There's No Place Like Home

by Merlin7

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asm/merlin7/home.php
Summary: Not supplied

"You don't want to be here, do you, Major?"

John was jolted out of his reverie by the voice of Vanessa Leto, resident Psychiatrist for Atlantis. A woman that John hadn't even known existed until today. He looked at her, noting that she had very pretty blue eyes and that she was quite an attractive woman, but he didn't even feel the urge to flirt like he usually would. He was too angry. Not so much at her as at Dr. Beckett, given that Beckett was the reason why John was here in the first place. But still, he couldn't lie to her or pretend he was happy. "Nope...I don't want to be here and I still don't get why I have to be here," he stated.

Vanessa nodded. "Well...You don't have to stay," she countered.

"Sure I do. If I don't talk to you, Beckett will pull me off missions. I'll be stuck here on Atlantis." Just thinking about Beckett's threat made John's anger rise a notch.

"Do you know why Dr. Beckett wants you here?"

John rolled his eyes. "To talk to you." He knew that wasn't what she meant, he just wasn't in the mood to make this easy on either one of them.

Tapping a fingernail against the notepad that lay on her knee, Vanessa studied him for a long moment. "Let's try this again, shall we?" she countered, her tone carefully neutral. "Tell me why you think you're here."

"Because I shot Colonel Sumner," John snapped.

"Why did you shoot him?"

John thought it was the dumbest question he'd ever been asked. "I was bored," he drawled all the while thinking *Fuck you, bitch*.

Vanessa knew how to play this game well. "You do realize, Major, that if you don't cooperate with me, then I will have no choice but to deem you unfit for duty and you'll still end up stuck here in Atlantis."

"Why?" John shot back. "You don't know Jack shit about me. How can you deem me unfit?"

"Suffice it to say I can," Vanessa countered. "Let's move on, Major. Either you work with me or you leave and I pull you off missions. Your choice."

John find himself almost cracking a smile. The lady was tough and no nonsense. He could respect that, to a point. "Fine," he drawled. "I'll play the game. I shot Colonel Sumner because he wanted me to."

Vanessa looked startled. "He told you that?"

"Not with words." John closed his eyes and he could remember that moment clearly. That Blue Wraith bitch sucking the life out of the Colonel. John had watched him turning old before his eyes. Then their eyes had locked and Sumner had nodded, asking for release. It hadn't been easy firing that shot, but John did it because in the Colonel's place, he would have wanted someone to do the same.

"Have you ever killed anyone before?" Vanessa was asking.

John kept his eyes closed. "You want numbers?"

"Just a yes or a no will do," Vanessa countered.

"Yes."

"When?"

John really did not want to do this, but he knew he was caught between a rock and a hard place. HE opened his eyes. "I Killed a few guys in Afghanistan."

Vanessa had a pen in one hand and she began scribbling in her notepad. "When you disobeyed orders to free those three soldiers?"

"That's right." John would offer no details. It wasn't any of her damn business anyway. He wondered what she was writing about him and it bothered him a bit.

"Would you do it again?"

"Excuse me?" She had caught him off guard. "Do what again?"

Vanessa stopped writing and smiled at him. "Disobey orders?"

John considered before replying ."You mean back home or here?"

"Is there a difference?"

"Big difference." He rubbed his eyes, suddenly feeling a thousand years old.

Vanessa looked intrigued. "Explain the difference to me."

John pushed out of his chair and began to pace. "I don't think I can. It's just something..personal. My own moral and ethical code, so to speak."

"OKay. Would you disobey orders again back home?"

"Yes, if it meant saving a fellow officer. No one gets left behind."

Vanessa was writing again. "Do you follow the same creedo here?"

John turned to glare at her. "You're damn right I do."

"So you would disobey a direct order from Weir?"

"Sometimes the line is blurred as to which one of us gets to make that decision. I'm sure some day that line will be crossed by one of us."

Vanessa looked thoughtful. "I understand you liked it in Antarctica."

John felt relieved that she was changing the subject matter, somewhat. "Yeah...it was quiet there."

"You were sent there because you obeyed a direct order from your CO."

"Right."

Vanessa looked at her note pad. "Your father is a decorated Colonel in the Marine Corp. Why did you pick Air Force?"

John went back to pacing. "To piss him off."

"Do you get along with your father?"

"Do you get along with yours?"

Vanessa chuckled. "Hardly ever. He wanted me to be a lawyer."

John nodded and almost managed to smile. "Mine wanted me to be just like him."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"For me. I am who I am."

"Do you like who you are?"

John froze at the question and decided to answer honestly. "Maybe fifty percent of the time."

Vanessa watched him for a moment then said, "You're a people person, Major. CHarming and engaging. Fliratious and very witty."

"I'm just one hell of a guy," he shot back, sarcasming oozing from every pore.

"Why a pilot and not a Mathematician?"

John snorted. "I was waiting for that to come up. I love to fly. I don't particularly like math."

Vanessa frowned. "But you're a Math genius. There are many ways you could apply your skills."

"It's a fluke," John shot back. "And one that mostly comes in handy for driving Dr. Mckay batty."

"Do you like Dr McKay?"

John cocked and eyebrow. "Do I have to?"

Vanessa almost chuckled. "No..but I would like you to tell me how you feel about a few of the people you work with. Starting with Dr. Mckay."

"Okay. He's a pain in the ass but brilliant and I have complete faith in the fact that he'll always be able to solve any problem that comes our way."

"Glowing praise indeed, Major," Vanessa stated.

John shook his head. "Just the truth. I have to believe in him. We all have to believe in each other. We're all we've got."

Vanessa nodded. "Good point. Dr. Weir?"

"I respect the job she's doing and she does it well. It's a hard position to be in. Although I think she's whacked for putting me in charge of the military."

"You're ranking officer."

"So?"

"Are you angry with her for dragging you to Atlantis?" Vanessa queried. "IT's my understanding that you really didn't want to come."

John sighed. "If I was going to be pissed at anyone it would be at General O'Neill. He's challenged me. But...truth be told, I have no one but myself to blame for being here. I decided my fate on the flip of a coin."

Vanessa had been writing but she stopped and looked up at him. "Do you think you came up a winner or a loser?"

"I'm living in a whole new world and playing with Ancient toys. What's not to like?" John moved back to his chair and sat down. "Sometimes, though..I feel like I'm nothing more than an artifact myself."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...Mckay and Dr. Beckett are always after me to touch things and stuff. Drives me nuts. And it's kinda crazy really." John broke off and stared at his finger nails, mentally cursing himself for giving so much away.

Vanessa leaned forward in her chair. "What's crazy?" she prompted.

John huffed another sigh then figured he might as well explain. "Me having the Ancient gene. I can almost convince myself that I was meant to come here."

"Fate?"

"Whatever. I'm stuck here so I'll make the best of it."

Vanessa made a few more notes. "Teyla, how do you feel about her?"

John smiled. "She's cool. Beautiful and fearless. She's been a big help to us."

"You like her."

"She's good people."

"Lt. Ford?"

John laughed. "He's like the kid brother I always wanted. A good man."

"Dr. Beckett?"

"A pain in my ass, but I like him. I trust him."

Vanessa closed her notebook, "Are you still mad at him for sending you to me?"

John scowled. "Hell yeah! But I'll get over it."

"I"m sure you will," Vanessa allowed.

"We done yet?"

She nodded. "We are."

John was a bit surprised to hear that, but pleased. "And?"

"You're cleared to go on missions, Major."

"Good." Surprisingly, John didn't feel as relieved as he thought he would. He stood up and headed for the door, but stopped to face Vanessa. "It's been interesting," he stated.

She smiled. "Indeed it has."

He grinned back. "I hope the next time we talk it's over coffee."

"I'd like that."

"It's a date," John replied, knowing that she wouldn't take him seriously. Then he was out the door and heading for Medical. He still wanted to give Dr. Beckett a chewing out, just because it would make him feel better. But along the way he ran into Mckay.

Major...I need you to touch some things for me," Rodney stated.

John rolled his eyes. "Nice to see you too, Rodney. Nice weather we're having."

"What? Oh." Rodney realized he had been rude again and didn't care. "You coming?"

"Yeah yeah....keep your shirt on," John countered,as he fell into step with the other man. "So...what new toy have you found for me to play with?"

Rodney shrugged. "I have no idea, but it's big."

John felt a ripple of excitement ."Big as in Elephant big? Or big as in Tyransauras Rex big?"

"Just big big," Rodney replied. And if he noticed the wicked gleam of delight in JOhn's eyes, he didn't mention it.

"Big," John echoed, feeling a sense of peace washing over him. Maybe, just maybe, he had found a place to call home.

THE END