The Almost Perfect Bank Robbery

by The Huntress

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ash/huntress/almostpe.php
Summary: Bank teller Rodney McKay is taken hostage during a robbery

*GENTLEMAN BANDIT STRIKES AGAIN!*

Rodney McKay sighed as he read the headline. It was the hot topic of conversation in the bank where he worked and was now the subject of an early morning meeting. The mysterious 'gentleman bandit', as the newspapers *had* to dub him, had robbed thirteen banks in the last two weeks, three in one day! He worked alone, (no accomplices were reported) and his MO was simplistic. He entered the bank, went to a female teller and either calmly asked for all the money or passed a politely written note along. He was described as approximately six feet tall, with dark hair (one woman swore he had a cowlick) hazel eyes and a slim build. There was also no sketch released as nobody seemed to be able to give a clear visual description. He was verbally described by the female tellers as dreamy, handsome, rugged...which did the police absolutely no good as that description could have been anybody, even the Mayor himself.

At least it was better then the usual morning talk, such as which customer Jennifer went to bed with the night before, when and if Dennis was getting engaged or when Corrine would get pissed about doing all of management's work again. He knew that eventually Corrine was either going to tell them to go fuck themselves or go postal. Personally, Rodney wanted to see her do the latter. She could plead temporary insanity and he was sure his cousin the lawyer could get the charges dropped. And if it did go to trial, well, anybody that knew their bank would certainly find her innocent. After all, Natalie was found innocent after she belted the customer who complained about the waiting time.

Before he knew it, it was eight o'clock. Time for another day of torture and abuse. His first customer was simple, a CD close-out, but the customer didn't have the passbook and Rodney had to find a manager to get the okay to close it. Then the customer berated him for taking so long and said she was calling the main office about his shoddy work. Next up was Tim the waiter (as Rodney called him), who came in with an entire weeks worth of tips. That was always fun, spending a half hour counting small bills and change. And when Rodney had counted the money three times and still came up ten dollars shorter then Tim, he bitched loudly at Rodney and threatened to close his account. The manager came over to calm the man down, glaring at Rodney and shaking her head. Then came a woman with three kids who got upset because Rodney told her she had to roll her coins in wrappers and it wasn't his job. She left his window in a huff and Rodney snarled as she went to a manager. Didn't these people have anything better to do then complain? Could his day get any worse? He decided to catch up on some check orders when a man came to his window.

"Are you open?"

Rodney smiled. "Only if you're not going to yell at me."

"Nah." The customer smiled back and duck his head shyly. "I just want to make a withdrawal." He gave the yellow slip to Rodney.

Rodney barely looked at it. "Can I see your ID?" he asked on autopilot.

"You want to read the note about how I want the money?"

"I need some ID for a withdrawal because I don't know you." Rodney smiled. "Sorry."

"Please read the note."

"I need your ID, sir."

The man leaned in, whispering, "Read the fucking note, okay?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. It was too early in the morning for this shit. Usually the abuse didn't start until the lunch crowd came in. He picked up the slip, eyes growing wide as he read.

'I would greatly appreciate it if you would put all your fives and tens into an envelope. Nothing larger, please. I have a gun and won't hesitate to use it. Thank you.'

Rodney's fingers moved toward the alarm button but he stopped them and instead slid the slip back to the man.

"Didn't you read the note?" the man asked. "I have a gun."

"And I have a headache and it's not even nine yet." He looked down the row of tellers. The closest was three seats away. "You see the guy over there? That's Dennis. He doesn't deserve this job. Go rob him."

The man stared at Rodney, mouth dropping open. "What?"

"I said, go rob Dennis. I have paperwork to do." Rodney turned back to his computer.

The man reached over and grabbed Rodney by the shirt. "Give me the fucking money or I shoot you."

"Fine," Rodney shrugged. It wasn't his money anyway. And the bank was insured. "Are you sure all you want are fives and tens? I have twenties also and lots of fifties and hundreds. How about a free money order?"

"Are you insane?!"

"Quite possibly," Rodney replied, taking a sip of his now-cold coffee and grimacing. "But my sales have been down. Would you like to open an account? We offer a checking...."

"I WANT YOUR MONEY!" The man shouted, all eyes turning to him. "Oh fuck!" He grabbed Rodney by the arms and pulled him over the counter, revealing his gun. "NOBODY MOVE OR I SHOOT HIM!"

Dennis shrieked and hid behind Jennifer, who rolled her eyes and muttered she was glad it was Rodney and not Victor, whom she hadn't slept with yet. Corrine sighed and locked her cash drawer while Natalie picked up her 'Employee of the Month' statue and threw it.

The robber ducked and took Rodney down with him and the statue hit Teri, their manager, in the leg. She jumped up and grabbed it in pain, stumbling and falling into the other manager, Mary, who got burned by the hot cup of coffee in her hand and spilled it over her new white suit.

"Couldn't have happened to a nicer person," Corrine snickered, ducking down to hide her laughter...and to have a cigarette and a sip from the whiskey flask she kept hidden.

Natalie let loose with a verbal blue streak, shocking everyone who knew her and the robber panicked, getting to his feet with Rodney and dragging him towards the door.

"Bye Rodney," Jennifer waved. "It was a thrill a minute working with you...not."

Rodney just stared wild-eyed at all of them as he was dragged from the bank, shoved into a car and kidnapped. As the car sped away Rodney felt the wave of dizziness overcome him and promptly passed out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Rodney? Time to wake up. C'mon."

Rodney cracked his eyes open, wondering whose bed he was in. It was much softer then his own. He attempted to stretch, but found his wrists bound. "What....?"

"Sorry I had to tie you up, but I can't have you running away."

Realizing he had *not* been having a nightmare, Rodney sat up quickly, looking around. He appeared to be in some sort of shack. As his eyes studied the room they grew wide at the gun lying on the table. "I don't want to die."

"It's not loaded," the man said calmly.

"What?"

"C'mon, Rodney, you didn't think I would shoot somebody, did you? Haven't you read the newspapers? I'm a gentleman."

"You took me hostage with an UNLOADED gun?! And how do you know my name?"

"Rodney's on your name badge...and your wallet says McKay. Who's the redhead? Nice tits."

Rodney was hesitant, taking a deep breath before answering. "She came with the wallet."

"I see."

"Look, Mister bank robber, sir, what are you going to do with me?"

His kidnapper started to laugh. "John."

"Huh?"

"My name...John."

"How esoteric of you? Not Jim? Mike? Andy?"

"JOHN!"

"Okay, John."

"No, it really is John." He didn't think. "John Sheppard." Realizing what he had revealed, John narrowed his eyes. "Unfortunately, now that I've told you my real name, I'm going to have to kill you." He laughed until he saw that Rodney was truly terrified. Calming, he sat down, a finger brushing Rodney's cheek. "I was only joking." He smiled his warmest smile. "I'm not going to kill you, I swear."

Rodney tugged at the rope. "Please let me go. I won't tell anyone. *I* swear."

John studied his face for a moment. "No, I don't think you would. But I can't let you go yet." He heard the growling from Rodney's stomach. "You want something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Aww, Rodney, you've been out for almost three hours and your stomach says the opposite."

"I never expected to get robbed," Rodney blurted. "The papers said you only hit female tellers."

"I was going to the busty brunette...."

"That would be Jennifer," Rodney cut in.

"Whatever, but then I saw you." John clearly leered. "I chose *you*."

Rodney saw where this was leading and shoved him away, jumping from the bed...and lost his balance, falling on his ass.

John knelt down, grasping Rodney's chin, staring into his eyes. "You don't exactly have a choice." He was so tempted to take Rodney by force, but those blue eyes just stared at him with so much fear...he didn't want Rodney afraid of him.

Rodney saw the head leaning towards him, expecting his mouth to be bruised. Instead there was a featherlight touch to his lips, followed by a tongue tracing a pattern, coaxing his lips open. His own tongue was made love to, sucked into John's mouth, John swirling his tongue around Rodney's, John's fingers carding in Rodney's hair, slowly deepening the kiss. When John let him go, Rodney gasped for air, a vacuous look in his eyes. "What the Hell was that?"

"That, McKay," John sighed as he leaned in again, "was a kiss." When his lips met Rodney's this time, they parted willingly, welcoming John's tongue, playing with it, sucking it, teasing it. The moment seemed perfect...until Rodney's stomach growled again. "You need to eat," John murmured, reaching up to the table and bringing down a tray of fruit. Taking a large berry in his fingers, he brought it to Rodney's mouth, Rodney biting into it, licking John's fingers as he pulled his mouth away. John fed him more fruit and Rodney's teasing was giving him a hard-on.

Rodney thought he knew what he was doing. In his mind, all he had to do was give in and he'd be untied...and could get away.

But John wasn't stupid, not by far. He knew exactly what Rodney was trying to do and smirked at his captive. "I don't think so, McKay. You're not getting free that easily." He leaned in for a kiss and wasn't gentle at all, nipping Rodney's lip as he pulled back. "I'm going to fuck you whether you want it or not." Another hard kiss, holding Rodney's head still as Rodney tried to pull away.

"I've never done this," Rodney murmured. "I'm afraid."

"I won't hurt you," John whispered in his ear, blowing gently.

"Uh, no, you totally misunderstand," Rodney sort of smiled.

"That's not surprising," John snickered. "Go ahead. Talk."

"When I say I've never done this, I mean I've never done *this*. I, uh...my only partner has been my right hand and on occasion my left."

John drew his head back, tilting it to the side, opening his mouth and closing it a few times. "You've never...not even with women?"

"I never met the right person." Rodney sort of smiled at him. "When you kissed me that first time, you were so gentle. I thought that's the way a kiss should be."

John inhaled sharply and got to his feet, lifting Rodney to his, shoving Rodney onto the bed. "Shut up, McKay. I'm gonna stuff a gag in your mouth."

Rodney couldn't help the grin. "I saw stars."

"Yeah? Well, I didn't!" John paced the small room. "I *didn't*. It was a kiss, that's all."

"You felt it also, didn't you?" Rodney asked, lifting himself up and standing before John. "Kiss me again."

"No."

"You afraid?"

"NO!"

"Then kiss me again, John Sheppard and prove that it meant nothing to you." Rodney took a step forward and John took two steps back...right into the wall. Rodney sighed and leaned in, his tongue licking John's lips. "Untie me."

John reacted and shoved Rodney away. "You'll do whatever you think I want so I'll let you go." John laughed a bit. "Ain't gonna happen, McKay. You stay with me until I'm done with you."

Rodney had had enough already. That kiss *had* been mind-blowing and he *did* see stars...at the very least his vision blurred. And he wanted his hands free so he could touch John. But first he had to convince his captor of that. Rodney leaned in again, and John stumbled back against the wall. He took John's mouth with force, rubbing his crotch against John's, pulling back only because he needed to breathe. "Untie me."

John nodded in silence, undoing the rope, pointing to the door. "I'll be long gone before you bring any cops."

"You don't get it, do you?" Rodney wound his fingers in John's hair, drawing his mouth close. "I saw *fucking* stars...." He kissed John again with the same ferocity and John returned the kiss in full.

"Lust at first sight." John saw Rodney's eyes lose some of their brightness and he *finally* got it. "Maybe love?"

"Maybe," Rodney smiled and backed up, peeling off his clothing along the way. By the time he lay on the bed he was naked. His hand brushed across his own chest, taking a moment to pebble each nipple, knowing John was watching his every move. He brushed his fingers down his abdomen, along his inner thighs, spreading his legs wide. Rodney moaned ever-so-softly as he took his thickened cock between his palms and massaged himself, growing achingly hard, willing himself not to come.

"Rodney, do you have any idea what you're doing to me?" John murmured, licking his lips, sitting and taking Rodney's hands in his, pressing them into the bed. "No touching until I tell you." He stroked Rodney's chest, a finger caressing a nipple. "I can give you pleasure..." he pinched, "...or I can give you pain. It's up to you." John pulled him into a kiss that went on for so long Rodney was dizzy by the time John broke contact.

Then John was naked with him, straddling his hips, John's hands moving in a slow stroking motion up Rodney's abdomen and back down, feeling the shiver. "Do you want me, Rodney?" He rubbed his cock along Rodney's leg. "My dick, inside you." John took Rodney's cock in the palm of his hand, pulling it against his own, wrapping both cocks in his fist, stroking them together.

Rodney tried to jerk forward, wanting more friction, begging, "Please, do something."

The response was John pushing him back down gently, slowing his pace, teasing Rodney, wanting to draw it out as long as possible. He wanted Rodney's first time to be unforgettable.

"Please...."

"I need lube, McKay." John stroked Rodney a little faster, kneeling between his legs. "I need you to come for me." He leaned down to blow on the tip and felt Rodney's entire body shake. "You've never had a blow-job either, have you?"

"No," Rodney replied rather softly, almost ashamed.

"We'll save it for later," John smiled and raised up, jerking Rodney with his right hand while the thumb of his left rubbed small circles on the tip of Rodney's dick. "Come for me so I can fuck you."

Rodney came and John watched. Rodney watched John watching and it turned him on.

John spread Rodney's seed over his dick and pulled Rodney's legs over his shoulders. Oh God he wanted to shove right in and pop McKay's cherry, make him scream and beg. He'd done it with other's, but McKay...John didn't want to hurt him. John wanted to pleasure him. He teased with his finger, scraping his nail against the tight opening, hearing the gasp. And since it wasn't a gasp of pain he continued. He slowly slid the finger inside, twisting it a bit, keeping an eye on Rodney's face.

Rodney gave him a stupid smile and ground his body down a bit. It felt good, in a perverse sort of way.

"Two now," John smiled, entering slow again.

But Rodney, it appeared, didn't want slow. "In me...please...."

John wasn't about to refuse. "This might hurt a bit." He rested the tip against Rodney's ass, hands holding the cheeks apart. As he slid in he heard a moan and stilled, kissing the inside of Rodney's legs. "Okay?"

"Yeah," Rodney smiled, "it is."

John was about half in when he stilled, rolling his hips, screwing his cock the rest of the way in.

And Rodney moved right along with him, lifting his body up as best he could to meet John's downward thrusts. He felt hands over his body, and he moaned in ecstasy as those hands roamed everywhere, touching each sensitive spot just right. Then those hands on his dick, stroking hard, a thumb over the slit on each stroke...he pleaded for "MORE!" which is exactly what he got. Push in...pull out. Harder and faster, until Rodney was screaming with pleasure, wanting more and more. Once again, he got what he wanted. The hand gripping his cock, stroking harder, his body out of control, writhing against the man above him.

Rodney came hard, the cock within him thrusting faster, a little deeper...and he felt himself being filled and fought every instinct to black out, needing to stay awake and aware. The movements within him slowed and Rodney felt soft lips kissing his neck, warm breath in his ear. He whimpered as the softening cock slid from his ass and a soft cloth cleaned him gently. He felt the weight on his body again, felt the warm lips against his, melting into the kiss. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could utter one word, a voice was heard....

"Major Sheppard, your presence is requested back on Atlantis per Doctor Weir."

Rodney's captor sighed and frowned, rolling over and reaching for the radio. "I hear you Teyla." John felt the lips suckling the tip of his dick. "I'll be at Jumper one in ten...."

Rodney pinched John's nipples. "Fifteen."

John gasped, composing himself quickly and repeated, "I'll be there in about twenty minutes. Sheppard out!" He dropped the radio, fingers carding in Rodney's hair. "God, Rodney, your mouth is amazing." John closed his eyes, that mouth teasing his cock, that warm and wet tongue sliding up and down the length, those soft lips kissing the tip...John came again, though not as hard as the first time.

As John came down from his orgasm, Rodney shifted up and lay beside him, cleaning him with the cloth, moaning in John's ear, "Love you...love you, John...so much, so Goddamned much!"

"Ditto," John smirked and stole a quick kiss. "Let me find out what happened at home." He reaching for his radio. "Teyla, do you know why Weir needs me?"

"There was an altercation between a few marines and they are all in the brig."

"Let me explain," another voice cut in, Ford's. "Major, it was a bit of a brawl brought on by some Athosian moonshine."

John gave Rodney his most evil grin as he answered the younger man. "You know what, Ford? You're my second and this is what a second does. So hop to it and dole out appropriate punishments. We can't have marines in the brig now, can we?"

"Punishments, sir?" Ford's voice cracked.

John snickered and so did Rodney. Both men could picture poor Aiden's face. He was a good officer, but he was still young. "I'm sure Teyla can come up with some ideas, can't you Teyla?"

"Yes, Major Sheppard. I have a few ideas I believe would educate your marines."

"Good, then it's agreed. I am delegating the job to both of you. Have Markham fly you back. I am occupied and unless the Wraith are at the front door, I want to be left alone. Sheppard out...again!" John turned and smiled at Rodney, pulling the sheet over them. "So, is role-playing cool or what?" he asked wistfully.

"I concede it is." Rodney stole a quick kiss. "You can take me hostage any day."

"You like being tied up, babe?" John asked, fingers stroking Rodney's dick.

"I think so," Rodney answered truthfully. "John, that was the first time I ever did anything like that."

"Well if you like, you can tie me up next time," John licked his upper lip. "I kinda like it." He started to giggle. "'Go rob Dennis, I have paperwork to do?' Yeah, I could see that."

Rodney just smirked. "That's what I told the guy that tried to rob my window when I worked in a bank in college. I got fired."

"You mean those people you mentioned were *real*?"

"Yep. Jennifer eventually married a customer, Dennis turned out to be gay and ran off with Victor and Corrine ended up running the bank after Mary, Teri and Mark were all arrested for embezzlement. I always knew they were crooks."

"You live a dangerous life, Rodney McKay."

"John, when you came up with your..." he flushed pink, "...part of the fantasy, I began to think. How come...."

"Rodney," John groaned, "didn't we agree no thinking? It spoils the fantasy if you nitpick."

"But how come the security cameras never got a look at the 'gentleman bandit'?"

John leaned in for a kiss. "Because, Mister Wizard, he did have an accomplice. A really *smart* accomplice, genius actually, who went over the blueprints of every bank and located the cameras so the bandit could avoid them."

"Sounds plausible." Rodney laughed and rolled on top. "You would need a genius to help you rob three banks in one day. And Dreamy? Handsome?" He started to laugh. "*Rugged*?"

"I always wanted to be rugged," John said shyly. "Ya know, like Clint Eastwood."

"Ah, John, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but Clint will always be more rugged."

"Yeah and you'd probably leave me for him," John teased, hands smoothing a path down Rodney's back, groping his ass.

"For Clint? Never. Now Ben Affleck...."

John started to giggle for no apparent reason.

"What? You don't think Ben would like me?"

John finally calmed down enough to speak without laughing. "'She came with the wallet?'" He had to bite back more giggles.

Rodney grinned at him. "I saw it in a movie."

"And I *don't* have a cowlick!" John began to knead Rodney's ass, digging his nails in as he rocked his hips a bit, his dick growing hard again.

"Sure you do, Alfalfa." Rodney snickered and smoothed John's hair back. "The gel just hides it."

John massaged Rodney's hip, whispering, "Do you know if I touch you here, your dick twitches? And if I blow in your ear, you moan."

Rodney was about to answer when John blew in his ear. He moaned...and ground his hips down, his dick rubbing John's. Rodney moaned again as John nibbled on his ear, John's hands kneading his ass, a finger slipping between the folds, teasing him. And in true McKay fashion, Rodney retaliated tenfold.

The kisses started at John's forehead, down his face, a chaste kiss to John's lips, a few licks and nips along John's neck, across to his shoulder. Rodney paused at one spot and sucked hard, hearing John moan this time. He nipped a bit, teasing with his teeth...he was leaving a mark. And although it would be hidden by John's shirt, Rodney would know it was there. He pulled back, admiring his work. A nice purple bruise.

"Rodney," John managed to gasp out, "did you just do what I think you did?"

"Nope," Rodney grinned as he lifted his head, kissing John again.

"Good, because I'd hate to think you marked me or something silly like that." John stole a kiss this time, smiling his softest smile. "People might see it and get the impression that I belong to you. They might even think that we love each other."

Rodney didn't know how to respond to that, his mouth opening and closing a few times. For the first time he was speechless. He sat up and rolled to the other side of the bed, staring at John.

"Yes, Rodney, I think it's about time we came out. I can't take this sneaking around anymore. We've been together for almost three months."

"John, some of the marines...."

"Are screwing each other!" John's tone was louder then he intended and he crawled over, pulling Rodney's arm out and snuggling close. "I don't want us to be a secret anymore. I want to cuddle with you during the Saturday night movies." John leaned in for a chaste kiss. "I want to live with you Rodney, share a room together."

"Okay," Rodney answered.

"Okay?" John parroted back, stifling a yawn.

"Yes, John. I said okay. Happy now?"

"Immensely," John smirked and stretched out.

"Good." Rodney lay John's head upon his chest. "Love you, Major."

"How could you not," John snickered, sliding one leg between Rodney's, his arm across Rodney's chest. "Rodney, can I be the innocent virgin next time?"

"Maybe." Rodney took John's face in his palms, kissing him. "How about I interview you for a job?"

"What job?"

"I'll think of something."

"Ah, Rodney, I just bet you will...."

FIN