Trials And Tribulations 1

Something Else

by Lady Arkin

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asl/larkin/trials01.php
Summary: Daniel has an accident while on a mission off world and comes back a changed man. Everyone has to deal with the consequences and Jack also has to deal with Daniel's unexplained secrecy regarding a young man that he seems to be living with
Info:

I'm not your mommy, so I'm not spoon feeding you. If you're reading this then you know that Jack and Daniel are soul mates, therefore it's ridiculous for me to sit here and tell you all about it. I refuse to waste my time and yours by hosting those inane and ever popular relationship negotiations that bore me to no end. If you don't like it, then don't read my work

CHAPTER 1 - WHOM DO YOU BLAME?

It was in the infirmary that the full extent of the damage was really seen, and known. SG-1 stood around the foot of Daniel's bed hearing the news from Janet. Their eyes were big and heavy with unshed tears; their faces unbelieving. Though the evidence was right in front of them, the reality of it was too much to take in. It was like a sucker punch in the face that had left those standing cold and numb.

Reality was some other thing that existed else where.

General Hammond strode into the infirmary with a stunned look about his face. He'd seen what came through the worm hole with his own eyes, but he'd scarcely believed it. Even face-to-face with 'it' in the infirmary he still stopped dead in his tracks to stare at what was left of Daniel Jackson.

The General swallowed visibly, without turning his face away from the bed he said, "Doctor, can you do anything?"

There were no words at first.

As if she'd purposefully been waiting for the silence to become too much, she finally said, "It's real, and from what I can tell permanent. The effects seem to be irreversible, sir. I can't... I can't explain it."

Her voice trailed off softly and disappeared into the mass insanity that they were all experiencing.

"I don't understand," General Hammond said once he was able wrap his mind around what had just been said. "What exactly happened?"

More silence.

"Do I have to ask again?" He said turning towards his second in command.

"No, sir." Jack said getting himself together. He stood a little straighter as if steeling himself to present the words that he didn't want to say; to state publicly how he'd failed his comrade, his only civilian team member, and his friend.

Jack rubbed his still throbbing forehead around the stitches from the cut that he still couldn't recall getting.

It took another full minute before Jack was able to say, "We were exploring the ruins that SG-12 found during their mineralogical survey. Daniel wandered around doing his thing; while we did our job."

Jack took a steadying breath and swallowed deeply before he was able to continue, "He found some kind of crack in a wall. He slipped inside into another room. I followed. While I was chewing him out for not following procedure he became fascinated with a weird alter in the room. He went up and took a look at it while I swept the place for any signs of danger. Then, he yelled, 'Jack, look out.' Something hit my head. When I came too Daniel was lying on top of me. Then I took a closer look and-

Jack held his hand out and swept it poignantly towards the bed that they were all staring at in uncertainty.

Jack finally gave up and turned away from the bed. It was too much. He ran his hand through his hair with frustration. Why didn't the weird crap ever happen to any of the other teams?

"Doctor," The General said calmly. "Are you sure?"

Doctor Frasier began again the speech she'd given SG-1 just a few moments earlier. "While there's been no change in his overall height; his weight has dropped by about thirty pounds. Daniel's muscle to fat ratio has completely been altered. His bone mass has dropped, while his pelvis has widened considerably. His heart size and lung capacity have dropped by a least 25%. There's been a total change in hormone levels."

Doctor Frasier looked away as she said, "Every human carries the same hormones in their bodies, just in different quantities: testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, and androgen to name a few." Her voice seemed to grow tired as she continued. "The brain chemicals that we produce affect our behavior, bodies, development, and even govern our response to stimuli. Daniel has been altered physically, biologically, and chemically... I can't begin to guess how, much less, undo it." She said as helplessly as they all felt.

There was silence when she finally finished speaking. Everyone present continued to stare.

On the bed Daniel continued to sit quietly, the misery coming off him in waves. He hid his face as he held himself tightly trying to hide, to disappear as he maintained a tight self-hug. His head fell just a little more and his glasses fell off and tumbled down onto the crisp bed sheets. He reached out with a small foreign hand and plucked them up without disturbing the sheets. Daniel placed them back on his face only to have them slide down hopelessly to the end of his nose.

"We'll, get you a new pair Daniel." Sam said gently. "A smaller pair."

Daniel didn't respond and didn't look at anyone. Instead, he rolled over to face the wall on his right side. He pulled the sheet up over his head and then seemed not to move again that day.

~~~

"Hey," Sam said gently as she approached the hospital bed.

Daniel had buried himself in work. His lap top was open and running. There were piles of books and papers all around. He sat in the center of the bed looking small and vulnerable as he stared off into the lap top's screen unmoving and unblinking while she was there.

"This might help," She said pleasantly as she pulled out an eyeglass case. "I chose a different pair of frames. Hopefully, your prescription hasn't changed."

She caught herself and regretted that she's said anything at all. Even though she was being ignored she tried to smile. When the case wasn't accepted she opened it and wiped down the glasses before slowly reaching over and taking the too big wire glasses off of her friends face. She put the much smaller glasses on and then sat back to admire them.

Daniel's big blue eyes eventually looked up at her.

Sam smiled. "I'm glad I got these for you. Not that I didn't like the wire rimmed glasses, but these are very," She wanted to say flattering, or becoming, but she ended up saying, "fitting."

She stood by for a moment or two hoping to get a reaction, but there was none. She turned and started to walk away when she heard a small voice say, "Thanks."

She turned and smiled happily before continuing on her way out. As she exited the infirmary she found Teal'c and the Colonel pretty much where she'd left them.

Teal'c was standing at attention. To anyone who didn't know him the impassive look on his face and stone like stance would have said very little; to her, the taunt shoulders held a certain vibration which screamed agitation as well as a certain amount of fear that wouldn't be voiced.

The Colonel was leaning against the wall with his hands deep in his pockets. He straightened out the second he saw her and said, "Well?"

"He was," she stopped and wondered if she should have said that.

She tried again and said, "I got a thanks."

"How," the Colonel visibly swallowed his own words. "How does he look? You know....

"Better, it looks like he had his entire desk brought up."

"Burying his head in the sand," The Colonel said softly.

"Yeah," She said before she took a step closer to the wall and leaned back.

Teal'c took in a deep breath and then said, "There is nothing that I can think of to say to Daniel Jackson in such a situation, perhaps if we leave him to gather his thoughts."

"Gather his thoughts," the Colonel repeated slowly. "Exactly how is he supposed to do that, Teal'c? How do we?"

"We can't leave him alone." Sam said firmly. "The question is how do we help him through this?"

Both men were quiet.

Then the Colonel said, "The team that went back to the ruins hasn't found anything, at least nothing that could cause anything like this. The General's ordered them to explore every inch of the ruins."

Sam slumped back even more. To no one in particular she said, "So this might really be permanent."

"Poor guy," Jack said softly. Then he mindlessly said, "Have you tried talking to him?"

"Me?" Sam replied. "What exactly can I say to him? What exactly can I say to make things easier for him?"

He looked back a bit lost and said, "I don't know. How about, it's not so bad. It could have been worse. Look on the bright side."

"Look on the bright side?" She repeated slowly as she contemplated the true extent of her commanding officer's lack of intellect. "How would you feel if it was you in that bed and I went up and said, look on the bright side, Jack, at least now you and I have lots in common... now? Want to go shopping? I hear that Wal-Mart has a hell of a sale this week!"

Jack seemed to suck his teeth for a moment as he looked away to the floor. When he looked up it was to catch Teal'c slowly shaking his head at him. He looked away again and said, "Okay, it was a stupid suggestion. But, I don't know what to do either!"

"Look," Sam said pushing away from the wall. "He might not want us around at all. This is big. This is huge. He has to find a way to deal with it and I don't know if we can help as much as hinder."

Teal'c soberly said, "Daniel Jackson is one of the strongest warriors that I have ever fought with. He will be victorious."

"Daniel," Sam said gently. "Has just had his life, career, future, and self-image turned upside down, and inside out. He doesn't want to be strong right now; he just wants to be him again."

~~~

Jack brought pie. Normally he'd bring Jello, but he knew Daniel liked pumpkin pie.

He walked in with a tray held in front of him. He approached the bed carefully watching carefully for any signs of a bad reaction to his presence. The last thing he wanted was to upset Daniel.

He came closer and held the tray closer as he temptingly said, "Mmmm, pie."

Daniel shook his head.

Daniel was pouting. It was the stubborn pout that usually came when he was sick, didn't want to be, and yet Frasier had just threatened him unless he remained in bed. The deep crease that he often sported when he was very upset was there and it was deep. Daniel wasn't happy.

Jack knew what was coming. He put the tray down on a nearby bed and rushed to the box of tissue. He pulled out a few and offered it.

The crying tears fell. It was pushed away and ceased in the next instant only to rear up again. It stopped, but his shoulders were heaving as Daniel bit his lip. Then it started again, this time it kept right on going.

Jack pulled a chair up and tried to block out the sight and the twisting knot in his stomach that was making the guilt flare up. He felt tears in his own eyes but refused to acknowledge them. He sat next to the bed and put his arms up on the bed. The tears quickly descended into soft crying, tight gasping breaths and all. Jack closed his eye and covered his face with his hands.

Once Jack was able to speak without embarrassing himself he said, "I'm sorry. My fault."

He wanted to say more, something eloquent that would make it alright, but he knew that the words didn't exist.

Jack got up and walked to the end of the bed. He wanted to do something, anything. He wanted a weapon, an enemy to fight, something productive by which he could gauge some sort of success against; however all there was to do he was no good at doing.

Jack swallowed hard and grabbed the metal frame at the foot of the bed.

"I don't know how I could possibly make this better Danny," he said in a pained voice. "But, I'll find a way to help you. I make it better. I'll do... something. I promise."

~~~

Jack got word that Daniel was released from the infirmary after a very long and boring meeting. He rushed down to the infirmary to see if by some miracle he could catch up with him; or in the very least, find out if he was still even on base so he could offer to drive.

To his surprise he walked into the infirmary and found Daniel still sitting on the bed he'd imprisoned himself in for almost a week and a half. Unlike most of his previous visits the curtain was drawn and he was dressed in his BDU's. Jack slowed to a halt and forced himself to breath evenly.

Janet caught his attention from her office. He detoured over to her and wasn't at all surprised when she grabbed him and pulled him down towards her so she could whisper, "He's hesitant to leave, sir. Maybe you could help? I have a car waiting but...

Jack nodded and whispered, "Cancel the car. I'll...

He said gesturing towards Daniel.

He shoved his hand down deep into his pockets and strolled up behind Daniel as casually as he could.

He came to stand by Daniel and said, "Been here long?"

Daniel didn't answer, stir, or move.

"Look," Jack said hating that he'd even tried to be flip. "The reality of life is that you can't hide forever. I know this is hard. I have no idea what you're going through, and I know that no one can tell you that it'll be okay. But your friends love you, and we're going to be here to help you as much as we can."

Jack carefully bent over and looked into Daniel's face. His head was bent and he seemed to be staring quite intently at his own feet. He could see Daniel's face; he didn't even look upset. He didn't even look phased; his face was devoid of all emotion.

It was a good sign, wasn't it?

"I'll go out with you. I'll even drive you home if you want-

"No!" Daniel said quickly as his head shot up. His eyes were wide, and very much afraid.

Jack nodded slowly and said, "Okay."

He thought for a moment and said, "How about if we do something that's as normal as normal gets? We'll go pick up some take-out, head back to my place, and we'll watch a movie on cable."

Daniel nodded reluctantly and slowly lowered himself from the bed onto the floor. Jack immediately noticed the difference between pre and post Daniel. This Daniel might be about the same height, but the proportions were totally off. Jack wasn't sure where he'd even gotten the uniform, but it looked odd; like a child wearing his father's clothes. The sleeves were too long, the pants too baggy, and Jack was sure that Daniel might get lost in the jacket; but of course that was the point.

Daniel tugged on his clothes tightly wrapping his arms around his chest before ducking his head down and starting the march out.

Jack wanted to say something that would make Daniel feel better; but what could he say? Every person that they passed in the halls looked at Daniel oddly. He knew that the base rumor mill had been hard at work. God only knew what incarnation of events of SG-1's latest mishap was floating around the halls of the SGC. There were whispers. There was outright staring. He knew Daniel wouldn't want anyone to say anything so he held his peace; though he did give back a few dirty looks to lower ranking men.

The elevator was the worst. There were several servicemen waiting inside. Their jaws dropped the moment the doors opened. Daniel walked in and tried to hide in the far right corner. Jack walked in and moved one of them over so he could stand between them and Daniel. He looked at the lot of them and dared them with his eyes. At least they had enough sense to keep their mouths shut and turned to look away; but by the time they'd reached the surface Daniel was scrunched up even tighter. He was slouching hard as if trying to disappear into himself and his face was tight with grief.

Jack wanted to say something but it was he could do to keep up. Daniel rushed ahead, signed himself out, and then got stopped by security. His badge didn't match the person using it. Jack caught up and pulled Daniel's arm out of the SF's hand who was trying to question the person in front of him.

"But, sir?" The SF insisted.

"It's alright Sergeant."

"She's using Doctor Jackson's badge. We don't have a record of-

"It's alright!" Jack said louder. His voice dropped down to a whisper as he said, "This is Doctor Jackson. There was a thing... an accident... don't worry about it."

Jack grabbed Daniel who was standing at the check point sobbing incoherently and let him out as everyone around them stared.

"Sir?" the guard called out.

"Call the General!" Jack shouted. Then he realized just how much he was upsetting Daniel and as calmly as he could he said, "Call General Hammond office. Doctor Frasier should have called you earlier... Just call."

It took almost ten long, slow, full minutes of more humiliating stares. By the time it was over and they were allowed to leave Daniel was pale, dazed, and his arms were wound so tightly around his body that Jack knew it was bad. The entire time he hadn't been able to hold Daniel, comfort him, or help. All he could do was handle the situation with security and tell the airmen that came to close for a look to piss off.

He walked Daniel all the way to his truck without releasing his hold around his shoulders. Jack doubted that Daniel would have been able to see anything anyway; it was on the walk back that he started crying hard, his face scrunched up, and the tight little gasps had finally arrived. It was the first time he'd heard Daniel really cry over it; though it didn't feel like it, he knew that it was a good thing.

He walked Daniel to the passenger's side door and unlocked it. He opened it and carefully helped Daniel inside as he tried to ignore that his best friend's hips were extremely noticeable, even beneath the baggy BDU's.

Jack drove out of the base and headed for town. He stopped off at his favorite Mexican place and ordered take-out. Daniel sat in the car the entire time having steadfastly refused to be seen anywhere that he had ever been... before. Jack ordered all of Daniel's favorites and then rushed back to the truck.

When he was within sight of the truck he got nervous, he didn't see Daniel. He ran the last twenty yards with the two bags of hot Mexican food awkwardly balanced in his hands. He peeked into the cabin and actually sighed in relief when he found Daniel curled up on the seat of the truck like a cat.

Jack got in and tried not to be too annoyed with Daniel. He set the food down on the floor and got them to his house as quickly as he could.

He thought about parking out by the curb, but then thought better. He knew Daniel would feel self-conscious about getting out of the car and walking in. He hit the garages' remote and put the truck in side.

Once the garage door came down and they were left in the dimly lit and warm garage Jack looked over at Daniel. He wasn't crying which was a relief [for Jack], but there was a definite tension in his face.

"Hey," he said carefully. "It would be more comfortable if we ate in the house."

Daniel nodded slightly and then exited.

Jack grabbed the bags of take-out and followed.

Jack wasn't surprised when Daniel walked straight to the couch and plopped himself down, arms crossed, and quiet. Jack had often witnessed this behavior after a bad mission; and this qualified.

Jack made himself busy with putting their plates together. As he dug out the guacamole he heard the television go on and the channels start to flip. He smiled, despite the situation, and picked up the plates. He gave Daniel food and set his own on the coffee table. He walked back to the kitchen and grabbed a beer and then decided that he could do better. He thought about it and decided that he needed the big guns for this one. He pulled out a good bottle of wine that he'd been holding on too for a special occasion and opened it. He poured two glasses and brought the bottle with him.

"I forget," he said as he entered the living room. "What color wine goes better with burritos, white or red?"

He caught the edge of Daniel's lip turn up before it disappeared.

Daniel took the glass of wine and tasted it.

Jack kept and eye on him while he drank from his own glass. It was a smooth, fruity, and very easy to swallow red. He saw Daniel's face and knew that he was appreciating it. Jack also saw that Daniel had found the History Channel, and was making full use of it. Jack kept his peace and sat through an entire hour of the French Revolution. Thank God he had food to distract him.

By the time the French had finished guillotining each other the wine was all but gone. Jack poured half of the last remaining bit into Daniel's glass before emptying the bottle into his own glass. He sat back and sipped slowly enjoying the last of the bottle.

Out of the corner of his eye he watched Daniel. The food, the wine, the French had all served to mellow him out.

"I'm fine Jack," came the annoyed response.

Jack smiled, "That's the first full sentence you've said in a week and a half, and I'm glad I could inspire it."

Daniel made to open his mouth. Somewhere along the way he gave up and shut it. Instead, he picked up his glass and finished off his wine.

Jack reached for the remote which sat between them on the couch. He turned off the television and waited. Daniel time wasn't normal time, he knew better than to expect too much too soon. He sat back and waited.

It took a while but eventually Daniel sighed and said, "I have tits, Jack."

Jack found his wine to be suddenly very interesting. He swirled it around in his glass and then swallowed it. Once there was nothing to distract him he reached forward and deposited the glass on the coffee table.

"Yeah," Jack said agreeing. "You do, now, what?"

Daniel turned to face him. "Excuse me?"

"Now, what? What are you going to do? Because so far crying, pretending that it never happened, ignoring the world hasn't worked real well."

Daniel looked at him. The silence was almost as tense as Daniel's face.

"Look," Jack said as gently as he could. "All I'm saying is that it happened. We haven't been able to find a way to undo it, so you have to deal with it."

"Janet told me I might get a period." Daniel seemed to pause for a moment as if steeling himself. "I have all the right equipment to get pregnant."

Jack looked away. Whatever other upbeat, positive thing he was going to say disappeared from his mind as he thought about it. Somehow he managed a high pitched, "Oh," and left it at that.

No more wine.

"I've got whiskey." Jack said helpfully.

Jack didn't wait for a response.

He went straight for the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of single malt Irish whiskey. He fetched two glasses and brought them back to the sofa. He poured each of them three healthy fingers of amber liquid. Jack didn't wait for Daniel. He threw his back and drank half in one gulp that brought tears to his eyes.

He watched Daniel tentatively reach out for his and sip quietly.

"This sucks Danny. There's no way around that. You're stuck in a really shitty place and I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Daniel said gently.

Jack turned and watched him sip.

Daniel licked his lips and stared down at the glass.

"Fuck it," he heard Daniel say softly before poising the glass at his lips and kicking it back. He scrunched his face up and flinched slightly but he swallowed.

Daniel sniffed a few times and then said, "If you don't mind I think I'm going to crash."

"Yeah," Jack said easily. "I'll go find you something to wear."

Jack walked away towards his bedroom. He went straight to his dresser and started pulling out drawers trying to figure out what would fit, what might be appropriate, and it all looked wrong. After the third time through his tee shirt drawer he stopped himself and decided to simply find something that wasn't see through and warm. Sara was always cold; somehow he was sure that Daniel might get cold too. He did after all keep the air conditioning at a nippy 65 degrees, just how he liked it.

He pulled out a gray tee shirt. It was his favorite, soft and washer worn. It would work. He pulled open another drawer and found a soft pair of soft jogging pants that he'd always enjoyed sleeping in. Jack figured that with the smaller body anything that he wore would fit nice and big on Daniel.

He walked back to the spare bedroom and stopped himself when his hand hit the door knob. Normally, he'd just enter and drop off the clothes on the bed. More often then not he'd poke his head into the shower and say good night to the blurry image behind the curtain, but things weren't exactly the same. Jack pulled his hand away and knocked.

No answer.

He opened the door carefully and heard the water in the bathroom running. Feeling a bit like a voyeur he wandered in. He left the items at the end of the bed and left quickly.

~~~

At night Jack laid awake thinking about things that he didn't want to dwell on. His mind was a jumble of nonsense. All manner of odd thoughts kept floating through his head and it disturbed his sleep. He'd always felt responsible for Daniel's welfare; but this was too much. For one selfish moment he even envisioned this latest catastrophe as the universes way of punishing him through Daniel; and Jack was sure that he was the one being punished because Daniel could never do anything deserving of so much pain. Daniel was just the innocent bystander who was forever getting the short end of the stick, acting as SG-1's personal lightning rod.

This time Jack really felt like an ass because of it. Usually, he felt responsible when Daniel got hurt, but this was different. Not only was Daniel not at fault, it was very obviously something that wouldn't have happened if Jack hadn't been there.

Jack had traced and retraced his steps from the time he set foot on the planet, but he couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong. He didn't recall touching, pressing, depressing, triggering, tripping, or activating anything. He still didn't know what hit him over head. He didn't remember seeing anything that could have hurt Daniel in that room. All he remembered were four bare walls and an alter in the center of the room. That he couldn't remember, recall, or trigger a memory to explain it all to himself was driving him nuts.

To make matters worse, his head hurt.

He wandered into the bathroom and found aspirin. He pulled out two and tossed them back before reaching for a glass. He filled it at the bathroom sink and drank enough to wash down the pills.

He set the glass down and rushed out into the bedroom. For a moment he thought that the headache was playing tricks on him; then he heard it again.

He rushed to his bedroom door and opened it. The second he turned the knob he could heard the cries of a bad nightmare. He ran towards the guest bedroom and rushed inside. In the dim light he found Daniel wrestling in the dark and tangling himself deeper into the sheets. He grabbed Daniel up and held him in a tight embrace before even waking him.

"It's okay Danny." He said both trying to wake him and comfort him. "It's okay. You're safe. You're safe."

It was when the crying began that Jack realized that Daniel was awake. The sobs were soft but pained. Jack held Daniel tightly as he mindlessly stroked his hair. They'd done this before. Memories of pain, their own deaths, that of others, marauding Jaffa, alien worlds, and a host of other nightmares often chased them out of sleep and into the waking world. It was hard to avoid nightmares in their current profession.

He held his friend until the tears faded and only tight little gasps were left. They gripped at him deep inside. He knew he shouldn't feel that way, but he did. Women could always do it to him. Though he logically knew that Daniel wasn't a woman, he felt stomach tighten and his heart rip with each tight jump that displaced Daniel in his arms.

He held him for a long time, knowing full and well that he'd continue to hold him until he wasn't needed any longer. He lay back against the headboard and made himself comfortable. Knowing what his own nightmares were like, he wasn't sure how long it would take. He wasn't even sure if Daniel would want to talk, or if he'd be able to talk. But, he'd stay... just in case.

~~~

He woke up with a slight crick in his neck and an unfamiliar weight on his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut and then slowly moved his head around.

When he opened his eyes he realized that Daniel had fallen asleep lying on his chest. His head was directly over his heart, his hair tousled messily around his face. Daniel had curled up around him, his arms around Jack's waist, and his knees firmly jabbed into his ribs.

But no nightmares.

Jack smiled and stroked back the hair from Daniel's face into some semblance of order. Daniel had allowed his hair to grow back to the longer non-regulation length that he'd once sported when he'd first arrived at the SGC. It was just a bit shorter than Carter's; the sun streaked highlights that he'd picked up on the three month off-world expedition that he'd gone on when he was last lent out were still in his hair.

Jack found himself mindlessly stroking the fine hair between his finger tips as he wondered how brown hair could turn so gold and red.

The phone rang. Though he picked it up on the first ring, it still woke Daniel. Jack answered as Daniel awoke, realized where he was sleeping, and then awkwardly [and perhaps a bit embarrassed] sat up.

"Hello," Jack said relieved that he and Daniel didn't have to talk about anything as long as the handset was in use.

"Sir, I have an awkward question."

"Shoot." Jack said hoping that it wasn't a Daniel question.

"What size do you think Daniel's cup size is?"

Jack felt his throat seize in mid-swallow. His eyes immediately flew to the soft blue shirt that Daniel was wearing, apparent nipples and all. The words 'a generous C cup' immediately flew into his head, and he hated that he could tell.

"I wouldn't know," Jack said quickly and practically threw the handset at Daniel.

Daniel took it and pulled the handset to his ear. The cord had kinked so that the phone ran to the edge of the nightstand. Jack grabbed it before it could fall, and he placed on his lap.

"Sam," he heard Daniel say in a heavy voice. "I don't know."

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?"

"No."

"Really, Sam. I don't mind wearing my own clothes."

"No."

"Can't you drop by my apartment and bring me-

Daniel exhaled sharply.

"No." Daniel head harshly. Jack could hear the tears.

"I don't want to go out."

Jack saw the tension in Daniel's posture speak of extreme agitation and miserly before he ever heard him shout out an unhappy, "Sam!"

Whatever Carter had said, it worked. Daniel's shoulders slumped and he finally said, "Okay Sam. I'll call you back in a few minutes" in a quiet and despondent voice.

Daniel handed the handset back without looking up at Jack. Jack could tell that he was crying and he hated that he hated it.

"What happened?" Jack asked carefully already knowing that he was going to hate the answer.

He heard Daniel sniff and then breath in deeply before saying, "Sam is going shopping for me. But first she needs my sizes."

Jack could hear the misery and tears in Daniels voice and it was like a vice grip.

"She wants me to measure so she can buy me underwear and clothes. She says that she and Teal'c are coming over and that they're taking me out to lunch."

"Good," Jack said quietly.

He'd meant it as a statement of support. Daniel needed to go out among people that he loved to remind himself that there was still life worth living. But, he wasn't ready for the look on Daniel's face. He hadn't been ready for the overpowering sense that he'd caused pain. Usually, when he was being an ass Daniel would say so, they'd throw a few words or insults about, and they'd be done with it. This was different; this was very different.

He very quickly found himself saying, "What I meant was that you need to go out. You need interaction."

Jack found his argument building as he kept going, to the point that he thought he'd made it sound very convincing. "You were off world with your fellow archeo-egg heads for almost four months and you were the only one that didn't come home the entire time. As it was, you barely had a descent meal the entire time. You came back smelling like a rancid sack of garbage, barely had time for a shower and a change before you had to go off world with us. Now you've spent the last week and a half locked up in the infirmary afraid to see anyone and not speaking with anyone."

Jack looked Daniel right in the eyes and asked, "Did you even bother with the shrinks? I know how smart you are Daniel. If you wanted to play with them and tell them what they wanted to hear so you wouldn't have to really deal with any of this, I'm sure that you're more than capable."

He caught Daniel looking away and he knew he'd hit a nerve.

"All we want is to try and bring some 'normal' back to you."

Daniel turned. Just by the wide-eyed look, Jack knew what was about to be said.

He cut off the screaming fit that he knew was about to be said by saying, "I know! I know it's not normal! Trust me, I get it. But we want to at least get your head out of that little hole that you've been so effectively digging for yourself."

Jack sat up and winced from the stiffness in his back.

"Lunch sounds like a good idea. A lot of women wear unisex clothes, pants and a tee shirt isn't so bad. You don't have to make big changes, just enough so you blend in. We'll go somewhere that we've never been before... on the other side of town." Jack wiped his face and said, "Maybe it's a good idea for Carter to do the shopping for you. Unless you want to go out there and try on-

"No." Daniel said quickly.

"Well?"

Daniel looked away and grudgingly said, "If you're so up for this, then you won't mind helping me figure out my measurements. Sam told me to use a tape measure."

Jack didn't have to even begin to wonder if he had a tape measure. Sara had one in her sewing box when they'd lived together, but that was a while ago. Jack was pretty sure that he didn't own thread, let alone a tape measure. However, he did have a carpenters steel tape measure. Jack retrieved it from one of his tool boxes in the garage and gave it to Daniel.

Daniel looked at it and then gave it right back to Jack.

"You're supposed to help," Daniel said as he picked up the phone and called Sam.

"Okay, Now what?"

"Ugh, ugh, on or underneath. Okay? Really? Hold on."

Daniel stood up and extended his hands to the sides.

"Now wrap the tape around me and measure them." Daniel said looking at Jack.

Jack looked down and hated that he'd somehow managed to get himself into this position. He cursed inwardly and somehow managed to wrap the stiff steel band around Daniel without touching his chest in any way, shape, or form.

"She said not to do it tight."

"Forty-five." Jack said after a moment.

"Now underneath." Daniel said moving the metal band under his new chest.

"Thirty-eight."

"Waist."

"Thirty-one."

"Hips." Daniel said tightly.

Jack knelt and took the measurement as requested.

"Forty-two." Jack said hearing his own voice and scarcely believing. They were wider. Daniel, before, had been stocky and muscular but his hips had tapered down from a slim waist. This was... odd.

As he stood up he noticed that Daniel had grabbed himself; he tired hard not to watch.

"What do you think?" Daniel asked a bit unsure. "D cup? I think it's a D."

As Daniel reached for the phone Jack said, "It's a C. You're hands are a lot smaller."

Jack walked out of the room quickly so Daniel could talk to Sam about his current apparel needs.

~~~

Jack remembered what shopping with a woman was like; he didn't budge. Sam walked in carrying four large shopping bags, and Teal'c came in right behind her loaded down with the remainder of the wardrobe. Jack watched him walk in with a bit of a waddle as he lounged on the couch and sipped his beer. Teal'c looked worn, haggard, and tested to the extreme as he ran the last lap of the journey towards the bedroom. He maneuvered around corners and Jack heard him clearly be hen pecked just a bit more on those last ten feet while he laughed to himself.

He heard the bedroom door slam shut firmly and then Teal'c emerged looking wrung out.

"Have a good time?" Jack offered easily.

He could tell just how annoyed Teal'c was when he glared and then turned towards the kitchen.

Jack made himself comfortable, Teal'c knew where everything was.

Almost immediately Jack wanted to turn on the television. He knew that there would be a game on that could distract him, but he knew he wouldn't be paying any attention. All that he'd accomplish was to ignore Teal'c; and the man was too good, he'd know what Jack was up too and that could get embarrassing.

So, Jack just sat there in the too silent living room and sipped his beer.

Teal'c arrived soon enough with a cold glass of juice. He took a seat on a chair next to the couch and just watched Jack.

Jack didn't want to look up and see his eyes. He knew Teal'c was taking all things in as he was evaluated. Teal'c wouldn't say anything or force the issue. He knew the space was available for him to talk if he wanted, but he really didn't want to.

~~~

Daniel and Carter played dress up for a lot longer than he thought they would be able to. Usually, Daniel was ready and dressed about as fast as he was. They'd often gone from wandering into the locker rooms covered in off-world muck, mud, and stink to the showers, and civvies for dinner in less than ten minutes. This was much different.

Jack looked at his watch. It was almost two. Carter had been in there with Daniel for almost an hour and twenty minutes. What could possibly take an hour and a half? It was just a matter of putting something on to go out for food!

He caught Teal'c catching him watching the door to Daniel's room and he suddenly he felt very stupid. He tossed back his beer and took a long draught.

Without being asked Teal'c said, "Major Carter said that she wanted to familiarize Daniel with proper Tauri attire for his new situation."

Jack looked away, "People stared."

He felt a bit deflated. "When we were leaving base, there were a lot of guys that stared at him as if he had two heads." Jack hated that he could hear the pain in his own voice as he said, "He started crying."

Teal'c's eyebrow went up and then fell back into place as he sat back thinking about it, "That is understandable."

"If we go out," Jack said carefully. "And anyone makes any comments. I think that it might....

He didn't even know how to finish the statement.

"Damage him." Teal'c supplied.

Jack nodded.

Teal'c easily said, "Then we must make sure that he passes through this as undamaged as possible."

They sat in silence once again mostly because Jack didn't know how to even begin a conversation after what they'd just said. Luckily, the bedroom door opened and out came Carter.

Jack noticed that she'd changed. She'd initially come in with a pair of jeans and a tee shirt under her leather jacket. She'd ditched the jacket and the tee; instead, she was wearing a blue blouse that made her look about as feminine as he'd ever seen her. The neckline was low and she looked much more made up. He took a closer look and realized that she was wearing makeup. It took him back a moment; he didn't normally see his 2IC wearing makeup.

And yet as out of place as his Major seemed to him at that moment, nothing could have prepared him for what happened next.

'Not his Daniel' walked out. The jeans weren't tight but they clung enough in the right places to prove to the entire world that he wasn't a he any longer. Jack had taken the measurements; he remembered what the numbers were. However, those numbers took on an entirely new dimension once the baggy clothes had been replaced and all he could do was stare at just how right he'd been.

Definitely, a C cup!

He just stared as he tried to wrap his brain around it. It was still Daniel, but it really wasn't. Daniel was all plaid shirts, and khakis. This was softer, rounder, and definitely not the coffee chugging geek that he'd come to know; this was different.

"Don't you think so Colonel?" Carter said strictly.

For a split second he felt as if he was in second grade again in Sister Mary Joseph's class when she'd whack the chalk board with her ruler to get his attention back to her lessons with a mean question meant to embarrass him. He opened his mouth to speak and felt the beer start to pour out. All at once he shut his mouth, grabbed his face to keep the damage to a minimum, and stood.

He swallowed and felt himself blush slightly.

As suavely as he could he said, "Yeah, Carter."

Then he walked out of the room and headed to his room to change his shirt which he noticed was now sporting spit-up on the front.

~~~

Lunch was different from the norm....

Normally, they'd hit some place close by, convenient, and familiar. As a whole they weren't terribly adventurous when they were earth-side. Old standbys of fried chicken, tacos, pizza, and steak were always favorites. Off-world it was anybody's guess what they'd could end up dining on, so they tended to stick to comfort foods when they got together.

First, they drove in separate cars. Sam drove her sports car. Jack had his truck. They could have squeezed in, he wouldn't have minded. However, when he was about to mention it Daniel grabbed Sam's arm and said that he wanted to drive with her. Jack didn't say anything. So Daniel and Sam rode in her car while he drove Teal'c. He loved T, but they usually never switched when they were earth-side. Daniel always rode with him.

Then they got to the restaurant. Carter said she'd read about the restaurant in the paper. She'd said that they served nuvo cuisine; she just didn't give any specifics other than that. He thought she'd gotten it wrong, or that she'd given him the wrong address when he pulled into the place and saw the name. Raw Bar sounded more like a seafood place. But he knew he had the right place when they drove past the entrance and he saw Carter and Daniel waiting in front of the doors. Turns out that the restaurant was exactly what it advertised, they served only raw food... as in nothing cooked. As in vegetarian, no eggs, no cheese, no dairy, and no way!

Jack took one glance at the menu and then glared at Carter. The only reason that he kept his peace was because Daniel seemed to show some interest in the menu. Apparently, he'd heard of the place and had wanted to try it out too.

No steak, no pizza, not even anything hot. Apparently the kitchen in the restaurant didn't have a stove, oven, or microwave. There wasn't even any bread on the table. He tentatively ordered a beer and was quickly lectured by the waitress; something about boiling hops destroying the living food... or something. But, there was a wine list; he ordered a bottle and started drinking.

Carter and Daniel ordered an appetizer which looked more like a centerpiece. They chatted happily while Jack downed his wine and tried hard not to say anything that might sound like criticism, or a complaint. He even picked at the centerpiece-appetizer once or twice, while Carter and Daniel were watching so that he'd get participation points.

The actual meal wasn't much better. Carter had some sort of a green soup and a salad. Teal'c wound up with some sort of a burrito looking thing, but instead of a flour tortilla it was served in a purple cabbage leaf. Daniel had chosen lasagna; which to Jack's surprise looked rather edible. For himself, Jack has opted for something that the menu claimed was spaghetti, but without boiling the pasta he wasn't all too sure of what he'd get. It turned out to be thinly sliced zucchini with sauce, mushrooms, and a few other things that he couldn't quite name.

Jack stared down at his plate. He looked up and saw that everyone was eating, even Teal'c. Jack shrugged; he'd eaten worse in his time. He could plow through the veggies and make with the healthy cuisine, and for dinner he'd have two large pizzas and a six pack.

Thank God for ice cream! Even the vegetarians hadn't been able to ruin it. Carter ordered some kind of a dessert platter for all of them to share. There were little puddings, a couple of cookies, and a few things that looked sort of like pie; Jack wasn't sure how anyone could make a cookie or a pie without heat, so he stuck to ice cream.

Apparently, Carter had so much to eat that she asked everyone if they wanted to go for a walk to burn it off. Jack just looked at her; she'd eaten half a salad, a bowl of soup, and what they were led to believe was a cookie. Jack smiled and wondered whether a good stiff breeze might blow her away.

Daniel wanted to go; it was the only reason that he'd humored everyone instead of saying something negative, even though he'd been sorely tempted. They stood and Teal'c immediately caught his attention; he stood and put his hand at the small of Carter's back as they walked out... together.

Jack looked over at Daniel who was slowly walking out after their team mates. Jack picked up his pace and leaned into Daniel.

"Did you see that?" Jack asked in a hushed tone.

Daniel nodded, but said nothing.

Jack shoved his hands into his pockets and continued to walk along without saying anything else.

Once outside Jack realized why Carter had chosen the place. It was picturesque. The restaurant opened out into a large balcony which over looked the mountains that surrounded them. The balcony emptied out into a path and they walked mindlessly behind Carter who led the way as she chatted along with Teal'c about something or other.

Jack stared at the ground. He felt awkward, as if he'd done something wrong and was supposed to apologize. Unfortunately, he didn't know what it was so he was screwed out of luck.

He purposefully bumped his shoulder into Daniel. He'd meant it as a show of friendship, in order to try and get him to talk, or maybe even smile. Instead, he knocked Daniel over, and off the path. As he watched Daniel's body roll down into a ditch Jack wondered what the hell was wrong with him.

"Ah," Jack managed to half moan out as he stared at Daniel down in the dirt.

He stood there like a dumbbell while Carter shouted out after Daniel and then climbed down into the ditch after him. Teal'c helped them both up and onto the path again. Jack saw tears and dirt streak Daniel's face and he couldn't help but feel like an ass.

Carter put her arm around Daniel and helped him back towards the restaurant. As she passed Jack, she gave him a mean and dirty look. He was glad that Carter wasn't armed.

Teal'c came up to stand far too close to Jack. He looked up at Teal'c's face and saw a very unhappy Jaffa.

"Is there something that you wish to say O'Neill?"

Jack took a step back.

"It was an accident," he said almost in shock. Then, he got passed the shock.

He felt himself get angrier and he ranted onward. "How could you think that I'd hurt Daniel on purpose? I'm on that guy's ass 24/7 about staying safe and not dying on us for crying out loud!"

At first Teal'c just looked at him. Eventually, Teal'c bowed his head in the slightest bit and walked away. He was sure that's as close to an apology as he'd ever come so he decided to drop it.

He could have caught up to the others relatively quickly. Daniel wasn't walking quickly and that slowed everyone up. Jack walked extra slow, just so he wouldn't have to talk to anyone just yet. And, he still felt like an ass for bumping into Daniel.

As he neared the restaurant's balcony he watched Carter and Daniel heading towards the bathrooms. Jack reluctantly followed Teal'c as he went to stand guard by the ladies room door. Jack leaned back against the wall and wondered if things could possibly get any worse.

"Daniel is quiet beautiful."

Yes. Apparently, they could get worse.

Jack looked at the wall ahead of him and grunted something that sounded as noncommittal as he could manage.

Then Teal'c said, "Perhaps it would be best if Daniel went back to the base."

Jack looked at Teal'c's profile. "So you think that I'm going to hurt him?"

"This is not what I said O'Neill."

"But you think it's best to get him away from me as fast as you can?"

Teal'c turned to face Jack full in the face. Looking right into his eyes he said, "Daniel is no longer male."

He saw Teal'c straighten out a bit more as he calmly said, "You don't seem to have accepted this. Samantha and I were speaking this morning, she had concerns. I decided to reserve judgment until later."

Jack knew that Teal'c's pause was for effect.

"It is later. I believe that Daniel would heal quicker if he had time alone for contemplation."

The lunacy of the situation made Jack smirk.

"Well," Jack said in a hushed voice so that he wouldn't attract too much attention. "I tried to take him home but he wouldn't go. In fact, he was quite adamant about not wanting to go there. He asked me if he could stay over, so if you have a problem with his sleeping arrangements then you'll have to take it up with him."

Daniel and Sam came out of the bathroom at that point.

Jack looked at them both and brusquely said, "You might want to check with the rest of our friends as to whether or not it's safe to sleep over at my place tonight."

He turned on his heel and shot back, "If you coming, then come. Otherwise, bye."

He stomped out of the restaurant with an unreasonably desire to hit something. He wasn't sure why, he just did. He unlocked the truck and climbed in. He put the key in the ignition and rested his head back. He felt a headache coming on and he knew it wasn't the food he'd eaten.

He loved his team and he agreed with them. Damn it! He agreed that Daniel might be better off on base, alone, or with Sam. He was the last person that should be looking out for him while he was vulnerable and adjusting.

He decided to give Daniel five minutes, but he didn't have to. He was almost shocked when Daniel opened the truck door almost immediately after he'd closed his eyes. He climbed in awkwardly favoring his left hip. Jack noticed that his new jeans were torn at the knee and that the light blouse that he was wearing was dirty. And the guilt arrived again.

Daniel was very quiet and that was never good.

"I'm sorry," Jack said quickly. "I was angry at Teal'c, he said something...

Daniel softly said, "Its okay. Can we just go? I want to lie down."

Jack turned the ignition and took them home without another prompt. Once in, he went right to the kitchen and got Daniel an ice pack. He walked towards Daniel's room and found him lying down on his right side. Daniel had changed into a pair of soft sweats and a small tee shirt that showed 'them' off far too well. Jack tried to keep his eyes to himself as he pounded the ice bag with a hand to 'soften' it up for him.

He reached for Daniel's jogging pants and started to pull them down so he could put the ice pack on, then he froze. Jack snatched his hands away and began apologizing profusely before he stopped himself.

"Wait!" Jack said suddenly. "No. I'm not sorry. I've seen you naked a thousand times."

He looked down at Daniel lying on his side, big blue eyes, and blonde streaks; like something out of a wet dream.

"Well, no. not this body but... welll... um....

"I get it," Daniel said as he pulled on the drawstring at his belly. He pulled the soft pants down past his hip.

Jack immediately noticed that he was wearing feminine looking boy underwear, cottony but small and delicate looking. He also noticed the purple bruises on Daniel's hip, right where they swelled out into a curve. Jack put the ice down on his hip and took his eyes elsewhere.

He pulled Daniel's feet a bit over clearing a place to sit.

As sincerely as he could he said, "Sorry. I never would have hurt you."

"It wasn't your fault Jack." Daniel sank down into his pillow and breathed out slowly, "I lost my footing."

Jack reached up and stroked Daniel's soft cloth covered leg. He'd meant it as a reassuring touch; but it wasn't for him. It was foreign limb, smaller, less defined; but he was sure that it would probably look great in a stiletto heel.

"Why don't you take a nap?" Jack said as he got up before he embarrassed himself. "I'll even make dinner later."

He heard Daniel laugh a bit.

"You hated the restaurant."

"Hate is a strong word."

"Abhorred, detested, disgust, revulsion?"

"Damn linguists," Jack mumbled. "There's just something very wrong with people who don't believe in beer, that's all. Now lie down and nap, that's an order."

Jack walked out and closed the door behind him.

"I am an idiot." He said to himself before he wandered away.

There was nothing in the house to eat; he had to do some shopping.

~~~

He wiped his sweaty hands on his pants, as he realized that it shouldn't be this hard to make a freaking choice over something so innocuous. He stood by and stared at the deli case as he debated with himself whether or not he should grab a lemon pepper rotisserie chicken that was already cooked, or if he should get one of the marinated pork loins that he'd inspected not more than a minute ago. He knew Daniel liked both pork and chicken, but after the restaurant he was wondering if the health nut in Daniel would even want to consider pork. But on the flip side, he clearly remembered the catchy slogan that the meat industry had put out not long ago about pork being the 'other white meat.' That makes port healthy... right?

What did he know! His idea of cutting fat out of his diet was to wipe his hands instead of sucking on his fingers while eating.

Jack wiped his face with his hand and breathed out deeply.

"She must be pretty special?" he heard someone ask.

Jack looked up and didn't find anyone at first. He leaned forward looked behind the deli counter and found a short older woman smiling up at him; the woman didn't even come up over the deli counter, not even her hair net did. He leaned forward and faced her.

"Ugh," he said at first. Then he got a hold of himself. "I'm just trying to decide what to buy."

"Well," the lady said immediately. "Is she someone that you have to impress, or does she already know you?"

"Know?"

The small woman in the hair net smiled and said, "You can't possibly be this dense boy?"

She cocked her head and then said, "Does she know who you are? Or, are you still at the stage where you're trying to be someone you're not?"

She smiled and his Black Op instincts immediately told him that this wasn't someone that he wanted to mess with.

"I'd say we're passed that."

"Then why are you standing there with your thumb up your butt?"

Jack couldn't help but laugh.

"You make an excellent point."

"Make dinner for your friend and be friends. I'll get you a chicken. Do you want me to include sides? I can recommend the mashed potatoes; I just made them."

Jack was still smiling.

"Yes, that sounds very good. Thank you."

~~~

He debated as to whether or not there should be candles on the table or not. Then he remembered what the small deli woman had said about standing around with his thumb up his ass. He'd lit candles for dinner with Daniel in the past. It was nothing new. He decided that it was only an issue if he made it one; so he brushed it off and found two for the table.

The food looked good. He'd made his mother's dumpling soup. The lemon pepper chicken and mashed potatoes were still warm. He'd bought seven-grain bread, the dark kind that Daniel liked. And, he'd picked up a few bottles of wine. They'd drink maybe one tonight, but he wanted more around... in case Daniel decided to stick around.

As he looked over the table he realized he was ready for his wayward archeologist. He rubbed his hands together and found that they were happily quite dry. He put on his best smile and walked towards Daniel's room. Halfway there the door opened and Daniel came out.

Daniel was still in his jogging pants; Jack realized that once horizontal it was all too obvious that he wasn't wearing a bra.

"Hey," Daniel said sleepily on his way to the bathroom.

Jack stood very still. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't make his head or his mouth work. By the time it occurred to come up with a come back the bathroom door had closed.

Jack slumped against the wall and pounded his head on the wall. He turned and walked back to the kitchen. He knew he needed a shower, a cold one; but Daniel was in the closest bathroom. That's when the first thoughts of Daniel in a shower hit him between the eyes....He found that he needed a beer. Several beers, a case was beginning to look good.

He sat down at the table with his second beer of the evening and poured himself some chicken dumpling soup. The polite thing would be to wait for Daniel, but as far as he was concerned the polite thing would be for Daniel to not be wearing tits that distracted him. He needed more alcohol, food, and then a cold shower... alone.

Life just wasn't fair.

"Soup," Daniel said as he came into the room.

"Yeah," Jack said as he forced his eyes to his soup. "Momma O'Neill's secrete recipe."

Daniel was quiet at first.

"You didn't have to go through all this trouble," he said looked at the table.

Jack shrugged.

"Let's just call it an apology for trying to kill you earlier. Besides, after all those vegetables this afternoon I figured we could both use a good dinner."

Daniel smiled, but didn't say any more. He picked up his spoon and began to devour the thick dumpling soup. When they were done, Daniel insisted on clearing the table. Jack let him, even though the slight limp that Daniel had been sporting since this afternoon still worried him.

While Daniel was in the kitchen Jack carved the chicken, spooned up the mashed potatoes, and poured the wine. Then he looked at the table and wondered what the hell he was doing.

"Jack?" Daniel called as he came in and sat. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," He said softly. "Yeah, my mind has just been wandering a bit today."

"A bit?" Daniel said tentatively. "You've had your head in the clouds all day long."

Jack picked up his wine and took a good long drink before he said, "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but why can't you go home?"

Jack watched Daniel's eye fly off of him and onto one of the candle flames.

"Just can't right now," Daniel said hesitantly.

"Right now?" Jack asked. "So tomorrow things will be different how?"

Daniel looked up and met his eyes. Jack saw a bit of fear in them and it made him wonder what Daniel was hiding.

"If you don't want me here-

"That's not what I said. You can stay here forever, you know that. I'm just curious as to why you feel that you can't-

"Jack." Daniel looked like he was making an obvious effort to reign in his temper. "I'm asking you to please back off. I really don't like to involve work and my personal life. That's always a bad idea."

"Personal life," Jack said picking up his ears. "I wasn't aware that you had one. So you're seeing someone and you don't want to go home because they're there?"

Daniel just looked at him. Weakly he said, "That's not what I said. I'd appreciate it if you didn't put words in my mouth."

Jack opened his mouth but Daniel cut him off.

"I appreciate the concern. However, as it has been pointed out to me repeatedly, I have to deal with this because it isn't something that will fade away. So, I plan on dealing with it... on my own terms and in my own time."

Daniel picked up his fork and stabbed the mashed potatoes. "I'll only need to be here for a while, a week at most."

"I'm not chasing you out Danny."

There was a brief moment of silence.

"I know Jack."

"You, Sam, and Janet are right. I need to pick up the pieces and keep going. I just can't do that yet." Daniel began to sculpt his taters as he said, "Daniel is dead; Danielle is all that's left."

CHAPTER 2 - MOVING ON

The week passed in relative silence. Jack had brought over the contents of Daniel's desk as requested because he was still refusing to see anyone from the base who wasn't a member of SG-1. Daniel stated more than once that he wasn't ready to set foot under Cheyenne Mountain.

Once Daniel had something to occupy his time they settled into a kind of predictable domestic tranquility. Daniel did what he usually did while he was at Jack's home recuperating; he worked on translations and caught up with his more scholarly pursuits. Jack meanwhile, made up some cock and bull story about strategic military plans and budget reviews so he could squirrel away in his home office without attracting too much attention from Daniel.

One of his buddies from Nellis had contacted him recently with a little problem his engineers had encountered in trying to apply the reverse engineered Goa'uld technology into one of the space worthy fighter planes that Nellis was charged with producing. Max didn't hesitate to call him up. Normally, Jack would have to pass on the problem but he was on down time and the challenge was too good to pass up.

He loved his job with SG-1. In fact, he lived for it; but being able to sit and design a ship that would be used by the next generation of fighter pilots was sometimes a thing he missed doing. Field work was instinct, brute force, and strategy. He was good at it and he loved his people; but he valued his time alone when he could use his other talents as well. Though he never regretted his decision to give up his research and development career, he sometimes missed it.

He sat back in his chair and looked over the specs and diagrams that Max had couriered over. He immediately spotted several outright mistakes as well as a few potential aerodynamic disasters. Without Carter knowing about it, he'd kept up with her findings regarding Goa'ould engine technology. After reading each report at least twenty times he had most of her conclusions memorized, but what he was looking at wasn't as cut and dry. Max's engineers apparently hadn't been as thoroughly versed in Carter's research, or they were trying to hard to apply the tried and true engineering principals to a completely different kind of technology which demanded creative improvising in order to be applied and combined with Earth-based technology.

He knew Max's style; the guy was an engineer with a heart of a mechanic. He didn't like to complicate things anymore than were needed. This was one of the only reasons that they'd remained friends. Normally, Jack couldn't stand engineers; it had been one of the primary reasons why he'd bugged out of Rand D the moment he could.

Goa'ould technology created several logistical problems right off the bat which began with different fuel systems and ended with a severe lack in a tensile material which could equate with what the Goa'ould used for space travel. The SGC hadn't yet found an adequate source of trinium to supply for the building of ships; until this was done there was no guarantee that any of earths' ships would be reinforced enough to withstand the stressors that would be placed on them in space-based warfare. They hadn't found a descent source of naquida yet; without it there was no guarantee that there would be shields. Jack was confident that they'd eventually find both materials, but designing the ship from a disadvantaged point-of-view had other advantages. Primarily, concentrating on speed and maneuverability would give a pilot a fighting chance in case of shield failure. What ever the case, the possibility that neither substance would be found had to be considered in the designing of the ship.

The X-303, the name Max had tentatively given to the ship he was currently proposing, still had a ways to go before it could claim any of the attributes that SGC was looked for. Given the severe screw up that the Nellis crew had made of the X-301, Jack planned on keeping a close eye on this ships construction!

Especially if anyone expected him to ever sit in it, let alone fly the damn things! Jack was a trained test pilot. He was comfortable in the role. What he wasn't comfortable with was finding himself flying off into deep space again with little or no hope for survival.

"Jack," Daniel said from outside of his office.

Jack pulled the specs, manuals, and charts off his desk. He dropped them into a drawer and picked up newspaper that he'd set out.

"Come," he said as he bounced back slightly.

Snoopy was funny enough today to warrant a chuckle.

"I made some lunch. If you think you can tear yourself away Colonel?"

"Sure," Jack said with a smile. "Just give me a minute."

Daniel nodded and left.

Jack locked his desk before opening up his email. He sent Max a short email:

When that was done he shut down his computer and went in to lunch.

Daniel had set out a nice lunch for them on the deck. The pitcher of ice cold lemonade was the first thing that caught his attention. He poured himself a tall glass and drank down most of it without a second thought.

"I'm sorry," Daniel said as he put his napkin in his lap. "Maybe I should have brought you something to drink. The funnies must have been taxing today."

"Normally, I'd rebuttal, but I'm not pissing off anyone who can make lemonade that's this good."

Jack poured himself more lemonade and then looked at the sandwich in front of him. The last remaining slices of the seven grain bread that he'd bought had been toasted. He peaked under the toasted dark bread and found a tuna salad with lots of herbs sitting on a bed of sprouts.

He ignored the sprouts and proceeded to eat the sandwich.

He noticed the pie on the table. Key lime, his favorite. As he watched the pie he realized why it was there. A week had gone by; or rather, the week.

Daniel had said that he'd give himself a week and then he'd leave. Jack was under no delusions that he didn't mean each and every word. The pie was there as a peace offering. No hard feelings. I'm leaving. Bye. Nice knowing you. Thanks for letting me crash.

He swallowed what was in his mouth and washed it down with more lemonade.

"You want me to drive you?" he asked a noticeably quiet Daniel.

"I thought I'd take a cab actually."

"I'll drive you." Jack said quietly, but firmly.

They finished their sandwiches in silence.

It was when Daniel was slicing the pie that he bothered to say, "You know I don't need you to escort me to my door. I don't care what you say; I know you're in your office working on something important."

With a smile Jack watched the perfect white cream on top, the tart middle, and a perfectly brown crust placed gently on his plate.

"Danny, I know that I don't have to, or need to do anything for you. I know that you can handle yourself. And I know that you're more than capable, but who's going to help you haul all that crap that you and Carter have been buying this past week?"

Jack turned the plate and found the perfect angle from which to both eat and enjoy his pie.

"You've got sixty pounds and about two grand in clothes to move."

"I'll manage." Daniel said in a clip tone.

Jack quickly added, "You couldn't open a jar of olives yesterday."

"I'll pay the cabbie extra to help."

"And when you get to your building?"

"I'll ask the doorman."

"Okay," Jack said as he forked his pie. "Then I want to watch you do it."

Daniel dropped his fork by his plate and looked up at him, "You're really not going to drop this?"

"Should I?" Jack said with a smile. He tried the pie. It was good; the smile on his face grew.

Daniel looked away and his lip trembled. Jack stopped chewing. He felt his throat seize like it did once before. He felt the tart and sweet in his mouth and for a split second he wanted to retch.

"You win."

Daniel said quietly before he got up and walked away from the table.

Jack felt as if he'd just drop kicked a puppy across the room. Sara always did tell him that he had about as much understanding of the feelings and emotions as a potted cactus. He dropped his fork knowing full well that he wouldn't be able to eat his dessert without apologizing.

As he walked to Daniel's room he went over the conversation in his head as he wondered where exactly it was that he'd lost. In a normal Jack/Daniel conversation he would have won. He knew he would have won. Daniel might have kept arguing with him but eventually Jack would have strong armed a victory instead of slinking off to beg at Daniel's feet like he was about to do.

The oddity of it was exactly what he was thinking as he opened Daniel's bedroom door and looked up. He froze and felt the blood instantly drain out of his head. Had knocking occurred to him he never would have walked in and seen Daniel dressing. Had he bothered to announce himself, Daniel might have pulled the dress up quicker.

As it was Daniel seemed to have just stepped into the unzipped dress as Jack walked in. He got quite an eye full of the long legs, the soft curves, and the way that Daniel's naturally elegant body had been affected by the switch. Daniel wiggled his hips slightly as he slid the dress up just a second before snatching it up covering the lithesome body. Jack was instantly annoyed that it was out of his view.

He felt angry with himself, tried to mumble out an apology, and slammed the door shut behind him.

In the hallway he realized that Daniel leaving his home might be a good idea after all.

~~~

Jack walked directly to the garage, closed the door, and sat down on the top of the two steps that led down into the sunken garage. As usual the garage was warmer than the house and he felt the heat of the day begin to ease away the slight chill on his skin from the air conditioning inside.

He clasped his hands and wondered how it was that he got himself into these situations. First, it was Carter. While the long-legged blonde warmed her way into his heart, he was able to keep a distance from it all because she did remind him greatly of Sara, and he did have a thing for blondes... even if she was a scientist.

Daniel, on the other hand, was an anomaly. He wasn't surprised that he felt... feelings; Danny was his best-friend. He loved Daniel. They had everything in common and got along well in all ways. They could finish each other's thoughts without trying and often found themselves on the same wave-length even when at opposite ends of the spectrum. He loved Daniel's profound intelligence, but it scared him sometimes; but he knew that Daniel's keen insight and ability to 'see' beyond the obvious was one of the facets that made him the brilliant scholar that not many could relate to. Having had to exist in the world of academia himself at one point, Jack could completely understand why the academic community had turned their noses' up at Daniel and his ideas instead of embracing them as the summit of new thought that would change earth and our way of seeing our own species forever. Add in a great pair of tits, and a set of long legs, and Jack knew he didn't have a choice in the matter regarding the raging hard-on tenting his pants.

~~~

When he'd managed to get a hold of himself, without having to literally get a hold himself, he wandered back into the house. He knew that he needed to talk to Daniel and straighten things out. Or, in the least, talk so that things wouldn't get weird. He didn't want Daniel to start to see him as some threat, a horn dog after him, or anything of that nature. The last thing that he wanted was to freak Daniel out. Or worse, loose the closest friend that he'd ever had.

He stopped dead in his tracks as he realized two things. First, Daniel was the closest and best friend that he'd ever had. No matter how argumentative, nasty, or opinionated he got Daniel had always held his ground. Even when Jack had pulled rank, done the hard thing, played politics, or released his personal demons Daniel had never abandoned him; and that counted for a lot with him. Second, Daniel's suitcase was sitting in the middle of the living room next to half a dozen overloaded shopping bags.

Jack felt an immediate sense of panic well up inside of him. He turned to go to Daniel's room when he saw Daniel walk out of his room.

Jack was caught by surprise. This was truly 'not his Daniel.' Over the past week he'd seen Daniel in jogging pants, loose fitting clothes, and even shorts. Slowly the feminine blues, pinks, peaches, and salmon colors had crept into the snug tank tops, and tee shirts; but this was the first time he'd seen Daniel wear a dress. Blueish with big soft looking flowers it came down to mid-thigh and made him look even more feminine then the blue tight tank top that Daniel liked to sleep in, which quickly became Jack's favorite the moment he realized that when they talked, Daniel still had a tendency to lean forwards and so did the top.

Not just a dress, he quickly spotted a pearl necklace, flat sandals, a bracelet, and a headband.

Daniel looked a bit uncertain as he looked away, adjusted the heavy looking shopping bag in his hand, and then walked forward into the living room.

"I think that I have everything. I didn't want to leave any girly things lying around."

Jack stepped in front of Daniel before he could pass. Daniel wasn't looking at him. Jack didn't expect him too, and couldn't blame him for avoiding his eyes. Jack reached down and took the bag out of Daniel's hand and hauled it over by the others.

When the task was done, Jack just stood there and stared at Daniel's latest possessions.

"Jack," Daniel said in his usual careful way. "I don't mean to sound nasty, but I really don't need you to go with me. I'd really prefer it if you didn't-

"I'm going." Jack said quite sure.

Maybe he would have relented before, because he knew that Daniel could survive all things, but this Daniel was too different to trust to chance and fate. In the past those two entities had screwed with Daniel in such terrible ways that Jack knew he couldn't risk allowing tears to grab hold of Daniel again.

"Jack," Daniel said softly.

"Are you really going to try and talk me out of it? Again?" Jack said turning to face Daniel.

Daniel was biting his lip.

Jack smiled. It was nice to know that no matter how much things changed, they still remained the same.

"Okay," Daniel said easily. He closed the space between them, looked up into Jack's eyes, and said, "Just realize that the moment my neighbors see me they'll know it's me. I left last week a man. I'm coming back with week a woman... and my boyfriend is helping me bring in my wardrobe."

Jack felt his face flush slightly at the mention of the word 'boyfriend.'

"Daniel-

"Do you really think that anyone will believe that I was inexplicably altered in an alien temple? I could try and tell people that, but I don't think that anyone would believe me. A sex change is the only reason to explain this Jack."

Jack remained silent because he didn't trust his voice. There was pain in Daniel's voice and he knew that there might be tears coming, and that would hurt them both.

"Jack," Daniel said carefully. "There is someone waiting back at my place, but I'd rather not explain."

Jack felt his back stiffen. He tried to remain neutral as he said, "Okay."

"If you come then I'd like your permission to use you as a cover story."

Jack looked into Daniel's big blue eyes. No glasses, he must be wearing contacts. Jack hated it when he wore contacts; it made Daniel's eyes look impossibly big.

Jack nodded stiffly and began to gather the shopping bags.

"Jack," Daniel said quickly with a bit of a panic in his voice.

"I know what you're asking." Jack said as he walked towards the door.

~~~

Jack drove a bit slower than usual for two important reasons. First, Daniel was distracting him. The moment he sat in the truck Jack realized that the dress rose a bit showing more thigh. His elegant legs were long, and Jack knew that his initial deduction was more than accurate; those were legs that would look incredible in stilettos. Second, he felt a bit weird about pretending to be Daniel's gay lover. He might have been dreaming about it and invoking the images in his mind while otherwise engaged in the shower, but he hadn't thought that he'd have to face this. He knew that he'd hung out at Daniel's apartment long enough to get to know most of his neighbors. But, now Daniel's neighbors would think that he was gay, that Daniel was a transsexual, and that they'd done things.

It bothered him on two levels. First, it felt a bit like when Tommy Batten had stolen all the Eucharist from Father McConnell and replaced them with neco-waffers and he'd gotten blamed instead of Tommy. He'd gotten a whipping from his father and had to mow the church grounds for a month and he hadn't even had the fun of committing the crime in the first place. Second, the idea of having to confront some woman living in Daniel's apartment wasn't his idea of fun. He didn't want to make any woman cry; the idea made him uncomfortable, but he knew that there was no way around it.

Eventually, they pulled up to the building. Jack turned off the truck. His hand fell into his lap heavily and they both just seemed to sit there for a few minutes.

Jack was the first to speak. "You know, you might just be able to pass yourself off as Daniel's twin sister."

"Most of my neighbor's know that I'm an only child."

Jack turned and faced his profile, "How did that come up in conversation?"

"I made it home from an off world mission just in time to bump into Mrs. Logan coming out of her apartment with a bunch of Tupperware in her hands. I escorted her to the building Christmas party. She wanted to know if I'd remembered to call my parents and wish them a Merry Christmas."

"Oiy," Jack said as he slunk down into his seat.

"Yeah," Daniel said simply.

"So," Jack said trying to stall. "I'm your boyfriend. You had the old snip-snip. Is there anything else that I should know? Does it matter that the old snip-snip would lay you out in the hospital for a lot longer than two weeks?"

Daniel was quiet.

"Maybe we should just play it by ear," Jack reasoned. "People have a tendency to see what they want. You'd be surprised."

Daniel nodded hesitantly. As he reached for the door he said, "Alex doesn't know that I work with on a field team or that I'm ever involved in any kind of... activity, just that I do translation and archeological consultations. I'd like it to stay that way."

The door opened and closed. Based on Daniel's quick exit Jack briefly wondered if Alex was short for Alexandria or Alexander.

Jack tried not to think about it. He stepped out of the truck and reached into the truck's bed for the suitcase. With one good jerk he pulled it out and lowered it to the ground carefully. He grabbed a few of the shopping bags and got a good grip. When he looked up Daniel had one in each hand.

No more excuses.

They walked towards his building. They proceeded inside bumping into things a bit as the heavy bags through them off. Jack watched Daniel stand anxiously by the elevator. Jack walked up and gently brushed his shoulder against him.

When Daniel didn't fall over and break his neck Jack smiled and said, "So far so good."

The elevator opened.

"Yeah," Daniel said easily. "This time you didn't try to kill me with that shove."

"I did not shove you."

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did!

"Not!

"Did!"

"Not!"

"D-

"Boys! Boys!" Mrs. Logan said as she approached with her little red cart trailing behind her full of groceries. "How many times do I have to tell you-

She stopped in mid-sentence and froze in place.

For a moment Jack thought she looked a bit green.

"Mrs. Logan?" Daniel said carefully.

Jack dropped his burdens and grabbed Mrs. Logan before she had a chance to fall. She didn't faint exactly, but she seemed to go weak in the knees for a second.

"It's okay, Mrs. Logan. Just breathe." He said as he helped her to a nearby bench.

He sat her down and quickly knelt so he could take her pulse.

After a few second she pulled his hand away and said, "It's okay, I'm fine."

Jack let her pull his hand away, but he said, "You're heart rate is a bit fast."

"Oh," she said a bit embarrassed. "I forgot to take my pills this morning. I'll be fine." She said patting his hand.

"You're lucky you didn't pass out." Daniel said softly. "You remember what happened a few weeks ago?"

Mrs. Logan opened her mouth as if to say something in response, but nothing came out.

Instead, she looked at Jack and asked, "Is it real? I mean-

"Yes," Jack said gently. "All of Danny is now.... Danielle."

"Oh," She said softly. She looked up at Daniel and studied him for a second and then insisted, "I watch Jerry Springer. I just didn't know about you."

"Oh," She said again as she touched her cheek. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad dear; I just didn't know that you two were a couple. Oh, I should have guessed. You're both such nice boys. I mean, were nice boys."

Mrs. Logan tried to stand. Jack grabbed her arm and helped her to her feet. She immediately walked over to Daniel and gave him a big hug.

When she pulled away she took his face in her hands and said, "You're too skinny. How do you expect to keep that boy without putting on some weight? Men like a woman with some meat on their bones."

Daniel blushed wildly and said, "Yes, ma'am."

They helped Mrs. Logan into the elevator as she chatted away with Daniel about how pretty he looked, and how he'd chosen the perfect color in the dress he was wearing. Jack just smiled as he listed in. Apparently, Mrs. Logan approved very much of Jack. Because according to her he was a nice boy and nice boys were hard to come by.

They saw Mrs. Logan to her door, but not before she made Daniel promise that he'd come over the next day so they could have coffee and have a girl talk.

When Daniel turned Jack had a big smile on his face.

"Shut up," Daniel mumbled as he picked up his bags and proceeded down to his own door.

He watched Daniel breathe in a few times before he pulled out his key and unlocked the door. Then, Daniel just stood there for a moment.

Jack was tempted to push him inside, but he didn't.

A smallish slightly shaking hand reached out for the doorknob and turned it.

The door swung open. Jack wasn't sure what Daniel was afraid of, but whatever it was didn't jump out at them. Instead, Daniel reached down and picked up the bags on either side of him. He walked in carefully. Jack went in after Daniel and set down his cargo.

Within the first step in he realized that Alex wasn't short for Alexandria. At the kitchen counter was a young man bent over a bowl of cereal and sketching diligently on a big pad in front of him.

"Hey," Alex said without looking up. "I ran out of money, and we need to do some shopping. I cleaned out most of the fridge. That pasta stuff you made before you left was good. We also need snacks. Oh, and I need to buy some supplies for school."

"That's fine." Daniel said in his now higher, more feminine voice.

The sketching stopped.

The young man sat up slowly and turned to see them both standing by the door. Jack didn't have to be looking into Daniel's face to know that he was very frightened at the moment. The tension in Danny's body was coming off of him in waves that Jack could have picked up from across the room.

The young man just stared. He fell back slightly against the counter without falling off the stool.

"Wow." He said quietly.

Daniel clasped his hands in front of him and said, "I need to know that this is okay with you Alex?"

For a moment the young man looked as if he didn't know what to say. All he did seem to managed as another, "Wow."

Then after a moment or to he seemed to find his voice and his cool as he managed to say, "Yeah, it's your life... I'm not going to tell you what to do."

Daniel walked forward towards the boy; and he was a boy as far as Jack could see. He couldn't have been more than twenty-one... barely out of diapers!

"I'm just going to put this stuff in you room," Jack said stiffly as he tried not to notice that the boy was handsome, had big green eyes, and the face of an angel.

Jack picked up as much as he could carry and walked off for Daniel's bedroom. He walked in and found the bed unmade, the comforter half on the floor, the pillows here and there. There were dirty clothes, not Daniel's, lying all over the floor along with several art related text books. Jack picked up a shirt; they definitely weren't Daniel's, unless of course he'd suddenly started wearing shirts with dragons painted in psychedelic colors while he wasn't looking. Jack couldn't help but notice the small tin of marijuana sitting on the night stand. He walked over and noticed that there were a few rolled cigarettes sitting in the box waiting for a tote.

Jack shook his head and walked back out.

Daniel and Alex were sitting the kitchen counter talking quietly. Jack hated that he couldn't catch anything that they were saying in the few seconds that it took him to reach the bags and pick them up.

He walked back to the bedroom. This time he picked up the backpack as soon as he set the bags down. He riffled through the backpack until he found a wallet. He opened it quickly and found a driver's license.

Damn! Jack realized at first glance that he had underwear older than the boy. The 'boy' was barely out of diapers and a decade and change younger than Daniel. He wrote down the number, birth date, and Alex's full name for later. He put everything back the way he'd found it and walked back out.

Alex was sitting at the counter eating his cereal and watching Daniel as he moved around in the kitchen. Jack immediately noticed that a week's worth of dirty dishes were all over the counters and in the sink. Apparently, the kid had no idea where the dishwasher or the sink lived.

Jack walked up unsure of what part Daniel wanted him to play. Protector, friend, jealous lover: he was capable of anyone of them. And if perhaps, he got to toss the kid out of window in the process that would be fine too.

The kid turned a bit unsure and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. I'm Daniel's-

"Friend, who is leaving," Daniel said quickly.

Daniel walked out of the kitchen and went to his desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out a credit card.

He came back and offered it to the boy with the words, "It's a gift card Visa, you have a thousand dollars on it. Why don't you go get those school supplies? And, while you're at it why don't you go to a movie."

"Sure," The kid said as he took it.

Jack watched the kid run into the bedroom. He came out a few seconds later wearing a black leather jacket. He recognized it as the jacket that he'd left behind a few weeks ago.

"That's mine!" Jack said outraged.

The kid froze.

"It's okay Jack." Daniel said quietly.

"Isn't that my jacket?"

"Yes. Sorry. He found it in my closet. I meant to buy him a replacement so I could give it back to you, but I got a little side tracked this week." Daniel turned to Alex and saw him to the door. "Go and have fun."

"Sure," Alex said again, only this time he also said, "I'll call before I come home."

~~~

Jack waited patiently hoping that Daniel would say something, but he only seemed intent on rinsing dishes and organizing them into the dish washer.

"So," Jack said trying to the get ever elusive explanation that he knew he really wasn't entitled too, but couldn't seem to really care about long enough to shut his trap. "Who was that?"

"He's a friend."

"This I noticed." Jack said looking around. "He's trashed your place, eaten you out of house and home. He's left enough pot on your night stand to put you in jail for a good while-

"Jack," Daniel said in a tired sounding voice.

"You give him money. It's pretty obvious that he doesn't have a job. He obviously isn't interested in carrying his own weight around here-

"Jack," Daniel said more threateningly.

"I don't want to make a judgment call Danny. You're a grown man and you can do what ever you want," And that's as far as he was able to go with the sensitivity crap. "But for God's sakes! He's only a kid."

Daniel's shoulders slumped a bit as he stood over the sink.

Quietly Daniel said, "I'm not fucking him. Get out, please."

"No," Jack said easily. "I'm not leaving you until I know that everything is okay."

Daniel turned slowly. Jack saw pain in his eyes.

"Okay?" Daniel said a bit confused. "You want to know if everything is okay. Jack, I've never disliked my dick. In fact, I was attached to it. Right now I'm facing the fact that I have to make everyone around me think that I did this to myself on purpose and somehow get used to the idea in the process. Everything is not okay. And, the worse part is that I don't know how to make it okay."

Daniel turned back to the sink and continued to rinse dishes. Jack flinched as he heard a couple of plates slide hard against one another.

Jack just stood there wishing that he'd been able to keep his mouth shut.

The only thing that he was able think of to say was, "You want me to help you clean up?"

He heard Daniel sniff, and he hated it.

"I've got it."

Jack smirked. "You haven't seen the bedroom yet?"

"I know the kind of mess Alex leaves behind." Almost as an after thought Daniel added, "He can't help it, all geniuses have their quirks."

"Don't I know it," Jack said as he picked up a kitchen towel to wipe down the cracker riddled counter.

~~~

After tidying up Daniel opened the refrigerator and made a small 'ugh' sound. Jack peaked over his shoulder and saw the jar of mustard and the box of baking soda sitting in the desolate fridge.

"I can't believe that he ate the thousand year old block of cheese I had in there." Daniel checked one of the shelves. "And, the two bottles of ketchup."

"Growing boys!" Jack said poignantly emphasizing the 'boys' part as much as possible.

Daniel closed the refrigerator and gave Jack a tired look.

"I'm going to the market. Feel free to leave. I'm sure you have a mountain of work to do back home."

"Actually," Jack said walking up to Daniel. "I'm free all evening. I'd love to go to the grocery store with you, thanks for asking. And, what luck? My car is downstairs." He said pulling out his keys and dangling them for Daniel.

Daniel just gave him a look, but he didn't say no.

In less then twenty minutes they were walking through the aisles of the grocery store. Jack was pushing a cart around as he tried hard to find something to talk about that didn't involve Alex, or comments about Alex, or questions about Alex.

The moment they entered and hit a display Jack watched Daniel grab a box of sugary cereal. Daniel had once called Jack's cereal of choice 'a preemptive strike on his heart as he committed suicide by fork!' Jack stared at the stinking box; he knew who that was for!

"So, Danny? I take it that-

"I'll answer any question that doesn't involve Alex."

Jack leaned hard on the shopping cart and shut his trap.

Jack waited patiently until they reached the condiments. Daniel picked out new ketchup.

"Danny?"

"No, Jack."

"Well if-

"And if you ever think to question him, I'll never forgive you. This is personal and I want it to stay that way."

Jack looked into his face and he knew that Daniel was serious.

"Okay."

Daniel picked out pimentos, olives, olive oil, and balsamic vinegar.

"Danny," Jack said already feeling the guilt boiling in his stomach. "Umm."

Daniel practically threw a bottle of gourmet vinegar into the cart as he said, "What did you do?"

Jack flinched at the sound of the bottle slamming into the metal cart and at the ferocity of Daniel's voice. He felt his spine melt. Several people in the aisle turned to look at them. Jack looked away and thanked God that there weren't any Daniel's in Iraq when he was being tortured and interrogated.

Reluctantly, he pulled out the slip of paper with Alex's name, driver's license number, and birth date. Daniel snatched it out of his hand and looked at it unhappily. Daniel took a stance, he actually took that stance that Sara was only able to really do when she was seriously pissed with him.

He even put his hands on his hips as he said, "And, what were you going to do with it?"

He also knew better than to answer that question; that was a trick question! He knew all about those questions! He had been stupid enough to answer one of those when he was still a newlywed; a night of sleeping in the car with no soft mattress or soft wife taught him that it was possibly the most stupid answer that he could mumble out that would get him, not her reaction to the stupid action itself!

Jack just shrugged and pretended that he was crazy; No speak-ed the English!

He had years of military training, a doctorate, and more importantly a full fifteen years of marriage that screamed at him to keep his big yap shut tight. He knew that when behind enemy lines you do not put your own head in the noose! Quite the opposite, you hunker down real low, present the smallest most unobtrusive target possible, and try not to draw attention from yourself.

He felt that he'd chosen the right course of action when Daniel called him an ass and turned away to continue shopping. In his book, he was still ahead of the game...so long as Daniel was still talking to him.

He waited until the next aisle to test the waters.

"What's that for?" Jack asked as innocently as possible.

At first there was a bit of cold shoulder, but eventually Daniel said, "I'm in the mood for pasta. I thought I'd make a Fettuccini Alfredo.

"Oh," Jack said happily.

But before he could open his mouth to invite himself along Daniel said, "You're not invited, so don't ask."

"I'm hurt." Jack insisted.

Problem was that it did hurt. He wasn't sure why. More importantly, he didn't want to know.

Jack finished helping Daniel with his shopping and then drove him home. He helped bring in the groceries, but the moment the last bag was set down he said his good-byes, and then left.

CHAPTER 3 - OF FINDING TRUTH FOR OURSELVES

He fell asleep in bed drinking beer. He woke up with a beer in his hand and a fowl taste in his mouth.

He somehow managed to sit up so he could take a pull from the bottle. He swished the beer around in his mouth to get the bad taste out before he bothered to get up and take his morning pee.

When he was done he walked back to bed and fell in. It was only a few minutes after 0600; after so many years in the military he just wasn't any good at sleeping in. He didn't want to get up or go anywhere. He didn't even feel like working on the ship designs in his office.

He just wanted to vegetate. He managed to do so after a brief stop in the kitchen. His breakfast consisted of a party sized bag of Doritos, French onion dip, and a can of spam which he ate right out of the can with a fork. He hadn't been shopping and those were the pantry staples that often survived his long absences into parts unknown.

The television was set on some lame cartoon, but he couldn't bring himself to actually change the channel even though the remote was lying no more than two feet away. He watched the stupid cartoon on screen as he pondered why they didn't make intelligent cartoons for kids anymore. The days of G.I. Joe, Transformers, and He-Man were definitely over!

The phone rang. The only reason that he bothered to pick it up was because it was annoying.

"This better be good," He said in greeting to the person on the other end.

"And, good morning to you too."

Jack instantly recognized Daniel's voice and sat up in bed.

"Hi," Jack said a bit unsure as he moved the chips aside.

"Hi," Daniel said still too cheery. "It's occurred to me that perhaps I was a bit annoyed and heavy handed with you yesterday. I feel the urge to make it up. Want to come over for lunch?"

Jack smiled and said, "You making pasta?"

"I don't know yet. Should I take that as a yes?"

"Sure," Jack said in his best non-committal voice as he wiped his suddenly wet hands on his pants. "So, noon?"

"Umm," Daniel said hesitantly. "Would you mind coming over after one? Is that too late?"

"No," He said already suspicious. He didn't want to make an issue out of it, so he didn't say anything else.

"Great. See you then."

He heard the click on the other end. He carefully replaced the handset and looked at the clock. He'd managed to stay in bed until nine thirty.

He ran a hand over his face and realized that the rest of his beer, chip, and spam breakfast were going to have to wait if he was going to make it on time to Daniel's.

He smelled himself and quickly realized that he needed a shower. He jumped out of bed and walked into the bathroom. He even bothered to use the shower gel that Daniel had given him in a bath set not too long ago for Christmas. He'd disassembled the basket, but away the items in the basket, but he'd never used the bottle. The shower gel, soap, body scrub had been sitting on his shower shelf for months now; and the other personal hygiene items had just made a home under the sink. Today, Jack used them.

As usual, it was in the shower that he began to get hard. Without fail the moment the hot water began the sting his skin in hot, hard, needle-like pricks he felt the blood flood to the same place in his body. At first he tried to ignore it as he went through the usual ablutions. He concentrated on seeking a combination quick military efficiency and straight forward utilitarianism. He failed miserably... as usual.

Showering was supposed to be easy. It used to be. Now a day, it wasn't. It was a thing that sometimes took him as long as an hour to get through. As usual he gave in and let himself indulge. He pictured the stall closest to the back wall, the one he always took if he had half a chance at it. He invoked the sounds around him of the others cleaning up after a particularly messy trip out.

It didn't take very long before he was pumping wildly into his hand. The strong urge of an impending orgasm tightened his body and forced him forwards to the wall. He jerked his hand the way he liked, the way that usually finished it for him. He came quickly as his legs began to buckle under his weight. He slumped towards the wall and struggled for a moment to catch his breath while averting the thick sensation of dizziness that swept over him.

When he was standing in front of the mirror brushing his teeth he realized that he needed a hair cut too. His hair was just this shy of non-regulation length and needed to be dealt with.

By the time he was flossing the excess Doritos and spam out of his teeth he realized that he also really needed a shave. He had just enough time to get to his barber across town, have a cut, and then pop over to casually on time at Daniels. As thought of his barber came to mind he realized that he would have plenty of time for any other stops....

For a moment he caught himself wondering if he should take something. He swished the razor around in the water and realized that he wasn't just thinking about taking just any 'something,' for a glimmer of a moment he'd considered taking over a dozen roses. He watched a fluffy mounds of shaving cream floating on the water trapped in the sink and he realized that he couldn't even if he wanted too. He couldn't.

He swirled the razor around dislodging more short whiskers as he stared at them sadly. He finished shaving and tried hard not to think any more.

~~~

By the time Jack got to Daniel's apartment building he was already in a mood. Since earlier he'd steadily been getting more short-tempered and moody. He walked up to the entrance and headed for the elevator. He pushed the button, stepped in, and fell back heavily against the back wall.

He ran his thumb over the corked top of the bottle in his hands and hoped it would be okay. He didn't like the idea of coming in empty handed and he liked the idea of debating what to bring even less. He grabbed a bottle that they could both enjoy and that was that.

The doors to the elevator opened and the last thing that he needed stood right there and broke a perfect white smile. One of those perfect 'I've never had a tooth knocked out by an enemy solider' smiles that made him want to lash out and rip the kid's Adam's apple right out.

"Hey," Alex said as he stepped in and pushed the lobby button.

Jack made no move to get up or get out. He didn't even twitch. He just slouched.

He was just a kid; what the hell was Daniel thinking? At his age all he had to offer was a pretty face, youthful body, flawless skin, a jackrabbit's endurance, sexual peaking that no Viagra could match, good knees, and an unending supply of stamina. Take that away and what do you have?

.... Jack.

He couldn't help it when the scowl on his face deepened.

Alex stepped in farter and came to stand next to him. Jack focused on the elevator doors and tried hard not to imagine the many possible moves that he could do with his right hand to take the kid down and make him suffer.

"So," Alex started. "Daniel cornered me in the kitchen this morning; apparently I'm not allowed anywhere near the apartment when you come over. I guess I asked too many questions."

Alex was quiet for a moment; and Jack didn't say anything.

Far too quickly, the doors opened and the lobby lay out in front of them. Alex started out but then stopped at the elevator's threshold. He leaned back against the elevator doors preventing them from closing.

"Look, I know that Danny made you promise not to talk to me and I get it. I just want you to know that I'm not exactly competition for you. But, I get why he... I mean I get why she doesn't want to tell you about me. If you're interested I'll be at the sandwich shop at the end of the block tomorrow. Usually I'm there after class from ten to twelve. I bug out when the lunch rush comes in. I'll do the talking so you don't break your promise."

Then Alex moved and the doors began to close. But before they did he poked his head in and quickly said, "And, if you hurt him I'll kill you!"

Jack couldn't help it when the corners of his mouth turned up. At least the kid wasn't a complete loss.

He somehow managed to take a deep breath at Daniel's door, and made some semblance of looking happy. Or, at least not depressed.

He knocked.

"Did you forget your key?" Daniel said loudly from the other side of the door.

It opened.

Daniel froze.

"Hard to forget it when I haven't been given one."

Daniel smiled.

The door was opened farther and Jack proceeded inside.

"I brought wine."

He instantly felt incredibly lame for saying it. Daniel took it happily, but the moment he turned Jack felt that suave exterior that he was trying to put forward just crumble into a thousand little pieces.

"Jack?"

"Yeah," Jack said walking in farther towards the kitchen.

"Did you hear me?"

"No, sorry. I've been a bit preoccupied today." Jack said walking into the kitchen. "Something I can help with?"

"No," Daniel said pouring ranch dressing over the salad at the counter.

He loved ranch dressing, and he loved that Daniel knew that.

"This isn't the first time I've seen you this distracted Jack. Is everything okay? Usually, I'm the one that's got his head in the clouds." Daniel said as he quickly tossed the greens.

"I'm fine. I've just got lots on my mind right now."

"Come on," Daniel said picking up the bowl. "We'll have a nice quiet lunch and you can try to not think so hard."

Daniel cracked a smile.

"Oh, that was funny?" Jack asked knowing full well what was coming.

"I just don't often have to tell you not to think. Isn't it usually the other way around?"

Jack smiled and followed Daniel to the table.

He saw his favorite barbeque chicken breasts on the table, noodle salad, broccoli, and some kind of whole wheat cracker bread. He sat down without a comment; Daniel's chicken breasts were always delicious and his noodle salad was the stuff of legends.

He immediately cut a piece of chicken and happily put it in his mouth. Perfect. Still warm and savory.

He loaded his fork with the noodle salad and froze the moment it hit his mouth. Something was definitely off. Daniel always used mayonnaise and dill to complement the vegetables and garbanzos, but this wasn't that. He chewed what was in his mouth. He realized after a few moments that he was tasting fat free mayo, yogurt, or a combination.

Out of curiosity he took a bit of the broccoli; he tasted no butter, no oil, a dab of garlic, no salt.

"This isn't a criticism, but-

"You'll laugh if I tell you, so don't ask." Daniel said quickly as he cut his chicken breast into small pieces.

"Try me," Jack said seriously as he leaned back.

Daniel looked up and said, "I can't eat the way I used to." Daniel exhaled and met Jack's eyes. "I bought a pair of slacks last Thursday. I was going to wear them to work on my first day back. I went to try them on and they didn't fit right."

Jack couldn't help a twitch in his lip. "You think you're fat?"

"I didn't say that."

"That's what you implied."

"No, I said that my pants didn't fit right."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did."

"Not."

"Did."

"Women's clothes fit different then men's, okay." Daniel insisted. "If I'd known how hard this would be I'd never walked into that damn room!"

The table went quiet.

Daniel just sat in his seat staring down at his plate.

Daniel looked up and said, "I've ruined lunch."

"No." Jack insisted; hoping to head off any possible bad feelings or God help him tears. "This is healthy. I'm your friend; you're supposed to be able to count on me to help you talk about things. You need to vent. Venting is good; glad I could help."

Jack let another moment go by before he asked, "Why did you walk into that room?"

Daniel looked away.

When Daniel didn't answer Jack mindlessly began to play with the funny tasting noodle salad at the end of his fork as he said, "See, I know this person who is a great archeologist. He's the best at his job that there is. And I think that a part of the reason why he's so good is because he's extremely curious, and he's able to think outside of the military box that I'm locked into of most of the time."

Daniel barely seemed to be breathing.

"I think that he would have gone in there no matter what, just to know what was there. And, I would have gone in there no matter what, just so I could protect him. We were doing what we were born to do, what we're really good at; we're lucky that way, doing what we love with people we love."

Jack stopped talking.

Daniel had a funny look on his face. It looked like a cross between misery and worry. Jack wasn't sure what it meant; he just hoped that this wasn't a prelude to tears.

"I think that's the nicest most amazing thing that you've ever said to me, or to anyone."

Jack picked up a chuck of tasteless broccoli and stared at it as he said, "Well you know me; full of compliments and kindness."

"You mean piss and vinegar," Daniel said helpfully.

Jack felt his lip curl as he looked up, "Feeling better, are we?"

"A friend cheered me up," Daniel said with a smile.

"Good," Jack said simply.

He popped the broccoli into his mouth and ate without trying to think about it. He figured he'd get credit for eating the vegetables, if not the noodles.

"So," Jack said carefully. "You remembered that exhibit you threatened to take me too a few months back?"

"I'm not ready Jack." Daniel said as he poured them both iced tea. "Besides, I have a lot of work to do. The artifacts from P4X3214 contain quite a few and very complicated translations. If I'm going to have them for the General on Monday-"

"Oh," Jack said looking up from his plate. "You're going into work?"

Daniel suddenly went quiet.

"I see," Jack said cracking a smile. "So if you aren't going to be on base at 0500 you can spare an afternoon."

"Jack," Daniel said softly, the pain, fear, and self-pity clearly evident.

"Because I know how badly you wanted to see that exhibit, and I'm both available and willing to take you."

Jack knew what the quiet meant.

Tentatively he added, "I'll even take you to that 'raw we hate beer place' afterward. We'll call it a treat for taking a big risk."

Daniel pushed his broccoli with his fork a bit, but said nothing.

Jack reached out and poked Daniel gently in the side. When he didn't stir he reached out and poked him again. This time Daniel squirmed away with a smile.

"So, you're ticklish," Jack said with a smile as he cracked his knuckles.

"Don't you dare," Daniel said firmly. Then he let out a slight breath and said, "Okay, I'll go. I don't know why, but I'll go."

~~~

The museum was like it usually was; there were artifacts, displays, and tons of things for Daniel to get excited about.

As usual, they didn't take the tour. Daniel usually wound up getting into arguments with the tour guides. Jack had learnt over the years that Daniel never kept his trap shut, especially if someone was regurgitating information to the masses that was just plain wrong. He'd learnt the hard way that if you went on a tour at a museum with Daniel you'd sooner or later find yourself in one of two places. 1) The museum curator's office while voices rose and lots of people wearing sweaters with leather elbow patches ground their teeth and pulled at their hair while shouting, 'No! No! You have it all wrong!' Or, 2) in the security office wearing handcuffs as Daniel continuously argued with someone from across the room while they waited for General Hammond to vouch that they weren't insane, terrorists, or simply your garden variety whack-jobs; and Jack usually wound up with cuff link cuts across both wrists and a migraine when the latter happened.

Sufficed to say that it was better to avoid the tours!

The main exhibit being featured was part of a private collection on tour, featuring Middle Age everyday life and culture. Jack was hoping to see armor, mail, and weapons, but he didn't get it.

They took the lazy route walking around slowly as Daniel gave Jack his version of what they were looking at. Jack dug his hands deep into his pockets and walked along to the sound of Daniel's voice. Well, not Daniel's voice. This was different, almost as if Daniel was speaking though someone else. But, it was still pleasant, even if he missed the deep, smooth tones of his Daniel from now and then.

Daniel could talk for hours about history and not get tired; but he knew how to keep it short and enticing so he wouldn't loose him. It wasn't what he'd hoped it would be, though it was interesting. Just to keep Daniel guessing, he pretended not to be listening in certain places and cracked a few jokes in others.

Overall it was a great afternoon even when they reached a display titled Courtly Love. Several books, sheets of prose, and various etchings were on display.

"The ennobling force of the great nights," Jack said absentmindedly as he looked at an etching.

He felt Daniel walk up close and say, "Something to be said for loving a person with all your heart, even if it isn't physical, or returned; they loved well and chastely them that loved their shinning knight."

"You mean romanticism," Jack said without thinking. "Rousseau."

He saw the impressed looked on Daniel's face and so he bit the bullet when he said, "Jean-Jacques Rousseau, the noble savage."

Daniel looked at him even harder.

"Don't look so damn surprised. I am capable of reading."

"You are!" Daniel said rather loudly in the middle of the museum. "You can? You didn't tell me that!"

"Shut up," Jack said as he felt himself blush slightly and began to walk away.

"Hold on," Daniel said catching up to him.

Jack felt Daniel grab on to his arm. He immediately liked the feeling, so he made no move to pull away.

"Talk to me," Daniel said quickly. "Where did you read about Rousseau and how much do you know?"

"Nothing." Jack said as simply as he could. "I know nothing of worth."

"Great," Daniel said easily, "Now, how about talking to me?"

Jack felt uncomfortable for a few moments. He looked around and realized that no one was paying them any attention in the slightest.

"Okay, once and only once." He said seriously. "And, only because I know you're depressed and need something to cheer you up."

Jack took a deep breath and thought about his junior year thesis, "Rousseau was born in Geneva in 1712. He was an educator and a novelist. His novel Émile was the most ground breaking book on education written in the Western world since Plato's Republic. He also wrote about liberty, equality, government, politics, romanticism, nature, and in my opinion was the first person that really understood what a social contract was is in its truest sense of the word. The book he wrote titled -oddly enough- Social Contract, I found to be trite; but then the only thing that I really found in common with Rousseau was his love of nature. His politics in my opinion were hokey; he was an idealistic socialist sap."

Daniel just stared, his mouth slightly gaping.

Jack leaned in and said, "Satisfied; and if you tell anyone what I just said, I'll deny it with every ounce of strength."

"Wow," Daniel said softly. "You think he was an idealist?"

Jack wasn't surprised that he wasn't surprised.

"He was over-sensitive, romantic, and a moron."

Daniel was quiet for a moment.

Finally he said, "What's wrong with that? We're all that at one point or another."

Jack huffed. "He wallowed in teary sentimentality and longing that got him nothing but questionable mental health. It was a waste of-

Jack noticed that he'd lost Daniel. He turned and found Daniel standing a few feet away with an awful look on his face. Jack saw the tears before he'd even reached Daniel.

"Hey," Jack said taking Daniel's shoulders. "What is it? Did I say something wrong?"

Almost in a half-awake state Daniel slowly said, "No."

Jack wrapped his arm around Daniel and led him out of the museum's hall. They'd almost completely finished walking the displays and the front doors were close by. Daniel walked along mindlessly; his legs seemed to be moving along by habit and not other reason.

Jack led him carefully down the front of the museum's steps and right towards a small park. He found a bench under a large shady tree and sat Daniel down carefully. Jack set himself beside his friend and found that he didn't want to remove his arm from around Daniel's waist; and he felt that he couldn't. Daniel was leaning back against him. His head was leaning on his shoulder and his arms were wrapped tightly around himself.

Jack wondered briefly why Daniel wasn't crying; or rather, why he wasn't allowing himself too.

"Nyan lied. I think he did it on purpose." Daniel finally said after a long while.

Daniel snuggled in, crossed his leg, and turned in towards Jack's body.

It was too good an opportunity to miss. Jack reached up and stroked Daniel's hair once as he said, "What did he lie about?"

"I saw the translations that he brought back of that room. The writing was in the language of the Ancients. Ideograms represent ideas or sounds."

"String them together," Jack said easily. "And you get words. Form complex combinations and you have a language. I do pay attention... sometimes."

Daniel finally smiled as he looked up slightly.

"The trick to translation is to pick the right meaning to assign to each ideogram so that you arrive at the right meaning."

"So your boy fudged with the translation." Jack said finishing for him. "Why?"

Daniel hesitated for a moment but eventually he said, "He didn't want to embarrass me."

Jack pulled Daniel away enough to be able to look at him. "What was it Danny?"

This time he saw tears well up in Daniel's eyes; though they didn't fall there was fear in his eyes as he said, "A wish."

Daniel swallowed hard.

"On the altar there was a stretch of writing that clearly gave a message. Nyan changed it a bit to say, "Acknowledge worship here and thee will be given hope."

Jack didn't push. In fact, he didn't say anything at all.

"A nice sounding proverb and it sheds no light on what happened until you realize that the word ach-et can mean an acknowledgement or a confession. Hidei can mean hope or a wish. Ix is a tricky one. It usually means some form of strong emotion, depending on how it's used in the sentence it can mean worship, love, hate, or even of the heart. Change those two words and the entire syntax changes."

Daniel was quiet for a while again. When he finally spoke he said, "Confess thy heart here and thy wish be granted."

His voice trailed away softly on the wind.

Jack watched Daniel stare off absentmindedly as he said, "When I translated the words to myself I thought it was funny; like a wishing well. I put my hands down on it and I made a wish."

"Did you ask to be made a woman?" Jack asked quietly trying to keep any kind of judgment or harshness out of his voice.

Daniel shook his head. "It's kind of like asking the universe to make you rich and then being buried alive under gold bricks."

Hesitantly Jack said, "I don't suppose....

"No reverse button so far." Daniel said easily.

Daniel rested his head against Jack again. This time he didn't move.

"Okay, this is going to sound stupid and insensitive." Jack said softly.

He felt Daniel laugh amid the tears before he slowly said, "I wouldn't expect anything less."

Jack smiled and then said, "It could be worse. You're," Jack hesitated but he didn't want to hold back. "You're beautiful, soft, and you've got a great body. You know... for a chick."

Jack said as he turned his attention to the trees; didn't get to see enough trees.

As a final thought he managed to say, "If you like that kind of thing."

~~~

Jack braved going to Raw Bar with Daniel again; he even managed to smile about it. Over the years, he'd found that sincerity was only easy to fake when you had a real goal in mind. His was to give Daniel a good night out; he was cheering up a friend. So he sucked it up and bore it like a good officer.

It was when he was sitting in his seat at a small table with Daniel with the menu in his hands that he began to have second thoughts. That the beer haters had problems was obvious. In all parts of the civilized world 'the special' is something hot and appetizing, usually with more fat that anything else on the menu. The beer haters had somehow managed to turn the sacred institution of 'the special' into salads... lots of salads. Jack took one look and then glanced up.

Daniel was smiling as he read over his menu. Jack looked back down and realized that he couldn't ruin the evening for Daniel. Not after everything that had happened. He felt that it was most definitely his fault that Daniel hadn't had a good time the last time they'd come to the beer hater bar, and he'd cried at the museum. Jack felt he owed him.

So when he looked up again and saw the waitress he ordered wine, and then asked, "Do you want to get an appetizer?"

"The last time we got the Tuscan Sampler," Daniel said turning towards the waitress. "But we were with friends. I think it's too much for just us."

"We have the spinach timbales." The waitress suggested. "I've heard nothing but compliments tonight about them."

"Mmm," Jack said. "Sounds good. And, I'll have the Greek salad."

"I was trying to decide between the Greek and the Caesar. Do you mind if I get the Caesar and pick a bit off of yours?"

"Sure," Jack said far quicker than he'd anticipated.

"That comes with soup," The waitress said as she wrote down their order. "We have cucumber, spinach, and curry carrot soup."

Jack groaned inwardly and picked one. He figured that it didn't really matter, they probably all tasted the same. But, Daniel looked happy.

Jack poured wine for the both of them. As he put the bottle down he felt Daniel's hand grab his forearm lightly. He looked at Daniel as he leaned over and rested his cheek against Jacks' shoulder.

He heard a muffled, "Thank you. I know you hate this; you're a good friend."

Jack smiled and leaned down to rest his own cheek against Daniel's head.

"You're welcome," he said lightly.

Jack looked up, recognized the two people who'd just entered into the restaurant, and realized that God really hated him. He knew that Sara was dating Hank Lobber, a former mutual friend who Sara seemed to have gotten in the divorce along with the house and the china. He'd heard the rumor from someone in passing and he'd been happy for her; everyone deserved to move on with their lives.

She in particular; but why did they have to walk in while he was there?

To make matters even worse Jack saw Hank not only spot him but wave. Jack smiled and nodded as he realized he was in serious trouble.

"Danny?"

"Yeah," Daniel said happily.

"Today's been good right? You feel like I've done a lot for you, right?"

Daniel looked a bit confused but he said, "Ugh, yes."

"Good," Jack said with a smile as he lowered his voice. "Because my ex-wife and her new boyfriend are coming this way and you're my new hotty girlfriend who's completely in love with me."

Jack stood just as Hank stepped up to the table. He extended his hand as he said, "Hey Hank. It's been a long time."

"Yeah, Jack it has. "

Jack felt Daniel stand at his side.

"Well," Sara said nicely. "Who's your friend Jack?"

"Dani- Danielle Jackson this is Hank Lobber and Sara O'Neill. Hank, Sara, this is Danielle."

"Nice to meet you," Hank said as he shook Daniel's hand.

"Hank," Daniel said easily.

Though Daniel seemed a bit more hesitant to shake Sara's hand, and vice versa but they did shake.

Hank being Hank offered to buy Jack a drink. He hated that social rat aspect of Hank's personality. Jack wasn't big on socializing with people that he didn't care for very much. He didn't like pretending. Hank, on the other hand, was the type that would socialize no matter what. Apparently, the man's way of saying 'hey, sorry over the awkwardness of your discovering that I'm dating your ex-wife in this way' was to say 'hey, let me make it really awkward [for you] by allowing me to make it up to you with a drink in a place that sells no beer.'

Jack smiled. He wanted to turn Hank down but he knew that wouldn't do much good. Hank would badger and ooze his way into a drink somehow. Jack knew that the quickest way away from the man was to just get it over with.

As they sat Hank mentioned something about ordering him a beer to which Jack to immediately say, "Not a good idea. They don't do beer here."

"What?" Hank said quickly.

"I ordered a beer here the last time. I got a lecture, something about killing the living hops or something. But they believe in wine. So alcohol isn't completely off the menu."

Hank looked a bit shocked. "You've eaten here before? You do realize that this is a vegen restaurant, right?"

Jack took a sip of his wine before he said, "Danny likes it."

It was after he'd said that he realized just how whipped and pathetic it really sounded.

Hank just smiled and said, "Yeah, we lots of stupid things for women."

Jack could only smile in return as he said, "We're here aren't we?"

CHAPTER 4 - INCLINATIONS FROM WITHIN

It was in the truck that Jack realized just how quiet Daniel had gotten. He'd noticed over dinner that Daniel didn't say much, but they'd been eating at the time. It was after that he'd realized something was wrong. He thought about it and he realized that it was after Daniel and Sara had gone to the bathroom that things had gotten strained.

Ex-wife... new girlfriend... a bathroom... that couldn't have gone well.

Jack pulled the truck in front of Daniel's apartment and turned the engine off.

"You want to talk about it?"

Daniel stared off for a moment and then slowly nodded. Jack saw a tear and a sniffle.

"You want some coffee?" Daniel asked as he got out of the car.

Jack didn't wait to be asked twice. He got out and locked the car remotely as he walked after Daniel who seemed to be walking along blindly. Daniel walked into him as he was wiping his eyes and Jack wrapped his arm around his waist to steady him.

What ever it was, he knew this wasn't good.

They rode the elevator up in total silence. At the door Daniel fumbled with the keys for a while before Jack took them gently out of his hands and opened the door for them.

Once inside Jack said, "Why don't you sit? I'll get the coffee for us."

When Daniel sat quietly and without a word Jack knew that it wasn't good at all.

He walked into the kitchen, ground a few beans, and let the coffee brew while he set the cups up. In a few minutes he had two cups of black decaf, the decaf that Daniel usually refused to drink in favor of the real stuff; the stuff that Jack had bought for Daniel for Christmas because it was better for him, but that Daniel only seemed to make when Jack came over. That's what was in their cups.

He sat on the couch next to Daniel and offered a hot cup. Daniel took it mechanically.

Jack sat on the couch parallel to Daniel so that he was facing him. Daniel was slumped back into the cushions.

"Did Sara say something to you?" Jack asked carefully.

Daniel smiled and finally looked at him, "Actually she and I had a nice girl talk. She cares a lot about you. If I was really your girlfriend I think I would have walked away feeling quite at ease about her."

"Okay," he said easily. "Then what happened?"

"Nyan called." Daniel said finally.

Daniel looked down into the coffee, smelled deeply, and then took a tentative sip. He smiled knowingly but didn't say anything.

"And, Nyan said....

Daniel smiled, quite obviously, for Jack's benefit as he said, "There were a few last translations from the alter room that has me kind of stumped; I didn't exactly have my library resources at your place when I was working on them. I took a stab at them and then passed them on to Nyan to check, and cross reference."

"Yeah?"

"Turns out I was right," Daniel said as he brought the cup up to his lips. "There's nothing in the room that says how to reverse this. I'm stuck. Officially."

Daniel sipped and then said nothing.

Jack realized that whatever small bit of hope that Daniel had been harboring was now completely gone. He couldn't help it when he reached out and took the mug out of Daniel's pliant hands. He set the mug on the coffee table as he pulled Daniel out of the cushions. He wrapped his arms around Daniel and found that Daniel burrowed himself into his chest more than easily. Jack felt the warm body against his and felt as if he'd come home when he bent his head down onto Daniel's and smelled the combination of his shampoo and body wash. Jack smiled as he realized that Daniel hadn't bothered to change either with the change in sex. The familiarity appealed to him.

Holding tightly, Jack said, "Could be worse. You could be an ugly chick."

Jack felt Danny snicker slightly in his arms.

Slowly Daniel uncurled himself from the place deep in Jack's chest there he'd made himself at home. He looked up and managed to open his mouth before Jack effectively shut him up by placing his tongue inside of Daniel's mouth.

There was a brief glimmer of a moment where Jack felt Daniel tense, and he began to wonder if he'd done the wrong thing; hormones over sanity. But then Daniel's mouth became soft and cooperative. The kiss deepened as they continued to draw him in deeper until he lost all sense. The only thing that existed for him then and there was Daniel, Daniel's lips, Daniel's tongue, the way he felt against him, and the hot, slow, wet kisses that they created.

When he bothered to come up for air he noticed several things all at the same time; after all, he was military trained to notice stuff. First, he noticed that he and Daniel had fallen back onto the couch; that Jack was currently on top of Daniel and by default way past second base while rounding the bases and heading right for third. Second, Daniel was out of breath, panting, and his lips swollen. Third, one of Daniel's arms was locked securely around Jack's neck, the other hand firmly and possessively cupping his left buttock. Four, Daniel's legs were locked around his hips and they weren't letting up on the pressure. Five, the look in Daniel's eyes wasn't saying 'woops, sorry about that' but they were very quickly shouting 'more, now, more!'

Jack unwound Daniel's arm from around his neck and stood. The grip his thighs had around Jack lessened until his legs fell away. He just needed a moment so he could walk. All he needed was a moment.

He watched Daniel lying back on the couch helpless, still panting hard with his eyes closed and he knew that no amount of time was going to make a big flipping difference. Daniel's legs were lying apart. Jack could see more of those long tanned legs then he could stand.

He reached down for Daniel's hand and pulled up until Daniel was standing enough to thrown him over a shoulder. Jack felt his erection rubbing painfully against his too tight jeans and he didn't much care for anything other than getting to bed and finding out just how good it could get.

When he finally laid Daniel out on his back on his own bed Jack pinned him down with a stare. He stood for a moment watching this person that he'd come to do so well through the worst kinds of situations and realized that he didn't really know a single damn thing about Daniel. He knew the basics, his likes, dislikes, habits, and behaviors; but he didn't know the little things that made him Daniel.

He intended to find out.

He started by pulling his shirt over his head and stepping out of his shoes. He unbuckled his belt and pulled his jeans off. He saw the hungry look on Daniel's face and he couldn't help the smile. It was nice to know that he still had some sex appeal left at his age to dazzle someone like this.

He hooked his thumb into the waistband of his BVD's and watched Daniel's eyes transfixed on his every slow move. He moved gradually. Stalling. He inserted both his hands into his underwear and down his hips and he leisurely pulled them down until he was standing naked over Daniel.

"Condoms," Daniel said with a bit of a shock. "In the nightstand next to you."

Under the three journals, miscellaneous pens, the dictionary, and the two books he found what he was looking for, an unopened box of condoms sitting next to a tube of lubricant. He grabbed a condom as quickly as he could, bumped the drawer closed and went back to Daniel.

He leaned forward onto the bed nudging Daniel's legs apart. Jack leaned down bringing his lips closer to Daniel's mouth and then pulled away so that he had to sit up if he wanted it. Jack felt Daniel become incrementally aggressive as he latched onto Jack's lower lip with his teeth and pulled him down until Daniel could kiss him at his leisure.

As Daniel had his fill of his lips, Jack pulled his arms around to pull the blouse out of Daniel's pants. When Daniel pulled back from their kiss Jack pulled the shirt up and off. Even though he was wearing a bra that hid everything Daniel still covered up quickly.

Jack saw the apprehension and the momentary shock cross Daniel's features and for a moment he was sure that he'd gone too far. Jack knelt down and quickly took Daniel in his arms carefully adjusting Daniel against him to reduce the friction against his already swollen member. Jack cradled and soothed Daniel's back for long minutes until he felt the tension start to leave the muscles under his hands.

"It's okay baby. I'd never hurt you."

"I'm not used to this," he heard Daniel say quietly.

Jack bit down and stopped moving his hands. He knew when he was being asked to leave.

He felt Daniel quickly grab his arm.

Jack looked down and saw Daniel's big eyes gazing back under slightly tilted frames, "This body feels weird. Would you mind if we did this under covers and in the dark?"

Jack smiled and said, "I'll do this anyway you want."

Daniel flipped over and pulled on the bed clothes and Jack took the opportunity to pull on the zipper at the back of Daniel's pants. Jack got up and carefully cradled his engorged penis against his stomach as he walked stiffly to the wall. He flipped the switch and turned back quickly.

As he got into bed he was tearing the condom open when he felt something strapy hit him in the face. He grabbed at it and realized that it was Daniel's bra. It smelled like Daniel. He held it to his nose for a second longer than he thought was right and then dove into bed.

He found Daniel dead center in the bed waiting eagerly for him. Jack settled in next to Daniel and started again where they'd left off. Like before they started kissing deeply and thoroughly as their hands began to explore each other. He finished tearing the condom as Daniel found his neck. As soon as it was in place he encircled Daniel in his arms and tried to show the most important person in his world that he indeed was.

He felt Daniel's hands on him and he loved where they went. It felt good to be with someone again. It felt even better to be in that bed. Kissing and being kissed.

He leaned in and inhaled deeply loving Daniel's smell. He loved the smell of Daniel. He loved being in the showers on base after a mission and smelling the combination of Daniel's delicious body wash and shampoo drifting into his stall over the hot vapor mists of his own shower. He leaned in and grabbed Daniel's earlobe in his mouth and sucked as that amazing aroma filled his nostrils.

As Daniel's mouth went to his neck he felt a trail of wet kisses trailing down to his neck and shoulders. His body was being slowly mapped out by those gentle hands that could handle any ancient artifact with infinite care and love. The hands that cradled priceless objects with the utmost reverence and respect in their eternal search for truth now handled him. Hands that carefully and methodically traced the surface of everything they encountered probing, reaching, reading untold volumes into each imperfection and line, skimming along in veneration of what they'd found.

Jack let a moan escape his lips as he felt the boundaries of his restraint being tested by those hands which held him, aroused him, and made him want to beg all at the same time.

Jack found breasts on his Daniel. He'd been watching them, wanting them, and itching to taste them in his more careless moments; but the moment he had them he found himself in a bit at an awkward spot. He could feel them in his hands. They were beautiful and soft. The soft swells cupped his hands and the hard nipples brushed relentlessly against his palms.

He put his mouth on the first breast while he played mindlessly with the other. This was his usual; he could do this in his sleep, and he did. He was glad for a fleeting moment that the lights were out; because he knew that whatever enthusiasm he had for this had just dissolved.

Jack closed his eyes and dug in as he realized that he was severely trapped. He had to finish or hurt someone he cared for a great deal. Turning Daniel onto his back he kissed back and felt compliance, acceptance, and want. He didn't stop kissing or wanting, or needing; but during the entire act he knew that there was something missing. He couldn't name it, or describe it, but he knew that it existed. Jack slid inside of Daniel by instinct allowing familiarity to guide him. Once sheathed not quite all the way he encountered a slight barrier and realized with a dead stop that he couldn't be the first.

"Please," Daniel said the moment he tensed.

"I want you too." Daniel whispered wetly into his ear. "It's okay."

Those long elegant legs wrapped tighter around his waist. Jack closed his eyes and moved forward once firmly, and deeply. He felt Daniel tighten around him with a bit of a groan.

Jack kissed him gently and smoothed his hair back as he whispered, "It's okay. It's over now. No more pain."

Once he was sure that Daniel was fine he dug his toes into the sheets and set an easy pace that wouldn't hurt his back. It was a good rhythm. It was the kind of pace that he usually liked to set when he was in the mood to get laid and he kind of tired. He knew that age had its advantages that a little 'fucks like a rabbit' kid didn't have; he could hold that erection for the next thirty minutes without fail and he knew how to use it. He pushed the bullshit and doubts floating around in his head out of the way and concentrated on the showers at the SGC. He knew that the only way that he could get through this and enjoy it was to put himself in the one place that he always wanted to be... in the shower stall next to Daniel while they bathed. He concentrated on the hot water sluicing down his back as he braced himself against the wall while the scent of Daniel's body wash drifted in making his shower something far and above the mundane activity that it should be.

He held back taking it slow and easy. Even when Daniel's hips began bucking hard against his, he took control by firmly grabbing those hips and controlling their action. He dug his nose into Daniel's neck inhaling deeply as he drove forward at his own pleasure.

He felt Daniel's breathing hitch. He heard the panting just before he heard Daniel scream his name out several times. The last scream came just as he felt those soft wet muscles clench around him tightly. He felt the body beneath him go lax and Jack smiled.

Maybe pretty, maybe young, maybe angelic, maybe even capable of getting a rock hard erection more often then him; but Jack was capable of delivering true quality and excellence. He proved it as he proudly went at the most languid pace that he could stand. In less time than he might have thought possible he felt Daniel clawing at him again. His name was being shouted in holy acclaim with the host on high, fingernails scratched his back, and a mouth bit him soundly as a second orgasm tore through the body beneath him.

Another tightening around him weakened his control far too much to keep the pace. He let go and allowed his mind to flow away from the proceedings so he could finish quickly. He wanted to finish quickly. He put himself in the showers and sped up finding his way in deeper. Once, twice, three times and he felt his balls tighten up into his body and the sudden shock of his orgasm swept through him.

He was suddenly aware of the sweat dripping off his body and how tired he was. He fell forward, his nose finding the pillow and some of Daniel's hair. He literally rolled over and stared at the dark ceiling as he wondered whether that was the smartest or the dumbest thing that he'd ever done in his life. He removed the condom as an after thought and chucked it in the direction that he thought the wastebasket might be in before dropping back down.

His relationship with Daniel was the most important in his life; he'd either just found a new level of relating to him or lost the best friend that he'd ever had in his life.

He felt Daniel cuddle up to him and lay his head on Jack's chest. Jack immediately pulled him closer as he reached down to pull up the covers. He gently caressed Daniel's hair as he began to feel the panic set in. He closed his eyes in the dark and swallowed hard as he wondered how it could possibly get any worse.

"Jack?"

Oh, God! After glow sex talk!

"Yeah," he said as neutrally as he could possibly come.

"I have to say something. Please don't be angry."

Jack smoothed Daniel's hair back in the dark and hoped to the heavens that Daniel was about to suggest that they remain good friends, "I promise."

"I don't want to do that again."

Yes!

"Okay," he said after waiting for an appropriate amount of time, or at least what felt like an appropriate amount of time. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt-

"No," Daniel said quickly. "No. You were great. Believe me you definitely know what you're doing."

Jack couldn't help the big smile. Take that you little pot head, wet behind the ears, barely out of diapers, go wipe your momma's titty milk off your lip, snot nosed little punk!

"It's just," Daniel said unsure.

Jack could hear Daniel take in a deep breath before he managed to say, "It's just that I'm not used to being a girl. It feels weird...

There was a long pause before Daniel said, "It was just weird."

"Yeah," Jack said quickly. "It was... not quite right."

"We can do other things." Daniel added in quickly. "I didn't mind all of it. It wasn't awful."

Jack smiled. "What did you have in mind?"

"Don't feel pressured-

"What," Jack said cutting him off. "Did-you-have-in-mind?

"Have you ever tried the other way?" Daniel asked quietly.

Jack sat up and looked at Daniel in the dim light of the room.

"I love anal." Jack said far quicker than he should have. He suddenly felt very embarrassed at the admission, but hell he hadn't gotten laid in far too long. If Daniel was offering, why not do everything that he liked?

Jack swallowed the saliva that suddenly collected in his mouth.

"Have you ever?"

"Been on the receiving end?" Daniel supplied for him. "No. But quite honestly, I've always been curious and I'd love to try it with you. Do you want to?"

"Yes," Jack said quickly and firmly as if he were wearing his uniform, dog tags, and holding a weapon. Just as firmly, he felt the blood begin to fill his penis again. Jack actually had to reach down and hold himself for a moment to know that it was real. Usually, he was only good for one or two long ones and then sleep, but he hadn't been this hard this quickly in years.

Jack reached over and found Daniel's mouth. He kissed Daniel deeply searching out the inside his mouth. Tasting that unique combination that made Daniel's mouth so good... so full of promise. Jack delved his tongue in and there just wasn't a way to describe it. It was just a fragrant combination that held him with as much wonder as the smell on his skin.

Scintillating... that's how he tasted, that was the flavor; that was the thing that grabbed him deep in his belly and pulled until he was out of breath and blind out of his mind with need.

They pulled apart long enough to breath. Damn the oxygen that they needed. Damn the sinuses that kept Daniel from keeping his breath for ten or fifteen minutes at a time. Damn creation for not giving them gills at the sides of their necks so they wouldn't have to come up for air!

He felt Daniel push him back and for a moment Jack wondered if Daniel had changed his mind about another round.

Instead he heard, "Lubricant. Get it."

Instructions! Instructions were good, especially since his brain didn't seem to be working.

Jack rolled over onto his side and switched the nightstand light on so he could see what he was doing. He pulled out a condom and put it between his teeth with one hand while he reached into the drawer with the other. He tore and spat before turning to see Daniel already lying on his stomach.

Daniel smiled and ducked his head into the pillow he was hugging.

Jack felt another swell of lust and reached for another kiss.

"Light!" Daniel said.

"Come on Danny," Jack said. "I've never done this in the dark."

Daniel averted his eyes and said, "You're a USAF Colonel. I'm sure you're more than capable of figuring it out."

Jack was silent for another moment as he tried to think of a response.

That's when Daniel gave him the big blue-eyed look that had never really worked before. But this time he felt the lust swell in his body as he brain shut down. Before he knew what he was doing the lights went out and he was crawling closer to make body to body contact with the lube in one hand and the condom in the other. He found warm soft skin and he wanted to taste all of it.

His mouth never left Daniel's body as he liberated the condom fully and sheathed himself in it. As soon as he was able, he let his hands roam freely over the silken back that curved slightly before rising up temptingly into a pair of lush round globes that he didn't want to stop kissing. He would have liked to have turned Danny on to his back, but he seemed determined to stay on his stomach. Jack accepted it as he let his tongue start lapping just above the well defined cleft before trailing down gently.

He heard a soft moan and he decided to change his approach. He wanted to get more hands on. He opened the cap on the lube and tired to squeeze out a small amount into his hand, but quickly realized that the foil seal was still on it. He broke the seal and squeezed out a bit of the cool gel onto his fingers.

As his hand went down his mouth went up to Daniel's neck. He kissed along the nape of his neck as he slowly explored along in the darkness feeling between Daniel's soft folds for what he was looking for. Jack licked and kissed his way to an ear lobe and began sucking on it gently as he circled the small puckered entrance and tested possible entry.

Daniel's breath hitched, but his body didn't tense. Jack worked slowly being careful to be as gentle as possible as he eased his finger inside. Warm, soft, and so tight that it made him growl deep in his throat as his hips bucked forward of their own accord. He pushed down hard willing himself to gain control over his lust so he wouldn't scare Daniel.

When he was able to see again, Jack made it up to Daniel's jaw and kissed a path to the soft lips that parted easily for him. He covered that soft mouth in the dark and suckled gently teasing the agile little tongue inside to come out and play. He found that he was more than able to entertain himself he concentrated on mastering the art of matching the rhythm of his tongue with his finger as he strove to do both to the best of ability. When he felt Daniel bite his lip and hold him clenched between those teeth as his hips bucked backwards on his finger, he knew he'd found the rhythm that he needed to achieve.

Jack drew his finger out and heard a moan of complaint. He took the opportunity to squeeze more lubricant on his fingers before inserting the next one.

"Jack?" He heard Daniel cry out worried into the dark.

"Shh," Jack said. "It's okay baby. I'll take care of you."

Jack lowered his head again and started the long kisses again as his fingers found their way back in. Jack covered Daniel's mouth with his own before he pushed inside of him; a moan was trapped between them. Jack held his hand very still as he waited for Daniel's body to relax.

Jack worked his way to the other side of Daniel's neck kissing and nipping softly as he went. He found another ear lobe there and suckled on it with as much attention and devotion as he'd given the other.

He felt Daniel's body relax around him far quicker than he'd thought. He pulled his fingers out slowly and then eased them back in a little farther as he indulged in the scent of Daniel's hair. Slowly very slowly he began fucking Daniel with his fingers as his hands gently rubbed Daniel's shoulder and back.

He reached around and again and found Daniel's mouth. This time the kiss was slow and reassuring.

"I'm sorry," Jack said against Daniel's mouth.

"What for?" Daniel said in a pant.

"I feel like I'm taking everything from you."

There was a soft moan.

A gush of breathe blew across his cheek as Daniel somehow managed to say, "You're not taking anything that isn't being offered."

Another moan escaped Daniel's lips as he threw his head back and pushed back on Jack's fingers. Jack smiled; his fingers were trapped tightly inside of Daniel and he loved the feeling. Tenderly, he began to scissor his fingers until he felt he could swab them around gently as he pushed down; Daniel moaned again tightening and rising up off the bed at the same time.

He felt a shiver run through the length of Daniel's body.

Screw being friends. Friendship was overrated. He wanted to screw his friend.

Repeatedly, if at all entirely possible.

He pulled his fingers out again.

"Jack!" was immediately shouted at him in the dark.

"Patience," he said easily as he squirted just a little bit more on his hand making sure that all three of his fingers were liberally coated before he reached back down. "Relax for me. We're going to try it again."

Jack held his fingers tightly together and slowly made his way inside. He pressed them forward slowly and then eased back, pressed and eased back. He moved cautiously as he again smoothed his free hand along Daniel's back feeling for any tale-tale signs of tension, pain, or discomfort. He rubbed small circles into the soft skin of Daniel's back as he began to move his fingers with more confidence.

It didn't take any time at all before the first moan sounded out from Daniel. Jack moved his hand again. This time he gently extended his fingers as he pushed out. Another moan reached his ears. He carefully introduced his fingers again and found that the path there was much more effortless then previously.

While he continued to stretch Daniel with his fingers he uncapped the lube with his free hand and put he tube in his mouth. He squeezed the end of the tube between his teeth and caught the gel with his free hand. He applied the cool gel to his pounding erection. Even the sudden cold against his skin didn't bring him down, thought it did take enough of the edge off that he knew he'd be able to proceed with the care that he wanted to take.

He reached up snapped down on the cap and threw it somewhere into the dark.

Jack held Daniel's hips and held himself as he got into position. He reached down with his other hand and found Daniel's loosened opening. He married it with the blunt head of his erection and gently prodded the smallest bit and received a tight moan in return. Jack held Daniel more firmly and slowly worked his way past the tight ring of muscle and then waited.

Taking Daniel's other virginity was good, but this was excellence at its best. Jack felt as if he was encased in pure heat. Jack's body was taunt, every muscle in his body was screaming at him to move, to finish, to explore, to enjoy, but he held back prolonging the bliss and misery of it as it swept up.

He opened his eyes and bent forward feeling himself slip a little deeper inside as a slight whimper muffled by the pillow under Daniel's face stifled it.

"It's okay." Jack said as he made his back towards the earlobe that he'd come to love the taste of. "You're almost there. I know you can do this. Just a little more."

Jack let out a deep breath so he could will himself to pull out again slightly before moving forward. On this next pass her reached over and took his favorite lobe in his mouth and suckled happily. The lobe was torn out of his mouth and was quickly replaced by a tongue as Daniel craned his neck around. Jack reached around and slanted his mouth around Daniel's before pulling his hips down and moving forward one last time.

Jack quickly found himself fighting off the dizziness that threatened to steal his breath and his sanity. He was inside of Daniel's body and it was almost too much to bear. He felt a shiver ripple down his body. He had to wrap and arm around Daniel's waist to keep his balance. He shut his eyes tightly and saw white bursts of light behind his eyelids; the lightheadedness was almost too much.

Half-dizzy, half-awake, or half-dead he set a slow torturous pace for the both of them. He moved his hips almost by imperceptible inches at first. This was his, and he wanted to preserve it. Daniel was his and he wouldn't ever give him up.

He moved again and again against the willing body beneath him but he quickly began to realize that there weren't any sounds coming from Daniel any more. Jack wondered if he'd done something too hard or not hard enough. He could tell by the heavy breathing that Danny liked what he was doing but there were absolutely no accolades being dispensed. By now Daniel should have been praising him, God, and creation in equal amounts as he screamed out.

Jack steadied himself and changed his angle. When it didn't get the reaction he wanted he surged forward just a little harder. A groan, small, and deep reached him. He did it again keeping the same pressure, speed, and strength. Again, and again, and again, until on the fourth stroke he was able to squeeze another more guttural groan from Daniel.

Jack altered his angle just a little more. That time the groan was louder, clearer, and much deeper.

He knew what he was hearing but he couldn't stop his hips from moving. He knew he needed to stop. He needed to see if reality meshed with what his ears were telling him. Instead, he reached out with his hand and felt along Daniel's body. The body beneath him was bigger, bulkier, there was more defined muscle that went from a wider more well-formed back, to a slim waist, and then down to a taunt butt in which he found himself buried to the hilt.

Jack still had his arm tightly around Daniel. He pulled him up slightly as he continuously felt himself pushing up into the body which met his every stroke. He reached around to Daniel's chest. He started following the curve of his neck down towards the rise of his chest when he felt Daniel tense severely as he found that the breasts that he'd been staring at for the past two and a half weeks were gone.

Jack let go of Daniel. He felt the man fall away easily with a slightly slurp as the warm place he'd been enjoying slipped away from him. Suddenly, he was very cold. His erection hurt and was far too unattended.

Mechanically, Jack reached towards the nearest night stand and turned the lamp on.

On his knees in the middle of Daniel's bed he found himself looking down at Daniel. Not Danielle, but Daniel. His friend was lying half on his side. His loosened and reddened hole glistened from the lube that Jack had continuously fed it; spilling from it was a combination of lube and Jack's pre-ejaculate. He watched the thick liquid run down the back of Daniel's thighs and he found himself mesmerized.

"I can explain," he heard Daniel say.

"Explain," he found himself repeating in an almost conversational tone.

"I...

"Yeah?"

"Uh...

"Ugh?

"Jack....

"Okay." Jack said finally as he reached down and roughly grabbed Daniel.

Daniel quickly ducked his head down but didn't make a move to retaliate. Jack spun him back around and pushed his head down into the pillow as he took charge of Daniel's hips again. He pushed the well muscled thighs apart and took his rightful place between them.

He pushed in the second time around with a lot more need and a lot less patience. He pushed in slow and steady until he found himself inside again. He began again setting a rhythm that he liked, that he wanted, that he needed.

"Jack?" he heard Daniel sputter out.

"Shut up," Jack said quickly.

To drive the point home he drove into Daniel harder.

"Shut up," He repeated as he slid home again and again loving the feel of it. His body was burning and he needed more; he was desperate for more.

"You wanted this didn't you?" Jack said wetly against the ear he'd been sucking on all night. "Ugh."

He changed his angle again. This time Daniel began to cry out the way he was meant to with a bucking motion that exposed him to more as he cried out Jack's name for the first time again.

"You have to finish what you start." Jack said as he thrust taking what was offered.

Jack held him firmly and pulled Daniel towards him as he pushed him doing his best to pound Daniel down as far into the mattress as he could beat him... one long stroke at a time.

"Jack!" he heard Daniel call out.

At first Jack froze thinking that he was actually hurting Daniel, but then Daniel bucked as if demanding more as he leaned back harder against him. Jack continued cautiously until Daniel was calling out his name on every other stroke.

Then without warning he felt Daniel's body tense, he screamed out again and went limp. Jack's arms were all that held him in place. Jack took the opportunity to kick his pace up. He buried his nose in Daniel's hair as he drove forward and felt the familiar prickle of an orgasm build up before it washed over him in a rush that left him stupid. His body tensed as he pushed in deeper into Daniel one last time. He held it. He held it for as long as he could maintaining the contact while maintaining the scent in his nostrils.

'The showers,' he thought limply on last time.

He let Daniel fall down gently as he felt himself slip out again. Jack felt too wrung out to think, do, or say anything; so he grabbed the covers and pulled them up around them. He settled down, pulled an arm around Daniel, and instantly fell asleep.

~~~

Jack woke up to the smell of coffee, bacon, and baking bread. He smiled contentedly as he stretched out as far as his body could take him.

He opened his eyes and realized that he was not in his bedroom. Even worse he realized where he was. He looked to his left where the rest of the bed was and he carefully lifted the covers. Last nights exertions clearly advertised themselves across the sheets in bright vivid colors that only dried blood, greasy lubricant, and semen could paint; for a second he couldn't breath.

He looked away and wondered, what was supposed to happen now?

He looked around and became even more confused when he found a pair of jeans and a shirt lying nearby that looked like his. They weren't what he'd been wearing last night, but he knew on first sight that they were his. He checked the sizes just be sure and found that they were indeed his. Socks, underwear, and a pair of sneakers that he hadn't seen in a few months sat waiting for him nearby.

Jack got up and felt a twinge in his back. He stretched out carefully and stood straighter as he tried to loosen up his overworked muscles.

He staggered into the bathroom and found a razor, a toothbrush pre-squirted with toothpaste, and a can of shaving foam sitting by the sink. Jack walked up and dutifully used it all before stepping into the shower and washing off last nights activities from his body. What he didn't expect was the surge of lust that he experienced as he opened the bottle of Daniel's shampoo and sniffed it as the hot water rained down hard around him. He felt an insane desire to jump out, find Daniel, and drag him in so he could do what he'd been fantasizing about for so long.

"Stop it, you sick fuck," Jack growled between clenched teeth.

He pressed the cap on the shampoo down and set it back on the shower caddy.

Instead, he reached for the soap. Good old-fashioned Ivory soap. He worked up a good lather and rubbed it into his hair. He lathered up his chest, arms, and abdomen before every going lower.

He knew Daniel was in the apartment somewhere. He knew he'd have to face Daniel; but he couldn't do it in the state he was in. He reasoned that he needed to take care of himself so that he wouldn't make a total ass of himself when he went to beg forgiveness. He lathered up his hands again and then concentrated on working his erection. He used every quick trick that he knew to get himself off as quickly as he could, but try as he might he just couldn't. He realized that he was taking too long; and he knew he'd never be able to finish in cold water. Desperate, he replayed last night in his mind. In no time he bit his lip as he slumped forward into the warmed tile wall.

He cleaned up, finished his shower, and stepped out.

Feeling more in control he dressed, finger-combed his shower spiked hair down as best he could before daring to approach the door. The door is where he stopped. He took a few deep breaths before he was able to turn the knob and pull.

In part relief, in part shock, there were no recriminations or attacks when he walked out. At the kitchen counter, one of the stools was pulled out, a cup of coffee was waiting for him, and a still steaming plate of food was waiting for him.

He stepped a little closer and saw Daniel pulling hot bread out of the oven. The pan was tipped over and the hot loaf slid out. It had to be sourdough from the smell of it; Jack's favorite. Daniel slid a bread knife out of a drawer and began to carefully slice the bread.

Daniel. Not Danielle. Khaki pants, and one of his signature checkered shirts.

"Your omelet is going to get cold," Daniel said as he turned around so Jack could see him.

Daniel was careful not to meet his eyes when he took the step closer needed to put a plate with freshly sliced sourdough bread next to his breakfast. Daniel scrapped a bit of softened butter from a large tub and buttered his toast without a word.

"I don't have any jelly," Daniel said visibly upset. "I was going to go out before you woke up but I was afraid someone would see me."

Jack watched Daniel's lips tremble and all he wanted at that moment was to rush to him and put his arms around him. He'd done this, he knew he had.

"Alex saw me," Daniel said much harder. "He thinks I've been caught up in some kind of military experiment; I didn't say anything. He's smart enough to keep his mouth shut, so don't worry."

"Daniel?" Jack said feeling any other words that might have come out stick in his craw.

Daniel looked around the kitchen suddenly looking very anxious. Jack noticed his hands shaking.

"I'll go," Daniel said agitated. "I'll go and get the jelly. It's not far; I can walk."

As Daniel rushed out of the kitchen and tried to pass him Jack caught him and held on for dear life. Daniel fought him, and he was no longer skinny or unable. He was a well-trained soldier and powerful in his own right, no longer someone that needed to be watched over or coddled. But Jack had better motivation on his side than the fear, that Daniel was apparently caught in. Jack jerked Daniel towards him and caught him in a tight embrace. He held Daniel securely until he was sure that he could release another hand long enough to rub Daniel's back.

He felt the strain leave Daniel slowly. It was replaced heavy breathing that Jack knew were close to sobs as he felt Daniel hold him tighter.

"What happened? Please God, tell me what happened."

Muffled against his chest he heard Daniel say, "I got my wish."

"Your wish." Jack repeated stupidly. Then it dawned on him as a cold sensation prickled over his skin. "You wished for me?"

Daniel was suddenly very still in his arms.

Jack continued softly as he said, "And the moment that you got me the effects of the wish were taken away and Danielle became Daniel again."

"I'm sorry," He eventually heard Daniel howl into his chest; the rest followed in a rush. "I tried to trick you. I'm so, so, sorry Jack. I took advantage of you. And, I 'm sorry."

Jack felt a guilt induced shudder work its way through him as he managed to say, "I feel like I raped you last night."

He felt Daniel shaking his head.

"Imagine how I feel," Jack added before Daniel could speak again. "It was the best sex of my life."

Daniel pulled away slightly. His left hand covered his mouth as he looked up. There were tears running down his face, and Jack felt unable to cope with the fact that he'd made Daniel cry.

"You didn't rape me," Daniel said as he began pushing Jack back. "I told you I wanted you. I asked you, and then I lied."

The last word had barely been a whisper, but Jack heard it.

"Does it matter that," Jack said as he felt the stool behind his thigh. He sat down and looked up at Daniel. "I wanted it too?"

Daniel was quiet for a lot longer than made Jack happy.

Eventually, Daniel looked up and met Jack's eyes. He said, "Let's sit and have breakfast. We do our best talking over food."

"Don't sit. No sitting." Jack said as he held Daniel's waist a bit tighter and pulled him close. "I don't want you to hurt because of me."

Daniel smiled slightly and said, "It's a good kind of hurt. I don't mind."

"But," Jack said hesitantly as an unreasonable and unexplainable rush of honesty welled up in him. "You might mind what I have to tell you."

Daniel was quiet.

Jack quickly began to feel that the silence drew out longer than it should have because of his own cowardice. He realized with an awful blow that it had been easier to face female Daniel with the tits than post-coital Daniel without them.

"I kind of have a date," Jack said uneasily.

"Kind of?"

"Alex asked me to meet him... to talk."

Daniel smiled and said, "Ah" as he widened his eyes slightly.

"Alex and I," Daniel began to explain...

Jack shut him up by cover his mouth with his and begging entrance with his tongue. One, five, or ten minutes later, Jack was still sitting on the stool with Daniel standing between his parted thighs, as he leaned in hard. Jack pulled away from Daniel's mouth long enough to look up at him.

Daniel swallowed hard and then opened his eyes. He shook his head and said, "I'm not with Alex."

Jack leaned in again and dipped into Daniel's welcoming mouth again before pulling away and asking, "Who are you with?"

Daniel touched his cheek as he leaned in mesmerized and said, "You."

EPILOGUE

The kid had said I just want you to know that I'm not exactly competition for you. Not exactly! What the hell was that supposed to mean exactly. You either are or you're not. Not exactly didn't cut it! Not exactly did exactly nothing for him in fact. Jack wanted straight forward and honest answers, and he was going to get them.

The determined steps that carried him all the way to the sandwich shop at the end of the block made him realize just how territorial on this he was going to get. He stopped at the window to the shop and looked inside. The kid was sitting off to one side sipping a soda through a straw from a can which sat securely on the table while he was sketching something on pad lying flat in front of him. Jack realized that he looked even younger than his age.

The kid couldn't possibly be competition; and if Jack hadn't secured that for himself last night and early this morning, nothing in reality would do it for him. He'd given his all to Daniel, if it wasn't good enough then in his humble opinion the next guy had to be something of a superman to out do him.

Jack removed his hands from where he'd stowed them deep in his pockets and walked into the shop. He went to the table, pulled out a chair, and sat himself down without taking his eyes off the kid.

The kid in turn didn't bother to stop sucking on the straw or stop working on his picture. It was a while longer before he finally let go of the straw and bother to say, "Hey."

Jack didn't bother to acknowledge the greeting. In fact, all he could do was grind his back teeth as Sister Mary Joseph's voice resounded in his head saying, "Young man! Hey is for horses!"

The kid eventually looked up and said, "He was so smart that everyone thought he was weird. Too weird to be friends with, too weird to adopt, too into things that no one else could relate too. All he wanted was to get out of there."

The kid pulled the straw out of the can, tapped it once on the edge of the can before catching it in his mouth so he could suck off the excess soda.

"He got a scholarship and was about to leave when I showed up. My mom was hooker and my dad was one of her many, many pimps. One day she got mouthy with the pimp of the week and he beat her to death with a baseball bat. I got to watch him do it; he was about to go after me when someone that he owed money too burst in, and found him sitting on top of me, about to swing, while he was covered in my mother's blood."

The kid shrugged.

"Long story short, I wound up Daniel's roomy. We were both also termed 'gifted' and 'fucked up.' He was a lot more than just a friend; he became the reason for me to live."

There was real emotion in the kid; Jack saw the unshed tears.

"I slowly started talking, eating, and living again because of Daniel. As long as he was with me I knew that I was safe; and believe me, I needed to feel safe. But, then he had to tell me that he had to leave for school." The kid looked uncomfortable. "I didn't handle it so well. Daniel was actually going to give up school... for me!"

Alex smiled; it was a sad smile that didn't last.

"Eventually, he and our social worker cooked up a scheme to keep Daniel in school and keep me near. I was sort of adopted by the social worker and Daniel studied."

Jack felt his eyebrow rise at the 'sort of' comment.

"Phil was more than sixty when he took me in. He didn't want a kid. He didn't need a kid. But he was there, he listened, and sometimes we even had fun. Mostly, he was just my caretaker; Daniel was my dad. He was the one that rushed over and took care of me when I was sick, he worried, he chastised me, and he was the one that was there."

"Right after I turned 16 Daniel got his first real grant. He had me emancipated at so I could go and live with him where ever he was. Phil didn't mind. We moved around a lot because of his work with the universities. We were dead broke most of the time. That conference where he spoke in front of those assholes was his last chance to get his work out there. He wanted to maybe attract someone, anyone to listen to what he had to say."

The kid's eyes were hard when he said, "We had nothing. His grants totally ran out. He couldn't further his research without help. And, earlier that week I woke up to the police and the super evicting our asses out of our apartment. We slept in bus terminals and on park benches until the conference."

The kid smiled.

"I was waiting for him in a little shop like this one. He knows I over react when someone tries to hurt him, so he wanted me elsewhere."

The kid shrugged and looked away.

"When he showed up he looked so happy. I thought that the academic egg heads had finally seen him, but when I asked he said that something else happened. He told me that the military had a job for him and that he was taking it. Since that money wasn't going to be in his pocket for a while he sent me back to Phil."

The kid looked at Jack dead in the eye.

"Two weird things happened within a week. First, I got a post marked letter from Daniel telling me that if he might not return and that it was best. That he'd worked out something with the army that if he didn't come back that I'd get a lot of money. My future was secure. I was better off. He really wasn't a good dad. That moving around so much wasn't good for me. Yadda, yadda."

He leaned in long enough to say, "You know? The usual Daniel self-sacrificing crap."

Jack nodded.

"Second," The kid said easily. "I got a visit from some crew cuts telling me that Daniel was dead."

The kid fell back into his chair. "But I didn't believe it; so I waited. A year later he comes back. I screamed at him for a long time. I felt better after. We fell right back into the way we were. I don't know what he does on that base and I don't care."

"As far as I'm concerned, from this day forward you're completely responsible for his safety. Because I'm fucking sick and tired of crew cuts coming over to my dorm and telling me that he's dead; or coming home and finding him in traction, burnt, cut, shot, taped up, and who knows what else."

Jack couldn't help the snicker that escaped his throat as he shook his head. Jack eased back in his chair and quietly said, "If I had a penny for every time I've told him not to touch anything, don't go there, stay Daniel, don't argue with me, let me go first, and please for crying out loud don't wander off I'd be a millionaire."

The kid was still and quiet.

"I'm not going to lie to you. Our jobs are dangerous," the kid went to open his mouth but then shut it as Jack said. "But, they're vital. We need Daniel. Trust me when I tell you that if I thought that he was replaceable, even a little bit, I'd have taken him and put him in a nice quiet, safe, little room, where the most dangerous thing that he'd have to contend with was poking himself with a sharp pencil. But, that isn't our lives."

"We need Daniel." Jack nodded as he realized it for himself, making it far too real. "And I need him too."

"So you love him, right?" The kid said as he began playing with the straw again. "Because if you're just looking for a good time I'm going to have to hurt you a lot."

"I doubt you could," Jack said easily. "But, yes I am in love with him."

The kid looked up at him meeting his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere kid, so you and I might as well get to know one another. I've got a feeling that we're going to be spending a lot of time together."

THE END

Next: From Bad To Worse