Musings

by The Huntress

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ash/huntress/musings.php
Summary: John muses about Rodney, then watches him play...with a toy

"This is gonna be one hell of surprise, sir," Ford laughed, as he and John dragged the shelving to Rodney's room.

"Yep, that it is," John grinned. "I am getting so sick and tired of going to his room and seeing that Godforsaken mess. And today is the last day. We get the shelves up in that closet, pick up everything and make the room an actual living space."

"Uh, sir...permission to speak freely?" Ford asked quietly.

"Like I care," John sneered, albeit teasing.

"There is no way that I am going to help you clean up that pigsty. I told you I'd help you with the shelving and that was it. You want to clean up in there, that's your business."

"You know," John raised an eyebrow at him, "I can order you to help me."

"Yeah," Ford nodded, "and I can disobey the order."

"Why won't you help me?" John pouted as they got to Rodney's room, dragging the shelving inside.

Ford looked around. "John, there are new life forms growing in this room, I just know it." He giggled. "Some of them may not be friendly."

John looked around, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, okay, I concede to that. But I'm not afraid because I am armed." He patted his Beretta.

"Well I am afraid. So have fun and I will catch you at dinner. It's Thursday surprise in the mess."

"I know," John smirked, "and there is a Hershey bar for whoever can guess what the surprise is."

"Maybe it's actual food," Ford snickered.

"Hey, if you stay, I share my beer," John smiled, nodding to the cooler he'd fashioned, which held an ice cold six-pack of Red Dog, a few cases of which were sent along for John, courtesy of Jack O'Neill. Jack had marked the crate 'For Major Sheppard's Use Only' and warned Sumner not to touch it. Of course Jack, being Jack, knew about John's sexual proclivities and also tossed in a dozen boxes of condoms and enough Astroglide to balance things out. Daniel had laughed his ass off as he decided to add a copy of 'The Cookbook Of Gay Sex' (with full color pictures) as an afterthought.

"I don't drink beer," Ford lowered his eyes, almost blushing. "I don't like it...sir."

"Okay," John answered, a bit confused at first. "Aiden, I don't care that you don't drink beer."

"Bates makes fun of me sometimes, teases me about it. He says real marines can hold their liquor."

"Tell Bates to fuck off!" John laughed aloud, then got a bit serious. "Don't worry about what people think. Follow your gut and your heart and you will always be all right. Trust me on that."

Ford just nodded and left and John went about putting up the shelving. After two hours he was done, taking his beer outside to the adjacent balcony, staring into the sunset. He opened one, drinking deep, thinking about what he had told Aiden about following his gut and his heart...and then he thought about Rodney McKay.

John's gut wrenched every time Rodney got hit on...and Rodney got hit on a lot. Hell, half the females on Atlantis, military and scientific, not to mention the Athosian women (and various men as well) wanted a piece of that ass; and poor Rodney was totally oblivious. At first John couldn't figure it out, until he heard Allenbee telling Rogers that the brains turned her on, that a man as smart as Rodney McKay was sexy beyond belief. John could understand that, oh yes he could. He knew Rodney had lots of brains. Rodney knew everything; well, almost everything. And John had to agree it was a turn on. He wondered why Rodney didn't get laid more often, then realized he would have no idea if Rodney was getting any or not. Of course it didn't matter anyway, because Rodney wasn't getting any from John.

As he opened the second beer, John thought about his heart. 'Sure John, you follow your heart all the time. And what happens when you do? You get screwed. Three weddings and divorces, two SO's...yeah, tell Rodney how you feel. Tell him how much you love him, how much he means to you, how much you care. Yeah, tell him and watch him laugh in your face, asking you why you think he could love you when there are fifty men smarter then you available...hell, there are fifty women smarter then you!' He sighed to himself wondering, not for the first time, how and when Rodney McKay had settled into the last empty space in his heart; one day when John wasn't looking he was just there. He didn't even know if Rodney liked men, but that didn't matter to his heart.

As he finished off beer number two he thought about Rodney's face. Rodney wasn't his usual type. John's usual type was cute or pretty, which Rodney was not. No, Rodney wasn't cute or pretty. Rodney wasn't even handsome in the classic sense of the word. Rodney looked like...well, Rodney. And John liked looking at him, staring at him when Rodney wasn't looking back. He would purposely put his sleeping bag next to Rodney's when they went on overnight missions so he could wake up before him and study Rodney's face, exploring every nuance, memorizing every line. After a short while John was able to close his eyes, having crisp and clear fantasies of Rodney's face when he jerked off; of Rodney's mouth over his dick, sucking John dry. And those eyes, God he got lost in Rodney's eyes. Rodney always thought John was ignoring him when he talked, but in truth all John could concentrate on were those eyes.

As he opened beer number three, he thought about Rodney's body. John considered his other lovers, male and female, and they had all been picture perfect. But Rodney...John giggled as he likened Rodney to a full-figured woman. He so wanted to get Rodney naked and kiss every inch of that body, grabbing flesh as his lips moved everywhere. John would blow in his ear, making Rodney moan, he would kiss his way down Rodney's face, sucking on his neck, kissing his shoulder, down his arm, across his chest to a nipple. He'd suck the nipple into his mouth while fingering the other, making both raw and red, all the while listening to Rodney moan his name, again and again. Further down, finally reaching Rodney's dick, and oh what a pretty dick it was. 'Oh yeah, John, you've seen him naked more then once. Hell, you snuck in one night and watched him shower.' John was sweating as he remembered that moment...his dick had gotten so hard so quick, that it was actually painful.

Like right now.

"Aw, shit!" John sneered, glaring at his crotch. "Just what I need." He stood up to leave when the door slid open and Rodney stepped inside. John backed up, hidden on the balcony, not wanting to face Rodney right now. As long as Rodney didn't come outside, he was safe. And being that darkness had fallen, he could hide in the shadows.

"What the....?" Rodney said aloud. "Who would clean up...John, that's who. He has been complaining about the state of this place every time he comes in here. Of course I tell him to just not come in, but he's so stubborn about it." Rodney couldn't help the grin. "I'll thank him later."

'You're welcome, Rodney,' John thought to himself. 'Now just do whatever you need to do before dinner and go eat. Get out of here...so I can.'

"Okay Rodney, tonight you're going to do it." Rodney was babbling to himself. "You've put it off for a year, always finding a reason not to go through with it."

'What the hell is he talking about?' John paused, hoping to hear the door open and shut, wishing that Rodney would leave already.

"I love you."

John wondered who Rodney was talking to.

"Yeah, I do. I know you don't believe it and you probably don't care, but it doesn't matter. My feelings will not change anytime soon so just get used to it."

John peeked into the room and saw Rodney standing in front of the mirror, talking to his reflection.

"I never believed in love at first sight, thought it was all drivel...bullshit...crap...and then I saw you, talked to you, got to know you. And I fell hard, totally, completely."

'He's rehearsing a speech,' John realized. 'He's going to declare himself to somebody.' For some reason that made his stomach ache.

"And the first time I saw you naked in the shower..." Rodney sighed, closing his eyes at a memory, "...oh God, I think my heart stopped for a moment."

'The shower?' John thought, tilting his head, staring as if Rodney had grown another head. 'Oh shit! Rodney likes men?'

"You were standing under the spray, steam all around you...." Rodney unzipped his jacket, taking it off.

John's mouth fell open at the sight of Rodney in a black tee-shirt. The short sleeves accentuated the muscles that had formed on the scientist over the past year. No longer was Rodney a chubby geek. 'And how the fuck did I not notice?' John wondered, then answered himself. 'Because you didn't care what he looked like, you moron. You liked him.'

Rodney continued his speech, kicking off his shoes. "You didn't even know I was there, watching you." Rodney untucked his shirt, slowly pulling it off, tossing it aside. "I stood there as you took yourself in hand and made yourself feel good, watched you stroke your cock until it was hard as titanium."

John's dick was growing harder then titanium as he listened to the tone of Rodney's voice, so seductive, so sensual; he had no idea Rodney could sound like that. John didn't even notice he was rubbing his crotch, thrusting his clothed cock into his palm.

"You leaned against the wall, jerking yourself slowly, your mouth slightly open, tongue licking your upper lip." Rodney undid his pants, stepping out of them, standing there in his boxers. "You were so beautiful, your fist moving a bit faster, eyes closing, moaning softly." The boxers dropped and Rodney took himself in hand, his soft cock perking up as a fingertip caressed it.

John was working on autopilot, undoing his pants, hand slipping inside, rubbing his hardening flesh. He shifted a bit, enough to get his pants partially down so he could free his dick. Gripping it in a tight fist, he stroked slowly, focusing on Rodney, on Rodney's right hand and what it was doing.

Rodney caught his breath, laying on the bed, eyes closing, reaching under his pillow with his left hand.

John's eyes closed also, head falling back, getting off on Rodney's voice.

"Oh yeah, just like that," Rodney murmured, his fantasy more vivid. Hand gripping his cock tighter, the strokes came a bit faster, feeling around the bed until he found the dildo. He squeezed some lube over it, shifting a bit, resting it against his tight hole. "Ohhhh, that is good." He took his time, easing it inside himself, biting his lower lip as he relished the pain he was feeling. Filling himself, he pulled it out partway and shoved it back in, letting his scream come, a shout of pleasure, followed by a low moan. He began to move both hands in rhythm, shoving harder, jerking himself faster.

John's hand slid down his body, moving straight to his cock, jerking himself hard. Pulling his pants further down, his fingers moved to his balls, fondling them, feeling them tighten with each movement. A smile played on his lips as he envisioned Rodney's tongue on his cock, licking the length, while Rodney's hands kneaded his cheeks, nails digging in. The pain would be pleasure and he would beg for more. God, he was going to come....

"John!"

John's eyes snapped open and his hand froze. 'No, you did not hear that. Damn your imagination, Shep.'

"Harder, John...more...yes...God Major...sir...fuck me...love you John!"

'He said...he...loves me?'

"Go deeper...like that...ahh, oh fuck yes!" Rodney's breath hitched. "John...oh God YESS!"

John felt the growl in his throat, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He stepped inside, silently gliding to the bed, eyes resting upon Rodney, now in the throes of an intense orgasm. He watched as Rodney came over his hand, his abdomen, the sheets. He couldn't figure out, at first, what Rodney's other hand was doing. A moment later, Rodney's other hand made an appearance...holding the dildo. "Holy shit," he murmured.

Rodney froze. "John?" he whispered, afraid to open his eyes.

"Yeah."

"How...why....?" Rodney started.

"Shhh, I'll explain later," John whispered in his ear. "You looked so fucking hot!"

"You heard...."

"All of it," John moaned, sitting down, his own dick hard and leaking and sticking straight out of his pants; he hadn't even bothered to tuck himself back in. "You watched me in the shower." He ran a finger along his dick. "But that's okay because I watched you too."

"You watched me?" Rodney asked, obviously shocked.

"Oh yeah and I...." John noticed Rodney's eyes were still closed. "Hey, open those baby blues for me."

"No."

John gave him a light kiss on the cheek. "C'mon. Please? God, baby, I love your eyes. I could stare into them all day and be very content."

"No," Rodney pouted, "because if I do, the dream ends."

"What dream, Rodney?"

"The one where you come to me. If I open my eyes, I'll be awake and you'll be gone."

"And where is it that I'll go? 7-11? Burger King? The Cineplex? I am here, in your room, where I have just enjoyed a truly pornographic moment, one which I will keep in my frontal lobe for the rest of my natural life and beyond, if possible." Rodney pulled the blanket over himself. "Rodney, didn't we have a chat about this? You can't make yourself invisible no matter how hard you try, so give it up."

"Who says?"

John snatched the blanket away. "The laws of physics...or some other stupid law like that. Baby, I have just watched you bring yourself off with a dildo and your hand."

"You make it sound...perverse."

"It is perverse! And I loved it and I'd like to see it again if you'd let me." He leaned in to kiss Rodney and Rodney literally jumped off the bed. "Rodney, I didn't mean to scare you."

Rodney pointed his finger at John. "You...there is something wrong with you. I think you may be having an adverse reaction to the food on P4X-991."

"Two things," John smirked. "One, we got home from that mission five days ago. And two, who the hell gives those silly designations? P3C, P8U...what's wrong with giving them names, at least until we know what they're called."

"One word Major," Rodney sighed. "Atlantica."

"Oh yeah. That was so long ago I forgot." John stroked his hardened dick, while leering at Rodney. "I want you to know that this is your fault." John moved his hand a bit slower, shifting onto the bed, leaning back to get comfortable. "Come here, baby."

"Why do you keep calling me 'baby'?" Rodney asked, moving forward on autopilot, ready to do anything John asked of him at the moment.

When he got close enough, John took his hand, kissing the palm. "You don't like it?" He sucked one of Rodney's fingers into his mouth.

"Uh, no, it's not that, I like it...John, that's nice...I like it just fine."

"But....?" John asked, his other hand snaking around to fondle Rodney's ass, sliding between his legs to caress his balls, while he sucked another finger into his mouth.

"It's just that nobody ever had a...that feels so good...romantic name for me. I mean, not a name but...."

"I understand Rodney." John place both hands on Rodney's dick, caressing it like fine china, before taking Rodney by the hands and sitting him on the bed. "I like your eyes...really like them." John felt his cheeks growing warm, knew that fighting the blush was futile. Talking to Rodney like this made him feel like an awkward teenager again, about to embark on his first date.

Rodney eyed him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Why?" John parroted back, thinking of an answer. Something snarky, something amusing...."Because, that's why!" John's eyes scanned Rodney's body. "I like your nose." John kissed the tip. "I like your cheeks." A kiss to both, John's hot breath on Rodney's face, a trail of kisses to Rodney's neck, "Love your neck," followed by a swipe of his tongue along Rodney's throat. He felt Rodney swaying in his arms, shifting one hand to Rodney's back, holding him steady, the other rubbing the back of his neck, pulling Rodney's mouth to his. "I'm going to kiss you now." And John did, taking Rodney's mouth softly at first, licking his lips, coaxing his mouth open. And when Rodney opened for him he thrust his tongue deep, finding its twin, sucking, dueling, tasting....

Rodney felt bereft as John's mouth moved from his, John rolling them so Rodney was laying flat on his back, positioning himself between Rodney's legs.

John's lips moved straight to Rodney's ear, blowing gently, licking the lobe. "I want to blow you and then I want to fuck you. Unless you agree to both, we do neither."

"Yes, John," Rodney said softly.

"Tell me you love me, Rodney McKay," John whispered.

"I love you, John Sheppard."

"I know, but I had to hear you say it." Kisses across Rodney's shoulder, fingering his nipples, pebbling them, sucking each one until they were red and sore and Rodney was incoherent, reduced to moans and sighs. Down Rodney's abdomen, grasping flesh, loving the fact that Rodney had some meat on him. He started to giggle and Rodney came down off his endorphin-high.

"What?"

"Nothing." John sighed, leaving a trail of kisses to Rodney's hips, sliding his hands along Rodney's inner thighs. "I love you." He kissed further still, mouth making it to Rodney's dick.

"You don't have to, John," Rodney murmured, stroking the top of John's head, urging John's eyes up.

"Rodney, you don't understand. I want to." Taking Rodney's dick in hand, John studied it, caressed it, teased it. He blew on the head, making Rodney moan again. John decided he liked that sound and blew again.

A louder moan.

John stared at the head and touched it with his tongue. "Beautiful dick...beautiful man." He kissed the tip. "Can I suck you?"

"God yes, John...I'll never say no to you."

The tip was laved, John learning the taste, slowly taking the head in, swirling the tip of his tongue around. He knew what he liked done to him and he was certain Rodney would like it also. He swallowed a bit more, pulling back to lavish kisses on the tip again, to lick the gathered moisture, to blow hot puffs of air and feel Rodney shiver. The next round down he took about half, bringing his head up to tease some more. He ran a fingertip along the length, his tongue following, mouth suckling the tip, slowly taking Rodney's dick down his throat. He was feeding off Rodney, sucking the length up and down, holding Rodney deep in his throat while he made swallowing motions and moaned. He pulled back, blowing on the head and Rodney came hard, eyes rolling back, lost in a mind-blowing orgasm. John milked him dry and when Rodney grew soft, John licked his lips, crawling atop Rodney, muttering, "More," before taking Rodney's mouth again, grinding his hips against Rodney's spent cock.

"More?" Rodney was still catching his breath. "Fuck, John, I don't think I have any more right now."

John pulled his shirt off, as his eyes looked into Rodney's. "Yep, definitely the sexiest part of your body." He kicked his shoes off and pulled his pants and briefs down, tossing them aside.

Rodney swallowed hard and looked down his own body. "It's only a dick."

John blinked at him. "One day Rodney, you're going to tell me who gave you this inferiority complex. And I wasn't talking about your dick, even though it is a pretty dick." John smiled, taking it in his hand and jerking softly. "I was talking about your eyes." Rodney's dick jumped in his hand and he felt it swell. "Condoms?" he asked cautiously.

Rodney sort of stared at him. "Uh, no. I didn't think I'd ever have....company."

"I have some in my quarters."

"You don't need them John. Unless you're worried that you could infect me with...."

John shook his head. "No, I'm clean."

"And I haven't been with anyone in six years," Rodney blurted, cock deflating rather quickly.

"Six...six years?!" John's eyes widened. "Rodney, besides the fact that you're a guy, there are fifty women here who lust after your ass every day! Hell, about a dozen men too! And that doesn't include the Athosians. You're telling me you haven't been laid in six years?"

"Well excuse me John, for not being a slut!" Rodney fired back, a bit indignant.

"I didn't...Jesus Rodney, I didn't mean it that way. I'm just kind of surprised, that's all."

"And what do you mean men?" Rodney actually looked stupified. "What men?"

"Men...lots of men. And the women. Rodney, are you seriously telling me you never noticed?"

"I...well, Lieutenant Parks keeps making me cookies." Rodney was thinking. "Sergeant Hobbs, she...she volunteered to give me a backrub. Doctor Arken did ask me to eat dinner with her a few times."

"And what about Tomkins? It never occurred to you that he keeps asking you to study the 'local' constellations for a reason? Or Cahill, with his many questions about the 'gate and why don't the two of you discuss it one night?"

"I...Tomkins said his hobby was astronomy. And Cahill, he...." Rodney shook his head. "No. You're wrong. They wouldn't want me." Rodney was beyond confused now, almost panicked. "Hobbs, she's...she's beautiful. Why would a woman like that want me?"

"Calm down, lover," John murmured, taking Rodney into his arms again, "and just relax. Don't you know? It's your brains. They're a real turn on."

"Lover?"

"Yeah, lover. I kinda like it...don't you?"

"I...I don't know. Nobody ever called me that before."

"What about your wife?"

"Becca called me a lot of things, but lover was not one of them. And I'm too much of a gentleman to repeat what she did call me."

"Why'd you marry her then?"

"Why'd you marry all three of your ex-wives?"

"Maybe I should have just married you," John snickered. "Six years, huh? I guess we can forego the condoms then. You see, I've never been bareback." He took the lube, slicking Rodney's dick, watching it grow stiff. "In me Rodney...."

"You want to bottom? I thought you wanted to...top."

"I changed my mind." John straddled Rodney, smiling at him. "I like to bottom, and I especially like to bottom on top." He tossed the lube over. "Open me."

Rodney didn't need to be told twice. One hand fondled John's ass while the other teased the hole, one finger sliding in and out. As John rocked back and forth, Rodney added a second, looking up, meeting John's eyes, seeing the smile on his face, spreading John's cheeks, John easing himself down.

"I've never felt warmth inside me," John moaned as the head entered, "condoms take away the sensation." He slowly lowered himself, feeling Rodney's flesh, not some piece of rubber. "God it is so hot...you are so hot...." He would have fallen backwards if Rodney hadn't been holding his hips, holding him upright.

John reached for the dildo, "Close your eyes Rodney," and the moment Rodney obeyed, John pressed it against him, sliding it inside, lifting himself, shoving it inside Rodney at the same moment he slammed himself down.

Rodney was in Heaven, he was sure of it. John was brushing his sweet spot with the dildo while riding him hard, squeezing his muscles around Rodney's dick, his free hand jerking himself off. And his mouth...that mouth was being filthy and degrading, calling Rodney "slut" and "whore", telling him what a big dick he had and how thick and full it was within him, that he belonged to John and nobody else. He came all over Rodney's chest, brushing Rodney's prostate again, feeling Rodney come inside him, shoving the dildo in further...and Rodney McKay happily blacked out from an overload of pleasure.

John noticed because the hands holding him upright dropped and he grabbed Rodney's legs to stop himself from falling. Balancing himself, he got a look at Rodney's face. The man looked blissful; it was the only word that came to John's head. John raised himself gently, slowly easing the dildo out, not wanting to rouse Rodney just yet. He cleaned them both up, laying down, propping his head up on his fist, indulging in his favorite pasttime...watching Rodney McKay. He ran a finger along Rodney's face, over his lips, the lips parting, sucking the finger in, causing John to gasp at the sensation.

"Hi," Rodney murmured.

"Hi yourself," John answered, kissing Rodney softly. "You fain...passed out."

"Actually," Rodney smiled, "this one time, I fainted. It was so good John, so very good."

"Babe, can you explain one thing to me?"

"Yes, John?"

"And stop being so agreeable!" John snapped, although he had a big smile on his face.

"Okay, Sheppard, what do ya want?"

"That's more like it. Rodney, baby, when you were...talking to yourself, you mentioned something about one year. What happened a year ago?"

"Oh, that. John, a year ago I saw you naked in the shower for the first time."

"And....?"

"I sort of started to...have fantasies about you."

"And what kind of fantasies? Sedate? Rough? Kinky? C'mon Rodney, talk!"

"Just you, and me...just us together, like this. Nothing else. I just wanted you to hold me."

"I can do that," John took Rodney into his arms. "I like holding you."

"Of course," Rodney added, "as time passed, I had more...advanced fantasies."

"I have a book with all kinds of stuff we can try."

"You have a book?" Rodney asked, grinning at him. "A sex book? Why Major Sheppard, I never figured you would read a book like that."

John grinned back. "It has lots of pictures."

"Ah, now that explains it," Rodney laughed.

"I'll go get it." John sat up, but Rodney pulled him back down.

"Tomorrow, John. Because right now," Rodney crawled atop him, "it's time for me to discover what makes you scream...."

FIN