Blast From The Past

by The Huntress

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ash/huntress/blastfro.php
Summary: A long time ago, John Sheppard went to a concert...

1988, San Diego, California

"YO! JOHNNY!!"

John Sheppard stuck his head out his dorm window. "You're a pain in the ass Eddie. What the fuck do you want! I got a trig exam coming up and if I flunk, I'm off the team!"

"You won't flunk! Not math anyway! Now get your ass down here! Fitz got tickets to The Missiles!"

"That concert's been sold out for weeks! I'll be right down!" John was grinning as he put on his sneakers. The Missiles were one of the hottest new wave bands to hit California and they had a style all their own. One minute they'd be playing head-banging rock, the next some soft ballad. He'd read they were working on their first album and had just come down from Canada, playing clubs along the West coast. He ran outside, jumping into Fitz's car and the three headed out for a night of good music, some drinking and maybe a little sex.

The club was jam packed and he and his friends rocked out, forgetting about school for a while. While his friends were checking out the women, John was checking out the bassist/lead singer, their eyes meeting for a moment. John saw the leer and figured there would definitely be some fucking this evening.

"I'm gonna try to get backstage," John told them.

"Yeah, we caught you looking at the guitarist. She's got a nice ass. Good luck, Johnny!"

John just nodded, he couldn't very well tell them it was the bassist that had caught his eye...the bassist who was distinctly male. He was still unsure if he was ready to 'come out of the closet' and between football and ROTC, he just knew it would be a bad idea. Hell, he still wasn't sure if he was gay or not. Women still did something for him, but he had been with a few men as well and they had pressed his buttons also. John had thought that maybe he was bisexual, but that had only confused the young man more, so he just went with his libido. Whoever turned him on, that was who he was going for. And tonight it was a guy.

"You can't come back here," he was told by security.

"Hey, Max, it's okay. He's with me." John saw it was the bassist and he was giving John a leer again. "Let him pass."

"Okay Phil. If you say so."

Phil motioned John into one of the back rooms, where the pot smoke was thick, the drinks were overflowing and some of the people were already naked. "Have a seat."

John was hesitant, especially when he saw the looks he was getting. He felt like a piece of meat.

A voice beside him said, "You're the one who wanted to come back here."

"I...maybe I should leave." John met the eyes of another man, who stared him up and down.

Phil noticed. "Mike, keep your eyes in your head."

"Okay Phil," the drummer laughed. "I ain't gonna intrude on your territory."

"Shut the hell up!" Phil snapped, taking John by the hand into an adjacent room and closing the door, motioning John to sit down next to him. He lit a joint and passed it to John, who quickly shook his head. "It's just weed, nothing else. I promise. I don't do shit like they do."

John took a deep toke, passing the joint back. "Johnny."

"I'm Phil."

"I like your style," John smiled at him. "You play a mean bass."

"Thanks."

After a few more tokes, the room was filled with smoke and John was getting lightheaded. He felt the hand on his leg, sliding up, groping him, felt himself being pushed backwards.

"I'm not sure if this is what I want," John said, shifting out from under. "I think I *should* leave."

"I figure you're not a virgin, but I can see you're kind of edgy." Phil cupped his chin and kissed him softly. "You wanna get outta here? Maybe go dancing?"

"I don't dance," John told him.

"I got a room at the Marriott. We can go there."

"I don't know if I should."

"No rough stuff," Phil reassured him. "I'm not going to force you into anything. I just...I like you. I don't meet too many men I like and there's not too many that like me. If you want, you can call somebody, tell them where you're going and who you're with."

John shook his head, something inside telling him to trust this man. His gut was *always* right and there was no reason to doubt it now. "No, I don't need to do that. Let's go."

Phil grinned and took him by the hand, leading him out, seeing the smirks on his bandmate's faces and ignoring them. They went out the back door and Phil handed him a helmet. "You ever been on a Harley, Johnny?"

"Nope. And do you think you're capable of riding after so much smoke?"

"Don't worry. I've been riding for years." Phil climbed on, John behind him. "Hold on tight and feel free to cop a feel if ya want."

John groped him once, but that was it. He did, however, lay his head against Phil's back all the way to the hotel.

They went upstairs, the two staring at each other as Phil shut the door. "You, er, maybe want to talk for a while?" he asked.

"You nervous, Phil?"

"No, but you still seem to be. I'm thinking maybe I was wrong. You *have* been with a guy before, haven't you Johnny?"

"Yeah. And before you ask, I like to bottom."

"That's good, because I always top." Phil quickly pulled off his own shirt, kicking off his shoes. He sat down and rolled another joint. "C'mere and sit with me. Relax a bit." He lit it, maneuvering John to the floor, so John was sitting between his legs, John laying his head on Phil's knee. Phil rubbed John's shoulders, running his fingers through John's hair, passing him the joint, tracing a finger along John's lips everytime John turned around to take it. He took John's shirt and pulled it off, swinging around to join him on the floor, undoing John's pants. His lips started at John's neck, kissing across his shoulders, touching his crotch, unzipping his pants, thumb rubbing over the tip of John's dick.

John grew unsure again, standing and stumbling a bit. "What was in that stuff?"

"Nothing but pure grass, my friend. I told you, I don't mess with anything stronger. I'm not gonna force you, I told you that too. You don't want to, it's cool. Why don't you call somebody to come get you or call a cab. Hell, I'll call a cab and pay for it." Phil stared around the room, everywhere but at John. "I like you, I meant that. And I want to go to bed with you. But if you're unsure, then we don't."

"I don't..." John started, "...I'm not a virgin, but I don't have too much experience. You'll laugh at me."

"Oh no, Johnny, I'd never laugh at you. You are...beautiful." Phil pushed him backwards, against the wall, dropped to his knees, grasping John's hips. "I wanna go down on you." He yanked John's pants down. "Oh my, you've got yourself a nice dick, you know that?"

John gasped as Phil swallowed him whole, reaching around, grabbing John's ass, squeezing the cheeks, nails digging in. He sucked hard, ignoring John's pl eas for him to stop, that John couldn't take it, that it was too much. And then Phil started to hum and John let loose, flooding his mouth, looking down to watch him swallow.

Phil glanced up when he was done. "Pretty good, huh?" When he didn't get an answer, he pulled John to the bed, taking John's pants off, his own following. "This is gonna be even better." He jerked himself a bit, growing hard, watching John watching him. "Back or stomach?"

"Back," John answered. "I want to look at you."

"Fine by me." Phil reached into the nightstand, pulling out a tube of lube and a condom. His fingers were shaking as he tried to open it, but John's hand closed around his, tearing the wrapper open.

"Now who's nervous?" John grinned. "Let me." John slid the condom on, taking the lube, slicking him up. He put some on Phil's fingers, feeling the fingers entering him, first slow, then hard, opening him wide. "Fuck me now."

Phil just nodded, pushing John's knees up. "You got yourself one fine ass Johnny. I am so going to love fucking you." He slid inside, not too fast, enjoying this. John was tight and Phil loved a tight ass. His strokes got deeper, while John's moans grew louder and the two men began to move in sync.

But something happened while they were in bed.

At some point, John's eyes met Phil's and the fucking changed to lovemaking. The lust altered to passion, the groping to caressing. They both came with an explosive climax, laying in each other's arms panting and sighing, kissing like it was the end of the world.

"It's never been...." Phil started.

"No, not for me either," John answered with a smile. "You're special, did you know that?"

"Nobody ever told me that before," Phil answered shyly.

"They should have." John kissed Phil again and felt another growing erection. He got out of bed, smiling at the look on Phil's face. "I'll be back shortly. I'm going to get us a six-pack."

Phil just nodded to him. "Hey, Johnny, I, uh...."

"I know. I think I...just wait for me, okay?"

And Phil waited...and waited, but Johnny never showed up. He thought about the eyes that bore right through him, the mouth that had kissed him senseless...Jesus, he even thought about that Goddamn ass. The night was almost pitch black and he stared out the window, watching the shadows. He lit the joint, sat back and started to write....

Present Day, Atlantis Base

"*Alone in the shadows, waiting for you*...." John was singing as he bounced around the commissary, showing Teyla how to make pancakes.

"What is that song?" Beckett asked.

"It's called 'Alone in the Shadows'," John grinned and continued singing. "*I had you once and once was all, you left me standing...alooooone in the shadows....*"

"I do not understand," Teyla started. "Why do you sing such a sad song?"

"And he sings it offkey also," Ford added.

John stuck his tongue out and continued to sing. "*I kissed your sweet lips and my heart took off, you promised to return but you left me....ALONE IN THE SHADOWS!!*" John shouted the title, voice cracking. "I found the CD yesterday. I forgot I brought it with me."

"This song," Teyla stared, "why would someone sing about a love he does not have?"

"Well, see, now that's the point of it," Ford explained. "He played the song for me last night. The guy fell in love after a one night stand and the girl told him she felt the same and she'd be back later but never showed. She broke his heart into tiny pieces."

"I got to see them once, The Missiles," John added. "When I was in college, before they hit it big. They were pretty cool."

"I also do not understand your constant use of the word cool," Teyla rolled her eyes. "How could a singing group have a temperature?"

"Hey Carson," Ford laughed, "you think Teyla and Teal'c were separated at birth?"

John rolled his eyes and continued to sing the song as he made the pancakes. After they'd eaten, he went back to his room, laying on the bed, sighing at the memory of his one night in true heaven.

He knew the truth, that the song wasn't about a woman, but a man. It was about him, about twenty year old Johnny Sheppard. He had been the one to make love with the lead singer, Phil Kay, one night after a show. He had been the one who promised to come back later, promised they'd share a few beers and make love some more.

But the truth was John had been frightened by what had happened. Not the fact that he had just had sex with a complete stranger, although that was weird for him in itself. No, the fact that he had actually felt something inside, *that* had scared the crap out of him. And after running into Eddie and Fitz (and the girls the two had picked up) he forgot about his rendezvous and spent the rest of the night having sex with two women, losing count of how many times he'd gotten it up, each erection helped by the vision of Phil in his head. By the time he went back to the hotel the next afternoon, the band had moved on and John's heart was shattered. He didn't realize he'd fallen in love until that love was out of his reach.

And the first time he heard that song on the radio he knew it had been written for him.

John played the CD again. God he was glad it wasn't vinyl. He would have warped it by now. He closed his eyes, listening to the words, to the angst ridden sounds...damn he had hurt that guy. There was no way you could write lyrics like that and sing them with such passion and not feel it in your soul.

No wonder the Missiles had never had another hit. They could never have topped that. They had been one of the few Canadian bands in the mid-eighties to cross the charts into the USA with their new wave sound. And out of eight songs on the album, seven were loud and gritty, yet the one that had been a hit was a folksy, angst-ridden ballad.

And the one that John had played over and over because it was about him...and his stupidity.

John listened to Phil's voice, remembering the softness of the man who had whispered in his ear, the man who had touched his soul all those years ago. And the eyes, God it had been the eyes that had stolen his heart. They were so full of life, energy, love...and intelligence. That had been what stole John's heart; the man just looked smart. He reminded John so much of....

John's eyes popped open. He must be going insane. Jumping up, he did something he'd never done in all the years he'd been listening to the song. He read the liner notes.

*Alone In The Shadows - lyrics and music copyright 1988, R. McKay*

"Holy shit," he muttered in shock. "It was Rodney."

He had thought his world was turned upside down when he had that stupid gene and traveled to another galaxy. But that was nothing now. John thought back to that night and what he had promised. He had two beers left, the last two on the planet. He'd been saving them for a special occasion. "Well John, you just found out that the first true love, *only* true love, of your life is here. What could be more special then that." Nodding to himself, he picked up the beers and headed for Rodney's quarters. He smiled as he wondered when Rodney had turned into a geek. The man he had met years before was the furthest thing from a geek as you could get.

John hesitated as he stood outside Rodney's door, having second thoughts. Maybe it hadn't meant as much to Rodney as it had to him. After all, Rodney had gotten him *very* stoned before he made a move on John. Rodney had been well aware of what he was doing and knew that John wouldn't have been able to say no, even if John *had* wanted to. He had been skilled with his mouth, his hands and his spoken words and had seduced John quickly.

He heard the song in his head again. 'No, it did mean something to him. Okay Johnny, time for you to make amends.'

~~~

"Where'd you get beer?" Rodney asked. "And I'm not fond of it." But he opened his bottle and drank anyway.

John took a deep breath and let it out, sitting beside Rodney. "I'm fulfilling a promise I made a long time ago."

"O-kay. Can I have the explanation in English please?"

John took a swig, wondering where to start. He gave Rodney a shy smile and nearly started to sing, then thought better of it. John was well aware he was tone deaf and didn't need to ruin what might be the most perfect moment of his life...the moment he rediscovered his lone true love.

"I didn't come back that night Rodney, because some of my friends wanted me to go out with them. They didn't know that I liked...men and I certainly couldn't beg off because I had met a guy." He paused, choosing his words carefully. "By the time I got back, you were gone. I'm sorry for hurting you. I never meant to, please believe me."

Rodney was shocked at John's admission of being gay, but quickly regained his composure. "Back up a few meters, John. How, and when, did you hurt me?"

John looked at the CD in his hand and slipped it into Rodney's CD player. As the song began to play, John sat down, in that same position from years ago, between Rodney's legs, laying his head against Rodney's knee. "You were so comfortable with your sexuality. You wanted to take me dancing." He glanced up into Rodney's eyes, his smile now a smirk. "*Now* do you remember, Phil Kay?"

"No." Rodney put his beer down, stood up and paced. "No, this can't be."

John almost glided over to him, putting his beer down, standing behind Rodney, arms around Rodney's waist, hot breath blowing in his ear. "I fell in love with you that night, but I was too afraid to admit it. Yeah, it *was* love at first sight, but I didn't know until I heard the song a few months later on the radio."

Rodney turned in his arms, looking into John's eyes, seeing the young man he'd fallen for himself. "I tried to find you, but nobody knew who you were. Every concert we played, I'd look for you in the audience, thinking you'd just show up."

John smiled at him. "'Phil Kay'?"

"The guys thought Rodney was a wussy name, so they suggested my middle, which is Philip. The Kay was so my mother wouldn't find out what I was doing. She thought I was still at the university. And when our second album flopped, the band broke up, and I went back to studying. Nobody at college knew who I was, because the album hadn't been a big hit in Canada."

"Rodney, I think we have something to finish."

"It was a long time ago and...."

"You owe me a dance."

"A what?"

"You told me we'd go dancing. Well, this isn't California," he backed Rodney onto the adjacent balcony, "but it is a moonlit night, nice and breezy, there is romantic music on the stereo...." John grinned and leaned in to kiss Rodney when the song changed. Instead of a beautiful ballad, there was a howl, the loud hiss of a bass and words about fighting in the park after dark.

"I liked that one," Rodney chuckled. "I always wanted to brawl."

"You wrote 'In The Park' too?"

"Actually John, I wrote every song on that album."

"Multi-talented." John kissed him softly, swaying with Rodney in his arms, ignoring the loud beat of the music. "I lied when I told you I didn't dance." John nibbled on his ear. "I've missed you Rodney. Every time I went to bed with anyone, men and women, you were in my head at some point. That night was the only time I ever made love...until now." He pressed his lips down, hearing the soft moan, getting lost in the sensation. His fingers wound in Rodney's hair, deepening the kiss, moaning louder, hands moving down, grasping Rodney's ass, grinding their bodies together. They moved across the floor, toward the bed, when the song changed again. This time the loud sound was about a family torn apart by death and it was quite depressing. "Rodney, please don't tell me *that* song is from personal experience."

"No. I actually wrote it after watching some bad movie on late night TV."

John pushed Rodney onto the bed and shut off the CD. "No more sad songs." He began to laugh.

"What?"

"I was just thinking about you on that bike. I never pictured you as a biker dude."

"I, uh, I lied too. That was only the second time I had ridden. When you grabbed me, I thought I was going to spill us over."

John pulled off his boots, then Rodney's shoes and pulled his own shirt over his head. "What was in that grass anyway? And take off your shirt." Rodney didn't think and did as he was told, watching John undo his pants and toss them across the room. "And don't try to tell me it was just 'plain weed'." He smirked. "Now your pants." Rodney just sat there and John did it for him, smiling as Rodney just stared at him, lifting himself so John could get them off. "It made me hornier then hell." John slid Rodney's briefs off, a fingertip running along Rodney's length.

Rodney took in the sight of John's swollen dick, the tip showing above the waistband of the too-tight briefs, raised his eyes and shrugged. "Don't panic, it wasn't anything bad, just a blend I worked out in a lab."

John knelt above him, eyes slowly moving down Rodney's body, then back up. "You think you can figure out the formula again?"

"Probably, but we have nothing to test it on."

John waggled his eyebrows. "You haven't been to my quarters. I've got me a nice plant that just bloomed."

"You're growing a pot plant?"

"Beckett insisted we all get hobbies to keep our sanity, such as it is. Remember? I brought some seeds with me figuring it would give me something to do for the next few years. But there's something about the atmosphere of this planet that caused it to grow very rapidly." John spread Rodney's legs, crawling between them. "So, when did you decide to become a geek?"

"I didn't decide, you moron. I was never a geek. It was just assumed because of my superior brainpower."

"Ah, the 'I'm smarter then God' stereotype," John snickered. "And don't call me a moron. I prefer imbecile."

"And I'm not smarter then God, though I think I come close."

"I love a man with brains. Of course, a hot and wet mouth just makes him better."

"Brains? Is that your way of saying you want me to perform oral sex on your penis?" Rodney nearly burst out into a giggle fit.

"Vastly superior penis, thank you very much."

"Maybe you'd just prefer me sucking your cock until you're a blithering idiot."

"I'm already a blithering idiot." John licked his lips, staring into Rodney's eyes again. "I love you Rodney."

"L-l-love me?"

"For seventeen years."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." John grinned and kissed him, slowly at first, then deepening it. He only stopped when the need for air overcame him, kissing his way up Rodney's face, blowing in his ear. "You're still special. I meant it then and I mean it now."

"I...John, I don't know what to say." Rodney was truly at a loss for words.

"Say you love me. Tell me that our one night together was something wonderful for you, like it was for me."

"There was never any other man after that night," Rodney said, ducking his head. "Nobody could have measured up."

"I guess that's your way of saying you love me."

"I'm not good with those kind of words."

"You don't have to be. You just told me what I wanted needed to know." John kissed his way back to Rodney's mouth, licking Rodney's lips, nibbling his chin. "Love you so much." He licked Rodney's neck and sucked hard, pulling back and grinning at the purple bruise forming. "I just gave you a hickey."

"You what? John, you can't....OHHHHH!!" Rodney's head fell back as his nipple was sucked.

"You liked it when I sucked your nipples. I remember that much." He sucked hard, his fingers pinching the other. "So responsive, baby. You were so vocal that night." He took the nipple between his teeth, pulling at it, hearing the soft sighs. "Rodney, lover, these rooms are soundproof. I want to hear you scream." He bit the other one and got his wish...although he was nearly deafened in the process. John licked and kissed his way down, past Rodney's dick. Biting along his thighs, his calves, caressing his feet. Back up, hands caressing as he continued to lick and nip. "And I believe I owe you a blow-job." He laved o ne ball. "I hope it feels as nice to you as yours did to me all those years ago." He sucked the other, felt the hands carding in his hair, dragging his mouth up. "Should I suck your cock now? Swallow you like you did for me?"

"I can't...John, please...finish me."

John looked quite smug. "I am *far* from finished." He licked the length, swiping his tongue up and down. "Taste so good." He managed to get his briefs off, not an easy task at the moment.

"Pleasepleaseplease...."

John's hands were not idle. One slid up, playing with a nipple, the other caressing the balls. He suckled the tip, dipping his tongue into the tiny slit, hearing a shriek...and Rodney came. John moved as quick as he could, mouth sliding over Rodney's dick, feasting, shifting back before Rodney was done, jerking him off, gathering the come on his fingers. "Natural lube." He glanced up, seeing the look on Rodney's face, a look he never thought he'd see. Rodney looked...brain-dead. His eyes were glazed, his mouth was hanging open and he was panting. "Still not done."

"Not done?" Rodney's voice was almost falsetto.

"Not by a long shot." John teased Rodney's tightness, sliding a finger in slowly. "Jesus Rodney, was I this tight?" He eased his finger out, tongue slipping in to lick, two fingers returning. He spit on the hole, getting three fingers inside, spreading them. "I'm not hurting you, am I?" He felt the hands in his hair again, winding tight. "I guess not." John's dick was throbbing. "I want to be inside you. Can I do that?" He had to have permission. "Will you let me?"

"Anything...oh God...anything...."

"Thank you." John spit on his hand, hoping he'd opened Rodney enough, spreading his legs apart, slowly entering, edging himself in, watching his dick disappear into the tight heat. His eyes rolled back as Rodney's muscles clenched around him, pulling him deeper. He felt himself graying out, but a soft voice pulled him back.

"Out of the shadows, John...no longer alone...."

John felt the tears in his eyes. This is where he should have been all those years ago. He felt himself slide all the way in, buried balls deep and stilled. "I love you so much Rodney. I was so scared of what would happen if I found you again. I was so frightened by what people would think of me, that I let you slip away."

"Shhh," Rodney soothed, stroking John's hair. "You found me and I promise you won't lose me again."

John raised his eyes. "I won't, will I?"

"Never again." Rodney wiped his tears away and smiled. "Now shut up and fuck me already."

"You're ever the romantic." John raised himself and slid out, easing back in, moving slow, wanting the pleasure to last forever.

Rodney gripped John's shoulders, pushing up to meet him, drawing him back in again. "Ahhh, so good John, feels so damn good...."

"Oh God Rodney...I'm inside you...so deep inside."

Rodney was hard as granite again. "Yes...deeper, go deeper...."

John went wild, thrusting will all his strength, lifting Rodney's legs onto his shoulders, rolling his hips, driving as deep and hard as he could.

"Look at me John, open your eyes." Once again John did as he was told. "I'm coming, just from you loving me."

John looked down, seeing the come spurting from Rodney's dick and the sight drove him over the edge. "RODNEY!!" His orgasm hit him with no warning, eyes rolling back again. "Rodney...."

~~~

"Hi."

John's eyes slowly opened. He was laying in Rodney's arms, cleaned up and facing the warmest smile he'd ever seen.

"You blacked out."

"I guess I did." John snuggled close. "I saw you...without being touched and I...."

"I know." Rodney kissed him softly. "I didn't know that was possible."

"Love me?" John seemed rather unsure, eyes pleading for an answer.

"I always have." Another kiss. "Welcome home, Johnny."

FIN