Whoops!!!

by Riantiata

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asr/riantiata/whoops.php
Summary: Watch what you say - it could come back and bite you

The briefing room was quiet as the inhabitants absorbed the quantities of material in front of them. SG1 had just returned from PX107-3, a pleasant planet but with no apparent use. This was despite the Malp's photographs that had shown, what appeared to be a ruined temple. With hindsight, and much trudging to and from the distant structure, it had been revealed as a natural formation of rock.

Jack had studied the photos for hours, he judged. It was no good Hammond getting annoyed, these things happened. So it was a waste of time. He knew, better than most, how much it cost to operate the gate. He knew they would be questioned about the inability of this planet to provide materials to offset the cost.

He sighed , the room was warm and he was sinking into a stupor. Now, if Hammond would release them, he could take his lover home, feed him, put him to bed and forget about that pile of rocks while indulging in their favorite bedtime activity.

Or, should he take him to bed first, feed him later? Or, better still, feed him in bed?

Unmindful of his whereabouts, he called "Honey?"

Daniel, deep in his perusal of the disappointing rocks, answered "Yes?"

The silence in the room deepened.

Daniel looked up blinking, Jack was staring at him wildly. What..? He replayed the previous utterances in his head.

Shit!

His mind raced, looking for an innocent solution, just as Hammond's voice, heavy with meaning, queried

"Honey?"

"Y.y.yes. Honey.J.J.Jack's right." He only stuttered when he was nervous and they all knew it.

"I am?" Jack was telepathing him to get them out of this.

"About what, Dr.Jackson?" Hammond wasn't suspicious, not yet.

"The.the.the smell." He wound his thinking back - where was he going with this?

"What smell?" Sam was looking at him as if he'd grown two heads. He wished he had, any help to sort this out...

"The flower." There - he had it, he hoped!

"Yes. The flower." Jack said, confused but helpful.

"What flower?" Sam wanted to know, her curiousity at the countenances of her team-mates, growing.

"Um...the yellow one." Daniel was sure there had to be some flowers on that damned planet.

"Yes, yellow." Jack tried to keep up.

"There was a yellow flower on the planet?" The General's voice held some concern as if Daniel had lost his mind. Daniel thought he had, he was thinking so fast.

"Yes, General. A small, yellow flower. When I first saw it I thought 'oh,oh' there go my allergies. But it didn't affect me, which suprized me because, as you know, my allergies sorta respond to anything floral..." he knew he was babbling, but couldn't stop " I expected to start sneezing, and I thought 'that's a pity' because it was a nice planet, but I would have to come back if it got to me..." he ran out of breath.

Jack was looking at him with love and bewilderment.

"But you didn't." Hammond said gently.

"Um...Didn't?" Red and flustered, Daniel looked blankly at the General.

"Sneeze." Hammond answered gently, wise in the way of excitable grandchildren and vibrating archeologists.

'Yes. I mean - no, I didn't. That's what was so great. It didn't make me sneeze. ALL flowers make me sneeze." He went on, recklessly lying, "Nice little flower, a bit like a tansy."

"Tansy." Jack nodded his head, wondering if he should write his resignation on the legal pad airplanes he'd made.

Teal'c, who had been viewing the proceedings with a slight air of amusement, asked

"Where was this yellow flower, DanielJackson?"

"Where? oh, you know - around." He waved his hand to indicate around. "Near the gate."

"But where near the gate , Daniel?" Sam was miffed, if there had been any yellow flowers she should have seen them. She was supposed to be looking for medicinal plants."I didn't see any."

"Um. Well you were on the other side of the gate .You know - doing your... doing what you do." Daniel tried to think if there had been a time, on the planet, when the team hadn't been together. He couldn't remember.

"So, what happened when you found this flower that didn't make you sneeze?" Hammond needed to finalise this briefing.

"Well we...that is Jack and me tried to identify the smell. It was familiar but elusive." Daniel tried, belatedly, to be scientific.

"And it turned out to be..." Hammond paused, as Jack cut in

"Honey. Yessir." Jack, finally with the program, let out a sigh. Thank God for Daniel, he thought fervently, he'd never before appreciated the intellect that Daniel could bring to the smallest problem. Not that this was small. Could have been too big to handle.

"Sir," Sam turned to Hammond, who was folding his papers, "If this really is a plant with some worth, couldn't we go back? I mean, just to the gate. This could be a breakthrough..."

Jack and Daniel held their collective breaths, if they went back and there were no yellow flowers...

Teal'c's voice rumbled ponderously as he said "MajorCarter, I don't think one flower could make a difference. As you say, we did not see any others and one, possibly infertile, plant may not be worth the journey."

"But..." Sam began, but was overruled by Hammond,

"No, Major. Teal'c is right. If that plant could cure Aids, Cancer and Third world hunger it would be more than my job's worth to let you go back. And if it didn't, there would be no quicker way to get us shut down. Dismiss, people. Have a good weekend."

Hammond left for his office. Sam left too, muttering scathing remarks about shortsighted bureaucrats.

Daniel moved round the table and confronted Jack.

"Don't you ever do that to me again." he hissed, conscious that Teal'c was still picking up his papers, slowly it seemed.

"What?" Jack was jubilant, "We got out of it."

"I got us out and don't you forgot it." Daniel's heart was still pounding from the near miss.

"Or?" teased Jack.

"Or you sleep alone!"

"Ouch!"

Teal'c moved towards the door

"An interesting briefing, did you not think?"

"Ah, Teal'c. Your syntax is still a bit formal. We have to work on that," Jack smiled, 'Have to teach you some meaningful slang."

"You have taught me much of your language, O,Neill. One remark I think would serve this situation well." He turned to Daniel

"Nice save!"

Back on the planet the little yellow flower, that had caught Daniel's unconscious eye, blew out a honey-laden breath of relief. It was in no hurry to explore the universe.