Voyages Of Discovery (Part 1/3)

by Euphrosyne

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ase/euphrosyne/voyages011.php
Summary: Sometimes you have to travel to find yourself. A solo mission may lead to change or perhaps just a bigger, more comfortable closet. Love comes in spurts

Chapter 1: You are what you beat

Jack knew he shouldn't be doing it, but he couldn't resist. Whenever he had time off he drove to Denver and came here, to The Hardrive Databar and Cyber Spa. It was an indulgence he used as a reward for his otherwise impeccable behavior. It always cost him a fortune, but at this point in his life he needed the diversion more than the money. He strolled up to the desk and peeled off bills from the wad he pulled from his pocket.

"Welcome back, Matt. You're here earlier than usual. Will you be staying overnight?"

Jack looked at his watch then back to the smiling man behind the desk.

"Boy, I didn't realize it was still that early. Yes, I think so; do you have space, Gary?"

"For you, Matt, I always have space. Will you need to order lunch as well? Or, you know, I go to lunch at 1pm, I could bring you something from the deli?"

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Oh my god! You have GOT to be kidding, of course I wouldn't mind, that's why I offered. What would you like? Here write it down, you know how scattered I can be! Especially if there are any desserts on display!" He winked and pushed a small pad of paper and a pen across the desk. Jack scrawled his order and pushed the pad and pen back across the desk. Gary turned and pulled a key attached to a gaudy chain from somewhere under the counter and pushed it toward, Jack who quickly palmed and pocketed it while looking around.

"You are always so nervous. You know we don't allow surveillance equipment here, relax will you?"

"Sorry, old habits die hard. I'll be fine as soon as I get into my room."

"I know. You and everybody else. By the way, some things have changed a little since your last visit. The delivery menus are now in the desk drawer in each room and we now offer a massage service, the info is also in the room. Check out time is still 2pm and the bar is open 24 hours as is the sauna, the pool is now also open 24 hours but its swim at your own risk after midnight, when the lifeguard goes home. But if YOU needed CPR I'm sure there would be NO shortage of volunteers... I'd be right in there, except the twinks would tear you apart before I ever got my chance!" Gary laughed a genuine hearty laugh and looked up at Jack's face, now blushing vividly. Jack dropped his head and chuckled, grinning broadly.

"Oh please don't smile like that here, Matt. The twinks will be drooling all over the floor and I'll have to clean it up, I hate mopping up drool before lunch! Just go... surf...enjoy. I'll call you when I get back with lunch, okay?"

Jack shook his head slowly, Gary always made him laugh and managed to boost his ego back up the couple of notches that sneaking around to even be here took it down. A couple of young men came through the door, and started toward the desk. Gary got serious.

"OH god, better get while the getting is good Matt. Or these twinks will have you right here and break my heart! Now GO!"

"UH, Gary, I need my access cards." Jack half whispered as he was eyed by the two young men. One beamed at him, all gleaming white teeth and perfect skin as Gary scrambled behind the desk and pushed an envelope across the desk towards Jack. Jack grabbed the envelope and strode off quickly, leaving the two young men staring at the long legs and tantalizing rear view that was as close as they would ever get.

"Okay, boys, eyes front. That's enough ogling for today, may I help you?" Gary watched Jack taking the steps two at a time and tried to get the attention of the two open mouthed youths standing in front of him.

Jack unlocked the door and went into the room, closing and locking the door behind him. He placed his bag onto the bed and hung his jacket up in the alcove by the door. He moved to the desk and sitting down, powered up the computer sitting there. He opened the envelope and removed the laminated cards using the ID's and passwords on the cards he logged on and entered the internet address of the first of his favorite sites. He settled in the executive type chair and leaned back to watch the young man on the screen being sucked off by another equally attractive young man. Jack sighed and got up, moving to his bag, took out the six pack of beer and put it minus one bottle into the small fridge in the corner, then he returned to the chair and settled back to watch the streaming video.

This place had saved his sanity. Here he could, nearly anonymously, indulge himself. As closely watched as the Stargate program was he felt he owed it to George to take these precautions. The costs were exorbitant but it was safer than going to bars or bathhouses. Jack unbuttoned his shirt and standing, removed it, and then moved to hang it in the alcove. He slipped off his tee shirt and tossed it in the direction of the bed then tuned the radio to the classical station and set it for a low volume and pulled his pager off his belt and sat it on the nightstand next to the bed.

He returned to the chair and, frowning, entered a new address. Finding the two participants on the screen much more attractive than the last ones, Jack settled in and shifted in the chair to accommodate his awakening erection. He released the top button of his jeans and groaned as the action on the screen changed, one participant now rimming a very vocal partner. Jack's hand went to his crotch and he opened the remainder of the buttons and freed his straining cock and began to softly stroke himself while watching the action on the screen. Years of practice had made for economical movement. He long ago learned that enthusiasm was only good for tiring your arm out sooner and really brought you no closer to your goal. He thought that just maybe he'd avail himself of the sauna this visit; there was always a roomful of willing participants there looking to suck or be sucked. So many, in fact, that he wondered why they even bothered with the steam, because the atmosphere was so steamy to start. More than once he'd been propositioned there and refused, choosing instead to bring himself off back in his room after watching the others. Maybe this time he'd be the one being watched... yeah, as if!

He was hard and aching with need when the knock came at the door. He thought about not answering it but when he looked through the peephole and saw Gary there, waving a brown paper bag in the air, he unlocked and then opened it, taking the bag from Gary's hand he turned immediately back to the desk where his wallet lay.

"Thanks, Gary. I really appreciate it." Jack turned back to the door and realized even as Gary looked down, that he hadn't managed to entirely cover himself, his hard cock an unmistakable bulge in his jeans the glans glistening with precum protruding from the partially closed front. As Jack put his hand out with the twenty to cover lunch and a hefty tip, Gary put his hands out, one went flat to Jack's chest, the other palmed the mostly denim clad cock. Jack gasped as Gary gave just a gentle squeeze, then closed his eyes and tilted his head as Gary's hand segued into a stroke.

"Ohhh...Ahh, Gary ...you don't....you don't have to."

"Shhh, it's alright Matt. Let me, just this once. Let me do this for you." Gary turned and kicked the door closed as he went down on his knees. He reached up and unbuttoned the jeans and softly, almost reverently caressed the hard organ. He looked up and Jack's eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open, head tilted to one side as if listening for something. He opened the jeans further and pushed them down far enough to access the fuzzy balls they still hid, then licked his lips and moved forward to place soft kisses all over the head of Jack's cock. He fondled the soft balls and opening his mouth went down, taking as much of the shaft as he could into his mouth. Jack groaned and nearly fell over; Gary took him by the hips and guided him until his back was against the wall.

Jack felt his hips being pushed and went with the gentle direction, when his back and butt hit the wall; he leaned into it and spread his legs wider, for increased stability and better access for Gary's fingers. Then, Gary's fingers stroked just behind his balls and Jack's mind blanked. Gary was no novice, and his expert ministrations quickly unhinged Jack's brain. Jack's head dropped to his chest and both hands went to Gary's head releasing the ponytail and threading through the long dark hair. Jack groaned and Gary glanced upwards, his mouth full, he pulled back releasing the stiff organ and pointing his tongue he began to tease the glans, still staring up at Jack's face and smiling now.

"Gary... you don't..."

"Shhh, enjoy. Just enjoy. I am." Gary returned his attention to the leaking cock, kissing and nibbling the length of it before swallowing the glans again. Jack gasped and tossed his head back hitting the wall behind him with a thud. Gary released the organ again holding it in his thumb and forefinger while his head dipped and his tongue flitted delicately over the balls and the long fingers of his other hand stroked for the sensitive perineum behind them. Jack's head rolled side to side against the wall now and as Gary's finger pushed at his anus seeking entry, Jack gasped again and began to push against it, impaling himself on the digit. Gary opened his mouth and went deep; sucking hard and Jack tried to resist the urge to thrust into the hot mouth. Gary saw the trouble Jack was having not thrusting and began to piston his finger in and out of Jack's body as his head pistoned up and down on the turgid length. Gary's speed increased with the change in Jack's breathing and he jabbed hard at the hidden button inside as he sucked again and drank the cum that Jack jetted into his mouth. He kept his finger rubbing in tiny circles on that sullen spot till the last spasm went through Jack like a wave and he began to slide down the wall. He pulled his finger out and his mouth released its captive at the same time, he dropped back to sit on his heels, and looked up with a smile.

"Thank you, Matt. I enjoyed that."

"Wha? No, you... how did...wait..." Jack's synapses were fried and putting a sentence together was proving to be difficult.

"But why?" Was all Jack could muster with his brain melted.

As Gary clambered to his feet he brushed off the knees of his pants and reached out to aid Jack in standing back up from his slide down the wall.

"Because I wanted to and because I wanted to show you that there is more to life than watching twinks go at it on the internet. You can have any man in this building Matt; don't hide your light under a bushel." Gary turned towards the door, "I'll see you later, Matt. Call if you need anything..." Gary smiled ear to ear, "and I DO mean ANYTHING!" He turned and smiled again as he opened the door and left. Jack just stood leaning on the wall for support with his mouth open. Slowly he regained his senses and picked up the bagged lunch from the desk and placed it into the fridge. He wasn't hungry anymore, and now he needed a nap.

Later, after he was rested and had eaten, Jack went to the front desk to talk to Gary.

"MATT! How are you?" Gary grinned at him and Jack blushed and smiled back.

"I'm great, Gary..."

"You certainly are, sweetie!"

"I mean... well, YOU know what I mean. Are you busy, Gary? I'd like to ask you something, if you don't mind?"

"Of course, what can I do for you?"

"You got me thinking before."

"Really? That sort of thing generally hampers the thought processes."

Jack smiled. "Well, I'm kind of an unusual guy, see when the blood is all done down there it has to go somewhere, so it goes to my brain. But don't TELL anyone, they'll want me to have sex all the time... just for the side effects." Jack laughed and Gary's whole body shook as he laughed.

"Where do... um, guys go on vacation?"

"Guys?"

"You know guys. Like me... like us. Where do WE go for vacations?"

"Do you mean fags, Matt? Where do fags go on vacation?" "God! I hate that word! Yes, fags. Where do we go on vacation?"

"Easy, Matt," Gary sighed, "You've been in the closet a long time haven't you?"

"You have NO idea."

"Well, sweetie, a lot of guys go to Europe, but you know, personally, I prefer cruises." "Cruises? Like on a ship?"

"OF COURSE! Like on a ship, is there another way? Perhaps the space shuttle is taking passengers?"

"Where do you cruise? I mean is there a preferred destination?"

"OH MY, MATT, you ARE SO in the dark about the lifestyle."

"I can't come out Gary. I may be stuck in the closet for the rest of my life, so I'm trying to make do."

"You poor thing. Look, it's NOT where you go, it's HOW you go. You go on a gay cruise; there are all kinds of destinations. Last year I went on an Alaskan cruise. This year I'm doing the Barcelona-Rome-Ibiza Med Cruise. I just booked it last week. Here, I still have the brochure here somewhere." He began to rummage through the papers on the desk till he pulled out a large full color booklet and handed it to Jack.

"They are VERY discreet and loads of fun whether you are attached or not. You get to come out of the closet for two weeks anyway. Take this one and look at some of the packages. If you decide you want to go, let me know. I'll book it for you with my travel agent, if that will help. You can use this address as your home address if you want. I'll vouch for you.""Thanks, Gary."

"You may have to stay in the closet, Matt. But that doesn't mean you can't have any fun while you're in there. I understand. I was in the closet for a long time myself. I know how it is to always be looking over your shoulder, afraid to even admire a cute butt for fear someone will notice."

"How did you do it?"

"I finally decided I liked cock more than the Navy, so I got out and moved here."

Jack nearly swallowed his tongue, segueing into a startled cough.

"Yes, I know, bit of a shock. But I inherited some money, enough to be comfortable and open this place and now I see almost as many gorgeous guys on a daily basis as I did in the Navy, and I don't have to worry about making advances or giving a friend in need a blow job if I want to." Gary smiled at the blush that spread across Jack's cheeks.

"People come out every day, Matt, and more often than not they are happier afterwards."

"I can't." Jack sighed. "Got too much at stake, too much to lose."

"Wife and kids?"

"No, not any more, but there are...other issues. Let's just say if I did come out I'd lose the one person that's made my life bearable for a long time. I'd rather stay in the closet than lose Da... ah, that person."

"You know you can say the name. I KNOW you are gay."

"Oh, yeah...Daniel, his name's Daniel."

"And he's NOT gay I gather?"

"No, he's not. I work with him. If I came out, I'd lose my job AND Daniel, in one stroke. I can't do that. He means too much to me."

"He doesn't have a clue how you feel, does he?" Gary just shook his head and watched Jack's face.

"No, well... he's... I'm.... we're friends. Good friends. I'd rather have him as just a friend than not have him at all." Jack was obviously uncomfortable with the entire trend of the conversation.

"You love him, don't you?"

Jack looked up at Gary, startled that he was THAT easy to read.

"Yeah, I guess I do. Is it THAT obvious?"

"Yeah, kinda. You DO need a vacation Matt; a cruise is just the thing and, who knows, you might find somebody else that makes you blush when you say his name."

"I do NOT blush."

"Sorry, sweetie, you go red like a traffic signal."

"Great." Jack chided himself. The door opened and an older man came in and approached the desk.

"Well, you have a customer, so I'll see you later." Jack picked up the booklet and headed back towards the stairs.

"Okay, Matt, and remember what I said about the cruise. I think you'd enjoy it. It would give you a chance to let your hair down."

Jack waved the booklet at Gary. "Thanks, Gary, I'll check it out."

Chapter 2: What's better a 5.25 inch floppy or a 3.25 inch hard?

During the remainder of his overnight visit, Jack checked out the swimsuit optional pool and decided that his body could not compete with those on display and opted, instead for the sauna and the partial cover that was the generally accepted attire there. He fell short of his goal of accepting the attentions of one of the young men that hung out there, and aching, headed back to his room and took another nap. Later he ordered dinner and was surprised when Gary delivered it himself. Jack hadn't bothered to exchange the towel wrap from the sauna for pants and Gary placed the tray on the table and turned immediately and released the Velcro waistband, allowing the towel to fall. He pushed Jack back against the bed and ran his hands along the flat belly.

"Gary, you don't have to do this"

"Shut up, Matt. I thought I already told you, I WANT to. Is it a problem?"

"Uhh, no, but I just didn't want you to think I expected anything from you."

"Matt, you REALLY have been cloistered haven't you? Get this through your head. You are HOT. What's even better is you don't seem to know it. You give a lot of guys in this place a hard on just by walking into a room. I'm just acting out a cumulative fantasy here, since Daniel isn't here to do this for you...I have been nominated by...er, well, basically by myself, to see to it that you leave here wearing a smile to last you till your next visit."

"You've already done that Gary."

"Sooo... NOW YOU get to repay me. I want you, Matt. Just once. I want to be buried in that gorgeous ass of yours just one time. Then, well, there is no then. You want this Daniel person and I respect that. Maybe this will help you finally get up the nerve to do something about letting Daniel know it."

Jack was flabbergasted. He allowed himself to be pushed down onto the bed where Gary began to run his hands all over his belly and chest, threading his fingers through the brown and silver hair there. Gary leaned in and began to place small kisses all over Jack's chest, tormenting a small nipple until it was hard. Jack groaned one hand went to the back of Gary's head and held him at the other nipple as he sucked and teased it to a peak as well.

"Just close your eyes, Matt. Let me BE Daniel for you, doing the things you want, loving you. Let me do this for you...for both of us."

"OH GOD!" Jack grabbed the bed linens when Gary's cool hand wrapped his hard cock and began to pump.

"Push back up the bed, Matt."

Jack obeyed his eyes still closed he shifted up the bed until his head met the pillows. The bed shifted as Gary pushed the long legs apart and moved between them, taking the hard cock into his mouth in one movement and inspiring another gasp. One of Gary's hands continued to worry the small hard nipples even while he sucked the leaking cock. Jack groaned and succumbed. Gary stroked everywhere he could reach and licked everywhere he stroked, manipulating Jack's position like putty. For his part, Jack was lost, reduced to grunts and gasps, his brain cells on a sabbatical from which he hoped they'd never return. When Gary introduced lubed fingers and began to open him for penetration, raking over his prostate again and again, Jack had one of the most intense orgasms of his life, pouring thickly down Gary's throat.

"Fuck me, please...ah, god...fuck me." Jack thrust himself onto Gary's fingers, his erection only slightly waning from his orgasm.

"Shhh, be patient. Just a little longer." Gary took care that Jack was well prepared then carefully unrolled the condom over his own cock and lubed it.

"OKAY, Matt, relax and push a little." Gary's thick cock nudged the ringed muscle just breaching it and he gasped as it tightened on his shaft. He grabbed at the displaced pillows and shoved two under Jack's hips to tilt his pelvis to a better angle, then pushed his length a little further in, again stopping when the resistance increased. Gary inched his way in a little at a time, withdrawing slightly just before each time. Jack's face was transfixed as if visualizing each increment from behind his closed eyes, his erection unwaning. Finally, seemingly days later, Gary was fully sheathed, his balls lying hotly against Jack's buttocks. He stilled just enjoying the sight and sensation of being fully enclosed in that tight cavern and was so quiet that Jack cocked one eye open to see what had happened. Gary grinned down at him, "You okay, Matt?"

"I will be when you start to move. Are you waiting for something? A written invitation, perhaps?" Now both of Jack's eyes and his mouth were open.

"Oooooo, pushy eh? No sweetie, just enjoying the moment. I just knew you would be this tight and hot."

"So, fuck me already." Jack canted his hips quickly upwards, encouraging Gary to move. Gary pulled back slightly and thrust forward smoothly, effectively silencing Jack, who closed his eyes again when the second thrust came.

"NOW, you sound like one of my fly boys." Gary quipped.

Jack's eyes flew open, "WHAT!... What did you say?"

"I said, NOW you sound like one of my fly boys. When I was in the Navy, I was on an aircraft carrier, all of the fly boys were pushy like that...wait..."

"What?" Jack's tone softened slightly as had his erection.

Gary filed his deduction away for later and pulled out almost all the way, then thrust in slowly, "Later, sweetie." He again pulled nearly all the way out and thrust back in, "How's that? You okay? Want more?" Another long slow thrust had Jack grabbing at the pillows for purchase in order to get closer.

When Gary dipped a broad shoulder and lifted one long leg up high to rest against it, Jack pulled behind the knee of the other leg himself. The fuck was slow and intense, every thrust punctuated by a roll of hips or an angle to Jack's prostate. Jack could vividly recall the last time he had been penetrated and that could NOT hold a candle to what Gary was doing to him. The last time had been urgent and primal, there had been no consideration and very little foreplay... it was a response to the stress and fear that accompanied doing Uncle Sam's dirty work. It had started as mutual hand jobs and somehow changed into full penetration. Jack came like a freight train, again. Gary pulled out carefully and disposed of the condom; he moved back to the bed and lay down next to Jack on the bed gathering him close.

"Thank you, Matt. That was a fantasy I've been having since I met you."

"I think I should be thanking you, Gary. I haven't, er... well, let's just say that it's been a long time for me and NOW I remember what it was I liked so much."

Gary smiled, "Well now that we had the meeting of the mutual admiration society, I need to get back to work...I'm SUPPOSED to be doing the books, NOT the guests!"

Jack grinned and Gary laughed.

"See, THAT'S the grin. That's the Matt I know!"

"Uhh, Gary." Jack frowned.

"What? Why the frown, I mean it's cute and all but I like that grin better."

"My name's not Matt."

"Ohhh, sweetie, don't you think I know that? Why would you go to all the trouble to pay cash and then use your REAL name? Please, a little credit here, do I LOOK THAT dumb?"

"Uh, no, sorry... my name's Jack." Jack extended his hand to the man holding him close. Gary took it and said, "Are you Army or Air Force, Jack?"

Jack looked only mildly surprised; he would not underestimate Gary any more.

"Air Force."

"Thought so. You kinda remind me of one of my Navy flyboys. Of course you have a FEW more scars." Gary traced one with his finger around the edge of a rib."

"Well, I've had a few rough landings."

"I'll say!" Gary traced another scar."

"Yeah, well."

Gary leaned over and kissed Jack softly. "Unfortunately those books don't balance themselves and tomorrow is payday for the staff so..."

"You gotta go."

"Uhh, yeah. Are you upset?"

"Hell no. I'm sleepy and wishing I had a cigarette, but I'm not upset. No strings, right"

"No strings...unless YOU want them." Gary smiled.

"That is SO tempting, but..."

"I know...Daniel."

"Yeah, Daniel."

"He's a lucky guy."

Jack rolled his eyes. "You have NO IDEA!"

The rest of Jack's stay at the Hardrive was uneventful. He slept and ate, surfed and even whacked off occasionally. His need was no longer as urgent as it had been.

He stopped at the front desk to return his access cards and then moved to the side of the counter to speak with Gary.

"So, you're all set then?" Gary smiled.

"Yeah, I am and er, well I just wanted to thank you again, Gary, and return this..." Jack started to return the cruise brochure.

"I want you to keep that and promise me you'll consider the possibility for a vacation. You need to be able to indulge yourself. Here..." Gary grabbed a pen and pushed it towards Jack. "Write down my home phone number, you can call me anytime. If I am not there the phone is forwarded to my private office here." Gary dictated his phone number which Jack wrote just above Gary's address on the mailing label. Jack handed the pen back and Gary grabbed his hand and pulled him forward over the desk. Gary placed a soft closed mouth kiss on Jack's cheek and he blushed again.

"God! I love it when you blush! Promise me you'll think about it?"

Jack leaned back across the desk and leaning in kissed Gary softly on the mouth and then smiled, "I promise. And if I DO decide to go...would you go along to protect me?"

Now Gary blushed. "Oh my god! Sweetie, whatever you want! Call me, huh?"

"I will, Gary, thanks." Jack picked up his bag and started towards the door pulling his sunglasses onto his face from where they dangled around his neck. Every eye in the lobby of the Hardrive was on him as he flashed a final smile towards Gary and left. Gary sighed and looked around. They were ALL still staring, except now at him.

"Oh you people ARE SO pathetic! He's taken, boys, so dream on!" Gary turned and swept into his office with all the flair of a drama queen, shutting the door behind him.

Chapter 3: Ignorance is the mother of adventure

Jack returned home feeling better than he had in a long time. He parked his truck and bounded into the house, grabbing the mail on his way in. He checked his machine and grabbed a beer from the fridge. Then he sat at his desk and began to look at the brochure that Gary had given him. The cruises came in different packages with different destinations and levels of reservations. Heck, if he was going to do this he might as well go the whole hog. But where to? He would have to think THAT over for a day or so. The Med Cruise looked really nice, he hadn't been to Rome in...a while. It seemed such a shame not to use the Italian he spoke so fluently, so THAT would probably be the one. But he'd still think it over.

The door bell rang and he quickly shuffled the brochure into the pile of bill statements, and printed computer invoices on his desk. He walked to the door, somewhat surprised to see Daniel there.

"Daniel?"

"Jack, where have you been? We've been paging you for hours. We're needed at the mountain; there's been an...incident."

"What? I've been here, nobody has paged me." Jack fumbled for the pager that always...usually hung at his belt. It was gone.

"What the hell? Where is that damned thing?"

"No time to look for it now, we gotta go."

"Yeah, okay." Jack looked around. "Lemme go lock the back door and I'll be right there, we better take your car; the truck needs gas." Jack moved quickly to the kitchen and locked the door, then grabbed his keys and wallet and set the alarm, locked the door and got into the passenger side of Daniel's car.

They sped towards the mountain, Daniel explaining as he drove and arrived in the briefing room just as Jacob Carter and Aldwin entered through the other door with Teal'c and Sam on their heels.

They all took seats and waited for Hammond.

Hammond entered frowning and sat in his usual chair.

"Colonel, good of you to join us.""I'm sorry sir. I don't know what happened to my pager. I didn't notice it was missing, until Daniel showed up."

"It's alright Colonel, you're here now. We'll discuss it later. Jacob, I just spoke with the president and he has authorized the SGC to assist the Tok'ra in any way we deem necessary, but would really like to know what it is we are assisting in exactly."

"As I told you George it's the retrieval of information vital to both earth and the Tok'ra. We have an operative undercover who has vital information. Basically, we need to obtain that information from the operative without compromising their cover."

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Jack? What do you mean?"

"Why can't you just remove the operative and get the information?"

"The operative is so well placed that we would be stupid to just pull him out. We have too much to gain in the long run to compromise his position now, but still, we need this information."

"Lemme' understand this. The Tok'ra placed an operative to feed them information that they have NO WAY of getting out. Excuse me, but does THAT make sense to ANYONE in this room? Cause I'M not seeing it." Jack looked around the table.

"Colonel O'Neill..." Aldwin took up the argument when Jacob just sighed.

"The operative's contact was killed before we could retrieve the information. We are concerned that a new contact seeking the same information will not be believed by the operative."

"Don't you have a backup plan?"

"No, we did not think we would need to move information before we removed the operative. Now, the operative has turned out to be too valuable right where he is. That means we need to get the information out without blowing his cover." Jacob sighed again.

"Well, why does poor planning on your part constitute an emergency on our part?" Jack was picking now.

"COLONEL!" Hammond glared.

Jacob looked from one face to another in the room. "No, George, he's right. It was poor planning on our part, not to have a backup contact. But then we didn't think we would be so short of personnel either. With the destruction of Vorash and the scattering of our forces right now we need every scrap of information we can get, at another time we might have just gone in and removed the operative, but we need this one to stay where he is."

"And exactly WHERE is that?" Jack asked the question they all wanted answered.

"A planet called Desarta, in the service of a minor Goua'ld called Ahriman."

"How come you always need our help for these MINOR Goua'lds? They always turn out to be NOT so MINOR after all." Jack looked quizzically at Jacob and then quickly away when Hammond turned his head in his direction again.

Jacob sighed, "Well Jack, face it. We just can't do it without you."

"Bout time you admitted it too!" Jack smiled.

"Uh, Jacob, you still haven't told us why you need our help to contact this agent?" Daniel fidgeted with a pencil.

"And I uh, can't either, not here. George could you and I and Jack, uh use your office for a moment?" Jacob motioned towards the open door, as Daniel, Sam and Teal'c looked at him and back to each other.

"Wait, what about us?" Daniel chimed up.

"Need to know, Daniel. Sorry." Jacob said as he rose and followed Jack and George into Hammond's office closing the door behind them.

"Well, I NEED to know." Daniel mumbled, looking around at his team and to Aldwin sitting across the table.

"I am sorry. I cannot tell you what I do not know."

The three excluded members of SG One looked at each other and then towards the door. They sat quietly, in hopes of overhearing something from Hammond's office, but all they heard was the occasional shouted expletive from O'Neill and the admonishing "COLONEL!" or "JACK!" from the other two conference attendees.

Sometime later Hammond reentered the conference room. "You all have work to do, you leave at eighteen hundred hours please be in the gate room at that time. Colonel O'Neill is making all the arrangements for the field gear you will need."

"I need to talk to Jack." Daniel was matter of fact.

"I'm sorry son, that's NOT possible. At this time Jacob, the colonel and I are still working out some details. He'll see you in the gateroom at eighteen hundred." Hammond turned and went back into his office closing the door.

Daniel, Teal'c and Carter closed ranks and started to speak low, occasionally glancing back at Aldwin who had turned his chair to look out the window and into the gateroom trying hard NOT to listen.

"What the hell is going on?" Daniel asked.

"Evidently they do not wish for us to know, DanielJackson." Teal'c responded.

"Yeah, but why?" Carter looked back to Aldwin "I don't think he even knows." Sam rolled her eyes to make her point.

Just then another shouted expletive came from Hammond's office, Jack's shout of "FUCKING TOK'RA ARE JUST AS BAD!" Was clearly audible, but no one heard any chastisement from Hammond.

That was a bad sign, a very bad sign. The moved from the conference room and headed for the locker room.

Daniel was NOT happy. He didn't like not having enough information to do his job, whatever that was on this mission. He also had the distinct impression that he was NOT going to like the mission when he found out what exactly it was. Whatever it was, Jack was NOT happy about it at all and he trusted the soldier's ability to assess any potential combat situation. He also didn't like it that Jack was inaccessible to them prior to a mission, there was something dangerous about that he couldn't quite put his finger on. The three team mates moved about their duties almost mechanically in preparation for the unknown mission.

At seventeen forty-five they gathered in the gateroom, extra backpacks were sitting on the floor by the ramp but Jacob, Aldwin, Hammond and especially Jack were still absent. At seventeen fifty-five the small entourage appeared and Jack stooped to pick up his pack. Daniel moved to assist him in shrugging into it as Sam moved towards her father and Hammond as if to distract them.

"Jack are you all right?" Daniel asked quietly, trying to get a good look at his friend's face.

"I will be, Daniel, but not until this is over."

"What exactly is this?"

"Not now, Daniel."

The gate burst into life and Jacob shook hands with Hammond who then turned to Jack and SG One.

"SG One, you have a go. Good luck Colonel and God speed." Jack nodded still frowning.

"Okay kids, let's go save the neighbors cat...again! Move out." Aldwin moved into the event horizon first and SG One followed. Hammond called to Jacob as he was about to enter.

"Bring him back, Jacob."

"I'll do my best, George. I'll do my very best." Then the wormhole swallowed him.

On board the Tok'ra ship, there was no more information. Teal'c and Sam had tried to obtain information from a surly and withdrawn O'Neill without results. They had given up with Sam moving on to try wearing down her father and Teal'c moving to try observing for any slippage of information. Daniel alone refused to give Jack the space his body language demanded and stayed in the man's face.

"Jack?"

"Go away, Daniel."

"Tell me what's going on?"

"I can't Danny, I really can't." Now there was fatigue in the voice and Daniel knew it was bad. Jack's hand moved to the side of Daniel's face and Daniel's body ached at the contact.

"You're scaring me, Jack."

"I'm sorry, Daniel I wish I could, but I can't they wouldn't even tell me until I refused to participate. Then they had no choice."

"Well, what about us, Sam, Teal'c and I. We won't participate until we know what's going on."

"Daniel..." Jack sighed. "This is a solo mission, you guys are basically just along for the ride. You have no need to know."

"That's bullshit! What do you mean this is a solo mission? SG One doesn't DO solo missions, they want you to do this by yourself?"

"I'm the only one DOING this mission, Daniel. One agent, one chance of contact... they needed someone that their agent knows would not be compromised. I'm it. Period. End of story."

"WHAT?! So you are going alone? What do we know about this planet, this Goua'ld and who the hell is the agent?"

"Daniel, that's on..."

"If you say a need to know basis, Jack I'm going to punch you out."

"If it were my choice Daniel, I'd tell you. Hell, the whole thing is hilarious, and you KNOW I love a good joke. But I have NO CHOICE here. Do you understand?"

"Why you?"

"They needed someone that the agent would trust, would KNOW had come from the Tok'ra. And that's SG One...me."

"But SG One is a team, why just you?"

"You're a civilian, Daniel. This is a military mission."

"Sorry, Jack, that's not good enough. I've gone on military missions before you know."

"I'm the ONLY one, Daniel. Don't you see? It only makes sense; I'm the only one they COULD use. I have the needed skill set thanks to my prior job and if it goes bad, well..." Jack couldn't force any more words out; he closed his mouth and looked away.

The clue bus hit Daniel head on.

Jack was expendable, to the Pentagon, the president, even to the Tok'ra.

Jack turned back and looked at Daniel.

"I don't want to discuss this any more Daniel. I'm tired and I want to sleep now for a little while." Jack pushed his pack between them and turned to lie down and put his head on it. Daniel got up and walked to the open crate that held folded blankets, he grabbed one and moved back towards his friend and covered him with the blanket, then started to leave.

"Danny."

"Yes, Jack."

"Stay with me for a while."

"I will Jack." Daniel sat down where he had been and pulled out a small book and began to read, and stroke the silver gray head that rested on the pack by his hip.

The journey to the planet where the mission would launch was about eighteen hours long. Daniel did not stray far from Jack's side during the journey, always stopping short of exactly what it was he wanted to do, grab the man and plant the kiss of a lifetime on him. He wanted to tell Jack how he felt, but didn't think it would be fair to burden him with THAT baggage before the mission.

He would wait until he returned then tell him. Daniel made notes in his journal exactly how he would do that. A good meal, Jack's favorite spinach salad with celery seed dressing, steaks done on his own grill, a baked potato, and one of those new microbrews that Jack had enjoyed so much. Then they would have cheesecake or no, chocolate mousse for dessert, and port. Daniel had never bothered with the fortified wine but Jack liked it, so he would include it as a mood loosener.

Then Daniel would look him in the eye and tell him how he felt. If Jack didn't run, it would be considered a victory, if Jack didn't punch him, it would be considered acceptance and if Jack ever spoke to him after that, it would be enough.

Jack stayed fairly aloof during the entire voyage. Only twice did he disappear, once taking Teal'c aside in private for an hour or so, then about a half hour with Sam. Both teammates were very subdued after their private meetings with the colonel and Daniel wanted to know, but didn't ask. He figured it must have been fairly private or Jack would have addressed them as a group. About two hours before the small ship landed, Jack took Daniel by the arm and led him into the cargo bay where they had all been living; Jack sat down and pulled his legs up circling his knees with his arms.

"Is it my turn now, Jack?"

"Your turn, Daniel."

"Well, stuff it."

Jack looked stunned. "What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?"

"I don't want to hear your goodbyes, Jack. They are unacceptable. Anything less than your return is unacceptable, a mission failure, do you understand?"

"Yes, Daniel, I understand, but I want you to know one thing just in case..."

"NO! STOP!" Daniel put his hands over his ears.

"Daniel! This is serious."

"So am I, Jack."

"I need to tell you something, just... in case."

"You have something to tell me? Then you tell me when you get back, dammit! I refuse to listen to your goodbyes." Daniel turned and left the cargo bay looking for a small hole to crawl in, so he could do what it was he really wanted to do...cry.

The small ship landed on the planet, near the stargate that Jack would use to travel to Desarta. Jacob explained that the Goua'ld Ahriman's stargate was well guarded and had a device that gave the address of where the incoming wormhole originated which was why Jack needed to travel from here instead of Earth. This planet was a neutral address well within Ahriman's realm and would not be considered suspicious. Jack abandoned his uniform in favor of the clothing the Tok'ra had supplied, and Daniel's breath hitched when he saw him in the black leather outfit. The long coat, tunic, breeches and knee high boots all in buttery black leather with silver fittings had Daniel hardening in spite of himself. It was NOT fair that one person could look so good in that much leather. If the outfit was supposed to NOT attract attention it would be a dismal failure, Daniel thought, because anyone female or male who got a look at Jack would be riveted.

"Jesus, Jacob! This is supposed to be inconspicuous?" Daniel motioned towards Jack's outfit.

"It IS the typical dress of the natives of Desarta, Doctor Jackson." Aldwin replied.

"Oh my!" Sam got her first look at her CO in the killer outfit.

"SEE!" Daniel motioned towards Sam, pointing her reaction out just in case anyone had missed it. "What did I just say? And Sam's immune!"

"I am??" This was all a surprise to Sam, who was having problems getting her eyes to leave her leather clad commander.

"It's all we have, Daniel. Trust me." Jacob looked at Daniel.

"Why?" Daniel asked. "Why should I trust you, you don't trust me?"

"Not NOW, Daniel." Jack interrupted. He took two long knives from Aldwin and shoved one down the side of each boot.

"Is that it? Can I at least have a zat?" Jack looked for more weapons.

"You have no where to conceal one, Jack, boot knives are traditional, zats aren't." Jacob replied

"What about the Beretta?"

"No, they can detect any metal, Jack. They may even confiscate the knives."

"Well, that's just peachy, ain't it?" Jack said forcing a smile.

"I'm only thinking of you, Jack." Jacob said.

"Yeah, well, next time...don't...think of me that is." Jack stood and Daniel moved in to smooth his hair, like a mother seeing her child off on the first day of school. Teal'c raised an eyebrow; the tender gesture was not missed by anyone in attendance.

"Daniel..." Jack took the archeologist by the arm and turned away from the group walking a short distance for privacy. "...we REALLY need to talk when I get back."

"Yes, Jack we do. Please be careful?"

"I will, Danny. Listen to Jacob, will you?"

"I will, Jack."

Jack turned back to the waiting group.

"Okay, I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be." Aldwin began dialing the gate and when the wormhole erupted into existence, Jack turned and waved to the group then mounted the steps and walked into the event horizon.

Daniel stood staring at the stargate for a long time even after the wormhole shut down, as if trying to will Jack's return. Teal'c finally moved to his side.

"DanielJackson, a meal has been prepared, you must take nourishment."

"I'm not hungry Teal'c."

"I understand your lack of appetite, however I did promise O'Neill that I would look after you and seeing that you regularly take nourishment and rest is part of that duty."

"I don't need anybody to take care of me."

"Obviously you do or this conversation would not be necessary and you would already be eating. I have been authorized by O'Neill to use force to get you to comply."

"WHAT!?" Daniel glared at Teal'c, then his face softened as he realized that the Jaffa was goading him.

"Do you know why they sent HIM Teal'c? Why they would not let the rest of us go?"

"It was unnecessary."

"They think he's expendable. That's why. He was the one they deemed expendable, the least necessary..."

"He was the best man for the job." Jacob chimed in from just behind Teal'c.

"Look, Daniel. I'm not any happier about this than you are. Jack's my friend too. But WE NEED this information, and Jack's the ONLY one who can get it."

"I'm sorry, Jacob. I just have a hard time buying into that. Who is this agent?"

"I wish I could tell you, Daniel. That would explain everything, but I just can't, he's that well placed. Aside from Jack and Hammond, no one outside of the Tok'ra High Council knows who he is, and it will stay that way too." Jacob was insistent.

"I want you to know one thing, Jacob. If ANYTHING happens to Jack, I'm holding YOU personally responsible. Hasn't he done enough? Given enough?"

Daniel was angry and it showed.

"Daniel, you're upset. Come have some coffee." Jacob soothed.

Sam came up to her father's side and listened to the exchange. When Daniel refused Jacob's attempts to pacify him, Jacob looked to his daughter to get through to the distraught man.

"Talk to him, Sam. Explain it to him." Jacob put his hand on her shoulder and was immediately shrugged off.

"Explain it to him? How can I do that when I don't understand it myself? I AGREE with Daniel, Dad. I think the Tok'ra have asked too much this time. You better pray he does come back, Dad, because if he doesn't I'm sure I won't have anything more to say to you."

Daniel reached out and put his arm around Sam's shoulder, pulling her into a hug. Teal'c stood by hands behind his back, quietly watching the polarization of his friends.

"Teal'c?" Daniel looked to the Jaffa for a response of some kind.

"I have faith in O'Neill's abilities, DanielJackson. He will return."

"I pray you are right, Teal'c." Daniel said looking back at the empty circle of stone.

Chapter 4: If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.

Jack looked around at the marketplace and tried to pick out the tavern that Jacob told him had been the meeting place for the Tok'ra agent and his contact. He had been walking since early morning from the stargate, and could seriously use a drink anyway. He found the entire place reminiscent of the bazaars he had visited in Turkey, and immediately located the Inn that Jacob had told him to look for and went inside. He was as anxious to get a chance to sit down and something to drink as he was in looking around. He had heard the locals talking and as Jacob had briefed him, the language was a curious blend of English and Arabic; although his Arabic was a little rusty he was fluent and soon fell into the old rhythm. He ordered the local version of tea and paid for it with the currency that the Tok'ra had supplied, holding out a few small coins in one hand and allowing the innkeeper to select the appropriate number, then adding an extra coin to the man's hand with a smile. The innkeeper grinned and bowed then produced an earthenware jug and stout looking ceramic cup and left Jack in peace. Jack poured the sweet tea and drank his fill watching the flow of vendors and customers through the marketplace for a little while then he motioned for the innkeeper to return.

"Food? Akal?" Jack asked, "Bread, cheese?" Jack figured to stay with the safest bets in cuisine with bread and cheeses being staples.

The innkeeper sent a little girl with a tray of breads and a cheese to Jack's table and he choose a small loaf of light colored bread and cut a chunk from a wheel of hard looking dark yellow cheese, with any luck it would taste as sharp as it smelled. He sat pulling pieces from the loaf and nibbling at the sharp cheese and continued to observe the surrounding marketplace. A few times he saw phalanxes of soldiers move through the market but they never slowed or stopped.

Later, Jack wandered the marketplace, keeping one eye on the inn and the other open for trouble. Finally, he gave up and returned to the inn, the innkeeper welcoming him as an old friend. He was given another jug of tea and this time the small girl shook her head when he motioned for her to bring the tray of breads and cheeses. She quickly put the tray down and ran into a back room returning with a large oval tray containing reasonable facsimiles of dishes he remembered from his visits to the Middle East. She stayed nearby, refilling the jug of tea when it threatened to become empty, and removing empty dishes quickly from Jack's table, always with a shy smile. Jack finally asked the innkeeper, Halas, if he had any rooms available for the night, and the girl was shooed off, presumably to make sure all was in order for the guest.

Jack made one more foray into the marketplace, purchasing two long scarves in the brightest Prussian blue he had ever seen. He gave one to the small girl and asked her name then folded the other into an inside pocket of the long coat. She wrapped herself in the long silky scarf and thanked him telling him her name was Mahdis and she was the innkeeper's daughter. She asked him if the other scarf was for his little girl and hesitantly, he said yes and left it at that.

He went to his room, after inquiring about and visiting the hamam, the facilities. He hated waiting, but had little choice; he stripped down and slept with the windows wide and the knives under his pillow.

Jack slept lightly but he did sleep, between dreams of billowing tents in the desert, and Daniel in a burnoose and nothing else. He woke up thrusting into his own hand... again, eternally grateful for the full jug of water and basin left the previous evening by Mahdis.

In the morning Mahdis, brought him Turkish style coffee and sweet nut bread, smeared with some kind of goat cheese. He devoured it. He had no idea what it was but it tasted good and it was just what he needed. He sat in the shade and watched the marketplace, looking for any sign of his contact.

Each time a group of soldiers neared, he got up and followed them, once nearly into what appeared to be a bordello. He smiled and shrugged at the scantily clad woman who tried to usher him in and sighed in relief at his own close call.

By the third day, Mahdis knew his routine and had breakfast waiting for him as well as a snack when he returned from the marketplace. Once again he followed several groups of soldiers as they walked to the side street where the bordello was located. He nearly leapt from his skin when one of them remarked how if he wanted their attention he should do more than follow them and groped his butt through the leather breeches. At this point he was surrounded and just about to go for his boot knife, when a large form grabbed him at the crotch and smothered him with a tongue-filled kiss.

"COME ON! Aris, you always get the good looking ones! Leave some for us!"

Jack resisted the urge to fillet the man while his tongue was still in his mouth and focused down his nose at the face. Aris Boch's hand shifted to Jack's rear now, grabbing it and pulling it against his own crotch as he squeezed the butt through the leather.

"This one's mine boys, look for another. He won't be much good when I've finished with him." Aris came up for air and began to kiss at Jack's neck, still crushing their groins together. Jack figured he better look the part and he started to grind his groin against Aris', wrapping his arms around the man.

The crowd swept them into the bordello, where you could rent just a room as well as a woman, and Aris dropped coins into the hand of an old woman sitting by the stairway, then dragged Jack up the steps and through a heavy oak door. The sounds of moaning, creaking furniture and wet slapping could be heard everywhere, and the first thing Jack noticed was the lack of a lock of any kind on the door.

"O'Neill, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm your contact, Ithak is dead."

"WHAT!?" Aris tried very hard to keep his voice down, but was stripping off his clothes as he spoke.

"Uh, Aris, what the hell are YOU doing?" Jack shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm getting laid, O'Neill."

"That's nice. Anyone I know?" Jack was hoping he didn't know the answer.

Aris was naked now and moved towards him, Jack backed up.

"Look, if my men don't hear some serious humping in here soon, they'll come in and take you. It's happened before."

"Oh please. What a crock." Jack looked up in time to see two of the soldiers who had accompanied Aris come into the room, rubbing their dicks through their pants.

"Need some help, Aris?"

"No, I don't. This one's just a little shy. He was just about to suck me, weren't you sharmuta?" Jack dropped to his knees in front of Aris and began to lick at the hard dick presented to him. Aris grabbed Jack's head with one hand and began to thrust.

"Do you mind? I'm busy here." He turned slightly to comment to the intruders, who were now heavily into watching, one opening his pants and stroking himself.

"It's alright we'll wait for you to finish, Boch. But we want our turns. I told you this one has been following us for days."

Jack rolled his eyes, but continued to suck, getting a little nervous when the other two moved into his view, cocks out and hard. He had done worse than suck cock while in Uncle Sam's service and it looked like it was going to happen again. One of the others reached for one of Jack's hands and directed it to his hard cock and Jack sighed knowing that the dance had only begun and his card was already full.

Daniel sat down at the small fire next to Sam. Jacob and Aldwin slept in the ship and Teal'c was on watch. He couldn't sleep and Sam looked tired too.

"Can you tell me why we had to come all the way here in a ship just to use the stargate when we had a perfectly functional stargate at the SGC?"

"Look, Daniel like I tried to tell you before think of it like a computer network, except this one is a Local Area Network and doesn't travel outside of its own server. So, we can gate anywhere in the area serviced by the LAN, but not outside. Dad says that's why Ahriman has remained unchallenged for so long; he has a closed network and didn't seem interested in competing with the others. Plus he has that 'Caller ID' thing on his gate so they know where the incoming wormhole originates."

"Well, if that were STILL true, why is this information so all fired important that Jack had to go in alone to get it? Why do we care?"

"Evidently, something big is going down, and Ahriman is a part of it."

"Do they think he's going to challenge the System Lords?"

"I don't know, Daniel, Dad wouldn't say, and Aldwin seems to be as much in the dark as we are."

"God, I hope he's all right." Daniel sighed.

"Me too, Daniel. Me too." She put her arm around Daniel and looked up at the night sky.

Jack had had more sex in the past four hours than in the past four years. Aris and his compatriots had each had him, more than once and he had sucked about a hundred dicks... well, maybe NOT a hundred but enough that his jaw ached. Finally, one of Aris' boys, Yaphe, moved on, looking for greener pastures no doubt and Jack was left with Aris and the other, both dozing between bouts of indulgence. When the one called Raza got up and started dressing, Jack thought he would finally be able to get into mission mode. Raza was pulling his boots on when the bell started ringing.

"Chraa! Aris! Leave the mamhoon! We're recalled! Come ON!" The other grabbed Aris' arm till he stood and then threw his clothes at him. Aris dressed quickly and Jack started to put his own clothing back on. When Aris was fully dressed the other man grabbed his arm and began dragging him from the room. All Aris could say to Jack was, "You'll have to wait for your payment, sharmuta. I'm sorry."

"Yel-la, Boch!" Was the shout from below, and Aris was gone. Jack finished dressing, and picked up the small purse that one of the two had dropped then left the brothel, trying to look inconspicuous. He stopped in the marketplace and haggled with a merchant over a soft shirt and another pair of britches then stopped at the baths on the way back to the Inn. These bathhouses were the all business variety, and Jack soon felt cleaner and a little more in control. He returned to the Inn, ate the snack that Mahdis had provided and retired earlier than usual, after asking Mahdis for extra water with his wash basin. Jack stripped off and sank face first into the bed, his butt was sore and bruised from so much abuse by so many.

He slept very deeply and dreamed of camel riding...naked...with Daniel.

The next day Jack didn't venture too far into the marketplace. He figured that now that he knew he was here; Aris would come looking for him. He visited the stall of an herbalist and was relieved to find something that closely resembled an Aloe plant on display. He asked in Arabic after the cost and held out his hand offering a few coins for her selection. She smiled and took three small coins. Jack returned to his room with his prize and squeezed out the sticky jelly, using it to soothe his abused rectal tissues.

Later in the day he walked farther into the market and purchased a pair of beautiful little earrings that he thought would look lovely on Cassie and was surprised when the merchant refused to haggle and only took two of the small coins from his hand. A group of soldiers started in his direction, and he detoured to avoid them when he saw that Aris was not among them. Several of them grabbed him by the arms and one started to grope him.

"Ayez eh? What do you want?"

"Ahh, come here, sharmuta!" A guy that looked like two of Teal'c grabbed Jack and started to grope him. All of the men laughed as he tried to pull away, shouting encouragement to the big man

"Boos teezee! Get off me!" Jack shouted back, instantly regretting telling the man to kiss his ass, when he was promptly struck over the head from behind and fell into the same arms.

The pain in his head was bad, and then there was the lurching motion and the fact that the world smelled like sweat, and the pain in his chest. He was slung over a broad shoulder and his carrier was moving quickly. Jack's comment on the situation was the only one he could muster... he threw up...right down the back of the man who was carrying him. Yaphe was NOT a happy camper and dropped Jack immediately on the floor of the room and kicked him in the gut.

"Are you finished, sharmuta?"

"Sorry, must have been the goat cheese." Jack wiped his mouth and tried to climb to his feet. Yaphe grabbed him and threw him onto the bed, his pals holding Jack down while Yaphe pulled off first his boots and then his pants. Jack looked around. Counting Yaphe there were six of them. The words gang bang kept running through Jack's head, with flashes back to another time and other Arabic speakers. Jack was trying hard to stay focused and not get carried away with the memories and was doing okay until they shoved the rag into his mouth.

"Sam, it's been four days, how much longer?"

"I wish I knew, Daniel. I don't think Dad thought it would take this longer either, he's been whispering with Aldwin all day. I don't like it."

"I believe that Jacob Carter is becoming concerned for the length of time that this mission is taking." Teal'c's quiet presence had been Daniel's salvation, he wasn't sure how, but he just knew that Teal'c knew how he felt about Jack. They all looked up as Jacob and Aldwin approached from the ship.

"Jacob, what the hell is going on? Why is this taking so long?" Daniel fired questions at Jacob without giving time for answers.

Jacob put up his hands.

"Daniel, I wish I knew, and believe me I don't like it any more than you do. The Tok'ra Council has already tried to recall us...twice, but I won't abandon Jack."

"Do you think something has gone wrong, Dad?"

"God! I hope not, Sam. But there's only one way to find out.""FINALLY!!" Daniel jumped to his feet and started to look around, "We can be ready in, what? Five minutes?" He looked at Sam and Teal'c.

"NO! DANIEL! Listen to me..." Jacob put his hands on Daniel's shoulders.

"We can't ALL go. It would arouse too much suspicion and we'd never get through the gate on the other side. Aldwin will go..." at that Sam, Daniel and Teal'c all protested each wanting to go look for Jack.

"...WILL YOU ALL JUST LISTEN!?" Jacob waited for quiet then resumed speaking. "Sam would stick out too much as would Teal'c and I CAN'T let you go, Daniel...Jack WOULD KILL ME, and so would George. This is a military mission, and you aren't, so don't EVEN try it." Jacob raised his voice just enough to indicate to Daniel that he would NOT argue the point.

Daniel fumed, and when Teal'c placed his hand on Daniel's shoulder to soothe him, Daniel shrugged it off and moved away from the group.

"Daniel?" Sam called after him.

"I will speak with DanielJackson, Major Carter, he is concerned about O'Neill." Teal'c looked at Jacob, "When will Aldwin leave for Desarta?"

"Tomorrow." Aldwin said as he moved towards the ship.

"Please exercise caution, Aldwin and return our friend to us." Teal'c bowed his head slightly, acknowledging Aldwin and Jacob then moved off after Daniel.

Teal'c walked up behind Daniel standing between him and the stargate.

"Aldwin will leave tomorrow, DanielJackson. I have confidence that he will return O'Neill to us."

Daniel spun to face him. "YOU have confidence? Well that's nice, Teal'c cause I DON'T! Jack shouldn't even BE out there by himself and NOW they send someone else to HELP?"

"I do not believe that Jacob Carter and Aldwin's actions at this time are authorized. I believe they are acting on their own in this matter. They have twice been recalled by the Tok'ra council and they have chosen NOT to abandon O'Neill; can you not at least be thankful for that?"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and folded his hands behind his back... his patient pose, Daniel guessed.

"I'll be thankful only when Jack's back where he belongs, not a moment sooner."

"I understand your distress, DanielJackson. Perhaps when O'Neill returns you should discuss how you feel with him."

"What's THAT supposed to mean, Teal'c?"

"I believe your feelings for O'Neill are more than feelings of concern for a friend?"

"Is that a guess, Teal'c?"

"No, it is an observation."

"Is it THAT obvious?"

"Only to one who knows you well, as I do."

"Great. That's ALL I need!"

Chapter 5: Those on the cutting edge bleed a lot

Jack was vaguely aware of the motions around him, his hands were tied and he was still gagged. He was face down on the bed, his rear propped up and legs spread, and someone was pounding into him...again.

"Ahhh, sabah al khair, sharmuta. Did you sleep well?" Raza, the man sitting by Jack's head looked down into his face when Jack stirred.

Jack blinked to clear his hazy vision and the man spoke again.

"I am going to remove that. Inta fahamt?" He motioned to the gag.

Jack nodded and allowed the man to remove the gag then opened and closed his mouth several times to work his stiff jaw. The man looked up at the heavy man now draped twitching along Jack's back.

"Aren't you finished yet, sadiq?"

"Ana khalast." The man thrust in once more and then stilled, his cock twitching inside Jack filling him, and then he took a deep breath sighing as he emptied. He grunted from somewhere near Jack's ear, and pulled out flopping onto the bed to Jack's side.

"So, sharmuta, ismack eh?"

"Jack." Was the quiet answer.

"Ahh, Jacque! So, Jacque, will you be around long? Some of us have gone a long time without such a fine sharmuta. Old Ithak was no good. He was all used up. He was too old and loose to be entertaining."

"Ayez eh?" Jack said taking a deep breath

"You keep us happy, you will live, inta fahamt, Jacque?"

"Yes, na am fahamt." Jack replied quietly.

The man nodded at Jack and then cut his bonds with one of the long knives that had been in Jack's boots, allowing Jack to slowly turn over.

The man allowed Jack to sit for a moment and then shifted on the bed presenting his bare buttocks.

"Telhasi teezi, Jacque, I would like the pleasure of your tongue inside me." The other man, Yaphe, leered at Jack and fondled another knife.

Jack thought briefly of fighting them, but realized that would effectively render his mission incomplete and he refused to allow what he had been put through so far to be for nothing. He glanced again at the other man, and slowly moved up and parted the buttocks in front of him and began to run his tongue around the sensitive muscle. Raza writhed and moaned under his tongue and Jack closed his eyes and allowed the world to dissolve, as he detached himself from his actions...again.

They were true to their word. They hadn't hurt him, not too much anyway. But he was given strict orders. He was to sit in the Inn and watch for them, daily. They expected him to greet them in the very public marketplace and ask to be fucked. If they agreed, they would pay him there, and he would follow them to the brothel. He was to kneel just inside the open doorway of the brothel and would suck the first cock presented to him, in plain view of everyone in the marketplace. Then they would go to a room. Any deviation from the detailed plan, and he would be castrated, and left for the whores at the brothel, just like Ithak.

Jack didn't like it, but had little choice if he was to succeed in his mission. He needed to be around when Aris came back, then he'd get the information he came for and get the hell out of Dodge. But until then, he needed to stay alive, and where Aris could find him.

When they finally released Jack this time, they handed him a reasonable sized purse, almost as big as the one he had when he came to Desarta.

"Entabeh, Jacque. That's a lot of feluus, don't let the whores steal it from you"

"Shukran." Jack nodded and began to quickly dress. He left the brothel and went immediately to the bathhouse. He followed that with another visit to the herbalist and then returned to the Inn.

Mahdis was ready for him. She had already placed two large urns of water next to his basin, and even placed a long linen shirt next to the platter of food she had brought to the room. Jack walked in, just as she was placing a pitcher of tea and she beamed at him and scurried from the room. He was touched by the care she had taken to prepare for his return and went back into the tavern in search of her father. He presented the pair of earrings he had originally intended for Cassie, to Mahdis' father while she watched. Jack complemented Halas on his daughter's upbringing, asking him to give the earrings to her. He explained that as a stranger he did not want to seem disrespectful or forward, as he had no intentions other than to reward her careful service. Halas gratefully accepted the earrings on his daughter's behalf and assured Jack that he was an excellent guest and they were only happy to serve him.

With a smile, Jack returned to his room and took advantage of the long linen shirt, divesting himself of all of his clothing. He ate his fill and collapsed into bed.

He dreamed he was walking thru a cave strewn with treasure when found an old lamp. It looked out of place in the cave of shining objects and gleaming gold. The lamp was dirty and dented and when he polished it Daniel appeared in a puff of smoke...naked.

In the morning, Jack found that all evidence of the food from the night before was gone, his boots were shined and even his tunic and pants had been wiped and brushed clean, he found a sharp straight razor next to his basin and used some of the potted soft soap to lather his face. Shaving without a mirror was not new to him, but he hadn't used the skill in some time and was grateful he had some of the plant gel left to put on one or two small nicks. He was greeted in the Inn by Mahdis, wearing her new earrings, and Halas and treated as an honored guest. He ate his breakfast and watched the marketplace, praying that Aris would be the first familiar face he saw.

The morning progressed comfortably into afternoon and Jack still watched from the Inn. His heart sank, when he heard boisterous shouting, and he knew his luck had run out. Yaphe and Raza came into view, and they had company. Jack took a deep breath and shut off his mind, then moved into the marketplace to receive his humiliation, as instructed.

"Keefic, sharmuta, ayez eh?" (Hello, bitch, what do you want?)

Jack swallowed hard, "Nek ni, please."

Raza and Yaphe smiled and the three men with them had surprised looks on their faces. Yaphe reached to his belt and removed a purse and handed it to Jack, who accepted it and bowed from the waist.

"Fuck you? Oh, well now, sharmuta, I'll have to think about it while you suck me, over there." Yaphe pointed and Jack moved to the brothel doorway and as instructed knelt and waited. Raza and Yaphe accepted the congratulations of their companions, who followed to watch as Yaphe pulled his hard cock from his britches and presented it to Jack.

Jack moved mechanically, ignoring the horrified gasps and epithets hurled in his direction from the marketplace. He prayed only that Mahdis was well away from seeing what was happening.

Yaphe grabbed Jack by the hair and thrust hard into his mouth, gagging him repeatedly, he was then pushed aside by one of the others who had been rubbing his cock while he watched and Jack sucked on the second while stroking Yaphe's organ. He was much too busy to see the familiar face observing from the marketplace. Jack was hauled to his feet and hands were shoved into his pants from the front and back, before he was hustled off in the direction of the rooms by the laughing men.

Aldwin was horrified. His symbiote had witnessed many such abuses in its long life and was not surprised, it pointed out to him that there were worse things than what O'Neill was going through. But it, indeed, shared his horror at the humiliation of the proud man. He was unsure how to proceed now, he had found O'Neill, but, obviously O'Neill had not as yet made contact with the Tok'ra agent. If Aldwin contacted O'Neill now, it could jeopardize the mission completely, he opted to stay out of sight and just observe the situation for the time being. He moved to an outdoor café and sat where he could see the brothel without being seen and waited.

It was several hours before Aldwin saw any of the men again. Yaphe and Raza's friends were the first to emerge from the brothel, slapping each other on the back and congratulating each other on fine performances. He wondered if either of them had been Jack's contact, his identity so secret that it was currently known only to the Tokra Council, Jacob, O'Neill and Hammond. Even Aldwin's own mission of discovery still did not merit a need to know and he was acutely aware of the mistrust the council had for even its own people after the Tanith incident. He sat and considered what kind of report he would give to Jacob and SG One when he returned.

O'Neill was alive and was waiting to complete his mission. He was obviously not in complete control of his situation, but they didn't need to know that. Aldwin felt bad for the man and did NOT want to contribute to the humiliations that he had already suffered. He would only say that Jack looked fine, and was waiting for his contact and he had not made contact with him for fear of compromising his cover. That would be all he would tell them.

With his mission window closing, Aldwin headed back to the stargate, his story prepared.

Jack was tired and sore. He had 'entertained' Yaphe and Raza's friends, as they had instructed and now it looked like he would have to entertain them too. When Jack's teeth accidentally scraped Yaphe's cock, he was beaten nearly unconscious. That made him slower to attend to Raza who wanted another tonguing, the two were furious, and Jack took the brunt of their anger. As his responses slowed from the beatings, they demanded more and more until Jack finally passed out as much from exhaustion as his injuries.

While Jack was unconscious, Yaphe and Raza decided to have a little fun and tied him to a joist in the room allowing his toes to just touch the floor. Then they gagged him again and began to whip him with their heavily studded belts, just enjoying the soft moans and twitches of their unconscious victim as the pointed studs bit into his flesh. Bites soon turned into rips and gouges as they left no area of skin untouched, except Jack's face, arms and feet. Jack's body was so bloodied it looked as though he had been peeled. They stopped when the owner of the brothel came knocking looking for more money to continue to use the room. Raza paid him a few coins to go away and then stood and admired their handiwork.

Yaphe was getting off on the blood and, coating his hand in it, began to masturbate frantically, coming all over the tortured man, and then rubbed his semen all over Jack's face. Raza worked himself into another frenzy and when he failed to be able to obtain enough of an erection to penetrate the hanging Jack with his cock, used a piece of the firewood from the pile by the small stove. Raza completely lost his mind when Yaphe began to laugh at him, pointing out that even in Jack's unconscious state, his cock was hardening from the stimulation of his prostate with the penetration, while Raza remained soft.

Raza was livid. He tore a long piece of rope-like edging from the bed covering and promptly began to make a sturdy noose of it, even after Yaphe reminded him that he had done the same thing to Ithak, and others before him, and it always ended their sport and, usually, their play-toy's life.

Aris walked into the marketplace. He was tired, but he needed to do this now, and get O'Neill off this planet with his prize before the fool Tau'ri did something stupid and got himself killed. What he had to give, he hoped would save his people and free them from their Goua'ld enslavement. When he didn't see O'Neill anywhere he moved to the Inn to ask the Innkeeper if he had seen the man, that's when he saw the little girl crying under a table in the courtyard.

"So, Jack's alright? Did you talk to him? When will he be back?" Daniel fired questions at Aldwin faster than the man could answer, until finally Jacob stepped in.

"Daniel, please! Aldwin? Did you contact O'Neill?"

"No, Jacob, I didn't."

"THEN HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW IF HE'S OKAY?" Daniel shouted, with Sam clutching one arm and Teal'c the other.

"I saw him; I didn't talk to him to keep from compromising him."

"And he WAS ALRIGHT when you saw him?" Sam was trying hard to contain herself.

"Yes, he was fine. He was still waiting for his contact."

"Thank God!" Sam breathed. "Dad, how much longer does he have to wait? Maybe something has happened to your agent."

"That's always a possibility, I guess, Sam. We'll give him another day and then if he's still not back, we'll pull him out of there," Jacob wasn't happy about THAT alternative, but had little choice, he knew he would be hard pressed to keep SG One from going in after their commander and was a little surprised they agreed to wait at all.

Daniel would wait, but he wasn't happy about it, and he would make sure that Jacob and Aldwin both knew it...every second until Jack's return.

Yaphe felt good. He was in the euphoria that comes after a good workout and the relief of sexual tension. His muscles were warm now from the exertion of whipping Jack bloody and he stretched them out and sat down. He tried to talk some sense into Raza, but it looked like the lunatic was about to castrate another one. That meant it would be a long time before he got any more relief.

"Raza, do you have to do that? That one was good and tight it would be a shame to again lose such a fine sharmuta."

Raza worked diligently pulling the noose around the base of Jack's cock and balls and yanking it tight. He leered at Jack's moaned response to the extra yank on the noose and turned to Yaphe.

"Give me a knife."

"Raza...THINK about this. You'll spoil our fun, again."

"His zib is too big for a mamhoon anyway. It needs a little trimming." Raza smiled up at Jack's pale face and began to slap him in an effort to wake him.

"Wake up, mamhoon! I want you to say goodbye to your zib! Wake UP!" Raza slapped harder.

"I think he's just fine the way he is, Raza. Why can't you just leave him intact?" Yaphe turned towards the window and looked out in time to see a very angry looking Aris storming in the direction of the bordello.

"CHRAA! RAZA! Here comes Aris now!" Yaphe started to gather his own clothing. "YALA!!" Yaphe was halfway through the door, as Raza scrambled to get into his clothing.

His britches and boots on, Raza gathered the rest of his clothes and turned to Jack. Without enough time to complete the procedure he wanted, Raza was frustrated, and plunged one of the long knives into Jack's belly and ran out.

Aris had seen Yaphe running from the back of the bordello and hurried. Why was Yaphe running? Boch never knew the man to run from anything. And where was that lunatic Raza?

Boch took the steps inside the bordello two at a time and moved down the hallway throwing door after door open, some rooms were empty, and some had surprised occupants. He finally found the room he sought, empty save for the bleeding man hanging trussed from the joist.

"Oh, Chraa! I just KNEW something would happen!" Boch came up and stepped into the puddle of blood on the floor to grab Jack around the waist, careful to avoid the knife still in his belly. He reached down and took his own boot knife and cut the ropes from Jack's wrists and picked him up and carried him to the bed. Jack's body was sticky and at the same time slippery where the fresh blood had not as yet begun to dry.

Aris shouted for help and one or two young women peered around the doorframe. He issued orders and offered rewards and they scurried off to do his bidding.

"I KNEW you were going to be a pain in the mikta. NOW HOW am I supposed to give you these things?" When the unconscious Jack didn't answer, Aris shook his head and went to the window. He shouted instructions down to Mahdis who stood a respectable distance from the bordello and looked up. She nodded and ran back to the Inn.

One of the whores returned with the items that Aris had ordered and bundled Jack's clothes together as Aris instructed. She then motioned to Jack's crotch, where his organs were still tightly bound and blue. Aris made a disgusted face and carefully cut the cloth binding the blue organs, hoping that simply restoring the blood circulation would be enough. He removed the knife and wrapped the makeshift dressing around Jack's belly and then pulled the blanket she had brought around Jack. He stood and picked up the man and carried him down the stairs to the bordello door where Mahdis' father met him with a worried look. The whore handed off the bundle to Halas and he and Aris moved quickly back to the Inn, where Mahdis had been gathering medicines and supplies in anticipation.

At the Inn, Mahdis supervised Aris' placement of Jack in the bed and she started to tenderly clean his wounds. Aris looked at Jack closely and ordered Mahdis and her father out of the room after whispering some quiet instructions to Halas.

He looked Jack over and did not like it; his skin was clammy, his lips had a bluish hue, he was breathing irregularly and had lost too much blood. Aris was not entirely sure about Tau'ri physiology, but he had seen enough men die to know the signs. He was sorry the Tau'ri warrior had come to this, but Aris still needed to be sure his mission was complete. There were too many OTHER lives at stake.

From inside his tunic Aris took three small vials. Two were Roshna, the drug the Goua'ld used to keep him and his people enslaved, the third was something else - the antidote to that same drug. He had hoped that his contact would carry them back to the Tok'ra who would produce the antidote and liberate his people.

He tried over and over to wake O'Neill but was unsuccessful, and Aris feared that the antidote would now, never get off of Desarta. If he were to flee with the antidote, then the Goua'ld would know that their secret had been stolen and lash out at his home world. He carefully wrapped the three vials together, but he needed to be sure of their safety. He thought briefly, and then inserted the covered vials deep into O'Neill's rectum where there was little chance of them getting broken. He apologized to the unconscious O'Neill as he hid the vials explaining that if he hadn't gotten himself in this mess he could have carried the vials in the NORMAL fashion, but he could take no chances of them being damaged. Then he called Halas back into the room to assist him in dressing the injured man.

After struggling to get Jack back into his clothing, Aris carried him to the cart that the innkeeper had waiting by the back door and climbed aboard after thanking Halas and tossing a hefty purse his way.

Chapter 6: If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything

The day was moving slowly, Daniel checked his watch on the order of twenty to twenty-five times an hour. Sam was so bored she was COUNTING how many times an hour Daniel checked his watch. Teal'c, alone seemed content to wait the day, using the time for kel'noreem, although Sam was certain that Teal'c was just using the kel'noreem to keep from watching Daniel being watched watching his watch. She shook her head hard to clear the mind twister from her fogged brain and almost missed the humming sound that heralded the stargate coming to life.

They looked anxiously at each other and then scrambled to cover as the chevrons locked, taking up defensive positions nearby. They waited while the wormhole formed and then longer as nothing happened for perhaps two minutes. Then, suddenly three rocks came flying through the event horizon.

"It's Jack!" Daniel practically ran to the stargate.

"WAIT! DANIEL! YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" Jacob shouted.

"JACOB! IT'S GOTTA BE JACK HE MUST BE IN TROUBLE!" Daniel countered half turning towards the event horizon just as a large, wrapped and very heavy bundle came through the gate and landed halfway on him.

"Oh Shit." Jacob said softly and ran to the dais were the gate stood, arriving as Daniel managed to extract himself from under the thick-blanketed body just as the wormhole disappeared.

Teal'c lifted the portion of the blanket that covered the blood smeared face and Sam covered her mouth in horror at the color of the lips and face of her commander.

"OH my god! He's DEAD!" She half whispered.

"Major Carter, perhaps you should adjust the dialing device so that we may use the stargate to return to the SGC. I do not believe that returning in the ship would be in O'Neill's best interest. Time appears to be of the essence."

Sam nodded and moved quickly off pulling her father to assist her in reconfiguring the Dial Home Device.

Daniel was vacillating. On one hand he wanted to grab Aldwin and beat him to a bloody pulp and on the other hand he didn't want to leave Jack's side, for the time THAT would take. He threw visual daggers in Aldwin's direction and tried to help Teal'c assess the damage that had been done to their friend.

Teal'c pulled back the blanket and they started to get an idea of just how severe Jack's injuries were. Daniel paled as Teal'c opened the unfastened tunic to see the gouged and bloody chest and belly.

"Teal'c, what the hell did they do to him?" Daniel was doing a good job holding back the threatening tears, but his voice betrayed his true emotions as it cracked.

"He appears to have been flogged."

"With WHAT? Barbed wire?" Daniel said just as Teal'c opened the tunic further down to reveal the bulky dressing, beginning to become saturated with blood.

"What's THAT?" Daniel asked almost afraid to hear the answer.

Teal'c lifted the corner of the dressing and peered under it.

"It would appear that O'Neill has also been stabbed." Then he turned towards the two people working on the DHD. "Have you made any progress with the dialing device?"

"Selmak's voice replied, "We are nearly through. Perhaps you should come away from the stargate so we may safely activate it when we are ready."

Daniel started to wrap the blanket back around Jack as Teal'c picked him up in his arms and stepped away from the naquadah ring.

Sam stood and shouted, "Daniel get the GDO from my pack, by the fire." Daniel waved and quickly moved to the pack and extracted the small device as the stargate again began to hum and then grind as Sam dialed home.

"Aldwin and I will have to stay and undo your repairs to the DHD, Sam. Then we'll take the cargo ship back. You get Jack home." Jacob spoke now.

Sam nodded as she dialed the familiar glyphs for earth, and Daniel's hands were shaking so hard he had difficulty sending the code but, finally, they were ready to go. Sam kissed her father on the cheek and signaled to Daniel then she ran ahead into the stargate to have the medics summoned to the gateroom. Teal'c carried Jack and Daniel remained steadfastly at his side, right into the event horizon.

By the time Daniel and Teal'c appeared with O'Neill, the medics were on their way. Teal'c had only just reached the bottom of the ramp as Fraiser came at a run into the gateroom. She was followed immediately by a team of medics with a gurney, and Teal'c gently deposited his burden on the stretcher.

"He has a stab wound and has been severely whipped, there is much blood." Teal'c offered what little information he had to Fraiser and her team. Then stepped back allowing the physician to take charge, the medics whisked Jack from the gateroom and towards the infirmary with SG One and Hammond hot on their heels.

As usual, no one was permitted in the infirmary while the trauma team assessed the patient and then he was whisked past them, again, on his way to the Operating Room. Janet stopped briefly and asked a few questions, none of which they could answer and then followed her patient into the OR.

The silence hanging in the hallway between the Operating Room and the Infirmary was thick and heavy. Words were used only when facial expression failed and even then, sparsely, and with cracking voice, until, finally, Hammond inquired about the circumstances surrounding their return. Then Daniel and Sam were forced into composure. Daniel had difficulty containing himself for his anger with the Tok'ra and especially with Aldwin whom he knew in his bones had lied in his status report to them when he returned from Desarta and his report was rife with animosity for the Tok'ra.

The tension was heightened when a technician burst into the hallway pushing an x-ray machine some two hours later and for fifteen or twenty minutes even their breathing was schooled to keep from allowing each other to measure the level of their anxiety. Hammond's aide came to him about a half hour later and whispered to the General, who then made his apologies and withdrew, and Daniel wondered about WHAT would make Hammond leave the area without knowing Jack's condition.

Hammond returned to his office and closed the door, then picked up the phone and pushed the blinking button.

"Hammond."

"General this is Fraiser."

"Doctor, why are you calling me in my office instead of coming out of the Operating Room?"

"Well, sir, we have a problem..."

"Go on."

"We did x-rays to check the Colonel for any other injuries and have found something..."

"He's not been Goua'lded?..."

"No, sir, not that. He seems to be carrying a... package."

"A package, Doctor?"

"That's not all, sir." Hammond sat down.

"Tell me."

"We have managed to repair the stab wound. He's required a full five units of blood so far and will probably need more. The stab was deep and nicked a kidney, so his renal function may be compromised but we think we repaired it and he may NOT lose that kidney." She took a deep breath.

"Go on, doctor."

"We did the x-ray and found a wrapped package inside the Colonel, sir. It was shoved into his rectum."

"WHAT?!"

"Yes, sir. We removed it and opened it. It appears to have been carefully wrapped to protect it and contains three vials of liquid."

"Do you have any idea what it is?"

"No sir, I was hoping you would."

"Handle the vials carefully, doctor until we know more. Is there anything else?"

"Yes sir and it's NOT good."

"Well?"

"Sir, the Colonel has been sexually assaulted, it looks like multiple times. He has also been whipped with some kind of studded lash; there is very little surface area of his body that was NOT covered by these gouges and lacerations. I can't suture most of them but I did repair some of the worst damage." Janet took a deep breath.

"There's more, doctor? Why do I have the feeling you've saved the worst for last?"

"Because, unfortunately sir, you're correct. It appears he was bound, maybe even hung, by his genitals, General. The circulation must have been compromised for some time and now there is severe rebound swelling as his blood supply is restored."

"Oh my god...will it, I mean will he... er..."

"I don't know, sir. It depends on how long the circulation was impaired. It doesn't look too good right now, sir. One of his testicles appears to be severely affected and he may well lose both. We will need to do a couple of vascular studies to make sure the circulation to his penis is intact. I've put in a call to the Academy Hospital for Doctor Meade, sir. He's the chief of Urology there. I would appreciate it if you could have him cleared through security. He's on his way here now.""Consider it done, doctor. Is there anything else you need?"

"Not that we know of yet, sir. I will handle the Infirmary and operating room staff; they KNOW their butts are mine if they violate a patient's confidentiality. But I DON'T think the Colonel would want anyone...even his team...knowing the FULL extent of his injuries, sir."

"That's why you called me here, correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"I agree, doctor. Jack's too private a man." Hammond sighed deeply then continued, "You mentioned that he was sexually assaulted, doctor."

"Yes, sir, many times it appears, probably by more than one person. There is some evidence of an infection as well, sir. I'm hoping our antibiotics will take care of it. He also appears to have the infection orally. That's another reason I believe he was assaulted repeatedly, over at least several hours if not days."

"Alright, doctor, you handle the infirmary staff. I'll handle SG One. You had better go talk to them, however, when you're done in the OR. Have the vials sent to the lab for analysis, I'll speak to the staff there...we need to use extreme precautions until we know what we're dealing with here."

"Yes, sir."

"And doctor... I KNOW Jack will appreciate your tact in handling this, as do I. Thank you."

"Yes, sir. You're welcome, sir."

Hammond hung up the phone and called in his aide, making arrangements for the emergency clearances for Doctor Meade, and then returned to the hallway to wait with his team.

"Major Carter, there are three vials being transferred to the lab. Since Doctors Fraiser and Warner are still tied up in the Operating Room with the Colonel could you supervise their analysis?" Hammond knew the Major would loathe leaving the hallway until she knew of her CO's condition.

"I'll have you informed the second there is ANY news, Major."

She still hesitated, her "Yes, sir." was reluctant, but she went as ordered.

Hammond left the hallway twice more in the next four hours; each time he returned, Daniel had the feeling that the man was hiding something. The first time he came back he had an SF with him pushing a small cart laden with sandwiches and coffee and another SF carrying several of the infirmary's ubiquitous plastic chairs. He advised Daniel that if he did NOT eat and sit he would have him confined to quarters...and Daniel complied, rather than risk missing any information from Fraiser. Teal'c was not as hard to convince and sat in one of the chairs in a light state of meditation.

Exactly seven hours after he had come back through the stargate, Colonel Jack O'Neill was rolled into one of the two small isolation rooms at either end of the infirmary. He was intubated and on a ventilator. There were at least ten bags of fluid of various descriptions hanging on poles by his bed, including yet another unit of blood and the equipment and poles took up so much room Daniel was hard pressed to even see Jack. He was stopped at the door by a very tired looking Janet Fraiser.

"I want to see him, Janet." Daniel tried to push his way through.

"I know you do Daniel, and you will, just NOT now." Janet noticed that Warner had taken Hammond aside to speak with Doctor Meade and was grateful that he had taken advantage of her diversion of Daniel and Teal'c. Hammond shook hands with the surgeons and approached where Daniel and Teal'c stood waiting.

Janet gave her report to Hammond, Teal'c and Daniel, then Hammond ordered them both to their quarters, advising Daniel that he would post a guard if necessary to ensure the archeologist stayed in his quarters for at least twelve hours. They were about to leave when Sam returned waving a sheath of papers.

"It's Roshna, sir. Well, at least two of the vials are Roshna; we aren't quite sure what the third is yet, they're still working on it, but I think it might just be the antidote."

"Roshna?" Hammond asked.

"Roshna, sir. The drug to which Aris Boch and his people are addicted. Remember he gave us a sample to bring back for analysis when we met him a couple of years ago. He was the bounty hunter working for Sokar."

"Oh, now I remember. This is the same drug?" Hammond asked.

"Well, two of the vials are sir. The third one is still in analysis."

"Alright, Major, keep me posted. Doctor, you and your team need to get some rest too."

"I'll be staying here tonight sir, to keep an eye on the Colonel."

"You have a very well trained staff, doctor, I expect you to take advantage of that and get some rest yourself."

"Yes, sir, I will."

"You too, Major. I will make it an order if I have to."

"No problem sir, I'm going now." Sam responded, and then took Janet by the elbow and received a report on the Colonel's condition before she left the area for quarters.

Daniel thought the infirmary staff was being particularly closed mouthed about the Colonel's condition. It was three days later and he still had not spent much time alone in the room with his friend. Sam and Teal'c had been assigned temporarily to SG Six to investigate some technology found on an uninhabited world. Daniel was left on his own and he was not happy. He couldn't go with Sam and Teal'c and he wasn't allowed to stay with Jack, he was restless.

"The Colonel's doing as well as can be expected." Was all he seemed to hear from Janet and her staff. The only nurses privy to Jack's current chart were long-time members of Janet's staff, hand picked by her to attend to O'Neill.

Some of the bags had been removed from various locations and although he was still intubated, Jack LOOKED better. Daniel was a keen observer, however, and knew there was something else going on. He was so busy looking for the something else he failed to notice when the brown eyes finally fluttered and opened, and kept rubbing his thumb across the back of Jack's right hand which he had been holding for hours. Jack stared at him for a few moments watching the eyes follow the nurse around the room, the dark circles were heavy on Daniel's face, and then Jack squeezed Daniel's fingers.

The response was sudden and explosive. Daniel nearly shot out of the chair in surprise and was immediately in his face. If there hadn't been a tube down his throat, Jack would have laughed his ass off at the look he got from Daniel.

Janet was summoned and the tube was removed with the usual coughing and sputtering brought on by that procedure. Then, Janet managed to get Daniel to leave so she could examine her patient. She pulled the shade down on the little window in the door; the shades on the other windows in the little glass room had never been opened. She sat down and took Jack's hand and asked how much he remembered about what happened to him.

At first, Jack considered NOT telling her anything. But he guessed that she would have already figured it out or she would not be sitting there talking with him like that. Then he thought that maybe he could use a sore throat from the tube as an excuse NOT to talk.

"Colonel, I know we just took the tube out and you are tired and your throat is too sore to talk, so if you don't want to right now that's fine. But I need to let you know what's going on, so you won't panic."

Jack knew he didn't like the sound of THAT.

Do you remember being, er...sexually assaulted while on Desarta?" She waited a beat then added, "It's alright, Colonel. NO ONE except a few hand-picked personnel, myself, Doctor Warner and General Hammond know...we did NOT inform your team."

Jack closed his eyes and sighed in relief, then gave Janet a soft "Thank you." in a small weak voice.

"Do you remember being stabbed, sir?"

Jack shook his head.

"Well, you were. In the abdomen. It nicked your left kidney and caused some injury to your bowel as well. We repaired the damage but you lost a LOT of blood, almost bled completely out, another few minutes and... well, we wouldn't be having this talk, sir."

Jack closed his eyes and tried to swallow, Janet brought a spoon to his lips with some ice chips and he accepted them with a smile and allowed them to melt and slide down his parched and tender throat.

"There are some other... things you need to know, sir. It seems that one of your assailants also gave you an infection, which we THINK we have under control."

Jack rolled his eyes, and whispered, "I've got the intergalactic clap, is what you mean?"

"Ah, yes sir. It would appear so."

"Peachy." Was the whispered reply.

"Do you remember being flogged, sir?"

"Vaguely. They used studded belts."

"Well, that explains all the damage, then. Some of the gouges from the studs were bad enough to require suturing. Others, well, let's just say there is hardly a square inch of your skin that won't be sore for a while."

"Gonna itch like hell." Jack whispered.

"Yes sir, they probably will, but we need to keep them clean and infection-free so the nurses will be doing medicated sponge baths every eight hours."

Jack rolled his eyes again, and then looked pleadingly at Fraiser.

"That won't work, sir. I'm sorry, but it IS necessary. Some of the gouges are quite deep and I could not suture them. Without the stab wound and the other problems I'd have you in a medicated whirlpool, but we can't do that right now."

"What OTHER problems?" Jack asked and began to cough as the words stuck in his throat. Janet gave him another spoonful of ice and waited until it was gone to continue.

"Sir, there's really no delicate way to phrase this. Do you remember them doing anything else? Like putting a package INSIDE you?"Jack looked puzzled for a moment.

"We found a carefully wrapped package inside you, sir. We would have missed it if it hadn't been for the x-rays. It was well up into your rectum."

"Was there a note?" Jack whispered.

Janet responded to what she thought was the injured man's attempt at self deprecating humor and started to lash out.

"NO, OF COURSE NOT!...Wait...you're serious, aren't you, Colonel?"

Jack closed his eyes and nodded.

"No, sir, there was no note. But we've analyzed the substances. Two vials contain..."

"Roshna." Jack whispered.

"Yes, sir. How did you know?"

"The third, doctor?"

"Well we don't' know for sure yet but it looks like an antidote to Roshna."

"Clever SOB."

"Sir?"

"I wasn't conscious, he needed to protect the samples and get them out, clever." Jack wagged a finger towards the ice and Fraiser responded with another spoonful.

"Sir?" Janet was curious about Jack's bemused response to learning how his body had been used. He didn't seem at all surprised and seemed genuinely impressed with the resourcefulness involved in the matter. He always surprised her.

"One more thing, Colonel. Then I want you to rest. It appears they also tried to mutilate you."

Jack's eyes shifted around the small room.

"How?"

"The circulation to your genitals was interrupted, probably tied off with rope; there are rope type burns at the base of your penis and on your perineum behind your scrotum. The blood flow was interrupted for from five to fifteen minutes, we aren't sure."

"Meaning?"

"We managed to save both of your testicles and your penis but we're afraid there may have been nerve damage resulting from the ligature."

"Meaning?"

"We aren't sure what kind of function you'll have sir, if any at all."

"Oh." Jack said flatly.

"Doctor Meade will be here in the morning, sir. He's the chief of urology at the Academy Hospital; he helped us out with your surgery."

"How nice for him."

"Sir, you would have lost it ALL if not for him. We were ready to...well, to amputate. Because of him you still have everything."

"How nice for me."

He wagged at the ice again and Janet complied.

"I want you to know that Doctors Warner and Meade along with General Hammond and I have taken great pains to protect your confidentiality in this matter, even your team is not aware of the full extent of your injuries."

"Thank you." Jack's relief was apparent in his eyes.

"To protect your privacy, I have assigned a special team of personnel to your care. They alone are aware of the situation and have full access to your current chart. You are off limits to the rest of the infirmary staff, so you'll be seeing the same faces all the time. Because of your injury, they will also have to handle you quite intimately, sir. It IS necessary for your care. Please do not fight them."

"I won't."

"Now, unless you have any questions right now, I'm going to go and let Daniel back in, before Captain Asher kills him out there."

"Has Daniel been a pain?"

"You have NO idea, sir." She stood and smiled, then straightened the bedclothes and gave Jack another spoonful of ice. Then she smiled again and left promising to come back in an hour to throw Daniel out.

Daniel practically ran into the room once Captain Asher let him go.

"Jack! What is WITH these guys? There is less security around the Crown Jewels."

Jack rolled his eyes at Daniel's innocent turn of phrase.

"Ice, Daniel." Was all Jack said and Daniel took up the chair, cup and spoon... the symbols of his office, and slowly fed ice chips to his friend.

"Who the hell did this to you, Jack?"

"It's not important, Daniel."

"LIKE HELL, it's not. Was it the Tok'ra agent?"

"NO, Daniel. It was NOT the agent, and I said it's NOT important."

"What the hell did they beat you with, Jack? Barbed wire?"

"No... studded belts."

"Who stabbed you?"

"I don't know... Look, Daniel, if all you're going to do is question me then put the cup down and go away... I'm tired and my throat is sore, so either stop the grilling and give with the ice or give ME the cup and leave me in peace."

"I'm sorry, Jack." Daniel offered another spoon of chips and Jack accepted them with a smile, and then closed his eyes as they melted down his throat.

After a few minutes, Jack's eyes didn't open automatically after he swallowed and Daniel realized he was asleep. He put the cup to the side and once again picked up the hand lying on top of the covers and held it loosely in his fingers. He stroked the back of the hand softly back and forth with his thumb and studied the abraded wrist in fine detail until he was forced to leave by one of Janet's henchmen.

Chapter 7: Never accept a drink from a urologist

Doctor Meade came to see Jack in the morning as Janet had promised. He sat down with Jack and had a cup of tea while Jack enjoyed his first breakfast back on earth. Well, maybe enjoyed was too strong a word. It was hard to get worked up over clear broth, jello and tea, but Jack's throat was so sore he downed them all without argument.

Doctor Meade had explained all about the nerves and blood supply to the penis and testicles, and he did it in such a way that Jack's eyes didn't glaze over. Colonel G. Howard Meade, MD had been in the Gulf during Desert Storm working in a field hospital. He knew Jack's history, and had even cared for some of the men who had been 'guests' of Saddam. He was also divorced and career military. They quickly established an easy rapport.

None of the members of SG One were allowed near Jack's room while Doctor Meade was there and since he came in at least once a day, sometimes twice, Daniel rushed to the judgment that Doctor Meade was the new shrink and gave him a wide berth. That went down fairly well with Fraiser and she did nothing to change Daniel's assessment.

Jack was being the perfect patient, for a change, although Janet suspected that had more to do with his anxiety over his future ability to function sexually than anything else. Seven days after he woke up and ten after his return, Jack was finally allowed out of bed for short periods of time. Doctor Meade had left strict instructions on the exact parameters of Jack's forays into the land of the vertical, and the first few episodes were fraught with such severe pain that Jack even asked to lay back down. The details were, of course, reported to Doctor Meade who made an extra visit.

"Jack? I understand you don't want to get up to walk." Meade came through the door carrying two large coffees and, handing one off to Jack, sat down with the other.

"Thanks, Howard..." Jack took one cup, removed the lid, sipped for a moment and then put the cup on the over-bed table. "It hurts too much."

"I know, Jack. But it's not going to be pain free for a while. We discussed that. It's going to hurt just as bad whether you do it now or a year from now, so it's better to just get it out of the way. Have you had any morning erections?"

"No." There was some disappointment in the small voice, but no embarrassment.

"Damn, I was hoping that by now maybe you would have had at least one. Any sensation at all?"

"If you mean OTHER than PAIN...no."

"I'm sorry Jack. Look, I brought you something, I'll be right back." Meade sat his cup on the bedside table and left the room, returning in a moment with his briefcase.

"Well, thanks Howard. But I already have a much nicer briefcase than that, one that even has MY initials on it." Jack grinned.

Meade looked sideways at him and chuckled.

"Twit! Not THE briefcase, what's IN the briefcase." Meade lifted the briefcase to the bed and handed Jack a small key, then turned to the door and pulled the shade on the small window. Jack looked quizzically at Meade then unlocked and opened the case, closing his eyes at the contents.

"What are these for Howard?"

"Jack, we need to assess your function, so we can see if there is anything else we need to do."

"Like I said what are these for, Howard?"

"Inspiration, Jack."

"I...can't, Howard. Please don't ask me."

"Don't you WANT to know, Jack?" Meade sat back down.

"What kind of a question is THAT? OF COURSE, I WANT to know. I'm just not sure I could face the answers I might get."

"We MAY have some other options, Jack. But we need to know, and this..." He gestured towards the briefcase, "...is the only way we'll find out."

"Oh god." Jack scrubbed his hand across his face and then pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'll try, Howard, but NOT here."

"Here is all we got Jack."

"Look, Howard, how am I supposed to do anything knowing that at any moment someone could walk through that door? Have you even HEARD of privacy?"

Meade looked back at the door and then back at Jack.

"You'll have a lock on the inside of that door within the hour, Jack. Would THAT help?"

"Only a little."

"Well, consider this a homework assignment, Jack. I'll stop back after I finish rounds at the hospital. I want a report then, hopefully a successful report, but keep in mind we still have some OTHER options. Okay?"

"Okay, Howard, I'll try."

"Good! Now drink your coffee, its getting cold. I have to go see people who are really sick now. I'll see YOU later." Meade stood and picked up his cup and left. He stopped at the desk in the nurse's station and made a phone call, then came back into Jack's room.

"I called Hammond and you will have a lock on this door within the hour as promised. Please try, Jack?"

"I'll try, Howard. See you later."

Within minutes of Meade's departure, a lock appeared on the inside of Jack's door. Jack got up and moved stiffly to the door and threw the lock, then went back to the bed and opened the briefcase.

He could DO this. He had done it before. It was like riding a bicycle, wasn't it?

Apparently, it wasn't.

All of Jack's attempts failed miserably. He tried hard to convince himself that he was still somewhat attracted to women, but the briefcase full of magazines that Meade had provided did nothing for him. He closed the case and locked it then unlocked the door. He lay down and went to sleep.

When he awoke, Daniel was sitting by his bedside reading.

"Daniel."

"Jack."

"What are you doing here? Don't you work anymore?"

"I'm taking a break, actually. I'm waiting for some lab reports on an artifact that SG Five found. So, I thought I'd come see how you were."

"I'm good."

"We thought we were going to lose you this time, Jack."

"I'm NOT THAT easy to get rid of, Daniel."

"I still don't understand what happened. When Aldwin came back he said you still hadn't contacted the agent and nine hours later you get tossed through the stargate nearly dead." Daniel looked up, Jack was puzzled.

"When Aldwin came back? Came back from where?"

"Desarta."

"Aldwin was ON Desarta?"

"Jacob sent him to look for you. We were worried."

"I didn't SEE Aldwin on Desarta."

"Well, he SAW you, evidently. He came back and said he saw you but didn't talk to you to keep from compromising your cover."

"Oh... and where, exactly did Aldwin say he saw me?"

"He didn't say. He just said that he saw you and you were still waiting for your contact."

"Ahh."

"Why?"

"Nothing... uh, Daniel I was wondering if you could do a favor for me?"

"Sure, Jack, anything. You know that."

"Do you think you could stop by my house and take in the mail? I'm sure by now there's quite a bit of it."

"I've actually, been doing that since we came home, Jack. I also watered your plants, cut your grass and disposed of all the fuzzy things from your refrigerator."

Jack was surprised and touched at Daniel's answer. He looked to deflect some of the sentiment with humor.

"Did you pay my bills?"

Daniel looked up irritated, about to tell Jack exactly where he could put his bills and saw the broad grin, then softened instantly as THAT smile worked its wonders on his heart.

"Don't be an ass, Jack."

"Hey! I'm just checking."

Just then Captain Asher came to the door.

"Doctor Jackson, they just called from the lab, they have your results."

"Uh, Oh, thanks, I'll be right there."

"Pregnant, Daniel?"

Daniel shot a look to stop an elephant at Jack, then took a deep breath and rose.

"I have to go. I'll stop back before I leave, okay?"

"Yasure, I'll see you later."

Jack made one further attempt to utilize the inspirational materials that Doctor Meade had so thoughtfully provided. Then sat back and tried to figure out exactly HOW to explain to the physician that his inspirational materials were of the wrong variety to really be inspirational for him.

When Doctor Meade came back that afternoon he breezed into Jack's room carrying a heavy looking paper bag in his hand. He closed the door, locked it, pulled down the small shade on the window and then moved to the chair and sat down. Howard hadn't ever come in to see him empty handed so Jack looked immediately to the bag.

"What's in the bag, Howard?"

"What, no Hi Howard, how was your day? It's good to see you Howard, sit down and take a load off. Where are your manners?"

"HiHowardhowwasyourday, sitdowntakealoadoff, oh, WHAT'S IN THE BAG?"

Meade laughed.

"I figured we've, hopefully, BOTH had a HARD day, so I thought we could stand to unwind a little." He sat the bag on the floor and pulled a bottle of beer out and with flourish handed it to Jack.

Jack's eyes lit up as Meade, the kindred spirit, produced a Swiss Army Knife and utilized the church key opening a bottle for each of them. Jack leaned back into his pillows and allowed the cold beer to wash down his throat and Meade leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on the bed rails.

They sat drinking for a few minutes, the first few tentative sips Jack took of his beer turned into greedy swallows and Meade watched him with a smile as Jack practically smacked his lips in pleasure. When he finished Meade took the empty bottle from Jack and with an evil grin pulled out another beer and handed it to the elated O'Neill.

Daniel stopped into the infirmary on his way out of the mountain, only to be diverted by Captain Bryant. He was advised that Doctor Meade had just arrived and would be with the Colonel for a while. Daniel asked for Bryant to let Jack know he had come by and would see him in the morning. Then he left the mountain, and headed for Jack's house.

He stooped and pulled a couple of small weeds from the flower bed on his way up the walk then taking another bunch of mail from the box, let himself in. He picked up the mail from the table by the door and with a devious smile moved towards the roll top desk in the corner by the kitchen. He dropped the mail and grabbed a cold soda from the kitchen, then came back and started to sort through the mail. He tossed the junk mail and sweepstakes invitations into the trash and then selected a couple of envelopes from the remaining pile and pulled his checkbook from his jacket pocket. He pulled a check out and started to look around in the clutter on the desk for a pen.

"Come on Jack, I'm sure you have a pen here somewhere."

Daniel managed to knock a pile of clutter onto the floor and bent to pick it up. Trying to put the pieces into some kind of order, he eye was drawn to the bright blue color of the cruise brochure. He paused briefly to reorder the rest of the fallout and then picked the brochure up and turned it over.

The brochure was addressed to someone Daniel didn't know in Denver and it had an unfamiliar phone number written above it in Jack's familiar scrawl.

Daniel paused and then opened the brochure.

"You've had no luck?"

"If I'd had any LUCK we wouldn't be here and having this conversation now, would we?"

"I'm serious, Jack."

"So am I, Howard. LOOK, uh, we need to talk about your...inspiration."

"We do? Why?'

"It's uh... not exactly my, uh...cup of tea. If you know what I mean? How confidential IS this conversation, Howard?"

You could almost SEE the revelation hit Meade in the face.

"Are we talking... don't ask, don't tell, Jack?"

"That depends."

"This conversation and ALL of our future conversations will NOT even go on the record."

"I'm gay, Howard."

"Well, I guess they wouldn't do much for you then, eh?"

"Not really."

The grin spread from one side of Meade's face to the other.

"Well no damn wonder you got no response. And I had it on good authority that those magazines were clock cleaners too."

"What the hell does THAT mean?"

"It means that I don't have much of a clue what kind of magazines a hetero male uses for inspiration these days either, Jack."

Jack's grin was as wide as Meade's had been.

"OH!"

"I'm fairly sure I can do better than that trash, tomorrow, Jack. Then you can try again, okay?"

"Sure, Howard. So... are you seeing anyone, Howard?"

"Why, Jack O'Neill! Are you putting a move on me?"

"Just curious."

"Yeah, my partner and I have been together for four years. You?"

"No, I'm too chicken for an actual relationship. I'm doomed to be forever in love with a guy who's straight as an arrow."

"Does he know?"

"Not a clue."

"I'm sorry for you Jack. What the hell do you do for...diversion?"

"The Internet."

"You're kidding me! You actually go to those sites?"

"Not from here or home. I surf anonymously."

"How the hell do you do that?" Meade popped the top on another beer and handed it to Jack, taking his empty.

"There's a place in Denver called the Hardrive. You rent access cards and passwords for all kinds internet sites. They have rooms and gym facilities, a pool and high speed internet access in every room. I pay cash. They cater to a very selective clientele."

"That must cost a fortune?"

"I don't know...I guess... what price sanity?"

"Yeah, true. That's partly why I'm resigning at the end of the year. Mike and I want to be together without fear of repercussions."

"He's civilian?"

"He is now; he made the break last year. He's a urologist too so we decided to take turns. Mike made the move first and started a practice in Denver. And I'll retire at the end of this year and join him. As a matter of fact, I've already tendered my resignation to Washington. I ETS in December, just before our fifth anniversary."

"That's great, Howard. I'm happy for you."

"We'll have you sorted out long before then Jack, and then we need to find you a man."

"I don't want a man, Howard. I want a certain man, and he's NOT interested."

Daniel could not believe his eyes. The brochure for the All-Gay Cruises was colorful and attractive, it was full of smiling young men with hard bodies eating, drinking and having fun.

The cruise packages were attractive too.

Daniel paced trying to figure out why Jack would have the brochure, anything except the obvious.

He KNEW Jack O'Neill. Jack O'Neill was most certainly NOT gay... dammit.

He grabbed the brochure and walked to the couch and lay down, still pondering the implications, looking for ANY OTHER reason .

His logical mind exhausted, Daniel let his animal brain take over and his cock hardened with the possibility. He opened his pants and let his imagination run wild.

Meade removed the empty bottle from the sleeping man's hand and returned it to the six pack carrier with the other five empties. He knew the beer was risky, but felt that maybe Jack needed to loosen up a little. Now, he was glad he did. He took the briefcase and bag and stopped in the nurse's station and made a few notes on Jack's chart.

He was careful to note only that he had been there and had a talk with the patient who still reported that he had not experienced any erections to date. He also noted an approximate fluid intake for O'Neill during his visit, although he did NOT mention the type of fluid. He spoke briefly with Captain Bryant and advised him that the Colonel had been allowed to 'indulge' in a little contraband and asked him to dispose of the evidence and not disturb O'Neill.

Bryant smiled and agreed without hesitation. O'Neill had needed the diversion.

Jack was walking down a long hallway headed for the door at the end.

The sign on the door said, 'Doctor Mike- Urology'.

He opened the door and went inside. The waiting room was shrouded in a mist that made it difficult to see, but he found the desk, wrote his name on the clipboard then went and sat down.

He picked up a magazine and started to flip through the pages, but they were all blank, so he put it back and took another and another, with the same results. He turned to the man that was suddenly sitting next to him and was about to comment on the blank magazines. It was Daniel. He looked at him with a blank stare and looked back down at his blank magazine, the mist cleared, the waiting room was full of...Daniels. They all sat thumbing through blank magazines.

"Mister O'Neill, Doctor Mike will see you now."

Jack leapt to his feet and headed for the exam room. All the Daniels were looking at him.

He sat on the examination table and scrubbed his hand across his face. He heard the sound of a chart being pulled from the door rack and looked up as the man came into the room.

"Mister O'Neill, I'm Doctor Mike."

It was Daniel.

Jack woke up in a cold sweat, shivering.

Daniel was lying in a deck chair, soaking up the sun poolside. He picked up his glass and drained the last of the iced tea and signaled for the waiter to bring him another. The naked men paraded past him, smiling. Some winked at him and others stroked their hard cocks or suggestively rubbed their butts. He just smiled and shook his head at each offering. He took his freshly filled glass and moved towards the buffet table.

On the table were men, of all descriptions, the waiter suggested that he make a selection, and escorted him down the length of the table describing each 'dish' as they came to him. Daniel kept shaking his head declining the offerings.

Daniel returned to his cabin and there was a knock on the door.

"Doctor Jackson, it's the Captain. I understand you are not happy with the selection we offer. Could we please discuss what we can do to make your passage a little more pleasant?"

"Please come in, Captain."

The door opened and it was Jack wearing a Captain's hat, and nothing else save a wide grin. He moved toward the bed and climbed between Daniel's legs. Then he dipped his head and swallowed his cock to the root.

Daniel awoke with the hard-on of the century.

Janet Fraiser finished her exam and sat down to talk.

"Well, Colonel, you seem to be progressing nicely, and that infection seems to have cleared entirely, thank goodness."

"When can I go home Doc?"

"I'm sorry Colonel, I can't release you until Doctor Meade gives his okay."

"He seems to feel that... well, he's waiting for you, sir."

"Waiting for me?"

"I believe he wants to be able to assess your...functionality, before he releases you. I think he's afraid you will throw a clot.""Is that like a fit?"

"No, sir. Not exactly." Janet's bacon was immediately removed from the fire when Howard Meade waltzed into the room with a grin.

"Ahhh, are you two conspiring against me?"

Janet stood and walked to the door. She patted Meade on the arm and explained, "Colonel O'Neill was just asking when he can go home. I told him THAT is up to YOU!" She left the room and closed the door behind her. Meade walked to the bed and sat the brown bag on the table.

"Good corned beef on rye with mustard, and cream soda. The luncheon of champions."

"Why do you always bring me stuff?"

"I do it because I like you... and, uh... because Mike doesn't let me eat this stuff at home. He's on this whole grains and soy protein kick."

"Ewwwww."

"Yeah, I know. But I love him anyway."

Jack unwrapped a sandwich and accepted an opened cream soda from Howard who put his Swiss Army Knife away and sat back and grabbed a plastic container from the bag.

"Kosher dill?" He offered a whole pickle to Jack.

Jack accepted one and looked at the large pickle for a moment.

"How very...phallic of you Doctor. Thank you." Meade took a pickle and they sat there and stared at them for a moment then started to chuckle.

Meade went down on his pickle and came up tonguing the end. Jack cracked up.

"Never give a fag a whole pickle." Meade said and took a bite.

Once they had stopped laughing and finished their lunch, Meade grabbed the briefcase and put it on the bed, handing Jack the key.

"Mike and I decided we could part with a few of these. There's a couple of fetish mags in there too, Mike's idea, so blame him if you're disgusted. Now about sending you home."

"Yeah, when?"

"Maybe in another day or two. I'll tell you the honest truth, Jack. I'd feel a lot better about letting you go if you had an erection first."

"I go days without an erection Howard, sometimes weeks."

"Yeah, but... I'm being honest now Jack and I really did NOT want to tell you this, because I think it will only make matters worse."

"WHAT?"

"The first one or two are probably gonna hurt like hell and may or may not be... well, as hard as you're used to. They will probably be very different than what you had before."

"Like for instance. Wait, never mind, I DON'T want to know."

"I'm sorry Jack, I was hoping this wouldn't be an issue by now. Look I gotta go, I have surgery at thirteen thirty. Promise me you'll try?"

"Yeah, and from the looks of these..." Jack motioned to the magazines in the briefcase. "... I might actually have some success."

"Good! I'll drop by on my way home."

And Hurricane Howard was gone.

Jack got up and locked the door, then sat down gingerly and opened the briefcase. He KNEW these magazines existed he had just never actually held one before. He would never go anywhere that sold them and didn't dare order them for delivery, so he sat and sifted through each one like a kid who discovered naked pictures in the National Geographic.

He found one that seemed to have the most graphic pictures in it and sat back going page by page and studying the pictures on each. He felt that familiar warming low in his belly and hesitantly opened the tie on his pajama pants.

Daniel kept returning to the brochure, he was drawn to it. He tried to push it from his mind but couldn't and every time he picked it up Jack's face replaced the smiling faces on the glossy pages.

Finally, in a fit of curiosity, the kind that gets you killed off-world, he surrendered. He picked up the telephone and dialed the number that Jack had scrawled on the back above the address for The Hardrive Databar and Cyber Spa.

"Hi, this is Gary!"

Daniel held the phone.

"Hello?"

Daniel lost his nerve and hung up. Well, the answering voice said it was Gary, the brochure was addressed to Gary Weston, Owner- The Hardrive Databar and Cyber Spa. Daniel did the math, and then, on a whim, grabbed his car keys.

The entire drive to Denver, Daniel berated himself for being nosy. He lectured himself sometimes out loud about the dangers of jumping to conclusions, accusing himself of Budge-like behavior.

Jack was covered in sweat. He just managed to get the magazines back into the briefcase and unlock the door. Then he fell back on the bed, unable to move. The pain in his groin was unbelievable and after a few moments he was finally able to turn his head enough to look at the clock on the wall. It was fourteen hundred.

SG Three came back on world at fourteen thirty, in pretty bad shape. The entire infirmary was busy trying to assess and stabilize the injured team. Even Captain Asher who would have normally been in to do vitals on the very stable patient in the isolation room at the end of the infirmary was tied up providing urgent care.

Jack tried to find a comfortable position and hoped the pain would go away. He rolled to his side and pulled a pillow up in front. He was already soaked in sweat and just knew he was going to lose that corned beef sandwich. He tried to breathe slowly and wait it out, hoping it would go away.

At seventeen hundred, Howard Meade came back into an extremely busy infirmary to see his favorite patient. He paused in the nurse's station to read the new chart entries and was surprised to see that there weren't any since his visit. He spoke briefly with Captain Asher and found out why then strolled into Jack's room.

As he came through the door, Meade thought that Jack was asleep. Then looking more closely it looked as if someone had hosed Jack down, in the bed. The light blue Air Force issue pajamas looked almost navy and the white sheets were soaking wet. He glanced up, looking for a leak and then walked to the bed.

"Jack?" He touched a very wet shoulder and the body shivered under his touch.

"Howard?..." was the raspy half-gasped reply, "...help me."

Meade shot to the other side of the bed and took a good look at his patient.

Jack was soaked in perspiration, shivering with cold, and whiter than the sheets on which he lay. He had also vomited on himself, the bed and the floor. Meade leaned down and Jack shifted slightly allowing him to see the cause of his discomfort.

"Jesus, Jack! How long have you been like this?"

"Since you left."

"CHRIST, Jack! I left here before thirteen hundred. It's after seventeen hundred...hang on." Meade went to the door and called for Asher. The Captain saw the look on the surgeon's face and handed off his patient to another nurse, and hurried to Meade.

Meade gave instructions to Asher who hurried to gather the necessary items, and then returned to Jack's side.

"Okay, Jack, listen to me. We're going to give you some medicine which will hopefully relax you enough that 'that' will go away. Hang in there, okay?"

"Whatever, just hurry. I can't take much more."

Asher returned in short order and injected the medications into the capped IV access in Jack's vein. Then he hurried off and gathered the supplies necessary to clean his patient up and hopefully, make him more comfortable.

Daniel sat in his car across from the entrance to the Hardrive and watched the people. It was located in a very high rent area, full of exclusive shops and trendy boutiques and the people who went in the door looked fairly well off and of all ages.

It couldn't hurt to look, could it?

He grabbed the cruise brochure and got out of the car.

He crossed the street.

And chickened out.

He re-crossed the street and got back in the car and watched some more.

Finally after a long time he got out of the car, forced as much by leg stiffness as anything else. He picked up the brochure and headed for the door. His hand tried to stop working as he reached for the door handle, but his cowardice was thwarted by someone coming out, and he had no choice now but to go inside.

With events conspiring against him, Daniel walked into the lobby. It was nicely appointed and somewhat reminiscent of some of the old world lobbies he had seen in his travels. It was small, but large enough to be comfortable and there were two men sitting across from each other having coffee in one of the corners.

The whole lobby was in full view of the large carved wood front desk and there was a man standing behind the desk doing some paperwork.

"Can I help you, sir?"

It was too late to run, and there was no where to hide, so Daniel sucked it up and strolled to the desk. He spoke to the well groomed young man behind the counter with the name of David on his tag.

"Uh, I was... er, looking for someone."

"A guest here?"

"Uh, ah...no, I mean, I THINK I'm looking for Gary."

"Certainly sir, and you are?"

"Uh, he doesn't know me...we have a, uh...mutual friend, I think."

"Yes, sir. If you could wait here a moment." And David was gone into the offices behind the desk.

A tall, well built man came around the corner; he had black hair, crystal blue eyes, a beautiful tan, a pen stuck in his mouth and an armload of folders.

"I'm Gary, can I help you?" He pulled the pen out.

"I'm... er, we... do you..."

"Is there something I can do for you, sir? It's okay, I don't bite... even when asked to."

"Uh, I have something that belongs to you... I think." Daniel took a deep breath and was ready to grit it out now.

"Oh yeah? Is it a lottery ticket? You're not with the Prize Patrol are you?" Gary had a wide grin and looked around playfully trying to break the tension.

Daniel finally laughed and Gary pushed a little more.

"Oh god! Don't tell me I've been drafted...again!"

Daniel was still laughing.

"No, seriously, what do you have of mine... other than my heart with that laugh of yours."

Now Daniel blushed.

"This." Daniel laid the brochure on the counter and it took Gary a moment before he recognized it, after turning it over and seeing the phone number written above his name.

"Where did you get this?"

"Somewhere I'd least expect to find it."

"Why don't you come into my office and we can talk..." Gary turned back to the young man, "David, if you could hold any phone calls?"

"Sure, Gary."

Daniel followed the man into a decent sized office; it was all brass and mahogany and looked every bit the executive part. Gary went to the couch in the corner and sat down waving his hand for Daniel to do the same.

"I own this place. People come here to escape who they are forced to be in the world. Here they can be themselves. They pay well and I respect them and their business so I don't mess with private detectives or jealous lovers or wives. If I lose sight of my client's need for anonymity, then I lose my credibility and this all becomes just a glorified bathhouse with internet access. I've worked too hard and long to see that happen. So, since I don't know who you are or what this is all about..."

"I found it at my best friend Jack's house."

"Your best friend...Jack?" Daniel could see the recognition in Gary's eyes.

"You know Jack. Tall, silver hair..."

"A ten thousand watt grin, dodgy knee..."

"See! You DO know him!"

"It was just a guess." Gary said with a smile.

"You're a VERY good guesser!" Daniel joked.

"And who, exactly, are you?"

"I'm Daniel."

Gary gasped and suddenly leaned back on the sofa with a smile that held hidden secrets.

"YOU'RE DANIEL!... God!... I'm NOT surprised!" Gary shook his head while allowing his eyes to play over Jack's heart's desire.

"Has Jack... mentioned me?"

Gary stood up and turned towards the door, "Daniel let me give you the fifty cent tour of The Hardrive."

"I'd PREFER an answer."

"AFTER the tour, then, maybe, you'll understand your BEST friend a little better."

"What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said. This way, Daniel."

The tour began.

When Jack woke up he was clean, dry, warm and in that fog that meant he'd visited the operating room again. He turned his head and saw a tall form sitting in the chair by his bed.

"Danny?" he whispered, and the head that had been resting on the chest, asleep, lifted.

"It's Howard, Jack. You're gonna be fine. We had to take you to the Operating room to deal with it, but I don't think it'll happen again. How do you feel?"

"Relieved."

"Yeah, I'll bet. If we'd known sooner, the meds might have worked and we wouldn't have needed the surgery. Christ Jack! Why the hell didn't you call the nurse?"

"I thought I could take care of it."

"Well, you were wrong."

"Looks like... I guess the whole base is having fun with this one, eh?"

"Jack... if you think that, then you don't know your people very well. Although you may find a few phone numbers written hastily on your dressing from secret admirers."

O'Neill started to laugh and grabbed at his groin.

"Oh and Jack... it MIGHT hurt to laugh for a day or so!" Meade chuckled.

"Gee, thanks Howard... What time is it?"

"Twenty one hundred."

"Shouldn't you go home? Mike will be worried."

"I've called Mike and he knows I won't be home and why. I'm staying here tonight, Jack. General Hammond has been kind enough to offer me a VIP room for the night. I won't be far if you need me."

Jack looked panic stricken.

"Is it gonna happen again?"

"No, Jack, that's NOT what I meant. Here, have a little ginger ale and in a little while, if you feel up to it, you can have some food... or what passes for food here."

"No more pickles, Howard." Jack smiled.

"No more pickles, Jack." Meade laughed.

Chapter 8: Nice computers don't go down

"What I want to know is how do YOU feel about all of this Daniel?"

"Well, I think it's a nice place and you do a really good job."

"That's NOT what I meant and YOU know it."

"No, no it's NOT what you meant and I did know it. I was just trying to evade answering."

Gary unlocked a door and they walked into a guest room.

"This is one of the rooms. We rent by the hour or overnight, each room comes with high speed internet access, a large screen monitor, surround sound audio, refrigerator, cable TV, etc, and all the rest of the usual stuff. Then we give out access cards for all of the really good porn sites, so OUR CLIENTS can surf the sites anonymously. A large portion of our clients are still in the closet. They have too much to lose to come out and they are afraid to do this stuff at home or CAN'T because of their home situations.

They don't want to hurt anybody; they just want a little relief."

"Like Jack?"

"Like Jack."

"Sooo, Daniel... what's YOUR poison? Now that you know about Jack, what will you do?" Gary crossed his arms and waited as Daniel looked at the wall for a moment.

"I think I'll do this." Daniel took two steps forward and grabbed Gary's face and planted an open mouthed kiss on his lips.

Gary was astonished and off balance, he backed up a step and fell back on the bed... with Daniel on top of him.

"Oh, sorry." Daniel started to get up off Gary.

"I'm not." Gary reached up to kiss him back.

Daniel took his glasses off.

They were all mouths and hands. Gary started to pull Daniel's clothes open and Daniel didn't resist. He tasted the skin everywhere he could; finally Daniel pulled away and pulled his own sweater over his head, to allow Gary bare skin access, unbuttoning Gary's shirt with a smile.

Bare-chested now they ground their groins against each other, until Gary reached between them and opened Daniel's zipper. Daniel took that as permission and did the same for Gary while toeing his own shoes off.

Gary pushed the jeans down over the tight buttocks and Daniel rose up enough that he could also push the boxers down. Daniel reached down and dragged Gary's pants and shorts over his hips and down his legs as Gary kicked off his own shoes. Then Gary shook the pants off his legs as Daniel managed to finally disentangle his own pants and boxers and kick them off.

Now, things WERE a little awkward. Since they had the presence of mind to be rid of their clothes, loss of control was no longer an issue.

Until Daniel dove back in and took Gary's ringed left nipple in his mouth.

Jack was in and out of sleep for most of the remainder of the evening. Finally, Meade went to the nurse's station and grabbed a blanket and pillow for himself from an unoccupied bed and returned to the small room, draping his legs across another plastic chair.

He had seen the fear in Jack's eyes and refused to leave the man alone until it was gone.

Jack was standing alone in a field; all around him the earth was cracked, dry, brown and dusty. Suddenly shadows moved overhead and he heard thunder, then the sky opened.

The rain fell in sheets and the cracks disappeared, as the ground drank its fill.

The rain stopped as suddenly as it had started and the sun came out. He felt the ground rumble and everywhere for as far as he could see things were growing out of the ground.

Giant erect cocks.

Jack awoke in a sweat, gasping for air.

"Jack! Are you okay? A mussed looking Howard was immediately at his side.

"Ugh... yeah, I think so."

"Bad dream?"

"Weird is more like it."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Nah, I'd rather forget about it. Is there any water?"Howard turned to the bedside table and grabbed a large covered Styrofoam cup and shook it.

"Yeah, I think so, here." He held the straw to Jack's lips and he drank greedily and then laid back.

"Better?"

"Yeah, thanks..." Then Jack noticed the pillow and blanket half on the floor.

"Uh, Howard, I thought you were going to use the VIP room?"

"I didn't feel like walking that far."

"It's only around the corner. You know, you DON'T have to stay and watch me, I'm not going to run off."

"I KNOW THAT, Jack. I just wanted to be here, if you got...distressed, that's all." Meade was being VERY selective in his terminology and Jack thought for a moment before he finally got it.

"Distressed? Do you mean in case I got another one of THOSE..." Jack waved the hand with the IV around a little."Yeah. THOSE." Meade admitted.

"Well, aren't WE just...DANDY...a couple of fags who can't say the term 'hard on'." Jack smiled.

"Blame it on the Air Force, Jack, I do..." Meade smiled and sat back down, "...Now, get some sleep, okay?"

Jack sighed and closed his eyes.

"Yasure."

"Wait... Daniel... condoms...top drawer...nightable." Gary panted against Daniel's sweat-slicked neck.

Daniel reached into the drawer and pulled out condoms and lube.

"God! Gary...you guys have... everything."

"Our clients...pay well... REAL well. They expect...ALL the amenities..." Then Gary gasped as Daniel slid two lubed fingers into him. "...we aim to please."

"And you DO...please." Daniel deftly added a third and pistoned them inside the tanned body beneath him.

Gary took the condom from Daniel's hand and gripping one part in his teeth tore the package open. Then he looked Daniel in the eye.

"Let me put this on for you."

He opened his mouth and placed the condom inside his lips in front of his teeth and waited.

Daniel removed his fingers from Gary and sat back leaning up on his elbows.

Gary moved between Daniel's legs and went down on him, applying the condom with his mouth at the same time. Daniel's eyes closed and his head dropped back just enjoying the moment, then when Gary came up with a grin, Daniel growled and pushed the man onto his back, slapped some lube on the end of his sheathed cock and pushed inside. Daniel dropped an arm under Gary's knee and pulled it up over his shoulder and stilled.

It HAD been a very long time since he'd done this and Daniel was just basking in the moment until Gary wagged his butt.

"Uh, excuse me? Did you doze off down there? Move it or lose it Daniel!"

"Sorry... just, uh...ah, never mind." And Daniel began to move, slowly in and out just enjoying the sensation of being sheathed in Gary's body.

"Fantasizing, Daniel?" Gary offered when the words failed Daniel.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Ahhhh..." Gary shivered when Daniel grazed his prostate. "...about Jack?"

Daniel thought for a moment, which was tough given his present occupation and then answered, "Uh, yeah...sorry."

"Don't... be...you forget... I've seen Jack..."

Daniel's pace increased and he changed his angle, and the conversation was over.

Jack was wandering through the marketplace, looking at the merchandise in the stalls and came to the booth where the old woman sold herbs.

She spoke to him in Arabic and told him that she had something that he needed.

He answered in Arabic and told her he didn't need anything.

They argued.

She told him he just hadn't noticed yet and then opened a gold box.

Inside was a bloody cock and balls.

Jack looked down at his naked body.

He began screaming in Arabic.

This time Meade nearly fell from his chair. He had all he could do to hold Jack in the bed, as he swung and thrashed, screaming. Lieutenant Davidson was there in a moment and pulled the door closed behind him. Between the two of them they managed to wake Jack before he hurt himself. Then all three of them stilled and just attempted to catch their breath.

"Jesus, Jack! Are you awake now?" Meade was holding a hand to his own nose as the blood welled between his fingers. Davidson grabbed a towel from the table and an ice pack from the drawer and was at the surgeon's side in an instant.

Jack just lay in the bed panting, eyes shifting quickly around the room, as if to reassure himself of where he was and that what had happened was a dream.

Davidson guided Meade to the chair and helped to tilt his head back.

"I know you don't think so now, sir, but you were lucky. Everybody here is warned when they first get assigned to this infirmary, you don't try to restrain Colonel O'Neill if he's asleep or unconscious. He COULD have killed you."

"Ah thik he di."

Finally, Jack was in enough control to suppress the panic.

"OH! GOD! Howard, I'm so sorry!"

"Ith alryt, Yak. A'll liff." One of the medics from the infirmary came when Davidson called and they now had ice on the back of his neck AND his nose.

"Better call Doctor Warner." Davidson told the sergeant when the bleeding showed no signs of slowing.

Fortunately for Meade the fracture was not displaced. Warner taped a splint in place and packed the nose off to prevent further bleeding, then allowed Meade to resume his vigil with Jack. The urologist still had ice to his swollen nose and now his blackening eyes as well.

Jack apologized more in the next two hours than he had his entire life and eventually they started to laugh at Howard's close call.

"Ma life flassed before ma eyes." Meade was unable to breathe through his nose and it was reflected in his speech.

"I AM SO SORRY."

"Jack, stop ih! You ha a ightmare. I woo hab struggle too, having a dream like tha so soo after wha you went through."

Jack looked confused.

"You were screamin in Arabic, Jaa. I don thin anyone but me knew wha you were sayin. Do you wanna talk?"

Jack took a deep breath, sighed and shook his head. "No, I'm tired, Howard. And we BOTH need to get some sleep." Jack shifted in bed and winced, "Damn it hurts."

"I'll tak care of tha." Meade got up and went to the nurse's station. Returning with a syringe, he swabbed the IV port and slowly injected enough medication that BOTH of them would get some rest.

"Good night, Jack." He said as he emptied the syringe into the line.

Daniel twitched to completion deep inside Gary, then grabbed Garry's hard cock and swiftly pushed him over the edge as well. Daniel pulled out carefully and then looked around as if unsure what to do with the condom.

"Tie a knot in the end of it and drop it in the trashcan, Daniel, unless, you want a souvenir? Most people just take the towels though."

"Oh, ah, I'm sorry. I've never done this before." He tied off the condom and dropped it into the can by the bedside.

"Well, fortunately, I have." Gary responded then catching Daniel's somewhat surprised expression he added, "Once or twice."

"Any body I know?" Daniel asked and then quickly added, "I'm sorry... don't answer that, I don't WANT to know."

"What if it was? Would that make any difference to you?"

"No...yeah...I don't know, I don't think so." Daniel dropped to the bed next to Gary and propped himself up on his elbow.

"I think I might love him." Daniel finally volunteered.

"You have very good taste, Daniel." Gary ran his fingers through the semen laying white across his tanned belly. Then Gary watched as Daniel, unable to resist a writing media, began to trace glyphs in the white cream on the flat, brown belly with his forefinger. He continued half unconsciously until he noticed Gary watching him then stopped and jumped out of bed. He grabbed a towel, wet a washcloth then returned and slowly he erased his work.

"How long has he been coming here?"

"Since we've been open, almost two years."

Daniel looked surprised. "That long?"

"Yeah, well he doesn't come every weekend or anything. But almost once a month."

"How did he manage...?""How did he manage to keep it secret?"

"Yeah, we spend so much time together I thought I knew EVERYTHING about him. But this place... he's... how did he hide it?"

"Look, Daniel..." Gary rolled onto his side and propped himself up on an elbow to face the distressed man. "He was VERY careful. Hell, I didn't even know his REAL first name until his last visit. He always checked in using the name Matt. I sort of suspected he was military...it's a bearing they have, and he finally confirmed THAT his last visit too. So, don't berate yourself for not knowing."

"So, how come he told you all this stuff the last time he was here?"

"I guess he trusted me enough by then. PLUS we had a little talk."

"About?"

"He wanted to know where fags go on vacation. Except I could tell he was BIG time uncomfortable talking about it. So uncomfortable, he didn't even know what words to use to ask." Gary laughed and shook his head. "It was SOOO obvious that he was still in the closet. That's when I suggested the gay cruises. I even offered to book it for him if he was interested, so I put my number on the brochure."

"So, then, he doesn't come here to see somebody?"

"OH, DANIEL, SWEETIE! I suspect he hasn't seen anyone in a very long time. And the worst part is, he's oblivious to just how desirable and gorgeous he is."

"That's true. He thinks he's old and decrepit."

"But, he also thinks that YOU are THE single hottest man alive."

"NO...really? Did he say that."

"He never had to, Daniel. When I asked him if there was anybody, he said he was only interested in ONE man and he didn't think of him that way, that he was his best friend. When I asked why he didn't talk to you about it. He said that you were straight and he would rather stay in the closet than risk losing you."

"Oh god. All this time... we could have been together."

"Well, I'm sure it's NOT QUITE that easy. Aren't you military too?"

"No, I'm a civilian consultant. Jack's my team leader."

"Well that kinda explains some of it. These military types take their commands VERY seriously. I was in the Navy before I chucked it all and opened this place. I told Jack he reminded me of one of my flyboys, uh... anyway, they are real unlikely to do anything that may jeopardize the team."

"You have NO idea." Daniel rolled his eyes.

In the morning Hammond stopped by the infirmary to see how Jack and Colonel Meade were doing. He had gotten the CQ's report that had indicated an altercation in the infirmary had led to Colonel Meade requiring urgent medical attention for a broken nose and couldn't quite believe his ears.

One look at Meade asleep in the chair next to Jack's bed confirmed it all. Hammond spoke briefly with Lieutenant Davidson who gave him the whole story, then walked to the isolation room, pulled down the shade and closed the door. He left orders that they NOT be disturbed and went back to his office to call the Academy Hospital Commander to advise him of Colonel Meade's unavailability.

At zero seven thirty, Meade's pager, set to vibrate, went off. He woke up stuffy and sore and went to the nurse's station to answer the call. O'Neill was still asleep. Doctor Warner came in and removed the packing, then re-splinted the now, less swollen nose and commiserated with the surgeon on the dangers of an unconscious O'Neill. Then Meade went to the VIP quarters to clean up and came back to the infirmary around zero nine hundred hours. He thought Jack was still asleep. Even though he loathed disturbing him Meade needed to check on him before he left. He walked quietly into the isolation room.

Jack was moaning softly and his breathing was somewhat quickened. Meade turned and locked the door behind him and sat back down in the chair and waited. Jack's hips shifted slightly under the covers.

He was in his own bed, naked, with no covers on the warm summer night and the moonlight shining brightly through the opened curtains. He was waiting for the person in the bathroom. Finally, the door opened and the bathroom light blinded him momentarily, then went out. The form that had been standing at the door moved across the floor towards the bottom of the bed and paused. Then knelt on it and began to crawl like a cat towards him. He smiled and rolled onto his back and opened his arms. The form's head dipped and dragged his tongue up one of Jack's naked legs from the foot, pausing at the knee and groin to lave the accumulated salt and then he moved to the other leg and repeated the performance. Jack was writhing on the bed; the torture was exquisite.

The predator straddled him and lapped the sheen of sweat from Jack's belly, rimming his navel, and proceeded tongue first to Jack's chest, nipping and licking then worrying each nipple until the mere touch of the hot tongue was painful. Meanwhile the predator's sex was leaving tantalizing trails of hot pre cum all over Jack's tongue-washed body.

"Fuck me." The predator purred into his ear and then moved to the side into a shaft of moonlight.

It was Daniel.

His skin was glossy with sweat, his eyes dark with desire, and his cock dripping. He was up on all fours, stretching his arms out in front and butt in the air in a cat-like pose.

"Fuck me, please."

Jack moved behind him and grabbed the firm buttocks and returning the favor, licked straight up the divide and then began to tease the tight hole with his tongue.

Daniel growled, "Please, fuck me now."is skin was shiny with a sheen of peH

Jack put two fingers in his mouth and pulled them out, then inserted them between the back-thrusting buttocks.

The growl turned back into a purr, louder this time. Jack could feel the vibration through his sheathed fingers. He wanted so badly to be buried balls-deep in this tight channel. He worked his fingers as much as he dared and deliberately grazed the trigger deep within Daniel.

He couldn't wait any longer; he ached with need, his entire body thrummed with desire. He reached down to take his cock in hand.

It hung limp and lifeless between his legs.

He fell to the side, panting, while the feral Daniel rocked back and forth begging to be fucked.

He touched himself, and felt nothing.

The feral Daniel again moved over him. He used his tongue and hot mouth, licking and sucking, trying to coax life into the poor dead creature, to no avail.

Then, Jack looked up to see Yaphe come into the room, his cock rock-hard and big. He stood at the bottom of the bed and held his hard dick steady as Daniel backed down the bed on all fours and right onto the big cock, impaling himself. Daniel rocked back and forth, keening when the angle was right and his trigger was grazed.

Finally, Daniel pushed up on his knees, leaning back into Yaphe's chest, while Yaphe's hands worked his nipples and stroked his dripping organ. Their motions looked all the more erotic and surreal for the moonlight that fell over them casting harsh shadows.

"Come here, Jack..." Daniel growled. Jack crawled to the bottom of the bed as one of Daniel's hands joined Yaphe's in pulling and stroking Daniel's aching cock "...and see what a REAL man can do."

Yaphe growled as he came inside Daniel and Daniel growled as he shot hot streamers up into Jack's face.

Then Daniel started to laugh.

Jack startled awake, again, drenched in sweat, shaking and panting.

"Jack? Jack? You awake?" Meade touched his arm from the side, afraid to get too close till he was sure Jack was awake.

"Oh, God!" Jack groaned.

"Another dream?"

Jack nodded.

"I guess I'll consider it a victory that you didn't wake up screaming this time." Meade said studying Jack's face.

"More than you may think."

"Oh yeah? Is it?" Meade asked and Jack nodded.

Jack moved his hand down to his burgeoning erection and stroked it through the bed linens, his pajama pants and the dressing that partially covered it.

"Is it painful?" Meade sat back down.

"It aches."

"A good ache or a bad ache?"

"I dunno, I'm afraid to touch it."

"You'll have to touch it eventually. Now is a very good time." Meade smiled.

Jack's hand moved under the covers and inside the pajamas. His eyes closed and he gasped as his cool hand touched the heated flesh.

"Oh god." Jack groaned with relief at the reassuring sensation. Meade felt himself hardening as he watched.

"Go ahead, Jack. Just be a little gentler than you usually would."

"Oh god." And another groan. Meade got up and walked to the door.

"I'll give you some privacy. I'll be right outside guarding the door, you won't be disturbed. Call me when you are through, okay? Oh and don't worry about the dressing, it's not critical."

"OH GOD!" Jack arched into his own hand and Meade figured he better get out while he could still walk without embarrassment. He stepped outside and sat smiling by the door; Captain Asher nodded knowingly at the grin.

Daniel invited Gary to dinner and they passed the evening talking about the military and its effects on relationships. Gary was distressed to hear that Jack had been injured in a 'training accident' and mentioned that with all those scars he must have had quite a few of them in the past too.

Finally busted, Gary was forced to explain to Daniel EXACTLY HOW HE knew about Jack's scars. Gary briefly considered telling the truth and decided against it.

Instead, he concocted a fanciful tale of a long heart-to-heart talk in the sauna with a towel clad Jack bemoaning his impossible one sided attraction to Daniel.

Gary thought that for a quick save, it was pretty darn good.

Daniel didn't believe a word of it.

It was late and Colorado Springs was a long drive, plus he and Gary had shared more than one bottle of wine during and even after dinner. So, Daniel had spent the night in one of the guestrooms at the Hardrive. Gary, while originally hesitant to offer his companionship, happily agreed to Daniel's request to keep him company.

The sex was a little less urgent than it had been earlier, but just as satisfying, as the much more experienced Gary took control. Afterwards they lay, sticky and sated and spoke of Jack.

"I can see why he's so attracted to you, you ARE gorgeous..." Gary licked at the sweat accumulated in the hollow formed by Daniel's collarbone and neck. Gary's hand played lower on the tight belly and Daniel brought his legs up and arched his pelvis upward to draw attention to his again hard cock.

"...and insatiable, too! I see Jack will have his work cut out for him when you two finally get together!" Then Gary groaned as Daniel's head ducked and he tugged on the nipple ring with his teeth. Gary grabbed another condom and after dramatically ripping the packet open with his teeth, slid it down Daniel's shaft. Then Gary straddled him and Daniel held his cock up as he guided Gary to a seated position. Daniel pulled his legs up and thrust his pelvis upward to fully sheath himself.

Gary wiggled his butt as he sat and then pulled almost off, before repeating the procedure, falling forward onto his hands for support. He sat and ground his buttocks against Daniel's pelvis and his cock engorged anew as the exaggerated motion grazed his prostate, over and over. Soon they were both panting as they neared orgasm. One of Daniel's hands moved to Gary's hard organ and firmly stroked it as Gary started to move more deliberately towards completion.

Gary came first, covering Daniel's belly and chest with hot streamers, and then he stilled, exhausted. Daniel grabbed him around the chest and rolled them both until Gary was on his back, no mean feat given Gary's size and folded both of Gary's legs up against his belly and chest. Then Daniel, with Gary's verbal encouragement, pounded into him with force until he stilled and, with a half-swallowed cry, was finally complete.

"Uh, Howard?" The smallish voice was only just loud enough to be heard and Meade turned the handle and peeked inside to assure himself that he had, indeed, heard Jack call him.

"Jack?...You okay?"

"I think there's a problem." Jack said with a concerned face.

"What kind of problem?"

"It's NOT going away." Jack looked down toward his pelvis.

"Not again... Is it painful?" Meade came fully into the room and locked the door behind him.

"A little bit, no where near as bad as before."

Meade stepped up to the bed and reached for the covers. "I'm sorry Jack. Let me have a look."

Jack was still hard, although not the severely engorged, almost purple color of the prior episode and his crotch and pajamas were splattered with discolored semen, deep yellow with red-brown flecks and streaks. Meade grabbed a pair of gloves from the nightstand and pulled them on, then reached down and carefully lifted the organ. He saw the concern in Jack's eyes, "That discoloration will go away. Remember you were done quite an injury. I wouldn't be surprised to see some bloody semen either."

Now Jack looked relieved and unfolded the towel at his side to show the urologist that he had, indeed had that too.

"Take deep breaths and relax, Jack. The congestion seems to be subsiding." Meade handled Jack with deliberate care so as not to contribute to the erection by stimulating him. As Jack relaxed so did the congestion, and Meade was as relieved as Jack was when the erection finally subsided.

"How do you feel?" Meade asked.

"Tired... and sticky." Jack added his eyes closed.

"Well, how about I send Captain Asher in and let him take you to the VIP room to shower. Let me get this dressing off..." Meade fumbled with the bulky dressing that was more for support than anything else. "...You can shower, there are no stitches in the skin, and you probably won't even have a scar..."

Jack raised an eyebrow and looked with a crooked smile at Meade who then looked a little more carefully at his patient, "...Uh, if THAT could even REMOTELY be considered an issue? But I want him there with you Jack, just in case you get dizzy. You haven't been out of bed that much yet. Understand?"

"As long as he doesn't have to be IN the shower with me that's fine."

"Also, I want you to wear briefs for a little while...OR boxers with an athletic supporter, you're gonna be hurting otherwise. We have one waiting for you after your shower. THEN, I want you up and around the rest of the day, IF you want to go home tomorrow?"

"No kiddin'?"

"No, kiddin'." Meade snapped the gloves off and trashed them, then turned back to Jack. He took a pen from his pocket and two business cards.

"This is my card, on the back I'm writing my home phone, cell phone and pager numbers. This is Mike's card..." Meade showed Jack the second card. "I'm doing the same thing here, Mike's pager and cell numbers. IF you have a problem, or even THINK you have a problem you call me. If you can't reach me for whatever reason, you call Mike, do you understand?"

Jack grinned "Did you write Mike's home number on the back of his card?"

"Oh..." Meade started to write and then realized he'd been treated to the return of the O'Neill humor. "... okay you got me. Obviously, you're feeling better." Meade handed over the cards and Jack slipped them into the small pouch on the side of the locked briefcase.

"Listen, Jack. Just go easy on it for a little while. You body has had to make some ...er, adaptations. So, like this little episode, you'll have to learn your new responses. Some things may be beneficial..."

"Like the new staying power?"

"Yeah, hell, I know guys half your age who can't keep it up long enough to have an orgasm. This just means the party isn't over once you've come, that's all. It MIGHT just be a blessing when we get you fixed up with somebody." Meade winked and Jack rolled his eyes.

"Are you board certified in Matchmaking too?"

"Yep! And I don't want to see all my HARD work go...er well, let's just say go to waste, shall we?"

"Up the spout?" Jack countered. "Down the drain? Fucked up? Jerked off?"

"ENOUGH! O'NEILL! Get your ass out of bed and showered. I have to go home and try to explain what happened to my nose to Mike. I'll see you later this evening." Meade turned to go, "And Jack... take the pain meds if you need them, okay?"

"Yasureyabetcha."

One minute later Captain Asher came in with a wheelchair, and Jack was in business.

Chapter 9: When you swim in the creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

Daniel had a long ride home. It gave him a lot of time to think, about Jack mostly. He replayed the sex in his mind over and over, each time his mind's eye projected Jack into Gary's part in the tableau.

He hadn't had penetrative sex in a long time. He had found that for the most part, intercourse no longer existed without a commitment, and his life these days just would NOT allow a commitment. He was a scientist, a seeker of truths, and any commitment he would attempt currently would require more lying than he could possibly stomach.

No, Daniel's sex life these days was reduced to infrequent mutual hand or blow jobs. Now reduced to hiding in the shadows in the back rooms of gay bars and even once behind a dumpster in an alley, sordid and seedy. He couldn't even invite someone over for the comfort of a warm body during the night, because of the classified nature of his job. He had completely sacrificed his sexuality for the program. Well, maybe not completely.

Not as much as Jack anyway.

In spite of all the thinking, somehow he made it home intact. Then he began to plot the seduction of Jack O'Neill.

He drove to Jack's house and finished writing the checks he had started before his curiosity had gotten the better of him and the trip to Denver happened. Then, just because he needed something to do with his hands while he thought, he did Jack's laundry and washed the clothes he was wearing, borrowing some sweats from Jack's drawer.

He liked Gary but it bugged him that Gary had been so close-mouthed about Jack's last visit. Daniel got the feeling that there had been a little more to it than trust. Why else would Jack, out of the blue, tell Gary his real first name and that he was military?

No, Gary had sex with Jack, Daniel was sure of it, and for some reason Gary had felt it necessary to keep THAT bit of information to himself. The question was why. Did Gary have designs on Jack himself? While he was 'going there' exactly WHAT had THEY done? Was Jack as hot and tight as he imagined? OR, OH MY GOD! What if Jack were strictly a top, Gary had gone bottom so quickly and easily with Daniel that maybe that was the way he had gone with Jack.

Daniel stopped folding towels and considered it further. He had never gone bottom, had never even thought much about it before, but now he suddenly wondered if he could. Oh sure, he'd had the odd finger penetration by someone blowing him, but it had never progressed further than one finger. He did enjoy the electric jolt that stimulation of his prostate had given him even then and thought he might really like to try it.

He was putting Jack's freshly laundered socks away when he found 'IT'. He stared at 'IT' for a while. Then he looked around as if there were someone to notice what he was doing, and reached out and touched 'IT'.

'IT' didn't move, 'IT' just laid there, blue-gray and shiny and hard. Daniel knew what 'IT' was, of course, he just never, in a million years, figured Jack would have one in his drawer. Why wasn't 'IT' locked up? Oh, yeah, Jack lived alone, he had no reason to secure 'IT' under lock and key, and there was no one to find 'IT'. He picked 'IT' up and felt the balance, very important with these things, and was impressed, THIS was a formidable weapon. He wondered if 'IT' was loaded and turned 'IT' over in his hand, avoiding putting his finger on the trigger. Had Jack ACTUALLY ever used THIS, he wondered.

He turned to look at Jack's bed, and felt himself hardening at the thought of Jack really using this. He thumbed the trigger and the vibrator hummed to life in his hand. He stroked his cock through the sweatpants he was wearing and closed his eyes. Unable to resist the urge he moved to the bed and removed the borrowed pants then opened the nightable drawer and there under the open half completed New York Times Crossword puzzle book, way in the back, was the tube of lube.

Daniel traced his cock with the humming vibrator again, and then applied a good amount of lube to his finger. He ran the vibrator all around his cock and under his balls while he pushed one finger into himself. He ran the finger around inside the muscle and withdrawing the finger applied more lube. He took a deep breath and as he blew it out pushed two fingers in, stopping when the burning pain began. He moved the vibrator all around his balls and concentrated on that sensation as he forced his fingers deeper and began to scissor them, stopping as the burn returned with the stretching. He managed to just brush his own prostate and that and the tingling the vibrator gave his balls was a double rush. Now, he wanted more.

"Oh gods, Jack!" Daniel could no longer control himself. He switched off the vibrator and removed his fingers from himself. Then he applied the lube to the vibrator and pulled his legs up. He lowered the vibrator, placing the tip against his lubed opening and took a deep breath and again blew it out as he pushed the hard slim device into his rectum. He almost gave up when the burning started, and his erection waned considerably, but he stilled and gave himself time to adjust and continued. Finally he thumbed the trigger and the vibrator again came to life and as the vibrating blunt tip hit his prostate, Daniel finally found out exactly what he had been missing.

He pushed the speed to maximum and pistoned the device in and out easier and easier, occasionally rotating or wiggling it in the process. He closed his eyes and was suddenly no longer alone. Jack was there, driving into him, sending electrical charges directly through his prostate and into his cock. He was covered in sweat and panting now, as he moved more urgently. The imaginary face above him dripping with sweat, hair plastered to his skull biting his bottom lip and grunting as he dove forward again and again. Daniel could not take much more and held the vibrator in place when he hit his prostate again, thrust his hips...and came. He shot long ribbons all over his belly and chest, shivering and twitching with every spasm. What seemed hours later his cock was empty and he switched off the vibrator and removed it. There was what seemed to be gallons of semen all over the bed and him, he didn't think he had ever come so much at once, especially after all that sex with Gary, and without ever once touching his own cock. Oh yes, he could learn to love this. He looked around and figured he had some more laundry to do now and used the spread to wipe his belly off and then he headed for the bathroom.

Jack had spent most of the day up and around, stalking through the infirmary and nearby hallways. He was still uncomfortable. He had always worn boxers and preferred not to feel confined. But he also had always exercised good sense and worn a supporter and cup when necessary and Howard had said it was necessary so he dealt with it.

He had looked for Daniel, but was told the archeologist had been off for two days, that was strange, Daniel never mentioned that he wouldn't see him and just as Jack decided to head for Hammond's office he ran into Daniel coming in the infirmary door.

"JACK! You're up!"

"Yes I am, Daniel."

"I was just coming to see you."

"It's about time, too."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just haven't seen you much since I woke up."

"Your wardens kept throwing me out, or wouldn't let me in to see you."

"Why wouldn't they let you in?"

"Something about your doctor being there."

"Who? Howard?"

Daniel looked surprised at the first name reference and showed it.

"Howard, Jack? Kinda unlike you to be so friendly with a shrink isn't it?"

Now, Jack looked surprised.

"Shrink?"

Daniel countered quickly, "Look, Jack, I don't know exactly what happened on Desarta but if there is anything I can do, you know you only have to ask, don't you?"

"Uh, thanks Daniel. Fortunately I don't remember much about what happened."

"I guess that's why they brought in the shrink then." Daniel commented.

Just then Howard Meade came around the corner and seeing the two friends speaking quietly, coughed to get Jack's attention, then smiled and waved. Daniel looked up and saw the splinted nose and blackened eyes.

"JESUS! What the hell happened to HIM." Daniel motioned towards where Howard had been standing.

"I broke his nose."

"WHY!?"

"I didn't mean to, I wasn't awake."

"Ahhh!..." Daniel nodded "...that explains it." Daniel shared a tent with Jack when off world. He knew just how dangerous a sleeping O'Neill could be from prior personal experience.

"Look I have to go...Howard says I should be able to go home tomorrow, can I get a lift?"

"Like you even have to ask?" Daniel quipped. "I'll stop tonight and pick up some groceries for you. Your refrigerator is empty."

"You don't have to."

"JACK! Some time today, please?" A voice called from inside the infirmary.

"Uh, I gotta go."

"Yeah, me too. I'll drop by later." Daniel started to walk off.

"Okay, and uh, thanks, Daniel." Jack turned and went into the infirmary.

"Well it's about time, look we have to talk. Mike has had an idea."

"What did he say about the nose?"

Meade laughed "He LIKES it! The goofy bastard thinks it makes me look macho. I swear, I'll bet he even makes me wear leather when I get home. He can be...very weird."

Jack laughed with Meade, "He sounds like an interesting guy."

"You have NO idea!" Meade rolled his eyes, "Well, Captain Bryant tells me that you've been a very good patient today. Have you had any more erections?"

"Ya know, YOU need to get a hobby!" Jack accused. "Look, you can have me up walking the halls OR whacking off. You can't have it both ways."

"How do you feel?"

"Kind of tired and my balls ache."

"Well drop you pants and get on the bed, let me have a look." Meade moved to the door and locked it then pulled on some gloves. Jack dropped his pants as instructed and sat gingerly on the bed.

"Lose the jock too." Meade said as he moved up to the bed, and Jack lifted his hips and removed the elastic support and then sat even more gingerly.

"Christ, they feel like they'll explode." Jack put his head back and inhaled sharply as Meade examined him.

"I think you've probably done enough for one day. Even with the supporter there's still a lot of swelling. Relax; I just gotta check the incisions." Meade raised Jack's swollen sac to check the two small incisions just behind them and Jack headed for the ceiling fixtures.

"Easy, Jack."

"Oh, yeah, sure, right..." Jack started to babble "...I'm just wondering why you even bothered to repair them if you were just gonna yank them right off!"

"I'm being as gentle as I can...just try to take deep slow breaths and relax. Stay put for a moment." Meade pulled a towel across Jack's exposed package and went to the door. He summoned Captain Bryant and gave him instructions then left the door unlocked and when back to Jack's bedside.

"We're gonna put some ice around here and elevate the foot of your bed that should help the swelling go down."

Twenty minutes later, Jack was standing on his head while lying down and his balls were freezing.

"Let's talk for a minute, Jack" Meade sat down and leaned back in the chair.

"Not now, Howard, I'm busy freezing my balls off here."

"Good then you're a captive audience..." Meade smiled "...I was thinking, you're gonna need some serious medical leave after I spring you from here. I'm not talking a week or two I'm talking a full eight weeks, MINIMUM..."

"Ah! COME ON, Howard, for crying out loud. I've already been a prisoner here for almost three weeks, please not EIGHT WEEKS?" Jack was whining now.

"MINUMUM! NO bullshit, NO deals. MINUMUM!..." Meade held up a hand to shut Jack up. "Mike and I have decided to take you with us."

Jack stopped whining and looked puzzled.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, Mike and I have decided to take you with us."

"With us, where?"

"On vacation. It will ensure that you're on leave and NOT working. We can keep an eye on your activity level and make sure you get some rest and..."

"I'm NOT sixteen goddamn years old Howard. You do NOT have to take me on vacation with you to keep me out of trouble."

"Who said anything about keeping you OUT OF TROUBLE, Jack?"

"Well, why the hell else?"

"Would you PLEASE let me finish?"

"Sorry."

"Yeah, as I was saying, we can make sure you get some rest. WE would also be around just in case you needed us, for anything."

"Are you done?" Jack asked.

"No, and before you say anything we have already made the reservations, so you can't back out."

Jack was flabbergasted. "I NEVER BACKED IN! You gotta lotta balls, Howard!"

Howard nodded, "YEP! That's what Mike said too. Look, you'll go, you'll have a good time, you'll get some rest, and just maybe you'll find somebody." Meade used his best Jewish mother intonation and waved a hand at Jack.

"Why are you SO DAMN INSISTANT on getting me fixed up?"

"Because you need somebody, Jack, you're lonely."

"How the hell do you know what I am?" Jack's voice was even and deadly.

"I know the look, the body language, the anger, the fear. Go ahead, get mad and argue with me, it'll only prove my point."

Jack had been ready to do just that, but was stopped in his tracks by Meade's statement.

"I can see it in your EYES, Jack. Every time you think someone MIGHT get too close to guessing, you deflect them with sarcasm or anger. You're just hoping to piss them off enough that they'll go away and leave you to shrivel up in peace...alone."

"What the hell do you know about it?" Jack said sourly.

"Seen it enough...in the mirror, every day for years. You don't HAVE to live like that."

"There isn't anyone out there for me. There's no one out there I want."

"You can be THAT sure?"

"Yeah, I can."

"Well, I'm surprised, Jack. I really didn't think you were that conceited. But it doesn't matter. You're still going."

"Where?" Jack sighed; he was sinking into that despair that he usually only faced on the darkest nights alone in his bed, aching for company.

"A Mediterranean Cruise. Barcelona, Rome, Cannes, Mallorca, Ibiza...you'll have a great time. It's a gay cruise, so you can let your hair down and maybe find yourself."

"And if I find myself and don't like who I find?"

"Then you'll have at least gotten some rest and some sun and don't have to go through the rest of your life wondering..." Meade looked at the now subdued O'Neill, "...what do you have to lose, Jack? And who knows, maybe you'll gain a little more comfort in your own skin."

"Why does the world always think that they know what's best for me?"

"Well, in this case, it's true."

"Fine, it's not like I really have a choice."

"Absolutely none."

The conversation stopped as Captain Bryant came in and exchanged the melted and warming packs for fresh ones sending a renewed shiver through O'Neill.

"I just want to go home." he sighed.

Meade arrived early the next day to do a last check up and write the order to discharge Jack. He departed quickly and promised to call Jack later to check on him, warning him against too much activity.

Daniel arrived about thirty minutes later and collected a very eager Jack and took him home.

Jack walked in the door of his house nearly a month after he had left it, collapsed on the couch and went to sleep.

Daniel moved through the house to the bedroom. He turned down the bed and got out a fresh pair of sweats, laying them on the bed. He opened the small bag that had been handed to him when as they left the infirmary and opened it, inside were six identical packages. He took the packages out and put them on the dresser all the time wondering why Jack would need six athletic supporters, a small silver key on a fob lay at the bottom of the bag he took it out and examined it. He figured it was a good guess that it fit the briefcase that Jack had carried into the house and stuck it in his pocket. Maybe while Jack was asleep he'd take a look.

Daniel moved back into the living room and towards the couch. He pulled off Jack's old Nikes and covered the sleeping man with the afghan from the back of the couch, knocking over the briefcase. He picked it up and moved it to the side of the couch; his fingers lingered on the leather handle as his mind raced. The case did not belong to Jack; the initials on it confirmed that. So whose was it, and why did Jack have it?

Daniel shook off the urge and went to the kitchen, he had gotten a couple of filets to grill knowing that Jack's love of steak would be slightly subdued by exhaustion his first night home and he would never finish an entire steak.

He seasoned the filets and made a salad and wrapped a couple of potatoes to bake on the grill after seasoning them. Then he grabbed a bottle of water and moved back into the living room.

Daniel sat on the coffee table and watched; he hadn't watched Jack sleep for a long time. He had forgotten just how mobile Jack's face was while he slept, the corners of his mouth, his eyebrows, his eyes under the lids they all moved, responding to some hidden force.

As Daniel watched, the motion increased and he suspected he should wake Jack before the dream became unpleasant. Jack's legs began to move and his head tossed from side to side. Then the long legs kicked out at the restraining afghan and some unseen enemy and Jack began to call out.

"Jack, wake up." Daniel hesitantly touched his arm while watching out for the arms and legs that had claimed at least one victim in recent days.

Jack startled and then opened his eyes, blinking while the fog cleared.

"Jack?"

"Daniel?" He turned his head and watched as Daniel pulled his hand back.

"You have some medicine to take and you need to eat some lunch. What would you like? I have filets for dinner so don't say steak."

"You do?"

"Well, I figured it would be a waste to get actual steaks, so I got filets instead. Filets, salad, seasoned potatoes and if you're real good and eat all your dinner...cheesecake."

Jack smiled "Sounds really good, but before I do anything I gotta take a leak."

Daniel nodded and extended his hand to help Jack to a sitting position, achieved with a hiss through gritted teeth. After he stood up, Jack moved quickly towards the master bathroom, knocking over the briefcase in his haste.

A few minutes later, Jack returned to the living room scratching his head and sat down carefully.

"Daniel?" He regarded the man sitting on the coffee table. "Where's my laundry?"

Daniel's face lit up.

"I took care of it, Jack."

"YOU, my friend need a life." Jack smiled. "Thanks."

"You are welcome. But look, I gotta get back, so let me make you a sandwich and you can sack out, okay?"

"I really don't want anything right now, Daniel...You're going back to the mountain?" Jack looked disappointed.

"Yes, I'm sorry, Jack. I have a meeting this afternoon to go over some protocol issues with SG Six before their mission, but I'll come right back after that, okay?" Daniel could have sworn that Jack's bottom lip moved into a pout.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I'll be back right after the meeting. Okay?"

"Sure, Daniel. I'll be fine, don't worry."

"I'll call you the minute the briefings over and if you'd like I'll even stop to get some of that port you like so much. I'm sure Janet wouldn't mind if you had a glass after dinner."

"That would be nice, Daniel, thanks."

Daniel grabbed the briefcase and slid it under the coffee table.

"Let me get this damn thing out of the way, before you fall over it. Oh, this must be the key; I found it in your bag when I emptied it." Daniel dug the key out of his pocket and handed it to Jack, then patted him on the arm.

"Are you sure you won't let me make you a sandwich before I go?"

"No, Daniel, I'm not hungry. I'd really rather just sleep for now, I promise to eat all my dinner." Jack smiled.

"Deal! Okay, I gotta go." Daniel thumbed towards the door. "My cell phone is on." Daniel got up and headed for the door. "I REALLY hate to leave you..."

"DANIEL! JUST GO...you'll be late. I'll be fine. Goodbye!"

Daniel threw up his hands and headed out the door.

Jack sat on the couch and sighed, he really hadn't expected to be alone, but it was kinda nice. He eyed the briefcase under the coffee table, and picked his way to a standing position, grabbed the briefcase and walked to his bedroom. He took a towel from the stack in the bathroom and sat on the side of the bed. Unlocking the case, he started to look through the inspirational materials that Howard had donated. He stripped off his clothes, letting them drop next to the bed, and lay down.

Meade had told him that things would be different, but could not tell him what things and how much different. So, he touched himself hesitantly all over to see if he could discern any difference.

Some areas where he had always been sensitive were kind of numb, and other areas were hypersensitive. He would have to learn how to do this all over again. He picked up the magazine and decided to let nature take its course.

Chapter 10: Everybody has something to hide except for me and my squid

Daniel had stopped by the infirmary to see Fraiser when he got to the mountain. He had suspected there was something about Jack's condition that he didn't know and intended to try to find out exactly what that was.

He found Janet in her office going over charts and slid into the chair in front of her desk pushing the large french vanilla cappuccino across the desk towards her. Her face lit up and she reached out for the cup.

"Oh, Daniel, thank you so much... Hey, I thought you took the Colonel home?"

"I did, but I have a briefing for SG Six. So I had to come back. I'll go back as soon as I am done."

"How was he?" Janet closed the chart in front of her and sipped her cappuccino.

"He dropped onto the couch as soon as we walked in the door and fell asleep, he only just woke up before I left...is he alright, Janet? I mean REALLY alright?"

"I'm not gonna kid you, Daniel. I don't know. The injuries he had were severe and as with any serious injury, complete recovery is NEVER guaranteed. You know I can't discuss the actual full extent and details of those injuries with you..."

"But there's more to it then just the beatings and stab wound, right?"

"Daniel..."

"All I'm asking if there was more? I'm not asking for details."

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, I've noticed a few things about the way he moves and then there's the shrink coming two times a day, I'm NOT stupid, Janet."

The knock on the door startled both of them.

"Doctor Fraiser, Doctor Meade is on the phone for you."

"Thanks, Donna. Daniel, I have to take this...can we talk later?"

"Sure, Janet..." Daniel looked down at his watch, "...I have to go anyway; it wouldn't do to be too fashionably late for the briefing." Daniel got up and left the room, turning briefly to watch Janet pick up the blinking phone line and swivel in her chair to face away from the door.

Daniel walked away mumbling to himself.

"Doctor Jackson? Are you okay?"

Daniel looked up after almost running into Donna, the infirmary's unit secretary.

"Yeah, I just can't figure out why half the mountain drops everything when that, that... shrink, Meade, calls." Daniel was frustrated.

Donna looked confused.

"Doctor Jackson, Doctor Meade isn't a shrink, he's some big shot from the Academy Hospital, but he's NO shrink."

Now Daniel looked confused.

"He's not?"

"No, sir. He's from the Academy Hospital, not Academy Mental Health."

"Oh, uh, thanks for clearing that up, Donna."

"Sure, Doctor Jackson."

"I, uh, gotta go..." Daniel looked again at his watch, "I have a briefing."

As Daniel raced off to his briefing, his mind raced elsewhere.

As soon as the briefing ended, Daniel went to his office and began his telephone quest to discover the true identity of the mysterious physician that had been visiting Jack. It only took one phone call, to the Academy Hospital main number, to ask for Doctor Meade's office number. When the call was transferred, he had his answer.

"Department of Urology, Colonel Meade's office."

Daniel hung up, quickly.

Doctor Meade was a urologist. Why would a urologist be seeing Jack every day, sometimes twice? Then Daniel thought back to the bag full of athletic supporters and how carefully Jack sat down. Something was definitely going on, just exactly what did happen to Jack on Desarta?

"Janet? I need to ask you something" Daniel came into her office again, this time bearing nothing but questions.

"What is it, Daniel."

"About Jack."

Janet sighed deeply, "Daniel I told you before, I can't discuss the Colonel's medical condition with you.""I understand that Janet, but can you answer a couple of, er...general questions?"

"I can't discuss the General's medical condition either, Daniel." Janet beamed, she was damn proud; she never usually got that kind of opening.

Daniel, frowned, "Lame, Janet, really, really lame."

"All right, Daniel, what is it?"

"Just two questions, just yes or no answers, Janet. Did Jack have more injuries than you told us about?"

Janet sighed and looked away, "Yes."

"Is he going to be alright?"

Janet sighed again, "I'm sorry, Daniel, I honestly can't answer that question, because I don't know." She got up from behind the desk. "I have to go now; I have a briefing with SG Three in fifteen minutes." She turned and looked Daniel straight in the eye. "Please, Daniel, let it go. Let the Colonel have his privacy this time. He has to come to terms with this one on his own, give him that space."

"Thanks, Janet." He followed her from the office and they parted in the hallway

Nature had indeed taken its course...Jack had fallen asleep, his body too tired to respond to bottled inspiration. The ringing of the telephone woke him and he rolled over to answer it.

"Jack? It's Howard. How are you?"

"Well, I WAS asleep, until the phone rang."

"Oh, sorry... Listen, I got your phone number and address from Fraiser and figured I better check up on you. I'm on my way over there now. I met Mike for lunch and he booked the cruise..."

"Howard, I told you, I ..."

"And I TOLD YOU, YOU'RE GOING, now can it! We leave in five days, we were really lucky, Mike was able to get you one of the last reservations they had, and it's really nice..."

"OH GOD! It's not in the engine room is it? Perhaps shoveling coal into a boiler? A cozy little corner in one of the life boats?"

"Cut the crap, Jack. This is NICE! Look, I'll be there in about ten minutes, okay? We'll talk about it then."

"Okay, Howard."

"And for Christ's sake, Jack, put some pants on, will you?"

The connection terminated and Jack was left staring at the handset with his mouth open.

"Lucky guess." He said to the receiver, and then put it back on the cradle.

Jack pulled himself to his feet, pulled on the sweatpants and deposited his boxers and the athletic supporter in the hamper; he just didn't feel like struggling back into the damn thing. He pulled the tee- shirt and sweatshirt over his head and gathered the magazines up and put them back into the briefcase, then pushed it under the bed without locking it, and made his way towards the living room. He saw the cherry red PT Cruiser pull up in front, and shook his head, he should have guessed. He opened the door as Meade strolled up the walk, a manila envelope in hand.

"Nice wheels, Howard."

Meade turned back towards the gleaming vehicle, "Yeah, I like it. Mike thinks its silly, but well, you know..."

"Yeah, you love him anyway." Jack smiled.

Howard grinned, "Yeah, I do."

Jack stepped aside and Meade came in and looked around on his way into the living room.

"NICE PLACE, Jack."

"Have a seat, Howard. Would you like a beer?"

"Sure, why not."

"Actually I guess I should look before I offer. I have no idea if I even have any beer. Daniel shopped for me." Jack rolled his eyes. "That means I KNOW I have bottled water, juice, coffee, tea, and maybe even Coke. But I can't guarantee beer. Jack started towards the kitchen.

"Whatever you have is fine, Jack." Meade said as O'Neill lifted his right foot to take the first of two steps up into the dining room on his way to the kitchen. Jack turned slightly to acknowledge the man and missed the step, his right foot coming down quickly and hard, pitching him forward. The yank to his groin doubled him over.

"FUCK! OH FUCK!"

Meade was at his side instantly. "Christ, Jack! Are you alright?"

"OH,FUCKITY, FUCK, FUCK!" He clutched at his groin and grabbed for the arm that was extended to help him up. He got as far as the couch and pitched sideways onto it, still bent in half.

"You aren't wearing the supporter are you?"

"FUCKING, FUCKITY, FUCK, NO, FUCK IT! AM I BLEEDING? IT FEELS LIKE MY FUCKING BALLS HAVE BEEN RIPPED OFF!"

"God damn it Jack! What the fuck did I tell you? You NEED the supporter, you git. Lay down, here and let me look." Meade pushed Jack's legs up onto the couch; Jack immediately brought his knees up, while still clutching his groin.

"OH NO! You don't need anyone to keep an eye on you...of all the dumb...put your legs down." Meade started to grab pillows from the neighboring furniture and began to shove them under Jack's hips. "Lift your butt."

He shoved another pillow under Jack elevating his legs and lower torso.

"I'll get some ice, I SHOULD just let you swell...that would teach you." Meade went for the kitchen shaking his head.

"I'm sorry, Howard...REALLY, REALLY sorry. I'll NEVER do it again."

"Oh, I can believe THAT!" Meade said from the kitchen, "You got plastic bags here somewhere, O'Neill?"

"Above the refrigerator, in the cabinet."

Meade half filled three plastic bags with ice from the freezer and came back with them and two dishtowels.

"Drop 'em, O'Neill."

Jack shifted and pulled the sweats down, Meade wrapped two bags in one of the dishtowels and knelt next to the couch where Jack was laying, he leaned forward and lifted the rapidly swelling scrotum. "Lemme just check my work back here." He leaned his head practically laying it on Jack's thighs to get a look, as he raised the swollen sac higher. Jack's hips lifted a little as Meade shoved the wrapped bags of ice under the sac, and Jack gasped at the cold.

Just then, Daniel came through the front door and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Jack lying on the couch, with another man's face in his lap.

Daniel froze, his eyes riveted to the scene.

"Oh god! I'm sorry, uh, excuse me." Daniel half mumbled and putting the bag on the floor, turned back towards the door.

"SHIT! DANIEL!" Jack pushed Meade away and grabbed at his sweat pants to pull them back up.

"Uh, I'm uh, sorry...I didn't mean, uh to interrupt. I'll just go."

"DANIEL! STOP! Just stop." Jack looked at the color of Daniel's face and figured out what Daniel must have thought he'd seen. He tried to sit up and was pushed flat again by Meade, who just stood and looked back and forth between the two men.

"Believe me, Daniel, it is absolutely NOT what you think it is."

"Jack, would you just lay still and let me get this other ice pack on you?... Doctor Jackson, I'm Howard Meade, Jack's doctor. Would you be so kind as to get us a large towel?"

Daniel still looked like a deer in headlights, but he nodded and moved towards the master bathroom. Howard turned back to his patient and said softly,

"Does he know about...?"

"About the injuries? No."

"About you?"

"NO, you are THE ONLY one who knows about that."

"Well, you've got some fast talking to do, OR you can tell him what happened, your choice."

"Better tell him, then." Jack said as Daniel came back with a large towel, and handed it to Meade, who covered Jack with it. Jack squirmed to look around Meade at Daniel.

"Lay still Jack. Doctor Jackson, why don't you have a seat until I get this other ice pack in place and then I think we need to talk." Meade turned back towards his patient, "You know, this is ALL your own fault, don't you? I told you to wear the supporter." Meade shoved the second ice pack on top of Jack's scrotum none too gently.

"CHRIST, Howard...take it easy would you? I've learned my lesson."

Meade turned and walked up the steps into the kitchen to wash his hands while Jack and Daniel stared at each other. He walked back into the living room and extended his hand.

"I'm Howard Meade, Jack's doctor."

"Um, Daniel, I'm Daniel. Sorry, it...I mean when I walked in, I thought, I didn't...it looked really..." Then Daniel took a deep breath, "HI, I'm Daniel."

Meade went to one of the armchairs and Daniel to the other,

"Well, Daniel. Jack and I have some explaining to do, eh?"

Daniel nodded, "Please?"

"Jack?"

"Better tell him, Howard, otherwise he'll never stop nagging me."

"I was gonna suggest that YOU tell him, Jack."

"OH for crying out loud...look, Daniel, a few things happened to me on Desarta. I was trying NOT to have anyone know, but now..." Jack shrugged.

"Fortunately I don't remember MOST of it, but on top of the other injuries, evidently one of the lunatics tried to castrate me while I was unconscious."

"JESUS, JACK!"

"He didn't succeed Daniel but he did a lot of er, well, damage. Howard is a urologist; he did the repair work. And I was... STU-PID..." Jack looked at Meade for corroboration and received a nod from the physician. "I didn't follow Howard's instructions, and tripped and managed to hurt myself. He was applying the ice when you came in."

Daniel paled at Jack's words.

"Christ, Jack why didn't you say something?"

O'Neill rolled his eyes. "Look, I would have preferred that NO ONE know. We thought we had actually managed to keep this under wraps, it isn't the kind of thing that you WANT to be common knowledge, Daniel."

Daniel swallowed hard. "Are you...GONNA be alright?"

Jack looked at Meade and Daniel's stare followed.

"He's been really lucky so far. There's still a lot of damage and it's a delicate area, but if our luck holds and he doesn't do anything ELSE STU-PID..." Meade stared directly at Jack. "...I think so."

"Oh, he won't do anything ELSE STUPID, I guarantee it." Daniel stared directly at Jack. Jack just rolled his eyes and looked away.

"Oh for... look, Daniel, you need to understand one thing."

"What's that, Jack."

"This...none of this...leaves this room. It's nobody's business. Janet and Hammond and Howard here went to a lot of trouble to protect my privacy, and I'd like that to continue. Not to Carter, not to Teal'c, I don't even want Janet and Hammond to know that you know."

"That's fine, Jack. My lips are sealed."

"Now, THAT would be a first!"

Daniel was about to rebut that accusation when he saw the shiver run through Jack, the ice packs were taking their toll. Daniel got up and pulled the afghan from the back of the chair and then moved to the sofa and covered the shivering man.

"How about I make you some hot tea, Jack? Howard, can I get you something to drink?"

"That would be great, Daniel, thanks. I need to talk to Jack for a few minutes anyway." Daniel had moved to the kitchen and quickly returning with a bottle of beer, handed it off to Meade.

"I'll leave you alone with your patient, I'll go make you some tea and start dinner. Can you stay, Howard?"

"Uh, no, thanks, if I don't get home I'll get killed. I've had enough to explain lately with the broken nose and all."

"Okay well, I'll just be in the kitchen." Daniel moved back towards the kitchen and Howard took a drink of his beer while watching Jack watch Daniel.

"Alright, listen up! YOU stay OFF your feet, keep your butt in the air and iced. If you haven't figured out YET, the tissues there are delicate and won't take a lot of swelling without residual damage. I don't want you UNDOING all my hard work. Let me just explain it THIS way...nerves don't recover easily OR well. Too much swelling increases the pressure on the nerves. Too much pressure on the nerves and it's sayonara stiffy, got it?"

"Yeah." Jack's reply was half whispered.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Meade leaned forward cupping his hand at his ear.

"I said, I got it, Howard."

"Good. Did you have an erection, today?"

Jack was aghast, "JESUS, Howard! Wanna speak up; I'm sure the neighbors couldn't quite make that out."

"Well? Want me to repeat myself?"

"NO, no, I didn't."

"Well, try it later after some of the swelling has subsided." Meade moved back towards the couch and sat on the coffee table. This is the cruise stuff; all they had left was another Grand Ocean View Suite. They gave us a discount for multiple rooms so it's a great price! And we're in the next suite!"

Jack was sorting through some of the things from the envelope when he stopped and his eyes got wide.

"HOW MUCH!!!??"

"Oh, please, Jack. What the hell else you gonna spend it on? Besides, the price includes everything except air fare, so stop whining."

"Jeez, Howard that's a lot of money."

"Yes it is, but it'll be worth it, so cut the crap." Meade picked up the envelope and slid everything back inside. "Where do you want me to put this stuff?"

Jack thought for a moment, "Up those steps, second door on the right, is my bedroom. Your briefcase is under the bed, it's unlocked, put it in there. I don't want...anybody finding it."

Meade nodded and left the room, then returned a few moments later sans envelope.

"Done. Look I gotta go. Now if you can't manage it on your own, I'll start to pack for you when I come over tomorrow."

"You don't have to..."

"YES, I do. I have been warned that you will NOT embarrass a certain person by dressing like a lumberjack on a tropical cruise, so I'm supposed to check out the viability of your wardrobe. It was made VERY clear to me that I am responsible for you, attire and all. So, I'll be by tomorrow."

"Yeah, whatever...this is the damndest vacation I've EVER been subject to!"

Meade grinned, "Yep! And you WILL have a good time too!" Meade moved back to the couch and peeked under the blanket and towel. "You need more ice."

"Howard?" Meade stopped.

"Yeah, Jack?"

"I'm sure Daniel's gonna have questions."

"So?"

"It's okay to answer them. Tell him what he needs to know, okay?"

"Okay, Jack. You're sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Meade went to the kitchen and Jack heard him speaking to Daniel then came back with more bagged ice and replaced the now melted packs. "First thing in the morning you put a supporter on and keep it on. I don't want to find grapefruits when I get here."

"Yes, sir."

"I'm outta here." He looked at his watch, "SHIT, Mike's gonna kill me!" Then he shouted towards the kitchen, "Goodnight, Daniel, it was nice to have met you!" then turned to Jack, "BEHAVE!"

Jack waved from the couch and Daniel came out of the kitchen as the door closed.

"He's gone?"

"Yeah, he had to get home."

Daniel picked up the bags of melted ice from where Meade had put them and started back to the kitchen.

"Daniel?"

"Yeah, Jack?"

"I'm freezing here, and you promised me tea."

Daniel smiled and came back, pulling the afghan back around Jack.

"So I did. Well dinner's almost ready and I'll have some tea for you in a minute, okay?" Then he started towards the kitchen.

Jack smiled, "Thanks, Daniel."

Jack didn't last long after dinner. While Daniel cleared up Jack channel surfed. By the time Daniel finished and came back to the living room, Jack was asleep.

"Jack? Come on Jack, wake up." Daniel touched him hesitantly.

"Wha?"

"Come on, you'll hate yourself in the morning if you sleep there all night. Wouldn't you rather be in your own bed?"

Jack scrubbed a hand across his face, "Oh God, yeah." He slid his hands under the afghan and pulled out the bags of water, Daniel took them to the kitchen as Jack pulled the sweat pants back up and threw off the afghan and towel that covered him. He moved carefully to a sitting position as Daniel returned with a bottle of water and his medications.

Jack swallowed the meds without question, something Daniel considered a small blessing considering the usual grief Jack gave about pills. Daniel helped him to his feet and Jack stood carefully, still slightly hunched over his aching groin. Jack paled slightly and Daniel slid his arm around him.

"You gonna be able to get as far as your bedroom?"

"GOD! I hope so, it feels like everything is tearing away."

"Come on, let's go before I have to carry you."

Together they picked their way to Jack's room and Jack headed for the bathroom, pulling away from Daniel.

"You alright by yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm good." Jack held on to the furniture and when he ran out of that, the wall. The door closed and Daniel found himself holding his breath with concern. He put the water on the nightstand, with the bottle of pain meds. Then, he grabbed one of the athletic supporters and put it on the chair next to the bed with a clean pair of sweats. He heard the toilet flush and the water run, then the sound of Jack brushing his teeth.

"Compulsive to a fault, O'Neill." He said softly to no one. Finally, some twenty minutes later, his nighttime ablutions complete, the bathroom door opened and a pale looking Jack emerged.

"Oh see, YOU really need to lie down, Jack."

"I need to lie down, Daniel."

Daniel helped him to the bed; he sat and pulled the sweatshirt off over his head preferring to sleep in the tee shirt alone. Then he quickly lay down and curled up on his side. Daniel pulled the covers up.

"Better?"

"Oh god! My own bed. Thanks, Danny."

"I'm gonna stay in my old room tonight Jack, so if you need me, just holler. Do you want me to get you some more ice?"

"Please NO, my balls have had enough freezing for one day."

"Who did this to you, Jack?"

"The bad guys, Daniel."

"But why?"

Jack sighed and Daniel could tell from his facial expression that the pain meds were taking hold.

"Mostly because they were nuts, Daniel."

"What stopped them from finishing what they started, Jack?"

Jack looked up, slightly cross-eyed and having difficulty focusing.

"I have no fucking idea; I was kinda unconscious at the time." Jack's eyes slid shut. In a matter of seconds, he was asleep.

"Like you are now." Daniel said softly, smiling. He picked up the bottle of pain meds and examined the label; he'd have to try to remember this pill. It worked like a charm on belligerent Air Force Colonels. He turned off the lamp on the table and dimmed the bathroom light, leaving the door open. When he looked back, Jack was stretching out a bit more in his sleep assuming a more comfortable position.

Daniel smiled and pulled the bedroom door to, without closing it. He left the hall light on and went to his old room. He didn't close that door either; he wanted to be able to hear if Jack's sleep was disturbed. He wondered how it could NOT be disturbed. He had awakened here and off world many times when Jack relived some of his past. He fully expected at least one visit tonight.

Just knowing what he did now about what had happened to Jack, Daniel figured he might have a nightmare or two of his own tonight. He tried to figure out what he was going to do now.

His friend, the man he had had hopes of calling his lover, was dealing with things that no man should have to deal with. How would knowing what he now knew and knowing what had happened on Desarta affect how he felt about Jack? Daniel was way too keyed up to sleep. His mind was spinning. He stripped down to his boxers and pulled down the covers, and sat with his knees drawn up in the dark, just thinking.

It would not at all affect how he FELT about Jack. Meade had said that if their luck held that Jack would be alright. Daniel thought that that was an awful lot of pressure to put on chance, and shrugged mentally. It wouldn't in the least affect how he felt about Jack, but it might affect how Jack felt about him.

Daniel had that hopeless feeling again. He couldn't pressure Jack now by telling him how he felt, but he had gotten his hopes up that they might have a sexual relationship too. Could he make the commitment without the guarantee of the physical aspects?

"You self-centered son of a bitch." He said softly out loud, "How can you be so selfish as to even sit here and think about this and how it's gonna affect you, when he's laying in there just hoping for the return of normal function?" Daniel took his glasses off and slammed them down on the nightable, then reached for the light. He was angry.

Jack walked along the deck in the opposite direction from the crowd. All the good looking young men walked past him sporting large erect cocks. The smiles of pride on their faces were almost comic book in nature that is if you could tear your eyes away to look that far up. As they passed him, they whispered and giggled, finally, he stopped and turned around. Everyone was stopped and staring at him, he started to shake as they began to point. He looked down to see why they were pointing. All he saw was smooth scar tissue where his cock and balls had been, he began to scream.

Daniel launched himself from the bed and was in Jack's room before he finished the first scream.

"JACK! WAKE UP, YOU'RE OKAY!... JACK!" Daniel laid his hand flat on Jack's shoulder; the shirt he was wearing was damp with sweat. Jack's eyes opened and he blinked several times to clear his vision and get his bearings. His hands released the death grip he had on the sheets and he looked over, nervously at Daniel.

Now that Daniel was sure Jack was awake, he sat down on the side of the bed. He put his hand on Jack's arm, and then pulled it back quickly when he felt the clammy skin.

"Water?" Jack rasped, and Daniel grabbed the bottle from the table and then helped Jack into a sitting position to drink.

Jack gulped the cold water from the bottle, while examining Daniel's face.

"I woke you up, I'm sorry."

"Its okay, Jack, I wasn't asleep. I don't suppose you want to talk about it?"

Jack ran one hand through his wet hair and gulped more water.

"Nah, just my id coming out to play. It'll pass."

"Are you sure, I can't do anything for you?"

"Believe me Danny, you just being here is enough."

"Take that shirt off, Jack. I'll get you another." Daniel moved to the chest and opened the second drawer pulled out another tee shirt and turned back towards the bed.

"Daniel? How did you know what drawer the tees were in, or was that just a lucky guess?"

Daniel's breath hitched and he attempted to adjust glasses that he wasn't wearing. "Uh, I, uh, did your laundry, remember?"

"Uh,oh, yeah." Jack pulled the damp shirt over his head and exchanged it for the dry one Daniel handed him. Daniel reached behind Jack and exchanged the damp pillow for the one from the other side of the bed, then took the empty water bottle from Jack's lap.

"Lemme go get another in case you need it. Be right back." Daniel dropped the tee into the hamper inside the bathroom door and walked to the kitchen, trashing the empty and taking another full bottle from the refrigerator. When he returned to the room, Jack was asleep...again. He put the bottle on the nightable and turned off the lamp.

Daniel went back to the guestroom and sat on the side of the bed. He wished he knew what he could do to ease Jack's nightmares, hell; he wished he knew what to do to prevent his own. Daniel lay down and rolled to his side, he closed his eyes and listened for sounds from the other bedroom.

Daniel drifted in and out of sleep; he got up again and went to Jack's room. Standing in the doorway he watched the man sleep for a while then finally, when he could no longer keep his own eyes open, went back to the guestroom and dropped onto the bed, he was asleep in seconds.

Chapter 11: If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

It was still dark outside when Jack woke up, no surprise there; it usually was at zero five thirty. He groaned and then stretched out while performing his morning inventory of aches and pains.

For a change, the knees were good; they had been the least of his problems of late. His hand moved almost automatically towards his aching groin. Nothing to report there, he was disappointed he had hoped that a night in his own bed would have had the desired effect, but, not this time. Maybe he was just expecting too much. Jack mentally ran through every cliché he could remember, stopping when he reached the one about a watched pot. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up; he vaguely remembered Daniel coming in during the night and supposed it was probably due to another nightmare. He'd had enough of those lately to keep Freud busy for a lifetime, although he was no Freud and HE guessed what they were all about. He was relieved that most of the swelling was gone and decided to shower now and put the supporter on right away. He grabbed the supporter that Daniel had laid on the sweats last night and headed for the bathroom.

Daniel stood at the base of the ramp, the event horizon shimmered blue in front of him. He and Sam and Teal'c were geared up and ready. From the control room Hammond gave them the go ahead. Sam and Teal'c started up the ramp.

"WAIT!" Daniel grabbed at Sam's arm, "Where's Jack? Why isn't Jack here?"

"Jack isn't on SG One anymore, Daniel. You know that. It's just the three of us now, remember? I'm in command now." Sam said patiently as if she'd said the same thing to Daniel a thousand times.

"But why isn't Jack in command?"

Sam sighed and turned to face Daniel putting her hands on his shoulders and speaking directly in his face. Teal'c came up and laid a large hand on Daniel's back for comfort, he supposed, or perhaps as reinforcement.

"Jack can't BE in command anymore, Daniel. You KNOW that. He's not in the military anymore."

"WAIT! What do you mean he's not in the military anymore? Of course he is."

"NO, Daniel, he isn't. They don't allow the...IMPAIRED, in the military. He can't function."

"WHAT!? OF course he can function. What's wrong with you?"

"No, Daniel. It's not what's wrong with me...it's what's wrong with Jack. He can't function as a man...how would you expect him to function as a military commander? Please be realistic...we've been over all of this before. Now, LET'S GO!" Sam took one of Daniel's arms and Teal'c took the other and they started to pull him up the ramp.

"NO! I won't go! Please, where's Jack. We need Jack!"

The hold that they had on his arms was bruising now, as they dragged him towards the event horizon.

"NO! I CAN'T GO! JACK! WE NEED JACK!..." Then Daniel started to yell for his friend.

"JACK! JACK! I WON'T GO! JACK!"

"Daniel... Daniel, wake up. Come on you're having a dream, Daniel!" Jack's hand was on his arm, rubbing. Daniel's hand went to his forehead and he exhaled forcibly, trying to steady his breathing. Jack sat down carefully on the side of the bed and watched as Daniel focused on a spot somewhere on the ceiling.

"You okay?"

"Shit!... yeah, I'm... I'm fine."

"Looks like your id came out to play too. Wanna talk about it?" Jack's hand laid flat against Daniel's shoulder, Daniel's skin warm and tingly under it.

"No, uh, I'm okay."

"You were hollering my name, you sure?"

Who said Daniel couldn't think on his feet? "It was just a replay of your rather abrupt return from Desarta."

"Uh huh." Jack didn't believe a word of it, but let it go.

Daniel looked up and down the sweat pants-clad body sitting on the bed. Jack still held his towel and hadn't managed to put a shirt on yet. There were still a few scabs from the deeper gouges but there were a lot more shiny pink areas then there had ever been before. Jack noticed Daniel looking him over, "Sorry, I just got out of the shower when you started screaming."

Daniel saw the damp hair and drops of water clinging to the broad shoulders and suddenly he was jealous of a drop of water.

"Uh, what... er, what time is it?"

"About six am."

"Why the hell are you up so early, Jack?"

"I'm an old dog, Daniel, an old MILITARY dog, you know that. I can't help it..." Jack started to stand up and Daniel laid his hand on Jack's upper arm.

"Stay with me for a little bit, please." The tremor ran through Daniel's hand and into Jack.

"Sure, Daniel. Hey, you're really rattled aren't you? Was it THAT bad?"

"Yeah, it was." Daniel took the towel from Jack's hand and started to dry off the soldier's back and shoulders without a second thought, it just seemed so natural. He sat up for a little easier reach and finished patting the broad back dry, then leaned his forehead against the nearer of Jack's shoulders.

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath then turned slightly and put his arm around Daniel's shoulder and rubbed circles on his back.

"You looked dead, Jack. Your face was bloody and your lips were blue, there was blood everywhere." Daniel shivered again and Jack pulled him closer.

"Come on Danny, you know neither of us dies that easy." Jack smiled trying to be funny.

"I'm not kidding Jack."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Look, why don't you lay down and go back to sleep for a while it's early yet?"

"Will you stay with me?" Daniel asked softly.

Jack leaned back to try to get a look at Daniel's face.

"Daniel?"

"Please, Jack?"

Jack looked in Daniel's eyes and saw he was sincere and fearful and something else too, something Jack couldn't name. He had nothing to loose.

"Sure, Danny, shift your ass." Daniel practically leaped across the bed to give Jack the room to lie down. Jack felt awkward, even more so when Daniel lifted the covers for him to climb under, but he did it anyway, it was what Daniel wanted.

Jack lay on his back, and Daniel was still lying on his side, and then in one move Daniel was in his arms head on his chest, hand draped across to the other shoulder.

"Thanks, Jack." Daniel said softly and closed his eyes. "That's much better."

"Sure, Daniel, anything you need." was Jack's half whispered reply. Jack wondered if Daniel could feel his heart pounding to get out of his chest, or if he'd noticed that Jack was having trouble breathing. Then Jack decided that he'd need to check the thermostat for this room, it was stifling hot in here. Jack closed his eyes and tried to control his heart rate, noticing that Daniel's breathing had quickly evened out; he pulled the sleeping Daniel closer and relaxed.

Daniel had spent enough time over the years watching people sleep, especially Jack, that he knew all the tell tale signs. He knew how to make his breathing deep and regular and provide the occasional hand, arm or mouth twitch to realistically reproduce the sleep state.

In short, Daniel was playing opossum. Jack really didn't know that Daniel was THAT good an actor and let his mind and attentions wander. He brought his other hand up and began to softly stroke the hair that tickled his neck. Daniel shifted slightly in his 'sleep' and forced an incoherent mumble out just so he could move his lips against Jack's chest. When the deep sighs started coming from Jack, Daniel knew he was victorious. He briefly considered throwing his leg over Jack's but was afraid that he might hurt him if his knee moved the wrong way, so he didn't. He mumbled into the chest and allowed himself the added luxury of placing a 'so gentle he might never know what hit him style kiss' there as well.

Jack froze, his heart stopped and Daniel was afraid he was about to be tossed on his ass.

"Daniel?" Jack said softly.

"Danny?" He tried again, moving his head slightly to attempt to look in Daniel's face. Daniel figured he better do something and snuggled down further and moaned. He was rewarded with a soft kiss to the top of his head.

Then the unthinkable happened.

Jack fell asleep.

Now, Daniel really was stuck, he relaxed and drifted off too.

The desert stretched out before him with no break in the dunes. Jack moved carefully towards the small dark area of oasis and paused behind some trees. He heard the sound of angry men inside the tent and carefully moved closer to hear what they were saying.

Rough hands grabbed him, and tore at his clothes. In moments he was inside the tent naked and on his knees in front of Yaphe and Raza. Aris tied his hands behind him and stood laughing as Yaphe picked Jack up and threw him over a bench and began to force his hard cock into him. Jack cried out and Aris laughed harder and sat down to watch the show. When Yaphe was done Raza took over and Jack just tried to calm himself and slow his breathing down.

Daniel wasn't completely sure but thought that Jack might be having another of those 'visits' from his id. Jack's head began to move from side to side and his hands to grab and release at Daniel's arm and shoulder.

The gasps scared Daniel and he started to rub gently at the chest under his head. "Shh, Jack, it's alright, you're okay, it's just a dream. Come on, Jack, relax."

When the body under him relaxed slightly and the breathing slowed, Daniel assumed it was because Jack had begun to surface from his dream state.

When Raza finished, Yaphe turned Jack over and dropped him to the carpeted floor. Jack looked up to see a naked Aris reclining on cushions caressing and being caressed by an equally naked Daniel. They were laughing and looking at Jack between kisses and caresses. Daniel leaned in and whispered something in Boch's ear and Aris began laughing out loud, and then called Yaphe and Raza over, whispering instructions to them. Jack watched as Boch took Daniel's hard cock into his mouth and began to suck noisily. Daniel motioned to Yaphe and Raza who dragged Jack closer, and then Aris moved and Daniel came in long spurts all over Jack's face.

"Daniel, no, please." The small voice said in Jack's dream, and Daniel's eyes shot open again. Before the waking Daniel could say anything the dream Daniel gave the order.

"Cut him, his zib is too big for a mamhoon anyway. Open your eyes, mamhoon, time to say goodbye to your zib!" Yaphe held him as Raza neatly sliced off his cock and balls in one move. Dream Daniel smiled.

Waking, Daniel felt the sweat break out on the body under his head and was about to move to wake Jack when the scream came. It was earsplitting and terrifying at the same time and reverberated through the chest under him.

"DANIEL! NOO!"

"JACK, WAKE UP! JACK, PLEASE WAKE UP!" Daniel turned and placed one hand flat on the chest and patted at the pale sweaty face with the other. Jack twisted and tried to pull away; Daniel moved with him and kept staring into his face waiting for recognition. When Jack's eyes opened he was looking into Daniel's face, into Daniel's eyes. First confusion and then relief swept over Jack like a wave as he re oriented himself.

"Jack? Are you okay? Talk to me Jack, please?"

O'Neill's arm tightened around Daniel and he scrubbed his face with his hand. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I didn't mean to wake you."

"Wake me? Hell, Jack, you scared me to death. We need to talk about this one."

"I'd rather not."

"Well, I'm sure, but the fact is you woke up screaming my name and THAT entitles me to an explanation." Daniel pushed up on his left elbow and looked down into Jack's face, but never removed his right arm from where it was draped across Jack's chest. The right hand, with a mind of its own, directly attached to Daniel's libido, began to stroke the chest, fingers weaving through the chest hair, without any input from its owner. Jack tried hard NOT to notice and closed his eyes.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't, Daniel. Please don't ask me to. Most of it is gone, all I remember is you were laughing at me."

"Oh, Jack, I would never laugh at you, you know that." Daniel's sentient right hand continued its exploration. Daniel may have been unaware of its actions but Jack was acutely aware of every move and flex of each finger, and his heart sank.

Before all this, he would have been rock hard by now and ready to roll Daniel onto his back and have him right there. Jack hoped that his lack of, enthusiasm, was more due to the nature of his nightmare than physical inability and sighed. He placed his hand over Daniel's right hand and stilled it, one of those warm digits resting against his left nipple. Now he was convinced there was something wrong with him. Daniel's touch had done nothing for him; he removed the right hand and pushed it back towards Daniel.

"I gotta go." Jack pulled himself out of the bed and was out the door in seconds. Daniel fell back into his pillows and banged his fists on the bed in frustration.

Chapter 12: I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

Jack fled to the privacy of the master bathroom and locked the door. He leaned on the sink, staring into the mirror and tried to decide what to do. Had Daniel and he always acted like this and he just hadn't noticed it or was something else going on? He stared at the face in the mirror.

Before that last mission he would have given his right arm to be lying in a bed with Daniel Jackson draped over him, Daniel's fingers exploring him. He SHOULD be in here right now using that right arm in pursuit of relief, but there was no need. Jack heard the phone ring, but couldn't leave the security of the bathroom just yet, then the ringing stopped and he assumed that either Daniel answered it or the machine picked up. A couple of moments later Daniel tapped softly at the door.

"Jack? Are you okay?... Jack?"

O'Neill scrubbed his hand across his face to break his concentration on the face in the mirror and answered.

"Yeah, I'm...I'm fine Daniel.""Look, Hammond called; I have to go back to the mountain for a couple of hours. Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine...go ahead."

"Well, you don't sound fine. Why don't you come out here and talk to me?... Jack?"

Just as Daniel was about to rap again the door was yanked away from his fist, and Jack walked past him towards the dresser.

"Go ahead, Daniel. I'll be fine. I'm gonna go sit on the deck for a while, it'll be nice to be outside." Jack pulled a white tee shirt from one drawer and a well faded Black Hawks sweatshirt from another and began to dress.

"I'm just going to go shower. Tell you what; I'll pick up lunch on my way back, burgers from The Angus Pit okay?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Okay, I'm... Are you SURE you'll be okay?"

Jack looked at Daniel after pulling the sweatshirt over his head.

"I'm a big boy, Daniel. I can be trusted to be left alone in my own house for a couple of hours."

"I'm sorry, Jack, I didn't mean it like that...you put a supporter on, didn't you?"

"Jesus H Christ! YES....Daniel...I put a supporter on. I learned my lesson yesterday, for crying out loud. Would you PLEASE get out of here?"

"Okay, Jack, sorry. I was just worried. I'm gonna shower."

Jack sat down on the bed.

"I think I'm gonna lay back down for a little while. Everything seems to tire me out." Jack crawled back up the bed, and curled onto his side.

"Close the door, Daniel."

"Uh, right, Jack." Daniel left the bedroom closing the door behind him and went back to the guest bedroom and grabbed a towel, heading for the shower.

Jack listened to his bedroom door shut and heard the shower start in the other bathroom. He closed his eyes at the thought of Daniel standing naked under the hot shower, sudsy hands running the length of one leg, and groaned. Thirty minutes later, Jack heard the sound of the front door closing and sighed. He was finally alone.

He thought back to lying in the bed with Daniel, the warm flesh pressed against his and rolled to his back. He could feel Daniel's fingers along his chest traveling the arch of his ribs, the palm flat against his belly. Then the tips of those same fingers following the line of fine hairs below his navel and he groaned. More fingers circled a nipple, teasing, using the faintest of touches, the other hand's fingertips soft against the inside of his thigh and around to his hip still inside the sweatpants. His mind's eye saw Daniel in the shower soaping his own groin, the suds running between his fingers as he hardened against his own touch.

Then, in his mind, he was there, in the shower, standing behind Daniel running his hands along the wet, sudsy body, his face and mouth curved down into the side of the long neck kissing along the jaw line, licking the water that streamed off Daniel's face. His right hand moved lower to caress along the sudsy length of Daniel as he pushed his own groin into Daniel's backside, grinding his pelvis against firm buttocks.

"Oh, GOD!" Jack arched into his own hand, his cock aching as it filled. He gently pulled at Daniel's hardening cock, his fingers trembling, trying to maintain control. His hand drifted lower and delicately touched the soft sack beneath and Daniel gasped and turned in his arms.

In one move Jack pushed the sweatpants and supporter down and was running his thumb across the dewy slit of his own aching cock. His hand moved to the base and his fingers drifted further. It was strange, he could feel the sac with his fingers but not much of the sensation was being transmitted through to his scrotum. He sighed as the thought softened him somewhat, and he tried to return to his fantasy.

Daniel slid down his wet body, his eyes glued upwards on Jack's face, his mouth open licking water off Jack's chest and belly as he moved slowly downwards. Jack brushed the wet hair back from Daniel's forehead and watched as Daniel's face dipped quickly under the cock that ached for his attention and licked along Jack's scrotum, then running his tongue behind it as he lifted them. Daniel slipped one side of the sack into his mouth and let his tongue roll it around then allowed that one to escape while he took the other. Jack grabbed at the tiled wall for support and tilted his pelvis slightly. Daniel rubbed a bristly cheek up and down against Jack's aching cock and it sent a shudder through him.

Jack's hand used the familiar rhythm, his back arched and a fine sheen of sweat glazed his face and body, most absorbed by the sweat suit he was wearing. He wanted more; he slipped a finger into his mouth, then sought out his perineum, slipping his finger carefully through the ring of muscle.

In his fantasy, Daniel slipped a long finger into him and his back straightened as his cock twitched in response. Daniel's finger pistoned in him and Daniel's mouth finally engulfed the swollen head of his cock and sucked hard. Jack felt the gathering tension without any of the familiar warning signs, and bent his finger inside just nudging his own prostate.

The results were immediate and spectacular. His cock nearly exploded in orgasm, the volleys of semen left his body in great arcs. He grunted with each of the painful, volley producing spasms, and then collapsed back onto the pillows, exhausted.

The ringing telephone woke him up.

"Hello?"

"Jack? It's Howard. Were you sleeping?"

"Just taking a nap. What time is it, Howard?"

"Almost noon. Listen I'm headed over there now, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I was, uh, busy."

"I thought you said you were sleeping?"

"Oh, for... If you must know I was whacking off, Howard, and all I want now is a cigarette and a nap."

"You were? That's great! How did it go?"

"Christ, I came so hard I thought the top of my head would blow off. And right now I'm laying here waiting for this thing to go down enough that I can get it back into its holster."

"Still hard?"

"Enough to hammer nails."

"Okay, try to relax. I'm on my way, is your door unlocked?"

"Probably not. There's a spare key inside a box buried under the last gnome on the left."

"I'll be there in a minute. I'm on your street now. Just relax."

"I'm trying." The line went dead in his hand.

Meade found the key and let himself in then climbed the steps to the master bedroom. He cautiously opened the door.

O'Neill was sprawled on his bed, the covers pulled across his groin; he was again covered in sweat and looked pale and nervous.

"Jack?"

"Jesus, Howard, will this ever end? I can't get it up and when I finally do, it won't go away."

"It'll get better, Jack. Let's have a look." Meade judiciously ignored the streaks of semen down the bed and turned his attention to the face of his patient. "Lemme get you a washcloth and towel." Meade looked around as Jack pointed to the bathroom door behind him. He wet a washcloth with warm water and grabbed a towel, then came back into the room and folding back the covers began to gingerly bathe his friend.

"Well, the semen looks a little better; the color is still dark though. The more you ejaculate the better it will be which is why I'm being such a nag about it." He looked back into Jack's face. "I know its uncomfortable, take slow deep breaths, Jack, and try to relax."

"Oh that's easy for you to say, you're not laying here hard as nails and having someone clean the cum off you..." Jack started to sweat more profusely now and if anything, looked paler. "...Howard, I think I'm gonna ..."

In one smooth practiced motion Meade had the small thankfully plastic lined trash can from next to the nightable at the side of the bed as Jack turned and began to vomit. There wasn't much there, since he hadn't had breakfast yet so it was mostly dry heaves. Meade put the can within reach and went back to the bathroom. He disposed of the first washcloth and wet another this time in cool water. When he returned to the bedroom Jack was lying with his arm draped over his eyes.

"Here, move your arm." Meade wiped Jack's face and folding the cloth laid it on Jack's forehead. Meade grabbed the towel and started to dry Jack's still damp groin, avoiding the unflagging erection, then had Jack lift his hips so he could strip off the soiled sweatpants and the bedclothes underneath of him. He stood with the bundle in his arms and looked at Jack.

"Where's the laundry?"

"Through the kitchen to the right."

"Stay put, I'll be right back." Meade carried the bundle of linen to the laundry room, as Jack tried to compose himself. The phone rang twice and Meade grabbed it in the kitchen. Ten minutes later he returned to the bedroom with a bottle of ginger ale and a glass, he grabbed another blanket from the closet and covered the now dozing O'Neill. Then he began his inventory of Jack's clothes closet.

"Howard? What are you doing?" Jack moved the cloth from over his eyes and looked up.

"I told you what Mike said, so I'm doing a closet assessment. You sure ARE sartorially challenged, aren't you, O'Neill? There's lots of denim and leather and jersey, but not much of the tropical."

"Well, it IS Colorado and not Maui."

Meade pulled out a light blue short sleeved shirt and khaki pants. "This will be okay for the plane, but...where's your tux?"

"I hate to disappoint you, Howard, but I don't own a tux. Any formal events I get invited to usually require Class A uniform, or my formal dress uniform, which is in the other closet by the way. So, I've never bothered."

"Ohhh, a formal dress uniform, can I look? I've never seen one except in the PX catalog. I usually only wear the Class A's."

"Yeah sure. It's in the other closet hanging in the garment bag." Jack waved him off. Meade crossed to the end of the long sliding doors and removed the garment bag, taking out the Air Force Dress Formal Uniform. He ran his hands over the cutaway jacket with tails and fingered the lapels then turned back to Jack. "I'm impressed Jack."

"It's necessary sometimes for Pentagon shindigs and stuff. It's not my favorite uniform."

"I guess not." Meade carefully replaced the formal wear into the garment bag and returned it to the closet.

"It has pretty much spent its entire life in the closet...kinda like me." Jack sighed and closed his eyes. Meade moved back to the bed.

"How are you feeling, now? Any better?"

"Real tired but I think I'm done puking if that's what you meant?"

Meade lifted the blanket and carefully examined the slowly diminishing erection. "It looks like its easing some here. Have a little ginger ale. You haven't eaten yet today have you?"

"No, I never got around to eating breakfast. Daniel said he would bring lunch home though." Jack sat up and drank some ginger ale, then lay back down and laid his forearm back across his eyes.

"Yeah he called a few minutes ago to say he was on his way."

"Did you tell him?"

"Only that you were having a little difficulty and had been sick and maybe he should go for something light and skip the burgers." Meade moved back to the bed as a shiver ran through Jack. "Lemme take that." He took the washcloth and returned it to the bathroom.

"Where are you keeping the supporters?"

"Top drawer, right side."

"More sweat pants?"

"Bottom drawer, left."

Meade gathered the items and moved back to the bed, sitting on the edge, Jack shifted to allow him more space, and then Meade lifted the blanket's edge again for another quick look.

"Are you okay, Jack? I Mean REALLY okay?"

"I don't think so, Howard. I'm really ready to call it quits. I mean, why bother? It's not like I actually need it or anything, I don't have anyone to have to worry about whether I can get it up or not, so why all this work?" Jack spoke from his hiding place under his forearm.

"Come on Jack, I can't believe you're saying this..." Meade ran his hand up and down Jack's arm. "Look, you're just hurting and scared right now, it'll get better."

"You keep saying that, Howard. I'm just not sure it's worth all the trouble, whether I...uh,..."

"If what you were going to say is whether YOU are worth it or not, I should break YOUR damn nose for even thinking that! I'll pretend I didn't hear any of that. It's just the frustration talking, and that's all. Please, Jack, give it time, you'll be fine."

The sound of the front door opening and closing broke the tension in the bedroom. Jack's arm was still draped across his eyes and it was unmoving, Howard turned towards the sound.

"That must be Daniel..." He looked back towards Jack, the still arm covering his face and saw a single tear trail down the side headed for the pillow and decided that maybe he could use a few minutes alone. "...I'll just go check. I'll be back in a couple of minutes." Meade got up and left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Jack in peace.

Jack pulled his arm away from his face and, eyes bright with tears, looked at the bedroom door, then he rolled onto his side and finally gave in to his emotions. Meade was standing in the hallway listening to the sobs as Daniel came up the steps.

"Howard?"

Meade put his fingers to his lips and pointed towards the living room, Daniel looked puzzled but turned and Meade followed.

"I think Jack would like a little privacy right now."

"Is he okay? You said..."

"He had an erection and it was a little, er, problematic."

"A little problematic? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Daniel looked confused and slightly angry. "What happened? Is he alright?"

Meade sat down and pointed to the other chair, Daniel perched as if ready to bolt.

Meade sighed, "He has a lot of adjusting to do and, well, he's not handling the changes well."

Daniel pulled back, "Oh PLEASE, Jack O'Neill handles change better than anybody I know!"

"Yeah, probably, NORMALLY, but this is NOT THAT kind of change. He thinks his own body has betrayed him, Daniel. We're talking masculinity here, and for someone like Jack, that's a tough pill to swallow."

"Exactly what kind of pill are we talking about, Howard?"

Meade sighed, "Well, his body isn't bouncing back the way we had hoped. He's having trouble achieving erections and when he does they don't want to subside after his orgasm and then he gets a sort of vagal response to it and vomits to boot. So, he's having a bit of an emotional crisis right now. He wants to have the erection, but he gets punished damn near every time he has one. It's kinda like aversion therapy. Now he's reaching the point where he's not sure its worth it at all."

Leaning forward, elbows on knees, Daniel dropped his head into his hands, a muffled, "Jesus!" all Meade could hear. Daniel took a couple of deep breaths and sat back, "Isn't there anything you can do for him?"

"Daniel, if there was don't you think I would have already done it? I LIKE Jack; he's too nice a guy to have to deal with this kind of baggage on top of everything else."

"Everything else?"

"Shit, look, suffice it to say, there was some other heavy shit that went on when he was injured..."

"Like what? You might as well tell me Howard, I know the rest."

"Jack was..." Meade swallowed hard and looked towards the steps, "Look, Daniel, you can't let on to Jack that you know. I think it's something he'd prefer to forget."

"Howard?"

"Jack was raped, multiple times and probably by a group too. That plus the attempted castration and the stabbing, well, you can see where he's a little on edge right now?"

Daniel sagged back, white faced. "Shit."

"I think he needs to just get away and relax. So, I'm taking him with me on vacation next week. It'll let him relax and I'll be available if he needs me."

Meade sat back, "I think it will help some, he's too busy trying to hide behind a façade right now to actually begin to deal with it. I think this will give him a little space, he won't have to worry about keeping up appearances."

Daniel looked dumbfounded. "Why didn't anyone say anything?"

"Please, Daniel, Jack IS entitled to SOME privacy. Fact is, the rape itself has real issues that he has yet to deal with, and then this on top of it..." Meade waved his hand in a circle, "...well, he just needs some space. I've seen ALL of Jack's medical history, he's a tough SOB. He could probably manage to deal with the rape issues on his own, he has before. But the after effects of the castration attempt are complicating everything. He's having a real identity crisis now, he needs to rediscover exactly who Jack O'Neill is, and we can only stand by encouraging and supporting while he does all the dirty work."

"It's so... unfair! Isn't there something else we can do?"

"No, Daniel, I wish there were. I'm sticking as close as I can, because the erections have been so...difficult. We've already had to make one trip back to the OR to relieve a priapistic episode, that we might not have had to make if he weren't so damn closed mouth about how bad he was hurting. So, I won't take anymore chances. He's agreed to go with my family on vacation next week. That way he'll have some private time AND I'll be there if there are any further problems."

Daniel looked somewhat shocked at Meade's statement.

"Yeah, I know, it's kind of...unusual. But Jack's a really nice guy who's had a really bad hand dealt to him. And there was space." Meade looked down at his watch, then up to the stairs. "I'm just going to go check on him. I have to get home. I'll get murdered if I'm late for the roast chicken dinner that I requested." Meade stood and moved up the steps to the bedroom, leaving a stunned Daniel sitting in the living room.

Howard tapped on the door and opened it carefully. Jack was lying curled up on his side and began to wipe at his face with the sleeve of the sweatshirt he was wearing. Meade went to the bathroom and grabbed the cloth that had been draped over Jack's forehead and wet it, then moved back to the bed and sat down.

"Here, Jack. Wanna wipe your face off?"

O'Neill put his hand out and Howard dropped the wet washcloth into it. Jack wiped his face and held the cool cloth against his puffy eyes, then rolled onto his back and looked at Meade.

"Sorry to be such a baby, Howard. I dunno what happened."

"What happened was what would have happened to anyone; you just took longer to get to that point, that's all. We'll get past this, Jack. You just have to have a little faith."

"I'm trying, Howard I really am. Isn't there something you can do, something you can give me that will keep me from having, er...will keep IT from happening anymore? I don't want to keep going through that."

Meade frowned and closed his eyes, "I'm gonna PRETEND I didn't hear you say that, Jack..." Meade took a deep breath "... It's LUDICROUS to even think that!" Howard's volume went up from the shock and Jack's followed in anger.

"Why is it ludicrous, Howard? I don't have, and am unlikely to EVER have anyone in my life again to make it WORTH the trouble. It's only stupid because YOU have a reason to HAVE erections. I don't and so far, since the mission, they've been more trouble than they're worth. I CAN live without that. Does NOT having an erection make me any less a man?"

"NO, of course not, Jack. That's NOT what I meant. LOOK, we are NOT having this conversation now, do you hear me? You haven't given it a fair chance to make THAT kind of judgment, so just forget it." Meade stood and laid the sweatpants and supporter on the bed. "Put your equipment on and come have some lunch Jack, it's almost two and you haven't eaten yet today. I have to go see a post-op patient before I go home. I'll call you later. Okay?" Meade headed for the door.

Jack swung his legs over the side of the bed and began to dress without any further comment. Meade looked back at Jack and closed the door. He moved downstairs shaking his head.

"Daniel?"

Daniel came through from the kitchen.

"Look I have to go; I have a post op to see at the hospital."

"How's Jack?"

"He's hurting, Daniel. Give him space, if he wants to talk let him, but DON'T push him. If he's not ready, it'll shut him down. Just be his friend, Daniel, that's what he needs most right now. I'll call him later from home, call me if there's a problem, Jack has my numbers."

"Howard?" Meade turned at the door.

"Thanks, I know he appreciates it, and he IS worth it."

Meade smiled and nodded.

Jack came down shortly after Howard had left and moved through the house like a zombie. Daniel tried to divert him with Chess and cards but Jack couldn't concentrate on either game and wound up sitting on the deck in the sunshine listening to music.

Daniel sat in the other chair and read, covertly watching Jack, until the buzzer for the dryer went off.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm just gonna go make the bed. Do you need anything?"

"Got any beer, Daniel? I'd love a beer."

Daniel laughed "How did I know you were going to say that? Actually, yes I do. I'll get you one." Daniel ducked into the kitchen and came back a moment later with a cold bottle of Pete's Wicked Ale and handed it to the puzzled Jack who began to examine the label closely.

"Just TASTE it, Jack!"

"Where the hell do you get this stuff, Daniel?"

"Look it's a microbrew from back east. Try it; I think you'll like it."

Jack took a tentative drink, then swallowed and licked his lips while deciding.

"Nice."

Daniel beamed. "SEE! I KNEW you'd like it! I'm gonna go make the bed, if you're good, I'll bring you another on my way back, okay?"

"Yep, sounds good to me." Jack raised the bottle to his lips again.

Next: Part 2