Seeing Is Believing 2

by The Huntress

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ash/huntress/seebel02.php
Summary: What happened after Compton took off for the Genii?

Prologue:

Compton made it to the 'gate, quickly taking out the techs on duty and dialed, and John ran in just as he was going through. He nearly followed, then realized he had no idea where he would end up.

Bates finished an inventory and concluded that Compton had taken a large supply of C4 and a few P-90's with numerous rounds.

Later that day, Rodney found John by the 'gate, looking at the dialing panel. "Where did he go, John? And why did he take so much firepower?"

"To the Genii," John replied. "He went to the fucking Genii."

Part 1: Wherein John and Rodney love each other and Compton finds a new ally

"Rodney," John whispered, "you awake?"

"No, I'm asleep."

John's hand slid down his lover's body. "You feel kinda awake to me." He squeezed Rodney's dick in his fist.

"Not again, John. I can't...my tank is empty," Rodney giggled as his sides were caressed.

John kissed Rodney's neck. "Just one more time." His lips kissed to a nipple, laving gently. "Please, baby?" Down Rodney's abdomen, shifting between Rodney's legs, kissing the tip of his dick. "I promise to go to sleep after." John slid his mouth over Rodney's dick, moaning as he sucked to the root. "Mmmm," John moaned softly, lifting his head. "You like this baby." It was a statement, given in a blatantly smug tone.

"Don't call me that," Rodney whispered back.

"Sweet baby, my baby...." His mouth slid down again, one finger between the cheeks, into the heat. One finger slid out and two slid back in, shoving hard. Head raised again, he laved the tiny slit and hit the prostate with his fingers, sucking it all down again.

"Ahh God, John, yes...always sooo good...." And it was. John had told Rodney he liked giving head and he hadn't lied. He had been driving Rodney insane by dropping to his knees at any given moment and sucking the astrophysicist until he couldn't see straight. In Rodney's lab, in the 'Jumper, on the balcony....

"Baby...."

And that endearment; every time John called him 'baby' it made him hornier then hell.

And John was well aware of it.

"Come for me, baby."

Rodney did as he was told, thrusting deep into John's waiting mouth, watching John swallow, urging John up his body, mouths meeting, tongues making love. Before John, Rodney had never kissed a man after this; not unless said man brushed his teeth. But John loved to kiss Rodney after a blow-job, whether or not, as John had put it, he was the 'blowee or the blower'.

"You always taste so sweet," John murmured. "Love you." He made himself at home in the crook of Rodney's arm, snuggled in and went straight to sleep.

"Good-night to you too, John," Rodney said softly, wondering yet again how the Major could go to sleep without rinsing his mouth. He himself didn't go to sleep right away, instead gently laying John's head on the pillow, putting on sweats and walking out to the balcony to stare at the sky. He loved the night, the two moons high overhead, both full this evening. He'd grown to appreciate so many sights, not knowing how truly beautiful they were until his vision had been stolen and he had been blinded. For two months he hadn't been able to see and when his vision returned he promised he would no longer take anything for granted.

Especially John.

In the time he was lost in the darkness, John Sheppard had been there for him, taking care of him, protecting him, loving him. When Rodney needed help John moved in with him, slept with him, held him when he cried...and he had stayed after Rodney regained his sight. John blurted out the love part after Rodney had been seriously injured and left to die by a marine with a long-standing grudge. And it didn't take Rodney more then ten seconds to realize he felt the same. But sometimes John Sheppard could get on his nerves...

"You okay?"

Rodney turned to see John standing there naked, smiling at him. "Fine, really."

John came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Rodney's waist, chin on Rodney's shoulder. "Come back to bed. I'm lonely."

"Not just now, John."

"You need sleep."

"Well if certain major's would not insist on blowing me at all hours of the night, maybe I could get some."

"And you love each and every one, don'tcha?"

"No John," Rodney said softly, turning in his arms. "You're wrong."

"You don't like my blow-jobs?"

"John, you woke me up twice last night deciding that I was a midnight snack. I told you to leave me alone, but you did it anyway. Then at dawn, dawn, I woke up with your dick inside me, fucking me senseless. You didn't even ask. At noon you burst into my lab like a maniac, ordered poor Peter out, locked the door and bent me over my desk. And if you didn't notice, I said no, that I didn't have time."

"C'mon Rodney, you said no while pressing your ass against me. Hell, you moaned it."

"My body said yes," Rodney was growing both angry and frustrated at how obtuse John could be. "It can't say no to you and you know it."

John blushed from head to toe, his cock swelled and he gyrated his hips, rubbing against Rodney's ass.

Rodney twisted, shoving John away. "I said no. I don't want to have sex now. I just want to stand out here and look at the sky and be left alone."

John stood there for a moment, staring at Rodney's back. "Good-night Rodney. I love you."

"Good-night, Major," Rodney said on autopilot.

John went inside, a bit hurt that his sentiment had not been returned. Maybe he had read Rodney wrong, and now that Rodney could see again he didn't care for John the way he used to. Maybe he should move back to his quarters. Maybe he could....John opened his eyes as the blanket was pulled away, the soft breeze brushing his bare skin.

"I'm sorry John," Rodney whispered, pulling the blanket over them. "I love you, even when you're an asshole."

"Well that's good," John kissed him, any doubts about Rodney quickly dissipating, "because I'm an asshole so much of the time."

"And you will ask from now on," Rodney muttered. "I am not your sex toy."

"Yeah, whatever," John replied, already half asleep.

"John, do you understand me? Are you even listening? Tomorrow, you will take no for an answer."

"Rodney, baby," John kissed him again, "go to sleep."

~~~

John cracked his eyes open, reached over for his lover but grabbed a pillow instead. "McKay?"

"Yes, Major?" Rodney chuckled, stepping out of the washroom, wiping off his freshly shaven face.

"Aww, Rodney, I thought you were going to let me shave you. I did such a good job when you couldn't...." John paused and lay back, eyes closing, taking a deep breath.

"See, John, I couldn't see. It wasn't your fault. Get over the guilt already. I'm all right now."

"Until next time. What if I make the wrong decision when we're out there?"

Rodney saw where this was going and cut him off. "I am on your team, like it or not. And before you say it, your judgment will never be compromised because of me, because of us. You'll always do the right thing, I have faith in you."

The words caught John off guard. "Thanks Rodney. But what if....?"

Rodney shut him up with a kiss. "No more 'what if's'. I love you, you love me and right now we both have a paycheck to earn."

"Let's take the day off," John said firmly. "With pay. Executive decision."

"John, do you have any idea the amount of work I have?" Rodney began to get dressed. "Two months of not seeing and I've only had two weeks to catch up. Do you have any idea what Zalenka did with that ZPM?"

"I don't care," John gave him that shy grin that zinged straight to Rodney's heart. "A quick flight to the mainland, that's all I ask."

"No."

"Please Rodney?"

"You tell me a quick trip, we get there and you won't bring me back until dinnertime."

"You have to admit that you're always more relaxed when you come back."

"I'm not relaxed, I'm overfed. Marya says I'm too skinny and makes me eat."

"You have lost weight," John pointed out. "Beckett says you dropped almost twenty pounds."

"You know, first you told me I needed to lose weight, and now that I did you want me to gain it back." Rodney nodded quickly, agreeing with himself. "You told me I was fat!"

John flushed pink. "I was just teasing you. If I thought you were fat, would I steal everybody's candy bars for you?"

"Why do you want me to gain it back?"

"I've got nothing to grab!" John fired at him. "I touch you lately I'm grabbing skin. You have no meat left. I keep thinking every time we make love, I'm going to break you."

"So, you want me to gain it back for purely selfish reasons."

"Don't you twist my words, McKay! That's not what I said."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"This conversation is quickly degenerating, Major, and I think we should stop now."

"You're just upset because you know I'm right," John said smugly.

"You're never right John. IQ of two hundred and forty-seven here, remember?"

"And I have an IQ of....well, I'm not dumb."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"You are, and that's final, so there!" Rodney grinned in triumph and left before John could answer him.

"Rodney, you are so dead," John muttered as he went to wash up.

~~~

The two men faced each other, bruised and bloody, growling. They remained in battlestance, ready to continue the fight and a few moments later fists hit flesh again.

A hand was finally raised in defeat. "Not bad, not bad at all."

"Are you convinced?"

"You're going to make a good ally, Compton."

"We're going to take out Sheppard and his team, Kolya. Somehow, we are going to take them down."

"Why should I trust you?" Kolya studied Compton.

"McKay ruined my life and as for Major Sheppard," the rank was said with distaste, "he's not fit to be in command. Colonel Sumner, he knew what he was doing. Sheppard is a screw-up, that's why he was abandoned at McMurdo."

"Your words are strange, but I understand the meaning. And I am curious to learn your fighting movements."

"I won't teach you all of them, Kolya. I don't trust you that much." Compton laughed softly. "But I'll put you and your men through basic Black Ops training."

Kolya took Compton's chin in hand, bringing their faces inches apart. "Don't fuck with me or I will have you executed."

Compton smacked his hand away, meeting Kolya's glare. "Touch me like that again and I rip your intestines out."

The test was over and both men knew it. They were equals now. The Genii and the Tau'ri eyed each other, nodding in agreement and began to plan....

Part 2: The enemy makes their move

"So, these Inari," John was saying, "they'd be willing to trade with us?"

"Their leader, Alore," Teyla started, "is an old friend of my father's." She paused. "But I...I also thought the Genii were good people and after what happened...."

"I think we should go," Ford grinned. "They might be nice."

"Or they might try to hurt us," Rodney added.

"Mister optimist speaks," John smirked. "Maybe they have coffee."

"You think they might?" Rodney asked hopefully.

"Or maybe cocoa beans," Ford nodded.

"Or maybe other plants," John snickered, all eyes turning to him. "A guy can dream, can't he?"

"Addict," Rodney muttered.

"Hey, I'm not the one who goes into withdrawal when he has no Power bar for five minutes!" John fired back.

"He's got you there," Ford nodded, tossing Rodney a bar from his jacket. "Well, go on. I dare you."

"I hate you, Ford." But Rodney picked up the bar anyway, wolfing it down.

"I know Doc. The feeling is mutual."

"So we go?" John asked.

"I guess you do," Elizabeth nodded in consent. "But please, don't bring back any plants that aren't edible." As her premiere team left, she heard John ask Rodney if brownies were considered edible. Sighing, she quietly went to her office, taking out her fifth of bourbon and poured herself a shot. "Maybe brownies wouldn't be so bad."

~~~

Rodney took off his jacket as they entered their quarters and sat down, pulling off his boots and socks, staring at them. "Do you know how to sew?"

"Leave the socks on the dresser and I'll take care of it when we get back."

"You can sew?"

"No, but I'll switch them with a pair of Ford's," John snickered. "Now, what shall we do tonight?" He appeared to go deep into thought. "I know." John reached under his pillow, tossing the rope to Rodney. "Make me beg."

"No." Rodney shook his head. "I can't do this. I told you."

"Aww, c'mon Rod. A little variety is good in a relationship."

"Quit calling me 'Rod' and I said no."

"Okay, Rodney. And what do you have against bondage anyway? It's not like I'm asking you to whip me."

"Don't tempt me, Major."

"How about a spanking?" John leered at him. "I've been a bad boy."

"WHAT?!"

"I have a safe word."

"So do I. It's no. N-O."

"It was worth a shot," John shrugged. "I'm going to shower and you can join me if you like."

"I have work to finish before we leave."

"Yes, Rodney."

"Shower by yourself."

"Yes, Rodney."

"Save me some hot water."

"Yes, Rodney."

"And stop that!"

John was laughing as he stripped off his clothes, heading to the washroom. "Yes, Rodney."

Rodney opened his laptop, going over his calculations for the new shield modulations when he heard the singing from the shower. "Oh God, why must he do that?" And when his tone-deaf lover began to croon 'Love Me Tender', off-key and voice cracking, Rodney had had enough. He barged into the washroom, ready to tell John to shut up, but he didn't get the chance. He was pulled under the spray, clothes and all, and kissed senseless.

"I knew that would get you in here."

"My clothes are soaked," Rodney sputtered.

"Then take 'em off. Better yet, I'll help." John pulled Rodney's shirt off. "Mmm, love you." He pushed Rodney against the wall, mouth attacking a nipple.

"John!"

John smirked. "Yes...Rodney? Oh yeah, I was supposed to ask permission, wasn't I? Well then, Doctor McKay, may I ravish you?"

"I give up. Do whatever you want."

John dropped to his knees, undoing Rodney's pants. "I haven't had your cock in my mouth since this morning." He got Rodney's pants off, chewing at Rodney's dick through his briefs, pulling them down with his teeth. The moment Rodney stepped out of them, John swallowed him, hands grasping Rodney's ass, two fingers sliding inside, come spurting down his throat almost immediately. He didn't pull away until Rodney was soft in his mouth, licking his lips slowly, glancing up. "That's a new record, even for you."

Rodney faced the wall. "Shut up John and do me."

"Do you?" John pressed his body against Rodney's. "Is that your way of asking me to fuck you? Shove my rock-hard cock up your tight ass and make you scream? Is that what you want, baby?" John reached around, taking Rodney's dick in his fist, jerking him with slow movements. "Yeah, that's what you want." He slid his fingers in again, taking charge, pulling them out the moment Rodney moved back. "Uh-uh. You don't get it until you tell me what you want."

"John, we're going to be offworld for a few days, meeting with a new race. We won't have time to be together. All I want right now is you."

John turned him so they were facing, kissing him chastely. "Whatever my baby wants...." He took the cloth, lathering it with soap, methodically cleaning Rodney from head to toe, then standing still as Rodney did the same for him. They rinsed off, drying each other, mouths joining in a passionate kiss as they exited, falling on the bed, Rodney on top. "Take me tonight." John handed him the lubricant.

Rodney smiled at him. "Whatever my baby wants...."

Their lovemaking was gentle and sweet as it always was when Rodney topped. He took his time, hitting all of John's hot spots, bringing John to two orgasms before allowing himself release.

They lay together after, John in Rodney's arms, snuggled close.

"Ah, my sweet Rodney, what did I do to deserve you?"

"Nothing in this life," Rodney laughed.

"Love me?" John asked seriously.

"Always," Rodney answered. "From this life to the next and beyond even that."

"A simple yes would have sufficed, you know."

"John, we geniuses do nothing simplistic."

John placed Rodney's hand on his ass. "That I know first hand."

"Shut up and go to sleep, Major."

John grinned up at him. "I love you too."

~~~

The Inari were friendly, welcoming Teyla and the team. Teyla though was saddened to learn that Alore had passed away a few months before, but his daughter, Velara, was more then willing to trade with them.

'Too willing,' John thought as he sat down for the negotiations.

"What's the matter, Major?" Ford asked, taking a seat beside his CO.

"Ford, what's your take on these people?"

"The truth sir?"

"No, Aiden, lie to me," John said snidely.

"I can't pinpoint it, but...."

"Too agreeable?"

"Yes sir. Every question I've asked has been answered without hesitation."

"Yeah, I noticed that also." John glanced over at Rodney, who was deep in conversation with a tall blonde. "What does she want with him?"

"Uh, sir, as far as that, I think you may be jealous."

"I am not jealous." John paused. "Maybe a little," he admitted with a small smile. "What I meant was, she's a farmer, he's an astrophysicist. What could she possibly be talking to him about?" John glanced up, but Rodney was gone. "Where'd he go?"

"Major Sheppard," Velara began, "what would you...."

"Where's Doctor McKay?" John asked.

"He is discussing the planetary rotation with Janetta."

"I thought she was a farmer."

"She is," Velara smiled, "but she is also a foremost scientist. We are not many, Major, and all must have multiple jobs. Now, can we discuss what we will trade?"

John and Ford looked at each other and turned to Teyla, who nodded and began the negotiations.

Velara had food brought over and urged them to eat, which they did.

~~~

Janetta looked around, pulling Rodney into a lab. "Doctor McKay, we must talk and quickly. I do not have much time."

Rodney did not like the sound of that. "So talk."

"Are you familiar with the Genii?"

"Why?"

"Velara has made an agreement with them, one which I do not condone."

"Explain."

"We have traded with them in the past and two cycles ago Velara spoke with them. She mentioned the meeting we were having with you and...she is going to trade your people for weapons."

"What?" Rodney headed to the door. "I have to warn them."

"You can't," Janetta told him, glancing out the window. "It is too late."

Rodney looked outside to see quite a few Genii heading into the building. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked, a bit wary.

"I...Alore and I were meant to be wed. Velara was not pleased. I believe she killed her father to prevent the marriage and to ensure her place on the throne." Janetta hesitated. "I am with child, Alore's child. If the child is born, he or she will become ruler upon reaching the age of sixteen."

"And what am I supposed to do?" Rodney asked.

"I wish to go to Atlantis until the child is born. I will be safe there. I can get you to the portal and we can leave."

Rodney was unsure about this. There was a time when he would have said yes immediately, but over the past year he had learned to finally trust his instincts, which were a lot better then he thought. And something about this woman was sending warning signals to every bone in his body. But to find out the truth, he had to play along. "How do we get out of here?"

Janetta lead him down some stairs and to the outside, the two heading straight for the 'gate. "Dial your home, please?"

Rodney dialed, but not Atlantis. The address was the Athosian homeworld and the moment the 'gate opened, he motioned her to go through.

"Your code is needed so the shield will come down."

"How did you know that?"

"What?"

"About the shield...and the code? We never told you."

"Teyla said...."

Rodney cut her off. "No she didn't." He hauled her up by the shirt. "I am out of patience!Talk or I toss you through."

Janetta's whole demeanor changed. "We need weapons."

"So you would be willing to sacrifice my people for them." He let his guard down for a moment and she stuck her leg out, knocking him off his feet. She then lunged for him, but Rodney pulled his gun and aimed it straight at her. "Move and I will shoot you."

"Then you kill my unborn child as well."

"You don't really expect me to believe that...."

"I did not lie about that, Doctor McKay. The child I carry is Alore's." Something about her told Rodney she was being truthful and he lowered his weapon. "I was told to play my part, to get you to open the portal to Atlantis so the Genii could go through." She sat down, shaking her head. "Velara is power mad and she will kill my child, of that I have no doubt."

"All right, I believe you," Rodney told her. "So what do we do?"

"I do have a plan, but I will need your help. We must go back to the city." She headed back and Rodney followed.

~~~

It was John that noticed something was wrong first. He was saying something to Ford when Ford's head fell forward. He watched Teyla passing out also. He sniffed at the food and somehow knew they had been drugged. "Why?" he asked of nobody in particular.

"Hello Major Sheppard."

A figure came into view and John had to force his eyes to focus. "Kolya."

"I'm glad you remember me...John."

John dragged himself to his feet and lunged forward, but a hand grabbed him from behind, spinning him around.

"Hello, Shep."

"Compton...." John spoke the name in contempt.

"Sweet dreams," Compton sneered.

The last thing Sheppard saw was a fist coming straight at him.

Part 3: Captured

"Wake up, Major. I have something for you to see."

John cracked an eye open, then two, focusing on Compton looming over him. His reaction was to throw a punch, but he was sitting down, arms tightly bound to a chair. "What have you done to my team?"

Compton chuckled and John really wanted to slug him. "I'm not telling. It's a surprise." He moved aside and gave John a view of the whole room.

Many years in the military had schooled Sheppard in hiding his emotions, but he couldn't contain the sharp intake of breath at what he saw before him. The room was pretty bare, except for a bed and a couple of chairs.

"Guess what's going to happen here," Compton grinned.

"I didn't think rape was your style," John said flippantly.

SMACK

John's head lolled back and he tasted the blood in his mouth.

"Shut up Sheppard. Another word and...."

John, of course, couldn't resist. "The least you could do is buy me dinner first."

SMACK

The door opened and Kolya stepped in. "Take it easy, Compton. I want him conscious for my little show."

John didn't like the sound of that at all. He had to force himself to stay calm, no matter what.

Kolya smirked. "Bring in the good Doctor McKay."

Rodney was brought in by three guards. His face was bruised up, cheek swollen and he had a gash on his forehead.

"Hello Major," Rodney forced a small smile. "Fancy meeting you here."

"McKay, what....?" John started.

"Janetta is dead," Rodney said sadly. "She wanted us to protect her and her unborn child. She was shot and I..." he pointed to his forehead, "...received this."

"The Inari don't like traitors," Kolya grinned maliciously, turning to the bed. "And now it's time to deal with you Major Sheppard."

John narrowed his eyes at Kolya. "So you tie me to the bed and have your wicked way with me and, what, Rodney gets to watch?"

"Major Sheppard...John," Kolya took John's chin in hand, forcing his head up, "...I have no interest in you." He stepped back. "But...Rodney and I...we have a history, don't we Rodney?"

Rodney looked horrified and disgusted, eyes moving to John, watching him closely.

"I've had him before you know," Kolya continued, "back on Atlantis. How do you think I got the information I needed? Slashing his arm and threatening Doctor Weir did no good."

Kolya was baiting him and John knew the game; he'd played it more then once in Ops. He'd suspected that something along those lines had happened to Rodney all those months ago. But he kept his face neutral. Losing it would do no good right now.

"He screamed for you John," Kolya continued. "For some reason he thought you would rescue him." He turned to his men, "Strip him," nodding to Rodney.

Rodney McKay had learned quite a bit since his previous encounter with Kolya, working out with Ford, learning to fight, refusing to be hurt again. This time he fought back. But he was no match for three men larger then himself, who were better trained. He was grasped in a chokehold, unable to breathe, the fight going out of him as he grew dizzy from lack of air. He was held there while his clothing was removed and he was dragged to the bed, face down, arms above his head, legs splayed.

Kolya ordered his men out and faced Compton. "You staying?"

"Oh, I'm going to enjoy watching," Compton replied. "I just wish I had some popcorn and a beer."

John began to pull at his bindings, succeeding only in making his wrists raw.

"Now, now Shep," Compton said, pulling over another chair. "Yeah, I sure would like a beer about now."

"Compton," John's voice was cold, lifeless, his eyes almost black. "You are going to forfeit your life over this, I promise you that. I'm going to stare into your eyes as your last breath is taken. Keep that thought in mind."

It took Compton a moment to reply; he'd actually been startled by John's tone and it gave him a chill. But he got himself together and sat back. "Enjoy the show."

Rodney jumped up, throwing a punch, hitting Kolya in the face.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, MCKAY!" Kolya screamed in fury, feeling the blood dripping from his nose.

Rodney backed away from Kolya, a smile on his face. "Life's a bitch. Deal with it."

"You piece of SHIT!" Kolya growled, pulling him forward.

SMACK!

Rodney was backhanded and his head smashed into the wall, reopening his wound. He managed to stand, his hand moving to his head.

SMACK!

Another blow. This one knocked Rodney back to the floor and Kolya was looming over him. "I was gentle with you before. But it seems you like rough. So that's what you're going to get." Rodney tried to crawl away and almost got to his feet again. Before he could clear his head, Kolya had him on the bed and had bound his wrists. "Don't worry...the fun is just starting." Kolya leered, licked his lips, kneeling between Rodney's legs. He spread them wide, resting his weight against them, holding them open. Forcing Rodney's knees up, Kolya turned to Sheppard and leered, before thrusting inside Rodney balls deep with no warning.

The scream that came from Rodney was one of intense pain, but John knew he had to keep focused. His eyes moved to the floor, but Compton grabbed his hair and pulled his eyes back up. "Aww, look McKay," Compton was mocking, "he likes watching you in pain."

"No, I don't," John replied, spitting in his face. That earned him another punch and John fell over, head smacking into the floor. The chair broke and John managed to get to h is feet, barreling into Compton, but his wrists were still tied and he found himself flipped over, pulled to his knees. His pants were pulled down, yet John didn't make a sound as he was quickly breached.

"Perhaps I made an error," Kolya smiled, leaving Rodney to kneel before John.

"Leave him alone," Rodney said softly. "I'll do what you want, won't fight you."

"Too late McKay," Kolya sneered, turning to John, holding his dick in front of John's face. "Suck it."

John shook his head, keeping his mouth shut.

"Open your mouth or I kill him."

Fearful for Rodney, John did as he was told, the thickened cock sliding into his mouth. He tried to pull back, but Compton shoved his head down, Kolya thrusting deep, pulling back and thrusting again. Compton held his head there, grinning like a maniac, his own dick pulling out all the way before shoving all the way in again. John was choking as the come spilled down his throat, trying so hard to catch his breath.

"Very good Major," Kolya laughed, turning his attentions back to Rodney. "Would you like him Compton?"

"Oh yeah." Compton crawled onto the bed, straddling Rodney, who was shedding silent tears at this point. He pulled at his dick a few times, taking Rodney's ass in his hands and shoving in, wrenching another scream from him. "Tell me how much you like the pain, McKay." He pulled out and yanked Rodney's head back, their eyes meeting. "Say it and maybe we leave the Major alone."

Rodney remained silent, refusing to go along with this.

Kolya was hard again and knelt behind John. "Let's see how you compare to Doctor McKay, shall we?" He slowly eased in, hand moving between John's legs, stroking John slowly. "Oooh, he likes this."

"The body reacts," John told him. "It means nothing."

That earned Rodney a blow to the face.

"Major," Kolya was smiling again, "each time you make a remark like that, Doctor McKay will pay for it. Now, tell me how much you enjoy being taken."

John's eyes met Rodney's; he could read Rodney's face and stared into Kolya's eyes. "No."

Rodney was hit again.

"Tell me Major or I give him to my men for their pleasure." That hit a nerve and John's breath hitched. "TELL ME!"

John closed his eyes tightly. "I like it."

Kolya thrust in. "AGAIN!"

"I like it."

"LOUDER!"

"I LIKE IT, YOU BASTARD!"

Kolya came again, all over John's ass, leaning down to lick him. "Yes, you do."

John couldn't fight his body's reaction. His dick was growing hard on its own and he was ashamed, deeply ashamed.

Kolya rolled him onto his back, jerking him off. "I'm going to give you pleasure John and you're going to beg for more."

Rodney watched, and he too was rolled over, Compton's dick at his mouth. "Gonna fuck your mouth McKay." Rodney turned his head, but it was turned back.

"I'll bite it off," Rodney snarled.

"Do anything other then make nice and I'll cut his balls off," Compton warned.

Rodney closed his eyes and opened his mouth, Compton going as deep as he could, choking him.

"Good boy McKay," Compton began to fuck Rodney's mouth, holding his head in place. "Got yourself a sweet mouth."

Kolya was doing his part on the floor. The idea was to break both men and according to Compton, rape was the easiest way...raping both in front of the other. But Compton had explained that sometimes pain was not the way to go. Forced pleasure could be just as humiliating, perhaps more.

And John couldn't fight what he was feeling. Kolya's mouth was sucking him deep and when fingers slid inside him brushing his prostate at the same moment his balls were fondled, he let loose with a moan, unable to hold it back.

"Come for me John."

"Bastard," John whispered, but he came anyway, his dick licked clean. He heard the choking, eyes moving to Rodney, who was still sobbing, spitting out the come that filled his mouth.

Compton stroked his fingers along Rodney's face. "I don't think McKay likes it."

"Ah, but the Major does," Kolya got to his feet, picking up a small vial and a syringe. "And he's going to like it even more." He filled the syringe, kneeling down. "Just a little something to make you more...pliable."

John did his best to back away, but he had nowhere to go. He felt the prick of the needle, feeling the effects almost immediately. His head began to float and his body quickly joined it. "What did you give me?"

"Relax, Major," Kolya almost crooned in his ear. "I want you to pleasure me of your own free will."

"What is that?" Compton asked.

"Coldarn is something of an...aphrodisiac," Kolya answered with a sly grin.

John didn't understand what was happening. His mouth felt like sandpaper, his vision blurred slightly, his mind going elsewhere...it was almost surreal. His dick was growing hard as granite, Kolya straddling him again, rubbing their cocks against each other.

"John," he whispered softly, "do you like it?"

"Yes," John moaned again, "God it feels so good."

Kolya moved away and John followed, crawling towards him. When Kolya stood, John knelt before him, licking his dick, wanting, needing...craving. Kolya moved again and John whimpered, a tear running down his face. "Please...."

Compton picked up the syringe, but Kolya shook his head. "No. The good Doctor needs to watch Sheppard's full humiliation. He needs to be cognizant of all that is going on."

As John came near, Kolya shifted away. "Now now John, you haven't been a good boy."

"I need to be touched." He thrust his hips into the air. "TOUCH ME!"

Kolya knelt down, placing a soft kiss to John's lips. "No." As the lips touched his, John came, feeling relief but only for a moment. His cock was quickly filling again. "Maybe you should take your pleasure with Doctor McKay, John."

"That won't work," Compton sighed. "They're lovers."

"Really?" Kolya laughed, thinking a moment. "That's even better."

"How so?" Compton asked.

"Watch." Kolya blew in John's ear, feeling the shiver. "John, do you want to come again?"

"Yes."

"All you have to do is suck me." He moved his dick to John's mouth. "When I come, I'll let you come. Would you like that?" John's response was to take Kolya into his mouth as deep as he could, head bobbing up and down, feeding, eyes moving up to meet Kolya's. And Kolya stroked his hair, murmuring "Such a good boy," again and again, watching John's eyes glaze over, seeing the pupils dilate. "Take me all the way in John." He felt his dick at the back of John's throat, holding his head steady, pulling out a bit. John moved forward, sucking him back and Kolya shot his load, watching John swallow. A small bit trickled down the side of his mouth and Kolya shook his head. "Ah, John, you missed some. Now I can't let you come."

The tears came and John began to shake. "You promised."

Kolya knelt down, wiping the tears away. "Shhh, no tears." He took John's dick in his fist, jerking him slowly. "I know how good this feels to you." Kolya kissed him softly, hand moving a bit faster. "Come John, come for me again." John's eyes rolled back as he came, the darkness coming right along with it. "Did you like seeing that McKay?" Kolya grinned at him, putting his clothing on, lifting John's limp body in his arms.

"What do we do with him?" Compton asked, nodding to Rodney.

"Leave him. He's not going anywhere."

Compton laughed out loud, his hands around Rodney's neck. "Don't panic. I'm going to do this until he passes out. I won't kill him...yet." It didn't take long for Rodney to pass out from lack of air. Compton followed Kolya to another room, Kolya laying John on the bed, undoing his wrists. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Kolya filled the syringe again. "By the time I'm finished with him, he's going to hate himself. And he will be so dependent on me that nothing else will matter. Sex is the most powerful weapon of all."

"What about Ford and the bitch?"

"Feel free to kill...and/or torture...Ford. The bitch is yours to do with as you please. But first, I need to know as much about John Sheppard as you can tell me."

~~~

Ford came to consciousness, quickly taking in his surroundings, getting to his feet and going through his pockets, trying to find something, anything to get them out of the cell.

"You should stop pacing, Aiden," Teyla said, sitting against the wall. "You need to conserve energy."

"What I need," he growled, "is a way out of here! Major Sheppard and Rodney...we don't even know what happened."

"It is the Genii," Teyla told him. "Before I passed out, I saw Kolya...and Compton."

"Fucking traitor." His anger transferred to Teyla almost immediately. "This is your fault...again."

"I did not know," she replied, lowering her head. "I would never have allowed us to come here if I thought...."

Ford took a deep breath, kneeling and lifting her face to his. "I know and I'm sorry." He kissed her softly, feeling her tremble in his arms. As he broke the kiss, he smiled at her, stroking her face. "I love you, Teyla Emmagon. And I should have told you a long time ago."

"You do not love me," she replied. "No man does."

"And why is that?" Ford asked curiously.

"My past. I am not the...pure woman you believe I am."

"Pure? Ah, I see. You've been with other men."

"Yes."

"That doesn't take away from what I feel." And in truth it didn't. "So now we have more of an incentive to get out of here."

"Aiden, I do not understand."

"Teyla, sweetheart, we have to get out of here so we can explore these feelings, learn about them."

"What is a sweetheart?"

Ford wasn't quite sure how to explain it. "Uh, let's see...." He placed her hand over his heart. "You are here and you're sweet, so, that's a sweetheart." He knew it sounded stupid, but it was all he could think of.

"I understand Aiden Ford." She placed his hand over her heart. "And you reside in here."

"I do? Wow, that is so cool."

"Cool? I think it is..." she thought of the slang she had learned. "...quite rad myself."

Ford grinned at her. "Yeah, I think rad is the perfect word. Now, how do we get out of here?"

Teyla grinned back, walked to the cell door, smiled at the guards and tore her shirt open. "So many men, so little time." Licking her lips, she leered at them. "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" The two men guarding them just stared at her and she opened her pants a bit. "What's the matter boys? Don't you like what you see?"

The two men outside the cell looked at each other, one aiming his gun, the other opening the cell; big mistake. The moment the cell was opened and Teyla pulled out, she dropkicked first one, then whirled on the other, punching him in the gut, raising her leg and kicking him in the face, watching him drop.

When the first started to rise and went for his gun, Ford was on him, punching him in the face until the man was unconscious. He and Teyla each picked up a weapon and Ford looked at her as if she had grown another head.

"Where did you learn those...phrases?"

"Doctor Heightmeyer has a book on famous quotes and those from one called Mae West intrigue me." That said, Teyla grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him in for a slow, deep kiss. She wrapped her arms around his waist, holding tight, the kiss deeper, harder. When they parted, she smiled softly, laying her head on his chest, swaying slowly. "I love you, Aiden Ford." She glanced up. "Why are you changing colors?"

"It's called blushing and I've never done it before." Ford shifted uncomfortably. "I, uh, I think we should find Shep and Rodney now."

"Yes, Aiden, we should. And then we shall return to Atlantis where I will show you the extent of my love."

"Sounds like a plan."

They managed to make it outside, Ford looking around, staring up at the sky, seeing two suns. "NO!"

"Aiden....?"

"We're no longer on the Inari homeworld."

"We must find the Stargate and get help."

"Teyla, if I don't know where we are, I have no point of origin. I can't dial anywhere."

"Then we are trapped here."

"Look, we find the 'gate and wait. Eventually, hopefully, someone will come to use it and we can get out of here. Until then, we can't do anything."

"We must find Major Sheppard and Doctor McKay."

"And then what?"

"I don't know, Aiden. Hide with them."

"Teyla," Ford said softly, "if we were to find them, whoever is here would track us all down. I have a feeling that if they can't find us, they will send for reinforcements. You saw yourself that there were only a few guards around and in the compound."

She nodded to him. "Then let us find the 'gate."

Part 4: John suffers at the hands of his tormentors

"They're gone!" Compton was pretty pissed as he returned to Kolya.

"Your Lieutenant Ford must be resourceful to have gotten out. Don't worry, they'll be found. And then you can do whatever you like with them. We'll let Sheppard watch as they're killed slowly."

"What about McKay?"

"He doesn't die, not yet anyway. I have other plans for him." John stirred, eyelids fluttering, fighting his way to consciousness. "But first, we deal with Sheppard." Kolya was ready, quickly injecting him with the drug. John's eyes had barely opened when he slid his tongue inside John's mouth, smiling to himself as John attempted to pull away, which only made him deepen the kiss. "Good morning John. I thought you'd never wake up."

John was growing hard already and he attempted to sit up, but quickly fell back. "Need...."

"I know what you need." Kolya kissed him again.

John tried to push Kolya away, feeling the weight atop him, realizing he was naked. "No."

"Shhh, I won't force you." Kolya rolled to the side, his hand straying down John's body, slowly stroking John's dick which was responding. "Tell me yes. I can't unless you do." His lips moved to John's neck, kissing up to his ear. "You're a handsome man, John. My cock wants inside your ass so bad I can taste it." He nibbled on the lobe. "Let me in, John."

"I...."

Kolya rolled his hips, his hardened shaft against John's ass. "Do you want this?"

"I...no...yes...I don't know. Please tell me what I want."

"You want me inside you, John." He slid one finger inside deep, brushing the prostate, hearing the soft moans. "Tell me yes; give yourself to me willingly. Just one little word John and you can have anything you want." He added a second finger, the moans louder. "I'll make you feel so good."

"Yes...oh God yes...."

Kolya was inside him, John's body pushing up, drawing him further in. "My beautiful John, so lovely, all mine." He urged John to his hands and knees, holding him still as he thrust in and out. Bringing John to orgasm quickly, he then shoved him aside. "You're a waste of life."

"I'm not," John said flatly.

"Yes you are. You got your command because Colonel Sumner died. And he died at your hands. Is that why you killed him, John? Because you wanted to be in charge?"

"N-n-no," John stammered. "I saved him from the Wraith."

"You killed him in cold blood."

"I DIDN'T!"

Kolya lowered his voice, smiling. "I forgive you John. I know you couldn't intentionally hurt anyone like that."

"But you said...." John was growing confused by the change in attitude.

"What did I say, John?"

John was trying so hard to think, but it was difficult. "I don't know." A cup was placed at his lips and he turned his head. "No, don't want it."

"Drink it. I know you're thirsty, your throat parched." Kolya waved it under John's nose. "It smells so sweet, so inviting." John opened his mouth and drank a bit. "That's it, have some more."

It was sweet and John was thirsty, so very thirsty and he finished the liquid, feeling it warm him from the inside out. "Wha...what is that?" His voice slurred and his vision grew even blurrier then it had been. "Got...stay 'wake."

Kolya stroked his hair, whispering in his ear. "Sleep, John. You're so very tired."

"Tired," John repeated the word.

"Close your eyes and sleep."

"No." John was doing his damndest to keep his eyes open.

Kolya began to rub the back of John's neck with one hand, a slow massage, while the other hand continued to massage his temple. "Stop fighting it. It feels so good to sleep, to relax."

"I can't...." John didn't even finish his sentence.

"What was that?" Compton asked, having been watching and listening.

"You have nothing like this on your world? The Coldarn will...what was the phrase...make him horny," Kolya chuckled. "But this is Danoroot and it's a mild hypnotic drug. I don't want him fighting me when he wakes up again."

Compton laughed aloud. "Upsetting him, then calming him...man, you are fucking with his head something awful."

"Can you speak so that I can understand you?" Kolya asked in frustration.

"To put it simply," Compton smirked, "I like your style."

~~~

John's eyes cracked open and he slowly focused. His instinct told him to remain silent and he glanced at the other side of the bed, seeing both Kolya and the syringe atop the table. He sat up, but a hand on his arm pulled him back down.

"Going somewhere, John?"

John tried to pull away, but he was too weak. "Please, no more."

"No more of what, John?" Kolya asked seductively, kisses along John's neck, feeling John trying to fight him.

"No more touching," John murmured, feeling the prick in his arm.

"He's tripping," Compton said, coming out of the shadows. "Fucking stoned out of his mind."

"Once more I don't understand your words, yet the meaning, this time, is clear. Do you want him?"

"Yeah, I do," Compton replied, taking his pants off.

"Then have him," Kolya nodded. "But don't hurt him. Pain will only defeat the purpose." He smiled at John. "John?" Kolya was fingering his nipples, watching them harden. "How do you feel?"

"Good," John giggled.

"Lay your head down here." Kolya pushed him between Compton's legs.

John did as he was told, allowing Compton to lift his head and slide his mouth over Compton's dick.

"What did you tell him?" Kolya asked.

Compton groaned as John swallowed him to the root. "That if he made a sound Sheppard was dead."

Kolya glanced to the other side of the room, where Rodney McKay sat, tied to a chair, gagged. He got up, walking over, hand on Rodney's face. "He's got such a sweet mouth; almost as sweet as yours." He went back to the bed, taking John's mouth and placing it over his erection, he and Compton taking turns.

Rodney watched, shedding tears of silence as his lover was abused. And it was abuse; they could disguise it, call it pleasure, but it was abuse, plain and simple.

They made John beg, refusing to touch him, refusing to let him touch them. They teased him, playing with his body, stroking him everywhere, his chest, arms, legs, dick, taking him to the edge and backing off. Kolya gave him more of the drug, tying his hands behind his back, making him writhe in agony, crying, pleading to be allowed to come. They made John watch as they brought each other off, Kolya finally giving in and allowing him release. And when John collapsed, Kolya held him, kissing him some more.

But the calm didn't last.

The words returned, Kolya sneering at him, telling him he was a nothing, that he was worthless, unloved; that the Wraith awakening and killing the Athosians and some of his own people was all his fault. And when John was brought to tears again, Kolya switched gears, soothing him, moaning words of caring, that he, Kolya, would take care of John now, because nobody else would.

John was beginning to believe it.

"That's it," Kolya whispered in his ear, "let it all out. I'll be here for you John." When John passed out again, Kolya looked at Rodney. "Your lover is a whore...my whore now. And you're never going to touch him again. Oh and if you think I'm going to kill you, think again." He smirked. "You are going to watch him break into tiny pieces, little by little. I'm going to give him pleasure, so much pleasure, drive him to endless ecstasy," Kolya's face darkened. "And then I'm going to give him pain. And he will beg for both equally to get the release he needs." He nodded to Compton. "Give the good Doctor to my men. Tell them to teach him a lesson."

Compton nodded, yet opted to molest Rodney before he handed him over. He took the exhausted Rodney to a bed and untied his wrists so he could tie Rodney to the bed. The moment he was loose, Rodney whirled on him, throwing punches like a madman, getting in one swift kick between his legs, catching Compton off guard. He managed to get away, running down what seemed like endless passages before he somehow got outside.

"I'll be back for you, John," he whispered to himself. "I promise you that."

~~~

"You are an imbecile!" Kolya was screaming.

"Fuck off!" Compton screamed back.

"You let your libido control your common sense."

"Shut up, Kolya. We'll find him and bring him back. And then I am going to kill him whether you like it or not. You have Sheppard. McKay is mine!" With those words, Compton gathered a few of the men and went on a search for Rodney McKay.

~~~

Elizabeth Weir was concerned. She hadn't heard from John or his team in two days. The Inari weren't answering her, so she sent Bates and a few marines to find out what happened. They returned a short while later and gave her the news that the team had been handed over to Kolya.

The Inari insisted they didn't know where Sheppard and his team had been taken and all Weir could do now was wait. After their last encounter, she wasn't about to send anyone to the Genii homeworld.

"You think they're alive?" Elizabeth asked Bates, fearful for her premiere team.

"Yes, I do," he replied without hesitation, adding a silent, 'I hope'.

Part 5: John is nearly broken

"Are you hungry, John?" Kolya asked, setting the tray in front of him.

"Drugged," John said, shaking his head, which was clearing a bit. "Won't eat."

"Would I eat it if it were drugged?" As if to prove it, Kolya ate a few pieces which were carefully placed on the plate just for him. "Now eat."

John placed a piece of meat in his mouth, quickly followed by another. After a few more pieces his mind was fogged again and he allowed Kolya to give him more to drink.

"Tell me about this McMurdo place, John. Why were you there?"

"I liked it," John smiled stupidly. "I like cold weather."

"You weren't sent because you...screwed up?"

"I saved three lives!"

"You disobeyed orders John. That's why you were punished. They hated you John, all of them. That's why they made you come to Atlantis."

"I chose...." John started, but Kolya cut him off.

"You chose nothing! They wanted to get rid of you. Just like McKay did."

"No, Rodney loves me!" John insisted. "I want to go home."

"This is home."

"No...it's not. Home is with...with...."

"Rodney is not coming for you. Nobody is coming for you."

"THEY WILL! NEVER LEAVE A MAN BEHIND!"

"But they did," Kolya said, moving closer. "They left you."

"That's not true. They wouldn't leave me."

"Then how come you're still here?" Kolya was beside him now, whispering in his ear. "They didn't want you. Nobody wants you. Nobody but me." He pulled John's lips to his, motioning Compton to shoot him up again; John didn't even notice. They dragged John to the bed, laying him on his stomach, tying his wrists to the bedhead.

"How long before this stuff kills him?" Compton asked.

"It won't kill him," Kolya answered with a small laugh. "Why?"

"I want him in pain. All you're doing is getting off!"

"He will break."

"And then what? Even if he gives up his code for the shield, they won't lower it unless he verbally tells them to. And even then, the odds that they would...."

"I don't want Atlantis! I wanted Sheppard and McKay, wanted to make them suffer. No more, no less."

"You could have said something," Compton sneered.

"I would think you would have figured it out!" Kolya fired back. "I don't know why I aligned myself with you. You can't even find McKay."

"I will and I'll make you eat those words." He looked at John. "What's next for pretty boy?"

Kolya sat on the bed, massaging John's back. "John, how do you feel now?"

"Better."

Nails raked down his back, bringing forth welts. "Do you like this?"

"Hurts...."

"Yes, it does." Kolya pulled his hair, hearing another cry of pain. "And I will ask you again, do...you...like...it?"

"No."

Kolya shook his head, meeting John's eyes. "You're a waste, John. No wonder McKay left you."

"Rodney loves me!" he repeated with conviction, refusing to believe anything else.

"Then why did he leave you with me?" Kolya stroked John's hair, almost petting him.

"I don't know," John whispered, close to tears again.

"Let me do what I want to now and I'll give you what you want later. You like the pleasure, don't you?" When all he got was a nod, Kolya snapped, digging his nails deeper. "Answer me!"

"Yes."

"Then don't make a sound. Understand?"

"I won't. I promise."

Kolya picked up his belt, slashing across John's back, more welts rising. At five, Kolya stopped, fondling John, making him hard. Five more across his ass and John still didn't make a sound, tears flowing down his cheeks. Kolya put the belt down, laying on the bed, caressing John's ass.

"I'm so hard. It hurts so much." John was turned over. "Please touch me."

"Like this John?" Kolya ran a fingertip along John's length.

"MORE!"

"I don't know." Kolya teased the tip.

"I...."

"Tell me you love me, John. That you'll do anything for me."

"I'll do anything for you, I will."

Kolya jerked John's dick a few times, then backed off again. He untied John and just sat there, waiting. "Tell me you love me."

"I...no, I don't," John flat out told him. "I won't."

"Do you want more pain, John?"

John shrunk away, shaking his head quickly. "I don't want you to hurt me like that anymore."

"Yes you do, John. You're nothing, nobody." Kolya had been telling him that every chance he got, following with, "Except to me. I love you, John and I need you to tell me the same."

"I'm so confused," John almost whispered, "I don't know what to do."

Kolya whispered in his ear, "You're a murdering waste of life."

"I'M NOT!"

"Yes, you are. And I'm going to have to leave you now, just like everyone else that ever loved you." Kolya stood up and went to the door, opening it. "Good-bye, John." He left John alone in the darkness, John hearing nothing but the sounds of his own sobs.

John didn't hear the door open during the night, didn't feel the multiple pinpricks, didn't know he was being drugged further. Kolya increased the dosage of both drugs, not wanting or needing any kind of fight when he came back for John in the morning.

He would break John Sheppard by tomorrow. And then he was going to take John back to the Genii homeworld and sell him to the highest bidder.

~~~

Rodney was not the best person to wander in a forest-like area; he was beginning to understand why Jack O'Neill hated trees. 'Great, McKay," he thought, getting snarky with himself, 'you are so lost.' He looked up at the sky. 'You have no idea where you are and you are unarmed. Real smart. The least you could have done was grab a weapon before you ran out of there.'

After a few hours of searching for the 'gate, not that it would do him any good since he couldn't open it without the proper symbols, he sat down against a tree, smacking his head a few times against the trunk. 'You know what they're doing to him and you leave. You could have gone back for him...saved him...just like he's saved your ass a half dozen times.'

Rodney glanced up again, biting back tears he knew wanted to come; now was not the time. 'Am I being punished? Did I do something to piss you off?' It had been years since he'd had a conversation with God. 'I have tried so hard to do the right thing. I left my cat to come a gazillion miles across the galaxy, left him with the bimbo that called me a pig. By the way, could you smite her or something? She was a very nasty bit...woman.' He thought about John. 'You FINALLY give me someone to love, someone that loves me and then you...are you taking him away from me? Is that what this is about? My ultimate punishment?' He heard noises coming closer and just shrugged. 'Fine by me. At least they'll take me back to John, or at least near him. Hell, maybe we get to die together.' He chuckled. 'Romeo and Juliet, but without the suicide thing.' He stood up and took a deep breath, saying a long forgotten prayer for both himself and John, hoping to see his lover in the next life. And then he pounced....

"RODNEY!" Ford glanced down at the man he'd flipped over his shoulder and was ready to shoot.

"That hurt," Rodney groaned, taking Ford's offered hand, pulled to his feet.

"Rodney McKay, it is good to see you." Teyla hugged him hard. "Where is John Sheppard?"

"Back there." Rodney chewed on his lower lip. "I, uh...I had to leave him behind." He eyed them curiously. "How did you get out?"

"Mae West," Ford laughed.

"I don't want to know." He nodded to the guns. "You're both armed?" At the twin nods he received, Rodney turned to go back, but Ford shook his head. "Aiden, we never leave a man behind."

"And what are we supposed to do, Doc? Shep...the Major...he'll be fine."

"No, he won't be."

"Rodney," Teyla started, "what has happened?"

"Oh, the usual...kidnapped, drugged, raped, beaten, raped, tortured, raped some more...you know...just another day in Paradise."

"Jesus," Ford muttered.

"Uh, no, Satan maybe, but definitely not Jesus." Rodney rolled his eyes. "Actually, I think Kolya may be Satan. I didn't see horns, but then again...."

"We found the 'gate," Teyla told him. "And now we must wait."

"Wait for what?"

"For someone to dial so we can get the address of where we are. From there...."

Rodney understood. "From there we can go home and get help."

~~~

"Wake up, John."

"Sleep more."

SMACK

"I said WAKE UP!"

John's eyes opened a bit, his head swimming. He could barely feel his own body. "You...why'd you leave me?"

"Because I love you," Kolya crooned in his ear, blowing gently, feeling John shaking. "Do you want me to touch you?" He was already starting in on John's body, taking John's dick in his fist.

"No."

"Yes you do." Kolya stroked him hard, painfully, listening as John began to sob. He straddled John's chest, cock at John's mouth. "Suck me, whore."

The word clearly angered John and he snarled defiantly, "Not a whore."

SMACK Another blow to the face. "YES YOU ARE!" He took John's face in his palms, bringing John's mouth forward, shoving in, holding himself there, grinning as John tried to fight. Rolling his hips, he went even deeper, pulling at John's hair. "Yes," he moaned, "gonna come down your throat." He came hard, laughing as John choked, not pulling away until he was dry and flaccid, shoving John away. "Filthy whore." He motioned Compton over, shifting behind John, stroking his own cock hard again. Between them they lifted John, sitting him on Kolya's cock, John screaming from the pain, trying to pull away; all John succeeded in doing was impaling himself further.

Then Compton was standing over him, leering at him. "Suck me you fucking slut!"

John attempted to scream, but the moment he opened his mouth Compton entered, the two fucking him, both enjoying the pain they were inflicting. When they were done, Kolya smacked him a few more times, once again telling him nobody cared about him, verbally abusing him until more tears came. And then Kolya was holding him, soothing again, calming him, making gentle love to him. When John relaxed, starting to enjoy it, they both took him hard again, John begg ing them to stop, that it hurt too much. They stopped as suddenly as they started, once more leaving John writhing in painful agony.

Kolya threw his clothing on the bed. "Get dressed."

John complied and he was taken from the room, taken outside. The sun hurt his eyes and he lowered his head, staring at the ground, almost afraid to speak. "Going home?"

"Yes, John," Kolya lied. "Home."

"What about McKay?" Compton asked, a bit angry that Rodney was still alive somewhere, along with Ford and Teyla.

"I don't care anymore," Kolya answered with a shrug. "I have what I want. If you want to stay and search, go ahead. I would like to get rid of the Major already. He's becoming a...nuisance."

"Fine by me. And afterwards, we come back and do a little hunting."

"Ah, now I remember why I joined up with you," Kolya laughed. "You're a man who knows how to have a good time."

~~~

The footsteps were coming closer to the 'gate and it was obvious there were quite a few people.

Teyla was perched in the trees above the DHD, watching and waiting, while Rodney and Ford hid.

As the men came into sight they stepped even further back, yet were able to see who it was.

Compton and Kolya were in front, both supporting John, who was staring straight ahead, eyes vacuous. He stumbled and Compton kicked him in the ribs.

"WALK!"

John didn't make a sound, getting to his feet and following.

The 'gate was opened and they went through.

Ford put his hand on Rodney's shoulder, calming him as he saw Rodney ready to follow.

"We go after them."

"NO!" Ford shook his head. "Rodney, if we go after him unprepared he could be dead by the time we find him. We go home, form a plan to rescue him."

"Aiden, you saw what he looked like. I told you what they were doing to him."

"I did see, the same as you."

Teyla climbed down, nodding to them. "I have the symbols. I believe we can dial Atlantis now."

Part 6: Rescued

The team stood there, watching the 'gate disengage. Teyla dialed home, watching the wormhole open, prepared to go through.

"NO!" Rodney shouted, pulling her back. "The shield is up."

"Dammit!" Aiden nodded in frustration. "We have no way to tell them to lower it."

"Oh yes we do," Rodney actually laughed. "Now we just have to hope that someone recognizes Morse code."

"So, what? We dot and dash our way back to Atlantis?"

"No, Aiden," Rodney replied, shutting the 'gate down, dialing again twice. "Now we wait a moment." He counted to ten and dialed three more times, repeating this over and over, pausing between each phase of three.

~~~

"Doctor Weir, the 'gate keeps opening, but I'm not getting any signal," Peter told her, studying the control panel.

"How many times?" she asked, wondering if this were a Wraith attempt to gain access to the city.

"Three times," Peter answered her, shaking his head in confusion. "Then it stops and starts again." He watched the sequence repeat. "That's it, again and again."

Bates had joined Elizabeth, watching the sequence. "SOS."

"Sergeant?"

"Lower the shield. It's an SOS. Three times, pause, three times. It has to be them."

"Sergeant, I can't lower the shield based on your supposition."

Bates ordered the marines to the 'gate and sent a message through. "We're lowering the shield."

"Sergeant Bates, that could be the Wraith or the Genii, or somebody else. I can't have you putting this base in danger."

"And we can't have our people stranded." Before Weir could stop him, he lowered the shield, staring as three lone figures came through, facing two dozen marines all ready to shoot them.

"Nice to know somebody recognized us," Rodney shouted out.

~~~

After their medical exams, a meeting was held, explanations given.

Carson was pacing in the briefing room as he listened to Rodney tell all that had happened. "Do you know what kind of drugs were used?"

"How should I know? Compton described him as being stoned...tripping."

"Rodney, if you get him back, I'll need a sample of the drug, so I can...."

Rodney shoved him against the wall. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN IF?!"

"I meant when," Carson corrected himself.

Rodney backed off. "I'm sorry. I know what you meant."

"Rodney," Elizabeth added softly, "we will get him back. And we will also...."

"Will what, Elizabeth?" Rodney asked, a bit pissed. "Make them pay? How?"

"You built an atomic bomb once," Ford shrugged. "Just do it again."

"You're not helping Lieutenant," Elizabeth told him.

"But he's right!" Ford snapped. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Instead of arguing, should we not be planning a rescue?" Teyla asked softly.

"She has a point," Elizabeth nodded to them. "Well, just don't sit there. Lieutenant, Sergeant Bates, figure out what you're going to do."

"Yes ma'am."

"Don't 'yes, ma'am' me! Just do what you have to do."

"Rodney," Carson started, taking in Rodney's pale face and puffy eyes. "When is the last time you slept?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know then it's been too long. I would suggest you get some sleep before you leave in the morning. And don't argue with me or I'll sedate you and you'll go nowhere."

"All right. I will."

"Promise?" Carson asked with a smile.

"Don't push your luck," Rodney answered snidely.

Carson turned to Teyla and Ford. "Make sure he gets some rest."

They walked down the corridor, but Ford stopped, kissing his newfound love softly. "Take care of him. I think he's in worse shape then he's letting on."

"I will," Teyla smiled. "I love you Aiden."

"Keep telling me that, sweetheart." He kissed her again. "I'll never be tired of hearing it."

~~~

Teyla followed Rodney into his quarters, Rodney curling up on the bed, faced away from her. "John knows; Kolya told him," Rodney whispered. "He knows what happened during the storm. I didn't want him to ever know. And now...now I had to leave him behind."

"You did what you had to do and John Sheppard would never feel hatred over your actions."

"I hate to sleep alone," he blurted out, thoughts a bit disjointed. "I didn't know it until John...."

"Rodney, we will get him back," she whispered, not knowing what else to say. "I will stay with you tonight, watch over you while you sleep as I did after the storm."

"I know...I know you care about me, but why aren't you disgusted by what happened, now or all those months ago? Even Aiden...."

"Aiden hides his emotions well. I believe it has to do with what you have called the 'military mindset'. But he feels great pain inside. And I could never be disgusted. As I told you once, you are my friend. I will stand by you always."

Rodney allowed himself a small smile. "I knew that I could trust you all those months ago. You have honor, something that isn't seen too often in humans anymore."

"Aiden says the same. And he told me he loves me." She smiled back. "Perhaps when John returns, the four of us can...double date."

"You've been watching those soap operas Grodin brought, haven't you?" Rodney began to laugh. "A double date, huh? Maybe." His eyes began to water. "If John can get over this." His long held back tears began to fall. "You didn't see what they did to him."

"Please sleep, Rodney McKay. We will take care of John Sheppard when we find him, make him whole, take his pain away. He will never hate you, never think less of you. He shall be proud that you made this decision, for it was the right one." She watched as his eyes finally closed. "And we will make Andrew Compton and Acastus Kolya pay for what they have done." She waited until Rodney fell asleep before allowing her own exhaustion to overcome her.

But neither of them, nor anyone else slept well that night.

Elizabeth herself was awakened at one point and she could have sworn she heard moaning throughout her room. As she fell back asleep she wondered if Atlantis itself knew that John was in trouble.

~~~

John fell again upon exiting the 'gate, the drugs making him sick to his stomach. He nearly passed out, barely feeling the hands on his arms, dragging him along the ground. Forcing himself to stay conscious for a little while longer, he heard Kolya ordering his men to make sure John was given the Coldarn every three hours. Kolya and Compton then left to take care of some business regarding John...before they'd returned, Kolya had found a 'buyer' for him. That was all John heard before he passed out again.

Distractions in one of the villages led to John being left alone for the day and he woke up on his own. Although things were still a bit murky, he was able to clear his head a bit and one glance outside told him he was on the Genii homeworld. He was still quite weak and was well aware that if Kolya returned, he'd be unable to fight and would be right back where he started. There was nothing he could use for a weapon either. Except for the bed, the room he was in was bare. He needed rest, to regain at least some of his strength so he could at least attempt to fight.

John had been starting to believe everything he was told, that Rodney had left him, abandoned him. But as he was able to focus more, he remembered bits of conversation between Compton and Kolya...Rodney was alive, Rodney had escaped. Rodney would never intentionally leave him alone, he knew that. His lover had made what was perhaps the most difficult decision of his life and knowing the man the way he did, Rodney was suffering with guilt on a massive scale.

'I forgive you Rodney,' he thought, knowing Rodney had been forced to watch what was done to him. 'I know you're going through your own personal hell right now. And why didn't you tell me what Kolya did to you all those months ago? I could have helped you.' He heard the door open and turned, facing both Kolya and Compton. "Rodney is coming for me. He won't leave me behind. None of my people will."

"Rodney McKay is dead," Kolya told him.

"NO!" John screamed, backing away. "YOU'RE LYING!"

"John...."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! I AM MAJOR SHEPPARD!"

"Fine, Major Sheppard. But it doesn't change anything. Rodney McKay is dead. Nobody is coming for you."

"Rodney isn't dead, I am not your whore and I will die before I let you hurt me anymore."

"If that's the way you want it Major, then so be it." Kolya drew his weapon. "It was fun while it lasted."

~~~

The Genii were not prepared for the two 'Jumpers that materialized, nor the marines that exited, armed to the teeth, ready to kill anyone who got in their way. When Bates shot Cowen in the leg, then threatened to shoot him between his legs, Cowen told them where they could find John.

Rodney was bordering on homicidal when he entered the hut. "Get away from him, you sick son-of-a-bitch." Rodney carefully aimed his gun at Kolya's head. "I will kill you, don't doubt it."

"Uh-uh-uh," Stackhouse snarled at Compton, aiming as well. "Give me a reason to shoot you, not that I don't already have one. On your knees." Both men were quickly bound, arms behind their backs.

Rodney knelt beside John. "Miss me?"

"Rodney?"

"Yes, it's me."

"I knew you wouldn't leave me behind." John hugged Rodney tight, Rodney helping him to his feet.

As they were leaving, Compton swung away from Stackhouse, taking off into the nearby forest. John went crazy, shoving Rodney, grabbing his gun and taking off after Compton.

Compton had no idea where he was going, but he was not going back to Atlantis. He stumbled, falling on his face and as he attempted to get up a foot stepped on his back, kicking him over, finding himself face to face with Sheppard.

"I promised you I would watch you die. I remember that much."

"I'm unarmed and my hands are tied behind my back," Compton said. "You can't shoot a defenseless man."

"You're right." John untied him and tossed the gun aside. "Now we're even." He stepped back as Compton got to his feet.

Compton lunged at John and the two men went at it, but John was in virtually no condition to fight. He was being beaten, but he kept going, refusing to fall.

"Give it up Shep." Compton hit John in the face. "Gonna kick your ass." He kicked John in the chest, leg coming around, knocking John flat on his back. "I've already fucked it, so why not kick it." He kicked John in the kidney, laughing as John groaned in pain. "Of course, McKay's ass was a hell of a lot sweeter to fuck."

The words sent John into a violent fury, grabbing Compton's leg as it came down again, giving him the upper hand. He didn't even think about what he was doing, the single thought of Rodney's pain driving him. He grabbed Compton around the neck, holding tight. "You will never touch Rodney again!"

"You can't kill me Sheppard," Compton pretty much choked out. "You're not a murderer."

"I worked Black Ops also," John said, choking him harder. "And contrary to appearances, I don't always have a conscience." He snapped Compton's neck, the body falling to the ground. "You will never harm Rodney or anyone else ever again." He dropped to his knees, not feeling anything at that point, hearing the noise, turning to face Rodney. "I killed him Rodney. He won't hurt you anymore. Can we go home now?"

Rodney blinked at him, his mind trying to reconcile what he had just witnessed. "Yes John, I'm going to take you home."

"Can I have some chocolate?"

"Sure," Rodney answered calmly, kneeling down, arm around John's shoulders. "As soon as we get back."

"They didn't give me chocolate." John began to shake. "They just hurt me." He began to sob, the tears coming hard. "They didn't stop. I screamed and they didn't fucking stop...."

Bates walked over with the med kit. "I think we need to sedate him." He took out a syringe and John's eyes grew wide.

"NO MORE!" He pushed Rodney aside and tried to crawl away. "Please...no more...."

It took Rodney a moment to figure things out. "Kolya drugged him, I don't know how many times." He shook his head at Bates. "Put the syringe away." He put his hand out to John. "Nobody is going to drug you, John. I won't let them."

"Promise?"

"I promise you, John. Let me take you home."

John nodded, watching a 'Jumper appear in front of them.

"The Genii," Ford told him. "They retrieved Kolya."

"I don't care," Rodney said as they got in. "Just get us home."

Part 7: Aftermath

They'd nearly had to restrain John upon his return when Beckett attempted to draw some blood and John freaked at the sight of the needle, throwing anything he could reach at the Doctor. Rodney finally managed to calm him enough so blood could be taken. Beckett then examined John's back and even though the welts were bad, they would heal over time, with minor scarring, if any at all.

The internal exam was another story.

Beckett attempted to perform an anal exam, which only got him a kick in the face from a terrified John. Even Rodney was unable to calm him down for that.

"I have the RIGHT to REFUSE medical treatment!" John backed away. "You can't force me!"

"Major...." Carson began.

"NO! I want to leave...now!"

"I can't allow that," Carson replied calmly.

"I'm leaving." A moment later all the lights went out in medical and in every nearby corridor. John ran out the door before anyone could stop him.

"Where would he go?" Carson asked Rodney.

"I think I know. Just...stay here. I'll call you when I find him."

"I have to examine him. If he has any injuries...."

"I know Carson!" Rodney didn't wait for an answer, heading straight for their shared quarters, knowing that was where John would be, finding him in the bed, blanket wrapped around him.

"I used to like to play games, that's why I have a safe word." John whispered so low, Rodney barely heard him. "But I don't want to play them anymore."

"John, Carson needs to...if you're hurt, you could get sick."

"I don't care."

"He can do it in here," Rodney said, ignoring John's words, knowing they were said out of fear. "I won't let him hurt you."

"He's going to touch me."

"Yes he is, just like he had to examine me. I will stay with you and when he's done, I will still be here. Please."

John silently nodded and Rodney called Carson, telling him to come alone.

The exam was as quick as Carson could perform it, thankful there was no tearing or serious injury. He filled the syringe, smiling at John. "It's just an antibiotic," he explained, "to ward off any infection."

"NO! NO NEEDLES!" John was quite adamant.

"John...."

"No, Rodney. You said an exam and I let him and it hurt! I don't want any fucking needles! I don't want to sleep!"

"It won't make you sleep!" Carson fired back. "It is not a sedative."

Rodney motioned Carson over and held John tighter. "Shh, I have you John." He felt himself gripped hard as Carson gave John the injection.

"That's it Major. We're done." Carson turned to Rodney, who nodded to him. "I'm going to speak with Kate so she can...."

Rodney saw the look on John's face and put his hand up, stopping the Doctor from continuing. "He's going to be all right, Carson. If I have any problems, I'll call you."

"I won't talk to Heightmeyer," John stated the moment Beckett left. "He can ground me for life as far as I'm concerned."

"Uh, I talked to her when I first got back and already let her know you wouldn't talk."

"Let them ground me, like I said."

"You're not grounded, John. I mean you are, but only for a little while."

"I let you down when you needed me the most," John muttered out of the blue.

"You let me down? How could you even think that?"

"You don't understand." John got up and wandered outside, staring into the sky. "I let you down twice."

Rodney hesitated, but followed him. "What do you mean twice?"

"I heard you that night Rodney, your screams above the storm. You yelled my name and I ignored you. You screamed for help but I didn't do anything. I put this fucking city...a fucking inanimate object...above my best friend." John took a deep breath. "And you saw what I did to Compton, you know what I am."

"You're a soldier John, I always knew that."

"I killed him Rodney. I could have just choked him into unconsciousness, but I chose...chose...to break his neck."

"I'm glad he's dead. He deserved a more painful death then you gave him."

He sounded so cold it shook John up a bit. "Rodney...."

Rodney had been keeping himself together for far too long and now all his emotions were pouring out in one fall swoop. "I thought they would kill you." He sunk to his knees. "I left you and I didn't know if I would see you again. I didn't want you to leave me. I don't know how to...be alone anymore."

John dropped beside him, holding him, trying his best to comfort him. He rocked Rodney back and forth, allowing Rodney to cry it all out. "We're going to get through this, I promise you."

"How?"

"Same as we always do," John smiled wanly. "By the skin of our teeth."

"Not funny."

"Rodney, we both need some rest. Let's go back inside."

The two men lay down, yet kept space between them. They'd been violated, physically and emotionally, and both silently wondered if they'd ever truly get past it.

~~~

The saying goes that time heals all wounds. But for John, time only made things worse.

Rodney had tried to get him to talk, to rant, to scream about what had happened, but John refused.

Within two days, John had moved back to his own quarters and three days after that he took a 'Jumper to the mainland, telling Elizabeth he needed time to himself. Rodney cornered him in his room before he left, but John just shoved him aside, telling Rodney to "stay the fuck away" and not to touch him anymore.

Rodney threw himself into his work. He ate and slept, but he was functioning on autopilot.

When nobody saw him the entire day, Carson sought him out, finding him on his balcony, staring out into the ocean. Rodney turned to face him briefly, then turned back.

"He left, just like Chloe. I thought it was real this time. I believed in him. Why would I think he could truly care about me...love me? How could I have been so stupid again?"

"Rodney, did he ever tell you what he was going to do with you when you were blind?"

"Yeah, he threatened to kill me a few times," Rodney laughed a bit.

"He said that if we didn't leave ya be, he was going to resign his commission and take you to the mainland. And his eyes, my God Rodney, woe be it for anyone who got in his way."

"John was going to resign for me? RESIGN?!"

"He didn't give it a second thought. But now, I would think he's a bit lost, just like you are. Whatever he said to you, I know it was said in anger, anger at himself and maybe a bit of fear as well. And trust me when I tell you he does love you. Give him the time he needs."

"I don't know if I can."

"Of course you can Rodney. Love's not something you can turn off on a whim. If I'd given Patrice some time, maybe we'd still be married." Carson smiled at him. "Don't give up on John Sheppard...at least not yet."

"I'll try," Rodney said quietly.

"Don't try man, do! Now get out of your bloody room and go pick a fight with Calvin. That always makes you feel better, doesn't it?"

"I could pick on him over something, I guess."

"That's the spirit. And I want to hear shouting from the labs soon."

"I can do that," Rodney nodded. "And I can rag on...Zippy also."

"Rodney, you do know that every time you...forget...Zalenka's name it irks him to no end."

"Of course Carson. Why do you think I do it?"

Carson accompanied Rodney to the labs, staying until Rodney did start a verbal argument with Calvin. Satisfied that Rodney was all right, at least for the moment, he sought out Ford and told the Lieutenant that he needed a ride to the mainland.

~~~

Holling directed Carson to the hut John was living in, but John wasn't happy to see him. "What do you want, Beckett?"

"I'll come straight to the point, Major. You need to come home. Rodney...."

"Rodney will deal with things, just like he always does."

"Not this time."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Major...John, do you know how long I've known Rodney McKay? Over fifteen years. He's only lost his heart twice in all that time. After his divorce, it took years for him to open himself up again."

"What did his wife do to him? I asked him once, but he wouldn't tell me."

Carson didn't know if he should tell him or not, but figured at this point John needed to know. "Chloe cheated on him, I don't know how many times. And each time she begged forgiveness and the idiot forgave her. And then, then she got pregnant. Damn, I never thought the man would be happy about having a child. You know how he hates them." Carson actually chuckled, albeit sadly. "But having his own, now that was another story."

"Rodney has a child?" John asked, more then a bit shocked.

"No, the bloody bitch had an abortion and finally left him. She filed for divorce, asking for half of his money, which was a substantial amount. The fool just signed the papers and gave it to her."

"What's substantial?"

"Rodney has...let's just say his net worth is more then some small countries, not that he cares about it. He buried himself in his work after that. Oh, he wasn't celibate, but I think he forgot how to love." Carson took a deep breath. "Until you. When he was blinded, I was afraid for him; afraid that he'd open his heart again and it would be torn apart. But you seemed to care about him and I was glad he'd found someone. He was genuinely happy, something I hadn't seen in a long time."

"I didn't mean to hurt him."

"I know that and he does also. Please come home."

"Home." John said the word aloud. "I think...I think home is wherever Rodney is, you know?" He actually started to laugh. "Oh God, I can't believe I said that." He gathered his things and headed for the 'Jumper with Carson, speaking with Holling before he left.

"Be well, John Sheppard and perhaps next time you will bring Rodney McKay with you. I find him quite...interesting to speak with."

"Yeah, Holling, interesting is one way of describing him."

"And take this as well." Holling handed him a jar. "It is my latest...'swill from the still'. For you and Rodney."

"Thanks. I have a feeling we're going to need it."

John smiled at Aiden when he got to the 'Jumper. "So, how's things between you and Miss Emmagon?"

"Peachy-keen sir. Although she keeps asking me when we're going to double-date with you and the Doc."

"Double-date?" John and Carson both asked.

Aiden shrugged. "Don't ask me. I'm just the man who loves her. Now, do you want to pilot 'Jumper one, Major?"

"Yes I do, Lieutenant. It's time for me to go home...again."

He entered the 'Jumper, not seeing the other two 'high-five' each other when his back was turned.

Part 8: Rediscovery

Rodney was more then surprised when he woke up to find John sleeping beside him. "John?"

"Go back to sleep Rodney. It's too early to get up."

"What are you doing here?"

"Last I looked, I lived here." John sat up, raising the lights a bit with a thought, pointing around the room. "See, there's my laptop, my clothes, my CD's and that stupid book. The title shouldn't be 'War and Peace'. It should be 'A long and boring novel by some guy who never got any'." He shut off the lights again. "Now go back to sleep, at least until the suns rise."

"Okay," Rodney murmured, turning over again. A moment later his brain began to function. "JOHN?!"

"I'm here," John sighed, "because I was a fool, an idiot, a moron, an imbecile, thick-headed...oh and stupid. We musn't forget stupid. It's an important word."

"Stupid," Rodney repeated.

"Very stupid."

"I think you forgot a few," Rodney told him.

"Let's see," John nodded, "jackass, jerk, asshole...feel free to stop me at any time."

"Now why would I want to do that?" Rodney answered a bit snidely.

"I actually rehearsed what I was going to say, but it doesn't seem to be coming out the way I thought it." John raised the lights again, finding himself staring into blue eyes that held no malice. "I figured you'd hate me."

"I tried, Major, don't think for a moment I didn't. Now why don't you try to talk."

"I didn't know what happened to you during the storm. I knew he was hurting you, but I didn't know how. Afterwards, I suspected, but when you never told me, I thought he'd just...hit you a few times, slashed your arm." John's words somehow managed to come out on their own. "And this time, I couldn't deal with what happened to myself. Rodney, I'm supposed to be in charge of things, supposed to protect us. How can I take care of anyone else if I can't protect myself?"

"Unless I missed it, you don't have a big red 'S' on your chest," Rodney said. "And even Superman can be hurt. Nobody blames you except yourself."

"I made the wrong decision."

"What decision?! There were no decisions to be made! We were captured by a psycho and you were drugged. You sure as hell didn't make that decision, did you?"

"No."

"Then there is no blame. You didn't choose any of it."

"I chose to leave you, a mistake I won't repeat ever again." John stared into Rodney's eyes. "Please say you believe me."

"I do." Rodney nodded. "I just hope I don't regret it."

"I'm not your wife!" John blurted without thinking.

"Carson told you?!"

"Yeah, he did. He told me everything; told me how she...hurt you."

"I don't like kids much, you know."

"I never would have guessed," John snickered, but quickly sobered. "I'm sorry, go on."

"But having your own," Rodney smiled at the memory, "I thought about all the things we were going to do, avoiding all the mistakes my parents made. My kid was going to be happy and loved, with all the hugs he could get whenever he wanted them. I also figured that it would save what little was left of my marriage. Chloe had an abortion while I was away and called me to let me know. I came home and the first thing that greeted me was a process server. She wanted half my money and she thought she got it. But thanks to my sister and some creative bookkeeping, she only got a small part of it."

"Rodney, how much do you have?"

"Is it important? Oh shit, what did loudmouth tell you about that?"

"That you're worth more then some countries. And no, it's not important. Since we're talking, I'm just being nosy."

"I never tapped into any of it, much as Chloe whined. I always survived on what I made myself."

"How much?"

"John, my parents may have hated me and my sister, but they were filthy rich, and I mean filthy."

"How much, McKay?"

"Somewhere around...forty million...American, not Canadian."

"WHAT?!"

"Money doesn't buy happiness, you know. If it did, my parents would have smiled once in a while."

"I always wanted a Ferrari," John grinned.

"Okay. I'll give you the money and you can buy what you want."

"You'll give it to me, Rodney?"

"I told you, I never wanted it and neither did my sister. And I certainly wasn't going to give it to Chloe. One day I'll tell you how my father made his fortune and you'll understand why."

"I don't want it and I can live without the Ferrari. But I always wanted to save the whales."

"Whales, John?"

"Yes, whales. I like whales, okay. Now, back to the subject at hand." John took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts again. "You told me you didn't know how to be alone anymore. Well I don't either. I used to think that being alone was perfect. No responsibilities to anyone. But now, things have changed."

"Because of me."

"Partly. I have a whole bunch of people now who depend on me. If they knew what I was, what I was capable of...."

"Don't start with that again, John."

Before John could answer, Rodney's door chime sounded. "Rodney, you better get that, because I will kill whoever is on the other side."

"It's the middle of the night," Rodney groaned, opening the door to find Elizabeth. "We're fine."

"I just wanted to be sure." She gave the two men a small smile. "I know you won't talk to Kate...."

"No, I won't," John said firmly.

"Let me finish, Major. I was going to say, if you don't want to talk to her, you can talk to me."

"You wouldn't understand, but thanks for trying," John replied with a small smile of his own.

"But I would Major, I would understand very much what you went through. Rape is an act of violence and it took me years to figure that out." She saw their shocked looks and nodded. "Been there, done that. And it took me a long time to trust again. I didn't have anyone to talk to. You have each other, don't forget that. End of speech." She turned to leave.

"Elizabeth," John started, "maybe...some time, we'll talk."

"You know where I am, John. I'm not going anywhere."

"Stand up lady," Rodney said as the door shut.

"Better then my wives," John chuckled.

"Wives? Plural?"

"Three of them, Rodney. Each time I fell in love, I got married."

"What happened?"

"I cheated on the first, the second left me for a woman and number three filed for divorce after I got transferred to McMurdo. She never even said she'd miss me."

"She couldn't take you being in Antarctica?"

"Yeah...that and the fact her brother told her we'd been sleeping together."

"Nice, John. And I thought I was screwy?"

"You want to hear screwy?" John smiled. "I decided to take a trip to another galaxy, where I met an annoying geek who got under my skin. I threw him off a balcony and shot him just for fun and then spent a year wanting to both kill him and make love with him. He loses his sight and I take it upon myself to take care of him, because I love him. Then, when he and I need each other the most, I leave like a coward. And it takes yet another annoyance, a Scottish doctor who I can't understand half the time, to set me straight on everything. So I come back and this geek...well, he's no longer a geek...anyway, he, for some strange and unfathomable reason, still cares for me. How's that for screwy?"

"You know, the more I listen to you, the less neurotic I feel."

"Really, Rodney? I can't allow that. So let me point out that you just stood in front of Weir in a pair of Scooby-Doo boxers." John pulled the sheet aside, motioning Rodney back to bed. "I, uh, part of me wants to kiss you, but...." He stared around the room, afraid of Rodney's reaction.

Rodney smiled to himself, turning John's face to his. "A kiss is good." It was soft and chaste, just like the very first one. "Good night, John." John didn't say anything, he just crawled as close to Rodney as he could. "Sleep well, Major."

~~~

Rodney was having the most awesome dream. A wet mouth on his dick, a tongue laving the length, hot breath on the tip...it took a few seconds for him to realize it wasn't a dream.

"John, what are you doing?"

"Touching you."

"I can feel that. This is not a good idea."

"Of course it is Rodney. I always wake you up with a blow-job."

"John, don't."

John looked up at him. "Why not? Am I too dirty for you now? You don't want me to touch you anymore?"

"No, it's not...."

John raised the lights all the way and Rodney winced from the brightness. "I'm taking a shower." He got out of bed, shaking his head. "I'm not going to be a monk."

Rodney mentally kicked himself. 'Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid. You're assuming he's not really ready for sex; well, maybe you're wrong. Maybe he is ready and you just went and fucked it up. Maybe he needs the contact now.' He attempted to lower the lights, but he still hadn't mastered using the gene yet and sent the room into darkness. "God hates me," he muttered, turning on the lantern and sitting up. He'd wait for John to come out and they'd talk. He sat there for a good fifteen minutes, but John was still in the shower. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and went in, pulling the curtain aside, heart dropping at the sight before him.

John was sitting under the spray, scrubbing his skin with a brush. "Dirty...so fucking dirty." He had already broken the skin on parts of his back, reopening a few of the recently healed welts.

"John...John stop." Rodney knelt down, stilling John's hand. "What are you doing?"

"Cleaning myself. I'll get clean and you'll let me touch you again." He wrenched his hand from Rodney's and began to scrub his arms.

"NO!" Rodney screamed at him, getting hold of the brush and throwing it aside, shutting the water off. "John, you're bleeding." He stepped in the stall, wrapping the towel around John's shoulders, helping him to his feet. "I need to bandage your back. If Carson finds out...."

"FUCK BECKETT!"

"I'd rather not," Rodney said lightly, stepping out with John, gently drying him off. He was thankful John wasn't fighting with him, because the one thing he didn't need was a physical fight. He lay John down, glad he had a first aid kit available. He smiled as he remembered John insisting he put one together when Rodney had been blind and insistent on shaving himself; John was convinced Rodney was going to cut his own throat. He put some salve on John's back, unrolling the bandages, taping them on. "John, you're not dirty."

"I am, always will be."

"But you want to touch me," Rodney countered.

"I don't understand."

"You really don't, do you? What happened to me, John? How could you want to touch me? Aren't I dirty too?"

"No, you could never...."

"I WAS RAPED TOO! OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?!"

"No, I haven't. But you...I could never see you as dirty. I love you too much for that."

"Now you know how I feel, John. I see you the same way."

John finally smiled. "Because you love me."

"Yes Major, because I love you. Now if you're a good boy and go back to sleep I won't tell Beckett what you did."

"Waffles for breakfast?"

"Go to sleep John."

~~~

They were getting to know each other again, starting fresh.

There was no sex, neither one was ready yet, so they did other things. Dinner together on the mainland, looking at the stars, playing chess...just being together. John likened it to dating. They held each other, cuddled, kissed...John said he hadn't 'made out' so much since high school; Rodney said he'd never made out in high school so it was a new experience for him.

There were no missions scheduled for them either; Ford had taken Teyla, Bates and Zalenka on a trade agreement and it had worked out well.

After two weeks, John felt he was ready and hoped Rodney was also, so he waited until Rodney had gone into the shower. It still took him a few minutes to strip his clothes off and he pulled back the curtain, eyeing his lover, waiting for permission.

Rodney took his hand and welcomed him, pulling John into an embrace, kissing him, the kisses returned. He took a cloth, washing John slowly, staying alert should there be any hesitation on John's part. When he was finished, John did the same for him, ready to drop to his knees. "No, let me," Rodney whispered, getting there first, smiling up at John, taking his dick in hand, stroking softly, sucking on the tip.

That brief touch was all it took for John to come, leaning against the wall, lest he fall.

"John?"

"Haven't...oh God...haven't touched myself since...."

Rodney got to his feet, holding onto John, feeling the tremors. "You okay?"

"Rodney, don't make me wait any longer."

Rodney shut off the water, the two drying each other, kissing as they made their way to the bed. They fell upon it side by side, grinning and kissing some more. Hands wandered with gentle caresses, soft moans, words of love. The touches became rougher, the caresses altered to groping, the moans to obscene phrases.

John rolled to his stomach, spreading his legs, Rodney crawling between them. He placed a kiss to each of John's cheeks, followed by a kiss to the center. His tongue gave a long swipe, hearing the gasp. "That was a good sound, right?"

"Very good," John moaned. "Lube under the pillow."

"How did you know I'd say yes?"

"Because you love me, Rodney. You said so and you never lie."

Rodney raised himself, easing a lubed finger into John, stroking in and out slowly, eyes moving to John's every other minute, making sure it was okay. As John moved with him, he added a second, hearing John's breath hitch, stopping.

"No, oh God no, Rodney, don't stop."

"Are you sure, John?"

"Yes."

Rodney was hesitant and John reached back, grabbing him by the ass, squeezing and motioning him forward. As he entered, he rubbed slow circles over John's back, calming and arousing at the same time. He edged in little by little, rolling his hips, knowing how much John liked it. "So beautiful...no one could ever take that away." Pulling back a bit, he entered again, stilling, leaning down to place a kiss on John's neck.

"Love you, love you so much...God Rodney...please don't stop...."

It took a few minutes for Rodney to allow himself the freedom to move, so afraid of scaring his lover, of causing a painful flashback. When he realized there wasn't one, he let go, thrusting inside again and again, taking John's dick in hand, jerking him hard, letting himself go.

There were only soft moans as both came to orgasm, first John, then Rodney. As Rodney slipped out, John cried, "NO!" trying to pull him back.

"Shh, relax," Rodney soothed, John falling flat, Rodney rolling him over. "I have to get a towel." He went to the washroom and came back, seeing John with his arm over his face. "John?"

"I'm all right, just...worn out."

Rodney cleaned him up, placing a dry towel over the wet spot, laying down, opening his arm, John crawling beside him.

"He's still out there, baby, and I have no doubt we will have to face him again. And I hate to sound like John Wayne, but next time we'll be ready for him." John paused, inhaling sharply, meeting Rodney's eyes, staring deeply into them. "Next time, Kolya dies."

Rodney McKay had learned that tone - Major Sheppard, not John - and he knew better then to reply to it. The soldier had made a decision and there would be no changing his mind. Instead he smiled as he heard the endearment. "You called me baby."

"So I did." John grinned and yawned. "Love you baby, and tomorrow, I wake you up with a blow-job."

"Say good-night, John."

"Good-night, John," he snickered.

For the first time in weeks, Rodney McKay went to sleep with a smile on his face, wondering yet again what he did to deserve the man beside him.

They were still healing, but they were going to be okay. He was sure of it.

Epilogue:

The lovers lay in bed together for the first time in months.

"I should kill you, Cowen."

"Acastus, first off, you could never hurt me. Compton is dead and I would have killed him myself if Sheppard hadn't. How you ever hooked up with that idiot is beyond my reasoning."

"He served his purpose. And I will have my revenge. When we next meet, John Sheppard and Rodney McKay will die."

FIN