A Letter From Daniel 1

Dear Jack

I suppose if your reading this I didn't come home alive from our last mission, I always made Sam promise never to give it to you until she was sure I wasn't coming home again, so I guess she must be sure.

I know your probably not in the mood for feelings right now, I just bet you chased Sam away from you when she gave you this, because knowing Sam the letter came with a shoulder to cry on, but you never were good at talking about feelings were you Jack. I don't really know why I'm writing this, once you read it you'll probably hate me and regret even the friendship we had, but I have to tell you, I could never do it to your face, but I need you to know, selfish I know but I can't help it this time.

Do you remember when we met? I thought you were a pain in the ass, and you thought I was a geek, you were right, I was a geek, but then I was also right cause you were a pain in the ass. When I came back to Earth after losing Shaur're I had nothing, no-one who gave a dam, General Hammond was more than happy to let me stay on base until I could find a place but you wouldn't let me, you dragged me back to your place and told me that if I was drowning my sorrows the least I could do was drown them in company, you promised that you would help me find them, and you did Jack, you kept your promise, I know you always thought you didn't because we brought Shau're home dead, but you did keep it Jack, don't ever doubt that.

You probably wonder why this trip down memory lane right, well I guess I just need you to remember the good times, that first night back on Earth was a good one Jack even under the shadow of losing my wife, because you were there Jack, you made it a good day for me, you always made every bad day seem good no matter how bad it got.

Teal'c asked me once if it had been one of you that Ammonet held within the ribbon device and I was the one in his position could I have shot her, I think he needed to know for his own peace of mind, or maybe he knew I needed to know for mine. I told him the truth, although I think he already knew it, had it been he or Sam I don't think I would have done it, I don't think I could have done it, but if it had have been you, I would have Jack, I would have killed Shaur're to save you, I learned over three years to live without her, but if i'd have had to live with out you I couldn't have done it, you were my anchor to this life Jack.

When you were trapped on Eudora we all wanted you back, and we all tried hard to get you back, Janet said we drove her crazy trying to make sure we all got food and sleep, although she had to sedate me three times towards the end because I wouldn't sleep, you didn't know that did you Jack, I made them promise not to tell you, Sam, Teal'c, the General, Janet, no one else knew and they never told, I nearly lost it those few months without you and it took all four of them and some pretty powerful drugs to keep me going.

We got you home though didn't we Jack, or at least I thought we did until what happened next, that dam secret mission of yours, when you came back from Eudora you told me that you were glad to be home and that you never wanted to be away from earth for that long again and then suddenly it seemed you were leaving forever. I visited you that week remember, after you 'retired', you used our friendship to con Mayborne and his group into believing you'd crossed over, I never told you how much that hurt did I Jack, It tore me in half to hear you say that our friendship meant nothing to you, that it was all some elaborate plot nearly killed me twice over because the fact that I believed you hurt even more than what you had said, that I was so ready to believe you, I'm sorry Jack, I really am, and i'm sorry about after, what I said it wasn't true, no straws Jack, Sam wanted to go, so did Teal'c but I wouldn't let them, I told them I was going and that was that, I'm sorry I lied Jack.

I suppose by now your getting restless, I know you hate it when I go on about something for ages without getting to the point, so I guess I'd better got to the point. All those times I nearly died, you saved me, all those times I cried you were there to hold me even when I didn't want you to be, you were my best friend and to you all those things were probably just looking out for a friend, but not to me Jack, to me they were so much more, they were everything Jack, ever look, ever touch, ever word, they were the things that kept me alive Jack, but now I'm not anymore, and now I can tell you the truth, at least I won't have to see the disgust on your face thought, another selfish act I suppose, as selfish as the need to know that you know.\par

I love you Jack O'Neill

I'm so sorry Jack, I truly am, not for loving you though, that I won't apologies for, but I'm sorry I had to tell you like this, I'm sorry I had to make this the last memory you'll have of me, I'm sorry I was selfish enough that I had to tell you, even now.

Goodbye Jack
I will always love you
Daniel