No Eloquence, No Finesse-a Jack Fangirl's Revenge

by Euphrosyne

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ase/euphrosyne/noeloque.php
Summary: You can lead a dead horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
Info: For Elizabeth. Her very fangirl-type feedback on the other two demanded this 'weirdness'. Please notice I stopped short of actually letting her get her way. No archeologists were injured in the execution of this fic. He does however have a little less hair on his wrists now.

She stood in the hallway listening.

She knew they were in there, but apparently she had arrived too late and they were asleep already.

Getting the bus from England to Colorado will cause that sometimes, and she been delayed when she had to stop to get cash for the exact fare.Dammed undependable public transportation system!

Wait, there was a sound, a soft hoarse voice.

"Go to sleep, Daniel."

Excellent! He was awake.

"Why aren't you asleep, Jack?"

Damn! So was the other one. Well she'd take care of him soon enough. Then she would have the other one all to herself, the way it should be.

"Because you woke me up."

Oh see, that was all the more reason to punish him.

"I did not."

"Yes, you did. I can hear your brain whirring, stop it and go to sleep."

"I think you need something for the pain."

Yes, she thought, and it isn't you. Wait he said some THING not some ONE.

"No, just hold me."

No...let me, she prayed.

"I have been holding you, Jack."

That's it, just rub it in. You're gloating now, it won't make it any easier for you.

"Then kiss me."

Ooo, love to, sweetie. Get rid of that annoying archeologist and I will.

I hear nothing and then a small pained sound.

"That's it; you are taking that pain pill if I have to jam it down your throat."

Pretty bad with the bedside manner, Doctor Jackson, I can and will do much better as soon as I dispose of you.

"Daniel, I don't need it."

"Like hell, you don't need it! You want me to get that hairbrush back out?"

You'll touch that man again over my dead body! Wait, that's not what I meant.

"Oooh, would you?"

Okay, I can do a little kink if he wants it. You want a spanking, sweetie, I can give you a spanking.

"Not unless you take the pain pill."

Threatening him will not gain you points with me either.

"Damn, you tricked me with words again."

Oh, puh-lease you want tricks? I can show you tricks.

"To each his ammo, Jack."

I hear a stifled laugh and another gasp.

"Please, Daniel. I'm in enough pain here."

He'll pay for that it was cruel. I hear the rattle of a pill bottle and rustling of bedclothes.

"Uh uh... you ARE taking this one."

He isn't going to respond to that kind of order, you know. It will get you nowhere.

"Open up." Another order from the pushy linguist.

"You are going to have to do better than that, Jack."

It gets quiet again and then I hear him talking again.

"Now, drink... drink the whole bottle, Jack."

"I can't drink that whole bottle, Daniel. It's too much."

Stop arguing with him, can't you see he's hurt and needs a fan girl's touch?

"Please, Jack... I've seen you drink a yard of beer for God's sake. I know you can manage 20 ounces."

Really? A yard? In how long? I can drink a yard of beer too, if you have 3 or 4 hours.

"But, I'll have to pee then."

Ooo!

"All the more reason to take the pill."

Two beats of quiet then the pushy one again.

"Well, then... drink the water and pee into the bottle."

Eww!

"That's... just... ewww, Daniel. You can really be... scatological and juvenile sometimes... besides, I'd need a WAY bigger bottle than this one."

Yes he would, one of those water cooler things probably.

"Come on, I'll help you to the bathroom and I'll go and get us some more water and the pillows from the spare room to get that leg up."

Ahh, and I'll get my chance.

"I don't need help to the bathroom, Daniel... I'm not a baby."

Take the help, Jack.

"Fine, here are your crutches then, I'll be right back."

Here he comes now. Then a voice from the bedroom again and the soft footpads that were headed my way turn around.

"It's dark in here, I can't see."

"You okay now?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?"

"No, I'm fine."

I hear the sound of crutches on the wood floor and can almost feel Daniel's body heat, he's that near.

"Daniel?"

He stops again.

"Yes, Jack?"

"Got any ice cream?"

A small self satisfied sigh escapes my prey.

"You want chocolate sauce?"

"No... but hot fudge and cherries would be nice."

"We don't have any whipped cream, so don't ask."

I'd go out and get some if he wanted it.

"Darn."

As he came through the door, things got ugly, but then all my fan girl training kicked in and I bested him. He was now gagged and bound sitting on the hall floor, he'd have a headache when he awoke; but was otherwise unscathed. I wouldn't want to piss off the Daniel Fan Girls by hurting him too much.

I went to the kitchen and fixed Jack's ice cream just the way he wanted it. Then I proudly carried his bowl back to the bedroom, passing the unconscious archeologist with only a cursory glance in his direction.

"Here's your ice cream with lots of hot fudge and cherries." I say with a flourish.

"Who the hell are you and what have you done with Daniel!" He bellows in surprise.

Oops, maybe I need to work on that entrance a little more. But he is mine now and I have all the time in the world, or at least until Daniel escapes the scotch tape I used on his wrists.

fin