Solitudes Touching

by Joolz 

"I want you two to get out of here right now." General Hammond tried to look vehement but only ended up looking doting. "If I see hide or hair of you in less than two weeks you'll find yourselves permanently on vacation."

Jack lifted his eyebrows and addressed his superior officer wryly, "Would that be as in a long walk off a short pier?"

Daniel finished the question in the same tone, "With cement galoshes?"

George couldn't keep up the pretense and melted into a jovial smile. "You bet your sweet keasters. Now seriously, gentlemen, you've earned this break; you need it. Take the time to rest and recharge. No work, and that means you, Doctor Jackson. But be back here on schedule, because I'm counting on you, Colonel, to keep an eye on things while I'm away. I have an important date to take my granddaughters to Disney World."

Jack smiled back, "And I would hate to be responsible for getting you in trouble with the ladies, sir. We'll be here."

"Now go on." With a firm hand on their shoulders the older man turned the other two toward the elevator. As they started down the hall Daniel fidgeted nervously and cast a glance back toward his office. General Hammond was standing guard in the doorway.

Jack said succinctly, "No."

"But..."

"No."

"Just one?"

"No."

"But I'll be bored!"

"That's the idea, Daniel. This is called vacation. Va-ca-tion. Do you know what that means?" He stepped into the elevator and held the door.

"It means that we engage in enjoyable, relaxing pursuits. For me that includes reading."

"I have a Tom Clancy novel in my bag. You can read that."

Daniel sighed, a sound which communicated the depths of suffering to which he was continually subjected, and followed his friend into the conveyance. "I'll make your life miserable."

As the doors closed Jack wrapped his strong hand around the nape of Daniel's neck and squeezed. "Give it your best shot, Danny-boy. I guarantee you right now, there's nothing that can spoil this shore-leave."

++++

Daniel tried to reach the in-flight magazine in the seat-pocket in front of him, but it was a little too far to stretch without disturbing Jack, who was asleep sprawled in his seat with his head on Daniel's shoulder. A passing flight attendant saw his struggle and leaned down, "Sir, shall I wake this gentleman up or try to shift him off of you?"

With an embarrassed grin Daniel answered, "No, it's all right. He's no gentleman, he's my friend."

The stewardess blinked.

A flush started to color Daniel's face. "Sorry. Really it's all right. Maybe you could just..." He motioned toward the magazine.

"Certainly, sir." She leaned down and passed it to him with a professional, 'It's none of my business' demeanor. Daniel was tempted to explain further, but let it go.

"Thank you. We'll be there soon, won't we?"

"In twenty minutes."

"Great. Thank you again."

The woman disappeared and Daniel looked down at the palm trees on the glossy cover. He had never done this before; gone to a tropical tourist destination with nothing on the agenda but rest and recreation. Always before his visits to such places were accompanied by archaeological exploration or endless meetings in a resort convention center. He wasn't too sure what one actually did on a Va-ca-tion.

The truth was that in his heart he was looking forward to it. The past few weeks had taken so much out of him, out of all of them, that even he couldn't deny it. First Sam and Teal'c had been captured and tortured by Chronos before they and Jack, and the replicas, had crossed one more false god off the list without him.

Then there was the whole Teal'c dying, blowing up a sun, being thrown into another galaxy, replicator incident. He had been wound up like a top through that, hyper aware that nothing stood between them and all their deaths but their own determination. He had concentrated his entire attention on getting through each minute as it came, on being there for his friends in any way he could. And truthfully, he couldn't quite let it go, because he hadn't seen Apophis die with his own eyes. Just like he hadn't seen Hathor or Sokar or Chronos or Tanith die, either. He believed they were gone, but their shades lurked just outside his peripheral vision.

And then there had been the weeks of struggle to get Teal'c back to normal. Daniel respected and was fond of Teal'c, despite everything that had happened between them. The former slave's one hundred and ten percent commitment to overthrowing the Goa'uld and freeing his people had convinced Daniel that Teal'c was a worthwhile, redeemed person, not to mention his apparent self-appointed mission to hover protectively over Daniel whenever possible. They had shared personal moments. Confidences. Daniel knew Teal'c.

It was just that when Teal'c had 'gone back' to Apophis, that same force of will had gone into repudiating everything Daniel believed about him. The man was over a hundred years old, smart, strong as an ox, and knew how to use words to maximum effect. His interactions with Teal'c in that state had pushed him past his limits, especially seeing what the attempted manipulation was doing to Sam, Jack and the others as well. It shook him to admit how close he had come to giving up. Teal'c didn't deserve that. He deserved for his team mates to fight for him to the end, just as Daniel would want them to do for him.

Now Teal'c had gone to The Land of Light to see his family. Even though the Rite of Mal Sharron had been successful, Daniel didn't think that Teal'c would feel sure of himself again until he had held his son, slept with his wife. Yes, SG-1 was Teal'c's family, but his blood kin was - more so. Jacob had come back to Earth and he and Sam had gone to Southern California to have their own family bonding time. And Daniel? Best not to think the words 'family' and 'Daniel Jackson' in the same sentence. He was with Jack on his way to Mexico.

Did that make Jack his ...family? Daniel had considered requesting to be allowed to go to Abydos during this break, but then Jack had asked him to go on holiday with him, and Daniel had seen how much it meant to his friend. Daniel was Jack's closest family, he knew that. And this could be nice, fun. Sun and sand, no one shooting at them, no one's life hanging in the balance. It would be good to spend time with Jack without duty and rank and political interests playing them like puppets. Maybe the claw that continued to tear at his heart over the loss of both Shau'ri and his own sense of purpose would stop for a while. He could always hope.

Daniel realized that he had been staring at the cover of the magazine, the only reading material he had been close to in hours, for so long that the plane was dipping toward the runway. He reached around and shook Jack gently by the shoulder, sing-songing, "Ja-ack. We're he-ere."

Jack snorted and his brown eyes opened, inches from Daniel's own. "Huh?"

"Mexico. Vacation. Remember?"

The heaviness of Jack's head and shoulder lifted away, and Daniel was struck by how tired his friend looked as he leaned back against the seat. Not a 'lack of sleep' tired. No, it was a weight-of-the-world weariness he saw there.

He urged, "Vacation, Jack. Think vacation."

A slow smile spread across the older man's face. After considering his response for a moment Jack said simply, "Sweet."

Yes, it was.

++++

As the sun was dipping toward the Yucatan Peninsula to the west, Jack and Daniel took the ferry from Cancun to Isla Mujeres, where they had reserved a condo on the northern coast. The bungalow was not far from town, yet secluded within the surrounding palm and mangrove foliage. It had two bedrooms and baths, a kitchen, living room, and an expansive terrazzo with a view to the ocean. It had all the amenities to make them feel comfortable without the extravagance to make them feel like they had to be careful of everything. The first thing they did was walk into town to stock up on supplies, lingering over the papayas, mangos, pineapples, and watermelon.

After a light dinner they took their drinks out onto the patio. The first week in March, Colorado was still holding on to winter. Here at their tropical get-away the residual heat in the night air, broken by the soft breeze, was a balm to the soul. They lounged awkwardly, only beginning to adjust to not having any responsibilities or schedule.

Over the next few days they fell into a routine of exploring the island in the morning and lazing on the beach or in the shade in the afternoon. In the evenings they would often walk to a restaurant for dinner and soak up the local atmosphere at the plaza. As they moved around the island they turned more than a few heads, especially as the sun began to make their skin glow with health.

One night they strolled down the beach for forty minutes to reach the posh Christalmar Resort and the highly recommended La Palapa restaurant. After a fine seafood meal the pair staked claims on two stools in the small thatched bar. Jack enjoyed his Corona beer with lime and tequila shooters while Daniel sipped his newly discovered favorite, a Sea Breeze: vodka with grapefruit and cranberry juice.

They watched the other tourists with amusement, communicating volumes as they so often did through looks and single word comments. At one point a very large pot-bellied man in an extremely small thong bathing suit stopped in the entrance. His stomach hung over so far that it almost made up for what the thong didn't cover.

Jack glanced at Daniel out of the corner of his eye, one side of his mouth quirking into a crooked grin. Daniel raised his eyebrows in response, then leaned against Jack to whisper dryly, "Some things should be against the law." Jack was just about to respond when a small, young, buxom girl in a tiny bikini joined the almost naked Santa shaped figure. The man casually ran his hand around the small of the girl's back, then slid it possessively down to rest on the curve of her ass. With a squeeze he propelled her forward into the bar.

The two men returned to their drinks in a thoughtful silence. They sighed in unison, then grinned at each other in understanding. Maybe it was the heat, or the fresh air and exercise, or the good food, but they were both a little restless.

Daniel undertook to fill the space with information. "Did you know that the island was named 'The Isle of Women' by the Spanish explorer Francisco Hernandez de Cordoba in 1517 when he and his men discovered numerous stone carvings of the Mayan goddess of fertility? Of course there's always the other theory as well, that the local men were out fishing at the time so the Spaniards thought that only women lived here. Of course, I prefer the first explanation, but suspect that the second is more likely true."

Jack looked scandalized. "Surely you're not suggesting that they were more interested in real, live women than in rocks?"

Daniel snorted. "Well, they were very female shaped rocks, at least. You would like them. Tomorrow we can rent bicycles and ride down to the Mayan temple ruin at the southern end of the island. Maybe they'll have some examples and you can judge for yourself."

Jack drawled, "I don't know, Daniel. Sounds suspiciously like work to me."

The archaeologist held up his hands in protest. "I swear, Jack. I promise that I won't find any Goa'uld script anywhere."

He was answered with eyes narrowed in skepticism.

"And I promise I won't lecture you unless you want me to."

"Swear to God?"

"Cross my heart."

Just then two young women in light sundresses approached the bar, leaning forward to get the bartender's attention. They glanced appraisingly at Jack and Daniel. The two men returned the favor and Jack took the initiative.

"Nice night, isn't it, ladies?"

The dark haired one smiled and returned, "It is now. We just got here today. You guys been here long?"

Soon Jack and Daniel had shifted to allow the women to sit between them. There followed a period of standard small-talk, flirting glances and light touches. These women were definitely interested and willing. All the signals were go.

Jack glanced at Daniel to gauge his intentions and tensed immediately. The slight tightening of the eyes and jaw spoke volumes to those who could read them; Daniel had had enough. Daniel wanted out and now. Jack once again took the initiative and bid the women goodnight, steering his friend toward the door. Followed by incredulous and disappointed gazes, the men emerged into the sultry darkness.

They made their way to the beach and took their shoes off to walk in the sand. After several minutes Daniel broke the stillness.

"Sorry."

"That's okay, Daniel."

"No, really. If you want to go back I'm sure they're still there. You could..."

Jack interrupted, "I said it was okay. No biggie."

After a moment Daniel continued. "It's just... I don't know. I didn't know her. I couldn't imagine.... I know it's stupid."

"You seriously going to apologize for not wanting to fuck anything in a skirt? You don't do casual. You've got more class than that. Don't worry about it."

Daniel looked at him sideways. "Thanks. But you could..."

"Are you implying that I ain't got no class?"

Daniel couldn't stop a grin from twitching across his face. "No one would ever think that about you, Jack. Heaven forbid."

"Well, as long as that's settled then. So, it's off to Mayan temples tomorrow, is it? And me with my own walking guidebook."

Daniel savored Jack's easy acceptance. He felt warm and relaxed, comfortable and at ease. There was no place on Earth he would rather be and no one in the universe he would rather be with.

++++

Eventually Daniel broke down and took Jack up on the offer to loan him the Tom Clancy novel. Much to his surprise, Daniel found himself totally drawn into the world of fantasy, adventure, intrigue, and sex: so far removed from his day-to-day life.

On the seventh night of their stay in paradise Daniel was lying on the sofa in the bungalow turning pages as quickly as he could. Despite his captivation however, he was aware that Jack was lurking on the patio: not chilling out, but pacing restively. It came as no surprise then, when the older man appeared in the doorway.

"Hey."

"Hey, Jack." Daniel kept his eyes on the book but gave up actually trying to read until it became clear how this little scene was going to play out.

"What'cha doin'?"

"I'm putting the final touches on the Unified Field Theory. Can't you tell?"

The lanky form hovered in the door. "Oh. So you're busy, right?"

Jack's voice was hesitant and hopeful. Daniel gave up on finishing the chapter, but had to follow the standard script.

"Yes. Go away."

"Right. Okay." He didn't move. "Cause I'm goin' down to the beach if you wanted to come with. It's beautiful out."

Daniel still hadn't looked up. "It's ten o'clock at night."

"So? It's not like we have to get up early tomorrow." Jack's voice took on a pleading tone and Daniel was sure that those brown eyes would rip his heart out given half a chance. "Why don't you come with me just for a little while? We don't have to stay long. Wha'da'ya say?"

Time to give in gracefully to what he knew would happen all along. Daniel lowered the book and looked at Jack. Yup, puppy dog eyes.

"Well, if you really want me to come along, of course I will. It's dark and you might need me to rescue you from alien attack or natural disaster. I would never forgive myself if you came to harm because I was selfishly insistent on relaxing with a junk-food book. No, it's dangerous out there and Special Ops Air Force colonels shouldn't be left unattended."

Jack totally ignored Daniel's sarcasm and bounced with delight at having gotten his way. Soon they were padding down the path through the trees toward the shoreline. The ocean spread out before them with moonlight reflecting off rippling waves like diamonds on black velvet. The moon was so bright that the beach was illuminated to an eerie almost daylight appearance. There was no one else in sight. Daniel was very glad that he had come.

They took a moment to grin at each other then Jack hooked his arm through Daniel's and they plodded through the sand down to the water's edge. The tropical night was filled with the rustling of palm branches in the breeze, the lap of the water against the shore and the continual buzz of insect life. It seemed a magical moment, when everything in the universe was in its place, exactly as it was meant to be. Daniel inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of the ocean.

Jack broke the silence by asking, "Do you ever think about quitting? About giving it all up and going to live on a beach where you can just be yourself? Where you get up in the morning and things are simple? Where your biggest responsibility is to remember to weed the garden and your biggest decision whether to have banana or coconut on your cereal?"

Daniel knew that Jack's question was more about himself than it was about Daniel, but he answered it anyway.

"No, I don't." Jack turned to him and watched his face. "We're two of the luckiest men in the world, you and I. Despite everything, all the things neither of us wants to think about right now, I wouldn't give it up if you paid me."

Now Daniel turned to Jack as well, so they could see each other clearly. "Jack, the only way to live that simple life you described is to live alone. People complicate things, create conflicts of interests, misunderstandings, anger. And we now know that people are everywhere in the galaxy, which makes it a very complicated place. But I don't want to live alone. It isn't worth the price. In the end that's what matters the most: not where you are or what you're doing, but who you're with. I wouldn't have said that a couple of years ago, but now I know.

"Now I have you and Sam and Teal'c, and General Hammond and Janet and Cassie.... Who would I be without you? I would adjust. I would be someone, but not who I want to be right now. You shape me more than you realize. You allow me to be who I am; push me to be more of who I am. I learn and grow and change every single day. No, give me complicated every time. I thrive on it."

Jack's voice was soft, "I haven't seen you thriving lately, Danny. I mostly see you hurting."

Daniel nodded sadly, an unaccustomed emotion rising in his chest, driving him to speak his heart. "There's that too, I don't deny it. But what scares me more than anything we've been through is the thought of being alone again." He looked at Jack intently. "I don't want to lose you, any of you, but I won't hide in order to avoid the pain. I want to live every moment I have left. And I want you there."

There was an odd look on Jack's face. It was almost like he was on the verge of tears, but Daniel wasn't sure because he had never seen Jack cry.

His friend tightened his hold on Daniel's arm for a moment, then released him. His eyes brightened. "Let's go swimming."

Daniel adjusted quickly to the change of subject. "Uh... now?"

Jack was not to be deterred. "Come on!"

The other man pulled his shirt off over his head in one motion, daring Daniel with his eyes. Daniel grinned back and followed suit. Soon they were splashing into the warm, calm water naked as the day they were born, clothes and glasses piled on the shore.

There was no false modesty between them. What with the lack of privacy off world, the lack of privacy in the locker room, in the infirmary, at their houses when they stayed over, they were used to seeing each other naked, not to mention sick, injured and grieving. A little skinny-dipping was barely worth mentioning.

They swam and dove and floated, letting the water pull them where it would. After a while Daniel returned to where he could stand up, water to his chest. Jack joined him and they stood looking out to sea, feeling the current caress and soothe their bodies.

There was a sudden splash just to their right and Jack moved with professional swiftness, grabbing Daniel's arm and jumping between him and whatever made the noise.

Daniel gripped and rubbed Jack's shoulder. "Jack, it's okay. We're at the beach."

Jack grunted in admission of the truth of that statement, but said, "Still."

There was another splash and a 'fffttt' sound to their left. A dark shape flashed in the moonlight.

Daniel's heart filled again. He breathed, "Dolphins!"

And it was. They saw that a school of the sea mammals were swimming and playing around them, surfacing and diving gracefully. Daniel could almost feel their joy through the water.

He laughed out loud and took a step forward pulling Jack, who still had a hold of his bicep, with him. "Hello. I'm Daniel Jackson, this is Jack, and we're peaceful explorers." Jack snorted with laughter and ruffled Daniel's wet hair as the younger man extended his hand in the water.

To his delight, one of the dolphins swam up to brush against his stationary hand, letting the man stroke the length of its body. He realized that Jack had wrapped his arms around his waist from behind and was resting his chin on Daniel's shoulder. He couldn't help but delightedly state the obvious. "Oh, God. They're beautiful."

Jack agreed, "They are," and Daniel could almost feel his friend's grin.

The dolphin (or another one, who could tell?) passed by again meeting Daniel's hand, while two more leapt from the water just in front of them in perfect synchronization. Then the show was over as quickly as it started and the men were alone again. Jack released him and they stood side by side, overwhelmed with the experience.

Jack started, "That was..."

Daniel assented, "Yeah."

A sudden wave of sleepiness washed over him, and he said to Jack, "I'm going out. Take your time, I'll wait for you on shore."

Jack was looking out to sea as though he could see forever. "Thanks. I'll just be a minute."

Daniel pushed through the water to the shore and collapsed onto the sand just where the tide could wash over his calves. Propped up on his elbows he could see Jack's outline against the horizon. His friend was standing waist deep in the water facing outward with his arms stretched to the sides, embracing the world. Jack dropped his head back and looked up at the stars. The sight of him so rapturous prompted yet another wave of happiness in Daniel, who began to wonder if there was something in the air that was working on his seretonin levels.

Left on his own Daniel began to think about the others. What would Sam be doing right now? He guessed that she would be sitting in a hotel room working her way through the mini-bar, talking with Selmac. Not that he would ever suggest it out loud, but sometimes he suspected that Sam enjoyed Selmac's company even more than her father's.

Jacob was a handful, that was true, but they had been through some terrible things together. Since it happened he had often thought about that time on the Tel'tac: how the four of them stood and watched the blast from Apophis' ship speed toward them without moving a muscle. They hadn't flinched, spoken, hugged - done any of the things you might expect people who were about to die to do. For his part Daniel remembered being in denial, believing that it wasn't going to happen. While his mind told him that in seconds they would all be obliterated in a fiery explosion, another voice said 'no way'. That would be too quick and painless. Fate wasn't going to let them off the hook that easily.

Sure enough, the bolt had passed them by and set them scrambling again. Jacob had always treated Daniel with respect, trusted him, had really been part of the team. Then he had a chilling thought. If Jacob was family too, what did that make Selmac? Better not go there.

And Teal'c? What was he doing now? What was it like to go and visit his family in a place that wasn't his own home? Drey'auc and Rya'c would have found a way to cope with suddenly finding themselves amongst a group of strangers in a very, very different culture. They would have made a home for themselves, some kind of place to belong. But what was it like for Teal'c to show up and try to fit himself into their lives only to go away again? Did Teal'c even have a home? It certainly wouldn't be his small room with a bed and about a hundred candles under Cheyenne Mountain. Perhaps Chulak was his home, a place he could only go under pain of death.

And his own home? At this point he didn't have too clear a concept of where that might be. He meant what he'd said earlier, so maybe home wasn't a physical place for now, but wherever Jack and the others were. Wherever life was taking him.

Jack finished communing with the Milky Way, turned and flipped into a dive. He swam back toward shore with slow, powerful strokes until it became too shallow to swim. Then Jack stood up, water streaming off his strong body. He looked like Neptune rising from his domain.

Wading through the thin layer of water Jack approached and threw himself down in the sand - not beside Daniel but practically on top of him. The leg Daniel had stretched out in front of him was pinned by the weight of his friend leaning over it to rest his elbow in the sand by his side, while the other leg which was bent up at the knee was pressed against Jack's belly. Daniel was surprised by the proximity, but not overly so. Sometimes Jack just got into tactile moods, and tonight was apparently one of them.

Jack prodded Daniel in the chest with one finger. "YOU said you were going to be bored. Not bored, are you?"

Daniel had to admit that was true. "No, not really. I think I might get used to the whole vacation concept."

Jack didn't remove his finger, but continued poking at the skin down Daniel's chest. Just below his belly button Jack found a raised vein that ran toward his groin and was apparently fascinated. That one callused finger traced it as he continued to talk.

"So what'cha wanna do tomorrow? You have experience scuba diving?"

The finger tickled, and made Daniel feel something else, too. "Yes, I did some diving off the coast of Belize, but that was a long time ago." He was embarrassed that his penis twitched in response to the physical contact. "Jack?"

"Don't worry about it. So one option is to go see the Cave of the Sleeping Sharks. It's just a couple of miles from here."

Daniel's eyebrows shot up in alarm. "Sharks? There are sharks around here? You didn't see fit to mention that before?"

"Oh, they hardly ever attack anybody, and the sharks at the cave are sleeping, of course. But then, come to think of it, if you went down there they would probably wake up just in your honor. Maybe we should skip that."

The finger left Daniel's abdomen and was joined by three more to tap a rhythm on his hip bone.

Daniel tried to concentrate on his answer. "Well, we don't have to do anything at all. We still have another week. Or we could go deep sea fishing if you wanted to."

Jack's finger tips traced the line of Daniel's waist and up the side of his ribs, making Daniel shiver.

"You would go fishing with me? Seriously?"

Daniel's skin was feeling super sensitive, a line of electricity running straight from Jack's hand to his groin. His penis was definitely taking notice.

"I would bring my book. Jack? Do you know how long it's been since anyone touched me like that?"

Jack looked up at his face, "Too damn long, I'd say."

The fingers stroked over Daniel's chest, one of them brushing a nipple, causing him to gasp and jump.

"Jack," he warned, shifting uncomfortably.

"I said it's okay, Daniel. I've seen your willy lots of times." The older man looked down at the erection right under his face. "Then again, it's awful purty like that." He ran his fingers back down and let one of them trail up its length.

"Oh, God." Daniel could feel himself shaking, on the verge of losing it.

Jack cocked his head to look at the rosy tip before him, then calmly lowered his head to take it into his mouth.

Daniel lost it. He flopped back onto the sand groaning out loud as Jack took more of him in, laving him with his hot tongue. His whole body felt like it was on fire and he arched into the sensation, aware of Jack's broad palm resting on his lower belly.

It felt so good he wanted more, to give in, to feel it all. But there was another voice screaming for attention in his head. It was saying, 'No.' No. No! NO!

++++

Jack was rather enjoying his evening when suddenly Daniel scrambled for purchase in the sand and pushed himself up, away from Jack who released him easily.

"No!"

His friend stopped moving when he was a few feet away, but looked wild eyed. Jack was concerned by what he saw. "Daniel?"

The expression on Daniel's face quickly changed to anger, and was followed by shouting. "What the HELL do you think you're doing? You...! Why...? Dammit!"

Jack blinked, unsure of what was going on.

The other man jumped to his feet, still incensed, but it was turning to sadness. "Why did you have to do that, Jack? We were having such a good time. We were getting along so well, it was all so nice." He was segueing into distraught. "Now it's...it's.... Dammit!"

Daniel turned and jogged down the beach to where their clothes were piled, leaving Jack lying in the sand. He watched his friend shove his glasses onto his face, pick up a bundle of cloth, and sprint naked to the path through the woods.

Jack rolled over onto his back and stared at the sky, trying to figure out what just happened. He had been feeling all affectionate with Daniel and then he'd.... Oh. That might be the problem. Not too bright for an old colonel. Daniel had been really upset. This was going to take some fixing, and he wasn't sure where to begin. Maybe he should leave Daniel alone so that he could cool down. Then it occurred to him that that might be another bad decision.

Jack pulled himself to his feet and followed Daniel's footprints back to their clothes. Since he was still wet Jack didn't bother to put them on, but walked slowly back to the house, trying to come up with a plan on the way. As he entered the bungalow he dropped the armload onto the tile floor and continued on toward Daniel's room, where he heard muffled curses and slamming drawers.

He stopped in the doorway and took in the scene. Daniel must have had a quick shower, because there was steam escaping from the bathroom. The object of his mission was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, and was grabbing clothing out of the dresser and shoving it into his duffel bag.

Jack looked at Daniel, really looked. In general he appeared to be very healthy. His body had filled out a bit after the weight loss caused by the stress of recent months. The sharp angles were gone from his face. He was tanned and his hair was beginning to lighten with the sun.

But right now there was also pain and bewilderment in his eyes, and Jack had put it there.

He stepped into the room. "Daniel, what'cha doin'?"

The other man looked up sharply and menaced him with one finger. "Ah! I'm leaving and I don't want to hear any more from you." He returned to filling his bag.

Jack doubted very much that Daniel would leave it at that, so he waited. In any event Daniel would have to get around him to get out the door.

After several moments the blue eyes turned to him again. Daniel picked a wet towel up off the floor and flung it at Jack, hitting him in the chest. Jack opened it and wrapped it around his waist, tucking the ends in.

Daniel stood up straight and faced him. "Tell me why you did that, Jack. You owe me an explanation."

"Why do you think I did?" It wasn't a sarcastic come-back, but a sincere question.

Daniel stared at him, confused. After a moment he challenged, "You took advantage of me. You know it's been a long time since I.... And I happen to know it has been a long time for you, too. So you saw the opportunity to get some from the poor, lonely archaeologist and you took it. How could you do that to me?"

Jack's world was rocked, but he answered quietly. "It wasn't like that."

"Oh? How was it, then? How am I supposed to interpret the fact that you..."

"Went down on you?"

"Yes! How exactly was it, Jack? I would really like to know."

As Daniel glared Jack tried to think of how to put it.

"It seemed like the thing to do at the time."

Daniel paled and turned to pick up his bag.

"Wait! Let me try to explain, will you? You owe ME that much."

Daniel turned a stone face back to him and waited.

Jack took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I shouldn't have," he waved his hand in the air, "you know, without asking first. I was wrong to do that and I apologize. I mean that. But I'm not sorry for touching you." He went on, unsure of himself but determined to make this right, no matter the cost to his macho image. If he could just say it clearly enough....

"We've been so close for so long. We're all tied up with each other. On the one hand we think so much alike that we finish each other's sentences. On the other hand we think so differently that there's almost no point of compromise. When we're good together it's indescribably easy and safe. When we speak or act out of impatience or fatigue we know exactly what will hurt the other the most, and we've been tired a lot lately. But we can't ever be free of each other. It may sound funny, but I think we're closer than my wife and I were."

Daniel was softening but still angry. "So you thought you might as well..."

"Let me finish, please. I don't know how to say this. I love this thing we have together, but it's like I know you as well as I can with your clothes on. It just feels right to know more." Jack nodded emphatically, sensing he was onto something. "That's it! That's what happened. It just felt right. I didn't question it. I should have, because I would never hurt you on purpose, but I still don't think it was a bad thing. I love you, Daniel."

Now the other man looked bowled over. "You love me?"

"Of course I do, you know that." Suddenly Jack felt insecure. "You do love me too, don't you? Isn't that what you were saying earlier?"

"Yes...."

"Yes, but..."

"But you crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed. I... I didn't want it."

Now Jack grinned slightly. "Funny, I could'a swore you were enjoying it."

"That's not the point. As we established, it has been a long time. I would have responded that way to anyone who touched me like that."

"Oh? Anyone? Even if it had been General Hammond? Or MacKenzie?"

Daniel's face scrunched up in disgust. "Ew, Jack, don't say things like that. Of course not. We're close. I trust you."

"So you're saying that you responded because it was me."

Daniel stared at him with his mouth open. Then he dropped his bag and sat down on the end of the bed. He pulled his glasses off and flung them onto the dresser, then let his face fall into his hands.

Jack walked quietly over and sat down beside him, their shoulders touching.

Daniel began to speak. "I know what you're talking about, about this thing between us. Sometimes I can't tell where I end and you begin. I don't think about your body that way, though, it's just part of you. A whole package."

Jack brightened, "Exactly!"

From the baffled look he received, it was clear that the other man didn't understand the import of what he had said.

"Daniel, that's exactly my point. I think you're beautiful. I think you're beautiful here," he brought one hand up to run it into Daniel's hair and give his head a slight shake. "I think you're beautiful here," he moved the other to cover Daniel's heart. "Why should I not think you are beautiful on the outside, too? It's as much a part of you as anything else. Look, tonight I wanted to touch you, to know your physical part. I didn't mean to," the hand waved again, "you know, but there it was and it was just so... beautiful. I wanted to touch it. To taste it."

Daniel flushed red with embarrassment but was also openly fascinated. "So when you were," the same gesture, "you know, were you getting off on it?"

Jack thought for a moment. "In a way, yes. I really started to feel it when I thought you were enjoying it. Seeing you feeling... pleasure... like that.... Wow. That was an incredible turn on."

Daniel dropped his head and stared at the floor between his feet.

Cautiously, Jack continued. "I'm not trying to talk you into anything here. I just want to give you another way of looking at what happened, that maybe it wasn't such a disaster. I know I did the wrong thing tonight, but I didn't mean any harm and I won't do it again, I promise. Do you forgive me?"

The handsome face passed through a series of contortions and eyebrow jumps, but in the end the head nodded. "I forgive you."

"So you won't leave?" Jack hoped he didn't sound like he was begging.

Daniel shook his head. "I won't leave."

Jack slumped in relief, his shoulder still pressing into Daniel's. He was suddenly aware that he was damp, covered in sand and uncomfortable.

"I feel that I should warn you, Daniel, I will probably touch you again at some point in the future. Don't ask me to stop that, it would be like cutting off part of my own body."

Daniel looked at him with slight amusement. "Let's just take that as it comes, shall we?" The younger man stood up and walked over to the dresser, playing idly with the objects on top.

Jack scratched at his thigh and felt a burning sensation. Pulling back the towel he found a splotch of raised red bumps on his skin.

"What the hell is that?"

Daniel shot him a look. "Oh, no, I'm not falling for that. We both know exactly what that is."

Jack scratched again. "No, I mean there's something there. It itches. What is that?"

Realizing that Jack wasn't playing, Daniel came over and knelt in front of him. Jack exposed the area for him to see and had his hand slapped as he reached in again.

"Don't scratch. You've got sand mites." Daniel entered take-charge mode, standing up and pulling Jack to his feet. "First of all get into the shower and wash off really well. I'll get the calamine lotion."

Feeling increasing discomfort, Jack tore off the towel and bolted into the bathroom. He soaped himself thoroughly and rinsed off, then did it again. At first the water felt soothing, but slowly the itch reasserted itself. He was just dropping his hand down when a voice came in through the open bathroom door, "Don't scratch!"

Crap.

++++

Daniel's head felt fuzzy, like he was slightly detached from himself, like antihistamines used to do before he found the good stuff. The events of the evening had all been a little overwhelming. Make that the events of the past weeks, months, years. Perhaps it was time for his brain to step out for a short break.

It helped to have something practical to focus on. It was just a tad ironic that at this particular moment he was conducting a more thorough and intimate inspection of Jack's body than he had ever expected to.

Jack was sitting on the edge of the bed with his legs apart, and Daniel was smoothing thick pink liquid over his inner thigh. The nasty little biting insects had mainly gone for the left side, but the rash was extensive. As he worked Daniel listened to Jack complain loudly about false advertising and threaten to sue the travel agent for not warning him about vicious bugs. The whining stopped abruptly when Daniel delicately moved Jack's penis to one side in order to treat the inflamed skin between his scrotum and thigh.

Without looking up Daniel drawled, "Rendering emergency first aid, that's all."

Jack croaked, "Oh."

Leaning back on his heels Daniel commanded, "Stand up and put your left foot up on the bed."

Complying silently, Jack stood, turned and assumed the position, placing his backside directly in front of Daniel's face.

Daniel couldn't help but yank Jack's chain a bit. He deserved it and more.

"My, my! What DO we have here? It looks like you sat in pizza."

"Can it, porpoise-boy. Just render, why don't'cha?"

"They were dolphins, not porpoises." He smoothed lotion into the soft fold of skin between Jack's buttock and leg. "Those little buggers really did a number on you. This should help, though."

"Good thing you brought calamine lotion."

"Standard tropical survival gear, Jack. Don't tell me you didn't bring any?"

Jack grimaced over his shoulder. "Smartass."

"From where I'm sitting, that would be pink-ass, colonel."

Daniel finished up then moved to the bag he had just packed, pulling out the largest T-shirt he had. "Put this on, the bottom bit needs to air for a while. I'll go make some coffee."

Jack followed him to the kitchen, the black T-shirt covering him to the thighs, but allowing a pale tip to dangle uncovered. He was aware of Jack sneaking glances at him as the older man moved around, getting bread, cheese and avocado ready for their snack. Jack was still worried and was trying to read Daniel's thoughts. He tried to show no reaction - let him guess.

Inside, Daniel was much calmer than he had been. What happened had initially shocked and angered him, but this was Jack so he couldn't stay mad for long. Maybe he had over reacted just a little.

Daniel sneaked glances, too. There was The Jack O'Neill, the skilled warrior and hero who had saved his life so many times, not to mention the entire world, the friend and occasional adversary, the teacher, the brother. He was shuffling around the kitchen half naked and half bright pink. The fact that such a private man as Jack could be so comfortable and vulnerable with him touched Daniel deeply. Jack loved him. And at that moment in time Daniel could positively state that he loved Jack.

Then Daniel had to turn his back so Jack wouldn't see him blush as the memory of the awesome, devastating feeling that Jack's caresses had produced washed over him. It had been wonderful, he couldn't deny that to himself, and it wasn't just the result of celibacy. It was tender and intimate and had nearly blown the top of his head off. Daniel swallowed. He would have to think about that. Often.

++++

The next day the vacation resumed its normal pattern of exploration and relaxation, but something was definitely different. There was a hesitancy between them, a deference, a walking on eggshells. As the days passed Jack became more and more concerned. Had he really ruined everything in that one moment? Daniel said he forgave him, but would his friend ever fully trust him again? There was nothing that could turn a friendship sour quicker than a hint of sex. He had really screwed up, big time.

It didn't help that he couldn't forget it. He could still taste Daniel, feel the texture of the skin in his mouth and under his finger tips. And God help him, he wanted more. He was afraid of what that desire might cost him.

On the third day before they would have to return to the SGC Jack worked his courage up to talk to Daniel. He tracked his friend to the beach and stood for a while watching him. Daniel was squatting at the water's edge wearing cut-off jeans and a loose white tank top. The dark shades were clipped to his glasses and russet stubble decorated his face. His forehead was creased and his lips pursed in concentration as he studied a shell intently. He was so fucking gorgeous that Jack could hardly stand it. Oh, yeah. He wanted more.

The words came to him so easily that he didn't even notice. He was in love with Daniel. Of course he was. But how did Daniel feel? He wasn't going to make the mistake again of acting without asking. He had to know what Daniel was thinking.

Jack walked over and stood next to the other man. "Daniel..."

"Hey Jack." He held up the small object. "Have you noticed how this kind of shell has a spiral pattern on it much like our galaxy? It was Blake who said, 'To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.'"

Daniel stood and handed Jack the shell, then continued. "It's important to see what you have in your hand, what's right in front of your face. Our entire lives are shaped by the small decisions we make every day, so it's important to be aware of what is behind those decisions. Is it love? Is it fear? And where do we want to be tomorrow?"

Placing a hand on the small of his back, Daniel drew Jack forward to walk beside him down the beach. The first radiance of sunset was softening the sky.

Jack could do no more than bask in the glow of their friendship as they slowly ambled together, Daniel's palm warm on his back. Jack was finally seeing what was right in front of his eyes and he knew exactly where he wanted to be tomorrow. He relaxed and leaned once again against Daniel's shoulder, and they looked at each other. Daniel smiled, and Jack saw a universe open before him.

The end