Gaia - The Princess 7

Healing

by romansilence

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/asr/rsilence/gaiath07.php
Summary: With Sam safely back in Janet's arms they both have to deal with the aftermath.

PRESENT DAY: ON BOARD OF THE SCYTHIA

In the infirmary Doctor Janet Fraiser listed Major Carter's injuries, desperately trying to keep her professional side firmly in control. Aside from the obvious injuries, the blonde had lost almost fifteen pounds in the ten days of her disappearance, fifteen pounds she could not afford to lose; her heart showed signs of a recent short-term trauma and her blood work was a mess.

Now, more than ever Janet was frantic with worry. The naqada levels in her blood were completely out of control, making it impossible to give her any painkillers. The fear for her beloved was even strong enough to make her discard her overwhelming anger and need for revenge, at least for now. Samantha finally drew her closer.

"Janet, Jan-baby, look at me. I'm alright now. There's nothing that won't heal given a bit of time. My ribs are wrapped; you stabilised my knee, so now it can wait a few hours. The only painkiller I need is you. The whole time, all these days you were my strength. You kept me sane. I dreamed of being held by you, and now all I want is to make it real. I need you, Janet."

The small doctor studied Samantha's face and though it was against everything she had learned at medical school, her soul answered her beloved's plea. She tried to calm her conscience with the knowledge that short of sending Samantha to an operation theatre right this moment, there was nothing else she could do.

So, the tough CMO of the Cheyenne Mountain Complex, the small woman who made bad-ass marines shake in their boots, for once followed her heart and had the blonde transferred to their rooms. She joined Samantha on the bed. She had planned on just watching over her lover though there was no sign of concussion and apart from the damaged knee and a considerable weight loss. Despite herself the emotional turmoil of the last few days was taking its toll and she also quickly fell asleep.

Instead of being haunted by bad dreams, they saw the time after their punishment, when General Hammond had sent them home. It was as if they were continuing the dream memories from the night before.

~~~

THE PAST: EARTH, JANET'S AND SAMANTHA'S HOUSE

Samantha tentatively licked the smooth skin in front of her and was rewarded by a harsh intake of breath.

"You, Major Carter, are a tease, but two can play that game." She quickly slid out from under the taller woman and positioned herself on her side, facing her partner.

Janet gauged her mood by studying her blue eyes. They always told her what she needed to know, even long before she could get the same information by probing their bond. Samantha's eyes were an open book to Janet, even when everyone else saw her as cold and detached. She could tell that Samantha needed to escape the memory of her dark dreams but she also saw that it would be only temporary.

So, she let the back of her finger's glide aimlessly over the blonde's side. The blue eyes widened slightly. Caressing her sides and then moving up to the sensitive skin of the blonde's breasts was one of her favourite ways to initiate their love making. But suddenly Janet changed tactics and found one of the ticklish spots about whichonly Cassandra and she knew about.

Samantha almost jumped out of her skin, and before she had the chance to react, she had been flipped onto her back. The brunette was straddling her and began to thoroughly exploit her sudden strategic advantage. Her victim tried to get a hold of her hands to keep her from the most sensitive spots but quickly was laughing too hard to defend herself effectively. She squirmed under her captor and the feeling of hot skin brushing against her centre distracted Janet long enough for the blonde to retaliate. It didn't take her long to reverse their positions and soon they both were howling with laughter.

Janet felt the change in Samantha almost too late, almost missed the moment when the tears escaping her eyes no longer were tears of joy. She quickly propped herself against the headboard and drew her lover as close as she could.

She knew that Samantha had yet to deal with the consequences of everything she had learned about her origins and ancestors, of Egeria choosing her as her last host, though the symbiote was still so exhausted that she had not made herself felt at all, and first and foremost of the psychological consequence of the rescue mission itself. This was the first step and Janet was glad that she reacted this openly and not by shutting everyone out, even her partner.

She whispered to the sobbing blonde, not to get her to calm down but to make her feel safe enough to let go completely. Without relinquishing her firm hold on Samantha, Janet tucked a thin blanket over their still naked bodies and felt strong arms encircling her waist.

When the tears slowly subsided she whispered, "I love you, Samantha Gabriella Carter, now and always."

That brought fresh tears and Janet let her lover cry herself out. The flow finally stopped and to the doctor's relieve Samantha didn't try to distance herself from her. She didn't even attempt to change their position.

"I hurt, Janet."

"I know, baby. Don't try to push the pain away. Give it to me. You don't have to carry it alone," Janet answered and opened herself up to her partner's pain.

The feeling of loss was overwhelming; it emanated from the very centre of Samantha's being, from the very core of her soul.

For the flicker of a heartbeat she felt how the blonde tried to do what over the years had become second nature, how she attempted to protect her lover and herself from the rawness of her emotions, but Janet didn't flinch and didn't turn away, and so Samantha simply let her in, all the way.

The small doctor acted on instinct alone. She mentally stepped closer; becoming a participant instead of only being an observer. It was an experience neither of the women later would be able to put into words. It was an experience too intense to be sustained long but it strengthened their connection.

They also learned a lot about the other. The blonde now knew about the one feeling, the one defining moment that had made Janet what she was; and Janet's suspicions about the significance of the death of Samantha's mother had been confirmed. They also learned a lot more about their partner's strengths.

Janet was the first one to speak. "I love you, Sammy."

The blonde didn't answer immediately. She turned her head and made contact with deep brown eyes.

"I wish it had been me." At Janet's obvious lack of understanding, she added, "I wish I had been the boy whose arm you bandaged with your favourite scarf. I wish I had been the first recipient of your calling as a doctor."

The brunette smiled at her, with a core of wonder in her eyes. Then they took on a familiar sparkle. "I for my part am glad you're not that boy, my love. We never would have become lovers, otherwise."

"Why not? You once were married to a man."

"The boy's name is James, James Timothy Fraiser, my older brother."

Samantha feigned a thoughtful expression and answered with a smile. "You're right, baby. I too am glad that I'm not him – else, I couldn't do this."

She claimed the smaller woman's lips with a passionate kiss, lifted her up at the waist and positioned her at the centre of the mattress.

"Or this."

She renewed the kiss and began to caress Janet's breasts, gently at first but when the brunette rolled them to the side and started to knead her buttocks, she intensified the pressure.

Like their first orgasm this day, this one came quickly and forcefully – but they both also felt a difference.

The first time they had answered the call of their bodies; now, their need came from deeper within, as if the union of souls they had experienced needed to be completed by actions. When the first onslaught had subsided they continued at a slower pace, alternating touches with caresses, chaste kisses with passionate bites that almost broke the skin, oblivious to everything but each other.

Their love-making always had been more than just sex, but now it was as if they had opened the door to another dimension, beyond passion, beyond desire, beyond love, beyond logic, beyond reasoning, beyond science.

They fell asleep with their limbs still entangled, and this time there were no nightmares. But both of them felt as if they had finally come home.

~~~

When Samantha finally reopened her eyes it was dark. The digital display of the bedside-radio showed a quarter past ten in the evening. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes but was reluctant to move and likely wouldn't have – had it not been for the demanding grumbling of her lover's stomach. They both hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast at the base, and at the time they both had been too nervous anticipating their talk with the general.

So, she carefully disentangled her arms and legs from Janet's, grabbed some sweatpants and a t-shirt, and ambled down to the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water and instinctively turned to the drawer with the menus – a necessity with two workaholics and a teenager in the house, even if one discounted the fact that one of the adults was known to burn water when left to her own devices.

Samantha leafed through the collection of pizza places, Chinese take-out, Thai order-in, Greek restaurants etc. without finding anything that met her fancy. Light footsteps told her that her lover was awake. She turned around and only then saw the bottle of wine on the kitchen table and the note leaning against it. Janet unfolded it and began to read to her lover.

Dear Moms,

That brought a big smile to Samantha's face. She stepped behind the smaller woman, encircled her waist with both arms and looked over her shoulder.

There's vegetable lasagna in the fridge. Put it in the oven for thirty minutes. Daniel helped me prepare it. He also bought the wine. Would you believe that he and Jack had a real discussion about why wine or beer goes better with lasagna? Anyway, I hope you'll like it.

Janet and Samantha chuckled softy.

Teal'c and Daniel said that the two of you need some time alone after being confined to the base and all. So, we decided that the welcome home party will be postponed 'til tomorrow. Don't worry about food and drinks; SG-1 has all the bases covered. We'll be there around seven. Have a good time – and Jack said: Don't do anything he wouldn't do; whatever that means. See you tomorrow.

Cass

"Janet, did you ever ask yourself what devil possessed you to adopt a half-grown child?"

The doctor turned in her lover's arms. Samantha's face was completely serious. The question was unexpected; so, she at first didn't know what to answer.

"No, Sam, of course not. Why?"

"I only asked because if you ever should have second thoughts you only have to think of tonight and this note to know that it was the right decision," the blonde answered in a quiet voice.

"Do you ever regret that you didn't take her yourself?"

"Not since I moved in," Samantha answered; then she vigorously shook her head. "What the hell brought this on? I came to the kitchen for food, not to get all sentimental without a reason. You still hungry, my love?"

"Sam, level with me, please. You wouldn't have brought it up if it didn't bother you to a certain degree."

"I really don't know, baby. It's almost as if all my emotions were haywire. I feel out of control, and I don't like the feeling."

The blonde took a seat on a conveniently placed kitchen chair and pulled the small doctor on her lap.

"Sometimes I think my life only really began when I finally admitted my feelings for you. And since I have you and Cassy, I feel like I hit the jackpot. So, the only thing I really regret is that I didn't have the courage to say something earlier, much earlier."

The heartfelt confession was rewarded with a kiss, and interrupted by now two loudly complaining stomachs which started a round of very un-major-like giggling.

Finally, Janet took control. "Open the bottle and set the table, please. I'll take care of the lasagna."

"Will do. I'll also light the fireplace. I missed holding you."

"Great idea, Sam."

~~~

They both were pleasantly stuffed when they finally adjourned from the kitchen to the living room and the nest of cushions and blankets Samantha had artfully piled in front of the fireplace. They were snuggled against each other, content to sip their wine and look at the flames – until Janet suddenly felt her lover's distress pulsing through their bond.

She drew her closer and whispered, "Talk to me, Sammy."

The blonde blinked a couple of times, and Janet saw tears glistening in the corners of her eyes when she quietly answered. "I barely knew her and she still is a part of me but I hurt. It's almost the same pain I felt when my mother died. Why does it hurt so much? It's not normal; it's not logical."

Janet suppressed a smile at her lover's need to rationalise everything.

"Sam, emotions are seldom logical, but from my point of view you have every reason to feel this way. When Jolinar gave her life to save you, you mourned her, right?"

The blonde nodded cautiously, not entirely sure what her lover had in mind.

"She left you with most of her memories. Egeria is a big part of these memories. She is the mother of the Tok'ra."

Samantha raised her head and tried to sit up on her own but the other woman held her tight. "Jolinar lost her mother without ever knowing her," she finally whispered.

"If you think about it, it's much more than that, Sam, at least if I understand it right," Janet answered. "For all Jolinar knew, Egeria was her mother, and like all the Tok'ra she felt a connection to her, a deep connection but..."

This time Samantha sat abruptly. "But for Jolinar it was more. Whenever she thought about Egeria or one of the others talked about her, it touched something deep within, something just out of her reach. Their genetic memory doesn't include personal memories. It doesn't include the likes, dislikes, experiences of their ancestors.

"Jolinar had flashbacks, almost like I did when I tried to keep her under control. They didn't make any sense to her, so she tried to ignore them. Ironic, isn't it?"

Janet didn't answer and the blonde didn't expect her to.

"Since I know about Artemis and her transformation to Jolinar, they do make sense, perfect sense. Jolinar loved Lantash but not the way Artemis loved Egeria or I love you."

Samantha fell silent. She sought the brown orbs. "I don't want to lose you, Janet."

"I love you, Sam, all of you: the carefree woman, the great lover, the brilliant scientist, the tough soldier, the person needing the reassurance of my arms and the person able to do what has to be done. I love all of you, Samantha. I'll always be at your side, my love."

The blonde smiled at her and they fell asleep in front of the fireplace.

~*~

THE PRESENT: ON BOARD OF THE SCYTHIA

Samantha and Janet woke at exactly the same moment. They were both smiling. Their eyes locked and Janet whispered, "I'll always be at your side, my love."

Without a second's though Samantha jumped out of the bed and knelt on her injured knee; slightly surprised at her pain free-movements.

"Janet Rebecca Fraiser, will you marry me? Will you make me the happiest woman in the world?"

Big brown eyes studied her from head to toe and the initial professional worry was replaced with a smile.

"Yes, Samantha Gabriella Carter, I'll marry you, whenever and wherever you want, but first there is something else I need to do. The way you move makes me believe that Xena sneaked in while we were sleeping and used a healing device on you. I have to make sure that you really are alright."

"Always the doc," said Samantha with a smile while she slowly stood and stretched to her full height. "Why don't you check me out while we take a long, hot shower? Unfortunately a sarcophagus doesn't come with a built-in bathroom."

The blonde's attempt at humour brought a pained smile to Janet's face. She knew that sooner or later they would have to speak about everything that had happened for both of their sakes but now was not that time. So, she let herself be pulled to her feet and dragged to the adjoining bathroom.

It didn't take her long to satisfy the physician in her but the lover checked the blonde even more thoroughly. Every square inch of Samantha's body received attention, and she soon took her inspection back to the bedroom.

The blonde was insistent on starting one of her own, and so it took them another four hours before they were ready to face the outside world. A big part of both of them, however, didn't want to deal with all the unanswered questions, not with the questions they themselves had and not with the questions the others undoubtedly would want to ask.

But there also was the undeniable fact that they both needed sustenance. Both of their stomachs were complaining loudly. They slipped some clothes on that they found in a wall-closet. The Amazon BDUs fit as if they had been made for them, at least they would have if not for Samantha's considerable weight-loss.

The blonde's natural curiosity woke on the way to the mess hall and she peppered Janet with questions about the ship, questions the brunette didn't have the slightest idea how to answer. Just before they reached their destination, Janet stopped her with a kiss and Samantha finally understood that she had asked the wrong person and smiled sheepishly.

"I'm sure Xena will give you a thorough tour of the ship, including the engines, my love."

~*~

The big room resembled the Amazons' community dining hall. When they entered they overheard a conversation between two young warriors.

"I still don't understand why we have to be respectful to this damn Goa'uld. She's our prisoner; she should be treated as such."

"We just follow orders, Kaja, the queen's orders."

"Well she wasn't this generous with the Tok'ra we captured during the rescue mission."

"And I don't remember you being part of that mission, Amazon," Samantha's voice was cold and the young women instinctively scrambled from their seats and saluted her with their right fists over their hearts.

"Ma... Major Carter, we... we meant no harm. It was just talk, nothing more," Kaja stammered.

"Sit down, both of you. Didn't Queen Gabrielle teach you that gossip has a way of biting you in the butt once it's started?" Seeing their guilt-ridden faces she added, "The way we treat our prisoners reflects on us. Queen Nut will stand trial for her crimes, but you have to understand that she did what she did because she was hurting and because someone has told her some outright lies and half-truths."

"Why are you so forgiving? We heard that she killed you and tortured you and forced you to fight against her Jaffa."

"News really travels fast here. Understanding why someone did what he or she did, does not mean forgiving them. I understand Nut but it will take more than that to make me forgive her."

Samantha felt Janet's hand on the small of her back and smiled at her partner.

"One day I will forgive her if not for her sake then for mine."

"I don't understand," Kaja's friend blurted out.

"If I don't eventually forgive her, I will always have a black spot in my heart. I will always feel anger and hate for her and in the long run it will eat up all that is good and bright."

Samantha looked at the young faces that in the meantime had gathered around them and added, "If I don't forgive her, she will always have some power over me.

"And now, excuse us. We're sort of hungry," the blonde said with a smile when her stomach decided to add its two cents.

When they turned their backs to the giggling young women Samantha's sharp hearing picked up Kaja's voice.

"Wow! That was way deep. Do you think it's true what they say?"

A new voice answered, "Quiet. Master Niva made it clear that we're not to indulge in this kind of gossip. She said the queen would be really displeased – and I for my part really don't want to end up on the queen's bad side."

"You're right, Jaspy, but I still...

Samantha and Janet grabbed something to eat from the buffet and retired to a small table in the far corner of the room.

"Did you mean what you told the girls?"

"Amazons, young but Amazons nonetheless."

"Girls, Amazons, same difference."

"Now, you're channelling Jack O'Neill, my love. And yes, I meant what I said. It took me years to forgive my father for my mother's death. I was so angry at him and the military that I stopped seeing the things in life she had loved, simple things, like clouds in the sky or the first flower peeking through the snow.

"These things returned slowly when I reconnected with my grandmother. Despite everything he had done to her, she taught me how to forgive him, and I swore to myself that I would never again allow such a black cloud to grow in my heart. But I also learned that these feelings, that forgiveness cannot be hurried."

"I'll be at your side the whole way, Sammy."

"I know, my love. That's what makes it all bearable, that's why I'm not lying in bed, curled into a tight ball and wallowing in self-pity, frightened out of my mind. If this whole mess was good for anything it's that you'll always be there for me, no matter what."

They shared a gentle kiss and finally began to attack their plates with vigour. Samantha was about to scoop up the last spoon-full of blue Jell-O when Aria found them.

The young woman brought them a message from the queen, telling them that a meeting to speak about the immediate future would be held at their convenience, a debriefing of sorts.

~*~

The blonde was not particularly looking forward to recounting the details of her capture, not during this debriefing and specially not during the upcoming trial, but she also was not one to postpone the inevitable.

So, half an hour later, they stood in the senior staff-room of the Scythia, making small-talk with SG-1 and the weapons' master while waiting for the queen and General Hammond. The leaders of the other SG-teams were already seated.

Samantha fidgeted nervously but considerably calmed down when she learned that she would not have to talk about her time on the ha'tak and Nut's planet. The Goa'uld and Aisato had given a detailed written report that General Hammond told her to review before the next day, when the trial against the Goa'uld would be held in the mess-hall come community hall.

The jury would only have to decide about the punishment because Nut had pleaded guilty on all charges: abduction, physical assault, torture, and murder. As members of the rescue team neither Gabrielle nor Xena would take part, but over the course of the last two days elders from Gaia and other Amazon planets had arrived to fill the ranks according to Amazon law.

"I'm thankful that I will not have to take the stand, your majesty, but I'd like to address the jury before they make their decision," Samantha said after she had fought down the surprise that it had been more than two days since her rescue. She really must have been out of it.

"It is customary for the injured party to be offered to speak, Samantha," Xena answered, unsurprised at her request.

"Good. – General, what will happen with the SGC? Janet told me that you risked your careers to come to my rescue."

"As Master Bra'tac would say: we'll cross that bridge when we come to the river. I set a few things in motion before I left Earth, Sam, but it's too early to talk about it. And now, Major, I think you and the good doctor should try and get some more sleep. You both still look tired."

"We'll see to it that they get some more rest, General, but if you don't mind we'd like to have a few words in private with your officers," Xena said with a reassuring smile.

"Let's go, campers. Someone has to make sure that all these Amazons don't run Master Bra'tac ragged in the training's hall," Jack O'Neill said while shoeing the others out of the room.

When the four of them were alone Janet blurted out, "You don't need elders to hold a trial. Every adult member of the Nation would have done."

Samantha looked at her partner and her eyes widened in sudden understanding.

"Except to hold a Grand Council!" She turned her attention to Gabrielle. "I thought we agreed to keep it under wraps for the time being, your majesty."

There was hint of accusation in her voice to which Xena immediately reacted. "What makes you think that it's done for you? Nut is a Goa'uld but she also is a queen in her own right, the leader of her people. She deserves royal treatment."

"I apologise, Queen Gabrielle, Consort Xena. It was presumptuous of me," Samantha answered with an embarrassed blush.

"It's alright, Sam; your words have a certain truth to them. We had to tell the regents and elders the truth, after the hard time you had getting support for the rescue mission. For the rest of our people your actions are enough to gain you special treatment. Saving our lives has given you both a special place in our society and the history of the Amazon Nation. In their hearts you are one of them even if you choose never to make it official."

"And the prophesy does not make it any easier; I heard the warriors whisper in the mess hall."

"No, it doesn't but now is not the time or the place to discuss that either. Have you decided yet how you will be joined?"

"We didn't exactly have time to talk about it. Sam wants to do it before our return to Earth. On Gaia, Priestess Melosa could officiate. We don't know yet."

"We would be honoured to hold the ceremony on Gaia, Janet, but you still would have to decide what kind of ceremony you want. There's the private exchange of vows in front of friends and family, and there's a sacred Amazon joining, in front of the whole nation."

When she saw that Samantha had to suppress a yawn Gabrielle quickly added, "You don't have to decide immediately. I'll send some scrolls to your quarters to explain the differences. There's no need to hurry; it will be at least a week before we reach our planet. – And now go and get some rest."

Janet and Samantha left for their quarters, at the door the blonde turned around and said. "Thank you for healing me, Xena."

"You're welcome, Samantha, it was the least I could do, but please don't forget that the healing device could only treat your direct injuries. You still will have to regain your strength and stamina."

Next: Revelation