right?" he said sarcastically.

"You know, Jack," Sam said, emphasizing the first name, "I don't find it at all startling to hear you use that word, but Daniel is something else completely." She turned back towards Daniel. "Boobs?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

Daniel shrugged. "I thought it was kinder to Jack to keep the words simple," he said with a mischievous look at their commanding officer.

Jack threw his hand up in the air. "I get no respect! None!"

"Well, you never got much from me," Daniel said thoughtfully, and Jack rolled his eyes. "And as Sam, rather than as Major Carter, Sam isn't required to give you respect."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," Sam said hastily as Jack turned a contemplative look on her. "Just not the same level of respect."

"Okay, so you thought we should know about what Brenna said, but what's this about fudging records?"

Sam stared at him, then turned to Daniel, who shrugged, equally uncertain. "I don't ... I would never have seen it myself, but once she said something, it seemed obvious that there was something. And let me tell you, that startled me, because after that zatarc thing I thought ... I mean, you said ..."

Daniel blinked. "She makes a good point. I ... what ..."

Jack shook his head. "I do care for Carter a lot more than I should."

"Sam," Daniel corrected.

"Sam, fine." Jack grimaced. "But caring more does not mean romantic caring." Daniel was watching Sam's face as Jack spoke, and he saw the pain that briefly lit her expression while Jack was looking down. "I care for all of you more than I should, as a military commander. You know that, don't you, Car -- Sam?" Sam nodded, her face calm and impassive. Daniel saw the confusion in her eyes, but he didn't think Jack did. "But that's the way it is on a lot of SG teams. We get incredibly close, but I've noticed, and so has the general, that the teams that get so close are the ones that have the best survival rates and the best success rates. So it doesn't work for the rest of the military, but it works for us."

"Yes, I've noticed that, too," Sam said.

Daniel took in a breath. "But now we have the added complication of the fact that you two were sort of a couple down below." Both of them turned to stare at him with wide eyes. "It is a complication, and it's bound to have repercussions."

"Nothing happened," Sam said, but she sounded kind of tentative.

"Not nothing," Jack said. "Carter ... Sam ... sorry. We didn't have any kind of a physical relationship, but there was an intimacy." Sam nodded, and kept her head down. "Sam?" Jack said. She looked up and he saw the dismayed expression. "Does that make you uncomfortable?" he asked her.

Sam bit her lip. "A bit, but ..." She sighed. "Well, with all this honesty going around, I suppose it's my turn." Jack raised his eyebrows. "I have been attracted to you for a long time. I realized how seriously while you were missing on Edora."

"Are you saying you're in love with me, Carter?" Jack asked incredulously.

"No, sir, no I'm not," Sam said firmly. "What I'm saying is that if our positions were different, I might have given some thought to pursuing a relationship. I had to face that while you were gone on Edora, and I came to terms with it. But down in the plant, there were no barriers, and you were so ... attentive."

"Calder really had fun with us, didn't he?" Daniel said, his gut roiling as he contemplated the mess Calder had made with his meddling. "In ways he didn't even know about."

"So, how are you feeling now, Carter?" Jack asked.

Sam shrugged. "A little freaked. A little sad. Very angry at being jerked around like this by that bastard." Her eyes widened. "Wait, if he knew enough to tell Brenna to shift your attachment to me, then he must have known ... when he ..."

Daniel closed his eyes and nodded. "He did. It was part of the game he was playing." His voice shook despite himself.

Sam squeezed his arm. "He's never going to come near you again, Daniel," she said. "You don't have to worry about him."

They were all silent. "So, now what?" Jack asked. "Now that he's thoroughly screwed with all our lives, what do we do now?"

Daniel shook his head. "We don't let him win," he said. "Right? Sam, are you okay?"

"My heart's not broken," she said with a smile. She leaned forward and squeezed Jack's free hand. "I hope that doesn't bother you."

Jack shrugged. "I'll live with it somehow," he said with a snarky grin.

"Well, it could have been worse," Daniel said. "Anyone want another beer?"

"Daniel!" Sam exclaimed.

"Don't you think it would have complicated matters somewhat if you and Jack had decided to have a sexual relationship, or rather, if Thera and Jonah had? You could be pregnant now."

"That would be worse," Sam said, eyes wide. "I hadn't even thought of that."

"So, you're not heartbroken, Jack and I are working things out on our own, with a little help from Harry Lisle, and life goes on. Again. Till the next exciting crisis."

"That's sure a real positive way of looking at things," Jack said.

"Jack, my life hasn't been exactly uneventful." Jack opened his mouth to respond, but Daniel shook his head. "It's not a big deal, Jack. Don't push."

Jack grimaced and Daniel took the opportunity to change the subject to when his friend would be getting back to work. Since he was pretty irritable on that topic, Daniel was sure to avoid any further pressure to think more positively. It was ironic in the extreme to have the man best known for his sour attitude and sardonic humor pushing him to think positively.

***

Jack grimaced but he didn't say anything else. Daniel had that look on his face that forbade comment, and there wasn't really much to say anyway. Daniel did have a fairly eventful past. After suitable bitching about Fraiser's insistence on standing him down, Jack fell silent again and Daniel turned to Carter.

"So, Sam, what exactly did you fudge?" Daniel asked.

"The conversation with Brenna," Sam replied. "The minute she started talking about the two of you as a couple ..." Sam flushed, and Jack sighed. "It just seemed obvious. I'm sorry, Daniel, but it did. And I didn't want anyone who was being as blind as I was to hear it and say anything. Fortunately, no one was watching that monitor at that moment, so I just ..." She shrugged.

Daniel looked down at his beer, and Jack was startled to see that it was empty. Daniel usually nursed his drinks for hours. Standing up, Daniel said, "Anyone want a fresh beer?"

"Sure," Sam said. She didn't seem to notice the oddity of Daniel having already finished his. She just handed Daniel her empty bottle. Jack nodded and passed his on to Daniel who walked with exaggerated steadiness out of the room. "Sir?" Carter's voice drew him away from his gaze on Daniel's retreating rear end.

"Yes, Carter?" he said. She raised her eyebrows. "Sam, then, okay. Maybe you should call me Jack when you want me to call you Sam. What?"

"Does the general know?" Jack blinked at her, startled by the question. "Not that I would ever tell him if he doesn't, but I think it would be good if I knew if he knew."

Jack nodded. "He does," he confirmed. "And Teal'c knows."

Carter's eyes widened. "You told Teal'c, but you didn't tell me?" she exclaimed.

"Nope, Teal'c figured it out on his own, but Carter, I would never have told you. Daniel and I aren't having a relationship beyond the friendship you're completely aware of, and while Teal'c couldn't get in trouble for knowing and not telling, you might."

She opened her mouth, but then closed it again, tilting her head thoughtfully. "That's true enough. I hadn't thought of that."

"Well, believe me, it's occurred to me more than once that I could get you into a lot of trouble if I wasn't completely circumspect. Frankly, I wouldn't have told Daniel, but I screwed the pooch so badly with him that I really didn't have a choice."

"Is that ..." She blinked. "That explains a lot." Jack raised an eyebrow. "The trip to 888?" Jack nodded and wondered what was keeping Daniel. Carter looked like she was thinking hard. "Well, I must say I'm glad you two resolved the situation."

Daniel came back at that moment, and the conversation turned to less dramatic topics. Jack was alarmed to see that Daniel's second beer emptied as fast or faster than the first one had. Again, Carter didn't seem to notice, but Jack could tell that his friend was just the slightest bit buzzed by the way his eyes were tracking.

Once Carter was gone, Jack walked over to Daniel and took the beer bottle out of his hand. "What's up?" he asked.

"Up?" Daniel asked innocently, looking up at him and blinking owlishly.

"I can tell you're upset about something, Dannyboy," Jack said. "You never drink two beers that fast unless something's bugging you."

Daniel's lips pursed. "Jack, don't you think it's a little alarming that Sam thought it made sense to think that we were lovers? I mean, if the merest suggestion makes her believe it, then ..." He shook his head. "I don't want to endanger your career, Jack, and if people look at us and see 'couple,' then I am going to endanger your career."

"You're not endangering anything, Daniel," Jack said, exasperated. "You're the one saying no."

"Yeah, but I'm the one who seems to appear ambivalent," Daniel growled. "And you know damned well that everyone will think it's me and not you that led this off ... and it won't matter what you say."

"Daniel, there hasn't been a hint of gossip, and you know there would be if anyone was saying anything."

"One of these days an outsider, like Brenna, whose culture doesn't have an objection to same sex pairings, is going to make an unwarranted assumption and say something. Then who's going to believe us if we say different?"

"Daniel, it's not going to happen. Carter knows us both really well. She sees us in more unguarded moments than any of the other guys on base. It just isn't the same."

"Yeah, Jack, she knows us so well that it didn't occur to her. People who don't know us as well are more likely to wonder, not less."

"Stop it, Daniel," Jack said miserably. "I don't know what to say, but we had this level of closeness before, so it shouldn't change anything. I mean, we aren't significantly closer now that we were two years ago."

"But we've lost plausible deniability, Jack. Now if we say that nothing's going on, we'll be lying. Besides, plenty of people wondered at the beginning."

"What do you want me to do, Daniel?" Jack asked.

"Nothing. I'm just worried about it." Daniel stood up and looked him straight in the face. "Jack, it's not that I want to change anything, I don't think there's any think we could do without making things look worse. Honestly." He shook his head. "I'm going to bed to sleep this off." He turned, his shoulder brushing Jack's chest as he went. Jack watched him go up the stairs and tried not to think about the heat of his body so close. When he was gone, Jack sank into a chair and tried hard not to think about him stripping off his clothes and getting into bed, that gorgeous body uncovered briefly before he slipped between the sheets.

Shaking his head, he stayed where he was for awhile, then went upstairs and found his own, solitary bed, wishing things were different.

***

Jack lay flopped on Daniel's sofa, enjoying the scent of Daniel that lingered in the fabric while watching a three-year-old Simpsons episode. They'd come by after a half-day of Daniel working and Jack trying, ineffectively, to convince Fraiser to let him at least take light duty. Daniel was gathering some books he wanted for his continuing stay at Jack's place.

He muted the TV when a begging commercial full of big-eyed children and guilt ploys came on. He already gave to several excellent charities for needy children, and he saw enough children in pain and misery in his job. Closing his eyes, he rested his head against the back of the sofa. His shoulder ached, and he found himself wondering how many more years of field duty he was capable of. The body grew less able to heal itself as it aged, and Jack wasn't getting any younger.

The sound of a key in the lock brought his head upright, and he listened to the door opening, free hand feeling for his gun. There was no reason to expect trouble, but the habit had proven beneficial more often than not. He didn't have to actually shoot anybody, after all. Having it ready was merely prudent.

Footsteps came up the hallway and Jack stayed quiet, wondering who it was. If the landlord had been expected, surely Daniel would have said something. Jack stayed where he was, but he looked up so that he could see who was coming in. It was a stocky man with dark hair wearing an elegant suit. Jack gazed at him thoughtfully, pretty sure he knew who it was. The intruder didn't notice Jack until he was several feet into the room.

"Who are you?" he demanded, eyes narrowing as he scrutinized the man on the sofa.

Jack could guess what he thought and grimaced sourly. "The name is Jack," he said in a quiet voice. "You must be Jim."

Jim's eyebrows went up. "I am. Is Daniel here?"

"He is," Jack said. "Getting some books from his office." Jack gestured with his chin.

"What are you doing here?" Jim asked. It could have been a fairly low key question, but Jim gave it a subtle spin that added whole new meanings. He was a lawyer, though, and Jack guessed that he was a pretty good one.

"We stopped off on the way back to my place," Jack drawled. Jim's lips tightened. "He's riding herd on the one-armed colonel."

"As if he doesn't have enough on his plate," Jim said tautly.

Jack sat up straight. "Are you implying something?" he asked in honeyed tones.

Jim shook his head. "No, I don't think I implied anything. I think I was pretty straightforward."

Jack tilted his head. "Actually, no, you weren't. I'm not sure what you mean. Are you suggesting that Daniel and I are having some kind of sexual relationship? Or that I'm taking advantage of Daniel's current emotional state? That I should find myself another babysitter? Are you saying that Daniel has more important things to do than babysit me? I suppose he could stay here and brood about all the crap that has been happening to him. That would help." Jim just glared at him. "If it's not one of those, then I got nothing."

"Jack, I seem to recall there being a rule against saying that in my apartment."

Jack looked up to see Daniel standing in the door to the rest of the apartment with a stack of books in his arms. "You're completely right, Daniel. I lost my head." He looked over at Jim. "If it's not one of those, then I have no clue."

"Hi, Jim," Daniel said. "Good to see you. Sorry I unglued so badly last time I saw you."

Jack looked curiously at Jim, wondering how the man was going to react. Jim shook his head, eyes full of warmth and concern. "Don't worry about it, Daniel. How are you feeling now?"

"Much less unstable," Daniel said with a wry grin. "Now, please tell me that you guys aren't arguing." He looked back and forth between them. Jack kept his face neutral and Jim did the same. Daniel's lips tightened. "I really don't need this."

Jack got up. "Daniel, nothing's wrong. It's just ..."

"A pissing contest," Daniel said bluntly. "Comparing the size of your dicks. Two alpha males fighting it out to see who is dominant." He shook his head. "Guess what, in this little triad, I'm the dominant male, or I will stop talking to both of you."

"Daniel, you're not going to stop talking to me, I work with you," Jack pointed out reasonably.

"I can freeze you out, and you know it," Daniel replied.

Gulping, Jack glanced at Jim, who looked alarmed. "I didn't do anything," he said. "I just came over to feed your fish."

"I know, and I appreciate it, but I don't have tons of friends, and if you guys start sniping at each other -- and meaning it!" Daniel clarified with a glare at Jack who lowered his raised hand. "I'm going to get cranky."

"Come on, Daniel, I just don't trust him, and you know why."

"Why?" Jim demanded, his irritation showing. "You don't even know me."

"You hit on him!" Jack growled, and there was silence in the room.

Jim turned to Daniel. "You told him?" he asked in hurt astonishment.

Daniel closed his eyes and Jack realized that they were pushing him too far, but it was too late now. "Yes, I told him," Daniel said, his voice strangled with exasperation. "And I had every right to tell him. Jack, thank you for bringing that up so tactfully. It's made this situation so much less awkward."

"What, did you have a laugh at my expense with your macho buddy?" Jim asked.

Jack turned on him. "Oh, right, because that's just the kind of guy Daniel is," he growled. "What kind of a jackass are you?"

Jim flushed and gave Daniel an apologetic look. "Right, no, I know. I'm sorry, Daniel. I just ... I really hate his type." He jerked a thumb at Jack.

"My type?" Jack repeated. "What type is that?"

"Arrogant, judgmental, macho pricks!" Jim snapped.

"Quiet!!" Daniel roared, and both Jack and Jim stopped speaking instantly. Jack looked at Daniel and saw that he was in deep trouble. His friend had his arms crossed tightly, his brows drawn together in an angry line, and his lips were so tight they were pale. "Both of you, out! I don't want to see either of you again tonight. Jim, would you be so kind as to take Jack home? That way the two of you can work out your differences in the car, because frankly, at the moment, I don't give a fat damn."

"But Daniel ..." Jack started, but he wasn't permitted to continue.

"Not tonight, Jack. I'll come tomorrow after work, but tonight I'm staying here."

"No!" Jack exclaimed. "Daniel, I promise, I won't bug you or even talk to you, but you know you're not supposed to stay alone yet."

"Not supposed to stay alone?" Jim repeated, incredulously. "What in the hell is that about?"

"It's true," Daniel said with a grimace, not looking up. "They worry about me when I've had trauma."

"It's not just that, Daniel," Jack said. "We don't know what he might have done to you that you don't know about."

Daniel sighed. "Okay, I know, but ..."

"Look, Jim can take me home, and we'll talk. You follow us, and once we're there, I'll leave you alone unless I need help with something."

"Fine," Jim said. "I can go along with that."

Daniel pursed his lips. "Let me get a bag for my books and we'll do it."

Jack and Jim gazed measuringly at each other while Daniel got his stuff together, resolutely ignoring them. Finally, they were all ready to go, and Jack climbed into Jim's Chevy. Oddly, he'd expected a sports car. They drove in near silence for a while, Jack giving directions but nothing more. Finally, he sighed and said, "Look, can we just agree to make nice for Daniel's sake?"

Not taking his eyes of the road, Jim nodded. "I'm good at making nice," he replied.

Jack narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Was that a double entendre?"

"No!" Jim said irritably. "I'll let you know if I choose to drop one your way."

"You're not my type," Jack replied sharply.

"I can just imagine what your type is," Jim said sourly.

"Oh yeah? Exactly what is that?" Jack couldn't wait to hear this.

"Blonds with big tits and no brains."

"One out of three ain't bad," Jack said.

"Which is it? The tits or the brains?"

"Blond hair," Jack said. Daniel's hair bleached beautifully in the sun. "I like my partners brainy, and the shape God made them in, thank you." A nice safe answer that didn't exclude Daniel. Jack was obscurely proud of it.

"Well, good for you," Jim said sarcastically.

"Why, what's your type?" Jack demanded.

They pulled up and stopped at a stoplight. Jim turned and met his gaze levelly. "Daniel."

Jack felt his lips tighten. "So you like gorgeous geniuses with low self-esteem?" he asked acidly. "You'd think that a smart guy like him, who's accomplished so damned much, would have a little self-confidence, but not Daniel. Not when it comes to personal relationships, for sure."

Jim blinked at him. "That's rude," he observed.

"Maybe so, but it's true, and I am damn well not going to let anyone take advantage of him." Jim's eyes seemed to stray from Jack's face, and Jack glared at him. "What?"

"Daniel is right behind you."

Jack turned slowly and looked to see that Daniel had pulled up beside them at the light. He was looking at them, eyes narrowed in irritation. A medley of horns sounded behind them, heralding a green light, and both cars started moving forward, Daniel hanging back a bit. "That's great," Jack said. "He's going to be pissy all night."

"So, how long have you been in love with him?"

"About six --" Jack caught himself. The question had been asked very skillfully, just as one might expect from a trial lawyer. He fell silent and stared out the front window of the car for a moment while Jim continued to drive, pulling into a left turn lane. His eyes sought Daniel's car behind them. Abruptly, he shifted sideways and dug his wallet out of his pocket. They came to another stop, and Jack looked around to see how close Daniel was. Another car had interposed itself just before the light had gone red, so he was far enough back not to be able to see anything clearly. Jim was just turning to speak when Jack thrust two one hundred dollar bills at him. "Retainer. I'm hiring you."

Jim looked at the money, but didn't take it. "I wasn't aware you were up on criminal charges."

"I may need a lawyer to defend me against charges of being homosexual in the military."

An odd light came into Jim's eyes and he took the bills. "This isn't necessary. Just because I'm out doesn't mean I think everyone else should be."

"What, you don't think I should send my career down the drain in the name of gay rights?"

"No, I don't."

"You'll have to forgive me if I don't take your word for it."

"I could refuse to take your retainer," Jim pointed out, a grin quirking his lips.

Jack shrugged. "You could," he said. "But I don't think you'd like the alternative."

"No? And what would that be?"

"The light's green," Jack said, gesturing with his chin. Jim muttered a curse, but turned back to thw wheel and started forward again, hastily stuffing the two bills into the ashtray. They went on in silence for awhile, then Jack cleared his throat. "Why did you ask, anyway? I need to know what my tells are."

"A certain warmth of manner," Jim said, shrugging. "Also, your choice of the word 'partner.' Straight men talk about women."

"I was trying not to lie," Jack said. "I'll remember to lie in the future."

"Probably wise," Jim said in a strangled voice. "He's also treating us the same, as if the same problem existed for both of us, so it's not just you."

"Great," Jack muttered.

"It helps that I have much the same feelings about Daniel," Jim added thoughtfully. "It makes me more likely to notice it in others."

Jack really didn't like that. It implied that every bastard offworld who had the hots for Daniel was going to see right through Jack's brotherly façade. It also meant that every prick like Calder who wanted to get back at Jack was going to attack Daniel to do so.

"You're looking pissed off. I'm sorry, I can't and won't change how I feel."

Jack sat up straighter and looked incredulously at him. "You know, you are not the center of all things. I was thinking about something else."

"Something else?" Jim repeated.

"Just how much did Hammond give you access to?"

"Can we talk openly in a car?"

"Moderately."

"He told me I had full clearance, and that he was going to take advantage of the situation to use me as a legal consultant. Something about a ... a foreign national leader in custody for crimes against an American citizen."

Jack felt his shoulders tense. He hadn't know Hammond was thinking along those lines, though it made good sense to use the resources they had at their disposal, and Jim would certainly be motivated to find whatever he could to nail the bastard. "Did he tell you who the man attacked?"

Jim shook his head. "He didn't use the word 'attacked,' actually, or specify a gender. Do you know who he's referring to?"

"Oh yes," Jack said tautly. "We don't have many 'national leaders' in custody. But if Hammond didn't give you any details, I'd better not."

"No, I suppose not," Jim said.

They'd reached a more complicated section of streets to navigate, so their conversation dropped to the giving and receiving of directions. When they reached the house, Jim pulled in behind Jack's truck as Jack instructed him to. They climbed out as Daniel pulled into his accustomed spot. He got out and walked over to them as Jim joined Jack on the passenger side of the car.

"Have you guys settled things?" Daniel asked. "Or am I going to have to give you both the silent treatment?"

"We're good," Jack said. "I think." He glanced over at Jim. "We're good, right?"

"Yeah," Jim said with a shrug.

"Good enough that I'm inviting you to come in for a cup of coffee."

"Honestly, no thanks," Jim said. "I'd better be getting home. I've got a brief to ..." His eyes widened. "Did the fish get fed?"

"I fed them when I got there," Daniel said. "I was planning to leave you a note."

"Oh, good," Jim said. He glanced back and forth between Jack and Daniel. "Well, good night. I'll call you tomorrow, if that's okay?"

Jack dug in his wallet again. "There's the phone number," he said, handing over one of his cards.

"Thanks." He nodded again, climbed back in his car and drove away.

Daniel waited until they were in the house with the door closed, then he turned to Jack with an irate expression. "Did you tell him?" he demanded.

"Not on purpose," Jack said, reflecting that Daniel was too perceptive for his own good.

"Is that supposed to be better?" Daniel exclaimed. "Jack, why did you tell him, of all people?"

"He tricked me," Jack said, shrugging and walking on into the kitchen.

"Jack, you're special ops!" He followed Jack and gazed at him in exasperation.

"And he's a defense lawyer," Jack retorted. "Apparently a pretty good one."

"Jack!" Daniel shook his head, his frustration showing itself in rising anger. "How could you let something like that happen?" he demanded sharply. "It's not like you're comfortable with him. How could you let that information just slip?"

Jack was startled by this intense reaction on Daniel's part. He tried to project calm and continued to speak casually. "Actually, we do have something in common," he said. Daniel's eyes snapped angrily, and Jack couldn't help thinking that passion only added to Daniel's natural charisma. Repressing the reactions this thought brought on, he tried to get Daniel to see reason. "Besides, it's not like I just announced it. He caught me off guard with a guess, and I inadvertently confirmed it."

This failed to mollify Daniel, and he gazed intently into Jack's eyes. "Jack, I trust Jim, and I'm certain he would never do anything with this information, but you need to be more guarded." Jack took a step back before his vehemence. "If you let things slip like that in front of someone less trustworthy, you could ..." His voice broke. "Jack, you have to be careful!"

"Daniel, what ..." Jack stepped forward and took Daniel's shoulders. "Daniel, I would never do anything that would hurt you."

"I'm not worried about me!" Daniel growled, swinging his arms up to break Jack's grip. "Jack, I won't let you throw your career and your reputation away!"

"I love you, Daniel!" Jack said. "Shouldn't that outweigh concerns like career and reputation?"

"Lots of things should be, Jack!" Daniel snapped. "But it makes no sense to throw it all away when there's nothing to gain by it."

Jack felt like Daniel had just punched him in the gut. Daniel saw the reaction, and his expression changed from angry anxiety to apology instantly. Jack recovered himself before Daniel could speak the pity his expression told all too clearly. "Right, no, that makes sense," he said in as cool a voice as he could manage. Daniel hadn't meant to stick a knife in him and twist, and he really didn't need to hear Daniel telling him so. It would just lengthen a moment that he wished was over already.

"Jack, I --" Daniel started, but Jack waved him silent, and for once in the history of their friendship, Daniel obeyed.

"It's okay," Jack said. "I'm going to take a shower. See you in the morning." He walked past Daniel and went upstairs, heart aching miserably. Daniel followed him out into the hall, but stayed downstairs. Jack didn't turn to see him looking up, not wanting to see his expression.

He stayed in the shower for a long time, letting the hot water wash over him. Daniel's words ate into him. Nothing to gain. Nothing. Jack wasn't sure what to think of that statement. With Daniel, you always had to weigh the words for meaning. Straightforwardly, it could mean that Daniel didn't and couldn't feel the same way about him. Gradually, Jack let denial push him away from that interpretation. Teal'c had said there was hope. He surely wouldn't have said that if he hadn't seen something in Daniel's manner that suggested the possibility of something happening between them.

No, the more likely interpretation was that Daniel simply didn't see that he was worth risking a career over. He had always had such low opinions of himself, and he seemed to have a kind of fatalistic attitude about his own life. He believed that everyone else had possibilities in front of them, but he always seemed to view his own life as an inevitable sequence of wretched events.

Jack wondered suddenly if that was part of what made him unwilling to consider a relationship. He didn't want to draw Jack too close to the center of the whirlpool of disappointment and loss.

Drawing his fingers through his wet hair, Jack stood up straight, the water hitting him in the chest and running down his body. He would be patient. He would work past Daniel's fear and resistance, find a way to show him that no loss was great enough to offset the joy that life with Daniel could give him. He -- Jack blinked. He really needed to stop thinking like a soap opera.

Nevertheless, patience was his best weapon. Feeling abruptly more confident and invigorated by this realization, he rinsed himself off and got out. He pulled on his robe and went back downstairs where he found Daniel sitting in the living room, staring glumly out the window. The lights were off and so was the television, and he didn't seem to notice Jack's approach.

Jack snapped on the light, and Daniel looked up. His face transformed in the cascade of expressions that always enchanted Jack, landing on apologetic. "I really didn't mean to say that, Jack," he said.

"I know," Jack said. "But do me a favor, will you?"

"What?" Daniel asked earnestly.

"Don't worry so much about my career. It's weathered a hell of a lot worse than this, and, besides, it's my problem."

"Jack, you're my friend, what affects you affects me, and I --"

"I would be glad of your support, but if I out myself, it's neither your fault nor your responsibility," Jack said, sitting down next to Daniel. "I will be careful, but I do think that Jim is a special case. He figured it out, and he says it was from both of us."

Daniel's eyes grew perplexed. "Both of us? What did I do? For that matter, what did you do?"

"Well, he said you acted like we had the same issue with you, that you treated us both the same."

"I didn't!" he repudiated instantly, but then he seemed troubled. "Did I?"

"Maybe, I don't know. But Jim had a good point. He already ... cares for you. He's predisposed to see other people reacting the same way. And I said something in the car that he interpreted correctly, and he gave me some pointers about how to avoid that in the future."

"What did you say?" Daniel asked.

Jack shrugged. "We were discussing our types. I admitted to having a preference to blonds, but then I said I preferred partners who were brainy and the shape God made them." Daniel's eyebrows went up. "I was trying not to lie. I won't do that again."

"Lie, Jack," Daniel said. "This is not a situation for truth, not when the government would punish you for it."

"That was Jim's comment," Jack said. "I expect that from a lawyer, but from you?" He chuckled. "Pure, innocent Daniel, advising me to lie?"

"Pure?" Daniel repeated incredulously. "Innocent? Jack, have you been drinking?"

"Nope," Jack said with a grin. "But, come on, Daniel. Don't even try to convince me that you're not pure as the driven snow."

"If that's my reputation around the SGC, people don't know me very well. I'm an academic!"

Jack nodded. "That's part of it, Daniel," Jack said.

"Academics are some of the most ruthless people out there!" Daniel said. "Friends stab each other in the back to get preferments, some people would sacrifice their own children for an important find."

"And you would do that?" Jack asked.

"No," Daniel replied acidly, "but that's not the point."

"But it is," Jack said. "You were in this hotbed of conspiracy and treachery, and came out of it as compassionate and honorable as you are. Pure as the driven --"

"Cut it out!" Daniel was flushing, and Jack was glad to see that he'd shifted the subject sufficiently to get Daniel out of his apologetic mode. "One of these days, I should introduce some of you delusional people to my old friends from college."

Jack tilted his head. "Sounds fun."

"Yeah, I'm sure you'd love to meet a bunch of archeologists and anthropologists who've done nothing but focus on their careers for five years."

"Why not?" Jack asked.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Never mind. You want to watch a movie?"

"Sure." Jack leaned back. Patience. He could do patience. Really he could. Daniel walked over and fiddled with the DVD player, presenting Jack with a beautiful view of his butt. Jack sighed.

Patience.

***

Daniel followed Jack through the stargate into a green and yellow meadow. Beech trees grew around the edges. Jack took a few steps away from the gate and stopped, looking out over the beautiful view. Daniel walked up beside him and surveyed the land. A road led across the meadow to a break in the beech trees. Everything looked pastoral and lovely.

The gate closed behind them after Sam and Teal'c came through. Without turning, Jack said, "Are our friends going to be able to handle all this open space, do you think?"

"We carefully sited their housing near an underground cave system," Carter said. "They should be fine."

"I imagine you're right," Jack said. "I wonder why no one's here to greet us."

Abruptly, a group of people appeared at the opening in the trees. When they saw that SG-1 had arrived a great shout rang out and they came running, one lone figure moving along more slowly behind them with a slight limp.

Kegan was with them and she put on a burst of speed and slammed into Daniel with a great big hug. She started babbling almost instantly, telling him about how wonderful this all was and how beautiful, and what all they were doing. He could barely understand her she was gabbling it all out so fast, and she seemed such a changed person from the sullen cynic he had known on P3R-118 and the gloomy refugee she'd been at the SGC. He hugged her back and walked with her, enjoying her enthusiasm and excitement.

They all started across the meadow. Sam was talking with Mevor, the woman who had led Sam's section in the plant. Jack and Teal'c were walking with a couple of the men. About halfway across, they met up with Tony who turned back to walk with them. Daniel grinned over at the young man. After the efforts Tony had made on the behalf of the refugees from 118, Daniel would be pleased and proud to have him as his assistant. They had met a couple of times over lunch and discussed how things should run, and Daniel had found him very sympathetic to the different needs of an academic department over a strictly military one.

The air was clear and fragrant, and Daniel was glad he'd taken his antihistimines.

This was truly a fresh start for the refugees. This world had not been on the Abydos cartouche, and the civilization that had existed here had gone centuries ago. The SGC had a team settled here, at a naquadah mine about fifteen miles out from the gate, but the pastoral nature of most of the world made it an ideal place to relocate the people from P3R-118. The general had sent a team through to start constructing shelters.

But they wouldn't be on this planet today if it hadn't been for Tony. Once he'd heard about the construction on the new world, Tony had gone to the general and, in what had to be an incredibly courageous act for a young lieutenant who only recently joined the command, told him that he should let the refugees build their own houses. The general had agreed, then to Tony's surprise, had sent him along to give the refugees a measure of consistency. Members of the Air Force had volunteered to come and help them settle, and some of the academic staff of the SGC who were knowledgeable about agriculture and animal husbandry were staying for awhile as well.

By the time they reached the village Kegan had calmed down a bit. "Well, what do you think?" she demanded eagerly.

"It's wonderful, Kegan!" Daniel said, grinning. "Absolutely beautiful." Used to the universally grim nature of the world below, apparently the refugees had discovered color. The uniform houses were painted in riotous colors, all the colors of the rainbows.

"Wow," Jack said in a voice that suggested the word was inadequate to express his full reaction. "Wow."

They took a tour of the village and observed some of the classes. Since all of the workers who had been born in the plant were illiterate, and they were in the vast majority over those who had lived above and been condemned to life in the plant, everyone was being taught to read and write in English. There were classes on everything from crop tending to parenting.

As the day drew to a close, they all gathered for dinner in the village square. When everyone was mellow after eating, Sam stood up and all eyes were drawn to her. "We are all very proud of what you've accomplished in a few short weeks. This little town of yours is amazing." There was applause from her listeners and Jack let out a cheer. "You've proven again how very resilient human beings can be under adverse conditions." She looked around. "I can't believe how much you've gotten done, and this is just the beginning."

"It's all thanks to you," Mevor said loudly, to loud agreement from her fellows. Over the day, Daniel had noticed that people were getting along better than they ever had down in the plant. Kegan was grinning and cheering right along with the others. It probably wouldn't last, but people had hope now, for themselves as well as for their descendants.

"You had to have the courage to follow us," Jack said suddenly. "You could have sat and dithered, but you didn't. I am impressed by everything I've seen today, by your courage, your determination, and your ability to move forward."

"Indeed, O'Neill," Teal'c said.

Daniel was about to speak up but Sam beat him to it. "But we're all leaving out one key person, the one person without whose intervention none of us would be here today," she said. Into the curious babble, she said one word. "Brenna."

An uproar followed, and Daniel stood up. Raising his hands silenced the group. "Without Brenna, Jack, Sam, Teal'c and I would be dead, you would all still be in the plant knowing no more than you did before, and your world would have gone on using you and your descendents as slave labor."

To his surprise, the formerly volatile Kegan asked the first coherent question he heard. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"There are several things you need to know. First, she was stamped just like you. She was stamped to be a supervisor rather than a worker, but that's the only difference."

"Did she tell you that?" asked a woman named Jessan.

"Yes, she did," Sam said, "but it was confirmed by Administrator Calder." Daniel felt his face tighten, and he knew that the gathering of people noticed his discomfiture. "And he has no reason to lie about that."

"Okay, what else?" asked a voice from the crowd. Daniel didn't see who.

"Brenna cares about all of you," Daniel said. "Every time we get news of how you're doing, she wants to know that everyone is okay and that things are going well." No one seemed to know how to react to that. "And, according to Administrator Calder, even though he thought she was too soft-hearted to make a good administrator, he was overruled on the subject of replacing her with someone more hardheaded because there were fewer injuries and deaths in her plant than in any of the other facilities."

"There were?" asked Mevor, looking shocked. "But ... if that's the case, then how many people died in the other facilities?"

Daniel shook his head. The statistics Calder had recited without the slightest trace of dismay were appalling. "Calder views you all as expendable, tools to be used until you break and then thrown away. Brenna views you, and us, as people. She is a good person who did the best she could in a rotten situation."

"How is it that she saved your lives?"

Jack took up the tale and told them what happened in Brenna's room on that fateful morning. Daniel sat down and took a deep breath, trying to quell the deep uneasiness any mention of Calder brought up in him. At least here everyone understood, though he didn't altogether like the fact that everyone knew. On the other hand, no one judged, which made a big difference. Kegan reached out and put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed.

Daniel put his arm around her waist and squeezed back. Things were well on their way to being all right again. His visits with Harry were producing results, the refugees had started a new life for themselves, he and Jack were okay again, Jack and Sam were okay again. Life was finding a new normal, and it was a good one for once.

"We'll put it to a vote, secret ballot," Mevor announced. Pencils and slips of paper were passed out to all the refugees. Sam and Daniel were appointed to count the ballots. It was by no means unanimous, but the overwhelming vote was to invite Brenna to join them. Daniel smiled. Brenna would be glad, though he privately thought Sam would miss her. Of course, they could always come back here for visits. Their time in the plant was terrible, but not because of these people. He looked over the crowd, all talking and making plans, and his eyes met Jack's unexpectedly. Jack was gazing at him, expression sardonic, but his eyes warm and loving.

An odd warmth started in Daniel's belly, and he grinned back.

***

Jack was enjoying the party. His strategy of patience seemed to be making Daniel more comfortable with him, these people really deserved a good time, and a woman who didn't deserve to be an outcast was now ... an incast. Or something. Anyway, she was coming home.

Someone starting up some music and people got up and started moving to it. There was no particular organization to the dancing, but it was fun.

He worked his way through the group till he was with the rest of his team. He stopped and stared when he saw Teal'c though. Daniel's eyes were twinkling as Teal'c showed one of the new locals how to do the twist. He saw Jack staring at him. "I saw it on VH-1," he said solemnly.

Jack found himself grinning, and then he joined in the dance. The look on Daniel's face was worth any possible injury he could do his knee. Maybe he should add a few surprises to patience in his strategy to woo Daniel. Show him what he was made of.

Moments like this were what the rest of life was for, he thought. Moments of pure fun and silliness, friends together.

The End