In Our End Is Our Beginning

by Sheryl

URL: http://www.area52hkh.net/ass/sheryl/beginning.php
Summary: A sort of AU version of Learning Curve

Prologue

It had all begun with the little, well, not so little incident on P3R-636. For a recently betrothed, not to mention already married man, Daniel had been amazingly eager to take comfort and refuge in Jack's arms, in Jack's bed. And Jack had been more than happy to oblige. The simple fact was, Jack had wanted Daniel in his bed, had dreamed about it almost constantly, since he'd had to leave him to die on that Goa'uld mothership.

So maybe, that should be regarded as the official beginning of it all. Daniel's death had been a nightmare and then, seeing him walk through the crowd of corpsmen, very much alive, had been one helluva wake up call. Jack had decided right then and there that he wasn't going to take things for granted anymore. He'd been given a second chance and he was going to make the most of it.

Of course, Daniel hadn't known any of this yet, but Jack knew that Daniel felt the same way about him, even if Daniel hadn't figured it out yet. The whole getting engaged to Shyla thing had been a little frustrating, but it wasn't too hard for anyone to see that Daniel had been more in love with the effects of the sarcophagus than with the girl. Her warped attempt at seduction ended up seducing Daniel right in to Jack's waiting arms. Gotta love those fatal attraction babes.

Jack was a realistic kind of guy though. He wasn't ignoring the facts. Shyla might have been no competition, but Sha're was a whole 'nother story. When everything was said and done, one fact remained: Daniel was married and any minute his wife could pop into the picture and the two of them would ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after, leaving Jack O'Neill in the dust.

So, Jack wasn't fooling himself, he'd just decided to go with the flow, to take what he could get and deal with the wife situation if and when it ever came up. No promises. No expectations. It worked for him. Well, most of the time.

~~ ** ~~

The day started out as close to perfect as a day could get. SG-1 was scheduled for a mission. The night before had been perfect, in Jack's opinion anyway. And being awakened by a perfect mouth doing perfectly shameless things to his body had to be, well, a perfect way to start the day.

A warm feeling enveloped his body, starting at his groin and flowing outward, pumping heat across his belly and through his limbs. He moaned as his senses kicked in and he became aware that Daniel was caressing his thighs, pushing them apart, licking him and touching him in intimate places, sucking him down then releasing him to lap the moisture seeping from the tip. When he looked down, a little frown of concentration creased Daniel's eyebrows, he seemed to be very focused on his task, which was always a good thing -- especially when that focus was centered on Jack.

Jack reached down and cupped the back of Daniel's head, then shuddered and began petting him restlessly, allowing the sensations to flow through his body. Daniel began to suck him in earnest, obviously deciding it was time to put an end to the sweet torture. Straining his hips to push farther into Daniel's mouth, Jack shuddered, then tensed and cried out. "Oh God! Daniel!" Then everything got a little fuzzy for a while. When he came back to himself, Daniel was draped across his thighs, lazily lapping at the remnants of one of the best orgasms Jack could ever remember having.

Nobody else could make him feel that good.

~~ ** ~~

When the whole situation with Ma'chello's little anti-Goa'uld devices was over, Daniel pronounced mentally competent, Teal'c released from the infirmary and everything else supposedly back to normal, well, as normal as things got down at the SGC, Daniel knew he had no logical reason to be angry, but he was.

It hadn't been Jack's fault that he'd been infected or infiltrated, or whatever, by the organism. Jack had done everything that could be expected to help him out. He'd sat with him, tried to distract him, offered to talk or listen, whatever Daniel had needed Jack had been willing to offer, except trust, faith.

Jack hadn't believed Daniel, hadn't acknowledged that there could be some outside cause for Daniel's sudden, irrational behavior. He had been all too quick to accept the diagnosis that Daniel was going insane, without exploring other possibilities. He'd left Daniel in the padded room, walked away without listening, believing his words were just the ranting of a madman. But, then again, who in their right mind wouldn't have?

Daniel wasn't so sure he would have believed himself, either. But when he imagined the tables turned, he couldn't see himself not believing Jack. He couldn't imagine walking away from Jack. Why was that? he wondered.

After a day of Jack trying to talk to Daniel and Daniel trying to avoid him, Jack finally followed Daniel home and invited himself in for a nice long chat. He felt a little guilty about everything Daniel had been through. Being locked in a padded room -- actually, even seeing someone locked in a padded room was a pretty horrifying experience, he had to admit. Jack could only imagine how Daniel must have felt, being alone and having everyone think he was going nuts. He pictured Daniel cowering in the corner of the white room, looking unbearably young, frightened and helpless. Immediately, he pushed the image out of his mind, wishing he could push it out of his memory. Then he felt guilty, because he'd only had to observe the one scene. Daniel had lived it for days.

Now, Daniel had become withdrawn, closed himself off from the rest of the world, from Jack, which Jack could understand. He couldn't blame Daniel for wanting to pull away. If the situation was reversed, he'd probably feel the same way. But he couldn't allow it to continue.

"So, Daniel," Jack said, watching as Daniel wandered slowly over to the window and wrapped his arms around himself as if he were cold. "You gonna tell me what's going on?"

"You don't know what it was like," Daniel murmured, looking out the window.

"Why don't you tell me?" Jack offered solemnly.

Daniel stood there for a long time, silent and contemplative, then he turned his head, allowing Jack to see his profile. "I've never felt so alone. I thought I was losing my mind and there was nothing I could do, nobody I could...."

"Daniel," Jack stood and calmly walked over to the window, "I know it was scary, but you weren't alone."

"I wasn't?" Daniel laughed, humorlessly. "You could have fooled me."

"There was a lot going on, you know, but we were there. I was there, even if I couldn't be with you the whole time."

"You weren't with me at all, Jack!"

"How can you say that? I was there all day in the VIP suite. Remember?"

"But that's when nobody knew for sure what was going on. As soon as they said the words mental illness and tossed me in the white cell, you were nowhere to be found."

"We came to check on you -"

"*We* Jack. And that was once. I was there for days. Did you ever think that, maybe, I just needed you? Maybe I just needed to know that you were still there?"

"You should have known that, Daniel. I guess I just thought you did."

Daniel laughed again. "Well, let's just say I wasn't exactly thinking straight."

"Yeah." Jack put his hands on Daniel's shoulders and squeezed. "Tell me what else is bugging ya. That isn't all of it."

Daniel sighed, looked out the window again and shook his head. "Never mind."

"Come on, Daniel."

"It's really pretty pathetic."

"So...?"

"Well, when all that was going on..." Daniel sighed. "I just really needed you, you know? So bad. I wanted you there, as more than just a friend, or teammate and I knew you wouldn't come and don't get me wrong, I know why, I'm not debating that. It's just that, well, I guess I just realized what a messed up thing we have going here, you know? When you can't even be with the person you love because it would be considered inappropriate. How fucked up are we?"

Jack couldn't stand the desperate edge to Daniel's voice; he wrapped his arms around Daniel from behind and kissed the side of his neck. "Maybe we're not the ones who're fucked up."

"Yeah."

They stood together in front of the window, looking out at the city lights, for a long time. Then Daniel scrubbed his hands over his face roughly, pulled away and turned to face Jack. "Do you think it's worth it?" he asked. "I mean, I guess I've just been thinking about what's important...what I want out of life." He took a deep breath and walked over to the sofa, leaned against it, staring at the wall. "At first, I thought this thing between us was just...I don't know...some strange, exciting, *casual* fling. But, I've come to the realization that it means a lot more than that, to me. And I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or anything," he said, glancing at Jack. "I'm just telling you how I feel. I don't expect you to feel the same way, that's not why I'm telling you this. It's just that...well," he cleared his throat and turned to Jack, looked him straight in the eye. "I love you, Jack and I don't know if I can do this anymore."

Whoa. Daniel loved him? Jack turned away slowly, feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut. He hadn't been prepared for this. After all this time, he wasn't prepared for Daniel to love him back. That changed a lot of things. Because when two people loved each other, they expected things in return. And up until that point, there had been no expectations.

Leaving Daniel in the padded room had made his chest ache so badly that he'd been unable to catch his breath. He'd been almost positive he was having a heart attack, but he'd done his best to ignore the pain and walk away, listening to the little voice in the back of his mind, telling him: who cares if you're having the big one, at least you'll be out of your misery. Jack had never considered that his leaving might have been equally as painful for Daniel.

Acknowledging this 'thing' would change everything and as much as Jack loved and wanted Daniel, he didn't know if he was ready for that. He didn't know if he could be what Daniel wanted -- what he would expect him to be.

He wanted to apologize for causing Daniel pain, but how the hell do you apologize when you can't even promise yourself that you would never do it again? "Daniel," he started, but his throat seemed to close up and he stood there, with his hand out, totally at a loss as to what to do or say.

"Listen, Jack, I'm really tired, okay? Can we just go to sleep and talk about this tomorrow? Things always seem clearer in the morning."

Jack nodded, seeming unable to find his voice. There was a sort of desperate look in his eyes, pain, regret and helplessness all rolled into one big ugly dark emotion.

They went to the bedroom, undressed in silence, both men stealing glances when the other wasn't looking. They climbed into bed. Daniel turned off the bedside lamp and sighed. "Jack, I love you," he said.

Jack heard something that sounded suspiciously like a sniffle and he swallowed hard, reaching out and pulling Daniel into his arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not sure what exactly he was apologizing for, there were so many things -- maybe everything. He kissed the top of Daniel's head, then Daniel draped his arm around Jack's waist.

It was a long time before either one of them fell asleep.

~~ ** ~~

The next morning, Jack woke early. Daniel was still dead to the world, his face relaxed and more peaceful than Jack had seen for a long time. Jack got out of bed and dressed quietly, pausing every so often to gaze at the sleeping figure.

He felt restless and anxious. He needed to do something and since there was a ton of paperwork piling up on his desk and they were grounded for at least a day, maybe two, he figured he might as well use the time to catch up.

Reaching for the blanket, he took one last moment to appreciate the view, then covered Daniel and quietly left.

He was no closer to coming up with a solution, or a response to Daniel's declaration. Yeah, Daniel, I love you too, *but*...just don't expect anything to change? Oh yeah, that'd go over real good. The chivalrous thing to do would be to tell Daniel they were on a sinking ship and it was probably a good time to bail. Then Daniel could go out and find himself someone else, someone he could count on. He didn't deserve to be stuck in a rocky relationship with a guy who couldn't make any commitments. Jack couldn't even promise that he'd be there the next time Daniel needed him. What kind of an asshole did that make him?

Daniel woke to an empty bed. His brain was a little foggy, but he was pretty sure that Jack had been there the last time he'd checked. Huh.

He stretched and wandered out to the kitchen. No coffee had been made. Jack must have been in a hurry. Maybe he had a meeting or something. But he remembered specifically being told to stay home today. Rest and relax, drink plenty of fluids to clean out your system. Clean out the drugs they'd been pumping into him for the past few days.

Jack had restated last night that they had been given a day.... Oh, God! Had he really told Jack that he loved him last night? Oh, shit. Maybe Jack had totally freaked out? He had seemed a little freaked out now that Daniel thought about it. Shit, shit, shit.

The ringing of the telephone interrupted his thoughts.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Jack?"

"The last time I looked in the mirror."

"Where are you?"

"Uh, sitting at a desk with stacks of paper all over it. How ya doing?"

"Oh, um, fine. I'm fine." A little freaked out, but other than that....

"Good, good. Well, I guess I'm just going to hang around here and get as much of this out of the way as I can."

"Okay. Um, Jack?"

"Yeah."

"About last night...."

"Daniel...." Jack's voice was a warning.

"No, just hear me out. I'm really sorry, well, actually not *sorry*, I'm glad I said what I said, but...well, um, I didn't mean to freak you out or anything. Just forget about it okay? It's no big deal."

Silence.

"Jack?"

Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He ran a hand through his hair, struggling for the right thing to say. "Listen Daniel. We'll get this all figured out, okay. Don't worry about it right now. Just relax and take it easy today and I'll give you a call later."

"Um, o-okay."

Oh, shit.

~~ ** ~~

Jack did call later, several times, in fact. If Daniel had really wanted to sleep, it would have been pretty difficult with Jack calling all the time.

Daniel didn't mind, though. He actually thought maybe it was a good sign. Maybe Jack wasn't as freaked out as Daniel had previously assumed.

He couldn't imagine not having Jack in his life, not having him in his bed. The image of Jack's tender expression, his warm, sultry brown eyes, filled with passion as they made love -- and Daniel had no doubts that they were making love, they had been all along, he'd just never thought about it deeply enough. Jack was always cautious and caring, bringing Daniel more pleasure than he'd ever thought possible. Sure, they had their down and dirty moments, where they rolled around on the floor, playful and battling for dominance before finally giving into their most basic urges. But even then, Jack was a thoughtful, considerate lover. Jack loved him, whether he wanted to admit it or not. Daniel knew.

All day he looked forward to Jack stopping over in the evening. He planned out what he would say, repeating it over in his mind until he had just the right words. He would tell Jack that he was happy with the way things were. That he had no unrealistic expectations. He hadn't meant to pressure him and wanted nothing that Jack wasn't ready to offer. Daniel thought that what they had was worth any price.

But, Jack didn't stop over. He called at ten thirty to say goodnight and remind Daniel he had an appointment with Doctor Fraiser at o-eight hundred. That was the first night in months that they hadn't spent together, when possible, and Daniel had an unsettling feeling that he had missed something; that some major decision had been reached without his being consulted.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. It was hard to gauge anything over the phone.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Jack replied, casually. "I'll see you tomorrow." And then the line went dead and Daniel couldn't help feeling like something else had just been given a death sentence.

~~ ** ~~

The next day Daniel was given a clean bill of health. SG-1 was scheduled to gate out that afternoon. They had the usual pre-mission briefing, but other than that, Jack managed to avoid Daniel.

The planet to which they would be traveling had been deemed safe and hospitable. No snakes. Hopefully it would be an easy mission and afterwards, Jack would have time to talk to Daniel. Hopefully by then he'd have figured out what he wanted to say, too.

He was in no hurry to end things, but Daniel deserved to be given the chance to opt out if he wanted. Jack hoped he didn't, but he knew that Daniel was nobody's fool. Why would he want to hang around, if there were greener pastures just over the fence?

Who am I trying to kid? Jack wondered. If Daniel did find someone else, he doubted that he'd take it very well. He was being a selfish bastard by wanting to have his cake and eat it too. Daniel was technically married but it was highly unlikely after all this time that his wife would ever return. Both Daniel and Jack knew that. So they'd been using this pretense that conveniently allowed friendship and sex, but nothing more.

So, what now?

~~ ** ~~

When SG-1 arrived on Orban, the team was welcomed by the planet's inhabitants. A humanoid race that was initially thought to be slightly less advanced, technologically, than Earth. Firsts impressions often turned out to be deceiving, as was the case with the Orbanians.

After spending a fairly brief period of time on the planet, it was discovered that they had surpassed Earth in the development of certain technologies. For instance, they were already using Naquedah as a main source of energy. That bit of information made the U.S. government very interested in establishing a friendly diplomatic relationship with the planet Orban.

The Orbanians, on the other hand, seemed interested in learning everything they possibly could about the Goa'uld.

Brief negotiations took place between the Orbanian leaders and the U.S. government and it was decided that a little exchange would be worked out. Half of SG-1 would be allowed to return to Earth with a Naquedah reactor and the other half would remain on Orban to give a crash course on the wonders of the Goa'uld.

So, Sam and Jack returned to the SGC with the reactor and an eleven-year old whiz kid to teach them how to use it. As soon as they stepped off the ramp, Doctor Fraiser whisked the little girl off to the infirmary for the standard tests, as was protocol. And that's when the organisms were discovered.

At first, a bit of a panic ensued. Who could blame anyone? These 'nanites' were very similar to the 'nanocytes' that caused the rapid aging ordeal on Argos. Just the memory of that was enough to scare the bejeezus out of Jack. It justified his gut feeling that this whole exchange thing had been a little too easy, too good to be true.

The girl calmly and rationally explained the simple, logical reasons for her 'nanoprocessors'. She matter-of-factly assured everyone that there was no possibility of them causing any harm at all to the population.

She explained to them that at birth, certain Orbanian infants were chosen to be injected with a massive amount of lab-created microorganisms, called 'nanoprocessors', that would integrate themselves into the sensory neurons on a molecular level. Any information normally stored within the neural cell was also stored within the nanoprocessor.

They were allowed free reign over the formative years of development, during the period that humans seem to have the ultimate capability of acquiring knowledge, when their synaptic potential is at its highest.

When the child reached the age of twelve, the nanoprocessors would be removed and distributed to the rest of the population.

Pretty cool, for the rest of the population, not so cool for the kid, because the nanoprocessors screw up the kid's normal synaptic development and the kid's brain is left in an infant-like condition.

Thus, they no longer have any explicit memories, or knowledge.

Jack thought it was reprehensible.

So, while they had the child, Merrin, there at the SGC, Jack did everything in his power to keep her there. The thought of sending her back to Orban to have her brain sucked out was outrageous, unspeakable. The fact that she didn't understand his outrage, that she thought of the process as an honor, did nothing to help him understand, or agree.

In the end, there was nothing he could do to stop her. Once resigned to that, Jack took it upon himself to show her a good time -- what a normal child should consider a good time, anyway. He wanted her to have a little bit of fun while she had the chance.

On the planet Orban, Daniel and Teal'c had also discovered the local method of gaining knowledge. They had gotten to see the results up close and personal. Tomin, the boy that Teal'c had taken a shine to, had undergone the 'Averium' procedure and was left an empty shell of his former intelligent, inquiring self.

Teal'c was not impressed.

Daniel was slightly more sympathetic to the Orbanian's reasoning. Instead of outright disapproval of their methods, he seemed more interested in offering the possibility of a more positive outlook for the children. He focused on trying to explain to them the advantages of treating the children as...well, as children. Teaching them the way children on Earth are taught. Allowing them to play and learn and all the other things a normal child would do.

The Orbanians were interested; they encouraged Daniel to share his knowledge of the more elementary methods of teaching and training children, to explain to them his ideas of normal childhood behavior. It was pretty much the same lesson that Jack was teaching Merrin back home, using a more hands-on technique.

Another exchange program, of sorts.

Nobody had even considered that the Orbanians might use another means to gain the knowledge they sought from Daniel.

Later, it was explained to them that on the rare occasion an adult happened to come into a particular bit of information or knowledge that was deemed useful, or necessary, there was a short-term, more radical process, where a massive quantity of a slightly different type of nanite was injected into the subject. The organisms were allowed to integrate with the normal brain cells for a short period of time, then retrieved and distributed among the the populace, in much the same manner as the Averium.

In this procedure, there was no way to remove the nanites without compromising the integrity of the neural membrane and once that occurred, the damage was done. In most cases, the adult subject was left in the same condition as the children.

~~ ** ~~

"It is an honor to have your knowledge distributed."

Jack distributed his fist to the bastard's nose, letting him know exactly what he thought of the attempted justification. Then he went to Daniel.

"Daniel?"

"Sir, he seems catatonic," Carter offered, kneeling in front of Daniel, her voice unsteady.

"Daniel, can you hear me?"

No response.

Jack's only consolation -- and it wasn't a very satisfying one, he thought darkly as he looked around the large dormitory, was that it appeared the Orbanians had gotten exactly what they'd deserved. Some small part of him felt sorry for the children, who wouldn't? But, the bottom line was: they'd stolen something from Daniel, from Jack. They'd taken what didn't belong to them without considering the consequences, or casualties. They'd perceived Daniel's life to be less important than what they could gain from using his mind.

In their haste and carelessness, they'd stolen what was probably the worst example of a childhood that Jack could think of and distributed it among their mind swept children. They'd gotten what they deserved.

Since this type of nanite was a slightly different variety than the type that had been previously extracted from the children, the Orbanians had theorized that it might possibly be accepted by their system, unlike the other type. It had been a gamble, but their theory had worked. The nanites had not been rejected. They were busily educating the children on the joys of childhood.

The children seemed anything but joyful.

The formerly vacant expressions were gone, replaced by tears and distress. The room was filled with lost, brokenhearted, inconsolable children. And the adults had no idea how to deal with them. It broke Jack's heart to realize he was actually looking at a reenactment of Daniel's own childhood, or at least the most memorable parts.

Daniel, on the other hand, seemed every bit as vacant and lifeless as the children had been.

"Fix him!" Jack shouted, stalking menacingly toward the Orbanian ambassador still wiping blood from his nose.

The man stood there looking puzzled and slightly alarmed. "There is no way to reverse the procedure. His brain cells will not accept the nanites."

"They seem to build up some sort of immunity, or resistance, once the nanites have been purged from their system, Sir," Carter explained, allowing herself to glance away from Daniel for a brief moment. "Like contracting a specific strain of influenza, once it's worked its way through the system, the system is able to build up resistance to the virus, unless...."

"Unless another strain comes along, right?"

"Well, yes, but...."

"But nothing!" Jack shouted, refusing to believe the hopeless prognosis. "Try another kind then, for crying out loud!"

"We could try, I suppose," the ambassador replied.

"It might work, since he has never received nanoprocessors before," one of the children spoke up. "His system would most likely not reject them."

"Colonel," Carter interrupted, moving to stand directly in front of him. "I'm not sure that would be a good idea."

"Why not, Major?" he asked, impatiently.

"Because, Sir, injecting those nanites will not give Daniel his memory back. It can only give him the knowledge acquired by the Orbanians. It can't bring back *his* knowledge or memories and in the long run it might do more harm than good."

"What are you talking about it? Look at him! How much more harm can be done?"

"Sir, the nanites could establish new synapses, they could alter the condition of Daniel's neural cells."

"And...?"

"Colonel, it's possible that the Tok'ra, or the Tollan might have some technology that will repair the nerve damage, restore the cells to their previous state, but that'll be impossible if we tamper with the cell structure."

"Shit."

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I think it's best if we just get Daniel home as soon as possible and then we can figure out the best course of action."

They both turned to look at Daniel, who was staring blankly at the wall behind them.

"You're right," Jack agreed quietly. "Let's get him home."

Part Two

The Orbanian government had claimed that Daniel had agreed to distribute his knowledge, which was probably true, but Jack knew that even if it was true, Daniel hadn't had any idea of the proposed method of distribution. Jack also had a pretty damn good hunch that the Orbanians had known perfectly well what they were doing and had used Daniel's naivety to their advantage.

When all was said and done, the relations with the planet were not cut off, but greatly strained. The United States government had got the information they wanted and the Orbanians had got what they wanted. For the most part.

Jack considered the cost to be too high.

Later, they discovered that nanites had been injected into Teal'c, as well, probably shortly after they'd arrived on the planet, as part of their effort to gain knowledge of the Goa'uld.

Teal'c had no memory of it happening, so there was no way he could have warned Daniel or anyone else. Jack had told him that, countless times. But, it was Teal'c's nature to feel guilty about things like this, things he had no control over.

The expert's best guess was that nanites and Goa'uld symbiotes didn't play well together. The tests had shown few remaining nanites in Teal'c's blood and those left were being rapidly absorbed by his system.

"If I could trade places with Daniel Jackson, I would do so," Teal'c said, lifting his chin proudly.

Jack sighed, placed his hand on the Jaffa warrior's forearm. "I know you would, Teal'c. I know you would."

~~ ** ~~

The first week after coming back from Orban had been the worst. Daniel had been completely unresponsive. They had all spent countless hours working with him, trying to get him to show some sign of presence. Sometimes, he would look at them when they spoke, but his expression was completely blank, he made no effort to respond.

By the eighth day, things had settled down. The constant, encouraged, flow of activity had dwindled to a few tenacious visitors. General Hammond stopped by once a day, on schedule, as well as a few others. Carter and Teal'c were there quite often, Carter chatting about anything and Teal'c sitting or standing in stoic vigil. Jack seldom left Daniel's side. Usually he was ordered to leave -- Doctor Fraiser's orders transmitted via the general.

The morning of the ninth day, Jack settled in and began the usual routine of small talk. He told Daniel that he'd checked up on his place the night before. Told him it could use a good dusting and if Daniel didn't get better soon, he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between all his pieces of junk. With a more dramatic flare, he told the story of nosy Mrs. Ferguson across the hall's stupid cat getting out and Jack, hero that he was, chasing it down and capturing it. Jack showed him the battle wound he'd gotten for his efforts. Oh and sorry, but that plant with the little purple flowers is history.

Daniel watched him, tilting his head in wonder, as if he were studying some fascinating piece of ancient pottery. When Jack took a breath, unable to resist smiling at him, Daniel surprised the hell out of Jack by smiling back.

It was such a small thing, but to Jack it meant everything. He lurched forward, hugging Daniel tightly and wiping away the moisture that had suddenly gathered on his cheeks. "I knew you were in there," he said quietly. "I knew it."

Later that evening, after Jack had gone home for the night, Doctor Fraiser stood at Daniel's bedside, jotting notes on his chart and chatting conversationally. Daniel frowned suddenly, sat up and began looking around the room, seeming distressed.

"What's wrong, Daniel?" she asked, concerned. She put the chart aside and perched on the side of his bed. "It's okay."

He looked at her, then back to the chair that Jack usually occupied.

"Colonel O'Neill went home, Daniel. Remember? He tucked you in and said goodnight. Don't worry, he'll be back in the morning."

Daniel kept staring at the chair, then he turned to the door, his eyes pleading and spoke for the first time since he'd gotten back from Orban. "Jack."

~~ ** ~~

After endless rounds of testing, theorizing and observations, they were no closer to finding any solution.

Jack had to admit that he'd learned a lot of things during that time. A lot about science and medicine, about psychology and neurology. But, more importantly, he learned that he wasn't ready to face a life without Daniel. And he would do anything to avoid that happening. It was such an easy, obvious conclusion to reach. It had actually taken no thought at all. What he couldn't understand was how he could have been such a selfish, indecisive bastard before.

What it all came down to was that there was nothing the medical experts could do to repair the damage that had been done. The only hope it seemed, was getting their hands on a sarcophagus, which was not looking very promising, for the time being, anyway. So, against the advice of most of the experts, with the exception of Doctor Fraiser, Jack decided that Daniel had been poked and prodded quite enough, thank you, and did the only thing he felt would do any good at all.

He took Daniel home.

"You sure you're up to this, Colonel?" Doctor Fraiser asked, again.

Jack raised an eyebrow, glancing up at her as he tied Daniel's sneaker.

"Never mind," she recanted apologetically. "Forget I asked that."

"We're gonna be just fine," Jack said. "Aren't we Daniel?"

Daniel smiled shyly.

"See."

"I wrote a list of things you'll need to remember and a list of numbers to call in case you need any help or advice. Of course, my number is at the top of the list" she offered with the utmost sincerity. "Call me any time, day or night."

"Thank you," he replied, giving her a warm smile. "I really appreciate everything you've done for us."

Fraiser smiled, tucked her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. "So, Daniel? Are you all ready to go home?"

Daniel didn't answer; instead he chose to watch the wonder of Jack tying his other shoe. It had been apparent from early on, that there was only one voice that Daniel felt obliged to respond to. Anyone else would simply be ignored if Daniel so chose.

He had come a long way. He was doing an excellent job relearning the basics. His speech was coming along amazingly well. The doctors equated his situation to a head trauma and were working with him on that level. To everyone's relief, he seemed to just need a little coaxing before he caught on to whatever process they were trying to reestablish. But, whenever Jack was around, he seemed to tune out the rest of the world. Jack didn't mind, but the therapists and physicians found it somewhat annoying.

"Daniel?"

Daniel looked at Jack, his blue eyes wide with concern at the slight disapproving tone of Jack's voice.

"Doctor Fraiser asked if you were ready to blow this popcicle stand?"

Daniel looked up at her, a beatific smile appeared on his face and he nodded.

"Good." She returned the smile and patted him on the shoulder as he got to his feet. "I think you're all packed and ready, then."

Daniel looked to Jack, who grinned and put his arm around the younger man's shoulders. "Come on, Danny boy," he said, leading him toward the exit. "We are outta here!"

~~ ** ~~

After three months, Daniel's progress seemed to come to a halt. He didn't regress, but he didn't go forward. It was thought that maybe he had regained everything he was capable of processing. Jack didn't want to believe that.

Being that he was officially semi-retired, Jack was asked to sit in on briefings, from time to time. Whenever they needed his "expert opinion" as General Hammond usually worded it. He'd made it known that he'd still be available as a consultant -- if they asked nicely. Jack kinda liked that he was able to stay apprised of the goings on in the SCG. The program was and always would be important to him. Besides, it was kinda fun to play colonel every now and then.

General Hammond always made certain that someone was available to watch over Daniel when he called Jack into a briefing. Sometimes he'd bring Daniel down to the complex and let him hang around there. Sometimes Carter or Doctor Fraiser would come out to visit while Jack went into work.

Daniel preferred to go to the mountain, no big surprise, and would often get very testy if Jack went without him. Somewhere along the way, he had caught on to the whole babysitting thing, although Jack had made sure that he never made any reference to Daniel being babysat.

There were exceptions though, like when a certain large, fearsome-looking Jaffa happened to show up, like he had that day, with Carter. Jack was pretty sure he'd be forgiven this time. He owed Teal'c.

When he arrived home that evening, he was only slightly disappointed when he didn't receive the usual greeting. On a regular work day, Daniel would be initially thrilled when Jack finally got home, then after an enthusiastic greeting, he'd do a complete 180 and give Jack the silent treatment for the next several hours, sometimes as long as a day. Jack missed the hug, not the silent treatment.

He walked through the house and heard voices coming from the backyard. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he went over to the screen door and stood watching.

Carter was sitting in a chair facing the backyard, her posture relaxed, an open book laying face down on her lap. In the yard, Daniel stood next to Teal'c. The dog was at their feet, wagging his tail and looking up at them.

He couldn't help smiling as he listened to Daniel attempt to explain to Teal'c the finer points of playing catch with a dog. He had that serious expression, like the one he used to get when he was explaining the meaning of hieroglyphic symbols on a wall. The way he spoke reminded Jack of the overly patient, drawn out speech patterns of the old Daniel, peeved at having to simplify something he felt any idiot should be able to understand.

"The purpose is, um, because...well, Thor *likes* it when you throw the ball. He likes to chase it and bring it back. He thinks it's *fun*."

Du-uh.

"And we are to keep repeating this process for approximately how long, Daniel Jackson?"

"Um," Daniel paused, blinking several times in rapid motion. "I dunno."

"Do you also find this activity to be fun?"

"Uh-huh."

Teal'c tilted his head thoughtfully, seeming to contemplate the expanse of land, then the Golden Retriever, then he looked sideways at Daniel and smiled the tiniest hint of a smile. He bent down and picked up the ball. When he straightened up, he held it out with obvious distaste.

Daniel wrinkled his nose and shrugged. "It's a little slimy," he said apologetically. "It's just dog slobber. It won't hurt you, I promise. Go on, throw it!"

Thor stood poised, ready for action, tail wagging, tongue hanging out, looking expectantly from Teal'c to the ball in his hand and back again.

"Go on, Teal'c," Daniel prompted, then added with a little spark of challenge in his eyes, "Jack can throw real far! All the way to those trees over there." He pointed to the treeline off in the distance, quite a few acres away. Yeah, right, Danny boy.

"That is a great distance, indeed."

"How far can you throw?"

Jack chuckled, opened the sliding screen door and stepped out on the patio. "Howdy there, kids!"

"Hello, Sir," Sam replied, turning toward him, a smile lighting up her face. "I didn't hear you come home."

"Covert ops," he offered wryly, shrugging. "And I thought we were past all this 'Sir' crap. I'm practically *retired* now."

Before she could answer, Daniel shouted, "Jack!" and with a huge grin on his face, he launched himself at Jack like a missile.

"Whoa there, Danny boy!" said Jack, trying to stay upright and hug him back, grinning like a fool himself.

"Jack, you're home!" Daniel said, sounding relieved, clinging to Jack as if he'd been gone for a month, not a day.

"I sure am."

"You're late," he added, still clinging, but his tone slightly admonishing.

"It seems I'm just in time to defend my throwing record."

Finally releasing Jack, Daniel took a step back and smiled, his eyes wide and so blue in contrast to the rosy flush of his cheeks. "You're the farrest thrower, Jack."

Jack beamed at him. "You mean I throw the farthest."

"Yep. Um, can Teal'c and Sam eat dinner with us?" Daniel asked, his expression hopeful, innocent and adoring.

"Sure, if they want to."

"Can they stay 'til it gets nighttime and look up at the planets with us?" Still using those eyes to his full advantage.

"I don't see why not."

Daniel nodded, then looked away, the slightest hint of a smirk on his face. "Can we have ice cream for dinner?"

"No!"

~~ ** ~~

"Sir?"

Jack's eyebrow lifted.

"I mean Jack," Sam said, allowing herself a tiny smile before leaning across the patio table, her expression turning serious. "I got a message from my father this morning. He's on some secretive mission, so he didn't give any specific details, but he's pretty sure they'll have a sarcophagus available by the end of the week."

"Oh." Jack sat back, blew out a breath and looked at Daniel, playing catch out in the yard with Teal'c. "Wow."

"He wouldn't have sent the message if he wasn't fairly positive about the information."

"No, he wouldn't have." Jack knew he should probably be jumping for joy, instead of thinking about what ifs, but he couldn't help it. They'd had a lot of ups and downs the past few months, a lot of disappointments and it seemed like it had been just yesterday that they'd finally obtained some sort of a normal...well, not normal, but calm, peaceful life. He hadn't allowed himself to think about the possibilities of finding a sarcophagus, for weeks. Deciding that it took all of his energy to live in the here and now, he'd put the wishful thinking on hold for awhile.

It had been the right decision, for the both of them. Daniel seemed so happy; probably the happiest Jack had ever seen him. Which made it easy to forget about what if and what could be. Just the sight of Daniel's sweet, adoring smile made Jack want to hide him away from all the evil and injustice in the world. In the universe.

The Daniel who had just thrown a near perfect fastball in their backyard came with no baggage. He had never witnessed the horrific deaths of his parents, had never been rejected by his grandfather, had never had his wife stolen away and turned into a goa'uld. All of the awful things that life had thrown at him had been washed away on Orban and dammit, Jack wanted so badly to keep it that way.

Except he couldn't.

Because, the bottom line was that his Daniel had endured an unbelievably shitty life. Jack was constantly amazed that he'd turned out to be the caring, compassionate, sensible, brilliant guy that he had.

Speaking of brilliant, Daniel had worked his ass off earning not one, but two PhD's. He was the smartest person Jack had ever met and he sure as hell didn't deserve to have any of that taken away.

A sort of awestruck feeling of warmth and pride washed over him at that moment and he realized that maybe, like battle wounds, the invisible scars that Daniel carried were actually a tribute to his character. How many people could have lived his life and turned out to be such a bright, shining example of humanity?

Turning his attention back to Carter, he smiled, finally allowing that little spark of hope to ignite. He lifted his bottle of beer in a salute. "Here's to Daniel."

Carter smiled.

~~ ** ~~

"Come on, Danny," Jack said, peering through the halfway open bathroom door. "You've been in there an hour. Look at those fingers. You're turning into a prune."

Daniel pulled his hand out of the soapy water and studied his fingers. "Huh."

"Yeah, huh."

He smiled, pulled the plug and gave Jack a meaningful look.

Jack sighed heavily, rolled his eyes and backed away. "I'm going, I'm going." Then he poked his head back through the opening. "Ya know, it's not like I haven't seen it before."

"Jack!"

"Well, it's not." He grinned, backing out again.

Actually, he was getting pretty desperate to see it again, he had to admit. Especially since Jacob Carter had contacted them and arranged for them to accompany him to the recently acquired sarcophagus. He couldn't stop thinking about it, which had led to a lot of time spent under a cold shower.

What he wouldn't give to do the nasty with Daniel right now. Well, not now -- not with this innocent version. He wanted his Daniel, doing the things he used to do to Jack. And Jack wanted to do lewd and lascivious things to Daniel. God, he wanted to swallow him down and suck every drop of fluid from his body and then roll him over and.... And, Christ, what the hell was he thinking? He so did not need to go there right now!

"Jack?"

Jack choked. Thought about the time he'd seen General Hammond in the locker room. "Yeah, Daniel?"

"Are you sure they won't stay this way?" he asked, looking concerned and clutching the towel wrapped around his waist as water dripped all over the floor. Taking a step closer, he held his hand out for Jack's appraisal.

Jack sighed, trying to hide a smile. "Remember last time? They didn't stay like this last time, did they?"

"Um, no."

"Well then, I can pretty much guarantee they won't this time either."

"But they look more wrinkly than last time," he said, furrowing his brow. "Don't you think?"

Jack took the proffered hand, inspected it carefully and shook his head. "Nah."

"How can you be sure?"

"Trust me, Danny. I wouldn't lie to ya, would I?"

"No," Daniel looked up solemnly, all big blue eyes. "Never."

"They'll be fine, okay?"

"Okay. Um, Jack?"

"Huh?"

"If they always stayed like this, would you still love me?" Daniel smiled timidly, like he intended it as a joke, but not really.

"Would you still love me if I was a wrinkly old prune?" Jack countered.

Daniel narrowed his eyes. "I asked you first."

That was something the old Daniel would have said and whenever things like that happened, it made Jack grin. "Right. Well, I don't know. Those fingers are pretty pruny looking. I'll have it think about it. Ask me again next Wednesday."

"Jack!"

"Daniel."

The expression on Daniel's face was priceless. Torn between laughter, outrage and disbelief. Jack wished he had a camera.

"Okay, okay. You know how that girl turned into a great big blueberry in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?"

Daniel nodded. "Violet Beauregarde."

"Yeah. Well, I'd love you even if you turned into a great big blueberry, just like her."

Daniel laughed. "Me too."

"Of course, since blueberry pie is one of my favorites. You turning into a giant blueberry could be a good thing."

"I bet you don't even know how to make blueberry pie."

"Yeah, you're right. Just make sure you don't go chasing anything down the garbage shoot, okay? Because then you'd just end up in the bathtub again and we'd be right back here, where we started from."

"Okay."

"Well, okay."

"I love you, Jack."

"Love ya too, Danny."

"Do I get ice cream now?"

"You're practically naked, dripping all over the floor and you want ice cream?"

Daniel nodded, his face lit up with a grin.

"Okay, okay. But, how 'bout you at least get your pajamas on, first? This establishment does not serve naked arch...naked customers. We got standards to uphold and all that."

"Okay." Daniel, still grinning, headed down the hall to his room, the towel slipping off before he turned the corner.

"Give me strength," Jack whispered to the ceiling, or whoever else might have been listening.

Later, after much ice cream was consumed, teeth were brushed and other nightly rituals were taken care of, Daniel waited in his bed with the light on. Jack always tucked him in, every night.

Jack came in and sat down beside him, tucked the blanket up under his chin, looking more serious than he had been earlier. He leaned back against the headboard and let out a long breath. "Tomorrow we're going on a little trip."

"A trip?" Daniel loved to go places. Except Jack didn't look too happy about this and it made him a little uneasy. "A trip to where?"

"Well, you remember Sam's dad, Jacob?"

"Uh-huh."

"We're going to go on a trip with him."

"Is Sam going too?"

"Yeah she is; Teal'c too."

"Good. Will it be a fun trip or a work trip?"

Jack wasn't sure how to categorize the trip for Daniel. "It's sort of a work trip. You remember I explained about the accident you had and how because of that, you couldn't remember a lot of things?"

"Yeah."

"Well, remember how I told you that someday we might be able to get you all fixed up, so you had all your memories and knew all the stuff you used to know?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, Jacob thinks he found something that just might get you all fixed up. What do you think about that?"

Daniel frowned, looking a little worried. "What do you think?"

Jack let out a short burst of laughter. "I think it's great, Danny."

"Okay," he said hesitantly, still uncertain.

"Okay?"

Daniel pursed his lips and nodded.

"There's nothing to be afraid of," Jack tried to explain. "Either it'll work or it won't. If it does that's great. If not, then we'll just come home and everything will still be okay. It won't hurt or anything."

"What about if it works and I remember all the stuff I can't remember now? What happens then?"

"Well.... "Oh boy. "Uh, then you'll have your life back the way it used to be before."

"I'll be a doctor, an archo...lology doctor? Not like Doctor Fraiser."

"Right."

"But, where will I live?" Daniel asked, sniffling and looking like he was getting a little too close to tears. "I wanna stay here with you, Jack."

"Danny, you can live here as long as you want. Forever, if that's what you want." And why did Jack feel just as close to tears? He should be happy, dammit. Gently he wiped the single tear from Daniel's cheek with his thumb and did his best to put on a smile. "Quit worrying, will ya? Everything'll be fine."

Daniel nodded again, his breath hitching as he glanced up for reassurance.

"Close your eyes, buddy. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day."

Daniel rolled onto his side and wrapped his arm around Jack's waist. "If it works, will you still love me?" he whispered after a few moments of silence.

"You better believe it. I'll always love you, Daniel," he answered, his voice rough. "I always have and I always will. No matter what. I promise, everything's gonna be just fine. Trust me, okay?"

Tightening his grip on Jack, he nodded, then sniffled. "Okay."

Jack stretched out his legs, making himself a little more comfortable. He didn't think Daniel was going to let go for quite awhile and actually, that was fine with him. He had no desire to be anywhere else.

He sat quietly, listening as Daniel's breathing evened out, feeling his grip relaxing ever so slightly. Jack had no idea how things would turn out in the end. He didn't even know if Daniel would want him when he got his memory back. He felt odd, edgy, like no matter which way it went, he was going to lose something, which was true, he realized. No matter how things turned out, Jack was going to lose something precious to him.

Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly and closed his eyes. Okay, whatever happens, he told himself, is going to happen. If by chance he got the old Daniel back, then he would do whatever it took to make him happy. He was ready to make whatever promises or commitments Daniel wanted -- in fact, Jack wanted to make them, he wanted them too, more than anything.

If need be, he'd hop on a jet and write 'Jack loves Daniel' across the sky. Of course, Jack was pretty sure the old Daniel would kill him if he did that.

This Daniel would think it was cool. He smiled, leaned over and kissed his temple. This Daniel was his Daniel too and he vowed silently to love whichever Daniel got out of that sarcophagus tomorrow, every minute of every day for as long as his ol' ticker was ticking.

~~ ** ~~

Epilogue

"As soon as this is all over and we get home, we'll go fishing," Jack promised, planting a gentle kiss on Daniel's forehead. "Just me and you. Okay?"

"Okay." Daniel's brow was furrowed; he was shaking a little, obviously afraid. Taking a deep breath, he looked intently into Jack's eyes, searching and apparently finding what he needed. Then he smiled, trying to be brave and allowed Jack to help him into the sarcophagus.

"Lie down, buddy," Jack said with a smile, patting him on the shoulder once he was in the strange box. "It'll be over in no time."

"Okay. We're gonna go fishin', right Jack?" he asked, nervously.

"Right."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Daniel didn't look convinced, or maybe it was just apprehension.

"Have I ever lied to you Danny?"

"No."

"Okay then, relax and try to take a little nap. I'll be right here the whole time and as soon as you wake up -"

"We'll go fishin'."

"Yep."

Daniel reclined back, still looking a bit frightened, but obediently closing his eyes. Jack gently removed his glasses, then brushed the back of his fingers over Daniel's cheek. Daniel smiled, eyes still shut. Jack waited until the lid was closed, then stepped away.

Nobody spoke as they waited. Teal'c stood straight and still at the door, waiting or guarding, maybe both. Carter sat on the platform steps for a long time, her head in her hands, then after awhile she got up and began pacing nervously, stopping every now and then to examine something in the large chamber, then resuming her pacing.

"I'm going to find my dad," she announced, checking her watch. "If you don't mind, Sir."

Jack was lying on the platform steps, hands folded across his chest, eyes closed. He nodded. "Go ahead. This'll take awhile."

"Thank you, Sir."

"I will be right outside the door, O'Neill."

Well, so what if he wasn't the best company right now. "Go on."

He'd rather be alone anyway. Alone, just him and his thoughts and his memories. And he couldn't stop himself from wondering whether Daniel would step out of the sarcophagus, bouncing up and down, expecting to go fishing, or giving him a suspicious look and telling him he'd really like to go fishing, but he just remembered he promised to wash Mrs. Ferguson's cat.

Would Daniel plop down next to Jack tonight, wanting him to read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or would he plop down next to Jack with a twenty-five pound archaeology textbook and glare at Jack whenever he made noise?

Both images managed to bring a faint smile to Jack's lips.

When the phase was over, Jack took a deep breath, steeling himself to step up to the sarcophagus before it opened. Which meant yes, in a matter of seconds, he would actually have to look inside.

Slowly, the top slid away and slowly, Daniel opened his eyes.

"Jack?" he said, sitting up, blinking and looking confused.

Jack forced himself to smile, then found it was pretty easy to do. "Hey."

"Um...." Daniel looked around the room and cleared his throat and then looked at Jack. "I had this strange dream. I was in a bed with a bunch of old people who kept making me eat candy bars."

Jack raised his eyebrows.

"And these little orange men came and rescued me and they took me to you."

Jack nodded, helped Daniel out of the sarcophagus.

"And you asked if I wanted to go fishing."

Jack wondered if maybe Daniel had been in the ol' sarcophagus a bit too long.

"Fishing, huh?" Jack leaned closer, rested his forehead against Daniel's and whispered. "So, you wanna go fishing?"

Daniel wrapped his arms loosely around Jack's waist, gazed meaningfully into his eyes and chuckled.

Fishing was highly overrated, anyway.

~~ end? ~ beginning? ~~