Better Than Sex?

by Pie

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asp/pie/betterth.php
Summary: Take one bandana wearing archaeologist sitting by a campfire, add a couple of chocolate bars and what do you get? A hot and steamy Jack!

Daniel sighes with pleasure as he slowly licks up one side of the chocolate bar and then with a soulful glance directly aimed at me from beneath his eyelashes, he begins taking tiny nibbles, barely scraping the chocolate with his teeth, only pausing to moan appreciatively as the confection melts in his mouth. He closes his eyes in blissful ecstasy as he suckles down the other side of the long bar. He pulls his bandana covered head back and studies the bar for a long moment and then without warning dips his head and virtually swallows it whole.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! The little shit is killing me.

He bobs his head a couple of times and unhurriedly allows the chocolate to slide from out of his hot, wet mouth.

My rock hard cock is jealous of a candy bar!

His lips are smeared with melted, creamy goodness and I can see the tip of his pink tongue snaking out to oh so lingeringly sweep over their lush plumpness. If that wasn't bad enough, now he's sucking his fingers, one by one deep into his mouth, cleaning them with every appearance of complete gratification.

Here I am, a Colonel in the US Air Force and I'm utterly entranced by the sight of my orgasmic civilian archaeologist sitting on the opposite side of the campfire; the flames burnishing his beautiful face to gold in the darkness, going down on his apres-MRE, al fresco dessert. He's putting me through the kind of exquisitely painful torture that the Spanish Inquisition would have been proud of. And all because I dared to make some 'rules' about offworld sex that he disagreed with. He thinks we should be able to fool around if the only thing we are in danger from is butt rot; apparently playing in dusty old temples makes him horny. So he's giving me hell by cheating on me right in front of my eyes, hoping that I'll bite and drag him off to our tent for some intense but quiet mutual ravishing.

I'm so hard that I'm going to have to crawl over to the nearest bush and make a huge donation of DNA to the ecosystem, but knowing my luck, this planet's big bang will happen soon and the evolution of thousands of years will mean that every living creature will limp and bear more than a passing resemblance to yours truly.

I need a big bang too. ASAP!

I manage to glance unethusiastically at my other two teammates; Carter and T are watching Daniel with a kind of astonished awe, so focused are they on Daniel's performance that a full scale invasion of the planet could be occurring and they would be totally oblivious. Carter's eyes are as wide as I've ever seen them and for once she's dropped that phoney coy act of hers. Her lips seem fuller and darker and she's suddenly breathing funny...Little brother my ass!

Hands off bitch, he's mine!

As for the big guy; his Jaffa discipline seems to be in his pants and that had better not be literally. He's watching Daniel with rapt concentration and gentle wonder as Daniel crams the last of the chocolate into his open mouth and gobbles it. I can see the movement of his throat as he swallows it down.

I'm in deep shit. I'm not gonna make it to the bush.

Before Daniel has finished licking his lips, it starts...The. Pout. And before I can stop him Teal'c is rummaging in his pack for the emergency chocolate stash. Hey! it may not be USAF policy to include candy in our packs, but they don't allow that females are a different, totally alien species and when there's a full moon, a werewolf would be much more preferable to a sugar deprived, hormonally challenged major. Do they realise that some of the planets we go to have more than one moon? That would be a nope! Hammond made it a standing order to have chocolate rations included and Teal'c literally shoulders the extra burden; he's the only one strong enough to carry them.

Daniel is substituting chocolate for sex and as he tears open the bar that T has just handed over, I'm irresistibly reminded of Charlie Bucket devouring his Wonka bar. Actually...the thought of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory is giving me some ideas. Daniel, me and the chocolate waterfall... Mmmmm... Daniel and me under that chocolate waterfall naked and entwined. SHIT - stop it now Jack!

RIGHT - Two can play at this game!

I abruptly stand, ignoring the ache in my cock and balls and lean over the fire to snatch the chocolate bar from Daniel's slackened grasp, his hope filled eyes dim when he realises I'm not going to go postal on his ass in the near future. Instead I sit back down and prepare to get a little action myself. Lets see how he likes being on the receiving end for a change!

Time to squirm, Danny-boy.

I slowly insert the bar into my mouth and begin to suck. Fuck it tastes good! Thirty seconds later I'm looking down at an empty wrapper in my hand. Shit! So much for slow and seductive. I motion to the big guy to hand over another one.

I unwrap it carefully and wrap my lips around the end and pull it onto my tongue. I concentrate on looking sexy as I take the chocolate bar deeper...er I seem to be making a bit of a mess, melted brown goo seems to be bubbling from out of my mouth. This is harder than it looks.

"Err Sir, you have a little chocolate just there." My SIC tentatively indicates her chin.

I sneak a peek at my teammates, two of whom are looking back at me in appalled fascination, and the other whose bright blue eyes under his bandana are gleaming with not very well concealed laughter.

"Sam! It's ALL over his face...and up his nose. Where the hell are the handiwipes?"

I'll show him!

I swallow the chocolate bar deeper.

"O'Neill are you well? Your face is red."

"Hmphh," I reply intelligently."

"I would say violet actually, Teal'c. Jack I think you should take it out."

Fucking trying here. *Choke*

"Shit! Who knows the Heimlich manoeuvre?"

*Cough*

*Wheeze*

*Choke*

Two beefy arms wrap themselves around my middle and squeeze so hard that they almost cut me in half. My ribs are gonna be aching for weeks but suddenly blessed air fills my lungs. I lay prostrate and wheezing on the grass, Daniel's face hovers over mine and long warm fingers wipe my face with a cloth. He raises my head and offers me a cool drink.

"O'Neill, Majorcarter and I will patrol the perimeter. I think you should take lessons from Danieljackson before you again attempt to inhale chocolate."

All I manage is a weak wave in response.

"Never mind Jack, at least you achieved one good thing."

"I did?" Frankly I'm surprised, abject humilation is not a good thing in my book.

"Yep, you sure did." Daniel nods his head emphatically.

I just have to know. "What?" I ask, my tone only slightly suspicious.

"You've certainly put me off wanting sex with you in the forseeable future."

Finis

Author's Note: Thanks for reading:-)