Just Be There

by Riantiata

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asr/riantiata/bethere.php
Summary: Daniel angry/Jack angry. Hurt/comfort and the aftermath

Jack O'Neill strode down the SGC corridor to the infirmary, in a somber mood, having been reprimanded by his general for 'inappropriate use of equipment' – to whit – one cell phone, unbatteried. Furthermore, the general had hinted, things had been afoot and he, Jack, was to go and see his injured team-mates immediately. With no clue as to what had happened, apart from General Hammond's call to report to the mountain ASAP he had complied. Finding his 2IC, and Doctor Fraiser, in infirmary beds in the doctor's quarters had worried him and when Carter insisted that he should see Daniel who was hurt much worse than they were - "He will explain what happened – if you're lucky. He's madder than hell." he felt even more concern. What could have happened? They were all on stand-down, no missions scheduled for another week.

Approaching the infirmary door he passed a grim-looking Teal'c. The big alien did not give his customary inclination of head, and growling "I am displeased, O'Neill" went on his way.

Pushing through the door he confronted his 'madder than hell' archeologist. Dr Daniel Jackson was indeed furious about something. Sitting on a bed, swinging his heels, with the flaming burn of a ribbon device on his forehead, Daniel's – his best friend's – blue eyes were glacial.

"Oh come in, why don't you" the voice dripped sarcasm "So glad you condescended to appear. What kept you, fish biting well were they? Have a nice little holiday, Jack? Cares of the world – and all that. Did you enjoy switching off the phone – no distractions from the real world? Free as a bird – no worries." His voice sharpened, became louder "What the hell did you think you were doing? Where were you when I needed you? We're a first contact team, Jack, and – boy! did we make contact? Fraiser and Carter will tell you! You scratched a mission, O'Neill!"

"There wasn't supposed to be a mission" Jack growled, his temper rising.

"So what's new? You wanted a little time off from saving the world. Pity we can't stop the world while you do it. Fishing – in your lake with no fish."

"We were on leave. You went to a funeral."

"And met a Goa'uld." Daniel gestured to his forehead, "Lucky me."

"How did it...What did....?" Jack floundered

"If you'd answered the damned phone you would know" shouted Daniel.

Jack's anger broke

"I know nothing"

"Too right!"

"Daniel, if you don't tell me something – so help me – I'll walk – and you can shout at the walls for all the good it will do. Tell me, dammit!" Though his eyes were still stormy Daniel's temper cooled.

"At the funeral I met Sarah..." Jack nodded, he knew of Daniel's ex- girlfriend, a promising science student.

"...and Stephen Raynor" Daniel grimaced "My bete noir"

Jack knew of Stephen too, the two young doctors had worked with the dead man. Stephen had been jealous of Daniel's favoured position and undoubted brilliance.

"Dr. Jordan had received artefacts from Egypt – one, a jar, was broken and it turned out that a Goa'uld larva had been kept alive inside – it had escaped. Three murders were committed – Dr Jordan, the curator and the technician who dated the jar. Stephen took off with a key-like artefact and flew to Cairo. We wanted to capture the Goa'uld so Janet synthesised a narcotic from the jar's fluid, and we made darts."

His eyes closed at the memory of the frantic hours – with Jack and Teal'c incommunicado – the necessity of speed to catch the errant Dr. Raynor who was now, presumably, a system lord.

"We followed Stephen to the temple, to find him prostrate but alive. He apologised for the theft but knew nothing of the jar. Then Sarah appeared from the shadows..." he rubbed his forehead "...with the ribbon device. Stephen's key had opened the device's hiding place." Daniel lifted his eyes to Jack's

"That's when we needed you, Jack. Carter's good but she's not you. You would have threat assessed the moment Sarah – she's Osiris now – appeared. As it was – he knew the biggest threat was from Sam so he took her out first. She and I had the only weapons – he didn't know they were only dart guns. He took Janet out next, then decided to play with me. He knew I wouldn't hurt Sarah, would not try to kill her, so he forced me to drop the gun. He started burning me, asking for information about his queen, Isis, whose jar we still had."

His hands went to his face remembering the searing electric charge. "I must be getting used to those things, the times I've been burned. I managed to prise a dart out of my holster and lunged it into his thigh – just in time – I was almost gone. Thankfully the drug worked straight away, he stopped burning me and staggered back. I thought he would fall but he summoned some rings down from the ceiling. Sam recovered enough to shoot but the rings deflected the darts and - Osiris was gone."

He sighed, grimacing against the bitter defeat... "Hammond had laid on air transport so we dropped Stephen off at a hospital in Cairo and came on home."

His eyes flashed again at a resurgence of his anger. "Once more someone I loved has been taken by the Goa'uld. You could have saved her, Jack. I've been waiting here for two days for you to tell me why I have this blinding headache and a nausea you would not believe, why Sam is hurt and Janet is a patient in her own infirmary – waiting for the commanding officer, who should have been commanding but who was – fishing!" – he said it as an epithet "to tell me why we failed. Why, Jack?"

"Why me – Daniel, you're blaming me. Why?"

"Because none of this would have happened if you had been there, you weren't – and you wonder why I'm mad?"

Jack knew there was a lot more to this story, so he said quietly "No. Danny. I'm not surprised you're mad."

Daniel flared

"Don't call me Danny. It's Daniel to you – this is not a friendly fight!"

"I hope it's not a fight at all, Daniel. I didn't know the story, had no frame of reference other than that you'd been hurt. Last time we spoke you shouted at me and stalked off to your funeral. When you did phone you asked for Teal'c – just as if nothing had happened – that we hadn't parted the way we did."

Daniel looked puzzled at Jack's words - how had they parted? – he couldn't remember; then forgot as Dr. Warner came into the room.

"Ah. Colonel" he breezed "Glad to see you back. You are taking him out of here, aren't you? I have enough patients to care for without your ranting archaeologist cluttering up the place." He handed Jack a bag of medicines, "This cream for the head, keep it well saturated. The pills for the nausea. I won't prescribe sleeping tablets – he's fought sleep in his anger so he should pass out, if," he glared at Daniel "he's over his tantrum. I wish you joy of him."

Jack hid a smile. Unlike Janet, Dr. Warner was not a Daniel fan.

"I'm not going home with Jack" exclaimed Daniel, hotly.

"You are – if you want to see daylight. I'm not releasing you on an unsuspecting populace with your dubious temper. Colonel, keep him quiet – all the anger is not doing the head any good."

Daniel looked mutinous and Jack almost chuckled. Like old times – taking care of his wayward friend was becoming a way of life. Daniel angrily resisted the helping hand – wouldn't let Jack take his bag, and walked unsteadily out of the infirmary. In the hall he said fiercely

"This is not over, Jack." Jack turned to him so sharply that Daniel took a step back.

"You're damned right it's not over" he said, equally fierce "I have things to say to you, Daniel – that I have no intention of saying on base. Let's get out of here."

He strode off - leaving Daniel to follow, feeling weak and sick – and not a little puzzled – Jack had things to say to him?

In the car Daniel was quiet – head throbbing – weary eyes closed against the late afternoon sunshine.

"I saw Carter and Fraiser before I came to you" Jack said conversationally "They're a bit bruised for being thrown against the wall – but neither were burned as you were."

Daniel nodded, relieved. He hadn't been to see the others, once Dr. Warner had pronounced them only lightly hurt. He still blamed himself for requesting their help and getting them injured – but the real blame rested with the man currently driving them home. Jack let them into the house

"Beer? Coffee?" he asked, leading the way into the kitchen, and reaching into the refrigerator for a beer.

"No, just a cold drink"

Daniel sat down wearily not knowing what to do – the anger at Jack still simmering. Jack handed him a glass and he took two of his pills, hoping that the headache would go away sufficiently to let him think straight. He'd been running on anger for so long.

"Ok, Daniel – let's go into the living room and get comfortable." A moment later Jack realised he had said the wrong thing as Daniel's temper flared again

"I don't want to be comfortable. I want answers to questions. I want to know..."

"I know what you want to know" Jack pulled him into the room and pushed him onto the couch, sat beside him and took a gulp of his beer.

"Jack, I can't stay here."

"You'll have to – it's me or the mountain. You're not fit."

"And whose fault is it that I'm not?"

"Obviously you think it's mine."

"Of course I do. If you'd had the decency to keep the phone open ... Hammond specifically gave it to Teal'c to do that very thing."

"You didn't want to talk to me."

"I needed to confirm my suspicion with Teal'c then I was going to ask you to come back and help. But you threw the damned phone in the lake."

"No I didn't. I took the battery out and threw it over my shoulder on the grass. We picked it up later. Look, what are you really getting at?"

Daniel shook his head, winced and wished he hadn't.

"Daniel, there are other team leaders, all capable men – and right there at the mountain, not hundreds of miles away."

Daniel sighed

"They are not you. You're the best" grudgingly.

"Kind words" smiling.

"Not feeling kind. Sam failed because we were expecting Stephen to be the system lord. When it wasn't him we didn't know what to expect – but for it to be Sarah! Sam saw a woman and failed to comprehend that a Goa'uld can transmute to either gender. I said you're the best – you would have assessed instantly and we would have caught Osiris, and saved Sarah – with that device the Tollans have we could have freed her at least..."

Too late for Sha're, he seemed to say.

"So what was this suspicion you had, that needed Teal'c?"

"We had what we reckoned was Isis's jar. I knew, from the old texts, that Seth had caught them both, locked them in a magic box and thrown them into the Nile. The words on the jar Teal'c identified as 'banished to oblivion' told me we had the right jar. Then when the missing jar, Osiris's, was found broken and no larva was present we knew we were in trouble. That's when I tried to get you."

He looked up, and found Jack gazing at him intently, despite Jack's moderate manner Daniel was aware of a tension in his friend that he didn't understand. Surely, he had the right to be angry; he was the one that had been left hanging. "You abandoned me" he cried, a little dramatically.

Once again, as he had in the corridor, Jack bit back what he had been going to say. He recognised, now, some of Daniel's problem. He was seeing abandonment again - it was a recurring theme in his friend's life – and the need for him, Jack, to be there. Daniel's being abandoned, to the orphanage system, by his grandfather after the death of his parents, had been a pivotal moment leading to an isolation that he had struggled to overcome. Any loss of communication, especially with Jack, had him reaching for reassurance. He needed to know he was not alone; and the situation was now understandable, that he had felt he needed Jack's support for a sortie into Egypt. However, Jack had his own score to settle; he got up and moved to the window looking out at the evening shadows.

"I didn't abandon you; I just didn't feel particularly sociable at the time – in view of what had gone before." Jack gave a sudden glare that startled Daniel

"What...what do you mean?" confused.

"Do you remember the last things you said to me – in the car park?"

"Um...not all of it" Daniel stuttered

"No? and you with total recall? Well, let's see if I can remember for you..."

Jack's voice took on a bitter tone, which worried Daniel

"Wait, Jack. I know you wanted to come to the funeral because people from the academic world would be there."

"Yeah, the bastards that threw you on the scrap heap after you disagreed with accepted findings – and you were right, dammit, as we prove each time we go through the gate. But you didn't want my support."

What was this? Daniel could see Jack's mouth in a hard line – a sure sign of emotional stress.

"Jack" placatory "you always think I'm going to get hurt. This mother hen complex of yours – you make me mad when you assume I can't take care of myself."

"Mad enough to say what you did?" Oh god, thought Daniel, it must have been bad

"What did I say?" He looked so concerned that Jack almost didn't repeat the damning words, but no – he had to hear them

"I'll quote 'I don't want you hanging around me like a dog ready to bark at anyone who approaches. I'll have enough to deal with just being there with colleagues who despise me. I can deal with them. Dr Jordan was a brilliant scientist who was admired and respected and I don't want you mouthing off at them in their sorrow. You can be a pain in the ass, Jack. Keep your insensitive trap out of my funeral!'"

Jack paused, turning to face Daniel, his hurt showing

"Funerals, Danny" he went on, softly "I know about funerals. Every time we lose someone, it's a reminder..."

Daniel was aghast, had he really said that? Jack's face was a picture of misery, the look Daniel knew so well when his friend thought of his dead son. God! What had he done?

"It hurt, Danny," Jack shielded his eyes with his hand, but Daniel could hear the break in his voice

"It hurt a lot, that you could think I ...you sure scored there. Then, I got angry – you know how I react to my feelings – I was still angry when you phoned – and when you asked for Teal'c as if nothing had ever happened – well, I... flipped".

Daniel sat there stunned. He could find no words for what he was feeling. He had hurt, in a terrible manner, the only friend who mattered to him, and his vast stock of words yielded nothing to express his sorrow. He felt he needed expiation but words were not the answer having been the cause – so – as Jack would do in a like situation - he resorted to actions. Moving swiftly towards Jack he threw his arms about his friend in a classic Jack-style hug; enclosing the grieving shoulders.

Jack's reaction was to stand very still, hardly daring to breathe. This was unprecedented. Daniel never touched people, a rare hand on the arm was a sign of special favour. Jack's hugs were all-encompassing and he recognised the symbolism of Daniel's gesture. A certain peace washed through him as he heard Daniel's contrite

"I'm sorry" whispered in his ear. Jack smiled, Daniel felt it

"What?" he asked.

"My ear is getting wet".

"Oh!" Daniel hadn't been aware of his tears.

"Sorry" he said, but didn't move away. Then "How could I do that to you?"

Jack smiled again

"You were at the top of your...'I've lived for thirty-five years and managed quite well on my own – with no help from anyone'...form".

"I believe you – I just don't remember" Daniel's breath was feathering Jack's hair. A frisson ran through Jack as he gently put his arms loosely around Daniel, who carried on speaking

"Please believe I didn't mean it – only in the heat of the moment."

"Ah, Danny. We know which buttons to press when we want to get at each other. That's the trouble with knowing someone so well."

"Yes, but" Daniel whispered "not that button – that was cruel – I certainly didn't mean to be that; and I shouldn't have shouted at you in the infirmary."

"Apologising for everything now, are you?"

Jack was quietly laughing, all tension gone.

"Well – blaming you for me getting hurt by Osiris – because the reason I got hurt was because I had alienated you in the first place and that was because you always try to protect me from myself..."

"Someone has to do it ...don't ever change, Danny."

"What?"

"I love to hear my linguist falling over himself to justify what he is saying – all those becauses..."

Daniel's face swivelled round, indignantly, to look at Jack's grin.

"Your linguist?" Jack nodded

"Very much mine" and gave a small hug to the body in his arms, then, amazed at his own daring, he softly kissed the mouth so close to his own. To his surprise as he pulled away, the mouth followed his and Daniel leaned closer to retain the contact. Jack broke first.

"You kissed me."

"You kissed me first."

"I didn't expect you to kiss me back.

"It's only polite to return the compliment."

"Was it?"

"What?"

"For crying out loud, Daniel. Have you got a linguistic anomaly? That's the third time you've said... 'What?'...I was asking if you considered it a compliment."

"Oh! Jack where are we going with this?"

"I don't know."

"Well, neither do I"

"Perhaps we had better stop"

"Yes, if you like."

"Daniel, you do not say 'if you like' – it's not polite – and I don't like. Just when we get to the heavy breathing part, he wants to stop."

"No – I don't. That was you."

"Ah, well. I don't either. Go with the flow, Joe."

"Very succinct."

"Oh – snarky!"

"Snarky?"

"Yes."

"Jack, stop kissing me this minute and I'll show you snarky."

"Ok!"

"Where've you gone – who told you to stop?"

"You did – something about showing me snarky."

"Oh. Idle threat. Don't stop."

"Come back then; perhaps sit down or get horizontal?"

"I think I'm safer where we are."

"Looking at me like that, you're not safe anywhere, Danny."

"Not looking.

"Anyway – my knees..."

"Ok. Just the couch, then."

"If you think you can't get horizontal on a couch, you've got a lot to learn."

"Like learning, Jack."

"I've noticed. Do you always embrace a new subject with such enthusiasm?"

"I like research." "Oh, me too Danny. I'm enjoying this."

"You're enjoying your snarky archaeologist?"

"Yeah...and my anthropologist, and my linguist – all three of him. Aren't you?"

"No."

"No?"

"No. I'm enjoying my turned on colonel."

"Only one of me."

"Thank God – one's enough."

"Hey!"

"Just joking. Seriously, Jack, I am sorry for what happened. I should never have taken it out on you. We were both to blame – it was just that I was..."

"Annoyed? Angry?"

"Disappointed. I expected you to come charging to the rescue."

"Mother hen?"

"Exactly. It irks, sometimes, when you ... hover...but I depend on it. I depend on you to be there for me."

"Daniel – I will always be there for you."

"Except when you're not."

"Yeah – well from now on I will be. You get into too much trouble without me."

"I can get into even more with you."

"Mmmn – stop talking – distracting me."

"Jack, -- are you sure about this?"

"Yes, Daniel – I'm sure"

"Aren't we making things difficult for ourselves?"

"Do you ever stop thinking? Yes, maybe we are. What's the alternative? Go back as we were?"

"No, Jack I wouldn't want that. Not now. Just dithering."

"No self-respecting linguist knows the meaning of a word like dithering"

"Deliciously dithering, or are we dallying. Feeling a little light- headed."

"It's caused by not getting enough air, Daniel."

"Whose fault?"

"You're complaining?"

"No... Jack, you are sure you're sure?"

"Danny, for the last time, yes. For a genius you are a clueless wonder – and I say that fondly – what part of – 'I'm sure' – did you not understand?"

"Fondly?"

"Trust me. Fondly!"

"Ok...by the way......yes."

"Yes.....what?"

"I did consider it a compliment."

"Oh – I've got many more of them, Danny love."