Who Am I?

by The Huntress

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ash/huntress/whoami.php
Summary: The 'Two Johns' challenge - John is split into two men

John touched it.

Rodney had suggested he touch the device, see if the 'super-gene' could do anything with it and John, of course, refused. But the moment his team was out of sight, John smirked and reached out...and touched it.

Big mistake.

~~~

"Doctor McKay, where is Major Sheppard?"

"He's coming," Rodney said, "but we had a slight problem."

Elizabeth Weir knew those words. She heard them from her premiere team often enough. "What happened?" Before Rodney could answer, her eyes widened as she got a look over his shoulder. "Oh my God."

Every pair of eyes in the control room moved straight to the gate, to the five people exiting.

Two of the people were Major John Sheppard.

~~~

"What do you mean neither one is a clone?" Elizabeth asked.

"Just what I said," Carson answered simply. "A clone will show a slight variance in DNA patterns. However, in the Major's case, the DNA is identical. They are both John Sheppard."

"You're right, Carson," Rodney said as he and Kate Heightmeyer entered the briefing room. "From what Zippy and I could gather from the writing on that machine, it takes a part of you and splits it. I think that's what it did to him."

"In plain English, Rodney," Elizabeth sighed.

"Look at the way he...they...have been acting. There seems to be a 'Major Sheppard' and a 'John Sheppard'. You talk to one and you get military, totally military. There's little emotion. He wants to go on missions ASAP. Hell, he's planning to put the men through maneuvers on the mainland. Bates and Ford are considering a mutiny."

"A mutiny? Isn't that the Navy?" Weir had to bite back a giggle as she pictured the two young men, who followed John no matter how weird his orders, leading a rebellion.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Elizabeth, after speaking with 'John Sheppard'...I believe he's the Major's conscience."

"Like good and evil?" Elizabeth asked, trying to understand.

"Not quite," Kate added. "And yet they are total opposites. As I was explaining to Rodney, we all have a side to our personality which most of us simply integrate into our everyday lives. For John Sheppard, I believe that man was the pure soldier inside. And before you think it, Elizabeth, no, he's not psychotic. He is not a danger to anyone. I've spoken with the two of them separately. They are basically the same man, with the same sense of morality."

"Can you fix it?" Elizabeth asked Rodney.

"Probably."

"Probably?"

"Elizabeth, I don't fully understand the workings of the machine. We know what it does, but not why. There could be a reason this happened. If we try to reverse it without knowing more...."

"Understood," Elizabeth nodded to him and turned to Kate. "You're sure he's not a danger?"

"He's still Major Sheppard," Kate answered with a small smile. "I wouldn't worry about a thing."

~~~

"Hey, McKay," Sheppard walked into Rodney's lab, "how about a workout in the gym?"

"I have some work to do," Rodney stared at his computer. "I'm trying to translate some of this writing. It seems to be Ancient but...."

"I can't have you on my team if you're not in shape."

Rodney smiled to himself, but didn't turn around. It was becoming a playful argument between them, designed to get Rodney out of the lab on occasion. "I'm fine."

"I mean it, McKay. I won't have a fat team member."

Rodney bristled at the word 'fat'. "I'm not...overweight."

"No, you're not overweight. You're fat, plain and simple. I checked your last physical record and you need to lose about twenty pounds."

"You looked over my medical records?" Rodney felt the anger brewing. "They were none of your business!"

"They are, McKay," Sheppard said firmly, turning his chair around. "You need to lose some of that weight or you can stay in your lab for the rest of your time here."

Rodney got to his feet, pissed now, eyes feral. "You know what, Major? Why don't you just fuck off!" He pushed past Sheppard, opening the door, but Sheppard slammed it shut with a thought.

"You don't leave until I give you permission."

Rodney froze, slowly turning, eyes meeting Sheppard's. The sweet hazel were almost black. He turned back to the door, but it wouldn't open for him. "Major, I swear, if you don't let me out of here I'll...."

"You'll what, McKay?"

Rodney turned, expecting to find John grinning from a practical joke. But what he saw was a man determined; there was no mirth in the eyes. In fact, the eyes were almost cold, staring him down. And for the first time since the day he had met John Sheppard, Rodney was afraid of him. "Please let me out."

Sheppard ignored him, moving forward as an animal stalking its prey. "Rough sex can burn off a whole bunch of calories."

"Rough sex?" Rodney repeated the words, eyes growing wider as the reality of the moment set in.

Sheppard wrapped his arm around Rodney's waist, pulling their mouths close. "You know you want it...want me."

"No, you're wrong." Rodney tried to push away, but he was held tightly. "Don't touch me."

Sheppard just grinned, carding his fingers in Rodney's hair, kissing him hard...almost painfully. "I have this fantasy...." John kissed him again, one hand fondling Rodney's ass, pressing his own erection against Rodney's. But before he could do anything else his headset came to life, Bates reminding him of a meeting. Sheppard let Rodney go, backing away, eyes formed into slits. "I'll let this go...for now." He opened the door. "Later...Rod."

Rodney sat down, unmoving, too frightened to go anywhere. If Bates hadn't called....

'Would John have raped me?' he thought, truly confused for the first time in his life. 'No, not John,' he finally reasoned, 'the Major'. He opted to think of the two men as separate entities - John and Sheppard; it was the only way he could deal with this. Rodney waited a few minutes before he left his lab. He wanted to be somewhere public, around other people, away from the Major. As he entered a transport tube he couldn't help laughing to himself. For years he'd preferred solitude, except for his cat. Even on Atlantis he chose his lab in the furthest end of the city, away from the other's. Now he thought he'd made the wrong decision. When the doors opened he was in the mess. Rodney calmed and claimed some food and juice and thought as he wandered to a table.

Major John Sheppard was gay. Or bi. Whichever. He wanted Rodney. He wanted to have sex with Rodney. He'd been ready to force himself on Rodney...at least the Major had been. What did John want? Was the attraction to Rodney from the military man? Or from the man himself? Immersed in his thoughts, Rodney nearly jumped out of his skin when he was tapped on the shoulder and turned to face the Major. 'No, not Sheppard,' Rodney noticed immediately. 'John.' The stance was different, as was the facial expression; it was almost passive.

"Hi Rodney," John said shyly. "Ready for dessert? Hart made a pie from that fruit they found on the mainland and he said we get to 'taste-test' it."

"I'm full."

"You're never full; you're a bottomless pit."

"I have to lose weight. He said so."

"Who?"

"Major Sheppard."

"That would be me," John told him.

"No, the...other one. He said I was fat."

"You're not fat," John sighed. "Didn't we go through this? You're fine. Yeah, I tease you, but Rodney, if I thought you were...I dunno...obese or something, I'd tell you."

Rodney fled the mess, John following. He ducked into the nearest room and shut the door. "I want to go on missions, want to be...." Rodney couldn't finish the sentence. He'd never said the words before.

Fortunately for him, his CO and best friend knew him quite well and finished it for him. "You are a part of the team." John smiled softly. "I'll talk to him, make him see that you're important."

"You think I...that I'm important to your team?"

"Our team, Rodney. I sort of thought you knew that by now. We need you out there."

"Really?"

"No, I'm lying. Now stop whining and let's go get some pie."

"I do need to lose some weight."

"Yeah, you do. But after we try the pie. You can start a diet tomorrow."

Rodney so wanted to tell John what Sheppard had done, and was about to, but John seemed so happy and Rodney didn't want to ruin his mood. So they returned to the mess, ate the pie and both went their separate ways.

Rodney went to the main lab to work with Zelenka on the machine, while John went on a search for his 'twin'.

~~~

"Hello, Aiden," Sheppard said almost seductively, sneaking up on the Lieutenant. "Putting in overtime are we?"

"Uh, yes sir," Ford smiled at his friend and CO. "Is there something you needed, sir?"

"Aiden, why don't you take a break," John said as he entered the hangar, eyes on Sheppard.

"Okay, sir...sirs." Ford left, staring back one last time, feeling as if he were missing something.

"You stay away from Ford," John warned.

"Or what? He's kinda hot, ya know?"

"Don't do this to the kid. It would break him."

Rodney had been looking for John and stepped into the hangar, unseen by either man as of yet.

"You forget, I am you Johnny," Sheppard sneered. "We wanted to get young Aiden into bed five minutes after meeting him. And those were some wet dreams he inspired, weren't they?"

Rodney's mouth dropped open at the statement. John wanted Ford?

"I don't want him anymore." John said, voice rising a bit. "You know that. I love Rodney."

Rodney's breath hitched.

And then Sheppard's snarky tone. "There, you just said it, John. I love Rodney. Not we. I don't love him. I'd like him to suck my dick until I come down his throat and he swallows. I want to fuck him, and so have you, since the day we saw him naked in the shower. But love? Come on? We can't understand ninety percent of what he says."

"I don't need to," John said softly. "The other ten make up for it. I care for him."

"Care for him?" Sheppard snickered. "Okay, smartass, let's say it is love. What are we going to do when we get back to Earth? Set up house with him? Can't you just see Mom's reaction to the 'Sheppard-McKay' residence?"

"Oh no," John whispered, looking over Sheppard's shoulder.

"What?"

"Rodney...."

Sheppard turned to where John was staring and saw Rodney standing there staring at them, all the color gone from his face.

"Well, well, if it isn't Albert Einstein," Sheppard cracked. "You know, old Albert would have probably found us a working ZPM by now."

"Shut up!" John screamed and tackled Sheppard, who rolled with it, ending up on top.

Sheppard pulled his fist back, ready to punch John in the face, but paused. "I should teach you a lesson, but I like your face too much." He pushed John flat and stood up, passing Rodney and grabbed him by the jacket, pulling him into a bruising kiss. "I'll see you later," he almost purred.

Rodney turned to John, who was sitting up, holding the back of his head. "Are you okay?"

"The floor's kind of hard."

Rodney knelt down, cradling the back of John's head. "You have a bump."

"I'm okay." John smiled at Rodney; God the man was adorable sometimes. "I try to pay attention to you, Rodney, really I do. But half the things you say go right over my head."

"Do you...." Rodney started.

"Yeah, I do," John said, lowering his eyes.

"And Ford?"

"When I first saw him I...had a few fantasies about him. But that was all they were...daydreams. I would never act on them."

"Sheppard would," Rodney said. "We have to tell Aiden."

John finally lifted his eyes. "He won't Rodney. He is still me."

"I'm afraid of him," Rodney admitted.

"What did he do to you? Did he....?" John really didn't want to ask the question, afraid of the answer.

"Sheppard made it clear he wants me," Rodney replied, a bit shaken.

"And you?"

"I like you, but not like that." Rodney helped John to his feet. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Rodney. I don't want to lose our friendship over this, over my feelings for you. Lovers come and go, but good friends are hard to come by."

"I know, John. Believe me, that I know better then anything." Rodney noticed the strange grin he was getting. "What?"

"That's the first time you ever called me John."

"It's your name, isn't it? Besides, it's the only way I can differentiate between the two of you." At John's confused look, Rodney continued. "You are John, he is Major Sheppard."

They headed out of the hangar, John a step behind Rodney. Oh, John had told the truth about his other self not hurting Ford. But John knew what was missing from within his other self, he saw it in Sheppard's eyes when the man looked at Rodney. There were no morals, no conscience. And without them, Sheppard was a loose cannon.

As for Sheppard, he had lingered about, hearing the conversation. A leer came across his face and he licked his lips. 'So Rodney thinks of him as 'John',' he thought. 'That will make things a bit easier.'

~~~

"Have you forgotten how to fight?" Teyla asked, as she floored John for the third time in fifteen minutes. "It is as if I were fighting a child."

"It's not that I forgot," John looked up from the floor, "I'm just not as quick."

"You can say that again," Sheppard laughed as he entered the gym, taking the sticks from John. "Come on, Teyla," he took up the position opposite her, "let's rock."

Teyla smiled and moved forward, raising a stick.

Sheppard met the move and blocked it, swinging around and raising his own, finding an opening and slamming Teyla in the face.

Teyla retaliated by swinging her foot out to trip Sheppard, but he was too quick once again and shifted, knocking her to the floor. He swung down with the stick but she rolled out of the way, which clearly angered him. Before Teyla could do anything further, Sheppard raised the stick in his left hand, knowing she would focus on that. He dropped the stick in his right and punched her in the face. Sheppard dropped down, his knee on her chest, holding the stick under her throat. "Want me to stop? Or are you into pain?"

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" John screamed and kicked Sheppard away.

Sheppard got to his feet. "Your face isn't that pretty, Johnny." He swung the stick and hit John in the face and followed with a kick to the gut that sent John down. "Fucking wuss." Sheppard threw the stick aside and left the gym, whistling as he walked out.

"John?"

John tasted the blood in his mouth. "I'm fine, Teyla. How about you?"

"I will live."

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

She shook her head. "No, you did not. He did."

"He is me!" John screamed at her. "Haven't you figured that out?!"

"No John, he is a part of you, but he is not entirely you. He has no self-control. You are his...."

"His good half?" John laughed himself.

"You are his conscience, John, and he is your strength. That is probably why you cannot fight me."

"I...I can't believe I have that inside of me."

"Doctor Heightmeyer said that we all have a part of us that we...."

"....that we integrate into our everyday lives," he finished for her. "I heard the speech."

"I do wonder though," Teyla continued, "have you always held back with me? Or is it that without you he is stronger?"

John flushed pink. "I never wanted to hurt you. I figured you'd never want to spar with me if you knew what I was capable of."

"I will always spar with you, John. Even if you can...kick my ass." Teyla smiled as she stood. "And I believe I shall go and soak in a hot bath. Will you be all right?"

"Yeah. I'll live also." John sat for a few minutes, pondering his other half again. Sheppard was his strength, he knew that, but what else was he? John was the conscience, the moralistic part, the man who knew right from wrong...the man who would never hurt anyone. Was he weak, emotionally and/or physically? And if that was the case, how could he continue as military commander without Sheppard? He didn't know what he was going to do. His stomach growled and he headed for the mess, passing a few marines who cowered when they saw him. That in itself surprised him; his people usually joked with him, smiled at him, liked him. Now they seemed afraid of him.

The first thing he did was look around, glad that Sheppard wasn't there. John really didn't like the man, which he thought was rather stupid. After all, Sheppard was a part of him. He did however spot Bates and Stackhouse, who, after discerning that it wasn't the Major (who had left a few minutes before) opted to sit and eat with him. They filled John in on the Major's plans for training and all John could do was say he'd talk to Sheppard and try to make him see reason.

~~~

Sheppard had just missed Rodney in the mess and located him in his quarters. He requested entrance and stood in the corridor as the door opened. "Rodney?"

Rodney glanced up from his book, studying the man before him. "John?"

"Yeah, it's me. What are ya doing?"

"Reading War and Peace. Everyone has read it but you."

"Boring book."

"How do I know it's you and not...him," Rodney pursed his lips, still looking John over.

Sheppard smiled as softly as he could. "I'm John, not...Sheppard. You said it was the only way you could tell us apart in your head."

"Just checking." Rodney went back to the book.

"You've been too stressed lately, Rodney. I know a couple of relaxation techniques that might help."

"Now you noticed I'm a bit stressed?" Rodney couldn't help laughing. "Kinda slow. Then again, you are a grunt."

"Now, now, Doctor McKay, Air Force here. Marines are grunts. I'm just a cocky flyboy."

"Okay, flyboy, show me what you can do other then annoy me." Rodney rolled his eyes. "This doesn't involve any kind of chanting, does it?"

"Don't you trust me?" Sheppard asked with a smile.

"No, but go ahead anyway."

Sheppard pulled over the other chair and sat down, facing Rodney. "I need you to look at me."

"Why?"

"Hypnosis, okay." Sheppard sounded exasperated.

"Hypnosis?!"

"Will ya shut up and trust me?!"

"All right already!" Rodney sighed. "Now what? Do we chant Hari Rama again and again, burn incense and smoke weed?" At Sheppard's look, he shrugged. "My Uncle Donald was a Hari Krishna."

"A Hari Krishna?"

"Yeah. Then he became a Jehovah's Witness, tried being a Baptist, lived with some Quakers in Pennsylvania and then Mormons in Utah. Last I heard, he went to Israel and converted to Judaism."

"You have a weird family."

"This surprises you? My Aunt Connie is rumored to have been a Mafia hitman or hitwoman, whatever. My mother said she knew the location of Jimmy Hoffa, having taken him out." Rodney grinned. "And what's your family like?"

"Another time, Rodney." Sheppard took Rodney's chin in hand. "You need to look into my eyes."

"I can't be hypnotized, John."

"Relaxation, Rodney. It's just a form of hypnosis. Five minutes and if you're not completely satisfied I'll give you a Power bar."

"Whatever," Rodney rolled his eyes again, but met Sheppard's. Sheppard reached for him and Rodney pulled back. "Why are you....?"

"Shut up, would you?" Sheppard placed his palm on Rodney's face, stroking with his thumb, watching as Rodney's entire body relaxed. For the first time he was glad he'd worked Black Ops. One of the things he excelled at was interrogation and not the violent kind. John Sheppard had been trained in all forms of mind control and had used it, and sex, to glean information.

Rodney, for all his genius, couldn't have fought against it. He would be easy to control with the right words, in the right tone, at the right moment in time. He soothed Rodney with his soft voice, murmuring "Relax" and "Don't fight me" and "This is going to feel so good" over and over, rubbing Rodney's temple with two fingers, while his other hand continued to stroke Rodney's face. The rubbing grew a bit harder, yet remained gentle at the same time. He watched Rodney's eyelids flutter and kept up the ministrations. Sheppard had to bite back a giggle; he felt like an old-fashioned hypnotist. "Such beautiful eyes."

Rodney was finding it very difficult to focus. "John, what are you...."

"Hush, baby." Sheppard moved his hand from Rodney's face to the back of his neck. "I told you to trust me."

The endearment registered briefly with Rodney, but was quickly forgotten as that hand began to massage his neck. "I...." Rodney couldn't keep his eyes open. The touches were so good, so erotic.

"Close your eyes, Rodney, and just feel. Nothing else but my hands, my voice."

Rodney's head lolled back. "Mmm, okay."

It wasn't so hard to get Rodney under, Sheppard mused to himself as he moved into Rodney's lap. Rodney didn't even realize it and Sheppard palmed his face. "Open your eyes now, Rodney." The blue eyes were glazed over, the pupils dilated. Sheppard's breath was hot on Rodney's ear as he whispered, "You want to please me, make me happy."

"Please you...make you happy," Rodney repeated, his voice slurred.

"Come to bed now, Rodney," Sheppard ordered, pulling Rodney to his feet and leading him to the bed. Rodney lay down and Sheppard continued massaging his temples. "Sleep for me."

It didn't take long for Rodney to fall into a deep sleep and he was unaware Sheppard was stripping him. He had no idea that he was being touched, kissed, licked. Rodney was, in effect, being raped. He barely moved when Sheppard began to kiss him and lay complacent as Sheppard stroked himself and came all over Rodney's ass. Oh, how Sheppard wanted to shove his cock up Rodney's tight hole and fuck him senseless, but even Rodney wouldn't sleep through that. Not yet anyway...not until Sheppard taught him more 'relaxation techniques'.

When he was done, Sheppard put Rodney's boxers back on him and covered him with the blanket, leaving the sleeping man lying still, totally unaware of what had occurred. Rodney was easier then he'd thought and tomorrow he'd mess with Rodney's head some more. He'd already left two trigger phrases in Rodney's mind: To make Sheppard happy and to please him.

He headed to his quarters and entered, only to find John sitting on the floor, building one of the complicated Lego sets Zelenka had smuggled to Pegasus. John looked up at him with a small smile, wanting to make peace, but Sheppard would have none of it. He walked right over and kicked it, knocking the pieces all over.

John's first reaction was to stand up and throw a punch, which only got him shoved back to the floor, an angry Sheppard looming over him. "You want your ass kicked again, John?"

"Why did you do that?" John sorted through the Lego pieces. "I was having some fun. I thought you liked Legos."

"No, I don't. You do."

"Wanna watch a movie?" John asked hopefully, ignoring Sheppard's foul mood and nodding to the pile of DVD's. "I got 'Alien' from Kate."

"No, I don't 'wanna watch a movie'," Sheppard mimicked. "I want to sleep and I want quiet."

"But I'm not tired!" John insisted. "It's only ten o'clock."

"I'm going to wash up and get into bed." Sheppard went into the washroom and cleaned up, motioning John to do the same. When John came out he sat on the side of the bed, but Sheppard shook his head. "Floor."

"The bed's big enough for the two of us," John said with another smile.

"I need room. Sleep on the floor or sleep outside."

"No, I won't," John said firmly, getting into the bed. "We're going to share it."

Sheppard took a deep breath. "Fine. But stay on your side. If you wake me up, you sleep on the floor. Understand?"

"I'm not a child. You can't tell me what to do!" Sheppard snarled at him and John backed down. "Okay. I'll stay on my side."

"You do that." Sheppard took both pillows and lay his head down.

"Can I have a pillow?"

"No. Now shut up and go to sleep!"

John cradled his head in his arms, trying to figure Sheppard out. He had never seen himself as nasty, but then again, he'd never met the pure military man inside himself. 'He's not really mean,' John reasoned. 'I bet he's just lonely without me. He doesn't know how to have any fun. Yeah, that could make a person extra pissed.' Figuring he finally had his answer, John closed his eyes. He 'd make Sheppard laugh tomorrow, make him smile. Then things would be better.

"OWW!" John winced as the fist landed on his back.

"I hear you thinking, Johnny!" Sheppard snapped at him. "I told you to go to sleep and I meant it."

John lay quietly, pushing all thoughts from his head, but he barely slept, fearful of moving and being forced from the bed. He also didn't want Sheppard angry with him and would do anything to keep things peaceful between them.

~~~

Sheppard woke first, watching John sleep. After last night, he had no doubt that he was the stronger personality. And even though their bodies were identical, he appeared to be the stronger of the two physically. John was a weakness, something he couldn't afford if he wanted to keep his command and if Sheppard had his way, they would stay apart, as two separate entities, forever. How had he survived all these years with that weakness inside him?

Then there was Rodney to consider. John wasn't worthy of Rodney McKay. Rodney needed someone strong, someone to protect him, keep him in line. John was definitely not that man. Rodney would walk all over him and had done so in the past. Sheppard would never have allowed Rodney to tell him what to do. But now he had control over Rodney and he intended to keep it. God, Rodney was an easy mark. It would take maybe one or two more 'sessions' for Rodney to be at Sheppard's beck and call.

But what to do about John? Sheppard couldn't exactly control him, not like he had Rodney. Hypnosis wouldn't work, the training he'd received to fight it would still be imbedded in John's mind. But there were other mind games he could play. John seemed quiet, confused, hesitant about decisions. He'd gotten upset over a stupid Lego set, for God's sake!

John began to stir, cracking his eyes open to find Sheppard staring at him. He wanted to smile, but held back.

"I'm sorry for hitting you, John," Sheppard told him, brushing John's hair back. "I didn't mean to."

"I know." John said hesitantly. "I...I figure you were just really tired and I know how cranky I can get sometimes."

Sheppard grinned. "Your hair really does look..." he waved his hands about, "...in the morning."

"So does yours," John finally smiled and allowed himself a small laugh. "Can we talk for a few minutes."

"Sure," Sheppard answered as he headed into the bathroom. "After I shower and shave."

John sat in bed, trying to think of a nice way to speak to Sheppard.

Sheppard finally came out and gathered his clothing. "Now, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Uh, Bates told me that you were going to put the marines through additional training on the mainland. I don't know if they need that. They're in great shape and I don't want you to overdo it."

"And what should I do, Johnny? After what happened with the Genii, they need more training."

"I don't know, but maybe you should take it easy on them. Pissing them off will do no good." John paused, chewing on his lip. "And would you please not call me Johnny? It makes me feel like a little kid."

"It suits you." Sheppard finished getting dressed. "Now, what are you going to do today?"

John smiled. "I thought I'd spend some time with Rodney."

"NO!" Sheppard shouted, taking a deep breath and quickly calming. "That's not a good idea. You know how he gets. He'll probably want to run some tests on you, see how different we are. I figure that's something we have in common; hating to play in the labs." In truth Sheppard was afraid Rodney would say something to John about the 'relaxation techniques'. He didn't need John finding out he'd been pretending to be John. That would ruin everything.

"Then what should I do?"

"Go to the mainland," Sheppard said quickly. "Play football with the kids, teach Holling how to properly cultivate a pot plant and make better hooch. In fact, I'll wait until you get cleaned up and fly you myself, then pick you up later. Sound good?"

"I guess," John answered. "If you think it's best."

"I do," Sheppard nodded again. "You should...take my advice on things now. I'll give you the answers you need."

John cleaned himself and got dressed, and when they got to the transport tube, John thought 'mess hall', surprised when they exited outside the hangar.

"You can have a more nutritious breakfast with the Athosian's," Sheppard pointed out.

"Okay," John agreed and entered Jumper One.

Nobody else was around, so Sheppard hit the com and let Peter know they were making a quick run to the mainland. He asked Peter to keep it quiet, to not tell Weir, because John needed some time by himself.

When they arrived, they explained everything as best they could to Holling, who took it in stride. Jinto and Wex thought it was great, but were a bit disappointed when Sheppard said he had to leave.

John, for his part, kept a close eye on Sheppard and followed him back to the jumper. "I don't know if I want to stay."

"Stop being a baby, John. It's only for a few hours. It's not like I'm leaving you in the middle of nowhere. Now go on. I have to get back to the city."

"You'll come back soon?"

"As soon as I can," Sheppard told him, getting into the jumper and closing the hatch.

John stood there as the jumper ascended, but a group of children ran over to him with a makeshift football and he forgot everything for a little while.

~~~

Rodney woke up a bit sore, but reasoned he'd slept in a strange position. He smelled semen, but shrugged it off, figuring he'd just had a wet dream. He got out of bed and noticed the wet spot on the front of his boxers. Oh yes, he'd had a wet dream all right. John had been making love to him. That was a bit odd in itself; Rodney didn't go for men. Then again, the psyche was a strange place, especially his. His dream had probably been brought on from what John had confessed.

Rodney showered, his mind assaulted with visions of John touching him while he just lay there, doing nothing, allowing John the freedom to do whatever he wanted to Rodney's body. He jerked off to those visions and gave himself one hell of an orgasm. He had just finished getting dressed when the door chime sounded. Opening the door, he stared at the man before him. "John?"

"Good morning, sunshine," Sheppard laughed. "How did you sleep?"

"Better then I have in a long time," Rodney gave him a genuine smile. "What happened last night?"

"I helped you relax, just like I promised, and you fell asleep."

"Well whatever you did, maybe you can do it again. I mean, if you don't mind."

"Not at all, Rodney," Sheppard smiled, a sweet smile. "I have a few things to take care of with my people, but I'll be by later. Do you need me in the lab? Maybe you want to study the effects of the split?"

"I might. What about Sheppard?"

"Don't worry about him, Rodney. I've got things under control." Sheppard paused. "I have everything under control."

"If you say so."

~~~

"This place is a PIGSTY!" Sheppard screamed as he entered the men's barracks area. "Not one bed is made, uniforms are all over the place and...you all look like you just rolled out of bed!"

"It's not like the Pentagon is coming for an inspection," Ford muttered.

Sheppard narrowed his eyes. "Drop and give me twenty."

Ford raised an eyebrow. "Twenty what?"

"Twenty fucking push-ups." As Ford's mouth began to twitch, Sheppard got in his face. "Make it forty, Lieutenant." Ford opened his mouth, but Sheppard spoke first. "Care to try for sixty?"

"No sir!" Ford answered and did as he was told.

Sheppard heard the loud snore and turned slowly, seeing Stackhouse still in bed. Walking over he knelt down. "SERGEANT!" The scream made every man jump.

Every man but Stackhouse. He just pulled the pillow over his head and muttered, "Go away, Shep. I'm dreaming about Private Thomas."

Sheppard grabbed the pillow and shoved him out of bed. "GET UP! IT'S NINE O'CLOCK!"

Stackhouse blinked the sleep out of his eyes, noticed everyone at attention, saw Sheppard's wild eyes and finally got it, joining his fellow marines.

Sheppard continued. "I want this place cleaned up, beds made, uniforms pressed. Just because we're not on Earth any longer doesn't mean we IGNORE protocol. Is that UNDERSTOOD!"

"YES SIR!" Every marine answered.

"Good," John sneered, saluted and paused when he didn't get salutes back. He glared at them and they all got the idea, saluting properly before he left.

The moment he was gone, Ford stood up. "I thought you said you'd handle it," he said to Bates.

"Me and Stacks spoke with the other Sheppard and he said he'd take care of it." Bates shook his head. "I guess he didn't get a chance."

"Well he better do something, because a revolt is coming."

"Uh, maybe we should make the beds," Stackhouse suggested.

"And press the uniforms," Markham added.

Ford nodded in agreement. "Let's do that. We'll keep things as he wants until he's back to normal."

"I hope it happens quickly," Stackhouse said. "Because I've grown used to sleeping until noon."

~~~

Sheppard's next stop was the women's barracks and he was even more appalled. "This place looks worse then the MEN'S!" he screamed at them. "You, Private Thomas, what is that you're wearing?"

She smiled at him. "A tank top."

"It is NOT proper military dress and you will take it off!"

"Now, sir?"

Sheppard was gritting his teeth. "You all have uniforms and I expect to see you in them at all times."

"But it's eighty degrees out!" Farmer shouted.

"I don't care, Corporal!" He picked a box up. "What is this?"

"Tampons," she shrugged.

"Tampons what?" Sheppard prompted.

"Uh, Playtex tampons?" Farmer snickered.

"They're tampons, SIR!" Starnes added, realizing what Sheppard wanted to hear.

"I know what they are, Starnes," he snarled, then focused back on Farmer. "What are they doing on your bed? Don't you have a locker?"

"Yes sir, but...."

"NO BUTS! All non-essential supplies will be put away, not to be in plain sight." His face was an inch from hers. "UNDERSTAND?!"

"Yes sir," Farmer replied meekly.

"I'll be doing another inspection tomorrow and if this place doesn't pass, you'll all be mopping floors and scrubbing grout!" He saluted and was pleased when they all saluted back immediately, turned on his heels and left.

"He's finally flipped," Thomas said.

"Didn't you hear what happened?" Starnes asked. When all she got were blank looks, she explained what Ford had told her.

"So he's what, General Patton now?" Farmer asked.

"Something like that," Starnes told her. "And we better get this place cleaned up because I don't want to scrub floors for the next month."

"No wonder Bates said he was considering a revolt," Thomas added.

"If the Major keeps this up, he's going to have more then a revolt on his hands," Farmer said. But she did remake her bed and began to clean up her living space, the other women following suit.

~~~

Sheppard spent the rest of the day berating his people for their lackadaisical attitudes and work habits and told them that things were changing and if they didn't like it, they'd spend some time in the brig. Needless to say, things were getting organized very quickly, especially with Sheppard riding them at every turn. They couldn't get away from him. It seemed he was everywhere at once.

The always-hungry Markham ended up with latrine duty when Sheppard caught him taking a break to eat a sandwich, telling the Sergeant it wasn't dinnertime yet. Ford and Bates were buried under paperwork because their CO had insisted they finish every report they had started over the past month. Stackhouse and Thomas were scrubbing grout because Sheppard caught them making out in a closet instead of the work they were assigned.

And throughout it all, Sheppard kept trying to get a few moments alone with Rodney, but Rodney kept brushing him off, spending his time with Zelenka, Kavanagh and Simpson, trying to decipher all the writings on the machine. He had pretty much forgotten about getting John, but was reminded when Heightmeyer called him.

~~~

It was getting dark already and John was sitting with Holling.

"John, are you ill?" Holling asked.

"No, I'm just ready to go home, that's all." John stood and began to pace, staring upwards, still looking for a jumper...for Sheppard...to pick him up.

"I am sure...Major Sheppard...will return for you shortly. He has probably become involved with many things." Holling had been watching John all day and noticed a change as the day went on. In the morning, John had been boisterous, playing with the children, but as the hours progressed, he seemed to become depressed and distant. When Holling told him it was time for dinner, John had looked up into the sky, his lower lip trembling and Holling could have sworn John was about to cry. He had picked at his food, which Holling also found rather strange. John usually ate the Athosian food with a vengeance, enjoying every bite.

"Where is he?" John suddenly smiled when he saw the jumper and grinned when he saw Sheppard exiting. "I've been waiting for you for hours. I thought maybe you forgot about me."

This time it was Sheppard who studied John, listened to his voice, watched his body language. John seemed more like a child now and in a sick way that cheered Sheppard a bit. "How could I forget about you?"

John kicked at the dirt. "I don't know."

"John, were you afraid I'd leave you here?" Sheppard grasped John's chin and lifted his face. "You were, weren't you?"

"Kinda moronic, huh?" John smiled shyly. "Never leave a man behind, right?"

"Right. And it's nice to know you remember something about the military. Are you ready to go home?"

"Can I fly?"

"I don't know, John." Sheppard was hesitant. "Are you sure you're up to it?"

John's response was to run into Jumper One and power her up.

"I am concerned about...John," Holling said. "Although I do have a small understanding of what happened to you, he seems too different. When you left, he seemed like himself, but as the day has gone on, I have felt more and more as if I were dealing with Jinto."

"Really?" Sheppard acted concerned. "I'm sure he's just tired." He turned to the jumper, but Holling turned him around.

"You will keep an eye on him? Look for any changes in his personality?"

"That I will, Holling. You have my word." Sheppard walked into the jumper, thinking, 'I will definitely be keeping an eye out for any changes.'

Sheppard sat down, observing John again. "So, you had fun today?"

"Sort of," John answered quietly.

"I had a few reports to go over and the time went by quickly," Sheppard lied. He had so wanted to leave John on the mainland, but Heightmeyer wanted to see them both, find out how they were doing. "Kate wants to talk to us and I think we should be careful what we tell her."

"Why? She's good people."

"She's a head shrinker, Johnny. You know how they twist things around. If she were to find out I hit you last night...."

"But you didn't mean it. It's like when Jeremy used to beat me up." John smiled at the thought of his older brother. "I don't hate you for it and I never hated him either."

"I forgave him because he died!" Sheppard snapped, feeling the jumper shudder. "Concentrate, John. I don't feel like crashing today."

"We forgave him before he died!"

"My point is that Heightmeyer might not see it that way. I could be grounded. If any missions come up I won't be happy if I can't go."

John totally missed the use of the word 'I' as opposed to 'we'. "I won't tell her." John looked confused. "What should I say?"

"I'm glad you asked me that. Because we have to get our feelings together and our stories straight before we speak with her...."

By the time the jumper docked, Sheppard had told John exactly what they could tell Heightmeyer and what they couldn't.

~~~

The meeting with Kate was brief and she seemed happy with what she was told. Both men breathed identical sighs of relief once they left. They walked to their quarters, various marines quickly getting out of their way as they passed. John noticed that Corporal Joe Timmerman, all of six feet, seven inches and two hundred and fifty pounds, stared in terror and ducked into a closet as they came close to him.

"What's got into him?" John asked Sheppard. "Joey usually has a dumb blonde joke to tell me." Sheppard didn't answer. "And what's the matter with you?"

Finally reaching their quarters, Sheppard thought the door open and practically tossed John inside.

"I can't believe you told her!" Sheppard screamed the moment the door closed.

"I only said I was on the mainland today," John said, not understanding what he had done wrong. "And you said we'd stop at the mess for some food."

"I am going to have to fix this," Sheppard growled to himself.

"I'm hungry!"

"I have to go speak with Weir. I am in so much trouble because of you and your big mouth."

"What did I do?" John sat down, running his fingers through his hair. "Please tell me."

"You told Kate about the mainland. You weren't supposed to leave the city and I have to explain it to Weir."

"But it was your idea!"

Sheppard forced himself to calm down yet again. "I know, John, but I thought you'd enjoy it. I'll go see Weir and things will be okay."

"I'm still hungry. I want to go to the mess."

"No. The way my...our...luck is running, we'll run into Weir along the way before I have a chance to explain what happened. I'm in enough trouble for half the shit I pull." Sheppard thought the door open. "You stay here and...watch a movie."

"I want food." John crossed his arms and pursed his lips.

"I'll bring you an MRE."

"I want to see Rodney."

"Rodney's busy working on the device. He told me he can't be bothered by you...or me."

"But...."

"No buts, Johnny. You stay here and that's final."

"You sound like Mom." John tried to fight a smile but lost the battle.

"I sound nothing like Mom," Sheppard retorted. "She'd lock you in your room."

John's eyes grew wide.

"No, I'm not going to lock you in, tempted as I am." Sheppard left, heading straight to Elizabeth's office.

"Major?" she asked, as he entered.

"Yes, and before you say it, he wanted to go. I couldn't exactly say no to him."

"Neither one of you was to leave the city. I ordered you to...."

"Elizabeth, he really wanted to go and I had work to do. He's not quite himself and yes, I know I'm not either, but still. You didn't see him. And it was only the mainland, not offworld."

"I guess you're right, Major," Elizabeth agreed. "There was no harm done."

"According to Heightmeyer, we're fine to go on a mission, should one come up. At least I am. I don't know about John."

"She's cleared you both for duty, as has Carson."

"They have? Both of us?" Sheppard was surprised and it showed.

"Both of you. And Major, cut your people some slack. Half of them are baying for your blood and there is rumor you have been burned in effigy."

"Understood." Sheppard smiled his cocky smile and left, intent on seeing Rodney, first checking to be sure John was still in their room. The one thing he didn't need was John wandering the base right now.

~~~

Rodney felt like jerking off again and it was starting to bother him. His dream of John may have been just that, a wet dream, but it was also rape...sort of. Why would he get excited over just laying there, allowing himself to be touched without the slightest bit of participation? In reality, John would never force him into anything. He knew John well enough. Rodney would be 'wined and dined', they'd talk and knowing John they'd probably make out before they went any further. His thoughts were interrupted when the door chime sounded and the man in question was standing in his doorway, leering at him. No, not John but...."Major." The word was like ice.

"Hello, Rodney." Sheppard walked straight into the room and shut the door behind him. "How are you this evening?"

"I'm fine, not that you care."

"Now, Rodney, how could you say that to me?" Sheppard reached out to touch Rodney's hair and Rodney pushed his hand away. "Of course I care about you."

"I told you," Rodney literally bared his teeth, "not to touch me."

"You look like a sick doberman," Sheppard chuckled, grabbed Rodney by the shirt, and shoved him against the wall. "I told you I wanted you. Did you think I forgot?" He pressed his lips hard upon Rodney's, forcing Rodney's mouth open so he could slide his tongue in, all the while rubbing his hard-on against Rodney's crotch. "Ya like it like this, Rod?" He used one leg to spread Rodney's, rubbing against him. "Rough?"

"Please don't...."

"You'd be more convincing if your dick wasn't hard." Sheppard rocked against him. "Hard as fucking granite."

"I'm saying no," Rodney reiterated.

"And I'm saying yes," Sheppard smirked and kissed him, undoing the top button on Rodney's pants. "Let me fuck you."

"NO!" Rodney pushed him away with more force then he thought he was capable of, shaking his head. "You touch me again and I'll have you thrown in the brig for assault."

"This isn't over, Rod," Sheppard snarled at him. "I'm going to have you one way or another."

"Don't count on it, Major. Now get the Hell out of my room."

"Whatever you say, Rodney." Sheppard left and moved onto a nearby balcony. He removed his jacket, mussed his hair a bit and timed ten minutes. Then he went back to Rodney's quarters. "Hi, Rodney. Can I come in?" His stance was different, softer.

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"You can come in." Rodney began to breathe a bit easier. "I am so glad to see you."

"What's the matter, Rodney?"

"The Major was just here."

"I know. I passed him on my way. Are you sure you're all right?"

"He's...scary, John."

Sheppard was frustrated and horny and didn't want to waste any time so he moved behind Rodney, pulling Rodney's back flush against his chest and leaned in to nibble on Rodney's ear. "You want to make me happy."

The phrase exploded in Rodney's mind and his whole demeanor changed. He practically tore his clothing off, tossing items every which way.

Sheppard had removed his own clothes as well, laying on the bed, stroking himself. "Now please me."

The second trigger phrase, and Rodney crawled between John's legs, ready to do whatever was asked of him.

"Blow me. Show me what your mouth can do." Sheppard's fingers wound in Rodney's hair and he took control, lifting Rodney's head and shoving his mouth back down, holding Rodney's mouth over his cock. "Fuck, McKay, you've got yourself a hot little mouth there."

Rodney had absolutely no comprehension of what was going on; he just wanted to please John, to make him happy. Nothing else mattered.

"Make yourself come while you suck me."

Rodney moved one hand to his own cock, wrapping his fingers tightly, jerking himself hard.

"Tell me when you're going to come, Rodney. I need to know."

A few moments later Rodney was nodding and spattering the sheet with his come. Sheppard shoved his own dick deep, holding Rodney's head still, feeling his own orgasm building, but holding back. Lifting Rodney's head up, Sheppard pushed him backwards, straddling Rodney's chest, taking his own dick in hand. "I'm gonna come all over you," and he did, wave after wave of semen covering Rodney's chest. Much as he wanted to come in Rodney's mouth, he held off. Cleaning the come from Rodney's body was one thing, but he wouldn't be able to get the aftertaste out of Rodney's mouth. He'd wait until the next time they were 'together' to do that.

Sheppard leaned down to lick the come from Rodney's chest, hearing a soft moan. "Now you're going to lay there quietly while I touch you." He didn't get an answer, and sucked hard on one nipple, then moved to the other. When Rodney still didn't move or make a sound, Sheppard decided to go further this time, sucking on his fingers, two slowly easing inside, feeling Rodney flinch. "Shh, stay still, Rodney. I told you not to fight me." A few more minutes of playing with Rodney's ass and he was hard again, rolling Rodney onto his stomach. He spread Rodney's ass and slid his dick between the cheeks, pulling them tight around himself and was fully prepared to go further still, but his ear piece came to life from the floor.

It was John, who said he couldn't wait for Sheppard to bring him food and was going to the mess.

Sheppard tried to stop what he was doing, but Rodney was whimpering for more, rubbing his dick against the mattress, so Sheppard continued until they both came again. Rodney attempted to buck Sheppard off him, whispering "No" and trying to get his bearings, the little voice in his head telling him something was wrong, very wrong. But then he was being turned over and kissed and the pressure points on his temples were being caressed and he heard a whispered voice telling him to sleep, that none of it was real; that he was having a dream and he would feel no pain when he woke up.

He nearly made Rodney forget all of it, but a wet dream would make him more receptive later on, maybe make him easier when he was awake and aware...and made Rodney think he was with 'John'. Getting a cloth, he cleaned Rodney up and dressed him. Once he maneuvered Rodney to a chair, he realized he had to change the sheets, thankful he found a clean set. He dumped the other in the laundry sack, then returned to Rodney. "Open your eyes."

Rodney's eyes fluttered open and he just stared at Sheppard. "I thought you were going to help me out here."

"I need to help John," Sheppard shrugged.

"John?"

"I can't think of him as Sheppard, okay?!" Sheppard quickly covered himself. "I'll...I'll try to come back later." He fled Rodney's room, hands balled into fists. He really wanted to pummel John right now. Sheppard had told him to stay put. If John hadn't called him and had wandered to Rodney's quarters....

Entering the mess he found John sitting with Thomas and Stackhouse, and they were all laughing. The moment the two marines caught Sheppard's eyes they grew quiet, dumped their trays, stood, saluted, and got the Hell out of the mess as quickly as possible.

Sheppard sat down opposite John. "Didn't I tell you to stay in the room?"

"I told you I was hungry and I couldn't wait for you to bring me anything." John continued to eat. "I'm sorry."

"Finish eating so we can go back."

"C'mon, John, I don't want to go to bed early again. Can't we hang out in the rec room? I'll play you a game of Grand Theft Auto."

'It's like dealing with a child,' Sheppard thought, then saw John's whole expression change to a bright grin.

"RODNEY!" John seemed happier then a loon. "Want to eat with us?"

Rodney stopped and sneered at him. "This is the help you had to give? What are you doing, spoon-feeding him?" Rodney continued to walk, but John grabbed his arm.

"I don't understand."

Rodney wrenched his arm away. "Thanks for nothing. At this rate, I'll be a chronic insomniac and when I'm too tired to save the city from invasion it will be on your head!"

John stopped eating, staring at Rodney's retreating back. "I didn't do anything to him."

"You know scientists," Sheppard said. "One day they're your friends, the next...."

"But he is my friend. My best friend."

Sheppard stood and motioned John to follow. The moment they stepped into the corridor, he continued. "If Rodney were truly your friend, wouldn't he be spending time with you? Wouldn't he be trying to figure out how you were since the split? Has he spent any time with you?"

"Well, no, but he's been busy."

"Too busy for his best friend?"

"I...."

"Has anybody spent time with you? Teyla or Aiden or Carson?"

"No." John had that look of confusion on his face again. He had no way of knowing that Sheppard had been passing himself off as 'John', no way of knowing that Sheppard had been purposely trying to keep John isolated.

"Do you think they're all busy?"

"I don't know," John's breathing quickened and Sheppard got him to a transport tube, taking him straight to their quarters.

The moment they were inside, Sheppard started again. "They don't want to be your friends anymore, John. I don't think they like you very much."

"What about you?" John asked hopefully. "Are you still my friend?"

"I'm probably the only real friend you have anymore. And you need to take a shower." John opened his mouth, but Sheppard shook his head. "John, I told you that you needed to listen to me and I meant it." John did as he was told and Sheppard waited for him to finish washing up.

This was fun, in a sick way. His other half was weaker then even Sheppard had suspected. He seemed unable to make decisions and listened to everything Sheppard said, not giving it a second thought. At this point he could have told John the sky was purple and John would have agreed without hesitation. He heard the shower go off and waited. "John, what's taking you so long?"

John finally came out. "I don't want to go to sleep," he said in no uncertain terms.

"Then what do you want to do?" Sheppard asked. His eyes raked up and down John's naked body, covered only by the towel around his waist and an even sicker thought came into his head. "Come here, John." John didn't move. "I said come here." John moved forward and Sheppard thought, 'Oh yeah, this is going to be quite interesting.'

John stood beside the bed, ducking his head. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Sheppard took him by the hand. "People have been telling me for years that I'm pretty, but I never noticed before." He brought John's hand to his mouth and kissed the palm. "Now I'm finally noticing what they meant." He watched as John turned red. "You're blushing." Sheppard finally smiled. "You didn't get turned on by that, did you?"

"It's just been so long and...I know it's wrong to feel anything for you in that context, but...."

"Context? I'm not an object, John and it's not wrong." Sheppard sighed theatrically and reclined, but he didn't let go of John's hand. "Tell me what you're feeling right now."

"I'm just a bit confused, ya know? You'll help me make decisions, won't you, like you said? I'm kind of unsure about a lot of things." John sat down. "You'll take care of me, right? Until Rodney and Zelenka figure out how to put us back together."

Sheppard placed his hands on John's shoulders. "I'm going to take very good care of you, John. I promise." He leaned up and kissed John on the cheek. "And you're going to take very good care of me when I need you to."

John totally missed the sensual tone. "I will. I promise also."

Sheppard could do subtle, be seductive, something his other half was unable to do. John would be easily coerced into almost anything at this point. He pulled John onto the bed and stroked John's hair, almost petting him. "There's nothing wrong with my holding you, is there?"

"No," John snuggled into the embrace, enjoying the physical contact. "Not at all. It feels nice." His smile faded as he felt himself growing hard.

"What is it?" Sheppard asked, knowing full well the effect he was having on John. He shifted, making sure to rub against John again.

"M-m-maybe you shouldn't d-do that," John stammered.

"Why not? I know what you like, what you don't. And with me, you wouldn't feel guilty over using somebody for your physical pleasure." He tilted John's head up, brushing his lips over John's. "Just a quick blow-job, nothing more." He palmed John through the towel, feeling the hardness. "Let me do this for you, take care of you like I promised."

For a moment John felt euphoric, but just as suddenly the reality slammed into him like a freight train. "This is wrong."

"It's not wrong," Sheppard told him. "It's not dirty or perverse and it sure as Hell isn't incest." He eased the towel aside, touching the tip of John's dick. "John, how many times have you jerked off? Touched yourself in the ass?"

"I dunno. Even I can't count that high."

"And how many times have you thought how nice it would be if you were flexible enough to blow yourself while you were doing that?"

John felt his cheeks growing hot again. "More then a few times."

"Then just look at this as a daydream come to life." Sheppard's hand slid under the towel and he squeezed.

John arched into the touch and cried out, but was quickly silenced by a kiss. He still felt that Sheppard shouldn't be touching him like that, but then Sheppard kissed John's neck, sucking on the pulse point and any thoughts John had of stopping him disappeared.

Sheppard's lips kissed their way across his shoulder, down his chest. He suckled a nipple, knowing how much he himself loved that. He pulled the towel away and jerked John's cock a few times before sucking the head, quickly covering the length with his mouth.

Sheppard fingered his ass while he sucked, raising his head for a moment, smiling up at John. "It's been so long since anybody touched you there." He sucked on two fingers, slipping them both inside as he swallowed again, working John into a frenzy, pulling his fingers out to tease, making John moan. Sheppard knew when John was going to come and fondled his balls, sucking even harder. He shoved his fingers deeper, brushing John's prostate and John came, Sheppard licking his lips as he pulled back.

John was laying there, panting for a breath.

Sheppard pulled him into a sitting position, bringing him down from his climax, kissing him softly. "It's okay, John. I'm here, I've got you."

"I never knew...." John started.

"....you were that good." Sheppard finished the statement for him and kissed him again. "Actually, you're better, but I'm kind of tired right now or I'd prove it to you." He climbed out of bed and went into the washroom, coming out and tossing a wet cloth to John. "Clean up time."

As John wiped himself down, he ducked his head, another clear blush on his cheeks. "We won't be able to do this again. We're going to be put back together soon."

Sheppard bristled at that thought, but kept his remarks to himself. Instead he nodded, "Yes, we will," and leaned in for a kiss, letting it go on a bit longer then the previous ones. "Maybe I should fu...maybe we should make love before we're one man again." The thought of taking John was even more appealing then taking Rodney. At the rate Sheppard was going, John would most definitely end up a head case and there was no way they'd be put back together.

"But wouldn't that be wrong?" John asked.

"Any more wrong then my going down on you?" Sheppard giggled. "For years people have been telling me to fuck myself. I'd actually be able to do it."

"I'll have to think about it." John was chewing on his lower lip, clearly confused again.

'We'll see what the future brings,' Sheppard thought, but what he said aloud was, "Johnny, I didn't sleep very well last night." He tried to sound morose. "You move around too much. Do you mind sleeping on the floor?" And added a pout. "I really need a good night's rest."

John stared at the floor, then back to Sheppard. "Do I get a pillow?"

"Sure," Sheppard smiled and handed one over.

"All right, but just for tonight."

"Of course. Just for tonight."

John put a sheet on the floor and took the pillow, laying down. "It's kind of cold."

Sheppard tossed him the other sheet. "It's fine for you. Now go to sleep like a good boy." He thought the lights out.

"Why do you treat me like I'm a kid?" John asked.

"Because you're acting like one, Johnny."

"QUIT CALLING ME JOHNNY!"

"No I won't," Sheppard's voice took on that cold tone again. "I told you, it suits you. Now go to sleep like I said. And no thinking. If you go to sleep, and behave tomorrow, we'll go and see Rodney." He thought the lights off and smirked in the darkness. "If he wants to see you."

John just turned over and closed his eyes. He wasn't too crazy about being on the floor, which was pretty bad in itself. And the fact that Rodney might not want to see him, that bothered him more then anything. He would go and see Rodney tomorrow, find out why Rodney was angry with him. Maybe then he could get some peace of mind.

~~~

Rodney sat in the mess, playing with a plate of food. He debated going after John but he really didn't want to be around Sheppard. Carson joined him, told him he looked like shit and to get to bed before the good Doctor shoved sleeping pills down his throat. Rodney gave him a mock salute and for a change did as he was told.

Of course it didn't matter that Carson followed him to his quarters and made sure he entered. Nor did he stay in said quarters because Carson planted himself outside the door, nearly giving Rodney a cardiac arrest when Rodney snuck out ten minutes later. No, Rodney stayed in his room and went to bed because he wanted to. "Yeah sure," he muttered as he slid under the covers. "You just keep telling yourself you're in bed because you want to be." But he was tired and did fall asleep rather quickly.

Rodney slept late the next morning and his first thought was that he'd had another wet dream about John, but this time it was more then just John touching him. And it had seemed so real again. He splashed cold water on his face. 'Great, McKay, you've discovered you're bisexual at thirty-seven.' He continued to think as he brushed his teeth. 'And at least if you decide you want to play on the other side, you know John loves you, cares for you. It's not like he doesn't want you.' Rodney headed straight for the mess instead of the labs, hoping to find John there. They really needed to talk.

When John didn't show up for breakfast, Rodney headed to John's quarters. After requesting entrance three times he thought the door open. The room was ice cold, the balcony doors open. He found John sleeping on the floor, shivering, only a thin sheet covering him. He closed the doors, worried when John didn't rouse immediately. Usually John woke at the slightest sound, but this time Rodney had to shake him a few times. "John, why are you sleeping on the floor?"

"He needs the whole bed," John said quietly. "I don't mind the floor. It's not cold and I slept okay."

"Not cold? John, you're practically blue and it's freezing outside."

"John said he needed the bed."

'Sheppard,' Rodney thought to himself. Hearing John refer to someone else as 'John' confused even Rodney. "Since when do you have to listen to him? And if you're still pissed about last night, I apologize." He smiled. "And you know I don't do that very often. Almost never."

"You're not mad at me anymore?"

The door slid open as John asked his question. "Obviously not," Sheppard glared at Rodney. "We have things to do, McKay, so be a good boy and go do whatever it is you do."

"Maybe he's right, Rodney." John's smile was shy again. "You do important stuff around here. Wanna have lunch?"

Rodney looked from one man to the other, making his own observations. John was too agreeable, Sheppard too controlling, almost like a parent and child. "Sure," he answered. "Noon in the mess."

John smiled and went to the washroom, cleaning up and taking a quick shave.

"We're going to the mainland for some target practice," Sheppard told him the moment he came out.

As John gathered his clothing his stomach growled. "What about breakfast?"

Sheppard rolled his eyes, "Fine," but snatched the black tee-shirt from John's hands. "I am wearing black. You can wear navy," he handed John another shirt, "so they can tell us apart."

"I hate blue," John almost sneered, throwing the shirt in Sheppard's face.

Sheppard stalked forward, his face an inch from John's. "Put it on, John. And before you ask, because I said so." He pushed the shirt into John's hand, smiling inwardly as John meekly took the shirt and pulled it over his head. "That's better." He thought the door open and nodded for John to go first and followed him to the mess, thankful it was practically empty. He still didn't want John around people if it could be avoided.

~~~

When they arrived in the hangar bay John was hesitant about getting into Jumper One.

"What's the matter, Johnny?"

John turned slowly. "You're not going to leave me there again, are you?"

The question caught Ford's attention; he was inside trying to fix a panel that had shorted out. "Leave you there?"

Sheppard turned at the voice, not looking happy at all. That had been his plan; to leave John there again for the day and maybe all night. But now...."No and I didn't...abandon him. I had to come back here."

"Wanna come with us, Aiden?" John smiled. "It'll be fun."

"No, he doesn't," Sheppard said firmly, glaring at Ford.

"As a matter of fact," Ford said, ignoring the look, "I'm done with my work and have nothing else to do."

"I'm flying!" John laughed and headed straight for the pilot's seat.

"Is he okay?" Ford asked Sheppard.

"No," Sheppard answered flatly and took Ford's seat, Ford sitting behind John. "John are you sure you can fly?"

John just smiled as the hangar doors opened and it didn't take more then two minutes in the air before he began to do stunts.

After his third loop-de-loop, Sheppard wanted to strangle him. "You said you were flying, so fly!"

"You're pretty bossy." John turned to Ford. "You don't mind, do you Aiden? I promise not to crash."

Despite the inertial dampeners, Ford was turning green. John's stunt flying was well-known by now. "Uh, sir," his voice cracked, "you know I hate when you don't just...fly."

"John," Sheppard began to grind his teeth, "if he throws up again...."

"Geez, you are definitely worse then Dad."

"Would you like for me to become Mom?"

All the color drained from John's face. "I'll fly."

Ford had watched the exchange, wondering what was going on. He knew the Major was a bit controlling, but this was beyond anything he had considered. He was treating John like a piece of dirt and Ford didn't like it, not at all. But he remained silent. The one thing the younger man didn't need right now was the wrath of Sheppard. Bates was cleaning toilets because he had questioned the Major on the need for recent 'maneuvers'.

The moment the jumper landed, Sheppard dragged John toward the makeshift target range and ordered Ford to stay away from them.

And much as it pained him, Aiden Ford went to the village, leaving the two other men alone.

~~~

It took John almost an hour to set up all the targets. Sheppard just sat down and watched.

"Take the gun, John," Sheppard said, holding out the Beretta.

"I really don't want to," John replied quietly, eyes moving down to the gun, then up into Sheppard's eyes. "Why do I have to do this?"

"Because I said so. Don't piss me off."

"Or what?" John challenged.

Sheppard hadn't expected this. "So you do have balls, Johnny. Now take the gun and hit the targets."

John reluctantly took the Beretta and stepped toward the makeshift range, while Sheppard directed him to the targets John should aim for....

Eight minutes later John was done. And out of twelve targets, he had hit six. It was as if he had forgotten how to shoot...or didn't want to. John didn't know which it was. He really didn't like the idea of using a gun, nor the possibility of taking a life.

"You really have to work on your skills," Sheppard told him. "You can't go offworld if you can't handle a gun."

"I'll work on it. Just don't say anything, all right?" John was pleading, almost begging.

"I don't know." Sheppard pursed his lips. "If you were to get injured because you couldn't defend yourself...."

"I can defend myself." John made a fist and swung, but Sheppard was quicker, ducking and hitting John in the stomach.

"Can you now?" Sheppard swung again, his fist landing straight on John's jaw, knocking him off his feet.

John grabbed his jaw, rubbing it. "That hurt."

"Of course it hurt." Sheppard rubbed his own knuckles; that punch had hurt him as well. "And how are you going to handle things if we run into bad guys?" Sheppard dragged John to his feet and pulled back his fist again.

"MAJOR!" Ford's voice and Sheppard whirled, letting go of John. "What are you doing to him?"

"Working out, Lieutenant," Sheppard replied with a wry grin.

"It's okay, Aiden," John gave him the same look. "He's telling the truth. I, uh, have to be fit to go tomorrow."

"You'll be fine," Ford patted him on the back. "Your six is in safe hands." He couldn't resist adding, "Rodney's."

That made John laugh out loud and even Sheppard allowed himself a chuckle.

And seeing Sheppard crack a smile brought a grin to John's face. He reset the targets in fifteen minutes with Ford's help and started from scratch, this time hitting nine of them. John turned to the other two, still grinning. "Can we have something to eat now? Maybe Marya's cookies?"

"You just ate two hours ago," Sheppard said. "It's time to go back to the city."

John's face fell. "I don't want to. Please, can't we go to the village?"

Sheppard grabbed his arm. "We're going home, so get to the jumper."

John looked at Aiden, his eyes pleading for help, but Ford just stared at his feet, not saying a word. And without any moral support, John slowly nodded to Sheppard and walked back to the jumper, stepping inside and taking a seat in the rear. "I don't want to fly home."

"Fine with me." Sheppard took the pilot's seat. "I'm a better pilot anyway."

The words stung and John was glad Ford had taken his usual seat next to Sheppard. He dug his nails into his hands, preventing the tears that were threatening. John so wanted his other half to like him, but the more time they spent as two separate men, the less Sheppard seemed to care about him.

As soon as they docked Sheppard hustled John from the hangar, getting him away from Ford. They went to a tube and once again John thought mess, but ended up in the corridor outside his quarters.

"We're going to eat," John said firmly, asserting himself.

Before Sheppard could do anything the door closed and then reopened directly in the mess hall.

"I'm hungry." John stepped out and immediately spotted Markham. "Hey, big guy! What ya eating today?" He saw Markham stare at Sheppard and stop eating. "Don't worry about him." He looked around, spotting some of his other people, motioning them all over. He noticed it was past noon, but didn't see Rodney. That upset John a bit, but he didn't show it. As the people slowly joined him, joking with him, he felt better then he had since this had started.

Sheppard had been wrong; John had friends, real friends, people that cared about him and wanted to spend time with him. As he sat there his mind wandered and he began to wonder why Sheppard had told him he didn't.

As for Sheppard, he decided to take care of a couple of things and made a u-turn back into the tube. He made a quick stop in the rec room, then his quarters, then back to the mess, where he found John laughing out loud with more then a few marines. As the Major came closer all conversation stopped. "John, we have to talk about tomorrow."

"We can talk later," John smiled. "I'm having some fun. You do remember what fun is, don't you?" He turned to Stackhouse, who was wolfing down his food in record time and looked ready to take off in a sprint. "So Stacks, how are things with you and Melinda...er, Private Thomas?"

Stackhouse looked over John's shoulder at the Major, meeting cold eyes, then focused back on John. "Fine...sir."

"He was hoping for some time alone with her," Bates added as he got ready to leave the mess. He was already scrubbing fucking toilets. What else could Major Sheppard do to him?

John made the most godawful face. "Bates, you smell."

"I'm cleaning shit," Bates chuckled. "That's my new job." He turned to Sheppard. "Isn't it...sir?"

John looked from Sheppard to Bates. "Sergeant, you are hereby relieved of latrine duty." He turned to Stackhouse. "As for you...I think you and Private Thomas can take the day off."

Stackhouse's mouth dropped open and he looked at Sheppard.

"Sergeant," John waited until Stackhouse's attention was on him, "I am your CO as well. And I am..." John paused, taking a breath, "...giving you an order to spend the day with your girlfriend." He smiled at Sheppard.

Sheppard didn't smile back, loaded a tray with food and left the mess.

John's eyes followed him, then he turned back to his people. "I'll see you guys later." He followed the Major.

Sheppard was waiting for him in the corridor, the two going to their quarters.

John finally broke the silence. "Why did you tell me nobody wanted to be my friend?" he asked. "I had a good time in the mess, being around people."

Sheppard was prepared for this and had his answer all worked out. "Because they don't like me. I thought maybe you'd stop being my friend."

John just smiled, wanting to reassure Sheppard that wasn't true. "I'd never stop being your friend. You're me, remember?"

"I can't forget, John." Sheppard motioned to a corner of the room. "Look what I have."

John's mouth dropped open. "That's the Playstation 2. You took it from the rec room?"

"Yep," Sheppard smirked. "And I got us a few games. Weir said I have nothing to do until we leave tomorrow."

"Cool," John jumped on the bed. "Controller?"

Sheppard tossed it to him and reclined on the bed, spreading his legs, urging John to sit between them. "I put in my favorite...'True Crime'."

John didn't even think twice, laying his back against Sheppard's chest while he played the game.

Once again Sheppard managed to keep John all to himself, away from people...away from Rodney. It was a mistake to allow Ford to join them on their brief trip to the mainland, and to allow John to go to the mess hall. After five minutes with Ford, John was acting more like himself. Ten minutes with the marines and he seemed more confident, even making decisions, so different from earlier in the day. Sheppard didn't like that, not at all.

John sensed a change in Sheppard and turned his head so he could look at him. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, just tired."

"So am I," John smiled and stifled a yawn. "More so then usual. The floor was kind of uncomfortable."

"If you like, you can sleep with me." Sheppard kissed the top of John's head and took the controller from his fingers. "Maybe we both need more sleep." He did feel tired, exhausted even. He shouldn't have; he had gotten a good night's sleep in the bed.

John shifted away, laying on his side, away from Sheppard. "I'll shower when I get up. I'm taking a nap." He drifted off rather quickly, his breaths slower, body relaxing.

Sheppard picked up the controller himself and began to play the game. Whereas John had played the game for fun, Sheppard seemed to revel in the violence. He played for almost two hours before he stopped and lay beside John, allowing his eyes to close.

~~~

Earlier in the day, Rodney discovered he really needed to get a few things off his chest. He didn't want to talk to Heightmeyer, who he found a bit annoying, even for a shrink (and he was not alone; a few of the marines wanted to kick her ass for getting inside their heads) so he sought out the only person in the city, hell, in two galaxies, that he felt comfortable talking to and arranged to meet her on a deserted balcony.

"I'm worried about him, Teyla." Rodney stared out onto the ocean. "John, I mean. He's been too quiet lately. And the Major, to be honest, and if you repeat this I'll deny it, he spooks me." He didn't need to tell her about his own experiences with Sheppard. He'd manage to deal with that himself...somehow.

"You are not the only one, Rodney. The marines are truly fearful of him," she shuddered a little. "They are, I believe the phrase is, 'running scared'. Sergeant Stackhouse said that someplace called 'boot camp' wasn't this bad and that the Major made his old drill instructor seem like Mary Poppins." She paused. "Who is this Mary Poppins? I do not believe I know her."

"We'll let Stackhouse explain." Rodney smiled a little, but just as suddenly frowned. "You know, when this first began, I thought it would be fun. But the Major is like ice. He has no feeling inside him."

"He does with John," Teyla told him. "He is very concerned for John and his well being."

"I don't know about that. He made John sleep on the floor and he orders him around."

"He made John sleep on the floor? Rodney, perhaps you are exaggerating things."

"I don't know, Teyla."

"He would never hurt John," Teyla insisted. "We will be on a trading mission tomorrow with the Falir. We will both observe them and see how they interact. If we jump to any conclusions and we are wrong...."

"One thing I have learned is to listen to you," Rodney laughed. "But I'll deny that also if you tell anyone."

"And I will not tell anyone that you are in love with John Sheppard."

"I'm not..." Rodney shook his head, "...I don't...."

"Yes you do and you have for a long time. You were just too blind to see it." Teyla gave him her brightest smile. "Perhaps when this is over, and they are one man again, you will tell him of your feelings."

"I hate you."

"I care for you as well, Rodney."

"And I'll make a deal with you," Rodney gave her that knowing smile of his. "I'll tell him if you tell Zelenka."

"You fight dirty, Rodney McKay," she laughed again. "You are becoming a true...grunt."

"Insulting me does nothing for your sparkling personality," he sneered.

"But it is great fun and you love every minute of it. And I am heading for some lunch. Would you care to join me?"

"OH SHIT! LUNCH!" Rodney ran down the corridor knocking over a few people to get to a transport tube.

Teyla watched him go, fascinated once again with Rodney's obsession with food.

By the time Rodney got to the mess, John was already gone. But a few marines told him that John had seemed in a good mood. That seemed to relax Rodney, who started to think that maybe Teyla was right and that he was reading more into things then he should. When he was done eating he decided that now would be a good time to speak with John and/or Sheppard, but of course at that moment Zelenka needed him in the lab.

~~~

John was drifting in that peaceful place between dreaming and reality when he felt the hand pressing against his crotch, rubbing in small circles, using the right amount of pressure, getting him rock hard in mere seconds. Deft fingers undid his pants and he raised up on autopilot so they could be removed. And that hand was back, rubbing him through his briefs, making him arch his body, moan softly. The only times it had felt so perfect were when he touched himself. Except this time he knew it wasn't his hand....John's eyes cracked open to see Sheppard leering at him.

"Before you ask, John, it's been about four hours sleep for you, two for me. It's practically dinner time." He squeezed John's dick, reaching under the waistband to run his thumb over the tip. Sheppard had assumed that John had very little self-control over his hormones and he was right. Sheppard slowly pulled the briefs off, two fingers caressing the length of John's stiff erection.

"Please...."

"Please stop? Oh yeah, I could hear you saying that." Sheppard bit John's shoulder, hearing the soft moan from John's lips. "I think you meant please more." He knew every hot spot, when to caress, when to kiss, "I need you to relax for me, John," when to blow in John's ear, when to nibble on his neck, rubbing at his temples a bit.

"That won't work on me," John nearly giggled. "I remember my Ops training."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Sheppard blew in John's ear again. "But doing that to Rodney...."

"What does that mean?" John turned in Sheppard's arms, facing eyes that were almost black. "What did you do to him?"

"I didn't fuck him...yet." Sheppard licked John's lips. "Out of all the Rodney fantasies, which was your favorite? And don't try to tell me blowing him in the shower, because I know better." Sheppard snickered. "My ultimate fantasy, if I remember correctly, was to get inside his head, plant a few triggers and make him do whatever I want, whenever I want. A blow job in the jumper, a quickie in the lab late at night...me fucking him while he's tied to the bed, arms above his head, legs splayed, ready for me, screaming and moaning...."

"No," John shook his head, finding himself aroused from the hand massaging his cock, "it's dinner and music and making out first. Undressing each other and slowly making love." John paused, getting back to the current subject. "I'll take the trigger words out," he murmured, almost to himself.

"Okay, John," Sheppard laughed a bit. "The phrases are 'make me happy' and 'please me'."

John knew he was telling the truth, but...."Why are you telling me?"

"Because you may try to undo it without knowing the triggers." Sheppard grabbed John by the hair, pulling his head forward. "Without knowing you could Swiss cheese his brain...to a limited extent." His lips descended, a gentle kiss, unlike the harsh one he knew John was expecting. "What do you want, John?" Sheppard pulled back, taking John's shirt off, followed by his own.

"You know what I want," John's voice was just above a whisper and he raised his eyes to Sheppard in a challenge. "You're me. No matter what our personalities, we want the same thing."

Sheppard undid his pants and stepped off the bed, removing them. He stood there before John, stroking himself hard before crawling back on the bed, between John's legs. "Somebody who doesn't care about the pretty boy looks..." Sheppard fisted John's cock again "...or that dick that belongs in porno films." He knelt there, both cocks lightly brushing one another. Sheppard smirked at the loud moan he got from John, urging John to roll over. He lay his body on top and rubbed his dick between John's ass cheeks, teasing. Sheppard of course knew what John liked and took full advantage. His fingers strayed inside very slowly, brushing John's prostate, this time hearing not a moan, but a whimper. "Do you want this, John?"

John was hesitant, opening his mouth a few times before answering with a simple, "Yes."

Sheppard pulled back a bit and thrust inside with no warning, grinding his hips, going deep. "It feels good, doesn't it?" His answer was a hard shove back, a cry of "MORE!" and John beginning to move in rhythm with his 'twin'.

John felt the arm slide around his waist, felt himself lifted to his knees, felt the hard cock deeper inside him, brushing his prostate again and again. His head fell back onto Sheppard's shoulder as one of Sheppard's hands stroked his dick, the other pinching his nipples. His hair was grabbed, head pulled back, his moans silenced by Sheppard's mouth over his and he didn't care about anything right then but riding Sheppard's dick.

"I am not going to fucking last." Sheppard gasped out, squeezing John's dick, jerking him faster. "Ride me harder...."

John had no problem with that...and had the best fucking orgasm of his life. He came hard, the cock in his ass still pounding, brushing his prostate with slow movements, just the way he liked it. Nobody had ever gotten it so perfect before. This was true Nirvana. And just when he calmed, Sheppard pushed him flat and began to fuck him, pretty much nailing John to the mattress.

Sheppard was lost in his own little world of lust. God John's ass was nice and tight...and that meant his was also. He'd have to let John fuck him some time just to know how it felt. But not now, not tonight. Tonight was for Sheppard alone, to get his pleasures fulfilled by John before he moved onto Rodney. And Sheppard would have McKay no matter what. He didn't care if John removed the triggers. If Rodney said no, Sheppard would just ignore him and take what he wanted. Thoughts of fucking Rodney made him wild and he raised himself a bit, spreading John's ass to watch himself. He almost greyed out when he came, holding himself within John until he grew soft and slid from the warmth. "That was good, Johnny, so fucking good."

John turned over, a small smile on his face. "Really?"

"Yeah, it was." Sheppard moved off the bed. "I'll shower first and while you're in there I'll get us some dinner."

"I want to eat with people."

"I don't," Sheppard almost growled. "And don't go anywhere."

"I'm not a prisoner, ya know," John actually pouted.

"No, but you need to shower, same as I do." Sheppard left it at that and went into the shower.

John wanted to get dressed and leave but he did smell. So he sat and waited for Sheppard to finish, which didn't take long.

"Your turn." Sheppard exited the washroom.

"When I come out we go eat." John nodded firmly and headed into the washroom.

"We'll see," Sheppard muttered at John's retreating back. Once the door closed behind John, Sheppard stepped over to the dresser, picking up the innocuous camera, still recording. He hit the playback, sighing, "Oh yeah, this is nice," as he got a perfect view of himself fucking John. Sheppard narrowed his eyes, staring at the washroom door, half tempted to enter and fuck John again or push him to his knees and make him put his mouth to good use. But he could control himself...for now.

It wouldn't take him more then a few minutes to grab some food for them. He'd be back before John was finished. And maybe after dinner they could play some more.

~~~

John stood in the shower, leaning against the wall. What he had done with Sheppard wasn't truly perverse...or maybe it was. He was no shrink. Of course Sheppard would know what aroused John the most. Hell, John wouldn't have been able to say no even if he'd wanted to...if he'd wanted to. Damn, that was the biggest two letter word he knew. And to be honest with himself, he didn't want to refuse. He had to know what it felt like and if that made him a pervert, then so be it.

And then there were the fucking mind games. Did the Major truly think that John didn't have the memories of Ops? John knew each and every face, all the men and women he used, the few he had truly hurt, the two or three he'd had a genuine good time with...the ones he had to 'remove'. And even with all those memories, bad as some were, John had thought about using those particular 'talents' on Rodney McKay, of making Rodney his. But the part of him that was John couldn't have done it.

The Sheppard part of him could, and did, fulfilling that fantasy, along with a few others, the most prominent being that John was able to feel his own dick inside him.

God, much as he hated the thought of it he would need a few therapy sessions with Heightmeyer once he was put back together. Of course it might drive her to a breakdown. After all, how many people could tell a shrink they'd actually gone to bed with themselves?

Bed. He'd gone to bed with Sheppard.

The sex had been amazing. His dick twitched, hand fisting it, pumping slowly, the memory of Sheppard's fingers inside him. His left hand slid to his ass, teasing his hole, easing two fingers inside while he stroked a bit quicker. It was the same feeling he'd had with Sheppard and his eyes snapped wide open, both hands stilling. The way Sheppard had looked at him when they...DAMN IT! Sheppard hadn't made love with John, Sheppard had made love to himself. "Narcissistic son-of-a-bitch," he murmured. "And this is sure to mean more then a few meetings with Kate!"

~~~

Rodney had, of course, become lost in his work until almost six. Hoping to have dinner with John, he went to John's quarters, requesting entrance. After he asked twice he was about to let himself in when the door opened and Sheppard stood there, glaring at him.

"What do you want, McKay?"

"I came to see John. I forgot about lunch." Rodney was trying his best to peer into the room. "Where is he?"

"I chopped him into little pieces and fed them to the fish." As he watched Rodney's eyes widen, Sheppard rolled his. "He's taking a shower, you moron. And then he's going to eat." Sheppard pointed to the food laden table.

"How do I know that?" Rodney asked. "Maybe you just turned the water on to make me think he's in there."

Sheppard didn't know whether to laugh or not; this was ridiculous. "You've been watching too many movies, McKay." He might want to drive John nuts, but kill him? Not. "HEY JOHN, YOU HAVE A VISITOR!"

"WHO?" came the shout back.

"Convinced now?" Sheppard smirked, knowing how much it annoyed Rodney. "Or do you think I do ventriloquism in my spare time?"

"I want to see him."

"Okay, if it will get you out of here." He thought the door to the washroom open. "John, you need to come out. Rodney thinks I've mutilated you."

The water went off. "Why would he think that?" John asked as he wrapped a towel around himself and came out.

"Because he's a natural paranoid," Sheppard laughed.

"You forgot about lunch," John frowned at Rodney as he picked up his clothes and stepped back into the washroom.

"No," Rodney shook his head. "I was talking to Teyla."

"About what?" Sheppard demanded.

"None of your business, you Neanderthal." Rodney stepped into Sheppard's personal space.

"Name calling can get you hurt, Rod."

"Hey, could you two not fight?" John asked quietly as he came back out.

"I want to talk to John...alone." Rodney fixed Sheppard with his standard glare, but Sheppard held his place.

"You need to leave, Rodney," John told him, but he was looking at Sheppard.

Sheppard stood behind John, his hands on John's shoulders, rubbing them. "You heard him, McKay."

Rodney didn't like the way Sheppard was touching John; it was almost a romantic caress. He nearly made a remark, but instead chose to make a quick retreat, lest he say something and stick his foot in his mouth.

"I'm going to the hangar to restock Jumper One," John said flatly. "We used a good portion of our supplies on our last mission."

"I need you to stay here, John."

"I...I don't want to and you can't make me." John slowly backed to the door, intent on getting out.

"You know what, John? After we get back tomorrow, you can move somewhere else because I don't want you here anymore." Sheppard expected John to back down, and was surprised when John just nodded in agreement.

"I'll see you in the morning," John almost whispered as he walked out. Once the door closed behind him he took a deep breath, knowing he had angered his other half.

~~~

Elizabeth had been observing Rodney and Radek for a while and they appeared to be going around in circles. And so she suggested the two scientists take a break, eat some dinner, create some mayhem, anything to give them a fresh perspective on the device. Neither man argued (both knowing Weir would order them to take time off) and Elizabeth reassured them that she would continue to work on translating the writings, reminding the two men that she wasn't so bad at deciphering codes or foreign languages.

A quick trip to the mess and both men felt better, but decided to hide in their quarters, placating Elizabeth. Rodney finished eating first and agreed to meet Radek back in the lab in two hours. He stepped into a tube with Markham and Jones and realized they were talking about the Major.

"Ya know, Doc," Markham pointed out as the doors opened by the barracks, "dressed alike you couldn't tell them apart. They could switch places and nobody would be any the wiser."

Rodney let that thought sink in as the doors closed. "Yeah, you're right. Nobody would know...." He thought about the scene in the mess, how happy John had been too see him, as if they hadn't spent any time together. "You are so stupid!" He entered the transport tube and banged his head against the wall a few times. "He's been pretending to be John. Some genius I am." Exiting into a corridor, he was more then surprised to find one of the Sheppard's standing outside his quarters.

~~~

John didn't even wait for permission to enter, he just thought the door open and shoved Rodney inside.

"What do you want, Sheppard?"

"I'm not...I mean I am, but I'm not."

"WHAT?!"

"I'm John, not...Sheppard."

"Oh no. I figured out what you've been doing. Pretending to be John...."

"I am John!"

"No you're not!" Rodney got in John's face. "Maybe you figured out what I figured out so you figured that I'd figure you were John!" Rodney folded his arms. "So there!"

John blinked at him. "That made no sense whatsoever."

"You're not John."

"I can prove it."

"And how would you do that? You know eveything he knows."

John sat down on the bed, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay, so I have no way of proving it. But I thought you of all people would know. I guess I was wrong."

Rodney sat down next to him, studying him closely. Oh yeah, it was John all right. The eyes convinced him. The look within was shy...and confused. "I believe you...John."

And John looked into blue eyes he tended to get lost in. "I've missed you, Rodney. I've missed spending time with you. I never realized how much until you weren't there."

"And where's your shadow?"

"In his room. I was unceremoniously evicted from my quarters."

"He threw you out?" Rodney actually began to giggle. "And just why did you come here?"

"He and I...we...." John felt the heat on his face, knew he was beginning to blush and quickly turned away.

It took a couple of minutes for the lightbulb to go off above the genius' head and Rodney blinked a few times, muttered "I need a drink," followed with, "He touched you?"

"A blow-job," John lied. Well sort of. He just left out the part about the sex.

"That's...." Rodney paused, the vision of two John Sheppard's making love crossing his mind. Strangely enough, it didn't do anything for him. He really didn't like Sheppard. Rodney loved one man, thank you very much, the man sitting next to him on his bed....he stood up and went straight to his closet, pulling out a bottle and two shot glasses. "Holling likes me. Now, I really think we should have a drink...or four." Instead of sitting back on the bed he sat on the chair next to it.

John stood and took the bottle away. "No Rodney. Mission tomorrow and I need to go. He'll look for any reason to prevent me from...."

Rodney grabbed the bottle back, and didn't even bother with the shot glasses. He was borderline neurotic most days but today...he opened the bottle and took a deep swallow, catching his breath when he was done. "As Markham is so fond of saying, some days you need the rotgut." He took one more swallow and handed the bottle back to John, who narrowed his eyes and took two swigs himself.

"Now we're even Rodney." John put the bottle down and kicked his shoes off, "I need some rest," and lay back against the pillows.

Rodney sat beside him, yet stared at the floor. "Did he force you, John?"

"He gave me the blow-job," John laughed a bit. "He said it wasn't perverse and it wasn't incest and...damn, Rodney, I let him. And you know what the worst part is?" John reached for the bottle and took one last drink before closing it.

"Oh God, you're going to tell me, aren't you?" Rodney asked.

"You already know." John stopped laughing and grew serious. "I liked it." He felt the blush creep back into his cheeks and glared at the hooch. "I hate Holling."

"You seem more like...you," Rodney smiled, placing his palms on John's cheeks. "And you still didn't answer my question."

"And which one was that?"

"Stupid you're not." Rodney picked up the bottle. "Have one more." Rodney watched John do just that and put the bottle aside. But he didn't close it. He had a feeling John would drink some more and in doing so, maybe John would talk to him...really talk. Alcohol tended to do that. "The question was, why did you come here?" Rodney waved his arms around the room.

John took Rodney's hands in his, stilling them. "Because I feel safe with you." John leaned in, intent on keeping their first kiss chaste, but within seconds he had his tongue down Rodney's throat...and Rodney returned the kiss. He shifted Rodney into his lap, breaking the kiss to give Rodney a grin, one fingertip caressing Rodney's lips. Maybe it was the hooch, maybe it was Rodney, maybe it was being with Rodney...hell, maybe it was the fucking kiss. John didn't know. He only knew he wasn't afraid of anything right then.

"Why me?" Rodney suddenly asked. "Face it, John, I'm not exactly your type."

"And just what is my type, oh genius mine?"

"Pretty."

"You are so wrong." John just smiled. "My type is brainy. Yeah looks are sort of important to me, I won't lie, but you Rodney, to tell you the truth, it doesn't matter to me what you look like. I know you, the real you, the you that's hidden from everybody else."

"If this were a Lifetime movie of the week I'd be bawling like a baby," Rodney smiled back.

"But before the happy ending, there has to be lots of angst...." John let the sentence drift off, which of course prompted Rodney to talk.

"I can handle it," Rodney took John's hand in his. "See, I can even do the caring, touchy-feely thing. Although if you tell anyone I will kill you. And what kind of angst are we talking about?"

John shifted Rodney off his lap so he could get the bottle again. "I did work for Special Ops, Rodney, but I did my share of Black Ops also, just like Jack O'Neill."

Rodney knew what the difference was. "So you flew suicidal rescue missions as the hero, and you also dabbled in kidnapping, assassination, torture...shall I go on, John?"

"Mind control...sex....there are many kinds of torture to make people talk. Mixing hypnosis and sex...." John felt the heat in his cheeks yet again.

"Would you stop blushing like a teenage girl?!"

"I can't help it," John said shyly, lowering his lashes. "I get kind of shy and nervous when I talk to you."

"You?" Rodney couldn't help the laugh. "Shy and/or nervous?" His laughter stopped as he saw John was serious.

John reached his hand to Rodney's face, fingers moving in a slow caress. "I'm sorry for letting this happen, but I'm going to fix it."

Rodney felt the fingers massaging his temples again just like that first time, but this time the words mind-control and hypnosis and sex were involved and there was no way he was going to allow this again. "Don't touch me." His mind was filled with those dreams of John in his bed and HOLY SHIT! Not FUCKING dreams! Rodney was furious and actually hauled John to his feet, ready to hit him.

But John wouldn't allow that and he grabbed hold of Rodney's wrists, wrestling his arms behind his back. "SHEPPARD DID IT, NOT ME!" He was having a difficult time holding Rodney still.

Rodney stepped on John's foot, John let him go and he turned and barreled into John, knocking him into the wall.

John in turn punched Rodney in the stomach and Rodney hunched over.

"You hit me," he gasped out. "You actually, fucking, hit me."

"Aww, shit, Rodney, I'm sorry." John helped him to the bed. "I didn't mean to do it." He backed away. "I'll go now."

Rodney jumped up, grabbed John's arm and turned him, wondering how John could ever look...morose. It was the only word that came to mind. The hazel eyes had a haunted look, a look Rodney knew all too well, having seen it in the mirror often enough over the years - John was afraid he'd lost his friend. "Okay, apology accepted. Now I believe you owe me one HELL of an explanation."

John did not look forward to this, but talked anyway, starting with his training and what he believed Sheppard had done to Rodney. "I can...Swiss-cheese your brain if I want to." He sat down in the chair, wiping his hands over his face at the memories. "It's what I used to do."

"How does it work?" Rodney was anything if not persistent.

"You plant the trigger word, or phrase, then you make 'em do whatever you want 'em to."

"Like making sleeper agents?" Rodney asked, with a small smile. "Those people who are ordinary, then one day they get a phone call and poof, they're like assassins?" John's glare told him it was no joke and his smile faded. "So Sheppard turned me into Pavlov's FUCKING dog," Rodney began to pace. "Woof!"

"It always worked for getting information. But it wasn't just the word or phrase, it was the action that went with it. Some of my...colleagues...were into pain. Me," John was turning red again, "I liked using pleasure...sex. People say all kinds of stuff when they're in bed and sort of under the influence."

"And you...he...hypnotized me, planted these words in my unconscious mind so I would do what exactly?" Rodney froze. "Never mind. I already know." He leaned against the wall, wishing, not for the first time, that he had a cigarette. "I had dreams, at least I thought they were dreams...realistic dreams. But they weren't were they?"

"No and I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that, John," Rodney walked over, standing before John. "You didn't do it."

"A part of me did, Rodney, that's the problem." John raised his eyes. "This part of me, the part you called 'the man inside', couldn't act on it, but his dark side could."

And Rodney couldn't help himself. He started to laugh, a small chuckle at first which erupted into laughter.

"Rodney, you're not having a nervous breakdown are you?" John was a bit concerned. He'd never heard Rodney laugh like that before. Although he had to admit that genuine laughter was a wondrous sound coming from the normally sarcastic physicist.

"You sound like..." Rodney began to calm down, "...Anakin Skywalker becoming Darth Vader." He began to giggle again. "The dark side. Oh God, John...." Rodney sobered, and the snarky tone was back. "He's been building up to fucking me, hasn't he?"

"I think so," John admitted. "And Rodney, I have to take the triggers out before he gets the chance."

"Oh no, no, NO!" Rodney put his hand up. "There is NO way you are getting inside my head!"

"You don't exactly have a choice." John chewed on his lower lip, more then a bit nervous. "Make me happy, Rodney. Please me."

Those innocent words, had they been said by anyone else would have had no effect. The trigger words may have been planted by Sheppard, but John's voice would set it off as well.

John nearly got whiplash watching Rodney strip off his clothes. Once naked Rodney stalked over to John, untucked his shirt and pulled it over his head, nearly knocking John off the chair. He dropped to his knees, pulling off John's sneakers and before John could stop him, his fingers were attempting to open John's pants.

Rodney was a man on a mission.

John managed to fight him off for about ten seconds, until Rodney got an adrenaline rush, pulled John to his feet and dragged him over to the bed. He positioned John against the headboard and sat in his lap, knees resting on John's hips, holding him still. Rodney was ready to do whatever John wanted. But what Rodney wanted was to hump John...which he did, rubbing his bare flesh against John's denim clad crotch. Taking Rodney's face in his palms, John got a good look in his eyes. They were glazed over, the black nearly eclipsing the blue. And when Rodney leaned in and kissed him, his fingers returned to John's pants.

Rodney somehow managed to get them open and yanked them down and off along with John's boxers, making himself comfortable in John's lap again.

John sat there with a naked Rodney straddling him. If this didn't convince the physicist that he had been hypnotized, nothing would. He asked one more question before he removed the triggers, knowing he'd get the whole truth. "Do you love me, Rodney?"

"Yes."

"That's all I wanted to know." John palmed his face. "Look at me and just relax, baby." His eyes grew wide at the endearment, but he shook off the feeling. "You don't want to please me or make me happy unless it's your choice." John wasn't quite sure of what else to say; he'd never removed any triggers before. "If you hear the phrases 'make me happy' or 'please me', you won't feel the need to...get naked." John had the urge to make him forget everything that had happened. But he knew well enough that the memories would still be there, buried in Rodney's mind and eventually they would return. Much as it pained him, he had to let them stay, whatever they were. He was about to bring Rodney out of it, but decided to steal one last kiss. Just in case Rodney changed his mind about them. He let the kiss go on and on, wanting to remember the taste in his fantasies...just in case. John finally let go, a small smile on his face. "Come back to me, Rodney."

And Rodney did, and stared at John for a moment. He suddenly focused and for a moment didn't know where he was, nor what he was doing. When he saw his current...position, and with whom, he froze in terror. He didn't even remember taking his clothes off, nor did he remember his dick getting hard. And Rodney so wanted to scream at John again, even punch his lights out. Except he chose to move at the same moment John did, and he felt the light brush of John's dick against his...and came.

All over John.

John smirked for the first time in days and pulled Rodney's mouth to his again and kissed him...and came himself. All over Rodney. "God, Rodney, I love you."

It took a couple of minutes for the two men to calm themselves, each opening their mouths to speak again, each failing. They really didn't know what to say to one another. But finally, Rodney broke the silence.

"Will you tell me why he did this to me?"

John tried to shift from under Rodney, but Rodney didn't budge. "I...he...did this because I had a fantasy of you as my sex slave."

Rodney opened his mouth, but closed it quickly, staring everywhere but at John.

"Rodney," John sighed, "I can hear you thinking. And after what we just did, I would hope you could talk to me."

Rodney couldn't seem to get words out.

"Please talk to me, Rodney." He tried to get up again and Rodney allowed him to move. "That's what lovers do...other then make love, of course."

"You wanted me for a sex slave?"

"I'm sorry, Rodney,"

"No, John, I'm not angry, I'm...." Rodney looked genuinely stupified. "I'm turned on actually."

"I need more alcohol," John got out of bed and went to the washroom, tossing Rodney a wet cloth while he cleaned himself. He reached for the hooch again, the liquid burning his throat. "I think I am definitely buzzed because all I am thinking is that I don't give a shit about Sheppard right now."

Rodney cleaned himself, taking a fresh sheet out and when John returned he made sure John reclined in his arms. "It was more then a blow-job wasn't it?"

John tilted his head up, staring into Rodney's eyes. "Yeah. I let him..." John paused and thought for a moment. "...I let him."

Rodney understood. "I'm not surprised," he answered with a touch of snark.

Which John took to heart and lowered his eyes quickly. "He knew where to touch me, what made me hardest. He knew what I wanted and needed."

"John, what do you want?" Rodney asked.

John stared into Rodney's eyes and for the first time couldn't read them. This was a new look...it was wonderment and confusion and...OH SHIT! It was love. Rodney really and truly cared for him, not the looks or the body or the brain or the soldier. "I want to be loved."

"Then you came to the right place," Rodney gave him a small smile. "However, when you are one man again, we will discuss this hypnosis, mind-control stuff at length."

"I promise. And aren't you supposed to be working on the doohickey?"

"Elizabeth ordered me to get some rest."

John snuggled closer, one of his legs slipping between Rodney's. "Does my...dark side...turn you on?"

"What?"

"Rodney, he's going to be a part of me once you figure out how to fix this." John rolled on top. "How far would you allow me to go?"

"I really don't know, John. How about we cross the proverbial bridge when we come to it?"

"You don't like him, do you?"

"No, John, I really don't." Before John could respond to that, Rodney's intercom went off. It was Zelenka and he needed Rodney to come to the lab right away. "I'm going to the lab. Do you want to come?"

"I'll just stay here." John smiled a little. "Can I use your laptop?"

"Fine with me," Rodney answered as he slipped into his shoes and thought the door open.

"Uh, Rodney, don't you think you should get dressed first?" John snickered as he put on his pants.

Rodney closed the door. "This is your fault," he muttered as he gathered his clothing.

"Rodney, it is okay if I stay here, isn't it? I really don't want to go back to my room." John was chewing on his lip again. "Please?"

"Sure, John. Mi casa, su casa." Rodney stood and headed for the door again.

"Can I have some of your secret M&M stash?"

Rodney froze and turned, eyes narrowed. "Touch any but the brown ones and suffer great pain when I return." He thought the door open and walked out with a smug smile on his face.

The moment the door closed John started a game of solitaire and munched on the candy...all but the brown ones. His headset came to life from the floor, where it had fallen, and it was Sheppard, demanding to know where John was. John nearly answered, but decided against it. He was going to stay in Rodney's room, with Rodney and nobody else.

John loved Rodney. He hadn't lied when he said brains, the real kind, turned him on like nothing else. And like the cliche told, there was something about him, something about the snark and the dry, cutting wit and the blue eyes that grew bright when he made a new discovery.

Rodney loved John. He'd said so. And John was happy...for about ten seconds. Because that was the amount of time that elapsed before John played back the last of their conversation in his head. Rodney had said he loved John, but he didn't like Sheppard. John wondered how Rodney would feel when he and Sheppard were one again. Would Rodney still love him? Once he and Sheppard were put back together, Sheppard would be a part of John, part of his very being. How could Rodney still love him? At that moment, instead of crossing the proverbial bridge, John wanted to jump from it.

~~~

Rodney walked toward a transport tube, but before he got there he ducked into a nearby room, closing the door and taking a few deep breaths.

First off he was going to the lab reeking of hooch, and he would have to explain why. Not that Zelenka would care, but if Elizabeth was there, aww shit, he was truly fucked.

Fucked.

He and John had...well there hadn't been penetration, but still. They had made love. There were kisses and caressing and...oh God...there had been actual cuddling. He had touched John's dick...and liked it. He came all over John and John came all over him. John loved Rodney and Rodney loved John. And anyone else in the universe would have lived happily ever after. Everybody but Rodney McKay, whose love life tended to resemble a train wreck.

In Rodney's case there was a snag and it's 'name' was Major Sheppard.

Sheppard didn't smile, he snarled. Sheppard wanted to fuck Rodney, nothing more. He wanted a sex toy, not a lover. He had used Rodney, hell, he'd abused Rodney. But Sheppard was a part of John, whether Rodney liked him or not. 'Like him? I can't stand him.' He laughed to himself. 'I told John I didn't like him.' That stopped him short. "SHIT!" He banged his head against the wall, amazed at his stupidity. "You pretty much told him once he's put back together you won't want him." He cracked his head against the wall again, winced from the pain and tapped his earpiece, telling Zelenka he needed to talk with John and he'd be there ASAP.

Radek reminded him that the language wasn't standard Ancient and at the rate they were going they'd never translate it.

Exiting the room, Rodney u-turned back to his quarters. He couldn't fuck up this relationship; it was too important. For the first time it was real.

He had to make John understand that Rodney loved him before he was split, but was too afraid to admit it. And that Rodney would still love Major John Sheppard when he was one man again.

~~~

It didn't take long for the happy rush the hooch brought John to devolve into morose thoughts.

He hoped that Rodney would forgive him over the mind games...eventually. The Black Ops thing would be talked to death, and, knowing Rodney, John would have to provide gory details of some of his missions. And he would have to cope with the fact that Rodney could never love all of him. But he would grow used to it; he had to. He heard the crashing of the waves and stepped out onto the balcony, closing his eyes, hearing nothing but the ocean. John didn't hear the door open, nor the footsteps behind him. But he did feel the arms that wrapped around his body, and the cheek resting upon his bare shoulder.

"I will always love you, John. All of you." Rodney turned John around, slid his hand behind John's neck and kissed him, needing to keep it chaste. "I wanted you to know."

"Are you sure, Rodney?"

"I loved you before you were split." At John's surprised look, Rodney grinned. "Really. Ask Teyla."

"You told Teyla?!"

"Told her?" Rodney laughed a little. "She knew before I did!"

"Perceptive woman," John added with his own smile. "So after me and my nasty half are one again, you'll still love me?"

"He can't help it, John. He's your anger, your rage. I figured out that much about the machine."

John stole a kiss. "And you figured this out alone, Rodney?"

"Well, Zelenka may have helped a bit...a tiny bit."

"Ah," John nodded and kissed him again. "So you're not infallible and/or omnipotent."

"I didn't say that." This time it was Rodney who did the kissing. "And he needs me and my...omnipotence. Now as for you John, you can hang out and wait for me. If you want." He eyed the now-empty bottle of hooch. "Or pass out if you like."

"I think I'll take the last one Rodney." John stumbled inside, flopping face down on the bed. "Love you."

"How could you not?" Rodney laughed as he thought the door open, turning back one last time. "Be back soon."

John watched the door close and allowed his eyes to drift shut, a big grin on his face. Rodney loved him, all of him. And for the first time in days, John slept peacefully.

~~~

"So you finally translated it, Zippy?" Rodney asked as he came into the lab, handing Radek a thermos of fresh 'almost-coffee'.

"I have found out purpose of the machine, McNugget," Radek replied, yet nodded his head in thanks as he took the cup.

"And what has your immense brain made of it, Zorro?"

"I can't believe it." Carson stared at them. "The Major needs your help and you're name-calling?"

"What is he talking about, Radek?"

"I have no idea, Rodney," Radek grinned at Carson. "Is good stress relief to pick on each other."

"And we already figured out," Rodney added, "that it splits whoever into their good and bad halves...sort of speak."

"Rodney, there is more to it." Radek waved his hand over some of the writing atop the device.

"Of course there is," Rodney rolled his eyes. "And....?

"They are instructions on use. It is for confrontation of the dark side of one's soul."

"Darth Vader," Rodney muttered to himself, adding silently, 'with the power of the force, or in John's case, the ATA gene'.

Radek ignored him. "It was meant as a learning tool. One observed the other, to find out, I believe English phrase is, what makes one tick; what drives them. 'John' is..." He was hesitant, but Rodney growled at him so he continued, "...gentle side of the personality. Sheppard is the dominant."

"Teyla described John as the conscience and Sheppard as the strength," Carson added.

"Thank you Carson and by the way, what are you doing here?" Rodney focused back on the device.

"I finished some tests on both Sheppard's."

"And....?" Rodney prompted.

"They're fine, just as healthy as before, all the organs where they're supposed to be."

"Are they going to spontaneously combust?" Rodney knelt down, noticing a previously hidden panel.

"No, Rodney," Carson snickered a bit, "much as I'm sure you'd like to see that."

"Can I finish?!" Zelenka groaned.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Go ahead."

"I believe his sense of right and wrong is somewhat skewed."

"Gee, Radek, tell us something we don't know." Rodney was trying to open the panel. "And I just want to know how an Ancient device like this ended up on P3R...." Rodney's voice trailed off and he reached up and yanked the panel open, a handwritten scroll falling out. He picked it up, stood and scanned it into the laptop, waiting for the translation, which came slowly, piece by piece. "This is in 'standard' Ancient." Rodney began to read...to himself.

"Aloud, Rodney," Carson sighed.

"Ah. Sorry. Basically this is a warning label." He couldn't help the giggle.

"What is it, McChicken?" Radek eyed him curiously.

"Commie pig," Rodney fired back. "And the roughest, most rudimentary translation so far is that the author was an Ancient, or the mortal equivalent of one...before they ascended. He was the only one of his people to confront his dark side. Oh shit, he built it." Rodney began to read some more to himself.

"Why was he the only one?" Carson asked.

"You must read aloud or we will lurk about over your shoulders." Radek made a sour face. "We know how much you love that."

"You are going to check the sewage tanks for the next month, Spelunka." Rodney waited for Radek to open his mouth before he began to speak again. "He tested it on himself and the two of them entered the city, spending time with the population. He learned things about himself and over the span of a few days realized his other half was the...dark part of his soul." Rodney paused. "The program is unable to translate some of it, but..." he waited for further translation, "...the device was abandoned on that planet because of the chaos it caused. His other half had no control over the darker emotions. Anger, rage...like Sheppard. This half, he couldn't make decisions, needing others to guide him."

"Like a child," Radek said.

"What happened to him Rodney?" Carson asked, leaning over Rodney's shoulder.

Rodney moved back so Carson could read it, turning to Radek. "His other half got into a fight and was killed. He couldn't live without him, so he took the machine through the Stargate, wiping out the address so his people couldn't follow. He was either very brave or very stupid."

"Or both," Carson added.

Rodney smiled back as the translation completed. "He left instructions on how to reverse it."

"And we do it in morning," Radek made a big production of yawning.

"No," Rodney shook his head vehemently. "Now."

"Why now, Rodney?" Carson asked, a small smirk on his face.

Rodney flushed pink. "I'll get John and tell Sheppard to meet us here." He turned and left the lab, not hearing the conversation that followed.

"McKay and Colonel Sheppard," Radek grinned. "You owe me Kit-Kat, Carson. And back massage."

"Your quarters or mine?" Carson asked with a leer.

"How about after the Major is one again we go to highest balcony in city," Radek leered, his eyes not leaving Carson's, "and you bend me over railing and fuck me until I faint?"

Carson could do nothing but sit down hard in a chair and slowly nod.

~~~

John's peaceful rest lasted about thirty minutes. He thought for sure he'd be out cold from the alcohol, but no such luck. He got dressed, intending to go see his people, needing to see them. He picked up his headset and it immediately came to life again, Sheppard's voice now softer, calmer, asking where John was.

John opted to leave it in Rodney's room as he walked out.

~~~

Sheppard tracked John's signal to Rodney's quarters, thinking the door open and stalking inside. He didn't find John, but he did hear Rodney in the washroom and leaned against the wall, waiting for Rodney to exit.

The moment he came out, Rodney felt the hand on his shoulder and froze in his tracks.

"Make me happy, McKay," Sheppard whispered in his ear. "Please me."

Rodney turned, eyes feral. "No, never again."

"I said," Sheppard met his glare, "please me."

"The trigger words are gone, Major. John removed them."

"I thought he would," Sheppard smiled maliciously. "And it doesn't matter to me."

Rodney grew nervous at the smile, "I think you should leave...now," and glanced at his Beretta, in it's holster on the table.

"All right, Rodney," Sheppard said calmly. "If that's the way you want it...." He waited for the split second that Rodney let his guard down and backhanded him, shoving Rodney into the wall. "You are MINE, not HIS! I will have you again and again and AGAIN and if I have to turn your brain inside out to do it, I WILL!"

Rodney ran for the gun, but Sheppard was quicker and hit him, knocking Rodney off balance, his arm going around Rodney's neck, the lack of oxygen making Rodney more then dizzy. He tried to fight, but had no type of defense training against this and it didn't take long for him to black out.

Sheppard dumped Rodney on the bed and tore a pillowcase, pushing Rodney's arms above his head and binding his wrists to the bedhead. He made sure to leave enough slack so he could turn Rodney onto his stomach, placing Rodney into the positions of Sheppard's choice.

By the time Rodney was cognizant enough to do anything, it was too late...his arms were bound above his head. "I'm not going to be your fucktoy."

"Ah, Johnny told you about that little fantasy, did he? I bet he didn't tell you about his second favorite." Sheppard pulled off Rodney's shoes and socks, tickling his feet, which nearly got him a kick in the face. Sheppard backed off, removing Rodney's pants and boxers. "The one where he ties you up and shoves his dick in your tight virgin ass and makes you beg for more." He removed his own clothing, dick already hard, leaking the first drops of precome. "What do we have to use...." He reached for a tube of sunscreen, making a production of flipping the cap open.

Squeezing some onto his fingers he teased Rodney's ass, sliding two fingers back and forth, not making an attempt to enter yet. Sheppard wanted to tease him, take him to the edge and pull him back. Unable to take it himself after a while, Sheppard began to push a finger inside...and shoved Rodney's leg back to the mattress as it lifted to kick him. "Do that again and I'll give you pain instead of pleasure." He leaned up and bit Rodney's shoulder. "Understand?"

Rodney silently nodded and fought back the tears that threatened; tried to hold down the fear as Sheppard's long fingers glided inside him. Rodney lost the battle when Sheppard's fist wrapped around his cock and Sheppard's warm and wet tongue encircled the tip, swirling in tiny circles. The war was lost the moment those fingers shoved deep, blurring his vision as they touched something inside him, followed by Sheppard's mouth descending the length of his dick. The feelings that coursed through him were mixed to the Nth degree and...HOLY SHIT! Now he understood what had happened to Major John Sheppard.

Part of Rodney, the rational part, so wanted to fight this. It was wrong, W-R-O-N-G, to allow himself to feel any type of pleasure now.

The other part of him wanted Sheppard to do it. It had been so long since anyone touched him...almost six years. Yeah, having his ass played with was new, but it felt so good. And it was still a part of John that was touching him, so it had to be okay.

SMACK

Rodney's head snapped back and he tasted the blood on his lip.

"No thinking," Sheppard snarled and bared his teeth like an animal, threading his fingers in Rodney's hair. "You concentrate on me, on what I am doing to you. Nothing else."

'No, not okay,' Rodney thought to himself. Sheppard was going to give him pain whether Rodney acquiesced or not. He raised his leg to try another kick when Sheppard reached out and turned him onto his stomach.

"I told you not to do THAT!" Sheppard thrust inside with no warning and Rodney shouted in pain. "Scream all you like, Rod. These rooms are soundproofed."

Rodney gritted his teeth, not wanting to cry out again. He sure as HELL didn't want Sheppard to know how painful this was for him. His dick was impaling Rodney to the mattress, his nails digging into Rodney's asscheeks, spreading him further. And then the world exploded....

Sheppard smirked at the change in Rodney's body. It had relaxed for just a moment; Rodney had stopped fighting him. "I guess I found it," he purred and hit Rodney's prostate again.

The shout that came from Rodney this time was not one of pain. The white hot pleasure was moving through him like an electric current and he couldn't stop the moan that came from deep within him. His cock was wrapped in a tight fist, the jerking movements short and quick, designed to make him come. Between the cock hitting his prostate and that hand on his dick and the filth spewing from Sheppard's mouth....

Rodney came hard, eyes rolling back and he fought to keep conscious. He had experienced an orgasm that nearly made him black out, used for Sheppard's pleasure alone.

Except Sheppard hadn't come. Rodney knew that much. Why hadn't he let himself? The question went unanswered as Rodney was turned onto his back again, facing hazel eyes almost black, a leer that was so sexual it was frightening and a tongue that was licking it's own lips.

Sheppard maneuvered Rodney into a reclining position, crawling up the bed, his dick level with Rodney's mouth. "My first lover told me I had a porn-star cock; long and thick. And you, Rod," he grabbed Rodney by the hair and pulled his head forward, "have porn-star cocksucker lips." Sheppard pressed the tip against Rodney's mouth but Rodney shook his head, pursing his lips tight. "Have I told you I DON'T like the word NO!" He yanked Rodney's hair and Rodney opened his mouth to scream; Sheppard pushed the head of his cock into Rodney's mouth and smiled at him. "That's it...no teeth, Rod, just your tongue."

Rodney was gasping for air and as he opened his mouth wider to take in a breath, Sheppard stuffed his cock deeper, twisting his hips...screwing Rodney's mouth. He was being degraded, used and he hated it. There was no pleasure for him in this.

"Ahh...yes, Rodney...you are a natural cocksucker...." Sheppard pulled back a bit, allowing Rodney a moment of air, ready to slide his dick back when Rodney closed his mouth again. "Son-of-a...."

SMACK

Rodney bit back the tears that wanted to fall as he was backhanded again. The tears that weren't from the physical pain, hell, the Genii had done better then that, but from the emotional. He'd wanted his first time with John Sheppard, the first time they had actual sex, to be romantic and slow, with kisses and caresses. Instead it was angry, violent....

SMACK

"I told you," Sheppard grabbed his chin, forcing Rodney's eyes to his, "no fucking thinking." He kissed Rodney hard again, slid between Rodney's legs and pushed his knees back and up. "You brought this on yourself."

Before Rodney could fully recover, Sheppard's stiff cock was pressed against his hole. Although stretched, it was also very sore. "No...please, not so soon...." And the dam broke, the tears cascading down Rodney's face. "NO!" He struggled but all he could do was take it.

Sheppard was good at what he was doing. He'd thrust inside with short, stabbing bursts, then pull out, fondling Rodney's dick, holding the length while he moved his palm in circles around the head, arousing Rodney to the point where pain and pleasure were interchangable. Sheppard teased Rodney's nipples, alternating between laving and biting. The filth continued, Rodney being degraded further, called a "whore" and a "fucking slut" and he should be "happy that I want you, because nobody else would."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Rodney spat back.

"It is and you know it," Sheppard laughed out loud. "And now I'm going to fuck you again." He bent Rodney's legs up and back again, resting his hard dick at Rodney's hole and pushed in slowly, impaling Rodney in one motion.

Rodney's mouth fell open in a silent scream as the tears continued to fall....

~~~

After a few hands of gin with Stackhouse, John headed back to Rodney's quarters. Now he needed to sleep it off. He thought 'open' but Rodney's door remained closed. This wasn't right; the city never locked him out of anywhere and vice-versa. He could lock any door and nobody could override the lock-out.

"What is wrong?" Teyla asked as she came out of her room, which was down the hall from Rodney's.

"The door won't open and it should have when I asked it to." John inclined his head towards her. "You've seen me open doors that remained shut for Markham or Beckett. Nobody could lock me out...." John paused. "Except for myself."

"Major Sheppard has locked the door?" Teyla was more confused. "Why would he lock himself in with Rodney McKay?"

"He's in there with Rodney?"

"Yes. I saw Rodney earlier. The machine has been repaired and you and...Major Sheppard, will be one again. I then saw Major Sheppard enter."

"Oh God...." John tried the manual override for Rodney's door, and of course it didn't work. "I have to get to Rodney."

"Do you think he is in danger, John?" Teyla asked, now concerned for Rodney herself.

"Yes. He's...he wants to hurt Rodney." John concentrated his very being on the door, willing it open. He was getting a headache and his vision blurred, yet the door remained closed. John took a few deep breaths, clearing his vision. He had the ATA gene for God's sake! It should be working!

Teyla placed her hand on his shoulder. "Your ATA gene cannot open the door? Perhaps you require help from another with the gene. I will call Doctor Beckett and...."

John turned as the thought hit him. He kissed her chastely, murmured, "You are a genius," and turned back to the door. "I do need help, but not from anyone else. Nobody except her."

"Her who?" Teyla was a bit confused.

"Atlantis." John took a deep breath and changed tactics. He concentrated on the city instead and felt her, she was a part of him, as much a part of him as Sheppard. He thought 'OPEN' one more time, relieved when the door did just that and stepped inside, his brain taking a few seconds to reconcile the scene before him. "NO!" He ran in and knocked Sheppard from Rodney, throwing wild punches. "LEAVE RODNEY ALONE!"

Sheppard was taken off guard and went down for a moment, but he recovered quickly. He punched John, but John quickly regained his momentum and stood, seeing Teyla untying Rodney, whose face was pale, tear tracks along his cheeks. The sight sent John into a rage and he attacked Sheppard with viciousness, tackling him, hitting him again and again until Sheppard was unconscious.

Teyla watched, truly too stunned to react and it was Rodney who finally grabbed John around the waist, pulling him off.

"John stop it. You don't need to do this." Rodney held him tighter. "We fixed the machine. You can be whole again."

"No, I won't let you...I don't want him back!" John was screaming. And he fled, this time heading into the lower depths of Atlantis, finding a quiet spot and sitting down. He didn't want Sheppard back. The soldier was cruel and heartless and John, the man, could not live with that inside him.

~~~

The Major groaned and Teyla had the presence of mind to pick up his Beretta and aim it...at his crotch. "You will get dressed, Major, or I will severely injure you."

Sheppard knew she would do just that and gathered his clothing. "It doesn't matter, you know." He smirked at Rodney, who was gathering his clothing. "I'm the one that popped your cherry."

Rodney was being goaded but he took it in, not replying, instead calling Ford, Bates and Stackhouse and asking them to come to his quarters.

Sheppard put on his shirt. "You enjoyed it, McKay." He put on the rest of his clothes. "You liked being taken."

"Shut up, Major," Rodney told him, throwing the Major's boot at his head.

"Oooh, getting a bit violent, are we," Sheppard smirked, which was the last thing he did because Teyla whacked him over the head with the butt of the gun.

Rodney stared at the fallen Major. "Teyla, you do realize that John's going to have a bruise when he gets put back together, don't you?"

Before she answered, the three marines entered.

When Rodney was questioned, all he would say was that Sheppard had gotten pissed off and attacked him, and John had intervened. As for where John was, Rodney would find him.

The unconscious Sheppard was taken to the brig, leaving Teyla and Rodney alone.

"Rodney," Teyla almost whispered, "do you require medical attention?"

"No," he told her, knowing it to be the truth. "I swear."

Those two words kept Teyla quiet, but it didn't stop her from leaning her forehead against his, placing her arms around his shoulders.

Rodney in turn wrapped his arms around her waist and just held onto her like a lifeline, the two remaining still for a while. He finally pulled away and smiled. "Thanks, I needed that. And now I am off to find John so the two of them can become one again. And then he and I will settle down to a nice, deep conversation on his predilection for pain." Rodney knew John would go to one of the lower levels, to one of the places that Atlantis would open up only for John.

Rodney hoped she'd open them for him as well.

~~~

It took Rodney more time then he thought to find John. The city wouldn't let him below level ten, so he surmised that was John's location. And God, he must really be a lovesick sap, because he actually TALKED to the city, calling Atlantis by name, telling her how much he loved John, all of him and could she PLEASE let Rodney go to him, because Rodney needed him. When he received no response, Rodney let loose with his temper, screaming at her, finally ORDERING her to show him where John was.

That worked.

Panels lit under Rodney's feet, guiding him to a transport tube. He stepped in, the doors closed, he took a deep breath and when they opened again he stepped out onto a veranda, John standing at the rail, staring out at the waves. Rodney placed his hand on John's back, trying to turn him around. "Damn, you are a hard man to find."

John turned, yet kept his eyes lowered. "I hurt you."

Rodney brushed the matted hair from John's face with surprising tenderness, lifting John's eyes to his. "No. He did."

"You and I, Rodney, we were good together without him. It was gentle and nice and...." John turned away. "How could you want to be with me now? I raped you."

"GODDAMIT JOHN!" Rodney shoved him backwards. "You didn't do this. Your...Darth Vader half did."

"I wanted our first time, your first time with a man, to be slow and sweet." John brushed a finger along Rodney's cheek. "He took that away from us."

Rodney leaned in, lips brushing John's. "Show me."

"Show you what?" John asked, voice up an octave as Rodney palmed his crotch.

"Slow and sweet." Rodney pressed his lips upon John, stepping forward as John stepped back, finally hitting the wall. Rodney turned them so his back was against the wall, finally allowing John up for air.

"Damn, Rodney, I've never been kissed like that." John moved his lips to Rodney's, palms resting against the wall, his hardening cock rubbing against Rodney's. Those kisses of Rodney's were going to make him come in his pants like a teenager. Not to mention the moans from Rodney's throat as John kissed him. But part of John felt this was wrong, the two of them like this, so soon after....pulling his lips away, John took a deep breath. "Why do you want this now? So soon after I...he...hurt you?"

"Because I...." Rodney seemed embarrased by whatever was on the tip of his tongue.

John smiled, a loving smile, pulling Rodney into a hug. "Tell me, baby," he whispered in Rodney's ear.

"Baby." Rodney repeated the word aloud and was stunned speechless. Nobody had ever had a 'pet name' for him.

And somehow John knew, and whispered, "I love you, sweetheart, and lovers talk to one another."

"Lovers. huh?" Rodney laughed a little. "All right then. Only you can heal me. And oh my fucking God, I cannot believe I just said that. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly the romantic type." Rodney actually blushed.

John found it adorable, and told him so, which only made Rodney grow a deeper shade of red. "Can I kiss you again?"

"I'll never say no," Rodney leaned in and closed his eyes, John's lips brushing his, John's tongue snaking out to lick Rodney's lips, Rodney granting him entrance.

This kiss was different then the other's. It was deep, possessive and Rodney McKay, for the first time, allowed his body to override his brain - he'd never been one to take the lead. But this time was different. This time was real. One hand slid around John's waist, pulling him close, the other threading in his hair, deepening the kiss. Coming up for air, he whispered, "Slow and sweet, John...." Rodney's lips found their way to John's neck, a trail of kisses and licks, of sucking and biting one spot and marking John as his.

John pulled away, mouth open as he stared at Rodney. "Did you just give me a hickey?"

Rodney swallowed hard, eyes darting to John's neck, and the purple bruise already formed. "I'm sorry."

"Nobody ever marked me before," John gave him a stupid grin, than frowned as he studied his lover's face. "I'm honored, not pissed." Rodney seemed unsure, so John kissed him again, this one tender and loving. "Let's go find a bed and do the slow and sweet thing."

Rodney thought for a moment before shaking his head. "No, John." He quickly covering John's open mouth with two fingers. "We do it after you're one man again. Look, I'm good with words, but like I said, I'm no romantic." He replaced his fingers with his lips on John's. "We need you back, all of you, not just pieces. Please, become that man again." One more kiss and Rodney pulled away this time. "I need you back."

"I do love you, that won't change," John reassured him.

"Yeah, I know, I'm irresistible," Rodney cracked, the two headed to a transport tube.

~~~

"Well, Hell, if it ain't Thing One and Thing Two," Sheppard laughed as they entered the brig. He eyed Bates and Stackhouse and smirked. If Sheppard was going to be one with John again, he was going to make his life miserable. "I fucked Rodney and he enjoyed it," he announced. waggling his eyebrows at the phycist. "Popped his fucking cherry."

Rodney's breaths deepened, eyes widening, fingers gripping John's upper arm. He was terrified of the consequences he was certain would be doled out by the homophobic military personnel.

Bates and Stackhouse froze, staring from one Sheppard to the other.

"Oh yeah, boys," Sheppard nodded. "Your CO secretly enjoys Disney movies, diet Coke and fucking men." He grinned at John. "And when I was in college I made a few porno movies too."

Bates turned and focused on John, glaring at him as he took two steps forward.

Rodney tried to pull John away, but John stood his ground, refusing to move.

"Yes, Sergeant?" John asked.

"You...you really...."

John wouldn't stand up to him, Rodney knew that. And if John wouldn't, Rodney would. So what if he got his teeth handed to him and received a few broken ribs? He would never allow anyone to threaten John. The Major maybe, but definitely not John. Rodney stepped in front of Bates.

Bates paused midstep. "You got a problem, McKay?"

"If you have a problem with John's sexuality," Rodney's upper lip curled and he clearly sneered, "you take it up with me."

The Sergeant took a step back. "It's not that. I'm just upset you didn't say anything sooner. Kav and me have been in the closet, sometimes literally, for the past four months."

"Kavanaugh?!" Four voices shouted, staring at Bates as if he were insane.

"He's...he's...." Bates was stammering. "Well, sirs, when he's not in the lab he's actually...sort of...human." The blush was very evident on his face.

Stackhouse just stared at John. "You drink diet soda, sir? Didn't you know that's a Commie plot to undermine the free world? Like decaf?"

Rodney blinked at them. "You don't care? That he's gay?"

"Obviously not," John said, turning to Sheppard. "You and I need to be one man again."

"I don't think so," Sheppard flat out told him.

"You don't exactly have a choice," John replied softly.

"Yeah, I do." Sheppard laughed. "That machine, we both have to want to get back together or it won't work." He looked at Rodney. "You didn't tell him that part?"

Bates and Stackhouse looked at each other, and Bates spoke up. "I know how to solve this problem." He stepped out of the brig, returned a few minutes later and shot Sheppard with a Wraith stunner, watching as the Major fell. "Unconscious, he won't exactly have a choice."

Rodney sighed at the two marines. "Well, bring him to the South lab so we can get this over with." He took John by the arm, the other two following, carrying Sheppard. Thankfully Sheppard remained out cold. Rodney was sure there would have been one hell of a battle to fight in regards to putting them back together.

Sheppard's hand was placed on the device, but John was hesitant, eyes looking into Rodney's.

Rodney's eyes gave him silent assurance that he loved John, all of him. That would not change.

John nodded to him and placed his palm next to Sheppard's...then the whole world went black.

~~~

John Sheppard woke up in the infirmary, feeling whole. He propped himself up on his elbows, meeting Carson's eyes across the room. "How long have I been out?"

"Two hours, give or take," Carson smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore, tired...." John was suddenly assailed with every memory of the past few days. He knew what Sheppard had done, how he had pretended to be John to gain the confidence of everyone, if only to learn weaknesses so he could exploit them. He knew that John had been frightened of Sheppard, that Sheppard had taken full advantage of John.

But worst of all he had hurt Rodney McKay, the best friend John Sheppard had ever had in his life, the only person who had never judged him, never wanted anything from him except pure friendship. "Rodney....?"

"Relax, Major," Carson soothed.

John thought back to their last moments before they'd gone to the lab. Would Rodney still want him? Or was he just humoring John? Yes and no, John decided. Yes, of course Rodney would still want him, love him. Rodney had never lied to John before; Rodney didn't lie most of the time and missions gone awry were proof positive of that. The man was blunt almost to a fault. And no, Rodney would never have just 'humored' John. It would have hurt John and Rodney could never hurt him...or vice-versa.

"Major...John...are you sure you're all right?"

"The machine, Carson?"

"Rodney took care of it."

John swung his legs over, eyes wide. "WHAT?!"

"It was flown out in a jumper, over the ocean and dumped somewhere," Carson snickered.

"Just checking." John paused, taking a breath. "Rodney...the Major...."

"Rodney's fine, yes I know what happened, no it won't go in your record and all you have to do is have a few sit downs with Kate. And I am bloody certain that you can convince her you are okay."

"Can I please leave?"

"John," Carson's voice lowered, "I'm not going to force you to stay, you know better then that. But if I let you leave, I want your word that you will talk to Rodney."

"Oh, I'm so going to talk to him all right," John grinned, his usual cocky grin and saunted out of the infirmary.

Carson wondered what those particular words meant, but opted not to ask. There were some things he didn't need to know.

~~~

John talked to Heightmeyer for almost two hours. He could play the 'shrink game' and told her what she wanted to hear, that he just needed a bit of time, that he needed to regain everyone's trust. John didn't tell her about the...incident...between the Major and Rodney. He and Rodney would deal with it, in their own way.

Kate Heightmeyer rolled her eyes, debating if she should have him confined to his quarters until he came clean about his feelings. But then again, this was John Sheppard, he was needed in the city. And wasn't anybody who stepped through the Stargate three fries short of a Happy Meal, herself included? It wasn't like he was manic or borderline, at least no more than usual. Yes, John Sheppard was himself again, both charming and smarmy at the same time. She made him promise to come see her the next day. John agreed and Kate knew he never broke his word.

John immediately sought out Rodney, and the two disappeared to the mainland, offering no explanations.

Elizabeth just told them to take their radios, requested they not indulge in hard drugs, and specifically told Rodney that he was not to regale the Athosian children with tales of Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhies.

Their days on the mainland were spent doing miscellaneous things with the Athosian's and the nights were spent on a blanket under the stars, holding each other, sharing nothing but soft kisses, brief caresses. Much as they wanted to make love, they both needed a little healing time.

And they drank hooch, and talked, and smoked a little Athosian weed, and talked some more. And in between the talking there was screaming and cursing, followed by deep breaths and sighs and soft laughter.

After four days Rodney was getting antsy and John clearly saw it. "Ready to go home, Rodney?"

"Yeah, John, I am." Rodney smiled. "I'm afraid of what's happened in the labs since I've been gone."

"If there had been an explosion, we'd know."

~~~

They returned at eight the next morning, and Rodney went to the labs, John to make a dent in the paperwork he just knew multiplied while he'd been gone; how, he had no idea. It had always been a mystery to him. But after two reports he grew bored and went to his own quarters, booting up his personal laptop and playing the DVD that Sheppard had made. Oh yeah, this was a major turn-on, watching him fuck himself. But thoughts of being with Rodney intruded and John found himself with a hard-on as he had visions of Rodney inside him, taking him, fucking him until they were both blithering idiots. He shut down the laptop, and headed straight for Rodney's lab. He was going to have the real thing, not some fantasy. So what if it was eleven o'clock in the morning?

~~~

"Hey," John smiled as he walked into Rodney's lab. "Can I, uh, come in?"

"You're already in," Rodney muttered, not looking up from his paperwork, which cluttered his makeshift desk.

John stood behind Rodney and picked up a sphere, which began to glow the moment he touched it. "I got it to work."

Rodney slapped it out of his hands, shoving John back. "Are you insane? Yes, you must be." He shoved John again. "Or perhaps STUPID! How could you just touch something after what happened the last time?" Another shove and John's back hit the wall.

John gave him a shy smile, licking his lips. "I want to bottom for you."

Rodney opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out; for the first time he had no snarky retort.

"Do you want to top, baby?" John placed a chaste kiss to Rodney's lips.

"John, we're in my lab."

"And your point is....?" John thought the door shut. "Locked it too." He smirked and pushed away from the wall, backing toward the lab table, hazel eyes almost black, leering. "I want you to fuck me, Rodney." John untucked his shirt and tossed it aside. "I want your cock up my ass, pounding hard, splitting me open." He kicked off his sneakers and unbuttoned his pants. "I want to feel it rough and raw, bare flesh warming me from the inside out." John's pants slid from his long legs as he leaned against the table. "I want you, Rodney, so very badly." His boxers dropped.

Rodney's brain finally gave the all-clear signal to his body and he managed to walk forward. His eyes were glued to John's hands, which were between his legs. John's right hand was fondling his slowly-swelling cock, his left caressing his balls. Rodney was growing hard and he couldn't help the moan.

"You like what you see?" John drawled, fisting himself tighter, stroking a little faster.

"OhGodYes," Rodney murmured.

John chuckled and propped himself upon the table, sliding back, feet flat, knees bent. This position gave Rodney a very nice view and John knew it. He brought his left hand to his mouth, sucking on his fingers, drenching them with saliva. "Gonna get myself ready for you, lover." John's left hand slid down down to his ass, teasing his hole. "I so need your cock." He slid one finger inside, lips parting, a soft moan escaping.

Rodney kicked off his shoes and moved shaky hands to his own pants, unbuttoning them, letting them drop. His dick was so hard it was painful, and there was a wet spot on the front of his boxers.

"Holy Jesus, Rodney, you came in your pants for me." John slid a second finger inside himself, riding them. "Take 'em off, baby. I want to see your cock, hard just for me." John pushed finger number three inside and began to chew on his lower lip.

Rodney was still silent as he nodded, pulling his boxers off. He took his own dick in hand and stroked slow and easy. He took a look at his dick, eyes moving to John's ass and back again, and slowly shook his head as if confused.

"It'll fit," John responded to the unasked question. "I'm open for you, Rodney, so ready for your thick cock." John slid down the table a bit, his ass at the edge. "C'mon, genius, show me what you can do."

Rodney moved forward without realizing, lifting John's legs to his shoulders, than paused. His brain cells were beginning to reconnect to his body parts and he was now contemplating what he was about to do.

"Stop thinking, Rodney," John ordered, getting Rodney's attentions back. "Let your body do what it wants, take what it needs." Rodney simply nodded again, and John was growing concerned - a silent Rodney was an unnerving Rodney. "Talk to me?"

"I don't want to hurt you," Rodney almost whispered. "I may be a novice, but I think we need KY or something."

"Spit."

"No," Rodney said firmly. "That's what he used and it hurt."

"I know," John said, "but I'm no virgin and I know what I like. I like it hard and raw. Bare flesh, hot and sweaty. Your come warming me from the inside out."

"John...." Rodney started, mouth agape once more.

"Rodney, baby, if you're not ready for this, we can stop. I guess I came on a bit strong, but I want you in me so bad."

"It's the dirty talk, John," Rodney admitted, cheeks flushing pink. "I, uh, I'm getting off on it. That's what made me come in my pants."

"Nothing to blush over." John dropped his legs and wrapped them around Rodney's lower back, pulling him forward.

"Not without some kind of lubricant to ease the way," Rodney insisted, pulling back. "I don't care what you say you want, I can't unless it's done proper."

"And you figured this out how?" John almost giggled, but stopped himself; that would most certainly piss Rodney off. "I thought you were a virgin before I...."

"Before he," Rodney corrected, "touched me. And yes, I was. But more than a few people, yours and mine, brought along all kinds of porn. It wasn't hard to find something in the base common files to read."

"I see." John leered and used his legs to pull Rodney closer. "So of course if you read it, it must be true." He canted his hips, lining his ass up to Rodney's dick. "I'm open for you, Rodney, ready for you to fuck me stupid, make me forget my own name." Reaching up, John palmed Rodney's face. "Please."

That last word was spoken with such need, that Rodney's resolve broke. Resting his swollen dick against John's hole, he closed his eyes, and allowed his body, his feelings, to take control. His hands rested on John's hips, fingers digging in, holding him still. He pushed forward, feeling the tightness around his flesh.

"Relax, Rodney, you're doing just fine." John dug his heels into Rodney's lower back, urging him on. "Give me more, baby. I need you to fill me with that thick cock of yours."

"God, John...." Rodney murmured as his dick disappeared deeper within John.

"Open your eyes, Rod. Open them and see what you do to me." Rodney was hesitant, eyes slowly opening, meeting John's. The latter's eyes were near black as they stared deeply into Rodney's. "I can feel you inside me, baby." John's eyes moved down, Rodney's following. "Your cock feels so fucking good, so thick and hard."

Rodney surged forward, his dick sliding deeper. "So tight, so hot around me," Rodney moaned and lifted one of John's legs to his shoulder. His dick went deeper still, until he was buried within John's ass. Rodney was on autopilot now, no thinking, no logic; just lust, want, need...all revolving around John Sheppard and John Sheppard's ass...and cock. He fisted John's hardness and began to jerk him slowly, yet with a tight grip. At the same time he slid his dick about halfway out and back in again, slow and sweet, just like they'd talked about.

But John Sheppard and his ass didn't want slow and sweet. They wanted rough and raw. John wanted Rodney's cock pounding into him, making him scream. "Fuck me, Rodney. Fuck me fast, fuck me deep, fuck me hard...."

Rodney did as he was told. With one swift move he thrust back in as deep as he could and John shrieked.

"AGAIN!"

Pull out, shove in. Over and over. Rodney was totally lost in pleasure, lost in physical sensation. Not to mention the fact that his head was swimming from John's continued litany of filth.

Rodney was "sexy" and "hot" and "beautiful". John wanted to be Rodney's "whore," his "bottomboy", his "fuck toy". John placed his hand around Rodney's the two jerking John off. "Harder, baby...make me come...."

"John...I'm...oh God, I'm going to...."

John felt it, the spurts of Rodney's come inside him, warming him. He held on for about thirty seconds before his thick cream shot all over his and Rodney's hands. John's eyes rolled back and he fought off the urge to black out. God, this had been the most intense orgasm he had ever experienced. "Damn, Rodney...."

"I think I'm dead," Rodney panted out, catching his breath. "Is it always like that?"

"If it is, I am going to be dead within a week." At Rodney's confused look, John smiled softly. "It's never been so good for me before."

Rodney swallowed hard, his throat tightening. "Never?" His eyes were ready to fill with tears and he didn't know why. Rodney McKay didn't cry.

"Never." John let a small laugh come as a tear fell down Rodney's cheek. "Rod, why are you crying?"

"Moment of weakness," Rodney smirked. "Not enough sleep, not enough food."

"You do still love me, don't you?" John asked.

"Yes, very much." Rodney began to pull out, but John stopped him.

"Slow, Rodney." John exhaled sharply as Rodney slid from him, feeling bereft, empty. He winced as he sat up, sliding off the table and picking up his boxers.

"I hurt you."

"You didn't," John reassured him, "but lying on that table killed my back." John went to the sink and motioned Rodney over, the two cleaning up and getting dressed. As they prepared to leave, John leaned in for a kiss. "Next time, baby, we do it in my bed."

"When?!" Rodney blurted out, then flushed pink and lowered his eyes. "I mean...."

John cupped his chin, a smile on his face. "How about now?"

"I can't now," Rodney shrugged. "I have work to do. Three days worth to catch up on."

John drew Rodney's face to his, kissing him on the cheek, whispering in his ear. "And of course you have to do it right now." John blew hot breath, tonguing the lobe and kissed his way down Rodney's face. "I'm going to my room, where I'm going to indulge in a hot shower." John brushed his lips over Rodney's. "After that, I'm going to lie in bed naked, jerking off slow and easy, thinking of you, how your cock felt inside me, fucking me." He backed away from Rodney, opening the door behind himself. "So you just take your time in catching up...." John turned and walked right into a transport tube. The moment the door slid closed, John allowed himself a smirk.

He had thrown out the bait, and truly hoped Rodney would go for it.

~~~

Rodney focused back on his computer, typing in a few calculations, referring back to his paperwork. It took his libido about twenty minutes to override is brain, thoughts of John laying naked beneath him, begging Rodney to fuck him. And then his vision morphed - he was the one under John, begging for John's cock inside him, DEEP inside him. Pounding him, making him scream and beg. Rodney's eyes drifted shut, enjoying his little fantasy, until his vision of John became a vision of Major Sheppard sneering at him, tying him up, hitting him, forcing him to lay there as he was raped. His eyes snapped open and he took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay calm. "No, that's not going to happen again. John loves you, you love him and he would never hurt you."

"Talking to yourself, Rodney, not a good sign," Radek chuckled from behind him.

"Up yours, Zelenka."

"You are feeling all right?"

"Why?"

"You called me by my proper name. Scares me a bit."

"Fuck you, Zlinky."

"Good, I feel much better now." Radek nodded. "Now get out of the lab as I have important work to do."

"Yeah, Zbrignew? What important work?"

A smirk came to Radek's face. "I have plant I am cultivating at night."

"You're a botanist now?"

Radek picked up a plant from behind a desk, showing it to Rodney. "Is cross-pollination of Earth and Athosian cannabis. Packs quite a kick and so far tests conclude no munchies as a side effect."

"You going to share?"

"If you share last of Arabica beans."

"I didn't see the plant," Rodney said, walking out the door.

"And I do not know you still have coffee," Radek replied with a laugh.

~~~

Rodney lurked about in front of John's quarters for about ten minutes before he requested entrance. The door opened and he stepped inside, mouth dropping open.

John was stretched out on the bed in his boxers, looking at a magazine. His eyes moved up and he grinned at Rodney. "Rodney, I could have a major orgasm right about now." He turned the page and moaned. "So damn....oh yeah."

"I'll come back," Rodney nodded quickly.

"Rodney, you don't wanna read with me?"

"I, uh...I...."

John opened the centerfold and turned the magazine to Rodney. "Look at this."

Rodney glanced at the page and nearly turned away, but did a double-take. "That's...."

"The waves off Maui. Man, I never got to surf them. I was planning a vacation on my next leave from Antarctica, but a chair messed up my plans." He showed Rodney the cover.

"Surf Magazine?"

"Yeah," John sighed. "Those waves...heavenly." He licked his lips, eyes moving up and down Rodney's body. "Not as heavenly as you though. Take off your shirt."

There was no thought as Rodney obeyed.

"Shoes and pants also. We need to be on equal ground here."

A deep breath and Rodney did that as well, chewing on his lower lip. "What now?"

"Now, you come here," John sat against the bedhead and spread his legs, "and make yourself comfortable."

Rodney got the idea and settled between them, his back flush against John's chest.

John picked up his remote. "I think you might really enjoy this...." His TV (stolen from the rec room) immediately came to life and he smirked as he heard Rodney's breath hitch.

The thought of two Sheppard's making love hadn't aroused Rodney. However, actually seeing it, in full glorious technicolor, did wonders for his own dick. His mouth dropped open and his eyes grew wide and John desperately wished he had a camera at that moment because the look on Rodney's face was priceless.

"I take it you like it?"

"It's..." Rodney tilted his head, "...amazing." His body was reacting, ass grinding back against John's thickening cock. Once he realized what he was doing, Rodney stilled, shifting his body away a little.

John, in turn, nibbled on Rodney's ear, his right hand fondled Rodney's clothed dick, slowly arousing him. "You like my hand on your dick, Rodney?" Rodney closed his eyes and moaned as John's hand slid inside his boxers. "Tell me how much you like it...."

"Yes...." Rodney murmured, lost in John's voice.

"That's it, you just relax for me...."

Rodney's eyes opened. "We never did discuss the Black Ops thing," he muttered, putting some space between them. "Or the fact that you're messing with my head again."

"Maybe I am," John admitted softly, "because you're so damn nervous about me touching you."

"Being brainwashed once was enough." Rodney sat up, his back to John. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"That's not what I was going to do, Rodney." John knelt behind him, kissing his neck, lips trailing up to his ear. hot breath blowing. "I wanted to seduce you, not ra...force you. If you tell me no, I will stop."

"I'm afraid," Rodney admitted. "It hurt."

Turning Rodney's face to his, he smiled, leaning in. "I won't ever hurt you again." John didn't give Rodney a chance to respond, laying him onto his back. "Give me a chance." Hooking his fingers in the waistband of Rodney's boxers, John pulled them down and off. "Now mine." He flung his own aside. "Ever been rimmed?"

"Rimmed?"

"Aha, so the great Doctor McKay doesn't know all." John took hold of Rodney's legs and lifted them over his shoulders. "I am so going to enjoy this." He raised Rodney's ass to his face and bit the right cheek, followed by a lick. "Better than pizza." The left. "Better than chocolate." He spread the cheeks and placed a kiss to the center. "And it's all mine." His tongue began long sw eeping motions along the crack, while his free hand flipped the cap on the lube, squeezing some on his fingers. "You like?" All he got was a whimper. "You like." He tightened his tongue and slipped it inside. "Pure scientist." A few thrusts of his tongue and Rodney was not only whimpering, but moaning. John pulled back, one finger teasing the hole. He slid it in and Rodney's whole demeanor changed.

"I don't know if I can do this." Rodney sounded close to panicking.

John lay his face against Rodney's thigh...nuzzling, nipping, kissing. "Rodney, if you can't, it's okay. You can do me again."

A sharp intake of breath from Rodney, followed by another and another, before Rodney was able to speak. "No, I can do this...like you said, slow and sweet."

More lube and John's finger was back, moving at a snail's pace. The last thing he wanted was Rodney having a meltdown, memories from his assault destroying what John just knew would be a perfect moment; their perfect moment. When Rodney began to bear down, John added a second finger and was met with almost no resistance. The third finger was added when Rodney shifted his hips, fucking himself on those fingers, whispering John's name again and again.

John's fingers disappeared and he turned Rodney onto his stomach. "Less pain this way." Rodney turned, meeting John's eyes, nodding his head.

"I'll make it good for you, baby, I promise." John shifted to his knees, one last kiss to Rodney's ass before he took his cock in hand and rested it against his hole. He pressed in and Rodney grunted, but followed with a murmured, "Keep going." John was slow, easing his way inside, senses focused on Rodney. Every sigh, every movement, John was well prepared to stop, to wait. hat he wasn't prepared for was Rodney to become an extremely active participant.

It didn't take but a few moments for Rodney to meet him thrust for thrust, shouting "JOHN!" and "MORE!" and "SO HARD, SO GOOD, FASTER!"

One thing John Sheppard knew he was good at, though he'd never admit it out loud, was following Rodney's orders. Now was no different than any of those times. He closed his eyes, feeling the heat around his cock. Damn, fucking Rodney was going to be John's new hobby. Hell, the way Rodney was moving with him, it was going to be an addiction. He took Rodney's thickened dick into his fist, jerking him hard, somehow knowing when Rodney was going to come. John wasn't going to last, he was at the edge, and he was taking Rodney over with him.

"GOD JOHN YES!" Rodney lost it, his come covering John's fist, falling flat as the last bit of strength was almost literally drained from his body.

John, suprisingly, wasn't as near done as he thought. The feel of Rodney's come just made him harder and gave him a second wind. And he watched himself sliding in and out, Rodney's ass clenching, holding him inside. Another shout of "GOD JOHN!" and that was it. John let himself go, let his orgasm take him over. "Rodney...Rodney...all mine...my Rodney...." Finally drained he slowed, catching a breath. He eased out falling to his side, a grin on his face. He reached out and gently stroked Rodney's face. "My Rodney." A chaste kiss and he dragged himself from the bed, wetting a cloth to clean himself, placing another kiss to Rodney's ass as he cleaned him as well. "You know," John snickered, "for an Atheist, you sure do mention God an awful lot."

"Can I stay here?" Rodney almost whispered. "All night?"

"On one condition."

"And that would be what."

"Tell me you love me, all of me."

"Now, see, I could make some snarky remark here...."

"Rodney...."

Rodney leaned over and stole a kiss of his own. "But this time, I won't. I do love you, John, all of you."

"Good. Now I can get a good night's sleep." John snuggled into Rodney. "Can we cuddle?"

"You like to cuddle?"

"Yes, Rodney, but tell anyone and I swear...."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, they'll never find the body." But Rodney was smiling as he spoke. "Good-night, John."

"Good-night, lambchop."

"Oh, you are so going to pay for that one."

~~~

John woke before Rodney and tried to kiss him awake, but all Rodney did was turn over and mutter unintelligble words, although John did make out two clear curses. He just kissed Rodney softly and left him to sleep. His first stop was the men's barracks area and he peered inside. The men there all snapped to attention and John wandered down the line of beds, stopping at Ford's. "Lieutenant...."

"I'll remake it, SIR! Immediately!"

John gave him a small smile. "Actually, I was going to tell you it was too neat. And you know, as my second, you're entitled to your own room."

"I was sort of thinking about it," Ford smiled.

John nodded to him and his eyes moved to Stackhouse. "Sergeant, I thought you hated getting up before lunch?"

"I...."

"You need your beauty sleep," John told him. "I can see black circles under your eyes. Go back to sleep for a few hours. That's an order." He studied his men. "As for the rest of you...aww Hell, do what you want. I've got enough stress in my life. If command ever makes it here, we'll do the spit and polish routine for them. Is that UNDERSTOOD?!"

"You got it, Shep," Stackhouse laughed.

"Good. Glad to hear we're in agreement."

"Does this mean no more maneuvers at dawn on the mainland?" Markham piped up.

"Why, Sergeant? Did you enjoy them?"

"No," Markham almost whimpered.

"Then shut up about it." John looked around the room. "Unless we are under attack or on missions, maneuvers will continue every other day, from one to four, followed by a pseudo-clambake, some hooch and a football game. Oh, and gentlemen...." They all snapped to attention again and John smirked. "Have a real nice day."

Ford hesitated, but quickly followed John. "Major! We need to talk."

John turned back, a smile on his face. "So talk, Lieutenant."

"I'm...ashamed...of my behavior on the mainland, when I went with you and...you." Aiden lowered his eyes, kicking at invisible dirt. "I saw what he was doing, and I did nothing to protect...the man I grew to know as John."

"You're forgiven." John placed his hand on Ford's shoulder. "I wouldn't have challenged him either. Even I'm not sure how he would have reacted."

Ford nodded to his CO and headed back to the barracks area.

~~~

John's next stop was the women's barracks, where he got the same greeting. All the women snapped to attention, standing still, saluting. "At ease." He stopped in front of Thomas. "What are you wearing, Private?"

"A UNIFORM, SIR!"

"Well take it off," he sighed. "It's ninety-five degrees outside. Put on that itty-bitty tank you have, because Stackhouse likes it." He turned to Farmer and her 'area'. "Corporal, didn't you have a Tazmanian Devil poster up?"

"IT'S NOT ESSENTIAL, SIR!"

"Well I think it is," John smirked. "And I don't hear music. I thought your mission in life was to deafen me with that crap you play."

"Not at all, Major," Starnes spoke up. "It's to keep you out of here."

"And you'll be happy to know that it works." John stared back at Farmer. "Get the damn poster back up, CORPORAL!"

"Can I put back my Robert Kinsey dartboard also?"

"Only if you let me shoot with you later. And as I told the men, clambake tomorrow, followed by football. I want to see you women kick some ass! Thomas, all you have to do is lift your shirt and Stackhouse will fumble. And you Starnes, it's about time you drank those men under the table. I've watched you fly straight after five belts of swill!"

The women all stood at attention, very happy to have their CO back.

John turned and left, whistling to himself, a very happy man. He popped his head into the makeshift gym, knowing at that time of the day, Teyla would be working out. "Uh, wanna spar?" He forced himself to smile, remembering what his other half had done to her the last time they'd been there.

Teyla returned the smile. "You will not hold back?"

"Look, I'm sorry for what I...." John didn't get to finish, finding himself flat on his back.

"You will never apologize for that, John Sheppard. Now," she picked up a second set of sticks, "as you said to me, let us rock."

"It's 'let's rock'."

A clear smirk came to Teyla's face. "What-ever."

"Well all-righty then," he laughed. "Let us rock."

And they went at it for almost twenty minutes, before John called a truce. His upper lip was swollen and her right eye was turning purple. "Teyla, maybe we should stick to Mortal Kombat."

"Yes," she agreed. "It is less...stressful."

"I would be more than happy to get you a marine a day for you to...rock with."

"I would prefer to work out with Doctor Zelenka."

"Z? But you'd kick his ass in under three seconds."

"I did not say we would work out with my sticks, did I?" She gave him a sly smile.

"I never did thank you for helping Rodney after the Major...."

"Do you love him, John?"

"I'll never hurt him," John replied, the unspoken 'again' hanging in the air.

"I know that, and it is not what I asked you."

"I do. More than chocolate."

"Good enough. Shall we go and claim icepacks from Doctor Beckett?"

"Oh yeah. I passed him on my way here and I'm sure he's expecting us."

They left the gym as always, arm in arm, laughing about something totally trivial.

Things were finally back to what passed for normal in the city of the Ancients.

For a little while at least.

FIN