Letters

by Kez

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ask/kez/letters.php
Summary: Rodney had been writing letters to his sister, and now that they have been able to make permanent contact with Earth again John delivers the letters on Rodney's behalf

*Sheppard*

I didn't know he had a sister... well I did... sorta... I vaguely recall Ford mentioning once that he'd told them about her... I think it was when that virus... with the little robot things... nanites... affected him... he thought he was going to die... but he never mentioned her anytime I was around.

The letters were all stashed in a box under his 'desk' in his room. 23 letters in total... I checked, that's one a month since the time of the virus... 23 months... nearly two years of letters he never expected her to get... but she will, because he's been missing for nearly three months now, missing in action, except he's not really, he'd dead... Elizabeth can't bring herself to list him as dead without a body... but I can't bring myself to hope he's alive because it's been too long, and I'm sure he'd have found a way back by now if he was.

"Dr Jane McKay?" I ask poking my head around the door of one of the many labs at the SGC... yes I said the SGC... we're home... or at least back on Earth, I'm not sure where home is anymore. All I know is thanks to the Asguard, (see me doing cartwheels in their honour... or not) we now have the ability to travel back and forth between Atlantis almost at will... well except that we have to wait 48 hours between every trip for whatever damn power source they came up with recharges.

I'm sure Rodney would have REAMS of information just dripping out of his mouth on the subject or how, and why, and all that crap, but I can't say I really care, I'm only here to see Rodney's sister, who was luck, or fate would have it, is right here at the SGC as of three months ago... just see her, tell her he was a good man, and all that other crap that your supposed to say when telling someone their brother is listen MIA and probably dead, and give her the letters... that's the only reason I'm here.

"Yes... though it's Moreau now, can I help you?"

She's pretty... sorta can see the family resemblance, except she's much skinner than Rodney ever was... but in fairness, a lot of his 'puppy fat' (or not so puppy-ish but *shrug*) gave way to more muscle than anything over the course of two years in the Pegasus Galaxy... anyway, she has the same sort of colour hair, longer thought, it's tied back but I'd guess it's fairly long... and the same blue/green eyes.

"I'm Lt Colonel John Sheppard." I tell her. I'm still not getting over that I thought I'd be a major for ever, I mean Weir couldn't promote me, and I was a hell of a long way from Earth, thought to be honest, had I stayed on Earth I doubt I'd have made Lt Colonel before I was 50, maybe 60. General O Neill promoted me thought, he actually came all the way to Atlantis to do it .. only a few days ago... the team that came through brought lots of supplies, including chocolate, and coffee... Rodney would have liked that.

"Of course, General O'Neill said you wanted to see me, I suppose it's about Rodney?" she asks me, and I know she knows... I know O'Neill promised he'd let me tell her, but the very fact Rodney isn't here tells her everything she needs to know I suppose.

"I'm sorry... he was listen MIA about three months ago." I tell her, sitting down in the seat she nods towards.

"I see... you think he's dead?" very perceptive woman... not like Rodney at all in that respect, Rodney was a genius, but he was a clueless bastard on occasion... frequent occasion.

"I think if he was alive, he'd have found a way back by now." I say.

"I see... thank-you for coming here yourself to tell me." I think... she's definitely upset, but she's holding it in well... she's not military, and she just heard her brother was dead, I know I wouldn't think any less of her for crying... but then Rodney never cried either... moaned, bitched, ranted and complained frequently, but never cried.

"I wanted to give you these... they are addressed to you... Jane... I... Rodney was a good guy... a pain in the ass on more than the odd occasion, but he was a good man, saved my life, and the life of everyone on Atlantis a dozen times over... he was... a hero." I pause a second to gather my thoughts.

"He had been writing these for a while, they are all dated on the envelop, the way I figure it about one a month, they started a few months after we arrived there... he... well a lot of people, were infected with a virus that killed five people, he figured out a way to save us all then too... I just thought you should have them, and I'm not really sure if the context matters but..." I shrug, I don't know what else to tell her.

"Rodney McKay... hero... oh if only my parents could hear you now." Jane said.

I'm sure the question is on my face without me having to ask it, because she starts to answer me anyway.

"Rodney was... never quite the grade they wanted... or at least that my father wanted... oh they were both proud of him, but Dad always thought he was to much of a science geek, and not enough of a man... no doubt dad would be even more proud to hear an air force officer say that Rodney was a hero.. well maybe someday. Thank-you Colonel Sheppard for bringing these, but can I just ask one more question... what happened to him... when did he go missing?"

The one question I was hoping she wouldn't ask. Damn.

"We were off-world, we've made some friends in Pegasus, but a fair share of enemies too... we'd gone to trade with some people, we'd traded with them before, thought we'd be safe, but we were attacked by people called the Genii, we managed to fight them off, but they grabbed Rodney... one of the local people took a shot at them before they got through the gate, but I guess his aim wasn't great, it hit Rodney, and Rodney, and the Genii who had him both went toppling thought the gate. We wanted to follow but we missed the gate symbols, and Dr Weir, didn't want to risk sending in a team to their homeworld." I tell her the story, and I feel a trickle of the same anger I felt at the time coming back.

I was itching to go after the Genii, but Elizabeth wouldn't hear of it, her reasoning was sound, but at the time I didn't care, all I knew was that a member of my team... Rodney... had been taken, and might well be dying, and she wouldn't let me go after him.

"Thank-you... and again, thank-you for bringing these... Rodney and I hadn't seen each other for some time, not since my wedding... he didn't approve of my husband... funny, he was right... I'm almost glad I never had to tell him that, he'd have been insufferable... I think he'd like my new husband thought... but we'll never know... Thank-you Colonel really... for this and. . for being Rodney's friend... I... please, you're here for a few days, come to dinner, I'd like to hear more about what Rodney did."

I want to say no, spend as little time as possible with her, because as much as she's different from Rodney, she reminds me of him so much as well.

"That'd be nice." I find myself saying instead, and since at how fake my voice sounds right now, but she was his sister, she deserves to know what a difference he made to Atlantis, to me.

~~~~~

*Jane Moreau*

Lt Colonel Sheppard seems nice... uncomfortable around me I think, but nice. Not at all the sort of person I'd picture my brother being friends with though... but from even the little Sheppard told me it sounds like Rodney changed a lot from the man I knew.

He was right about the letters, there was roughly one a month, two in one month, but otherwise, just once a month... I'm supposed to be working, but I ve been re-reading the same text for the last hour, since Sheppard left, so I obviously need the break...

Pulling the first letter from the pile, the one dated nearly two years ago, I open it.

Poor Rodney, he never was a people person... I hope he did find someone to talk to, I suppose the only way to know will be to read the rest of the letters, but I can't now, I have work to do, I'll take them home and read them there.

~~~~~

*Sheppard*

Jane really is nice... I've ended up staying past the 48hours I'd planned to spent last night with Jane and her new husband, Andrew, nice man, I think Rodney would approve... Jane was glad I said as much.

She said she'd read a few of Rodney's letter, just the first few, wasn't saying much about what was in them, but they were private I guess, she seemed glad that he'd been in Atlantis... I guess whatever he said in them, maybe he was happy on Atlantis. I hope he was anyway... even if we did have a pack load of crap to deal with on a daily basis.

General O'Neill is briefing us to go back to Atlantis, a few newbies are coming with, and Jane has asked to come along, she says she wants to see the place Rodney talks about in his letters, I'm not sure I like the idea... I mean she's nice... but I'm not sure how I feel about Rodney's sister being there... spending a few hours with her is one thing, even a few days, but possibly weeks, or even months with her on Atlantis... I'm not sure how I'll handle that, not being reminded of Rodney every time I see her.

O'Neill however gives her the go-ahead. Not his fault, he doesn't know I had feelings for Rodney... ha... that's a laugh... feelings... I was... am.. I love him... strange really; I mean Rodney McKay was exactly the kind of person I hated growing up.

Arrogant, smarmy, too damn smart for his own damn good, and knowing it.

But that wasn't Rodney... not really, not once you worked past the crap, past that outer layer of asshole... he was actually a pretty decent guy... and if he wasn't to start with he became one over time.

We're heading through the gate tomorrow morning, in the mean time, O'Neill does the unexpected and invites me to dinner with him and Dr. Jackson.

Now I know a hell of a lot has changed on earth while we've been gone... but when I arrive at O'Neill's house it takes me all of three seconds to realise it's not O'Neill's house... it's O'Neill's AND Jackson's... there is one I never would have bet on, I figured even if O'Neill did have a thing for the archaeologist that he'd move on it... but hey what do I know, I spent 30 odd years sleeping with women, only to fall in love with a man.

You know that makes it sound like Rodney 'changed' my whole sexuality, he didn't, I've always had attractions to men, I've just never really thought about following through on it, never really had the great urge to follow through... of course Rodney did change me, not like that, but he did change me... he made me think more... not in any sort of 'bleeding heart' way... hell no if you were any sort of danger Rodney was perfectly happy to let me shoot at it, but he forced me to think science like... made me think of the other more scientific... more... brainiac options that I ignored before.

O'Neill and Dr. Jackson, were good hosts... or well Dr. Jackson... sorry Daniel, he insists on Daniel, was... he cooked too... though I think the General helped, I'm not sure if he was useful help, I'm pretty sure that tomato sauce doesn't easily get UNDER the collar of a shirt without help.

Daniel was interested in everything I had to say about Atlantis... O'Neill heard everything he needed to in the briefing I guess, but he at least acted like he was interested... I guess he's perfected the act after years with Daniel.

It was a nice enough evening I guess. Glad to be getting back to Atlantis though, I didn't want to go, but it became home, maybe more than any place I ve ever been.

~~~~~

*Jane Moreau*

We're heading out tomorrow, Atlantis... the place my brother lived for more than two years of his life... it's strange, there was a whole part of him I never knew and I now only just learning.

I've read the first half dozen or so of Rodney's letters, already seeing the changes in him through his letters.

Especially his changes towards John Sheppard...

I've still got another dozen or so to read though, so I'll take them with me and keep reading them, but I've got a few hours now, I might read another one before I go to bed, it's still early anyway.

Oh my... Rodney... had feelings for someone on Atlantis... John never mentioned Rodney having a partner... was he alone all that time?

I know Rodney, he doesn't do well with people and feelings, he was almost much better with numbers, and scientific facts, to be in love with someone, or even just care about them enough that he'd mention it in these letters.

I wonder who it was? Except I'm not sure wonder if the right word, I have my suspicions, but if they are correct... that would be awful, to have feelings for someone who has feelings for you and to die before either of them found the courage to admit it, but I can't jump ahead of myself I could be wrong Rodney speaks fondly of so many people in his letters.

~~~~~

*Sheppard*

Home... Atlantis... Elizabeth greeted us when we got there, her and Jane hit it right off, I guess Elizabeth still feels pretty bad about what happened to Rodney, not as bad as me, but pretty bad, they were good friends.

Adian is bouncing about as per usual, his wife Myra is pregnant with their first child and he's been as excitable as ever these last few weeks, the closer she gets to giving birth, Carson's been threatening not to let him into the room when she gives birth if he doesn't calm down some.

"Adian, miss me?" I ask with a customary smirk.

"Yes Sir. You have fun on Earth?" he asked. He was supposed to go with me, but didn't want to because of Myra.

"Same old, same old, Adian, this is Dr Jane Moreau, Rodney's sister." I introduce them.

"Pleased to meet you ma'am." He snaps like he needs to stand at attention all of a sudden.

"You too, I've heard a lot about you." Jane tells him with a smile.

I guess Rodney talked about us some in the letters, stands to reason I guess I mean you live with people for a while you're going to talk about them.

Adian gives me a look and I just shrug, I hadn't told anyone else about the letters I found except for Elizabeth, Rodney had them hidden, my guess is he didn't want everyone in Atlantis knowing about them.

Well things to do, so I leave Jane in Elizabeth's capable hands and beg off promising to see her again later. My first stop the lab to check on Zelenka and his toys, make sure he hasn't blown anything up... though that's mean, he's just as good a scientist as Rodney is... was... although I'm sure Rodney would disagree.

~~~~~

*Jane Moreau*

I've been here a few days now, it's a nice place, friendly people, they've had some bad times, I'm certainly glad I'm not involved with any of the off-world teams, I don't think I'd like to meet these wraith, how Rodney stood up against them I'll never understand, my brother much have changed a lot in the last few years, the man everyone tells me they knew is so different from everything I remember about him.

I've read almost all the letters by now, except for the last one, to be honest I'm a little... shy... of reading it, the last thing he ever 'said' to me is in that envelop...

I've been put it what were Rodney's quarters... it's a little strange, sitting in the same chair he was when he wrote them, reading his scientist scrawl, a thing that very few none-scientists could read.

It's unfinished and unsigned, but it holds the very information I'd been waiting for, the last piece of the puzzle my brother had become to me... the unequivocal admittance, that he was in love with John.

Now the question was... did I tell John, or not?

On the one hand, telling him now wouldn't really achieve anything, Rodney is dead, nothing cab be done about that now, and telling him may only cause him unavoidable pain. On the other, maybe if he knew Rodney had felt something for him as well... because I am certain John loved Rodney... maybe it would help him... but I just don't know.

I need the advice of someone who knew them both better. Elizabeth seems as aware as I am that John's feelings for Rodney weren't purely platonic, perhaps she'll have a better insight.

~~~~~

*Sheppard*

I can't be hearing this... this is nuts, crazy, loopy, FUCKING INSANE!!!

Jane can't be telling me what I think she's telling me, Rodney would never, he was never that good at keeping his mouth shut he would have said something... he would have, the man never shut up for more than five minutes at a time and even then he had to be unconscious or something.

"John... it's right here in the letter, you can read it if you want, but it s in French... it says that he'd never felt like this in his life, he loved you." Jane tells me and it's crazy, and it can't be true but my mind can't think up a single reason why she'd lie, and it's killing me

Why didn't he tell me? /Why didn't you tell him?/ my mind oh so helpfully supplies.

Fear. I was afraid. Of course it stands to reason that if I was, Rodney was but...

"John..."

"I'm fine." I tell her, getting the hell out of there, because Atlantis is very small suddenly and I need to get out.

Elizabeth gives me a concerned look but lets me take the jumper, and I just fly.

Zig-zag across the skies, around in circles in and out of the atmosphere as I feel like it... flying is a freedom... it's just me and my machine against the sky.

I don't really register anything until I land on the main land, where Halling and Jinto greet me.

They don't ask why am here, they don't ask why I don't leave, no one does, and for two whole weeks, I'm treated to Anthosian hospitality without a word .. until Elizabeth turns up on the mainland, Adian in tow.

~~~~~

*Weir*

I'm still a little bit in shock, so I can only imagine how John will react to what I'm about to tell him.

When that single came through the gate, every single head in the control room turned to look towards the gate, complete and utter disbelieve held until the moment I took the lives of everyone in Atlantis in my hands and ordered the shield down, when Sora came though that gate, Rodney attached to her side, I thought I was going to die from the shock.

Of course Rodney saved me the other and collapsed.

While he was out we talked to Sora, she told us he'd been kept alive and used as slave labour, she'd tried to get him out sooner but it was tricky without them being caught.

Carson used ancient technology interfaced with our own to confirm the DNA, and he's done every test imaginable while Rodney has been unconscious... it s him, and he's alive, and mostly fine except for some malnutrition a few poorly healed bones and a lot of cuts, and bruises.

I take him away from the main settlement, I don't think he needs an audience to hear this, and frankly, I don't want the audience, because I'm fairly shaken myself, and only barely containing tears.

~~~~~

*Sheppard*

Alive...

I can't believe it... he's alive... Rodney is alive, and on Atlantis, and I m here... not on Atlantis, I have to get back there, have to see him, have to make sure it's real and not just another cruel dream that I'm going to wake up from.

He's really alive, really here... unconscious... Carson tells me it's just exhaustion, he's fine.

Lost weight, bruises all over him, cuts, some new, some older, how many times was he beaten? How did he survive all that?

I want him to wake up, so I can really be sure you know. See his eyes staring back at me, hear him snark at me some, I've missed that.

Jane is here too, and Adian, Teyla, Elizabeth, Zelenka, and Carson obviously he's got a whole contingent here waiting for him to just wake the hell up.. but he's not biting, why I don't know, Rodney loves attention, he should be waking up to enjoy it, but he just keeps on sleeping.

Come on Rodney... it's been nearly a whole day, how long can you really sleep for?

"Rodney... come on, wake up... I'm dying here... please? Don't you want to wake up so you can bitch at me? You like doing that..." I talk, to him, to myself, doesn't matter really, it's just something to do while he sleeps completely oblivious to the fact that I really need him to wake up so I can tell him I love him.

"You know Carson is going to be completely pissed if you don't wake up soon, your taking up space." I tell him.

"Can't a man who's just come back from the dead get ANY sleep around here?" Rodney's voice startles me, gruff, and sleepy, and his eyes are looking up at me with disgust, and relief. Relief that he's really home, and disgust that I woke him up most probably.

"Hey... well you know you'd be more comfortable in your own bed, but Carson wanted you to wake up first so he could do his whole doctor thing 'do you know your name' bla bla, before sending you there... hey you do know your name right? And mine?" I ask.

"Rodney McKay, and you are Major John Sheppard."

"Ha... got that wrong, I'm Lt Colonel John Sheppard actually, but I'll let you of on the grounds you were dead at the time of my promotion. Jane is here you know... not in this room obviously, it's like three am in the morning, but on Atlantis... we found a way back, sort of, it's all very complicated, I'm sure you'll understand it as soon as Zelenka explains it to you but I personally blanked him out... something to do with some Asguard thing anyway... oh and Myra had a little boy... they called him Rodney, would you ever believe that... of course Adian is going to be spiting now your not dead, that's the only reason for his name... Myra insisted it would honour your memory, I think she likes you and..."

"Are you going to tell me everything that's happened in the last three months? Because if you are, couldn't we do it at a more reasonable hour?" Rodney asks, yawning.

"Yeah I guess..." I give him what I hope is my best little boy grin, and get a lob sided smile in return.

"I guess I could let you sleep... just... one more thing... I gave Jane the letters you wrote, I found them and, well they were addressed to her so... she read them... I didn't, honestly but she told me... what you wrote, some of it anyway... the important parts."

I'm shaking just a little as I let my hand reach out and take his, just gently holding his fingers in mine.

"J'amie Vous." I whisper and hope I pronounce it right, my only French was in high school and I sucked at it.

"I love you too John, but do us both the favour and never try to speak French again..." Rodney tells me with a genuine smile on his face and in his eyes.

"Promise." I tell him, leaning forward, and with as much gentleness as I can muster, I kiss him.

"I'll hold you to that." He says, his voice still rough and tired.

"Go back to sleep, I'll be right here." I promise him, keeping hold of his hand, one finger discreetly pressed against the pulse point of his wrist, keeping me assured that this is real, and promising me that Rodney and I have a lot to look forward too.

Fini