The Twizzle Arc 2

Twisted Minds (Part 1/2)

by Orrymain

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/aso/orrymain3/twizzl021.php
Summary: Everything isn't ice cream and peaches as the Jackson-O'Neills adapt to the sudden and dramatic changes in their lives brought about by the accident

Daniel watched from the doorway, having arrived at his destination a bit earlier than scheduled. He still felt numb in many ways. Sometimes, he wondered if he was really feeling anything at all. There was so much to do and so many changes to make. It wasn't just him, but it was his lover and their children. He wondered, too, just how the pets were adapting. He was sure his husband's prolonged absence from the home had been noticed by their zoo.

Frozen! Empty! Vacant! The archaeologist hadn't felt this way in a long time, certainly not since Jack had finally chased away all of his demons. A part of him wanted to hide; maybe lose himself in studying some ancient artifact or reading an in-depth article about his beloved Egypt. Another part of him wanted to go home and pretend all was well. He could surround himself with his children and their pets, getting hugs and licks while playing some silly, mindless game.

Yet another part of Daniel wanted to close his eyes and escape, taking him to a place of safety -- his lover's arms. They'd make love, over and over again. It would be just the two of them, blissful and happy in their own unique relationship. The outside world wasn't part of their nation of two. He wanted this, more than anything.

Then, though, the challenges of today would take over. There wasn't time for artifacts, silly games, or escapist visions of his heart and soul. Instead there was only the need to be focused and strong for his husband, their children, and their animal kingdom zoo.

Of course, Daniel Jackson-O'Neill was one of the strongest men in the universe. It wasn't his physical strength that was greatest, but his strength of the mind and his capability of forging on when all that surrounded him was despair. It was in taking that next step, even while being laughed at. It was in fighting back with all he had, even though he was the underdog.

With all that was expected of him now -- being the supportive husband, the loving father, the caring pet owner, the understanding business owner, the compassionate, leading explorer of the universe -- there was no time for feeling, which was good, because Daniel wasn't feeling much of anything. That scared him. If not for one shining light, he'd succumb to the nightmare.

~I love you, Jack. That I feel. I love you.~

====

"We should take Dad some Loops," Chenoa suggested as the brood sat down for a fairly simple breakfast at the long table in the hospitality room. ~I wish Daddy was here,~ she thought, happy to have at least seen her younger father before he'd left the house earlier that morning.

"I'm not sure Cedar Hills allows that," Jennifer spoke about the somewhat new rehabilitation center where Daniel was now spending the majority of his day.

"Dad has to have Loops," Jonny insisted.

"I'm not hungry," Jenny stated suddenly, putting down her spoon and leaning back against her chair. She bowed her head, thinking, ~It's lonely without Dad and Daddy here.~

"Jenny, eat your cereal," Jeff requested. ~I'm glad I came home. I'm sure Jen could handle this on her own, but still.~

"But it's Loops," the redhead argued dejectedly. "That's Dad's favorite."

"I'll make some pancakes," Jennifer offered understandingly. "Would you like that?"

"I'll help, Jen," Brianna offered as she put her backpack down against the wall and walked forward.

"Bri, you don't have time, but thanks."

"I don't need to go," Brianna responded as casually as she could. ~I feel selfish going, anyway. I should be here, with everyone else.~

"Yes, you do," Jeff asserted. "Daddy wants us to keep as normal a schedule as possible."

"That means you're going to the seminar," Jennifer stated firmly as she looked at the tomboy for a moment. "Does anyone else want pancakes?" she asked, looking at the other children as they sat around the large table. ~Come on, Brood, chins up,~ she urged mentally as she saw the long, drawn faces staring back at her. ~Things will get better.~

These were troubled times for the Jackson-O'Neill brood. Three days ago, their older father, General Jack Jackson-O'Neill, had been transported from the hospital to Cedar Hills. Now paralyzed from the waist down, he was learning a new way to do everything he'd been doing for decades. It was all due to a terrible accident earlier in the month that resulted in Jack's truck going head-on into the pole of a traffic light after being rear-ended.

The retired general had been on his way home after having completed his errands, which included a 'Death by Chocolate' pie for Daniel, a telescope lens for their astronomy buff son, David, and a set of concrete swans to set out by the pool for Aislinn. All of these were surprises, purchased while conducting his regular errands. After enjoying a hearty lunch at Cy's, Jack had been right on schedule and looking forward to seeing his family, knowing how they always delighted in one another's surprises.

Though Jack's other injuries had been extremely minor, the beak of one swan had jammed into his lower back, causing a small fracture. In addition, the beak had broken, and one of the thin wires that supported the swan's neck had been forced into his back, causing a tiny puncture of the spinal canal that damaged the spinal nerves.

Doctor Janet Fraiser and the hospital's attending physician, Doctor Benjamin Creepingbear, had done everything they could, but there was no solution to Jack's problem. Surgery just wasn't an option. After a few days, Jack was released and transported to Cedar Hills where he'd learn how to function as a disabled person.

The highly reputed and accredited center allocated sixty-five percent of its beds to patients suffering from spinal injuries due to accidents, and its staff offered a wide range of medical care, including doctors, nurses, occupational and physical therapists, psychologists, and sexuality counselors.

For the most part, the brood was maintaining a cohesive and positive front. Not one of them whined or complained about their older father's injury or what it would mean to their lives. Of course, Daniel was sure that was because they really didn't understand it. Not yet, anyway. This breakfast, though, was potentially the first sign that their front wasn't as strong as the kids were making it out to be. Unfortunately, Daniel wasn't there to see it.

"Jeff, if we're supposed to be normal, then shouldn't you go back to school?" Jenny challenged in an odd, vengeful sort of way, something that was completely out of character for the Spitfire.

Having arranged to take a few courses online, Jeff had left the University of Cincinnati after having been convinced that Daniel needed his assistance with the brood. His plan was to return to the campus next semester.

"Jenny!" Jennifer chastised sternly.

Jennifer, too, had withdrawn from all but two of her college courses, as well as having cut back on her hours at J-O Enterprises. In addition, she'd notified Alex Dennison that after she completed the current tapestry she was working on for a client, she wouldn't be available until the situation with her family settled.

"I'm sorry, Jeff," Jenny sighed. "It's the Loops."

"It's okay, Red," Jeff responded, smiling at his sister. "Jen, who's doing the shopping today?"

"If Aunt Jilly has her way, she will," Jennifer chuckled lightly.

"She doesn't like Daddy's plan," Jeff mused.

"What plan?" Little Danny questioned.

"Daddy wants all of us to take care of ourselves. He doesn't want Uncle Billy and Aunt Jilly cleaning the house or waiting on us," Jeff answered.

"And you already knew that," Jennifer reminded, her eyes rather pointed as she looked at the middle Munchkin.

"I forgot," Little Danny claimed with a convincing smile. "We'll be good, Jen," he promised.

"I know," Jennifer replied with a confident expression. "Guys, it's just ... they're older, and Daddy doesn't want to burden them with our responsibilities. Okay?"

"We understand, Jen," Aislinn spoke on behalf of the others.

"Good," Jennifer acknowledged as she headed for the cabinets to the get the ingredients to make the pancakes.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, Sis," Jeff advised as he and Brianna, who had retrieved her backpack, began to walk towards the exit so that he could drive her to her seminar. "Don't let Uncle Billy try to fix that shelf without me."

"I'll try, but he's just like Dad," Jennifer chuckled, nodding at her departing siblings. ~He'll shoo me out of the room and tell me to stop treating him like a kid because he's been doing this handyman stuff since before I was born..~

Billy and Jilly O'Neill, Jack's older brother and his wife, had surprised the family with their presence after learning about the accident. They were staying in the guestroom on the first level of the house. As a result of their many years of rural life, their natural instinct was to take over all of the household duties, something Daniel knew they'd do. While much appreciated by Daniel, he felt that it would be too much for the older couple. It was one of the reasons he'd agreed to allow Jennifer and Jeff to both alter their college courses for one semester, so that they could keep an eye on things for him while he focused on Jack's recuperation and transition to a new life.

"Jen, Peter's on the phone," David announced a minute or so later, having answered the phone before joining his sibling by the counter. "I'll finish the pancakes."

"Thanks, Bro."

The other big surprise came when Jennifer's boyfriend, Peter Hamilton, had shown up on the same day that Jeff had returned home from college. Sensing his girlfriend needed him and genuinely caring about Jack, whom he credited with changing his life for the better, Peter had left Oxford to assist in any way that he could.

"Hey, what's the big secret?" David asked the whispering Spitfires, glancing over at them while he was mixing the batter.

"What about school?" Jenny asked in earnest.

David stared back at his young sister. He looked over at Little Danny, and that set off a ripple effect of looks, each of the children staring at one another for direction.

Except for Jennifer and Jeff, all of the Jackson-O'Neill children were homeschooled. It was a year-round process that was flexible, but was very much a part of their daily lives. Since their older father's accident, however, they hadn't had a single day of home instruction, and with Daniel spending most of his time at the hospital and now at the rehab center, the children were missing this part of their regulated life.

After an awkward minute of stares and confusion, David announced, "School starts in thirty minutes, so eat your breakfast and make sure your morning chores are done."

"But Dad and Daddy aren't here," Jenny rebutted, wondering how the brood could have school without their parents.

"I know, but I am," David responded. "Thirty minutes."

Just then, Jennifer returned from her phone call and noticed how quickly her siblings were eating.

"Where's the fire?" the young woman questioned. "And I thought you didn't want Froot Loops?" she asked, seeing Jenny and the others eagerly digging in to their bowls full of cereal.

"We have school, Jen, and we need to finish our chores first," Ricky answered enthusiastically. Looking around, she caught a glimpse of David as he stood at the counter. Noting his tentative expression and shrug, she walked over and asked quietly, "School?"

"They want to learn, Jen. They miss school. I figure I can teach them science and English."

Jennifer looked back at the other children and realized the oversight about their education, chastising herself slightly.

~Smooth, Jen.~ Nodding quickly, Jennifer replied, "I'll do history. Jeff can do photography or something when he gets back from dropping Bri off." She smiled and, with a brief hug, praised, "Way to step up, Bro!"

With a smile in return, David put the pancake batter into the refrigerator for later use and returned to his own breakfast, while silently working out a lesson plan for the day.

====

"For crying out loud, I've been putting on pants for decades since before you were born," Jack snapped at Margo McLeod, who was the primary nurse assigned to him for the duration of his rehabilitation at Cedar Hills. She was actually trained as both a rehabilitation nurse and physical therapist, so her duties often covered both functions with her patients, including Jack. "I'm not a toddler needing his mommy to get dressed."

"General, let's start at the beginning," Margo suggested calmly, not the least bit fazed by her patient's attitude and actions.

"With the birds or the bees?" Jack quipped sarcastically.

Unflustered, Margo instructed, "The first step is to lay out your pants. Once you do that, you'll lift your leg and slide the pant leg onto your foot and pull it up. Then you'll repeat the process with your other leg. Let's try it."

"I'd rather try something else," Jack complained.

"I'm waiting, General."

"You can wait until the sun don't shine," came the response from the unhappy patient.

"I think not, but what I can do is go and help someone who wants to be helped. In the meantime, you can lie there in your pajamas. I'll be back in a little while," Margo told the unhappy patient, smiling at Daniel as she approached the doorway. As she passed, she warned sternly, "Don't help him again, Daniel. You aren't helping him when you do."

The archaeologist nodded and sighed. Yesterday, he'd witnessed a similar scene and had then assisted his lover in dressing. He'd seen Margo's disapproving look the second she'd walked in and realized that he'd basically dressed her patient. They'd had a discussion about it later in the day.

//Flashback//
At the end of the long hallway, Daniel looked at the rehabilitation nurse and tried to explain his actions by saying, "Ms. McLeod, it's only been two days since Jack was brought here, and ..."

Raising her palm up in front of the archaeologist, the nurse interrupted, "It's Margo, Daniel, and I know it seems cruel, but we *cannot* allow our patients to wallow in self-pity, not for five minutes, however much they, or we, may feel they are entitled to it; especially not someone as active and independent as Jack has always been."

Daniel listened intently to the woman, taking in her words, knowing she was speaking sincerely and with Jack's best interests at heart.

"He cannot yet truly grieve for what he's lost; that will come later. Right now we have to bully him into doing what's best for him, which is directing that extreme stubbornness of his into adapting to his life as it is now."

"You sound like you know him; well, I mean," Daniel commented.

"He's military, and you have a lot of children, so he's obviously active. As for the stubbornness, it took me about five minutes to figure that one out."

"That long?" Daniel mused as much as he could.

With a smile, Margo expounded on her thoughts, saying, "There's a defining moment, Daniel, for the patient, and for each significant person in his or her life who is affected by a traumatic event like this. That moment happens when the reality of who he is now, today, forever shatters the hope and the memory of who he can never be again. At that moment, and not before, the grief becomes cleansing and healing. Until then, it's just pity."

"I know you're right," Daniel acknowledged. "You've obviously been doing this for awhile. It can't be easy."

"Yes, I have, and no, it's not." With a light sigh, Margo noted, "It never gets easier, but my reward comes later when patients thank me for being so mean to them that they got off their butts and did the work they needed to do. I get postcards from all over the world when my patients travel, and I have a large box full of invitations to weddings, graduations, christenings, and sporting events. I couldn't possibly accept even a tenth of them and still keep my job, but I cherish each and every one as a victory for this 'mean old hag'."

"Thank you, Margo," Daniel said as he nodded, while silently vowing not to do things that his husband needed to do for himself.
//End of Flashback//

Daniel's mind understood everything Margo had said, and he fully intended to keep the pledge he'd made to himself, but his heart just wanted Jack to feel better. Margo was far from a 'mean old hag', but he understood her message. Jack needed to be pushed, not handled with kid gloves.

"What happened to having a reason to get home soon?" Daniel challenged his husband as he walked forward, hands in his pockets. "I mean, uh, when we brought you home, before coming here, I thought you understood that we need you."

"I can't do anything," Jack whined unhappily.

"Not when you're lying on your butt, you can't," Daniel rebuked, nodding as he became irritated at Jack's attitude. He walked a little closer and continued, "Jack, our children need you. *I* need you. I realize this is difficult ..."

"*Difficult*?" Jack bellowed angrily. "You don't have a clue in ..."

"Stop!" Daniel exclaimed loudly, raising his right hand into the air, his palm outward. "I'm not going to let you say something that is only going to make this worse. Okay, you've been here a few days, and you're miserable. You know what, Jack? So am I. So are Jonny and Little Danny and Ash and Jenny: the entire brood is miserable. Katie is moping. She keeps going to the door, looking for you, waiting for you to come home. JD says his heart is still in his toes. And here's the thing."

Daniel leaned over, his hands gripping the edge of the bed. He saw his lover's eyes focused on him, attentively watching Daniel and waiting for whatever was about to come.

~Forgive me, Jack, but this is for your own good,~ Daniel whispered inwardly. "You, Jack, are controlling everything. The lives of our children, our life together, our company; even the lives of people close to us, who are doing everything they can to help us get through this when they don't really have the time to do it." He paused, waiting a few seconds as he stared at his soulmate. "Kill the attitude, Jack, or I'm going to bring the brood here to see it for themselves."

Jack stared up at his soulmate and challenged, "You wouldn't dare."

"I did it at the hospital, and I'll do it again here," Daniel insisted. "Just watch me."

"That's dirty pool, Daniel."

"I'm not going to take the fall for our family falling apart because you're whining every second of the day." Daniel sighed, closing his eyes for a brief moment. He needed this break. Otherwise, he feared his emotions would cause him to make a statement that would just exacerbate the situation. He took a calming breath, cleansing himself of the negativity that had been flowing through their veins. "I'll do whatever it takes to keep our family happy and together."

"Happy," Jack muttered, looking away from his Love.

Daniel let out a tiny sound and then sat on the edge of the bed. He reached out and took Jack's hand in his, trying to focus on letting positive energy flow through him and into his stubborn husband. He didn't know the torture Jack was feeling. He couldn't imagine it, especially knowing how independent and active his Love had always been; but he wanted to calm him and to reassure Jack that their life was not over.

"I can't pretend to know what this is like for you. All I can do is try and imagine what you're feeling, but that being said, we still have the world, Babe. Okay, it's not going to be exactly the same, but that doesn't mean life is over. We're going to be happy and continue doing all the wonderful things we do, together, with our brood, and our business ..."

"When's the last time you saw a paraplegic archaeologist?"

Daniel grinned and answered, "Uh, last year, at the conference." Still smiling, he continued, "I told you all about him, remember?"

Jack sighed in defeat. He knew he was being ornery and making things difficult, but he couldn't help himself. He was used to being out front, being a leader, not being confined to a wheelchair and not even able to dress himself. It was humiliating and a far cry from the Air Force Special Ops officer he prided himself on being.

"Jack, one day at a time, okay? Just ... just meet us halfway on this," the younger man implored softly.

"Danny, I don't know how to do this," the older man confided, finally letting his vulnerability show.

"Neither do I," Daniel responded. "Jack, none of us do, but we will learn together. The important thing is that we discover how to do it together, you and me, and our children."

Jack let out a huge breath as he admitted, "Sometimes I think I feel my legs; I could swear it hurts."

"Have you told the doctors?"

"Doesn't do any good," Jack snorted snarkily. "They say it's normal; nothing to be alarmed about. "Alarmed? I *feel* something, and they say I shouldn't be alarmed."

Daniel twisted around and placed his hand on Jack's thigh, squeezing it, but observing no response in his lover.

"That's what they do, but not as gently," Jack stated with a bit of a scowl on his face.

"Nothing?"

"Never happens on cue," the older man retorted.

"Jack, they told me that ..."

"I know, Daniel. It's normal, but that doesn't make it any easier," Jack interrupted. He looked at his husband and saw so much love aimed in his direction. Once again, he knew he was being a jerk. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize; you just need to let Margo and the others help you. Jack, our world is full of people with special needs, and a lot of them are doing very well, but they all had to take that first step."

"Step?" Jack challenged with accusing eyes.

"You know exactly what I mean, O'Neill."

"Ouch!"

"That colonel I first met: nothing would faze him, nothing."

"That colonel almost shot his brains out in his son's bedroom and then was willing to kill an entire world just to give himself a way out," Jack responded dryly.

"But he didn't."

"Because of you."

"Because of your strength," Daniel refuted strongly. "It was in you, Jack. I just helped you find it, that's all."

"Danny ..."

Choked up, Jack looked away. He didn't feel strong at all. Right now, he felt weaker than he'd ever been.

"Jack," Daniel began, squeezing his lover's hand tightly. "I wish we could just make this go away. I called Thor."

His lover's words caused Jack to face the passionate explorer of the universe again.

"He doesn't have a fix. I knew I didn't have a right to ask, but I had to," Daniel explained.

"We can't expect our ... friends to snap our problems away," Jack replied.

"No, we can't." Daniel sighed, "The Asgard have a lot of technology, but they aren't magicians with the human body." He paused, becoming contemplative for a moment, and then admitted, "They've studied us so much that I was hoping Thor would be able to do what our doctors can't."

"No go, though," Jack assumed.

Shaking his head, Daniel affirmed, "No go. He's working on it, though; something about not wanting to let Little Thor down."

Jack chuckled, "Little Thor. You know, I think JD wouldn't mind being called that."

"Please don't give him any ideas," Daniel begged. "Um, you should know, Little Danny really wants us to contact Lya, too."

"They raise the dead, not heal the invalid," Jack quipped. "Danny, no. They push their beliefs enough to help us as it is."

"Yeah," Daniel reluctantly agreed, respecting his lover so much for resisting the temptation of contacting one of the four great races in the universe for a personal favor that had nothing to do with the galaxy's safety. "If Area 51 hadn't destroyed the Goa'uld healing device trying to get it to work without naquadah in the blood, we could have asked Sam to try and use that."

"Hail, Dorothy," Jack mused lightly.

"I thought of contacting the Tok'ra, but ..."

"Not for all the tea in China, or beer in the fridge," Jack replied firmly, interrupting his soulmate. "Danny, anytime we ask those ... people for anything, they want something in return, and it's usually a lot more than what they give."

"Jack, there is a ... another possibility."

"Not in a million years," Jack stated sternly, instantly knowing what his lover was thinking about. "You're not putting me in one of those boxes." He paused and queried, "Do we even have one of those things anymore?"

"I'm not sure if there's a working sarcophagus out there or not, but maybe we should investigate that idea."

"I saw what those things did to you, Daniel. You're not sticking me in one of them. The tradeoff isn't worth it," Jack opined ardently.

"Just one time," Daniel argued lightly, his conflicted emotions about the mental effects of spending time in the alien device making it difficult for him to support the idea too strongly.

"Daniel, I was in one of those before, so it wouldn't be just one time. Besides, I'm already wacky enough, don't ya think?"

"Good point," Daniel acknowledged with a smile. "Maybe one of our other allies can ..."

"Danny, we've talked about this before. I'm alive, not dead, and I'm not gonna die from this. You're the one who argued that point before, that we don't have the right to ask our allies for selfish things."

"Where do we draw the line?" Daniel agreed with his soft, questioning reply. "But we're talking about you walking, Jack."

"What do we teach the brood, if we do?" Jack put forth bravely, realizing how his lover was battling personal convictions versus personal needs. "Danny, that's what you asked me before. We want our kids to be normal. How normal can they be if, when they break an arm, their solution is to call Thor?" Thoughtfully, he added, "I don't want our kids to think that if something is wrong in their lives that they get a do-over. Sometimes you just have to take the lumps life gives you."

Daniel sighed. Jack was throwing his own words back at him. Worse, they were words he believed in strongly. Yes, they'd asked for favors before, but never quite for something like this. In the past, it had been at critical moments, when their lives were at risk. Besides, it was doubtful their off-world friends could help, anyway. Then there was always the question of how they'd explain it to the doctors, not that it was a vital factor in the equation.

"I'm trying, Angel," Jack continued, seeing the conflict weighing on his lover. He paused, questioning his own words. "I'm trying to try," he corrected, grimacing at the oddness of his statement. He groaned and decided to let it go, returning to the main subject and saying simply, "We'll make it on our own, without alien doohickeys."

"Okay," Daniel agreed, even though he wasn't totally sure he should go along with his soulmate's decision. ~It was easier when I was in Jack's position, telling him not to do anything to help me. Shoe's on the other foot now, and I'd really rather not be wearing his.~

"How's the brood?" Jack inquired, wanting to move off the sensitive subject that had just been discussed.

"They miss you. It's hard on them," Daniel responded. "Uh, they're going to have their first counseling session tomorrow." He saw his husband's eyes roll and then settle into a glare. "Don't eyeball me, Babe. They need someone removed from the situation to help them understand their feelings."

"They have you," Jack challenged.

"Of course, they do," Daniel agreed without giving up his stance on the subject. "But, Babe, I'm hardly disconnected from this situation. They need an independent person to listen to them." Sensing that it was a good time for another change in subject, while at the same time kicking his husband for being a bit self-involved, even if it was understandable, Daniel informed, "Uh, Mrs. Crenshaw called last night."

"Hammond's lady friend?"

Daniel smiled a moment and then grew more serious, saying, "He's not feeling very well."

"Too much of Mrs. C's cooking," Jack surmised.

"Maybe."

"He's not really sick?" Jack questioned in earnest.

"Mrs. Crenshaw is taking care of him," Daniel answered. "She said it could just be the flu, but she's not sure."

"Danny ..."

"I'm going by later," Daniel interrupted, knowing what his husband was going to say.

"Don't let him slack off. He's getting crotchety now that he doesn't have to report to the SGC every day."

"You would know," Daniel spoke not-so-innocently, raising his eyebrows as he smiled.

"Good one, Daniel."

"Thank you," Daniel replied, pleased with himself.

"General, are you ready to try *again*?" Margo asked as she returned to the room.

"He's ready," Daniel answered, smiling at his soulmate and then standing up. "I'm going to go and check on General Hammond. Jack ..."

"I'll be good," Jack promised with mock contriteness. "Go. I have work to do."

With a smile and a nod, Daniel headed for the doorway, turning around to glance back at his lover, who was focusing in on his task for the day -- putting on his pants.

As Daniel walked away, however, he heard, **I love you, Angel.** That endearing declaration reminded the archaeologist that as trying as these times may be, the couple's nation of two was alive and strong.

====

"She's making it sound like I've got one foot in the grave, Son, but this old dog still has a lot of hunt left in him," Hammond assured as he sat in his chair in the sunroom that had been a gift from the Jackson-O'Neill family.

Sitting in the other chair, Daniel leaned forward, smiling as he responded, "I'm glad to hear that, Sir." He took a breath of regret as he spoke, "I'm ... afraid we haven't had time lately to come over."

"You've got a lot to handle right now. As soon as I'm feeling better, I'll be over to help out."

"The brood misses you, Sir."

"I miss my grandchildren, Daniel," Hammond admitted. "How's Jack doing?"

Daniel sighed, "He goes back and forth from dealing with it and ... not. It's a, a ... struggle."

"Jack has always dealt with things best after thinking about it a while. He'll come around," Hammond asserted confidently. "And you? How are you handling it?"

"Me?" Daniel echoed. He shrugged and looked down as he cocked his head slightly, not wanting to really think about how he was feeling about everything. "I'm fine."

"I've heard those words before, and I believe you now about as much as I believed you then."

Daniel gave the general a tiny smile and nodded his head. He sighed, looking down at the floor for a moment before responding.

"It's ... difficult. The children need a lot of attention, but I have to be with Jack. We have a business that demands my time, too. I need a clone, or two or three," Daniel put forth in a sad-but-true statement of his life these days.

"Anything I can do to help, Son?"

"Get well, Sir."

====

"Hey," Daniel greeted as he returned to the rehab center that afternoon.

"Look, Danny. I can put my foot in my pants."

"That's great!" Daniel praised. "Uh ... shouldn't they be ..."

"... pulled up?" Jack asked. "I'm starting a new trend."

"You copped an attitude again," Daniel surmised as he crossed his arms over his chest, his ire at his husband rising quickly. "Jack ...

"Oh ye of little faith," Jack quipped. "Margo had to go do something. I was just trying it on my own." After a pause, he added, "I ran out of steam."

"Oh. Jack, I'm sorry. It's just ..."

"Daniel, I've never been a good patient. We both know that," Jack stated strongly. "Will you *please* get my pants up? I feel like I'm on exhibit."

Daniel chuckled lightly and then began to help his lover to pull up his pants, but, remembering Margo's words from earlier in the day, he stopped.

"Babe, you can do it," Daniel encouraged, backing away a step. "I know you can." Difficult as it was, the archaeologist held his ground while willing his soulmate to gather his strength and accomplish his task. ~Come on, Jack. It's a start,~ the younger man urged silently.

"Piece of cake," Jack responded, though not sounding as convincing as he normally did when using one of his favorite phrases. "It's just a matter of coordination."

Gritting his teeth, Jack used the overhead bar to pull himself up to a sitting position. Then he leaned forward, taking his pants in his hands. It sounded simple, but it wasn't. Wiggling his hips back and forth, he slowly pulled up his pants. When he was done, he let himself plop back down on the bed. He was exhausted, and that frustrated him.

"You'd think I'd just run five miles," Jack put forth at the difficulty of his labors.

"You did great," Daniel praised, walking forward and leaning over to share a kiss. "I'm proud of you, Jack." He saw his lover's expression change, shifting from an almost smile to a sad frown. "What?"

"You just reminded me of me."

"What's wrong with that?"

With a slight cock of his head, the older man answered, "You reminded me of me, the first time Ricky got dressed by himself, and I praised him."

Daniel didn't know how to respond to that, so he didn't, choosing to remain silent and kiss his Love again.

"Nothing wrong with your lips," Daniel noted with a pleased smile.

"Pucker still pucks, but the f..."

"Jack, don't go there. We're not ready yet. Let's concentrate on making sure you're functional -- dressing, with dressing," Daniel sighed nervously at his faux paux statement.

Jack stared at his lover, seeing the truth in his eyes. They hadn't talked about their sexual life. Both had evaded the questions, not yet wanting to know the answers. Right now, they were dealing with 'first things first', and that was getting Jack functional with the activities of daily life.

~Functional?~ Jack questioned. ~Stop it, O'Neill. Not yet. I won't think about it yet.~ He saw Daniel's face sadden and knew it was his fault. Quickly, he did what Daniel had done before -- changed the subject. "How's Hammond?"

"Much better. Jack, I think he was sicker than we knew, and that's why he hasn't been around much. He didn't want us to worry."

"Because of my idiotic attitude."

"Not necessarily. He's called the brood a lot, but I've been ... I mean I ..."

"You've had to babysit me," Jack acknowledged, fully aware of the number of hours his husband was putting in at the rehab center in an effort to keep him motivated and on task. "Danny, are you sure he's okay?"

"Yeah, I think so." Daniel smiled and then suggested, "Of course, the phone's right there."

Jack glanced at the phone. Since the accident, he hadn't reached out to anyone but his soulmate. In fact, he'd managed to shove the telephone to the end of the bedside table it was sitting on so that now, he couldn't even reach it.

"Good idea," Jack concurred. "How about ..."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Daniel replied, moving to the other side of the bed and handing his Love the phone.

====

"Like Egyptian hieroglyphs," Little Danny interjected as he and some of his siblings sat around the game table in the recreation room.

"Exactly," Jennifer acknowledged. "Native Americans passed down their history through stories told through symbols, like these." She held up some pictures she'd sketched. "This picture is a symbol of two brothers."

"Like us," Jonny piped up.

"Well, it's not necessarily literal. Brothers could be more than just a relationship by blood. To the Indians, any two men could be brothers."

"Like when T calls Dad his brother," Little Danny chimed in with a smile.

"Exactly," Jennifer praised.

--

"This book is actually on the American Library Association's Challenged Book List," Brianna stated.

"What does that mean?" Lulu inquired curiously.

"It means that there are some people who find the book objectionable. In this case, they think it's racist."

"Why?" Chenoa questioned.

"Why don't you read it and tell me," Brianna suggested with a smile. "That's going to be your assignment -- to read this book and then write an essay about whether or not you think it should be a challenged book. Let's take a closer look."

--

"Pictures tell a story. When we're done talking, what I want you to do is use these cameras and take pictures. Use the entire roll. Later, we'll look at them and see if they can tell us a story," Jeff stated with a smile and then handed out the cameras.

"Do we take pictures of the same thing?" Ricky asked.

"You can, but what I'd like you to do is pick three or four different things. Take several pictures of each. Think about your subject and what they're doing."

"Like what?"

"Bij, or the grass, or Jen teaching history. This is your story. Find a few things that are interesting to you and document it by taking pictures." Seeing JD's scrunched nose, Jeff chuckled, "Don't worry, JD. I'll help you."

"Good 'cause I don't know what a 'docmen' is."

--

Daniel finished observing each of the three learning groups. He was taken aback by the studies, realizing that he'd overlooked the brood's education. He bowed his head, believing that he wasn't accomplishing anything anymore. He was a lousy husband and a neglectful father. Except for a few phone calls, he hadn't even checked in at J-O lately. He felt lucky that he'd been able to convince himself to get up and get dressed every day.

"Hi, Daddy," Jennifer greeted, calling out softly as she approached her younger father from the rear, having left her charges to study on their own for a bit.

Daniel's head lifted up in surprise as he thought, ~I'm not even good at basic survival tactics: I didn't hear her coming.~

"Daddy, are you okay? You look kinda funny."

"I'm fine," the conflicted man replied. "Jen, what's all this?"

"We found out this morning that they miss studying, so David organized school. I checked out the lesson plans, and they look okay to me."

"Lesson plans?"

"David, Bri, and Jeff all came up with something to teach today. It's a start, Daddy." Jennifer smiled as she slipped her arm through her father's and stated, "This is round three."

"I messed up."

~Messed up? What does that mean?~ Jennifer wondered before realizing that her younger father was embarking on a guilt trip. "You need to be with Dad, and the brood knows that," she reassured. "Daddy, Peter wants to help, too, and I thought I'd call Aunt Sara, but I didn't want to do that without your permission."

"Sara," Daniel sighed with a nod. "I'm sure she'd love to help. Jen, make sure she isn't teaching somewhere first. I mean ..."

"I know. She'll back out of her obligation for us," Jennifer surmised. "I'll bring it up casually, and if she's working, I won't say anything. Is it okay about Peter?"

"Sure. Thanks, Sweetie," Daniel replied, giving his daughter an appreciative kiss on the cheek. He sighed remorsefully, "Sometimes it feels like Dad and I put a world of pressure on our family."

"No one's keeping score, Daddy," Jennifer replied wisely, causing Daniel to take a huge breath and wonder why he kept saying crazy things lately. "Oh, Grandpa called earlier, just to say 'hi'."

"I'll bet the brood liked that."

"He promised he'd come by in a day or two. We made him some cookies, and the brood insists a delegation be allowed to deliver them tonight before going to bed. I told them we'd have to talk to you first."

"Whatever you think, Jen."

"Me?"

"I'm relying on you, Sweetheart. I have to, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy," Jennifer agreed, trying to conceal her worry. It was great to be relied on, and she liked the proof that her father was thinking of her as the adult she was, but she'd never quite heard that amount of need before from her father. "I think I'll take Ash and Lulu with me when I go."

"Okay," Daniel replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Jennifer sighed inwardly. She could feel her younger father's distress. She'd also been privy to Daniel's insecurities in the past. While she was certain he could deal with everything that was happening, she wondered if he knew that.

~Or maybe Daddy is so strong that he's admitting he can't do it all,~ Jennifer thought as her worry began to dissipate. ~It's like that old 'super woman' concept. No one can do it all. Daddy knows that, and why should he try when he has all of us to help him?~ She smiled, having worked through her concern. ~Way to go, Daddy.~

====

~It's like being on active duty again,~ Jack whined inwardly. ~Up by seven every friggin' morning.~

Of course, Jack was an early bird anyway. He always had been, but he was an unhappy man these days, and his life was far from his own; at least, that's how he felt.

The general's days began with the wake-up call and then the morning hygiene, something he wasn't thrilled about. Then again, he was military and had had plenty of experiences where modesty was second to necessity. That's how life was today.

Then there was breakfast. Daniel was always at Cedar Hills by then, if not sooner, and that was the one bright spot in Jack's day. Even if they were arguing, seeing his Heart was a joy. It gave his life meaning, and these days, Jack needed that reason to be clear and visible as much as possible.

~I miss IHOP,~ Jack lamented about the daily morning meal, not that he'd been to the breakfast restaurant that much recently anyway; rather, it was just another thing for him to complain about. ~When I bust out of here, I'm going to IHOP for a double order of strawberry banana pancakes.~

Most of the morning was spent learning to do things Jack's parents and grandparents had taught him as a child.

~Oh, for crying out loud! I know how to put on socks! Grandpa let me bait his fishin' pole the first time I put on my socks by myself. That was a long, long time ago, lady.~

"General, I realize this is difficult, but I'm trying to give you tips that will help you to function on your own, completely independently, when you leave here," Margo stated strongly, but with understanding in her tone. "What if you injure your hand?"

"What if I injure my hand?" Jack echoed sarcastically.

"You can have small loops sewn into your socks, so you can just hook your thumb through the loop and pull the sock over your foot."

"My hand is fine," Jack replied, his voice strained.

"General, part of what we want to teach you is simplification -- how to take the complex parts of daily living and make them easier."

"Dumb them down," Jack stated.

"Okay, if you prefer that phrasing," the nurse replied. "No one is against you; we're all on your side."

"I'll try and remember that."

After re-learning what he'd once learned by the age of five, Jack would get a breather, better known as lunch.

~I suppose it beats the mess hall at the SGC.~

Then came an afternoon that Jack likened to that of being a private, where his body was subjected to a number of exercises and routines the nurses called physical therapy. He didn't really argue during these lessons. He understood his body, and it made sense to him that he needed to work his muscles. The massages made sense. It all made sense.

~But I'd rather Danny was touching me there than you,~ Jack thought as the therapist worked his leg muscles.

Finally, the work day would end, and Jack would get dinner and time to visit with family, friends, and other residents of the rehab facility. Of course, he was avoiding the other residents as much as possible, his friends knew to stay away, at least temporarily, and his family was limited to Daniel, who knew better than to bring the children with him. There were exceptions to every rule, but from his own making, visitation was chiefly limited to Daniel.

~He's all I want. Crap, he deserves more than me in this friggin' chair.~ Staring at the facility's psychiatrist, Jack pretended the man was a Goa'uld. This was the price to pay for a decent meal -- a thirty minute session with the 'prison's shrink', as Jack called him. ~No, I'm not about to share my life story with you. That's it. Send me back to my room. Danny is waiting. This after-dinner counseling is a waste of my time.~

So the days went, and there had only been a few of them thus far. Jack wasn't sure he could make it through more. What was the point? It was a question he was having a hard time answering.

====

"Janet, I don't want this thing in me for the rest of my life," Jack stated the next day, having decided this was a discussion he just couldn't put off any longer. It wasn't really a statement, though, but rather was a plea and a desperate one at that. "Tell me something -- *anything!*" he begged urgently.

"Not everyone needs a catheter ..." Janet began. Seeing Jack brighten and about to interrupt, she increased her volume and continued, "... but you do. It's just something you'll have to deal with, for now."

"I don't want to deal with it."

"Look, a certain amount of ... training is sometimes possible."

"Military, Doc," Jack responded, sounding a bit agitated. "I'm all about training; it's in my blood."

"I'll talk to Max," Janet agreed, referring to Doctor Maxwell Holicum, the man in charge of Jack's program at Cedar Hills.

"Thanks, Doc," Jack replied gratefully as the physician smiled and stood up from the chair she'd been sitting in during her fifteen-minute visit. "Doc, there's one more thing."

Full of compassion, Janet pushed the chair aside and sat on the edge of the bed as she listened to Jack's concern. It wasn't something she normally did with her patients, but right now, Jack wasn't her patient.

"Jack, you can still have sex -- fulfilling sex. Being aroused won't be a problem," Janet began.

"But?" Jack prodded.

"You may have to use manual stimulation to achieve an erection," the physician continued. "If you have problems, there are things you can try that might help; vibrators and rings can achieve a certain result. Viagra and ... yes, Jack, Viagra," she confirmed, reinforcing her comment upon seeing Jack squirm disapprovingly. "You might not be able to ejaculate, though. Many men aren't able to, though some do."

"Am I gonna know what's happening?"

"An orgasm?" Janet asked. "Yes, of course. Jack, you're not dead. Look, while this isn't something we've talked about in the past, and I'm not asking for details now, the little I do know about your sex life with Daniel is that you two like to do different things sometimes. Well, you have a lot of different things you can try now."

"I don't think we're talking about the same things," Jack snarked.

"Probably not," Janet stated flatly. "But that doesn't mean what I'm suggesting isn't going to bring you ... uh, bliss," she put forth with a sly smile. "You might find that exploring other parts of your anatomy, as well as Daniel's, will bring on new sensations. You have a lot of new things to explore with your husband."

"Great," Jack sighed, not really satisfied with the response. ~How can I ever make him scream my name again?~

====

"But I wanna see Dad," Jonny argued in his sister's Mini-Cooper as Jennifer headed for the mall to do some necessary shopping.

"Jonny, Dad's working hard to get through therapy."

"Why can't we go see him?" the eldest Munchkin asked ardently on behalf of all the children in the vehicle.

"Jonny ..."

"Jonny, shhh," Aislinn urged from her seat next to the boy.

Jennifer glanced over at David, who was in the front seat. She smiled sadly at her brother, who knew the truth. Jack's mood swings were big and frequent. Most days, he didn't want to see his children, and Daniel oftentimes didn't want to risk the brood being subjected to one of his husband's foul moments. He wasn't sure what the result would be.

Jonny let out an unhappy snort and folded his arms across the chest while stubbornly saying, "I wanna see Dad!"

The sandy-haired boy's discord continued through the entire drive to the mall and even as the four disembarked the vehicle, which was parked at the back end of a long aisle.

"Jonny, give it a rest," Jennifer ordered.

"But I wanna ..."

"Right now, I don't care what you want. We all want to see Dad, but we're not going to today. We need to do some shopping, and either you're going to help us, or you're not, and you know what will happen if you choose not to help."

Jonny glared at his oldest sister and was clearly unhappy about the rebuke.

"He'll be good," Aislinn promised, glaring at her brother with intensity and getting a reluctant sigh in response.

Jennifer sighed. The oldest Munchkin might be very vocal, but he normally wasn't this harsh. Until recently, it was also rare for the brothers and sisters to argue and be snippy with one another. Over the last couple of days, though, she'd noticed an increase in attitude and snarkiness. She hoped the growing tension wouldn't escalate too much beyond what it already had.

As the siblings headed for the mall entrance, the conversation finally turned to a different topic.

Coming towards the family were two men and one woman, all of whom were in their forties. Their eyes spoke of recognition, and their voices lowered to hushed tones.

Though his siblings ignored the other group, Jonny's covert skills went into play. He tuned into the other conversation and bristled with each impolite word he heard.

"That lady looks familiar."

"You remember? They thought she and her boyfriend did in the guy's parents."

"Yeah, that's it. It was all over the news for a while. Her parents are a couple of homos."

"I'll bet those are some of the retard kids -- an even dozen. That's a joke."

"Oh, I remember. One of the dads was in an accident last month. I think he's paralyzed, or something."

"Justice."

"Amen to that, Brother!"

"He deserved it for spitting on marriage and having kids."

The unofficial leader of the Jackson-O'Neill brood turned around and ran towards the spiteful adults, shouting out, "You take that back!"

"Get out of here, you ... hey!" one of the men groused upon feeling Jonny's foot connect with his shin. "You ..."

"Jonny, stop!" Jennifer yelled, running to catch up with the boy and then pulling him back with David's help. "Why did you do that?"

"You heard them!"

"Jonny, you know better!"

All of a sudden, the strong little boy proved that he was just a little boy, breaking down into tears, sobbing about wanting to see his dad and how mean the strangers were.

"Jonny, you know how Dad is. You should because you're just like him," Jennifer soothed as she held the boy securely in her arms. "He loves us so much."

--

~Jonny's crying.~ Aislinn heard a sneer and faced the strangers. Rapidly, she walked towards them, an angry look on her face. "Our family is about love. If you want to make fun of that, go ahead. We don't care."

David hurried towards his little sister, wanting to protect her. He'd heard Jonny's mumbles about what the group had been saying.

"Why don't you ask yourselves what price you'll pay for gossiping and hurting innocent children?" His hands on Aislinn's shoulder, David began to turn her around as he suggested, "Ash, Let's go."

"Brat!" one of the men spat out in disgust.

"Ignore them, Ash. Daddy wouldn't want us to fight strangers."

"We could take them," Aislinn insisted, glancing back at the adults who were walking away, still scoffing at the Jackson-O'Neills. "I bet you wouldn't like it if one of your parents couldn't walk anymore," the youngest Munchkin called out loudly over her shoulder.

--

"Jonny, it's okay to cry."

"I'm the leader; I'm not supposed to cry," Jonny refuted.

"You know that's not true," Jennifer challenged tenderly, her hands rubbing her brother's arms supportively.

"They shouldn't have said those things," Jonny spoke in disgust.

"No, they shouldn't have, but this isn't about them. This is about you and our family. I know you're our leader, but kicking that man isn't going to make Dad walk again."

"He's scared, Jen," Jonny sniffled, so angry at himself for sniffling that he slammed his left foot on the cement.

"Probably. So am I, and so are you," Jennifer retorted, trying hard not to laugh at her little brother's outburst.

"Am not!"

"Are, too," Jennifer stated lightly, certain of where the exchange was headed.

"Not!"

"Most definitely too," the young woman insisted, breaking out into a small smile. "Be the leader and admit it. That's what Dad would do."

"Jen, I just miss Dad," Jonny stated. "I don't have anyone to punch."

Jennifer chuckled, knowing her brother had never tried to punch anyone who hadn't tried to punch him first.

"Taking out your frustration on those people makes us just as bad as they are," Jennifer professed. "It's okay to miss Dad. It's even okay to be mad at him for ..."

"I'm not mad at Dad!" Jonny refuted.

"I am," Jennifer admitted truthfully. "I'm mad at him because I want to see him, and I can't, because he's too full of anger, just like you."

"I can get better," Jonny stated firmly.

"I know you can, and I know Dad can, too."

"You okay, Bro?" David asked when he and Aislinn rejoined their siblings.

"He's just fine," Jennifer answered, smiling at her brother and then hugging him. "I love you, Jonny."

"Don't get mushy, Jen," the Munchkin demanded. "We're in public."

"Okay, we have some shopping to do," an amused Jennifer stated, standing up straight and taking Jonny's hand as they resumed their walk towards the mall entrance.

"Jen?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you gonna tell Daddy what I did?"

Jennifer sighed, "You should, but he's under so much pressure right now that maybe we should let it pass for now and tell him later, when Dad's better."

"Okay," Jonny agreed, a bit relieved to be off the hook, at least for the moment.

~I sure hope those people don't try to sue us or something,~ Jennifer thought, hoping her decision not to tell Daniel right away was the correct one. ~He's just a little boy, and he's dealing with a lot right now.~

====

Unaware of the disturbance at the mall, Daniel was taking care of some business affairs in the den of his home. Truth be told, he'd rather be battling the Replicators than talking about medical bills and insurance.

"Daniel, I've submitted the hospital bills to the insurer. You realize their policy limits have already been reached," Mark Kingston spoke over the phone that afternoon.

"I'm not surprised."

"How much longer will Jack be at Cedar Hills?"

"Two more weeks, maybe three," Daniel answered.

"That'll easily max out his insurer's limits, including the umbrella," Mark advised, doing his job as diligently as possible. "The next step is to go after the family assets."

Seated at his desk in the den, Daniel stared at the newspaper clipping about the accident that topped his file regarding the accident. There was a picture of Morris Pflug, the gray-haired driver of the truck that had rear-ended Jack's vehicle, sending it flying through the intersection and into the traffic light pole.

The man was fifty-nine-years old and left behind his wife of thirty-five years and their six children, two of whom were six-year-old twins. They'd been a whopper of a surprise to the couple, whose next youngest child was fourteen. Another was a high-school junior, and the other two were in college.

Pflug was an insurance agent. His wife was a homemaker, who had sometimes worked temporary data entry and reception jobs to bring in some additional income. She also sold Avon and Tupperware.

Daniel's private report on the family showed a modest savings account and a couple of certificate of deposits that were earmarked for the children's education expenses.

"What I'll do is ..." Mark continued.

Daniel rubbed his forehead, tuning out the lawyer's voice. He had a horrible headache. His heart ached, too. He turned the article over and looked again at the report Sam had given him on the Pflug family. They were an everyday, middle class family. Their house was in an older section of Colorado Springs and looked like it could use some repairs, based on the pictures Sam had acquired.

The police investigation of the accident coincided with what the witnesses had reported, concluding that Pflug was at fault. The autopsy revealed he'd had a sudden fatal heart attack, most likely dying within seconds. Police had also determined that Pflug had been going about ten miles over the speed limit when the attack had occurred. When he'd slumped forward, his foot locked onto the gas, causing his vehicle to accelerate.

"I'll get started on that tomorrow."

"No," Daniel finally blurted out. "Mark, there's been enough tragedy already. Jack and I are fine financially, and if we take every last penny Morris Pflug had, how are those little girls going to survive?"

"Daniel, it's my duty as your lawyer ..."

"I know what your duty is," Daniel interrupted, picking up the family photo of the Pflugs that Sam had supplied. "These children need a chance, and we're not going to take it away from them. If we needed it, maybe it would be different. We're secure; they're not."

"I'd like you to think about this before making a decision you'll regret later on," Mark replied forcefully.

"Mark, J-O is thriving, our investments are sound, and we've more than we need to get by. I won't destroy a family for no reason at all."

"Have you talked to Jack about it?"

Daniel sighed, not wanting to think about the accident or the Pflugs any longer.

"Daniel?" Mark called out, not hearing anything.

"Just get what we're entitled to from the insurance company, and keep me posted. Thank you," Daniel instructed, abruptly and uncharacteristically ending the call. He stood up and walked over to the Tree of Love, the gift Jack had given him for their first wedding. It was full of photos of their children, the branches of the tree having expanded many times over the years. ~Maybe I should let the children decide. This money would be for them. Do I have a right to make a decision like this?~

====

That night, Aislinn kneeled down to say her prayers. She looked around, glad that Jenny hadn't returned yet from playing with JD.

"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray ..." Aislinn sighed and began again, "Dear God, it's me, Ash. It's all my fault. I know it's my fault. I told Dad that I wanted a swan for our pool. I wanted a real one, and Dad said 'no'. I cried. If I hadn't wanted a swan, Dad wouldn't have gone to that store and bought the pretend swans. It's all my fault. God, if you make Dad better, I'll ..."

The little girl thought and thought. This was a big request, and her sacrifice needed to be big, too. She thought about her dolls. She loved them. Maybe if she gave them all away?

~No. Dad and Daddy would just buy me more.~

The youngest Munchkin, Jack and Daniel's original miracle, closed her eyes, praying for the gift that would matter. She nodded.

"God, please make Dad better. If you do, I'll never sing again. My voice is yours. I promise." Her pledge made, Aislinn spoke, "Thank you for your blessings ..."

Though her heart was breaking from her chosen sacrifice, Aislinn was certain she'd done the right thing. As she finished up her prayers, Jenny returned to their bedroom, unaware of her sister's vow.

====

"Britney?" Brianna called out quizzically when she entered her older sister's bedroom a bit later that night.

"I'm feeling nostalgic," Jennifer responded, turning around from her desk to face her sister. "Are you okay?"

"Are you?" Brianna sighed, plopping down on the bed and then slowly going backwards until she was flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

"I don't think any of us will be okay until Dad gets home," Jennifer responded, getting up and joining the younger girl on the bed. "We got through Dad being lost in that avalanche and Daddy being hurt in that car crash; we can get through this, too."

Turning her head to look at the young woman, Brianna asked, "Jen, aren't you scared?"

"A little, but that's natural."

"Dad's being such a bear; that's why we can't go visit every day. We both know that's the truth."

"But the others don't, and we can't let on."

"Dad was really looking forward to some one-on-one hockey time."

"Bri ..."

"I'm so angry Jen that I could burst," Brianna admitted. "My problem is that I'm not sure why I'm angry."

Jennifer looked away for a second, sighing as she did so. She focused on a photo of herself dancing with Jack.

"I think I'll miss that the most," Jennifer stated, motioning towards the picture. "We don't dance very much, but every now and then, for no reason, Dad will turn on the stereo and the next thing I know, we're dancing. Sometimes it's not even for an entire song and sometimes he doesn't even bother with the music. I used to bring it up, but he'd always say, 'Who needs music? It's in our hearts'."

"Sounds more like Daddy," Brianna replied.

"You know how romantic Dad is; he just hides it behind the general," Jennifer pointed out. "Daddy needs us, Bri. We have to do whatever we can to keep the brood united and positive. He's counting on us."

"I know," Brianna responded.

"I have an idea," Jennifer stated brightly.

"What?"

"I'm not sure which day is best, but either tomorrow or the day after, let's go to the rink and play some hockey."

Her eyes brightening, Brianna leaned up to rest on her elbows as she asked, "Can we?"

"It'll be a good way for both of us to let out some of that inner aggression we're feeling," Jennifer replied.

"Do we take some of the others?" Brianna asked cautiously.

"Um ... no. We'll have to hold back if we do."

"Good thinking, Sis," Brianna responded energetically, sitting up to give her sister a knuckle bash of approval.

====

The next morning, Ricky hurried into the kitchen and called out, "Daddy, Casey's at the door. Can I let him in?"

"Is he alone?" Daniel asked as he reached for a towel to wipe his hands with.

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, I'll be right there."

Ricky turned and walk-sprinted his way to the door, opening it with a smile and eagerly greeting, "Hi, Casey."

"Hi, Ricky. How ya doin'?"

"I'm okay. Daddy said you can come in. He's in the kitchen," Ricky advised.

"A man's work is never done," Casey chuckled.

"That's true enough," Daniel stated with a smile, extending out his arm to shake hands with the nurse. "What's up?"

"I had an idea about the pool."

"The pool?"

"Yeah. I realized we didn't talk about that when Alex was here."

"No, we didn't," the archaeologist acknowledged.

"Dad loves to go swimming," Ricky interjected enthusiastically.

"Daniel, the pool is gonna be a great place for the general when he gets home. You just have to make sure it's set up right."

"I hadn't even thought about it," Daniel admitted, motioning for Casey to follow him, with Ricky trailing along behind them.

"I know what we should do, Daddy," Ricky called out just as the three entered the pool area.

"What's that?" the father asked with an encouraging smile.

"Put bars all the way around the pool, so that when Dad gets in the pool, he always has something to hold on to."

"Yeah," Daniel said with a smile. ~He understands architecture and has good instincts. I have to tell Jack. He'll be so proud of Ricky, just like I am.~

"That's exactly what I was going to suggest. You'll need to pick a spot for a hydraulic lift, too," Casey stated as he looked around, mentally searching for a good place. "Set it up right, and the general can wheel his chair right up to the lift, slide on, and get into the pool."

"Daddy, can I call Alex and tell him?"

"Sure," Daniel replied, not even thinking about which time zone the designer might be in.

"Alex has another fan," Casey observed as the boy hurried for the phone.

"Yeah. He's pretty popular around here," Daniel replied.

Casey snorted in annoyance, shaking his head as he returned to looking for a good spot for the hydraulic lift.

Hearing the reaction to his comment about the designer, Daniel began, "Casey, it's none of my business, but what's the problem with Al... never mind."

Not needing any further invitation, Casey picked up on the topic and ran with it, flippantly saying, "I don't care how many years he's been playing house with *Soncirria*, Daniel, the man is lying to himself so bad that one day, he's going to explode. Let him. I don't have the time or patience to wait around for him."

~Okay, definite hostility there,~ Daniel noted. "They've been together a long time, Casey. I wouldn't be surprised if they got married sometime soon."

"No surprise to me," Casey responded sharply. "And I'm sure they'll have two perfect little children."

"Nothing wrong with having children. I have a dozen of my own," Daniel replied with a smile.

"We're not talking about your brood, Daniel. Seriously, can you see Alex as a daddy?" Casey asked, rolling his eyes at the thought.

~I'm missing something ... big,~ Daniel told himself. "To be honest, I never saw myself as a father until I was one, and don't forget, Alex was a father figure to much younger siblings."

"That was a long time ago, Daniel," Casey replied, his words less sharp for a brief moment as he thought about the Dennison triplets. Shaking off his sympathy at the pain associated with the triplets' disappearance, he retorted, "He can't stand mess; he doesn't even know how to wear jeans."

"Don't you think you're being overly critical?" the archaeologist challenged. "I mean, Alex has learned how to relax, and," he chuckled lightly, "he does wear jeans -- sometimes."

"Good luck to him then."

~Okay, I probably shouldn't, but ...~ the archaeologist thought, deciding to butt in all the way. "Casey, did I ... miss something? I know you've always been interested in Alex, but the last couple of years, it seems like things ... something's happened or ... or ... I don't know."

Casey looked at Daniel and made an astonishing realization.

"You don't know that they broke up for a while, do you?" Casey questioned. ~Mmm. Come to think of it, we didn't see the general and Daniel that much back then. Maybe they didn't know.~

Stunned, Daniel stared at Casey, amazed that he hadn't a clue about any breakup between Alex and Sunny. Of course, it's not like he saw the pair with any great regularity. Alex was still working quite a lot in Florida, which was Sunny's home base. Plus, the designer was traveling the world more as he spread his wings on behalf of his employer.

Nodding, Casey expounded, "It was right after that fancy schmancy anniversary party you and the general had."

~Fancy schmancy?~ Daniel questioned himself, not used to thinking of his family doing anything that upscale as to be defined by this particular slang expression. ~Okay, maybe it was over the top. Who knew Jonny had invited the President, for crying out loud?~ Responding to the nurse, he stated, "That was almost three years ago."

"Amazing how time doesn't fly when you've been dumped."

"Dumped?" Daniel asked, gulping in surprise at what he was hearing. ~Where the heck were Jack and I while this was going on?~

"He realized he had the hots for another man -- me."

"Really?" the intrigued archaeologist questioned. ~That explains the attitude.~

"It didn't last long. He went running back to her as fast as those Prada heels would take him," Casey stated, clearly unhappy about it.

"Casey, Alex led a ..."

"Daniel, I know all about Alex's life and his devotion to work. I could deal with that, but not his denials."

"Maybe it's just timing."

"Timing?" Casey queried, confused about the comment.

"I mean, it took Alex a long time to open himself up to Sunny, and I ... I believe he really loves her."

"Daniel, he's on the gaydar."

"Gaydar. What exactly does that mean?" Daniel questioned. Quickly, he held up his hand, saying, "I know what it's supposed to mean. All I'm saying is that Alex may have needed some time to really understand himself. I'm sorry if you were hurt, but maybe you're focusing so hard on Alex, that you're ignoring other ... possibilities."

Casey stared at the other man, positively clueless as to what he could be talking about.

Daniel continued, "Look, you said you're tired of men who aren't comfortable in their shoes, so to speak, but aren't you guilty of setting your sights on ones who are, well, prone to be ... temporary?"

The nurse kneeled down, reaching in to splash the water, an old memory coming to the forefront of his mind.

"I once saw Alex emerge from this pool like some kind of tanned sun god," Casey recalled as he sat on his haunches. He flicked the front of his shoes and then hopped up, turning to face the archaeologist. "I wanted him bad, Daniel."

"Casey, I don't know what happened with you and Alex, and I don't need to know, but it is possible that he responded to you out of a need for attention. I know that sounds a little ... odd, but back then, he was still getting used to having a life that went beyond work."

"No, he's gay."

"Casey ..."

"Okay, maybe," Casey conceded. "I want a relationship, Daniel."

"Well, if you do, then maybe you should let go of a ... fantasy and start looking around you with open eyes, instead of centering in on Alex and, uh, well, fly boys; that is, if you really do want a long-term relationship instead of an ego-trip."

"Daniel, I've been aching for something real for years now. I thought it was Alex; he sure does look good. My body *explodes* for him. It ..."

"Uh ..." the archaeologist interrupted, looking around for the presence of younger feet. "The brood."

"Sorry," Casey apologized, looking around as well and pleased there were no little ones in sight.

"Casey, I don't mean to presume what you're feeling, but you do say, and a lot I might add, that you want a relationship that will last."

"I do."

"Okay, but all you keep talking about is how hot Alex looked and how great things were in bed. I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like a well-rounded relationship, any more than it says you're moving forward."

Though it was uncomfortable to hear the truth, Casey began to realize that perhaps his friend was right. Alex was 'hot', and things were 'hot' in bed for them, too, but was there really anything more than that? Besides, how could things have been all that wonderful when Alex was so clearly happy with Soncirria Suvulpo?

"Maybe you're right. I hate to admit it, but he is happy with Sunny." Casey paused to reflect. "I don't know. I wanted him, but even when we had a chance, he was thinking about her."

"Is it possible Alex was just ... exploring?"

"Yeah," Casey acknowledged. "That's probably my fault. I kept challenging him. He never acted like he knew I was alive, except as a client."

"Well, apparently, he did."

"For a while maybe, but he's in denial."

"Is he?" Daniel questioned. "Casey, neither Jack nor I are homosexual. We're just two men who met and, well, things happen. It wasn't an easy road, but we found love in each other. If we hadn't, I strongly suspect that Jack would still be married to his ex-wife, and I'm not sure where I'd be." He smiled and theorized, "Maybe in Russia, actually, or China, but if I were with anyone else, which I wouldn't be because without Jack, I'm pretty much nothing. I mean, he saved me and ..."

"Daniel, I don't want to interrupt, but I think you're trying to tell me something."

"What? Oh, yes, it's just ... I don't think I'd be with anyone, without Jack. He's ..."

"Daniel! Make it a theory," the wisely impatient nurse suggested.

"Right," the archaeologist agreed nervously. "In theory, I'd be with a woman." He began to frown as he reflected back on the conversation. "What was I saying?"

"I don't know, Daniel, but it doesn't matter," Casey refuted, though he wasn't sure what it was that he was arguing against. "We were steamin' hot together. I actually dreamed once that we'd set up shop together; even had a dog. Crazy dream."

"Casey, let me ask you something. How was your relationship with Alex ..." Daniel paused, seeing the nurse's grin; clearly, some clarification was needed. "Did you hear me say a minute ago that you're focus was on Alex's looks and your sex life?" he reminded pointedly. "If there was any doubt, you just proved it." A bit more forcefully, he clarified, "I don't mean between the sheets."

Casey's grin faded a bit, but he was firm as he answered, "Great. I mean we did a lot of stuff together. He tried stuff I liked, and I tried stuff he liked ..."

"Who tried harder?" the archaeologist queried, digging deeper into the nurse's memory.

Stunned by the parry, Casey squinted thoughtfully and replied, "I'd have to say he did. He threw himself full force into things I wanted to do. He wasn't just faking to go along." He mused melancholically, "Sometimes I had to remind myself it wasn't his idea."

Nodding sympathetically, Daniel probed, "And when it was your turn?"

Embarrassed, Casey dropped his gaze and answered, "The truth is I faked liking all those museums and exhibits and shows. I couldn't wait until it was over so we could go home and get naked, and, *wow*, was it ever good between us!"

"So you pretty much faked everything out of bed?" Daniel asked, lowering his voice and looking around slightly to remind Casey that some of the brood might be within earshot.

"No, I can't say that. We enjoyed each other's company, but he likes more intellectual recreations, and I like outdoor stuff -- kayaking, repelling ..."

Holding up his hand for Casey to cease his recreational listing, Daniel continued, "You each were who you are. Alex by nature is a very considerate man."

"And I'm not?" Casey huffed.

"You tell me," Daniel responded evenly.

"I guess you're right," Casey admitted sheepishly. "He was always considerate. I remember once, he got up early on a Sunday, fixed us a great brunch, a pitcher of fresh kiwi-mango margaritas, and brought two trays into bed."

"Sounds romantic," Daniel prodded.

"It would have been, if he hadn't thanked me for helping him explore a side of himself he'd never known was there and followed that up with the big news that he was going to try and get Sunny back," Casey responded.

"Ouch," Daniel acknowledged, trying to keep things somewhat light.

"I thought I could change his mind. I asked him to make love to me one last time, and he did. It was great, like always. I was so sure of us," Casey sighed wistfully, recalling the moment.

"But he left anyway."

"Mister Considerate," Casey sighed unhappily and then cocked his head. "He made love to me, just for me, not for himself." He slowly pondered what he'd just said, realizing for the first time the unselfishness of Alex's act. "I guess you're right, Daniel. The man did give me everything he could; it just wasn't enough to make my dream come true. He even kissed me goodbye."

Daniel let the words settle for a few moments before he said softly, "There's nothing wrong with the dream, Casey, but maybe it just needs to be ... refined."

"New cast?" Casey questioned.

"That's a possibility, if you're open to it."

"Sure, I'm open to it."

"Are you?" Daniel asked pointedly. "Rebound relationships normally don't work out for anyone."

"What do you mean?" the confused nurse asked.

"You sound ... bitter, about Alex," Daniel explained. "Have you really let go of him, or are you at least ready to?" He paused, giving Casey a minute to think about the question. "If you can't acknowledge the good from your time with him as well as the bad, you'll just sabotage any new relationship you might have. You'd probably end up resenting your new partner, simply because you haven't really ... said goodbye to Alex; at least, not in your heart."

"We're done," Casey responded in a bit of a whisper.

"Are you sure?" Daniel questioned, unrelenting in his quest to get Casey to not just admit the truth, but to own up to it and finally let the past go. "I'm not talking about Alex or how he may or may not feel. This is about you, Casey. Don't you think it's better to live in the moment instead of dwelling on memories, whether good or bad? I ... I lived in the past for years, unable to escape from ... from things that I really don't like to think about. It took Jack a ... a very long time to get me here, to the now, and I really don't ever want to go back to living in those dark times."

"I'm living in the past?" Casey both asked and stated. "Man, I don't want to do that. I'm tired of being here, wherever here is."

"Maybe it's time to move on, let your image of the ... tanned sun god go, and be open to finding a partner that is right for you. He might not be perfect, but he might make for the perfect relationship with you. I just ... I don't want to set you up for more pain, if you're not really ready."

Casey stared at his friend intently, nodded, and then asked urgently, "Who are you talking about, Daniel, and don't tell me you aren't talking about someone specific because I know you well enough to know that you are."

"He's not twenty-two, or even thirty."

"Who are you talking about?"

"You caught his eye at our employee picnic last summer," Daniel advised, still not getting too specific about the man he was referencing.

"The one you invited me to for helping J-O out a couple of times," Casey surmised as he searched his mind for the recollection. "Big dude -- six-four?" he asked brightly as an image began to appear in his mind.

"Six-three," Daniel corrected.

"Lots of muscle?" Casey asked, wondering if it was the man he was thinking of.

Nodding, Daniel expounded, "Loves to laugh, and he's very sure of who he is. I introduced you to him, but then Alex called me about something, and you took off."

"Pity party," Casey admitted reluctantly about his sudden departure. "Donald -- Donald something," he added enthusiastically.

"Burton," Daniel informed, encouraged that Donald had made enough of an impression on his friend that Casey actually remembered his name.

"What's his number?" Casey asked eagerly. ~Daniel's right. I'm waiting around for something that is never going to happen.~

"Let me call him," Daniel suggested, pulling out his cell phone and hoping Donald was still interested in Casey. ~I hope Casey really is able to let Alex go. I don't even think it's Alex; it's the image of Alex that he's hooked on. Donald's a good man. Gawd, I can hear Jack now -- 'don't butt in, Daniel'. Sorry, Babe, but I already did. I need the distraction. Well, as you say, in for a penny, in for a pound.~ "Donald, it's Daniel."

====

At Cedar Hills, Jack was lying down in bed, his head propped up on the pillows so that he could see what was happening at the other end of his body.

"I always prefer massages where I can actually *feel* the massage," Jack stated flippantly, watching the therapist working the muscles in his left leg.

"Massages need to be an important part of your routine from now on," PJ McMaster, the therapist, replied.

"They're supposed to be fun, not a chore," Jack groused. Not getting a response, he quipped, "You look like you're enjoying that. Toying with my legs in attempt to win over my affections must be grounds for a lawsuit."

"We have to keep your muscles stretched," PJ stated, ignoring the quip. "If you don't, you could end up in the sitting position all the time. Patient's legs have been known to statue up, otherwise."

"Statue up?" Jack asked curiously. "As in 'of liberty'?" Purposely using incorrect grammar, he mused, "'s tat what you saying?"

With a smile, the nurse responded, "That's what I call it. You could think of it like rigor."

"As in rigor mortis?" the general asked with widened eyes. "As in dead?"

"As in 'there's mor' of t'is for you," PJ mused, continuing her work. Her teasing expression grew more serious as she advised, "Your muscles could seize and retain their position. I've seen that happen. Massage and stretch, as often as possible, General."

"Sweet," Jack spoke, a hint of snippiness in his response, though it was more lighthearted than it had been earlier, due to the playful teasing of their words.

====

"Jack, we can't put this off," Daniel insisted the next afternoon as he sat on a picnic bench in the Cedar Hills gardens. "I know you don't want to think about it."

"We built that house with our love."

"It's still our love. We just need to ... alter it a little."

"Daniel, I don't want to walk ..." Jack paused, not believing his words. He groaned and began again. "When I wheel back into our house, I don't want to feel like I've never lived there before."

"We're just talking about the bedroom and bathroom," Daniel pointed out, adding a hesitant, "for now."

"And some ramp in the backyard and," Jack grimaced, "a friggin' bathtub in the garage?"

"Jack ..."

"*No!* Jack exclaimed, his voice raised, drawing the attention of some other residents and their guests who were enjoying the pleasant day. After looking around unapologetically, he continued, "I don't want our dream house to be some friggin' hotel."

"It's not changing that much," Daniel rebutted patiently, ignoring his husband's outburst.

"Isn't it?" Jack challenged skeptically.

"We have to make changes, Jack, unless you plan on just sitting there all day, every day, every year, until you just rot away." Daniel was stunned to see the stubborn expression on his Love's face. "You're not dead, Jack. Stop acting like you are!"

"I *don't* want our house destroyed."

"But you'll let our family rot. Is that it?"

"Let's not go overboard."

"All I'm saying is that *our* house needs to be functional. It is your house, too, Babe, and you need to be able to do anything you want. Right now, that's not possible."

"Daniel ..."

"Jack, listen to me. Listen to the plans," Daniel implored. "Alex already has the bathroom and closet plan. He told me this is what he'd wanted to do all along, except he knew it wasn't possible because the bathroom was a surprise for me."

Jack looked down, not wanting to think back to happier times.

Daniel continued, "Making this change would give you the freedom and mobility to get in and out of the tub on your own."

"Wouldn't want to be a burden," Jack groused.

Daniel sighed, but moved forward, hoping his lover would become engaged in the remodeling concept Alex had given him.

"The tub already has a door in the side. There are grab bars everywhere; you just need the access to maneuver the wheelchair close to the tub. We already have a ramp into the shower." Seeing Jack look away, Daniel challenged, "You prefer being a baby, transported everywhere by me or one of our children?"

"Don't cut one board in our house, Daniel," Jack warned sternly, not answering the question.

"Then tell me one thing, Jack. How are you supposed to live? Think about that one while I go try and convince our children that Dad's working as hard as possible to get home to them as soon as possible." Staring forcefully at his husband, Daniel stood and pulled out a group of papers from his briefcase. "Sign these."

"What are they?"

"It's for that disability insurance we purchased when the Munchkins were born. We never thought we'd need it, but we didn't know if J-O would be successful or not. Just sign the freakin' papers." Taking the signed claim forms back and closing the briefcase, Daniel snapped, "Too bad they don't have disability for stubbornness."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jack asked sharply. Seeing his husband walking away without answering the question, he called out, "Daniel? *Daniel!*"

The archaeologist continued walking away in a deafening silence, leaving Jack in his wheelchair by the picnic table to ponder their conversation.

====

Meanwhile, Aislinn and Jenny were playing air hockey in the game room when the Spitfire asked, "Ash, how does that song go again, the one about the baby spider?"

"I don't know," Aislinn whispered, hitting the circular puck hard.

"Yes, you do. Sing it for me."

"I can't," Aislinn sighed, letting go of her disk and walking over to sit down beneath Muffin, the huge dinosaur that adorned one corner of the game room.

"Ash?" Jenny called out curiously, following her sister and sitting down next to her. "Why can't you sing it to me? Did you forget the lyrics?"

"No, I know them."

"Then why can't you sing it for me?"

"I promised God," Aislinn answered firmly, telling her sister about her bedtime pledge.

"Ash, God loves your voice."

"That's why I gave it back to Him, so that Dad will get better."

"He wouldn't want you not to sing anymore," Jenny refuted.

"Dad's accident was my fault," Aislinn asserted. "It's time to feed Strawberry and Shortcake," she announced, abruptly changing the subject.

Jenny sighed, getting up to help the Munchkin feed their two guinea pigs.

====

It was after 11 p.m. that night when Daniel wandered out onto the roof deck. It was cool, the sharp breeze cutting against his skin. Since he was wearing a pullover short-sleeve shirt, he considered going back inside for a jacket, but he just didn't have the energy. He was worn out, and he was fighting a battle he didn't even begin to comprehend.

The lonely man sat down in the spot that was the couple's favorite. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to imagine that he was leaning back into his lover's secure embrace.

"I need to feel you, Jack," Daniel pleaded quietly, mired in his own private purgatory.

Allowing himself a few minutes of self-pity, Daniel broke down into silent sobs, mourning the loss of his formerly easy life. While he couldn't understand what Jack was going through, he resented his husband's attitude towards the new situation they had all been thrust into.

"All I want is for you to come home, Jack, and you are the only one who is preventing that from happening," Daniel whispered before giving in to the tears yet again.

====

About that same time, Little Danny suddenly jerked up from his sleep. His nose scrunched as he pondered something very important. In a flash, he pulled the covers away and hurried over to his desk, turning on a night light.

The child prodigy felt pressure to verify the information that had exploded in his mind.

~It's true,~ Little Danny decided. Quickly, he ran over to Jonny's bed and shook him. When his brother awoke, he said simply, but with urgency, "Munchkin!" Then he ran over to Ricky's bed and did the same thing. "Munchkin!" This time he added, "Dad's study," before disappearing from the rousing boys' sights.

The Jackson-O'Neill family had a few special code words, depending upon the event and situation. 'Munchkin' was one that essentially meant 'urgent meeting, but not an emergency'.

Less than five minutes later, Little Danny, Jonny, Aislinn, Ricky, Jenny, Chenoa, and Brianna were all gathered in Jack's study, most of them rubbing their eyes sleepily. Also present were Bijou and Mittens, both having sensed something was going on.

"What's up?" Jonny asked as he yawned.

"We can't have our birthday," the middle Munchkin answered.

"Why not?" Aislinn questioned.

"Look," Little Danny instructed, pointing to the calendar on their father's desk. "This is when Dad went to rehab. Daddy said he'll be there at least three weeks, remember?"

"So?" Ricky asked, reaching up to stretch his weary body.

"Three weeks is here," the prodigy pointed out, hearing the sighs of realization as the group noticed that three weeks wouldn't be until the third of October, which was obviously well after the Munchkins' birthday. "And that's if they let Dad out in three weeks. Daddy said it could be longer."

"We can stay eight longer," Aislinn put forth, getting nods from her fellow Munchkins.

"We don't mind being seven until Dad comes home," Ricky added about himself and his twin.

"Even if Dad comes home that day, he might be too tired to have our birthday party," Chenoa sighed sadly.

"What are we going to do?" Jonny asked Little Danny, expecting an answer.

"My birthday isn't until the tenth," Brianna stated. "We could have a combined party then."

"We could," Little Danny said.

"He has an idea, too," Aislinn observed with a smile.

"What is it, Little Danny?" Brianna asked, curious what the child's solution was.

"Maybe Dad will be in rehab longer, but even if he comes home, he needs time to adjust. That's what Daddy keeps telling us," Little Danny stated.

"And?" Jonny prodded a bit impatiently, just wanting to hear the answer to their problem so he could go back to bed.

"And Dad's birthday is here," Little Danny responded with a smile, pointing at the calendar once again. "So, you know what that means, right?" he asked expectantly, seeing blank faces staring at him. "Daddy will want a big party for Dad, and we want a big party for Dad, so what if we had all our birthdays on Dad's birthday, and then Daddy wouldn't have to worry about having parties for each of us, and we could even say we just want to have Dad's party be the big party."

"We give Dad and Daddy our birthdays!" Aislinn chuckled, liking the idea.

"I don't get it," Jonny sighed, slightly annoyed.

"Jonny, what Little Danny is saying is that our parties take a lot of time and planning. Daddy needs to concentrate on Dad right now. When Dad comes home, Daddy will want to make a big fuss out of his birthday, to show him how much we love him. It's an adult thing," Brianna explained with a shrug.

"He knows we love him," Jonny replied, still confused.

"Yes, he does," the teenager agreed. "But, we'll take a lot of stress off of Daddy, if we tell him that we want our parties with Dad's. It becomes one party. Not only that, we give them our parties."

"I *don't* get it," Jonny echoed.

"I do!" Chenoa gasped upon picking up on the idea. "We tell Daddy we want stuff that Dad would like, like airplanes and things."

"I like airplanes," the eldest Munchkin chimed. "But I don't get it." A moment later, he felt a jab against his stomach. "Ow! Ash, what was that for?"

"For playing dumb. Stop it."

"I like playing dumb," Jonny admitted, briefly channeling his older father. Seeing the stare of warning, he sighed, "Okay. So we give our parties to Dad, so that Dad is the focus of the parties, and Daddy doesn't have to do things just for us."

"Right," Little Danny acknowledged brightly.

"I'm in," Brianna agreed.

"Me, too," the others called out.

"We need to tell Jen," Chenoa stated.

As the children nodded, Little Danny stood up, leading the way to their oldest sister's bedroom. One by one, the children entered, each taking a spot alongside her bed.

"Jen!" Chenoa whispered forcefully. "Jen!"

Jennifer's eyes flickered open. It took a few seconds, but she suddenly realized she was surrounded by siblings.

"Okay, I'm awake," the young woman yawned, sitting up to hear the tale that she was sure was going to take a while with all of the little ones present. After being filled in, she responded with a smile, "That's ingenious."

"What?" Ricky asked.

"It means, we're clever and creative," Jenny teased.

"Are you guys sure? It'll make things a lot easier on Daddy, but we'll have to be a cohesive unit, just like when we won the bet for their anniversary party," Jennifer reminded, studying the faces carefully.

"We're sure," Jonny answered for the group. "Let's go tell Daddy," he suggested, turning around to lead the charge.

Before she knew what was happening, Jennifer was stunned to realize she was alone again. Grabbing her robe and putting it on while hurrying out of her room and down the stairs, she chased after the children, not wanting to call out to them for fear of waking up others, especially Billy and Jilly who were staying in the guestroom that was downstairs.

Just as the children reached their parents' bedroom, Jennifer caught up with them, flying past Jonny to block them from pushing past the slightly ajar door and entering the bedroom.

"Daddy's really tired. We can tell him in the morning," Jennifer advised, catching her breath from her quick dash.

"He might be gone," Jenny responded, excited to share their idea.

"Then we'll tell him at lunch, or dinner, or whenever he's home tomorrow. Come on, guys. He's tired. Please?" Jennifer pleaded, hoping to save what little rest her father was getting.

"Okay. Night, Jen," Little Danny said, giving his sister a hug before heading back to his bedroom. When the goodnights were done and her siblings headed back for their rooms, Jennifer became curious about the open door and tentatively walked inside. "Daddy?"

The master bedroom was dark. As she looked around, she saw the open door that led to the roof deck. Walking to the door, she peeked outside and reflexively put her hands to her bosom.

--

"I'm so cold, Jack. Remember our first night together? I was cold then, and you made me feel so warm. Okay, maybe I wasn't so cold, but it ... it got your attention. I'm cold now, and I need to feel that warmth again," Daniel pleaded emotionally. He looked up at the sky, seemingly searching for his husband. "I need you to hold me, Jack. I need to feel your arms around me. I don't know that I can do this without you. Please, Jack, wake me up. Please tell me this is all just some horrible nightmare. Please," the archaeologist implored as tears ran down his cheeks.

--

~Oh, Daddy, don't you know? You're even stronger than Dad is. You've gone through so much, and you're still taking care of us.~

Quietly, Jennifer withdrew, not wanting to disturb her anguished father. She walked over to her parent's bed, trying hard to understand just how truly difficult this time was for Daniel. She closed her eyes, imagining a world without Peter. She envisioned never being able to hear his voice again. No more laughter or gentle touches. She shut him out of her life as completely as she could.

Tears began to fall as her heart ached more than it ever had before. She began to shiver, becoming chilled from the coldness she was feeling.

"I understand, Daddy. I really do."

With a look back at the doorway to the roof, Jennifer headed back to her room, where she pulled out her cell phone, pressing the speed dial for the number she wanted.

"Peter? I need you to come and hold me. Now, please!"

Without a single question or a moment's hesitation, the young man responded, "I'm on my way, Jen. I love you."

Clicking her phone shut, Jennifer quickly slipped on a pair of jeans, pulling them over her nightgown. She removed her robe, replacing it with a jacket, and then hurried down the stairs, where she turned off the security system and went outside. There, she stood on the porch, waiting for her boyfriend and the feeling of being safe again.

~Gawd, Daddy, I get it. I wish I didn't, but I do. I really do.~

When Peter arrived, Jennifer flew down the front steps and into his arms, holding him as tight as she could. Crying, she explained what she'd seen and what she'd done. Her head on her Love's shoulders, she let peace return to her, slowly drumming the nasty vision from her mind.

"I love you, Jen. I love you," Peter soothed, holding his girlfriend securely in his arms.

"Daddy's afraid of never feeling this again, Peter. I know he's hurting, and I can't help him."

"Your dad can. Jen, you have to trust them to get through this. It may take some time, but they'll figure it out," Peter assured.

Jennifer looked into Peter's eyes and spoke, "I love you, Peter."

The young couple's words ceased as they began to kiss and caress each other under the stars. They then held each other for what seemed like a blissful eternity. Still without words, Jennifer and Peter shared a last kiss, smiling with their eyes at the other, until a couple of hours later when the young man left for home, confident his lady was feeling safe once again.

====

Roughly an hour later, still in the wee hours of the morning and with the stillness of the dark night hovering , Daniel wandered mindlessly into the kitchen. Yawning, he walked straight to the coffeemaker, pouring himself a surprisingly hot cup of coffee. He took a drink, closing his eyes at the taste and impact on his system. Maybe he wouldn't be such a zombie now.

After another sip, the archaeologist headed back towards the living room, surprised to see the sympathetic face staring back at him. She'd awoken about thirty minutes earlier, needing to make a phone call home to Australia. Now she was enjoying a hot cup of coffee before returning to bed for a couple of hours.

"Jilly."

Sitting at the table in the dining nook, the Australian woman smiled in greeting and asked, "Can't sleep?"

"I'd just as soon not ... sleep."

"You need your rest, Daniel. When's the last time you slept?"

Gripping his coffee cup tightly, Daniel responded, "I don't know. It doesn't matter."

"But you can't stay awake forever," Jilly put forth. "It's not good for you or the children."

"I can try," Daniel replied, holding his cup outward a bit. "It's just my mind, it races and ..."

Seeing the man stop, his face becoming drawn, Jilly inquired, "Daniel, what is it?"

"Nothing," the weary man answered quietly as he sat down at the table. "It's just, I had a conversation like this one a long ... long time ago -- with Sam, actually."

"I suspect you've had many a talk about the lack of sleep in your life."

"Probably," Daniel conceded with a smile.

"It's hard sometimes, isn't it?"

"I'm used to working on caffeine fumes," Daniel responded, looking at his coffee cup before taking another sip of it.

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh, sorry. Uh, what then?"

"Loving such stubborn men," Jilly clarified. "Billy and Jack are alike in many ways, not the least of which is their, shall we say, determined nature. They're headstrong, they are."

"Yeah," Daniel agreed, slowly bobbing his head as he considered the woman's words. "Jack's been through so much. He's always been the leader. He doesn't make a big deal out of it, but he prides himself on staying fit and being active. I think he's afraid that's gone forever now."

"Gone as he's known it, yes, but not from his life."

"I wish he'd hear that. So far, all he sees is what he can't do. It's funny because our entire relationship we've tried to focus on the cup being half full, but now he's concentrating on it being half empty. He doesn't see that he's alive, and how much that means to us, to me."

Jilly leaned over the table slightly, reaching out with her hand to grasp Daniel's as she encouraged, "He's an O'Neill; he has a thick head. In time, he'll get it. Right now, Daniel, you need to take care of yourself and be strong for both of you."

"For all of us," Daniel whispered.

"Daniel, those children are strong, *so very, very* strong. You can lean on them, but you won't be any good for them, or Jack, if you don't at least tend to the basics -- get your rest and eat two good meals during the day."

"I'll try," Daniel replied appreciatively.

"Give him another week, and then beat him over the head with a broom if he's still a stubborn rooster; that's what I do with Billy."

Daniel laughed, pleased for the distraction his sister-in-law was providing, especially now as she launched into a sea of 'stubborn Billy' stories. A few minutes of levity and an understanding ear was giving him what he needed. Maybe now he could get some sleep.

====

"You want to wait until Dad's birthday to have yours?" Daniel asked when confronted the next morning by the children.

"It'll be fun," Aislinn responded.

"Daddy, it really is okay with us," Brianna added.

"We know what we want to decorate with, too," Ricky chimed in happily.

"You do?" the surprised archaeologist queried.

"Ice hockey, airplanes, 'The Simpsons', and beer," Jonny stated.

"Ice hockey, airplanes, 'The Simpsons', and ... beer," Daniel chortled.

"And we have to have blue Jell-O," Aislinn added.

"Okay, Daddy?" Jenny asked eagerly.

"Well ..." Daniel looked into the faces of each of the children, searching for any doubt. Finding none, he nodded and agreed, "Okay."

When the children headed for the game room to play, Daniel looked over at Jennifer and saw a sweet, compassionate smile.

"Jen, are you okay?"

Jennifer walked over and sat down next to her father on the sofa sectional. She leaned her head against his shoulder, instantly feeling his arm around her.

"Daddy, Dad will be home soon, and when he is, he'll take care of all of us again, just like before. It might be a little different, but it'll be the same -- Dad, taking care of us. I know he will," Jennifer declared tenderly.

Daniel didn't say anything. He felt like his daughter was trying to tell him something very important. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, so he decided to take it at face value.

"Yeah. He'll be home soon."

"And he'll take care of us, *all* of us," Jennifer reiterated.

"I hope so," Daniel whispered, closing his eyes as he caressed Jennifer's arm comfortingly and taking comfort in her presence as well.

====

~I can't do this,~ Jack thought. ~How many days has it been? Crap, it doesn't matter. It feels like a lifetime. People touching me in places no one but Danny should be. Danny? What kind of life is this for you?~

"General, you up for a visit?"

~Up? I'll never be up again, you idiot,~ Jack bemoaned. "Davis. Reynolds." ~Look at the lovebirds,~ he groaned out of jealousy of not being able to walk alongside his own lover.

"We wanted to come by and pay our respects," Marc Reynolds stated as he stood next to Paul Davis.

"I'm not dead."

"No, Sir, of course not," Reynolds replied defensively, becoming uncomfortable with Jack's demeanor.

"I thought Daniel would be here," Paul Davis remarked, looking around the private room.

"We have children," Jack responded agitatedly. "He has better places to be than sitting here, staring at me."

"We didn't want to upset you, Sir," Davis apologized, glancing over at his lover while thinking their visit was a mistake.

"I thought you had backbone," Jack snapped, aware of the couple's discomfort from his attitude. "Don't think you're anything special. I'm like this with everybody."

"Okay," Davis acknowledged, accepting the strange comment at face value. "Well, we just wanted to say hello."

"Hello," Jack replied sarcastically, unable to watch two happy lovers, something that made him painfully aware of things he couldn't do any longer with Daniel.

"If there is anything we can do," Reynolds offered.

"Go home," Jack replied. "Have sex, *lots* of it, while you still can."

The unexpected statement stunned Davis and Reynolds, who decided a hasty retreat was in order. With polite good-byes, the couple left. They understood the general's foul mood and decided to call on him again in a couple of weeks, when he was back at home.

~Gone. Finally,~ Jack sighed. ~I don't need them flaunting themselves in front of me. I know what I can't do anymore.~ As the minutes ticked on, his anxiety increased. His cup was more than half empty, it was down to its last drop. There were no 'cans', but there were a lot of 'can'ts'. ~I can't go for walks with my husband. I can't feel him inside of me. I can't blow his brains out with sex. I'll never see that look in his eyes anymore. His lips on my ...~

"Hi, Babe," Daniel greeted as lightly as he could. "I brought you a ..."

"Surprise!" several of the children sing-songed.

"What?" Jack responded in surprise. **Daniel!**

**They wanted to see you, and they have a right to see you, so stop acting like they're the enemy,** Daniel ordered sternly, trying very hard not to let his anger at his husband's behavior show.

Jack loved his children very much, but he was in such a bad place emotionally that he hadn't wanted to see them. Still, he pulled it together and smiled, not wanting to upset the brood.

The children chatted on and on about what they'd been doing. They spent a lot of time telling Jack all about their trip to Garden of the Gods with some of their extended family members and friends. Teal'c, Lou Ferretti, and Jeff Cornell had played football with the children, along with games of tag and hide-and-seek. They'd just fooled around for awhile, too.

Excitedly, the brood related their tales about tackling Teal'c, about Lou carrying them on his shoulders, about Jeff chasing them around: the list was endless.

"We love you, Dad," the children spoke, one after the other as they filed out, leaving their parents alone.

--

Outside the room, the children huddled around. Their happy, elated faces drooped to calmer, steadier expressions.

"Did we do okay?" Ricky asked.

"I smiled as big as I could," Aislinn added.

"We did good," Jonny stated strongly.

The children had had fun with their family of friends, but they'd made a conscious decision to make the special outing sound much grander than it had actually been. Throughout their outing, they'd missed their dad, but they didn't want to relay that sadness and regret to Jack, so they'd gone into his room with overly happy faces and stories, all designed to make Jack happy.

--

Inside Jack's room, Jack glared at his lover, ordering, "Stop blind-siding me."

"Excuse me?" Daniel asked incredulously. "Our children wanted to see their father, and I decided ..."

"You decided."

"Yes, *I* decided it was time, but if this is how you're going to be; if you're going to hurt them by ..." Daniel began forcefully.

"I didn't hurt them."

"No, but there was a moment when you thought about it."

"I'm not ready to see them," Jack insisted, his voice strained. "I lo...I love our kids, but I need time. Can't you give me that?"

"I can, but I'm not sure about them, and I'm not sure they're wrong in wanting to spend time with their dad," Daniel responded angrily, staring at Jack and then turning and walking away.

~They'll get along great without me,~ the older man opined when he was alone again. ~Danny can find someone else. He doesn't need to be saddled with me for the rest of his life.~

Jack's anxiety increased even more. He loved his family, but he was convinced he was a burden on all of them. He hated himself for feeling that way, but try as he might, he couldn't get past the limitations that being paraplegic put on his life.

~I'm a soldier. I can't do that anymore. The Stargate?~ Jack questioned with a snort. ~They won't even let me in the gate room again.~ His mind went to athletics. ~Danny loves basketball now. Can't play anymore, not with him, or the kids. Hockey? No more coaching Bri. She can learn from the coach. She doesn't need me. She's a star already, anyway. The stars? Can't even get up to the Aerie in this thing. How can I show David and Noa what's out there if I can't even set up my telescope in the best place now?~

The more Jack thought about what he had always done with and for his family, the worse his frustration and despair became, and the more convinced he was that Daniel and the brood would be better off if he didn't exist anymore.

~Why didn't you finish the job?~ Jack asked silently of the man who'd caused the accident. ~Why did you leave me a cripple, half a man with no chance of satisfying my husband or being a good father?~

Angrily, Jack threw his pillow. It was the only thing he could reach.

~I can't live like this, and I can't expect my family to live with me like this, either. I want more for them than to deal with this.~

Jack looked over at a nearby chair and saw his leather jacket sitting there. At the rehab center, he had many of his own clothes there. His heartbeat increased as he realized his option.

~It's for them.~

Jack used the bar above his bed to get into a sitting position. He lifted his legs, plopping them over the side of the bed. As always, his wheelchair was there. He'd learned this lesson well and successfully maneuvered himself into the chair that symbolized the loss of his freedom. He retrieved his jacket while looking over at the door, making sure that no one was entering. Of course, even if they were, he could say he was going to wheel out to the grounds. That was encouraged at Cedar Hills: it showed independence and moving on with life.

~Yep, I'm moving on. Hmm. I wonder if suicide is really painless?~ Jack chuckled eerily, thinking about the theme song to a famous television show. ~O'Neill, you've watch too much TV and have seen too many movies. Painless? That's a crock. I just want to be with Charlie.~ He blinked as an odd thought occurred to him. ~Charlie's in Heaven; if I do myself in, will I ... shut up, O'Neill. Don't give yourself some technical out. You're doing this for Danny and for the brood. It'll be better for everyone.~

Constantly checking for intrusions, Jack turned the jacket to the interior, reaching for a secret pocket. Pulling in the right spot would tear the lining slightly, allowing him to retrieve a Swiss Army knife. Checking it quickly to make sure it opened, Jack closed it back up and wheeled over to look outside. He thought about going outside to commit his deed, but it wouldn't be necessary. He knew exactly where to cut himself and how to get the job done quickly and without chance of being saved.

~Just one more moment.~

Jack wanted one last conscious moment of memory, during which he replayed the best times of his life. He thought about growing up with Billy, fishing with his grandfather, making his parents proud by joining the Air Force, and more. He smiled, recalling the first time he'd seen Sara. He vividly replayed seeing her walk down the aisle, and he smiled, remembering how she'd told him they were having a baby.

Remembering the first time he'd seen his son brought a tear to Jack's eye. The smile faded as he heard the thundering shot that took Charlie from the Earth. He quickly shook off that memory, moving forward to his amazement at the intelligence of the man with the shaggy hair as he solved the greatest mystery of the universe.

~I love you, Danny. That's why I have to do this.~

Jack replayed special times with each of his children, and the J-O animal kingdom, too.

~Bij, Katie, you look out for them. You've saved us before. You'll get them through this. You're strong; you're both so strong. Geez, I love you two, just like you were kids. Heck, you are our kids. You are.~

Jack took another deep breath as he opened the knife, though his eyes stared out the window. Sixty seconds from now, it would be done. Daniel would be free. The children would be free. Life could go on, and Jack would watch over his brood alongside Charlie and other loved ones who had passed on in the years prior to today.

Forty-five more seconds. All he needed to do was make the cut. Any time now, and Jack would no longer be a burden to his family. He wouldn't be crippled, either. He'd be free, too.

Thirty more seconds. Jack could feel the time ticking away. He felt the edge of the knife against his vein. Just one quick second, and mortal life would cease.

"O'Neill."

The deep voice was like thunder to the man in the wheelchair. Quickly, he pushed the knife closed, sticking it in his pocket as he spun the chair around.

"Teal'c, don't do that!" Jack ordered.

"Did I disturb you?" the Jaffa asked, his head slightly cocked as he stood with his hands clasped behind him.

"No, I was just ... sitting," Jack answered, covering up his inner turmoil and the act he'd been within a millisecond of committing.

"Are you cold?"

"Cold?" Jack questioned, finding the question curious, until he remembered that he was wearing his leather jacket. "Oh, this, no, yes." He smiled and said, "Just a little chilly."

"Perhaps you should turn up the thermostat."

"Perhaps."

The two soldiers, brothers-in-arms, stared at each other for several seconds without saying a word.

"Nice of you to come by," Jack finally said, looking down and twiddling with his fingers.

"I came to tell you that you must rehab quickly," Teal'c stated, walking forward and taking a stance that had him looming over the man he still considered to be his commanding officer. "The brood put on a front face."

"Front face?" Jack asked, not having a clue what the Jaffa meant.

"Their front was not their truth. It was a facade."

"Teal'c, my head ..." Jack sighed, grimacing as he twirled his finger near his forehead.

"They bravely pretended to have a good time when ColonelFerretti, ColonelCornell, and myself attempted to be dads for a day."

"Dads for a day?"

"It was my Simka's idea," Teal'c explained, referring to Janet. "She felt the younger children would benefit from a day out."

"They had fun," Jack stated quietly.

"Indeed, but they put on false faces," the Jaffa maintained. ~It was Jonny who told me this only minutes ago as I arrived. JonnyJacksonO'Neill is a good soldier. He needs your strength, O'Neill, to grow up to be a true warrior.~

"I don't get it."

"They lied. We were no substitute for you and DanielJackson," Teal'c explained. "They smiled in an attempt to make us feel good, as they did with you. In truth, they were not as happy as they let on."

"Danny can ..."

"They need you both, O'Neill. Do you not know this?"

Jack could barely breathe as he tried to evade the Jaffa's glance. He'd talked himself into believing that the brood would be better off without him.

"O'Neill, you are a great warrior. I am proud to be your brother."

"But?"

"You often miscalculate your value to DanielJackson. He cannot function to his full potential without you. I will take my leave, and you will reflect on what I have said. I will return tomorrow, and we will discuss this further."

"Yeah. You do that," Jack replied, watching his friend walk away. ~But we're not going to discuss anything.~ He reached into his pocket and pulled out the red knife. Staring at it intently, he thought about his lover. ~Full potential.~ He put the knife back into the pocket and wheeled himself outside, ignoring the pleased smiles of the unknowing staff. He needed air. ~Full potential,~ he echoed internally.

====

After dinner, Jack was back in his bed, still dressed. Daniel would be there soon, and Jack would re-evaluate his decision.

~Full potential.~

"Jack," a friendly voice called out as she tapped politely on the door.

"Daniel said you were in Madrid with the magic man," Jack retorted good-naturedly.

Smiling, Soncirria Suvulpo walked in, carrying a plate of brownies. She placed them down on the movable bed tray.

"You cooked?" the general asked as he looked at the appetizing dessert.

"Jack, I always cook," the blonde with the long, flowing hair replied with a confident smile, flexing her eyebrows suggestively.

~Indeed you do,~ thought the military man, admiring the woman who had just entered his room. ~If I've ever seen a million-watt smile, you've got it!~ Reaching over and taking hold of one of the chocolate delights, Jack replied, "Alex must miss you."

"He'd better," Sunny laughed. "How are you?"

"Peachy," Jack lied.

"Hmm," the former beauty queen expressed skeptically.

"Hmm what?"

"I'm pretty good at evaluating people's moods; call it a quirky gift inherited from my maternal grandmother," Sunny stated. "You look to me to be a man in pain."

"I can't walk," Jack replied sarcastically.

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" the girlfriend of Alex Dennison inquired with the slightest hint of a sneer. "Because I don't do pity, for myself, or for others."

"Why the brownies?"

"Alex loves your family, and I love Alex," Sunny declared unabashedly. "I'm hoping our future, mine and Alex's, moves forward, and I think he'd like us to be friends."

"Last I looked, we are."

"Jack, do you like your friends to lie to you?"

"Of course not."

"Then why are you feeling sorry for yourself and lying about it? I know you have some secret military past and are supposed to be good at covering things up, but when I look at you, I see pain and misery, all of your own doing."

"Your gift," Jack responded snarkily as he bit into the brownie, his face taking on a pleased expression at the taste. "Good."

"I bought them," Sunny chuckled.

"Yeah?"

"Want the address?"

"Yeah," Jack affirmed as he took another bite.

"You know, your family loves you a lot. Whatever doubts you might be experiencing right now, I hope you remember that. Love's pretty fab in my opinion."

"Fab," Jack agreed, finding himself smiling at the woman. "What brings you back to the Springs?"

"Your husband," Sunny answered with an amused expression.

"He's taken," Jack quipped.

"Maybe I could give you a run for your money, General," Sunny teased jovially.

"Over my dead body," Jack groused and then let out with a grin. His grin faded a bit as he remembered that he had been very close to choosing that very fate just a while earlier. ~What a difference a split second makes.~

"Seriously, I need some help, and he said he'd help me."

"With what?"

"Dialects," Sunny answered. "I need help with my Catalan."

"Catawhat?"

"Catalan," Sunny repeated. "I'm in the process of brokering a *huge* deal for my company, and I really need to be precise with my speech."

"Well, Danny's the language expert."

"And that's why I'm here, so I can be my best." The woman smiled again as she admitted, "And I'm always happy when I make Alex proud, and he says if I pull this off, he'll be the proudest he's ever been of me. I really want to be my best. You know, reach my full potential, especially for this deal. It's a whopper."

~Full potential. He loves me,~ Jack thought about his husband. ~I'm not complete without him, and he's not ... complete without me,~ he concluded slowly and cautiously as the implications of his thoughts grew in strength.

Sunny began to smile, seemingly for no reason.

"What?"

"That gift I mentioned." Sunny smiled some more and then continued, "I'm not sure why. It certainly couldn't be me, but I feel like you've just come alive again. To quote Neil Simon, 'I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far'."

Jack stared at the beautiful woman and let out a tiny snort, saying, "Soncirria Suvulpo, I'm glad to know you."

"I'm glad to know you, too," Sunny chuckled, breaking off a piece of brownie to enjoy herself.

====

"He'll be surprised," Ricky laughed as he walked, holding the tray of cookies and cakes in his hand.

"He's been real busy lately," Jenny agreed, holding another tray, this one carrying a couple of sandwiches and a variety of celery and carrot sticks.

"He sure has," Jennifer agreed as she rang the doorbell. ~We had a good visit last week when I brought Ash and Lulu over. Maybe we can talk him into coming over for dinner tonight. After all, he didn't really seem sick before.~

"Yes?" a woman asked, opening the door.

"Mrs. Crenshaw!" Ricky exclaimed. "We came to see Grandpa."

"Oh, you ... did?"

"Hi, Mrs. Crenshaw," Jennifer greeted, walking inside the home. "Where's Grandpa?"

"He's upstairs. He's not feeling very well," the woman related sympathetically.

"We'll make him feel better," Jenny asserted.

"Maybe you shouldn't all go at once," Mrs. Crenshaw warned.

"It'll be okay," Jennifer replied confidently, smiling at the woman as she nodded for the Spitfires to go ahead. "Be careful with the trays."

"We will," Jenny promised.

"How are you, Mrs. Crenshaw?" Jennifer questioned.

"Fine, thank you. How are your fathers?"

"It's a difficult time, but they're doing okay," the young woman answered. "Well, if you'll excuse me."

"He needs his rest, Jennifer. Please don't stay too long."

Looking back, Jennifer just smiled and then went up the stairs.

====

"It'll be a big, *big* party, Grandpa," Jenny told Hammond, who was lying in bed with his adopted grandchildren around him.

"You have to come, Grandpa," Ricky insisted.

"I'll be there," Hammond promised with a smile, not wanting to disappoint Jenny.

"Hello, Grandpa," Jennifer greeted, walking over to give the retired lieutenant general a kiss.

"Jen, you're looking happy."

"I am, except for ... you know."

For a while, the three Jackson-O'Neills visited with Hammond. They made sure he ate some of the food they'd brought while they chatted. He seemed fine to them, although it was clear he was tired.

"You finish this later, Grandpa," Jenny ordered as she wrapped the plastic around the uneaten sandwich.

"I promise," Hammond agreed.

"Ricky, Jenny, will you wait for me in the hallway while I talk to Grandpa for a minute?" Jennifer requested.

"We'll go talk to Mrs. Crenshaw," Ricky suggested.

"No! Just ... wait for me in the hallway," Jennifer instructed, waiting for the children to leave the room. "Grandpa," she said, looking serious as she sat down on the side of his bed. "Are you okay?"

"Except for these weary old bones, I'm fit as a fiddle," Hammond claimed. "It's just a flu bug."

"We're worried about you," Jennifer responded.

"You have more important things to worry about," the bald-headed man refuted.

"You're our grandfather, and we miss you. I had to fight off practically everyone today. They all wanted to come."

"The brood," Hammond chuckled. "They've kept this old man alive."

"You're not old, Grandpa."

"You don't have to worry about me, Jennifer. Mrs. Crenshaw is making sure I stay fed."

"She's ... here a lot?" Jennifer asked, not sounding as casual as she would have liked. ~I know you like her; you've been dating her for years, but all of a sudden, something about that woman makes my skin crawl.~

"She's been a godsend lately," Hammond asserted.

~Satansend is more like it,~ Jennifer huffed inwardly and then wondered about her own visceral reaction. ~Am I just jealous of the time he spends with her? He's entitled to a life. That must be it. They're more serious now, and he's just enjoying his time with Mrs. Crenshaw, and it means he doesn't have as much time for us. C'mon, Jen. You know how that feels, so shake it off,~ she urged herself. "Okay, well, we have to go, but get well soon. I love you. We all love you," she declared, leaning over for another kiss.

"Tell your fathers I'll see them soon," Hammond called out.

"I'll tell the brood, too." Jennifer stared at her grandfather again, waiting for something that didn't come. "Bye."

Hammond smiled and nodded as the young woman walked out of his room and disappeared into the hallway.

"Okay, time to go home," Jennifer told her siblings, taking their hands as they walked down the stairs.

"Jen, why are you holding our hands now?" Ricky asked, a perplexed look on his face.

"What?" Jennifer sighed. She stopped walking and looked back toward Hammond's room. "It's nothing. I'm just ... I don't know. Come on," she urged, still maintaining her hold on the Spitfires' hands.

====

Daniel was in his den, patting Katie as she sat on his lap. He'd pushed his glasses so that they were up on his head, which was leaning back against the comforter recliner. One of Jack's favorite operas played softly in the background.

"Daddy?" a soft voice called out.

"I thought you were asleep," Daniel replied to the redhead.

Walking in, Jenny sighed, "I asked God what I should do."

"Must be serious, if you asked God," Daniel responded, smiling at Katie as she jumped down, snuggling securely into her beanbag to allow the father and daughter to talk. Daniel picked up his little girl, asking, "What's on your mind?"

"I tried to get Ash to tell you, but she wouldn't, and she's so sad, Daddy. I just knew God wouldn't want her to give it up. I had to ask Him what to do."

"Oh," Daniel responded carefully, not yet clear on what the problem was. "What did He tell you?"

"That I should tell you."

"I'll try to help, if you want to tell me what's wrong," Daniel said, brushing back the girl's hair so that it didn't block her eyes, allowing him to see deeper into his daughter's soul.

"Ash thinks Dad's accident was her fault because they argued about the swans. She thinks if she hadn't wanted one, that Dad wouldn't have gone shopping and then the beak wouldn't have made him not being able to walk."

"She's wrong, Jenny. Dad was running a lot of errands that day."

"I know, Daddy, but Ash promised God that she wouldn't sing anymore if He'd make Dad all better. Ash has a beautiful voice, Daddy. It's wrong for her not to sing."

"Oh, Jenny," Daniel sighed, holding the little girl close. "Thank you for telling me. It makes sense now."

"What does, Daddy?"

"Just something I heard Ash say about music today." Daniel rocked Jenny in his arms, grateful for her trust. "It'll be okay, Jenny. I'll talk to Ash."

"I hope she's not mad at me for telling," Jenny stated as she rested her head against her father's shoulder.

"Did she ask you not to tell me?"

"Na-huh."

With a smile, Daniel responded, "Somewhere deep inside of her, Jenny, Ash wanted you to tell. I know that probably doesn't make any sense, but it was kinda like giving you an 'out'. Her subconscious knows what her consciousness doesn't."

"That the accident wasn't her fault, right?" Jenny asked.

"Exactly. I'll take care of it, Princess."

====

"Two of you will be selected to go on our next excursion," the speaker announced to the dolphin lovers. Happy smiles and applause broke out. "If you're interested, contact Mister Cantrell by the end of the week for the specifics. Thank you for coming today, and we'll see you next time."

The assembly began to disperse. Brianna spoke to a couple of friends for a minute and then headed for the exit. She glanced at her watch, not wanting to keep Jeff waiting for her, since he was the one picking her up. As she advanced, her motion ceased when she bumped into something. Startled, she fell back, her brochures falling to the carpet.

When the teenager looked up, she saw another girl, stooping over to pick up her own things.

"You should have watched where you were going," the other girl complained in a huff.

"Me? You were the one who barged into me," Brianna argued as she leaned forward to get her papers.

"Liar!" the other girl accused harshly.

"I don't lie," Brianna refuted harshly.

"Everyone lies," the girl charged bitterly. "Everyone."

"That's a twisted way to think," Brianna challenged, standing up with her papers. "This must be ... yours," she added, seeing a letter with a strange name on it.

"Proof of lying," the girl spoke about the envelope.

"What does that mean?" Brianna asked, staring intently at the girl who she assumed to be about her own age.

"Just what I said. People lie. You, that man over there, fathers," she whispered, bowing her head. Looking at her adversary again, she reported, "You're a liar."

"Stop saying that!"

"Stick truth up your ..."

With the eruption of expletives coming from the other girl, Brianna lashed back, shoving her. The girl retaliated, and the two began to fight, rolling around on the floor trying to punch each other. When the adults came to break it up, they pulled Brianna off the other teen.

"What's your problem!" the other girl shouted.

"I'm *not* a liar!" Brianna shouted. Then she let out a crying gasp, yelling, "Your father turned my dad into a cripple!"

"What?" the other girl questioned, her eyes wide.

The adults were stunned by the remark and were about to suggest the girls separate when the other girl spoke again.

"Who are you?"

"Brianna Jackson-O'Neill. I saw your name on that letter. I know who you are! My dad won't ever walk again because your dad was speeding!"

"Everyone speeds," the girl yelled with her entire being. "I'll bet your dad has gone a few miles over the speed limit before. Does that make him evil?"

"He's not evil, and it was your dad who caused it all."

As an adult finally suggested the girls go their separate ways, the other teen erupted, shouting, "He's dead. No one cares that *my* dad is dead. It's not like he meant to. He's dead. My dad is dead." The teen collapsed to the floor and was sobbing uncontrollably. "He's dead. Daddy, why did you leave me?" she cried.

Brianna stared at the girl for what seemed like an eternity. She pulled herself free of the adults and kneeled down next to the distraught teen.

"I'm sorry," Brianna whispered. "We don't really talk about it much. I just saw your name and I got so angry."

"He was late," the girl cried. "It was my birthday. I told him it was okay, but he didn't listen." She regained a bit of control, but then, as she spoke again, her sobs intensified. "He always told us birthdays were special. He wanted to get home fast, for me, for my bir...birthday."

Full of compassion, Brianna pulled the girl to her, holding her close. Suddenly, she felt a strange bond between them.

"That's what my dad says, too, that birthdays are special."

"I'm sorry he's hurt," the girl stated, sounding sincere for the first time.

"Me, too," Brianna agreed. She felt the girl stiffen and quickly explained, "I didn't mean anything by that. I'm just ... it's changed everything, you know?"

"But he's alive, and my dad is dead. Do you know what people say? How they look at us? My little sisters come home from school in tears every day from being teased by the other kids."

"I know how that feels." Brianna regrouped, helping the girl up. "Do you have a ride home?"

"No, I'm walking."

"I'll give you a ride home. Well, my brother will."

"Your brother?" the girl questioned cautiously.

"Trust me, I'm tougher than he is," Brianna assured, sensing the girl's fears. She broke out into a tiny laugh, "Just don't tell him I said that."

After assuring the surprised adults that everything was okay, the two teenagers headed for the exit.

"Bri, where have you been? And what happened to you?" Jeff asked about his sister's disheveled look.

The adults all went on their way, realizing the teenagers were working out their disagreement on their own, and neither of them appeared to be hurt.

"Jeff, this is Reese Pflug, and I told her we've give her a ride home," Brianna said, braced for a negative response.

"Pflug?"

"You don't have to," Reese said quietly, looking down at her shoes and trying to plot the quickest route for escape.

"Jeff, her dad is dead; ours is alive. Please," Brianna requested a bit emotionally, surprising Jeff, who was used to Brianna's cool and tough exterior.

"Hello, Reese. I'm Jeff."

"Hello," Reese replied cautiously.

"We'd better go," Jeff urged, not quite sure what Brianna had in mind but hoping it wasn't going to get them in trouble.

====

"My little girl loves to dance, too," the psychologist remarked in her office across town. "She prefers the ballroom dances."

"I like tap," Chenoa stated.

"There have been some excellent tap dancers over the years. Do you have a favorite?"

Shaking her head, Chenoa responded, "Dad has old movies, and he and Daddy have bought me a lot of tap movies."

"Who do you like to watch?"

"Um, Bill Robinson and Sammy Davis and Fred Astaire and Gregory Hines and Savion Glover and ..."

"That's a lot of favorites," the doctor responded.

"I don't have favorites. I've just seen a lot of good dancers. Dad dances good, too, when he wa...nts."

Chenoa bowed her head and looked away. She was fidgeting and obviously nervous.

"Chenoa, what are you afraid of?"

"My daddy and mommy died in a car accident. I'm afraid my dad is gonna die, too," Chenoa admitted as she began to cry openly. "Th...they say he's o...ooookay, and I've seen him, bbb...but maybe he won't come home."

The psychologist walked over to the girl and held her while saying, "That's a natural fear, Chenoa. I'll bet every one of your brothers and sisters have the same fear. I know I did when my father died. I was just a little bit older than you."

"Your dad died?"

"Yes. He had a heart attack. For months, I was so afraid that my mother would have a heart attack, too, that I was the perfect child. If she even raised her voice, I was convinced she'd die."

"What did you do?"

"Fortunately, I told my babysitter, and she told my mom."

"She tattled?"

"I guess you could say that," Doctor Rich agreed with a smile and a nod. "But she made the right choice. She couldn't help me, but my mother could. Mom sat me down, and we talked about it, not just that night, but on a lot of nights. It took a while, but the fear eventually went away."

Chenoa pursed her lips and squirmed a little before saying, "We're a brave family. We talk a lot."

"Have you told your family that you're scared your dad won't come home?" When Chenoa shook her head, the doctor urged, "Maybe you can pick one person to tell, just one."

"I tell Lulu everything, but I don't want to let the brood down. We're unbeatable when we're together," Chenoa stated, her voice confident but yet hinting at her vulnerability.

"Being unbeatable, Noa, is about strength, not about hiding fears. To be unbeatable, you have to face your fears. Think about that, okay?"

"Okay."

====

While Chenoa was confiding in the psychologist, Daniel was hoping that his words would take with the youngest Munchkin. With Billy and Jilly watching the children who were home, the archaeologist took Aislinn by the hand and led her into the music room.

"Daddy?"

Daniel sat down on the piano bench, inviting his daughter to sit down beside him.

"You know, Ash, I have to admit that I've been a little sad lately."

Looking down, Aislinn responded, "Because Dad can't walk anymore."

"No," Daniel answered, shaking his head.

In surprise, the little girl raised her head and looked at her father with big, questioning eyes.

"I feel sad because he won't be home for another week or two, and I miss him," Daniel explained. "It's a change that Dad can't walk now, but he's alive, Ash, and he, *we* can all do so much together. The important things aren't changing. It's just how we do some of them that might change."

Aislinn stared at the piano. She played a couple of notes, happy that she hadn't promised not to play instruments anymore, too.

"I believe that Dad can feel us, right here, right now, and I want him to, so I thought we'd send him our love."

"How?" the little girl asked.

Daniel began to play a very familiar song, one that always brought strength and hope to the family.

"The perfect song," Daniel opined. Then he began to sing.

"Please, celebrate me home,
Give me a number,
Please, celebrate me home
Play me one more song."

Still playing the piano, the father asked, "Will you sing with me, Ash, so that Dad can hear?"

Suddenly, the little girl broke out into sobs. Immediately, Daniel stopped playing, scooping her up into his arms. He rocked her gently as she cried into his shoulder.

"It's my faullllllt, Daaaaddy," the Munchkin sobbed.

"No, Sweetie, it's not. It's no one's fault."

"But I wanted the swaaaaaan," Aislinn cried. "That's why he went to the store."

"Ash, listen to me. I asked Dad to go by the hardware store to pick up a new drill. Does that mean it's my fault?"

"No," Aislinn answered.

"David's been wanting a new lens for his telescope, and Dad and I decided to surprise him with one. That's where Dad was before he went to the nursery. So, is it David's fault?"

"Of course not," the little girl sniffled, her hands still clasping Daniel's neck securely.

Rubbing her back and full of anguish over what he was about to declare, Daniel asked Aislinn, "You know how much I love chocolate?" He felt the nod against his neck. "Well, I found out that Dad had decided to surprise me with a pie. He had it on the seat of the truck. Ash, he was moving it, leaning over when the other truck hit him. If I didn't make such a big deal out of chocolate, maybe Dad wouldn't have decided to buy that pie."

"We all love chocolate," Aislinn soothed quietly.

Daniel's voice was more strained and reserved now as he suggested, "Maybe if he didn't think I thought chocolate was the best thing next to sex, he wouldn't have ..." He blinked. ~Did I just say that? Oh, gawd. Why do I keep saying things like this lately?~

"Daddy?" Aislinn questioned after the silence went on longer than she expected.

With a sigh, Daniel decided it was best to just ignore his own comment and continued, "What I meant to say is that if Dad hadn't been leaning over when the accident happened, maybe we'd just be dealing with a bad headache."

"Why was Dad leaning over?" Aislinn asked, pulling back to look at Daniel and wiping her eyes with her hands.

"He was afraid the pie would fall over, so he was rearranging the packages," Daniel confided. "He didn't want to tell me, but it slipped out when he was in the hospital." He paused, regrouping a bit. "Ash, why do you think Dad didn't want to tell me about that?"

Aislinn looked into her daddy's blue eyes. She loved his eyes. She thought blue eyes were wonderful, especially her younger father's.

"He didn't want you to feel bad," Aislinn surmised softly.

"That's right. Why would he think I might feel bad?"

"Be...because it was your pie."

Daniel smiled and gave his daughter a kiss before pulling her close again.

"Sweetie, guilt can help us to know when we've done something wrong, but it's also a very destructive thing when we feel guilty over something that we can't change. We can't live our lives playing 'what if', and that's what guilt tries to make us do."

Aislinn bowed her head, wanting to believe what her father was saying. Still, she felt bad about the argument.

"Ash, it wasn't your fault. Dad made a hundred choices that day before the accident. What if he hadn't stopped for lunch? What if he'd decided to bring it home, instead of eating it at Cy's? What ... what if he'd decided to go home a different way, instead of taking West Uintah? Honey, don't you understand that all those 'what if's' do is make us crazy? The accident was an accident. It wasn't Dad's fault, or mine, or David's, or yours. It was just an accident."

"Not my fault?"

"No," Daniel said firmly, shaking his head to back up his answer. He placed a kiss on Aislinn's forehead and then settled them both back so that they could play the piano again. "Sing our song with me, Ash."

Daniel played the chorus again, singing to it, but his was the only voice audible.

"Ash?"

"Daddy, I made God a promise."

"Oh, I see," Daniel replied. "Okay, well, would you make that same promise today?"

"I thought it was my fault," the little girl answered.

"I have an idea," Daniel stated. "Maybe you can talk to God again. Tell him what you've learned and see what feels right afterwards."

"Can I do it now?"

"Sure," Daniel acknowledged with a gentle smile.

Aislinn closed her eyes and prayed, "God, it's me, Aislinn. Daddy says Dad's accident wasn't my fault. I thought it was. I really wanted the swan, God. I feel bad because we argued about it. Is it my fault?"

Daniel's arm wrapped around his daughter. He kissed the top of her head as silence filled the room. A full minute passed before Aislinn spoke again.

"Is it okay if I sing again? I love to sing, God. It makes me feel good, and other people say it makes them feel good, too. Is it okay? Please, God. Will you make Dad better even if I sing again?"

Daniel closed his eyes, holding back his emotions while still holding on to his miracle.

~Please let her, God. She's a little girl. Don't let guilt do to Ash what it did to me. Please,~ the archaeologist prayed.

All of a sudden, voices filtered into the room. They were happy sounds. The words were about singing, loudly and strongly; of good and happy things, not those that were bad and sad. "Sing!" the children chorused together.

"Hi, Daddy. Hi, Ash," David greeted jovially, entering the music room.

Behind him were all of his siblings who were home that afternoon.

"We got tired of playing in the game room," Ricky stated.

"All of a sudden, I feel like singing," Little Danny mused with a shrug.

"Me, too," Jonny stated, wondering why he wasn't making a beeline for his beloved drums.

Aislinn gasped and looked at her father with big, hopeful eyes.

"I think that's your answer, Ash."

Quickly, Aislinn closed her eyes and reverently prayed, "Thank you, God. I'll make you proud of my singing. Please bring Dad home soon. Thank you, too, for all the blessings you give. I love you."

Her brothers and sisters were busy getting out some of the family's sheet music and had missed the prayer, except for Jenny, who grinned and hugged her sister as Aislinn joined her.

"We need to celebrate Dad home first," Aislinn stated.

Instantly, the children began to sing, their voices light and happy. Daniel smiled, holding in his emotions while silently giving his thanks for his daughter's answer. It was the brightest spot in his day. He wished the feeling could last longer, but he knew that a few songs later, his melancholy state would take over once again.

====

Jeff, Brianna, and Reese had begun a poignant conversation on their way to the Pflug home. As a result, Jeff had pulled into a drive-through, getting them all drinks. He had parked his truck, and the trio were outside, sitting on the grass.

"It's my fault," Reese opined sadly.

"No, it's not," Brianna argued. "Your dad just wanted to be with you. You're right. My dad's gone over the speed limit before, too."

"Dad hadn't ever done anything wrong before. He was a good person. He loved us and did everything he could to give us what we wanted," Reese spoke passionately. "He was a good father. He doesn't deserve to be badmouthed by idiots."

Jeff nodded, saying, "No, he doesn't."

"Are you going to take our house?" Reese asked without warning.

"That's a silly question," Brianna opined.

"No, Bri, it's not," Jeff corrected, getting a surprised look from his sister. "Bri, it was an at-fault accident, and Dad's medical expenses are huge, not to mention loss of earnings."

"I haven't thought about that," Brianna admitted.

"Daddy hasn't talked to us about the insurance, and we haven't asked," Jeff pointed out.

"Mom is afraid we're going to lose everything. If you sue us, we won't have anything left."

Jeff and Brianna exchanged a nervous look. They really had no idea of what was happening with the insurance and legal issues.

"It'll be okay," Jeff stated, breaking the awkward silence. "Bri, we need to go. We have to pick up Noa from the psychologist's office."

"I wish I had someone to talk to," Reese sighed as she stood up. "Bri, I didn't mean to pick a fight with you."

"What were you doing on campus?"

"I was at the dolphin seminar. I love dolphins."

"Me, too," Brianna replied, smiling as the three returned to Jeff's truck where the pair began a lively discussion of dolphins all the way to the Pflug house.

====

"Daddy? Daddy?" Brianna called out anxiously as she practically flew into the house almost an hour later. "Daddy?"

"Bri, calm down," Jilly called out, walking down the stairs. "What's under your bonnet."

"Hi, Aunt Jilly," Brianna greeted just as Jeff joined her, adding his own greeting to his sister's. "Where's Daddy?"

"In the backyard playing ... with the children," Jilly tried to say, wondering what the hurry was about when both young people made a beeline to the backyard without waiting for her to finish.

"Daddy!"

"Bri, is something wrong?"

"Wrong? Oh, no, but, Daddy, please tell me we aren't taking their house."

"Bri, take a breath and calm down," Daniel urged, aware that the entire brood was gathering around to find out what the commotion was about.

"I'm sorry," Brianna apologized after she had taken the requested deep breath. "Daddy, what good would it do us to have their home? We have a house: a beautiful house. We're nowhere near poor. Are we?"

"No, of course not," Daniel answered, still unsure of the topic.

"Then why are we taking their house?" the girl asked forcefully.

"Bri, I don't know what you're talking about. Take another deep breath, and start from the beginning."

The teenager sighed, closing her eyes and trying to focus on the words to explain her concerns.

"Today, at the seminar, I met Reese Pflug," Brianna advised. "She's just like me, Daddy, except my dad is still alive, and hers isn't."

Whispers were heard from the children as they began to figure out the scope of the current discussion.

"They're scared, Daddy. Reese says they're waiting for the life insurance, but they don't know when they're going to get it. She says even if they do, they wouldn't have enough to pay for Dad's hospital costs and stuff. They're just like us, Daddy -- a family. Please tell me we're not taking their house. Please."

"I should have talked to all of you about it, but I haven't even ... Dad and I haven't really discussed it," Daniel confided, turning around and walking over to the gazebo, knowing the brood would follow.

The archaeologist sat down, smiling when JD tugged on him, wanting to be held. Daniel obliged, situating the youngster so that he was on his lap, facing the other children.

"Daddy, Mister Pflug was like Dad," Brianna opined emotionally. "It was Reese's birthday. She was going to a friend's house that afternoon and then her friend's parents were taking them to dinner. He had a meeting that night, and he knew his only chance to wish Reese a happy birthday was to see her before she left. He was trying to get home to her, to give her a present." Her voice trembling, she challenged, "Daddy, can you honestly sit there and tell me that neither you nor dad has ever gone over the speed limit, just a little, because you wanted to be with one of us, for something special?"

His daughter's assumption was true. There had been times when he'd sped, and Daniel knew Jack had, too, for no other reason than wanting to be home for some special event with their brood. He couldn't deny the fact, and in not being able to do that, he couldn't condemn Morris Pflug for going over the speed limit, either.

As the brood muttered words to one another, Daniel said in a small, distant whisper, "I told our lawyer we wouldn't go for anything except the coverage of the of the auto and liability umbrella insurance." He paused just a beat before expounding, "I insisted Mark give Uncle Pete a look at the accident report. He reviewed it and talked with the actual accident investigators, too, and they determined that, given all the circumstances and the angle of impact, it's unlikely that anything would have been different, even if Mister Pflug had only been going the speed limit. His foot still would have pressed the gas pedal to the floor ..."

"Reese loves dolphins, Daddy," Brianna interjected when her father's voice trailed off. "We're both up for a special trip. You know what a gift it is, to be able to swim with the dolphins. It's so peaceful. It ... Daddy, it cleanses our souls. It tells us there's so much beauty in life, beauty that we normally take for granted," she spoke passionately. "I told Reese that I hope she's chosen, but she said even if she were, she didn't think her mom had the money it would take, not now. She needs this trip. She really does. She doesn't have anyone to talk to like we have with Doctor Rich. You promise we won't take their house, Daddy?"

Facing the other side of the gazebo, Daniel nodded, quietly pledging, "I promise, Bri."

"Thank you, Daddy," Brianna stated softly, walking into the gazebo and giving her father a hug. "I'm going to change and put my backpack away."

Daniel observed the sea of questioning faces staring at him and knew it was time to answer whatever questions the children had about their dad's accident.

~I wish Jack would realize how much we need him here. The brood needs him to answer some of these questions.~ Silently sighing, Daniel knew he couldn't put it off any longer and finally asked, "What do you want to know?"

"Mister Pflug was the man who put Dad in the wheelchair?" Ricky asked.

"Not exactly," Daniel answered. "Mister Pflug was driving his truck. Apparently, he just wanted to get home to his family. He had a heart attack, and when his heart gave out, his body slumped forward, and his foot pressed down harder on the gas pedal. Then Mister Pflug's truck hit Dad's truck, forcing it into the traffic light pole." He paused before adding, "It wasn't Mister Pflug's fault. It was an accident."

"Daddy, what did Bri mean about taking that house?" Jenny and Lulu questioned, their words almost identical as each of them made the inquiry.

"Dad's bills are very expensive. The Pflug's automobile insurance barely touches the surface; maybe a couple of days of Dad's time at the hospital and partial reimbursement for the truck. Cedar Hills is very expensive. There were cheaper places we could have taken Dad, but we all want him to have the best possible care, right?" Daniel saw the affirmative nods and continued, "By law, we're allowed to sue the Pflug's for the medical bills and even Dad not being able to work for a while. If we sued and they didn't have the finances to pay, they might be forced to sell their home and anything else they have of value."

"To pay us?" Little Danny asked.

"Yes," Daniel answered.

"We don't need that money, do we, Daddy?" Aislinn queried with sincere eyes.

"No, Princess, we don't. Dad and I have been very fortunate financially. It's a major setback for us, but J-O is going great, and we can handle this."

"Huddle," Jonny ordered the brood.

Daniel watched as the children, including JD, who had wiggled off his lap, gathered together like a mighty football team. He didn't like football, but Team J-O was an awesome team.

~I should have done this in the first place,~ Daniel thought as he waited.

"Unbeatable!" the brood shouted in unison as they broke apart, returning to the gazebo.

"Daddy, we don't want their house," Jonny announced. "We have you and Dad, and that's all we need. Meeting over."

With smiles on their faces, the brood dispersed, returning to their play, satisfied that all was still right with their world. Jeff walked over and sat down opposite Daniel.

"I met Mrs. Pflug," the young man announced. "She reminds me of Aunt Catherine a little; she has white hair," he mused with a chuckle, though adding quickly, "but she's not old. They have pictures all around their house, just like we do. It's funny. When Bri introduced me to Reese, I wanted to hate her, but then I saw that she was just like Bri."

"Um, that reminds me. Bri looked a little ... uh ..."

"They got into a fight," Jeff advised. "My guess is they both got out a lot of frustration. The funny thing is I think they might be friends, if it weren't for the accident."

Daniel stared at his son for a moment and then nodded. He needed to process what he'd heard and then make a few phone calls.

====

"Hey, Babe," Daniel called as he walked into Jack's room the next morning, leaning over to share a sweet kiss with his husband.

"Danny, yesterday, did you and the brood ..." Jack broke off, not sure if he wanted to continue the thought for fear Daniel would think he was crazy. ~But it felt real, just like it did that Christmas.~

"You did feel it!" Daniel exclaimed, a smile brightening his face. "I had to deal with a situation with Ash, and the best way to do that was to sing our song for you. The brood joined in to send you our love."

The couple shared a loving look before getting into the reason for Daniel's visit.

"What's this?" Jack asked at the strange booklet his husband had just handed him.

"Sled hockey," Daniel answered.

"Sled hockey? What the heck is that?" Jack questioned as he pondered the picture on the front page.

"Little Danny made that for you," the archaeologist added.

"How are they go..."

"Babe, being paralyzed doesn't mean you can't play hockey anymore. That's what Little Danny wanted you to know, so he printed out these photos of everyday people from all over the country playing sled hockey."

"Not exactly how I learned it," Jack replied, though his words lacked any sting to them, as he studied the pictures intently.

"You know, we've just walked right by this a hundred times," Daniel stated, his uncertain lover staring at him. "The Avalanche are partnered with the Colorado Sled Hockey group. I'm sure we've seen ads or news stories, but we've always ignored them. Look at these players, Jack. They're on the ice, playing the game they passionately love. They may not be running on skates, but they're playing hockey."

"Hockey sticks are a little short," Jack responded, not sure yet what to think of the sport.

"Things are changing, Jack, but just because it's changing, that doesn't mean it's worse; it's just ... different."

"I never thought I'd hit a puck again," the accident victim replied softly, turning the page to look at the next photo. "I love the ice, Danny. I grew up with it."

"You still have it, Jack. When Little Danny found this, I did some research," Daniel spoke with a small smile. "Sled hockey was first played in Norway, but in the United States, it began in Minnesota."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Daniel affirmed. "In 1989. Colorado's first team was fielded in '95."

"How'd we miss that?"

"We just weren't looking. We were ... in our own world, off-world maybe, or just focused on the Avalanche. Jack, this'll be fun for the children, and for us. We can all learn together."

Jack looked over at his lover and asked, "Danny, you don't even like hockey."

"No, I don't, but you love it. I didn't like basketball at first, either, but now I love it, too; and I love you; and most of our children like hockey, too, so let's learn sled hockey together."

"Sweet," Jack responded genuinely, smiling at the idea of getting the entire family out on the ice at the same time. "We're gonna be okay, Danny."

Daniel leaned forward, pressing his forehead against his lover's. He felt Jack's hands reach up to caress his back. It felt so incredibly awesome to feel even a small amount of their physical connection again. They stayed like that for several seconds, until the archaeologist finally pulled back and looked into his Love's eyes.

"I'm coming home soon," Jack stated. "We'll be o..." He paused. "No, we'll be better than okay."

"I love you, Jack."

"I love you, too, Angel." Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. "Give this to the Munchkins when you get home."

"What is it?" Daniel asked as he took the envelope.

"It's a happy-birthday-even-if-you're-not-celebrating-it-today letter," Jack answered. "Do you believe it, Love? Nine years. It seems like yesterday."

"It was, wasn't it?" Daniel agreed. "Kayla would be so proud of them."

"She is," Jack agreed about the triplets' and twins' surrogate mother.

"You know, um, I think some of their adventurous side comes from her."

Nodding, Jack agreed, "She wasn't afraid of anything."

"And neither are our children," Daniel concluded.

====

"Today was a good day," Daniel related to Sam as the two talked on the phone.

"Sometimes, Daniel, I have to remind myself that you're talking about the general and not Kevin. Every day when I get up, I wonder if he's going to smile at me or talk to me, or if he's just going to sit there, lost in his world of circles and pyramids."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Daniel spoke sadly. "Today, Jack was like his old self. We joked and talked about the future." He paused, letting out an audible sigh. "Tomorrow, though, I don't know how he'll be. One day, he has a positive attitude. The next day, he scares me."

"How?"

"I don't know where he is. He's angry, lost, confused. Sam, some moments I'm afraid to leave him."

"You don't think he'd ..."

"No, not really," Daniel responded, answering the incomplete query. Abruptly changing the subject, he asked hesitantly, "Sam, have you talked to General Hammond recently?"

"Not in a couple of weeks. Why?"

"Well, he said he'd be by, but he hasn't. He's called quite a bit, though," Daniel answered.

"He's probably square dancing. You know, I'd pay good money to see him out there, wearing a straw hat, dancing with some woman wearing a pinafore over her dress."

Daniel laughed, for the first time in a while. It was quite an image he had in his mind now.

"Thanks for that picture, Sam."

"You're welcome," the blonde laughed. "Daniel, I have to go. I'll drop by the Cedar Hills tomorrow and check on the general myself."

"I'll probably be there."

"Any idea when he's coming home?"

"Actually, it could be any day. He has the basics down, but the doctors are concerned by his behavior and aren't sure if he should come home yet or not."

"You mean his attitude?"

"He keeps avoiding the remodeling issue. They're thinking he might do better at home if he stays there a few more days. I'm not sure I disagree with them, Sam. The children need Jack to be okay when he comes home."

"So do you," Sam replied.

"Yeah," the archaeologist mumbled. "We talked about the children not being afraid of anything, but we're wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"They may not say it, but they're afraid of their life changing. Their world has been turned upside down, Sam. How can they not be afraid of that?"

"Maybe they are, Daniel, but being afraid isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it's probably even healthy for them occasionally. It's certainly not insurmountable, not when they have you and the general for parents."

"I hope you're right."

"I am."

Daniel smiled at his friend's confidence and replied, "Night, Sam."

"Goodnight, Daniel," Sam responded hanging up the phone while still feeling concerned for both of her dear friends.

====

The following afternoon, the archaeologist stared at the stack of magazines that now sat on the countertop. He hadn't opened one of them in weeks.

~Now's the time,~ Daniel decided, thumbing through the pile and selecting three magazines, not really sure which one he wanted to tackle.

This morning, Daniel had spent a few hours with Jack. When Sam had arrived, he figured it was a good time to take off for a little while. He'd made it home in time to eat lunch with the brood, all of whom were home. In fact, they were all in the house, spread out between the rec, game, and project rooms.

With a cup of piping hot Starbucks coffee (his favorite Arabian Mocha blend), the inwardly weary man sat down on the sectional, smiling when Katie immediately jumped up, curling in against his thigh.

"I love you, too," Daniel stated with a light and airy chuckle as the beagle closed her eyes.

"I'll get it," Jennifer called out a moment later, having heard the knock on the door.

Daniel watched his daughter get up from the game table, warning Jonny not to peek at her cards while she was gone. He chuckled at the boy's innocent 'would I do that?' expression.

~Yes, you would. You're just like your dad. You'd do it in a heartbeat.~ Daniel exchanged a smile with the eldest Munchkin. ~That is, if I weren't in the room, reminding you silently of morals and ethics.~ He chuckled as Jonny sighed and sat back in his chair. ~Yep. Just like your dad.~

"It was a false alarm," Janet laughed as she finished up a short story she'd been telling Jennifer. "Daniel."

"Janet ..."

"Don't get up," Janet said, putting her hand up to indicate the movement wasn't necessary and getting a happy smile from Katie in return. "Hi, Brood!"

Daniel smiled as the children hurried to hug their aunt, getting hugs and hellos.

"Where's T?" Chenoa questioned.

"At the Mountain, but he said he'd try and stop by later today or tomorrow with a reply to your message," Janet assured with a smile.

"I feel guilty about not talking to K'hang in so long, but we don't have time to go to the Mountain right now," Chenoa stated about her alien boyfriend, not seeing Daniel's sad smile or feeling his silent guilt about the truthfulness of her remark.

"Well, Teal'c took down your message, word for word, that you gave him last night, and he promised me that he'd give it to K'hang personally and that he wouldn't leave Chulak without a response."

"Thank you," Chenoa replied, grinning while giving Janet another hug.

As the children began to separate, Janet took the little girl by the hand and maneuvered her to a quiet corner. Daniel smiled and then opened his magazine. Obviously, Janet was here to chat with Chenoa for some reason.

--

Daniel glanced at his watch. He'd actually made it through a third of the archaeology publication he was reading. To his surprise, he hadn't really noticed how much time had passed. With curiosity, he noticed that Janet was now knee deep in a discussion with David. Like with Chenoa, they weren't near anyone else. Taking a moment to rub Katie's ears and take another sip of his almost-gone coffee, he then began reading the next article.

--

"Sorry, Girl," Daniel stated softly as he returned to his warm spot on the sofa. "I really needed a refill," he explained, holding up the filled-to-the-brim coffee mug.

Yawning, Katie decided to stretch up against Daniel's leg for a while, rather than curl back up into a ball. She believed in a variety of napping styles.

Having read one story thus far in the second magazine he'd brought with him, one dealing with the Smithsonian Institute, Daniel studied the redheaded physician as she hugged Jenny for a second. Apparently, that conversation was just coming to a close. Within two minutes, Janet began her next visit, this one with Jeff. It all looked casual, and Jeff had just laughed at something Janet had said.

With a quick raising of his eyebrows, Daniel began reading the next article of interest.

--

Almost four hours after arriving, Janet sat down next to the archaeologist, causing him to close his magazine. He checked his watch, noting the time and then looked inside his empty cup of coffee. It had been his fifth.

"I need a refill," Daniel said, noting that Katie had jumped down and gone over to play with Little Danny, something he hadn't even noticed. "Wow. I missed it."

"Missed what?" Janet inquired, following Daniel into the hospitality room.

"Katie got up. I haven't read a magazine in weeks; almost done with my third one -- on aviation," Daniel chuckled, amazed he'd read a magazine on the subject, though he did make a point of doing so from time to time since he was a licensed pilot. Taking a sip of his fresh cup of coffee, he turned and leaned back against the counter. He took another sip and sighed happily. "What?" he asked, seeing Janet's stare.

"Six cups in four hours," Janet answered simply. "I haven't seen you drink so much caffeine in as many years."

"I'm a little tired," Daniel rationalized.

"That wasn't a criticism, and I'm not worried, not about that," Janet replied.

"What are you worried about?" Daniel asked. "Janet, you just did an evaluation of my children." Seeing her half-surprised look, he expounded, "You spent one-on-one time with each of them, alone, or at least in a corner somewhere. You weren't just asking them what they wanted for Christmas."

"No, I wasn't," Janet admitted. "Look, Daniel, I'm not a psychologist, but I am trained to look for things. It's not that anything's wrong, and I know they're seeing someone, but I just wanted to talk to them myself. I'm their aunt," she added with a silly grin that indicated she was proud of that moniker.

"So, what's your professional opinion?"

"I'd rather answer as their aunt, who just happens to have a medical degree," Janet replied.

"Okay ... what's your ... opinion, *Aunt* Janet?" Daniel inquired, smiling in mock consternation.

"Probably something you're already aware of," Janet began. "They are determined to hide behind the Jackson-O'Neill mantra. 'We are family' and as long as they're together, nothing will or could get them down."

"But?" Daniel prompted dryly, certain there was more to the evaluation.

Janet took a breath and advised, "They're hiding some deep feelings. Little Danny feels responsible for everyone's wellbeing and like he has to find the cure. He's the named genius of the brood, and no one but him can find an answer that the doctor's haven't thought of yet. Jonny wishes there was someone to blame, and he's angry that there isn't anyone. He's their leader, and he takes that seriously. He needs a release, but I don't know what that is, and neither does he. I'm going to ask Teal'c to make a point of spending some more time with him, teaching him some Jaffa mumbo jumbo."

"Mumbo jumbo?"

"That warrior business. Jonny buys into it, just like Jack does. Maybe that will help Jonny find that release."

"Good idea. Next?"

Daniel listened intently to Janet's review of the children, absorbing everything she was saying as best that he could, considering he already had a plate full of challenges to handle.

"David's like Jen. He's back into the role he first had when you and Jack adopted him -- the caregiver. Just like with the homeschooling, he's doing what has to be done. He's even and steady, keeping himself and the others in check."

"Doing what has to be done," Daniel repeated.

"Day in and day out," Janet noted. "Then there's Jeff."

"He's been fine."

"Like you're fine?" Janet challenged pointedly.

"I haven't noticed anything. He's been a huge help," Daniel stated.

"I know he has. All I'm saying is maybe you should take a closer look. Daniel, it's only been five years that he's been a Jackson-O'Neill. He lost his father and then became a part of this wonderful family."

Janet paused, drawing a breath as she thought about something.

"What are you thinking?" Daniel asked curiously.

"I'm wondering if Doctor Rich is the right person for him to talk to," Janet stated. "Her specialty is children. Jen and Jeff aren't children anymore, and while Jen is handling everything very responsibly, her issues are a little different from Jeff's."

"Daddy, can you come here and help us?" Little Danny called out from his spot at the game table.

"Sure. I'll be there in a minute," Daniel answered.

Putting her hand on Daniel's arm, Janet urged, "Just keep in mind what I've said. Maybe it's nothing, but keep it in mind."

"I will," Daniel assured as he hugged her goodbye. "Thanks, Janet."

====

The next day, Daniel was on his way home from running a couple of errands. JD was with him as they drove down West Uintah. They stopped at the light, but when it turned green, the Silver Fox didn't budge. Horns began to blare.

"Daddy, why are those horns honking?"

"What? Oh, uh, because we're not moving," Daniel answered truthfully as he moved forward, trying desperately not to stare at the repaired traffic light as he drove past.

The father and son chatted as they continued on, until Daniel pulled his sports car over to the side of the road. His breathing grew labored as he saw a white-headed woman trying to change the head of a sprinkler.

~She does look a little like Catherine.~

Behind the woman, playing tag, were two young children. He saw the woman grow frustrated and stand up, trying to regain her strength and composure. He could feel it emanating from her. Then he saw the woman staring back at him, and he could feel her tense up.

"Come on, Son," Daniel stated, getting out of the vehicle and then going around to the other side to help JD out of the car. Calmly, they approached the woman until they were standing within a few feet of her and the playing children. "Hello," he called out.

"Hello," the woman greeted. "May I help you with something?"

"Maybe I could help you," Daniel offered, pointing down at the sprinkler.

"It's on too tight, and I can't get it off. Normally, my hus..." the woman paused, looking over at her children for moment, "...it's just so tight, and it's broken."

"Let me try," Daniel suggested, kneeling down to examine the damaged sprinkler head.

"Thank you."

"Daddy, can I go play with them?" JD asked, seeing the children smiling at him.

"Sure, uh, if you don't mind," Daniel answered, looking up at the woman with questioning eyes.

The woman nodded, though she still had no idea who she was talking to.

"We always have spares," the woman stated, pointing at the replacement item that was on the grass.

"That's a good idea," Daniel replied as he finished what the woman had started. "We have to change these all the time, but they can be tricky," he stated a minute later as he stood back up.

"Thank you again, but ... who are you?"

"Ma'am, I ... I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to worry. I gave my daughter my promise, and my other children voted, so it's agreed. The meeting was adjourned."

"Forgive me, but you still haven't said who you are," the woman stated expectantly. "And I really don't know what you just said."

"Daniel ... Jackson." Daniel sighed and then stated more firmly, "I'm Daniel Jackson-O'Neill. My husband is the man your husband rear-ended."

The woman's eyes grew big, even as her skin paled. Tears immediately welled in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," the widow spoke, her voice cracking.

"I think we all are. Ma'am, we're very lucky. My daughter told me that you're worried about a lawsuit. I just want to assure you that it's not going to happen."

"A friend of my husband's has been helping me. He said he'd received a notification."

"Excuse me?"

"I think that's what he said." Slapping her hands against her sides, she continued, "I'm a housewife, Mister Jackson-O'Neill. I've worked, but I don't understand these legal issues."

"Ma'am, I ..."

"Maureen," the woman corrected.

"Daniel," the archaeologist spoke in kind. "Maureen, I'm not sure what you received, but I've already spoken with our lawyer. We're going to take the policy limits of your husband's insurance, but I promise you, just like I promised my daughter, that your house, your savings, and your children's futures aren't in jeopardy, not from us or anyone associated with us."

Daniel heard the woman's sobs of relief.

"I've been so afraid. I don't know what we would do. Morris' life insurance will take care of us, if we have our house."

"You have it, Ma'...Maureen," Daniel promised again. He looked over at the two twin girls and smiled. "We have twins, too -- a boy and a girl."

"How's your husband doing?"

"He'll be home soon," Daniel stated. "JD, time to go."

"Okay, Daddy."

"He's a beautiful little boy."

"We think so," Daniel agreed. "Maureen, if you need anything, please call," he invited, pulling out one his business cards and writing his personal cell phone number on the back.

"Thank you," the woman acknowledged gratefully and then watched as Daniel and JD headed back to the car. "Uh, Mister, oh, it's Doctor, isn't it?"

"Of archaeology," Daniel confirmed.

"I like to think of myself as a capable woman, but I'm not very mechanical. I don't want charity, and thanks to you, I don't need it; but would you happen to know of a handyman who can be trusted? I hear all sorts of stories about men taking advantage. I have young children. I can't afford to gamble."

"Actually, I do. Call me in a few days, and I'll have some names for you."

"Thank you again," Maureen replied, feeling more confident and able than she had since her husband died.

Daniel nodded and then made sure JD was secured in his seat before going back to the driver's side and getting in his car. He sat for a moment, watching as Maureen led her girls towards their front step. She stopped, turned around, and gave Daniel a sympathetic nod and sad smile, which he returned.

Both families had lost something, and both would forever be connected as a result.

====

"I wish I could have gone, but there's always the next one. Besides, Dad's coming home, and I want to make sure I'm here," Brianna stated a few days later as she discussed the results of the dolphin excursion.

"Megan wants you to go to the Bahamas with her on vacation next summer, too," Daniel advised with a smile.

"Really? We had a blast before," the teenager replied enthusiastically. She looked over at her father, who was driving her home. "Daddy, I saw Reese again today."

"How's she doing?"

"Better. She wasn't one of the two people chosen for the trip, either, but guess what?"

"What?" Daniel asked, looking both ways before continuing on from a stop sign.

"Doctor Belgardes told Reese that they'd forgotten to mention that a third person was being selected to go on a scholarship of sorts, and she'd been chosen. It's being funded by an anonymous donor. I asked if she knew who, but she didn't know. They only told her it was a business."

"That's really nice," Daniel replied, coming to another stop. "I'm sure she's excited to go."

"She is," Brianna responded, staring at her father. "I love you, Daddy."

Daniel glanced over at the teenager and replied with a smile, "I love you, too, Bri."

"You know what else?"

"What else?" the archaeologist asked lightly.

"As schmaltzy as it sounds, I'm proud to be your daughter."

Daniel looked over at Brianna, taking in her happy expression, including the smiling eyes and rosy cheeks, and replied, "And I'm proud you're our daughter, Bri."

"You're pretty special, Daddy."

"Not really."

"Yes, you are. Does Dad know what you did?"

"Bri, I didn't ..." Daniel paused. With a shake of his head, he decided not to feign ignorance and answered, "Not yet."

"He'll understand. I know he will because I'm proud to be his daughter, too," Brianna stated firmly.

Daniel reached out and squeezed the girl's hand, saying nothing more about the unspoken acknowledgment of J-O Enterprise's latest community investment. It wasn't exactly a business deduction, but it was for a worthy cause -- the happiness of a young girl who'd so tragically lost her father in an automobile accident.

====

The next afternoon, after having heard about his company's gift, Jack stared at his husband, aware of uncertainty in the man's expression, but mostly seeing his resolve.

"You never cease to amaze me, Angel."

"You're not mad?"

"Bri's right, Danny. I've hurried home with my pedal to the metal more times than I want to admit. You had Carter do a report?"

"Of course, I did, and I went by and met Maureen. Uh, by the way, Pete saw the accident report, and even if Mister Pflug had been doing the speed limit ...

"I know, Danny. That's never bothered me. I've seen enough to know that, in this scenario, those few extra miles per hour didn't mean much."

"Yeah," Daniel agreed softly. "Odds are, nothing would have changed. His foot would still have slammed down against the gas pedal when he had the attack. I just wanted Maureen to know that, too; or, at least, that her home was safe."

"Daniel, no offense, but you'd feel sorry for a weeping willow," Jack asserted, seeing his lover flinch. "They passed?"

"Yes, Jack, they passed. I, um ... Jack, Bri likes Reese. I think she'd like to establish a friendship with her, but I also think she feels a little guilty about that."

"Dolphins," Jack spoke in a blustery tone before smiling and shaking his head.

"How would you feel about that?" Daniel asked tentatively, referring to the friendship.

"The man was trying to get home to his little girl, to spend ten minutes with her on her birthday. I can't hate him, Danny. I've tried to. I wanted to blame him for this," Jack said, patting his thighs and wincing that he could see the motion but not feel it. "It was an accident."

"I think Bri needs to hear that from you. Can you do that? Can you find a way to tell her that it's okay?"

"Piece of cake," Jack responded with a smile.

Daniel leaned forward and gave his lover a kiss. The two kissed again, and then he smiled.

"Babe, it's time for you to come home."

"Gonna break me out?"

Daniel looked at his watch and then nodded, saying, "Yeah, I am. Right now. The warden won't even know what hit him."

"That's my Danny."

====

Though it took some doing, Daniel checked his husband out of Cedar Hills and, with the help of Lou Ferretti, took Jack home, much to the happy surprise of the unsuspecting brood. Cheers and tears erupted when Daniel wheeled his husband into the living room and announced it was for good.

All of a sudden, Jack had a full face of beagle. He hadn't felt the canine legs connect with his numb limbs, but he could feel the happy kisses on his face and see the wagging tail of Bijou.

"Missed you," Jack admitted, holding the mama beagle close. He looked down at Katie, who was sitting, waiting for her turn, her tail wagging in anticipation. "Yeah, missed you, too."

With things having settled and while dinner was being prepared, Jack remained true to his word and wheeled his way toward Brianna's room where he spent some one-on-one time catching up with her.

Afterwards, as he wheeled his way back to the hallway, Jack spun the chair around and said, "Hey, I hear you have a new friend."

"A new friend?" Brianna asked, clueless to the reference.

"A girl named Reese. I bet she could use a good friend like you," Jack asserted with a supportive nod.

Brianna smiled and asked, "Are you sure, Dad?"

"I'm not the one you should be worried about, Bri. Worry about yourself, your own heart. Listen to it. What's it telling you?"

Thoughtfully, the teenager answered, "It's telling me that Reese and I could be very good friends, but is it okay, Dad?"

"Yeah, Bri, it's okay."

Brianna ran forward, putting her arms around Jack and hugging him.

"I love you, Bri."

"I love you, too, Dad."

====

~How am I going to do this?~ Jack wondered as he stared at several of the children. He knew a lot of them were talking to him, but it was a jumbled blur. With his promise to Daniel fulfilled about Brianna, his purpose was no longer clear. ~I can't teach them what I used to. I can't help Jonny with the obstacle course or protect Ash from those juvenile boys that are already chasing after her. How can I show Jenny how to fix the engine on Jo? I can't even get in Jo now,~ he thought with despair about the small family airplane that Daniel had gifted him with so many years ago.

Just as quick as he could blink, Jack's merriment at being home turned into confusion and anxiety. The broods mumbled words and garbled paragraphs served only to make him wonder why he was still alive.

~Maybe where Charlie is, he and I could play catch. We didn't play catch enough.~

Dinner was surreal to the paralyzed man. Nothing was normal, and everything was strange. He couldn't help, not like he used to. Worse, everyone wanted to wait on him, as if he were an invalid.

~Crap! I *am* an invalid.~

After dinner, Jack smiled as Billy told the brood more stories about their childhood, but Jack didn't hear any of it. He stared at Daniel, his beautiful soulmate. He had never been good enough for the archaeologist. Now, he was a burden to him.

The nightmare turned darker when Daniel helped his husband take care of some bodily needs. It couldn't get any worse; that is, until Daniel mentioned remodeling their beloved dream house. That was too much for the older man. This house had been crafted with love, and he didn't want it to change. His mood shifted as he questioned his very existence.

Within minutes of this final swing of Jack's mood, the entire family had picked up on it. Just that fast, though united in love, the Jackson-O'Neill family was, for the first time, truly lost. This became even more evident in their first reunited family meeting, held just before the children were to go up to bed.

"So, I'll start," Daniel offered, seeing the unusual blank stares on the brood's faces. "It's hard. Um, for me, I'm a little frustrated because we have to do some remodeling of the house."

"And I don't want to," Jack snapped.

"But the reality is ..."

"Reality be damned," Jack countered harshly, using a common swear word that was rarely spoken in front of the brood and earning him a stern glare from the younger man.

"Who's next?" Daniel asked, getting only silence in return, which promptly ended the get-together.

~Just get me to bed. I don't want to think about this crap anymore,~ Jack thought as his inward agony grew.

====

Jack was already in bed, lying flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling, when Daniel walked in from the bathroom.

"Planning on sleeping standing up?" Jack asked snarkily when Daniel paused just outside the door.

"No, of course not," Daniel answered awkwardly as he got into the bed and pulled up the covers. He, too, stared up at the ceiling. ~What is this? All I've been doing for weeks is waiting to have him back home with us and ... back in our bed with me, where I can feel his heart beating every night; and now this.~

"Goodnight," Jack stated coolly, closing his eyes.

"Goodnight," Daniel replied, stunned at the awkwardness, not to mention the nervousness, that existed at the moment.

"Jack ..."

"Danny ..."

The names were spoken at the same time, less than thirty seconds after the monotone 'goodnight' wishes.

"I'm scared to death," Jack admitted.

"Me, too," Daniel replied, relieved that Jack was verbalizing what was bothering him. Turning onto his side, he looked at his soulmate with a tender expression and loving eyes. "You're my heart and soul, Jack. I love you so freakin' much."

"I love you, too," Jack responded, though anxiety laced his tone. "I missed you."

"I've barely slept," the younger man confessed.

"Ya gotta sleep, Danny."

"I didn't have the right pillow."

"I'm missing my blanket; it's one of a kind and can't be replaced," Jack spoke softly, moving his left hand to open up his body for his lover.

With watery eyes, Daniel slowly slipped into his usual spot, his head on husband's chest. He closed his eyes as he listened to the heartbeat that meant life to him.

"Dan..."

"Shhh!" Daniel responded quickly, lightly slapping his husband's chest. "I need to hear it. Just ... shhh!"

Jack's arms engulfed his soulmate. He rubbed the man's back and then brought up his hand to run through the sleek, silky strands of Daniel's hair. He lifted up his head to get closer. He sniffed his lover's scent and sighed contently despite the tears that were flowing down his cheeks and into Daniel's hair.

"The heartbeat of life, all life," Daniel whispered as his hand began to caress Jack's chest with tears of his own wetting Jack's pajama top. "So long, so freakin' long."

"Too friggin' long, Angel," Jack agreed. "Geez, I need you here with me, like this."

"Hold me, Jack. Please hold me," Daniel requested, soaking in the feeling like a sponge and never wanting the moment to end.

====

Unfortunately, the next several days were lacking much of anything close to the tenderness the lovers had shared during Jack's first night home. Jack's mood swung from coping with his situation to wishing he were dead. Every time he thought he had a handle on life in a wheelchair, he'd grow sullen from not being able to do something he'd done before. It just wasn't easy for him to deal with his new life.

//Flashback//
"Babe, we have to take care of this," Daniel stated sternly.

"Fine."

"Jack, don't sneer at me like that," the younger man demanded. "It's a pressure sore, and that's something that everyone has told us to look out for." Seeing his lover simply scoff and look away in denial, Daniel continued pointedly, "People have died from pressure sores, but you're not going to be one of them."

"Daniel ..."

"No arguments, Jack. I'm calling Margo and asking her for an appointment. We need to ascertain the reason for the sore."

"You're blowing this out of proportion," Jack accused, not wanting to return to the rehabilitation facility any more than he absolutely had to.

"No, I'm not." Trying to calm his angry husband, Daniel put forth calmly, "Look, it could be caused by something simple, like how you're moving from the wheelchair to the bed. It'll be okay. We just ... we just don't want to take chances. I love you, Jack, and I need you. I'm not going to lose you because you're too stubborn to get treatment, especially for something we can handle."

Jack let out a sigh and then nodded, letting out a still frustrated but very genuine, "I love you, too," as his soulmate picked up the phone to dial Cedar Hills.
//End of Flashback//

Fortunately, Daniel had been right, and Margo had quickly determined that a slight alteration of how Jack transitioned from his wheelchair to the bed would take care of the pressure sore problem, and it had. On the down side, Jack had also had a couple of spasms in his left leg.

"It's call spasticity," Margo had explained, adding that it wasn't uncommon in paralyzed people. "Since this wasn't a problem while you were here, it's possible you aren't getting enough fluids at home."

"I've got a fridge full of beer," Jack had snapped, totally frustrated by the latest problem he was enduring.

"Beer aids the problems, not resolves it, General," Margo had stated strongly. "No beer," she had said while looking at Daniel.

"No problem," the archaeologist had assured while ignoring Jack's glare.

"I must drink ten glasses of water a day now," Jack had barked.

"Not enough, especially with that pressure sore you've been fighting. In fact, that's probably what's brought this on," Margo had put forth. "More liquids, Daniel, preferably water. Are you following through with the massages at home?"

"Yes, just like you suggested," Daniel had answered.

"If the spasms continue, let me know, but I think the increased fluid intake will take care of it."

Again, Margo had been right, but for Jack, all these new inconveniences were frustrations that he didn't want to deal with. Each new problem just drove him deeper into his personal dark place.

The children were scared and confused, but still trying to act like everything was normal. They often huddled together in their family groups -- Munchkins, Spitfires, Mouseketeers, and Mavericks, with JD hopping between them. They maintained their solidarity, not really talking about their fears, but professing their strength and togetherness, and, ultimately, their ability to survive anything.

Jonny, especially, had taken charge. He'd begun acting like a little general, trying to keep things organized and controlled. That lasted for three days, until JD stared him down and retrieved his beloved Patch, the stuffed dog gifted to him by Thor when he was born. Jonny had taken it after his youngest brother hadn't made his bed properly.

"I'm only three," JD had argued.

"Almost four," Jonny had reprimanded. "Dad might get mad if your bed isn't made right."

JD had fumed for an hour before deciding he just couldn't live without Patch. He'd gone to the boys' room and removed Bogey from his cage, taking the lizard and hiding him in his room. When Jonny had discovered the theft, he'd hit the roof, promptly being admonished by his parents for making a scene and then sent to bed early.

As soon as he'd been able, Jonny sneaked out of his room and returned Patch to JD, who had then relinquished Bogey.

"Not nice, JD," Jonny had spouted.

"I learn from the best, Jonny -- you."

Halfway back to his room, Jonny had realized the compliment. He'd returned to JD's room, and the two made up, giggling and laughing until discovered by Daniel, who'd been pleased to see the rift was mended and had simply suggested the boys go to sleep. The lizard-napping had ended the oldest Munchkin's reign of terror as the little general, not to mention having taught Jonny not to upset his youngest brother.

Jonny's military-like takeover hadn't been the only upheaval among the children as, unknown to everyone else at this point, Chenoa and Lulu had made a painful decision.

//Three Days Earlier//
"Noa, I think the step goes like this," Lulu told her sister as they practiced their dancing in their dance studio.

"I don't feel like dancing," Chenoa admitted, turning off the music and sitting down on the mat.

Lulu sat down opposite her sister. The two girls joined hands and went into a cool down mode, moving back and forth as they stretched their muscles.

"Lulu, I don't think Dad wants to see us dance anymore."

"He can't move his legs at all," Lulu sighed. "I think we make him feel bad."

"He hasn't watched us once," Chenoa pointed out.

"I know," Lulu agreed as the two separated their hands and began to reach for their toes. "We make him sad."

"Because we remind him that he can't walk anymore," Chenoa assumed.

"I'll miss it," Lulu said, standing up.

"Me, too, but it's for Dad."

The two girls nodded, hugging each other to seal their agreement.
//End of Flashback//

While Chenoa and Lulu masked their pain, life inside the Jackson-O'Neill home continued as best as possible. Daniel still felt uneasy. Every day was a battle. Jack wasn't budging about the remodeling, which meant that Daniel was lifting his lover in and out of the tub when necessary, which wasn't all that easy. In addition, due to his stubborn attitude about the remodel, Jack could only traverse a small part of their home.

Since Jack was in denial, no one could move forward, something the archaeologist was keenly aware of. Their so-called family meetings were shorter than ever, and while the honesty was there, it was about ice cream and not the children's feelings.

Doctor Rich had also communicated her dissatisfaction with how the family counseling sessions were going as well. Alone, some of the children would talk to her, but together, with Jack being a bump on a log, the sessions were a dismal failure.

Daniel was struggling to do it all -- take care of Jack, the children, the home, and J-O Enterprises. Sleep was rare and far from peaceful. Chenoa's birthday had come and gone quietly, as had been the agreement. Then the children had decided that what their older father needed was his birthday, which meant moving up the scheduled big party day to the tenth of the month, which was Brianna's actual birthday.

This scheduled change meant that Daniel had a lot of work and planning to do. A lot of birthdays had to be included on that one day, and Jack wasn't in a position to help, even if Daniel could somehow explain the change in date to him. Today being the seventh, time was running out to get everything done.

To complicate things, Jack's mood on this afternoon was at its worst. He was tired of being inside and treated like he was a child. That's how it felt to him. He'd picked a fight with Daniel and now just wanted to commiserate without anyone around to upset his chosen mood.

"Jack, where are you going?" Daniel asked, frustration oozing from him at the downturn life had taken.

"Outside."

"Where outside?"

Jack spun the wheelchair around and barked, "Anywhere where there aren't any people."

The general turned again and headed for the living room. He could hear Daniel walking behind him.

"Jack ..."

"Daniel, shut up!" Jack took a breath and called out loudly, "Girls, walk!"

In an instant, Bijou and Katie were in the living room.

"Get your leashes," Jack ordered, staring at Daniel as the canines headed over for the table where their leashes were. "Don't forget the harnesses," he called out.

Amazingly to Daniel, though when he thought about it, it really wasn't that unusual, Bijou stood up on her hind feet and opened the drawer with her right paw. She reached in and grabbed each item one by one, dropping them on the floor until she got the last leash. Then the two dogs hurried over to Jack.

Still staring at Daniel, Jack ordered, "Bijou, up." As soon as the mama beagle had jumped up, Jack took her harness and slipped it on. Then he attached the leash, ordering her down. "Katie, up," he ordered, repeating the same steps he'd taken with Bijou. Mouthing off in one of his nastiest tone's ever, he said to his husband, "If you're worried about me, I'm sure the girls are capable of scaring off the bad guys, and if you really have to track me, their collars still have the GPS units in them."

Daniel watched as Jack worked his way to the patio door, opening it and then heading outside with the beagles. He wheeled down the temporary ramp that had been placed there and headed for the new gate, a sensor-operated one which had replaced the standard version. Pressing the correct code into the keypad, the gate opened, and Jack and the girls were finally on their way for their walk.

The archaeologist stared out the narrow windowpane by the front door, watching until Jack and the beagles were out of his sight. He was so tired of arguing with Jack, and he was even more tired of all the indecision. Their house needed remodeling, and Jack was still fighting just about all of it. It was making everything tougher than it needed to be.

~We have to find our way, Jack. Soon: gawd, it needs to be soon.~

====

"Hey," Daniel greeted, smiling as Jeff looked over from his printer that was on his desk in his bedroom.

"Hi, Daddy," Jeff greeted. "I'm just printing out a couple of photos to add to our history book.

"Documenting everything?" Daniel questioned, standing against the doorway, his hands in his pockets.

"It's our history," Jeff answered, getting a nod from his younger father.

"Jeff, you've been a little quiet. I know I'm not noticing a lot of things lately, but I have picked up on that."

Seizing the moment, Jeff stated, "Daddy, remember when you said we could see a therapist, I mean someone other than Doctor Rich?"

"Yes," Daniel replied, walking in and sitting down on the stool that was next to the wall and close to his son's desk.

"Could I?"

"See someone else?" Daniel asked. "Sure."

"She's nice, but she doesn't get it, and I don't know how to explain my situation to her," Jeff stated.

Daniel recalled his conversation a couple of weeks before with Janet. He'd followed that up with her on the phone a couple of times since then and believed that he understood better what her comments were about.

"Actually, I was thinking that you might prefer to see someone at the Academy hospital, someone with ... clearance," Daniel put forth.

"Yeah. Is that possible?" Jeff inquired.

"Aunt Janet already gave me a name. Uh, Doc...tor ... Phillips, I think it was. He's a psychiatrist, but he's also an accomplished pilot. He actually obtained his degree while serving as a captain in the Air Force, so he knows what it's all about, and he knows about the Stargate. He's actually gone through several times, so you could really talk to him, without guarding your words."

"I'd really like that, Daddy. I'm fine; I am, but ..."

"Jeff, you're fine like I'm fine. Please don't cover up your feelings. You're helping me with your brothers and sisters, and I need you for that. Actually, I appreciate that more than you know, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a right to have your own issues. You know, you've gone through a lot of transitions in the last few years. Don't be afraid to take a closer look at that and be honest about it."

"I love being a Jackson-O'Neill."

"That doesn't mean you don't wish with all your heart that your father hadn't died on that mission. It's okay to wish that."

"I think of him every day, Daddy."

"That's the right thing to do. We never wanted to replace him; Dad and I only wanted to give you our love and a place in our home, and we hoped you'd want that, too."

"I do."

"So, I'll make the arrangements with Doctor Phillips, okay?"

"Thanks, Daddy," Jeff said. "Um, would you rather I didn't keep doing this?" he asked, referring to the photos he'd been taking lately to capture this difficult period in their lives.

"Photography is part of your ... true function," Daniel mused, though Jeff wasn't sure of the meaning. "Don't stop. I need to go check on Dad. He took the girls out for a walk."

"By himself?"

"Rebellion, I think," Daniel advised, getting up and gripping Jeff's shoulder securely. "We love you, Jeff, but we're just human beings. I hope you remember that."

As Daniel left, Jeff pondered those words and the odd qualms he was feeling in his gut. He had emotions he didn't understand, and Doctor Rich hadn't been able to help. Staring at the pictures he'd just printed, he hoped the man Daniel had mentioned would be able to help him sort through whatever it was that was bothering him.

Next: Part 2