Closing The Abyss

by Euphrosyne

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ase/euphrosyne/abyss.php
Summary: The events surrounding Daniel's return have become too much for Jack and he goes off alone to make some decisions. We always hope the one we love will choose us over others. Whether we understand the logic or not, it always hurts when that doesn't happen

The party atmosphere at the SGC went on for more than a week after Daniel's return, smiles and barely contained joy nearly overtaking well-practiced military discipline. Daniel walked the halls constantly assailed by claps on the back and handshakes and his face hurt from smiling so much.

He looked in the commissary, the armory, the gym, and all of the other old haunts, but he couldn't find the one smile he desperately wanted to see or shake the one hand he so dearly wanted to touch.

Jack had been distant since Daniel's surprise return and had mostly managed to avoid all contact with him. What contact there had been was cool and brief, Jack's face and manner under tight restraint from within; communication was efficient and matter of fact.

Something was wrong and Daniel had to know what.

"Daniel! There you are. I've been looking all over for you." Sam came around the corner and almost walked into him. She reached out to touch his arm. He supposed he should get used to it for a while. Everyone wanted to touch him, he assumed just to be sure that he was, indeed, real.

"Well, you found me. I was just looking for Jack."

"Didn't he come see you before he left?" Sam looked surprised.

"Before he left? Wait! You mean he's gone?"

"Yeah, General Hammond gave us all two weeks leave. The Colonel was outta here in a heartbeat after we decided where you would be staying."

"What do you mean 'after you decided where I would stay?'"

"Well, we assumed that you wouldn't want to stay on base any more... so you're going to come home with me."

"You? Uh, ah... I thought, well...er... I mean, I sort of assumed that I would be, uh..."

Sam looked at him her brow furrowed with concern.

"No, you know... your place is great, Sam." Daniel smiled and nodded.

"I'm sorry about your things, Daniel. I mean after your lease was up we had to... we had no choice."

Daniel patted her shoulder.

"No, Sam, no need to apologize, it's alright really. You couldn't have known I was going to come back. I mean, I never expected to...so how would you know?"

They started to walk towards the elevator.

Jack threw what he needed into a duffle bag and dumped it on the seat of the truck. He locked the door and got the hell out of Dodge as fast as he could.

A sense of relief washed over him as he boarded the plane for his flight to Minnesota. It had been a tribute to his well-honed organizational skills that allowed him to not only escape the mountain, but Colorado as well, without running into Daniel. Maybe all those years in special ops had some benefits after all.

He picked up his rental and made it out of the airport in Minneapolis in record time; if this kept up he'd be at the cabin before midnight. He had called ahead, as always, and knew that the local market would have his requested groceries delivered by now. Well, what passed for groceries anyway, he kept plenty of staples at the cabin. So after the four hour drive from Minneapolis, he wasn't surprised to see two large boxes and a Styrofoam cooler sitting on his porch when he pulled up.

He got out of the truck and started to move the supplies and himself inside, content to lose himself in manual labor for a while. He'd deal with 'issues' later, much later. Hopefully, something else would distract him and he wouldn't have to think about it...about HIM. He wouldn't have to deal with the fact that he meant so little to Daniel. But it hurt... it hurt bad.

Mechanically, he went about making the cabin livable again. Finally he settled on the sofa in front of the fire and sipped his bourbon... THEIR bourbon. He almost laughed at the coincidence; he couldn't escape Daniel anywhere, not even in a bottle of liquor. The bottle of Jack Daniels mocked him from the table, he'd get even... he'd finish it.

Daniel had attempted to use his powers to stop Anubis from destroying Abydos and its people and had been sanctioned for it by the other Ascended or Ancients or whatever it was they were called. The sanction, for interference, had been to return him to his human form. That was something Jack would have given his own life for ever since Daniel's ascension. But then the feelings of betrayal came to Jack, unbidden and unwanted, and poisoned what should have been a joyous occasion.

Not so long ago he languished in a cell in Baal's fortress and Daniel had abjectly refused to help him. So, that's how it was then... Daniel valued near strangers he had lived with for a year more than someone that had been his friend for more than five years.

Fine then, that's how it would be.

Jack needed this time to be alone, to examine and try to repackage his feelings. He needed to distance himself from the man he had grown to love even more than life, to see if he could again deal with Daniel on a day-to-day basis without compromising his soul or anyone else's life. He wasn't sure if he could, but he had to try.

Hammond had given him leave, given it to them all after a sullen and tired O'Neill handed him his resignation. The general gave him two weeks to reconsider, suggesting that perhaps the signs of exhaustion he was reading ran deeper than Jack's face. Jack took the leave without an argument and then made his escape.

He just wasn't sure he could bear to be around Daniel every day anymore. It had been hard enough before the whole ascension thing, trying to keep anyone from seeing how much he cared for the man. Now he was fairly sure it might be impossible. Besides, the whole city of the Ancients thing was important, the SGC and the planet, hell... the entire galaxy needed Daniel to decipher the tablet from the room on Abydos to find it. Any of the SG Units could deal with it, they didn't need him. No, Daniel had to stay with the SGC; but he... he wasn't needed and he was tired of being tortured by phantoms.

He poured the last of the bourbon into his glass and drank it in one gulp. He would probably be sick in the morning after all that bourbon and no food, but he didn't care; he had plenty of time for food. Jack carried the empty glass to the sink and leaned with his hands on the counter as the cabin shifted and moved in front of his eyes. He poured water into the coffee machine and opened the foil pack of ground coffee and put it into the brewing basket, then carefully turned and headed for the bedroom. All he had to do was flip the switch in the morning and he could have coffee, a no-brainer. He stopped at the sofa and picked up the empty bottle and carried it with him to bed. He dropped his shoes and pants and climbed under the covers clutching the empty bottle close to his chest.

Daniel was having trouble sleeping.

Janet told him he might and had given him pills to allow his body to assume a normal rhythm. He had been reluctant to use them, but this body needed to sleep and he needed the help. Sam had brought him home and together they had cooked dinner, eaten it, and cleaned up afterwards. It had been like riding a bicycle. Now, he lay in Sam's spare room and stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out why Jack had avoided him, waiting for the sleeping pill to work.

He had questioned Teal'c about the way Jack was acting; but the Jaffa had offered no possible explanations. Every time Daniel closed his eyes, he saw Jack's face, closed off and stoic. Like a mask. But the Jack of his memory was different; he had only ever been like that a few times in Daniel's recollection.

The first time was when he pushed them all away to begin his dark journey in pursuit of the rogue NID unit. Daniel could see him now, sitting in the armchair in his living room, framed by the big picture window, toying with a beer bottle to keep his ever restless fingers occupied. He had pointed out to Daniel how little they really knew about each other and denied that their friendship ever had a foundation.

The second time was when he saw Jack while he was a prisoner in Baal's fortress, after he told him that he could do nothing to help him. Jack's face closed off again as he asked Daniel to help him die; the request had been refused in no uncertain terms. After that, Jack was like stone again and had little to say, shutting his feelings away, even from Daniel, exuding a calm and dispassionate aura that gave the ascended Daniel shivers.

He had spoken to Jack again, briefly, in the infirmary after his return and any meaningful conversation was usurped by Jack's unique brand of humor, Daniel had just assumed it was because the man was exhausted and still suffering from the effects of the sarcophagus. Now he wasn't so sure. He hadn't seen Jack again until the elevator where he told him about Anubis' plans for the eye of Ra.

What had happened to change things? He knew that Jack had been deeply affected by his ascension; but thought that everything would return pretty much to normal after all the excitement of his return wore off. Evidently he had been mistaken. No, something HAD happened to Jack, and he would have to dig to find out what. Jack never shared his feelings without a struggle.

"Oh, Jack." Daniel sighed as he turned to his side. His eyes were heavy from the effects of the sleeping pill; he fell asleep with Jack's face in his mind and name on his lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack stumbled to the bathroom just in time to heave into the toilet. It had been a long time since he had gotten drunk enough to be sick. While he usually didn't like feeling this out of control, it was the only way he could break through his own protective shell and get his emotions out into the open where he could look at them. Puke them out and look at them in the cold white porcelain. Turn himself inside out and look at the contents. Repression was hell, too. He had buried so much, so deep, for so long, he wasn't even sure he COULD feel anymore even if he had wanted to.

The feelings he had for Daniel weren't safe, would never be safe for him. But he had managed somehow to keep them hidden away, almost even from himself. It would be tough to do that again; he wasn't sure he could manage it. No, the real difficulty was the deep hurt and feelings of rejection that Daniel's choices had underlined. He didn't know if he could deal with Daniel and allow this abscess to fester, eating him away from the inside. His heart and emotions were a shambles as it was; it would just consume him from within, corroding whatever was left.

He rinsed his mouth and wiped his face, then stumbled back to bed. He curled up around the empty bottle and, holding it tightly, rocked himself to sleep.

Daniel awoke early and made coffee, moving around Sam's kitchen with less than confidence. He had always felt at home in Jack's kitchen - that had been like working in his own - but this was different.

When Sam woke to the smell of coffee brewing, she followed her nose and found Daniel sitting at the counter in the kitchen, looking weary and sad.

"Daniel? Are you okay? Didn't you sleep?"

"I slept fine, Sam. Good morning."

"Well, you don't LOOK like you slept fine. You look like hell."

"Gee, thanks. Have some coffee?"

Sam collected a mug of coffee and sat down opposite Daniel. "What's wrong, Daniel?"

"Nothing, Sam. I'm fine."

"Well, you sure don't ACT fine. Do you miss it? Being ascended and all that?"

"No, not really. I don't think I was there long enough. I missed coffee more." Daniel raised his mug to his lips and sipped. "And chocolate, I missed chocolate. But most of all, I missed you guys."

"Not as much as we missed you."

Daniel grinned and then his face fell. "Well, maybe YOU did."

Sam shook her head. "Don't let them fool you, so did Teal'c and the Colonel."

"Yeah, okay... Teal'c maybe."

"So did the Colonel, Daniel."

"Uh, no... I don't think he did, actually."

"Why would you say that?"

"Well, look at the way he couldn't WAIT to get away from me... that inspires confidence."

"But you're FRIENDS, Daniel."

"No, correction, we WERE friends, Sam. I really get the feeling that Jack would have preferred I didn't come back. He hasn't spoken to me since the debriefing."

"No... really? He's just been busy."

"I thought he was on leave?"

"Well, I mean until then."

"And NOW Sam, why doesn't he talk to me NOW?"

"Cause he went awa... he went away."

"Because he's avoiding me. No, something is wrong, Sam. I have to find out what and fix it. Jack was my best friend; I thought he would be happy that I'm back. He won't even talk to me."

"The Colonel doesn't talk to anyone, Daniel. You know that."

"No, he doesn't talk a LOT to anyone, but he would always talk to me. I have to talk to him, Sam."

"Okay, tell you what, let me shower and then we can go over to his place." Sam finished the last of her coffee and stood.

"Thanks, Sam."

Jack's truck was gone and the house locked up, but at Daniel's insistence, they used Sam's emergency key to get inside. Sam went to the kitchen and Daniel to the phone on the desk.

"Well, there's a glass in the sink, but otherwise there's no sign he's even been here."

Daniel rubbed the side of a pencil over the well used pad of paper, looking for an imprint of the last message that had been written there.

"He's gone to Minnesota."

"He has?"

"Yeah, here's his flight and car rental info. He's gone to the cabin."

"You don't know that, Daniel. He could be visiting his mother or something."

Daniel looked up at Sam with a small smile.

"Jack's parents are dead, Sam, and he was an only child. No, he's gone to the cabin, I know it."

"Well, does it have return flight information?" Sam motioned towards the notepad now divest of its secrets.

"No, there's no return flight info..." Daniel said slowly as his words begat other thoughts. "...There's no return flight info here... Sam, I don't think he's planning on coming back."

"Daniel! Stop it! You can't KNOW that for sure, just because it isn't written there... doesn't mean..." Her voiced petered out.

"Oh, please, you KNOW how he is... how he plans EVERYTHING. He would have made them, and would have written it down. He's WAAY too detail oriented to omit something THAT important." Daniel stared at Sam and saw her mind running all the possible permutations.

"You KNOW it's true."

Sam bit her lip. "Okay, so what now?"

"So... I have to go after him... that's what."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"What other options do we have? No, whatever is bothering Jack, I'm the only one he'll tell... IF I can get him to talk to me again."

"And if you can't?"

"Then I'll have a quiet few days off." Daniel smiled. "You call and get me on the next flight, I'm gonna throw some things into a bag."

"Things? When did you get things again?"

"Well, I spent so much time here. I used to keep some clothes in the spare room. If I know Jack, they'll still be there." Daniel headed for the steps and the spare room as Sam sat down to call the airlines.

When Daniel walked into the spare room, he didn't notice much difference, at first. Then his eye landed on the photo of himself sitting on a camel in front of the great pyramids. The photo he used to keep on his mantel. He picked it up, touched that Jack would have chosen to keep it and his eye started to fall on one item after another that had been his decorating the room. Small pieces that he had collected, pieces that Jack knew meant something to him.

He put the photo back and headed across the hall to Jack's bedroom and opened the door.

On the floor was the Persian rug that had at one time been in his living room under the piano. The big wingback chair and footstool from his den now occupied one corner of the room and in it was a pillow from the bed and the heavy woven blanket that he had brought back from Abydos after Shau'ri's death. The bed had not been slept in; evidently Jack spent his last night in this house sleeping in Daniel's chair. On the floor next to the chair were an empty glass, half a bottle of Maker's Mark Bourbon, and a framed photo of he and Jack that had been taken by Sam after one of their messier missions. He put the photo down, left the bedroom, and hurriedly packed a few clothes, then went back downstairs. He decided against saying anything to Sam; he didn't want to worry her any more than he had already.

"Well, Sam... any luck?"

"Yeah, I got you on the next flight to Minneapolis; it leaves in an hour and a half. Just enough time to get you to the airport with a stop at the ATM, you'll need some cash."

"Thanks, Sam... I'll pay you back."

"It's not a problem, Daniel. I just want to know how the heck you'll find him once you get to Minneapolis?"

"Uh, I won't, actually. I'll have to drive to that little town..." Daniel's brow furrowed as he concentrated to remember the name of the town. "It's Osh... something."

"Oh GOOD! Daniel, do you have ANY idea where you are going? Osh-something...how many towns could have a name like that in Minnesota? What one million? Two million? I know there's an Oshkosh in Wisconsin."

"Just give me a minute, Sam. I'll think of it. Wait! Jack has a map of Minnesota on the basement wall, next to his Hamm's Beer poster."

Together they headed for the basement. What struck Daniel first was how much more cluttered the big finished basement looked then it ever had before. Then, he saw the map and gravitated to it immediately without a second thought. Sam, who had only on one or two occasions even been in Jack's basement, started to look around.

Daniel quickly located the small town of Oshawa, Minnesota off Highway 87. It was easy, there was a small flag pin stuck directly into the town. Daniel glanced at the distance between Minneapolis and Oshawa and figured he had better get decent directions.

"Once I get to Oshawa, all I have to do is stop and ask directions. Jack told me that everybody knows everybody and their business in these little towns and I know he gets deliveries from the local store to his cabin. So it shouldn't be difficult... Sam?" Daniel turned when he got no response and saw Sam staring open mouthed into one of the boxes.

"Sam?"

"Daniel... maybe you won't have so much trouble replacing your things after all. A lot of it seems to be right here." She waved her arm across the boxes that covered most of the floor of the big basement.

"Really? He saved it all?"

"Well, I don't know about ALL, but there's a good portion of it here, including what looks like most of your journals."

"No, the SGC has all my mission journals, he must have my personal ones... but they're not written in English, why would he keep them?"

"I don't know I guess you'll have to ask him. Come on, we should leave if you're going to make your plane."

"Oh, yeah... I'll go grab my bag."

The race for the airport was on.

In the morning, Jack ignored the coffee maker and went straight for a fresh bottle of Jack Daniels, at first just splashing some into his orange juice using the 'hair of the dog' excuse. Then, gradually, as the level of juice fell in his glass, the level of bourbon increased and then replaced the juice entirely. What the hell did he care? He was alone and had absolutely no reason to be sober. Being sober was painful and depressing. At least if he was drunk, he couldn't line all his brain cells up.

He moved to the Adirondack chair on the pier and sat down with his breakfast. This was a good time of year to retire here. He would have all summer to get the cabin ready for winter and close up and sell the house in Colorado. The late spring sun rose warm on his face like a lover's touch.

"Yeah, right."

He leaned over and sloshed more 'breakfast bourbon' into his glass. He'd have plenty of time to think about that stuff later.

The plane ride from Colorado was uneventful.

Daniel picked up his rental and, with a detailed map purchased at the car rental desk, started to make his way towards Jack's cabin. He stopped twice, once for gas and food and once just to relieve himself. Sam and he had figured it would take him four or five hours to get to Oshawa, depending on traffic and the types of roads he had to use.

It was closer to five and a half hours after he left Minneapolis International Airport before he pulled off Route 87 and into the town of Oshawa, Minnesota. He was stiff, sore, and tired... but relieved. The drive had been a little scary. Not due to the terrain or the roads, but because Daniel hadn't really driven at all since his return. Oh, sure, he had a brand, spanking-new Colorado driver's license, but he'd had no cause to use it before now and he had been pretty tense to start with. He knew all he had to do was ask Sam and she would have come with him, but he needed to do this himself.

He stopped just before 5pm at the local market in the heart of town and asked for directions to Jack's cabin. The manager offered the directions somewhat hesitantly until Daniel told him that Jack was having some 'family problems' and he had come to make sure that he was okay. The shopkeeper remembered the unusual amount of alcohol that he had delivered only the day before and quietly scratched the instructions down on a piece of paper. Daniel thanked him and left.

It was nearly 6:30 pm when Daniel turned onto the small trail of a road that was the access to Jack's cabin. There was still plenty of light; darkness was still an hour or so away. He saw Jack's rental parked next to the side of the cabin and pulled in next to it. Daniel got out, stretched, and looked for a clue as to Jack's whereabouts. He walked to the door, knocked, and then let himself in when there was no answer. He looked in the bedroom; the unmade bed was rumpled and obviously slept in and an empty Jack Daniels bottle lay on its side just below the pillow.

Well, if that was how it was going to be, then he'd better make some coffee. He moved towards the kitchen and went to fill the coffee machine only to see that it had already been done. He flipped the switch and looked out the window towards the lake while the coffee brewed.

It was the awkward motion of long arms stretching out to the side and then above his head that gave Jack's position in the weathered Adirondack chair away. Daniel moved a mug to intercept the stream of coffee and then replaced it with a second before returning the carafe. He fixed one mug the way he preferred and the other to fit Jack's requirements and then headed out the back door of the cabin towards the pier.

He wasn't trying to be quiet; he had long ago learned to NOT sneak up on O'Neill, but he realized that to avoid startling Jack, he would have to make some kind of overt sound.

He hadn't planned on it being a sneeze, it just happened, and when it did he almost scalded himself with the hot coffee. The body in the weathered chair stilled, but didn't turn.

"Hello, Daniel." The voice was flat, almost scornful.

"Jack... you're a tough guy to catch up with."

"I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you."

"We need to talk, Jack."

Jack laughed and lifted the bottle of Jack Daniels to his lips taking a large swig before returning the nearly empty bottle to its place between his thighs. The glass lay shattered on the rocks next to the pier, where it had obviously flown.

"What could WE possibly have to talk about?" Jack laughed.

"Here, I brought you some coffee."

Jack looked at the proffered cup and sniffed then lifted the JD back to his lips. "I don't want any coffee, Daniel. If I did, I would have made it myself."

"What's going on, Jack?"

"Nothing, I'm on vacation. So go away."

"Jack, I'm not going to leave until you talk to me." Daniel sat in the other Adirondack and sipped his coffee, setting Jack's mug on one of the broad arms of the chair.

"Like I said, what could we possibly have to talk about?" Now every sentence was punctuated with a drink.

"How about the way you're acting. This isn't you, Jack. What's bothering you?"

"Oh...this is me, all right. I'm surprised you can even remember me."

"What does that mean?"

"Just what I said, Daniel. Now, go away."

"Jack, I'm not going to stand by and watch you do this to yourself."

"Nobody asked you to."

"Please tell me what's wrong. I want to help?"

Jack's laugh was sarcastic, his smile sardonic. "Oh sure.... NOW you want to help... Well, I don't WANT or NEED your help any more Daniel. So, go back to Colorado." Jack tilted the square bottle up, draining the last mouthful, and then tossed the bottle out to meet the glass it had begun the day with, in pieces on the rocks.

"What does THAT mean?"

"Just what I said... When I want your help, I'll ask for it, what little good it will do me."

Daniel looked puzzled and then stared at him.

Jack stood up, or tried to anyway. He had been sitting all day in the same chair drinking and now his legs were less than cooperative. He managed two steps before he swayed and then crumpled.

Daniel shot out of the other chair and was at his side instantly as both mugs of coffee hit the grass. Jack slapped at the hands that attempted to help him up.

"Goddamnit! I told you ... I don't want your fuckin' help anymore... keep your fuckin' hands to yourself!"

"Jack, stop it! Just stop it!... Look at yourself, you can't even stand up!"

"You're NOT my fuckin mother... I didn't ask you here. What the hell do I have to DO to be left alone?"

"FINE! You want to be alone? Then tell me what's eating you and I'll leave you alone... I'm not going until you talk to me, Jack."

Jack sat cross-legged now on the grass and started to laugh. "Oh, THAT'S a GREAT one, Daniel. Whass eating me?..." Jack was laughing and muttering to himself out loud at the same time. "...What's eating me?...who's eating me?...and isn't THAT the real question?"

Jack's muttering dissolved into a continuous laugh now and he fell to his side. He tried to sit up and Daniel offered first one hand and then two to assist him.

This time he took the assistance and stood swaying and unsteady as the state of Minnesota moved around him experiencing one of its renowned earth tremors.

"WHOA! Did ya feel that, Daniel?"

"Feel what, Jack?"

"A seismic disturbance... earthquake... a big one."

Daniel was getting sea sick just watching Jack sway. "Jack?"

"Yesss, darling?" Jack smiled sweetly.

"How much have you had to drink today?"

O'Neill's nose screwed up as he thought about it. "Juss the one." He held up one finger.

"Oh, PLEASE. Do you really think I'm dumb enough to believe that you could get this plastered on just one drink?"

Now the laughing was back as they stumbled towards the cabin. Jack's inability to concentrate on more than one task at a time was highlighted as all forward progress stopped while he laughed. "Oh, you are SOO easy... one bottle, ding dong."

"Oh, well, of course that would have been my next guess... And when did you eat last?"

"Ummm... that would be... uh, I dunno."

Daniel nodded and rolled his eyes. "Oh, right...well, why don't we get you into the house and get some food into you. You DID buy food when you bought all that booze, didn't you?"

"Wha? None of your business, Jackson... HA! There it is again!"

Daniel looked around at Jack's last sentence. "There what is, Jack?"

"Being fucking haunted by names... Jack Daniels... Daniel Jackson... isss a fuckin' conspiracy!"

Daniel's eyebrows rose and he shook his head. Jack was making less sense than usual. "Okay let's just get inside and we'll sort it all out." He tried to guide Jack up the two steps to the small porch without any luck. "Watch the step, Jack!"

Jack stumbled and pitched forward, putting his right hand out to stop his fall. "OWWW! FUCKING HELL!"

"Are you okay?"

"OH, SWELL, just SWELL! You TRYING to kill me, Jackson?"

"Yes, Jack... that's right... I've come all this way just to kill you. Now would you please go inside so I can finish you off?"

Jack started to laugh again. "SEE! I fucking KNEW it! Finish me off... yeah, right... dream on, O'Neill." Jack motioned wildly with his left hand and pointed at Daniel.

Daniel managed to get the door open and Jack inside without further comment or incident and deposited him on the couch where he immediately curled into a ball on his right side.

Daniel moved into the kitchen and poured another two mugs of coffee and then looked around the small kitchen for a clue as to what to feed Jack. Pretty much anything he did would come back up he figured, so it would be best to make it simple and easily digested. That way Jack MIGHT actually process some of it before his stomach retaliated and rejected it. He finally settled on scrambled eggs and toast. He made a large quantity of both and, carrying the coffee mugs, went to retrieve Jack.

"Okay, Jack, rise and shine... you need to eat. Come on." Daniel put the coffee on the table and patted Jack's left shoulder to wake him.

"Not hungry...leave me alone."

"Bullshit! Now sit UP!" Daniel struggled to pull Jack to a sitting position. Jack was decidedly uncooperative and although he didn't struggle, he didn't help either. Daniel returned to the kitchen and brought their plates in to the couch, sitting them side-by-side on the coffee table.

"There! Eat!"

Jack made no move.

"Don't force me to feed you, Jack."

"Can't."

"Why not? And don't try to tell me you're NOT hungry."

"Needs ketchup."

"WHAT? How would you know? You haven't tasted them yet."

"All scrambled eggs need ketchup, Daniel... Iss a rule."

"Fine." Daniel put his fork down and went back to the kitchen, removing the large bottle of ketchup from the fridge and returning to the couch. "Here you go... but don't get carried away, I'm sure you won't keep any of this for very long and the ketchup won't help."

Apparently, either Daniel's words were heeded OR Jack had enough of self-abuse for one day, because he squirted only a small amount of ketchup along the eggs. Then he sat the bottle down and picked up his fork.

The motion of getting a forkful of eggs to his mouth seemed to be defeating Jack and Daniel watched him out of the corner of his eyes as he ate.

Finally, frustrated at his own lack of coordination with the fork in his left hand, Jack put the implement down and picked up a piece of the toast. It was devoured in three bites, followed by two more slices in close order.

"Slow down, Jack. Have some of the eggs." Daniel moved the plate of toast a little further away from O'Neill and watched as he awkwardly picked up the fork in his left hand and tried with shaking hand to transport more of the fluffy eggs to his mouth.

"Ya know... I always eat scrambled eggs with a spoon...but I suppose YOU juss wanna to watch me struggle." He put the fork down again and reached for another piece of toast.

Daniel rolled his eyes and shook his head, then put his own plate down again and headed back into the kitchen for a spoon. He came back to the sofa and laid the spoon next to Jack's plate, trying to stifle a smile as the scourge of the Goua'ld picked up the spoon and began to shovel scrambled eggs into his mouth at high speed.

"Slow down, Jack. They aren't going anywhere."

Jack finally gave up and leaned back, carefully tucking his right hand into the waistband of his jeans and pulling his tee shirt over it.

"Feel better?" Daniel looked at him cautiously.

"A little...still don't know why YOU'RE here."

"I came so we could talk."

"About...?"

"Whatever's bothering you."

"Nuthin's bother'n me."

"Right... I don't suppose you'd care to tell me why you've been avoiding me? And, don't say you haven't been either."

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"Tough! We need to resolve whatever's going on before we go back to work, Jack."

"Not going back."

"Oh, please... Colonels do NOT go AWOL, Jack."

"Not AWOL... retired."

Daniel shifted on the couch to face Jack and stared. "You DIDN'T?"

"Not that iss any of YOUR business but; YES I DID."

"When? Why? What did Hammond say?"

"Before I left the mountain...because I wanted to...gave me two weeks to think about it... was that all of your questions?" Jack looked at the three fingers of his left hand that he had used to count the question and then stared back at Daniel.

"Jack... please... what's wrong? We used to be best friends."

The sardonic smile returned and the silver head nodded.

"USED TO BE... is the operative phrase here, Daniel."

"I wasn't aware we had stopped being best friends. When did that happen?"

"Daniel... I've had to live with MY choices for a long time... now YOU have to live with YOURS."

"MY choices?" Daniel's brow furrowed in concentration...he hated it when Jack was mystical, mostly because there was usually very weird logic involved and it always gave him a headache.

"YOUR choices, Daniel...YOUR decisions."

"Jack...what's this about?"

Jack struggled to a standing position and weaved his way towards the bathroom. "You'll juss have to work on that, Daniel. I'm gonna go puke." Jack walked into the doorframe but did manage to get into the bathroom and close the door. Daniel sat on the couch and stared at the closed door, listening to the choking and coughing going on inside followed by the sounds of running water.

After a while, the bathroom was quiet, but the door remained closed and Daniel feared that Jack had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor. He went to the door, opened it carefully, and peaked inside.

Jack was sitting on the floor next to the toilet, his knees drawn up, his head resting on his left arm draped over them. Daniel couldn't tell if he was asleep or not.

"Jack?" Daniel nearly whispered. "Are you okay?"

"No." Was the flat answer.

"Can I help you?" His sincerity seemed to touch something deep inside Jack this time. At least he didn't laugh at him like he had before.

"Ya know, Daniel..." Jack never lifted his head and Daniel had to strain to hear him. "... The thing about being best friends is, you give help when your friend asks for it... not just when it's convenient for you."

"I've always been there for you, haven't I?"

"No... You STILL can't see it, can you?"

"No, Jack... I guess you'll have to explain it to me."

"I'm not going to be your guidance counselor, Daniel. Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"Because I care about you... I care about what happens to you."

"You sure have a funny way of showing it..." Jack mumbled into his knees, and then lifted his voice. "...HOW MUCH?"

"How much, what?"

"How much do you care?"

"A lot... I care a lot... How can you ask me that, Jack? After all we've been through together, why do you doubt what I say is true?"

"Because, Daniel...like Grandma O'Neill used to say, actions speak louder than words. That's why."

"When have I ever caused you to think that I don't care about you?"

"Gee... got a couple of days?" Jack laughed without lifting his head. "I'm not going to play your conscience, Daniel... I'm too tired. Figure it out yourself."

Daniel thought briefly about what he'd said. "Yeah, okay... I'm sorry... I know there were times I made you wonder, but I thought we were okay about them. Those are old issues, Jack... I get the feeling that this is a new problem, not cumulative damage... Please, Jack...you know how clueless I can be sometimes."

"Daniel..." Jack sighed deeply. "...Why are you here?"

Daniel rolled his head and his eyes this time, his frustration becoming obvious in his voice. "I told you, Jack... I need to find out why you're avoiding me and fix it; we're friends."

"No...Daniel, that's NOT what I meant. Why are you HERE?" Jack lifted his head this time and stared into Daniel's concerned face.

"In Minnesota? I followed you here."

"No, Daniel... NOT in the cabin, not in Minnesota. Why aren't you all glowy anymore?" Jack's face was gray and drawn; his eyes red and puffy even without tears.

"We've been over all this before. I was punished by Oma and the Ascended for trying to keep Anubis from destroying Abydos...you KNOW that."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why were you punished, descended, whatever?"

"You KNOW WHY..." Daniel's voice started to rise in irritation. "...For trying to stop Anubis and help the Abydonians."

"AHHH!"

"Ahhh? Ahhh, what, Jack?"

"And did the Abydonians ASK for your help?"

"NO, the Abydonians didn't ASK for my help... how could they?"

"Yeah, you know, I guess that was silly of me to say that. THEY were WORTH saving."

Daniel thought he might be nearing the center of the problem. It was time

to take a chance. "Jack?"

"What?"

"Is this about what happened while Baal had you?" He spoke the words hesitantly and softly.

"BINGO! Give THAT archeologist a cigar!"

"You think I didn't help you because I didn't think you were WORTH saving?"

"No, Daniel... You didn't help me because I wasn't worth the PRICE YOU'D have to pay..." Jack sighed and put his head back down on his arm. "...I'm happy for them that you thought the Abydonians were."

"Oh, Jack... it wasn't like that."

"Sure looks that way to me, Daniel. You made your choice."

Daniel got up and moved to kneel in front of Jack. "Jack, look at me."

"Go away, Daniel."

"No, Jack... I'm not going away. LOOK at me, please?"

Jack lifted his head and looked into Daniel's face.

"That's not how it was."

"No? Then how was it exactly, Daniel? Cause that's sure what it looked like from where I'm sitting. You made your choice when you were glowy. You can't live with it now? That's your problem. I told you what I would have done."

"I tried to help you, Jack. I tried to help you ascend."

"I didn't want to ASCEND, Daniel... I wanted to ESCAPE. And those high falootin moral standards that you were packing got tossed out the window pretty damn quick when there was a problem on Abydos, didn't they?"

Daniel sat back on his ankles, stunned at the depth of Jack's pain more than anything else.

"I would have DIED for you, Daniel... I would STILL die for YOU... that's what best friends do... now, go away, leave me in peace... I'm tired."

Daniel reached out to touch Jack's face, his own eyes brimming with tears. "I am so sorry, Jack... I never realized that I had hurt you. I never meant to."

Jack's eyes closed against the warmth of Daniel's hand.

Daniel was horrified.

He had never seen this level of despair in the man and left his hand against the stubbled cheek. Jack leaned into the touch and Daniel moved closer, shifting to sit on Jack's right side on the floor. He draped one arm across Jack's shoulders and pulled him into his side.

"Please believe me. I would never intentionally hurt you, Jack... I can't explain why I did what I did... it was all so clear at the time, it made sense then... but if I HAD helped you then, I wouldn't have been around to help them. Not that I actually DID help them, but we wouldn't have found the tablet in the hidden room without..."

"So, that justifies it all in your mind then?..." Jack whispered with his eyes still closed. "...makes it all nice and tidy in your conscience."

In frustration Daniel's head dropped back and bounced off the tile wall behind them. "No, Jack... not justifies... I'm trying to explain somehow... But how can I explain what I don't understand myself?"

"It hurts, Daniel... that you chose them over me... I can't help it... I wanted everything to be like it was... but that's not possible anymore."

"I don't blame you if you hate me, Jack... and I'm not asking for you to forgive me, because I could never make it up to you... I'm just asking if we could try to make a fresh start."

"I can't... I can't be that person anymore, Daniel... it's gone too far."

"What's gone too far, Jack?"

Jack took a deep breath and sighed. The cool, clinical smell of the tiled bathroom was replaced in his nostrils by the nearness and scent of Daniel. He decided that he had nothing more to lose, might as well drive Daniel completely off and get it over with.

"Feelings... I... CARE about you, Daniel... a LOT."

Daniel was more curious than shocked, and leaned down a little to try to look Jack in the eye. "How much, Jack? Do you care enough...uh,... what do you mean by a LOT, exactly?"

"Never mind... I shouldn't have said anything... please, just leave me alone."

"Uh... no, Jack... you can't say something like that and just clam up... please... What do you have to lose?"

Jack's mind reeled. He didn't have ANYTHING to lose, anymore. He had tendered his resignation... these two weeks were just a favor to Hammond, to allow the general to at least feel like he had done something about Jack's decision.

His emotional defenses were shot thanks to the alcohol and Jackson's unplanned appearance. He might as well torch the rest of his bridges while he was at it. He swallowed hard and decided to go for it while he could still blame it all on inebriation. "I...I care very... more than I've cared for anyone in a long time. I mean..." Jack shook his head and sighed again. "I...love you, Daniel."

Daniel's hand stroked the stubble on Jack's jaw again. "I love you too, Jack," he responded quickly.

"No, Daniel... you don't understand... I REALLY LOVE you...am IN LOVE with you."

"I see..." Daniel's whisper was husky. "...and this is a problem?"

Jack's body had stiffened against him, prepared for the rejection and verbal barrage that hadn't happened.

Daniel lifted Jack's chin to look him in the eye and, leaning down, softly brushed his lips over Jack's. He pulled back a little and when no words came from Jack, he leaned in and did it again, both of them staring close up at the other as their lips met.

The third time was the charm. Brown and blue eyes closed, heads tilted slightly and this time the brush of lips was mutual. Now as Daniel pulled back, his bottom lip remained momentarily trapped, until Jack reluctantly released it.

"So...you aren't appalled or repulsed?"

"You expected me to be repulsed?"

"I didn't know what to expect... I never planned on telling you at all... WAIT!... Why... AREN'T you repulsed?"

Daniel looked intensely into the deep sable of Jack's eyes and sighed. "Maybe because... I feel the same way about you."

"You DO?... WAIT... What do you mean... MAYBE?" Jack pulled out of Daniel's embrace.

Daniel smiled, and leaned in again quickly to capture Jack's bottom lip with his in another soft brush of lips. "I tell you what. Why don't we go find somewhere more comfortable to sit and we can talk about it? Unless you feel strongly about bathroom ambience."

"Yeah... okay."

Daniel released his hold on Jack and climbed back to a standing position, then offered his right hand to help Jack up. "Come on... you have to be stiff by now."

Jack extended his left hand and Daniel helped him to stand. Then he continued to stand there, still holding Jack's hand. "I gotta tell you, Jack... the hand in the waistband look is NOT a good one for you." Daniel motioned to where Jack's right hand was tucked still.

Jack shrugged and turned towards the door standing at Daniel's right and they headed out of the bathroom.

"Do you feel better now?" Daniel asked moving in front of Jack and bringing his left hand up to stroke Jack's face as he leaned in for another soft kiss.

Jack gasped as their bodies made frontal contact before their lips met and he countered with a reply tasting of Daniel's bottom lip.

"I'll let you know." He stared into Daniel's face. Daniel took another step closer and was stalled by the continuing presence of Jack's right hand between them. "Jack..."

"Hmm?"

"What's wrong with your right hand?"

"Nuthin'... but... I think my wrist is broken."

Daniel's eyes rolled at he looked towards the ceiling. "How?"

"When I tripped on the porch step."

"And you didn't mention this because...?"

"I wanted you to leave... I didn't want to make you feel like you had to stay."

Daniel stepped back and gently reached between them to uncover the wrist so he could look at it. He carefully extracted the swollen fingers from the waistband and elevated the limb to examine it.

"JESUS, Jack. I think you're probably right about it being broken... can you move your fingers at all?"

All of Jack's concentration only managed a little movement of the puffy fingers and a pained look.

"You better sit down... I'll get some ice." Daniel deposited Jack onto the couch and moved towards the kitchen.

Jack sat quietly on the couch cradling his right wrist. He could hear Daniel moving around in the small kitchen, the sound magnified in his still slightly blurry ears. His wrist pounded in time with his heart and now his head joined in, providing a back beat while his mind whirled. How much of what just happened had been an alcohol-induced delusion and how much had actually happened?

Jack tried to use the pain in his wrist as a focus. He needed to make sure that what had just transpired was no dream or hallucination. He still wasn't sure what to do about it, but he needed to be sober and in control now; too much depended on what happened next here, maybe even his sanity.

Daniel came back towards the couch wrapping a bag of ice in dishtowels. Jack was uncharacteristically quiet; Daniel was sure that pain from Jack's fractured wrist accounted for only a small portion of his subdued behavior and there remained a question of how much was still due to alcohol. He came around the corner quietly, sat down, and reached for Jack's right arm.

"Here...let's get some ice on this and see if we can get that swelling down a little." He draped the towel wrapped bag gently around the wrist and pushed it towards Jack's chest to elevate it.

"Now...where we do we take you to get that looked at?"

Jack sighed and answered quietly. "The nearest military installation with emergency services is Grand Forks Air Base in North Dakota. That's almost five hours by car from here. I don't feel like a drive that long at this point so I guess it'll have to be Saint Joseph's in Brainerd. That's only about fifty miles or so away."

"Jesus, Jack...you really are in the middle of nowhere here, aren't you?"

"Yeah, well... it's not something I need to use a lot."

"That's a good thing..." Daniel leaned over and tried to look in Jack's eyes. Jack's gaze was firmly fixed on the coffee table, or the rug and he hadn't looked up once. "... You aren't hurt anywhere else, are you?"

"No... I'm fine."

"Oh...yeah, I can certainly SEE that... so let me grab my keys and we can go. Do you know how to get there?"

"Where?"

"To the hospital in Brainerd, Jack... Do you know how to get there?"

"Yeah... I know."

Daniel stood and looked down. "Let me go get you a jacket and we can leave, okay?"

"I don't suppose I can talk you out of this, can I?" Jack looked up into Daniel's face.

"NO...so don't even try. Let's go." Daniel reached down and took Jack's elbow, and tried to escort him to the door.

"Wait, Daniel... I really need to get my wallet. I'll need my ID."

"Okay, you wait here; I'll get your wallet. Where is it?"

"On the dresser in the bedroom."

Daniel headed into the bedroom as Jack watched from the doorway. As Daniel returned to Jack's side he slid the wallet into his hip pocket and draped the jacket around his shoulders. Jack's breathing hitched at the contact.

Daniel still wasn't sure what was going on with Jack, except to feel that maybe he needed more reassurance. Just as Jack started to turn toward the door, Daniel stopped him, and put his hand back onto Jack's shoulder.

"Hey... are you SURE you're ok? Because you sure aren't acting like it."

"It's the booze."

"What's the booze?"

"It's just... ya know... sometimes when I drink... my imagination runs off with me."

"So...uh, you think you're imagining this?"

"Well... let's just say, I'm not sure exactly how much of this is real and how much is bourbon."

"Ahh." Daniel had the feeling that there was a definite need for intervention here and leaned in to brush his lips across Jack's again. "Does THAT help any?"

"A little."

"Huh...only a little? Well how about THIS?"

Daniel dropped the car keys on the floor and captured both sides of Jack's face in his hands. Then he leaned in again and took Jack's bottom lip between his, sucking on it. When Jack's mouth opened in response, Daniel's tongue invaded, stroking along its counterpart and drawing a low moan from somewhere deep inside Jack's chest.

Jack's left hand moved to Daniel's face and the kiss was returned with as much fervor as possible with a painful and swollen wrist squeezed between their two bodies. When they parted, Jack looked Daniel directly in the eye. "Why are you doing this, Daniel? Why NOW?"

"Because I was afraid to take a chance before, I was afraid I would lose you."

"Why are you taking the chance now?"

"Because NOW there's no risk. I KNOW how you feel, I know that you won't hate me for the feelings I have for you... I never took the chance before because I didn't want to risk losing you entirely... and besides, at this point I have nothing more to lose."

Jack's left hand moved to Daniel's cheek his thumb stroking across the soft skin just under Daniel's right eye. "I'm sorry, Daniel."

"For what, Jack?"

"I was jealous of the choice you made; angry that you chose them and not me. I couldn't help it. I felt like I had been rejected... you had no way of knowing."

"It's not your fault, Jack. I can see where it would look that way to you, feeling the way you do... I think I would feel the same way."

Jack smiled gently and leaned in to capture Daniel's return smile with his lips. Their bodies pressed close together until; again, Jack's wrist reminded them that they had other agendas.

The ride to the hospital in Brainerd was quiet. Most of the talking was done by Jack who was navigating the expedition. Daniel was much less uncomfortable driving than he had been earlier and they managed the trip in the scarce late night traffic in about an hour.

With Jack's writing hand out of commission, Daniel was forced into the scribe job, faithfully committing all of Jack's personal information into the multiple forms that the Emergency Room required. About six hours after their arrival, Jack was discharged from the emergency room, right hand and wrist firmly encased in fiberglass.

The early morning traffic was heavier as they made their way back towards Oshawa from Brainerd stopping only once for coffee. When they finally pulled up next to the cabin, they were both running on fumes. Inside, Daniel removed the jug of cold juice from the fridge and handed it to Jack along with a couple of the pills that the emergency room had sent back with them. Bleary brown eyes looked back at him as Jack silently took and swallowed the pills, then he handed the jug back to Daniel who drank the remainder.

"You look tired, Daniel. You should get some sleep."

"You're not exactly fresh as a daisy yourself, Jack. Come on." Daniel turned to head for the bedroom, reaching for Jack's arm.

O'Neill balked. "No... you take the bed... I'll sack out on the couch."

"Like hell you will...come on, Jack, let's not do this now...we BOTH need to sleep..." Daniel moved closer and placed his hand on Jack's shoulder. "... Please, let's not fight over this... I promise I won't put any moves on you."

Jack was too tired to argue. "Okay, Daniel...you win."

They moved into the bedroom and Daniel removed the empty bottle from the bed and stripped down to his boxers and tee shirt. He watched Jack struggling with a useless right hand and moved closer to assist him.

"Let me help you."

"I can do it."

"Sure you can... but that will take another month or so. Please, I want to help you."

Jack stopped his struggle and sighed, and then he leaned in and softly kissed Daniel on the forehead. Daniel looked him in the eye as he guided him to sit on the side of the bed while he pulled off the faded jeans. Jack reached up and captured one of Daniel's hands in his just as Daniel started to turn away. He pulled him closer and laid his cheek against Daniel's tee-clad belly. Daniel sighed and wrapped his arms around Jack, one hand cradling his head against his belly the other wrapping around his back.

"Lay down, Jack...get some rest."

Daniel gently pushed him back into the bed and covered him. Then he moved to the closet and grabbed an extra blanket, folded it and used it to prop up Jack's casted right arm. After that, he moved to the other side of the bed and slid in next to Jack, placing his glasses on the small table at the bedside. He laid back and closing his eyes folded his hands across his chest. There was no conversation and neither man took long to fall asleep; the exhaustion ran too deep to be challenged.

Daniel awoke first and stumbled to the bathroom. He came back to the bed and, grabbing his glasses, looked at the bedside clock. The clock read six and it was still light out, small daggers of sunlight cutting through the room from around the heavy drapes. Jack was still lying just as Daniel had placed him, with his arm still propped up on the folded blanket. Daniel shook his head in disbelief. He was always lucky if he, his blankets, and his pillow were all still even IN the bed when he woke up. How Jack could sleep in one position without moving all night escaped him. He padded out of the bedroom and pulled the door closed behind him.

Daniel fumbled in his jacket pocket for his cell phone. He needed to call Sam and let her know that they were both okay. He hit the speed dial while moving into the kitchen to make some fresh coffee.

"Hi, Sam... yeah, everything's fine. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, but we were both exhausted; we spent all night in the emergency room. What?... No, everything's all right, Jack just fell and broke his wrist... he's okay, they said it's a simple fracture and wasn't displaced so it didn't require surgery...no, they just put it in a cast... Yeah, well, it was a long drive we had to go to Brainerd for a hospital... no, the nearest military is Grand Forks Air Base in North Dakota and Jack says that's five hours away... It was a civilian hospital... yeah; I think Jack knows that, I'll have him call Hammond when he wakes up... No, he's still asleep...yeah, we're working on it, there's a lot of, er, issues to resolve... And now, with his right hand out of commission.... I'm going to stick around here for a few days. I'll call you and let you know when I'm coming back... yeah, thanks for your help, Sam. I think everything's going to be fine... Okay... see ya, bye."

"Reporting in, Daniel?" Jack said from behind him.

Daniel jumped, almost dropping the phone. "JESUS, Jack...would you please NOT sneak up on me? I had promised Sam that I would call her when I got here and I didn't."

"In that case, I'm surprised she didn't go off the deep end and call out the state police to look for you." Jack smiled.

"Yeah... me too..." Daniel grinned back. "... how's the arm?"

"It throbs... you okay?"

"Yeah, I am... let me make some coffee and fix us something to eat. Then you can take a couple of pills for it."

"I don't wanna take any pills for it."

"I'm sure, but you WILL... why don't you go shower?"

"Can't." Jack said as he held up his casted arm.

"Oh...yeah, I forgot... wait, here's a plastic bag we'll cover it and it won't get wet. Let me put the coffee on and I'll give you a hand."

Daniel set about washing the carafe and filling the reservoir on the coffee machine, then placed fresh coffee in the filter and flipped the switch. He turned towards Jack who was still standing at the counter and took his upper arm. "Come on... we might as well share."

Jack's eyes went wide and never left Daniel's face as he guided him back towards the bathroom. When they got into the room, Daniel slid the plastic bag over Jack's hand and started to look around.

"What are you looking for, Daniel?"

"Tape, so I can seal the open end of this."

"There's duct tape in the medicine cabinet." Jack nodded towards the mirrored door.

Daniel gave him a strange look and then opened the cabinet. "Why is there duct tape in your medicine cabinet, Jack?"

"It's more useful than regular adhesive tape. I keep lots of it around here. Always have kept a roll in the medicine cabinet, you never know when you'll need it."

Daniel just nodded as he sealed the bag closed around Jack's arm with the duct tape.

"You DO know that's gonna hurt like hell when you go to take it off...it'll rip all the hair off my arm."

"Uh, yeah, well, sorry...I don't know any other way...besides, if we get rid of all that hair today, you won't have to worry about it for the next shower." Daniel winced as Jack's words sunk in; it WAS going to hurt like hell to remove the duct tape.

"Sort of... hair today, gone tomorrow, eh?" Jack was expressionless until Daniel looked him in the eye, and then he broke into a broad grin.

"I can't believe you said that!" Daniel smiled back.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

Daniel tore the tape and put it back into the medicine cabinet as Jack started the shower, then he came back across the room to help Jack peel off his tee shirt. Jack stepped out of his shorts and into the shower, as Daniel dropped his own shorts and pulled the tee over his head. He put his glasses on the counter next to the sink and stepped into the shower behind Jack. Jack turned and moved closer to him. They reached for each other and allowed the hot water to sluice down over them as they gently explored each other's mouth. Jack's hands reached for Daniel's head a little too quickly and made an audible sound as cast met skull. Daniel saw stars briefly while Jack apologized profusely.

The moment segued into mutual laughter and further apologies and then ended more passionately as their kisses became needier. Long wet bodies collided over and over as hands roamed looking for better grips on each other.

"Daniel?..." Jack was breathless, as the water ran over his face. "... you aren't just doing this because I want to, are you?"

"For so long, Jack... for so very long, I've wished that this would happen, afraid that it would always be just a dream. Does this FEEL like you are the only one who wants this, Jack?" Daniel tilted his pelvis against Jack's. Hard cock slid against hard cock and they dove back into each other's mouth with the reassurance.

Daniel started to kiss his way down the front of Jack's body while the water continued to stream over them. Latching onto first one nipple and then the other, he moved further down, laving his way down towards the hard cock that strained upwards to meet him. Jack gasped and swayed as first the tip of Daniel's tongue and then his mouth claimed their prize. Daniel pushed Jack back to lean on the wall under the shower nozzle as he slid down to take Jack's cock further into his mouth. Daniel reached up and half-supported, half-caressed Jack with both hands as he leaned against the shower wall.

Jack's casted hand rested on Daniel's shoulder and his left hand held onto the top of the shower door for added support. The water beat down on his head and back as he swallowed Jack deep and then slid almost entirely off, over and over. The soldier made small mewling noises and groans from deep in his chest and Daniel glanced up through the water to see his head tilted back against the tile wall before he pulled back completely.

"Come for me, Jack... come for me now." His mouth opened and slid back down as the fingers of one hand stroked under and behind Jack's balls seeking the hidden pucker. Jack's mind melted as he came in long spurts, and Daniel swallowed over and over, unwilling to allow a drop to go to waste.

Daniel climbed back to his feet and was pulled into a bear hug and kissed senseless.

"Now I think we need some soap." Daniel picked up the sponge and after applying a large amount of the sandalwood fragranced shower gel, began to spread the lather all over the nearly boneless O'Neill.

"Daniel, I..."

"Shh...we aren't done yet. That was just a little something to prove to you that I DO want this, and have wanted it for a long time."

"Mmmm, okay... I believe you." Jack muttered, his eyes still glazed as Daniel continued to lather his whole body with firm circular strokes.

"Turn around, Jack." Daniel manipulated him to scrub the rest of his body and then applied more gel and moved quickly across his own body as Jack watched, licking his lips. Daniel reached for the shampoo and lathered first Jack's and then his own hair as Jack groaned again and rolled his head with the erotic massage.

"Down, boy... now rinse before the water gets cold." Daniel chased the suds with his hands, long fingers stroking the crack between Jack's buttocks.

"More... please." Jack gasped as Daniel finished the rinse of them both and reached around him to turn the shower off.

Daniel opened the shower door and reached for a towel from the stack...he firmly ran it over Jack's front and then encouraged him to turn and dried his back and buttocks, lingering briefly to stroke the soft sac that tantalized him from between long legs. He grabbed another towel and dried himself and had a brief smug moment as Jack stood in front of him with his gaze focused on Daniel's erection.

"Come on... the coffee's ready."

"Fuck the coffee, Daniel... that's NOT what I want and you know it." Jack's voice was low and husky.

"I know... I just wanted to see what you'd say." Daniel smiled allowing himself another smug moment as Jack headed for the bedroom, grabbing his arm in his left hand, and then pushed Daniel onto the bed. He fumbled in the bedside table for a moment before finding what he was seeking and looked up with a smile when he finally held the small tube of lube.

He tossed the tube to Daniel and moved towards the bed.

"You'll have to do it... I'm terribly right handed about these things."

"Do what, Jack?" Daniel wanted to be sure, and figured that dense was the best way to get Jack's expectations out into the open. Jack rolled his eyes and smirked.

"Do ME, Daniel. But... it's been a while, so go easy."

Daniel smiled and pulled Jack down next to him on the bed. Then, laying his hand against the still unshaven face, he kissed him and said. "I would never intentionally hurt you, Jack. I told you that and I meant it."

Daniel gasped as Jack's hand traveled the length of his body and index finger traced a path of fire across his belly. "Then what are you waiting for?...An engraved invitation?" Jack grinned and rolled to his side pulling Daniel nearly on top of him, and then pulled his head down for a kiss. Daniel came up smiling and flipped the lid open on the tube.

"Oh, I think that was enough of an invitation for me." He squeezed some lube onto his fingers and slid his hand down as Jack brought one foot up onto the bed, bent at the knee. Daniel moved with agonizing slowness, opening and stretching Jack, always using care not to hurt him. Jack writhed beneath him, a sight so erotic to Daniel that he had to stop more than once and give himself a hard squeeze so he wouldn't end it before it had begun. Both times the action garnered a smile from Jack and a moan as he watched knowingly.

Finally, with Jack lying on his belly Daniel slid into the tightest heat he could ever remember. He moved slowly at first until they both became adjusted to the sensations. Then they moved in unison, Jack pushing into Daniel's thrusts until Daniel came and then collapsed heavy and panting along Jack's back taking them both flat on the bed.

He started to move away, but was halted as Jack reached back with his left hand towards Daniel, sighed and said. "Stay."

As the sweat chilled Daniel's back, he kissed Jack's neck, then finally pulled out and rolled off. A suddenly cold O'Neill grabbed the blanket that Daniel had propped his arm on and spread it over them both as he moved in closer to Daniel's side.

"You okay?" Jack kissed the broad chest under his head.

"I'm fine... was that gentle enough for you?" He kissed the top of Jack's head as Jack chuckled his answer.

"Oh, yeah!"

Daniel's stomach rumbled loudly making both of them laugh.

"I'm a little hungry." You could almost hear the blush in his voice.

"I think you're right... think that coffee is ready yet?"

"Yeah, that's probably a safe bet."

"I need a quick rinse." Jack ran a hand down his sweat slicked belly.

"Well, you've still got the bag on, you go ahead... I'll go see what we have to eat."

Jack placed a kiss between Daniel's nipples and slid out of bed. Daniel sighed and watched him head for the bathroom before getting out of bed. He started to look through the chest and came up with two pairs of sweat pants and two sweat shirts and pulled one of each on, leaving the other set for Jack.

He moved into the kitchen and poured another mug of coffee as he looked through the cabinets and refrigerator for inspiration. He settled on pasta and jarred sauce and set a pot of water on to boil.

Jack came into the kitchen wearing the sweat pants and pulling a tee shirt over his head. "I can't get my arm through the sweatshirt. What are we having?"

"Pasta... it's quick and I have no imagination." He turned into Jack's embrace.

"That's okay; you just rest your imagination for a while. If you'd like, there's some Italian sausage in the freezer; we can nuke it and add it to the sauce."

Daniel kissed Jack before turning away from him and heading for the freezer. He found the paper and plastic wrapped package and placed it in the microwave to defrost, then moved back and spooned up behind Jack who was adding salt to the water.

"I already did that, Jack."

"Oh, sorry...force of habit."

"S'okay... I'll take care of the sauce." Daniel opened the jar and dumped it into another pot and placed it on the stove to simmer.

Between them, they ate the pound of pasta and all of the sausage, even adding some crusty bread to the mix. Then Daniel washed the dishes as Jack spooned behind him.

"You know this would be a lot easier if I could move a little more freely." Daniel said playfully as he rolled his head back onto Jack's shoulder. Jack laughed and kissed alternately the side of his neck and his head until he was done.

"Let's get that plastic bag off you." Daniel moved in and attempted to remove the duct taped bag with minimal damage.

Unfortunately, as Jack predicted, it did painfully remove nearly all the hair from the forearm at the edge of the cast. Daniel apologized profusely as Jack whined during the entire ordeal.

Then Jack took his hand and moved toward the couch.

"We need to talk about some things, Jack."

"I know."

"You have to call Hammond and tell him to tear up your resignation."

"I... I don't know."

"If you leave the SGC, I will, too. I can't do this without you and I won't."

"Daniel, you know how the military is... we couldn't be together like this."

"Sure we can... since I'll be living with you, it won't matter."

"Living with me? But..." Daniel laid his fingers across Jack's lips to quiet him.

"You already have most of my stuff, we can just say we decided it was more cost effective to live together... in case of further ascension..." Daniel looked into terror-stricken eyes and quickly moved to soothe Jack's fears. "... relax, Jack... it's not gonna happen. I promise you."

The relief was evident. "Please don't scare me like that."

"I don't think anyone at the SGC will care. They didn't when I lived with you the last time."

"No... probably not."

"And now, YOU need to call Hammond." Daniel poked Jack's chest with his finger.

"Yeah I will, tomorrow..."

"NOW, Jack."

"But it's late, he'll be at home."

"That's even better, do it now."

Jack reached for the phone and dialed Hammond's home phone number from memory as Daniel snuggled closer.

"George?... it's Jack O'Neill... Yes, sir, thank you. I'm starting to feel better... I just thought I'd better let you know that you'll be seeing some paperwork across your desk from a local hospital here... no, sir, nothing serious, I tripped on a step and broke my wrist.... I had to go to a civilian facility sir, the nearest military hospital is Grand Forks North Dakota and that's two hundred miles away... No, sir... it's a simple fracture; they put a cast on it... Nah, it's fine, I'll call Fraiser in the morning... and sir?... About that resignation?... do you think we could just forget about that? I may have over-reacted. I was tired... Yes, sir...thank you... I'm sorry, what?... Yes, sir, Daniel IS here, he got in yesterday... No sir, he didn't... that's a long story, sir... Yes, sir, see you in a couple of weeks...goodbye." Jack hung up the phone and looked at Daniel with a smile.

"What? How did he know that I was here?"

"I have no idea, but he wanted to know if YOU broke my wrist." Jack laughed.

"He did NOT!"

"He did, too!"

"Well, that's, uh...weird."

"Yeah, it is, isn't it? Just what did you say to Carter before you left?"

"Well...nothing, except that I was coming here to find out what was wrong, why you were avoiding me; to try to fix our friendship."

"She's smart... real smart." Jack shook his head. "She'll figure it out pretty quick on her own."

"So... I don't think that will be a problem. Sam's no homophobe."

"No, probably not... but I don't like putting that kind of pressure on her." Jack shook his head again and sighed.

Daniel moved closer and leaned in for a kiss. "So, if there's a problem...which I personally don't think there will be... but if there is, we'll deal with it...together."

Jack smiled and kissed back. "You sure?"

"Very... and you?"

"I think I can handle it... as long as I have you."

"Oh, you'll have me, O'Neill...you just try to get RID of me! You aren't worried about Teal'c?"

"Nah... T's been around; sexual preference isn't a big problem for Jaffa."

"I didn't think so."

"But we should probably tell him and explain why we need to keep it quiet... I'll let YOU handle that. You explain the cultural stuff better than me."

"Gee, thanks, Jack."

"You're welcome... now can we go to bed?"

"Well, I suppose if you insist, Colonel."

"Oh, I DO insist, Doctor Jackson... and uh, Daniel... how did you know that I have most of your stuff?"

"Sam and I went to your place looking for you. When you weren't there, I saw the imprint of what you had written on the notepad by the phone and decided to follow you. I couldn't remember the name of the town but remembered the map in the basement. I saw all the boxes..."

"And you snooped?" Jack's eyebrows rose in surprise.

Daniel feigned hurt at the accusation. "NO... not me, I would NEVER... Sam did... But, I did see the stuff upstairs when I went looking for some clothes."

"Ahh... You aren't mad?" Jack asked somewhat hesitantly.

"Mad? About you... yes. About you saving my things... no, I'm flattered, actually. Some of those things are irreplaceable and some just have sentimental value. What happened to my fish, by the way?"

"Umm, I gave them a good home." Jack looked embarrassed.

Daniel frowned. "Jack... what did you do to the fish?"

"I sent the whole shebang to the pediatrics unit at the Academy Hospital. They were real happy to take them... They'll take good care of them."

Daniel's frown softened and he smiled. "That was nice. I was afraid you'd flushed them, I'm glad you found them a home."

"Yeah, well... Carter wouldn't let me forget about them, kept nagging me. It was the only way I could get her to back off."

Daniel leaned in for another kiss. "And while we're on the subject. What happened to my piano?"

"Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing? Where is it?"

"It's in storage. Almost all of your things except for the mementos Carter and Teal'c took... are in storage."

"Really?"

"Really. I couldn't bear to part with any of it. So I put it all in storage."

"So... you never actually sold or got rid of anything?"

"No. It's either at my place or in storage, except for the SGC related stuff which is at the mountain."

"That HAS to be expensive, Jack."

"It's not so bad, really. I just needed..." His voice faded before he finished the sentence.

"What did you need, Jack?"

"I needed to be able to touch ... things you had touched. To make me feel like we were still connected somehow."

"And did it work?"

"Not as well as THIS does." Jack's lips captured Daniel's mouth before he could comment.

Tongue stroked along tongue with an almost religious fervor as the need to touch returned. Hands fought for position and skin exposure and in moments, they were groaning and grappling on the couch as they discarded their clothing. They came up for air gasping.

"Lube?" Daniel was panting trying not to lose control.

"Bedroom, nightstand... hurry." Jack pushed him away and then started to pile all the loose sofa pillows on the floor and move their clothes out of the way.

Daniel came back with the lube and a towel and wrapped his arms around Jack from behind as the soldier was placing the last of the pillows into a pile by the end of the couch. He slid one arm around Jack's waist and the fingers of the other slid down the outside of the thigh and up under the muscled buttock. Jack stood and leaned back into the embrace rolling his head onto the broad shoulder at his back. He spread his legs and allowed the roaming hand to further inflame him as it stroked under and caressed his sensitive perineum. The roaming hand then moved around Jack's waist as its partner squeezed out a portion of lube. Daniel spread the lube along the fingers of his right hand which then disappeared again between the two hard bodies.

Daniel's lubricated fingers stroked up the deep crack from behind the balls and Jack gasped as they found their target and circled. Then he moaned as first one fingertip and then two fingers slid into him and spread the cool gel. He pushed back and ground his hips against them like a wanton, shivering when they found the small electrical gland again and again.

Now Daniel's other hand went for Jack's aching length and his fingers wrapped the hard organ and began to stroke. Jack was like a puppet controlled by Daniel's fingers from front and back, thrusting and squirming, as Daniel pulled all of his strings.

"Oh god, Daniel... more, plee...please...harder."

Daniel smiled as Jack writhed against him, his own cock dripping with want, rode against one of Jack's buttocks. He kissed the side of Jack's head and whispered into his ear.

"Right now, right here, like this...bend over."

Jack moved forward and knelt on the couch, bracing his arms against the back as Daniel moved up behind him. When Daniel's fingers were replaced by his weeping cock, Jack pushed back.

Daniel slid inside in one smooth thrust as he pulled Jack's hips back against him. Jack quivered and then stilled as his body accommodated the invasion. Daniel pushed the rest of the way inside and whispered. "You okay?"

"Mmmm, very."

Daniel smiled and pushed again seeking that final centimeter of sheathing."Still?"

"More... again."

This time Daniel pulled back before driving forward and smiled as Jack responded with a groan. "Harder... again."

"I thought you wanted me to be gentle?"

"Not this time... harder!...dammit... fuck me, Daniel!"

"As long... as you're... sure." Daniel smiled and plunged forward over and over again, now angling slightly for the spot that would send Jack into orbit.

"OOHH... YEAH!...I'm... SURE! Finish me... NOW!"

He had, evidently, found it. Thrusting frantically, Daniel reached around Jack to stroke as he thrust.

The short stabs landed unerringly against his prostate drove Jack quickly to his finish. He poured thickly over Daniel's fist with a half-swallowed cry of Daniel's name. Jack's resulting loss of control pushed Daniel even further towards his own bliss.

"OH...GOD, JACK... I'm close."

As Daniel's thrusts continued to pound into Jack, the front legs of the couch continually rose up and then banged down on the floor. Until, finally, his rhythm faltered and Daniel plunged hard and stilled, shooting deep, his cock twitching against Jack's prostate as it emptied. Jack shivered with the twitches and leaned heavily against the back of the couch as Daniel's orgasm finished. Finally, his abused knees protested loud enough to be heard and Jack gasped and reached back for Daniel.

"Daniel...I'm sorry, my knees..."

The fog cleared from Daniel's brain quickly with Jack's words and he pulled out spent and limp and reached out to help Jack turn and stand.

"Are you okay?"

Jack moved stiffly into his arms and smiled. "Better than okay, I think... my knees are just not used to that kind of... uh, punishment... their words, not mine." The grin was broad now as Jack nuzzled somewhere just below Daniel's ear.

Daniel smiled back and lifted Jack's face to look him in the eyes.

"Well, you tell them to get over it and get USED to it... because they'll be getting plenty of practice from now on. Got it?"

"Yasureyabetcha"

They moved back to the couch and into each other's arms.

"Are we okay, Jack? I'm not asking you to forgive me. I just need to know that we can get past what happened?" Daniel said softly.

"I think we've gone a long way towards getting over it already... And unless it would have helped to get us to this point sooner, I wouldn't change a thing that's happened... NOW... What do YOU think?"

"I think we need another shower." Daniel wrinkled his nose. Jack placed a kiss on the end of Daniel's nose and agreed.

"I think you're right."

"I'll get a plastic bag... you get the duct tape."

fin