...And There's Never Any Crumbs In The Sheets!

by Jase

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asj/jase/crumbs.php
Summary: Daniel always knows what to say
Info: Dedicated to Angel..my "fluffy" academic who knows just what to say to put a soldier boy in his happy place

A hunting party. Thats all these events ever were, and ever would be. Cam swallowed another sip of champagne and watched the tuxedoed waiters mince by. His adams apple rasped against the tightly starched collar of his Class A shirt, and the tie felt like a noose.

~~~~

"I hate these...things." he'd told Daniel earlier, trouserless and looking ridiculous in his sock garters as he bent over the bed (in tighty whities cause boxers made too much of a crinkle in razor creased blues pants) and made minute adjustments to his substantial rack of fruitsalad. Each ribbon had to be in the right order.Extra pressure for perfection came with the medallion that hung off it's sky blue star spangled sash.He groused as he fiddled.

"Fuss with the uniforms ..wear the uniforms, make nice polite talk in the uniforms to all the nice polite divorcee's that are sizing you up like your a damned thirty point buck! DAMN!" he twitched back and sucked his finger, eyes searching to see where the clutchback of for the ribbon rack had skittered off too. He'd missed his mark fastening it and the tiny pin that usually punctured the fabric, had done the same on his index finger.

"Fits nah fair. Fam gefs to go in civies." he pulled his finger out of his mouth. Daniel bent and picked up the brass divot.

"Well...do you blame her? Military dress uniforms for women seem to be designed to make them look idiotic."

Daniel's tone was sarcastic as he leaned over and looked at the stripes of color on the uniform. "The military has always had its rituals of dress...mostly to establish dominance...the Samurai..."

Cam cut him off.."That's another point...conversation. I never know what to say. The conversations in there are more like..dogfights between a Viper* and a MIG. You know me...I'll try to say something witty..and end up with the blank stares you guys used to give me."

His brow wrinkled, and he smiled, "Well I must've gotten wittier cause you guys don't..."

"No." Jackson cut him off "We just learned to ignore you." and received a minor Mitchell death glare from behind.

"You really don't need to talk you know. Just stand there, with a drink in your hand and look heroic." Daniel smirked and looked at Cam sidelong. "The uniform does all the talking for you." Daniel was suprised to see that Cam looked slightly disappointed.

"Huh. So I'm just a dumb cracker with a good profile and a juciy pension.... Huh." he repeated and sulked off to the bathroom for a final check.

~~~~

Hours...and hours and hours later...he found himself standing next to a potted palm wishing for an honest burger and a cold beer. Poptop. Every general with an unmarried someone was making a point of talking to him.You couldn't even wear a fake wedding ring cause..well...military was worse than small towns. No secrets. Well, MOSTLY no secrets...everyone..'knew' he was single.He sighed and stole a rare covert glance at Daniel who was expounding something to fluttering some-ones. Lucky bastard. Glib as ever. Okay just go over. Nevermind that Genreal Hobbisher over there had both a niece and an divorced daughter he'd like to introduce him to.

They were the source of the fluttering.

"Doctor Jackson."

"Colonel Mitchell."

The ladies with the General didn't stop fluttering, in fact, the flutter factor definitely escalated.Cam just smiled and tried to look heroic, realising that Daniel was right, he didn't need to say much. Just...say it..meaningfully. "No..really?" Seemed to be a good answer, followed by a sincere.."And then what happened." Hey..this wasn't so bad. And Old Hobby was grinning like a drunk raccoon. It helped to score points off the brass.Always.

He shot a look over to Sam, who looked cool and elegant in a midnight blue evening dress, and smiled around his champagne flute. Seemed the folks around her were doing the fluttering...respectfully, but fluttering nonetheless.

Another tight stepping waiter with a tray on each hand came by.

"Canape's? Crackers and dip?" The teeny sandwiches did nothing for his burger craving, but to Cam's surprise, Daniel picked over the other tray,filling his hand with crispy rounds. Overly sweet one of the ladies asked. "Don't you want a cucumber sandwich Doctor Jackson?" Flutter Flutter.

"Oooh no..thanks." something in Jackson's tone made Cam look up sharply. Was there a hint of mischief in those innocent(HA!)baby blues??? "I'll just have some of these." He held up a round golden wafer, "I like nothing better than nibble slowly on a cracker just before bed. Relaxes me to no end." Guilessly he smiled at the ladies, eyes making nanosecond contact with Cam's before moving on.Suddenly Mitchell discovered the incentive he needed to make it happily through the rest of the night.