Reading Daniel's Journal
by Kez
URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ask/kez/journal.php
Summary: Jack reads something he shouldn't, he's a baaad boy
JACK
Board, board, board, dam it I need something to do, Daniel is asleep, thoes horse pills the Doc gave him had him out for the count long before we ever got here, hell I had to half carry him from the car, it is such a good thing this place has elevators. He nearly got himself killed today, Daniel that is, smart of him really... NOT, I mean I get that we broke a few cultural taboos, but did they really have to kill one of us, the leader it was suppose to be, ME in other words, but I guess Daniel being Daniel thought that wasn't acceptable, you know for a smart man hes very stupiud, how could he ever think his life is worth less than mine, its worth at least a hundread times more.
Ok thinking is boring to, dam i am boared, maybe I'll read something, which book case will I choose, eni, meni, minie, mo... oh hey mission jornels, well he keeps them so that people can get information out of them, I am people, and besides its not like its a personal diary, I'm sure he won't mind, and if he does, he just won't ever have to know, now where to start...
December 14th 2002
P3X - 457
Deserted, hot, and as Jack said full of more god dam trees, I really don't know what he has against trees, I mean granted they do seem to be pretty much everywhere, but as trees make oxygen, and oxygen keeps us alive, and out of those God awful space suits you'd think he'd appricaite trees a little more.
On the upside it did have a temple, for me to study (in Jack Speak: mess around in the dirt), I really have no idea why I keep using Jack eupimisums, I really should get out of that habit, but as much as I pretend to hae how clueless he acts, sometimes, just sometimes mind, I like how he keeps everything simple, life is way to complicated at time, I wonder if I could ask Jack to simplifie... em nothing at all, cause I'm not thinking anything like nothing, and oh great now i'm babbling, and its not like i'm talking, I'm writing, how can someone babble when their writing?
Focus Jackson, I really need to learn to focus more, right the temple, or what was left of it, only two walls that were intact, the others were all cumpling, and I couldn't get anything useful from them , but I filmed them, maybe the I can get something from the computeres digital enhancements. The writing was similar to, the lanuage of the ancients, a part of me wishes, Jack could remember how to read it, but if he hadn'r had the knowledge removed he would have died, and I'd so much rather he was alive, at least for the next fifty years or so.
I could make out some of it, from what I learned trying to comunicate with Jack during the incident with the Ancients knowledge being downloaded into his brain. I don't know if staticically its important, but its certainly interesting, and it does mention something about a battle with the Go'auld so maybe General Hammond will give the go ahead on a return visit, not that I'll get to go, I know Jack hates 'dirt digging' mission, so the General will probably send SG-5, maybe if I'm lucky I'll get to go too, its not like SG-1 needs me much, Jack certainly doesn't seem to want me around anymore.
Damit Jackson focus, them mission, the mission, the mission.
I think if we can find out more about the battle, its possible that if it was a planet of the Ancients that they left some thing there that could be useful to the SGC to earth, maybe if I could find something big Jack would like me again and... oh for gods sake, I'm going to bed, I can't concentrate, this can wait until tomorrow
D. Jackson
Dam, he thinks I don't like him? what is he nuts of course I like him, either that or i have rabies, cause thats they only two things I can think of that would make me foam at the mouth whenever hes anywhere near me, and with an ass like his, I'm pretty sure its not the later thats causing my drool fests.
Have I really been such an asshole to him lately?
December 15th
P3X - 457
Now to try this again, return visit, I think maybe the General will approve it if I can find something in the text to suggest there might be useful technology on the planet, or maybe a way to try an contact the ancients, assuming they aren't too far away to contact them, at least anytime this millenium.
Jack will probably let me go back with SG-5 if Hammon approves it, SG-1 seems to do perfectly well without me, Jack seems to do perfectly well without me. Dam brain, stop it, I do not want to think about the fact that my best friend seemingly hates my guts for some unknown, or maybe not so unknown reason, I mean I'd say its evident hes figured it out, otherwise why would he hate me, is it possible its something else, if I could figure out what, i could fix it, of course I can't fix being... oh dam it I can't be writing this down, its do dangerous, he already hates me, if he ever read any of this he'd only hate me more, even if the only way he'd ever read it is if I was dead, hehe, he'd probably be glad I was dead after reading something like, well THAT.
Anyway getting back to the dam mission, I will suggest to the General a return visit might be in order, hopefully he'll agree, even if there is nothing usful there strtigically, it is still a fasinating temple, I'd love the change to do a proper study of it, I miss just being an archologist sometimes, even if I kow how important the work we do is, I sometimes would just love the chance to 'mess around in the muck' to quote Jack.
Dam it why can't I leave that alone, oh I give up, I LOVE JACK O'NEILL, there happy now, oh crap I shouldn't have written that, what if he sees it, or... hell I don't care anymore, he already knows it, hates me for it, I might was well just let myself say it I love him, so much, never thought I could ever fall in love again, not after Shar're, loved her so much, still do, always will, love Jack more.
I should probably be worried by that, maybe subconciously I didn't do enough to save her, becasue I loved him, but I know thats not true, I would have done anything to find my Shar're and bring her home to her family, to me, although I know she would have figured it out, the Abydonains may not be as advanced in someways as us, but Shar're was smart, smarter than a lot of people gave her credit for, she would have known I loved Jack, hell she did know, she told me as much in the 'visions' she sent me through the Hand Device.
Its funny I think she would have let me go if he'd have loved me back, but of course he never would. I wonder if he'd never come back into my life, would Shar're and I have grown old together, had children, she wanted them I know, I wasn't ready for them, not sure I'll ever be ready for them, to many bad memorys of my own childhood, Jack I think he'd like another kid, he'd be a great Dad, he was a great dad to Charlie I know, sometimes I know he doubts it, but I just know he could never have been anything but a good father to Charlie.
I really really should stop writing all this, but I think maybe this is the only way anyone will ever get to hear any of this, even if its not until after I'm dead, at least somehow, I will know that someone other than me, and apprently Jack, knew I loved him, will always love him.
Jack if you ever do read this, I am sorry, I know you hate me for loving you, but I do love you, always will, I just hope maybe sometime you can forgive me, and if I'm lucky that sometime will be before I die.
D. Jackson
oh god, oh god, I can't breath he loves me, ME, what the hell, how the hell could he, I mean I'm me, I'm old, grouchy, sarcastic, and a class A idiot to boot, and he's, Daniel, smart, beautiful, kind, generous, and he apparently, if I am understanding this loves me.
WOW
DANIEL
He's reading my jornel, or more precisly THE jornel, Damit I knew it was a bad idea to write all that stuff down, I guess I should just stay out of site until he leaves, as hes evidently going todo, or of course he might come looking for me, finish what those natives started. Maybe I should just confront him, get it done with, he already hates me, he can't hate me much more than he already does.
"Jack" I squeak as I come out from around the corner where I was hiding watching him, he looks up, his eyes wide, "Daniel I em...I was board, oh God I'm sorry I shouldn't have read it, but..." its weird he doesn't look angry, probably shocked, anger will come soon enough I guess. "Doesn't matter, you were ment to read it, I just planed on being dead before you did, guess it doesn't matter that I'm not, just means you can kill me yourself" I say wearily, sitting down across from him.
"What, no Daniel I...I don't want to kill you, but...why Daniel, I mean why the hell would you possibly write that where anyone could see it, or better yet, how the hell could you posibly even feel that" hes asking me, wish I could tell him, can't he's just, he's Jack. "Just go Jack, I'll hand in my resignation tomorrow, you'll never have to see me again, I...I'm sorry" I tell him, and I have to fightback the tears in my eyes.
"Danny" I hear him say, its low, I think maybe he's gonna hit me now, his face is unreadable, but he's moving towards me, so I stand up, might as well take it like a man. Hand comes up, and, huh, not hitting me, touching me, my jaw if you want to be precise, love the feel of his hands, always have, when he touched me it was like being in a sand storm, the grain of his hand against my own skin, like grains of sand, and the warmth, and of course the inevitable end when it suddenly just stoped, was gone, and no longer touching me.
Its not stoping now, I relise, and of course i relise that somehow my eyes are closed, and so I think maybe I'll open them, or you know maybe not, its kinda nice, just being able to feel, and not see, just savoring it, before Jack relises what hes doing and takes his leave like a bat out of hell.
"Danny" his whisperes again, somehow closer this time, nearer to me it seems, of course that could be because his mouth is right next to my ear and hes talking, and breathing into it, and oops, apprently the little archologist wants to come out and play, 'no, stay down' I tell it, like it will listen with Jack this close.
"I don't hate you Danny" he tells me, I wonder should I believe him cause if he doesn't hate me, hes been doing a dam fine impression of hating me for the past year and a half.
JACK
I don't think he knows he spoke that last thought aloud, oh God Danny, what have I done to you, I really am the worse kind of bastard, "I dont' hate you Danny" I whisper again, "could never hate you, wish I could, make things so much simpler, can't though, I..." oh boy if I say this, thats it no going back, either we'll find away past this and get what apprently we both want, or we won't and we'll probably loes even the facsimiley of a friendship we have now, and I know that if I don't say it, it will be the latter, and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to handle that without puting a bullet in my own head, almost did it once, Daniel saved me then, if I lost him...
Pull back look at him, he opens his eyes, so beautiful, so blue, the bluest blue I have ever seen, I know Daniel use to be confused, by peoples fasination with his eyes, I mean Carter has blue eyes, but they aren't like his, his are just... blue. I look him stright in the eye, I have to make him believe me when I do this, or I'll lose him, "I love you too Daniel" I say, the words don't seem enough somehow, they seem empty, even though I have never meant anything more in my whole life, but of course Daniel is the man of words, I am a man of action, so I guess I should probably act.
His lips looks so soft so perfectly shaped, and ain't I just turning into a soppy git, should care about that, don't only about Daniel, and his soft, full lips, which i am about to throughly kiss, right about Now. Hmmm soft is right, and warm, and oh so perfectly fitted to mine, now if I could just get Daniel to snap out of his waking coma, and kiss me back, maybe a little more presure, oh hey movment, now maybe a little tongue, just gentley along his bottom lip, no, ok lets try that again, and oh yeah now we are talking, God Dam he tastes gooooooood, but make that with a capital G, cause hot dam hes Good at this.
Hey easy Daniel, I already had my tonsils out, you can't take them out a second time, dam blast that boy is trying to choke me, but what a way to go, although how Daniel would explain to Hammond, "Well you see Sir I was trying to take his tonsils out with my tongue, and he sorta choked on it".
I pull back and promtley burst into fits of giggles, hey who knew Air Force Colonesl giggled, maybe its only airforce Colonels who are in love with civilan archologist cum linguists, oh hey, that was funny, I can't stop laughing, I don't think Daniel appreicaite it either if that look is anything to go by. "Oh God, Sorry I, hehe, I was thinking if you choked me and hehe, how would you explain it to, hehe General Hammond, and oh God, hehehe, so...sorry" I say well say is a nice way of putting it, I squek, babble, or actaully I basically just emmm giggled it out around well giggles.
DANIEL
Jack giggles? who knew, of course it is kinda funny, how would I ever explain it to Hammond, oh yeah I can just see that conversation, ending with me being fired faster than a MP5, with Apophis on the other end. I can't help it, I have to laugh as well, and oh hey cry apprently too.
"Daniel" Jack has stoped laughing, oh and hes hugging me, tightly, "hey its ok Danny, its ok sweetheart" he whispers in my ear, 'sweetheart' oh well at least its not baby, God I'd have to kill him if he called me baby. "Whats wrong huh?, come on Danny, please tell me" he pleads, and I know I will tell him, I would have anyway, but I could never say no to him, when he is pleading like that.
"I, I thought you'd hate me, thought you already did, thought you'd figured out I loved you, and didn't wanna be near me anymore" I sniffle out, trying in vain to pull back from him so I can wipe my eyes. "Not so fast Daniel, stay right where you are" he tells me, I'd argue, but I don't really want to, its nice, being cacooned in his arms like this, I can smell him, spicy, and saltly, and so easyily definable as Jack that I would know it anyday, even if I was in a room with 100 other people I would still know the sent of Jack.
I can't resist I have to taste some more, his mouth was so sweet and hot, but I know somehow his skin will be different, and I am right, more spice than sweet, but just as wonderful on my tongue, hmmm wonder would he mind a love bite, might be best if I do it below the line of his t-shirt, of course he t-shirt is in the way of that, I could move it I suppose, wonder would he mind, I mean just because he said he loves me, don't mean he wants to make love with me, I mean he might not want to.
Ok so he might want to, at least I assume thats why he has a hard on pressed onto my leg, could be wrong, oh hey hands under t-shirt, not wrong, he apprently does want me, oh goodie, oh ouch, dam bruise.
"God Daniel sorry, didn't mean to hurt you, you should be resting, we should get you back to bed, do you need more pills" Jack is fussing now, dam I am missing his warmth against me, liked it there.
"Jack I want to go to bed, but not alone" I tell him, "Daniel your hurt, I don't want to hurt you any more than you already are" he tells me, to bad fly boy cause pain or no pain I fully entend to have you, tonight. "Jack, I'm fine, just some bruises, need you, please Jack" I try the puppy dog look, I know most people can't resist it, and although for the past while Jacks been very good at resisting it, I think maybe now it will work.
"No Daniel, NO puppy dog look", he tells me, draging me towards the bed room, "now comeon, you need to rest, we have all the time in the world" haha, easy for you to say, "Please Jack I need you" I try again pushing my hardened groin against him to prove my point. "OH God Daniel, I don't want to hurt you dam it" he snaps a little, and I know hes weekening, time for the kill I think I lean in really close, and breathing on his ear as I speak "you won't hurt me Jack, I know you never could, please, I need to make love with you, can't wait anymore, wasted so much time already" I beg, and add just the right amount of whining to my voice, I feel him slacken against me, I know I've won.
JACK
Dam bastard knows he has won, of course he was gonna win, I hate saying no to him, mostly I can if its work related but personally, not a hope in netu. "Cloths off" I growl, and he practically jumps back, and starts pulling his t-shirt over his head, hmmmm nice, in BDU's he looks so lanky, but he is all muscle underneath them, all golden skin, and angled plains, and hard muscles rippling as he moves. "Jack, JACK" he calls oh hey hes talking to me, "huh?" I ask, "clothes Jack, get them off" he tells me, and I notice hes practically naked already and I am fully dressed, next time I think I will undress him myself, but this time, I think I'd rather get him naked faster so i can have more time exploring every inch oh his golrious body.
Naked me, and oh naked Daniel, hes like some sort of Greek God, my very own personal Greek God, I chuckle a little at that, and Daniel gives me a weird look, oh well at least I didn't giggle again. "Hmmm you look good enough to eat" I tell him and he blushes, hot dam that is hot, I use to think it was cute, but seeing Daniel butt naked the only word I can think of to use it, Hot, or Beautiful, but not cute.
"I, thanks" he says, "you em... God Jack your, wow, I mean I" he stutters, now THAT is cute, "I mean wow, your hehe good enough to eat" he finishes, and we both laugh a little, have I ever mentioned that I love his laugh, cause I really really do. "Danny" I whisper grabbing him around the waist pulling him tight to me, our weeping erections brushing sending shivers through us both. "Bed" I say nibbling his ear a little, hmmm like that sound, wonder will he make it again, oh hey there it is.
"Bed" I say again, well growl this time, but still the same principle, and bed it is, good God it has to be illegal to look that good even when you have that many bruises covering your chest. "Beautiful" I whisper as I lay beside him, sideways on, I don't know really what way to work this, never been with a guy before, want to be with Daniel though, really really want, and i do understand the basic mechanics, wonder if he has ever been with a guy before, hmm don't care, just as long as hes with me.
Kissing is a good place to start I guess, hes a very good kisser, if they gave awards for kissing, my Danny would win them all, oh hey nice thought, my Danny, MY MY MY Danny, I like that thought so I share it, "your mine now" i growl nipping his bottom lip to prove my point, "Oh God Yes" Danny groans, love how he sounds, live his mouth, woohoo love his hands espcailly where they are right now, "oh God, Dan, Danny, that oh too good babe" I pant out, his hand is going to work on my chest and nipples, who would have guessed they were so sensitive, I sure as hell never knew, and his other hand is moving slowly up and down my dick, "Danny not that I don't love that but if you don't stop this is gonna be over before it starts" I tell him.
DANIEL
Hmmm tempting to stop, make it last, but no, I want this, I need this well sorta this one more thing I need before I let him cum for me, oh yes I am so going down, stop at the nipples first though, hmmm nice, sounds like he's enjoying it too. A little different from a womens nipple, but apprenetly still sensitive, at least on Jack, and on me too, I know from my time with Shar're, other one for a few moments, no don't want to wait any more, have to taste him, all of him.
Ok a slighlty bigger mouthful than I anticaipated, but hopefully what I lack in experaince I make up for in egerness, and boy am I eger, lets see a flick of my tongue over the head, oh yeah he likes that infact so do I, Jack tastes good, never thought I could enjoy the taste of another mans cum , shows what I know, Jack tastes wonderful, salt, and spice, and just a little bit sweet.
"Oh God Danny, Danny, oh I please Danny, need, oh can't last when your, ohgodohgodohgod, Dannnnnnnnny"
Well that was literate, not, I think I like him babbling, especailly when I am why hes babbling so incoherantly. "Daniel Jackson, how the fuck, where the fuck did you learn to do that" I hear Jack say from above. "Em practice, and here about 60seconds ago when you were cumming like a frieght train" I tell him, as I nuzzle his stomach, the light fur there is strange to feel, but in a good way, I think I like it, infact I know I like it.
"You mean, you've never... before?" he asks me, and i smile, "never wanted to it with anyone but you, love you" I say as I drag myself up to kiss him again, I am sure he can feel my insistant erection poking him in the side, but as much as I really want to get of right now, I can wait, I don't want to push him into something hes not ready for.
JACK
Its almost like I can tell what hes thinking, he wants me to do something, but he doesn't want me to do something I'm not ready for, honestly I don't think I'll ever be ready for any of this, not really, I'll always be just a little afriad until i do it, all of it. "Daniel" I whisper pulling back slightly from his kisses, "hmmm, what?" he asks, his eyes just slightly fuzzy, from arousal, "I want you, need you, make loveto me Daniel" I tell him, my vioce as steady as steel, even though I know my eyes are probably betraying me, he could always read me like a book.
"Jack, we don't have to, if you don't want to, if your not ready" hes telling me, giving me a way out, but I won't take it, I can't I need this, we both do, and it has to happen now, I need to show him how much I love him, how much I trust him. "Daniel, please, I need you" I say, pleading with my eyes, hoping he will understand.
"If you want to stop, if it hurts to much promise me you'll tell me" he says, and I nodd, "Promise" I whisper, my voice suddenly week with anticaipation and nerves.
He jumped up and disappered, I guess hes gone to find some lubricant or something, and condoms too probably, won't be needing them I think I know I'm clean, and he is too, or Doc would have told me, thats the sort of thing you just don't hold back from the team CO. Back again I was right, condoms, and oh sunscreen, well whatever works I guess. "Won't need them" I tell him taking the condoms away from him, "Jack?" he questions me. "I'm clean Danny, so are you, I want to feel you, I NEED to feel you" I tell him, and I do, although a good part more of it is that he needs to feel me, feel how much I trust him.
"It would be easier if you were on your stomach" he tells me, but I shake my head, "want to see you" I say, and although I know a part of him wants to protest he won't, not this time.
DANIEL
Part of me thinks this is a bad idea, that he'll regreat it come morning, but he seems to need this as much as I do, and I do need it, like i've never needed anything in my life. I coat my fingers with the sunscreen its cold, I should warm it in my hands first, I can see him fighting to relax, his legs pulled back, and wide so that I have access to a place hes never let anyone else touch. I am aprehencive as I run my slick finger along him, pressing lightly but not entering his hole, letting him adjust to my touch before I do that.
I play around it and as soon as I hear the first moan from him I know its time to move on, so slowly, as gentley as I can manage I slip my finger past the barriers and into his tight heat, and for a moment I spare a thought that if its so tight on my finger, how will it feel wrapped around my dick, but the moment passes, as soon as I fell Jack relax some more, and push back agaist my finger.
JACK
It is slightly sore, but not overly so, strange, but not painful in any big way, it feels kinda good actaully, and I find myself pushing into the contact, I feel Daniel prepare to push a second finger in, and I exhale, relaxing as much as I can, but failing, as I wince when he slides the second finger to join the first. The wince is short lived as Daniel streached me, and hits what I assume is my prostate if any of that reserch I did was worth a dam, yeah ok I did reserch, at the time I thought it was pointless, but did it anyway, now I am so glad I did.
"Oh God, Danny" I pant out, grinding back again, I feel myself streached wider, I feel another finger slip in, but this time I don't bother wincing, even though it does hurt, I just push back again harder, riding out the pain. "Daniel Please you, please" I beg, I need him now, I am hard again, miraculasly, painful hard, and I need to cum, but not without him inside of me, this time I want us to come together.
DANIEL
He's begging me now, part of me wants to prepare him more, although I don't know how much more streached I can get him, and i need to be in him, I am so close I can feel it, I need to cum soon, so i ignore that part, and follow the part telling me to give us both what we need. "If you want me to stop..." I start to tell him, "shut up and do it Daniel, Please, please I need it, I need you, NOW damit" he gasps out around pants. So I do, I line myself up, and as slowly as I can manage I push forward, sighing even as I fight to hold myself back from the edge as I feel his heat surround me.
I feel, whole, like I am finally a complete person, that sound rediculas I know, but its how I feel right now. "Jack, I... Love you" I whisper into his ear as I wait for him to adjust to me inside of him, and take a chance to calm myself down. "Love you too" he says before i feel him push back against me, and thats all I can take, I feel myself let go even as I try to hold back not to hurt him, I start moving my pace increasing, more and more, even as he begs me for harder, and faster.
JACK
"OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD, more please, oh please more Danny" I hear myself begging, under most circumstances I might not like that I'm begging, but I trust Daniel not to use it against me, so I beg, and dam it it doesn't feel good, hearing my voice begging him for more, feeling as he gives me what I'm asking for, feeling him filling me more completely than i have ever been filled before, feeling him complete me.
I feel it coming, I know I can't hold of, I have to hold on just a little more, I want Daniel to come with me dam it, "Let it go Jack" I hear him say, "let it go for me", and so I do, I let out a cry of Daniel as I feel my self cum all over his hadn where he was been pumping my shaft in time to his thrusts, and as I feel myself cum, I feel him let go as well feel him filling me with his cum.
DANIEL
"JAAAAAAAAAAAAACK" I cry out as I cum with him, I hear his cry as well, but they both sound so distant, as I feel his warm seed spill over my hand, and his stomach, as my own pumps into him.
I barely have enough presence of mind to shift to the side as I slip out of him, and promtly pass out beside him.
"Ja'k" I say as I feel his lips kissing my face, "Shit Danny you scared me" he tells me concern plain on his face, "sorry, just wow, guess it was too much to handle with..." I don't finish the sentance, it doesn't matter now, we are alive, and we are together, and, I don't plan on that ever changing as long as we are both alive.
"Jack, Love you" I say as I feel him snuggle into my side, well hell another thing I didn't know, Colonel Hard-Ass O'Neill is a snuggler, woohoo.
JACK
"Love you to Danny" I whisper was I snuggle myself as close to him as I possibly can, pity I can't get right under his skin, well at least not for another few hours, I ain't as young as I use to be. Guess I'm gonna have to start eating lots of protien, and other good stuff, to keep my stamina up, but oh boy will it be worth it.
Hmmmmm, I wonder what else is written in Daniel's Jornals, maybe I'll ask
"Daniel?" I ask looking up, oh ok I can ask tomorrow, I think, hehe, sleeping beauty, wonder will a kiss from his one true love awaken him? Maybe I should try it and see.
*snore*
Maybe I'll try it in the morning, I think instead, and snuggle my way back into Daniel's arms, listening to his heart beat as I drift of to sleep.
Fini
