Primal Secrets

by The Huntress

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ash/huntress/psecrets.php
Summary: A simple fruit alters Rodney's personality and John pays the price

Prologue:

Rodney McKay was damn proud of himself and John Sheppard was due for a big surprise.

Rodney had just returned from the mainland with Ford, Bates, Stackhouse and a few other marines after acing the target course that they (and Sheppard) had set up to test their weapons skills. He wanted to take the course without John there, wanted to surprise his CO, so he talked Ford into taking him...the other marines just decided to watch. Rodney knew they were waiting for him to fail, geek jokes ready to fly.

What they didn't know was that Rodney had been going there whenever possible with Ford.

And when Rodney was finished, he smiled at the flustered marines. "What, no comments about my marksmanship?"

"He hit every fucking target," Bates muttered. "I don't fucking believe it."

"Believe it," Rodney's smile morphed into a smirk. "Those of us that are smarter then God are good for other things, you know."

"The Major thought...." Stackhouse started, then paused as he caught Ford's glare.

"I know what Major Sheppard thought," Rodney told them. "He didn't think I could do this. That's why I wanted to do it without him here. Next time, he watches me."

"You're one of us now Doc," Ford smiled. "You've gone from geek to grunt in just eight months."

"My mom would be so proud," Rodney laughed.

Ford presented him with a Beretta. "You should learn to handle your own weapon." The gun had 'RODNEY' etched on the handle and Ford snickered. "Become one with the gun."

"Aiden made it with his own two hands," Bates told him. "He had confidence in you. And, uh, on behalf of the rest of the Neanderthals here, I apologize for not believing in you."

Rodney nodded in silent thanks, taking the gun in his hand, studying the careful etching, running his fingers over it. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry; so instead he got snarky. "Be afraid Ford, be very afraid. The next time you make a joke about my eating habits, remember I am now armed."

"Shaking in my boots here," Aiden replied.

To celebrate, the marines 'persuaded' Holling to share his latest "swill from the still" as Sheppard called it and got Rodney drunk.

Well, not completely drunk. Ford put a stop to it after a few. He didn't want to face his CO if their errant scientist was hung over when he was needed.

All Rodney wanted to do was tell John he'd aced the course. Maybe this would be the catalyst, the one action that would get John's attention. His full attention. Yep, Rodney McKay was sufficiently plastered to tell John Sheppard that he loved him. And he was going to seduce John, kiss him senseless, strip him bare and make love to him until John passed out from pleasure.

And if John didn't like men?

Rodney knew only one thing would happen; he knew John very well. John was a true gentleman and would politely decline and let Rodney down easy. He knew John wasn't a homophobe. Bates and Beckett had been together for three weeks, though not openly. John and Elizabeth knew, they were in command and had to be told, and Rodney knew because Carson had told him...and told him John was aware of it. Sheppard still treated Bates and Carson the same as he always did. That at least reassured Rodney that John wouldn't hate him.

He rounded the corner to John's quarters, smile fading as John's door opened and Teyla walked out, very disheveled, hair a mess, boots in hand. She smiled at John, gave him a quick kiss and headed towards her own room.

Rodney in turn went back to his room.

And for the first time since his wife had walked out on him, Rodney McKay's heart broke and he wept.

Part the first - Where Rodney acts weird...well, stranger then the norm.

It started on P4M-893....

"McKay, what did you say to those people? They were ready to sacrifice you."

"Absolutely nothing you would understand."

"Try me," John said, exasperated.

"I just explained to them that there are forces in the universe that are bigger and better then they are and they better get a grip before they're wiped off the face of this planet like bugs on a windshield."

John's eyes almost jumped out of his head. "What?!"

"They're some of the most idiotic people I have ever met. And believe me, I've met many." He paused. "Present company included."

"Major Sheppard," Teyla came over, "I have made a tentative peace with the Astira. However, they have advised me that if Doctor McKay does not leave immediately, they are going to...I do not wish to describe what they want to do to him. It is not very pleasant."

"I told you," Rodney nodded, "they're dickwads."

John took Rodney by the arm and dragged him bodily to the 'gate. "Didn't we have a chat about drugs, Rodney? Drugs are bad. They make you giggle in the middle of a meeting, insist the Wraith would make good dog chow and...and you ate six MRE's for munchies and had the most horrendous stomach ache for two days."

"Fuck off," Rodney rolled his eyes and turned to the DHD.

"You've finally gone off the deep end," John mused.

Rodney dialed the 'gate, watching the wormhole open. "Kiss my ass, Sheppard."

He stepped through and John just stared after him, blinking rapidly. "When I get back, all my plants go into the ocean." He followed, stepping through to find Rodney screaming at one of the techs who looked close to tears. Once again John grabbed him, this time dragging him toward his room. "Have you lost your mind?"

"No John, I have too much mind to lose all of it. But that's not something you would know about, is it?"

John's mouth fell open again. "Okay, I'm just going to chalk this up to the fact that I know you've been spending the last few days locked up in your lab."

"I like my lab. It's nice in there. No stupid people to get on my nerves."

John just shook his head, afraid to verbally answer and made sure Rodney got to his quarters before going to see Elizabeth, knowing he'd have to make up some story to tell her.

God knew that if he told her the truth, she'd have Rodney put in a wraparound jacket...and she'd destroy his plants.

At this point, he wasn't sure which was worse.

~~~

"What?" Rodney asked Ford, who had come into his lab.

"Just wanted to see how you were." Ford nodded to the half eaten peach-like thing on Rodney's desk. "Did you have Beckett check out that fruit?"

"I'm busy doing things."

"Doesn't look like much to me Doc," Ford laughed.

"That's because your IQ is lower then mine."

"You know, if I want to be insulted I'll go talk to Kavanagh."

"So go, who's stopping you? Or do you need a map?"

"I think you need a vacation, Rodney."

"And where should I go, genius? Maybe back to that planet we were on? So they could do me harm?" Rodney switched gears, sneering at the young lieutenant. "Oh you'd like that wouldn't you? You and all your Neanderthal buddies. Don't think I don't know what you guys say about me behind my back."

Ford backed up to the door. "Me and my...buddies...we like you."

"Thanks Ford. I feel much better now."

"Yeah, okay Doc. You, uh, get back to your...stuff." Ford walked out, wondering if Rodney was having some sort of breakdown. He was becoming Jekyll and Hyde, depending on the time of day. He decided to go and talk to Major Sheppard. If anyone knew if something was wrong with Rodney, John Sheppard would know. John and Rodney had become best friends, though neither would admit it. But he and Teyla had seen it, and heard it everytime the two got together. Teyla had even postulated that the two were lovers, but Ford had laughed at the thought. Just because the Athosians were extremely open-minded when it came to sexual relationships, humans, particularly the military, were not. They were friends, nothing more.

Ford didn't even bother to request entrance to John's room, he just walked in. He and John had developed an off-duty friendship that could not have occurred elsewhere. You just didn't barge in to your CO's quarters. Unless, of course, your CO treated you like an equal and you were a zillion miles from home.

"Well, hidey-ho Aiden." John grinned at him. "Whatcha want? I'm in the middle of a movie."

"What movie?"

"You're too young to watch."

Ford watched the screen. "Alien, sir?"

John snickered. "I used to find it kinda scary, but these days, I see it as a comedy."

"Tell me about it. Somebody once brought it to the SGC and for a solid week nobody went near Teal'c."

"Okay, young man, what is it that you want?"

"It's about Rodney, sir. Have you noticed that lately he's been a bit...not normal?"

"Not normal is normal for the nutty professor." John giggled at his description of Rodney. "What's he done this time? Barged into the women's shower area telling them he thought it was the men's again? Did he put his doodle of Elizabeth as Napoleon on the base email system like he threatened? Has he been explaining Earth history to the Athosian children again?" The last remark made John choke. "Oh God, that's what he did, didn't he? Just what I need, another parent ready to beat the shit out of me because Rodney's tales are so...graphic."

"Uh, yes sir," Ford agreed. "Human sacrifices within the Mayan and Aztec cultures is not a subject matter for children. I, er, had nightmares for a while about hearts cut out, people mummified alive, brains sucked out with a hanger...."

"Shut up Aiden! I had nightmares myself. The man is a verbal menace."

"Yes sir. Look, I was just in his lab and he was insulting. And I don't mean the usual 'I'm smarter then God' insulting that we know and love to hate. I mean real insulting. If I didn't know better, I would swear he wanted to pick a fight with me."

John laughed out loud. "Rodney? Fight? Aiden, the man nearly had a cardiac arrest when Beckett's mouse got out of it's cage."

"I wouldn't talk," Ford smirked. "You took out your gun and tried to shoot the poor thing."

"Hey! That was only to stop Rodney's shrieking."

"Of course sir. We all know you're a bravehearted soul who fears nothing."

"That's right and don't you forget it. Now, as far as Rodney, I think he's just been working too hard. I spoke with Elizabeth and she suggested the four of us go back to that nice planet with the colorful flowers and butterflies and no people. Take down time, shore leave if you will. A little camping, some bonding, fresh air, nobody shooting at us and he'll be back to his old self, bitching and moaning, in no time."

Ford nodded and turned to leave, but turned back. "Sir...John...do you think Teyla...do you think she likes me?"

John knew Teyla did like Ford, but he had promised not to say anything...at least not directly. "If by liking, do you mean does she stare at your ass and drool, then yes, I'd have to say she likes you."

"Way cool!" Ford grinned and practically bounced out of the room.

"Way cool," John muttered and went back to his movie. His thoughts turned to his team's 'forced' vacation, which of course made him think of Rodney exiting the 'Jumper when they'd first landed there. It was their seventh mission as a team. He remembered the pretty flowers and Rodney's amazed remark that he wasn't sneezing. Oh and why did the battery die in his camera at the same moment Rodney McKay took off after a swarm of colorful butterflies? John had chased him for almost a half mile, finding Rodney leaning against a tree, catching his breath.

'Did you see them, Major? They were beautiful.'

John had just nodded in agreement; the scientist looked like a little kid on vacation. John had never in a million years thought that Rodney could enjoy the simplicity of a butterfly. He had definitely read McKay all wrong. John made sure that they took their time going back to the 'Jumper that day, talking about anything and everything, just, sort of, getting to know each other.

A scream from the DVD and John came back to reality. "Yep, sure will be nice to get back to normal. And this time I make sure the batteries are charged."

Part the Second - Where Rodney Loses It

John woke early the next day and assumed Rodney was back to his normal self, locked up in his lab. He forgot all about Rodney's behavior and finally sat down to do his personnel evaluations. Why, he had no idea, but Elizabeth insisted he do them. If he had the authority, Ford would be a Captain, as would Bates...hell, he'd make all of his people officers and Teyla would be an honorary Lieutenant.

After four hours of paperwork (and only nine people) Sheppard decided that all his people were good and he would never do another evaluation again. With a malicious grin he picked up the massive pile of papers and put them through the paper shredder that someone had brought (and John had stolen). If they ever got back to Earth, he'd make Weir write them. Elizabeth was good at that sort of thing.

So he headed off to the mess and went on a search for some pie. He sat down in the makeshift commissary, eating a piece and moaning from the taste. Whoever had the bright idea to bring cherries was going to be promoted, he'd see to that.

"Major!" Ford screamed. "You have to stop him! He's gonna kill the guy!"

John took another bite of his pie and sighed. "Can't you guys settle things on your own? A good fistfight can be good for the soul."

"Yeah, we can. Except it's McKay doing the asskicking."

He spit out the piece in his mouth. "McKay?" John looked at Ford as if Ford was insane. "Rodney McKay?!"

"Yeah. He's beating the shit out of the man."

John dropped his fork, jumping out of his seat. "Who's he fighting with?" He followed Ford down the corridor.

"One of the Athosians. I think the guy's name is Albert, Adler...."

"Alder," John groaned. "Even Teyla says the guy has a big mouth."

"Major, I didn't think the Doc could...man, I never saw a guy get so angry, so quick." Ford paused. "Well, there was this one time Daniel Jackson found out the commissary was out of coffee...anyway, he was kind of scary so I thought I better get you."

They rounded the corner and John stopped in his tracks. He was sure he was hallucinating.

There was peaceful and passive Rodney McKay, sitting on some guy's chest, punching his lights out.

"Break it up!" John yelled, grabbing Rodney and getting a fist in the face for his trouble. "OWW! That hurt!" He grabbed one arm, Ford grabbing the other, the two managing to drag Rodney up. John looked around at the faces which had been watching, focusing on Bates. "Didn't anyone think to do anything about this?"

Bates shrugged. "You didn't see Doctor McKay's face sir."

John glanced down at the bruised Athosian, turning to glare at Rodney, who l ooked like a wild man. "What the fuck were you doing?" He grabbed his jaw. "I think you loosened one of my teeth."

"He said...he said I was an idiot," Rodney told him, catching his breath. "Nobody has the right to call me that."

"You are an idiot!" Alder shouted. "A fat and stupid one!"

Rodney lunged for him again and it was only John's quick movements that stopped any further violence...and earned him a punch in the gut. John reacted automatically, throwing a punch of his own, knocking Rodney over a table, Rodney slamming his head against the wall and dropping unconscious. "Dammit McKay!" He knelt down. "Well, he's breathing." He and Ford lifted Rodney to his feet, dragging him to medical. "The guy needs a diet."

~~~

"What happened to him?" Beckett asked, as Rodney was tossed on a bed.

"The Major hit him," Ford snickered.

Beckett's eyes grew wide as saucers. "WHAT?"

"Shut up Ford. Carson, it's not what you think. He went nutso, attacking Alder."

"Rodney was fighting?" Beckett raised an eyebrow at him.

"No, he wasn't fighting." John shook his head. "He was brawling!"

CRASH

The men looked over to see Rodney throwing a tray across the room and sprinting for the door.

"That is not normal," Beckett observed.

"You don't say," John sneered, as he and Ford tackled Rodney.

Between the three of them, they managed to get Rodney back to the bed, not an easy task as the scientist was fighting with a strength nobody knew he had. While John and Ford held him down, Beckett got some restraints, getting a kick in the groin for his trouble.

"Maybe you should sedate him," John suggested.

"I can't do that until I know what's causing it," Beckett told him. "Hold him still so I can draw some blood." When Beckett was done, he glared at John. "You promised you'd keep him away from your...recreational activities."

"He hasn't touched my stuff. That's the first thing I checked."

Beckett shook his head and went to do some tests, while John sat beside Rodney. "You want to tell me what happened?"

"LET ME GO!!"

Ford snapped his fingers as a thought hit him. "The fruit."

"What?"

"The fruit. Those peach-like things we brought back last week. He's been eating them, even though he was told not to."

"He ate them?" John shook his finger at Rodney like an irate parent. "Rodney Philip McKay, I told you thinking with your stomach would eventually get you into trouble."

"FUCK YOU SHEPPARD!"

John ignored the words, but he couldn't help the chuckle. "Rodney, watch your language. Aiden is young and impressionable."

"EAT SHIT AND DIE!"

"Ford, go tell Beckett about the fruit. I'll stay here with the Linda Blair wannabe."

"BASTARD!"

"Actually," John said calmly, "my parents were married."

"I'm gonna make you suffer," Rodney narrowed his eyes, "gonna make you pay."

John nearly fired back with a threat of his own, but kept his outward cool, just like always. "Gonna is not a word."

"Have you ever been fucked John?" John flushed pink. "I didn't think so. You could use a good fucking. Straighten your ass right out, in more ways then one."

"Rodney, are you telling me you're gay?"

"No, I'm not a happy guy. But I like to fuck guys if that's what you want to know. But you don't, do you John? No, not you."

John's blush deepened, but not for the reasons Rodney was assuming. While it was true John had never had a relationship with another man, he had been developing feelings towards one for a while. And the feelings had scared the crap out of him....

~~~

He was a guy and John didn't with other guys. At least he didn't think he did.

And if John Sheppard was suddenly discovering that he was gay, at thirty-seven no less, why was he falling head over combat boots for Rodney McKay? The man was arrogant, smart-mouthed (or 'snarky' as Rodney had described it) pigheaded, defiant and always said what was on his mind, no matter who he pissed off. And he was brave and honest, and incredibly smart. John had to admit, the brains turned him on.

Whatever the reasons, when John looked at Rodney, his heart jumped and his dick took notice.

But Major John Sheppard was an ardent lover of WOMEN!

And one brief moment with Teyla Emmagon sent that lifestyle down the fucking crapper!

John had been watching a football game with her and he'd been horny and so had she and both understood the meaning of the phrase 'comfort sex'. They started with a makeout session, which led to the bed, which led to touching and sweating and finally, to fucking.

When John came down from his post-coital high, he saw Teyla grinning at him. When he inquired as to why she had that look, she got out of bed and put her clothes on. She then informed him that the sex was nice and asked him when he was going to tell Rodney how he felt. She must have noticed John's confused expression, because she then explained to him that he shouted "RODNEY!" when he came. Seeing his embarrassment, she told him it was all right, because she had been thinking of Aiden Ford and maybe she would get the guts to tell the young Lieutenant that she cared for him. She also pointed out to John that life was too short, that you had to take love and friendship where you could find it, and that if you didn't, you would regret it for the rest of your life. She knew from whence she was speaking, having lost many friends in her short life.

John took her words to heart, yet still put it off. The military mindset was too ingratiated within him, 'don't ask, don't tell, don't do' burned into his mind. But his defenses had slowly been coming down and he had been planning to tell one Rodney McKay, Atlantis' resident pain-in-the-ass scientist and fruitcake, that he loved him. He just hadn't figured out how....

~~~

And now this.

John was brought out of his pleasant thoughts by a leering Rodney, whose voice sounded quite seductive.

"You've got an erection, John. Do I turn you on? Is that what you want? My dick up your tight virgin ass? I'll send you to Nirvana if you just let me go."

"N-n-no," John stammered, "I don't want that Rodney. I want you to get better."

"Yes you do, John. Think about it." Rodney leered at him, licking his lips, eyes moving up and down John's body. "Oh yeah, I could send you to Heaven and you'd be begging for more." Rodney closed his eyes for a few minutes, appearing to relax. "John, please let me go. I'm okay now."

"I don't know." John was hesitant. "You still don't look so good."

"I am really okay." Rodney gave him a sweet smile. "I don't know what happened."

"You promise not to hit anybody?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

John should have known better, but he allowed his feelings for Rodney to overrule his common sense and gut instinct, reaching out to undo the restraints. Rodney began to scream again, getting a leg up and kicking him in the face. John grabbed him by the shirt and pulled his fist back, ready to belt him one.

"MAJOR!"

John whirled, facing Beckett, Ford and Elizabeth.

"He kicked me," John rubbed his jaw again.

"It is the fruit from that damn planet," Carson told them, watching Rodney pull at his restraints. "It took the computer about thirty seconds to detect a high level of testosterone, something I've never seen in a food before."

"A fruit with hormones?" John couldn't help the chuckle. "That's a new one."

"Not in this galaxy," Carson shrugged. "Basically, he's had an overdose of steroids."

"WEIR, YOU STUPID BITCH! MAKE THEM LET ME GO!" He then launched into a filthy diatribe that had them all blushing.

"How long before it wears off?" Elizabeth asked, biting her lip. As bad as it was, the vision of Rodney cursing like a sailor made her want to giggle.

"Yeah," John added. "He's been...off...for a day or so."

"Based on the levels in his blood," Carson said, "and the amount of fruit he ingested, I'd say about four to six hours more. I'll keep him confined until he's back to normal."

"If that's the case," John said flippantly, "you'll never let him out. Rodney as normal. Now that I'd like to see." He paused. "Then again, I don't know if I could cope with a normal Rodney. I like him neurotic."

"Your problem, Elizabeth, is that you need to get laid," Rodney sneered at her.

"Can you..." Elizabeth composed herself, lest her giggles overtake her, "...sedate him?"

"No," Carson shook his head. "I don't know what a sedative would do. This is an alien fruit. For all I know, a sedative could put him into a coma."

"FUCK YOU ALL!"

"How about a gag?" John suggested.

"Just leave him," Carson said. "We'll ignore him and hope he...comes down soon."

Much as they all hated to leave their friend, they obeyed and Carson went about his business, ordering his staff back to work and away from Rodney, and he himself headed to the adjacent lab.

Rodney had a rush of adrenaline and pulled at one restraint, the fabric slowly tearing. He managed to get one hand out, nearly breaking his wrist in the process, quickly undid the other and left the infirmary, one purpose in mind.

John Sheppard.

He was going to show that smart-mouthed, military whore who the better man was.

Carson went to check on him and noticed Rodney was gone and the whole base went on alert, everybody on a search.

One hour later, John and his team entered the commissary where Kavanagh and Zalenka were working on a science project. One of the pots suddenly exploded and thankfully nobody was hurt. John however, found himself covered with a viscous goo that smelled like rotten eggs. He had to go clean himself up and headed to his quarters for a quick shower, ready to resume the search as soon as he was done. And upon locating Rodney, he was going to ensure that Kavanagh and Zalenka suffered miserably. How he had no idea, but he would think of something...and Rodney would gleefully help him.

Part the Third - Where Rodney Hurts John

John came out of his shower, towel around his waist and sensed another presence. Before he could react the lights went out and something hard whacked him over the head, causing him to lose his balance. He was tackled to the bed, a body straddling his and he threw a punch blindly but to no avail. He was hit a couple of more times and before he could gain any momentum his wrists were grabbed and bound to the bedhead with his shirt. John's small lantern came on and he found himself staring into eyes he knew very well...Rodney McKay's. But at second glance the eyes, normally soft and gentle, were as they had been earlier, wild and angry. And that anger was clearly directed at John.

"McKay, what are you doing?"

"Taking." The voice was cold, with no feeling whatsoever. Rodney undid the towel from John's body, grasping John's dick like a vise, jerking him hard.

John felt a chill down his spine, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. "I don't understand."

Rodney gave John's dick a painful squeeze and let go. "Don't you John? Or are you truly stupid?" He took his pants off, cock swollen, dripping with precome, pressing his fingers on John's thighs, leaving marks as he roughly pulled them apart. "I am going to take you."

It was then John knew what was going to happen and tried to lighten things, hoping to get Rodney back...his Rodney. "Taking me? Where? The zoo? The beach?"

SMACK

John was backhanded across the face, shaking his head at the dizziness, tasting blood in his mouth. "That hurt."

"Good." Rodney palmed John's ass, digging his nails in, exposing his virgin hole.

John watched as Rodney spit on his hand, wiping the spit over his dick. "Not like this Rodney, please."

SMACK

John winced at the pain, his legs lifted. "Rodney, don't."

SMACK

"SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!"

John felt the hardness pressed against him and began to thrash about, trying to get loose. Rodney used his weight to his advantage, like John had taught him, holding John still.

"Whatever it is, whatever I did...."

"Gonna fuck you John, fuck you hard, fuck you fast...." Rodney spit on his hand again, slicking his dick, the head pressing inside John's ass...so tight and hot. "Fucking whore...Goddamned slut...that's what you are...."

"Oh God...Rodney, PLEASE STOP! I've never done this...NO!!" John screamed as Rodney thrust inside, the feeling of Rodney's dick raw and dry.

"Stupid prick!" Rodney growled and pulled almost all the way out, the tip resting at the entrance, before shoving deeper.

John gasped, fighting tears, gritting his teeth against the pain. "Tell me what I did....please tell me."

"Always have to be so controlling." Rodney was thrusting harder, moving faster. "How does it feel? Does it hurt? Oh, I hope so."

He paused for a moment and John thought he'd finally come back to himself. "Rodney?"

"Yes John?"

"Please let me go. I'll do whatever you want, I promise I will."

"Really John? You promise?"

"Yes."

"LIAR!" Rodney shouted. "You'll take me back to Beckett!" Rodney grew more vicious, spreading John wider, going deeper. He shoved in one more time, pulled out and came all over John. "Bastard." He climbed off, put his clothes back on and just stared at John for a moment. "I hope you rot in Hell for what you did."

John just lay there, feeling tears running down his face, though whether it was from the pain or the fact that something was horribly wrong with Rodney, he wasn't sure. He continued to struggle, finally getting himself loose, wincing in pain as he made his way to the bathroom, doing his best to clean himself, seeing a few drops of blood on the cloth. He managed to get himself dressed, knowing Rodney had to be found quickly, afraid that Rodney would hurt someone else.

"Major Sheppard!" Beckett's voice bellowed.

John jumped at the voice at his door, quickly composing himself. There was no way he was going to let Beckett find out what happened. So he opened the door, calmly facing the doctor. "Has he been found?"

"No, but Elana, one of the children, said she saw him go into your quarters. Did you see him?"

"No," John lied, with a long practiced ease. "If he was here, then he's long gone."

Carson Beckett was many things, but stupid was not one of them. He noticed the state of the bed plus the Major's gait and his eyes met John's. "What the hell happened in here?"

"We have to find Rodney." John attempted to move past, but a hand on his chest stopped him. "Get your hand off of me or I will remove it."

"What did he do to you?"

John gave him a nervous laugh. "Don't ask, don't tell."

"Oh Christ, he assaulted you."

"I'll only say this once, Beckett. You mention one word of this and I will deny it."

"But...."

"And I don't want to hear any of your 'I took an oath' bullshit. You breathe a word and I will never trust you again and neither will my men."

"Let me examine you."

John took a deep breath. "After we find him, Carson. Please let's just find him first."

Carson reluctantly agreed and the two men were about to continue on their search when Ford's voice came over the com.

Rodney had been found...he was standing on the balcony railing adjacent to his quarters, threatening to jump.

~~~

"Rodney, please come down," Elizabeth said softly. "Nobody is going to hurt you."

"They will when they find out what I did." Rodney sobbed. "I didn't mean to do it, really I didn't."

"Elizabeth, what in God's name happened?" Beckett asked as the doors to Rodney's quarters slammed shut behind them.

John felt his heart drop. "Rodney?"

"I didn't mean it John. I'm sorry."

"I know," John gave him a soft smile. "I forgive you."

"No, you don't. You're just saying that. You hate me now. And I can't live with that."

John came closer and Rodney looked down, one foot leaving the railing. "NO!" John lunged forward as he fell, getting hold of Rodney's arm and holding tight. Rodney fought him, trying desperately to get loose, but Ford grabbed hold as well, the two men pulling Rodney back to solid ground.

Rodney fought like a banshee, screaming and kicking, but John and Ford held him steady.

"Beckett, give him a fucking sedative!" John shouted. He and Ford were starting to lose their grip.

Rodney wrenched free and attacked Elizabeth.

John and Ford managed to get a hold of him and held him down. "Beckett," John panted, "I swear, if you don't sedate him...."

"I need his arm," Carson told them, holding the syringe.

Rodney's eyes grew red with anger and he spit in John's face. "I HATE YOU!"

Ford tore Rodney's sleeve, exposing his arm and Carson was able to give him the shot. Rodney slowly relaxed, calming from the sedative and John motioned Ford to let go, holding Rodney in his arms.

"Oh God Rodney, what did I do?" John asked, voice barely a whisper.

"I tried so hard to make you like me." Rodney was crying. "Why didn't you like me?"

John was thoroughly confused and as Rodney slowly lost consciousness, he whispered something for John's ears only and all the color drained from John's face.

"Major," Carson said softly, "I have to get him to medical." He called for a gurney and restraints.

"Yeah, I know," John replied, opening the doors allowing the doctor to take Rodney, staring blankly as Rodney was taken away.

"Major...John, what was he talking about?" Weir asked him.

"I have absolutely no idea," John replied honestly.

"What did he say to you?" Aiden asked. "And what happened to your face?"

"Rodney and I got into a...minor scuffle."

"Doesn't look minor to me, Major," Weir smiled at him. "Have Beckett check you out also."

They headed to the infirmary, where John received two ice packs, one for each side of his face. After about an hour, Carson insisted they all get some rest, that he'd let them know when Rodney woke up.

Part the Fourth - Rodney Remembers

One hour later John returned, taking a seat at Rodney's bedside, brushing the hair from his brow. "I know it wasn't you that did this and I'll survive it, I know I will. And I truly forgive you." He took Rodney's hand in his. "But will you be able to forgive yourself?"

"Major," Carson said, "I need to examine you."

"Not now."

"Let's get it over with. There's nobody else here at the moment so we can keep it private."

John sighed, but nodded in agreement, the exam quick. "Well?"

"Minor tearing, but nothing that won't heal over the next few days. You'll be in some pain when you...let's just say I would recommend a laxative."

"Fine. Hand over the prunes and leave me the fuck alone." He took a seat at Rodney's bedside again.

"What did he say to you before he passed out?"

John looked up, knowing in his gut Carson Beckett would never betray his confidence. "He told me he loved me and that I betrayed him. Funny thing is, I have no idea what I did."

"He's a good man John, and you're one of a handful of people he's ever considered a real friend."

"He's too much like me," John admitted, albeit reluctantly. "He's lonely, alone. He has nobody."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. That may have been true once, but not anymore."

"How long have you known him?" John asked.

"Too long," Carson laughed aloud, then composed himself. "A great many years. I could tell you stories...."

"Don't you dare," Rodney groaned, the two men turning to him.

"Hey, Rodney, how are ye?" Beckett smiled.

"English, you moron. It's how are you? And except for a massive headache, I am fine." He paused. "Why am I in medical and..." he tried to move his hands, "...why am I being restrained?" He glared at John. "One of your practical jokes gone bad?"

"Let me draw some blood and I'll let ye know if ye can be...released." Carson chuckled as he took the sample and went off to his lab.

"Major, you look...have you been fighting?" Rodney asked, in all seriousness. "It looks like somebody used your face for a punching bag."

"I'll tell you later. Let me go see what's taking Beckett so long." He stepped into the other room, glancing at Rodney and smiling, then turned away, more serious. "I don't think he remembers anything."

"I can't say I'm surprised. He just came down from a bad trip, as the saying goes. The wonders of a computer diagnostic. Blood count normal. You can undo the restraints if you want to," Carson grinned, "but I keep him here until morning."

"Do I tell him what happened?" John asked.

"You'll have to tell him about the very public fight with Alder."

"What about the balcony?"

"Unfortunately yes. But remind him that nobody knows but the four of us," Beckett reminded him. "He knows Weir and Aiden won't say anything. As far as what happened with you, that's your own decision."

"What am I supposed to say, Beckett?"

"I can't tell you that John. I will tell you that the memories could surface at an inopportune moment."

"Peachy," John rolled his eyes.

"Tread carefully, John Sheppard," Carson warned. "One thing you need to know is that Rodney has been burned a few times too many. I don't think he'd survive being hurt here. There's no place for him to run away to."

"EXCUSE ME! AM I GOING TO BE TIED UP ALL NIGHT!"

"I'd never hurt him," John smiled and went to the bed, shouting back, "QUIET OR ELSE!" as he gleefully undid Rodney's restraints.

~~~

The following afternoon Beckett released Rodney, who was back to his snarky self, and John walked him to his lab, telling Rodney about his little 'episode'.

"I didn't...did I?" Rodney nearly burst into laughter. "I pummeled Alder?"

"Rodney, is there anything else you remember about the past few days."

"I...." Rodney looked confused. "I...I don't know." He sat down, a bit lost.

"Think." John didn't enjoy this, but Rodney had to remember.

Rodney wiped his face in his hands. "The planet we went to. I...Jesus, I could have gotten us all killed." More memories. "I...was angry at Ford, but I can't remember why and then Alder, he called me...he called me names and I didn't like it. I don't like it when people make fun of me."

'I don't like it when they make fun of you either,' John thought sadly. Aloud, "It turns out that fruit you weren't supposed to touch, it was loaded with steroids. It messed with your head."

"What else did I do?" Rodney asked cautiously.

John was hesitant and told him about the balcony. "But nobody knows and there is no notation in your medical file about it."

"And what happened to your face?"

"Ford," John said quickly. "Uh, I was in the jumper and he came in with some equipment and I got smashed in the face."

"Ouch."

"Yeah...ouch. Rodney, about eating strange foods...."

Rodney stared at his feet. "I won't anymore. But they were so good."

"Beckett said the natural chemicals in them make them addictive. Sort of like a Pegasus galaxy version of crack."

Rodney laughed at that and stood up, heading for the door. "I think I'd better go see Elizabeth and apologize in person and get the standard lecture about eating."

"She's not going to lecture you Rodney. Just like I'm not. We agreed you learned your lesson. I'll see you later."

~~~

For three days the team kept a close eye on Rodney, making sure he was okay, that there were no aftereffects from the fruit. Those three days were also hell on John. He knew he had to tell Rodney about the assault, but as with confessing his love, he hadn't quite figured out how.

He did manage to come to three conclusions though.

One, he wanted to be with Rodney again. He wanted Rodney inside him, but this time he wanted it gentle. He just knew that Rodney would be a caring and gentle lover and he wanted to learn it first hand. He found himself jerking off to visions of Rodney loving him, caressing him, kissing him. John had wondered if there was something wrong with himself, fantasizing about his rapist, until he came to the second conclusion....

Rodney did not hurt him...Rodney McKay would never hurt him. He was under the influence of an alien fruit. John would never blame Rodney or hold him responsible for his actions.

Number three came easily. He still loved Rodney and there was no way he could deny it any longer.

It was late by the time Rodney finished his work and he was on his way to medical to speak with Carson, wanting to thank his friend for going out on a limb, for not noting what had happened in Rodney's medical file. He had been too busy to do it sooner. He was about to enter when he heard Carson mutter something and John's voice rising.

"I need something to take the nightmares away."

"Major, I can't do that. Dreams are the mind's way of...."

"Just give me some drugs."

"You have your own, John," Carson snickered, "you don't need mine."

"Please Carson," John was almost pleading. "I can't deal with it anymore."

"So tell him already. It will come to the surface, I can assure you of that," Carson warned him.

"HOW the FUCK do I tell Rodney he ASSAULTED ME?"

Rodney froze, too stunned to move.

"And that BEFORE HIM I'd never allowed another man to TOUCH ME?"

Rodney grew dizzy and leaned against the doorframe, visions cascading through his mind, overwhelming him; visions of John under him, fighting him, begging him not to...."Oh God," Rodney murmured, the two men turning to him. "John, what have I done?" He flew down the corridor and into the transport tube, thankful he was alone. He was glad it was late and the halls were empty. He really didn't want to face anyone right now. He made it to his quarters and lay down, but there was no way he could sleep.

~~~

"Welcome to my nightmare," John snorted. "I'm cursed, that's gotta be it."

"Well, go after him, you imbecile," Beckett almost scolded.

"I guess I should, huh?"

"Don't fuck this up, John," Carson muttered as John left. "You'll never get another chance with him."

~~~

Rodney remembered now; remembered it all.

Everytime he closed his eyes he saw John's face, contorted in pain, heard John's pleas to stop...telling Rodney he'd "never done this before". He grew nauseous and ran for the toilet, not hearing his door opening, nor hearing the footsteps behind him. Rodney heaved a bit, food coming up, tears running down his face. He started to stand when a warm cloth was wiped over his face, a towel patting him dry. Slowly looking up, he found himself staring at John's smiling face.

"Hey, you all right?"

"No."

"I think you should get some sleep," John pulled Rodney to his feet, staring into tear-filled eyes.

"I don't want to sleep."

"Okay then, you wash up, change your clothes and I get some food for the two of us. I haven't eaten and you gave yours back."

"I'm not hungry, so don't bother," Rodney muttered.

"Well, how about I bring you that tea you like, the peppermint one that helps you sleep."

"How do you know that?"

"Ahh, Rodney McKay, I have been observing you for a long time." John stood up, helping Rodney to his feet. "You just never noticed."

Part the Fifth - John thinks he knows what he wants

When John returned, Rodney was sitting cross-legged on the bed, staring outside. His hair was damp from his shower and he was wearing sweatpants and a tee-shirt, which made John's mouth drop open for a moment. Since when did Rodney's arms get so toned? The muscles were actually rippling through the short sleeves. And when did he lose all that fat? Yeah, he was still more then a few pounds overweight, but still...how did Major John Sheppard, ex Black Ops surveillance, miss all of it? John quickly got himself together and sat down, holding the mug out. "Here's your tea."

Rodney took the mug, but couldn't look at John. "I was angry at you...." His face turned ashen. "I liked having you for a friend."

"I am still your friend, Rodney."

"No, you aren't." Rodney finally looked up. "And everybody knows what I did."

"Only Carson because he treated me after you...."

"Treated you?" Rodney was a bit frightened. "I, uh, hurt you?"

"No. I mean...he just wanted to check my...check me...for damage. But there wasn't any, at least not much."

Rodney turned a slight shade of green. "Not much?"

"I'm fine," John shrugged. "Carson said some bruising is normal for the first time especially because it was so rough. He says playing rough is a bad thing." Rodney was back to red again...almost crimson. "You're cute when you blush."

Rodney's eyes grew wide at the remark and he put the mug down, walking outside, looking over the balcony. "I remember wanting to jump."

"You're not going to...."

"No," Rodney turned to face him, "but I know why now. It was because I knew I had hurt you. Nothing else mattered. I took something away from you." He turned back to stare out into the ocean. "You were still innocent as far as...that."

John stood behind him, hands on Rodney's shoulders, turning him so they were facing. "I was corrupted the day I met you." John leaned in for a kiss and Rodney ducked under him, backing up.

"Now you want to kiss me? Are you insane? Yeah, that has to be it. You're having a breakdown." Rodney backed further away, unable to tear his eyes from John's.

"Rodney Philip McKay, I am only going to say this once. Everything that happened, the fruit, the ra...assault, the beating...it was not you." John put his hand up as Rodney opened his mouth. "Don't you dare interrupt!" Rodney shut his mouth. "You did not hurt me. You could never hurt me. And I will never blame you for what happened. I...." John was hesitant with the words, but he'd already waited too long. "I love you, Rodney. I have since the day I shot you."

Rodney was stunned, to say the least, opening his mouth to say something romantic, something sweet, something...and of course, being Rodney, what came out was, "What about Teyla?"

"Okay, now you totally lost me."

"You spent the night with her. The night I passed that stupid weapons test. I saw her coming out of your room! You slept with her!"

"I'm not going to lie to you about that." John leaned against the railing. "Yeah, I did Rodney, but it was only comfort sex for the two of us. She and I knew that. And after one round, she gets dressed and laughs. And you want to know why she laughed?" John didn't wait for an answer. "She laughed because when I came I shouted your name!" He walked toward Rodney and Rodney backed up straight into the wall. "Your name Rodney, not hers." Without thinking, John Sheppard kissed Rodney McKay. And Rodney's lips were soft and lush and so sexy and John was getting harder, rubbing his erection against Rodney's. "I want you to do it again."

"WHAT?!" Rodney was horrified, certain now that John was having a breakdown; hell, maybe he was also.

"No...not the...." John nuzzled Rodney's neck, kissing his way to Rodney's ear, blowing gently. "Not the forcing part. The sex part." Judging by Rodney's reaction to John blowing in his ear, he tongued the rim, hearing Rodney's breath hitch. "Oh yeah, I found a hot spot." He leaned in for another kiss and Rodney pushed him away, this time going inside and sitting down.

"How can you be so sure you want this, John?"

John was looking quite smug. "Because you told me you loved me."

Rodney's eyebrows raised in shock, brain thinking, finally speaking. "I did?"

"Yes genius, you did. And did you mean it?"

"I did," Rodney admitted, adding, "Go ahead and laugh John, I don't care."

"I'm not laughing Rodney." John's voice grew lower, more serious. "I would never laugh at you. I told you, I love you."

"But you have John, so many times. You make fat jokes about me and swipe the food off my plate."

"You know I don't mean it. And you're not fat, at least not anymore. I kinda like the way you look." He sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching out, palming Rodney's face. "I've been having bad dreams," John blurted, stroking Rodney's cheek with his thumb. "That's why I was talking to Beckett. I wanted something to help me sleep, take away the nightmares." He leaned in closer, holding Rodney's head steady, placing a soft kiss on Rodney's cheek. "And I think...I think you're the only one who can take my nightmares away."

"I don't know if I can," Rodney said honestly. "I might make them worse."

"Worse?" John lay his head on Rodney's shoulder. "I've barely slept in three days. I close my eyes and I see...."

"You see me," Rodney lowered his head, turning away.

John reached for his chin, turning Rodney's eyes to meet his. "I see a stranger with your face." John chuckled a bit. "A fucking pod person, if you will. I see the eyes and they have no feeling, while yours...." John stared into those bright blue eyes, getting lost, feeling his own eyes begin to water. "Rodney, your eyes bare your soul. All anybody has to do is take the time to look." He felt the tear roll down his face. "That voice, it was cruel and hateful. Yours, Rodney," John let a few more tears come, "your voice is...nice. Comforting." Between the exhaustion and pent up emotions, John was crashing hard and fast.

As John fell forward, Rodney caught him, arms coming up and around without hesitation, holding John, rocking him back and forth, rubbing his back, wanting so badly to make everything right between them again. "I have a comforting voice?" he snorted, trying to lighten things a tiny bit and calm John. "Me?"

"I like your voice," John smiled halfheartedly, eyes closing. They opened suddenly, John shaking his head, whispering "bad dreams" like a small child, laying down next to Rodney.

"You need to sleep, Major," Rodney whispered, opening his arm so John could crawl in. The arm then closed around John's body, Rodney holding him, kissing the top of John's head. "I'll keep the bad dreams away tonight."

"It wasn't supposed to hurt," John whispered so softly, Rodney barely heard him. "There wasn't supposed to be any pain. That's not how I dreamed it."

That shocked the shit out of Rodney. "You dreamed? About us?" He got no response and glanced down. John was asleep. "Ah, John," Rodney whispered, "why didn't you tell me?" John snuggled closer, his arm resting across Rodney's chest, head in the crook of Rodney's arm. "What a way for us to catch the clue bus." It was a long time before Rodney fell asleep, afraid that John would have a nightmare and he wouldn't be there to rouse him.

But John Sheppard was not the one who had a nightmare....

~~~

"I do everything for YOU!" Rodney screamed. "Fix your laptop, find you toothpaste, make sure the mess has coffee left for you every morning. I gave you the extra set of sheets I brought!"

"Stop, please," came the whimper beneath him.

"I took care of you when you got sick, cleaned you up when you threw up all over yourself...twice! And what do you do? You sleep with her, let her touch you."

"I'm sorry...so sorry."

"No you're not. Not in the least bit sorry." Rodney rolled the man over, seeing John's battered face, John's tears falling like rain. "I learned to use C4, learned to fieldstrip a P-90 with my eyes closed, learned how to fight! All because of you! And you, you didn't give a damn!" He pulled back his fist and threw a punch. "HOW COULD YOU?!" He pulled back his fist again, John's hands flying to his own face.

"NO!" John began to fight him, but Rodney held him still.

"FUCKING WHORE!" Rodney hit him again and again, seeing the blood everywhere. A few more punches and John wasn't moving. "Fight back!" Still no movement. "Sheppard!" Something was happening to John, heat emanating from his body, Rodney rolling away, staring as John slowly vanished, caught up in a bright light. Rodney had never seen an ascension in itself, but he'd been there the day the Harcesis left through the 'Gate, knew what an ascended being looked like; like John did at that moment. But the only way John could be ascending was if he were....

~~~

"Rodney, please wake up." John was shaking him, but Rodney wasn't waking. "Rodney?"

"JOHN!" Rodney shot up, breathing hard. "I didn't mean it. Oh God, I didn't mean to kill you."

"Kill...." It took a moment for John to realize Rodney had been dreaming. "Rodney you didn't kill me."

"I did," Rodney insisted. "You went away."

"It was just a bad dream, that's all."

"Bad dream?" Rodney began to calm. "It was so real."

"I'm sure it was. And can I assume I died?"

"At my hands," Rodney whispered.

"That should have tipped you off that it was a dream," John smiled. "I told you, you could never hurt me."

"It was because of Teyla," Rodney blurted, "because you...it should have been me."

"That's what I thought," John murmured softly. "You told me I betrayed you and now I understand what you meant. And in case you're curious, she loves Aiden. Her heart belongs to him, not to me."

"Ford?" Rodney's eyes grew wide. "She loves Ford?"

"Yeah, she does." John leaned in for a chaste kiss. "Rodney, we can't go on like this. You know that."

"What are we supposed to do?"

John lay down, pulling Rodney atop him. "Love each other, make all the bad dreams go away."

"John...."

"Rodney, do you love me? I mean, really love me?"

"Yes."

John took Rodney's face in his hands. "Then make love to me. Show me it can be beautiful."

"I...."

"Please Rodney, don't make me beg you anymore." He pulled Rodney's mouth to his. "Please...." The kiss was soft at first, John undulating his body against Rodney's, pulling at the hem of Rodney's shirt. Breaking the kiss he pulled it off, rolling them so he was on top, kissing Rodney's neck, his shoulder, down to his chest. He took a nipple into his mouth, nipping, hearing Rodney's soft moan, smiling to himself, lips moving to the other, suckling, then back to the first. His hands pushed Rodney's sweats off, kissing downwards until Rodney stopped him.

John sighed, giving himself over.

They rolled again, Rodney on top, getting John's shirt off, kissing every piece of flesh his mouth could reach. He attacked John's neck, licking up to his ear, hearing the soft moans. He undid John's pants, the two managing to get them off without breaking the kiss, rubbing against each other.

"Can't wait," John murmured, dragging Rodney into another kiss.

Rodney sat up, looking around, eyes spotting the sunscreen. "It's not lube, but it'll do for now." Slicking a finger, he flicked his nail against the opening, teasing, watching John's hands grip the sheets. He kept an eye on John's face as he slipped his finger inside, John sinking down a bit to meet it. He kept up the slow rhythm until John was fully relaxed.

"Two now," Rodney smiled, waiting for a nod back before attempting to enter. He slid both fingers in slow, John's muscles tightening, drawing them deeper. Once again he allowed John to set the rhythm, which went from languid to feral in ten seconds...or about the time Rodney hit John's prostate for the first time. And if John was reacting like this now, they'd never make it to the 'making love' part. Rodney wondered if he could come just from watching 'always calm and cool' John Sheppard in the throes of actual, true passion. He didn't bother to announce he was sliding three fingers into John; John couldn't have cared less. He was too busy fucking himself on those fingers, hitting his prostate again and again.

"Rodney...oh God that feels good...kiss me...please." The lips that touched his were gentle, sending his brain into orbit. One hand tangled in Rodney's hair, deepening the kiss, John's breathing quick, grinding his hips now, wanting more. John slid one leg over Rodney's, hands on Rodney's shoulders to gain leverage, humping against Rodney's abdomen, his cock feeling the solid muscle underneath...hot damn, his geek was no longer a geek. At least not physically. And those fingers, Rodney's long fingers, so deep within him, sending pleasure to places he didn't know existed. And that tongue, that warm and wet tongue; that tongue with a mind of its own. Licking John's lips, sliding inside John's mouth, finding its twin, Rodney sucking it into his own mouth and with it the last bit of control John had.

John Sheppard was going into what could only be described as sensual overload.

"Come for me, John."

John couldn't hold back, shouting Rodney's name, covering the two of them with streams of come, still grinding his hips down, Rodney's fingers still stroking over his prostate, albeit with less frequency. "I'm dead and this is Heaven."

"Oh yeah," Rodney sighed, feeling a bit smug at the moment. He glanced up only to see John's eyes roll back, head falling to the pillow. "John?"

"I'm 'kay," John gasped. "I just...."

"You scared me." Rodney slid atop John, getting his arms underneath John's body. "I thought I hurt you."

"No, Rodney. You can only heal me."

Rodney pulled back, attempting to turn John over, but John was resisting him. "John, trust me when I tell you it's less...painful my way."

"No, I have to...Rodney, I have to be able to see you, see your eyes. It's important to me."

"Why?" Rodney asked, leaning down for another kiss, resting atop John's body.

"Because I have to know it's you."

Rodney rose to his knees, slicking his cock further, wiping his hand on the sheet, pushing John's legs up. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know," John cupped his chin, thumb stroking down his cheek. "Make it better Rodney. Take our nightmare away." He pulled his legs up, hooking them over Rodney's shoulders, fingers tracing a line from Rodney's neck to a nipple, pebbling it. "Do it Rodney," John clearly teased, "before I change my mind."

Rodney moved his eyes down, watching his dick enter, the head pressing inside...damn, John was tight, like a fucking vise. He heard the groan from beneath him and it was not a pleasurable sound. "John? Should I stop? Please, tell me what to do."

"S'okay," John soothed, patting Rodney's face, "just give me a second." John took a few deep breaths, trying so hard to relax. He closed his eyes at the same moment Rodney slid in further and he froze.

"JOHN!"

John opened his eyes, staring into Rodney's again, seeing the softness, the smile...the love. This was Rodney and John could let himself go, allow anything to happen and it would be all right. "Tell me how I feel to you."

"Hot...tight...." Rodney sighed in pleasure, studying John's face. "Oh God John, am I hurting you? Please tell me I'm not...."

John placed a finger at Rodney's lips.. "Shhh. I'm fine. Just...just talk to me some more."

"Why?" Rodney asked, buried halfway in John's ass and about to lose all semblance of control.

"Your voice, I need to hear it."

Rodney knew why; for the same reason John had to see his eyes. He needed to hear Rodney's voice loving him, not the psychotic that had assaulted him.

"Has anybody ever told you you're pretty?" Rodney asked with a grin.

"Nobody that lived," John smiled.

"You are," Rodney slid in more. "My pretty boy."

"Yes...ahhh, Rodney...yours...."

Rodney felt John dragging him further in, shifting forward bodily, helping Rodney bury himself. And Rodney was gentle and slow, murmuring soft words, words of love, of praise, telling John how hot he was, how beautiful inside and out, how much he loved John, adored him, worshipped him.

John was in a new realm of pleasure. Nobody had ever spoken to him like this. It was intoxicating hearing Rodney's voice, the breathy sighs as Rodney rested his balls against John's ass, rolling his hips, brushing John's prostate.

"God John...you feel so right...."

"So full...feels good...Rodney, move, please...."

Rodney smirked, brushing John's prostate again.

"RODNEY! Oh God, I...." John's words stuck in his throat as the hand gripped his dick hard, stroking in time with the thrusting in his ass, kisses and bites on his thighs. He could only grip Rodney's shoulders, begging for more, pleading to come, for Rodney to come with him.

"So good John...love you...love you always...." Rodney watched as John came again, leaning down, come spattering his face, catching it on his tongue. He met John's eyes and licked his lips, sliding John's legs from his shoulders.

"Rodney, why'd you stop?"

"Do you trust me, John?"

"With my life," John replied without hesitation.

And being that Rodney McKay had an IQ of two hundred and forty-seven, he had no problem translating what John Sheppard had just told him. Those three words were John's way of saying 'I love you'. It filled Rodney with a sense of warmth he had never felt. Taking John's legs, he wrapped them around his waist, hands slipping under John's back, pulling him up until he was straddling Rodney's lap.

"Hurts," John groaned, gritting his teeth.

Rodney stroked his back, murmuring, "Hush," licking John's lips, sharing the taste of John's come with him. He rocked his hips and John tried to pull away, but Rodney was ready, carding his fingers in John's hair, deepening the kiss. If his mouth wasn't already occupied, it would have been wearing a smug smile again...John's legs locked around his waist, John rocking back and forth, head on Rodney's shoulder, moaning, cursing, whimpering. "Hold on, babe," Rodney murmured. The position also served to drive his dick deeper into John, who screamed and came some more. "Inside you John...coming so deep inside you...oh yes!" Rodney felt his release, growing dizzy, the two of them coming down from an explosive orgasm. "Everything all right?"

"Yeah," John panted, "couldn't be better."

Rodney eased John onto his back, gently pulled out, leaning down, tilting his head, peeking at John's ass.

"Rodney, what are you doing?"

"I'm just checking...you know...make sure you're not bleeding or anything."

John turned around, kissing Rodney softly. "I'm a little sore, that's all."

"John, why did you want me to touch you, so soon after I...."

"I had to know the truth...had to know...Rodney, tell me again," John said softly.

"You need reassurance?" Rodney was surprised, knowing what John wanted to hear.

John nodded, a bit surprised himself. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"I love you, Major John Sheppard and woe be to anyone who does you harm."

"What are you gonna do? Bore them to death with a lecture?"

"I have many lectures, some quite frightening."

"I'll just bet you do." Rodney got up and John grabbed his arm. "Where are you going?"

"Unless you enjoy being sticky, I need to get a wet cloth."

When Rodney was done cleaning them, John surprised both himself and Rodney by pulling Rodney's arm out and snuggling in, urging Rodney to hold him.

They were safe.

They were with each other.

They were home.

John Sheppard and Rodney McKay slept peacefully, cocooned in each other's arms.

Life was good.

FIN