Transcendence

by Riantiata

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asr/riantiata/transcendence.php
Summary: The team comes to terms with their loss, and looks to the future
Info:

Notes: A great fic 'Like Touch, Like Love' prompted this sequel, and some of it won't make sense unless you read that first. The Grrrl and Kylie Lee were responsible and I dedicate this to them. My wonderful betas Brynn, Katara and Noel need to be acknowledged and bowed down before.

Part 1

The gateroom rang with an angry silence. Those there were stunned into stillness as the stretcher was guided down, away from the Stargate, on its way to the infirmary.

Major Janet Frasier had come home.

Hammond stood at the bottom of the ramp. As the stretcher went by, he slowly raised his hand in salute. Everyone, military and civilian alike, mirrored his action.

A moment later, two medics came through the vortex supporting a blood soaked Daniel Jackson. His face was grey with pain, his eyes wide with shock. He was escorted to General Hammond who looked at the blood stains, then at the medics. One shook his head. Hammond was relieved - it wasn't Daniel's blood.

He rested a hand on the young man's shoulder and murmured, "Straight to the infirmary."

He may not be physically wounded he thought, but the psyche will need treating.

Daniel flinched at the name of Janet's special domain - the one she would never grace again.

The medics nodded and started toward the infirmary as Teal'c appeared through the Stargate. He descended the ramp and stood beside Hammond as they watched Daniel being led away. As the group approached the infirmary door, Jack came out with his chest padded and his left arm in a sling. He stopped at the sight of his lover, took in the bloody BDU's, and met Daniel's eyes worriedly.

If Daniel was walking to the infirmary, then he wasn't wounded - there was only one other person's blood it could be. The despairing face told him whose. Daniel gave him a small, painful rictus of a smile as he was taken into the infirmary. Jack wondered whether to follow, needing to comfort the other man, but - knowing there were many wounded being attended to - decided against it. Daniel would not be in there long unless Dr. Warner decided to sedate him.

Jack thought he ought to see to the rest of his team. Teal'c, he knew, would be grieving despite his stoic pose. There had been a bond of respect and friendship between the little doctor and the Jaffa, especially following the removal of his symbiote. He guessed Teal'c would go straight to his quarters to kel-no-reem.

He wandered into Carter's lab expecting to find her there, in mourning. She and Janet had been very close, sharing the care of the orphaned Cassie - Jack came to a standstill as he thought of the effect on Cassie, now doubly orphaned.

Carter was sitting on a lab stool, her face in her hands, sobbing. She stood up automatically as her CO approached, looking at him with red rimmed eyes.

"Sorry, sir." She muttered as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Sorry? What for? God, Carter. You're entitled to be upset. You've just lost a good friend."

"You, too! We all have. I'm so miserable, yet I can hardly believe it. I feel like I'm breaking apart. Please." She lifted a woebegone face, wondering if she dare ask for comfort. "Please, sir. Jack. Hold me, Jack."

Jack hesitated, then put an awkward arm round her and held his injured one away as she pushed herself into his chest. He glanced at the open door and shifted uneasily, "This is probably not a good idea, Carter."

"Can't you call me Sam?"

"Um...I can't stay here. I need to get to Daniel."

"Why?"

"He's hurting."

She looked at him, perplexed. Couldn't he see her anguish? She felt a spurt of anger; she and Janet had been so close, almost like sisters. Did he think she wasn't hurting? But her desolation was such that the anger died. She merely lifted her head from his chest to say, "So am I."

"No, Carter, not in quite the same way," he said gently. Of course she was hurting, they all were. Their Janet, SG1's own private medical genius, gone in a flash. He shook his head and said quietly, "You didn't see her die. You heard about it afterwards, as I did. But Daniel. God! Daniel was there. She died in his arms. Can you imagine what that did to him? You know him, Carter; he'll be blaming himself. He's covered in her blood and he's hurting. I've gotta go." He made to pull away.

"Please don't go, sir. Jack. I need you. I." she swallowed, the words burning in her throat. "I love you."

He paused. "And I love you."

"You do?"

"Of course. You know it - I care for of all my kids. You, Daniel, Teal'c. Way more than I should."

"You said that before."

"Yeah, and I meant it. You are my family."

"So you don't mean...just me?"

"No. Carter. I'm sorry if it seemed like that. I know after the zatarc thing you thought..."

"I hoped."

"I tried to explain what I meant. But, you know me and words - I don't easily talk about feelings."

"You're managing now."

"It's the situation. With Janet gone...God! I still can't believe it!...all our emotions are closer to the surface."

"So you don't." She was shivering and, for a moment, his anxiety about Daniel made him clutch her as he would his lover. Then he let go and gently pushed her away.

"No. Carter. Not that way. You are all I could ask for in a colleague, a team mate. You're one hell of a 2IC. But no, not the way. I..." He faltered.

Why was she pushing this? His emotions were so raw and the need to get to Daniel was becoming urgent.

"Can't I hope?" She tried to get back into his arm, but he held the injured one in front of him like a shield.

"No!"

Dammit, Carter. Leave it alone. There's nothing there for you.

"There's someone else?"

Can't she stop with the questions? I don't need this now.

"Yes."

"I see," she'd straightened up and he could see the calculating look in her eyes. "Is it Sara? Are you going back to her?"

"No."

I knew I had a reason to hate scientists. Apart from one. They latch on to an idea and never let go

"Who else is there?"

"Um."

"I think I have a right to know." She gave him an indignant look.

"What gives you the right?"

"Because I love you, and I'm being rejected."

"Carter, it's not rejection. There was nothing there in the first place. I don't think it entitles you to know who I.."

Her shoulders slumped; a look of defeat crossed her face.

"Sorry, Sir. I shouldn't have asked."

She turned away. Though Pete was very loving, she had still hoped that she and Jack could admit to being in love. Obviously, he was not, at least not with her, and being 'a hell of a 2IC' was not quite the relationship she wanted.

Jack stood still as a thought struck him. Daniel was his and the world could go to hell if it didn't like it. That is what he'd like to do, defy the world. But the consequences for both of them would be devastating. So it had to be secret. So he couldn't tell her that, especially after her confession. But he didn't like lying to her. He trusted her.

She turned back, obviously having been thinking furiously. "Is it Stella?"

"Stella?" Jack was confused.

"Stella Martin. The nurse who hangs around when Janet...when you're having an internal exam."

"Why should you think...?"

"Just trying to guess. There are not many people it can be."

"Leave it, Carter."

Her head gave an impatient shake. "Little Penny in the commissary? She always brings you pie, even if it's not on the menu."

"Carter."

She went on regardless, warming to her task. "Let's see. Lilian who files the reports, she's another admirer. Or maybe it's one of the men." She snorted, not believing that for one moment, but caught up in her game of 'guess the colonel.'

Jack swallowed. What the hell was she doing? All he wanted to do was get out of here and help Daniel.

"Well, now. There's Graham - a nice looking boy."

"Graham's got the hots for you, Carter."

She went red.

Jack was shaking his head, almost amused at her persistence.

"There's Teal'c, of course. But I think he'd be a bit too macho for you."

Jack smiled, as he shook his head, and didn't even try to imagine the mighty Teal'c, despite his campy line in headgear.

"You'd prefer sensitive and sweet like Daniel."

He hesitated just a little too long before shaking his head again.

She paused in wonderment, could she have found the answer? "Oh. My God!" she said softly, "It is Daniel." There was no query in her voice, she was sure. Suddenly, all the ways in which her CO and the archeologist reacted to each other, two such disparate men, made sense.

Jack gave a small, sad smile. "I knew you were good."

She ignored his remark and glared at him irately. "And you didn't think to tell us, Teal'c and me? Of something that could affect the team. How long?"

"Two years. And I don't think we've affected the team."

Two years, she thought. Long before the zatarc fiasco. She had seen only their connection, their deep friendship. Had she been clueless, self-deluded; thinking inappropriate thoughts about her CO while they were...? No. They had been the same two men she'd always known. Snarky, bickering, scoring one over each other, playful.

"No, you haven't," she admitted. "But how can you turn like that? You were married...how can you choose...?" She wanted to ask how he could he want a man and not her. "Why Daniel?"

"Don't ask."

"I know - don't tell."

"Actually I haven't told, you guessed. But I meant I don't know why. It just happened."

"But you're not gay." She couldn't understand and it was making her angry.

"No, I'm not gay and neither is he. Well, except for each other. Exclusive, if that makes sense. The rumors were right."

She looked surprised. "You know about those?"

"Carter, very little goes on at the mountain that I don't know about. Ironic isn't it? All those speculations about Daniel and me being together - and it's true."

He could see her processing the information, but it didn't seem to do much for her anger.

She pulled away from and crossed her arms. "How can you have a relationship with Daniel? The regs are pretty clear on the consequences. Is he...?" Her anger suddenly died as she thought of an explanation. "Is he just a fuck-buddy?"

That would make sense. She knew this happened, in stressful situations, between soldiers. When there was a need to relieve the tension. If that was the case, she realized, all she needed to do was convince Jack that she was available for any tension relief. I can beat Daniel in this.

She's really reaching, thought Jack. She's hoping that if Daniel is a little light relief then she's still in with a chance.

He shook his head. "No Carter. Fuck-buddies don't last two years. We are talking 'love' here. Like permanence."

He realized he hadn't actually said this to Daniel, yet he felt Daniel knew.

She looked at him, the momentary feeling of triumph fading as she saw the truth in his eyes. "So," she said. Could she accept this reality? "That's it."

Jack looked embarrassed, "Um...I'm trusting you with this. Carter, can I?"

"Of course." She was angry again, as well as disappointed that her clever diagnosis failed. "I'm loyal to the team. But what would you do if I said I would go straight to the General?" Pissed off though she was, she knew she would never do such a thing, but she waited for his reply.

He straightened up, his face severe as if holding in his emotions.

"Resign." He announced baldly. "So would Daniel. This is too important to mess up."

It was then she realized what a complex man her CO was. The easy, relaxed , almost childish persona that he presented to the world hid a passionate man. It was a revelation to her; she just wished that passion was for her.

She thought about that. Jack was ready to resign, risk his career, for Daniel. She doubted he would have done the same for her. Why Daniel? She still couldn't get her head around it and her feelings grew strong at the thought of Daniel having what she wanted. Then she thought of all Daniel had gone through. Though she couldn't really deal with it right now, she realized she was glad for him.

"I'm no sneak, sir. I wouldn't even know if the situation hadn't made us all a bit emotional."

"You won't.make it hard for Daniel?" Jack tentatively asked.

Her look was glacial, making him feel ashamed. He did not know that she also felt ashamed at the emotions of near hatred that had flooded her, just for a moment.

"Daniel is my little brother. If you had to fall for someone," she smiled her sad smile, "I'm glad it was him. He deserves some happiness. Especially now that this has happened."

Jack rubbed his face with his good hand. "God! I'm gonna miss her. What I wouldn't give to hear her little heels clipping towards me and her holding a big honkin' needle."

"Holy Hannah! She was your doctor - did she know?"

"Yes - she knew."

"She never told me."

"She wouldn't. Fierce little Napoleon - loyal to the last. No-one's business but ours, she said."

"What am I to do? I've lost a good friend, and now you."

"Pete is there for you."

She nodded miserably

"...and you have a duty."

"Duty?"

"To Cassie. You are all she's got now."

"Cassie. Oh, God! I forgot about her. How could I do that? I've been so wrapped up in my own misery - but she's all alone. She will need me."

"And Daniel will need me."

Part 2

They left the lab together. Sam turned in the direction of Hammond's office, to ask permission to go home to Cassie.

Jack knew Daniel would head for SG1's locker room as soon as he was released. Glancing at his watch, he realized that only twenty minutes had passed since he had walked into Sam's lab - yet it had seemed like hours. He hoped Daniel would be in their room.

Sure enough Daniel was under the shower. He had removed his jacket and tee, but left his pants and boots on. His head was bowed under the pounding water. His eyes were tightly shut...but he could hear and see...bright flashes as staff weapons exploded nearby.voices calling him 'let us take her, doctor.'...Teal'c's bulk shrouding Daniel's sight as they took Janet away...then Teal'c holding him tight while he trembled with shock; still in the position on his knees, where he had cradled Janet's body in his arms.

Jack realized Daniel was reliving the nightmare. He could hear little noises and stuttered words, as Daniel's fingernails scrubbed at his bare chest, leaving bloody welts on the skin.

"Daniel," he called softly and stepped into the shower, gasping as he realized Daniel had only turned on the cold water. He dragged Daniel's hands away and pulled him to his own chest, awkwardly trapping his injured arm between them. The pain in his chest was bad but not as bad as the pain in his heart.

Daniel looked at him wildly. "I can't get rid of the blood," he whispered.

"It's ok, Danny. This is your blood, not hers. Stop hurting yourself."

Jack stepped back, shutting off the shower, and reached for a towel. Throwing it around Daniel's shoulders, he pulled him out of the cubicle and sat him on a nearby bench.

There was no way he was going to be able to deal with Daniel with one arm; so he fumbled for his cell phone and called Teal'c, hoping he would be forgiven for disturbing his kel-no-reem.

Teal'c answered immediately.

"Teal'c, I need you. I've got Daniel in the locker room."

"I am there, O'Neill." The phone cut out. Jack knew Teal'c would hurry.

He wiped the bloodstains off Daniel's chest, contemplated holding Daniel in his arm again but, as they were both soaking wet and shivering, he didn't think it would do any good.

Teal'c came in, assessed the situation and immediately took over Daniel. As Jack clumsily shed his wet uniform and boots and dried himself, he could see Teal'c doing the same to Daniel. He opened their lockers and took out the civilian clothes they kept there. He fumbled his way into his own, and slid his cold feet into his moccasins.

Teal'c was examining the marks on Daniel's chest.

"Should these not be treated?" he inquired.

"They're clean, T. Daniel did that to himself. I just want to get him home and into bed. If he stays here, he will only be reminded."

Daniel had closed his eyes again, and little moans were coming from him.

Teal'c nodded. "You cannot drive, O'Neill. I will come."

"I think you'd better come, and be prepared to stay. We won't be going anywhere for a while."

Teal'c dressed Daniel quickly and efficiently and said, "If you can get him to the elevator, I will join you on the transport level."

Jack nodded and Teal'c went off to his quarters to pack.

Jack called General Hammond and explained the situation, asking permission to take Teal'c off the base. Then he sat beside Daniel, who looked at him mournfully. "Did the doc give you any pills?" he asked him gently.

Daniel nodded and gestured towards his soggy BDU's.

Jack flipped them over and tried the pockets, finally finding a bottle of pills. Fortunately the bottle was plastic and hadn't been harmed by the water. He helped Daniel to his feet, leaned him against the wall, and threw both pairs of boots and uniforms into the laundry basket.

Jack led Daniel out to the elevator. They rode in silence to the transport level where they signed out at the desk and climbed into Jack's Avalanche to await the arrival of Teal'c. Jack desperately wanted to take Daniel into his arms, but there were SF's on this level. Daniel was still shivering, so Jack wrapped him in the blanket from the back seat. He had put Daniel beside him in the front, so that when Teal'c got in Daniel would be sandwiched between two warm bodies.

He looked at the pills he'd found. They were sedatives, he was pleased to note. Just what Daniel needed.

Teal arrived and slid into the driver's seat, squashing Daniel against Jack.

They made it to Jack's house in a little over twenty minutes; with Teal'c driving, it was a wonder it wasn't faster. He did like to drive fast but, perhaps with Daniel as a passenger, he had curtailed his exuberance.

They entered the house where Daniel, realizing he was home, seemed to wake up. He threw off the blanket and held his arms out to Jack.

There was no way Jack was going to ignore that plea, so he released his arm from the sling, took Daniel into his arms and slid them both down onto the couch.

Teal'c loomed over them. "I will make coffee for you both." he said.

"Um, Teal'c...I need to explain."

Teal'c lifted one corner of his mouth which, in him, constituted a smile. "There is no need, O'Neill. I have been aware of your relationship for some time." With that, he turned and went into the kitchen.

"Did you hear that, Danny?" Jack whispered. "Teal'c knows about us and doesn't mind."

Daniel stirred in Jack's arms and murmured, "Good. I hate lying to my friends. Now there is only Sam. It's going to be a bit awkward."

"Already done. She was surprised, but she's ok with it."

He hoped. He didn't want to add to Daniel's worries by having him concerned about Carter's feelings. It could be that she would still be resentful, and probably feel foolish after her confession, but he wouldn't burden Daniel with this. He could spare him that much. He would see how things played out.

Daniel nodded, relieved, and then patted the padding on Jack's chest. "What's this?" he asked.

"I got hit by a staff weapon."

"What!" Daniel sat up, anxious.

"It's okay, Daniel. The Kevlar vest saved me. I just have a bit of bad bruising. That's what the pad is for; it's impregnated with something to bring out the bruise."

Daniel rubbed his cheek against Jack's and settled back in his arms again. "I'm glad it saved you. I wish it had saved Janet."

"So do I, love."

"So what's with the sling?"

"The burn caught the upper arm where it wasn't covered by the vest. It's not too bad. Warner just said not to use it too much."

Daniel moved and tucked Jack's arm back in its sling.

Teal'c came in with mugs of coffee.

Jack pointed to the bottle on the table. "Pour a little whisky in mine please, T."

"What about me?" Daniel pleaded. To show he was kidding, he gave a small smile but his sad eyes belied it.

"You're having Dr. Warner's pills and bed. No alcohol with sedatives." He thought warm milk would be better than coffee, thinking that stimulants and sedatives don't mix; but there was no way he would refuse Daniel his universal panacea.

He gave him two pills to take with his coffee.

"Ok."

They sipped their coffee; Teal'c had his inevitable glass of orange juice. They were all too tired to talk, and didn't want to anyway. Such a traumatic day!

"Anyone want to eat?" Jack's question was answered by two shaken heads. He hadn't thought they would. Even the bottomless pit that was the Jaffa's appetite could not find the heart to eat.

Jack looked down at Daniel who was falling asleep in his arms.

"Teal'c," he said quietly, "I'm taking Daniel to bed. Make yourself something to eat when you get hungry. You know where everything is. TV is yours. The spare room too, if you want it. Danny's with me."

He looked up at his friend wondering how Teal'c viewed his relationship with Daniel. Despite what he had told Daniel, he didn't know if Teal'c was really 'Ok' with it.

Teal'c's face showed nothing but concern.

Jack heaved a sigh of relief. "Help me with him, will you?"

His arm and chest were throbbing and sore - he knew he would never be able to support the half-asleep Daniel sufficiently to get them up to the bedroom.

Teal'c scooped Daniel up off the couch and set him on his feet, then led him to the stairs. Stumbling a little, Daniel looked back at Jack beseechingly.

"I'm coming, Danny." Jack heaved himself up and lunged painfully up the stairs, following the slow progress of the others. Teal'c opened Jack's bedroom door, ushered Daniel inside and sat him on the bed.

Jack said "Thanks. I can take it from here." He was not sure he could manage, but he was determined to try. "Would you open the window a little, please. Kinda stuffy in here."

"Do you need supplies, O'Neill?" asked Teal'c as he complied, speaking quietly. Daniel was more asleep than awake, swaying slightly where he sat.

"No." Jack's voice was equally quiet. "I knew we weren't due offworld for a few days, so I stocked up. Help yourself to anything."

Teal'c inclined his head and with a last concerned glance at Daniel, left the room, closing the door gently.

It was a slow process for Jack to strip them both. His adrenaline had run out and he was limp with fatigue and pain. Finally, he took Daniel into his arms, pulled them both down and covered them with the comforter.

Jack's muscles lost their tension at last and, as he relaxed, he could feel just how much he hurt. 'I'll never be able to sleep' was the last thought in his head as he slid into slumber.

In the night, Daniel squirmed out of his arms and moved to climb out of bed. Jack awoke and put a hand on his lover's arm.

"Pee," said Daniel, succinctly. He moved slowly out to the bathroom, still under the influence of the medication. On returning, he snuggled back into Jack's warm body and fell instantly asleep.

=====

Jack struggled awake as morning sounds came through the open window. His usual method of waking bright and alert had failed. He felt old and tired, with a dragging feeling that told him that his weariness was more than bone deep. Gettin' too old for this crap he told himself.

He turned his head to look at his partner's face on the pillow beside him. Rivulets of tears had run down pooling on the pillowcase. As he watched more tears squeezed from under the closed lids. "Shit," he said softly. Daniel was even crying in his sleep.

It was going to be a bad day, he knew. No way was Daniel going to get over this trauma easily. Though he'd become more of a soldier than a scientist, he was still the guy whose emotions embraced the whole universe - except for the Goa'uld.

He was not used to losing people - Jack's memory backed up on that. Of course he was used to it, hadn't he said more than once, "Everyone leaves me." Jack had tried to reassure him that he would never leave him, but the haunted look always came back.

This time, though, the loss was up close and personal; Janet had died in Daniel's arms. The close friend, one who had pulled him through so many injuries and had gone to bat against medical opinion for him - this time it will really hurt.

Jack could only hope that the sedatives Dr Warner had given Daniel would keep him calm enough to deal with the memories.

Daniel's eyes opened and the morning smile which always greeted his lover began to form. Then Jack saw the memory surface, and pain replaced the smile. "It wasn't a dream?" Daniel whispered.

Jack shook his head, unable to speak as the pain of Janet's passing lanced through him. He pulled Daniel to him, hiding his face in his partner's soft hair. They lay there silently, though Jack could hear and feel Daniel's quiet sobs.

Jack looked at the time. 8am, far later than usual. So he had slept for some few hours, for all the good it had done. He was just thinking of getting up and making coffee, sure that Daniel would appreciate some - when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in, Teal'c," he called. Daniel looked anxiously up but Jack patted his head down again. Teal'c came in with a tray and set it on the nightstand. Jack sat up and peered at it.

"Coffee and toast - oh! Good man, Teal'c."

Teal'c made no comment just bowed and left silently.

"Just like a high-class servant," Jack murmured.

A small explosion of nervous laughter beside him indicated that Daniel shared his thoughts, "He should have bowed out backwards." Daniel spoke softly, his throat dry from the weeping he'd done. He sat up and reached for the coffee, burning his lips but grateful for the familiarity of an everyday action.

He leaned over Jack, put his half-full mug back on the nightstand and got a kiss for his nearness. He snagged a piece of toast and tried to eat it without getting crumbs in the bed. He was wholly concentrated on this task when he noticed Jack looking at him. "What?" he asked his mouth full of toast.

"You okay?" Jack's voice had a rough edge of concern.

"I will be," he answered honestly. He leaned over for another piece of toast and his coffee mug, and Jack stroked his back - rubbing his palms into Daniel's muscles.

"That's good. But I can't eat or drink in this position. I'll have to take a rain check." Jack took his hands away reluctantly as Daniel pushed himself awkwardly back into a sitting position. He ate the toast quickly as it was getting cold, and then washed it down with the last of his coffee. He handed the mug to Jack who winced as he took it.

"Just as well, I don't think the chest and arm want do much today." Jack sighed and flexed his injured arm.

Daniel looked down at his own bare chest seeing, for the first time, the long lines of scratches. "What did that?"

"You did."

"Why?" Daniel stared at him, confused.

"You were out of it at the time."

"Yes, but what did I do it for?"

"You were trying to get rid of Janet's blood."

"Oh, God!" Daniel groaned. "How Shakespearean. Macbeth and guilty blood. She shouldn't have died. It should have been me."

"Daniel."

"Jack. The blast came right past me. I must have moved and let it hit her."

"Daniel."

"She shouldn't have died. She shouldn't have been there." It was a cry from the heart and it tore at Jack's.

"No, she shouldn't have been. Can you imagine what Hammond is going through right now?"

"He should never have made her to go. She didn't belong out there." Daniel was shouting, flailing the bed with his hands.

Jack grabbed him, and held him tight, despite the shooting pains he was getting in his chest.

"He didn't make her. When I got back here, I told him she should not be there, it was too dangerous. Hammond told me she had insisted on going. He had refused but, when the casualties were piling up and needed urgent treatment in the field, she got herself geared up and told him she was going. So he agreed. Even a general could not stop Janet doing what she considered her duty."

"Oh, God - Jack. I can just see her doing it."

"So can I."

They were silent for a moment then Jack said, uncertainly, "Danny?"

Daniel pulled out of his arms "It's okay; I won't have a screaming fit. It's just that," his voice dropped, "I keep losing people. Who's it going to be next Jack, you?"

"Hey, look at me. Come on, Danny, look at me." Jack raised Daniel's head till he could see the blue eyes, no longer tearful but pain-filled. "I'm going nowhere, not without you."

"You bet you're not, you bastard. You try going without me and...I'll haunt you."

Jack laughed shortly. "Haven't you got that the wrong way round?"

Part 3

"Oh!" Daniel launched himself at Jack, flattening him on his back and kissing him till they were breathless. Jack forgot his aching chest as he held his lover close and felt familiar warmth creep into his groin. Would Daniel accept some loving? He looked at the hooded eyes above him and guessed that somewhere along the line, despite the grief and anger, Daniel's libido was perking up. Along with some other things.

"Want to make love, Danny?"

Jack rarely said very much, his actions spoke for him. His body language was a book that Daniel could read, and right now he could read the need in Jack to comfort him with that body.

Daniel looked uncertain, but his own body was making little pushy movements at Jack's. Though he felt a little guilty that, at a time like this, his body was demanding release, he realized that Jack needed it too. As always, his partner's needs took preference, and a small smile hovered. He could live with it.

He reached over to the nightstand drawer and took out the lube. He applied a generous amount to the two erections burgeoning beneath him, pulling back for easier access. Jack was lying supine, his hands above his head, letting Daniel do whatever he wanted.

Daniel realized Jack could not turn on his front with the injury to his chest, so this was it. At first, he didn't know whether he wanted Jack in him or vice versa, then the anger that still burned in his belly decided for him. He needed the release that thrusting into Jack would give him.

He reached for Jack's anus and gave him the full Jackson treatment. Stroke, push, stroke, push, then, one - two - three lube-soaked fingers thrusting inside, hitting the prostate, leaving Jack gasping. Then applying kisses all over his lover's face and neck. For once, he would have to forego the chest with its fascinating hairs. The breathing of both quickened. He lifted Jack's legs onto his hips. Jack crossed his feet behind him, then reached out and pulled Daniel into his arms as Daniel slid smoothly into the hot channel.

The release, when it came, eased the tightness that had been in him since Janet's demise. Jack pulsed against him in his own release and the two bodies relaxed in that tenuous afterglow that was so transient. Daniel shifted as soon as Jack's arms let him, conscious that Jack's chest was bearing a lot of his weight. He pulled slowly, reluctantly, from Jack's body and settled beside him.

They were quiet for a while, regaining equilibrium, savoring the moment. Then Daniel spoke. "Sex is a reaffirmation of life." he said softly. "And love can be a solace in times of need."

"Yes, and thank heavens we have each other." Jack said thoughtfully. "But we're not the only ones grieving. There are hundreds at the SGC who feel as we do. Who, possibly, have no one to solace them."

"I know, but they're not in bed with me. You're the only one I want in bed."

"Just as well, Danny. Anyone with aspirations of that kind had better take a cold shower and ask for a transfer."

"We were talking speculatively."

"Any speculations on your body will have my serious attention. Any solacing will be done by me."

"Oh, Jack. We shouldn't be joking."

"Daniel, our banter doesn't lessen what we feel. We have to keep going on, doing what we do, mourn when we can. The only way we can make sense of Janet's death is to do what she did and was doing with her last breath. Her job. Her job was to patch us up and send us out to fight, to do our job. And, buddy, our job is still out there."

He knew Jack was right. They had no time to spare for sitting and wailing. They would mourn in their hearts while they got on with the job. He sighed. "I'm just so damned sick of the good people dying."

"I know, love. But we're good people too." Philosophical twaddle thought Jack. But it didn't matter. Danny was talking, even joking. They had made love; and he thanked the stars for his injured chest, because Danny had needed the release that fucking Jack had given him. Not that he hadn't enjoyed himself; he always did when Daniel took the initiative. Now, how to get us out of bed and into something a little more sustaining than toast?

"Daniel?"

"Yeah." His eyes were closed, and he was sinking into slumber after all the activity.

"I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to do much, without help."

Daniel's eyes flew open, and he sat up. "What do you need, Jack? Are you in pain?"

"A fair amount." Which actually wasn't a lie. After the euphoria of the sex had waned, the chest was hurting more than ever. Warner might call it a bruise but to Jack it felt like red hot knives. "I need to get to the bathroom. I need a shower and I can't do it myself."

"Oh, I don't mind washing you. Give me any chance to get my hands on your body and I'll take it. I crave your body." Daniel's eyes glinted.

God! thought Jack. He means it. He's just pulled out of some fantastic sex and he's still rarin' to go. Hmm. That's what youth does to you, dammit. "How can you get excited at my body after two years of knowing it?" he asked.

Daniel helped him out of bed. "You're joking, Jack. How it looks, what you do with it, how you feel. I love every molecule."

Jack shook his head as Daniel led him to the bathroom. He wasn't really putting the helpless act on, not really. Well, perhaps just a bit. All for a good cause. If he got showered and dressed then perhaps Daniel would do the same.

He was pleased with the way things were going. He didn't dare hope that Daniel had come to accept Janet's death and was ready to move forward. Too soon for a guy who feels things deep down. But he had joked a bit this morning and the sex was always acceptable for both of them. It had helped that Daniel could lose himself in it, even if the pounding Jack had received was a forcible reminder of Daniel's strength.

His ploy paid off. As soon as Jack was out of the bathroom and dressing, Daniel was under the shower. Soon, both were downstairs with Teal'c sharing a late breakfast.

As he finished his scrambled eggs, Daniel reached for his coffee. The sight of the dark brown liquid flashed his memory back to the muddy clearing where Janet had died. He relived the moment when he'd clutched her in his arms. knowing she was already dead. But he'd screamed for a medic - anyone who could help.

How could he sit here eating, as if nothing had happened? Overwhelmed by his feelings he gagged and made a dash for the downstairs toilet - reaching it just in time for his breakfast to reappear.

Jack stood in the doorway watching. He had expected this and had been surprised that Daniel had lasted so long without a flashback. Knowing, from his own experience, how suddenly and unexpectedly these bouts could come, he could only be there for his partner. He could only give his love and support - the rest Daniel must do for himself.

~~~

The pattern on that first day continued through those that followed. They went back to the mountain; all missions were on hold pending an inquiry, but there was always paper work. Jack sighed over his. It seemed to get higher with every passing day. The camera crew, employed a few days before the tragedy to make a general documentary about the SGC, still wanted interviews with SG1 and no-one wanted to participate. Sam had not put in an appearance; Hammond had given her leave to be with Cassie. Daniel spent his time peering at inscriptions, dealing with texts that needed translating, and brushing off artifacts; all with an air of remoteness.

At home Daniel could function normally, doing things around the house; but he could be gripped by the memory at any time. Jack would find him just staring into space, a lost look on his face, in the middle of filling the washing machine or making coffee. Then the anger would rise and he would lock his grief away somewhere inside himself, where Jack could not reach. In bed, Daniel would curl up in Jack's arms but did not want to be loved or to make love.

Jack was only too thankful that Daniel hadn't pulled away, but was sad that his lover couldn't or wouldn't talk. Jack had ventured a tentative "How are you?" expecting the usual answer of "I'm fine."

Daniel had looked bleakly at him and said, "Coping," he shrugged. "Dealing."

Jack had tried to talk to Teal'c about it.

"It is a sorrow of the soul, O'Neill." Teal'c had said shortly, and with that cold comfort went silently about his business. He had been a tower of strength to Jack, whose injury had remained stiff and painful, but uncommunicative.

Jack had tried phoning his 2IC but Carter was not answering her phone. He was concerned about Cassie, wondering how she was doing. He knew Carter would be with her but he didn't want to talk to Carter in Cassie's hearing.

As if on the same wave length, Daniel asked, "Have you spoken to Sam? Is Cassie ok?"

Jack shook his head. "Carter's switched off her phone."

"What about Cassie's?"

"I haven't got it on speed dial."

Daniel pulled out his own phone, pressed buttons, then held it to his ear. A moment later he passed it to Jack, saying, "It's Sam."

Jack took it and spoke, "Carter? How are things?"

Her voice was low. "She's sleeping at the moment. I confiscated her phone, didn't want her disturbed. She's hardly slept for days so I am glad she is, finally."

"Sounds as if you could do with some yourself."

"Yeah. Tell me about it. I've been awake with her all the time."

And you're grieving, too, he thought, Doing your share and hers, too. He knew how exhausting it could be - doing his own and sharing Daniel's burden of grief plus guilt. "Try to get some sleep yourself."

"I will. I'll lay down with her in a little while. How's Daniel?"

He looked at Daniel, who was staring out of the window his arms folded across his chest. Self-hugging.

"So-so," he said, guardedly.

"Meaning he's there and can hear you?" Carter was no slouch in the catch-on-quick department.

"Yes. Listen, once you've had some sleep, why don't you come over." He was aware that Daniel had turned and was staring at him wide eyed. "Get you out of the house for a while. I will make dinner. There's only us, Carter. Daniel, Teal'c and me."

"I'll think about it," she replied, wearily. "I'll see what Cassie says, and call you."

"We could come over there." Daniel shook his head violently. "But I think it would be good for Cassie to be elsewhere for a while," he said enigmatically, knowing Carter would pick up what he wasn't saying - that Cassie might benefit from being away from the house that she had shared with Janet.

"Yes. I think you're right. I'll call you later." Carter cleared the line.

Words burst from Daniel as if he'd had trouble keeping them in while Jack was on the phone. "Are you crazy?" he demanded, "How can I face Cassie, what can I say to her? 'I'm sorry I let your mother die'? How can you do this to me?" He turned his back on Jack, hugging himself even tighter.

Jack went over and put his hands on Daniel's shoulders and tried to turn him round thinking He's lost weight these last few days, he could feel the tired, thin body convulsing as Daniel fought his emotions. He would not turn. He held himself stiff in his partner's grasp until Jack forced him around.

"Daniel," he said gently, pulling the other man into his arms. "It will be all right. Don't you think Cassie wants to see the one person who was with her mother when she died?"

"And accuse me." Daniel's voice came from the depths of Jack's shirt.

"No. Not accuse. It's you who thinks you're guilty, not her, not any of us. Daniel, the blast that killed her was meant for her. She was patching people up. Helping them to fight again. The Jaffa knew this, that's why she was the target."

Jack did not, for one moment, believe it was as simple as that, but it made a sort of logic that he hoped Daniel would accept. Daniel lifted his head and gave his lover a watery 'I know what you're doing' half-smile. Ruefully Jack smiled back; he could never get away with anything with Daniel who knew him far too well.

They heard Teal'c come down the stairs, so they parted. They were not inclined to be demonstrative towards each other in the presence of others, unless the circumstances were exceptional.

Daniel sat on the couch and leafed through a book. He had done no reading since the horror of P3X-666, his concentration and interest had vanished.

Teal'c came in wearing a hat. He'd previously gone out in public wearing a scarf tied over his insignia of servitude. Then one day, an elderly man who remembered the sixties, called him a 'hippy'. Teal'c had been incensed and had confounded the man by saying,

"I do not fornicate, ingest weed, nor do I roll on the rocks!" and strode haughtily away.

Since then he had bought a selection of hats, each more flamboyant than the previous. This was his Quentin Crisp look, a turquoise fedora with a scarlet feather in the band.

Jack sighed "Only you could get away with that, Teal'c," he said admiringly.

Teal'c changed his face subtly, exuding satisfaction. "We need supplies, O'Neill," he announced "Milk, bread, orange juice." He stopped, surprised, as Jack said, "Good. I'll make a list." Jack seldom had a chance to interrupt his ponderous friend who would steamroller any attempt to halt his, admittedly rare, discourse. "Carter and Cassie may be coming over later so I will want to cook dinner."

With that he went to the bureau and wrote a list, giving it to Teal'c along with money and the keys of the Avalanche. When the Jaffa had gone, Jack sat beside Daniel, took the book away, and pulled him into his arms.

Daniel looked up, saw Jack's anxious expression and kissed him deeply. "You've been very patient." he said softly.

"Hey," Jack said equally softly. "I can do patient."

Daniel sighed. "I know, and I've been selfish. As if I was the only one with the right to mourn."

Jack shook his head. "Danny, you were there. No-one else was, apart from Wells, who was half-crazed with pain. First hand knowledge is not always easy to bear. When you see Cassie, let her see your pain. She doesn't want platitudes; she needs to know everyone is hurting right along with her. Shared grief is much better than going it alone."

Daniel smiled wryly. "When did you get to be so wise?"

"Just naturally talented, I guess."

Daniel hugged him fiercely. "Love me, Jack."

Jack rose, pulled Daniel to his feet and they headed for the stairs.

~~~

Jack awoke from his postcoital sleep to the buzz of his cell phone. He answered quietly; Daniel hadn't stirred, and was lying in his lover's arms, his upturned face calm and at rest. It was Sam saying that she and Cassie would be round about seven.

Time to get up and get dinner rolling. He moved carefully away from Daniel but had barely reached the side of the bed when the blue eyes opened, focused, and a sleepy voice said, "Whereyagoin?"

"Go back to sleep. No need for you to get up yet. Carter just phoned, she and Cassie are coming at seven - so I'm going to get dinner ready." He rolled off the bed and reached for his clothes.

Daniel sat up. "I'll come and help."

"And do Teal'c out of a job?" he asked jocularly, and then cursed himself as Daniel's face fell. He did like to help Jack with cooking and this was the first time in days that he had shown a willingness to share. His time had been spent doing chores on his own, shunning the others. He had raked the yard four times to Jack's knowledge, just to be out there in isolation.

"Come on then," said Jack. "You can do the vegetables, Teal'c can fiddle with the napkins and lay the table. We'll probably have vases of flowers and napkins neatly folded into our wine glasses. Not to mention every bit of silverware I possess."

Daniel scrambled out of bed and into his clothes. "I like what he does to the table," he protested.

"So do I, but don't you tell him I said so. I'll never hear the end of it."

They hurried downstairs. Teal'c had returned, packed away the shopping and was sitting in Jack's Lazyboy recliner watching the TV.

"Ho, T man. Follow us to the kitchen," called Jack. "We are to make a repast worthy of our illustrious guests."

"By that I presume Major Carter and Cassandra Frasier will be joining us?" Teal'c replied, prosaically.

"Yup! So, Daniel, will you open the wine to breathe, then chop onions, peppers, mushrooms? I shall also want plenty of potatoes. Teal'c will you mix the salad? Then I will want the table to look just right. Please T."

Teal'c bowed and indicated his pleasure by a small quirk of the lip. He went out and a moment later Jack looked through the window. "There you are, I told you. Cutting my flowers."

"Jack, he's always careful to only cut one or two from each plant. You can't fault him."

Jack grinned, for the first time in days. "No? I shall look sad and say 'it's nice Teal'c, but did you have to take all my roses?'"

Daniel smiled. "And he will say 'But you wanted it to look special, did you not, O'Neill?' It's a game you both play."

"Oh. You've caught on to that have you? Bright boy."

Daniel gave him a "sarcasm is the last resort of the inarticulate" look. An old argument. "You're like a couple of kids, playing one-upmanship. I bet you set it up like this on purpose."

Jack's grin got even wider. Danny was responding to his wind up. He hadn't been so animated since the tragedy. Jack thanked any gods who happened to be listening but just said, "Dinner's getting old here. Get chopping, why don't you."

They worked companionably side by side. As Jack cut up the chicken Teal'c had bought; he gave a squawk, and lifted his elbows, now and again. This always amused Daniel, a nice reminder of their first visit to Abydos when he had imitated a chicken, to the confusion of the Abydonians, and a regular ritual whenever they had chicken for a meal.

Part 4

Teal'c came in with the flowers. He stripped off the bottom leaves, then placed the flowers in a bowl of water until he could envase them. Then he stood at the counter, with the other two men, mixing the salad. Jack looked along the line, "We look like The Three Stooges," he laughed.

"What are stooges, O'Neill?"

"A famous comedy act in the thirties and forties."

Daniel looked at him in mock horror. "God, Jack! I didn't realize you were that old." Daniel ducked his head to hide a smile.

Jack dismissed his remark with a scathing look. "I watch the reruns of their shows," he explained to Teal'c over Daniel's bent head. "They were always getting into trouble."

"Much like us." Daniel muttered sotto voce to his mushrooms.

"Their famous chit-chat was always done standing in a line. They bounced off one another."

Teal'c lifted an enquiring eyebrow briefly.

"...verbally bounced off one another." Jack hastily retrieved. "Quick fire patter."

"Won't get quick fire patter from Teal'c." Daniel murmured. He was on a roll here.

Ignoring him, Jack went on. "Moe was the bright one, he was the leader. Then there were Curly and Larry. You can be Curly, Teal'c. He was bald."

Both of Teal'c's eyebrows airlifted. "His name was Curly and he was bald? Is this an attempt at Tauri humor, O'Neill?"

Daniel giggled.

"Reverse humor, Teal'c," Jack said loftily. "The best kind. I will be Moe, of course. Laughing boy here..." he pointed a greasy thumb at Daniel. "...can be Larry, the dimwit."

Further giggles.

They worked quietly for a while, and then Teal'c went into the living room to set the table. Snuffles of laughter were still coming from Daniel so, after putting the chicken mix in the oven, Jack put his arms around his lover.

"Hey, giggleguts," he said softly, "How about we grab a shower and get changed? Don't want to announce our shenanigans to the company."

Daniel leaned against him for a moment, his smile fading, his voice faltering as he said, "Cassie? It will be all right, won't it Jack?"

Jack tightened his grip. "Promise," he whispered.

Teal'c had the living room to himself and was able to let his façade down a little. He was far more adept at hiding his feelings than the Tauri but he was truly saddened by the demise of the little doctor.

He had loved her fierceness, her intensity and her staunch determination to do all and more for every patient. He knew he had been one of her favorites - all of SG1 had been her favorites. He would miss her, hers was a light not easily replaced.

He busied himself in the mundane setting of the table, the simple domestic task comforting him. He had decided that this dinner would be a formal one, they were all too sad to contemplate the usual team dinner - lounging on chairs, eating take-out pizza.

Jack looked into the living room as Teal'c was putting the finishing touches to the table setting. It really does look nice, Jack thought.

White linen, silverware, sparkling wine glasses; the pink roses and matching pink candles. Reminded of Daniel's comments, he cleared his throat and said, "Very nice, T. It makes all the difference."

Teal'c bowed his appreciation.

"Danny and I are going to take a shower. Do you want to go first?"

"Thank you, but no. I will shower when you have finished."

Jack nodded, "I'll give you a call."

As they went up the stairs Daniel asked, "Why did you say that to Teal'c? Now he thinks we shower together."

"Well, we do."

"Not since he has been here," Daniel argued.

"We are now. I'll wash your back and you can wash mine."

Daniel smiled. "It's usually more than that. In fact, it's usually more than washing."

"So it is. But not today. Haven't got time for that. Just need to wash the last lot off you. Anyway, what are you beefing about? You're not the only one who likes their hands on bare skin."

They stripped in the bathroom and, as if to prove his point, Jack pushed Daniel under the shower and started soaping him while he squirmed. Daniel was very ticklish and Jack knew every spot. While Daniel was laughing, Jack reckoned, he wouldn't be worrying about the coming meeting.

Back in their bedroom, Daniel had a sudden thought. "You said Sam knows about us."

"Yes." Jack still had a worry about that. How would she react to Daniel being here, living here?

"I don't know how to face her."

"Why?"

"She loves you, Jack." His eyes showed his thoughts as they always did. How would she cope seeing Daniel in the place she had hoped was hers?

"Yes, I know." Jack was vigorously toweling his hair and his voice was muffled.

"You do?" Daniel had been pretty sure Jack was clueless as to Sam's yearnings.

"Yes. She told me." Jack came up for air and looked sadly at Daniel.

"Oh my God! She did...when?"

"When I was trying to tell her about you."

Daniel covered his face with his hands. "Jack...what...? You didn't tell..." he stuttered through his fingers.

Jack plopped down on the bed. "No. She played some weird guessing game and came up with you."

"And you admitted it?" Daniel couldn't believe that his uptight, 'keep it under wraps' AF Colonel had actually told. After two years of secrecy?

Jack pulled Daniel's hands from his face and looked into his eyes. "I would never deny you, Daniel," he said simply.

That floored Daniel. That Jack would go out on a limb for him. Risk so much. For him! His thoughts were chaotic as he sat himself beside Jack. Their wet towels lay forgotten on the floor as they sat naked on the bed. Daniel put a hand on Jack's arm; then Jack slid the arm around Daniel's shoulders and they sat there in silence.

After reflecting on what had been discussed, Jack said, "Cassie knows about us?"

He remember his feeling that Cassie had given Daniel a look of acceptance in the gateroom the day the alien departed.

Daniel nodded. "She told me, after the alien had left her, that while she was blended, she sensed our love. The alien was pleased about it because she was a bringer of love and harmony. We've never discussed it since. Like her origin, it is a secret she has kept."

Jack smiled. "Like mother, like daughter."

They dressed slowly.

"When do the potatoes go on?"

Jack looked at Daniel impatiently. To bring up something so mundane...

Daniel read Jack's thoughts and grinned. "It's just that we don't want our guests to have to wait for their mashed potatoes."

Jack laughed. "You're right, of course. If they go on at six thirty, they will be ready just in time. So we still have another half an hour."

By mutual consent, they stayed in the bedroom, sitting on the bed.

"You've always had a special relationship with Cassie, haven't you?" Jack commented. "I remember when we told her to stop calling us uncle and aunt. She had no problem with you, you were Daniel straight away. Carter and I had to wait months, and as for Teal'c..."

"I think it's a respect thing, she regards Teal'c as an elder statesman. It's the age that gets her. What is he now, 106?"

"Sumpin'likethat."

"As for me," Daniel continued, "We share a history of being orphans. Not only that, but when we brought Cassie back from Hanka, she was about the same age as me when I was brought to America. We were both brought up in totally different cultures from the ones we were born into. We have a different slant on everything. And we got to play catch-up in the education field."

"As you did - and so did she. Summa cum laude indeed. Hell! Another genius," Jack laughed.

Daniel smiled in return. "I don't think she'll be a genius, she hasn't got Jan...her mother's flair. But if she joins the SGC she will be extremely competent. She was taught well and she's done a lot of pre-lim work."

"If she joins the SGC, she stays in the SGC," said Jack his voice loud and harsh. Daniel realized that Jack felt the death of Janet as keenly as he, and with more anger.

The anger of a leader who'd had to allow the presence, on the battlefield, of the brilliant, irreplaceable doctor. Who had, as a result, died in the performance of her duty.

Jack shook his head to dispel his savage thoughts, and got up. "Come on," he said, heading for the door. "Potato time."

Aware that Daniel hadn't followed him, he turned to find his partner still sitting. "Daniel?"

He strode back and put his hands on his lover's shoulders. "What is it?"

Daniel looked up, his eyes showing his uncertainty. "They'll be here soon."

"You still afraid to face Cassie?"

Daniel nodded. "And Sam."

"Carter? Why Carter?"

"I'm your lover."

Jack smiled. "That you are, Dannyboy. All mine, and I don't care. Carter will just have to get over it. Fuck-buddy indeed." He snorted.

"Fuck-buddy?"

"That's what she thought you might be. Probably hoped that was all it was."

Daniel's eyes were wide with apprehension. "What did you say?"

Jack lifted Daniel's chin and said softly, "I told her, my delicate little flower, that fuck-buddies don't last two years. That it was love, and permanent. Then it occurred to me that I hadn't told you that. But, I felt you probably knew."

Daniel smiled, a little tremulously. "I think I did know, but it's nice to be told."

"Meaning I don't tell you often enough?" Jack grinned, "You dissing my romantic technique?"

"Not your technique," Daniel returned hastily. "Just your inarticulacy."

"Well, you know me. All action. And you like the action, yes?" He pulled Daniel to his feet. He guessed he'd talked him out of his funk.

"Yes, but..." Daniel said as they crossed to the door. "I am not a delicate little flower."

"No, Daniel. If you were, I wouldn't have called you one."

Totally confused, as Jack intended, Daniel followed him downstairs.

In the kitchen, Teal'c was carefully washing plates. Jack smiled, as he put the potatoes on. Teal'c loved dressing the table and had decided that the fine tableware Jack had inherited from his grandmother, was right for the occasion. The white bone china with the silver tracery would look particularly elegant with Teal'c's table arrangement. It always amazed Jack that the warrior, from a culture with the barest of refinements, should show such exquisiteness of taste.

He was glad the Jaffa was comfortable in his home. Teal'c still lived on base, though there was talk of him being allowed to move out. It's about time, Jack thought, the man has been a friend of the Tauri for seven years, fought for them side by side with the rest of SG1 and yet has not been trusted to live on the planet he had been fighting for.

For his part, Jack had always invited the warrior to stay with him, to join in any team nights they had, to take him out and about. Once his relationship with Daniel began, there was a little juggling to be done but Teal'c had never shown any surprise at finding Daniel at Jack's house. Now he knew why, the wily Jaffa had known about them all along.

The potatoes had just announced their readiness to be mashed when the doorbell rang. Daniel had frozen, so Jack looked at Teal'c, who inclined his head and went to the front door.

Carter stood there, her arm around Cassie. The evening sun caught the red highlights in Cassie's chestnut hair as it framed her pale face. She stood tall and slim as Teal'c stood aside; they entered and he offered them the living room. However, Daniel appeared. Nervous and ill at ease, he nevertheless advanced on Sam and they stood looking into each other's eyes. Somehow Daniel's eyes revealed the misery he felt at denying Sam her dream of Jack and suddenly she capitulated. She wrapped her arms around him and said, "Only you could do this. Anyone else - I would have killed them."

"Sam."

"It's all right, little brother. I cede him to you. Be happy." She gave him a small smile.

Daniel hugged her, relieved. Then he looked around for Cassie.

She had turned to Teal'c, who had engulfed her in his long arms. She placed a kiss on his cheek, then looked at Jack who had arrived in the hall quickly in case his archaelogist needed support. Cassie went to Jack, trying to be calm but Jack could see the held back tears and the quivering lips.

He cursed himself for not thinking that Cassie would need all their support, not just Carter's. He'd had to get Daniel on an even keel but he should not have neglected Cassie. She had needed all of them, even the traumatized Daniel. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her.

She kissed him back, then turned in his arms to look for Daniel. He was standing alone in the middle of the hall. Sam had left him to approach Jack.

Cassie ran to Daniel, threw her arms round his neck and whispered, "Oh, Daniel, Daniel."

Her tears fell on his neck and he held her and whispered back, "I'm sorry. Cassie, I am so sorry."

"He was so afraid of this," murmured Jack to his 2IC.

"Afraid? Why?"

"He thought she would blame him for being alive. Perhaps for not doing anything to save her. You know his guilt complex."

"But he couldn't do anything. She was killed instantly, Dr. Warner said so. Clean and quick, he said."

"Tell that to our lamenting boy. He also feels Cassie would rather he had died than her mother."

Carter made a face. "Don't tell him so, but that was Cassie's immediate reaction. She recanted it almost straight away, realizing she would still be grieving if it had been him. Oh, God! Sorry Jack...sir." The name slipped out as she realized how Jack would have felt. Cassie would not have been the only one grieving.

"It's ok Sam. We are off duty, and we're all friends here." He dragged his eyes away from his lover, still embedded in Cassie's arms, and looked at his team-mate, her blue eyes were aghast at her faux pas. Why had she told him that? Cassie hadn't really meant it.

He patted her arm and changed the subject to help her relax. "Did you tell Pete we were having dinner? Does he know what happened?"

She blinked her tired eyes, trying to focus on what he was asking. "Yes. I had told him about Janet and he was upset, he knew how we all felt about her. He couldn't make it tonight, he has to work. He's coming over on Friday to take Cassie and me away for the weekend."

Jack nodded and gestured her into the living room, leaving the younger pair to follow when they felt ready.

Teal'c, in his quiet, unassuming way, had started mashing the potatoes. Jack went into the kitchen and took over, so Teal'c went into the living room and approached Sam.

"Major Carter." She looked at him and leaned in.

His arms went round her and she whispered, "I am so tired. It's been a nightmare."

"Can you not sleep?"

"Cassie hasn't been able to, and I couldn't leave her alone and suffering."

"Would not a solution be for Cassandra to stay here for a while? There are three of us to support her and if she cannot sleep I am willing to stay up with her. It would be no hardship for me."

She looked up at him, her face drawn. "I can't, Teal'c. She's my responsibility. I can't leave her."

"But you would not be leaving her alone." Teal'c's voice was soothing "She would be with people she knows, who she considers family. People who care for her and it would allow you to do your own mourning."

Sam backed away and sat on the couch. "I can't ask Jack to take this on, he has Daniel too."

"I will approach O'Neill." Teal'c was adamant.

Daniel and Cassie came into the room, both looking calmer. Cassie went and sat by Sam.

"The table looks very elegant." She said, appreciatively, as Teal'c lit the candles.

Daniel waved at Teal'c, who bowed at Cassie's words.

"I will assist O'Neill," announced the Jaffa. "Daniel!"

Daniel started at Teal'c's unexpected use of his given name, and followed him out to the kitchen.

Jack was enjoying himself making a stepped pyramid out of the mashed potatoes. He looked amused when Teal'c said, "I have made a proposal to Major Carter."

"Have you now?" drawled Jack, grinning. "Have you taken the feelings of Pete Shannihan into account?"

Teal'c gave him a glare that reduced him to a five-year-old. In terse sentences, he explained his idea.

Jack looked anxiously at Daniel, wondering how he would react to having the girl here. But Daniel was serene as he and Cassie had reaffirmed their friendship in the hall. He nodded at Jack's querying look.

"Well," Jack said slowly, while thinking furiously, "She will have to use the guest room."

Teal'c inclined his head. "I will move my things downstairs."

"Wait." Jack waved the mashing fork, "Has anyone asked Cassie what she wants. I know you said this will give Cart...Sam a chance to sleep, and to mourn in private. But supposing Cassie needs her to be there. After all Sam was instrumental in bringing Cassie here. She has been a second mother to her; it may be that Cassie wouldn't want to be parted from her so soon after losing Janet."

"It was my intention that she should be asked," Teal'c said, calmly. "But Cassandra is an intelligent young woman, I am sure she will see the wisdom of the move."

"Jack," Daniel broke in, "I think we ought to take our turn at caring for Cassie. Sam's done it all, while I took all your attention...and Teal'c's, too. That was unfair, she was hurting."

"Hey, you were entitled to our help. You were hurting too." Jack put his arm around Daniel's shoulder. "You were there," he went on softly, "Not me, not Sam, not Teal'c - only you."

He was silent for a moment; then moved to start filling the serving dishes with the various components of the meal. Over his shoulder, he said, "If Cassie comes to us, Sam can go to Pete. He will help her."

He passed the salad bowl to Teal'c and the mashed potato pyramid to Daniel. Picking up the chicken dish, he led the way to the living room.

They seated themselves as Daniel went around the table, pouring wine. He reached Teal'c last and noticed that his friend, far from having his usual orange juice, had given himself a wine glass.

As he nodded at Daniel to fill it, Daniel asked. "Wine, Teal'c? You don't usually."

"You will toast to the departed, will you not?"

"I think so."

"Good, then so will I."

"Well, you haven't a symbiote, any more, to complain about the alcohol."

"The tretonin does a similar thing."

"I suppose it would. After all it is made from..."

"No." Teal'c interrupted him. "Dr Frasier synthesized it. I no longer take any part of a Goa'uld."

"Daniel?" Jack's voice halted Daniel's response and he looked up startled.

He hurriedly returned to his place beside Jack, then saw the anguish in Jack's eyes as his partner rose to his feet and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Major/Doctor Janet Frasier. It was our honor to work with her, to know her and to love her. Our Janet. May she rest in peace."

They stood, and drank. There was a brief sob from Cassie. Then it was over.

They settled down to their meal and Daniel was pleased to see both Sam and Cassie eating well. They should, he thought, Jack really is an excellent cook. He wondered when Jack would broach the subject of Cassie staying with them, but guessed Jack would wait until the dinner was over.

Just as the first course was finished and Daniel and Teal'c were collecting the empty plates, Jack said, "Daniel, Teal'c will you bring the Tiramisu in?"

They took the tall glasses from the fridge, Teal'c's big hands taking three easily. When they each had a dessert in front of them, Sam sent a sidelong glance at Jack.

"Before we enjoy this delicacy," Jack told the group, "I had word from General Hammond today that a Memorial service for Janet will be held on Friday. Major?" He looked at his 2IC.

"The Colonel and I will represent the SGC and...I have been asked to give the eulogy." She looked worried and Cassie hugged her.

"Good," she said. "I'm glad it's you."

They ate their tiramisu in companionable silence, savoring the pungent sweetness. Jack brought coffee through and the group spoke softly between themselves until Teal'c stood up, his half full glass of wine in his hand, and said, "When my symbiote died, I was afraid for my life; it had sustained me and given me more years than normal men. The little doctor fought for me with her warrior's spirit. She supported me through my apathy - never letting me give up. Janet Frasier was my comrade and friend. I miss her." He swallowed the rest of his drink, and sat down.

Daniel looked at Teal'c in awe. The Jaffa had spoken more words in his utterance than Daniel had ever heard him say. He felt impelled to say something of his own but, before he could, Sam rose.

"Wherever Janet Frasier was, there was always fun and laughter. She was a happy person, with a devilish sense of humor, but her serious side was deadly serious. She was the ultimate professional. I was invaded by an entity that reduced me to computer software. She fought every inch of the way to release me from the alien. She made instinctive leaps in medical procedure to ensure my survival. She was my dear friend. I miss her." She drained her wine glass and resumed her seat.

Cassie patted her arm then got to her feet, her grey eyes sad but determined not to cry. She had done all too much of that these past days.

"My home and my parents are a dim and distant memory to me. Janet Frasier filled my life. Though I was not her biological daughter, she loved and cared for me as if I were. Every day she made me feel how special I was to her. Especially on the day the alien being entered me, offering me wonderful gifts. Janet fought that alien with all the love she had, she was not going to give me up, and she prevailed. She was my mother, and my friend. I shall miss her." Cassie gave a little choke as she swallowed the last of her wine, and sank down to be encompassed by Sam's arms.

Jack looked across at Daniel and nodded. Daniel stood, fidgeting with his glass.

"I don't know that I was exactly Janet Frasier's 'favorite' patient," he began quietly.

"You were," Sam's voice was equally soft.

"I do know she saw an awful lot of me," he went on, "I spent more time in her company, her professional company, than anyone on the base. She pulled me through a peritoneal appendectomy after I left it nearly too late. She fought long and hard with a tyrant who wanted my body. She did the only thing she could when she could not heal my radiation sickness. She let me go. Only a friend can do that. She was mine and I miss her." He fiddled with his glass, took a gulp and sat down abruptly.

Jack stood and reached for the wine bottle. He half filled his empty glass and looked around the table.

"I was interested to hear you all, without exception, use the word 'fought' in describing Janet Frasier. She was, indeed, a fighter." He smiled at Teal'c, "I called her 'little Napoleon'; frequently in exasperation, but also with affection and gratitude. Who else could have brought me back from senility? She patched me up so many times that my body is a mass of scars. She was a brilliant surgeon who repaired me and my team time and time again. That I still have a team after all these years is wholly due to that feisty, under regulation height, dictator. She was my friend. The SGC will not be the same, for she is irreplaceable. There are other doctors - but she was one of a kind. I'm gonna miss her." Jack raised his glass in salute and drank.

They turned to their coffee and drank in contemplative silence, then moved from the table. Sam waved Jack away and cleared the table. She escaped to the kitchen, where she loaded the dishwasher, knowing the men were going to talk to Cassie.

Jack sat Cassie in his favorite chair and seated himself, beside Daniel and Teal'c, on the couch; then he broached the subject "Cass. We'd like you to come and stay with us for a while. Do you think you could do that?"

Cassie was startled, she loved her 'uncles' very much but did not feel that her sorrow was something they could handle. Only Sam seemed to know the right thing to say or do - rubbing her back or holding her in her arms. The familiar smell and feel comforted her; Sam had always been there as an ancillary to her mother.

"Thank you," she replied slowly, trying to think of a way to refuse without hurting. "But I think I ought to stay where I am, as we have so much to do. There are things to sort out, people to see." She trailed off miserably, aware of the matters requiring her attention as next of kin.

"They will still be there," Jack spoke kindly, "They can be done at any time. No-one expects you to plunge into sorting her life out when you have just lost her."

Cassie shook her head. They didn't understand. Sam was all she had left now. How many times can you be orphaned? she thought, with a rush of tears. "I need to be with Sam," she said, finally.

"Does she need to be with you?" Daniel's voice was very firm and she looked at him in bewilderment. His eyes were very clear, showing his sorrow, but his glance was penetrating.

"Sam's had no sleep, Cass. All her energy has gone toward supporting you, comforting you. She can't run on empty. She needs to have space to grieve, to sleep, and to catch up on the energy she has given to you. Sam feels as you do, Cass, she loved her too. Give her a chance, a few days, to process what has happened. She's been relieving your sadness at the cost of her own."

Jack looked at his lover with surprise. He had expected Daniel to be more consoling. Suddenly he realized what Daniel was doing and it made him feel old. Daniel's youth was calling to Cassie's, telling her life goes on and she has to deal with it. Youth can be cruel, thought Jack, whose only thought was to be gentle with the girl. I really am an uncle, he thought, I'm not on her wavelength.

She responded almost angrily to Daniel's comments. "She's all I have left and you want me to leave her?" She recognized the truth in Daniel's eyes and words, but her need forced her to protest. "How will my leaving her benefit either of us? We have been comforting each other."

"I know, Cass." Daniel sighed. "But if you come here, she can go to Pete."

She hadn't thought of that. It would be good for Sam to be with her lover; she knew how much Sam cared for him and he for her. She needed his arms around her as much as Cassie needed hers.

Teal'c broke in on her thoughts. "We are men, Cassandra. We do not understand the feelings of a young girl. But we have seen people die and know how hard it is to let go. There is love in this house for you and a willingness to support you in your grief. If you cannot sleep - I will stay awake with you."

Cassie felt her heart contract. These men were her family. These men had all played with her; comforted her small woes; rooted for her on sports days; sat through awful school plays and generally indulged her ever since she had been brought back through the gate. From Hanka, a dead world, she had been transported to a live, vibrant one and these wonderful people had adopted her. How could she not do what they wanted?

"Ok," she said at last. "I'll come stay a while."

Jack grinned. "You won't have long to put up with us 'grumpy old men'" Daniel shot him a quelling glance, which he ignored. "Coupla days at most. Service on Friday, then you'll be going away."

She had forgotten that, so it wasn't going to be for long. She could manage a couple of days. Much as she loved them, the prospect of spending days at a time with them hardly enthralled her. Admittedly, she loved Daniel dearly. He was nearer to her own age; whereas Jack was twenty years older than her, and it showed. Not in his physique, they were all very fit men. Mom had seen to that...just that Jack was older in his mind. Then, she remembered overhearing a conversation between her mother and Sam, after Jack had played up in a briefing. Sam had said 'he was just like a big kid' and Cassie thought that he could be. She'd seen him playing with General Hammond's grand-daughters as if he were their age. It was if he had a dual personality: the Colonel was the serious soldier but Jack - her playful Uncle Jack - was a different man entirely. Which one did Daniel love? She wondered. As for Teal'c, over one hundred and looked like a champion wrestler.

Sam came in and broke her train of thought. She noticed now how tired Sam looked, her face pale compared to her usual glow. Cassie berated herself. She realized Daniel had been right; she had been so wrapped up in how she felt that Sam's fatigue and grief had passed her by.

"Sam," she called, "I'm coming to stay here for a while. Just till the weekend, will you be ok?"

Sam put an arm around her. "Why yes, Cassie. I'll be fine. Are you sure, honey?"

Cassie winced at the sound of her mother's favorite endearment, but smiled and said, "Yeah. I can get away with murder here." She looked at the three men on the couch and, for a moment, her eyes sparkled mischievously then she asked, "Will you go to Pete in Denver?"

Sam felt relief that Cassie agreed to stay with the men. That was something Sam desperately needed. She gathered her courage and said, "Yes, I will. If he's not working."

Sam immediately felt guilty seeing Cassie's nod. Sam knew she would regret this, but her need for sleep and to be alone for just a little while was strong. To get some healing started and to scab over the raw wound of loss prevented her from protesting at the move. She was not leaving Cassie alone, she told herself, and the girl would have three strong men willing to care for her in whatever way she needed. Nevertheless Sam felt it was a betrayal.

Jack and Daniel had noticed the hesitation. Knowing Sam well, they realized she was thinking that Pete might not be available and she was unsure what to do. They exchanged a long look, then Daniel nodded.

Jack said, "Give Pete our regards, Sam. Tell him if he can join us on Friday. We would welcome his company." He knew she was having second thoughts, and there was no way he would have that.

Sam looked at him and recognized the silent command. She would leave Cassie with them. Accepting that, she realized she had another commitment; she had to find the right words to pay homage to her friend.

Teal'c chose that time to come to her with a sheaf of notes. "Some thoughts that may be of assistance," he told her, "It is what I would like to say. But it would come better from you."

It was arranged that Cassie would arrive in the morning and stay until Sam picked her up on Friday.

It had been an emotive evening; so, as the arrangements for Cassie had been finalized, they decided that an early night would benefit them all.

They made their departure and, as Sam's car drove away, Jack said, "That went well."

Daniel, with a wealth of meaning in his voice, replied, "Only just."

They turned and went back inside the house.

Jack looked at his partner as Daniel yawned prodigiously, knowing that this evening had been difficult for him. Daniel had expected rejection and anger from Cassie and had psyched himself up to withstand it. The anticipated rebuff had not materialized and, as he let go of his anxiety, his fatigue had come to the fore.

"Bed for you," murmured Jack burying his face in Daniel's soft hair.

"And you?"

"Oh, yes."

They bade goodnight to Teal'c, who had gravitated to the TV, and went upstairs, trusting the Jaffa to seal the house against the night.

Part 5

In their room, Jack made slow, sweet love to Daniel, aware of his partner's tiredness but knowing he needed the release.

Afterwards, he looked into the sleepy blue eyes and said, "Not too old yet."

"Too old?" The eyes opened wide in question.

"Not too old to enjoy you, and have you enjoy me. When you were chastising Cassie, I realized how old I was compared to the two of you. I wouldn't have treated her like that. Yet it was obviously the right approach." He leaned back on the pillow and folded his arms under his head. "For a while I felt the full twenty years between us."

Daniel turned and laid an arm across his lover, "It doesn't even occur to me, Jack. I was never very young. Too much dealing with life when I should have had fun," he grimaced. "That sounds pathetic. I mean I didn't have time to be a child. I had to work at my studies to be what I wanted to be. That rather precluded fun."

"Sounds like a deprived childhood to me," Jack replied, softly kissing the earnest face.

"Oh, I had some nasty 'getting even' type fun." Daniel had a gleam in his eyes as his memory recalled certain events.

"Getting even? What for?"

"On those who called me a geek, and worse. Those who would snatch my books away, and bully me because I was small and fragile - the allergies didn't help. I became a malicious, scheming little bastard, Jack. You wouldn't have liked me. I stored up resentment, and then got even by cooking up incidents that couldn't be traced to me." He smiled as Jack nodded approvingly. "And if trouble came to me I could run. Faster than anyone."

Jack nodded; he knew his partner's running skill. Had depended on it more than once to get them out of trouble.

"The one sport I excelled in," Daniel continued ruminatively. "I was on the relay team at one school for a while. They won every race I was in. But most of my running was away from hostility."

"So you don't consider yourself young?" Jack wanted his younger lover to say he didn't think of him as old. As usual he didn't get what he wanted.

"Jack, I'm thirty-five. That's sort of middlish."

"You're not middle-aged, Danny," Jack protested.

"I didn't say I was. I said middlish."

"You're a linguist; you know there's no such word."

"It's my word. It means I'm no longer young but I haven't reached middle age - whatever that is. Did you know the dictionary definition of middle age is 'between youth and old age?' That covers an awful lot of territory."

Only you, thought Jack affectionately, could lecture me on semantics after making love.

Then Daniel smiled, the one that melted Jack completely. "You're not old, love. You're just the right age for me." He cuddled into Jack's arms and fell instantly asleep.

=====

Sam brought Cassie over the next morning. She moved into the spare room, hanging up her mourning suit and shutting it away in the closet. No need to look at it till Friday.

She took her toiletries into the bathroom but, daunted by the sight of three sets of razors, shaving equipment and men's toiletries, she took her own back to the bedroom. Cassie sat on the bed feeling a little lost. This was such a male household. She longed to be back in the pink and white house that she had shared with Janet. The home in which she had grown up; happy to venture out from that oasis knowing it was always there, that Janet was always there, to come home to.

She had not stayed here often. There had been no need, Janet had always taken her home after a visit and tucked her into her own bed. The few times she had stayed over, Christmas and birthday parties, when all of the team had stayed, Sam and Janet had always had Jack's bed, while Cassie had the spare room. The men had sprawled about the house on couches, in sleeping bags or whatever came to hand. When she had stayed, she remembered the men sneaking in, one at a time, to read her a bedtime story, keeping her up later than Janet's strict regime allowed. She had rather enjoyed the visits, aiding and abetting the men, although she was sure Janet had known what was going on. Very little had escaped her astute mother.

She sighed, pulling her thoughts back to the present; no bedtime stories now, harsh reality had come down upon her. Orphaned a second time. She had a sudden vision of Daniel as a small boy, losing both parents in that horrible accident. She knew he was still affected by the incident.

When she had first come from Hanka, and had felt so alone, he had confided in her. He had told her his story, telling her he knew how she felt having just lost her parents. Cassie had been lucky, not having to go through the foster system as he had. Janet had just taken her home and adopted her so that her memories of that time were of sadness followed by a sense of belonging, and the sadness had softened with time. Daniel, on the other hand, had not had a Janet to give him stability. He'd had to work out his own path.

As if to answer her thoughts, he was there in the doorway saying, "Want some lunch? Jack's cooked a pasta dish, I can recommend it."

She smiled, nodded and followed him downstairs, admiring his tall, elegant body. She wondered if his proximity would be a problem. For some time now she had been more aware of him. From being a playmate, one of the three that had been constants during her growing years, he had become an important companion.

She had always valued his opinion. In her studies, she had tried to emulate the enthusiasm for learning that he exuded. He had helped with those studies, his brilliant brain teasing apart the problems that she saw, showing her how to think past those problems and expand her understanding.

But recently other factors about him had come to the fore. His personal charisma, understated compared with Jack and Teal'c, appealed to her youth. She had dated many college boys but none could measure up to Daniel. She knew, of course, that Jack and Daniel were lovers. Had known, since that incredible moment when the alien being inside her had shown her what love and harmony meant. The alien had approved of the depth of their love, and the warmth of it had pervaded Cassie's body. Now she found herself wanting, needing that sort of all-fulfilling love but there was only one Daniel Jackson in the world and he was taken.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Jack leaned forward with a dish of pasta, "There you are, Cass. Help yourself to sauce."

He transferred his attention to Daniel, sitting beside her, and she saw the look that passed between them. She was enthralled by the connection these two men possessed. No words passed, yet she was sure a whole conversation had just taken place. She envied them.

She ate her pasta, which was very tasty, and saw Jack looking at her. She nodded at him and a pleased smile wreathed his face. He was a fine looking man, she thought, lean and assured, belying his years - she could see what Daniel saw in him. Her mother had often spoken of Jack as an outstanding leader, one whose team would follow him to hell and actually had. Janet had been full of admiration for him, indeed for the whole team of SG1. General Hammond made no bones about his respect for their abilities - his flagship team.

Cassie sighed. Everyone at the SGC was special. Only the best, in their respective fields, were needed to combat the alien threat. Jack, the outstanding commander; Sam, the gifted scientist; Daniel, whose expertise covered so many fields in his thirst for knowledge; Teal'c, the alien warrior with a hundred years of experience and memories; the inspiring General Hammond who was the pivot on whom the welfare of the SGC depended. And her mother, who had been a brilliant doctor, dealing with alien viruses and injuries from alien weapons that had never been seen on earth. How could she ever fit in?

Her mother had encouraged her to lean towards the medical profession. She had imbued her with a sense of the rightness of choosing healing as a career. Janet's hope was that her daughter would stand beside her in the infirmary, bringing succor to those that had to fight. That hope was gone now, the light extinguished on an alien field. She sighed again.

Daniel glanced at her. He had caught her sigh and wondered if she knew what to do with herself now that she was here.

"Would you like to play chess?" he asked. He had taught her to play a few years ago, and thought the concentration might help to dispel her sad mood.

She laughed. "And have a humiliating defeat, Daniel? I know my limitations."

"I'd give you a little leeway," he offered.

She shook her head as Jack leaned over and complained, "I heard that. You don't give me any leeway."

"Certainly not," said Daniel, crisply. "You're big enough to hold your own."

Jack gave him a bright, knowing smile, and Daniel flushed. Cassie was sure there was an innuendo there, but didn't catch it as Jack continued, "We have a game to finish. I feel ready to trounce you."

"Trounce? How very English. Sounds more like jousting than chess." Daniel was being careful that he didn't make any more double entendres.

"Jousting, yes! We warriors can turn our hand to anything."

Teal'c, passing by with the used plates, gave him the Look!

Jack picked up basins and dishes and followed him out. He prepared the coffee and stacked the dishwasher, then asked, "How do you think she is doing, Teal'c?" He was worried, now that Cassie was with them. Maybe she did need Sam after all. He had seen Daniel look at her with concern.

"She is young," said Teal'c thoughtfully. "But she understands that death is a part of life. She knows we are in a battle that we must win, but that people will die. It is the price we pay for freedom."

With that damning thought Jack went back to the living room. Cassie settled down to watch the two men play.

The game was halfway through, so they sat and argued as to whose turn it was.

"You always try to cheat, Jack." Daniel's voice was warmly amused. "You are black, I'm white and an equal number of moves have been played. You can't have a second go."

"You're no fun," Jack smiled around his words. "You don't let me win."

"Do you want me to?"

"Nope."

It was obviously an old argument, but the look that passed between them caught Cassie's breath as Jack muttered, "You so owe me."

"Collect later," Daniel replied softly, and then leaned over to study the board.

As she expected, Jack was a good strategic and tactical player, as befitted a soldier whose decisions on a battlefield had to be incisive. Daniel, however, was the master. Hardly seeming to plan ahead, his moves were smooth and confident. He forged ahead taking piece after piece until, with a murmur of "Again!" Jack resigned his king and laid him sadly down on the table.

He wandered away to the kitchen, reached for a beer from the fridge and trailed back in time to hear Cassie ask, "Does he ever win?"

Daniel was setting the board up for the next game. "Oh, yes. When he's really on his game he can. I don't have to let him."

Jack interrupted. "You wouldn't anyway."

"Nope," replied Daniel, cheerfully. "Don't let the 'I'm just a simple soldier' routine fool you, Cassie. It's all a con."

She laughed. "Oh, I know. I sussed him out years ago."

"Hey! Don't talk about me as if I were somewhere else. Air Force Colonel, here."

"Well sit down Colonel, and have another game."

Cassie didn't want to watch another game or their reactions to each other.

"Have you any books I can read?"

Jack looked up. "There are only a million books in this house. We're setting up in opposition to the Penrose, plus Aamster, Chinook and Hathaways."

Daniel chuckled. "Your erudition is showing, Jack. I'd expect you to know the Penrose since it is the nearest public library, but all those bookshops? You have some explaining to do."

"I read," muttered Jack, resentfully.

"Yeah? Flying Today and Air Mechanics monthly?"

"Okay, in the den, Cassie, there are plenty of books and they're not all mine." Jack said resentfully.

Cassie took herself off as they started bickering again.

The den was indeed a book trove. Some were neatly in bookshelves, others on tables, chairs, even piled on the floor. Not knowing where to start, she sat in the overstuffed arm chair and reached for the nearest book. It was one of Daniel's, dealing with the myths of ancient Egypt, specifically the story of the twin goddesses Isis and Nephthys. She began to study it, remembering Daniel's words, when she was still at college, on how to read.

'Look for the underlying truth in what you read. The words are only the carriers of the message. There is a gestalt that encapsulates the information, and presents it in a way that is greater than the sum of its parts'

She had read perhaps a quarter of the book when Jack came in, hands in pockets, a slump to his shoulders.

"You lost again?" she hazarded a guess.

He nodded.

"Do you really mind?"

"No. If he'd been a moron, then yes. But to be beaten, and fairly persistently at that, by a genius. Well, it's got a certain amount of kudos in it."

"One way of looking at it."

He peered at her book. "Whatcha readin'?"

She turned the book to face him. He saw the hieroglyphs on the cover, "For cryinoutloud, Cassie. That's one of Daniel's, why not a nice Harlequin?"

"You like Harlequin romance novels, Jack?'

"No." He spluttered.

"Well, why should I?"

"You're a girl."

"And, so, therefore?" Cassie raised her eyebrows.

"You're doing a Daniel."

"What does that mean?"

Jack sighed. "Whenever he thinks I'm being a bit traditional, in the old-fashioned sense, he does that - and - so - business."

"Well, we are living in the 21st century. Values have changed and so have the stereotypes of gender, thank God. There is another aspect, of course."

She paused, and he had to ask, "What?"

"I don't like love novels. They are not real."

Jack looked her, astounded. His voice caught in his throat for a moment, and then he said - very quietly, "Take it from me Cassie, love is very real."

"I didn't mean...oh, Jack. I'm sorry. I wasn't knocking love, just the way it is portrayed in novels. I do know about love, I experienced it full blast two years ago."

He dropped his eyes, "The gateroom?"

"And in Daniel's living room," she said softly. "She was so pleased."

"She?"

"The alien being."

"Didn't she have a name?"

Cassie pondered. "Well, I didn't get an impression of a specific name. The people called her Lady or Goddess."

Jack shuddered, having had his fill of goddesses. "So this Lady was pleased that Daniel and I..."

"Yes. It was what she thrived on. She was so happy for you both."

He looked up, a little shy, remembering the intensity. "And you experienced it all?"

She nodded. "It was wonderful. I will never forget. Then, in the gateroom, all those people singing their hearts out; willing to call her into being. She could see the love and trust that everyone had in each other. That was how she wanted everywhere to be, that was why she wanted to take me."

"To do what?"

"To travel the Stargate pattern. To bring harmony and love to the dark places."

"And you weren't frightened?" He couldn't imagine being willing to have someone take over his body, his mind - too much like the Goa'uld.

She read his thoughts and smiled. "No, it wasn't like that, Jack. She was...benign is the word I think fits. I was free to think, to react as I wanted. There was no coercion, even when she was leading me to the Stargate. She knew I was acquiescing, that I wanted to go."

Her face shone with animation.

"But you didn't go."

"No," she whispered. "I didn't realize why she had left me and gone back. Then I saw Mom's face. She couldn't let me go, and I was glad." She swallowed. "Now I am glad, we had these last two years." Her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

Part 6

A voice from the door said, "Anyone want a drink? Jack?" After a moment, Daniel walked in. Seeing Cassie's face, he dropped down to his knees and took Cassie's hands.

"Memories?" he asked, knowing somehow that it was.

She nodded and looked up at Jack, her smile wavering. He stroked her cheek with his warm hand and went out, leaving them together.

"What is it?" Daniel rubbed her shoulders.

"I was remembering Mom not letting me go with the alien," she whispered.

"None of us wanted you to go, Cass. You are part of our family." He drew her to her feet and the book fell to the floor.

"You're reading this?" he asked, pleased that she had taken to one of his books.

"Yes. I was interested."

"Good." He picked it up and tucked it under her arm. "Don't let Jack see."

"He already did. Gave me the 'forcryinoutloud' bit, then the Harlequin novels. I'm afraid I shattered his illusions of sweet young things reading romance."

Daniel chuckled. "He'll get over it. Cut him some slack, Cassie. Girls were not very cerebral in his youth; romance was about all they did read."

"Doesn't it bother you?"

He looked puzzled.

"The age difference."

He smiled at her. "I love him, Cass. That's all that really matters."

He pulled her into the living room and gave her a glass of wine.

=====

Cassie woke in the night. For a moment she was unsure of her surroundings. The moonlight was peering through the undrawn curtains and lighting the artifacts on the shelf. Of course, she was in Jack's guest room. Daniel used to sleep here in the days before he and Jack got together. She smiled as she realized that even then Daniel had been moving into Jack's space. Any artifacts that took his fancy he brought home. His own apartment was stuffed with them, so now that he semi-permanently lived with Jack, they were here too. There were more in the living room, she remembered.

Cassie turned over, trying to get back to sleep but sleep wouldn't come. She lay there a while in the hopes that she would drift off but to no avail. A drink might help, warm milk perhaps? She reached for the nightstand and switched on the lamp. Rising, she drew on her robe, shuffling her feet into slippers as she went. The house was very quiet as she moved down the hall, past Jack and Daniel's bedroom, to the stairs.

There was a light downstairs, and as she descended, she realized it was the flickering of many candles in the living room. Before turning left and crossing the hall to the kitchen, she paused at the open living room door.

"Come in, Cassandra. You are welcome." Cassie heard Teal'c's deep voice call.

Drawing the folds of her robe to her, she skirted the candles and lowered herself cross-legged beside the Jaffa. The room beyond the circle of candles was dark and gave the impression of a cave, intimate and enfolding. She looked up to see Teal'c's face looking gravely down at her.

"You cannot sleep?" he asked.

"No. I don't know why."

"Perhaps your thoughts disturb you. This," he waved his hand at the candles, "may quiet you."

"Kelnoreem?"

"I do not kelnoreem now. Without my symbiote it is not possible to reach that state. But your method of meditation achieves a similar condition. DanielJack...Daniel suggested I try yoga."

Cassie smiled. "You still have trouble dropping the surname, don't you?"

"Changing a lifetime of formal respect cannot be achieved immediately."

"You manage with me."

He smiled back at her. "You are young. Even on Chulak, we use a more relaxed mode of address to children than we do their elders. Though you are no longer the child we knew, you are still young enough to be accorded less formality."

"Good. I'd hate to be CassandraFraiser permanently." Her eyes teared up at the sound of the adopted name, the remembrance of the adopted mother causing a lump in her throat. She swallowed hastily, not wanting to cry in front of this stoic man.

His big hand reached out and cradled the back of her neck, grounding her.

"Bear her name with pride, Cassandra. She was a good person, a dedicated healer and..." his eyes twinkled, "...a Tauri of much fierceness. It takes much to intimidate a Jaffa."

Her smile was watery and grateful. "Thank you," she whispered.

He left his hand on her neck, until he heard her slow breathing, and then dropped it to reach inward for his own calm. Cassie breathed deeply. Her eyes focused on a single candle flame, concentrating, as Daniel had taught her, to achieve her still centre.

An early morning sun was glowing behind the drapes when Cassie returned to normal awareness. Some hours had passed and she felt rested and at peace. Beside her, Teal'c stirred and said, "Return to your bed. You should sleep now. You will awaken when you are ready. I will not let O'Neill disturb you."

"Yeah. He's an early riser. Thanks Teal'c."

As she sped upstairs, she heard waking noises coming from Jack and Daniel's bedroom. She quickly visited the bathroom and hurried back to her room.

In his bedroom, Jack was standing at the window watching the day arrive. Behind him, his partner stirred and opened sleepy eyes.

"Jack?"

Daniel's lover turned and bent over him. "It's early. Go back to sleep."

Daniel shook his head. "Did I hear...?"

"Cassie. She went downstairs about three, she's just come back."

"You heard her, you old fox?"

"You know my triggers, Daniel. This is my house where I know every creak and crack. With you and Teal'c here, the familiar is comforting and I am not disturbed. But Cassie is unknown; not unwelcome, but a strange footfall is all it takes to trigger me."

"So you've been awake since then?"

"No. I knew who it was as soon as I woke up. I went back to sleep, which is what you should do."

Daniel stretched out a hand. "Come back to bed," he said softly, "I don't need any more sleep."

Jack grinned and stretched, his graceful form limned in sunlight.

"You just want my body."

Daniel grinned back. "You're complaining?"

"Well, no. Just thought you might be interested in my mind for a change."

Daniel gave him a long look.

"Oh, well!" sighed Jack, extravagantly. He lay on the bed and spread himself. "Take it."

Daniel jumped him.

Cassie slept until Daniel called her for lunch. She showered, dressed and joined the others at the table. She yawned as she ate, wondering whether to go back to bed, but not wanting to be impolite.

Jack spotted her yawning and said, "Go back to bed, Cass. You'll need to be rested for tomorrow."

She nodded and did so while, for the rest of them, the day passed quietly. Each one was thinking ahead to the next day's activities.

Janet's memorial service would be held in the gateroom at 10am after which the funeral party would move to the Air Force Academy Cemetery to be joined by non-SGC mourners.

It was late afternoon when Daniel received a phone call. He told Jack he was going to the base for a while. Jack's eyebrows rose in query but Daniel shook his head, not wanting to explain further.

"Tell you later," he promised.

On his way to the mountain Daniel wondered how he would handle the coming interview. The call had been from Simon Wells, the young senior airman that Janet had been treating when she was killed. Daniel wasn't sure if he would be able to talk to the only other person to be there when the unthinkable had happened. However the man had asked to see him and, seeing he was still incarcerated in the infirmary, Daniel had to go to him.

It was with reluctance that Daniel approached the infirmary - so many memories, the times he had been here with the soft-spoken Janet as his companion in the night.

He walked through the doors and made straight for Simon's bed, not looking at the little office now devoid of its rightful occupant.

Simon was looking better than the last time Daniel had seen him. Then, it had only been a couple of days after he'd been shot and he had been very depressed. Daniel had talked him out of it and now he was looking brighter.

"Hallo Doc."

"Daniel," Daniel replied automatically.

"Um, Daniel. Thanks for coming. I didn't know if you would but I had to try. I...I er wanted to go to the funeral, but of course I can't. Warner says I won't be up for weeks. Thing is, Daniel, I would like my wife to go."

"Your wife? Isn't she - like pregnant? And close?" Daniel was surprised.

"Yes. She is. But because I can't go, she wants to. Dr. Frasier saved my life, Daniel. She stayed because of me, and look what happened." His anguish showed on his face. "Marcie can't come here to the service, I know that, but she could go to the cemetery. Would you take her?"

Daniel froze; the day was going to be fraught enough. Surely it would take all his strength to get through the ordeal, without taking on further responsibility?

Simon's pleading look reminded him that though he didn't want to go, he needed to be there. The airman felt that too - and he couldn't go, but his wife would represent him. She would be there to offer the grief and the gratitude from them both.

"What about your team-mates? Wouldn't one of them take her?" Daniel had already decided, but wanted to hear Simon's reason for choosing him.

"Yes, of course. It's just that. well, she's heavily pregnant. It embarrasses her...and...well they are great guys, but a bit insensitive." Simon frowned, he wasn't putting this very well. "And it's just that...well, Doc - Daniel. You were there with me; I think she would feel more comfortable with you."

He rubbed his face with his hands, wondering if he could convey his feelings. "She knows you were there when it happened, that you were looking after me. She doesn't realize that I don't remember what happened. By the time the doc was hit, I was out of it. She'd given me something for the pain and it washed me out. I didn't know what had happened until I was back here."

So, Daniel thought, he had been alone with his friend. Had been her only companion as she left them. Somehow he felt there ought to have been a multitude cheering her indomitable spirit.

Simon was looking at him worriedly. Daniel wondered if he had spaced out. Probably.

"Ok, Simon," he said. "I'll pick her up after the memorial service and take her to the cemetery. I'll be with Colonel O'Neill. Will that be all right?"

Simon smiled, relieved. "Oh, sure. Marcie likes the Colonel. Danced with him at the New Year party. Thinks he's hot."

Daniel smiled. She's got that right, he thought.

"Last time we spoke, you said her sister was coming to stay with her, until you are out of here. Did she come?"

Simon shook his head. "She couldn't get away until the weekend. She'll be here on Sunday. One of our neighbors is staying with her and Dr. Warner arranged for a nurse to check her every day."

Daniel nodded, glad the young mother-to-be wasn't on her own.

"All right. You tell her I'll be there."

"Thanks."

Daniel could see the airman's emotion was getting the better of him, so he gave him a small wave and walked away.

As he drove home, the sky began to darken and a fine rain started to fall. The trees lining the mountain road swayed as the wind whipped up. He hoped it would pass soon; tomorrow's events would be bad enough.

Back at the house, Daniel told the other men and Cassie what had transpired.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Jack, aware that Daniel could have flashbacks during the ceremony. The flashbacks had gotten less as time had moved on, but Daniel still had a tendency to become unfocussed. "What if she goes into labor? You said she is close to her time and a funeral is just the sort of trauma to precipitate a birth. You can't be with her all the time, now that Hammond has arranged for you and Teal'c to be following the coffin."

Daniel, who had made up his mind and was ready to argue, stopped as Cassie's soft voice said, "I can take care of Mrs. Wells while you're not there, Daniel. I've had all that training, and I'd recognize signs of labor if it occurred."

Jack smiled. "Oh! Danny's an old hand at delivering babies. His talents are extensive."

Daniel shot him a 'shut up' look. "Thanks Cass, that would be kind. It's going to be mostly military and medical, Jack tells me, so she might like to have another civilian with her."

Which is, of course, why you accepted the job, thought Jack.

"It was most thoughtful of you DanielJac...Daniel," Teal'c's usually assured delivery again stumbled over the attempted informality, "...to accept AirmanWells request. Having his wife attend means his incapacity will not prevent him from paying his respects, as any warrior would to one of his own."

"But my mother wasn't a warrior, Teal'c," Cassie protested. "She was a healer."

Jack interrupted her, "You're wrong, Cass. She was a Major in the armed forces. She might have fought with a hypodermic instead of a P-90, but she fought the Goa'uld as hard as we did. That made her a warrior in my book."

Daniel nodded and added, "Janet was a healer in a war zone. She fought everyone and everything to do her job, and was as tough as old boots. No-one messed with Janet. She was my definition of a warrior."

Cassie gazed at the men. They painted a picture of her mother that she had never really seen. Janet had been loving, strict, comforting - with a natural sense of fun. She knew of her mother's dedication to her calling, but was amazed at the veneration these men felt.

"Thank you," she said, inadequately.

She wondered how she was going to get through the evening. As the time got closer to the putting away of Janet Frasier, she felt more and more isolated. Not just bereft, but a pulling away as if something was prompting her to distance herself. As if they sensed this, after dinner Jack and Daniel sandwiched her between them on the couch and they watched silly movies. The broad shoulders and embracing arms of her friends comforted her and she laughed with them at the antics on the screen. She forgot, for a little while, the heavy heart and sense of loss.

Later, when the last film finished, she announced her intention to retire. She kissed all three men quietly and, as she mounted the stairs, she wondered if she would sleep. If not, perhaps she could kelnoreem with Teal'c again. But, as her head caressed the pillow, she sank into a deep slumber.

=====

Cassie awoke to a knock on her door. Daniel's voice called, "Coffee for you, Cass."

She called him in and was surprised to find him dressed in his meet 'n greet outfit. The dark blue Versace suit with the faint silver sheen always looked so good on him. He'd teamed it, for the occasion, with a matching blue shirt and tie, which made the whole outfit look very somber and very expensive.

"Bathroom is clear for you, take your time - Jack is getting breakfast ready."

He put her coffee on the nightstand and left her to it.

She drank quickly, knowing it would wake her system up, and went for her shower. Sam would be collecting her at 8am so she hurried her make-up and hair and dressed in the indigo suit she had tucked away. A dark violet blouse, with a hint of ruffle at the neck, completed her dress. After slipping on her low-heeled shoes she went downstairs to breakfast.

Teal'c was blazing a trail of green, gold and earth tones in his Chulakian ceremonial robes; and Jack was in his dress blues, with every medal and eagle polished to high luster was sparkling in the sunlight streaming through the windows.

Sam arrived, looking cool in her dress uniform, saying "My, don't we look distinguished!"

She kissed Cassie and accepted a cup of coffee.

"Did you go to Pete's?" asked Cassie, searching Sam's face for the tiredness that was there earlier. She was relieved to see that Sam looked rested.

"No. He's been busy. But he's on his way. He phoned this morning to say he would be at the funeral. He'll meet us there." She put her arm around Cassie, feeling her tension and hoping that her presence would help on this sad day.

Part 7

.

But first the memorial service, thought Cassie. She could understand the powers that be arranging to have it all in one day, after all the SGC was a working unit and had to get on with the job. All missions had been cancelled in deference to her mother, but it was too dangerous to let that state of affairs go on too long.

In a way, she was pleased with their decision. She needed closure and the twofold events would give her that, she hoped. She was still having the feeling of distance but realized it would not make itself known until she had achieved closure.

She heard Sam ask Teal'c what hat he was going to wear with his robes, and tried to concentrate on what was being said but the voices seemed to be far away.

"I am not wearing a hat today, Major Carter. General Hammond seemed to think my insignia will not raise comment in view of my robes."

"Yeah, if anybody asks - it's stuck on. Sorta religious symbol." Jack stuffed the last of the toast into his mouth and grinned, with crumbs.

They sorted themselves into the cars, Sam taking Cassie, Jack with Teal'c and Daniel, and headed for the mountain.

The gateroom was crowded, overflowing into the corridors. Not all personnel were going to the funeral as the SGC had to be manned even with no off-world traffic, so as many as possible took their stand in the corridors.

A podium had been set up at the bottom of the gate ramp and before it, to everyone's surprise, stood the coffin draped in the stars and stripes. The honor guard stood to one side, ready to take their burden again when the memorial was finished.

SG1, Cassie and General Hammond took their places in front of the coffin.

Cassie found herself looking at the Stargate. Inactive as it was, it still had the power to fascinate, to compel her. As the SGC padre took over the lectern she found herself remembering being brought back through that circle. In a hazmat suit too big for her, she had stumbled through, with Daniel and Sam helping her, to a new land, a new people and a new life.

Then two years ago this same blue circle had heralded another life - held it out to her for the taking. Her fingers itched to touch the silver ring, reminded of when, as the host, she felt the Lady's remembrance of touching - feeling the power of the gate thrumming through her. The power that had enabled her to activate the gate by thought alone.

Dimly, she was aware that Sam had taken the padre's place and was reading a lot of names out, names of people whose lives her mother had saved. And I was one she saved she thought. Not only saved and brought up as her own daughter, but saved from the alien Lady who offered her the universe. That being had understood the power of love and had left her to the love of the mother that needed her.

The strains of 'Taps' being played softly, from the ramp, brought Cassie back to herself, as General Hammond asked her if she was alright, and Daniel was looking worried.

She smiled reassuringly at them, and then realized that the service was over and she had hardly heard a word. She knew it had been recorded and supposed that sometime she would see a tape of it.

Sam took her arm and led her away.

Jack and Daniel had left hurriedly as soon as the service was over. They needed to get to Marcie Wells house and back before the cortege set off for the cemetery.

They climbed into the service car provided and Daniel gave the address to the driver. Fortunately, the married quarters of the SGC personnel were not far, and were on the way to the cemetery.

There were grassy spaces between the houses and children were playing on the swings and roundabouts, see-saws and slides. They were wiping the raindrops from the metal and flicking them at each other. The sun had dried the grass and the day was becoming hot.

Marcie was waiting for them in the cool entrance to her little house. She wore a dark blue, loose summer coat. A matching hat was perched on her light brown hair. A lighter blue dress showed the bump that preceded her. Her pretty face smiled shyly as she took Daniel's hand. "Doctor."

"Daniel," he said quietly.

"Daniel...and Colonel. Thank you for this opportunity." She was a little breathless, and even more so as Jack expertly guided her down the path to the waiting car.

Daniel closed the door and sauntered after them watching his lover reassuring the flustered young woman. It never ceased to amaze him that Jack, that hardnosed martinet whose frown could send airmen scurrying away in fright, could be so gentle with weaker vessels. Women, children and animals succumbed to his tender ministrations. He smiled as he slid in beside the driver.

He heard Jack telling Marcie that his niece would be with her while they were escorting the coffin.

As the car approached the line of vehicles, just leaving the base, Jack told the driver, "Pull in behind the second car. They are expecting us."

"Yes, Sir." The driver already had his instructions but he didn't let it show, just eased the car in line as the third car held back.

Trust Jack to have everything cut and dried, thought Daniel. He leaves nothing to chance, especially on an occasion such as this. Daniel couldn't fault the military. For once - he thought ruefully, the planning that went into this was flawless. Each movement organized like a military maneuver - that figures.

As the cars went through the cemetery gates, they turned smoothly into their designated places. The hearse went on to its place outside the small chapel. The honor guard's car followed and the detail removed themselves to stand ready to take the coffin, their white gloves gleaming in the sunlight.

Jack and Daniel exited the car with Marcie between them. The other cars discharged their passengers and they stood waiting for their order of deployment. The weather was fine but a keen wind had risen, hinting that fall was here. It caught at the flags, the hats and the women's dresses.

Sam looked around the crowd for Pete, finally catching sight of him standing decorously back behind the Academy Hospital staff. She gave him a sad nod and a 'Join us' gesture. He shook his head and mouthed, 'Later'.

Cassandra moved to Marcie's side and took her arm. Marcie smiled at her and put her hand protectively on her hat as the wind tugged at it. Daniel saw Cassie's tall figure bending to talk to Marcie, obviously reassuring her. He was glad Cassie had someone to watch over; it would give her something to do apart from watching her mother being buried. He was feeling the effects himself, and looking at Jack, Sam and Teal'c, realized the tight faces resembled his own.

In the gateroom he had felt at home, in the place that was their raison d'etre. Here in the full light of day, it was almost surreal. Most of the people here did not know what Janet had done, where and how she had died. Even the medical staff at the hospital only knew that sometimes they were called upon to treat unusual cases that only Janet had full knowledge of. It bothered him that her secret life under the mountain had to remain a secret even in death.

They moved at last, with the coffin leading, and SG1 and General Hammond walking behind. The rest of the mourners spread out as they moved. When they reached the burial site and the open grave, they ringed the plot like a family reluctant to let a beloved member go.

The padre, in his accustomed place at the head of the gravesite, began his "I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live." quotation. Daniel's thoughts faded far from the scene. The sands of Abydos seemed to be bright about him and he found himself paraphrasing the words of Sha're's funeral in his head. "I speak for Janet who cannot speak for herself. I have spoken no lies, nor acted with deceit. I am without sin. Grant me a place in your blessed dwelling." That was fitting, he thought, for both Christian and alternate faiths.

He glanced across the grave at Jack whose eyes were almost closed, his face tight with pain. I know where he is, thought Daniel, wishing he could hold him.

Jack's eyes were lowered, focused on the steady descent of the coffin. The words came to him from afar and racked him with poignancy. The burial of his young son was still a raw wound in his soul and every funeral brought it back, most especially this burial of a close friend and colleague. His own pint-sized Napoleon, harbinger of needles and potions; he'd treated her with respect and not a little fear. She'd known more about his body than he did. The lump in his throat brought tears to his eyes. He looked across at Daniel, whose own eyes were bright with the tears he would not let fall. He glanced at Carter, who was weeping openly.

Sam wept for the friend she had lost, the confidante, the more-than-sister. Their relationship, one of solidarity at being two women in a world of men, had been the one sure thing Sam could depend on. Now that surety had gone and, just as at her mother's funeral so long ago, her hard-won military defenses had come down.

Teal'c looked at MajorCarter and envied her the ability to mourn in public. This rite of the Tauri was symbolic and reverent. He wished he could howl at the pain as he had when Drey'auc had died, when he had set light to his wife's funeral pyre and released his vocal anguish into the night sky. The little doctor with her patience and fortitude had won his respect and admiration.

Hammond, whose own inner eyes had dwelt on the beloved wife long ago released from her burden of pain, looked up as the ceremony came to an end. The flag had been folded and presented to Cassie, who now held it. Her lips were trembling but she was holding herself together. The young, pregnant woman who had accompanied her was talking softly, her face distressed but her manner consoling. He caught the eyes of Jack and nodded, stepping back from the grave. Jack did the same, signaling to Daniel to emulate them.

Cassie had asked that a basket of flower petals should be placed beside the grave and now each mourner took a handful and threw them onto the coffin. The friends stood together as the throng walked slowly round the grave, deposited their petals, gave their respects to Cassie and moved off. Pete stepped away from the others and put an arm around Sam. Cassie shared the remaining petals with her friends and they dropped them into the grave. By then, the coffin was so totally covered with flowers that the nameplate was obscured.

Teal'c, observing the general demeanor, decided that he approved of this Tauri custom. Everything was done with a dignity, and deference, to his departed friend. That pleased him but he rather wondered at the 'wake' he had heard would follow this solemn ceremony. He turned to his commander to request information but O'Neill was talking with Cassandra and Daniel, and was preparing to depart with AirmanWells' wife.

He glanced at MajorCarter and noticed her tears had dried, so approached them. "Would you enlighten me, PeterShanahan? What is the object of this 'wake' we are going to? Major Carter tried to explain it some time ago, but I am unclear as to it's purpose, is it a party?"

Pete looked a little confused. Though he had met Teal'c a number of times he could not get used to being addressed by his full name. But he strove to answer the request. "A wake is a gathering of mourners to celebrate her life, Teal'c. We Irish," he nodded towards Jack, "call it a wake, though it used to be a vigil at the home or church of the deceased. What we are going to is a gathering of friends and family to eat and drink in Janet's honor. To speak of her as we knew her. There will probably be music?" He glanced at Sam, knowing she had made the arrangements. She nodded.

"Ah," said Teal'c. "There is respect."

"Oh, yes, Teal'c." Sam answered. "Everyone respected Janet. I have organized food and drink that she would have approved of. And she loved music and dancing." she gulped in her effort to remain calm.

Teal'c nodded his thanks, laid his big hand on her arm briefly, and then waited with them as Cassandra approached.

"Jack and Daniel are taking Mrs. Wells home." Cassie fidgeted with the folded flag, not knowing what to do with it. She knew it represented the honor her country had bestowed on her mother, but it felt like an empty gesture and her hands itched to put it down.

Teal'c noticed her distress. "Would you like me to hold the flag, Cassandra?" He stretched out his hand and took it from her.

"Thanks, Teal'c." She gave a sigh of relief at his understanding. "Give it back to me when we leave." She looked at Sam. "I don't want to stay long."

"You don't have to, honey." Sam used Janet's term of endearment, not noticing Cassie's wince. "None of us has to."

They moved towards the cars waiting to take them away to their destination: the Academy Hospital at Peterson AFB.

In the car, on her way home, Marcie thanked the men again for taking her.

"I've never been to a military funeral before. It was very impressive - all those uniforms. I hadn't realized before that the medical staff had uniforms."

Jack nodded. "All units that work for the military have uniforms."

"Except us civilians," Daniel quipped.

"And the big man - Tilk?"

"Teal'c." Jack corrected, "Yeah, he's a sort of advisor."

"I liked his robes, he looked magnificent." Marcie went on, "Simon told me he is part of your team, Colonel, even though he is an alien."

Jack and Daniel looked at each other - had Simon told his wife something she shouldn't know?

"Um...an alien?" Daniel ventured.

"Well - you know. African or something. I meant - not from here."

"Aah." Both men heaved sighs of relief.

Of course, thought Daniel, to the man in the street 'alien' just meant someone born in a foreign country. To SG1, rubbing shoulders with aliens on a daily basis, it meant something quite different. Literally different.

"Yes, he's part of my team. A very capable man from a little-known country called Chulak."

Daniel smiled at Jack's judicious bending of the truth.

"He seems very nice. He asked me when the baby is due and how Simon is doing. He speaks very formally doesn't he?"

Daniel chuckled, "Did he call you MarciaWells?"

"Yes, I thought it strange. Does he always speak like that? - not that I minded," she added hastily, not wishing them to think she was criticizing their friend.

Jack was amused. "Yeah, that's how they talk. We've been trying to teach him American speech patterns."

"Oh no, don't do that. I think it's sweet."

The men fought down their laughter as it was obvious she was serious.

The car stopped outside the house and they helped her out, into the company of a neighbor.

As the car sped away, then men allowed their laughter free reign. Even the driver was grinning.

"Oh God!" Daniel spluttered. "Sweet? Of all the appellations to describe Teal'c. Jack, don't you dare tell him."

"Aw, Daniel. Why not?" Jack could hardly contain his laughter. He remembered once, in the infirmary, one of the nurses had called the big man 'cute.' A six-foot-five, 250 pound Jaffa warrior with a ferocious scowl - not to mention a seven foot staff weapon - was fierce and scary, anything but cute or sweet.

He looked at his lover and realized that the laughter had finally broken the tension that had been with them all day. They had needed that.

Part 8

They arrived at the hospital and were shown to the staff dining room, the venue for the occasion. As they entered, glasses of champagne were thrust into their hands. They looked around to see a dais set up at one end of the room which held a small band tuning their instruments. At the other end buffet tables had been erected and people were eyeing it hungrily - it had been a long morning.

Hammond greeted them with "Just waiting for you boys." Jack forgave him the 'boys' on this occasion. "Now that you're here, let's get this shindig started."

Jack and Daniel moved across to a table set apart from the others. Sam, Cassie and Teal'c sat there with Pete leaning over Sam's chair.

The General strode across to the dais, climbed the steps and approached the microphone as the drummer gave a series of taps on his cymbals. The room became quiet and the general cleared his throat and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen. I shall not be making a speech, there is no need. You all know why we are here. To celebrate the life of a remarkable person - a friend, colleague and co-worker of everyone present. You all have glasses? I give you a toast - Janet Frasier. Requiescat in pace, Janet."

He lifted his glass to his lips; the crowd echoed his words and drank. He nodded at the leader to start playing and left the platform to join SG1's table.

Seeing Teal'c sipping champagne, the General smiled. "Are we teaching you bad Tauri habits, Teal'c? You do not usually drink alcohol."

Teal'c bowed his head in agreement, "That is so, GeneralHammond. But I see this partaking of intoxicants as part of our joining together to participate in the remembrance of our friend. My tretonin will take care of the toxicity in much the same way as my symbiote did. A gift from our departed friend, for which I will be ever thankful."

Hammond nodded his understanding.

Pete slipped away to the buffet and started loading platters on a tray. Seeing him struggling with food for eight people, Jack went over to help him.

Daniel held Cassie's trembling hand as people came to her offering condolences. Sam, on her other side, was equally subdued and grateful for Teal'c's imposing bulk beside her.

As they collected napkins and silverware, Jack inquired, "I gather you are taking them away for the weekend?"

Pete nodded. "Booked in at a hotel in La Jolla. Thought they needed to get away after the week they've had. Don't worry, I will have them back Sunday night. I know Sam's gotta work on Monday. I do too."

Jack smiled deprecatingly. "Yeah. I sometimes wonder if we have a life of our own. You were lucky to get booked, just as well it wasn't last weekend, I gather La Jolla's a favorite spot for Labor Day weekend."

"Yeah, lotsa folk use Labor Day to start their vacation. I was lucky, I managed to get two ocean facing rooms."

Jack whistled as they walked back to their table. "Musta cost ya."

"Worth it." The words were said laconically but Jack saw the look that passed between his 2IC and Pete, saw the stricken face soften under the man's tender glance.

They ate sparingly and in silence, but the feeling of their mutual presence, and the relief - that the long week had ended - comforted them.

After he had eaten, General Hammond rose and joined Colonel Ferretti, who had been organizing the refilling of the buffet table.

Sam was talking quietly to Cassie, so Daniel turned his attention to Pete and asked, "Sam said you are all going away, where are you going?"

"La Jolla."

"Nice." Daniel smiled appreciatively. "When do you go?" He smiled at Jack. He and Jack had spent a few days at the ocean resort in a hideously expensive hotel and had thoroughly enjoyed spoiling each other.

"We are on a flight out of Denver at 1430."

Daniel glanced at his watch. "That gives you an hour and a half. Will you make it?"

"I think so. We'll be going soon. Cassie didn't want to stay. Sam had to talk her into putting in an appearance. She just wanted to go as soon as the funeral was over. There willl be other flights if we miss this, but I'd like to get them down on the beach to relax."

"More likely, they'd want to go to bed," commented Jack, looking at the women's tired faces.

Hammond came back to the table and said to Jack, "I've left the proceedings in Ferretti's hands. He will see to an orderly withdrawal. I have to get back to the mountain." He turned to the Jaffa. "Teal'c? Would you care for a lift back?"

Teal'c inclined his head. "That would be acceptable, GeneralHammond."

They all rose. "We must be going too." Sam nodded at the General and Jack, and smiled wearily at Daniel.

Cassie suddenly clutched her arm. "Sam! My clothes. I haven't packed."

Sam put her arm around her. "I packed for you. Don't you remember? I told you. We only have to go home and change and pick up our bags."

Cassie shook her head. "Sorry. Can't focus very well."

Sam looked at Pete, who gestured to the door. She nodded and pulled Cassie in the right direction. Teal'c took the opportunity to hand the folded flag to Pete, who nodded and followed the others.

"Have a good rest, kids." Jack called after them. "See you bright and early Monday morning." He turned to the General. "Sir, if you need me this weekend..."

Hammond smiled. "I don't think so, Jack. It's quiet at the moment; there's been no news from our allies of any movement. But yes, I will call."

"You won't get to see your grandchildren."

Hammond shook his head. "I'm not feeling that I want active company. Much like them." He waved his hand at the room. Though the music was playing, most people were sitting in groups quietly talking.

"They will be dancing later."

"Good. That would please her. I'll see you Monday, Jack. You too, Daniel. Coming, Teal'c?"

They started towards the door but their progress was halted by a number of people requiring the General's attention. Teal'c took the matter into his own hands after a few minutes, knowing the General was anxious to get back, and scowled intimidatingly at those who would approach.

Jack smiled at the sight, then looked at Daniel. "Do you want to stay?"

Daniel shook his head. "You?"

"No way. Let's go home." Jack caught Ferretti's attention and made departure motions with his hand. Ferretti understood and nodded. They made their way out to the car park to find that their driver had anticipated them.

"Did you get something to eat?" Jack asked, sharply. "You haven't been out here all the time, I hope."

The airman smiled briefly. "No, sir. And yes, I had some food. I came out when I saw General Hammond leaving. I guessed you would follow."

"You guessed right. Good man." Jack sank into the car with a sigh of relief. He looked tired, Daniel thought. The proceedings had been a strain on them all. With their thoughts on the events of the day, they traveled in silence. Back at the mountain, they picked up Jack's truck and headed home.

Jack closed the door, pulled Daniel into his arms and kissed him fiercely. "Haven't been able to do that all week," he muttered pushing his face into his lover's neck.

Daniel gasped at the sensations caused by Jack's nibbling lips, "Yes, you have."

"No." Jack pulled away and looked into the blue eyes that were going hazy as Daniel's glasses steamed up. "Only in our bedroom. Not wherever and whenever I want to. So - alone at last!" he crooned, dramatically, swooping in for more kisses.

Daniel laughed, a little shakily at the onslaught. "It has been a bit crowded."

"Much as I love the rest of our team - and Cassie - this is not something I want them to see. They might want some."

"No chance, Flyboy," Daniel's reply was in mock severity. "Anything like that and there will be an acute shortage of SG1 members. I'll spare Cassie, because of not knowing any better. I don't share; let them find their own colonels."

"You're a hard man, Dr. Jackson." Jack pushed his burgeoning groin against his partner's.

"Yeahsureyoubetcha," Daniel murmured in his ear, the little puffs of breath making him shiver.

Jack pulled away. "Come on, let's get changed."

"Aw. Must you?" Daniel surveyed the uniform with appreciative eyes.

"Yup. I can't relax in this - and I certainly can't do what I want to do in it."

"And that is?"

"Make love to you in the kitchen, the sitting room, the den, the bathroom, on the stairs."

"Hey!" Daniel's eyes were glazing as Jack punctuated his list with kisses. "All at once?"

"Nope. Just wherever we are when I want to jump you. I didn't realize how constrained we are when we have company. It's okay for an evening...but a whole week!!!"

"Mm. Supposing I want to jump you?"

Jack gazed at him fondly. "Danny, if you want my old ass, it's yours anytime."

Daniel grabbed said ass with urgent hands. "Not old. Nice ass. Want now!" His voice was low and breathless.

"Hey. That's a quick turnaround. I was trying to get you going."

"Oh, you did. It was the - in the kitchen, on the stairs - scenarios. Nice visuals, Jack. We need to reaffirm our occupancy."

"Yeah, all over the house. Marking our territory."

"No pissing on the furniture." Daniel grinned.

"Ah, okay." Jack grinned back. "I expect semen's better. Doesn't smell."

Daniel wrinkled his nose. "Oh, boy - where have you been? After a heavy session in our bedroom, even with my sinuses, it smells like a doghouse."

"Woof! Hot dogs."

"I said no pissing."

They bantered amiably as they climbed the stairs to their bedroom.

~~~

Cassie gazed through the window of the plane as it soared across the Rocky Mountains. Below her, the jagged peaks pointed majestically to the cloudless sky. The forested sides led the eye down to the deep valley. They were following the course of the Colorado River.

Cassie glanced at Sam and Pete, who were holding hands, their heads pressed back into the headrests with eyes closed. They were all weary, but sleep would not come for her. Which was a pity, it was a four hour flight and she could do with the rest. She'd tried to read the airline magazine but gave up after a while as the sentences skittered about, her eyes becoming unfocused in their tiredness. She returned to her window and realized they were over Nevada. They were lower now, having left the mountains behind and she could see the great carved canyon half in shadow. She remembered standing on the rim of the Grand Canyon looking awestruck down into the great depths.

It had been a trip with friends from college, not long ago. She wondered where those friends were now. After graduation, they had gone their separate ways and she'd had no inclination to keep in touch. She had been destined to work in a secret installation where outside friendships were difficult.

Now she wondered what her life would be. Sam had been her friend, almost a second mother, and her expectation was that Sam would stay with her since the home she and Janet had lived in for ten years was now belonged to her. On the other hand, Sam had Pete.

Cassie liked Pete a lot. He was pleasantly uncomplicated and adored Sam. Eventually, she felt, Sam and Pete would marry. It seemed to be heading that way.

Pete opened his eyes, glanced at the sleeping Sam and looked over at Cassie.

"Hi." he said softly. "Not dozing?"

She gave him a small smile. "Too much going on in my head."

He nodded, understanding. "Been a big day. Lots to do, lotsa people. You need to unwind. You'll do that at La Jolla."

"How do we get there?"

"Gotta rental car waiting at San Diego."

Cassie shifted tiredly; she'd be glad to get out of the plane but was not looking forward to a car ride. "You've been there before?"

"Mm. Coupla years ago." Pete stretched himself then went back to holding Sam's hand. "Had to liaise with La Jolla PD over a case I was working on. Stayed a coupla weeks. Nice place, real laid back. Anything you want to do is there. Quiet or active - there's something for everyone."

Cassie laughed. "You sound like a travel brochure."

He chuckled. "Yeah, guess I do. I liked it there, a lot. Always wanted to come back. Never made it till now. Got lucky, we have a coupla rooms with ocean views - and a balcony. One of the hotels, I remember, advertised - Sunsets free of charge. They really are spectacular. Might be a bit late for it tonight though."

"How long will it take to get there?"

"Oh. Hour and a half, maybe less. Depends on the traffic. Once you're out of San D., it's not too bad. On the other hand, Friday evening, weekend begins. I had hoped to get you on the beach before dinner, but..."He shrugged.

"I don't think I've got the energy. I just want some sleep, and food. Did you stay in the hotel, is the food good?"

"Hey! You think the DPD would fork out for a ritzy hotel for yours truly? No way, Cass." He grinned again, his dark brown eyes and attractive smile twinkling at her. "No. I had rented rooms. One of the officers had a sister with an apartment house. Wasn't bad but it wasn't hotel style. On the other hand, I did do some eating in some of the hotels. I was quite impressed. So was my wallet. I got fatter, it got leaner."

Cassie smiled as Sam stirred and opened her eyes, gazing up into Pete's. Cassie looked away, feeling bereft. Rationally she knew this was a stupid reaction, It was just that the look that passed between them reminded her so much of Jack and Daniel. The identical looks of 'you are my world' caught at her heart. Would she ever feel that way about someone? Could someone ever feel that for her? Did she even want that kind of relationship? She had been brought up as an earth child and was expected to act and feel like one, but the knowledge of her alien birth left her confounded. Could she be a normal human? Marry? Have children? The connection she could see between Pete and Sam, Jack and Daniel - was that possible in a being with naquada in her blood? She knew she wanted something, but wasn't sure what. She seemed to feel she was being pulled towards something. But what?

Sam's soft hand on her arm disturbed her thoughts. "Are you okay, Cassie?" The tone was anxious.

She knew Sam cared, was worried for her. She felt again the closeness they had shared immediately after the death of Janet. Sam wasn't pulling away, not yet. But in the end she would.

Cassie knew, with all the pragmatism of youth, that life would go on - for all of them. How long would it be before she was alone? She - who had never been alone since the day they brought her back from Hanka.

"I'm fine," she said, unconsciously channeling Daniel. "Just tired."

Sam looked at Pete. "How much longer? Are we nearly there?"

Pete checked his watch. "Fifteen minutes should do it."

Later Cassie sat on the balcony staring out at the ocean. At the other end of the balcony was Sam and Pete's room, but it was in darkness. She didn't mind, didn't want company. Having been surrounded by people all day she wanted some pause in her life, a time to collect her thoughts.

She could see the stargate in her mind's eye, hanging there over the night clouded sea. She could hear Daniel's voice telling her the last words of the alien Lady. 'If you find someone who wants to partner with me, come and get me. You can sing again.'

Her voice rose in her throat wanting to pour out her song into the night. She could still remember the unfamiliar words, but she resisted the urge, not wishing to disturb Sam and Pete. She looked out at the restless waves and some of that restlessness invaded her thoughts. She felt like a ship in uncharted waters, and yet she knew somehow she was heading for home. A light flashed out at sea, a ship signaling the shore and in that instant her decision was made. Though the time was not yet right she knew what she had to do, where she had to go, who she had to become.

Softly, she began to sing.