Coming Of Age Or 21+21= A Right Pain In The Ass

by Pie

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asp/pie/comingof.php
Summary: Daniel will do anything to keep Jack fit and healthy. His method works only too well, Jack feels fit all right...to drop! A birthday fic for the lovely Sean. Thanks to Tomas.

How the hell does he do that?

I mean how in the hell does Daniel manage to look so untouched, so unused and so fucking pure despite the fact that not a couple of hours ago, he had his long legs draped over my shoulders and I was buried deep inside him?

Actually, I was hanging on for dear life - if you're not 6'2" and don't answer to Jack O'Neill, then sorry, you don't get to go on this ride.

It's the thrill of your life!

He urged me on with the filthiest of downright dirty talk that only a linguist with twenty seven languages at his disposal can yell. At least we'd made it to the bed by that bout; I swear you would not need to be Sherlock Holmes to follow the trail of discarded clothes and suspiciously wet puddles that led from my front door to the kitchen counter, to the couch, err...back to the counter and finally to the bed.

I once...err, dipped my wick (let me reassure you - it is a big long one) somewhere I shouldn't have - I've never been able to look at cake offered by strange gals since. And although most of me was returned to my true age, I feel sure my knees and hair still think they are on Argos and feel a hundred...on a very good day.

My body feels about forty-five, I have a mind resolutely stuck at twenty-nine and a dick that insists it's sixteen when about five feet from Dr. Daniel Jackson.

So this morning I have a very happy if throbbing cock, a pain in my ass, and a pain in the ass sitting across the briefing table looking like butter wouldn't melt, even if it was being spread on toast in Netu!

I'm slumped in my chair, making a limp rag look like the Great Wall of China in comparison, while Mr Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed over there looks like a poster boy for youthful vigour and vitality. I'd be rejected as a poster boy for Zimmer Frames.

I sneak a peek at Daniel again and my dick gives a treacherous twitch. Damn thing's insatiable.

Carter is still droning on. I know I should really be paying attention, but If I had a dime for every one of these 'What's what with Wormholes' I've attended, then I could afford to buy Daniel that Pyramid he's always wanted. I swear these newbies look younger every time we have an orientation, and from the way their eyes are glazing over I reckon they're getting one word in every ten that Carter is currently spouting on alien life and the exchange of information. I think exchange may be a tad optimistic, looking at this crop of wet behind the ears rookies.

Well, go figure, someone's just killed the lights; that can only mean it's time for the powerpoint presentation.

Yipp - eee!

I reckon I've got twenty minutes of quality snoozing time. I hope Daniel was not lying when he swore I don't snore. I comfortably stretch out my legs under the table and assume a strategic slouch that has me hoping my hard ass reputation has preceded me with these kids, else they'll be thinking I'm past it, when from under the table I feel something brushing against my leg.

I scowl in the dim light of the briefing room and move my leg pointedly out of the way, but whatever it is persists and strokes firmly up my calf. I open my mouth to annihilate whoever has dared lay...something upon their General's sacred person, when I catch the mischievous glint of sparkling blue eyes behind crystal clear glass.

No...it's just not possible. He can't still be horny. Can he?

I hope there's a precedent for a General spontaneously combusting the briefing room, because from the feel of the sock covered foot currently finding out that the knee bone is connected to the thigh bone and the thigh bone is connected to the boner, it's a distinct possibility. Welllllll, it would be if I had a bottle or six of Viagra handy.

We've done nothing but fuck for a month and any snap left in my snake is rigor mortis setting in.

Wait - let me start at the beginning.

I don't have to spell this out but it was all Daniel's stupid idea.

I should have known better than to have ever gotten mixed up with a scientist.

He burst in on me cosily ensconced in the den at home, practically quivering with enthusiasm, with The Look. Wide appealing eyes, slightly flushed cheeks, his mouth a little open and his lips glistening.

Fuck!

I've been trained in withstanding supreme mind control techniques, but that look does for me every time, and now the little shit has moved in, I have nowhere to run and the only place worth hiding is in the basement. That's where I keep the washing machine, so obviously he's not been down there in six months!

"Jack, I've just read this fascinating medical report about the benefits of ejaculation for men's long term health."

Now, believe me, you only have to live with Daniel for about a day to not react with surprise at any of his conversational openers. I try and fail to imagine any of my previous partners telling me stuff like this.

"I don't think I need a report to tell me that coming makes me feel damn good, Daniel," I drawled.

He flashed me that half irritated, half indulgent look that he seems to reserve just for me.

"No, long term. They..." he qualified vaguely, "...concluded from a study that people who came frequently had half the death rate of those who didn't." Daniel glanced at the journal in his hand. "Apparently, orgasms release something called DHEA into our bodies which helps to balance our immune systems, and maintains and repairs tissues. Specifically, with men it helps to keep the prostate healthy and we should keep that in mind - you're not getting any younger."

"Thanks a bunch!" I showed him my entirely pissed off expression, which I definitely reserve just for him...and maybe the occasional Russian.

"You know what I mean. I want to keep you in tiptop condition, so when I eventually trade you in for a younger model I'll get a good deal."

"Ha, ha. Does Billy Crystal know you're after his job?"

"No, but I'm serious. Medical experts are recommending that men achieve twenty-one ejaculations a month."

"Twenty-one?"

Daniel nodded seriously.

"A month?" I squeaked.

"Yep."

"Some bastard's been having my share," I pronounced mournfully, in an Oscar worthy bid for sympathy and comfort sex.

"Hey! You've been getting a lot more than me."

"You're younger, you can make up for lost time."

Daniel was all downcast, demure innocence. "Yes, but how long can I expect this level of...err, service? Unless...Have you any secret younger brothers? Or even better, where's Loki with his cloning machine when you need him?"

"Don't even go there. Can we stop with Jack being the butt of his lover's jokes now? It might aid performance later." I can whine with the best and it never hurts to throw out a lure.

"Okay," he just grinned irrepressibly at me.

"Why are you telling me about the twenty-one ejaculations anyway?"

"Oh yeah," Daniel looked supremely innocent and, at the same time, went for my jugular by doing the double whammy thing of fluttering his eyelashes - rapidly. "Can we try it?" He asked winningly.

"What?"

"Can we try and achieve twenty-one orgasms in a month?" Daniel explained patiently. "It would be a great experiment, and tomorrow's the first of the month, so we could start then."

I was a bit dubious and Daniel can transliterate me just as easily as one of his musty tomes.

"Jack, it will be easy. I reckon we're doing more than that anyway. Basically, one of us has to get off once every three days."

"Well that's definitely doable," I beamed back at him.

"So we have a go?" Daniel is also an expert wheedler. He learned from the best.

"We sure do."

XXXXX

By the end of the first week we were slightly ahead - in six days we'd both come twice. Not bad going when you consider that SG-1 had been on a couple of offworld missions, and we don't believe in fooling around on base...well Daniel doesn't - he's a real spoilsport when it comes to rules; he should be in the military or something.

Then on the morning of the seventh day, he turned up at my office looking very sheepish.

"What's up?"

"You know I'm an Egyptologist and not a mathematician, right?"

"Yessss?"

"I made a slight error in calculations with the whole orgasm thing."

"Nah, that can't be right. Twenty-one orgasms a month, roughly one every one and a half days."

"Yes, twenty-one ejaculations a month...each. I forgot to add one and one."

I was confused, Math was never my strong point either. "What?" I demanded quietly. Hopefully Daniel just thinks I'm a bit deaf rather than a lot stupid.

"It's twenty-one per man. Forty two for both of us!"

"WHAT?!"

"We have twenty-one days to have thirty-eight more orgasms."

"THIRTY-EIGHT!? Tell me you're fucking joking," I blustered. "It's not possible."

Daniel shook his head sorrowfully. "We can give it a miss. It was only an experiment." But something in the tone of his voice told me it mattered more than he was letting on, and knowing Daniel, all his concerns would be for me - when he loves, he loves with everything in him. I may be a jerk with an attitude problem, but even I know I'm the luckiest bastard on the planet.

"On the other hand..." I began slowly, carefully watching his expressive face.

"Yes?" Yep, no mistaking the eagerness in his voice.

"...We could still give it a try. We don't have to kill ourselves over it; if we don't make forty two orgasms, we've not lost anything..."

He was sniggering.

"...Yes, Daniel," I enunciated with crystal clarity, "I mean, apart from lots of bodily fluids. My point is: we'll still have lots of fun trying."

"You've always said you wanted to go out with a bang."

"A bang - not forty-two, or twenty-one, or whatever it is. Although..." I mused "...If I do go that way, I'll have the biggest, dirtiest shit eating grin on my face when I'm making daisy chains on my cloud."

Daniel was laughing fit to burst, a very rare sound in the mountain. I love that I can make him do that.

"Now that's an image." He quickly whipped off his glasses to wipe his streaming eyes.

"Okay, how can we have these thirty-eight orgasms?"

"It's easy really. We both need to come everyday for nineteen days!"

"E...e...easy?" I questioned in disbelief. "That leaves us just two free days!"

Daniel's eyes gleamed behind his lenses, "We don't need to abstain on those two days if you don't want, Jack. I know how you love to shoot for the record."

"I won't be shooting anything if it drops off."

His eyes were doing that distracting fluttering thing. "But, Jack, they can stitch anything back these days."

"Hey! If you want any kind of orgasm in the next month don't even go there."

XXXXX

That night, I had barely shut the front door when Daniel slammed me against it and managed to make it thirty-seven to go. I reciprocated by splaying him over the coffee table and slowly sucked him off. And it wasn't even 1730 hours. Later, after some food, we had some messy, sticky fun in the shower and chalked up a double second coming.

Eight down. Thirty Four to go. This was so easy.

Number nine was on the deck underneath a blanket of stars in a bright night sky. Do you know that Daniel's skin gleams like golden alabaster in the moonlight? I just laid back and admired him as he slowly sank on top of my rock hard cock. He just sat still for a long moment and then rode me like a bucking bronco. I came and came, erupting explosively and I saw even more stars. He had his long, elegant fingers wrapped around his own dick and was pumping furiously; so that took care of number ten as well.

The next day we had a bit of a setback. SG-1 went of an offworld mission and had to make an unscheduled overnight stay...That night I was lonely in our big bed, and no matter how I tried to prevent it, thoughts of Daniel invaded my mind. Before I knew it, my right hand was cradling my cock and squeezing. A few minutes later I came over my fist. Technically, I knew it should have counted and yet somehow, it felt like I had cheated, plus I did not relish telling Daniel.

I went to see him in his office just after the debriefing.

"Ummm, Daniel."

"Jack."

"I have to tell you something," I mumbled.

"Look, Jack, me too...about last night."

"I jerked off."

"I jerked off"

I looked at him. "Whaaa?"

"I jerked off last night," he repeated patiently. "In my tent."

"In bed," I informed him. "I... err... missed you," I informed his shoes.

"Me too," he smiled shyly.

"Well I guess that's numbers eleven and twelve sorted."

Daniel looked delighted. "Only thirty to go and we still have eighteen days left. It will be easy as pie."

Did he say math was not his strong point?

XXXXX

Number thirteen was definitely not unlucky for me. Naked and face down on the rug in front of the fire, with Daniel's talented tongue burrowing deep between my ass cheeks. Long, voluptuous, luxurious licks that had me howling and clawing at the carpet, and when his hot, wet, wriggling tongue plunged inside me I came with ballistic spurts of release.

By the end of the second week, we'd kept up pretty well with the schedule. Daniel had drawn this complicated chart thingy and put it on the notice board in the den, and he was filling it out diligently. I could see that we had to have another twenty two orgasms in fourteen days; it made me tired just to think about it. Bits of me were taking a little more time than usual to get...excited, and other parts of me that I didn't want to be stiff - were.

Number twenty-one was the magical half way point. Supposedly, the over the hump, through the wall and plain sailing all the rest of the way orgasm, and I wanted it to be all about Daniel. He loves foreplay and fortunately I'm a master at it; plus I love it when he goes postal with my ass and I know just which of his buttons to press.

Picture the scene: he was curled up on the couch opposite me, his nose buried in a huge volume of something that didn't even have any pictures, and I was waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

I cleared my throat. "Daniel?"

The noise obviously registered because that cute scrunched up brow thing appeared.

"Daniel!"

"Huh, Jack?"

"Whaddya'doin?"

He glared at me in disbelief.

"I'm practising my solo synchronised swimming routine." Daniel may be a guy but he can still achieve multiple sarcasm. "What the hell does it look like I'm doing?"

"You look bored." Daniel always springs to the defence of the things he loves and unfortunately for me, books are in this category.

"Bored?" His voice couldn't have been more scandalised as he reverently laid the book down.

As I lined up my next response, I put my ass on the line - literally. "Don't you think books are obsolete now? They are just a waste of natural resources."

Looking back, it's just possible I may have gone a little too far. All the colour drained from Daniel's face as he stared at me with inexpressible horror. He stood up and stalked over to my rather defenceless position.

"Where the fuck do you think the human race would be without books?" I knew better than to even try and answer him. "We'd still be in the dark ages - if we were lucky! Books always have been and always will be the primary source of knowledge. Wisdom comes not with age, but from knowledge," he quoted rapidly, "...and if I ever wanted proof of that remark, I'm looking at it right now. You really are an ASS, Jack!" With that he turned on his heel and stormed out of the house.

The next four days were free of ejaculations of any kind. Daniel wasn't even talking to me; I did try to point out helpfully that we could still have sex for the sake of the experiment, and I even promised not to enjoy it if it made him feel better, but that only resulted in me getting two cold shoulders instead of one.

By Thursday, the O'Neill charm had worked its usual magic and the frost thawed. I say charm, but it was actually me begging to be forgiven and promising to frequent the library with him. We celebrated the entente-cordiale by wiping four orgasms from our total.

XXXXX

We had nine days left to come eighteen times. I thought I was bearing up well, though I did feel more tired than usual. Daniel on the other hand, seemed completely energised (have I mentioned how much I hate him?) and I found myself letting him do more and more of the work. He would do everything in his power to make me orgasm and would cheer over the most pathetic dribble of come that issued forth.

He knows that for me, watching him come is one of the most erotic things I've ever experienced and he says that the feel of my eyes on his naked body as he masturbates turns him on like nothing else.

At the end of one gruelling day at the mountain, I arrived home absolutely bone weary. Even my competitive spirit was urging me to give up on the experiment and just sleep for a week! The house was in darkness, so I guessed Daniel had not made it back yet. I decided to have a nap.

As I entered our bedroom, the light snapped on.

"Hey, Jack," came a sultry, sexy voice. "I've been waiting for you."

Daniel was sat on one of the leather swivel chairs, dressed in nothing but an unbuttoned crisp, white tuxedo shirt with a black bow-tie dangling drunkenly around the collar. He looked fucking gorgeous and all thoughts of a nap or calling a halt to the project fled my mind.

He took me by the hand and led me to the chair. He stood before me and began to trail his hand over his body, touching himself for my pleasure. His gaze never faltered from mine as he cupped his burgeoning shaft and began to stroke himself with hedonistic self-indulgence, using just his thumb and forefinger. It was completely hot and Daniel's harsh pants were echoed by mine as I got hard - fast. He widened his stance slightly, gripped his flushed, erect cock with his fist and sped up his motions, jerking himself firmly. Daniel moaned and threw back his head. I was looking at living, breathing art - nothing in the world was more beautiful than Daniel Jackson at that moment.

"Jaaaack," he moaned.

"Come for me, babe," I replied huskily, watching avidly as the thick cream surged over his hand and dripped onto the floor.

In two steps I had him in my arms and was leading him over to the bed. And soon I was making my contribution to the grand total deep inside him.

From that moment, I felt renewed and definitely up to the challenge. The chart on the notice board was ticked off until, today, on the last day of the month we only need to have one more orgasm each to have made the precious forty two required. Nothing can stop us now. It's been tough going sometimes and a little pressurised, but yet so worth it; something achieved as a couple, something we can laugh about. No way are we ever doing it again, but still. I'm tired, but I know the something a little extra special Daniel has planned for tonight is getting me through the day.

I crack open one eye - we are about ten minutes from the end of the presentation. Nap time!

"General O'Neill."

"Huh?"

"Jack!"

I wake up with a start to find the lights on and everyone staring at yours truly. Doctor Warner is also now present, looking serious.

"General O'Neill, I believe a member of SG-5 is carrying some kind of alien contagion. Although I don't believe it will prove serious, I think a lockdown of the base is required until it can be identified."

"Shit!"

Every person in the room turns and gapes at Daniel; he never swears in polite company.

"Don't worry, Doctor Jackson; I assure you it's purely as a precaution. Twenty-four hours should do it."

I could tell Warner that Doctor Jackson is only worried about getting his rocks off, with the welfare of SGC personnel coming a distant second. I don't know if Warner know about us - I mean he's a clever man, the kind of guy who can add one and one and get forty two easily, but we trust him. The dismayed expression in Daniel's eyes is palpable, but as usual he puts his own wants on the back burner.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Daniel asks the doc, who shakes his head with a smile.

"I'm sorry," I mouth to him when no-one is looking and he answers with a fetching shrug of his shoulders.

I go to my office to do some General type stuff, like organise the lockdown and inform the President. Daniel glumly trails after me.

"So damn close," he bitches. He suddenly looks up hopefully. "I don't suppose we are willing to change the rules regarding on-base sex due to unforeseen circumstances, are we?"

"Wellll..." I ponder, but harden my heart. "No, we made those rules for a reason, Daniel."

"Yeah," he agrees mournfully. "So close."

"We can be justifiably proud with forty."

"I know; it just seems like we...failed." He flashes a trademark brave smile. "Never mind. Maybe next time, huh?"

"Yes," I agree firmly. "Next time."

XXXXX

Lockdown is always a good time to catch up with paperwork and all those niggly jobs that just get left aside during the course of normal operations, so all is quiet for a few hours and then I get a request to go and see Doctor Warner in the Infirmary.

Thinking that he is going to bring me up to date about the threat from the contagion, I'm surprised to see Daniel also waiting to see him.

"Daniel?"

"Beats me. Doctor Warner asked me to come."

"Yes, I did, and now I'm going to ask you to come again." Doctor Warner is good at the sneaking up thing.

"Excuse me?" replies Daniel.

"I've been updating medical records and I find that both of you have not provided a sperm sample for over two years; a shocking oversight that needs to be corrected immediately. You will find that med lab five has been set aside for your use and all materials that you may 'require' are fully stocked. Any questions? Good."

Questions? Any sound at all would be a miracle. Daniel and I are just gaping at each other as Warner disappears.

"Wow!" whispers Daniel.

"On base after all," I gloat happily at the win-win situation. Not exactly how I imagined forty-one and forty-two were gonna be, but hey, the means justify the end.

Daniel looks around to make sure we are completely alone, winks at me and murmurs throatily, "Do you wanna sneak in and do it together?"

"Damn straight!" I cheer enthusiastically. Belatedly, I remember the dignity I owe to the uniform. "I mean...if you like."

Hey! A General's responsibility is always to the men under him.

Finis

Author's Note: Thanks for reading:-)