Acceptance

by Macx

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asm/macx/acceptance.php
Summary: No Summary
Info: English is not my first language; it's German. This is the best I can do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize *g* The spell-checker said everything's okay, but you know how trustworthy those thingies are...
In case someone doesn't know the Dragonriders of Pern, check out Anne McCaffrey, the author of this fantastic series of books. I haven't read them in ages and drew a lot from memory. I never went beyond The White Dragon, so forgive my stumblings into the events after that.
Considering that the books I read were in German, I hope I didn't mangle all of this too much :P

Morning had broken. The pale sun burned away the chill and the clinging damp mist. People moved through the morning silence. Here and there a dragon woke and yawned, the dragonriders either waking as well or already awake. Some had their riding gear strapped on, ready for an early flight, others were looking forward to a leisurely bath and feeding. One of those already with riding gear was a large bronze. His rider was clad in dark brown and black leather clothes, a leather band tied around his forehead, professionally strapping on the gear. The man was tall, sun-tanned and dark-haired. He wore no visible jewelry and except for a sheathed sword strapped onto his back he also had no weaponry. His hair looked windblown, though there was barely a breeze.

"Leaving?"

The voice startled him and the dragonrider turned. The man meeting his gaze was only slightly shorter than him but stockier, though not overweight. He had a broader frame and J'on knew that underneath those clothes was a well-muscled body. He was dressed in the garments of a dragonhealer. Currently his face was set in a neutral expression, but the blue eyes sparked anger and disappointment.

"Yes," he only answered, busying himself with the gear again.

The dragon turned his massive head and his eyes expressed mild amusement. The dragonhealer gave him a smile.

"You know Atoth's mating flight will occur soon...."

Atoth, the senior queen dragon of the Weyr, was in her best form, she and her rider Teyla ruling the young Weyr for several years now successfully. Riding her would mean becoming Weyrleader, would mean taking responsibility for all the riders, the Weyrfolk... J'on pushed then thought aside quickly.

"I know that, Rodney, thank you for reminding me – as always."

Rodney's forehead wrinkled into a disapproving frown. "But you are leaving."

"As you can see." The dragon hummed softly and the dragonrider shot him an annoyed look.

"Looks like you are running."

J'on straightened and gave him a cold look. "Then it looks like it. I don't care. I only know that I've some exploration waiting for me and it can't wait."

"J'on, you know Raith could fly Atoth. Why are you running? Too much responsibility being the Weyrleader?" the dragonhealer taunted.

"No. I've business to attend to and that's why I'm leaving, nothing more, nothing less. Now if you'll excuse me..."

"Please! You are running, that's what it is!" Rodney exploded. "Raith is strong and one of the largest bronzes in the Weyr."

"Size has nothing to do with it." J'on pulled another leather strap tight.

"You are afraid." He glared at the obstinate dragonhealer. Rodney smiled. "You don't want to become Weyrleader and you know you could. You think you aren't worthy of the position. It's always the same! Each and every flight! Aren't you finally tired of this?"

He glared more but didn't comment, simply walked around his large bronze, checking his handiwork. "We had this conversation before."

"Countless times. And we are going to have it again and again until I can hammer it into your skull!"

The dark-haired man swung himself onto the broad neck, ignoring Rodney.

"It's been four Turns now since you were Impressed!" Rodney shook his head. "Four Turns of trying to understand you. None of the riders ever showed animosity toward you or Raith; you are imagining things, J'on! You are accepted, you are a dragonrider, and if you kept more in the group and didn't spend so much time on your own, you'd see how many people care! Get that into your thick, stubborn skull!"

J'on shot him an angry look, eyes turning even darker. "I'm not going to take part in the mating flight! I'm happy with the position I have. Raith and I are going to spend the next few days until it's over away from here."

Rodney fumed, blue eyes shooting sparks. "You are the most stubborn person I ever met, bronzerider!"

"Thank you," he answered levelly.

"What are you trying to punish yourself for?"

Their eyes met and Rodney saw a deep pain in there. He had hit a nerve. The bronze dragon spread his wings and launched himself into the air, leaving an angry and disappointed Rodney behind.

"Stupid moron!" he shouted after him, his voice drowned by the flapping wings.

There was a chirping sound and a bronze fire lizard landed on Rodney's shoulder. Rodney petted the tiny head. It was J'on's and the bronzerider had named him Puddle. The fire lizard was drawn to water like others were to warm sand. He would even try to dive into a cup of water. Right now the lizard looked mournfully after its larger relative as Raith flew away.

"You and me both," Rodney murmured.

"He's leaving, right?"

He turned and came face to face with L'orn, one of the few dragonriders J'on called a friend. "Yes," the dragonhealer ground out. "He's running, as always when a mating occurs. Raith could make it! But he chooses to 'explore'!"

The brown rider sighed. "You know how J'on works. Raith ignored all other boys, ran over one who stepped in his way, and went straight for him. He thinks something is wrong, something inside himself. He was never Searched, he was Impressed from the Stands."

He nodded. Rodney had been present when it had happened four Turns ago. He had been one of the younger healers back then. A promising new talent, one who knew so much about dragons that it sometimes got him strange looks. It was eerie, his old mentor had once remarked. Rodney seemed to just look at a dragon and know... know what was wrong, what needed to be done.

Everyone had told him even as a child that he was the brightest and quickest of all students and today he was one of the best. He had aspired to be the chief dragonhealer and here he was. The best. Renowned. Other Weyr healers came to him for requests, to learn, to seek advice. Rodney was proud when that happened, chest puffing out, becoming insufferable most of those days. He knew how much of a genius he was, and his people skills had suffered from being mostly with dragons, others claimed.

But he had a loyal staff.

He couldn't care less about people skills. If a dragon needed him, the rider had to follow Rodney's commands and requests, as well as orders on how to proceed after the initial treatment.

Back when Raith had hatched, Rodney had been as amazed and shocked by events as everyone else, but also intrigued. J'on, then called John, had been just a visitor at the Hatching. He had accompanied the Holder because his first-born Sharles had been Searched. The boy hadn't won a bronze but a blue -- and John....

"You know what Pegath told the others," L'orn reminded him. "J'on had it in him. He might have been Searched, had he not been away at the time."

Rodney nodded, sighing deeply. S'mner was the Weyrleader of Rising Weyr and Pegath, his bronze, was just as strong and large as Raith was today. Raith was the perfect example of good breeding. Lissabet and S'mner were a strong couple, leading their Weyr with political sensitivity and cunning. When Atoth had been flown by Satedeth not long after the last clutch of the old queen hatching, the young queen had moved out and founded Lantea Weyr. They had taken many people with them, among them Rodney and J'on. Rodney had been intrigued by the thought of being in this new Weyr, still close to the original landing spot of the ships that had brought their ancestors here, but independent from the smoothly running older Weyr.

There had been problems in the beginning, there had been dragonriders from other Weyrs joining them, there had been the usual hustle of new and old, known and unknown mixing, and if J'on hadn't been such a hard-head, he would have laid the foundations for becoming a wing leader. But no, he hadn't. Even C'awell, an older rider from the past with much experience in fighting Thread and their local trainer, had remarked on his abilities.

Rodney still didn't understand his mate.

"It makes no difference to many," L'orn went on. He had been one of the other riders joining Lantea later on. "He was older than most Searched, he even tried to reject Raith and he silently rebelled against everything."

Rodney smiled at the recollection of heated discussions between the bronzerider and others when it came to decisions. J'on was known to be careful, to weigh decisions, never to hasten when it came to serious problems, and he despised those rushing into things. J'on was accepted among riders, he was liked, but he always withdrew in a shell, never pushed forward into a leader's position, not even for explorations, and kept back to give advice when asked or needed. And there had always been something deeper, something hidden beneath the controlled temper of a man who had not wanted what had happened. Those chosen for the Hatching were usually proud, knowing they were special. Why didn't J'on accept the honor? Why didn't he take lead when others asked him to?

L'orn only shrugged. He knew that only too well. He and J'on had clashed several times before they had suddenly grown into tight friends. L'orn was a risk-taker and with it the total opposite to the other man. He liked to play it close to the edge and J'on had more than once pulled him back, anger in his eyes, but he had never uttered a harsh word.

Raith had grown large and his size was one indicator of the healthy partnership between rider and dragon, but J'on still didn't want to be part of it all, as he always told the others. He hadn't wanted to be Impressed; he had just been a bystander. All knew Raith would have a real chance in a mating flight, but his rider had taken the easy way out.

"Want me to follow him?" L'orn now asked.

"No. He'll be back in a few days when it's over. Then he and I are going to have a nice, long talk." Rodney stalked off and L'orn grinned.

He is going to tear him apart Parreth chuckled.

L'orn echoed the chuckle. Oh, yes. Might even be good for him. Why does he always have to make it so hard for people to get close to him?

Parreth hummed slightly as his rider approached, patting his flank. Because he is afraid. And because he is proud

I mean, he doesn't have to fly Atoth, okay, but he wouldn't take part in a mating flight of the younger queens either! L'orn shook his head.

He made up his mind not to interfere with Weyr life

The brown rider shot his partner an odd look. Where did you get that from?

Raith

Shells! He is interfering with Weyr life each and every day! He has turned everything upside down from the first day on!

Parreth snorted. Yes

And he will continue doing so

Of course

L'orn wished his friend would talk, would open up and let the others help him accept. Yes, in a way he had accepted his life as a bronzerider, but why was he punishing himself then? Rodney had called it correctly. Punishment. Few knew more about J'on's background and all L'orn had been able to find out was that he had served as a personal guard and tracker to Lord Onneal.

One day, he vowed. One day he would find out what it was.

* * *

J'on fumed with anger and even the coldness of Between did nothing to calm his temper. Raith glided lower, approaching the small bay and finally landing smoothly on the warm sand. Lantea was a South Weyr and the temperatures throughout the day were always pleasant. Dragons loved the warm sand and Lantea's position so close to the sea, its size that allowed two queens to live there without rivalry, made it a strong one. They were also one of the primary Weyrs to use the new technology on a larger scale. Rodney was always eager to learn more, to try it out, and he was as happy as a child when these discoveries worked and had positive results.

J'on had discovered this little hideaway on one of his many 'explorations' and Raith had taken an immediate liking in it. The dragonrider had explored every corner of the small place and except for fire lizards there was no sign of life. Now J'on climbed down the massive bronze neck and took off his jacket, throwing it on the ground. Disgust surrounded him like an aura.

Raith watched his rider silently, letting him steam off. They had had episodes like this before, only this time it was worse than ever. As J'on's partner he knew what the source of the anger and pain was, and he had helped beat the nightmares many times, but the memories were still there and they hurt. He lay down, stretching his wings, enjoying the morning sun, letting it warm him. Fire lizards playfully flocked around him and he snorted, one of he tiny dragons getting caught in a gust of wind. It chirped and landed on his shoulder. More followed, using the large back as a sun bathing place

Why are you so angry? the bronze finally asked.

I'm not angry! Raith tilted his head and J'on sighed deeply, flopping down on the sand. "I don't know," he muttered. "Maybe because of Rodney, maybe because of everything."

You always run

"That's not true!"

Raith gave him a silent look and J'on sighed deeply. Frustration mixed into the anger. "Whatever I do is wrong. I can't be what they want me to. I wish I could be somewhere else...."

Raith lowered his head. You regret what happened?

J'on looked up and right into the softly glowing eyes. "No," he breathed, voice softening all of a sudden, his features relaxing out of the harsh expression of rejection into one of love. "No, not ever." He leaned against the large head, briefly closing his eyes. "You're the best that ever happened to me, Raith."

The bronze hummed and the sound vibrated through him on every level. I chose you for a reason, J'on

Why? Why me? Why not one of the Searched? I was just a bystander! the dragonrider asked wearily, not even hoping to receive an answer. Raith hadn't given him one in the past either. As a hatchling he had simply repeated that he had wanted him as a rider and when he had grown he had not even deigned the question with an answer.

You were the right one Raith just said. Believe in yourself, dragonrider

J'on opened his eyes and shot his dragon an angry look. "Don't start this!" he growled. "Not you too!" He rose and paced up and down. "I have the fullest trust in your abilities at a mating flight, but they wouldn't accept me! Even flying one of the younger queens would be disastrous!"

Weyr rules state that the rider of the dragon who flies the senior queen will become Weyrleader Raith reminded him calmly, watching him closely.

J'on's brows drew together in an angry 'v'. "Teyla and R'non belong together," he muttered. It was a weak excuse, but the only one he could think of. "They have led the Weyr for Turns and both are strong. I'd destroy too much if I let it happen." Raith only rumbled softly, not saying anything, reading J'on's doubt at his own abilities as a leader. J'on picked up some stones and tossed them into the water. "I hope you understand," he whispered after a while.

Raith lowered his head again and gave him a little push with his snout. I do. Rodney and L'orn don't.

He smiled humorlessly. "I know."

J'on got off his shirt, exposing his tanned skin to the sun and lay down on the sand, eyes fixed on the sky. He knew his friends didn't understand, but he just couldn't, whatever others said. Least of all the senior queen of the Weyr.

He loved Raith, couldn't imagine being without the bronze dragon ever again, but it had changed his life so abruptly that he had nearly fallen off, that he had nearly succumbed to the change. But John had always been a fighter. He had fought for his place in the Hold, had made his way to the top, sacrificing a lot.... too much, had been appointed personal guard to the Holder, and then everything had been destroyed by one fateful day.

John watched the Hatching with moderate curiosity. He accepted dragons as a daily part of life, but he had never felt drawn to the large winged creatures. He didn't know what the fuss with the Search was and he preferred days on his runnerbeast, exploring the farthest regions of the land. John was a loner, he liked it that way and he accepted that others chose to live differently. Because Lord Onneal had been invited for the Hatching, since his daughter had been Searched as a candidate for the queen, John had come to visit the Weyr. It wasn't the first time he had entered the dragons' hold, but he still didn't feel very well among the riders and the Weyr people. He didn't know why, but maybe it was because some of the dragons gave him this look.

The eggs hatched and each of the small dragons stumbled to his or her chosen rider. Blue, green, brown and bronze all picked one of the young boys and girls. The queen didn't choose Onneal's daughter, which caused a minor muttering of disappointment among the family, but you couldn't influence a dragon.

And then it happened. One of the bronze hatchlings was stumbling around, skin glistening wetly, his large eyes searching among the ranks of not yet Impressed boys for a rider, but it didn't approach one of them. It keened softly, the small head moving as it searched, then it staggered off. One of the boys stepped in its way and was promptly run over, the wings of the small dragon dragging on the ground. It cried pitifully, eyes swirling.

John shook his head at the inability of the boys to help the hatchling. The bronze evaded all the boys and suddenly stopped, standing totally still, eyes fixed on the spectators.

John felt his breath catch in his throat.

I am Raith

The voice was in his head and it was soft, gentle and curious. John was dimly aware of eyes turning to stare at him, then the hatchling tried to climb over the barricade keeping the spectators separate from the event in the sand pit. It cried and keened, flapping its wings.

"No....." he heard himself whisper.

You are J'on the voice said again.

He trembled, aware of a mix of feelings rising inside of him, of a new mind touching his. He would never be alone again. Raith would always be there for him. He felt the young dragon's unconditional trust and love, the pride of his new partner and his warmth.

Raith.... he murmured.

Somehow he got down to the young bronze, touched the small head, felt the warm skin that was stained with sand. He held Raith's head in his hands, looked into the swirling eyes, hypnotized, unable to catch a clear thought.

And he had been Impressed; involuntarily, without ever being Searched and to the amazement of ever single attendee of the Hatching. He had been older than the rest, too. Lissabet had talked to him, had explained that though this was quite out of the ordinary, J'on was now a dragonrider and would be part of the Weyr. He had fought against it every single step of the way, but in the end he had ended up as a bronzerider. Raith had declared him his rider when asked by Pegath and the dragons had accepted.

Raith nudged him gently, trying to get him out of his dark thoughts about the past. J'on smiled, a rare sight, and rolled onto his stomach, sighing.

He still remembered the first days of his new life, the wonder of having this small, bronze bundle of wings and large eyes bonded to him; and Raith's even then calming presence in his mind. Just hatched the bronze had had a serenity that had influenced his rider immediately. He had somehow kept him from getting into fights with other dragonriders or Weyr folk, had reminded him of how he had controlled his temper in the past and could do it now as well. He had taken part in training and he had learned, had taken care of his protégé and had fought to prove he was worthy of his dragon's choice even if he hadn't been Searched. Raith had told him a hundred times that he was, but old memories had taken hold, had driven him on. Still, he had been called cold and emotionless on occasions when he hadn't lost his control for a moment and nearly started a fight.

We should have taken Rodney along the dragon whispered into his old memories. He would enjoy it here as well

J'on smiled again. Maybe. How about we take a look around? I need to get my head cleared He got up and dusted himself off from sand. Shrugging into his leather garments he finally swung himself onto the bronze back.

Raith spread his wings and launched himself into the air.

* * *

Rodney muttered to himself as he went through his medical cabinet, labeling small flasks, sorting herbs and potions, and counting the bandages. Keity, his golden fire lizard lay curled up on a heap of cleaned bandages, dozing. He had just fed her and the little dragon queen was too lazy to fly to her usual resting place, her rounded stomach showing she had eaten enough to last for a while.

The small queen had actually been Jeannie's gift to him. She had been given the egg from a suitor, her later husband Caleb. Not one to accept gifts she had promptly given it to Rodney with the words 'You need a companion'.

Back then he had protested. First of all, he had a mate. He didn't need a companion. J'on was high maintenance anyway. Second, he didn't want a fire lizard. He took care of dragons, the occasional fire lizard if the little ones got sick, but he had never wanted one for himself. Jeannie had just given him that look of hers and he had relented. As small as the egg had been, Rodney had suspected it might be a green, maybe a blue one, but when his new companion had hatched, Rodney had been shocked to find it was a queen.

Keity had grown since, was now a year old, and as healthy as Raith. While she had respect for her bigger relatives, she was also quite argumentative with the bronze when it came to sunny spots, food and affection, and she had a lot of courage.

J'on had simply smiled at Rodney's flustered look after the hatching, giving him a soft kiss.

"She suits you."

"What?!"

J'on hadn't elaborated, simply taken him to bed.

It had been two weeks later that Puddle had joined them. Rodney had been out gathering what he needed for his salves. They had come across a landslide and found an unearthed nest of fire lizard eggs.

The eggs were almost all gone. Predators, Rodney suspected. There were the half-grown bodies of two younglings, dried shells of those eggs torn apart, and only three whole ones left. The queen was still there, sitting in a tree that was sharply slanting to the left, apparently pushed over by the landslide, and she was screeching her little head off at their presence.

"Damn," J'on muttered.

"Yes. A shame." Rodney knelt down and inspected the three remaining eggs. They looked intact.

"What do you want to do with them?"

"Bring them back with us. Maybe those will survive," the dragonhealer answered.

J'on frowned, but he helped his lover place the eggs in a pouch. He had just lifted the first one when the shell started to crack.

"Rodney!"

The other man froze in surprise, holding an egg himself. The queen was still protesting shrilly, fluttering above their heads, but she didn't attack. The risk of hurting her clutch was too great.

The hatching didn't take long and J'on held a tiny fire lizard in his hands. A bronze. It chirped demandingly.

"Rodney?" he stammered.

"One would think you never attended a hatching!" the dragonhealer muttered and searched through another pouch for the dried meat he usually carried along. One never knew what happened when out here.

The bronze lizard swallowed the stripes greedily from J'on's hands, looking happy and content. Raith bent his head and sniffed at the newcomer. It was the moment the egg in the pouch started to crack.

Rodney gave an exclamation of denial and tried to get it out of there, ending up with another demandingly chirping lizard, this one a blue, gazing at him with big eyes that spoke of hunger.

The third one hadn't hatched. The baby had already died and of the nest only those two had survived. J'on had named his little bronze Puddle after the fire lizard had dived straight into the wash bowl and happily bathed in it. The blue one had been named Mer.

Turning to his computer, Rodney switched it on, as always delighted to work with the new technology. Lantea was using all resources available, had found new ways of improving what had been discovered about the buried ships of their ancestors, and Rodney liked to lose himself in research. He shared that passion with others, like Radek and Miko and even the annoying little prick that was Calvanagh. He knew they were taking huge steps in that direction and their future depended on this. Some embraced this, some were wary of what technology meant, but Rodney held no doubts about its importance.

Keity chirped sleepily and he scratched her belly, smiling at the sounds of pleasure coming from her.

His blue Mer was occupying a spot near the window, a sunny spot, already deeply asleep.

Rodney turned back to his computer and continued his work. The two fire lizards would need to be ready and awake when he was done, sending some important research off to Lissabet.

* * *

J'on didn't come back for the night and Rodney spent the few hours of sleep he got in his own bed, grumbling about stupid dragonriders.

In the morning, he left to check on one of the dragonets who had ended up with some bad bruising and cuts when the green had almost collided with another green throughout training. The Weyrlings had not taken the training session all that seriously, as not other expected from ones so young and over-enthusiastic, and the dragon had been grounded. Today he wanted to change bandages and see how long his patient still had to stay on the ground until he could allow him to move the affected wing.

"Idiot! Arrogant bastard!" he talked to himself, wrapping some dried leaves between layers of leather.

Keity chirped in agreement, watching his every move. Mer was fluttering around the shelves, then settled down at the open window.

"Too proud for his own good! He knows Raith could do it!"

"Of course he can," a deep voice startled her.

"Gah! J'kob! Don't do that!"

The old dragonrider chuckled and walked slowly into the healer's room. There was a noticeable limp in his gait. It was an old wound, Thread scarring, and it had been the day he had had to resign as Weyrleader. His Selmath had lost an eye back then, one of the worst Falls Rodney had ever heard of, and his wing had been nothing but a mass of bleeding skin and burned bone. Both dragon and rider had survived, but Selmath could barely fly anymore. It had been a rough time for everyone involved because they had feared for both dragon and rider for quite some time, needing to drug both of them to keep the despair down and preventing Selmath from injuring his wing even further, should he try to reach his rider. Today, the old dragon managed a short glide with the remaining scarred wing skin, so he could at least hunt his own food. And he was still able to do his duty as guard dragon, watching over a hatching or give advise to younger dragons. The spirited old dragon still enjoyed his life and J'kob was a reflection of that.

"Where did he go?"

"On one of his 'explorations'!" Rodney snorted. "He won't be back before Parreth tells Raith that the mating is over, and not even right after that if J'on is thick-headed again."

J'kob nodded. "He is a stubborn and very proud man, and I understand his position. He was chosen by the hatchling, not through a Search, though I think the dragons would have picked him out earlier if he hadn't always been out on his lonely exploration trips."

Rodney opened his mouth, then stopped, frowning. "What do you mean?" he finally demanded.

He had had his own suspicions in the past, but he had never dug any deeper than what was safe when it came to his lover.

"I mean that J'on always had the talent in him and he knew it, but he hid."

"You want to tell me…"

"Nothing. I'm telling you nothing. Our friend is a good partner and dragonrider, as you can see by how healthy Raith grew to be, and he was chosen out of the Stands by a young dragon who had many other boys, Searched boys, to choose from. Raith told Selmath that he wanted only him, that he didn't consider any of the others, but that's about all we can get out of the bronze. J'on has talent, a lot of it, and he knew it before he was Impressed." The old dragonrider smiled slightly. "One day, when he has learned to let go of his anger, he has to follow his path."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "You won't get anything concerning his past out of him. I tried. L'orn tried. We got nothing. He's stubborn."

J'kob nodded. "But maybe that's how you have to handle it."

"What?!"

"Except for L'orn and maybe Lissabet, you are one of the few people who can get close to him."

Rodney mumbled something to himself. Of course he could get close. They were sharing a bed, though not a room, and the intensity of their relationship was still that: intense. J'on, despite all his outer coolness, was a passionate lover. And demanding. Just like Rodney.

J'kob smiled slightly.

"He loves you, Rodney, and he trusts you. Still, there are some things he might never tell. He is a secretive man."

His eyes met Rodney's and Rodney tried to read J’kob. His relationship with J'on was an open secret. It had been a strange kind of friendship first, brought on by Rodney treating a mild injury of Raith's. There had been few words exchanged back then, but over the weeks that followed Rodney had discovered that for one, J'on wasn't as cold and aloof as he wanted to appear, and second, the dragonrider was a fitting verbal sparring partner. Their exchanges had become legendary in that time, Rodney grounding him once when the bronzerider had been again too stubborn to see that he wasn't fit to fly, and J'on snarling and snarking as good as he got.

It had gone uphill from there. Friends, best friends, Rodney being his only friend, actually, aside from L'orn, and then… a slowly starting relationship of a more intimate kind. Rodney had always been drawn to his own gender and while that had bothered him at first, he had accepted it now. He wasn't an exception and same gender couples were treated the same as heterosexual ones.

Rodney had had his share of male partners throughout the flight of a green female. The riders were as sexually aroused as their dragons and same genders easily found relief with each other.

But with J'on, that had stopped.

Yes, he and J'on had turned a loose friendship into a tight partnership that was only hindered by J'on's sometimes too stubborn behavior. Rodney knew him intimately and they had shared more than just a few casual nights together. J'on could be a passionate and caring person, but he never showed it to outsiders. Everyone in the Weyr saw them as a couple, except for J'on who liked to evade further questioning into his private life. And they had yet to move into a shared room, which meant getting a new cave for Raith with a larger adjoining room for the rider and mate. That would also mean moving deeper into the Weyr and J'on had one of the rooms farthest away from the Weyr's center.

"What do you know, J'kob?" Rodney finally asked.

He shrugged vaguely. "Not more than L'orn found out when he went to the Hold to ask Lord Onneal. John was one of the best men he had. He knows every corner of the Hold's land, spending most of his time outside and exploring, just like he now does on dragonback."

"But something happened?"

"Yes, something happened, but Onneal was vague about it and I respect his privacy. There was some kind of accident and it had catastrophic consequences. John was involved. More I can't tell you; more I don't know."

Rodney nodded. If J'kob wanted he could get the ruler of the Hold to talk to him, both of them being old friends, but he respected privacy. L'orn had gathered the same information throughout his own inquiries, only that he also knew that the accident had happened early in John's life and had cost a life.

"You can get him to talk, dragonhealer. Use your chance." With that the dragonrider limped out of her storage room.

Keity lifted her small head and chirped softly. Rodney sighed and looked at the fire lizard. "Don't start giving me advice as well, okay?"

Gathering his medical utensils and grabbing his bag he left, heading for the cave his patient was currently residing in. Keity and Mer fluttered after him, crying and chirping and making a nuisance of themselves. The little queen finally landed on Rodney's shoulder and wrapped her tail around his neck without strangling him. He petted her, smiling, then walked into the cave of his latest patient.

* * *

Raith landed smoothly and gracefully, letting his rider descend. The Weyr showed its usual activity, but a few glanced at the pair a bit longer than usual. J'on ignored them and Raith announced that he was hungry and would feed, subtly hinting that he would also appreciate a bath. The dragonrider smiled briefly in response and then went to his private room.

On his way he met a few more dragonriders, some of them bronze, and their expressions said it all. J'on knew from Raith that R'non's bronze had flown Atoth again and that leadership had remained the same. Good. But his own position had changed more. He was even more the outsider than before and J'on was seriously considering drawing the consequences. With a sigh he stepped inside and closed the door –

-- and became aware of Rodney.

"Hello, missing person," the dragonhealer said, voice cool and level.

J'on sighed, feeling tired all of a sudden. "I don't want to fight."

"Well, neither do I." Rodney frowned as he took in his slightly disheveled look. "But you are the one being stubborn. Not that it would change anything if you made up your mind and behaved like a dragonrider now! The mating flight is over and a new generation will hatch soon."

"Good." He threw his jacket into one corner and kicked off his boots.

"There is flight training tomorrow," Rodney said and rose. "You are expected to partake. Fall's coming."

"I know," he growled.

"Then you also know that you are flying in C'awell's wing."

J'on stopped, shirt half unbuttoned. C'awell was from one of the Weyrs that had come back through time, following Lessa and Ramoth's call. He was known for his meticulousness, his strict training sessions and desire to keep everything in order. Like many of the old ones he had gone to the South, and he had followed Lissabet's invitation back then to join Lantea Weyr. C'awell had taught the Weyrlings from the clutch Raith had hatched from how to fight Thread, and J'on was not looking forward to this particular pre-Fall training. C'awell and his Daeluth were masters of air maneuvers, he had to confess it, but he was too planned for J'on's liking. He understood care and planning, but not detailed planning down to the last wing beat!

"Great," he muttered and rubbed his forehead, sand flaking off the skin. He needed a bath. "I survived worse."

Rodney shook his head, looking exasperated. The bronzerider simply dropped the shirt on the floor. Rodney picked it up with a look of disdain.

"By the way, R'non asked for you and wanted to know where you went," he said.

"Why? I made it easy for him!" J'on growled angrily, suddenly on the defensive. "And he knows where I'm going! He could always ask his dragon!"

"J'on...."

"What?" he demanded angrily. "You want to talk about running and responsibility again? I have no responsibility to anyone but Raith and the Weyr in my function as a dragonrider! I can choose what to do when I have no duties to fulfill! I chose to be away for a while, so what?!"

"J'on," Rodney tried to get a word in.

"No, you listen. I'm grown up, I was before this mess ever happened! I can decide what to do, when to do, and with who. All that keeps me here is Raith and his needs, but that doesn't mean I have to partake in the mating flight as well! I didn't want to be part of this Weyr!"

"Sure, blame Raith for your own stupidity!" Rodney shot back.

"I'm not!" he exploded. "But I'm blaming everyone else who is trying to push and force me into a life I never wanted! I'm my own person, I can think for myself and I don't need any of you telling me what my dragon and I have to do! I'll fulfill my duties, I'll train and I'll fight Thread, but I won't get pushed into positions I don't want! Least of all by you!"

Rodney's blue eyes turned colder with each word. "All right," he said quietly. "Thank you for that revelation."

Without another look he turned and left.

J'on briefly closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Raith gave a mental rumble of agreement.

Stay out of this!

No, because it concerns me as well. Your moods reflect back on me Raith sighed. I thought we had gone through this in the past days. Stop fighting against everything and start accepting. This is not the Hold

J'on flinched. Easier said than done. Turns upon Turns of doing so are hard to banish. I don't want to lose any more friends

By not making any you are losing as well. Rodney wants to help and you might lose him if you continue behaving as you do

J'on walked into the cave where his large dragon lay curled up, head resting on his paws. What do you want? he asked, angry again. It's my life, not yours!

In a way it is mine as well the bronze reminded him gently.

He doesn't understand! He was always here, he grew up in the Weyr! He knows nothing else but dragons! J'on slumped onto the warm sand, burying his head in his hands. He has no idea what my life was like, how hard I had to fight to become what I was, just to lose it all.....

Tell him? Raith suggested, his warm breath tickling over his rider's bare skin.

He shook his head. "No," he whispered, eyes screwed shut, trying to banish memories of a past marked by death and self-recrimination, by punishing himself for the terrible accident and shoving everyone away.

I know your life. I accept it Raith continued, his dry, warm snout touching J'on's shoulder.

He reached up and patted his partner, enjoying the nearness of the only who knew him, who understood, and who didn't judge him.

No one will ever judge you Raith rumbled. They will accept as I have

You had no other choice. I had no other choice. I don't want to spread this, to have him start pitying me

Raith hummed through the mental bond. Would he?

He didn't know. J'on massaged his temples. But even if Rodney didn't start pitying him, trying to 'help him deal with it', he hated having others know about his past. He had fought his way to the top, he had climbed out of the pits and he had survived, but no one really knew all of his story. He had always pushed himself past his own limits, had managed to overcome the odds, but when he had realized the catastrophic results of the accident he had nearly fallen. No one had blamed him but himself; no one had called him guilty but himself. He had had the knowledge of the territory! He had been here countless times! He was responsible.....

And when confronted with the surprised dragonriders after the Hatching he had done what he could do best. Always fighting, always defending, always dancing out of the way of possible friendships. He had never let his guard down, never let anyone close. L'orn had overcome a few of the obstacles J'on had thrown in his way to thwart any attempts of a friendship, and he had finally admitted that he liked the younger man. Rodney had stormed in his life, had helped him adjust to Weyr life, had been there for him – but him he was still fighting.

At least talk to him Raith finally suggested.

J'on gave a growl. He sat leaning against his friend for a while longer, mind awhirl. Talk to Rodney? He couldn't! His past was his alone, shared only by his bronze, and it would stay this way! No one was to know.

You love him

J'on swallowed. Yes, he loved Rodney. Theirs was a special relationship to the bronzerider. He had felt drawn to the argumentative dragonhealer, to the strength in that deceptively soft body. He had watched Rodney handle the worst of the worst, facing dragons in Thread agony, calming both rider and dragon. To near a dragon that was out of its minds with pain and anguish was a dangerous task because the massive beasts sometimes didn’t even recognize their own riders, and being crushed by a flapping wing was more than a faint possibility. Still, Rodney had this magic touch, was able to somehow get through to the dragon – none had ever hurt him. He had watched the talented healer argue with his peers, call them fools for using ancient methods, had seen him teach the younger ones. Sometimes people said Rodney was too full of himself, but the man was a genius when it came to dragons.

And he was his lover. His mate. Despite all his battles against these softer emotions, J'on had to confess that Rodney was the one for him. He could relax in his presence, he could be himself, and while he had never told Rodney about his past, he trusted him. As different as they were to the outside, they were a lot more alike when among themselves.

Raith hummed his agreement, curled up and closed his eyes, deciding to rest and J'on rose quietly. Grabbing his shirt he pulled it on again and finally left his room, talking a walk. His steps somehow took him to the healer's quarters. He stared at the closed doors. Rodney had all reason to be angry with him and he understood, but still... he had to understand him, too. His life wasn't easy!

Inhaling deeply he knocked, then entered as he heard a distracted grunt. Rodney was bending over the table and when he looked up, discovering him, a frown creased his features. There were scrolls on the table, next to the computer Rodney was always fiddling with.

"Forgot some insults?" he asked coolly.

J'on stopped. "I.... my words were unjust," he finally said, evading his lover's eyes. "I apologize," he added, sounding strained.

Rodney was silent and as the silence stretched, J'on risked a glance in his direction. He looked neutrally at him, not giving him a clue as to how he felt. Jon had known the dragonhealer for so long now, but he was still not at ease with pouring out his emotions – and apologizing meant being emotional, and it meant swallowing his pride. Oh, he could be passionate and emotional in bed. Like Rodney. It had been a revelation to lose himself so completely to the other man's intensity every time. Rodney had wormed himself under J’on’s defenses slowly but steadily, being there all the time, until, one fine day, J’on had found he was searching out the other man. It was the middle of the night, and nightmares had disturbed his sleep once again, Raith was a warm but unaware presence in his mind and he didn’t want to interrupt his dragon’s well earned rest. Rodney had just opened the door to his chambers and let him in without a question. He had found himself in the healer’s arms and his bed, and Rodney had swallowed his cries with his own lips not much later. J'on had been slightly shocked the other morning but Rodney had simply put his arms around him, wishing him a good morning and pouring him a wonderful hot mug of Klah. He hadn’t asked then, but J’on had considerably warmed up to the other man. Still, talking about his feelings was different than simply expressing them.

"That's all I wanted to say," the bronze rider mumbled and turned to go.

"J'on?" His voice stopped him. "There's warm water in the bath."

"I don't think I should...." he stuttered.

Rodney smiled slowly. "Exactly. Don't think. Just for once, don't think."

He closed the door, feeling his stomach flutter nervously. The dragonhealer just turned back to sorting through his writings, smiling slightly as he walked past him. J'on stopped when he was almost past, then reached out and touched his lover's back, squeezing one shoulder. Rodney glanced at him, then J'on leaned down and brushed a kiss over the familiar lips.

"Go bathe," Rodney only said, smiling.

* * *

J'on woke in his own room. Raith lay curled up in the adjoining cave, feeling pleased somehow and sleepy, his mind lazy and calm. J'on enjoyed the peaceful presence for a few minutes, then got up out of the soft furs. He padded over to where he had dumped his clothes, gathered them up in his arms and then went on to freshen up. Half an hour later he emerged from his room and was greeted by a large yawn from his dragon.

Don't plan anything for today Raith told him immediately. Daeluth told me that C'awell is requesting all riders to attend Fall training

Requesting, right? J'on snorted. Tell Daeluth we are on our way the moment I'm done with breakfast

His time with Rodney had been pleasant, spent talking mostly about what he had discovered throughout the explorations. Rodney hadn't asked about personal stuff at all and J'on knew he wanted to get to know John. He wanted to know what had happened to him in the past. Rodney had seen his scars and he had twice woken with a nightmare in the past when they had spent the night together, but he had never said anything. He couldn't. It was his past life; he had no right to burden Rodney with it.

Wing training was as straining as everyone had expected and C'awell gave everyone his old and often repeated speech about Thread and its dangers. Then he sent them on another training flight. Everyone was exhausted by late afternoon and Raith nudged his rider to take him bathing.

* * *

The first day of Thread Fall passed without any major injuries or catastrophes. Some of the younger dragons, those who had dropped their guard, now showed the signs of their carelessness, but the healers had reported that except superficial wounds, no one had been harmed seriously enough to worry. J'on bore his own assortment of bruises where the gear had bitten deep into his flesh as Raith had sharply banked away from Fall, and a Thread wound on his shoulder. It had been inflicted when he had come to aide one of the younger riders who had almost panicked because of the clots of Thread everywhere around him. Between had saved him from a deeper wound, but it still stung and restricted his movement.

The healers in the Weyr had treated him immediately and the stinking salve had been applied to the affected area. J’on wondered if this was a new scar to his collection. He was too tired to really hurt, but he knew he would feel it later.

Raith had come away unscathed.

Rodney and the other dragonhealers had been busy until late in the evening, easing the pain and burn of Thread wounds of the injured dragons. He came home in the middle of the night, tired and worn, badly in need of a bath and sleep. And he was surprised to find J'on in his quarters, sitting on the bed, reading through scrolls. He looked pale and exhausted, like all riders, and he noticed that he had bathed. As Rodney stepped in, J'on looked up and gave him tired half-smile.

"I hope you don't mind," he said softly.

He shook her head, dropping the healer's bag on the table. "No. What do I owe the honor to?" he teased.

J'on shrugged. "I just thought you might appreciate the company."

Rodney gave him a frown. "You look ready to drop dead, J'on. You better sleep instead of trying to be the conversationalist. You've been fighting Thread since the early morning hours."

"As has everyone else."

"Everyone else is sleeping, including Raith, I guess."

He shrugged half-heartedly again.

"Sleep," he insisted.

J'on started to undress wordlessly. His bandaged wound was plain to see.

"Is that a Thread wound?" the dragonhealer asked sharply.

Keity, who had been dozing on Rodney's desk, blinked her eyes open, and even Mer, who was usually not one to take notice of that tone of voice, was suddenly there. Puddle chirped softly from where he had curled up on a cushion.

"Yes, Rodney, it is. I know I should have been more careful. And yes, I was taking care and keeping an eye out for things," J'on said immediately, sounding weary.

"You call that being careful?" Rodney snapped, anger rising in his tired eyes. "You could have been scarred enough to cripple you! You could have lost an eye or a limb! You could have been killed!"

Keity gave a shrill exclamation of agreement, flapping her wings.

"Rodney…"

"You don't have the common sense of a Hatchling!" the other man went on, clearly on a run. "You know how dangerous Thread is! You trained and you know the maneuvers! And still you got burned!"

"Rodney, I'm fine. Raith went Between and nothing happened but some superficial skin injury."

Puddle chirped again, apparently agreeing with J'on, and Rodney glared at the bronze lizard.

"Did C'awell already give you an earful?" he asked levelly.

"Actually, no. He was too busy giving lectures to a bunch of new riders about their formation or lack thereof."

"Lucky you."

J'on smiled. "Yeah. So, you done? Can I stay?"

Rodney gave an exasperated sigh. For some reason J'on wanted company tonight and he was not about to deny it to him. It had happened before, the bronzerider just appearing in his room and searching for company. In the beginning he had felt awkward, but now it was normal. When this exhausted J'on usually fell asleep right away, but he had once or twice noticed that he slept badly. Nightmares, he suspected. But he never talked about it and sometimes Rodney wished he had the guts to ask L'orn and Parreth. Raith might help him if asked and Parreth would ask, he knew.

Now the dragonhealer undressed as well, watching J'on whose movements were slow and showed that he was already asleep on his feet. He crept under the furs, feeling his own exhaustion weigh down on him. The day had been hard. J'on's warm and familiar body was next to him and he drew closer, trying to comfort whatever emotional pain he was in. He accepted Rodney' embrace, kissing him gently, claiming his lips. Rodney answered the soft kiss, opened up, met the inquisitive tongue.

"Sleep," he repeated when they separated.

One of those rare, real smiles lit up J'on's face and he snuggled closer.

"Love you," the bronzerider murmured.

Rodney felt something shiver through him. "Love you, too," he answered, barely above a whisper.

* * *

The nightmares came as always. Slowly, creeping, shadowed, and stalking him. J'on fought the overwhelming power of recollection, but as always he lost halfway through.

A beautiful day to go scouting.

A party of five young men and two women, all eager to get out of the stuffy walls of the Hold, as was he. They were younger than him, full of energy, running around and teasing each other, daring the other to take an even greater risk than oneself. John watched them urge their runnerbeasts into races against each other, his watchful eyes keeping track of each and every single one of them. And then they wanted to go hunting. He scowled, not happy about the decision, but the lord asked him to accompany the small troupe.

Too dangerous!

Spring brought with it sudden floods, unstable mountain sides and slippery roads, as well as wild animals. Boars had proven to be especially nasty this Spring and John had already decided to lead a hunting party.

'Don't sweat it, John,' Foard teased. 'If you are afraid, I'll lead them to the old caves.'

Anger.

He wasn't afraid, just careful! The old caves still held danger to the unwary!

Controlled temper rising. The boys had never been in wild country, always riding well-trotten paths!

In the end he had lost, bowing to the decision.

J'on tossed from one side to the other, shaking his head. No, no, no! Wrong! He should have known, should have been more decisive! He could have swung the Lord around to see his point!

Moments stopped in time.

An animalistic attack cry.

Screams of people in pain, cries of runnerbeasts as they panicked and bolted.

His sword biting into thick hide.

As a young boy, his grandfather had once killed a vicious boar. It had attacked him while he was hunting. John had noticed long scars on his chest from the attack and asked him about them. ‘Never anger a boar, and never, ever get between a furious boar and its only way of retreat’ was the advice his grandfather had given him.

He had followed his grandfather's and father's steps in becoming a good hunter and tracker, had always played it safe. Now he had failed.

Panic all around him.

His attention focused only on the gigantic animal, trying to draw it away from one of the fallen. One of the boys wanted to help, yelling and throwing his hunting knife at the wild beast, but it only resulted in further angering the boar. The blade stuck out of its back, blood running down in a thin stream, the pain maddening it more.

Runnerbeasts crying in fear, throwing off riders.

Somehow he had survived. Somehow he had killed the boar.

John remembered little of it. He only remembered pain and blood, cries for help and the sobbing of the survivors.

Rodney woke through the moans of denial and quickly lit a candle. J'on was tossing more now, gasping for breath, hands clenching into the furs. He gently touched his chest.

"J'on?"

One dead, three badly wounded, one scared out of his mind, one runnerbeast slain, two with broken legs because they had panicked and stumbled. John stared at the chaos around him, aware that he was bleeding out of deep wounds in his arm and shoulder. He ignored it as he staggered over to where the dead boy lay. The boar had charged, the animal had crashed and the boy had been buried beneath it. Broken neck. A quick death.

"John!"

He looked around, movement slow and painful. The world was fading out. He recognized one of the guards from the Hold.

"Bring a healer," he heard himself say, voice eerily calm.

"J'on?"

His eyes snapped open and he cried out softly, trembling. Rodney let his hand rest on J'on's chest, noting the hammering of his heart, feeling the dampness of his sweat-slickened skin.

"I'm here," he whispered.

Wide-eyed J'on stared at him, then briefly closed his eyes, trying to calm down.

"You had a nightmare," Rodney said softly.

J'on sat up, shivering, rubbing his eyes. Rodney waited, knowing him well enough not to press on.

"Yes," he said after a while.

He never lost contact with him, hand resting on his arm now, gently stroking him.

"The same again." It wasn't a question.

J'on's troubled dark eyes met his and he inhaled shakily. Finally he nodded. He hung his head, hair falling into his eyes, obscuring his face. Rodney kept up his soothing massage, waiting. He was good at waiting if he wanted to. J'on had taught him a kind of patience few of the other healers had ever seen in the chief dragonhealer. Radek had remarked on it, as had Miko or Grodin, all working with or for Rodney in some way or the other.

J'on had never dreamed of the events so lively before. So many Turns and it still haunted him. His fault. All alone. He could have gone against the decision and declared the route unsafe. He knew all the tracks and he knew the land like no one else.

But he hadn't done it.

His fault.

No one had blamed him for the accident that had destroyed one life, had crippled one of the other boys, and had nearly cost him his life as well. Onneal had told him over and over again that he wasn't responsible.

But he was.

His fault.

Raith's sleepy presence in his mind sent a wave of guilt through him. Didn't want to wake you

Listen to others, dragonrider the big bronze said. You are not to blame

He swallowed. I was leading them....

You followed orders

I could have disobeyed!

No was the gentle answer. It was your duty

"What happened?"

The voice jolted him out of his thoughts and he turned to look at Rodney as if he noticed him for the very first time now.

"What?" he stuttered.

"What happened?" he repeated calmly.

J'on shook his head, but he felt Raith's gentle nudging. "I.... you wouldn't understand."

"Try me," Rodney offered.

He swallowed again, afraid all of a sudden. Raith was still there, waiting, hoping he would finally open up. Four Turns of hiding, four Turns of trusting only the bronze dragon with this secret guilt..... J'on knew he could trust Rodney as well. As strange as their relationship was, seeking each other's comfort when needed, never admitting he wanted him to stay forever, always fighting each and every one who got too close...... he trusted him.

Rodney held his breath as the troubled hazel eyes met his, then J'on started to talk. Slowly at first, describing his position and his duties in the Hold, voice calm and measured. But then he got to that fateful day and his words just tumbled out, his body tensing, his face drawn and pale. He stumbled over words, eyes staring fixedly on the ground and Rodney noticed how he curled his hands into fists. He only listened, never interrupting, never asking. He let him spill it all.

In the end Rodney knew the truth and he was shocked; shocked by the deep-set guilt and self-punishment; shocked by the immense pride. J'on was still staring at the floor, eyes glistening a bit more than before but he wasn't crying. Rodney didn't know what to do, how to tell him that it was okay, that he wasn't responsible, when all he did was tell himself that over and over again. Raith must know it and the way he knew dragons, he had tried to help his rider as well.

"J'on," he whispered.

He flinched, apparently having forgotten that he was present. Rodney touched his arm, squeezing it gently, fingertips running over the old scars. J'on looked at him, appearing vulnerable and alone. The dragonhealer just leaned forward and kissed him lightly.

"Thank you," he said seriously.

"W-what for?" he stuttered.

"Sharing. Being open. Talking. Thank you, J'on."

J'on licked his dry lips, a tremor running through him. "Don't you want to start telling me how it wasn't my fault?" he asked, voice rough.

He shook her head. "No. You have to realize it yourself, dragonrider. I can only lend you an open ear and I will always be here for you to talk to. "

J'on sighed deeply. "Thanks."

Rodney drew him into his arms, kissing him, touching and caressing and petting. He felt the response, felt the need rise, and while he knew this wasn't the solution, he let J'on reciprocate and suck him off. When he came with a cry, J'on's name on his lips, he felt an answering wetness as the dragonrider came himself.

Breathing hard, he pulled him back up, into his embrace, whispering how much he loved the stubborn and proud man.

They curled up together, breathing quieting down.

When he woke the next morning, J'on was already gone. Thread was expected again.

* * *

"J'on?"

The bronzerider looked up, knowing who he would face, knowing that he had to face him some time. It had been three days since Thread Fall. R'non, bronzerider and Weyrleader, nodded at him, trying to put him at ease, but J'on could never be at ease when it came to leaders. A feeling of being inadequate overcame him, of having failed somewhere because he had drawn the attention of the Weyrleader upon him, but immediately another part of him flared. It was the anger, the pain and the pride. He had faced off a lot of people in his four Turns with the dragonriders and he had never backed down from a confrontation. To the outside he was a controlled, sometimes emotionless, and rather indifferent when it came to Weyr matters.

"Yes?" he now asked, his tone slightly hostile.

"I would like to talk to you."

J'on didn't stop cleaning the riding gear and applying oil to it, actively ignoring the other man. "About what?" he asked rather dismissively after a while.

"About how you always take off before one of the queens rises for a mating flight."

He looked up, eyes flashing once though his face was neutral. R'non's face was just as neutral. "So?"

"I'd like to know why, J'on. I don't believe it's because you don't think that Raith would not be able to partake. And even if he didn't win a queen for a new clutch, there is no shame in it. It is a mating flight; the strongest dragon wins."

J'on glared at him. "It's my decision, R'non, and if you are unhappy with it, then you can order me the next time."

"J'on, I'm not your commander! You are no longer a member of Onneal's guards."

"I know that!" J'on snapped. "You don't have to remind me of my so-called new status!"

"I'm not. I know you had trouble adjusting to Weyr life and that you still feel a bit of an outsider, but I want to assure you that you aren't," the Weyrleader said calmly.

"Thank you!" the bronzerider snarled and threw the riding gear onto the table. "Anything else?"

R'non raised an eyebrow. "I want you to lead four riders along the north-most border to check the old maps we have of this area. Since there are few riders or hunters in this area around the year we can't be sure if the old maps are still valid, and those who have to go there need this help."

J'on felt anger and denial rise inside of him. How could he even think of him as the leader of a team?! He squelched every ounce of anger. "No," was his only reply, cold and level.

"Why? You are best suited for this, J'on. You know what to look for; you have been on countless such flights," R'non wanted to know, voice calm.

"There are riders older and better-suited than I am."

"Older yes, but better suited? I don't think so. You are probably the only one who knows every corner of the Hold's land and many more regions." R'non smiled.

J'on shot him another glare, but he kept himself in check. "The answer is still no."

"If you don't want to lead the team, then at least help them out with advice. You know the area, J'on," the Weyrleader reminded him once more. "Your expertise is very valuable to us and the Hold."

"R'non, for the very last time, no. I'm not going to be part of any exploration or mapping team!" J'on turned away and walked toward where Raith was resting in the warming sun.

The large bronze turned his head and R'non caught his eyes, reading the sigh and apology in them, and he nodded once. He understood; only too well.

Satedeth? he asked with a soft sigh.

His dragon rumbled softly. Raith won't answer me directly. All he says is that J'on is troubled

I saw that. I even heard it R'non shook his head. He is shying away from taking responsibility for everything but the necessary

You could order him Satedeth reminded him.

I won't. I want him to come out of his shell voluntarily and offer his help, not have him rebel against what I need him for R'non shook his head as he walked back to the cavern he shared with his bronze, Teyla and the queen dragon.

Satedeth hummed softly in agreement.

* * *

Rodney was down in the Lower Caverns and nodded at some of the Weyrfolk passing him. Everything down here was bustling with activity. There was a maze of small caves among the larger ones, tunnels and corridors, passage ways only the Weyrfolk knew, and storage rooms.

"Rodney!"

He smiled and waved at the slender woman who now excitedly bounced over to her. She had short hair and an almost boyish appearance. "Hi, Jeannie. How are you doing?"

Jeannie grabbed the dragonhealer by one arm and dragged him over into one of the smaller caves. It was a storage cave, filled to the top with drying herbs and stuff.

"Great, just great. Say, is it true?" she wanted to know, eyes alight with eagerness.

"What?"

"About Chaya. Rumor is she is after J'on...." Jeannie winked.

Rodney felt slight annoyance rise inside of him. "No," he answered, squelching the feelings.

"Aw, it's true then! I can see it in your eyes! You are jealous!"

"I'm not jealous because there is no truth to it!" Rodney said decisively.

Jeannie chuckled. She worked in the kitchen and was one of those best informed about Weyr life. And she was Rodney's sister. She had tried to get Rodney and J'on together since the first day she had noticed that her brother was interested in the dark-haired dragonrider. That the two were now a couple, though not as Jeannie had wanted it, was one of her 'achievements', as she always liked to tell others. For her the relationship was much too loose.

Now she leaned forward, grinning.

"Chaya told me she wants to invite J'on to accompany her to the Gather."

Rodney's annoyance transformed into anger. "She can try, but he won't go."

"Because he is going with you?"

"Because he never goes to the Gather!"

"Without you," Jeannie added with a smirk. "I know you managed to drag him there for a night, and don't tell me you both didn't enjoy it."

Rodney frowned. "Since you know everything already, why ask me?" he muttered dismissively.

His sister chuckled. "Oh, come on. You two belong together, a stubborn bronzerider and a single-minded, obstinate dragonhealer." She threw her hands into the air. "The perfect match. Chaya is just trying to get a man since she seems to be unable to keep one."

Rodney laughed. "I know."

Chaya worked in the kitchens. She had been among a group of Searched Turns ago, but some never found a dragon. There were always more Searched than hatchlings, to give the young dragons a better choice. Those who didn't find a dragon partner then worked for the Weyr.

Chaya was known for sleeping with every man who couldn't escape her clutches. She wanted a mate, preferably a dragonrider, but no one had taken her in for long. Now she was trying to get J'on, who evaded social events like Thread and who rather spent his days exploring. Rodney had accepted him like he was, subtly influencing him now and then, and he knew that J'on was quite aware of it. Still, he let Rodney do it and he enjoyed himself from time to time. Last Turn the day at the Gather had been a great way of seeing J'on suddenly behave like a normal human being, not so controlled and always fighting every move someone made.

"Soooo, you are going to get your man back and go into town?" Jeannie asked.

"First, J'on is not 'my man'." Jeannie snorted. "We just share living space from time to time," Rodney added.

"Yeah, right."

"And we haven't even discussed the Gather yet."

"Then ask."

"That would lead him to fight whatever else I might want to discuss with him," the dragonhealer muttered.

"You'll find a way. I'll have an eye open for you two." Jeannie winked.

Rodney stuck out his tongue. "So, what else is new?" he then asked.

It was the question his sister had been waiting for and the next hours were spent chatting and hearing the latest rumors from the lower caverns.

* * *

Raith was gliding low, J'on looking intently on the ground rushing by below. It was almost hypnotizing the way trees flowed by, how smooth, grassy earth went over into rocky, bare land. J'on had seen it all times and again, having been here before on countless occasions, but this time he was lost in thought. R'non's words were echoing in his mind and Raith's own opinion didn't help with his emotional state of mind.

I won't do it, so stop muttering to me! he finally growled.

Raith sent a wave of innocence and J'on sighed deeply. R'non was right that he had the necessary knowledge and experience, but he was not about to lead anyone anywhere!

You cannot hide from life because of one accident

I made a fatal mistake, Raith! It could happen again!

The bronze rumbled deeply. Everything is possible, but maybe nothing will ever happen

Because I won't let it!

You cannot run from life for the rest of your own

Watch me!

Raith sighed and angled his wings to turn around.

What are you doing?

The Gather is starting this afternoon. I dimly seem to remember that you promised Rodney to accompany him

I did no such thing! J'on protested.

Then maybe you should have was the dry reply.

The dragonrider was speechless for a second, as always when his friend did something like this. He should be used to Raith's slightly manipulative ways by now. Along with Rodney those two always plotted something to get him to drop his guard for a second. Now he muttered rudely and felt Raith's chuckle.

* * *

J'on felt unwell and totally out of his depth. Too many people around him; he was out in the open and vulnerable. Even at the Hold he had managed to avoid social gatherings and celebrations, making a short appearance and then fleeing to the solitude the land could offer. Onneal had once tried to talk to him about it, but he had not felt ready to answer. The bronzerider swallowed those feelings and tried to enjoy himself for Rodney's sake. The dragonhealer loved the Gather and he knew a lot of people, though he thankfully refrained from dragging him to the small groups of fellow healers.

Keity sat on Rodney's shoulder, her small tail wrapped lightly around the dragonhealer's neck. She was watching everything with happily glowing eyes. One of the vendors had already fed her a few pieces of meat. Mer was fluttering around them, sometimes joined by Puddle, the two males behaving a lot like rambunctious kids. Keity watched it all with the dignity of the queen she was.

Rodney had bought some berry pie and J'on had to confess it was great. It tasted different from the usual Weyr food and very different from the little he ate when away.

Rodney had a sweet tooth, a major one, and it was one of the ways J'on had found he could bribe his lover into something he either didn't want to do or wasn't willing to involve himself just right now.

"J'on! What a pleasant surprise!"

All his defenses dropped into place and he felt Rodney's hand briefly tighten around his arm.

"Hello, Chaya," he greeted the woman who now swept up to him, as always in a totally overdone dress.

There was so much material worked into the light blue and orange dress to make Raith a blanket! J'on felt his dragon's amused chuckle.

"I didn't know you were going to the Gather," Chaya said and gave Rodney a brief, disdainful look.

J'on didn't say anything and Chaya touched the pile of hair on her head. She had worked flowers into the monument, as well as pearls.

"They have a *fabulous* little shop right across from the flowers!" she now said, gesturing. "They make the best bubbly pies!"

"I already had some, thank you," J'on said levelly.

Rodney kept up his neutral expression, neither drawing possessively closer to the dragonrider, nor showing any willingness to enter the conversation. Chaya pouted slightly, a dark look flying over her face.

"I heard you were injured throughout Thread," she now said, trying to appear caring and full of warmth.

Rodney nearly burst out laughing.

"Yes," J'on said.

"Oh, you poor darling!" she crooned.

Rodney was close to doing something unpleasant, something that would probably be on the minds of those of the Gather for Turns to come. And then J'on did something that surprised him, and himself as well. He laid an arm tightly around his waist.

"If you'll excuse us now," he said coldly and pushed past Chaya.

When they were away and also outside the bustle of the Gather, J'on stopped, his eyes closing briefly. He inhaled once, then straightened a little.

"You okay?" Rodney asked, touching him gently.

He nodded, looking at the bustling people.

"Want to try again?" came the sarcastic retort.

J'on summoned a superficial smile. "I'm fine, Rodney."

The dragonhealer bestowed a frown upon him and J'on sighed. He just knew him too well. Within only two Turns Rodney had seen deeper into his troubled soul than those who had known him for a much longer time.

"Try to relax. No one and nothing is trying to harm you here. You are not responsible for anyone and no one expects you to be. As for Chaya, just ignore her. I know I do."

"What are you talking about?" he demanded, voice rough.

Rodney only shrugged and smiled knowingly. J'on felt Raith's amusement.

He sighed. Rodney was simply too good at deducting things from little hints, even those given unconsciously. And Chaya really did get on his nerves. The woman was pursuing him, there was no other word for it. He had shown her the cold shoulder many times and he didn't feel at all drawn to her, sometimes wondering what other dragonriders attracted them to her. Maybe it was just a night's pleasure, but even that was a horrifying thought for him. Even if he would fancy a woman, it would never be her.

"Hey." A soft voice drew him out of his thoughts. Rodney smiled slightly. "Home?" he only asked.

J'on looked at the Gather. Finally he nodded. Rodney slipped an arm around his waist, drawing nearer, and gave him a little kiss. Keity gave a protesting chirp as she nearly lost her balance. Surprised, J'on shot him a questioning look. Rodney shrugged, then they went back to where Raith sat, already awaiting them.

* * *

Life in the Weyr continued. There were the usual training accidents and Rodney had his hands full with the simpletons, as he called them, who didn't know the limits of their dragons. J'on kept evading R'non's attempts to draw him more into the daily functions of the Weyr and often flew away to explore. Of course, all that exploration was doing the Weyr a lot of good, too. Maps were updated, new routes were discovered, and Rodney used these flights to tag along to either collect what he needed for dragon healing or to get away from the more unnerving parts of his job – people interaction. He despised meetings with his staff. Mostly he went on and on about incompetence and turning to him for simple decisions.

Lately, Rodney had been rather touchy, too. There was a restlessness about him, a strange kind of agitation, and J'on had watched it all with a frown. Taking Rodney Between to show him a new bay far away from the already known areas of the South, J'on hoped to calm his lover and find out what was going on. He himself was experiencing something like small eddies of this agitation himself, probably because he was around his hyper-active lover.

Raith landed smoothly and the two men slid off the broad neck, shedding their riding gear. Keity, Puddle and Mer had accompanied them. Keity especially was reflecting what Rodney seemed to go through.

The large bronze watched the chirping and chittering queen. The fire lizard appeared to be even more off kilter than before, moving and calling and hissing sometimes.

I don't think it's Rodney the bronze suddenly said.

J'on, who had been piling their gear near a tree stump at the edge of the sandy beach, looked up.

What?

What does her behavior remind you of?

J’on peered over at the little queen, scolding the other lizards, hissing and flapping her wings, her golden skin shimmering in the sun, eyes swirling red …

Shimmering gold?

Swirling?

"Oh Shells…"

Rodney blinked and looked at him, appearing strangely dazed. "J'on?"

The eddies grew stronger in J'on's mind, accompanied by a faint arousal, by longing, by need. It reminded him a lot of their first time, of the passion rising as the two men had fallen together.

"Keity," he said, swallowing.

"What about her?"

"She's going into heat."

Rodney's blue eyes widened and he stared at his queen, who was by now snarling and hissing at a clearly excited Puddle. Mer, while no bronze but decidedly male, was catching on to the excitement. Being Keity's clutch mate excluded him from mating his own sibling, and being a blue one he would never stand a chance against a bronze, but he would fly nevertheless. Keity would refuse him, aware of him being of the same clutch. But Puddle…

And then the fire lizard queen took flight. Puddle called his answer to her challenge and took after her.

J'on had never experienced the hunger and instinct of Raith throughout a mating flight. He also wasn't bonded to Puddle as he was to his dragon, but still he felt it.

And Rodney, inexperienced with bonds in any kind of fashion, was receiving the full blow of a queen in heat.

Blue eyes filled with raw hunger, with lust, with a fire that spoke of Keity's first flight. J'on wouldn't have been able to fight the first kiss even if he had wanted to. Rodney was an all-possessing power, their lips sealed against each other, Rodney's tongue invading his mouth and trying get even closer.

J'on answered with the same passion, brought on by Puddle's excitement and his own feelings for his mate. Rodney clearly didn't think in a straight line as he tore off the dragonrider's shirt, teeth and lips and tongue tracking wetly over J'on's throat toward a nipple.

J'on hissed in approval as one was found and teethed and sucked and licked. The other was introduced to the nimble fingers of Rodney.

Somehow they ended up on the pile of already shed clothes, but J'on briefly thought 'sand' and 'damn, this will be impossible to wash out of all places', then Rodney let him forget about that nuisance.

"Rodney…" he groaned as his pants were undone and an inquisitive hand found the rising arousal, fumbling to get a good grip.

"Pants," J'on gasped, trying to wriggle out of them.

Rodney seemed to understand that much, eyes bright and impossibly blue, like he was on some kind of rush. J'on took the opportunity to shimmy out of his last clothes, just in time to have an armful of Rodney once more.

He knew the dragonhealer was a very passionate man and they had switched often, both taking and giving pleasure in various ways. With Keity feeding the hunger, there was no telling what was going to happen, how quick, how strong and how fast. J'on was feeling another shiver of ecstasy and he whined in need.

Rodney's mouth took in his arousal and started to suck, fisting him, fondling him. Pleasure ripped through him and J'on cried out, trying to remember what breathing was all about. It was hard.

A lubed finger spread a gel over his entrance and J'on realized that there would be no further foreplay.

Shells, he didn’t need any! He was ready to scream if Rodney didn’t take him now.

But he did. Sliding into J'on with rising need, moving hard and fast. Their behaviour mirrored that of the two mating fire lizards. J'on lost all sense of reality as he cried out incoherently, release hitting him like a tidal wave. His scream was swallowed by the mouth over his. He only knew he was falling, while laying on the beach, and the world was turned into the liquid fiery sensation of Rodney inside him.

*

Rodney came around to the feeling of sand in very sensitive places, a warm body beside him, the sound of the ocean not far away, and soft humming that reminded him of a pleased dragon.

Cracking one eye open he was greeted by the sight of Raith stretched out full length in the sun, his eyes half-lidded and watching them. Rodney grimaced. Of the fire lizards there was no sign, but if his own condition was any indication, Keity was somewhere cuddled up to Puddle and enjoying herself.

There was a soft grunt from J'on and Rodney watched him come to the same conclusions, especially about the sand.

"Bath?" the dragonrider murmured.

"We got the ocean and the water is warm," Rodney offered.

"Whatever it takes to get the sand off."

Rodney got to his feet, with J'on rising smoothly, then his lover kissed him passionately. It left him shivering with the reaction of the mating flight. He wondered what it was like to experience it through a bonded dragon. Rodney's eyes briefly strayed to Raith, the bronze looking amused, then he headed for the waterline.

Getting clean wasn't easy and Rodney just knew he would find sand irritating tender places for days to come. J'on just smiled at his complaints and mutterings. He knew how to take them. More kisses were exchanged in the water as the surf lapped gently at their naked bodies and Rodney felt a new stirring. J'on smirked a little.

"Up for more?" he whispered.

Rodney steadied himself against the pure sex radiating of his mate. "If you start suggesting the beach again, I'm going to ground you for a week," he growled.

It got a laugh out of the normally so reserved man and Rodney kissed that laugh, absorbed it, loved it. It was just them and here there were no barriers, no masks.

"No beach," J'on promised, tugging him along up the beach and past the still amused Raith.

They ended up in the trees, on the blanket Rodney had packed but which had been forgotten about in the heat of the mating, and this time there was no rush. It was loving exploration, trading kisses and touches, hands sliding over warm skin, and Rodney gave a sigh of approval when J'on sank into him.

They moved in perfect harmony, slow, steady, J'on drawing it out. Their fingers entwined and the bronzerider kissed Rodney slow and deep.

"Love you," he murmured huskily. "With everything inside me."

Rodney's eyes were alight with mirrored emotions, his face flushed, his body seeking more of the delicious feelings coursing through him. He gave a hoarse moan when he finally same, feeling J'on follow not much later, and their naked bodies rested against each other, both men spent.

The dragonhealer studied the relaxed features of his lover, wishing he could see him like this all the time, outside the Weyr and inside. It had taken two Turns to get them this far. Maybe only time could chisel away the walls around J'on's emotions.

And Rodney planned to be there to see each and every little success.

Kissing the sleepy man, he smiled as he caught Raith's eyes through the trees. The dragon was still at the beach, lazy and just as relaxed as his rider. Cleaning them up, Rodney let himself doze off to the presence of his lover.

"So, uhm, that's a mating flight, huh?"

J'on looked at his lover, smiling a little. "Yes."

"Oh, don't look so insufferably smart!" Rodney snapped, mood changing from hesitant to snarking. "You know as much about what that feels like as I do!"

J'on smiled even more as he took in the flustered and enraged expression. "No, I don't. It was my first time, too, Rodney."

There was a flutter of gold and bronze and the two fire lizards settled down on the beach, looking content. Keity appeared downright smug and Puddle was not leaving her sight. Mer had chosen a dozing spot for the rest of the day, having been fed by Rodney not long ago.

"Now what?"

"Well, she has a clutch, they hatch, and we might find people who would want one," J'on only said.

Rodney shrugged. He knew that. It was just… everything had been so unexpected. Of course more people at the Weyr had fire lizards, but mating flights of the smaller relatives of the dragons were hardly discussed.

"So the next time… when she flies again, and if Puddle won't get her…" Rodney said slowly, "I'll end up in someone else's bed?"

J'on frowned. "If we know she goes into heat we can come here."

"And prevent others from taking part? What about the wild ones?"

"Even if one of them mates her, no harm done." Another shrug. "I'll be there with you." There was a glint in J'on's eyes, a knowing smile. "You don't have to go through the heat alone."

Rodney grimaced, but he let his lover kiss him, reassure him, and he buried his fingers in the wild hair and drew him back when J'on was about to draw back.

"I'm just surprised concerning the intensity," the dragonhealer finally said.

"But it was good," J'on murmured.

"Uh-huh. Good sex."

"Yes." J'on snuggled close, smiling. "Really good."

Keity fluttered over to them, clearly projecting her hunger, and Rodney chuckled.

"Okay, okay, don't be so pushy!"

She nudged at his hands. Puddle joined her and J'on leaned back, watching the three fire lizards being fed. As much as Puddle was his own, when it came to food the lizard was more than willing to accept it from Rodney. But only from Rodney. Like with dragons, Rodney had a certain talent when it came to the lizards.

Raith sent his agreement that Rodney was well-liked by all dragons, that even the youngest knew that he was good and they kept still when he treated them. It was just Rodney.

They left their beach just before nightfall. Raith flew them back and landed smoothly in the Weyr. Rodney slid off the dragon and stretched.

"You staying?" J'on asked carefully.

Rodney blinked, frowned, then grumbled, "Since when are you asking?"

And he stalked past him into the dragonrider's quarters. Raith gave his rider a little nudge and J'on muttered to himself, shaking his head. He followed Rodney inside and found his mate already getting rid of the riding leather. The fire lizards were fluttering around and Rodney pushed the insistent Keity aside, which got him an indignant chirp.

J'on shrugged out of his own riding gear and prepared for the evening. It had been a nice day. A really nice day. While the mating flight had surprised him, the results had been… excitingly hot and intense.

"What?" Rodney interrupted his train of thought.

"Huh?"

"You're looking at me like a dragon contemplating a late night snack."

J'on smiled, walking over and kissing his lover. "Apt description. Because you are delicious."

"You and the compliments," the dragonhealer huffed. "Is this leftover mating madness?"

"No, just me."

Rodney drew him close for another kiss. "Duly noted. Now… food?"

"Sounds like a plan."

* * *

Life continued normally for the next weeks. Rodney was busy talking with other healers about new and improved ways to handle injured dragons and with them their riders. J'on found himself at his mate's beck and call for two days after a particularly long healer meeting that had included Radek and Miko, flying Rodney around to gather what the man needed. It was a nice distraction from the routine and to watch the man he loved interact with others. They even went to Rising Weyr for almost a whole day, which was nice all by itself.

He met S'les there, Lord Onneal's son, and they talked over several mugs of Klah, swapping stories. He was one of the few riders J'on interacted with, but Raith made up for the lack of social contact by joining the sun-bathing dragons and enjoying himself in their company.

It was late when they got home and Rodney disappeared in his lab to fiddle with what he had brought back and to experiment. J'on only watched him go with an amused smile.

The new clutch of the senior queen had hatched yesterday, the Impressing had been quick – too quick as Rodney always thought, who enjoyed the event – and a kind of normality had returned within a day. Now he was pacing up and down in the cave occupied by Raith. The large bronze was watching him with amusement, his eyes swirling softly. The dragonhealer was muttering to himself, trying to find a way to go through with a rather outrageous plan.

J'on was currently occupied somewhere else and he wouldn't go off on his own for a few days now. R'non's request for help with the mapping had fallen on deaf ears, but the Weyrleader had at least managed to include J'on in a small way: he was browsing through maps. It would be a short participation, but at least he did something.

Cadmianth's mating flight was expected soon and it was what got Rodney thinking furiously. Cadmianth was a young queen and it would be her second flight. Last time it had been a rather short chase, with one of the younger bronzes winning. Nothing spectacular.

The Weyr was big enough to easily house two queens without them getting into each other's way in a mating flight. R'non took care of reassigning the younger ones when a mating took place, to have clutch siblings outside, and Rodney knew that even with a third queen, they could easily manage.

"There must be a way to keep him here!" he muttered. "He will be off and scouting around in the next days."

Raith hummed in agreement. He sighed and met his large, knowing eyes.

"Got an idea?"

Actually, Raith had none.

Rodney shook his head. He knew there was no chance to ever get J'on to stay voluntarily and maybe he had to accept that there was also no way to make him attend a mating flight.

Rodney had no problem accepting the consequences of what a mating flight meant. Both rider and dragon would go into the chase, feel the heat, would succumb to pure instinct, and the rider whose dragon claimed the queen would also sleep with the queen's partner. Rodney knew Lorra, liked her a lot, and he felt no jealousy thinking of that possibility. It was a natural fact, something that couldn't be ignored, and Lorra was mated to a healer herself. Carson was a good friend and like all Weyrfolk understood the rules and instincts.

If Raith flew Cadmianth, it meant one night. It meant J'on accepting what he was, a dragonrider, a bronzerider. Even if Cadmianth went to her own Weyr one Turn, even if Raith flew her once more throughout that time, J'on would still be Rodney's weyrmate.

But before the dragonhealer could even think of finally getting his lover to realize his own potential, to become what Rodney thought he was destined to be, he had to overcome a last obstacle.

Rodney had no idea how he could do it, but one could hope.....

..... and through whatever luck he had on his side, a small accident throughout a suddenly announced flight training gave him this chance. C'awell had ordered Fall training even though there would be no Thread Fall for months. He had been dissatisfied with the performance last time and J'on grudgingly took part. It was Weyr duty and there was no fleeing from that; he had never done it before and he would never do it anyway.

Throughout the maneuvers a minor accident happened as one of the browns miscalculated and a blue banked hard left to evade a collision. That resulted in Raith having to do the same, but he had no room to maneuver. He folded his wings, dropping out of the danger zone, but since he was not that far above ground, he had to spread them again quite abruptly. J'on felt a short, intense pain coming from the left wing and gasped silently. Raith's wing folded automatically and the bronze forced himself to straighten it to glide.

Can you go Between? J'on asked, reaching out to his partner to soothe the mental strain.

Raith acknowledged and they jumped. The cold did some good to the hot pain and the dragon landed almost smoothly, one wing drooping slightly. J'on inhaled deeply, already asking him where it hurt the most.

Left wing joint was the rumbled answer.

Rodney was running toward them, alerted by Teyla, who had been told by her queen Atoth that one was coming home injured. Another had been hurt, but not as badly and would be with them in a few minutes.

"Open the wing," Rodney ordered and Raith did so, wincing in pain.

There was visible swelling at the wing joint and he palpated it carefully. J'on watched him, slightly agitated. Raith had never been badly injured before. Small Thread burn throughout Fall, but nothing serious. No scar had remained of the injuries.

"I think he only pulled a muscle in the wing joint," Rodney said after he had taken a look. "Nothing too bad, but very painful and Raith has to stay on the ground for at least two days, and the injury has to be cooled."

J'on sighed deeply. So much for leaving the Weyr tomorrow. Rodney raised an eyebrow at his dark expression and he forced himself to stay in control of his emotions.

Sorry

Not your fault he assured his dragon.

It was no one's fault. It had been a flight training accident, something that just happened.

"Raith can fly home, but no flying after that for at least two days," Rodney said sternly. "Understood?"

"Yes," he ground out.

Raith hummed softly, encouragingly. He laboriously flew to his home, carrying Rodney along, and settled down, one wing outstretched for the dragonhealer to apply a cooling salve. He smiled at his patient, gently rubbing the snout that experimentally sniffed at the smelly potion. As much as Rodney sometimes rubbed people the wrong way, being his brusque and snappy self, he was infinitely gentle and caring with dragons.

"How much pain?" he asked the large bronze.

The answer he got had him smile more, accompanied by a comment about smelly salves.

"It's just as long as the swelling is that pronounced. It should be less painfull in a day," he told him.

Raith hummed and he gave him a last pat. Well, now he had been given his wish: J'on had to stay in the Weyr. But if the pulled muscle gave way throughout the mating flight.... Rodney tapped his chin. Well, he had to wait and see. Then again, the injury was really minor. It should be completely healed in two days and nothing would remain. A slow smile spread over his lips.

It was now up to Raith and him.

Rodney became aware of J'on and the hazel eyes staring intently at him. With a frown he asked, "What?"

"You… can talk to him?"

Oh Shells… Rodney was frozen for a moment, thinking fast.

"I always talk to my patients," he snapped instead of falling for the bait. "Dragons are intelligent beings, too."

"But…"

Rodney waved his hand. "I want to take a look at your bruises now," he dismissed further questions. "And I need to take care of the paperwork, so stop talking and strip."

J'on's brows rose briefly, then he shrugged and started to undo his flight jacket. Still, there was a strange look in his eyes and Rodney cursed his blunder. J'on wasn't the only one keeping secrets. Only Rodney's were bigger, something he didn't want anyone to really know. It was his asset, it made him this good, and despite proclaiming he was a genius, having people know this didn't sit well with him.

So he had never told anyone. The dragons knew, of course. But they respected his wishes. For Turns now, and successfully. Rodney knew he wasn't the only one with this talent, but so far only women had shown it.

He was the first man.

And being different wasn't all fun and games. So it remained a secret, even from his lover.

* * *

L'orn stood with his arms crossed in front of his chest, leaning against his brown dragon. "Accident, huh?" he asked.

Rodney nodded and cleaned some of the fabric he had used to apply salve to Raith's injury. "Not too bad, but he's grounded for now."

The dragonrider grinned. "And he doesn't like it, right?"

"He absolutely hates it," he confirmed, wringing out the soapy water. "But he has to accept the facts. Raith pulled a muscle and he can't fly long distances, let alone maneuver."

"Ah." Parreth lowered his head and L'orn patted him, smiling. "Parreth says that Raith is in a lot less pain than from Thread Burn."

Rodney shot him a disapproving look. "Of course he is! Thread Burn is an open wound. Thread is like acid, eating away at the flesh. A pulled muscle is nothing and as long as Raith keeps weight off the wing and doesn't move it too much, he'll be fine. And the salve relieves pain."

"So, how long do you think this will last?"

"I don't know. A while."

"Until the next mating flight?" L'orn asked innocently. The dragonhealer shot him a sharp look and he raised his hands. "Easy with the dark looks! It was just a thought."

"It will last as long as it takes," Rodney then said airily.

L'orn grinned again. "Okay, I get the hint. If you need help distracting our problematic bronzerider, tell me. I can think of a few things....."

"L'orn...?"

"Yes?"

"Get lost?"

He laughed. "The offer stands. I know what you are planning to use this for. I approve it!" With that he was gone.

Parreth hummed softly and seemed to agree, giving Rodney a nod, then he took off to find a spot where he could spend some time in the sun.

Rodney sighed deeply. Was he so easy to see through when it came to this particular dragonrider? Well, it *was* a chance! He had to use it.

* * *

J'on massaged his temples and tiredly tried to concentrate on reading. There were scrolls upon scrolls and heaps of books on his table, all dealing with mapping, the lands of the Hold, changes throughout the Turns, and, which was his personal pet project, the South. It was no good. He felt caged, nervous and like he was imprisoned forever. He had been cooped up in his room and the Weyr as such for days now, taking Raith for light training gliding and feeding, but no real flights. J'on paced his room and finally walked out into the cave where Rodney was reapplying some salve to Raith's injured wing.

How are you?

Better the bronze replied. But stiff and still in pain

J'on tried not to let his anger rise. Raith had nothing to do with their current situation, that he was unable to leave the Weyr, and he had no right to take his emotions with him when talking to his partner. He inspected the wing, noticing how the swelling had receded completely. The main problem was still that the muscle might give out from straining flights and cause permanent damage.

"Hey, there dark and grumpy," Rodney called and smiled cheerfully.

J'on gave him a dark look and busied himself petting his dragon's snout, rubbing him between the brow ridges. Raith rumbled softly, telling him to calm down and relax. Everything was fine and he would be healed in a matter of days.

Days!

Each day meant another day Cadmianth could go into heat and start the mating flight!

Relax Raith rumbled. I wouldn't be able to fly with this wing anyway

J'on rested his forehead against the bronze's, inhaling deeply. Yes, of course, he was right. Even if he flew, he wouldn't be able to go up against the uninjured bronzes. Everything was okay... fine... totally under control.... and if he continued telling himself that, he might even believe it.

Raith only snorted softly, humming as J'on continued rubbing him between the eyes. He was aware of Rodney who was treating the injured wing. When he shot his lover a look out of the corner of his eyes he discovered a smile on the man's lips.

Be nice Raith advised.

Always am

That got him a snort of disbelief.

Rodney finished with the bronze dragon and walked over to him, touching J'on gently. They fell together in a kiss, exploring, soft and gentle, the contact calming J'on.

"Okay?" the dragonhealer wanted to know.

"Yeah."

It got him the 'uh-huh, right, tell me another one' look, but Rodney didn't comment. Large hands slipped inside the garments J'on wore, teasing, stroking, caressing. He felt something inside of him pool in pleasure, rippling, rising to meet the need and hunger he saw reflected in the blue eyes before him.

Their next kiss was harder, more demanding, and J'on felt Raith's nudge to take this to their bedroom and not in his cave. He laughed a little and Rodney smirked.

"C'mon," the dragonhealer murmured and pulled him along. Knowing fully well what Raith had probably said.

* * *

Raith was allowed to fly longer stretches a day later, but he was unable to maneuver as normally or fly non-stop for a longer stretch. Rodney had told J'on over and over again that if he exerted too much strain, there might be worse damage next time; and that Raith might suddenly suffer from a collapsing wing. The muscle had been strained and that was worse than torn. It hurt more, it couldn't be stitched and there was the danger that the strained muscle might still tear. So he stayed, training daily with his injured friend, wishing he could just leave. Raith kept him calm and tried to relax him, as did Rodney, but right now J'on chose to be by himself.

R'non had come by once, but he had again run against the wall J'on set up around himself. The Weyrleader had asked how Raith was faring, but J'on knew that Satedeth could have gotten this through a simple inquiry as well.

You are even more hostile than normal the bronze now said and watched his rider.

J'on stiffened and glared at the dragon. As always it bounced off Raith's hide and J'on sighed deeply.

"I think I need a walk," he muttered and left.

There was a smile in Raith's softly swirling eyes as he watched his displeased rider leave.

*

Rodney on the other hand was quite pleased. Cadmianth's mating flight was drawing nearer and the riders were expecting her to take flight any day now. J'on had no chance of leaving the Weyr since he would never go without his dragon, and Raith was not about to leave.

The bronze was playing along.

"I didn't know you were such a good actor," he told the dragon when he checked the already strong wing again, keeping up appearances.

Raith snorted. Learned from the best he answered with amusement. Don't you think it's finally time to tell J'on?

"The idea behind this charade is not to tell him," Rodney answered, not looking into the knowing eyes.

I don't mean my wing. About you. You can hear us all and it's a great gift. All of us follow your wishes not to tell our bonded riders, but one day you will slip like you did with J'on

Rodney stopped what he was doing, stiffening.

Just him. Just tell him. He loves you, Rodney. You are his mate. He deserves your honesty, like he finally revealed his nightmares to you.

The dragonhealer raised his eyes, looking into the warm green ones. Raith folded his wing, humming softly. Rodney tore his eyes away and gathered his things.

Everything had healed perfectly and there were no signs of pain when the dragon moved the wing; even longer flights and sudden maneuvers posed no problem. He would be able to fly for hours without straining the healed muscle, but he pretended he couldn't.

Rodney…

"Later," he only murmured, leaving the cave.

Much later. When the mating flight was over, maybe.

Rodney had occupied J'on as best as he could, employing L'orn's help whenever possible and it kept him from seeing what was really going on. Between the three of them they kept J'on from suspecting that this was all staged to keep him in the Weyr.

One way of distracting J'on was to involve him in Rodney's research. Whenever Keity or Mer returned with news from Lissabet, or a dragonrider from Rising came to Lantea, it meant Rodney was in research heaven. It involved a lot of muttering and mumbling, calling others idiots and worse, and conferring with those idiots not much later on new discoveries.

* * *

And then the day of the mating arrived.

The bronzes felt it immediately and it was as if the very air was vibrating with expectation. The first few of the hyper-nervous bronze dragons flew for a kill an hour after breakfast and the tension in the Weyr rose. Riders seemed to be bursting with energy and they were circling around Lorra's quarters like birds of prey, trying to hide their nervousness and rising desire. Mating flight was about the only event where rivalry rose to a new dimension, though none of the riders would fight over it. What was about to happen was completely normal.

Raith himself grew restless, sitting outside the cave, wings trembling. His eyes were swirling wildly and he rumbled deep down in his throat, wings rustling, the long tail twitching. J'on was in his room and stared at the wall, eyes wide in panic and barely suppressed expectation sent from his partner. Then Raith launched himself off the ledge and went to blood his own kill, his hide taking on a glistening shine of deep, dark bronze. He hissed, baring teeth, bursting with energy.

J'on stumbled out of his room, driven by his dragon's desire and lust. Somehow he ended up with the rest of the expectant riders who tried to keep their bronze dragons in check.

Not yet he found himself whispering as Raith strained against his mind, wanting to rise now, wanting to fly, to show his strength.

Cadmianth, snout dripping blood, looked at the assembled males, then bellowed a challenge and launched herself into the air, wings beating strongly. The challenge was answered.

Now!

Raith took to the air.

J'on gasped and tried to fight the overpowering rush of adrenaline, but there was no fighting the desire and drive of a dragon in heat. He felt Raith's temper unleashed, heard the roar of the queen and how his partner accepted. Instinct rose and overpowered logical thinking. There in front of him was the queen, her golden hide glistening in the sun. She taunted them, teased and played with her pursuers. She rose high in the air, losing some of the bronzes, then folded her wings so she plunged down. Raith roared again as he followed her. J'on was caught up in the intoxicating speed, the freedom his dragon felt, his passion and strong desire for the queen. And he knew he could get her. Cadmianth was young and it was only her second flight. He was aware of Pmuth next to him, the bronze who had flown the queen last time, and he was fighting to take the front. Cadmianth banked to the left and Pmuth followed immediately. Raith was about to do the same, but J'on intervened. He felt his partner struggle angrily.

I know a short-cut he whispered, barely able to keep himself in check. He wanted her! He would get her! No other bronze would be stronger and faster than him!

J'on inhaled deeply, fighting the emotional side, his iron will reigning Raith in. The bronze plunged to the ground, then suddenly spread his wings, using the updrafts, and shot back toward Cadmianth who was still trying to evade Pmuth. J'on feared for the left wing's stability, but Raith sent complete trust in his abilities.

J'on felt his breath catch in his throat as his dragon drew level with the young queen and he let his partner go. Raith cried in triumph. Their bodies entwined, Raith using his large, strong wings to keep them flying, gliding....

He was dimly aware of a body next to his; warm skin, hard muscles, desire and passion a heady mix. Lorra's lips were on his and he accepted her as naturally as Raith took part in the mating flight. Instinct.... Both dragonriders rode the passion of their dragons, still keeping track of them, not letting their desire take them Between. J'on moaned, taking charge as well now, and Lorra surrendered to his demands and her own.

*

Rodney's lips showed a pleased smile as he witnessed the mating flight from afar. He heard the triumphant roar of a bronze and when he saw B'ates, Pmuth's rider, leave for his room to welcome his dragon back, he knew who had won.

"He did it, right?" The bouncing voice of Jeannie intruded into his thoughts.

Rodney didn't say a word and Jeannie only gave a whooping cry and hugged him. "I'm so happy!" Then she stood back, keeping her brother at arm's length. "No jealousy, right?"

He laughed. "No. You know how this works. It's a mating flight and Lorra is Carson's mate."

"Yes, and they are such a nice couple." Jeannie shrugged. Carson and Lorra were weyrmates and had been for four Turns now. "Soooo, what now? J'on will know that you tricked him."

Rodney grimaced. "Yes, he will, but I think he'll realize that what happened was only for the best."

Jeannie giggled. "I'm sure Lorra didn't disappoint him."

"Jeannie!"

She broke into laughter and Rodney chuckled. He knew how his sister meant her remark; she had always been like this.

"So, what now?"

"Now I'll go to work and see how many dragons have a strained muscle from the exertion," Rodney replied dryly.

* * *

J'on woke, feeling strangely pleased and satisfied, a large part of those feelings coming from Raith. A lazy haze lay over his mind and his body was relaxed. He blinked and looked around, immediately aware that he was neither in his own nor Rodney's room. He sat up, feeling cold, then hotly embarrassed, then nothing at all. Memories rushed back, some of them hidden behind layers of passion and desire, and J'on swallowed.

At his side lay a naked, sleeping woman, her blonde hair spilling over tanned shoulders and her face, obscuring it. She lay half on her stomach, the covers drawn down to her hips, leaving her back bare. Lorra.... Raith's sleepy rumble confirmed what he thought had occurred and J'on swallowed again. His bronze was curled up in the cave outside, next to the golden body of Cadmianth. He didn't feel inclined to do much more than doze and enjoy the warm ripples of memories.

J'on ran a hand through his tousled hair, trying to catch a clear thought. Cadmianth was not the senior queen; the events didn't mean anything for the Weyr, just that that there would soon be a new clutch of eggs. He was still the same; Raith was still the same. Nothing would happen..... nothing at all.

Raith sent agreement and his satisfaction at the long flight, the mating and everything connected to it. J'on rose, picked up his pants and dressed. His body was a bit stiff and he felt recollections of the night's encounter rise; it made him blush a little. His shirt lay in another corner, thrown there in heated passion, uncaring.

"You can use the bath," a sleepy voice said.

J'on flinched and whirled around, frantically searching for words. Lorra smiled at his hesitation.

"It's okay, J'on," she said, gathering some furs around her and rising.

The bronzerider heard the same from his dragon and tried to relax. Of course it was okay. This had been a mating flight; a normal mating flight. Nothing else was expected from him.

"Cadmianth and Raith are still outside," Lorra continued. "You have time to freshen up." She nodded at the bath chamber.

"Thank you," was all J'on said and picked up his remaining clothes, walking over to the adjoining room.

Lorra smiled at the bronzerider's retreating form and sat back on the bed, feeling sleepy and satisfied. It had been quite a different flight from the first time with Pmuth's rider B'ates and it had been a different night than one spent with Carson. A small ripple passed through her and she lay on her stomach, smiling more, playing with the corner of the fur cover.

You enjoyed it Cadmianth sent, amusement audible in her voice.

Of course. Just like you

It was my mating flight

Lorra chuckled. He is strong

Raith or J'on?

Oh, shut up!

Cadmianth chuckled.

Now I know why Rodney fought so hard until J'on realized that they belonged together

Lorra had been one of those wondering why the dragonhealer was spending his time trying to get the bronzerider out of his shell. She had always seen J'on as cold, distant, hostile when pressured, and generally someone to be avoided. He was handsome, true, and many women had talked about wanting to get to know him a bit better, but none had really tried it because he brusquely warded off any attempts.

Rodney had been persistent and he had won. That Rodney was a man had meant little. Maybe no woman had ever had a chance because J'on preferred a man for a partnership, but last night had been as passionate as Lorra could ever remember. He wasn't lacking in that department.

A small, warm curl resided in her stomach area. She sometimes wondered about J'on, wanted to know more about him, but she was also afraid to inquire.

After a while the bronzerider came out of the bath chamber and she smiled at him. She found his hesitation cute, but she knew it wasn't male shyness after the first time. First of all it hadn't been his first time and second, J'on was not shy. He was cautious and reserved. The passion he had shown last night was probably the only time he had let his masks fall.

Now they parted after the act. The normal procedure for those who were not weyrmates. Tonight it would be Carson with her again.

"Good-bye, J'on," she called softly.

He only nodded at her, then left. Lorra smiled and went over to the bath as well.

Outside Raith rose and left Cadmianth's side after nuzzling her as a good-bye. She yawned mightily and watched him go. J'on ignored his partner until they were at the opening and ready to fly to their own cave.

How's your wing? he finally asked, voice neutral.

Raith stretched the left wing and moved it experimentally. Just fine he answered.

I see J'on swung himself onto the broad neck and they flew to their own home without another word.

* * *

Rodney looked up as the door opened, already aware of the person coming into the room. It was still early in the morning and though he had first thought about sleeping in his room, he had finally spent the night in J'on's, going through some old records and making a list of what he had to buy or collect in the next few days.

J'on didn't say a word as he walked past, stripping off his shirt and throwing it into the laundry. He looked none the worse and he had apparently spent quite a relaxing night – considering the mating flight and all.

"And a good morning to you too," Rodney greeted him.

His look was cold and slightly accusing, his hazel eyes darker than usual. Rodney heard Raith outside in the cave, his soft rumble, and he knew J'on was truly angry, having figured out that he and Raith had exaggerated something as minor as a pulled muscle. Maybe he wasn't steaming mad, but the mixture of disappointment and maybe betrayal was enough. At least he had seen there was nothing bad coming from a mating flight. Now Rodney just had to suffer through the initial anger and survive.

"I heard it was a good flight," he went on.

J'on gave a non-committal grunt and picked out a new shirt.

"J'on?"

The dragonrider didn't even deign him another look. Rodney sighed deeply and decided to take matters into his own hands, as so many times before. J'on was impossible, even childish, sometimes.

Sometimes? Most of the time!

It was a challenge for the dragonhealer, but now and then it also drove him nuts. He walked over to the other man and forced him to turn around. J'on's eyes were alight with anger and something looking like suppressed fear. He tore his arm out of Rodney's light grasp.

"Why?" he snarled.

He tilted his head. "Because," was the simple answer.

J'on's eyes flashed. "You lied to me! Both of you! All of you! You played with me and kept me in the Weyr because the mating was near! Why?!"

"You know why and you finally know that there is nothing bad about mating," Rodney answered coolly, reacting to his rising temper.

"I *trusted* you, Rodney! And you took that trust and played with it! Raith can't fly with his injured wing, you said! Sure! I believed your words because you are a dragonhealer!" He angrily whirled around, shaking. "You are the chief dragonhealer! You forced me to take part!"

"No. I gave you the chance to experience what you feared the most and learn."

"I'm not afraid!" he cried.

"Then why did you run?" Rodney shot back. J'on was breathing heavily, hands clenched into fists. "There are no obligations, no responsibility, coming with flying a queen except the senior one! But you ran each and every time! You refused Raith the chance to participate in what he was born for!"

"Don't involve Raith!" he yelled.

"Why?" Rodney had to force his temper down. One of them had to stay cool throughout this and it was his job. "He is a bronze dragon. They fly queens in case you haven't noticed! And as for the forcing part, no one forces a dragon to fly! It's instinct!"

J'on snarled angrily. "And how many were involved in this little scheme? How many are now laughing behind my back and congratulating themselves?!" he demanded.

He inhaled deeply. "This was neither a scheme, nor is anyone talking behind your back, J'on."

"Oh, sure! Just the whole Weyr will know what happened, right? How many were involved?" he asked again. "How many did you tell about this?"

"Who do you think I am?" Rodney asked, voice level. "The gossip king? What I did was done out of respect and love, and whoever was involved was not asked to do so by myself."

"So others were involved, right?" he hissed. "And don't talk about love! You don't know what kind of damage you did!"

"I healed a wound."

J'on gave a bark of humorless laughter. "Sure!"

He placed his palms against the wall, inhaling deeply as he faced the bare rock. His whole body was trembling with emotions.

"Sure... And through it you showed everybody how you manipulated me!"

Rodney was slowly losing his temper. He briefly closed her eyes, fighting an outbreak.

"I didn't manipulate you. You acted like a dragonrider for the first time in Turns!"

J'on turned away from the wall and glared at him.

"And no harm came from it!"

He glared even more. Rodney approached him carefully.

"Everything went just fine," he said softly. "Cadmianth's flight was long and nothing happened." He smiled. "Well, except what had to happen. All's okay."

J'on shook his head in desperation. "I trusted you," he repeated, sounding suddenly deflated.

Apparently Raith was taking part in this fight as well now. Rodney saw the signs of a telepathic conversation. And as in the past the bronze had quite a calming effect on his partner.

"J'on, what I did, I did it as your friend and mate. To show you the truth, to show you that what you believe, what you fear, is nothing but a shadow of what is really happening."

Rodney reached out, resting his hand lightly on his arm. He knew he was risking a lot.

"I'm not so sure," J'on muttered, looking away but not leaving. He stayed where he was, letting Rodney's fingers curl around his arm.

"What happened was natural; what you did *before* was unnatural. You are part of the Weyr and Raith is a bronze dragon. His instincts are to fly the queen, whatever his rider feels." He cocked an eyebrow.

"I noticed," J'on said dryly.

Rodney grinned. "I bet." Then he grew serious. "I know that the way I did it was wrong. I apologize sincerely for it and I would understand any action and any consequences you draw from this." Rodney held his breath after these words.

J'on's head snapped around and he stared at him, eyes widening. "What....?" he stuttered, then realization crashed in on him. "Rodney, no...."

He let go of his arm, facing him, not evading the hazel eyes. "I promise never to go behind your back like I did ever again, but I also accept if you decide to go separate ways now."

He shook his head, fear spreading over his features for just a second. "No.... no, I.... yes, I feel betrayed, but...." J'on inhaled deeply and Rodney heard Raith's almost inaudible hum. "Don't," was all he finally managed. "What I said..."

"Was what you felt. Don't deny it, dragonrider. You feel betrayed." J'on hung his head, nodding. "Because you gave me a gift I had to use against you: your trust," Rodney continued carefully. "I know you don't hand this trust out to everyone, but you have to understand me. You are part of the Weyr, of Weyr life, of my life, and as a bronzerider there is one duty you neglected for Turns." He raised an eyebrow. "Someone had to kick your butt."

That drew a small smile. "Yeah, maybe."

"And though I don't want to point fingers, I had little helpers and they all agreed with me on this. J'on, you did nothing horrible or abnormal. You finally let go!"

He nodded and for a long time they just sat together. After some time J'on looked up, insecurity in his eyes, and Rodney just squeezed his arm.

"I'd like to stay here, be with you, but I've to go and see after some patients," he said softly, regret in his voice.

J'on nodded and rose with him. Suddenly he grabbed Rodney's arm and drew him into a long kiss.

"Wow, what brought that along?" Rodney teased, truly surprised.

"Post-mating madness," he answered, "and an apology. I want you to stay," he murmured.

The dragonhealer smiled softly. "You better take Raith for a little flying. He might need to stretch his wings."

"I think his wing is just fine," he said, not the least bit inclined to let him go.

"Oh, really? Well, he might suffer from sudden wing collapse later again....." Rodney said thoughtfully, enjoying his closeness.

"I think I can prevent that from happening," J'on answered with a glint in his eyes.

"Well, you better take him out now, so that he can get rid of excess energy. Didn't you want to go exploring?" Rodney asked innocently.

Raith's amused rumble could be heard through the still open door. J'on smiled briefly and shrugged, then closed the fresh shirt. He left after another kiss that promised Rodney that he would continue this 'conversation' later.

Rodney leaned against the large table and smiled. Another step successfully taken.

'I'll turn you into a real dragonrider yet,' he thought with a chuckle.

End of this Fic. Yes, yes, I didn't answer all open plot lines. I'm working on the sequel :)