Party Favors

by Kate Kernshaw

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ask/kkernshaw/partyfavors.php
Summary: Rodney McKay and John Sheppard get ready, with a little help from Doctor Carson Beckett, to attend the first Halloween party on Atlantis

"We have to go in costume," Rodney fumed as he and John entered his quarters. "Come on, John, it's not a traditional Halloween party unless everyone comes dressed up in costume! They don't have to be scary."

"I don't want to go as a soldier," John said. "Or a Wraith. You know almost everyone is going to show up as either one or the other." He sighed and sat on the bed. He watched Rodney disappear into his bedroom for a few seconds before re-emerging with an outfit in one hand John hadn't seen before and a small cloth bag in the other hand.

"Hell, given our resources, we don't have to be unique," said Rodney. "I'm not going as a Wraith or a soldier, and neither are you."

"Oh? What are we going as, and why is this news to me now? We only have about an hour before the party starts."

"I'm going as Doctor Rodney McKay."

"Oh? That's real original. You don't even need a costume."

"No, John. I'm going as a medical doctor, and you'll come as my patient. See?" Rodney held up the outfit on the hanger. "I talked it over with Carson. He and I came up with something not too far out but doable. And he let me borrow a set of his old scrubs."

"His what?"

"Scrubs. He used to wear these when he worked at some hospital. He kept a couple sets because they're so "bloody comfy" as he put it. He wears them for lounging around his quarters. And since we're the same size...."

John snorted. "Yeah, right. Now pull the other leg."

"Keep it up, John, or tonight you won't be getting any," Rodney warned.

"Any what? Candy?"

Rodney walked over to his lover. Wrapping his arms around John, he leaned up, raising his lips to John's mouth, and gave him a deep sensual kiss, which left John breathless. "If that's what you want to call it."

"Okay, I'm sorry I teased you about getting into Carson's pants..."

Rodney chuckled and smacked John's shoulder with a light tap. "Don't let Carson hear you talk like that. I don't think he'd care for the implication."

"But you keep reminding me that you're so much taller than him," said John.

"Well, I am...most of the time. I think these scrubs are too long for him anyway."

John laughed with a shake of his head but didn't say another word on the subject. "So...you have a costume, but that still leaves me out."

"No, I said you'd be my patient." Rodney finished getting into the dark blue scrubs that fit a tad too tightly through the midsection and thighs, but otherwise fit perfectly. Slipping on his shoes, he picked up the small bag and rushed John towards the door.

"Come on, I have to get the rest of the stuff from Carson in the infirmary. And he'll fix you up there, too."

"What stuff? And fix me up how?" John wasn't sure he liked how Rodney was hurrying him through this as if to make sure John didn't have time to think about it or back out if he didn't like it.

"Props. You know, the usual toys Carson has to play with: tongue depressors, thermometer...you know, doctor stuff. Hey, I wonder if he's got one of those light thingies to wear on my head?"

With great reluctance, John allowed himself to be dragged along to the infirmary, a place that made him nervous. He'd been a patient here a few times too many, spending more than a little time under Doctor Beckett's care, and he hated being in this place a minute longer than he had to be.

"Major, it's good to see you. Rodney, you're here and just in time." Carson hurried over to his friend and checked over his appearance. "Did you forget your lab coat to put over the scrubs?"

"Oh, crap! Now I have to go all the way back to my lab."

"Not to worry, you can borrow one of mine. I have a clean one hanging up in back. I'll make you an official looking name tag to tape over my name." He patted an empty bed. "Major, if you don't mind hopping up here, I'll be with you in a minute. We'll have you ready in no time."

John rolled his eyes but did as he was told. He watched Rodney pawing through drawers and prowling around cabinets in search of all the medical props he could find. He laughed at the look on Rodney's face, the one that screamed "little kid at Christmas, checking out the other kids' new toys" as Rodney spread out everything he could find: latex gloves, speculum, ophthalmoscope, otoscope, reflex hammer, stethoscope, hypertension cuff.

Carson returned with foot and head covers and a couple empty pill bottles, which he filled with pieces of candy and gum, "in case you have to prescribe some medication", he told Rodney.

He reached into a cupboard and pulled out an old, worn black bag that had seen better days. "It was my first medical bag given to me by my Mum and Dad, and I still like to use it," he said with a shrug, as he began packing it with all the tools of his trade. "I don't think you'll need this," he added, setting aside a portable defibrillator.

John shuddered, remembering his recent brush with death and that giant insect stuck in his neck. The memory still haunted him and he was glad he now shared a bed with Rodney, who held him and helped him through the nightmares that plagued him, although lately with less frequency.

"All right now, Major," said Carson turning toward the bed. "Let's see what we can do with you." He pulled out bandages, medical tape, and a makeshift palette containing an assortment of bright colors. "I hope you don't mind. I used a wee bit of food coloring and with advice from a few of our Athosian friends, created some natural colors from native plants and berries. None of this is toxic and will easily wash off once you return from the party."

As he set to work, Carson realized John was ill at ease in the infirmary. He caught the slight touches and fleeting glances that passed between the men, which confirmed his earlier suspicions that they were now a couple. Wishing to make both men more comfortable in his presence, he asked, "Do either of you lads know any good Halloween jokes?"

"Doc, you know all of Rodney's jokes are bad," said John, laughing at a finger jab to his solar plexus from his partner.

Carson began work on John's "look", creating a scary looking scar across John's forehead. Next he worked on creating an equally frightening jagged cut along John's right cheek and topped it off with a clear plaster painted with fake stitches. Throughout the process Carson regaled the two men with one of his favorite jokes:

"A taxi picks up a nun waiting on a corner near a church. She gets into the car, and the driver can't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring at her and he replies, 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

The nun answers, 'Laddie, you can't offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well,' he says, 'I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

And the nun says, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: First, you must be single, and second, you must be Catholic."

The driver gets very excited and says, 'Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic, too!'

'Well then,' the nun says, 'Pull into the next alley.'

The driver does this and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a deep searing kiss that would make a whore blush."

Brandishing the makeup palette and wrapping bandages in strategic places, Carson continued his joke, "But when they get back on the road, the driver starts crying.

'My dear lad, says the nun, why are you crying?'

'Forgive me, Sister, for I have sinned. I lied. I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, 'Aye, that's all right. My name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party!'"

Both men burst out laughing, Carson's tale helping them relax while he worked on John's face, neck, and arms.

Within minutes Carson finished the job with a flourish. "Rodney, what do you think?"

"Oh wow...that's incredible. That's perfect!" Rodney said in awe at his friend's handiwork. "Wait! I forgot the best part!"

Rodney grabbed the small bag and thrust it into John's arms. "Go change into this, now! And you can leave your tee-shirt on."

"What is this?"

"Stop asking questions. You'll see. Oh, and put that one big thing on over...well, never mind. I'm sure you'll figure it out." He shooed John behind a privacy curtain.

Returning to Carson, both men grinned as they heard the muttered threats from behind the curtain.

"So, Carson, do you know what anyone else is going as?" Rodney winced at a particularly loud string of curses.

"Halling and Doctor Weir are going to the party together, only he's dressing as a human from Earth and she'll be dressed as an Athosian woman."

"That's nice," said Rodney. "John, if you're going to get all snarly in there I'll have Carson take off that fake I.V. and put in a real one with something in it to calm you down." He blushed at the rude comment John made about shoving I.V. bags and poles somewhere where the sun doesn't shine.

With a muted snort, Carson went on, "Teyla is attending the party with Lieutenant Ford. She's going as an exotic warrior princess and our gallant lieutenant is dressed as a giant GI Joe."

"Did you help anyone else get a costume together?"

"Aye, and fun it was, too. When the Athosians brought me the materials to make the colors, some of the women brought odd bits of clothing, material, footwear, and other whatnots, and with their help, especially with the sewing, we were able to transform several of our colleagues. Kavanagh is going as a circus clown, and he'll be with Zelenka, who's dressed as a magician. Grodin and Bates are going together as Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham. Jinto and Wex were a big help in making some of the props, such as the sword, the sheriff's badge, and the magician's wand. We made them up as little hoboes begging for handouts, so be sure to give them some of that candy."

A loud expletive came from beyond the curtain before another muttered threat, "You'll pay for this, Rodney!"

"Carson, I never knew you were so creative, so artistic," Rodney said, ignoring John's antics behind them.

"It's nothing. A bit of fun I picked up working backstage helping some mates with their dramas back at university. The drama department was always shorthanded for help with costuming, staging, and getting the actors into makeup. It was a lark and I got to see the plays for free."

"I sure appreciate the help. But where did you get the material for...um, the rest of John's costume?"

"It was quite by chance. I came upon Sergeants Markham and Stackhouse sneaking out of Sergeant Bates' quarters the other day. Seems they needed a clean white sheet to make a ghost costume, and rather than destroy one of theirs..."

The two men laughed, imagining how angry their head of security must be, that is, if he even noticed one of his sheets was missing.

"So how did you...?"

"Oh, well, Stackhouse was concerned about the sheet being too long, and as I only needed a wee bit of it for the major, that was the price of my silence. Do act surprised when they arrive together, the ghost and the Wraith. Markham conned young Wex out of the use of his Wraith mask for the evening."

John flung the curtain back with a loud sigh and announced, "Here I am. The first one of you who laughs is a dead man!"

"I think you look adorable," purred Rodney. "Don't you think so, Carson?"

Stifling his chuckles, Carson stammered, "Major, you cut quite a dashing figure," before he lost it and burst out laughing.

John glared at Carson as he stood in front of Rodney, his feet adorned in paper hospital slippers, thick white tube socks, and a flimsy, too-short paper hospital gown. Slowly turning around, he modeled his costume with only one tie in back at the neck, while the lower half of the hospital gown billowed wide open.

And there, for all to see, was John's ass dwarfed in an oversized pair of homemade boxers.

Made from the piece of purloined sheet, the comical underwear was adorned in large, hand-colored pictures of GI Joes in numerous positions and in multiple colors. Paratrooper Joes screamed, "Death to the Wraith!" Bazooka brandishing Joes hollered, "Die, Wraith, Die!" and Foxhole Digger Joes drew campy cartoons and slogans of, "Kilroy Was Here!"

"All right, it's a clever costume," John admitted. "Doc, how did you get this done so fast? And how did you know about Kilroy?"

"Oh, Jinto and Wex helped with all the coloring. Poor young Ford in his GI Joe gear had to model for a quite some time in all sorts of awkward positions. While he was posing, he shared several stories his father and grandfather had told him about their own war experiences. One of those tales was about Kilroy and the graffiti that was spread throughout World War Two and even into the Vietnam War. I think we all had a great deal of fun out of making your very special skivvies."

The three men walked out of the infirmary, John fidgeting with the back of his gown.

Rodney slapped at John's hands. "Leave it alone. It's supposed to be open in back so everyone can see. Come on, we better be going."

Stopping at the intersection of two corridors, Carson urged his friends onward. "I think you best be off then. Oh, and Major, I do hope you like the costume," he said with a smirk, "and don't mind being the butt of the joke!" He laughed outright, dodging the major's swinging fist. "Have a good time, lads, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

Carson stood there and watched as the two men walked together, hand in hand, down the long hallway to the elevator. He turned and headed down the other corridor towards his living quarters. He'd had fun all day helping most of the party goers get into costume, and now, since he wasn't fond of holiday parties, he was looking forward to enjoying a quiet evening in his quarters.

As he rounded the next corner and approached his door, he paused a moment to consider what food he had available in his rooms with which to fix a light supper, remembering that Halling had brought him some bottles of Athosian ale, too. He'd have a nice relaxing meal and call it an early night.

Waving his hand over the control mechanism, Carson smiled, waiting for the door to whoosh open. "Perhaps tonight I'll be lucky and finally beat the computer at chess," he murmured as the door closed behind him.

Fin