Passages 2

Follow Your Heart

by John O'Connor

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asj/john/passages02.php
Summary: An outside influence finally forces Janet to deal with her feelings

"I got it!" Cassie yelled before the phone had a chance to ring a second time.

Janet walked out of the kitchen, her brows arched in question. Cassie noticed and covered the mouthpiece, "It's Sam."

Janet nodded. She turned back to the kitchen. The dishwasher won't load itself. And if Sam wanted to talk to her, Cassandra would get her.

She didn't turn around fast enough. Cassie saw the light in her eyes and the small smile that formed.

"Okay, great! Thanks Sam!" Cassie hung up.

"What was that about?" Janet called.

"Sam's coming over for my next driving lesson," her daughter said as she entered the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, she grabbed a bottle of water and leaned against the far counter looking at Janet.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Remember when I was sick and could move things?"

"How could I forget? Beyond almost losing you, I got a nice little burn from your chess piece."

"Yeah, uh, Sam said I had telekinetic powers and almost had prio..pree...?"

"Pyrokenesis."

"Right! Like 'Firestarter' she said. That's the movie with the one Angel, right?"

"Yes, from the book. Anyway, what about your illness?"

"I never told you, or anyone, but I could read your thoughts."

"My thoughts?"

"Yours, Sam's, just about anyone except Nirrti. That bitch!"

"Hey! Language, young lady! So, why didn't you tell us about that?"

"I was scared. I saw things like what Uncle Jack wanted to do to her. And the one nurse?"

"Margaret Jervik?"

"Yeah. She, uh, she wanted to..." Cassie blushed. "She was more interested in Uncle Daniel than in my case."

"Okay. Could you see everything?"

"No. I think I could only see what someone was thinking at the time."

"Okay. But not anymore?"

Cassie shook her head. "Mom? Janet? When are you going to tell Sam?"

"Tell Sam what?" Janet asked in reply.

"I saw it. Most of the time, you were only thinking of me and getting me healthy. But once, when Sam came in, you thought about..." Cassie blushed again, a deeper red this time.

"Uh, Cassie, I...was under a lot of strain and..."

"It's okay. Sam makes you happy. You make Sam happy too."

"I thought you couldn't read minds anymore."

"I may not read minds but I'm not blind. I see how you change whenever Sam is around. Like just now when I told you she was on the phone. Your whole face lit up.

"So, when are you going to tell her?"

Janet stood there leaning back against the sink, her arms folded across her chest. After several seconds, she decided the truth was best. With a sigh, she said, "It's not that simple. Sam is my friend, our friend. What I may want isn't the same thing she wants."

"Are you sure? Have you asked her?"

"No. But, nowadays in the military, it's not something to talk about. And I know Sam would never say anything but she is from a military family. Rules and regulations are her life."

"You're from a military family. That didn't stop you from knocking out a guard and threatening to kill a prisoner."

"That was different. You're my little girl." Cassie scowled. "Okay, not so little. And I love you. I'd do anything to keep you safe."

"So love is a good reason to break regulations?"

"No. What I did was wrong. I knew I could be courtmartialed, maybe even jailed, but I didn't care."

"Maybe Sam feels the same way..."

Janet remained where she was in silence. Cassie shook her head and headed out of the kitchen.

"Gotta get my shoes. Sam'll be here soon."

* * * * * *

Janet was curled up on the couch, her feet tucked under her, when Sam and Cassandra returned. Her heart rate picked up when she saw Sam. That brought back the small worry that had been niggling at the back of her brain since Cassie had brought the subject up. Was it obvious that she wanted Sam?

Outwardly, she seemed calm and in control. "So, how'd it go?"

"Well, she finally figured out what a Stop sign is for. Still have to work on lights."

"Hey, I stopped at all the red lights," Cassie protested.

In a sing-song voice, Sam said, "If red means stop and green means go, yellow must mean floor it."

Even Cassandra couldn't suppress a smile at that. "Yeah? Well, I've seen you on your Indian, Sam." She had a wicked look on her face as she asked, "What was his name again?"

"Cassandra!" Janet said quickly.

"Cassie!"

"Hey, it was a joke!" the teen said, her hands held in front of her.

"I am so glad you're old enough to stay on your own. No more nights with Jack O'Neill baby-sitting. Now, go set the table. You are staying for dinner, right?" The last was directed as Sam.

"Well, sure. I'd love too."

"You gonna talk to her?"

"Cassandra. Table. Now."

With a sullen look, Cassie headed for the kitchen to get the plates and silverware. "Are we eating in the kitchen?" she called.

"No, the dining room. We have company," Janet yelled back. Then to Sam, she added, "Sorry. Mom would kill me but yelling down the stairs or between rooms has become a bad habit."

Sam had a pleased smile on her face, "So, I'm company, huh?"

"Of course you are."

"What was it you wanted to talk about?"

Fear seized Janet's heart for a single, terrifying moment. Outwardly, she still maintained her calm facade.

"Oh, just wanted to know how she was really doing. She still cares about what you think."

Sam sat next to Janet and patted her knee. "She cares about what you think too. It's just not cool to show it."

"I guess. I just don't know how to deal with a teenager at times."

"I guess an old woman like you...too many decades since your sweet sixteen birthday."

"Hey! I can still rescind the dinner invitation."

"Okay, okay." Sam held her hands up to ward off the wrath of an irritated doctor.

"Anyway, she's actually pretty good behind the wheel. She's a better driver than Jack O'Neill."

"That's not saying much," Janet replied.

Smiling, Sam went on, "She does like to give it too much gas, but she's much smoother applying the brakes than she was. She'll be great."

"Yeah, she will be."

"You have a lot to do with that, you know," Sam said.

"Ah, what do you know?" Janet said dismissively.

"Well, I know enough. But what I'd like to know is what's for dinner."

"Fraiser Four-Alarm Chili. The recipe that had your CO crying."

"Excellent," Sam said in a low sinister voice.

* * * * * *

Chaos reigned at the Alpha Site. Maimed and wounded Tok'ra were pouring through the Stargate and Janet was racing around the compound directing triage operations.

"Move!" Janet yelled. She felt the need to be everywhere at once and the stress was coming through in her voice.

"Yes sir, set it up, go, go," one of her aides confirmed.

Janet managed to get a lock on her anxiety as she knelt next to one of the wounded, "Possible C-4 fracture! Immobilize with a cervical collar and let the symbiote heal the damage! Pressure dressing STAT!"

She quickly moved on to the next one, "Airway's partially compromised! Airman, priority one! Let's move!!"

'How many more?' she thought as she moved to one bleeding badly. Shoving her fingers into the wound, she felt for the ruptured artery. "Femoral artery! We need to stop this bleeding."

One of the medical orderlies she'd brought came and applied a temporary clamp. "Okay, get this one prepped immediately! C'mon people! Let's move!"

Sam helped where she could as did Teal'c, Jack O'Neill, and most of the rest of the Terrans. For some reason, the renegade Jaffa stood to the side, for the most part.

Racing to another bloody Tok'ra, Janet again knelt and pulled the charred remains of his tunic back. She gasped in horror to see much of his chest cavity was a charred hollow. Looking deeper with a morbid fascination, she saw the Tok'ra's symbiote. The serpent was cut in half at the same point that the host's spine was shattered and burned.

The damage was the worst Janet had seen that day but, for some miraculous reason, the Tok'ra was still alive. She held his hand as he tried to breath into devastated lungs. She could see his heart quivering as it tried to function. It couldn't hold out much longer.

Damn the Hippocratic Oath! This was a case for euthanasia. The man had nothing to live for but a few more moments of pain.

Even as the near-blasphemous thoughts raced through her mind, Janet felt the hand holding hers loosen and fall away.

In another second, she was back in command, directing her people and the volunteers. Once the Gate shut down, she raced to the makeshift surgery to begin the long process of trying to keep war-mangled people alive. The fact that their bodies had been genetically altered from their human root stock made things even more difficult.

Several long, exhausting hours later, she walked out into the dark compound, pulling her fatigue jacket on over a sweat-soaked t-shirt.

"Hi. How're you doing?"

Janet jumped at the unexpected voice. Turning, she saw Sam leaning against the wall of one of the permanent structures. She relaxed with a sigh.

"Okay, I guess. I haven't had to do that in a long time. Thank God. Even when the Tollan were brought into the SGC a few years ago, it wasn't this intense. How come you're still up?"

"I wanted to see how you were."

Janet felt a surge of warmth in her. "Thank you, Sam. You just made me feel a helluva lot better."

"Okay, c'mon. We're staying over here. We better hit the sack soon too. Dawn is only a few hours away and the colonel wants to get started re-securing this place."

They walked in companionable silence across the dark ground to one of the bunkhouses.

"You want this bunk or that one?" Sam asked.

"Doesn't matter. I think I could sleep on a bed of nails right now."

"Sorry, can't help you with that. Maybe I can whip up something by tomorrow night," Sam laughed.

"How long are we gonna be here?" the doctor asked before yawning widely.

"Long enough for you to get some sleep. Here," Sam pushed Janet back, took off her boots, and pulled a blanket over her. "Sleep tight."

"I...wi..." Janet was asleep before Sam was finished tucking her in.

Glancing quickly around and seeing the few other women asleep, she kissed Janet tenderly on the forehead. "Sweet dreams."

* * * * * *

Janet's dreams may have been sweet but the following day was anything but.

The first indication was the fact that she lost two patients during the night. Janet hated to lose anyone for any reason but two was worse.

Then after the funeral for the lost Tok'ra, the Jaffa and the Tok'ra began to fight. Then Sam found the naqada reactor on the verge of an overload.

O'Neill ordered a lockdown on the site. No one was going to be allowed to leave until the saboteur was found. This was practically a death sentence to two more of her patients that desperately needed better care than could be provided here.

Tempers continued to run high between the two Goa'uld branches. This apparently resulted in the murder of the Tok'ra Ocker.

With Sam's help, Janet performed a makeshift autopsy. She didn't want to take any of her personnel away from the wounded.

While no evidence was found that pointed to a particular culprit, it was obvious that Ocker was taken from behind.

Another death. This time, the Jaffa who had nearly come to blows with Ocker after the funeral, Artok. He was dead in the makeshift holding cell. All indications there were that it was someone he knew.

Tensions were high. People were sniping at each other. It seemed that only Jacob Carter, his daughter, Colonel O'Neill, and she were keeping their heads. And, outwardly that was true but deep inside, Janet was screaming out in fear and frustration.

Soon after Artok was killed, the two alien factions came close to annihilating each other before the evidence was found to show that a cloaked Ashrack was behind the killings and the sabotage.

Teams went into the trees and Master Bra'tac was lost. Janet and he had exchanged heated words before but she knew he was a man of honor and the loss saddened her even further.

That night, Sam came in to find her curled on her bunk, shaking with quiet sobs.

"Hey, hey. It's okay," Sam said as she took Janet into her comforting embrace. "What is it? Talk to me, Janet."

"It's... I'm afraid we'll all die here."

"No. We'll be alright. Don't worry."

"It's not that. I mean...I don't want to die but..." She buried her face in Sam's shoulder, her words muffled but clear to her dear friend, "Cassie and I had an argument the last time I saw her. I don't want to die with her thinking I'm mad at her..."

Sam fought back tears herself and held Janet tighter. "She won't. I promise. We'll see her together and...it'll be okay."

A few quiet moments passed, then Janet sniffed a few times and pushed away. "Sorry, Sam," she said as she wiped her eyes. "I just..."

"Hey, it's okay. Everyone is allowed to cry at least once. Even Napoleonic powermongers," Sam said.

Janet scowled at her then had to smile. "Thanks Sam. I'm glad you're here."

"So, what did you and the kid argue about?"

"Typical teenager/parent stuff," Janet said. It was only partly the truth. She wasn't about to tell Sam that Cassie was pushing her to tell the woman how she felt. As Cass pushed, Janet became more determined and the two began to shout at each other. Before anything could be resolved, Cassie's ride to school showed up.

"You'll be able to talk it out soon. If I have to, I'll sit you both down and play referee."

"Uh, no. I don't think that'll be...necessary."

"You sure? I'd be happy to help. I mean, I am partly to blame for you adopting her and I haven't done as much as I think I should."

"Sam, you are doing a lot for us. Admittedly I had to boot your ass to get you to come by at first."

"I...I was still embarrassed that I took the elevator up in the first place," Sam said.

"That was over four years ago. You can let it go."

"And when are you going to let go, Jan? When are you going to tell me what's going on? What's bothering you? I just want to help."

"Sam, much as I'd love to tell you... Believe me. It's better that I take care of this. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Now, if you don't mind, it's been a helluva day."

"If you need anything, I'm right here."

"You always are. Night Sam," Janet said with a smile.

"Night, Janet." Sam watched as Janet fell asleep, thinking, 'I'll always be here for you.'

* * * * * *

Two weeks later, Sam was over at the Fraiser house. She and Cassie had another driving lesson, the last before the teen took her test for the much-desired license.

"So, can we get another car?"

Janet managed to swallow her tea before she answered, just barely. "What? Another car? Why do we need another car?"

"For me. See, this way you don't have to drive me everywhere anymore. I can do it."

"And who's paying for gas, insurance, the car itself?"

Cassie's expression showed she hadn't really considered that aspect. But, being a typical teenager (more or less), she rallied, "Well, I could pay you back."

"With what?"

"I'll...I'll get a... A job."

Sam sat and watched the exchange, barely containing her laughter. Janet saw this and challenged her.

"Well? You just gonna sit there? Help me."

"Well, Jan, she has a point."

"Not you too," Janet moaned, covering her face with her hands.

"But you have a better one."

"SAM!" Cassie cried. "I thought you were on my side!?!"

"I am. But I'm also on your mom's side."

"Great! Just great! I bet Jack would've let me get a car if he'd adopted me!" the teenager challenged.

"Don't be too sure of that," Sam responded. "He's all hearts and flowers when you're friends but if you were his daughter, he'd lock you in the cellar until you were an old maid.

"At least Janet lets you go out and have fun," Sam concluded.

"Once in a while, maybe," Cassie said sullenly. "May I be excused? The gang'll be by for me soon."

Janet sighed, "Clear your place and rinse the dishes off."

Cassie grabbed her plate, silverware, and glass. "Thanks."

"Finish your milk!" Janet called.

"Sorry, Janet. I guess..."

"No, it's alright. It's going to be my fight. I may as well get in on the ground floor. Thanks for saying what you did about the colonel."

These dinners had become more and more frequent. Sam was practically a member of the household. And Janet loved it, until the inevitable moment came when Sam had to go home.

But that was hours away. "What do you want to watch tonight?"

Sam replied, "The usual."

"Okay by me."

Several minutes later, Sam and Janet were relaxing in the family room. Cassie came in.

"What's up?"

"We're going to watch "John Doe". Want to join us?" Sam asked.

"Nah, gotta go. You didn't mess with the VCR did you?"

Janet shook her head, "No. 'CSI' is still in there with '24' and 'The Shield'."

"Okay. I'll watch'em tomorrow." A car horn sounded. "I'm outta here." She crossed over and kissed Janet's cheek, "Love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Cassie."

"Love you, Sam."

"Right back at you," Sam said with a big grin.

As the front door slammed shut, Sam said, "You let her watch 'The Shield'? I'm surprised."

"She was watching it last year at her friend's. It seemed kinda silly to tell her she couldn't watch it. She'd just head over to Michelle's anyway."

Sam shook her head, "I dunno. But, I guess it's okay. She's not running around swearing like a sailor."

"Or an airman," Janet added. "So far as we know."

"Sorry, I shouldn't judge. It's not my place."

'I wish it was,' Janet thought. Aloud she said, "That's okay. I'm happy you care enough. Thank you."

On Fox, they saw that 'John Doe' had been replaced by 'Fastlane'.

"Damn! I hate this show. It's a 'Miami Vice' wannabe," Sam declared. She wasn't going to admit that she had the infamous lesbian episode on tape at home.

"Okay, let's watch something else. Anything strike your fancy?"

"Let's see what's on SciFi, I guess," Sam replied.

Later, after Sam had headed home, Janet went into the kitchen and emptied the dishwasher. She dropped a plastic cup when she heard a familiar voice.

"I'd lend a hand but...corporeality is a bit out of my league right now."

Janet spun around, her heart hammering in her chest. "Daniel? What...? I thought you were..." She waved her hand in the air.

"I am. But no one said I couldn't stop by and see my friends once in a while."

"I know you were there for the colonel when he was a prisoner. But that was an extreme... What are you doing here?"

"Well, a while ago, back after Cassie was okay and Nirrti was let go, I happened to see you in the Infirmary with Sam and Cassie. I knew then who was my rival. And, I have to tell you, I was surprisingly happy."

"So...?" Janet asked. She was clearly disconcerted to be speaking to a ghost. Or whatever Daniel was now.

"You know. There's only one problem with being ascended, I don't need my glasses. They always gave me something to do with my hands if I didn't need to see what I was doing."

"Daniel..."

"Sorry. Anyway, I have noticed how you keep avoiding the situation. You love Sam. Tell her. You just might be surprised."

"Daniel, it's not that easy."

"Yes it is, Janet. Forget the Air Force. Forget regulations. Listen to me. Listen to Cassandra. And especially listen to your heart. Don't force yourself to be alone."

"But, I'm not. I have Cassie. Sam's over here a lot..."

"Cassie will be going away to college soon. Two years will seem like nothing once she's gone. And you feel sad every time Sam leaves."

"And that'll be better when I tell her how I feel? She'll tell me to..."

"Janet, I can't tell you how things'll work out. Not that I don't know as much as I just can't. You have a choice here. Live a sad lonely life or try to grab what happiness you can.

"Even after all that happened, I never regretted the time I had with Sha're. And I don't want you to miss out on any of the wonderfulness of being with the one you love."

"I...I don't know. I'm scared..."

"Love is scary. But it's also beautiful. Just promise me you'll try. Just follow your heart."

Janet nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. With a small smile, she asked, "Wonderfulness?"

"Yeah, well, Bill Cosby had an old comedy album named that. It, well, it just seemed..."

Janet came up to the image before her. "Daniel, I'm sorry things didn't happen differently between us. And thank you for still caring."

"Good bye, Janet. We'll see each other soon."

Janet didn't get a lot of sleep that night.

* * * * * *

Janet raced to finish her work. It was Friday and she had things to do. And, now that her mind was made up, no System Lord or Air Force general was going to get in her way.

Practically racing out of the SGC to her car, she reviewed what she needed to do yet. She had to restrain herself from speeding home.

Once there, she started bustling around, getting things ready. The uniform came off and one of her sexier dresses came out of the closet. Stockings and perfume, she felt a little better. Still nervous but better.

Cassie came in and said, "Wow! You look stunning!"

"Well, thank you."

"Okay now Mom, try to relax. Everything looks great. Dinner smells terrific."

"Thanks Sweetie. And thanks for cleaning up around here."

"Well, since you're finally listening to me, it's the least I can do."

"You're still not getting a car," Janet replied with a smile.

"We'll see." She hugged her adopted mother, "Good luck. But I don't think you'll need it."

What Cassandra never told her mother or Sam was that she had seen into Sam's mind before she was cured by Nirrti. What she saw there was much like what she saw briefly in Janet's mind. And that was part of the reason she had fought Janet so much over this.

"I'll be at Michelle's if you need me. But, don't need me."

"Okay, Sweetie. Have fun."

With a wicked laugh, Cassie said, "You too!"

The next half hour, Janet prowled around the house, straightening a picture here and moving a knickknack there. Finally she forced herself to sit down.

Finally she dimmed the lights, lit the candles on the dining room table as well as some scattered around the living room. She sat down again only to bolt to her feet when she heard a car door slam.

Opening the front door, she smiled sweetly to her guest. Sam, stunned by the vision that greeted her, could only nod and stare.

"Hi Sam. Happy Valentine's Day."

Then it all made sense to Sam. She smiled and hugged Janet. "You too, my love."

Sam kicked the door closed as Janet kissed her love for the very first time.

The End.