Weapon Of Choice

by Kez

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ask/kez/weapon.php
Summary: Daniel ponders weapons

I am not a fighting man, in the physical sense, that's not to say I can't fight, I have learned, I have had to learn, but guns, and even Zats are not my weapons by choice, but by necessity.

I am a linguist, an Anthropologist, I studied words, people, books, not guns, and fighting, and yet those are the weapons I most often use these days.

I tried so hard to become a soldier, I hated every minute of it, but I tried, for him, it didn't work, the harder I tried to become the person I thought he wanted me to be, the more he pushed me away, the more he hated me, at least so it seemed.

It seems strange that the very weapon I have the greatest control over, was the very weapon, I wouldn't, thought I couldn't use, and yet it is the weapon that brought me to where I am now, wrapped tightly and securely within the arms of my greatest victory.

He is asleep now, his breath soft against the top of my head, his heart beating beneath my ear, slow and steady, I find that strange, my own is going a million times a minute.

I fought the greatest battle of my life today, and I won, tomorrow I will return to the battle fields of the galaxy, and once more take a gun, or a zat into my hand, and fight, but today's battle didn't require them.

It was instead a war of words, my greatest strength lies with them, I know how to use them for good, and for bad, how to make someone hate me, or love me with a single sentence, and today, my words were my weapon of choice, and today I won my battle.

He was angry at me, dragged me of to his house as soon as we left the SGC, yelled at me the moment we were through the door, I wanted to explain, it wasn't my fault, I couldn't have know that they would try and kill us, or more precisely me, I wanted to explain that they didn't, and that I am still alive, but I couldn't, instead all my carefully built walls came down, and my weapon thrust out, hitting him in the gut before he had chance to react.

I yelled at him, told him that I wasn't the screw up he thought I was, asked him why he hated me, called him callous, uncaring, stubborn, self-centred, and a few other less polite words, and when my words failed me, I cried, and as he held me I found my words once more, and I told him I loved him.

I was so scared, was my own weapon about to be turned against me? I wondered as we sat there, he stopped the comforting rocking movements he had been making.

As I sat there his arms slack around me, all my words replaying through my head, I never expected to feel him lift my face towards him and kiss me, but he did, and now I know he loves me too. He used my weapon, not to hurt me, but it heal me.

Not all my battles can be fought this way, but it won't matter, because I will no longer have to fight them alone.

In today's battle though I learned a new lesson, for I know now, that when the battle is of the greatest importance, as it was this day, I will call capon my most trusted weapon, My Weapon Of Choice, my words.