Almost Too Late

by Meem

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asm/meem/toolate.php
Summary: Sam's feelings for Janet are out of the basket, or closet!
Info: Ok I'm so sorry this has been so long in coming, I actually wrote most of it ages ago but I really struggled with the epilogue! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and it doesn't disappoint. Please drop me an email if you have the time. Thanks for reading. (For the update scroll down to part 3.)

Part 1

'MEDIC, I NEED A MEDIC'

The panic in Daniel's voice snapped Sam back to the present. She had been checking on the fallen Colonel O'Neill's pulse, relieved to find it strong and regular, momentarily forgetting where she was; Sam came back to her senses with a crash on hearing

'Frasier's been hit, I need a medic', as Daniel screamed again.

Sam was on her feet and running towards him before her brain even registered that she was moving. Daniel didn't usually scream, but the fear and shock in his voice made Sam run faster than she thought possible. Sam could see Daniel leaning over a prone figure on the ground, she recognised the small form of her dearest and closest friend and could also see the sickening tendrils of smoke rising from her chest.

'Please God no, please no, please no', Sam chanted as she ran, the few seconds it took to get there seeming to take forever. Sam skidded to her knees beside Janet and cried out in shock as the image of Janet lying still on the ground, eyes open and unseeing was burned into her brain forever.

'NOOO, Janet please, please', Sam cried as she tried in vain to shake Janet awake, already knowing it was futile. The women who meant more to her than she'd ever allowed herself to acknowledge, was dead.

Sam looked up at Daniel, he held the look of someone who has just opened the door to hell and taken a peek.

'Daniel???' Sam said, trying to make sense of what was happening.

'Sam, I'm so sorry', Daniel replied, his voice raw with the shock and grief he was trying to hold in check.

Sam was vaguely aware of another person talking to her, in her dazed state she hadn't even noticed Airmen Wells laying on the floor next to Janet.

'Major Carter is she ok?' he asked fearfully.

'No she's dead', Sam replied, shock rendering her voice a dull monotone.

Airmen Simon Wells who had been screaming in agony just seconds earlier was now struck dumb as guilt and fear battled in his mind. This is my fault he thought as well as I'm dead for sure now. Somehow the pain didn't seem quite as intense as it had moments earlier.

Teal'c had now joined the small group, followed closely by 2 marines carrying a stretcher. Airmen Wells was hastily lifted aboard, screaming as the pain reappeared with gained intensity. Teal'c stepped over to the body of the small doctor and without a word lifted her off the ground as though she weighed no more than a child.

'Teal'c be careful with her', Sam cried, as though the Jaffa could inflict more pain on her friend.

'Of course Major Carter, but we must leave immediately', Teal'c replied, graciously not mentioning the obvious fact that Janet was beyond feeling any pain ever again.

Daniel staggered to his feet grabbing a dazed Sam by the collar as he did so.

'Come on Sam, we have to go'.

As though moving through a thick fog that inhibited movement as well as sight, Sam followed Daniel, breaking into a run as the sounds of battle rang in her ears. Like needing a lighthouse in a storm Sam concentrated on following the back of Teal'c's head as he dodged staff blasts and flying debris. Sam could already see the haven of the open Stargate in the distance and prayed that no one else would loose their life before they reached their destination.

~~~

'Medical team to the gate room immediately'

Sam almost laughed at the irony of that request, Janet should be part of that medical team, and instead she was broken, beyond help, cradled in the arms of Teal'c who seemed reluctant to let go of her. Looking at Teal'c, Sam saw more emotion in his eyes than she had ever seen in the 7 years of knowing him. She also saw that his chest was smeared with Janet's blood, although not much. Janet's death had been so instantaneous her heart had stopped pumping blood almost immediately. Even so the sight was enough to make Sam sick to her stomach. Janet's eyes were still open and Teal'c tenderly closed them with a touch that seemed far to gentle for the big man.

The scene in the gate room was one of organised chaos, Colonel O'Neill and Airmen Wells were being whisked away on gurneys, SG personnel were limping down the ramp supported by their team mates, and the air rang with the sounds of cries and whimpers of pain.

Sam tore her eyes away from Janet's body and saw General Hammond looking at her with fear and disbelief.

'Major??' he asked.

Sam couldn't reply, tears filling her eyes she looked back to where Janet still lay in Teal'c's arms. What do I do, what do I do Sam thought, her quick brain searching for a way to bring Janet back. Mentally Sam ticked off the names of the allies she thought might be able to help.

The Tokra - no they can't revive the dead.

The Asgard - they wouldn't want to 'intervene'.

The Tollan - Sam didn't even know whether they were still alive after the Goa'uld attacked their planet.

The Aschen - don't even go there.

The Goa'uld - a sarcophagus would work but where to begin looking for one?

Sam's head jerked up as she thought of the answer,

'Dial the co-ordinates for the Nox home world', Sam shouted to the control room.

Without a moments hesitation, General Hammond replied 'do it', also ordering a couple of able bodied marines to join them.

Sam and Teal'c quickly descended the ramp as the Stargate began the dial up sequence. Sam tried to ignore the stirrings of hope within her. It had been quite sometime since the SGC had been in direct contact with the Nox, Sam prayed they would be there to help Janet, knowing that they would be able to bring her back to life after they had previously done the same for herself, Daniel and Colonel O'Neill after they had 'died' from similar staff wounds. Sam just hoped that too much time had not passed since Janet had been injured, she didn't know if there was a time limit for the Nox's ability to raise the dead.

Sam and Teal'c jogged back up the ramp as the Stargate opened, emerging on the other side into a bright, sunny day. Sam sprinted towards the forest.

'Stay here and guard the gate', Teal'c ordered the marines.

'Lya, Antaeus, please we need your help', Sam pleaded as she ran further into to forest. Teal'c followed close by, showing no signs of growing weary considering he had been carrying Janet's body for some time now.

'Lya, Antaeus please', Sam's voice was growing hoarse as desperation started to get the better of her.

Out of nowhere Lya appeared in front of her.

'Lya, please help us, please'.

Lya looked from Sam to Teal'c then to the limp body in his arms.

'This way', Lya gestured for them to follow.

A short time later they arrived at the settlement Sam recognised from her first visit to the planet. Antaeus and Nafrayu were there as though expecting them. Sam wondered at the fact that Nafrayu barely seemed any older than when she had last seen him although several years had passed.

Teal'c gently laid Janet down in the same place they had witnessed Nafrayu's journey back to life years ago. Sam noticed that Janet's skin was now grey and her lips had turned blue. Please hurry she thought, worrying that time maybe running out.

Lya looked over Janet's still form, 'She has been dead for some time?'

'Yes' Sam replied looking at her watch, amazed to discover that only about 20 minutes had passed since Janet had been shot. 'Actually no it hasn't been that long', it just feels that way.

Ohper appeared from one of the huts, walking over to where Janet lay.

'Can you help her, please', Sam pleaded, tears clouding her vision.

'We will try', replied Antaeus.

Lya, Antaeus and Ohper collectively raised there hands and held them over Janet, closing their eyes to perform the 'Ritual of Life'.

Nafrayu walked over to Sam and took her hand sensing her fear and anguish. Sam looked down at him, managing to give him a sad smile. Please let this work.

~~~

After what seemed to be a very long time Sam saw some colour return to Janet's skin, gradually restoring the healthy glow it had previously. The Nox slowly lowered their hands and looked up at Sam, 'it is done, let her rest', Lya spoke in a whisper.

Sam slowly walked towards Janet, tenuously holding back her need to grab her friend and hold her tight. Looking down at her sleeping form Sam watched as Janet slowly opened her eyes.

'Sam, what happened', Janet asked.

Overcome with relief Sam couldn't answer, shaking her head as she grabbed Janet's hand.

'Doctor Frasier you were shot by a staff weapon and killed whilst attending to the injuries of Airmen Simon Wells on P3X 666. Major Carter thought the Nox would be able to restore your life and it appears she was correct. It is good to you see alive and well again', Teal'c answered, a huge grin transforming his usually sombre features.

'Thank you Teal'c', Janet replied, her mind reeling at the news. Janet searched her memory, she remembered going through the Stargate to the planet but after that everything became a little hazy. Janet looked up at Sam, her stomach clenching as she saw the horror of what had happened reflected in her eyes. Janet gave Sam's hand a squeeze. 'I'm ok', she said trying to reassure her friend.

Once again unable to respond, Sam nodded her head, tears threatening to break her fragile hold on her emotions.

'Can I go home', Janet asked, looking in amazement at the people who had brought her back from the dead. Receiving a nod, Janet slowly sat up, Teal'c helping her to her feet.

'Thank you so much', Sam said, taking Lya's hand in hers, 'you don't now how much this means to me'.

'We do', replied Antaeus, 'take care of her'.

Bending over Sam gave Nafrayu a hug, 'Goodbye' he responded as he held Sam close.

~~~

The walk back to the Stargate took place in relative silence. Janet absorbed in thought and Sam still too emotional for speech.

'Hi guys', Janet greeted the marines waiting at the Stargate.

'Doctor Frasier??', they replied in stunned disbelief, their look of shock bringing a grin to Janet's face.

Cheers and handshakes greeted Janet on the other side of the Stargate.

'Good to see you Doctor Frasier, thought we had lost you there', General Hammond said giving Janet an uncharacteristic hug.

'Good to see you too Sir, although I'm having trouble remembering exactly what happened'.

'That might not be a bad thing', replied Hammond as he looked at Major Carter, worriedly seeing the dejected slump of her shoulders and haunted look in her eyes. 'People get yourselves to the infirmary'.

Sam mutely stumbled behind Janet on her journey to the infirmary, everyone greeting the doctor along the way. Sam felt as though she was functioning on automatic pilot, barely aware of what was happening around her, her emotions had completely shut down leaving her feeling totally numb.

Her post-mission check up was conducted by one of the infirmary nurses, the doctors being tied up with the more seriously injured patients. Sam enquired over the condition of Colonel O'Neill and was relieved to hear that aside from being very sore for the next few weeks, the new protective armour had spared him any serious injury.

After getting the all clear, Sam made her way to the locker room, relieved to find it empty. Janet was still in the infirmary checking on the many wounded personnel. Sam closed and locked the door behind her leaning against it for support. It was at that moment that her body decided it was time to remind her of all the horror she had witnessed that day, sprinting to the nearest stall Sam violently parted company with the contents of her stomach, retching long after there was nothing left to bring up. Gasping for air Sam rose to her feet and headed for the nearest shower cubicle, pulling her clothes off and turning the heat up as hot as it would go. Standing under the scolding water, Sam refused to let her mind recall the events of the day; instead shutting down and watching the water run off her toes and into the drain. Grabbing the soap Sam proceeded to scrub her skin raw fighting off the revulsion she felt at the grime and sweat covering her body, as though she could some how wash away the fear and terror of what had happened.

After dressing Sam walked slowly back to her base quarters, not trusting herself to drive home. Fortunately the base was now quiet and she encountered nobody along the way.

In her quarters Sam stripped down to her t-shirt and underwear and climbed into bed. Leaning over she switched off the lamp and immediately fell into a restless and disturbed sleep.

~~~

After getting cleaned up and changing into civvies, Janet headed towards Sam's quarters. As Sam hadn't said goodbye, Janet assumed she must still be on base, after checking the lab and finding it empty, Janet guessed Sam had decided not to head home for the night. As Cassie was away on a college field trip, Janet wasn't in any hurry to get home, but she thought she should check on Sam before leaving. Janet knew Sam was severely shaken by what had happened to her, and wanted to assure her friend once again that she was ok. In fact she was more than ok, the healing power of the Nox had even cured the cold that Janet had had for a few days.

Drawing closer to Sam's quarters, Janet was alarmed to hear a familiar voice screaming, 'no Janet please wake up, please don't leave me'.

Breaking into a run, Janet burst into Sam's room, immediately moving to the bed and shaking Sam awake.

'Sam wake up it's me, I'm ok' I'm right here'

Sam's eyes snapped open; she pushed Janet aside and immediately ran to the waste bin and began retching. Fortunately her stomach had nothing left to bring up. Janet rushed over and held her friend as the gagging subsided.

'Sam I'm so sorry', whispered Janet, anguished at seeing her friend so distressed. Janet guided Sam back to the bed as she started to shake violently. Sam held herself as her teeth chattered. Janet was prepared for this reaction and pulled 2 sedatives from her pocket, 'here take these', she said forcing them into Sam's hand then reaching for a glass of water.

Sam's hand was shaking so violently Janet had to hold the glass steady for her as she swallowed the pills. 'Now get back in bed'.

Sam did as she was told without comment, eyes staring blankly ahead.

'Sam please talk to me', Janet asked, fighting back tears of worry.

For the first time since she had entered to the room, Sam looked at Janet and whispered 'I nearly lost you'.

'I know honey, but I'm really ok, I'm here safe with you'.

Like a dam breaking Sam let all the fear and pent up emotion of the day wash over, sitting up she grabbed blindly for Janet, burying her face in her shoulder as sobs wracked her body.

Janet held her tight, her own heart breaking as the usually stoic Major fell apart in her arms. Janet rocked Sam gently murmuring reassurances to her as her own tears joined those of her friend.

After a long time Janet realised that Sam had cried herself to sleep in her arms, gently lowering Sam to the bed, Janet stood to leave. Sam's hand shot out grabbing Janet's hand.

'Please don't leave me', Sam whispered fearfully, worried about slipping into another terrifying dream.

'Ok', Janet replied, moving to lock the door then kicking off her shoes and removing her jeans she climbed into the small bed next to Sam, having no choice but to snuggle her back up to Sam's front. Janet felt Sam's arm tighten around her as if hanging on for life.

'Don't worry Sam it'll be alright', she whispered as she felt Sam relaxing into sleep again.

'I love you', Sam whispered sleepily.

Janet was a little shocked to hear that statement, but took a moment to think about what Sam meant to her and how she would feel about losing her. Janet remembered the good times they had spent together, trips out with Cassie, long evenings in front of the fire with a bottle of wine, chatting about everything and nothing. Janet couldn't imagine her life without Sam in it, she didn't even want to think about all the close calls with death Sam had had and the fear Janet felt every time Sam went on a mission.

'I love you too Sam', Janet replied with certainty, squeezing Sam's hand as Sam's arms tightened around her.

Part 2

God, when did life get so complicated? Major Samantha Carter thought to herself. It had been almost 3 weeks since Janet's 'resurrection' from the dead thanks to the 'Ritual of Life' performed by the Nox, and Sam's mind had been in turmoil since that terrible day. Sam was lying in her quarters trying to catch up on some sleep, but every time she closed her eyes the image of Janet's blank, dead eyes tormented her. Sam was still tortured by the nightmares of that fateful day, only in her dreams the Nox had been unable to revive Janet, and Sam would wake up screaming, tears streaking her cheeks and Janet's name on her lips. Obviously Sam had been overjoyed that Janet's brush with death had been short lived, but the shock and terror of losing her, however briefly had refused to go away.

Janet's 'death' had also unleashed all the tightly controlled feelings Sam had for her best friend. Her best friend who also happened to be the base CMO, a fellow officer, and mostly significantly completely straight. Sam had long since acknowledged her own sexuality, yes she found some men attractive, had even been engaged in another lifetime, but she knew she could only ever be truly in love with another women. However, being gay or even bisexual was not exactly something that was conducive to being part of the US Airforce, and as Sam loved her job, she kept a lid on her feelings for other women. She had dated a couple of girls back in college, a couple more before joining the SGC, but since then she had buried herself in her work, refusing to allow herself the luxury of a close relationship.

Sam's feelings for Janet had sort of crept up on her. It hadn't been love at first sight but more of a natural progression in their friendship. Obviously Sam had noticed how beautiful Janet was the first time they'd met, she wasn't blind, but she also wasn't looking to get involved with anybody, especially someone she worked with. However, the close friendship they shared, the joys and pains of bringing Cassie up, and the many perilous events they had experienced, had slowly changed Sam's feelings from friendship to deep affection and then much, much more. Sam's confession of love for Janet the night she 'died' had been reciprocated, but Sam knew that Janet had spoken as a friend and nothing more. Yes, a very dear and close friend but Sam had really meant 'I'm in love with you', and Janet had certainly not echoed that sentiment.

The problem was Sam wasn't sure if she could keep these feelings hidden any longer. The shock of nearly losing Janet had opened a Pandora's box that refused to be closed. Instead Sam had kept her distance from Janet, refusing to allow herself to get into any situation where she might be alone with the doctor. She knew Janet was hurt and confused about the change in Sam's behaviour, but Sam didn't know how to explain it to her. The years spent raising Cassie together had ensured Sam spent a lot of time in Janet's company, however Cassandra was now in college and was often away. Even when home, Cassie spent most of her time with her friends, so Sam spent very little time at the Frasier household these days and she hadn't been there at all since P3X 666. SG1 were still on down time until Colonel O'Neill recovered from the injuries he had suffered that day, so Sam had spent the time catching up on some much needed research and paper work. Spending hours cooped up in her lab in an attempt to block out the memories that haunted her constantly.

Sam didn't know what to do, she couldn't keep avoiding Janet forever, but when she did see her the desire to hold her close and tell her how she felt was overwhelming. Only the fear of not knowing what Janet's reaction would be held her back. Sam was fairly certain that Janet wouldn't completely reject her, but it would change things between them, for always, and Sam couldn't bear the thought of the awkwardness that would follow.

Sam was jolted out of her thoughts by a knock at the door. "Who is it?"

"It's me," Janet replied quietly, uncertain of the reception she would get.

Oh shit, thought Sam, why didn't I just pretend to be asleep? Oh well, I suppose this was inevitable. Sam knew that an enquiry to her change in behaviour would be coming from Janet some time soon. "Come in, it's open".

Janet entered Sam's room, walking over to the bed and sitting down. "I just wanted to let you know that I've discharged Colonel O'Neill, he should be fit for active duty in a couple of days."

"That's great," replied Sam, "can't wait to get back to something other than research." Sam tried to summon up some enthusiasm, but Janet knew her too well to be fooled.

"Sam what's wrong? I thought you'd be pleased to be going on another mission."

"I am, really. There's nothing wrong. Really." Sam was aware that she was trying too hard, Janet would see through her in a second.

"Have I done something to upset you? Because if I have I wish you'd just tell me."

"No, you haven't done anything, I told you I'm fine," Sam replied, annoyed to hear that her voice had taken on a note of desperation.

"You know you can tell me anything don't you?" Janet continued, "I'll always be here for you no matter what."

Sam's eyes filled with tears, she looked away quickly, not daring to meet Janet's questioning look. Those dark eyes would shatter the tenuous hold she had on her emotions.

"Sam look at me, tell me what's bothering you?" Janet pleaded.

Summoning up the only response she thought might save her Sam's head snapped up angrily, "I told you there's nothing wrong so why don't you stop playing doctor and just mind your own fucking business," she shouted.

Janet recoiled so sharply she almost fell off the end of the bed. Recovering she jumped to her feet running for the door, once there she turned round, tears filling her eyes, "you're my friend Sam and you're obviously in pain. All I'm trying to do is help, but if you want to shut me out that's fine," Janet's voice caught as she chocked back a sob, "but you don't have to be such a bitch about it." Janet fled from the room in shock; Sam had never ever spoken to her like that before. Janet knew her friend had been severely shaken since the events on P3X 666, but she felt as though she didn't even know Sam anymore.

Back in her room Sam flinched at the bang of the door slamming, she jumped to her feet ready to go after Janet and beg forgiveness, but stopped, not trusting herself to completely fall to pieces and tell Janet everything. Instead she gave the back of the door a hefty punch, crying out in pain, as she felt something crack. Turning and sliding to her knees Sam held her bruised knuckles to her lips as the tears started and threatened never to stop.

~~~

Sam woke the next morning, amazed at the fact she had managed to sleep at all. She still felt tired and on edge but her body was a little refreshed. Sitting up Sam yelped at the sudden pain in her hand. Looking down she was shocked to see her knuckles were covered with a kaleidoscope of pink and purple bruises which also travelled down most of her fingers. Groaning Sam started to dress, stupid, how am I going to explain this? The pain was bearable but Sam knew she would have to get her hand checked out just in case there was any serious damage. The problem was Sam knew Janet was on duty today, and after the events of the previous night Sam couldn't face the icy reception she would deservedly get, so she had no intention of going to the infirmary. She would just drive to the local emergency room and get it checked there, as the Airforce took care of all Sam's medical needs, she would just have to pay cash.

On her way out Sam stopped at her lab. Sitting in front of her computer Sam wrote a quick email to Janet, which was a little tricky as she could only use her left hand.

Janet

I'm so sorry for the way I spoke to you last night, I know you were just worried about me and you so didn't deserve that response. I have no excuses, I was just really tired, haven't been sleeping well but it's nothing for you to worry about.

Again I'm really sorry, I hope you can forgive me.

Sam

Hitting send, Sam knew she was taking the cowards way out, but she felt so guilty about her outburst last night and she didn't want to see the hurt look in Janet's eyes or have to find an explanation for her hand.

Heading for the elevator Sam jumped as she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Sam," Janet called.

Pretending not to hear, Sam stuffed her injured hand in her pocket with a hiss of pain and quickened her pace. Reaching the elevator she quickly hit the button for the surface and turned to see Janet hurrying towards her.

"Sam wait a minute, I got your email."

Please close, please close Sam prayed to the God of elevator doors who must have heard. As the doors closed Sam saw Janet stop, "sorry Janet, in a hurry," she said, trying to ignore the look of hurt that flashed across Janet's face.

Leaning against the side of the elevator Sam cursed herself for the pain she knew she was inflicting on her best friend. Janet deserved an explanation, but short of telling the truth Sam couldn't think up any excuses for her behaviour, Sam knew Janet wouldn't fall for 'I'm just tired'.

Heading for her car Sam decided that she would worry about it later, right now she had to get to the local hospital.

~~~

Sam was sitting on a gurney waiting for the doctor, after a 3-hour wait and a trip to x-ray, she was thinking it would have been easier to just swallow her pride and have Janet take a look at her hand. Just then the curtain was pulled back and Sam gasped as the doctor smiled at her. Wow she thought. The doctor was gorgeous, long wavy red hair, stunning green eyes, and an athletic figure. Sam swallowed as butterflies took up residence in her stomach. What is it with me and doctors?

"Hi there, I'm Doctor Michaels, let's take a look at this hand, I'm sorry to keep you waiting."

"That's ok," Sam stuttered, trying not to stare as the beautiful doctor took a seat in front of her.

Sam sat in silence as the doctor looked at her hand, relieved to discover that she had full range of movement. As the doctor stood to look at the x-rays Sam tried to ignore the fact that the doctor's subtle perfume was making her light headed.

"There's no serious damage but you have cracked your 3rd metacarpal, we'll get it strapped up for you and you should be good as new in a few days," Doctor Michaels explained.

"Thanks a lot Doctor", Sam replied, offering one of her dazzling smiles.

"No problem," the doctor replied with an equally stunning smile, winking at Sam as she turned and left.

Sam let out a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding, was she just flirting with me Sam thought.

After getting her hand bandaged Sam headed to the local grocery store needing to buy some essentials, she had been on base so much recently that her cupboards at home were almost bare.

She was just debating over which coffee to buy when a familiar voice startled her.

"Hi there, oops sorry didn't mean to scare you."

"Doctor Michaels," Sam choked out, "thought you'd still be at the hospital."

"No my shift just finished, and call me Rebecca please. Doctor Michaels is my dad."

"Ok Rebecca," Sam searched for something to say, her mouth was suddenly very dry, and her brain seemed to have fogged over, "thanks again for fixing up my hand."

"No problem," Rebecca replied, "how did you hurt it anyway?"

Oh shit, what do I say, Sam panicked trying to think of a plausible explanation but couldn't come up with anything. "I got really mad and punched a door, stupid I know."

"Ouch, remind me not to make you mad," Rebecca replied breaking into a grin that made her green eyes sparkle.

Sam smiled back, "I don't usually make a habit of assaulting doors, just lost my temper."

"Do you fancy going for a coffee?" Rebecca asked, "my treat."

Sam was just about to come up with an excuse when she changed her mind, "sure, I'd love to."

"Great, but you'll have to recommend somewhere, I just moved to the area and don't know where anything is yet."

"No problem, I know the perfect place," Sam replied, thinking she'd try a little experiment.

Rebecca gave Sam that dazzling smile again, oh boy am I in trouble thought Sam.

~~~

Getting ready for bed that night, Sam thought back on the events of the day. Considering the day had started badly, it had slowly improved and turned into a great afternoon. Sam's little experiment had been to take Rebecca to a coffee shop in the 'gay' part of town. Sam knew it was a little sneaky but curiosity had got the better of her, Sam had been out of the dating game so long that she worried if her 'gaydar' was still functioning. She'd been pretty sure Rebecca was interested in her but had to be certain, maybe Rebecca was just looking for a friend after moving to a new job?

Rebecca had been completely at ease in the coffee shop, not batting an eyelid at the same sex couples who had walked in hand in hand. That had put Sam's mind at rest; she relaxed and allowed herself to enjoy Rebecca's company. The coffee shop was small and cosy, and looking around Sam felt sadness as she realised what she'd been missing out on all these years. Sam also felt envious of the people around her who seemed so at ease with their sexuality, no fear or shame. No worries that they may loose their jobs for just being themselves. Sam then realised she was just pitying herself, she had no idea about the lives of these people, the friends and family they may have lost just for coming out, maybe they were just as lonely as she felt, however, looking at Rebecca, Sam thought maybe that was about to change.

It turned out they had a lot in common, Rebecca had also followed in her father's footsteps, although her father specialised in paediatrics, Rebecca loved the frantic pace and constant challenges of working in the ER. Like Sam, Rebecca was a workaholic; she was deeply committed to her job to the point where she hadn't had a serious relationship in over 4 years. Rebecca also loved moving around and seeing new places, and had worked in several different hospitals but hadn't found anywhere she liked enough to settle down yet.

Sam's instant attraction to Rebecca had intensified throughout the afternoon, she found herself openly flirting with her, something she hadn't done in years. Sam had been shocked when she checked her watch to find 3 hours had passed in the small coffee shop. Rebecca had leapt to her feet, she had an appointment to view a small house she was hoping to rent and get out of the shoebox she was currently living in. Rebecca had hastily written her cell phone number on a napkin and asked Sam to call her later, leaning down she had kissed Sam's cheek, her lips lingering for second or two.

Sam sat back in her chair staring at the napkin as she slowly finished her latte. With a start she realised she hadn't given a thought to Janet all afternoon. This was something of a breakthrough as the petite doctor had occupied Sam's thoughts constantly for the past 3 weeks.

Sam had called Rebecca that evening, torn between appearing too keen and wanting to talk to her again. Sam had paced her kitchen nervously as she waited for Rebecca to answer. Sam needn't have worried; Rebecca was delighted to hear from her and had admitted she was nervous that Sam might not call. They had chatted for an hour on the phone and agreed to have lunch the following day as they both had the day off work. Rebecca said she would pick Sam up, as she wanted to take Sam for a ride in her car. It turned out they also shared a passion for speed although Rebecca preferred four wheels as opposed to two after losing several patients as a result of motorbike accidents. Sam had seen that as a challenge and hoped she'd get the opportunity to change Rebecca's mind. Sam had seen Rebecca's beautiful vintage Corvette and hoped she could persuade Rebecca to let her drive it.

Climbing into bed Sam looked forward to the following day with a mixture of excitement and nervous anticipation. She was disturbed from her thoughts by the phone ringing, leaning over to answer it Sam changed her mind knowing who the caller was likely to be. Janet often called Sam before she went to bed, their evening conversations were a habit that Sam used to look forward to, but now Sam's stomach flipped anxiously at the thought of talking to Janet. She decided to let the machine answer.

"Sam if you're there pick up"

"Sam please pick up"

"Sam we need to talk...you can't keep avoiding me. Please what have I done wrong?"

"Ok, you're either not there or avoiding me again...I don't know what to do."

With an audible sigh, Janet hung up.

Sam fell against her pillow, her good mood now evaporated. She had heard the sadness in Janet's voice and again felt guilty for the pain she knew Janet was feeling. Sam knew she was Janet's closest friend, they had shared so much over the past years, Janet would be devastated by the way Sam was treating her, especially the way she had spoken to her last night. Janet didn't deserve to be treated this way so Sam decided she would call Janet tomorrow evening and apologise. She knew she would not be able to put the doctor's mind completely at rest but at least she could make the first step towards repairing the damage that had been done.

Feeling a little better, Sam drifted off to sleep.

~~~

"NO, NOOOOO, JANET"

Sam bolted upright in bed, the scream dying in her throat as she returned to wakefulness. Panting she ran her fingers through her sweat soaked hair and tried to stand on shaky legs. Staggering to the bathroom Sam blinked as she turned on the light and looked fearfully at her reflection. Her skin was almost translucent making the dark circles under her eyes look more like bruises, her eyes were also red rimmed, a result of the tears she had shed in her sleep, and her vest top was stuck to her body which was covered in a layer of terror induced sweat.

Peeling off her top and shorts Sam turned on the shower and stood there shivering as she waited for it to warm up. Stepping under the hot spray, carefully trying to keep her bandaged right hand dry, Sam worried about the persistent nightmare she was enduring. SG1 would soon be off world again, how would it appear if she woke up screaming Janet's name whilst in the middle of a mission. Sam knew she would have to talk to someone about it, but who? Maybe Daniel, after all, he had been at Janet's side when she'd been shot, he would probably best understand Sam's inability to forget the events of that day.

Stepping out of the shower, Sam pulled on her robe and walked back to her bedroom. The sun had risen and Sam glanced at the clock, 6.30am, no point in trying to go back to sleep. Sam went downstairs and made some coffee and toast, grabbing the morning paper from the front porch, she sat on the sofa and enjoyed the peace and quiet.

Paper read from cover to cover, Sam flicked the TV on and tried to concentrate on the inane chat shows that seemed to dominate morning television. However, before long her thoughts drifted to the confused muddle of feelings she had for the two doctors in her life. Yes Sam was in love with Janet Frasier and had been for longer than she even dared to admit to herself; but Janet was straight, had been married and had never expressed anything more than friendship towards Sam. Janet was also Sam's best friend, Sam valued their friendship more than anything, although Janet might doubt that at the moment; Sam didn't want to jeopardise their friendship or either one of their careers, so she might as well forget about all her little fantasies where Janet felt the same way for her and they lived happily ever after, secretly sharing their love.

Sam had felt an immediate attraction to Rebecca Michaels, something she hadn't felt for a long time, and although they had only met the day before, Sam believed things could develop further. Obviously there was the small matter of the secrecy of her job, not to mention the unspoken 'don't ask, don't tell' view of the Military; but for the first time since joining the SGC Sam decided to allow her personal life an opportunity to develop. Janet's close call had reminded Sam that death could be a heartbeat away, so why not enjoy what life had to offer.

But was it fair to start dating Rebecca when Sam still had feelings for Janet??

That question was Sam's last thought as she drifted off to sleep.

~~~

Arching her back like a cat, Sam stretched after slowly waking from the most restful sleep she'd had for days. Glancing at the clock, she jumped to her feet; Rebecca would be here in an hour and Sam still had to decide what to wear.

45 minutes later Sam came downstairs, dressed in tight fitting jeans, a low cut black t-shirt and boots that increased her height to almost 6 feet. Not wanting to have coffee breath, Sam started to make herself a cup of tea when the doorbell rang.

"You're early," Sam said with a smile as she opened the front door. The smile froze on her lips, as the person on the other side was not Rebecca but a very tired looking Janet Frasier.

"Janet" Sam squeaked, her stomach twisting painfully, "sorry I thought you were someone else."

"Hi Sam, can I come in?"

Sam was struck by a moment of indecision. Janet obviously wanted to talk, but Rebecca would be here soon. However, Sam felt terrible about turning Janet away, she looked weary and upset, dark circles shadowing her eyes, obviously she had been having problems sleeping as well.

"Sure come in, but I'm waiting for someone to come and pick me up. She'll be here in about 10 minutes," Sam replied not knowing what else to do.

Sam held the door open, "do you want a cup of tea? I was just making one for myself."

"Please," Janet replied following Sam into the kitchen.

The tension in the room was palpable as Sam poured them both a drink. Turning to hand Janet her cup, Sam's breath caught at the look of complete anguish on her friends face.

"Janet I'm so sorry," Sam whispered.

"What happened to your hand?" Janet asked, her voice strained with the anger and hurt she was holding back.

Oh shit, Sam thought, she'd completely forgotten about her hand and quickly searched her mind for a plausible excuse. "I trapped it in the hood of the car," Sam laughed nervously, knowing Janet would see right through the lie.

"Mmm," Janet replied dubiously, "who strapped it up for you?"

Sam groaned inwardly, "I went to the local emergency room, it was closer than driving to the base with an injured hand." Good save, Sam thought to herself even while she was hating herself for lying.

"Right," Janet said obviously not believing a word but not wanting to come right out and accuse Sam of lying.

Silence reigned in the small kitchen and Sam restlessly fidgeted with the tag on her teabag. She hated the discomfort that hung in the air, her and Janet usually had such an easy friendship, she worried that it had been irreparably damaged.

The tension was broken by the sound of the doorbell ringing; Sam excused herself and went to answer it. Janet followed Sam out of the kitchen as Sam opened the door.

"Hi Sam, wow you look gorgeous. How's the hand?" Rebecca said, leaning forward to give Sam a quick kiss on the cheek.

Sam stepped back embarrassed knowing Janet was watching. "Hi Rebecca," Sam replied looking from her to Janet.

Rebecca turned, "oh sorry, didn't know you had company." Rebecca offered a hand to Janet, "hi there, I'm Rebecca Michaels, nice to meet you."

Janet shook the offered hand, "Janet Frasier, nice to meet you too. I was actually just leaving." Janet picked up her bag and headed for the open front door, "bye Sam" she said quietly as she started to close the door behind her.

"Rebecca would you excuse me a moment," Sam asked already following Janet out of the door.

"Sure no problem," Rebecca replied to the already closed door.

"Janet wait a minute," Sam called.

Janet turned waiting for Sam to speak.

"Look I'm sorry about this, I know we need to talk it's just bad timing. Can I come round to your place tonight, please," Sam asked fearing Janet might just tell her to go to hell.

Janet sighed and looked at the ground, "are you actually going to talk to me this time?"

"I promise," Sam replied with an apologetic smile, "I'll even bring wine and food."

"Just as long as you don't cook it," Janet said with a smile of her own.

"Great I'll see you later then," Sam replied, waiting as Janet climbed into her car and then waving her off.

Driving down the street Janet waved to Sam, as a sudden realisation came to her.

~~~

Going back into the house, Sam felt a little relieved that Janet had called to see her. Ok she still had a lot of explaining to do, but at least the first tentative steps had been taken.

"Sorry about that," Sam said to Rebecca, looking at the doctor properly for the first time since she'd arrived Sam swallowed back a rush of unexpected lust. Rebecca was wearing a tight fitting almost metallic green vest top that matched her eyes perfectly, black leather pants that looked as though they'd been sprayed on, the pants flared slightly at the ankle where Rebecca was wearing black boots also with a high heel. Rebecca's top showed off her shoulders, which were a healthy tan.

"Wow, and you said I was gorgeous," Sam said shyly.

"No problem," Rebecca answered, "and you are gorgeous. Is your friend ok? She looked a little upset."

"We had a fight, but I think she's ok."

"You want to talk about it?" Rebecca asked.

Sam shook her head, "maybe later," she replied, "let's go, I want to have a look at that gorgeous car of yours." Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Sam grabbed her keys and followed Rebecca out of the house.

"She's a beauty, 1961 right?" Sam asked.

"Yep, she's my baby, comes with me wherever I go. You want to drive?" Rebecca asked already knowing what the answer would be.

"You bet," Sam replied, still walking round the car and admiring its beauty. "Did you restore her yourself?"

"I wish, no I bought her from a friend of my brother. He didn't have to do much work; apparently the car belonged to his next-door neighbour who left it to him when he died. The car had spent the last 20 years just sitting in his garage, apparently the poor old guy had no family and Carl, that's my brother's friend, was like a son to him. Carl didn't really want to sell her but a couple of years ago he got married and started a family; he really needed the money and knew I'd look after. He still gets visitation rights when I go home though," Rebecca laughed.

Sam was still examining the car closely, Rebecca rolled her eyes, "I see I have some competition," grabbing Sam's hand and pulling her to the driver's seat, "come on or we'll never get there."

"Sorry I can get a bit distracted sometimes."

"No kidding," Rebecca replied with a laugh, "where are we going then?" Rebecca asked climbing into the passenger seat next to Sam.

"There's supposed to be a really nice Greek restaurant just near the coffee shop we went to yesterday, I've never been but I've heard it's good. Do you like Greek food?"

"Love it, let's go, just be careful with your hand."

Giving Rebecca a dazzling smile Sam gunned the engine and roared down the street.

~~~

The journey to the restaurant was spent discussing the pros and cons of four wheels versus two, Sam felt she gained some ground as Rebecca had agreed to come for a ride on Sam's prize Indian.

In no time they arrived at the car park near the restaurant. Walking down the street Sam was a little surprised when Rebecca reached for her hand.

"You don't mind do you?" Rebecca asked.

"No course not," Sam replied giving Rebecca's hand a squeeze. Looking around her Sam saw many admiring glances both male and female, she felt a self conscious flush colour her cheeks. Turning to smile at Rebecca, Sam was again struck by her beauty, especially with the sunlight glinting in her hair making it appear almost golden.

"What are you smiling at?" Rebecca asked with a grin.

"I was just thinking how beautiful you are," Sam replied shyly, her cheeks now burning with embarrassment.

"God you're cute when you're embarrassed," Rebecca laughed, which only served to make Sam blush even more.

"We're here," Sam said, glad to have a reason to change the subject.

Sam enjoyed herself even more than the day before, Rebecca was funny and confident, she told Sam all about her childhood and years in college. Sam told Rebecca what she could about herself and her work and for a change Rebecca didn't pry when Sam explained the secrecy surrounding her job, although she did admit to being very intrigued.

Sam and Rebecca were enjoying a shared dessert of Greek yoghurt and honey when Rebecca asked, "so tell me about Janet, do I have anything to be jealous about?"

Sam started to cough as her dessert suddenly went down the wrong way, sipping some water she asked, "what makes you say that?"

"Just a vibe I picked up on," Rebecca said with a slight frown at Sam's obvious discomfort.

"No you've nothing to worry about, Janet's my closest friend but she's totally straight."

"But you do have feelings for her?"

"Jeez Rebecca you really go in for the kill," Sam replied, not sure how to answer the question.

"Look Sam, I really like you and I think you like me, but you wouldn't be the first person to fall for their straight best friend. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, but maybe it would help to talk about it, despite what I said I'm really not the jealous type, and besides you're here with me now, aren't you?"

Sam smiled finding Rebecca's directness refreshing, "ok, I admit I do have feelings for Janet, I care for her deeply, but we work together, in the Military and it's never going to happen so I think I should get on with my life and get over it."

"Great, then maybe I can help you with that," Rebecca replied, leaning across the table she gently brushed her lips across Sam's.

Sam's heart began pounding and her senses went into overload. She was overwhelmingly aware of the softness of Rebecca's lips, the subtle scent of her perfume, and the way her hair lightly brushed across Sam's face, but then too soon it was over.

Sam gave Rebecca one of her trademark thousand watts smiles, and was rewarded with an equally beautiful smile in return.

~~~

Arriving back at Sam's house, Sam invited Rebecca in for a drink and 'tour' of the garage to check out Sam's Indian. Rebecca agreed the bike was fantastic but was still a little reluctant to join Sam for a spin.

"I promise I'll go eventually but you'll have to give me a while to get used to the idea," she said admiring the gleaming bike, "besides it'll be worth it just to see you in leathers!"

"You're a terrible flirt you know," Sam stated, but secretly delighted by the fact.

"Of course," Rebecca replied. Turning to Sam, Rebecca grabbed her uninjured hand and gently pulled her closer, Sam's pulse quickened as she decided to take the initiative this time. Leaning forward she grazed her lips across Rebecca's, letting go of Rebecca's hand Sam reached to slowly run her fingers across Rebecca's cheek then slid her hand gently into her hair. The kiss intensified as lips parted and tongues tentatively touched before deepening and sliding together. Rebecca grabbed Sam by the hips and pulled her closer, their bodies moulding together, her hands slipped round her waist as passion started to get the upper hand. Rebecca pushed Sam against the garage door, pinning her before sliding a leg between Sam's thighs. Sam's fingers tightened in Rebecca's hair, as flames of desire coursed through her veins, tugging Rebecca's head back Sam began to devour her throat, nipping and grazing along her jaw line. Sam twisted Rebecca round intending to swap places with her, unfortunately she forgot about her injured hand and yelped in pain as it chose that moment to remind her. The sudden noise broke the two women apart with a gasp. Sam and Rebecca looked at each other, both were breathing heavily and flushed with heat and arousal, a few seconds passed before they both grinned and broke into laughter.

"Wow, that certainly destroyed the moment, I guess your hand's not ready for a groping session yet?" Rebecca laughed.

"Yeah," Sam agreed, "although maybe the garage isn't the most romantic place for this anyway!"

"Probably not, anyway your bike will be jealous," Rebecca replied as Sam rolled her eyes.

Rebecca followed Sam into the kitchen, admiring the way the tight fabric of her jeans showed off her perfect butt. The two women chatted in the kitchen drinking coffee and making arrangements for Sam to help Rebecca to move into her new house at the weekend. Rebecca also checked out Sam's hand, which was healing well and none the worse for her extra curricular activities.

Another brief but intense kiss followed before Rebecca left to go and sign the lease for her new place.

~~~

Later that evening Sam stood nervously on Janet's porch, she carried a pizza with all Janet's favourite toppings from her favourite Italian restaurant as well as two bottles of Janet's favourite wine. Sam was still feeling incredibly guilty about the way she had been treating Janet and was determined to try and make amends.

Summoning up her courage Sam rang the doorbell. Janet opened the door and Sam's breath caught as Janet smiled sadly at her.

"Hi Sam, come on in."

"Hi Janet," Sam replied with a gulp.

Janet was dressed in worn faded jeans and a simple white blouse, her hair was loose around her face, which was free of make up, Sam noted that she looked incredibly young and vulnerable. The image brought a lump to Sam's throat as she also thought her friend had never looked more beautiful.

Damn, Sam thought to herself, was does she make me feel this way, I try to fight it but it's so hard.

Sam walked over to the sofa and sat down.

"I'll just get some glasses for the wine," Janet said disappearing into the kitchen, then reappearing and joining Sam on the sofa. Sam was aware of the soft scent of soap and strawberry shampoo coming from her friend; the smell was so familiar it almost brought tears to her eyes.

Sharing the pizza Sam and Janet made small talk about how fast Cassie was growing up, how nice the weather had been, and Jack O'Neill's imminent return to active duty.

Taking a large gulp from her wine Janet settled back and turned to look at Sam.

"So... you promised to tell me what was bothering you," she said, refusing to let Sam off the hook.

Sam's hand froze as she was raising her glass to her lips. Taking a deep breath she placed her glass on the table. Turning to face Janet, her heart broke as she saw the fear and pain in her eyes.

"Yes I did, but before I do I want to apologise for the way I've been acting. I was totally out of line Janet and I'm really sorry, I know that can't even begin to make up for the way I've treated you but please believe me, if I could take it back I would."

"You really hurt me Sam," Janet said, her throat thick with unshed tears.

"I know, I'm so sorry, can you ever forgive me?" Sam choked, her voice barely a whisper.

"Just tell me why Sam, what did I do to make you so angry with me, I don't understand?"

Sam sat back on the sofa and raising her eyes to the ceiling, she was once again taken back to that terrible day on P3X 666.

"You died Janet, you left me. Every time I close my eyes all I see is your dead, broken body. You died with your eyes wide open; it was so quick you didn't have time to close them. I know you're alive now but it really scared me, I don't know what I would do if something happened to you," Sam's voice was now hoarse with the fear and pain she had been keeping inside for what felt like such a long time.

Janet watched her friend; her body was so rigid it looked ready to snap. Her hands were tightly clenched, the knuckles white and the veins standing out in stark contrast. Reaching for Sam's hand Janet pulled it to her and brought it to her lips, gently kissing the knuckles, which now relaxed. "Sam look at me," she said quietly, "SAM" Janet called; trying to snap her friend out of the memory she was still submerged in.

Sam's head snapped up, her eyes locking with Janet's.

Janet's stomach twisted painfully as she realised just how much her friend was hurting. Sam's usually vibrant and intelligent eyes were now almost dead in appearance. All the things that made Sam 'Sam' seemed to have deserted her at that moment. Janet's own hurt and anger dissolved, as she understood the agony Sam had been living through.

Tugging Sam's hand Janet moved closer to her then threw her arms around her friend, pulling her close and squeezing her tightly. Sam initially resisted, trying to pull away, but then gave in as she realised Janet wasn't going to let go. Tentatively she wrapped her arms around the smaller women then buried her face in her hair, breathing in the familiar aroma. With a shudder Sam finally let go of her fears, holding Janet to her like her life depended on it Sam slowly started to cry, quietly at first but then quickly descending into sobs that wracked her whole body.

"I was so angry with you for leaving me," Sam managed to choke out between sobs, "and more angry with myself for not being there to protect you. I couldn't cope with feeling like that so I just shut you out. I'm so sorry Janet."

Janet rocked Sam, stroking her hair and back, "it's ok Sam I understand, I'm so sorry you've been feeling like this, I just wish you'd spoken to me sooner. But it'll be ok. Sshhh," Janet tried to reassure Sam, her back now aching from supporting the weight of the taller woman, but prepared to stay there all night if it eased her fears.

After a long time, Sam loosened her vice like grip on Janet's body. Sitting up she reached for the tissues, blowing her nose and wiping her face, then with a sheepish grin she passed them to Janet to mop up her own tears.

"So much for the tough soldier," Sam laughed at herself.

"Even a tough soldier is allowed to have feelings Sam," Janet replied, topping up Sam's glass. "Drink this, doctor's orders," she added hoping the alcohol would help settle Sam's frayed nerves.

"Yes ma'am," Sam said taking a huge gulp of wine.

"How did you really hurt your hand?"

"I knew you wouldn't fall for the 'I trapped it in the hood of the car excuse'," Sam replied guiltily. "I was angry when I upset you the other night, and...I kinda punched the door."

"Oh Sam," Janet said with a sad sigh.

Janet held Sam's hand as they sat in silence, each feeling drained but relieved the tension had broken.

Summoning up her courage Janet decided to broach the subject that had been bugging her all afternoon. "Sam can I ask you a question?"

"Sure fire away," Sam replied with a much-needed grin.

"You can tell me to mind my own business," Janet took a deep breath, "are you gay?"

Sam eyes widened like that of a trapped animal, she jumped to her feet and started pacing the room. "Shit Janet, get to the point why don't you!"

"Sam it's ok, calm down, I don't care, it makes no difference to me," Janet stood up and gently turned Sam to face her, "if you are that is."

"What makes you ask that," Sam replied, worried that someone may have seen her and Rebecca out that day and making a mental note to be more careful next time.

"Just watching you this morning when Rebecca arrived, it was as though something clicked into place. I take it she's your girlfriend?"

Sitting down again Sam decided the time had come to be honest with her friend, "a long time ago a very good friend told me that we shouldn't label people with being gay, straight or bi. People are people, some might never be attracted to the opposite sex, and some may be a little attracted but never act on it. Some might believe they are completely hetro then meet someone of the same sex and fall head over heels. I am attracted to men Janet, but I could only ever fall in love with a women. Rebecca and I have only been out once, twice if you count the day we met, I really like her, but it's so risky, you know, I'm so scared all the time that someone will find out." Sam tried to judge her friend's reaction to this revelation and was relieved to see only compassion and understanding in her eyes.

"I'd say your friend was very wise, and you're right we shouldn't stick people in boxes and expect them to behave a certain way. I'm glad you like Rebecca and I think you should go for it, but your behaviour the past few weeks have made me do some serious thinking today and I want to ask you another question and you really can tell me to go to hell if you like."

Sam frowned, really not liking the sound of that.

Taking a very deep breath and nearly changing her mind, Janet asked quietly "Sam... are you in love with me?" she really needed to know but desperately didn't want to embarrass her friend, or herself.

Again Sam's eyes widened to the size of saucers, "God is it interrogate Sam Carter day today?" Sam didn't know what to say, her feelings for Janet had been a secret for so long she didn't know how to react to the fact that the subject of her love and longing now knew how she felt. Deciding to continue along the honesty path, Sam looked into Janet's eyes and said, "yes I am."

This time Janet's eyes grew huge, they also filled with tears.

Sam grabbed Janet's hand, "Janet please don't cry, it's ok, I'm ok. I promise this won't affect our friendship. I've been dealing with this for a long time and I know nothing's going to happen. Please just forget about it."

Sam watched Janet, trying to gage her feelings, but unable to read the look in her eyes. Sam started to panic, her heart was beating hard enough to burst out of her chest, she was feeling nauseous, and the butterflies in her stomach were physically painful.

"Janet say something... please," Sam pleaded, although she wasn't convinced she would like what Janet had to say.

"How long?" Janet asked, her voiced strangled.

"What?"

"How long have you been in love with me?" Janet's voice was so quiet Sam was struggling to hear her over the cacophony of her thunderous heartbeat.

Sam wasn't sure how to respond; she didn't know when she'd first realised her feelings for Janet were more than just friendship. "I don't really know, it didn't just happen like a bolt from the blue, we've spent so much time together, especially when Cassie was younger, it sort of happened gradually. I tried to ignore it, pretend it wasn't happening, but since I almost lost you I haven't been able to cope with how I feel so I just shut you out, I'm sorry. I don't think you guessed anything before today so can't we just pretend this never happened?" Sam was now feeling sick to her stomach, she didn't have a clue how Janet was going to react and the thought of loosing her friend forever was almost enough to make her bolt from the sofa and straight out of the front door.

"Janet please talk to me, just tell me what you are feeling... please, anything. PLEASE."

Janet met Sam's eyes, she was alarmed to see that Sam looked more frightened than she'd ever seen her; but Janet was in turmoil, her brain trying to process what she had just heard, however she knew Sam deserved some kind of response.

"Sam I don't now what to say. Shit, I don't even know what to think! It's not everyday that your closest friend tells you that she's in love with you. I don't know how you can just expect me to carry on as though nothing's happened. Sam this changes everything."

Sam feared that at any second her stomach was going to rebel against the wine and pizza. She was terrified, more than she'd ever been in her life, even when facing the deadliest goa'uld she'd never known fear like this. So choosing the only option she could think of she jumped to her feet, grabbed her jacket and was out of the front door before Janet even had time to speak. Rushing to her car, she fumbled with her keys and was reversing off the driveway to the sound of Janet screaming her name as she ran out of the front door.

Sam floored it, tears were clouding her vision, and a dim and distant voice inside her head argued that she shouldn't be driving after the amount of wine she had drank. Ignoring it Sam continued to push the speed limit, hurtling in to the next street just as a cat, startled by the screech of tyres, shot out in front of the car. Fortunately years of military training overrode Sam's alcohol tainted senses. "FUCK," she screamed, slamming on the brakes as the startled cat froze in the headlights of the on-coming car. Skidding to a stop, Sam expected at any time to feel the sickening thud of her car impacting with a small body, fortunately it never happened and Sam saw the cat disappear up the nearest tree.

"Shit," with shaking hands Sam turned off the engine, the shock bringing her to her senses. She sat back in her seat and blew out the breath she'd been holding since first seeing the terrified animal. "Smart Carter, real smart," Sam said to herself, annoyed that she had allowed her emotions to cloud her usually good common sense. Closing her eyes Sam took some deep breaths as she decided what her next course of action should be.

Suddenly her door was yanked open with a ferocity that threatened to tear it loose. Recoiling in shock, Sam was surprised to see Janet appear next to her. Her face was drained of any colour and tears stained her cheeks.

"Sam, Sam are you ok?" Janet practically screamed at her, her eyes wildly scanning Sam's body for signs of injury.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, a dumb cat ran out in front of me that's all."

The fear and concern in Janet's eyes suddenly flared to anger and barely controlled rage, "get out of the car Sam, now," Janet said with a determination in her voice that left no room for argument.

Silently Sam agreed, she'd already decided to drive no further but thought better than pointing out that fact in the face of Janet's obvious fury.

"For fuck's sake Sam, I can't believe you just did that. Do you know how much you've had to drink? Of all the stupid, childish..." Janet stopped mid-sentence as she noticed several lights in the surrounding houses and various faces peering curiously at the drama unfolding on the street. "Get in the passenger side, I'll drive the car back to my house, I've only had one glass."

"I'll walk thanks," Sam replied, needing every second of the 3 minutes it would take to walk back.

"Whatever, just make sure you don't take any detours along the way," Janet replied, her voice colder than Sam had ever heard it.

Arriving back at the house simultaneously, Janet steered Sam to the sofa and ordered her to sit. Not knowing how to respond, Sam complied, her heart thumping wildly as she prepared to listen to what she could only assume would be a politely worded lecture telling her to go to hell.

Standing in front of her, Janet scrubbed her hands across her face. "Tell me something Sam, when did you get to be so selfish?"

Sam's head jerked up in surprise, of all the reactions she'd been expecting, this wasn't one of them, "what?" she managed to choke out.

"Yes Sam selfish, 3 weeks ago I died; I was killed in action, my life ended. You brought me back and for that I will always be eternally grateful, but have you any idea what that experience does to you? Of course you do, you face death every time you step through the Gate, but I saw it Sam, I faced it, and I can tell you it scared me, more than I can ever put into words. I know it scared you too Sam, but did you ever stop to think about how I was dealing with it? There's nothing like staring you own mortality in the face to make you realise how much you take for granted. I'm scared all the time now, scared of leaving Cass, and you, and my life, my job, my parents. I thought I could rely on you to help me through it, that we could work it out together as friends like we always do, but you've been so determined to shut me out as though you're the only one hurting here. Well let me tell you something Sam, you're not. You tell me you're in love with me and then bolt out of the door and nearly have an accident because YOU can't deal with it, well Sam, what about me, HOW DO I DEAL WITH IT?" Janet's voice had risen with each word so that she was now practically screaming at Sam.

Sam felt as though her world had just come crashing down around her, she thought she couldn't feel any worse than when she'd fled earlier, but she was wrong. Everything Janet had said was right, Sam knew she'd been incredibly selfish, she hadn't given a thought to how Janet had been feeling, and she'd been too wrapped up in self-pity to notice. Looking up to where Janet was standing in front of her Sam realised with sudden clarity just how much weight the doctor had lost; Janet was petite at the best of times but now she was positively waif-like, Sam couldn't believe Janet had lost so much weight in such a short period of time and it occurred to her that Janet had barely touched the pizza earlier. Again she cursed herself for not paying attention.

Jumping to her feet, Sam pulled Janet to her and held her close wanting to squeeze her tight but now painfully aware of just how thin her friend was. Janet didn't have the strength to resist, she was still angry with Sam but craved the comfort her friend was now offering. "I'm so sorry Janet, so sorry, so very sorry," Sam's voice started to break, she desperately didn't want to cry, she needed to stay strong for Janet's sake; but the realisation of how much she'd hurt her friend was almost too much for her to bear. "I can't believe what an idiot I've been, you're right I've been a selfish bitch, I can see now how much you've been hurting and I'm so sorry I haven't been there to help you, but I promise I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere, whatever you need I swear Janet I'll do anything to help you." Sam was alarmed by the violent shudders coming from Janet's small body, so she carefully guided her to the sofa and sat down gently pulling Janet down next her. "Are you ok?" Sam whispered.

Janet just nodded in response; she was too emotionally drained to respond any other way. Clinging to Sam, Janet was now feeling the aftermath of her burst of adrenaline. Initially she'd been scared to confront Sam about her feelings, that alone was enough to make her jumpy, but then the shock of Sam's near accident followed by her recent outburst had left her exhausted. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed and slip into oblivion, Janet knew that her and Sam should really finish this conversation but right now, she'd had enough.

"Sam, I'm going to bed. Please don't leave, the spare bed's made up, just stay here," Janet mumbled into Sam's chest.

Although desperately wanting to sort this mess out, Sam knew Janet needed her sleep. "Ok, I'll help you up," Sam replied. Standing up Sam pulled Janet to her feet and guided her upstairs. "Go and get ready for bed, I'll be back in a minute." Sam watched Janet as she walked into her bedroom, already half asleep. She went into the spare room, which while Cassie had been home had practically been Sam's second bedroom. Sam undressed, leaving just her t-shirt and panties on. She walked into the family bathroom, smiling when she saw that her spare toothbrush was still there. Quickly brushing her teeth and washing her face, Sam went back to check on Janet. Peeping round the door Sam thought Janet was already asleep, but her eyes opened and she held a hand out to Sam.

"Come here," Janet whispered.

Sam walked over to the bed; she sat down and took Janet's hand in hers, struck by how much she looked like a lost and vulnerable child. "Go to sleep Janet, you're exhausted," Sam said, still feeling the weight of guilt on her shoulders.

"I know, I will. I just wanted to say sorry for yelling at you before; you just really scared me when you ran out. We will sort this out Sam, don't worry."

Sam looked into Janet's dark eyes, seeing the concern her friend had for her only served to increase the burden of guilt she felt. "No Janet you were right I have been selfish, I promise I'll be here for you now, please forgive me," Sam whispered fighting back tears yet again.

"Of course I do, I know you didn't mean to be selfish, I understand how much you've been hurting but please don't shut me out again."

"I won't, I promise," Sam replied, thinking she had no right to have such a wonderful friend who had so quickly forgiven her. Janet was now fighting to stay awake, Sam stood up to leave.

"Sam don't go. Will you stay with me for a while?" Janet seemed suddenly embarrassed, "I've been having nightmares," she said not meeting Sam's eyes.

"You too? Course I'll stay," Sam walked round the bed and climbed in next to Janet. Snuggling under the covers Sam suddenly realised that maybe this wasn't such a good idea; her senses were overloaded by Janet's close presence. The bed held her scent and Janet was looking at her staring deep in to her eyes.

As though reading her thoughts, Janet said "it's ok Sam I trust you."

Sam smiled at Janet and reached for her hand, "that's good to hear, now go to sleep."

"Goodnight Sam."

"Night Janet," Sam replied watching as her friend closed her eyes. Sleep was going to be a bit more elusive for Sam, her brain refusing to let go of the confused muddle of emotions she was feeling. Sam longed to ask Janet what she had meant when she said 'this changes everything'. The fact that Sam was here, sharing Janet's bed obviously meant that Janet was not repulsed by Sam's declaration, however Janet's response had been a long way from what Sam had imagined in all her fantasies. She had to face facts; Janet was not interested in her romantically; although Sam had always known this to be true, she'd always held onto that little glimmer of hope that Janet might feel the same way. That small flame had now had a bucket of cold water thrown over it; Sam would just have to get over it. But looking at Janet as she lay sleeping Sam knew that was going to be impossible, she was suddenly overwhelmed by a flood of fierce protectiveness, love and longing for the women next to her. Janet's hair had fallen across her face and Sam gently brushed it back aware of the incredibly soft skin under her fingertips. Sam noticed Janet's pulse gently beating at her throat and she long to reach across and taste the flesh there. I can't do this Sam though to herself, trying not to disturb Janet, she climbed out of bed and walked back to the spare room.

Climbing into bed Sam considered the impossible position she now found herself in, the only way she could see of dealing with her feelings for Janet was to distance herself from her. Work wouldn't be a problem Sam was confident that she was professional enough not to let her personal feelings interfere with her ability to do her job; but Sam had just promised Janet that she'd be there for her while she was coping with the aftermath of her 'death'. In a moment of clarity Sam came to a difficult decision, she would keep her promise to Janet and help her through this difficult time, but as soon as Janet was feeling ok Sam would tell her that they should keep there friendship on a professional basis. Sam would still spend time with Cassie when she was home but other than that, her and Janet would only see each other at work or when in the company of others. Sam really hated the thought of the close friendship she would loose, but being alone with Janet was just too hard. Janet had already said that things would change between them so hopefully she would accept Sam's decision.

With a very heavy heart Sam finally drifted off to sleep.

~~~

Sitting bolt upright in bed Sam wasn't sure what had woken her, her own nightmare or Janet's scream. Rushing to Janet's room, Sam heard Janet calling her name; her voice was small and frightened.

"I'm here," Sam replied hurrying to the bed and wrapping her arms around Janet, Sam rocked her gently trying to chase the fear of the nightmare away.

"Ssshh, it's ok," Sam whispered. Janet was clinging to her, her arms around Sam's waist and her face buried against her shoulder.

"Where were you? You said you'd stay with me," Janet asked, her voice muffled against Sam's t-shirt.

"I know I'm sorry, I'll stay now I promise," Sam replied, once again feeling guilty for letting her friend down.

Holding Janet in her arms Sam felt another rush of fierce love and protection wash over her, she knew she would willingly give her heart and soul to protect this woman, but she blinked back tears of frustration knowing her feelings would only bring her pain. Pulling back, Sam gently turned Janet to face her, meeting her eyes Sam's belly lurched painfully as Janet offered her a weak smile.

"Why don't you tell me about your dream, it might help," Sam asked gently, aware of the fact that there was a little role reversal taking place.

Reading her mind, Janet smiled, "so you're the doctor now?"

"I just think it might make you feel better," Sam replied with a shrug.

"Ok then, but get in bed before you freeze," Janet said noticing Sam was shivering.

Climbing into bed next to Janet, Sam neglected to say that her shivering was due to the surge of conflicting emotions she was feeling and not the cold.

Lying down, Sam turned on her side to face Janet and waited for her to speak.

Taking a deep breath Janet began, "it starts off back at the planet. I'm talking to Airmen Wells, trying to calm him when I feel a searing pain in my chest, then everything goes black. I mean complete and utter darkness, I can't see anything, hear anything except my own voice, I can't feel anything or smell or taste anything, I'm completely alone. But the worst thing is I'm calling for help, I'm calling out to everyone, you, Cass, the Colonel, everyone, but there's nobody there. This goes on until I'm screaming for help and that's when I wake up."

"I'm sorry Janet, does it happen every night?"

"Most nights," Janet replied, already feeling better for sharing her fears.

"You haven't been eating properly either have you?" Sam asked.

Janet sighed in response, "I just haven't been hungry, I've totally lost my appetite." Scrubbing her face with her hands Janet continued, "I'm just sick of being scared all the time, I feel as though I'm not in control of my life anymore. I wake up every morning thinking, is this the day I'm going to die? I thought having a brush with death was supposed to make you appreciate life more, but I just feel as though I cheated death and now my time is marked. I know it's completely irrational, especially being a doctor, but I just don't feel safe anymore."

"God Janet, I don't know what to say... except I'm here for you. I'll help you through this, you have my word." Sam didn't add that she'd also promised herself that she'd then take a step back from their friendship.

"Thanks Sam, I feel better knowing you're here. The worst part of the dream is the feeling of being completely alone, it doesn't help waking up to an empty house."

"I'm here and I promise I'll stay this time, now try and go back to sleep, please."

"Ok," Janet replied feeling as exhausted as she had when she came to bed earlier.

Janet turned over with her back to Sam; unable to stop herself Sam scooted forward and spooned up behind her. Sam was sure Janet would pull away, but instead she snuggled back into Sam's body. Sam was surprised but knew that in Janet's fragile state she would be grateful for the comfort and contact of another person.

Janet was amazed at the depth of emotion she felt having Sam so close. For the first time in weeks she felt completely safe, she felt a little guilty believing she was using Sam's feelings for her to give her the comfort and security she desperately needed. Janet knew Sam was worried about how her feelings would affect their friendship, but at the moment all Janet wanted to do was sleep and not dream.

Sam pulled Janet closer to her, determined to stop her mind from analysing the situation. Instead she gave in to her feelings and allowed herself to drown in the warmth, scent and ecstasy of having Janet's body pressed against hers. Just for tonight she would imagine that Janet was hers, to love, adore and care for.

~~~

Janet woke slowly feeling rested and better than she'd felt in a long time. She smiled as she realised that they hadn't moved all night, Sam was still tightly pressed against her back. Looking down Janet noticed that her t-shirt had ridden up and Sam's hand was lying flat across her lower stomach, Sam's finger's were splayed and twitched as though having a mind of their own. Janet was suddenly very aware of Sam's warm breath on the back of her neck, the fullness of her breasts against her back, and the heat from Sam's hand was sending little tendrils of fire down Janet's stomach directly to her groin which she was aware had suddenly become a little damp. Mesmerised by the sight of Sam's hand Janet noticed that the tip of Sam's little finger had sneaked under the elastic of her panties, Janet was also aware of the fact that her ass was tightly jammed into Sam's crotch. Unsure of what to do, Janet felt a moment of panic, she didn't now why her body was reacting to having Sam so close, but the growing dampness between her legs was definitely a sign of her arousal. Janet was debating whether to move when Sam's hand moved a little lower and pulled Janet's ass closer, Sam's hips twitched in response and jutted forward. Janet was shocked when her own arousal seemed to jump another notch and she felt a surge of warm juices flow from her centre.

The sudden realisation that Sam's thigh was tight against her damp panties was enough to make Janet pull away and jump out of bed.

Surprised and yanked out of a particularly pleasant dream, Sam quickly sat up. "Janet are you ok, did you have another bad dream?"

"No I just, er," Janet searched her mind for a plausible reason for waking Sam so suddenly, "I just really needed to go to the bathroom," for a cold shower she added mentally.

Sam watched in confusion as Janet all but fled from the room. Shrugging it off Sam rolled onto her back and stretched luxuriously thinking she could really get used to waking up in Janet's bed. That thought brought her dream back to her with a jolt; she'd been having a pretty erotic dream about a certain doctor... who was not Rebecca. Remembering Janet's sudden exit from the bed Sam groaned, worried that she may have acted inappropriately in her sleep.

Hoping that nothing had happened, Sam got out of bed and grabbed Janet's robe off the back of the door. Pulling it on Sam chuckled to herself when she saw how short it was, it barely covered her ass and the sleeves stopped just below her elbows. Sam was determined that Janet would eat a good breakfast, neither were due on base until noon so Sam headed downstairs to see what she could rustle up.

Standing under a lukewarm shower, Janet tried to make sense of what had just happened. Her brain was a muddled confusion of un-answered questions, am I attracted to Sam? Am I gay? Am I bisexual? Why now, when I've never been attracted to another women before?

Desperately trying to rationalise her feelings, Janet concluded that, no she wasn't gay; no she wasn't attracted to Sam or any other women. Her body's reaction this morning was just a physical response to waking up so close to another person, God knew it had been a while since that had happened. However, a very small but persistent voice in the back of her mind reminded her of how safe and comfortable she had felt when she had woken in Sam's arms. She couldn't help but remember the feeling of being loved and protected and how much she had enjoyed feeling that way. The image of Sam's hand resting possessively on her stomach kept jumping into Janet's mind, the memory of Sam's body pressed tightly against her all served to confuse her even more and bring on another surge of unwanted arousal. Determined to chase it away, Janet turned the shower to cold and gritted her teeth as the icy water took her breath away. Five seconds later she turned it off and shivering began to dry herself.

Half an hour later Janet came downstairs to the delicious smells of freshly brewed coffee, and baked pastries. Walking into the kitchen Janet watched as Sam unpacked a selection of muffins and Danish pastries and arranged them on a plate. Unable to stop herself Janet's eyes wandered over Sam's body, a body she had examined too many times to count. Today however, it was as though she was looking not with the eyes of a doctor or even a friend but someone else who she wouldn't allow herself to think about. Janet couldn't help but admire Sam's unbelievable long legs, which were shapely and well defined, her graceful yet strong neck, standing this close Janet could see Sam's pulse beating gently in her throat. Her slightly sleep mussed hair curled gently around her ears, and Janet watched mesmerised as Sam raised her hand to lick sugar from her fingers.

Sensing her presence Sam turned and rewarded Janet with her most dazzling thousand-watt smile. Janet's stomach did a painful little flip as she realised just how gorgeous Sam was, her eyes were sparkling and were as blue as the sky on a clear summers day, her skin was slightly flushed and her mussed hair all served to make her look younger than she usually did when clad in combat fatigues. She also exuded a sense of boundless energy and enthusiasm, which despite her discomfort Janet found enormously appealing and infectious.

"What's all this?" Janet asked returning Sam's smile.

"Well I checked your cupboards and you don't have enough food to feed a mouse so I ordered in, my treat. Besides I wanted you to have a good breakfast," suddenly turning serious Sam added, "you're too thin Janet, I know you've not been eating and that's partly my fault. I just wanted to make you feel better."

Feeling a rush of affection for this woman who obviously wanted to make amends, Janet stepped forward and pulled Sam into a heartfelt hug.

"Thanks Sam, it's perfect," Janet replied.

"I'm glad you like it," Sam replied feeling a sense of relief wash over her as Janet obviously wasn't upset with her.

The hug lasted several moments as each woman enjoyed the closeness of the other, although Janet's feelings were a whirlwind of denial for feeling anything more than friendship and affection.

Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Janet pulled away and quickly sat down at the table, "come on then feed me, I'm hungry," she said with a nervous laugh, amazed to discover that she was in fact, starving.

Oblivious to Janet's unusual behaviour Sam grinned and presented Janet with an enormous plate of various pastries.

"I'll never eat all this Sam, come and help me."

"Oh I intend to," Sam replied, sitting opposite Janet after pouring them a cup of coffee each.

Sam reached across the table and helped herself to the biggest blueberry muffin Janet had ever seen. Watching Sam take a huge bite Janet couldn't help but laugh.

"Waz so fhunny?" Sam asked spraying Janet with a shower of crumbs, "oops sorry."

"You are, I don't know where you put all the food you eat. If you ever stopped working in combat you'd be the size of a house!" Janet replied with an affectionate smile for her friend.

"You're probably right, but you know me, I can't sit still. If I had a different job I'd still have to do something to burn off all this excess energy. Anyway enough stalling." Sam picked up a particularly sticky Danish and held it out for Janet to take a bite, then smiled as Janet rolled her eyes in appreciation of the delicious treat.

The breakfast passed in a mixture of comfortable silences and friendly banter, until Sam summoned the courage to ask the question that had been worrying her since the previous night.

"Janet, last night when you said that everything had changed between us. What did you mean? It's just that things don't feel any different; this is you and me, friends, just like we've always been, what's changed?"

Looking at the fear and apprehension in Sam's eyes, Janet was surprised by the rush of guilt she felt for making Sam feel this way.

"I'm sorry Sam, I didn't mean to scare you, of course we're friends nothing will ever change that. I don't know what I meant really, I think I was just shocked and worried about how I would have to behave when I'm with you. You know what I mean; I just thought I would suddenly feel self conscious around you. I'm sorry I was just over reacting, forget about it."

Sam's immediate feeling was one of intense relief, but then she realised how much more difficult it would be to back away from their friendship when Janet was being so understanding. Deciding not to think about it now Sam relaxed and enjoyed her breakfast.

"So, tell me about Rebecca," Janet asked, baffled by the small knot of jealousy she suddenly felt.

~~~

1 month later

Lying in bed Janet tried to once again analyse her feelings for Sam. While waiting for her hand to heal Sam had mostly been off duty. In the past month Janet had spent most of her free time in the company of the Major. Sam had been true to her word; she had been supportive, attentive and understanding. She'd taken Janet shopping, they'd had lunches together, sat up into the early hours talking and Sam had also done some much needed repairs around Janet's house. The time together had been healing for both of them, neither suffered the terrible nightmares anymore; and their friendship had fallen back to the relaxed and easy closeness it had been before. Or had it? Janet had to admit that since Sam's admittance of love for her, Sam had been more affectionate towards her. Hugs and brief hand touches were now common place between them, Janet was unsure whether it was because Sam no longer had to hide her feelings or whether she just wanted to reassure and comfort Janet. Sam didn't appear to feel self-conscious around Janet and had even confided to her that Rebecca may be 'the one'. That particular declaration had caused Janet's stomach to roll violently, a feeling that repeated every time Janet thought about that particular conversation. Sam had just returned from an all day picnic with Rebecca, they had called in on their way home to say hi. Janet could vividly remember the way the sun had tanned Sam's face and left her cheeks a rosy pink, Rebecca also looked especially beautiful that day and Janet had been alarmed to feel a fierce surge of jealousy and inferiority when looking at her. Rebecca had already returned to the car as Sam leaned forward to kiss Janet's cheek as she said goodbye; Janet's heart had frozen in her chest as Sam had whispered 'I think she may be the one,' in Janet's ear. Waving them off, Janet had walked back into the house with tears in her eyes. Janet really didn't know what to do, she now had some appreciation of how Sam felt all those years she had been hiding her true feelings from Janet. But that was ridiculous Janet wasn't in love with Sam...?

Several miles away Sam was also doing some soul searching, the past month had been the best and worst of her life. Spending time with Janet had been like the old days when Cassie was at home; only this time Sam hadn't had to cover her feelings any more. Although Sam knew Janet didn't feel the same, it was still liberating to feel she was no longer living a lie. Sam had talked to Janet about the difficulty of hiding such a huge part of herself from everyone, confiding in her that besides old girlfriends and a few close friends, Janet was the only person to know she was bisexual. Sam had also spoken to Janet about the farce of her relationship with Jonas, how she had desperately wanted a 'normal' life and was sick of being lonely all the time. Sam shared that she had been amazed to discover that it was more lonely being in a wrong relationship than to be by yourself.

However, spending so much time with Janet had only served to deepen her feelings for her, if that were possible. Sam had basked in the joy of being able to hold Janet and touch her, even if only in friendship. But Sam knew the time to take a step back from their friendship had come, Sam's relationship with Rebecca had progressed, which made things terribly confusing. Sam knew that if she wasn't already in love with Janet, she would have fallen head over heals for the woman who was currently sleeping in her arms. Rebecca was funny, warm, understanding, beautiful and the sex was great; but she couldn't just turn off the feelings she'd had for Janet for so long. Sam decided that if she were to continue with her relationship with Rebecca, then she had to get over Janet, and the first step in that long journey was the talk she planned to have with her tomorrow. Sam would then be off world for a week, so wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath. She knew she was being cowardly and selfish, again, but Janet was doing great now and would probably be ok?

Part 3

Sam woke that morning with a heavy heart. Feeling tired after a restless night, she ran through the difficult conversation she had to have with Janet. Sam had decided that the best option was to say that they needed time apart because Sam's relationship with Rebecca was developing and they would be spending more time together. Sam felt reasonably comfortable with that because it was true, but Sam was not going to add that she was so head over heels in love with Janet that being around her was harder than ever. Sam was totally confused as to how she could enjoy being with Rebecca so much yet still be so in love with Janet.

Feeling too nauseous for breakfast Sam decided that a ride into the mountains on the Indian was just what she needed. Rebecca had left early that morning before Sam had woken up, her shifts at the hospital were even worse than Sam had to endure at the SGC. Sam tried to focus on her feelings for Rebecca as she rode skilfully along the winding mountain roads, the clear air helping to sort through her tangle of emotions. Stopping at a particularly beautiful spot, Sam took off her helmet and breathed deeply. Although the view was breathtaking, Sam failed to see any of it. Her mind stubbornly refused to focus on Rebecca and instead chose as always to conjure up the image of Janet's face, her dark expressive eyes, her soft familiar scent, the way her hair had felt against Sam's neck that one morning when fate had allowed Sam the opportunity to wake with Janet in her arms. Sam could remember that morning as clearly as though it had been today instead of several weeks ago.

The smaller woman had fit so well against Sam's taller frame, her head resting against Sam's neck, her back pressed so tightly against her, the heat of her body through the thin layers of fabric separating them, the feel of her baby soft skin under Sam's fingers. What Sam remembered more than anything was how right it had felt, for the first time in her life she had felt belonging, as though this was where she was meant to be. With that thought Sam groaned in frustration, if lying with her straight best friend in her arms was where Sam was meant to be, then she must be losing her mind.

Replacing her helmet and riding home, Sam just hoped this evening would at least bring her some closure and peace of mind.

---

Janet's thoughts were in equal turmoil that morning; she'd just walked down the same aisle of the supermarket 3 times and still hadn't found what she was looking for, even though she knew it was there. All she could think about was her impending evening with Sam. Janet had decided to be honest with both herself and Sam and tell Sam that she had developed some feelings for her. God that sounded so ridiculous, she could just imagine delivering that line, "Sam I have developed some feelings for you!"

Janet didn't know whether to laugh or cry, she just knew that things couldn't continue as they were. Work wise, things were just the same, Sam was her colleague, patient and friend. However outside of work Janet's feelings were quite different, Sam was still her friend but she was also... what??? What the hell was she?? Janet had tortured herself examining her relationship with Sam, what could account for her change in feelings? Janet had eventually come to the conclusion that she was amazed this hadn't happened sooner. Thinking of the last eight years, Sam had always been there, taking care of her and Cassie, making sure they were safe, doing little things around the house, always checking up on them. And let's face it, Sam is a beautiful woman, not just physically although Janet was always aware of this; but she was so intelligent and enthusiastic, Janet loved seeing the way her eyes would light up when working on a new idea. She was also honest, caring and fiercely loyal; Janet knew Sam would willingly give her life to protect not only her and Cassie but also most of her close team mates. Putting these things together Janet knew Sam was a fairly irresistible package, but what to do about it? The only thing that Janet knew for sure was that she and Sam needed to talk, even if the mere thought of it made Janet so nervous even shopping for groceries was an impossible task. Even so Janet was determined that this evening would be special so she had decided to prepare a three course meal of all Sam's favourites. She'd also bought Sam's favourite flowers and scented candles, she'd probably gone a little bit over the top, but well, Sam's worth it.

---

Dread, cold hard dread. That just about summed up Sam's feelings standing on Janet's porch searching for the courage to ring the bell. With a shaking hand, Sam finally succeeded. Several seconds later, Janet appeared and Sam gasped, Janet was dressed in an all but see through black tank top, with a skimpy lace bra underneath. Trying not to stare Sam noticed that the bra left little to the imagination; also she was certain that if she looked for long enough she would see a hint of nipple through the delicate lace flowers. Tearing her eyes away Sam looked down to discover Janet was also wearing a pair of very low slung jeans which hugged in all the places Sam longed to explore, no relief there, so Sam forced herself to look at Janet's face and tried to ignore the heat building in her cheeks as well as her groin. Strangely Janet also looked a little flushed and embarrassed,

"Be honest with me, do I look as though I've kidnapped Cassie's wardrobe? Am I too old to be dressed like this?"

Swallowing hard Sam managed to croak, "no", then coughing and clearing her throat she added, "you look amazing. If I'd known we were dressing up," (or down Sam added in her mind), "I would have made more of an effort".

Truth be told, Sam had agonised all day over what to wear. Torn between wanting to tempt Janet by looking sexy even knowing it was totally futile, while wanting to dress down because she was probably going to upset Janet with what she was going to tell her.

"Sam you look beautiful, as always," Janet replied, amazed by how calm she sounded when her insides were doing a great impersonation of the washing machine on spin cycle.

Smiling in delighted surprise Sam followed Janet into the dining room and once again gasped in surprise.

"Are we expecting someone else?" Sam asked in confusion as she took in the mood lighting, exquisitely dressed table, fresh flowers and softly lit candles.

"No", replied Janet, "I just wanted to spoil you to say thank you for taking such good care of me these last few weeks."

Sam's stomach did a painful back flip at Janet's remark; this is going to be so much harder than I thought. "Wow Janet, this looks fabulous but you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble, really."

"Don't be silly, it's no trouble and I want you to know how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate it." Janet was once again amazed at how easy this was, although the sad almost strained smile on Sam's face was a little disconcerting. Maybe she and Rebecca had had a fight Janet thought hopefully, and then shamefully reproached herself for feeling that way.

"Grab a seat, I'll be out in a minute," Janet said as she turned and headed for the kitchen.

Sam watched her go, her eyes guiltily drawn to Janet's butt swaying in those impossibly tight jeans. Sitting down she tried to convince herself once again that she was doing the right thing, although she had to admit to feeling a little confused. If she didn't know better Sam would swear that Janet was flirting with her. The unbelievably sexy outfit that was permanently stamped into Sam's mind, the beautiful table and Sam's favourite flowers and candles had not gone unnoticed either. Shaking her head Sam reminded herself to stop being stupid, JANET IS STRAIGHT, NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN. Janet is an incredibly considerate and sincere friend who is just trying to be thoughtful; the outfit is just an excuse for her to dress up as the opportunity doesn't arise very often.

In the kitchen Janet was also having an inner monologue. I can do this, it's not so hard, Sam's always been your close friend, and you've loved her for a long time. Is it such a big step to take things to the next level?

YES IT'S A HUGE STEP!! What about our jobs, what will people think – my family, Cassie, what about Rebecca...what if Sam's not interested anymore. That last thought scared Janet more than anything else, however she tried to rationalize it with the knowledge that Sam had been in love with her for a long time and had only been with Rebecca for a few weeks. Feelings didn't change that quickly...did they?

Dinner passed with companionable chatter about 'safe' topics; work, Sam's impending off world mission, Cassie's latest boyfriend. Taking wine glasses and sitting on the sofa, Sam turned to face Janet with the now familiar feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.

"Janet I need to talk to you about something,"

"That sounds serious," Janet replied feeling a little uneasy at the sudden change in Sam's tone.

Deciding to get on with it before she lost her nerve, Sam jumped straight to the point. "Janet I've really enjoyed the time we've spent together this past month, I think it's really helped us deal with what happened."

Janet was really started to worry now, she had a bad feeling she knew where this was heading.

"Rebecca and I are getting on really well; I think she could be the one I want to spend my life with. I don't know yet if she feels the same way but I feel she might do. Being with her has helped me get a little perspective on my relationship with you, I love you Janet and I always will, but I know nothing is ever going to happen between us." Throughout this well rehearsed conversation Sam had focussed on the top of Janet's head refusing to meet her eyes, but she now looked directly into her eyes, Janet's eyes had filled with tears and Sam felt enormously guilty for making her feel like this but she carried on, afraid to loose her nerve if she didn't.

Janet however was feeling the early stages of panic setting in, she knew she didn't want to hear the rest of what Sam had to say.

Sam continued, "I'm going to be spending a lot more time with Rebecca now so I don't think we'll be spending so much time together, obviously I'll still see you at the base and of course I'll still come round when Cassie's home, but other than that I probably won't see as much of you. I want you to know though that I'll always be here for you if you need me, I mean that. I'm sorry Janet I hope you understand."

Janet was stunned, she didn't know what to say, she felt sick to her stomach and had to fight like crazy to stop herself from bursting into uncontrollable tears. Clenching her fists to stop her hands from shaking, she took a deep breath, "I'm really happy for you Sam, of course I understand, you deserve this but I'm going to miss you." Janet congratulated herself for her self control when inside her brain was screaming NO NO NO NO!

"I know Janet I'll miss you too, you know how much I value our friendship, but I need to get on with my life, I feel as though apart from work my life has been on hold for so long, hopefully things are going to change now I'm with Rebecca."

"Can I just ask you one question Sam?" Janet asked, she had to know for her own peace of mind.

"Sure," Sam replied, although she knew she might not be able to give an honest answer and she hated herself for lying to Janet again.

"Are you still in love with me?"

Oh God anything but that Sam thought, what do I say? Taking the easy option Sam decided to lie...again!

"No I'm not, I do love you but as I said being with Rebecca has helped me gain some perspective, you're my friend Janet, my best friend, but no more than that. I think my feelings got a little confused after what happened on P3X 666."

Janet's world came crashing down, she suddenly felt not only bereft at Sam's declaration but completely stupid for planning this whole evening in order to tell Sam how she felt. She also felt completely at a loss as to what to say to Sam, not trusting her voice to give away just how upset she was, so she didn't speak, she just sat and looked at Sam and tried like crazy to put her Dr Fraiser professional mask on and stay in control.

"Janet are you ok?" Sam asked, worried about Janet's reaction, or lack of it. She looked alarmingly pale and so tense, as though she were about to snap. Sam herself also felt completely desolate, this was so much harder than she'd imagined, she'd expected Janet to be upset but she looked as though Sam had just told her the world was about to end.

"Janet speak to me, please, tell me how you feel."

"What do you want me say Sam? Of course I'm upset, but I do understand, and I'm happy for you. I just need some time to take it in." Janet really wanted Sam to leave so she could lose control and scream and cry.

"Ok then, I suppose I'd better go. I'm sorry Janet, thanks for a lovely evening I really do appreciate the trouble you went to."

Sam stood up and put her jacket on, grateful that she hadn't had so much to drink that she needed to call a cab. Janet also stood and when Sam saw the look of sadness on her face she couldn't stop herself from gathering Janet in her arms. Janet didn't resist and held onto Sam as though she would never let go. Holding Janet, Sam was acutely aware of the heat of her body, the curve of full breasts pressed against her, but mostly the feeling that this was meant to be and she wondered again whether she was doing the right thing, she felt so right in her arms, burying her nose in Janet's hair she breathed deeply and tried to ignore the feeling of total devastation that was building within her. Sam couldn't believe that she just told the women she loved that she didn't want to spend time with her anymore. If she was doing the right thing, then why did her heart feel as though it was breaking into a million pieces?

Both women stood together for what felt like an eternity, neither wanting to let go. Eventually it was Sam who pulled out of Janet's arms before she changed her mind and confessed that she had lied.

"I'd better go," she said, her voice sounding lost and quiet, she headed for the door.

"Ok," Janet replied, torn between wanting Sam to stay forever and wanting her to leave quickly so she could break down; but then in a moment of what she would later put down to either total madness or total desperation, Janet shouted, "WAIT!"

Startled, Sam turned quickly around, "what, what's the matter?"

"Before you leave will you do just one thing for me...please Sam?"

Puzzled Sam replied with a smile, "of course, anything."

Before she lost her nerve, Janet blurted out, "kiss me."

*

"WHAT???"

Before Sam could further react, Janet grabbed her face gently but firmly and pulled Sam's lips down to her own, a soft almost shy kiss followed, enough to maybe dismiss as a goodbye kiss between close friends. Sam's mind, for once was 3 steps behind, but her body knew exactly how to react, as her lips touched Janet's for a second time, she felt as though she had just come to life. Her lips parted and her tongue was immediately granted access to Janet's warm, sweet mouth. All the feelings of love, possession, frustration, grief and fear she had carried for so long were flooding into this increasingly passionate kiss. Sam turned Janet and pinned her against the door, one hand buried in her soft hair, whilst the other trembled nervously at her hip, unsure where to touch. Her tongue however continued teasing and exploring Janet's mouth, amazed to discover that Janet seemed to be equally intent on devouring her. Sam could feel her heart pumping wildly in her chest, her pulse pounding in her hears, she was overwhelmed by the intensity of sensations, Janet's hands left tendrils of fire as they traced a path across the over sensitive skin of her back and neck. Tearing her mouth from Janet's Sam kissed a heated path of flames across Janet's neck and jaw and was rewarded with a soft growl which rocketed her already burning arousal.

Unfortunately, that arousal took a step too far, overcome with years of pent up frustration and longing, Sam's hands took on a life of their own, the right sliding up underneath Janet's blouse to caress the lace covered tip of a breast, the left reaching down to squeeze one perfectly round ass cheek. The shock of having her best friend and work colleague grabbing certain parts of her anatomy brought Janet crashing back to reality, her mind suddenly screaming STOP!! She pulled back so hard she cracked the back of her head on the door, also giving Sam a hefty push for good measure.

Both women stared at each other, breathing hard, faces flushed, lips swollen, pupils dilated, but neither said a word.

Staring at Janet, Sam cursed herself for moving too fast, she'd probably ruined everything; but wait a minute, Janet had kissed her. WHAT THE FUCK!!?? Still she'd reacted like a sex crazed teenager and Janet didn't deserve that. But Janet's straight...isn't she? What the hell was going on? Taking a step towards her, Sam was mortified as Janet side stepped away, a look of, was that fear that flashed across her face??

"Janet what the hell was that about? Why did you kiss me?" Her voice had raised a couple of octaves in confusion, not to mention the tightly coiled pain of sexual tension the fevered kiss had produced.

Janet was almost too shocked to speak. What had she been thinking? Well that just hit the nail on the head, she hadn't been thinking, she'd panicked when Sam had turned to leave and had just reacted the only way she could think of. It was a cheap shot and she knew it, but the intensity of Sam's reaction and her own had totally unbalanced her, her body was reeling from the overwhelming rush of love, desire and passion she had felt, much more than she'd experienced before. Looking at Sam, Janet felt remorseful, Sam looked shocked and vulnerable, but most of all completely dumbfounded by what had just happened.

"Sam I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say. I shouldn't have done that," Janet managed to croak, her voice it seemed also in shock over her bold move.

Frantically searching Janet's eyes for an explanation, Sam replied, "well why did you then, what's going on, tell me."

"I don't know, I just panicked when you were leaving, I thought...I don't know what I thought."

"Well you definitely got my attention, hell of a way to go about it though," Sam was starting to feel angry. Just what the hell was Janet doing, playing with her emotions like that, especially knowing how she felt about her, although, Sam had denied those feelings earlier on, but she thought Janet would be relieved?

"I think you should go," Janet whispered, she had no idea how to deal with what had happened and the hurt look of anger and confusion Sam was wearing was only making things more confusing. The intensity of emotions the kiss had aroused in her had taken her totally by surprise and left her feeling unbalanced and out of control. It was a feeling she associated with those terrible memories of P3X-666 and she hated it.

"Just go, please," Janet resolutely ignored the look of pain that suddenly burned in Sam's blue eyes, to be quickly replaced by ice blue anger.

Without another word Sam shot towards the door, almost tearing it off its hinges, not looking back and cursing herself for being weak and not confronting Janet, she climbed into her car slamming the door and rocketing down the road. Quickly sparing a glance in her rear view mirror she saw Janet standing at the front door watching her but not attempting to call her back. Once Janet's house was out of view, Sam immediately pulled over, confusion and frustration forcing a torrent of expletives the marines would have blushed at, from her lips. Pounding the steering wheel with her fists Sam tried to make sense of what had just happened. She knew Janet would be upset, but her reaction had been extreme to say the least; and it had totally floored Sam. She couldn't remember a time when she felt so emotionally drained and confused; actually she could, the terrible years after her mother died. Her eyes started to fill as she wished her mother were here now, at least Sam would have someone to talk to. Her mother had always been very accepting and open, believing love was more important then anything, including Air Force regulations. Growing up without her mother Sam had learned to harden her heart, not let anyone in for fear of feeling exactly as she did now. Janet had sneaked her way into Sam's heart almost un-noticed until one day Sam had realised that the wall she had built around herself had all but been destroyed by a petite doctor with the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

---

Sam and Janet saw each other several times over the next week, the first meeting had been excruciatingly awkward, Sam had literally bumped into Janet whilst walking into the commissary for a sandwich. Her head was down, studying some calculations she had scribbled in a notebook, Sam had been in a hurry and was now struggling to read her own handwriting. She had collided with a much smaller body and had been totally caught off guard when dark brown eyes had burned into her own with a look of shock then quickly concealed embarrassment. Reaching out, Sam had been saddened when Janet quickly withdrew with a painfully polite, "I'm fine Major Carter," then quickly rushed past her into the corridor. Looking round Sam couldn't miss as people quickly looked away. With a sigh Sam imagined what the rumour mill would have to say about that little encounter. Half the base thought they were sleeping together anyway, she knew all the gossip about single women in the military. Testosterone pumped soldiers liked their little fantasies, guiltily Sam realised she probably shared half of those fantasies herself, but at least hers included love and feelings.

Outwardly, things appeared fairly normal; Sam and Janet were professional, polite, if a little strained and formal. However, Daniel being particularly sensitive had noticed the tension that seemed to fill the air when the women were in the same room together. He had discussed this with Teal'c knowing the Jaffa missed nothing, though he usually chose not to comment on other people's personal matters. Teal'c was unable to offer any insight as to what was causing the strained atmosphere, so Daniel had decided to speak to Sam about it. He was on his way to her lab knowing she would be there as she was catching up on some reports from their previous mission.

Knocking on the door Daniel was surprised when Sam answered with, "who is it?"Sam usually just said 'come in' which made Daniel wonder what response someone else – namely Janet – may have got.

"It's Daniel."

"Sorry Daniel, come on in", Sam replied.

Daniel opened the door as Sam stood and stretched, not realising several hours had passed since she even glanced away from her computer screen.

"What's up", she asked when it appeared Daniel was waiting for her to start the conversation.

"I was hoping you could tell me Sam"

Sam frowned not sure she was going to like this conversation, if anyone had sensed the frosty air surrounding herself and Janet, it would be Daniel, he was closer to Sam than her own brother.

"What do you mean Daniel? I'm fine."

"Come on Sam, this is me you're talking to. What's going on between you and Janet, and don't tell me there's nothing wrong, I know something's going on, you can practically cut the air with a knife when you're in the same room together."

Sam sighed, she wondered whether she should just tell Daniel everything, it would be so much easier than having to deal with this alone, however years of hiding her sexuality and the fear that came with it held her back.

"Does it have something to do with the way you feel about her?" Daniel asked quietly preparing himself for the denial that would undoubtedly come from Sam.

Sam responded as though she had been slapped, the familiar feelings of panic and terror at being exposed suddenly overwhelming her.

Daniel, alarmed at the sudden look of desperation and fear on Sam's face tried to reassure her.

"Sam it's ok. I've known for some time, you really don't have anything to worry about. I'm not going to tell anyone." To reassure Sam further Daniel reached out and took her hand.

"Sam really, no one else knows, I promise."

"How do you know then?" Sam asked, her voice barely a whisper but all she could manage whilst fighting the overwhelming nausea she was feeling. She may have been about to tell Daniel everything, but the knowledge that he had already guessed had totally knocked her sideways, if he knew did anyone else?

"I just figured it out Sam, I've known you for a long time. You seem totally unaware of it but you are a beautiful, amazing intelligent woman, with a heart the size of the moon. Half the male staff on the base are in love with you, probably several of the female staff as well. You're completely oblivious to it all Sam, but I've seen the way you change around Janet, don't get me wrong you're very good at hiding it, but you come alive when you're with her or at least you did, I know Sam, I've been there."

Not knowing how to respond Sam simply went over to Daniel and wrapped her arms around him, the weight had suddenly been lifted by this caring sensitive man who knew her so well, "thank you Daniel for not judging me, you have no idea how good it feels having someone else who knows."

Several minutes later Sam pulled away grabbing a tissue to wipe her damp eyes and gracing Daniel with a relieved grin.

"Oh my God Daniel, I can't believe you've known all this time, why didn't you say anything?" Sam asked.

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, I thought if you ever wanted me to know, you would tell me. I wasn't going to say anything now but I know something's changed and I don't like seeing you both so unhappy. You want to tell me what happened?"

Sam took a deep breath, "I don't even know where to start. Well, you are right about my feelings for Janet..."

Sam told Daniel the whole story, from the first time she realised that her feelings for Janet were more than friendship, to her total desperation at almost losing her on P3X-666, to the current situation of not knowing what was going on in Janet's head.

"And how does that make you feel Sam?" Daniel asked.

"I don't know," Sam responded, "it's driving me crazy, but I think about her constantly, wondering if she's ok and if she regrets everything, but what can I do? I thought she was straight, but then why did she kiss me. I wanted to get over her and focus on my life with Rebecca, but now I don't know what to do, I just wish I knew why she did it."

Daniel took a minute to think, he had seen some changes in Janet the past few weeks and wondered at the fact that Sam whilst being a genius, seemed to have missed them completely.

"Sam, are you certain that your feelings for Janet are totally one sided?" he asked.

Sam laughed, "I thought I did, but then she kissed me and now she won't even look at me, not to mention that she was married for crying out loud."

Daniel laughed at Sam's use of Jack's favourite phrase, "and you were engaged, we both know that means nothing, you're the one that just told me about not labelling people for their sexuality yet that's precisely what you've been doing with Janet. Maybe her feelings have changed, I've definitely noticed some changes in her when she's around you. She's hurting Sam, more than a friend would I think."

"If we'd had this conversation a week ago I'd have said you're imagining things Daniel," Sam replied, she'd had this conversation with herself many times, "if Janet felt anything romantic towards me she's had plenty of opportunities to tell me or even show me, why now?"

"Come on Sam, you've had feelings for Janet for a long time, and you are aware of your sexuality but you still couldn't tell her. Imagine if Janet has suddenly realised she is attracted to you, how hard must that be for her, how scary and confusing, not to mention the fact that you are with Rebecca. You need to talk to her Sam, your feelings haven't gone away and they won't, I still love Sha're and I always will, that will never change, and if you've loved Janet for so long you owe it to yourself to find out...don't you?"

"No Daniel, the balls in her court, I can't take this emotional roller coaster anymore, not knowing what's going on is driving me crazy. She probably just panicked because I was abandoning our friendship – not that I blame her. I can't go through that rejection again, you've no idea how much I love her Daniel, I can't take that pain again."

"Then I guess you'll never know for sure will you Sam? But that kiss sounded pretty intense to me, and not just on your part, can you go on wondering what if? Just try and see things from Janet's point of view, she's probably even more confused than you are. You told her you weren't in love with her, and then responded like you did, she won't know what to think. You can't go on like this either of you, if you can't work together what will happen then? You NEED to talk to her."

Sam thought for a while, she knew she needed to talk to Janet; she just didn't have a clue where to begin.

"Daniel this is so hard, but talking to you has really helped though. Thank you so much for being there for me."

Standing up Daniel reached for Sam, "all I want is for you to be happy, whether that's with Rebecca or Janet, you owe it to yourself to find out, please."

Sam's brain was a whirlwind of confusion but she was suddenly worried, "Daniel, are you sure no one else knows? What about Jack?"

"Don't worry Sam, Jack suspects nothing, even if he did his loyalty to you would keep him quiet. I think Teal'c may have an idea, you know how observant he is, but Sam, he knows how difficult things would be for you, he would never say anything. I just hate that fact that you have to hide such an important part of yourself. It's such a stupid rule, how can you judge people on loving someone, with all the hate in the world you would think that people loving each other would be something to rejoice, not something to be hidden away."

Sam squeezed Daniel tightly, "Daniel you are an amazing man, do you have any idea how special you are?"

Daniel blushed a delicate shade of pink causing Sam to chuckle. "You are also so cute," she added, laughing as his blush turned several shades darker.

"Ok, I think that's my cue to go before Jack comes looking for me, we're supposed to be going for a workout." Daniel replied, his embarrassment bringing an end to the conversation.

"Thanks Daniel," Sam replied, "I'll definitely think about talking to Janet, if she's anywhere near as confused as I am, she'll be going crazy."

---

Later that evening Sam was having dinner with Rebecca at a local restaurant, but as usual her thoughts were occupied with Janet; she couldn't stop thinking about the kiss, especially how Janet had reacted. She'd initiated it and then definitely responded like she was enjoying herself. So then why had she told Sam to leave? Was Janet attracted to her? Her conversation with Daniel had lit that little spark of hope again, the one that she had been fighting so hard against. But what should she do? Sam honestly didn't think she could take another emotional confrontation with Janet, it had taken every ounce of strength she had to try and walk away, how could she do it again? Her thoughts were interrupted when she realised Rebecca was asking her a question.

"Sorry Rebecca, what did you say?"

"I said, are you ok?" Rebecca repeated.

"Sorry just thinking" Sam replied.

"Let me guess, about Janet?"

Sam's eyes widened in shock and guilt, the reaction confirming Rebecca's suspicions. "How do you know that?" Sam replied, it was no use denying it.

"Because you're always thinking about her Sam, I'm not stupid. I know you're still in love with her." Rebecca didn't seem angry, just sad and resigned to the fact that no matter how much she loved Sam, nothing was going to change her feelings for Janet.

"God Rebecca, I'm so sorry. This is so fucked up, if I'm not apologising to you I'm apologising to her." Sam was alarmed to feel tears pricking at her eyes, but the tension and uncertainty of the last few days had left her emotions in tatters.

Seeing the despair in Sam's response Rebecca faced something she had been trying to ignore for weeks.

"Look Sam, I love you, you know I do, and I think in some way you love me too. But that's not enough for me, I was hoping you would get over Janet but it's not happening and I think until you decide what you want, we should stop seeing each other."

It was all too much for Sam and she finally gave way to the tears that had been threatening for days. Sobbing quietly, desperately trying not to draw attention to herself Sam managed to whisper, "I'm so sorry, I tried, I really did. I want to be with you, but I just can't get over her. Please believe me, I never wanted to hurt you but I don't know what to do." Sam thought things couldn't get any worse so she blurted it out.

"She kissed me," managing to compose herself Sam looked up to see Rebecca's surprised look, a look which quickly changed to hurt then confusion.

"Let me get this straight, she kissed you?"

"Yes."

"I see and what did you do?"

Unable to look at Rebecca, Sam focused on the napkin she was twisting tightly in her hands, "I kissed her back, I'm sorry." There I go again, I should have that tattooed across my forehead. Sam braced herself for an attack that never came.

"Well I can't say I'm surprised, I'd have probably done the same thing in your position. Why did she kiss you, I thought that she's straight?"

"I don't know, and so did I, she kissed me then threw me out of her house, and now she won't speak to me. I don't know what's going on, but I promise I never meant to hurt you, I'd gone over there to tell her I wasn't going to spend time with her anymore because of you. I swear that's the truth, but as I was leaving she just grabbed me and kissed me. It took me totally by surprise."

"Have you tried to talk to her Sam?" Rebecca asked.

"No not really, I'm scared she'll tell me to go to hell."

"But she kissed you."

"I know but I kinda lost control and pushed a bit too far. I think I may have scared her."

Rebecca was trying hard to be calm and understanding, but now she'd had enough.

"For fucks sake Sam you really have a knack for screwing things up don't you. I don't know why she kissed you, but yeah you probably scared her to death. Not to mention not giving me even a passing thought whilst you were groping your best friend." Rebecca stood quickly, knocking her chair over and causing several heads to turn their way.

Sam grabbed Rebecca's arm, "please, I'm sorry I didn't mean for any of this to happen, believe me."

"I do Sam, but you can't expect me to stick around when you've just told me all this."

"I do love you."

Unable to ignore the pleading look directed her way, Rebecca sighed, "I know you do Sam, just not the way you love her."

Bending down Rebecca brushed a feather light kiss across Sam's lips.

"Goodbye Sam."

And then she was gone, and Sam was left alone again, wondering if she'd just made the biggest mistake of her life.

---

Not too far away Janet's thoughts were taking a similar path. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she had felt so confused and off balance. It had been a couple of weeks since the evening when her relationship with Sam had fractured and all but disintegrated, and she was left wondering whether there were any pieces of their friendship left to salvage. Janet was still reeling from her totally uncharacteristic jump into the unknown, not just kissing a woman, but kissing her closest friend who was also her colleague and most importantly a major in the U.S. Air Force. Why had she done it? Now she knew why, two weeks spent dissecting her every thought, word and action on that fateful evening had brought her to a very simple conclusion; she didn't want to lose Sam. Not that Sam had been hers to begin with, but Janet hadn't honestly realised what Sam meant to her until she was faced with the reality of her relationship with Rebecca and what it would cost their friendship.

Janet loved Sam, that's what it came down to, yes as a friend but also as someone who brightened her day, made her laugh, took care of her, made her feel wanted, but most of all loved her and made her feel safe. Janet was not a fool, she knew Sam cared for Rebecca, but she hadn't fallen for Sam's denial of no longer being in love with her. If nothing else the kiss had told her as much. And that's what it all came down to, that kiss, that overwhelming, all consuming, mind blowing, wonderful and terrifying kiss. Janet didn't know whether she should laugh or cry; yes it had confirmed that Sam was still in love with her; but it had also unleashed a confusing mess of feelings within her. She pondered over what was scarier, her own shock at the intense wave of arousal that had flooded her body and soul in the frenzied intense kiss; or the ferocity of Sam's response. If she was being honest with herself, it had scared her a little, not that she didn't trust Sam completely, but she hadn't given a thought about how Sam would react, she just didn't want her to leave.

Janet wondered what would have happened if she hadn't stopped the kiss when she did, where would it have led? She couldn't even contemplate the answer to that question, Janet may have initiated it, but she'd done so out of desperation and certainly wouldn't have let it go any further. Janet doubted whether Sam would have anyway, sooner or later her common sense would have kicked in and she would have put the brakes on. But what to do now? Janet knew Sam was just as upset and confused as she was; they had certainly been doing their best to avoid each other, a fact which couldn't have gone unmissed by their work colleagues.

Janet worried that if the situation wasn't resolved soon, either Sam or herself, or maybe both, would be summoned to General Hammond's office for a potentially awkward and embarrassing reprimand. Janet prided herself on her professionalism and dedication to her work; and that was what forced her to confront this whole mess. Sitting at home with her laptop balanced on her knee, she composed a short email to send to Sam's personal account. She may have decided now was the time for action but she was still too much of a coward to pick up the phone.

Quickly hitting the send button before she changed her mind Janet blew out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She felt a little better for attempting to resolve the problem, but she was still totally clueless as to what she was actually going to say to Sam!

---

Later that evening Sam checked her email not really expecting anything interesting, she let out a half groan, half chuckle at the irony of receiving several spam messages selling Viagra. If only all her problems could be sold by taking a little blue pill; she deleted them all making another mental note to update her spam filter. Suddenly her eyes widened and her stomach gave a painful flip on seeing Janet's name. Nervously she opened and read the short message. Leaning back in her chair Sam smiled, trust Janet to make the first move towards reconciliation. Sam maybe the tough soldier, but Janet was far stronger emotionally.

Leaning over Sam picked up the phone and was half was through dialling Janet's number when she changed her mind, like Janet she was not yet ready for a conversation. Saturday was still two days away, and provided they were still successful at avoiding each other at the base, it would give Sam some time to prepare herself for what would undoubtedly be another emotional conversation. Replacing the phone, Sam composed a quick reply.

Sam sighed sadly, how had her relationship with Janet gone from the easy, relaxed friendship they had shared to the tense formal avoidance of each other it was now? Sam missed Janet so much, even more now her relationship with Rebecca was over. She finally admitted to herself that even though she had cared deeply for Rebecca, they had never stood a chance. The depth of her feelings for Janet could never be replaced by the brief but intense affair she'd shared with Rebecca. Her soul ached with the pain of missing Janet, not just in a romantic sense, but also her company and dry sense of humour. Janet truly was her closest friend; confidant and ally, she made her day brighter and she longed for the somewhat competitive verbal matches she had with Colonel O'Neill. The banter Janet usually shared so easily with SG1 had all but dried up. Everything was totally screwed up and Sam couldn't help but blame herself, this had to be fixed. As Sam hit send she made up her mind that she would ask Janet to try and forget the last couple of months and hope they could return to the way things had been before P3X-666.

---

Driving to Sam's on Saturday morning, Janet was torn between nervous excitement and anxious anticipation. Sam's email hadn't said much and she was still unsure as to how they were going to resolve the issues between them. Janet had decided to ignore her confused new feelings for Sam and hoped for a return to their 'normal' friendship, after all Sam seemed happy with Rebecca so Janet should be happy for her.

Pulling up outside Sam's house Janet looked up just as Sam came out of the door; Janet was alarmed at the rush of emotion she felt as Sam walked towards the car. Her stomach felt more as though it had a flock of seagulls flapping around than a few dainty butterflies; her legs had turned to jelly and her heart felt as though it was trying to punch its way out of her chest. It had been a while since she had seen Sam at work, but the last time they had seen each other socially had been the night of 'the kiss'. Seeing Sam in civvies brought back the memory of that unbelievable moment, Janet had spent the last couple of weeks trying to ignore the fact that the kiss they had shared had probably been the most intense, erotic, wonderful but terrifying of her life; but the denial was suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that Janet could almost taste Sam on her lips as the memory came flooding back.

As Sam opened the passenger door Janet hoped her face wasn't as flushed as it felt, she quickly turned up the cool air conditioning to help take the heat from her skin.

"Hi Janet," Sam whispered as she climbed in, obviously trying to avoid eye contact which suited Janet just fine until her face returned to its normal colour.

"Hi Sam," Janet replied, so much for small talk.

"Bloody hell, it's freezing in here," Sam muttered as she reached for the air conditioning dial, her hand suddenly stopping in mid air.

"Oh sorry, is it ok if I turn it down?" Sam asked, suddenly self conscious, not so long ago she would had done so without a second thought.

"It's fine," Janet replied with a sad sigh, her mind thinking the same thing whilst her eyes tried to avoid looking at Sam's chest which had had an obvious reaction to the suddenly cool air. Janet had to admit to herself that Sam looked gorgeous, when didn't she? She was wearing a plain white vest top, which emphasised her toned arms and slim shoulders, not to mention other parts of her anatomy; pale blue low rise jeans, which had been washed so many times they were obviously incredibly soft, and a pair of black cowboy style motorbike boots. Her hair was slightly messy and she had just a touch of make up. Sam looked young and healthy, and it made Janet's heart ache just to look at her and think of how much she missed her.

"Any ideas where we should go?" Janet asked as Sam finally turned to look at her. Janet again was alarmed when her stomach clenched painfully as sad crystal blue eyes locked with her own. Why was this happening? Janet thought only a few weeks ago Sam didn't have this effect on her.

"We could go to the lookout," Sam replied hopefully.

"Great idea," Janet smiled, the lookout was the name a young Cassie had given to a small plateau they had all discovered whilst out hiking one summer. The spot was perfect for just sitting and thinking, or talking, whilst looking at the beautiful views of the nearby mountains. They set off and drove in a mostly strained silence, occasionally discussing Cassie or the weather. Both were acutely aware of the fact that conversation or even lack of it had never caused such discomfort between them until recently.

Stopping by the side of the road, Sam and Janet carefully made their way to the lookout, Janet was both amused and touched to notice that Sam kept looking back to check she was ok, always my protector, she thought to herself, funny how I never really appreciated it before.

When they arrived they made themselves comfortable on the sweet smelling mountain grass and took a moment to admire the view. It was beautiful, the sharp clear air seemed to emphasise the vivid blue of the sky which contrasted with the deep green of the trees, all of which were reflected in the crystal clear waters of the lake below.

Inhaling deeply, Janet felt the magic of the place relax her as she recalled some of the wonderful times Sam, Cassie and herself had shared there. Looking at Sam, Janet knew she was thinking the same thing,

"We sure had some good times up her didn't we?" Janet asked.

"The best," Sam replied, a wistful tone to her voice.

"You remember that time when we made s'mores and Cassie ate so many she was up all night throwing up?"

Sam laughed, "yeah, she still won't eat them now, I love to tease her about it."

"I know," Janet said, her mind remembering how that had been the first time she had realised that the three of them were a family, and closer to her than any of her own family had ever been. Janet felt her eyes fill with tears as she worried that those days were lost forever.

Still with a smile on her face Sam to turned to look at Janet. Seeing the shimmer of tears in those beautiful brown eyes, Sam's protective streak took over, immediately she closed the distance between them and pulled Janet to her. Holding her close Sam buried her face in Janet's hair, now close to tears herself.

"What a mess this is. We used to be so close, like family and now we can barely speak to each other and I hate it. I know I lost control when I kissed you, I'm so sorry; I hope I didn't frighten you. I just wish all this had never happened and we were back the way we used to be, best friends, family. Please forgive me, I missed you." Sam was now gasping and rocking back and forth, her arms tightly around Janet's shoulders.

Janet smiled at the torrent of words coming from her usually stoic friend, the emotion behind the words showing Janet just how similar Sam's feelings were to her own.

"Sam it's ok, calm down, I forgive you."

Sam loosened her hold on Janet, her arms sliding down her back to rest loosely at her waist.

"Besides I'm sorry too," Janet continued. "I shouldn't have kissed you in the first place, it was totally unfair of me, especially considering you were in a relationship. I panicked when I thought I was losing your friendship, it was a cheap shot I know, I hope you can forgive me."

Sam looked down into watery brown eyes and knew she would forgive Janet anything.

"Course I do," she answered with a wobbly smile.

Taking a few moments to compose themselves, each felt the weight of the past few weeks ease from their shoulders and a return to normality starting to take place.

"So we're friends then, back to how we used to be?" Sam asked. She still wanted so much more from Janet, but holding her in her arms now Sam would still rather settle for friendship than lose Janet completely.

"Best friends," Janet replied, "family." Janet refused to let herself think of the two of them as anything more than friends, the past weeks had been a nightmare. The pain of potentially losing Sam as just a friend had been too much to bare, Janet didn't even want to think about how much more painful it would be to lose her if their relationship were more than that. Janet chose to ignore the voice in her head that whispered that Sam was already far more than just a close friend.

The rest of the morning passed with the gradual return of the familiar ease of the chatting and teasing they were comfortable with, although both had to push down the memory of the kiss they had shared, each stealing intimate glances at each other when not observed. No, that particular memory was not up for discussion, neither wanting to destroy the relaxed atmosphere they now shared, although both were still curious as to the force of passion it had evoked. Sam had purposely not mentioned her break up with Rebecca, not wanting to get into a discussion about the reasons for the collapse of their relationship, especially as they were now getting on so well.

Sam stomach grumbled loudly to remind them that lunchtime had fast approached.

"Come on, let's go and feed the wild beast," Janet teased, climbing to her feet and holding her hand out for Sam.

"Good idea, other wise it might get loose and eat you," Sam replied as she took Janet's hand then let go quickly, embarrassed at her slip of tongue, then even more embarrassed as she imagined what her tongue would really like to be doing. Janet let out an awkward cough as she quickly headed back to the car, purposely ignoring Sam's flushed cheeks.

---

Once back in the car, the easy chat returned, Janet filling Sam in on the latest gossip from the base as Sam was usually totally oblivious.

"I need to stop for some gas," Janet said as they approached a small gas station.

"Ok, I'll just go to the restroom," Sam replied as the car pulled to a halt. Walking round the back of the gas station Sam hoped she wasn't about to be confronted by the bathroom from hell, they were pretty far off the beaten track, the nearest town being at least 20 miles away. However, she was pleasantly surprised to find it clean and well maintained, Sam chuckled to herself for being so judgemental, a trait she hated in other people.

After relieving herself Sam looked at her reflection in the mirror as she washed her hands and was amazed to see such a difference. The dark circles and lines of tension around her eyes had gone, she looked relaxed and happy. But her hair looked seriously mussed, the mountain breeze reeking havoc. Sam took some time to tame it then headed back to the car, surprised that Janet was not already there.

Pushing the door to the gas station open Sam had a split second to take in what was happening. First she saw Janet's head whip round to face her, her eyes suddenly widening in fear and panic, Sam quickly looked towards the counter where a young kid who couldn't have been more than sixteen stood with his arm stretched out to a kid who looked even younger and completely terrified as he pulled money from the cash register. At the sound of the door opening, the kid with his arm out stretched turned in panic and Sam saw the gun which was now pointing directly at Janet, Sam realised with a sickening horror that his finger was tensing on the trigger. She had just enough time to push Janet out of the way before the deafening roar of a gunshot filled the air. Sam barely registered the kid with the gun running past her, as her knees buckled and her senses were overloaded with pain and shock. Suddenly the ground rushed up to meet her and all Sam could see were the soles of Janet's shoes in front of her eyes just before everything turned to darkness.

Janet rolled over and was horrified to see Sam lying in front of her in a very rapidly growing pool of crimson.

"Sam, oh no, please God no," Janet pleaded, scrambling to her side, horrified to be slipping in Sam's blood.

Checking for a pulse Janet was relieved to feel a strong beat beneath her fingers, but relief quickly changed to terror as Janet turned Sam over and saw a tiny hole in her chest directly over her heart.

"Hey kid, come here," Janet screamed at the boy stood frozen at the till. "NOW," Janet screamed and finally got his attention.

"Reach in my back pocket for my cell, press and hold button 1 than tell who ever answers that this is Doctor Fraiser's phone and I have a medical emergency."

The kid did as he was told as Janet pulled her t-shirt over her head and used it to stem the flow of blood from Sam's chest, relived that she had chosen to wear a camisole instead of a bra this morning.

"He doesn't believe me," the kid with phone said.

"Give me the fucking phone," Janet replied, trying to assert her self control and be her usual calm in a crisis self. The fact that Sam was rapidly losing blood and they were in the middle of no-where with no medical supplies was not helping though.

The boy held the phone to Janet's ear as she repeated the message and their location to the obviously flustered SGC operator on the other end.

Janet then noticed that Sam's eyes were fluttering open, "that's it Sam, come on open your eyes for me."

Sam managed to open her eyes and Janet was dismayed to see the pain that clouded their usual blue-sky clarity.

"Hi there gorgeous," Janet chocked out, "glad to have you back."

"Are you alright?" Sam whispered.

Janet's chest tightened painfully at Sam's words, Sam's concern for her even more important than the obvious pain she was in.

Nodding Janet replied, "thanks to you. Why did you do that?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"It's my job," Sam replied, tears now leaking from the sides of her eyes as she blinked rapidly trying to hold onto consciousness.

Again Janet nodded, both cursing and being grateful for Sam's overwhelming sense of duty.

"Besides," Sam continued, her voice now a ghost of its usual self. Janet leaned forward to hear her better, releasing a flood of tears which rained down onto Sam's face. "I'd rather die than lose you." Sam's words echoing the ones Colonel O'Neill had said to her years previously.

"Oh Sam, you are not going to die, you'll be fine, I promise," Janet choked in desperation, cursing herself for giving in to the panic that was beginning to overwhelm her.

Sam's eyes were now beginning to close, Janet screamed "Sam stay awake, open your eyes please."

With an enormous amount of effort Sam opened her eyes again and Janet gasped at the sudden clarity she saw there. Her voice suddenly strong, her eyes locked with Janet's, she spoke, "I didn't mean it you know."

"Didn't mean what?" Janet asked, suddenly confused.

"I lied, I am in love with you, I always will be. You're my world Janet."

Janet felt as though her heart would explode from her chest, her chest heaved with a huge sob, she looked at Sam and the fog suddenly cleared.

"I know Sam, I love you too, I mean I'm in love with you, you mean everything to me."

Sam smiled, her most dazzling, heart stopping, 1000 watt smile; then her eyes rolled backwards, her eye lids closed and she suddenly went limp.

"NOOOO," Janet screamed, "please Sam don't leave me. Wake up, WAKE UP DON'T LEAVE ME."

Reaching down Janet was terrified to feel nothing but a faint flutter under her fingers, even as her ears registered the first faint sounds of a helicopter and sirens in the distance. Praying they wouldn't be too late, Janet gave in to the heart wrenching sobs that threatened to consume her.

---

Janet pressed so hard on Sam's chest but it was no good, blood still seeped from beneath her fingers. Sam's lips were now tinged blue and her skin was almost grey, Janet didn't dare to check her pulse, terrified of releasing even an ounce of pressure from her chest, as though by holding in as much blood as possible she could stop Sam from slipping away.

Suddenly strong hands pulled Janet back, startled Janet tried to pull away, "no I have to save her."

"Please ma'am we'll help her," a voice replied.

Janet looked round to see several paramedics rushing towards them. Sitting back she quickly gave an account of what had happened and Sam's condition. Janet knew she was going into shock herself and cursed her weakness, she'd cared for Sam in similar situations, when Jolinar took control of Sam's body and again with the Entity; why was she so terrified now?

Things were different she realised; Janet hadn't been in 'doctor mode' when Sam was shot, she'd been Janet not Dr Fraiser, she been away from the SGC, not in the field but relaxing in a 'normal' day even if the day had been a little out of the ordinary. And most importantly of all Janet hadn't been in love with Sam then, or at least not aware that she was; how was she to remain objective, she could no longer be Sam's physician, not now.

All these thoughts flashed through Janet's mind as she watched the paramedics check Sam's vitals, willing Sam to hold on now help was here.

"No pulse."

Janet was horrified at those dreaded words and watched as the paramedics attempted to shock the life back into Sam's body with the defibrillator.

After several attempts, each more painful to watch as Sam's body jumped and twitched from the increasing voltage, Janet turned away from the words she'd been dreading.

"I'm sorry ma'am, there's nothing more we can do," turning to look at his watch the paramedic again spoke, "time of death 1.22pm."

Janet couldn't respond, she was numb, shock, pain and horror rendering her speechless, how could this have happened? Sam couldn't die in a senseless gas station robbery, shot by a kid barely out of high school. She was a soldier, the best the Air Force had, she'd taken down Goa'uld, Jaffa, the worse the galaxy had to offer. She couldn't die on the floor of a gas station, it was wrong, it didn't make sense. Janet felt her heart shatter like glass, as the tears silently fell and the world around her seemed shudder to a stand still, the moment frozen in time forever.

---

Consciousness returned gradually, along with pain and the awareness of familiar surroundings, she was in a hospital, the smell, sounds all remembered. But how did she get there? And what was the weight pressing against her legs that she could feel twitching and gasping?

Risking an increase in pain Sam slowly opened her eyes, relieved to discover that the pain in her chest actually eased a little at the sight of the familiar figure sitting next to her bed, Janet's upper body lying across the bed. Reaching out Sam gently lay her hand on top of Janet's head, her fingers sifting through silken strands. After a few seconds Sam was alarmed as Janet began gasping again, shaking and shivering under her fingers, obviously in the grasp of a terrible dream.

"Janet wake up," Sam called gently as she gently shook Janet's shoulder.

Janet's head snapped up so quickly, Sam jumped and then gasped at the intense pain that ignited in chest.

Jumping to her feet Janet instantly responded, grabbing Sam's I.V. and increasing her pain medication.

"I'm so sorry Sam, this will just take a couple of seconds."

Gradually the pain loosened its hold on Sam and she was able to breathe normally again.

"What happened, why were you crying?" Sam asked, alarmed at Janet's dishevelled appearance. The usually polished Doctor looked as though she'd been on duty for a week; her hair was sticking out in several directions on one side of her head whilst being completely flat on the other. Her skin was pale and lines of tension were clear around her eyes and mouth.

"Janet it's ok I'm fine, please tell me what happened. Last I remember we pulled into a gas station. How did I end up in hospital?"

Janet didn't know where to begin, her dream still vivid and raw in her memory; but Sam wasn't dead on the cold floor surrounded by her own blood, she was sitting up in front of her looking far too healthy for someone who had been unconscious for three days after their heart stopped twice from losing so much blood.

"Oh God Sam I thought I'd lost you," no longer willing to deny herself Janet gently raised her hand to caress Sam's face, relishing the warmth and life beneath her fingers.

Confused at Janet's uncharacteristic behaviour, Sam again asked,

"Janet tell me what happened, please."

Janet watched the range of emotions that flashed in Sam's expressive eyes as she told the tale of Sam's shooting, sticking to the facts and leaving out the intense desperation Janet had felt since Sam's fateful entrance into the gas station.

Taking it all in Sam was amazed that once again she'd come so close to losing her life, only to cling on by her finger nails and claw her way back. Looking at Janet, Sam again took in her appearance,

"phew, I guess I was lucky, again. But you haven't said why you were crying."

Gathering her composure, Janet decided to go ahead with the promise she had made to herself when it appeared that Sam would be ok – honesty.

"Sam, just before you lost consciousness you told me were still in love with me."

Sam's stomached clenched painfully, she could vaguely recollect her words but the memory was foggy at best.

"I don't know if you remember Sam but I told you that I already knew and felt the same way."

This time Sam's stomach flipped in surprise and joy, Janet's words unexpected but wonderful.

"Janet," Sam whispered, her voice chocked with restrained emotion.

"Please Sam let me finish," Janet replied, however she clasped Sam's hand tightly and held it to her chest. "When the paramedics arrived, your heart had stopped, they shocked you several times before it started beating again; and then it stopped again in the helicopter on the way to the hospital. The bullet had severely damaged your aorta, it's a miracle you survived; you were in surgery for six hours while they repaired the damage and you needed over ten units of blood. Sam I've never been so terrified in my life, we've nearly lost you before, but this time I was sure you were going to die. It was different, I was different, I couldn't be objective anymore, I was desperate, I would have done anything to keep you alive, anything, even sold my soul to the Goa'uld," Janet chuckled bitterly. Sam responded with a sad smile.

Janet continued, "I felt as though my own life was ending, or part of it. I'd already admitted to myself that I was in love with you, but nearly losing you made me realise just how much. It was unbearable Sam and I finally knew exactly how you felt when I died on P3X-666, the nightmares, the desperation. Now I know Sam, you're my soul-mate, the other half of myself, I can't imagine not having you in my life and I don't want to. I love you, more than anything. I don't know if we can have a future together but I'm willing to try."

Listening to Janet, Sam felt her heart soar; she couldn't believe what Janet had told her, it seemed too amazing to be real. Janet loved her, was in love with her and wanted to be with her. It was almost too much to take in.

"Janet I don't know what to say," Sam replied, completely at a loss for words she pulled Janet gently towards her. "You don't know how long I've wanted you to say those words, but I'd given up hope of ever hearing them."

"Oh my God," Janet suddenly gasped as she suddenly remembered someone she had forgotten during the chaos of the previous days. "What about Rebecca."

"We broke up," Sam blurted out quickly, desperately trying to alleviate Janet's obvious guilt and discomfort.

"What, when?" Janet replied.

"A while ago, I wanted it to work but we both knew I could never stop loving you. I just wish I hadn't hurt her, she's a wonderful person; but Janet she could never replace you in my heart." Pulling gently on Janet's hand Sam reached up to run her fingers across Janet's cheek, "I love you so much, I can't believe you feel the same way." Sam smiled, the pain in her chest almost forgotten and replaced by the intense adoration she felt for the woman returning her smile with an amazing one of her own.

"I do Sam, if I doubted it before; the past two days have certainly erased those doubts." Leaning forward Janet pressed a feather light kiss to Sam's lips. "I love you," Janet whispered into Sam's mouth before continuing the kiss, this time flicking the tip of her tongue across the liquid softness of Sam's bottom lip.

Sam was desperate to respond but she was acutely aware of the fact that her mouth felt like cotton wool and not wanting to ruin the moment with two day old breath. However, Janet's doctor instincts had overruled any amorous intentions she had.

"Let's concentrate on getting you better shall we, then maybe we can continue this later," Janet confirmed the meaning of her words with a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows.

"Yes Ma'am," Sam whispered quietly, her pulse rate slowly returning to normal after the intense reaction Janet's brief kiss had evoked.

---

Epilogue

Several weeks later.

Sam had returned to Janet's house under the guise that Janet was helping with her recovery, which wasn't entirely untrue. Sam was in good shape prior to the shooting so her recovery had been straightforward and uncomplicated. Her stamina however was taking sometime to return to its previous state and Sam frequently grew frustrated with her frequent need for rest. Swearing and tantrums had become common place in the Fraiser household; fortunately so had laughter, cuddles and happiness. Janet and Sam revelled in their new found joy; there was certainly a lot to be said for falling in love with your best friend. All the things that had bonded them as friends were still there, but now they were stronger and reinforced with the deep connection they felt. Instead of it being awkward as they had both feared, it was so easy, as though they had been together forever; maybe it was their souls who had always known each other.

Evenings such as tonight had become something of a routine. Sam lay sprawled across the sofa, Janet was curled up next to her and watching the TV when she became aware of soft snoring behind her. Chuckling to herself she enjoyed the sensation of Sam's arm pulling her closer as she nuzzled the back of her neck. Who would have thought the tough, independent soldier would be a cuddle addict? But Sam used every opportunity she could to pull Janet to her; it was as though she were making up for years of missing out on physical contact. When she had asked Sam about it, Sam said that she had never been like this with anyone before, she was just addicted to Janet and the way she felt in her arms, warm, soft and wonderful. Sam also spent a lot of time with her nose buried in Janet's neck; the words 'you smell so good' were swiftly becoming a mantra for her.

Not that Janet was complaining, she'd always been demonstrative in her affections for those she loved, and it had been wonderful to discover that Sam was the same. Rolling gently in Sam's embrace, Janet took a few minutes to observe her sleeping partner. Even in sleep Sam looked different, the lines of stress and fatigue around her eyes were gone, and even though she was still recovering from major surgery she looked far healthier than she had done in some time. She'd gained a little weight in all the right places and her skin glowed with the light tan she had acquired during their frequent recuperative walks in the park. Yep, it had to be said, she was gorgeous; not that Janet was bias in any way!

Janet's adoration was deepened when crystal blue eyes opened and a gaze so full of love it almost made her want to weep, fell upon her.

"Hey sleepyhead," Janet whispered affectionately.

"Sorry baby, I just can't keep my eyes open for longer than five minutes," Sam replied.

"Come on then gorgeous, our bed is much more comfortable," rising to her feet; Janet held out her hand and led the way, a half asleep stumbling Sam following close behind like a lost puppy.

Teeth brushed and clothes shed, the two women climbed into bed and once again marvelled at the feeling of skin on skin. Nightclothes had long been abandoned in favour of the intimacy of naked cuddles, however due to Sam's recovery their physical relationship had yet to advance beyond this and the occasional intense kissing session.

Both women were finding it difficult, although they were also feeling a little anxious at taking things further. Sam didn't want to push Janet and was prepared to wait as long as she wanted, even if it did mean occasionally taking matters 'into her own hands'! Janet on the other hand was worried about letting Sam down, she had never made love to a woman before and she wanted their first time to be special. Janet wasn't so naïve that she expected it to be perfect, but she'd definitely settle for memorable for all the right reasons and not due to awkwardness and embarrassment. Maybe they were over thinking and should just let it happen, Janet trusted Sam implicitly and knew she would never push her, so maybe it was up to her to take the initiative.

Catching Sam's lips with her own Janet poured all the love, desire and longing she felt into the most passionate kiss she had ever experienced. Sam responded instantly finally seeming to allow herself to relax and let Janet take control. The duelling of tongues continued as hands caressed and legs entwined. Sam's hard thigh was pressed tightly between Janet's legs the soft rocking and delicious friction already sending her close to the edge. Kissing a trail down Sam's long neck to her shoulders, Janet mapped her lover's body with her lips, memorising every hitch of Sam's breath and storing the information for future use. As Janet moved lower and flicked at Sam's coral pink nipple with the very tip of her tongue, Sam's sudden cry was enough to startle her.

"Sorry baby did I hurt you?" she whispered in the soft light of the fading sunset.

"No, no, please don't stop...unless you want to," Sam added as she met Janet's concerned gaze.

Choosing not to answer with words, Janet again leaned forward and extended her tongue to once more lick at Sam's nipple; she then blew and watched the cooling skin pucker and harden.

"God Janet, you're gonna kill me," Sam gasped, her body reacting to Janet as it had to no other. Her body was hyper sensitive to Janet's every touch, every sound, the slightly throaty quality her voice had suddenly gained was incredibly sexy and added to Sam's already rapidly escalating arousal.

Janet took Sam's response as a sign she was doing something right, so taking Sam's nipple between her teeth she alternated between gently nipping then sucking, then blowing on Sam's sensitive skin. Making sure her other breast was not forgotten, Janet drew a line across Sam's chest with her tongue and concentrated her attention on her other nipple, nipping and sucking in a now familiar pattern. Marvelling in Sam's velvety skin, Janet gently caressed her lower stomach then dipped her hand to graze her short nails through Sam's curls. The action caused Sam to raise her head.

"Baby, are you sure you want to do this?" she asked.

Janet fell in love with Sam all over again at her soft words, the love and patience she had shown her the last few weeks meant more to her than Sam could ever know. Janet knew Sam had been frustrated and had some times needed to ease that frustration, but she had never pressured Janet or made her feel guilty.

Moving up Sam's body Janet looked deeply into her eyes, connecting with her soul and trying to convey her deepest thoughts and feelings.

"Thank you Samantha Carter," Janet breathed.

"For what baby?" Sam asked.

Never breaking eye contact, Janet continued, "thank you for waiting for me, thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for saving me, thank you for being patient with me, but most of all, my precious darling, thank you for loving me, as much as I love you."

Her eyes filling with tears, Sam was lost for words, slowly tracing Janet's beautiful features she pulled her close and covered her face with delicate baby kisses, softly whispering how much she loved her and always had.

It wasn't long before passions were reignited and burned fiercely, Janet should have known she didn't need to worry, Sam loved her and that would more than make up for any lack of experience. Sam was certainly responding to Janet's touch and Janet was amazed at herself, making love had never been like this before, she couldn't get enough of Sam and it felt so right, so real and wonderful. It was as though they could read each others mind, knowing exactly where they wanted to be touched, tasted, explored, and as Janet reached for Sam's warm folds, she gasped as Sam did the same for her. The feeling of her fingers circling Sam's silky core as Sam entered her own centre was too exquisite to bear and as she moved to caress Sam's clit Sam again followed, as they simultaneously increased speed and pressure Janet felt the building of fire of ecstasy start low in her belly. The intensity built slowly and deliciously until Sam reached with her free hand to gently pinch Janet's nipple; Janet cried out as the power of her orgasm slammed into her and forced the air from her lungs. For several long seconds her back arched and she groaned a deep throaty growl which was enough to send Sam over the edge and following Janet on the burning path to absolute bliss.

Panting and gasping for breath, all words were spoken with eyes as both woman tightened their hold on each other, and bodies entwined they feel into a deep dreamless sleep. After all, what was there left to dream about when all your dreams had come true?

THE END