Fragile Heart

by The Huntress

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ash/huntress/fragheart.php
Summary: John must come to terms with his feelings for Rodney and Vice-Versa

"I won't!"

"Oh yes you will!"

"Oh yeah? The next time you want someone to...to...it's not going to be me!"

Elizabeth Weir pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head, wondering if she'd packed enough Advil. When Rodney McKay and John Sheppard began to go at it, she also wished she had packed a fifth of gin, some Valium and a paddle. "BOYS!" Taking a deep breath, she composed herself. "Gentlemen, dare I ask what the two of you are fighting about this time?"

"That artifact we discovered on P3M-351," Rodney started, "it sort of reacts to John. I just want him to test it out. Stare at it, hold it..."

"HE WANTS ME TO SLEEP WITH IT!" John shouted.

"I didn't say that," Rodney answered calmly.

"No, but you inferred it." John was furious. "I have gone along with every test everybody wants. I have been poked, prodded, stuck with needles, had gallons of blood drawn...but I am drawing the line at this."

"But Major..."

"No Doctor. I am not testing this thing out so you can just forget about it!" John stormed from the room, scaring the crap out of everyone he passed on his way to one of the balconies. When he needed to calm down, he found staring out at the vast ocean accomplished that.

"Major?" John whirled, facing Teyla, who was smiling at him. "It is a beautiful sight, is it not?"

"Yes, it is. It reminds me of where I grew up."

"Tell me of this place you grew up."

"It's called Los Angeles and it's warm and sunny, with endless beaches." John smirked as he added, "And the occasional three point five."

"Three point five?"

"Never mind. And where did you grow up? On that planet we found you on?"

"Yes," she nodded with a sad look. "Where it is cold and rainy, with no beaches."

"I miss it sometimes."

"You are sorry you came to this place?"

"At first I was, but not now. When I get lonely, I look at pictures and I think about what might happen to my world if the Goa'uld, or Wraith, ever get there and I know I made the correct decision. Our presence here may prevent the destruction of Earth and maybe other planets as well."

"I would like to see some of these...pictures. Do you have one of, what is it you call it, a Ferris wheel?"

He couldn't help smiling back. "Oh yeah. C'mon, I'll show you." He took her by the hand and led her to his quarters, not noticing that they were being watched.

Rodney McKay hadn't heard the conversation and assumed that John was taking her back to his room for other things. And the hurt that formed in the pit of his stomach was horrible.

John was his.

But as with most fantasies Rodney had had in his life, reality decided to intervene quite abruptly.

'No,' Rodney thought, 'he's not...'

~~~

Two weeks earlier...

John stormed into Rodney's lab, a feral look on his face. "What is this?"

"It looks like a report," Rodney sneered, making the face that said, 'I can't help it if you're a moron.'

"It's a piece of shit, that's what it is. You need to rewrite it."

"No, I won't. You don't like it, you rewrite it."

"McKay," John did his best to remain calm, "you are bordering on insubordination."

"I am? When did you suddenly become GI Joe?"

John looked furious, making a fist and Rodney's hands flew up in self defense. He looked ready to 'duck and cover'. John tilted his head, studying the scientist. "Whoa! I'm not going to hit you."

Rodney actually stood and backed away. "I think you should leave."

"McKay...Rodney, I'm not going to hit you. I promise. I'm just a bit angry."

"What was wrong with it anyway?"

"It's all this scientific stuff. I couldn't understand a word of it." John took in the other man's face, seeing the fear. "Mc...Rodney, why did you think I was going to hit you?"

"It's nothing." Pause. "Nobody here, if that's what you're thinking."

"Okay," John nodded. "Just checking. I'll see you later." He left to go to his quarters, then made a U-turn and headed to Elizabeth's office. Maybe it was time for him to read Rodney McKay's personnel file.

Two hours later John's eyes were blurry. The file was six inches thick and contained report after report on Rodney's accomplishments. The man was a bonafide genius. 'But why was he sent to Russia?' John finally found the answer in a report written by Jack O'Neill and marked confidential. The Russians needed help with their 'gate and since O'Neill wasn't going to send his second, Sam Carter, he had to send the next best person for the job, who happened to be Rodney McKay. But there was a small disc with a note to General Hammond from Jack O'Neill (and forwarded now to Elizabeth Weir) marked TOP SECRET. John put the disc in the PC and it took him a few minutes to unlock the password...the name 'Daniel' had let him in. He expected a video, but all there was, was a short note on a WordPad.

'George,

McKay is probably the best person for the job, but don't tell him that. His knowledge of the Stargate far surpasses Carter's and even she admits it. In order to avoid giving him an even further swelled head, I suggest we send him under the guise of a punishment. But don't let him stay that long. The good old USA needs him more.

Jack'

John smiled to himself. If Jack O'Neill thought that much of McKay, then the man was a good guy. He was almost at the end of the file when the personal information report caught his eye. There was the usual, name, date of birth, education...and a notation that jumped out at him, marked in red, the notation showing it had been written by Colonel Frank Simmons. "Wonderful," John sneered. "The NID." He read the report, raising an eyebrow at what it contained.

There were reports of Rodney in gay bars in Denver, but John knew for a fact that Rodney had been married for a few years. 'Bisexual?' he thought. 'Okay, I can deal with that.'

He read some more and discovered why Rodney thought John was going to hit him. The man had been beaten up at Area 51 when word of his lifestyle spread. 'Probably by that scumbag Simmons,' John thought. 'I don't need to deal with that here.' Afraid that someone else might get a look at the file, John pocketed the page and closed the file. He left the office and went back to Rodney's quarters. They had some talking to do.

~~~

John could have just let himself in, but he knew what a private man Rodney was so he waited to be asked. The man before him looked like he had been run over by a truck and then some. "What happened to you?"

"Oh nothing," Rodney smiled. "Just a few of the kids deciding that my room was a good place for a pillow fight."

"A pillow fight? It looks like an atomic bomb went off in here and you were caught in the middle of the blast."

"Some of the kids like me. I don't know why. I think they're annoying."

John wondered when Rodney had developed a rapport with the kids. From what he had seen, Rodney wasn't too fond of them. Then again, he knew Rodney had been spending time with a few of them, particularly Jinto and Wex, who followed him around, asking question after question (and plying him with chocolate) and Jacintha, a five year old who had developed a crush on him and wasn't afraid to share that information. "As long as you watch your language Rodney, then I have nothing against you hanging out with them."

"Language? John, I am something of a linguist if you hadn't noticed."

"I know that, but they've been emulating your use of...colorful language at the most inopportune moments."

"They've learned worse from the marines!" Rodney shot back. "Actually, I think they hear filthier things from Elizabeth sometimes. She curses more then a stereotypical sailor after a night on the town."

"I didn't say you curse, but Jinto shouting 'PEAS SUCK!' was not something the entire commissary needed to hear."

"I don't like peas."

"Wex, the little shrimp, told Allenbee she had nice tits."

"Allenbee has very nice tits." Rodney tried hard not to smile. "I'd say, oh, forty-four DD. And by the way, she doesn't stuff. They're very real."

"I don't want to know how you got that information," John sighed.

"John, why are you here? I told you I would rewrite the report and make it less...complicated."

John took out the note and placed it in front of him. "I found this in your file."

Rodney read it over. "Does it bother you? Because I don't care. I stopped caring a long time ago."

"No it doesn't bother me! I'm just curious why you didn't tell me."

"Oh, sure John. I can just hear it. 'Major, just to let you know, I sleep with men and women and I think I'm good at both'. I'm sure that would have gone over well."

John rolled his eyes. "Look, about the report, you were right. Just leave it as it is. I don't need to understand it. I'm going to go now and I'll, uh, see you in the morning."

"You don't have to go." Rodney was almost pleading. "I have chocolate chip cookies if you want. And a fresh pot of...well it's not coffee, but it's pretty close."

John took a moment to study Rodney's face. Rodney wanted company, not something John expected. Rodney spent most evenings by himself, locked in his room. When he did that, everyone assumed he was working on something, but John began to wonder if it were true. 'Nobody could want to be alone that much,' he thought. Aloud, "Sure, why not. Where did you get cookies anyway?"

"Did you think all those crates marked scientific equipment were really that?"

"Ah, a man who thinks ahead. I like that."

John took a seat and Rodney poured the vile liquid that passed for coffee and opened a bag of Chips Ahoy. "If you want something stronger, I have that also." He took out a bottle of Kahlua. "It makes that stuff drinkable. And no, I don't drink it on a regular basis."

"I didn't think you did," John grinned, taking the bottle and adding a shot to each of their cups. "Since we will not be going through the 'gate until Ford is capable, which according to Beckett could be a while, I think we can indulge a bit."

They had made it through three cups (the second and third more Kahlua then coffee) when John began to feel a slight buzz, growing bold and mischievous...and horny. "You a bottom or top?"

"Why?"

"Just curious."

"I can do either, but I prefer to bottom."

"Would you bottom for me?"

"You do men?"

"I do anything but kids and animals," John snickered, leaning in, lips brushing Rodney's ear. "Can I fuck you Rodney? Would you let me?"

Rodney was a bit hesitant. Men that looked like John never took a second look at him, let alone suggested they go to bed. But it had been so long since he'd been touched, that he ignored his inner voice. John must like him, really like him. That sent his stomach into loop-de-loops and he silently nodded.

John didn't speak, pulling him to his feet, groping him, opening both their pants, shoving Rodney over the table. John looked around, seeing the lotion, opening the tube and slathering it over his dick. His breathing grew ragged as he pushed two fingers in, scissoring them, opening Rodney quick. "This is going to be good." He shoved inside, going at it like a dog in heat, coming to completion quickly, bringing Rodney with him. He slid out just as quickly, turning Rodney around and grinning at him. "Now that was nice." He grabbed the nearest cloth and cleaned them both, pulling Rodney's pants up.

Rodney grinned back, sated and happy. "John, I..."

"We'll have to do it again sometime." John pulled up his own pants. "I'll see you later."

Rodney stared at the door as it closed behind John, mouth hanging open, a lone tear trickling down his cheek. He had given himself to the Major, who had seen it as nothing more then a simple fuck. John hadn't even kissed him. And he promised himself he would not let John touch him again.

But promises were made to be broken and two nights later John showed up. Rodney didn't want to give in but he did, moaning and groaning, sighing and begging, giving himself over. Once more John fucked him, then disappeared into the night.

And once more Rodney shed a few tears, mentally kicking himself. He was allowing himself to be used as a fuck toy and he made the same resolution. John would not touch him again. And every time John came to him, he acquiesced, biting back the three little words he longed to say, fearful of John's reaction. Because even though he was being used, it felt good to be wanted by someone. He yearned for John to stay with him, hold him all night, wake up beside him.

"Rodney," John had explained, "don't get carried away. It's just a buddy fuck, nothing more. Okay?"

Rodney had just nodded as John left him yet again.

~~~

Present day...

Rodney McKay was extremely confused...and very much in love with John Sheppard. He so wanted to tell John how he felt, but the fear of rejection was too strong. Those three little words could destroy everything.

So what if John was using him? John wanted him, that was all that mattered. It had been so long since anybody wanted him. God, he had briefly thought about becoming a monk, that's how long it had been. But what was happening with John, he couldn't reason it out.
Rodney didn't understand why he was shedding tears over it. He was being stupid, silly, childish. But he found he needed the physical contact...craved it.

And after two days of not seeing John, Rodney opted to go and see him.

"John?" Rodney almost whispered, hesitant about entering John's room.

"What?!"

"Can I come in?"

John looked into Rodney's eyes and immediately became contrite. "Yeah, of course you can."

"I brought you some chocolate. Nestle's Crunch."

"Where did you get that?" John tried to fight the small smile and failed.

"I stole it from Kavanagh because I figured I'd better bring you a peace offering."

"I'm not sleeping with that thing."

"John, it reacted to you. It could be an Ancient weapon or..."

"Give it up, you can't win."

"Alright, I concede, for now, though not willingly." Rodney sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you still going to sleep with me?"

"Rodney, didn't we have this conversation already? Haven't you ever heard of comfort sex? When I need you, I'll come to you."

"I know, but I was thinking that..."

"No and stop thinking about it."

"Here's the candy." Rodney handed it to him and stood up. "I'll see you in the morning." He got to the door and turned around, voice quiet, the words rolling off his tongue before he could stop them. "I broke the rule, John. I didn't mean to, but it just happened."

"What rule?"

"Thou shalt not fall in love with a fuck buddy." Rodney walked out, leaving a stunned John staring after him.

"You don't love me," John muttered. "You only think you do."

John, for his own part, refused to fall in love again. Every time he did, he got burned. Every time he gave away his heart it was torn to shreds. His three ex-wives and a couple of male lovers had proven that. He had grown used to buddy fucks in Antarctica; a brief meeting at night, a quickie in the showers...no strings attached. Transfers were common and quick. Nobody but him stayed there for long periods of time.

He had to allow himself a smug smile when he thought of the three vultures he had married and divorced, draining his bank accounts dry and then some. Based on current information, wife number two was probably a Wraith in a previous incarnation; she had sucked the life right out of him. Now he had no more alimony to pay and just let their lawyers try to find him. Before he'd left Earth he'd closed all of his accounts, sold his car, house and stocks, and given all the money to charity. Jack O'Neill had assured him that his military pay would remain untouched and if the government ever declared him MIA or dead, he had friends in high places and guaranteed those funds would also go to charity.

And to fall in love would mean that when Rodney's feelings changed, and John knew they would, he'd be hurt yet again. Rodney could, and would, deal with the fact that it was only comfort sex, nothing more. He'd see that John was right. John nodded in agreement with himself, never considering he'd be hurting Rodney in the process. Never considering that Rodney would not be transferred to another base, that they would be together for God knew how many years.

He finally remembered the candy bar, but it was a bit too late. It had been smushed in his fist, which he hadn't even realized he was making. "Dammit John! You're doing it again! He'll stop caring and you'll have nothing." He tossed the candy across the room, crawled into bed and attempted to sleep.

It was impossible. Not only were Rodney's words gnawing at him, but he kept seeing the hurt look which made things worse. "I will not fall in love again." After tossing for almost two hours and still unable to sleep, he knew the truth.

Much as he wanted to deny it, fight it, make believe it didn't exist, John Sheppard was in love again. 'And with a chubby, know-it-all geek of all things,' he thought. 'Nah, not so chubby anymore. He's getting leaner as time goes on.' He punched the pillow a few times and finally managed to fall asleep.

He was happy when Ford was declared fit for duty the next day and Elizabeth gave his team a new mission.

As soon as they returned, he was going to confess all to Rodney, tell him the truth. If he was lucky, very lucky, Rodney would forgive him for being a (seemingly) cold-hearted bastard and understand why he treated Rodney the way he did.

And then he was going to give himself over and let Rodney fuck him into oblivion.

~~~

They arrived on the planet during what appeared to be high noon, the sun bright overhead.

It didn't take more then twenty seconds before Rodney began to bitch, taking his jacket off, glaring at Ford. "Where's that UAV you were going to build, hmm? For a change, I'd like to see what we're getting into."

"I tried," Ford shrugged, "but Beckett found out I swiped his model airplane and threatened me with...let's just say he learned a bit from Janet Fraiser when it comes to threats."

Rodney winced. "Rectal exams and bovine needles?"

"Yep," Ford nodded, also wincing.

"Who is this Janet Fraiser?" Teyla asked. "Is she part of Doctor Beckett's medical staff?"

Rodney stopped and shook his head, eyes lowered, a frown on his face. "She was in charge at the SGC. She died in an ambush."

"Good woman," Ford added, "terrific doctor. She could scare the shit out of you with a look."

"I miss her," the two men said together.

"I heard about her," John added. "O'Neill told me she was the best."

Teyla understood. "She was a large woman? Perhaps the size of one of those WWF people we watched the other night?"

Rodney began to laugh and continued walking. "No more then a hundred pounds, but man oh man, was she scary when she was in Doctor mode."

"I came back once with SG-1 and SG-16 and both teams argued over who was going to be examined first. But Colonel O'Neill pulled rank..." Ford launched into a story that had them all laughing, then Rodney took a turn with his own tale of the good doctor, managing to pass the time as they searched for a village.

Night fell quickly, much to their shock and being there was still no village in sight, the four made camp. It took about five minutes before Rodney and John were going at it like a couple of children, arguing over the merits of coffee versus tea. Ford made a remark that they were just as bad as Jack and Daniel, who he had observed offworld a few times and he and Teyla ignored the two, sitting down and opening their MRE's.

Rodney wolfed into his, sucking it down like he did chocolate, licking his lips. "Ahh, I love the taste of MRE's."

"You're sick," John told him, making a face as he ate his. "It says turkey, but I'm not sure."

Ford chuckled. "Last year, McKay, Daniel Jackson and Jim Coburn had an eating contest to see who could identify the most MRE's."

"Who won?" John asked.

"It was a three-way tie," Ford replied with a grin. "They ID'd them all as chicken, even the macaroni and cheese. And I think after that little debacle, General Hammond insisted they all go for a psychiatric exam."

"Oooh, debacle," Rodney snickered. "That's an awfully big word for a marine."

"Some of us can read," Ford sneered, albeit with a smile.

"You can?" Rodney feigned shock. "That's...amazing."

"Yeah, I majored in big and complicated words in college," Ford laughed aloud.

"Cool," Rodney answered, pulling out his candy bar, looking at Ford's. "Trade you my
Kit-Kat for your Peppermint Patty."

Ford shook his head at Rodney, staring at Teyla's candy. "Patty for a Three Musketeers?"

"No," Teyla said without hesitation. "I do not like those." She bit into her candy. "These are lighter and...fluffier."

"I'd like to take a ride very high in the sky with my...Three Musketeers," Ford began to sing the jingle.

Rodney and John joined him. "I can't get far without my fluffy chocolate bar...Three Musketeers..."

"You were offkey," Rodney told John.

"It's a commercial and nobody cares!" John fired back.

"When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty," Ford took a bite, "I get the sensation of skiing down a tall mountain...WOOOOSSSHHHH!"

"And you say I'm sick?" Rodney rolled his eyes.

Sometime later, the four lay down, hoping to get some sleep before dawn came. If night fell so quickly, dawn could be a couple of hours away.

Within ten minutes Rodney was snoring. John glanced over at Ford and Teyla, wondering how they could rest with the sound of a bull moose in their midst and also wondering how Rodney could fall asleep anywhere at the drop of a hat. He shoved Rodney, who sat up, looking around.

"What?"

"You're snoring and I can't sleep."

"Then plug your discman in and leave me alone." Rodney turned over and John did just that, knowing that Ford would keep an ear out for anything.

John was just about asleep when he was elbowed in the ribs. "Yes, Rodney?" He took the headset off.

"You could turn it down. Some of us do not need to be lulled to sleep with the sounds of Motley Crue."

"How did you know it was Motley Crue? You strike me as an ABBA kind of guy."

Rodney just shrugged. "I know all, remember? Smartest guy in the Pegasus galaxy?" He smirked. "I spent more then one night in a mosh pit."

"You? In a mosh pit?" Ford sat up, mouth agape. "Hot damn, now that I'd give a week's rations to see."

"Actually, I spent one summer as a roadie for Guns 'N' Roses."

"To see that," John nodded, "I'd give two week's rations and all my candy for the next year."

"Will the three of you kindly zip your lips?" Teyla growled.

"Zip your lips?" Rodney snorted.

"If you do not, I shall do it for you."

The three men nodded to her. "Yes, ma'am."

"Goodnight, Teyla."

"Goodnight, Doc."

"Goodnight, Aiden."

"Goodnight, Rodney."

"Goodnight, John-Boy."

"Shut up Ford!"

~~~

John woke at the crack of dawn, face to face with a sleeping Rodney and took in the man's features. He had never seen Rodney in the morning and the scientist looked...cute. It was the only word that came to mind. He decided he'd like to see that look again, but the moment Rodney began to stir, John turned over. Now was not the time to declare himself.

Rodney opened his eyes and the first sight that greeted him was John's ass. His dick took immediate notice and he jumped up, mumbling about too much tea. He took off into the underbrush, not noticing he was being followed.

John was quiet and lurked in the shadows, watching Rodney very closely. Watching Rodney's hand move back and forth, hearing every breath, every sigh. 'God he's beautiful.' His hands moved on their own, unbuttoning his pants, grasping his dick, stroking in rhythm with Rodney. He felt the moan ready to erupt from his throat and bit his lip so hard he drew blood, keeping himself quiet. He felt his imminent release, wanting to come with Rodney if possible, hearing one whispered word from Rodney...

"John."

John watched Rodney shoot and followed suit, vision blurring. This was the hottest orgasm he'd ever experienced and after wiping his hand on the nearest bush, he turned to return to camp when he heard Rodney's voice again.

"Oh shit."

John turned back, tilting his head, wondering if his vision was okay. Rodney appeared to be shrinking. At closer glance he realized the man wasn't shrinking, but sinking. "Quicksand," he said to himself.

"JOOOHHHHNNNNN!!"

"Rodney?"

Rodney turned around, eyes wide, breathing rapid. "Quicksand," he squeaked.

"I can see that."

Ford and Teyla were there a moment later.

"That's quicksand," Ford said, taking in the sight of the rapidly disappearing Rodney.

"You're a rocket scientist aren't you!" Rodney snapped. "Do something. Get me out of here!"

John had a quick word with Ford and Teyla, then turned his attentions back to Rodney. "They're going to get something so we can pull you out." He paused. "I once read that if you stay calm you can float in quicksand."

"Really?" Rodney answered. "I read that also. But you know what?"

"What?"

"I'M PANICKING!!" Rodney sunk a few more inches.

"Rodney, please, you need to calm down. Talk to me."

"Talk to you? Okay, how about...FUCK YOU, MAJOR! How's that for calm! And where is Ford? How long does it take to get rope?"

"We didn't have rope so he and Teyla are cutting some of those vines we passed. Speaking of which..." He took one end of the vine and began to tie it around himself.

"Major, I think it would be wise for me to go after Rodney. It will take more physical strength to pull us out and you and Lieutenant Ford are physically stronger."

"Alright, do it." He tied it around Teyla's waist and turned around, watching Rodney go under. "RODNEY!"

Teyla waded in, almost at Rodney's previous position, feeling around. "I cannot find him."

Now it was John's turn to look panicked. "He's gotta be there!"

She went further, smiling as her hand grabbed something. Pulling at it, she knew it was Rodney's arm. "I've got him. Pull us out!"

John and Ford pulled on the vine, hands growing raw, finally dragging the two in. While Ford helped Teyla get loose, John lay Rodney's head in his lap, feeling for a pulse, thankful when he found it.

"Rodney, c'mon, talk to me. Say anything."

"I hate you." Rodney coughed, taking a breath. "More then I hate peas."

"Somebody's back to normal." He and Rodney stood up. "You're filthy."

"Yes, I am. How observant of you."

"There is water over there," Teyla pointed. "Perhaps you can clean up a bit."

Rodney turned and almost stumbled, but John caught him. "You smell."

"Thank you, John. How nice for you to notice that also." He pulled away. "I can walk by myself."

"I'm going to get a blanket and go keep an eye on the boy wonder," John said.

"I shall clean up as well," Teyla added. "So I do not disturb anyone, I shall wash on the other side of the waterway." She headed off in the opposite direction of Rodney.

"I'll make sure she's okay," Ford nodded.

"Uh, Ford, maybe you can get a blanket for her also. Let's go."

The two made their way back to camp, each picking up a blanket and a change of clothes and heading in opposite directions.

"Aiden," John shook his head, "I sure hope you know what you're getting into." John got to the water, finding Rodney's clothes on the bank and Rodney himself in the water.

Rodney came out, sitting on the blanket, pulling it around himself. "It's...refreshing."

John noticed the shivering. "Refreshing my ass. Your lips are turning blue."

"Okay, it's kind of cold in there."

"C'mere." John wrapped his arms around, rubbing Rodney's body, trying to get the heat flowing. "Don't do that again."

"Don't do what? Get stuck in quicksand? Oh, yeah, sure. I plan on doing it on a regular basis." He threw John a glare. "How did you find me so quick?"

John felt the heat rise in his cheeks and knew he was blushing. "I, er...followed you."

"Followed me when?"

"When you got up I...followed you. And I watched."

"Watched what?" The lightbulb went off. "WHAT!"

"I watched. And you were a sight, let me tell you."

"Do you know how personal and private that is? How could you? I'd never watch you."

"Why not?" John was a bit offended. "What's wrong with me? Besides, if I hadn't been watching, you'd be singing with the angels, my friend."

"Not me," Rodney said with a sarcastic bite. "As the saying goes, 'I don't play a harp but I hear Satan plays a mean saxophone'."

"I don't want to know where you heard that." John shifted so he was kneeling in front of Rodney, yet still held tight.

"What do you want from me John? Because I don't know anymore."

"Do you really want to know?" He took Rodney's face in his palms, smiling the softest smile he could muster, pulling Rodney's face towards his. "This is what I want." He placed his lips against Rodney's, a chaste first kiss. "I want to kiss you." And John did, kiss after kiss, each one deeper then the one before it, parting Rodney's lips with his tongue, sinking that tongue into Rodney's mouth and sucking Rodney's into his. The kisses eventually stopped, leaving the two breathless, but John caught his breath first, pushing the blanket back and left kisses on Rodney's neck, across his shoulder, down his chest. He stopped at a nipple, laving gently, bestowing the same on the other nipple, hearing Rodney's breath hitch. "Do you like blow-jobs, Rod?"

"Rod?"

"Yeah, Rod. Now answer the question."

"I can give..."

"No Rodney. You misunderstand. Do you like getting them."

"I...yes."

"Good."

He pushed the blanket all the way off, laying Rodney on his back. More kisses, down Rodney's abdomen and John shifted between his legs, parting them slowly. His fingers caressed up and down Rodney's thighs, followed by his lips, sucking each ball oh so softly into his mouth, listening to each moan that came from Rodney's throat. Taking Rodney's hardening dick in his hand, he stroked just as slow, licking the length, driving Rodney mad with each lick, finally taking pity on him and sucking the tip into his mouth. He swallowed Rodney to the root, holding his hips down, preventing any movement, moaning himself, fingering Rodney's balls, finally allowing Rodney freedom to move.

And move Rodney did, hips lifting up, thrusting into John's mouth, trying to pull away as he felt his release near. "John, you might want to stop now."

But John didn't, sucking harder, moaning louder. He raised his head briefly, "Come in my mouth," and went back to sucking.

"OHHHGODDDD!" Rodney screamed, coming with the force of a tsunami.

John swallowed what he could, smacking his lips together when he was done, a very smug smile on his face. "Damn John, you are better then you thought."

Rodney finally found his voice. "You didn't, ah, come."

"This time was for you, Rodney. It should have been for you a long time ago."

"I'm confused, John. You are the first person to ever confuse me and I need...no, I require an explanation."

John sat up, moving around, holding Rodney's back to his chest, nuzzling his neck. "You and I need to have a chat about my...behavior over the last two weeks."

"Oh, you mean the fact that you've been a Goddamned bastard to me?" Rodney couldn't help the soft moan as his ear was nibbled.

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean."

Rodney opened his mouth, ready to answer. He was prepared for a denial, for a fight and shocked when he got an admittance. He shut his mouth. This he wasn't prepared for.

"I don't believe it!" John actually laughed. "You're speechless. Well there's more. Not only have I been a selfish bastard, but I was wrong to...use you the way I did."

"Why John?"

"Why what? Never mind, I know. Rodney, everytime I have said those three little words I have been screwed over. So I stopped saying them. It was easier to just be a user. Oh, and then I had to meet you. You had to get under my skin, make me insane, make me...love you. There, I said it. I love you."

"You..."

"Yeah, I love you. But don't expect me to say it too often. I mean, two or three times a day max. I don't want to make a habit of it." John heard the noise and looked around. "It seems I'm not the only voyeur around here."

The sound of a branch snapping made Rodney turn and both men saw Ford almost fly out of the bushes, a naked Teyla following, jumping on his chest. "I want you!"

Ford, in turn, tossed her off, going into battle stance. "I'm the man. I make the rules." He flipped her and the two continued.

"What are they doing?" Rodney asked, watching them.

"For some," John smirked, "that is called foreplay."

Rodney winced as Ford went down again. "Are you okay?"

Ford tilted his head back, "Oh yeah. I love a Xena wannabe." He grunted as Teyla straddled him again. "But enough is enough."

John began to laugh and pulled Rodney to his feet, making sure the blanket was wrapped around him, picking up Rodney's clothes. "Let's give them some privacy and you and I can go back to camp."

As they walked back, they heard some very perverse phrases from Ford and some alien words from Teyla.

"What's she saying?" John asked.

Rodney gave him a sly grin. "My mommy told me never to use words like those."

By the time they got back to camp, John's dick was so hard he was groaning in pain.

"Rodney, you need to get dressed."

"Yeah, okay. And what's wrong with you?"

"It's your ass. It's affecting my dick."

Rodney grinned at him. "How so?"

"I want your ass Rodney. I want to fu...no, I want to make love with you. We've fucked enough."

Rodney dropped the blanket, spreading it out, moving to his hands and knees. "What's stopping you?"

This time it was John who was speechless, dropping to his knees and undoing his pants. "I don't know whose bright idea it was to put buttons on these things, but whoever it was..."

"Lotion in my pack." Rodney nodded to his things.

John took the tube out, squeezing some onto his fingers. "Rodney, did I ever...hurt you?"

Rodney turned his head. "No. It was always good."

John knelt behind him, holding Rodney's hip with one hand while the other played with his ass, easing a finger in. A second followed, in and out, until John couldn't hold on anymore. "Ready for me?" He didn't wait for an answer, sliding in slowly, wanting to draw this out. This wasn't a quickie, a brief fuck during the night. It was love, pure and simple, and John had to make sure he got it right.

Rodney was growing frustrated with the slowness of it all. "John, I won't break. I don't care if you fuck me hard and fast, the fact that you love me is all that matters."

"It has to be right."

"It is," Rodney reiterated. "Now fuck me already or I turn over and do myself!"

John shoved in, getting a shout, this time concerned. "You okay?"

"Goddamit Sheppard!" Rodney pulled forward and rammed himself back hard, impaling himself on John's dick, grinding his ass down. "That's what I want. Got it?!"

John took Rodney by the hips, holding him still, rolling his own hips. "Oh yeah." He pulled out and shoved in again and again, angling his thrusts, finally hearing a scream. "Found it..." Pull out, shove in. "That's it...so good...so tight." He kept hitting the spot, Rodney screaming again and again, kisses down Rodney's back, bites to his neck, nibbling on his ear. "Gonna come Rod." He grasped Rodney's dick hard, jerking him rough. "Come for me Rodney...I can't come until you do...need to pleasure you...please baby...let it go for me..." He felt the wetness on his hand and it was then he let himself come, pounding inside, filling Rodney, moving until he was soft and slid out.

Rodney collapsed, John atop him, undulating his hips. "I could probably get hard again. Damn, Rodney, you bring out the beast in me." He rolled off, laying on his back, Rodney crawling into his arms, the two sharing kisses.

"You're going to be the death of me John."

John swallowed hard. "Did I hurt you?"

Rodney just kissed him again. "No, no hurting. No pain. You could never give me pain John, no matter what."

"But I did, didn't I?" John whispered. "Each night I came to you, I hurt you." He placed his hand over Rodney's heart. "In here, where the pain doesn't show."

"Yes, you did," Rodney admitted, quickly following with, "but that was then." He was about to say something else when the shout of "OH GOD TEYLA, NOT AGAIN!" came through loud and clear.

The two men looked at each other and began to giggle.

"Should I get dressed, John or do you want me to stay naked?"

"I think you should get your clothes on and maybe make some coffee."

"Tea is better for you."

"Tea is for wussy people, not for real men," John countered.

Rodney sat up, grabbing his clothes. "I'm going to let that remark go just this once, Major, and I'm going to make you some coffee. But don't think I'm going to make a habit of it."

John cleaned himself with the edge of the blanket, a smirk on his face. "We'll see Rodney...we'll see."

~~~

John and Rodney were drinking coffee when Ford and Teyla returned. Teyla had a big grin and the two men cracked up as they saw Ford's gait.

The young lieutenant was almost limping, had a vacuous look in his eyes and just sat down, mouth hanging open.

"Aiden, are you okay?" John asked sincerely, then focused on Teyla. "What did you do to him?"

"I did nothing that he didn't want," Teyla shrugged. "It was fun. And what did the two of you do?"

John put his arm around Rodney's shoulders, turned Rodney's face to his and kissed him...and moaned...and kissed him...and sighed. "You're really good at this kissing thing, Rod."

Rodney tried to catch his breath, turning his head to avoid John's lips. "John, you're embarrassing me. And stop calling me Rod. I don't like it."

John nodded in defeat. "Okay baby, but we kiss some more later."

"And could you not...call me baby? At least in front of other people?"

John got an evil grin and blew in Rodney's ear. "Baby..." He started with the kissing again, hand caressing down to Rodney's crotch, uncaring that they were not alone.

"STOP IT!"

"I wish we had a tent."

"I'm glad we don't," Rodney muttered, shoving John away.

"He's such a romantic," John laughed, pouring a cup of coffee for Ford. "Rodney made it, but it is drinkable."

"Are you saying I can't make coffee?" Rodney replied with narrowed eyes.

"Yes," John and Ford said together.

"The next time someone needs help with...anything...don't come to me."

"I'd rather go to Zalenka," John teased.

"Maybe you'd like to sleep with Zalenka also!" Rodney fired back, not getting the teasing. He figured John was making fun of him.

"Ooh, first fight," Ford snickered.

Teyla stared at them, shaking her head. "You should be ashamed of yourselves, fighting like this. Among my people, love is sacred, not to be made a mockery of."

"No, Teyla, you misunderstand us," John explained. "At least I hope you do. Rodney and I, this is who we are, I figured you knew that by now. I'm the sensitive one and he's the..." John smirked. "...non-sensitive one."

"Oh, so now I'm not sensitive!"

"Don't start with me, McKay."

"Ah, I see," Rodney nodded vehemently. "We've gone from Rodney back to McKay in ten seconds flat. Maybe you'd like your fuck buddy back also!" He regretted the words the moment he uttered them, but knew he couldn't take them back.

John just sent an icy glare his way. "We'll discuss this later...Rod."

"Uh, Major? Doc?" Ford said.

"WHAT?!" they both yelled at him.

"We have company."

All four turned to face a group of people staring at them.

"Well boys and girls," John started, "I think we found the natives." He glanced at Rodney, face softening, knowing that Rodney's mouth sometimes worked before his brain. "Excuse me...indigenous people."

"Be afraid Doc," Ford smiled, "he's using the big words now. I think he's trying to impress you."

"It'll take a lot more to impress me," Rodney snarled, then switched gears as he and Teyla went to speak with the people.

"Deep down, he loves me," John nodded as he and Ford packed up their stuff.

"He'd have to, to put up with you," Ford answered him with a slight giggle.

"Hey, CO here. I, Major, you, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, sir. Of course, sir. I'll remember, sir."

"Fuck you, Ford."

"I don't think so, sir. Not unless you get a bustline and some curvy hips."

Rodney and Teyla came back over, picking up their own packs.

"They're called the D'andor," Rodney told them. "Their village is that way."

"Rodney..."

"Don't talk to me Major. I'm angry with you." He joined Teyla to follow the locals.

"So, Aiden," John began, as they followed, "how sore are you?"

"Very. That woman is the most...athletic I have ever come across."

"I see. And you don't mind that Rodney and I...that we..."

"No. You get over that quickly when you're at the SGC. Everything goes there."

"Everything?"

"Everything. Trust me on that."

"How do you think the rest of Atlantis will react."

"I don't know. I would hope that everyone that came along is open-minded. You have to be because you never know what you'll get when you encounter a new culture."

"Area 51," John mumbled, watching Rodney walking with Teyla.

"What sir?"

"Nothing." John started to wonder if he had done the right thing. He loved Rodney, there was no doubt about that, but if his men were closed minded and prejudiced, he was in a shitload of trouble. Another glance at Rodney, smiling in the distance and he quickly shook his head to get rid of the thoughts. 'No, I did the right thing. How could a love so right be so wrong?' His eyes grew wide and a grin split his face. 'It must be love John, if you're quoting song lyrics.'

~~~

The D'andor were a simple people and seemed friendly, offering the team their hospitality. Teyla immediately went into discussions regarding trading, while Rodney just sort of stood there with nothing to do.

"Doctor McKay," Teyla smiled, "perhaps you would care to assist me."

"I, um...my forte is not trade agreements," Rodney replied, looking around, wishing these people had anything scientific. That he could understand.

"Then perhaps you will keep me company. It appears that Major Sheppard and Lieutenant Ford have found something to do."

Rodney turned to see the two soldiers comparing their weapons with those of the locals. "I guess."

"If you learn the art of negotiation, perhaps you will figure out a more...efficient way for us to negotiate. Perhaps we can get more for less."

Rodney seemed to brighten. "You think so?"

"There is more to life then a laboratory. You need to be educated in the ways of those you would consider more primitive then yourself."

"Makes sense," Rodney agreed, "in a strange sort of way." He followed Teyla, not seeing her smug grin.

'What was it Elizabeth said? Play to his ego and he will follow you anywhere? I shall have to tell her she was correct.'

The day was as short as they had assumed, with night falling within four hours. Rodney speculated on the planet's rotation, but the locals had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, so he gave up. He did however manage to talk them into a trade agreement that had Teyla quite impressed. They were then told there was a dinner planned in their honor, as they had been the first visitors to the planet in many generations.

"What is it, Rodney?" Teyla asked, seeing the frown on his face.

"The Chief's daughter, her hair reminds me of my ex-wife's," Rodney muttered.

"Ex-wife?" Teyla was curious. "What is an ex-wife?"

Rodney thought for a moment. "Sort of like a pleasant and loving woman that you marry and then discover she's really a Wraith on your wedding night."

"Now that was my second wife, Rebecca," John smiled.

"Two?" Rodney raised an eyebrow at him.

"Actually three," John shrugged. "And number three reminded me more of Godzilla in temperament. She gave me a black eye on our three month anniversary, accusing me of cheating."

"Why'd you marry her then?" Ford asked.

"I loved her, just like I loved them all," John said matter-of-factly. "Who knew that the soft-spoken and well-mannered Alison was a leech with a mean right hook?"

"And what about number one?" Rodney just had to know.

"Oh, that would be Jenny. After two years she decided she needed to find herself, then hired a lawyer and sued me for everything. I managed to hold onto my car, but that was about it."

"Mine cleaned out our apartment...literally," Rodney started. "Even the carpet was pulled up. She also took my car and ran up almost twenty grand on my credit cards. The only thing she left was the cat. She never liked the cat and that should have tipped me off in the beginning." He looked at John. "She used to call me 'Rod' and not in a nice way either."

"I'm never getting married," Ford told them. "I'm going to have pets. Dogs let you know immediately if they don't like you."

"What about kids?" John asked.

"I can always adopt," Ford smiled. "That's how my folks got me and that's how I'll get mine."

"I finally managed to get revenge on the harpies though," John continued. "Before I left I called them all and told them I wasn't paying any more alimony. They each told me they'd call their lawyers and track me down, even if I was still in Antarctica and I would pay. So I sold everything and came here. Just let them try to find me now."

"What about your military pay?" Ford asked. "I know my folks can lay claim to that if I'm declared dead."

"For that, I had a chat with General O'Neill. I was blunt with him and he made a remark about somebody named Hathor and agreed to protect my pay. By the way, who is Hathor?"

"You don't want to know," Rodney told him point blank. "Trust me on that."

They were led into a great dining hall and John felt better as he saw the look on Rodney's face when Rodney got a look at the food.

"I'm in heaven," Rodney grinned.

John took a seat next to him. "Am I forgiven?"

"I'm not sure yet."

"You're being snarky, so I guess I'm forgiven."

"What kind of a word is 'snarky'? I don't think it's in any dictionary."

"It is and it means crotchety."

"I'm crotchety?"

"Yeah and that's why I love you." John blew Rodney a kiss and Rodney turned crimson and looked like he wanted to crawl under the table. "Relax, Rodney. I promise not to jump you until we have some privacy."

Rodney finally smiled at him. "Maybe next time, I'll jump you."

"If you think you can handle it."

"I can handle anything," Rodney told him, then got up in a huff and took a seat across the table, next to Ford, quickly calming as the Chieftain and his daughter entered and sat and the food was served.

"C-r-o-t-c-h-e-t-y," John said, "spells Rodney."

"You're going to pay for that Major."

"Promises, promises," John grinned, then dug into his food.

Everything seemed to be going okay until a woman entered the dining room and stared at John for a moment. He stared back and smiled and she returned it.

The Chieftain was motioned aside and the two spoke, and then the man turned, nodding to John. "My younger daughter says you smiled at her."

John nodded. "Yes, I did."

"You have an interest in her?"

His eyes met Rodney's. "No, I don't. None whatsoever."

"Then why did you smile at her?"

John shrugged in confusion. "I was just being nice, that's all. Among my people..."

"You will marry her."

"WHAT?!" The four team members all shouted at the same time.

Of course, John said no...which was how they had ended up in a cell.

Rodney just rolled his eyes. "What is this, the tenth time we've ended up in a prison?"

"Actually," Teyla added, "it is the third."

"Sarcasm is not one of the Athosian's strong points, is it?" Rodney asked her. "And do you know the meaning of the word rhetorical?"

"If that was meant to be insulting Rodney McKay..." Teyla started.

The rest of her words were cut off by some shouting, followed by the sight of the Chieftain entering.

"I'm not marrying her," John told him firmly.

"Then you shall die."

"Talk about shotgun weddings," Ford muttered.

"NO!" Rodney jumped to his feet. "There's a reason he can't marry her."

"If it is good enough I will allow him to live."

Rodney stumbled as he chose his words. "Major Sheppard is...involved...with someone. He has a...mate already and among our culture, you can have only one."

"There can be only one," Ford snickered along with John.

"Where's Christopher Lambert when you need him?" John grinned.

"I prefer Adrian Paul," Ford told him.

"Will you two shut up?" Rodney growled, then turned back to the Chieftain. "Look, Chief..."

"YOU WILL CALL ME INOGAR!"

"Fine, Inogar, what is it you want to know."

"If he has a mate, why is she not here with him?"

"She doesn't travel through the Stargate." Inogar stared at him in confusion and Rodney fumbled for the correct word. "Uh, Chapp'ai?" Still no answer.

John rolled his eyes, remembering Jack O'Neill's description. "The big round thing that spins, flushes sideways and lights up like a pinball machine."

"Ah, the Naokus."

"Yes, that's it." Rodney nodded at their word. "Naokus. She doesn't travel through the...Naokus."

"She is not here and therefore does not matter. He will wed my daughter."

"Okay, okay! I'm his mate!" Rodney blurted.

"You?" Inogar began to laugh himself. "Judging by what I have seen, you are not fit to be his."

"Not fit? NOT FIT?!" Rodney began to pace. "I'll have you know that I am the smartest man that..."

Inogar ignored him and threw a glance at Teyla. "This one, however, I believe her to be his mate. Therefore, she shall be executed and my daughter will take her place."

"I am not his mate!" Teyla shot back. "Mine is called Elizabeth." The three men all grew wide-eyed.

"B-but..." Ford sputtered, "before, you...with me..."

"I enjoy men and women, Aiden," she smiled. "Perhaps you can join Elizabeth and I when we return."

"That would be...interesting," Ford grinned back.

"Do I get to watch?" John asked, getting him a punch in the arm from Rodney.

Inogar's eyes narrowed. "You mate with women?" Teyla nodded. "And you mate with men?" John shrugged and nodded also. "You are unnatural and must be excised from this life."

"Excised?" Ford raised an eyebrow at John. "If your head begins to spin around and you start speaking in tongues, I am so out of here."

"That's exorcised you nit!" Rodney snapped.

"Thanks Rodney," John sneered. "When we get out of this, I am going to kill you slowly."

"These two may leave," Inogar nodded to Rodney and Ford. "The other two will be excised."

"No," Rodney moved in front of John and Teyla. "I won't allow that."

"Rodney," John murmured, "what the hell are you doing? Now is not the time to discover a 'Braveheart' complex."

Rodney ignored him. "You can't harm someone because they think differently then you do. And if you're going to kill them, then kill me also, because I mate with men."

"Your protection of your friends is admirable, but I do not believe your words." He motioned to his guards to forcibly remove Rodney and Ford.

They took Ford by the arms and he fought back, executing a move that had one guard on his back. But a blow to the head threw him off balance and he found himself face-to-face with a weapon similar to a Zat.

"Move again and you will die."

"Lieutenant, don't," John told him. "That's an order. Just go and let the...family...know what happened."

"Yes," Teyla agreed, "tell them we died admirably, with great courage."

"Courage?" John gave a self depreciating laugh. "I'm gonna bawl like a baby. Maybe if I start screaming for my mommy they won't kill us."

"Why do you make jokes when we are about to die?" Teyla asked, confused as usual.

As Rodney was led out, she heard him answer. "It's the military mindset. You have to be an idiot to get promoted."

The moment the cell door closed, the guards raised their weapons.

And for the first time in his life Rodney McKay reacted without thinking. He shoved one of the guards and grabbed the weapon from his hands, aiming it at Inogar. "Let them go."

Inogar was not one to be intimidated and motioned for the remaining guard to fire.

The weapon was aimed at John and Rodney fired without hesitation at the guard, watching the man drop. Standing there, he began to shake, but nobody noticed.

Ford reacted as well, coldcocking the other guard with his fist and kicking Inogar in the chest, knocking him off his feet. He opened the cell door, nodding to his CO. "Major, I think it's time we...blew this popsicle stand."

"I'm with you." They gathered their things, which were outside the cell area and it was then John noticed Rodney was frozen, hand still gripping the weapon, fingers stark white.
"Rodney, give it to me."

"I killed him," Rodney whispered, staring at the unmoving body.

"I know. Please give it to me." Rodney didn't move and John had to pry the weapon from his fingers. "It's going to be okay."

"No, no it won't. He's dead because of me."

John was about to answer when what appeared to be a staff blast went over his head. "OH FUCK!" Weapons started to go off all over the place and John and his team got out of there, sprinting to the 'gate. Rodney flew past the other three and John watched him go, wondering if the man had cheetah blood. Rodney looked slow, but when his adrenaline was pumping, the man could run like the wind.

They were nearing the 'gate when John noticed Rodney pause for a moment. Turning, he couldn't resist the smirk. "Slowing down in your old age, Rodney?"

Teyla and Ford passed Rodney also, the three reaching the 'gate before him.

"Get a move on McKay!" John shouted to him. "I would think you'd want off this Godforsaken planet already! Ford dial it up." A shot went over his head. "And quick!" The chevrons locked, wormhole opening. "WE'RE COMING IN HOT!" John shouted, letting Atlantis know there was weapons fire possible through the 'gate.

Ford and Teyla went through and John was about to follow when he realized Rodney wasn't following him. "McKay!"

Rodney was standing still. "Major?"

"What's the problem, Rodney?"

"John?"

"What is it?!"

"I've been shot." Rodney pulled his hand away, revealing the blood. "Damn, it hurts." Rodney fell into John's arms, eyes closing, breathing ragged. "I really screwed up this time, didn't I." His eyes rolled back and he passed out.

"No, you didn't," John said firmly, grunting as he picked Rodney up.

"Major, report," Elizabeth was curious as to why John was carrying Rodney.

John dropped to the floor, Rodney in his arms. "He was shot."

"I need a medical team up here NOW!" she shouted.

"I think he was shot before we got to the 'gate." John just cradled him, feeling the blood seeping through his fingers.

"Major?" Elizabeth knelt down. "John, it wasn't your fault."

"You're wrong. My team, my responsibility. It is my fault...all of it." He continued to mutter the same thing as he placed Rodney on a gurney, holding his hand all the way to medical, afraid of losing the contact; afraid of losing Rodney. "You have to fix him," John insisted to Carson. "Please. Don't let him die." If he were to lose Rodney...he'd only just found him. He had caused the scientist so much pain and hadn't had the opportunity to make it up to him.

Ford and Teyla each grabbed an arm, pulling John away and out of the room. As soon as they got into the corridor, John shoved them both aside and stalked away.

~~~

After two hours of standing on the balcony, John finally calmed, advising Ford he was not going to the debriefing, instead going to medical to be with Rodney. He pulled up a chair and didn't move from Rodney's bedside. For the next day he didn't sleep and refused food, afraid of the nightmares he was sure would come.

Carson came over attempting, for the tenth time, to talk some sense into him. "Major...John, you need to..."

"I don't want him to wake up alone."

"He won't." Carson patted him on the shoulder. "And you need to get some sleep. You've been up for close to thirty hours."

"No."

"All right then, at least have some juice." Carson watched as John took the cup. "You're supposed to drink it."

"Yeah, fine." John swallowed the juice and just sat there staring at Rodney, but after a few minutes his vision began to blur. At first he thought it was exhaustion and tried to focus, but the room began to spin, the cup dropping from his hand. John stood, grabbing Carson's shirt in a tight fist. "Beckett, what the hell did you give me?!"

"Just something to help you sleep, my friend."

"You bastard," John murmured, grip faltering, leaning on Carson for support.

Carson helped him to the other bed. "You'll be right here when he wakes up. You're not going to be any good to him if you don't rest."

John almost fell on the bed, unable to prevent the tears that started to leak out. "He wasn't supposed to leave." His eyes began to shut. "Tell me why everybody leaves me..." John drifted off, unable to fight off the sedative.

"How are they?" Elizabeth asked as she entered medical, Ford and Teyla with her.

"Rodney is still unconscious, but I had to sedate Major Sheppard. On the bright side, Rodney seems to be recovering. His blood pressure has leveled out and his breathing has returned to normal."

"That's good," Elizabeth nodded. "But I don't think the Major is going to be very happy when he wakes up."

"I can handle him," Carson told her flatly.

"Uh, to be on the safe side, I'll stay," Ford volunteered.

~~~

John slowly came to consciousness, eyes cracking open, seeing Ford sitting beside his bed.

"Good evening, sir. Feeling better?"

"Rodney?"

"He hasn't woken up yet. Then again, Beckett's got him pumped full of drugs."

"Beckett and his drugs," John almost growled, sitting up.

"Hey, don't blame him. He had to do something."

"Welcome back Major," Carson grinned at him. "Did you sleep well?"

John nearly flew off the bed, but Ford held him back. "Now, now, Major Sheppard, you can't kill the doctor."

"Oh, I'm not going to kill him. I have other things in mind." John stopped at the groan from the bed beside him. "Rodney!" His attentions immediately shifted to his lover. "You're awake."

Rodney just stared and not at him; he was looking right through John. "I messed up big time," Rodney said, voice raw.

"You didn't mess up. You just have to learn when to duck."

"Leave me alone. I should have just stayed on Earth."

"Rodney..."

Rodney began to cry, ashamed that he was shedding tears in front of John. "I miss my cat." His eyes began to close. "I have nobody to take care of."

John wiped the tears away. "You have me, baby. I need taking care of. Ask anybody."

Rodney didn't hear him. "Nobody really needs me here."

John knew better and knew Rodney did also. But the man was loaded up on pain medication. He watched Rodney's eyes close again and kissed him softly. "I need you Rodney. Please wake up again soon." He heard the 'Ahem' behind him. Jumping back he turned to find the other two smiling at him. "What?"

"Now that you know he's going to be fine, why don't you go and shower; clean up a bit."

Ford smiled. "What he's trying to say is that you smell like four day old cheese."

John shook his head, brushing the hair from Rodney's brow. "You have no idea what I did to him, how I hurt him."

"Ah, but you know, don't you?" Carson pointed out. "And if that's the case, then any wounds you inflicted upon him, and yourself, will heal over time."

"I love him," John blurted out.

"I know and it's about bloody time you did something about it."

"Did everyone know but me?"

"Obviously," Carson laughed.

Ford took him by the arm. "C'mon Shep. Take a shower and you can come back. Right Carson?"

"As long as he smells human, I have no problem with that. And if he eats something."

"I'll see to it," Ford nodded and John reluctantly agreed.

~~~

"Rodney?"

Rodney moaned. "Five more minutes."

"Wake up."

Rodney's eyes opened and he panicked for a moment. "Where...?"

"Medical," Carson told him. "How are you feeling?"

"Like something the cat dragged in, chewed up and spit out."

"I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. And since you're awake, are you up to visitors? I have been nagged by two of your fans."

"What fans?"

"Hi Rodney," came a small voice. "I brought you a candy. Doctor B. says you can have it even though you didn't eat your dinner."

Rodney couldn't help the smile. "Jacintha." He liked her, mainly because she was so bright, bordering on genius. He had been teaching her about the workings of the Stargate and even though she was five, she actually seemed to understand it.

"I brought you a book," Jinto grinned.

"What book, Jinto?"

"Doctor Weir printed it for me from the Earth files. It's called Green Eggs and Ham. Can I read it to you?"

"Now children, you need to let Doctor McKay get his rest," John said from the other bed.

"Aye-aye, Major Shep," Jinto grinned with a salute.

"No! That's the Navy!" John laughed.

Jacintha kissed Rodney on the cheek. "When I grow up, I want to marry you."

Rodney felt the heat rising in his cheeks. "We'll see."

"Okay. I'll come back later and I can read you that book on Wormhole Physics." She skipped out of the room, a big grin on her face, declaring "I'M GOING TO MARRY RODNEY!"

"Wormhole Physics?" John kept laughing. "Doctor McKay, you're corrupting the poor child. She's only five for Christ's sake."

"Oh and I suppose you want to read her Edgar Allen Poe," Rodney said in that snarky tone reserved only for John. "You're just jealous because she's smarter then you."

"You're bitching again, that's a good sign. And I think you're more upset that she may be smarter then you."

"It's good to see you Doc," Ford said as he came in with what appeared to be flowers. "Lieutenant Starnes does this paper mache stuff and she..." he flushed pink, "...well, me and the rest of the grunts made flowers for you. Millen made you a clay horse, but somebody," he glared at Beckett, "sat on it."

"We have missed you," Teyla added.

"You really missed me?" Rodney's voice cracked.

"Why do you find it so difficult to believe?" Teyla asked. "You are a good man and one who I would entrust my...six to."

"Oh no!" Rodney began to laugh. "You're teaching her militaryspeak!" The laugh was followed by a yawn.

"That's enough for now," Carson told them. "The man needs his rest."

"Yes sir Napoleon!" Ford laughed. "Later, Doc."

"I'll see you later, Rodney," Elizabeth told him.

"Be well, Rodney McKay," Teyla added. "And perhaps when you are well you will explain to me why peas suck."

John sat there, staring at Rodney, knowing that look and suspecting the reason behind it. "Rodney, we do care about you. Yeah, you're a pain in the ass, you talk too much and your ego needs to be sliced in half, or more, but we were so worried. I thought..." John paused, choosing his words carefully. "I thought you were going to die."

"And then you'd lose your fuck buddy." The words came out before Rodney could stop them and his smile disappeared.

"Didn't we go through this planetside? I love you. And I can see you need some convincing. Would you care for me to announce it to the base?"

"No!" Rodney said quickly, memories of being beaten up at Area 51 foremost in his mind.

"Ah, Rod..." He paused. "...Rodney...you know I never listen to you." He saw Bates walking by and called him over. "I'm in love with Rodney."

All the color drained from Rodney's face, waiting for the violent reaction he was sure was coming.

"And...?" Bates shrugged. "Does it matter? I have enough problems. Calvin is threatening to cut his hair. I like his hair. It's...nice. But does he care what I think? Noooo. 'Deal with it Gene,' he says. 'It's difficult to take care of here.' Well it wasn't hard for him to take care of at the SGC and I don't know why he's making such a fuss here!" He narrowed his eyes at John. "Maybe you can order him to keep it long."

"Why don't you ask Weir?" John smirked. "She's in charge."

"Good idea, Major," Bates grinned. "Thanks."

"Bates and Kavanagh?" John made a sour face. "Ewww."

"Yeah," Rodney agreed, still getting over his shock, reality setting back in rather quickly. "I killed a man."

"You protected the team."

"I took a life. I can't go out there anymore. What if I have to do it again?"

"You'll do what you have to do."

"That's easy for you to say John. You're a soldier."

"And what? There's a big difference between being a soldier and being a killer."

"I'm not going through the Stargate again."

"Oh yes you are Rodney. When Beckett declares you fit for duty, I am going to drag your ass to whatever planet we are going to. And then..."

"And then what?"

"And then, Rodney McKay, I'm going to...as soon as you can get out of here, you're going to take me to bed and fuck me until I can't see straight. Yes, you heard me correctly. I want to be walking crooked ASAP." He pulled Rodney up, fluffing his pillows. "I don't fluff for just anybody you know. And for your next meal, I'll get Grodin to whip up those tasteless, cardboard things he calls pancakes. I know how much you love them."

"Can I have an MRE instead?"

John's head whipped around. "Beckett, you quack, what kind of drugs are you giving him? I think he's had an overdose!" He turned back to Rodney. "What kind of MRE?"

"It doesn't matter. They all taste like chicken."

~~~

The next morning, Rodney was wide awake and bitching as usual. "Hey Scotty, when can I get out of here?!"

Carson came over, smirking at him. "Well, let's see. If you're a good boy and stop calling me Scotty, I will let you out tomorrow. If not, I may have to schedule you for a colonscopy. Would you like that Rodney?"

"I'll behave," Rodney said, swallowing hard.

"That's what I thought."

True to his word, Carson cleared him for light duty the next day and Rodney went off to his lab, happily torturing his fellow scientists, especially Zalenka. Rodney refused to acknowledge that he knew the man's name and had him climbing the walls when he called him 'Zanzibar', 'Zbrignew' 'Zippy', 'Zenith' and his personal favorite, 'Zorro'. He had decided that making the Czech nuts was becoming his hobby.

And through it all, John watched from afar, on the security monitors they had set up, cracking up as he watched Rodney driving them all batty. He was keeping his distance though. When he'd gone to the infirmary that morning, Rodney had all but told him to stay away, that Rodney needed time to think, that he was a bit confused about everything. He admitted that love was a new concept for him and to have someone really care about him would take some getting used to.

So John agreed, albeit reluctantly. But there was nothing Rodney could do about John keeping watch over him. A hand on his shoulder made him jump and he turned to see Ford standing there, sporting a black eye. "What happened to you?"

"Doctor Weir was not happy about what...occured...with Teyla and I."

"She gave you a shiner?" John tried to hold in his laugh, but it came forward, loud and clear.

"It's not funny Shep! She said if I go near her Teyla again, I'll be mopping floors for a month. She can't do that, can she?" Ford seemed almost afraid.

"She's in charge."

Ford glanced at the monitor. "He'll come around. You have to give him time."

"Aiden, when I said I'd hurt him...I'm ashamed of what I did."

Ford took a seat. "I'm here, tell me."

So John did, although it was the Readers Digest version.

"Do you love him? I mean, really love him?"

"So bad it hurts that he won't let me near him."

"Then do something about it. That's what I'm going to do." Ford paused, taking a deep breath. "John, I swear, if you ever hurt him again..."

"Yes sir, Lieutenant," John grinned. "I hear you loud and clear. Now, as far as the rest of our respective love lives...you got any ideas?"

Ford nodded and the two men began to plot.

~~~

John was actually bouncing the next morning as he walked down the corridor towards Rodney's room, a shit-eating grin on his face and his hands full. He had a big bowl of chocolate pudding and had taken a quick flight to the mainland, picking flowers for his lover. This had caused an argument between Bates and Kavanagh upon his return, when Kavanagh complained that Bates never brought him flowers. He had even started to whistle, passing Elizabeth along the way. "Good morning, Doctor Weir."

"Those look like roses."

"Sort of. 'That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet'. And they're for Rodney."

"If you decide to propose, I want to watch."

"Yeah, I was thinking about it. No laws here to forbid it...marrying him, I mean. Holling says that men can be married in Athosian culture."

"Can I give away the bride?" Elizabeth teased.

"Why not?" John laughed. "It'll be Rodney, 'cause I don't look good in white taffeta."

"Good luck John."

"Nah, don't need it. I have chocolate pudding. When it comes to Rodney, that beats luck any day." John paused. "By the way, do you think you could, I don't know, sit down with Teyla and Aiden and try to work something out? Give the poor kid a break. He is absolutely miserable."

"We already did John. Or didn't you notice that the good Lieutenant was having a hard time sitting earlier."

"TMI, Elizabeth, waayyy TMI." But John laughed anyway, and continued to Rodney's room. He found his errant scientist sleeping and left his presents on the table, with a note that had taken him most of the night to compose. As he lay it on the table he read it again, knowing it was kind of mushy, but he was a mushy kind of guy and he had to get the words just right. He also realized he had read too much Shakespeare in school, but after reading it yet again, he decided that that was okay.

When Rodney woke up, he found the flowers and pudding and read the note...

Rodney just stared at the note, reading it a good dozen times, wondering if it was a hallucination. But part of him was not convinced. He still needed time. So he continued to avoid John whenever possible, not ready to face him alone yet.

John would just smile at him when they saw each other in the mess hall, tease him for eating too much (although John kept filling his plate and encouraging him to eat) and doing little things for him.

Rodney returned to his quarters one night to find his clothes washed and pressed, his room spotless and the walls painted blue. He wondered where John got the paint and found out the next day, when all the Athosian parents were after Kavanagh's blood because the kid's art projects were ruined and their paint was found in Kavanagh's makeshift lab.

There were Power bars in every drawer he opened and fresh flowers were on his table every morning he awoke.

On day five, he entered his room only to find the furniture rearranged. There was also an extra bed next to his.

"I decided to move in for a while," John murmured in his ear.

Rodney jumped; he hadn't even heard the man come in behind him. "Oh, well, my snoring may keep you awake. You might not want to stay."

"Snoring? You sound like a sick elephant when you sleep."

Rodney stared at his feet, chewing on his lower lip.

"Rodney, I want to stay with you. I know you read my letter. Didn't you understand it?" John reached over his shoulder. "And here's another Power bar."

Rodney turned around. "Where are you getting all of those?"

John smirked. "I ordered each of my men to fork one over for you."

"Well I'm not hungry," Rodney sniffed, in a 'so there' motion.

"How about a bath then?"

"A shower would be nice."

"No, I said bath."

"That would be really nice John, except for the fact that I don't have a tub and the nearest one is in Colorado Springs."

"Actually," John steered him to the bathroom, "you now have a tub."

"Where did that come from?"

"Aiden and I found it on a lower level. We weren't sure what it was originally, but now it's your bathtub. I'm going to fill it with water and you're going to clean up properly."

Rodney just stood there, stared at him and started to cry.

"Why are you crying now?!"

"You're being nice to me."

John fought the urge to throttle his lover. "Rodney, why don't we forget about the bath for the moment. I think you need some rest. You seem more neurotic then usual." He led Rodney to the bed and began to undress him, but Rodney shoved him away.

"He said I wasn't fit to be yours. He was right."

"Is that what this is all about? That crackpot on that daffy planet? He didn't know what he was talking about. Of course you're fit to be mine."

"I'm fat."

"You're not fat."

"I'm ugly."

"You're cute."

"I'm a geek."

"Yeah, but a cute geek."

"You think I'm a geek." The tears started again.

"Rodney, time for sleep." He wiped Rodney's eyes with a tissue. "And stop with the crying already. We only have but so many tissues." He took Rodney into his arms, pulling him down. "I love you, remember?"

Rodney's tears slowed. "Why?"

"God Rodney, does it really matter why I love you? I just do. Now go to sleep and have sweet dreams, okay?"

"Don't leave me, John." Rodney snuggled in close. "Promise me you won't leave."

John's heart skipped a beat; he was so sure Rodney would throw him out. "I won't leave," John reassured him, kissing the top of his head, watching Rodney's eyes close. "That's it, baby. You rest for a while and I'll be here when you wake up. I promise you." As soon as he heard the snoring he allowed himself a soft giggle. "Definitely a sick elephant."

~~~

Waking up and facing Rodney was nothing new; waking up with his arms full of Rodney was. And waking up with Rodney draped across him, morning erection poking him in the thigh, now that was...John couldn't think of a word.

"Hi," Rodney whispered. "You didn't leave."

"I promised I wouldn't, didn't I?" John leaned in, hesitant. "Can I give you a kiss?"

"Not until I brush my teeth," Rodney frowned.

"I like morning breath," John smiled as he brushed Rodney's lips with a featherlight touch.

"I dreamed," Rodney said, pulling his lips back.

"Good things, I hope."

"I dreamed about you and me, but it wasn't very...nice."

"I kinda figured," John sighed, sitting up, Rodney's back against his chest. "You woke up crying twice and just held me tight, begging me to stay with you."

"I'm sorry for crying, John." Rodney turned a slight shade of pink. "I won't do it again."

"Baby, I don't care if you cry. I'll always be there to wipe away the tears, if you'll let me."

Rodney reached under his pillow and took out the letter. "What possessed you to write this?"

"You kept it under your pillow?" John was pleased, while Rodney glared at him. "I think it was too much Shakespeare rammed down my throat by Miss Edwards in eleventh grade. I used to think that all that stuff was romantic drivel, but not anymore. And I meant every word, my love."

"I can't deal with it John."

"What? The fact that you own my heart? My soul? That I'm a romantic sap? That I will brutally and violently dispose of anyone who looks at you cross-eyed?"

"No, the fact that I stink. I really need a shower. And before you say it, I do not want a bath. I hate baths." He pushed away, but John pulled him back, holding even tighter. "Please let me get cleaned up."

"Okay Rod...er, Rodney. Aww, hell, why can't I call you Rod? I think it's kind of sexy in a perverse sort of way."

"Marla, my wife, she used to call me Rod and it made me feel filthy. Please don't ask me to explain, because I really don't want to."

"What did she do to you Rodney? Other then clean you out?"

"She cheated on me. And stupid me kept forgiving her, believing her when she swore she'd never do it again. I wanted her to stay. I didn't think anyone else would ever love me."

"I'd never cheat on you Rodney. If I did that, I'd have half this base out for my blood. And Aiden pretty much told me if I hurt you he's going to have me castrated."

"He did?"

"Yes, he did. And why would you possibly think that nobody else would love you?"

"Why did you?" Rodney fired back.

"Three ex-wives and a couple of men," John answered quietly. "You put up walls after a while. Letting someone in is dangerous."

"But you let them down for me," Rodney said, leaning his head against John's shoulder, looking up into soft brown eyes. "I love your eyes."

"Thank you. Yours aren't so bad either." He caught the look on Rodney's face and shook his head. "Don't you start crying again! I was just teasing you. I would never hurt you intentionally. At least not anymore," he quickly amended. "And I didn't so much let you in as you busted through. I tried to keep them up, but every time I talked to you, another piece came loose. Before I knew it, you had settled into my heart. It just took me a little while to figure it out. C'mon, you said it yourself. I had to have been an idiot to get promoted."

"I didn't mean that, John. You're not stupid."

John let him go, getting out of bed and pulling Rodney to his feet. "We both need a shower."

"Together?" Rodney squeaked.

John sighed again. "You shower first, then me, then we go back to bed. Sound good?"

"Yeah," Rodney answered, seemingly relieved.

Rodney went into the bathroom and John stood outside the door, fighting every urge to join him. He loved sex in the shower, loved being wet with a lover, but it would be better with Rodney. For he now knew that's what had been missing with everyone else in his life.

Rodney McKay was more then just his lover. Rodney was also his friend, his best friend. John was happy holding him, talking to him, just being with him. Sex was just an extension of all that. They could make love or not make love and John would still feel the same. 'So this is what love really is,' John thought happily. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't hear the shower go off and didn't hear the door open, nearly falling inside.

"Your turn," Rodney said, handing him a towel.

"Oh, yeah, my turn," John smiled as he passed, leaning in to give Rodney a kiss. "Straight to bed, no clothes allowed." He stepped into the shower, washing quickly, wanting to be with his lover as soon as possible. He nearly fell in his rush to dry off and leapt into bed, hands stroking Rodney's sides.

"J-John stop that," Rodney laughed. "It tickles."

"Ah, so the great Doctor McKay is ticklish." John immediately attacked him, hearing the giggles, which went straight to his heart. The fact that he could make Rodney giggle warmed him through and through. "I love it when you laugh. And by the way, I used your toothbrush."

"You are so weird John, you know that?" Rodney told him when he finally composed himself.

"That's why you love me," John smirked. Rodney just buried his head in John's shoulder, slowly nodding. John tilted Rodney's face up. "And maybe you could show me."

"Show you what?"

"How much you love me." John kissed him, rolling onto his back, Rodney beside him. "Lube?"

"Don't have any," Rodney winced.

"You don't have lube?"

"I'm sorry John, but I didn't think you'd be moving in!"

"Well, at least one of us thinks ahead." John sat up, grabbed his pants and took out the small tube.

"Where'd you get..." Rodney stared at the tube, eyes wide. "...Astroglide?!"

"You don't want to know." John didn't want to explain he'd traded Bates six Hershey bars and a porno DVD for the lube.

"No, I don't think I do."

John tossed him the tube, rolling over. "My turn to bottom." Rodney just stared at him, open-mouthed and wide-eyed. "What? You don't want to top?"

"I...you really want to bottom for me?"

"Rodney, I'm on my hands and knees, ass in the air, waving it in your face. If that doesn't say bottom..."

"But you've never bottomed before!"

"How do you know that?!"

"I just do and you haven't, have you?"

"No, I haven't," John admitted. "But I want to for you. Jesus Rodney, I've made love to you I don't know how many times. I want to know how it feels."

"It can hurt."

"I'm not ignorant. I know. But how are we going to have an equal relationship if I top all the time?"

"What if you don't like it?"

"Then we don't...how about we cross that bridge when we come to it."

"You won't like it," Rodney said in a firm tone.

John turned his head. "Rodney, why are you so convinced I won't like being a bottom?"

"Because."

"Oh, that's a very good reason and one I'm sure your college professors would be quite proud of."

"Because it means giving up control!" Rodney snapped, not really meaning to. "I've done it. I just don't know if you can."

"I want to bottom!"

"No! I bottom and that's the end of it."

"Then we're not having sex."

"We're back to sex again. I thought it was making love."

John turned over, his face an inch from Rodney's, eyes blazing. "You know, I have had it up to here with watching each and every word with you. McKay, Rodney, Rod, making love, having sex, penis, cock, dick, oral sex, blow job, masturbating, jerking off...it all comes down to the same thing."

"And what's that?"

"I love you." And with that, John carded his fingers in Rodney's hair and pulled him into a breathtaking kiss, resisting Rodney's efforts to pull away, sticking his tongue so far down Rodney's throat that he wondered if they'd both asphyxiate. When he finally let Rodney go, Rodney was gasping for air. "Now do you get it?"

"Bottom," Rodney panted. "You want to bottom."

"Thank you." John rolled onto his stomach again. "Now will you please show me what your dick can do?"

'Okay John,' Rodney thought, 'you want to see what I can do, I guess I'll have to show you. I only hope you can handle it.' He smirked himself, a rare thing for him.

"C'mon Rod, I'm not getting any younger here."

Rodney smacked his ass. "*Don't* call me *Rod*!"

The sting of the slap made John hard immediately, much to his shock. "Okay...Rodney."

Rodney straddled John's legs, placing his hands on John's shoulders, slowly massaging, hands sliding down John's back, then up to the shoulders again. "Move your arms out." John complied and Rodney slowly massaged both arms with equal pressure, before returning to the shoulders, down the back again, stopping just above the waist, before sliding back up. He was starting to get lost and had to shake his head to clear it, coming back to himself when he heard the soft moan. "That feel good?"

"What do you think?" John snickered, earning him another smack on the ass. He liked that slap also and began to wonder if he was unconsciously a masochist, deciding that they'd have to explore that at some point.

Rodney raised himself a bit, urging John onto his back. He leaned down, nipping at John's neck, sucking a bit, smiling as he saw the slight bruise. 'I can't wait to see you explain *that*,' he laughed to himself. He kissed his way up John's jawline, along his face, to his ear. "Do you know how beautiful you are?" When all he got was another moan, Rodney's lips kissed their way down, laving a nipple, pebbling the other between his fingers, switching after a few seconds. He didn't let the pleasure last too long, kissing his way back to John's ear. He blew gently, dipping his tongue in, feeling John shiver. "You get me so hard." To emphasize this, Rodney rubbed his erection along John's leg.

"Rodney please, don't make me beg."

Rodney glanced over at the letter. "Isn't this what you wanted John? To be taken to new heights of pleasure, begging for me to touch you, making you shout my name?"

"Please baby..." It was a soft whisper.

"Okay." Rodney urged him to roll again, hands ghosting down John's back, settling between John's legs. He leaned down, lips on one ass cheek. "You like?"

"Mmm, yes," John murmured.

Rodney kissed the other cheek, kneading them, pulling them apart.

John felt the breath at his center. "Rodney, what are you doing to me?"

"Shh, just relax. I'm making you feel good, remember?"

John's head was spinning, he was dizzy, he was hot, he would have done anything Rodney wanted him to do then and there. The hot breath blew on his hole and he exhaled sharply. Then the tongue, the tip teasing and more hot breath.

"What...?"

"It's called reaming or rimming, and does it really matter what it's called?" Rodney's tongue darted in and John arched so suddenly he was convinced he'd thrown his back out. "Nobody ever touched you like this, did they John?"

"No."

Rodney swiped the hole with the length of his tongue, spitting, licking, entering, torturing John. Listening to each moan, each sigh, each cry of "Rodney please!" But he didn't stop. This was something Rodney had always enjoyed and he knew from past experience that he was damn good at it. When he rested his fingertip at John's entrance, John begged for more. He flicked his nail against it and got a shout. A bit of lube on his finger and he slowly eased it inside, hearing a gasp. "Pain?"

"No, pleasure."

Rodney grinned and slid the finger out, licking some more, returning with a second finger. He felt his lover stiffen and pulled back; John had his hands wound in the sheets, tearing at them. "John?"

"I'm fine." But he wasn't, not completely.

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes," John admitted.

Rodney slowly slid his fingers back in, stretching John as best he could. After a few minutes of playing he rested his dick against John's virgin hole, spread John wide and pressed in, hearing the 'pop' as the head entered, feeling John trying to crawl away, knowing it was an instinctive reaction on John's part. "The pain goes away." He held John by the hips and slid in a bit further.

"It hurts. I don't know if I can..."

"Hush," Rodney soothed, sliding in further still.

"No...I can't..." John was fighting now, trying to crawl away again but shifted back in his haste and inadvertently drew Rodney all the way in. "Don't...please stop."

Rodney held him steady, putting his weight on John, effectively pinning him. "John, calm down and listen to me. I'll stop if you want me to and we'll never do this again, I promise. But if I pull out too quickly, that can hurt just as much." John nodded, Rodney shifted and John screamed...but it wasn't a painful cry. And Rodney knew what he'd done, feeling John's whole body relax. "*That* is your prostate." He hesitated, but rolled his hips again and got another scream.

"I'm...I'm seeing fucking stars," John gasped. "Ahh, God, do it again..." Another twist and John's breath hitched, his heart racing.

"Take it easy or you're going to have a cardiac arrest," Rodney warned, taking John's erection in his fist. "Trust me now?"

"Yes."

Rodney moved slowly, pulling out a tiny bit and easing back in. He so wanted to keep up the slow pace, but it was growing more difficult as John's ass contracted around his dick. So he withdrew halfway and slid back in hard.

"AGAIN!"

This time Rodney was almost all the way out, the tip of his dick resting at John's entrance. He shoved in with one hard thrust and John collapsed to the mattress, and yes, the Major was begging for more.

"I want to try something," Rodney said, hands rubbing John's back.

"Anything, baby, anything you want. Just don't stop."

"John, this is one of those important things, okay?" He waited for a nod. "What I want to do...if you feel the slightest bit of discomfort, you *have* to tell me. I could hurt you if you tense up. Do you understand that?" Another nod. "No, John. Tell me."

"I hear you Rodney."

Rodney wrapped his arms around John's waist, undulating his hips some more, his own body attuned to John's. He'd know if John was feeling pain and he also knew that the man wouldn't say a word even if he was. Slowly moving upwards, he brought John with him, until John was sitting in his lap. "Any pain?"

John's head fell back against Rodney's shoulder and he shifted in Rodney's lap. "Some, but nothing I can't handle." He opened his eyes, meeting Rodney's. "Honestly. I just need to get adjusted."

"Take your time, lover. I won't rush you." John began to shake and Rodney panicked a bit. "John?"

"You called me 'lover'."

"That's what you are, isn't it?" Rodney whispered in his ear, tonguing the lobe. "My lover?"

"Yes, Rodney...yours."

"Mine." Rodney rotated his hips again, jerking John with a firmer touch. "Nobody else's."

"Nobody," John whispered back, turning his head, meeting Rodney's lips. "Kiss me, baby."

Rodney's lips descended hard, taking John's mouth as John had taken his earlier. It was wet, sloppy, lustful, romantic...it was, Rodney thought, the kiss to end all kisses. "Ride me John..."

John started slow, moving up and down, and it only took a minute or so before he went wild, riding Rodney like a madman, impaling himself, brushing his prostate each time he screwed himself down, screaming even louder as Rodney stroked him.

"FUCK ME!"

They didn't notice the lights in the room begin to flicker.

"MORE!"

Bates and Ford stared as *every* panel on the 'Jumper they were working on lit up like a Christmas tree.

"HARDER!"

The computers hooked into Atlantis' internal systems went screwy and doors began to open and shut at random.

John felt Rodney's release, knowing his lover was coming. "YESSSSS!"

At the same moment John's orgasm hit all the ovens in the mess hall exploded, spewing food all over the place.

But the two men were totally oblivious. The end of the world could have happened and neither one would have noticed. They fell backwards as one, Rodney moving them to their sides, still within John. But he was softening and when John shifted he slid out.

"No," John groaned. "Stay inside me."

"I'd like to, but you knew this would happen. Besides, we're both sticky."

"I like being sticky with you."

"So do I, but it can get awful yucky if we stay like this for too long."

"Yucky, huh?" John grinned. "I guess that's one of those scientific terms they teach you in college."

Rodney slapped him on the ass again. "Smartass."

John sat up and faced Rodney. "You know, that's the third time you smacked my ass."

"I didn't mean..."

"I think my dick likes it." John left Rodney with his mouth hanging open and limped to the bathroom, sated, happy and a bit sore. But that was okay, he decided as he turned to glance at Rodney, who had a smug smile plastered to his face. He came out with a wet cloth and cleaned his lover slowly, taking care to fondle Rodney as he washed him, leering as Rodney got hard again. He leaned in for a kiss, but heard some noise and was about to kneel down to look under the bed when Rodney kissed him, groped him and tried to pull him back into bed. John nearly gave in, but managed to pull away and look underneath. And there was the device Rodney had wanted him to sleep with.

"Rodney, why is that...thing...under the bed?"

"I told you, it reacts to you."

"It doesn't react to me, that's your overactive imagination." John picked up the small device and walked to the balcony adjacent to the room. He thought about Rodney and then noticed the small device *was* lighting up. He thought about being fucked senseless, watched the device glow brighter and also noticed that Atlantis seemed to shake for a moment. He just *knew* that he was somehow connected to it, that maybe that ancient gene was causing this...the gene and his feelings. And it wasn't a good thing, he decided. He took a deep breath and tossed it over, watching it hit the ocean. "I feel much better now."

"John, why did you do that? It could be of major importance, a weapon, a...MMMPPPHHH!"

John thrust his tongue deep inside Rodney's mouth, "Shut up Rodney," and kissed his way down Rodney's body.

And except for the occasional shouts of "More" and "Yes" and "Oh Please" and "Do Me" (which got John hotter then hell), Rodney McKay shut up.

FIN